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1
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,386
Previously on Californication:
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00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:14,889
You're amazing. A goddess. You deserve
the white dress and the happy ending.
3
00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:16,857
I'm just not the guy
to give it to you.
4
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,360
This man's a monster.
5
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,725
He likes to fuck women in the ass...
6
00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:23,800
and then tell them that he just
wants to keep it casual.
7
00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:26,028
Guys, it's really nice
to be fought over, but...
8
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,103
My God! This is never
going anywhere, is it?
9
00:00:28,261 --> 00:00:29,638
- What?
- You'll never be able...
10
00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:31,605
to commit to another woman.
Congratulations, Karen.
11
00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,109
- I don't know how you did it, but...
- What?
12
00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:37,908
I will love you till the end of time.
But I can no longer be your husband.
13
00:00:38,071 --> 00:00:39,550
It's such a fucking relief.
14
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:43,984
- Now what?
- You stay here, stand still. Don't move.
15
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:45,782
Here, tonight,
have dinner with me.
16
00:00:45,945 --> 00:00:48,255
Goddamn it,
the truth just sounds better.
17
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:53,497
Just, come on,
tell me "I love you."
18
00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:55,189
Just one time, tell me.
19
00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:56,459
Just come home.
20
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,261
- I saw that!
- Jesus.
21
00:00:58,425 --> 00:00:59,836
I think it's the pills.
22
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,631
- What pills?
- I shouldn't be drinking.
23
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:04,742
- I started taking these antidepressants.
- How many did you take?
24
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,070
No more than you did.
25
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:09,213
What did...? What did you do? Carrie?
26
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,447
What did you do?
27
00:01:11,604 --> 00:01:14,016
Only what you made me.
28
00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:15,941
Tell me you love me.
29
00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:55,089
- Hello.
- Hey.
30
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:56,886
Can I get you a drink?
31
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,030
I think that's my line.
32
00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:01,127
Hank.
33
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:02,789
- And?
- And...
34
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,492
it's nice to meet me?
35
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:08,598
I'm not sure, but I think this is
the part where you tell me your name.
36
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:09,899
Why would I do that?
37
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:12,339
Because that's what we
do in polite society, lady.
38
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:14,445
That's what separates us
from the monkeys.
39
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,178
And people from Long Island.
40
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,812
- Karen, Karen, Karen.
- Why are you doing that?
41
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,749
It's just
so not what I expected.
42
00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:26,186
- What did...? What did you expect?
- Something more exotic.
43
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,189
I mean, you seem like a Sasha.
44
00:02:28,348 --> 00:02:30,692
- Or a... Or a Pasha.
- Pasha?
45
00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:32,727
Definitely an "asha" of some sort.
46
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:35,628
- I'm sorry to disappoint.
- I'm not disappointed.
47
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,824
I mean,
if I was any more excited...
48
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,403
my enormous man-sized diaper
would be soaking wet.
49
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,096
And that would be embarrassing.
50
00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:43,764
- That's disgusting.
- Yet endearing.
51
00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:45,603
Not really.
52
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:47,335
Refill?
53
00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:50,873
How are you feeling, Hank?
54
00:02:52,705 --> 00:02:56,209
Because I'm starting
to feel really fucking groovy.
55
00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:58,583
What did you do?
56
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,918
Only what you made me.
57
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,787
Tell me you love me.
58
00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:17,264
Hello again.
59
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:20,840
I love you.
60
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,980
I'm gonna let some light in.
61
00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:27,142
Hey, tell me.
62
00:03:30,810 --> 00:03:32,312
What do you remember?
63
00:03:33,012 --> 00:03:35,117
I remember everything, Karen.
64
00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:37,759
No. About that night.
65
00:03:39,319 --> 00:03:40,662
You didn't show up for dinner.
66
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,897
I kept calling you.
You didn't pick up.
67
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,866
I got worried,
so I drove up to Charlie's.
68
00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:47,595
When I arrived,
the door was open.
69
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,934
And that's... That's where I found you.
70
00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:53,837
And her.
71
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:56,480
- Carrie?
- Yeah.
72
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:59,647
I didn't fuck her, Karen.
I swear.
73
00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:03,714
- It so doesn't matter.
- It so does matter.
74
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,086
She made me a drink.
75
00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:11,926
A really strong drink.
76
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:13,787
Apparently.
77
00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:15,694
Am I gonna be okay?
78
00:04:15,855 --> 00:04:19,564
You've been in and out for
a couple of days now. but the doctors...
79
00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:23,303
They think you're gonna be fine.
80
00:04:23,463 --> 00:04:25,500
Well, too bad for you.
81
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:29,504
What about her?
82
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,155
Hank?
83
00:04:51,557 --> 00:04:53,036
You don't remember me, do you?
84
00:04:53,192 --> 00:04:54,364
We had dinner once.
85
00:04:55,094 --> 00:04:56,334
You're her friend.
86
00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:58,169
Melissa, right?
87
00:04:58,331 --> 00:04:59,366
Sarah.
88
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,647
- Apologies. Sorry.
- No worries.
89
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:07,250
We're all interchangeable,
right, us ladies?
90
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:09,614
No, that's... That's not me.
91
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:11,653
I don't think that way.
92
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:15,819
How is she?
93
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,655
Well...
94
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:20,093
she's been on life support
since she got here.
95
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,959
No signs of improvement.
96
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:25,064
No signs of anything, really.
97
00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:28,031
She's gone.
98
00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:30,868
We're just waiting for
the parents to pull the plug.
99
00:05:31,130 --> 00:05:34,236
See, unlike you, they're having
a really hard time letting her go.
100
00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:38,011
She loved you, Hank.
101
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,276
Despite all the evidence
to the contrary...
102
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,511
she thought you were the one.
103
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:45,986
No matter how many times I told her
to let you go or just walk away...
104
00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:47,317
she wouldn't do it.
105
00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:51,285
I just wish you would have
let her down a little easier.
106
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,888
A little sooner.
107
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,927
How dare you!
108
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,400
Get the fuck out of here!
109
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:04,368
Or do you want to wait till the parents
come? They'll be here any minute.
110
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,911
- Sweetie, are you okay?
- No, no, no.
111
00:06:10,069 --> 00:06:11,548
Just leave me alone.
112
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,823
Slow down, buddy.
113
00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:29,967
- You're approaching blotto.
- Thank goodness.
114
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,295
You know what that means.
115
00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:32,936
Next stop, blackout station.
116
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:36,596
I could've gotten there a lot sooner,
but who's the squishy little pussy fart...
117
00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:38,242
who wouldn't buy drugs with me?
118
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,345
I just wanted to get you out of
the house. Blow the stink off.
119
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:45,141
I like my stink.
120
00:06:45,304 --> 00:06:47,807
It's like Obsession
for dirt bags.
121
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:53,151
So, I have an offer for you!
122
00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:58,858
Not even a smile?
You always laugh when I do that.
123
00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:01,089
I don't feel very much
like laughing these days.
124
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,494
Or working, for that matter.
125
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:04,430
The very thought
makes my asshole quiver.
126
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,501
No, actually, more like a throb.
127
00:07:06,659 --> 00:07:08,696
Have you ever had
a throbbing asshole, Charlie?
128
00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:10,772
- I have.
- I bet.
129
00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:13,533
You've been home a week, Hank.
130
00:07:13,699 --> 00:07:16,805
You're lucky to be alive. You're
sitting around pulverizing your liver.
131
00:07:16,969 --> 00:07:18,004
Yeah, that.
132
00:07:18,337 --> 00:07:21,011
And I'm contemplating
a new novel!
133
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,949
That's great! Really?
134
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:26,454
Yeah, it's about a miserable piece of shit
who drinks himself to death.
135
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:27,784
I'm in the research phase.
136
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,427
You gotta get past this, man.
137
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:32,129
You gotta forgive yourself.
138
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:35,391
I don't gotta do nothing but
stay black and die, motherfucker.
139
00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:36,966
It wasn't your fault.
140
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,963
She was fucking looney tunes!
141
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,832
She tried to kill you, Hank.
142
00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:47,603
Fuck!
What did you do that for?
143
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,508
You can't talk
about her like that.
144
00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:52,309
Some crazy bitch tries to kill you,
you defend her honor.
145
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:55,075
Your best friend tries to help,
you punch him in the face.
146
00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:57,016
You're a real fucking asshole,
you know?
147
00:07:57,176 --> 00:07:58,621
That sounds about right.
148
00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:08,826
What do you see us becoming,
eventually?
149
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:11,059
Look, you're amazing, okay?
150
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:12,498
I just...
151
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:15,432
Come on, just outwith it.
152
00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:17,404
- Say it.
- Excuse me?
153
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:18,735
You're excused, Nancy.
154
00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:21,936
But just rip the Band-Aid off.
It's the only decent thing to do.
155
00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:23,910
Thanks. Thanks
for the advice, old-timer.
156
00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:25,310
Hey, I may be old.
157
00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:28,748
But I'm not such a geezer
that I can't dick-slap the shit out of you.
158
00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:30,949
My father used
to always say that to me.
159
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:32,986
- Oh, good old Dad.
- Yeah, he's right.
160
00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:35,887
- If you're gonna break up with me, do it.
- You go, girl.
161
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:39,086
- That's not what I'm doing.
- What you're doing is wasting my time.
162
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,596
If you're not serious about
me, us, I need to know.
163
00:08:41,754 --> 00:08:42,960
Need to know!
164
00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:45,595
You know...
165
00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:47,829
if you would have
just let me finish...
166
00:08:55,134 --> 00:08:56,909
You fucking asshole.
167
00:08:57,069 --> 00:08:59,310
You fucked up my proposal.
168
00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:02,945
Fair enough.
169
00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:30,872
Daddy?
170
00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:32,414
Fuck me!
171
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,778
You smell funny.
172
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,749
Hey, what's up, slugger?
173
00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:47,597
Guess what?
I'm the Tooth Fairy, yeah?
174
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:51,291
What do you say
we settle this like men?
175
00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:52,629
All right?
176
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:54,862
No screaming?
177
00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:56,868
Yeah?
178
00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:02,675
I think you'll find it's all there.
179
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,184
You're lucky
I have cool neighbors.
180
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,090
I don't know how cool they are.
181
00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:21,094
They left their kid's
bedroom door wide fucking open.
182
00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:23,627
You're lucky you didn't try
anything with that kid.
183
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,529
- Why the fuck would I do that?
- I don't know.
184
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:30,139
It's dark. You're drunk.
Holes is holes, Hank.
185
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,368
You should be tested
for something, Charlie.
186
00:10:33,532 --> 00:10:34,806
- Arms.
- Not sure exactly what.
187
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,605
But you're definitely
on the spectrum.
188
00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:39,272
Reach for the sky.
It's beddy-bye.
189
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:44,854
Oh, don't forget the pants.
190
00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:47,548
Cannot sleep in my pants
191
00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:51,761
Jesus! When is the last time
you washed these bad boys, Hank?
192
00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:53,362
Or yourself, for that matter?
193
00:10:53,519 --> 00:10:56,159
I think the nurses gave me
a sponge bath in the hospital.
194
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,858
But I could have dreamed that.
195
00:10:58,024 --> 00:10:59,765
You need to get
your shit together, man.
196
00:10:59,925 --> 00:11:01,905
How do you propose I do that,
Charlie?
197
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:04,541
And once I've gathered up
all my pretty little turds...
198
00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:06,335
what do you suggest
I do with them?
199
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:07,876
You've got Karen to think about.
200
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:09,794
- And Becca.
- They're better off without me.
201
00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:12,313
The both of them.
All I ever do is fuck their shit up.
202
00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:14,144
All I want to do is sleep.
203
00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:17,377
Sleep till I can sleep no more.
204
00:11:17,543 --> 00:11:20,422
And then make myself sleepy
all over again.
205
00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:25,961
Can I at least get your number?
206
00:11:26,118 --> 00:11:28,530
You know, your digits.
Can I get your digits?
207
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,361
You like the way I say that?
Digits, like the kids?
208
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,196
You're not used
to hearing no, are you?
209
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,736
Yes, I am. It's just usually
I could give a shit less.
210
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:36,464
Tonight I do, for some reason.
211
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,371
- Hank.
- Yes.
212
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,479
I have a boyfriend.
213
00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:44,911
Of course you do.
How could you not?
214
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:46,982
But I think
if we put our heads together...
215
00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:48,777
we can overcome such obstacles.
216
00:11:48,941 --> 00:11:50,750
I have faith in us.
217
00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:52,682
I gotta bounce.
218
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:55,121
It was nice to meet you.
219
00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:57,525
It was nice to meet you too.
220
00:11:58,417 --> 00:12:00,693
- Good night.
- Good morning...
221
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:02,390
Karen.
222
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:18,410
- K. Karen... Karen.
- Leave the poor girl alone.
223
00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:24,411
What if she's the one?
224
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,920
Oh, go on.
225
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:28,854
You're just gonna end up
hurting her. And who knows?
226
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:31,220
She might even, you know:
227
00:12:43,629 --> 00:12:45,540
Three-point-five baths, Hank.
228
00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:46,938
Three-point-five!
229
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,942
Seemed too far to go.
230
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,913
- You're up early.
- Never went to bed.
231
00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:54,107
Of course not.
232
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,753
I can't get drunk enough
anymore, Charlie.
233
00:12:57,309 --> 00:12:59,949
Speaking of which,
we're out of alcoholic beverages.
234
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:01,557
Come on.
Get in the car.
235
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:03,193
- We'll get you some.
- Fuck you.
236
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:05,158
You're my agent.
You go get me some.
237
00:13:05,317 --> 00:13:07,263
Get in the car!
238
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:09,660
We're taking a field trip.
239
00:13:22,201 --> 00:13:24,408
Delicious!
240
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:35,225
Hey.
241
00:13:42,221 --> 00:13:43,825
That's a weird-looking
liquor store.
242
00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:49,571
Welcome aboard Air Force 69,
gentlemen.
243
00:13:49,728 --> 00:13:52,106
- Thank you.
- Hank Moody!
244
00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:55,678
Oh, I must be really fucking drunk.
Is that Atticus Fetch?
245
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:59,476
Baudelaire, Bukowski,
and Oscar Wilde...
246
00:13:59,638 --> 00:14:03,211
all wrapped up into one
talented motherfucking writer.
247
00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:05,616
- Respect.
- Remember that for my tombstone.
248
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:07,758
You ready
to take this journey with me?
249
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:12,019
That depends. Is this a domestic flight?
I'm not sure I have a valid passport. Do I?
250
00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:15,929
- What's wrong with him?
- He's just a little bit drunk right now.
251
00:14:16,088 --> 00:14:17,396
Which begs the question:
252
00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:20,092
Why am I not
a little bit drunk right now?
253
00:14:22,394 --> 00:14:24,431
- Do you know what that is?
- Black Hawk Down?
254
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:26,008
That's the Sudan.
255
00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:27,735
It's my own
private satellite feed.
256
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:29,913
If I witness
a crime against humanity...
257
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:32,345
I just pick up the phone
and report it.
258
00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:34,446
Or I can write a song about it.
259
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,277
All this means precious little...
260
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:39,355
when you've watched a government
bomb its own civilians.
261
00:14:40,312 --> 00:14:41,655
You know why you're here, Hank?
262
00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:44,923
Oh, I don't even know why
I'm alive right now.
263
00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:46,757
Crazy Little Thing Called Love...
264
00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,660
is my wife's favorite movie.
265
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:50,528
Yeah, well,
I'm sorry to hear that.
266
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,010
Apologies, darling, I don't think
I'll be able to come right now.
267
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:04,773
It's nothing to do with you, I'm just
really excited about meeting this man.
268
00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:06,348
Oh, thank you, Atticus.
269
00:15:06,505 --> 00:15:09,486
It was an honor and a privilege
to hold your penis for as long as I did.
270
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:11,144
You're welcome, pumpkin.
271
00:15:15,114 --> 00:15:17,424
Personally,
I hate the fucking thing.
272
00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:24,459
I think it's a huge piece of
mainstream Hollywood bullshit.
273
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,996
My old lady, she loves it
274
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:30,162
She fucking loves it
275
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:31,808
How does she feel
about hand jobs?
276
00:15:32,164 --> 00:15:33,973
Hand jobs are different
277
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:35,476
I don't think they are.
278
00:15:36,335 --> 00:15:37,473
Hand jobs don't count
279
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:38,972
I think they do.
280
00:15:40,172 --> 00:15:43,085
I beg to differ
281
00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:48,157
I can see it from both sides
282
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:50,557
Oh, yeah
283
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,457
So I said,
"if I'm gonna do this thing...
284
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,998
get me the guy who wrote
the fucking book."
285
00:15:57,189 --> 00:15:58,725
And here I am.
Do what?
286
00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:00,131
God Hates Us All.
287
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:02,294
I fucking loved it, man.
288
00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:04,270
That was when
it all came together for me.
289
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:06,967
It was like God
came down from heaven...
290
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:11,376
and laid his massive,
veiny ball sack on my face.
291
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:12,982
And when he took it away...
292
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:16,244
it left a stain
in the form of an idea.
293
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:18,249
Make it a rock opera!
294
00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:21,823
Like Tommy or Hair
or Jesus Christ Superstar.
295
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:25,895
I mean, if fucking Bono can do
Spider-Man, the fucking musical...
296
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:27,257
I think I can do this.
297
00:16:27,419 --> 00:16:28,591
Well, do what?
298
00:16:29,521 --> 00:16:31,262
Crazy Little Thing Called Love.
299
00:16:31,423 --> 00:16:33,926
Hank, they're turning it
into a Broadway musical.
300
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:37,097
- Oh, that's a terrible idea.
- That's what I said!
301
00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:38,764
But you and me together...
302
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:41,138
I reckon we could
do something cool with it.
303
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,974
You write the script,
I write the music and lyrics.
304
00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:46,514
Let's make a fucking
masterpiece, man!
305
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,549
About... About love.
306
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,750
Because love is all you need.
307
00:16:50,909 --> 00:16:52,718
All the world's problems...
308
00:16:52,878 --> 00:16:56,087
eventually come
face-to-face with love...
309
00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:59,586
and who do you reckon wins?
310
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,660
Love!
It's fucking over, man!
311
00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:05,699
Love conquers all!
What do you say?
312
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:06,893
I don't think so.
313
00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:08,868
- Think about it.
- Thought about it.
314
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,471
Are you an admirer of my work,
as I am of yours?
315
00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:14,770
- Not particularly, no.
- Really?
316
00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:17,636
They told me
that you're a huge fan.
317
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:19,805
Oh, they misspoke.
318
00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:21,042
And...
319
00:17:22,241 --> 00:17:24,744
why are you not a fan?
320
00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:27,248
You're smug, you're pompous.
321
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:29,552
There's no cock
in your rock anymore.
322
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,058
You're a fucking dinosaur, man.
323
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:34,629
- Jesus! Fuck you!
- Fuck you. You asked.
324
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:35,922
Fuck you!
325
00:17:58,043 --> 00:17:59,249
Becca.
326
00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:03,952
A bar is no place
for a young lady.
327
00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:06,290
I agree.
328
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:08,932
But here I am.
Happy day.
329
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:10,790
Pull up a seat.
330
00:18:11,190 --> 00:18:12,635
I'll get you a sarsaparilla.
331
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:14,566
Barkeep? Sarsaparilla.
332
00:18:16,328 --> 00:18:17,773
Look, Dad.
333
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,137
I know you're going through
a tough time now.
334
00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:21,801
But you've got us all worried.
335
00:18:21,967 --> 00:18:24,777
Why doesn't anybody understand
I don't want to talk about this?
336
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,884
Okay, let's talk about me, then.
337
00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:30,451
I've got some good news...
338
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:31,952
and some great news.
339
00:18:32,811 --> 00:18:34,688
Tyler stepped in front of a bus...
340
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:37,551
and his corpse was brutally
raped by hipster zombies?
341
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,489
- Tyler and I broke up.
- Yes!
342
00:18:40,652 --> 00:18:42,359
I mean... Really?
343
00:18:42,821 --> 00:18:45,062
When was that?
Where the fuck was I?
344
00:18:45,224 --> 00:18:46,294
In the hospital.
345
00:18:46,758 --> 00:18:48,328
Then you went home
and got drunk.
346
00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:50,235
Oh, yeah.
347
00:18:50,929 --> 00:18:54,001
- For a month.
- Okay, yeah, I remember now.
348
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:57,176
How...? How are you with that?
349
00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:58,610
I'm fine.
350
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,109
I thought it was love.
351
00:19:00,405 --> 00:19:02,043
Turns out it was lust.
352
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:06,346
I have a feeling that will
happen over and over again...
353
00:19:06,512 --> 00:19:07,855
until something sticks.
354
00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:09,492
Sweetheart, you are...
355
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:12,553
wise and beautiful
beyond your years...
356
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,132
and deserving
of a far better father...
357
00:19:15,287 --> 00:19:17,597
than the barstool prophet
that sits beside you.
358
00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:18,894
I know.
359
00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:21,669
Point is,
I grieved and I moved on.
360
00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:23,730
Take a lesson.
361
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:25,873
Thanks, coach.
362
00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:29,105
So, what's your news?
363
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:32,511
Well, I'm about to save you
a shitload of money.
364
00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:34,741
I'm dropping out of school.
365
00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:36,851
Oh, no, you're not.
366
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,545
And here comes the great news:
367
00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:41,024
I want to be a writer.
368
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,215
Why?
369
00:19:42,447 --> 00:19:43,755
Being a writer sucks.
370
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:46,863
Everything I've been through
in my life has led me to this.
371
00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:49,798
For better or worse,
I'm my father's daughter.
372
00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:52,565
I want to start living out loud.
373
00:19:52,724 --> 00:19:55,295
Laughing, loving,
drinking, fucking.
374
00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:57,337
And I want
to start writing about it.
375
00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:58,798
All of it.
376
00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:00,966
No, no.
Who are you right now?
377
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:03,238
I really thought
you'd be more supportive.
378
00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:05,678
- You dropped out of college.
- Yeah, like, six times.
379
00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:07,976
And look at me.
I'm a fucking disaster-piece.
380
00:20:08,173 --> 00:20:10,119
I don't care what you say.
I'm doing it.
381
00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:12,881
- Yeah, no, you're not, Becca.
- Why?
382
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:16,083
- I'm your fucking father, that's why.
- You're funny. Some father.
383
00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:18,421
Jesus Christ, Becca.
Have some fucking respect.
384
00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:19,756
Everything okay over here?
385
00:20:20,185 --> 00:20:22,222
Fuck off, barkeep. Go.
386
00:20:22,621 --> 00:20:23,759
Hank, I'm warning you.
387
00:20:23,922 --> 00:20:26,095
- You all right, sweetie?
- Mind your own...
388
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:28,397
You want me to call somebody?
I warned you, Hank.
389
00:20:30,095 --> 00:20:31,165
Sorry, honey.
390
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:35,142
- He'll live to waste another day.
- There goes your tip.
391
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:39,146
Well, I, for one,
really loved your book, Ophelia.
392
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:41,784
Your shit really speaks to me.
393
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:46,355
You know, all my life, I've defined
myself by whatever idiot man-child...
394
00:20:46,511 --> 00:20:48,752
I was spreading my legs for
at the time.
395
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:52,092
And no more,
I tell you, no more.
396
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,130
Good for you, Marcy.
You're exactly right.
397
00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:58,029
You don't need a man
to be happy.
398
00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:00,192
- I'm living proof.
- See?
399
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:03,533
That's what this skinny bitch
has to get through her thick skull.
400
00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:07,939
That's really sweet of you, honey, but I
don't think men are entirely to blame.
401
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,511
Oh, they are, Karen.
402
00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:12,274
My entire thesis
is built on this idea:
403
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:14,542
Men are wild animals.
404
00:21:14,706 --> 00:21:16,617
And they must be regarded as such.
405
00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:20,490
I think that's a tad hysterical.
406
00:21:20,646 --> 00:21:21,989
Karen! Karen!
407
00:21:22,748 --> 00:21:24,455
I need you to dress this wound.
408
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:26,618
- What happened to him?
- I'd like a drink.
409
00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:29,732
Now would be good.
No time like the present, you know?
410
00:21:29,888 --> 00:21:32,027
Oh, for God's sake.
411
00:21:32,190 --> 00:21:33,726
- I'm sorry.
- What is this stuff?
412
00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:35,929
The fucking Vagina Dialogues?
413
00:21:49,941 --> 00:21:51,113
Oh, shit.
414
00:21:51,276 --> 00:21:53,119
This better not be
an intervention.
415
00:21:53,278 --> 00:21:55,087
Yes, Hank, it is.
416
00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:56,988
But it's also an act of love.
417
00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:59,026
But this is not about abstaining.
418
00:21:59,184 --> 00:22:01,721
Exactly. This is about you
finding your way back...
419
00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:04,527
to being the functional alcoholic
we all know and love.
420
00:22:04,723 --> 00:22:06,225
We miss that guy, Hanky.
421
00:22:06,391 --> 00:22:08,837
It's true, Dad.
You used to be such a good drunk.
422
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:10,701
Now you're just disgusting.
423
00:22:11,296 --> 00:22:12,502
And bloated.
424
00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:13,699
And smelly.
425
00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:17,575
- Well, thanks for that, daughter.
- It has to end.
426
00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:19,647
Think of it as a vacation, Hank.
427
00:22:19,805 --> 00:22:22,718
Hey, hey, get this.
The place is called Happy Endings.
428
00:22:22,874 --> 00:22:25,047
You know, I think I could
use a stay there myself.
429
00:22:25,210 --> 00:22:27,713
The Internet porn thing
is starting to suck me back in.
430
00:22:27,879 --> 00:22:31,759
Have you seen this Tubegalore?
Have you experienced this?
431
00:22:31,917 --> 00:22:33,726
It is a vortex, Hank.
432
00:22:33,885 --> 00:22:36,559
A swirling, black cauldron
of sexuality.
433
00:22:36,722 --> 00:22:40,693
I sat down at the computer one morning,
I typed in "amateur BBW."
434
00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:42,600
Next thing you know,
it's dinnertime.
435
00:22:43,161 --> 00:22:46,301
- What? What? I'm being truthful!
- I can't be...
436
00:22:46,732 --> 00:22:49,144
I can't believe
I ever shared a bed with you.
437
00:22:49,301 --> 00:22:52,407
Then I can't believe you're
going on your second ex-husband.
438
00:22:52,571 --> 00:22:55,313
Oh, and I really can't believe
you're back to renting.
439
00:22:55,474 --> 00:22:57,010
That's mean, Charlie.
440
00:22:57,175 --> 00:22:59,121
Do you want to see me cry?
This is me crying.
441
00:22:59,277 --> 00:23:02,724
Good God, woman! This is not about
the petty problems of L.A.'s working rich!
442
00:23:02,881 --> 00:23:05,384
This is about Hank and
his debilitating self-hatred!
443
00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:08,190
Exactly. And if Hank hadn't
been such a dick-in-the-mud...
444
00:23:08,353 --> 00:23:10,196
he and Karen
would still be together...
445
00:23:10,355 --> 00:23:12,767
which means that Karen
and I wouldn't be a couple...
446
00:23:12,924 --> 00:23:15,996
of pathetic 40-something
roommates right now!
447
00:23:16,795 --> 00:23:18,900
I thought you loved
being my roommate.
448
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:20,099
I do, baby.
449
00:23:20,265 --> 00:23:23,405
But I like my big, shiny house
in the hills just a wee bit better.
450
00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:27,380
But no, Stu had to go and get
his cock worshipped by that stupid...
451
00:23:27,539 --> 00:23:30,918
little no-talent Mary Poppins
fucking cum-dumpster!
452
00:23:32,144 --> 00:23:33,748
Sorry, Becca, man.
453
00:23:34,112 --> 00:23:35,147
Whatever.
454
00:23:35,313 --> 00:23:36,656
Can we get back to Dad?
455
00:23:36,815 --> 00:23:39,022
Maybe I should just
forgive and forget, right?
456
00:23:39,184 --> 00:23:41,790
I mean, it was just a blowjob.
Blowjobs are like fist bumps.
457
00:23:41,953 --> 00:23:45,025
I can forgive him, move back into
that beautiful house in the hills...
458
00:23:45,190 --> 00:23:49,297
and we could go to therapy. That's what
couples do, work their shit out together?
459
00:23:49,461 --> 00:23:50,838
- No. No.
- What do you think?
460
00:23:50,996 --> 00:23:53,806
Thanks for the support, you
mean-spirited fucking gazelle!
461
00:23:53,965 --> 00:23:56,070
Why are you being
such a bitch right now?
462
00:23:56,234 --> 00:23:58,043
I don't know! I'm sorry!
463
00:23:58,203 --> 00:24:01,116
Worst intervention ever.
464
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:04,516
Okay, long story short,
Hank, okay.
465
00:24:04,876 --> 00:24:06,287
You gotta get your ass to rehab.
466
00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:08,755
If I could do it, you could do it.
467
00:24:08,914 --> 00:24:11,087
And I had the fucking yayo
to contend with.
468
00:24:11,249 --> 00:24:13,490
You just got the bottle.
Pussy!
469
00:24:13,652 --> 00:24:15,962
Fuck you, cunty Smurf.
470
00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:19,193
And while I'm at it,
fuck all y'all narcissistic motherfuckers.
471
00:24:19,357 --> 00:24:21,268
Except you, Becca.
Love you long time.
472
00:24:21,493 --> 00:24:23,404
But dropping out of school,
that's bullshit.
473
00:24:23,562 --> 00:24:25,735
What?
What are you talking about?
474
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,210
I didn't want to do this, Hank,
but you give me no choice.
475
00:24:35,373 --> 00:24:36,943
I took a bullet for you, man.
476
00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:40,847
The least you can do is try
to heal yourself. For me, okay?
477
00:24:45,584 --> 00:24:48,087
Dad, these people
are borderline retarded...
478
00:24:48,253 --> 00:24:50,426
but they love you.
I love you.
479
00:24:50,956 --> 00:24:53,527
Get your head out of your ass
and stop drinking...
480
00:24:53,725 --> 00:24:56,535
because sooner or later,
you're just gonna kill yourself.
481
00:24:58,063 --> 00:25:01,601
Just because I'm older now
doesn't mean I don't need a father.
482
00:25:20,552 --> 00:25:21,826
Hey.
483
00:25:21,987 --> 00:25:26,026
You know, you didn't even
let me say my piece.
484
00:25:26,224 --> 00:25:28,295
How supremely shitty of me.
485
00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:30,201
What do you got?
Lay it on me, woman.
486
00:25:30,395 --> 00:25:32,432
We were in such
a great place that night.
487
00:25:32,597 --> 00:25:35,441
And if we stand any chance
of getting back there...
488
00:25:35,634 --> 00:25:37,671
you have
to pull your shit together.
489
00:25:39,471 --> 00:25:40,677
And that's it.
490
00:25:41,339 --> 00:25:42,784
That's all I got.
491
00:25:43,475 --> 00:25:44,920
The rest is up to you.
492
00:25:46,278 --> 00:25:49,259
- Can I tell you something?
- Yes, always.
493
00:25:49,781 --> 00:25:51,727
Even if it has the potential
to make you sad?
494
00:25:52,284 --> 00:25:53,319
Even better.
495
00:25:55,687 --> 00:25:59,430
That night, I was so looking
forward to having dinner with you.
496
00:25:59,591 --> 00:26:04,370
For the first time in forever,
you and me, we just seemed so possible.
497
00:26:05,196 --> 00:26:09,167
Everything I always wanted,
just right around the corner.
498
00:26:09,634 --> 00:26:11,477
And then it all just went away.
499
00:26:11,636 --> 00:26:13,616
I was the last person
to hurt her.
500
00:26:13,772 --> 00:26:15,342
To break her heart.
501
00:26:15,507 --> 00:26:17,851
And I can't put into words
how bad that makes me feel.
502
00:26:18,009 --> 00:26:19,955
And now it hurts to be awake...
503
00:26:20,111 --> 00:26:22,614
and I don't know if I can get
back to that feeling...
504
00:26:22,881 --> 00:26:24,451
with you.
505
00:26:25,784 --> 00:26:30,494
And what scares me is,
I'm not sure that I ever will.
506
00:26:32,123 --> 00:26:35,593
You will get back there.
If you want to.
507
00:26:39,764 --> 00:26:44,838
And in the meantime, maybe
I'll just dream for both of us, I guess.
508
00:26:53,578 --> 00:26:54,989
Good night, Karen.
509
00:27:20,538 --> 00:27:22,677
Hey, Bukowski!
510
00:27:22,841 --> 00:27:25,515
It's freezing out there.
Come up.
511
00:27:25,677 --> 00:27:27,054
I'll make you some coffee.
512
00:27:27,412 --> 00:27:31,417
Hey, I...
I feel I should tell you that...
513
00:27:32,350 --> 00:27:33,761
I'm not gonna sleep with you.
514
00:27:33,918 --> 00:27:35,261
Fuck.
515
00:27:41,926 --> 00:27:43,928
Hank, it's time for group.
516
00:27:44,195 --> 00:27:47,142
- Ten minutes, okay?
- Yeah, all right.
517
00:27:47,298 --> 00:27:49,005
Welcome to Happy Endings.
38703
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