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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,259 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:10,301 --> 00:00:12,219 - My name is Hank. - I know. 3 00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:16,432 This is Mia, Bill's daughter. And this is Hank. 4 00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:18,392 - She's 16. - 16. 5 00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:21,437 Please do not make it like it wasn't the least bit satisfying 6 00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:25,315 to fuck the wife of the man who turned your precious book into a big, shitty movie! 7 00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:29,778 Get on with your life and forget about the woman you didn't want to marry. 8 00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:31,572 I'm gonna marry Bill. 9 00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:32,781 - Hank. - Are you sure? 10 00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,616 Quick, before I change my fucking mind. 11 00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:35,784 Karen, wait! 12 00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:37,745 - I made a huge mistake. - No. 13 00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:39,955 The DA's office was willing to drop the assault charges. 14 00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,915 - That's the good news. - What's the bad news? 15 00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:44,209 You're being charged with statutory rape. 16 00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:46,336 The prosecution has a lame case, and they know it too. 17 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:49,423 I don't want you to be guilty. I don't want people to look at you that way. 18 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:52,509 And then Monday will come, and I'll take you to court 19 00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:57,014 so that you can stand trial for raping a teenage girl. 20 00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:00,434 Cos that is the reality of our lives right now. 21 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:24,374 - You look great. - I look like a fucking FBI agent. 22 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:27,544 A very brooding and comely FBI agent. 23 00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:28,962 But still... 24 00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:31,215 Just keep putting one foot in front of the other 25 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:33,675 and it will be over before you know it. 26 00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:36,512 That's exactly what I'm afraid of. 27 00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:39,181 What are you afraid of, exactly? 28 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:43,477 Everything. Which is weird, you know, 29 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:47,189 because I've spent my whole life practising Zen and the art of who gives a fuck? 30 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:51,235 And now I just want to get in the Porsche and drive. 31 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,529 Well, it's just as well, Becca totalled it. 32 00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:55,989 You know what I mean. 33 00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:57,741 I know what you mean. 34 00:01:58,743 --> 00:02:01,036 Can you tell me that everything's gonna be all right? 35 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,497 I can't tell you that. 36 00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:06,792 Can you tell me that you'll be here when the smoke clears? 37 00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:09,920 I can't tell you that either. 38 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,172 - What can you tell me? - You're gonna be late. 39 00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:14,424 All right. 40 00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,051 - Come on. - I just... 41 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:19,054 I just need a few seconds. 42 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:21,223 Gotta do... You know. Gotta get the hair right. 43 00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:22,850 OK. 44 00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:40,534 Well... 45 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:43,871 Looks like it's time to get this party started. 46 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,207 After you, ladies. 47 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:46,391 Free Hank! Free Hank! 48 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:54,233 Oh, man. I'm gonna take you around back. 49 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:57,194 Yeah, thank you. I'm not feeling particularly quippy this morning. 50 00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,864 - Well, there's a minor miracle. - Well... 51 00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:07,913 OK, get the fuck out. 52 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:11,875 - You're funny. - You gotta laugh, right? 53 00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:15,837 I'm sorry, Karen. 54 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,382 For hurting you, embarrassing you. 55 00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:20,050 For everything. 56 00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,345 You know what? You know how you can make it up to me? 57 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:26,848 Get in there, be a man, deal with your shit, 58 00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:29,601 whatever happens. 59 00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:32,562 Or we could drive back and head out to LAX, 60 00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:34,481 pick a destination off the board. 61 00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:37,985 Preferably some place warm and sunny with a firm non-extradition policy. 62 00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:40,028 Go. 63 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:42,906 Smile and be nice. Mind your manners. 64 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,410 I'll see you inside. 65 00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:47,786 I love you. 66 00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:05,887 Sorry, man. 67 00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:09,933 - Oh, God. - Shit. Wow. 68 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,519 - Long time no fucking see. - Yeah. 69 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:16,565 - How are you? - I'm well, Hank. Thank you. 70 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:23,196 Right. 71 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:25,615 Look, how do I begin? 72 00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:27,409 How do I make you understand how sorry I am? 73 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,077 Save your breath, Hank. 74 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,747 You want to know what it's like to walk in my shoes? 75 00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:34,041 I want you to think about Becca. 76 00:05:34,959 --> 00:05:39,129 What if I had sex with her? How would that make you feel? 77 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,548 What would you do to make it OK again? 78 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:45,093 Would you hit me? Would you kill me? 79 00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:48,221 Or would you go in there, tell them exactly what you know, 80 00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:51,308 and hope I get exactly what I deserve? 81 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:55,145 See you inside. 82 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:58,231 - There you are. - Hey. 83 00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,400 I thought you made a run for the border. 84 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:04,112 I thought about it, then I hit Taco Bell and the feeling passed. 85 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,530 You ready to do this? 86 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,765 You OK? 87 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:35,310 - I think I'm gonna throw up... again. - Again? 88 00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:38,313 Yeah. You think they have any of those little barf bags around? 89 00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:39,773 OK. 90 00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:44,319 The State of California versus Hank Moody. 91 00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:47,823 The Honourable Susan McMartin presiding. All rise. 92 00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:55,080 Please be seated. 93 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,751 The prosecution is absolutely right... 94 00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:02,504 about one thing, and one thing only. 95 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:07,384 Mr Moody had sexual intercourse with a teenage girl. 96 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,469 This is undisputed. 97 00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:10,971 On the night in question, 98 00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:13,932 Mr Moody was approached by a very attractive young woman 99 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:16,977 who made it very clear she was interested in having sex with him. 100 00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:20,147 She went home with him that night and did just that. 101 00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:22,941 At no point did Mr Moody inquire about her age, 102 00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:26,361 nor did Ms Lewis offer it to him. 103 00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:30,782 Is this a good thing? A smart thing? 104 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,909 An honourable thing? 105 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:34,202 Absolutely not. 106 00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:37,581 But it is a reality of the world we live in. 107 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:42,127 Mr Moody is far from a boy scout. 108 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:44,254 He would be the first to confess his sins. 109 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:47,674 But he did not knowingly have sex with a minor. 110 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:50,469 He had sex with a very troubled young woman, 111 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,805 who had reasons of her own for obscuring the truth. 112 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:04,399 I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little hard right now. 113 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,234 You're good. 114 00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:09,070 Is the state ready to call its first witness? 115 00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:12,115 If it please the court, the state calls Charles W Runkle. 116 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:29,132 Hank Moody for a screening of God Hates Us All. 117 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,301 I don't have that on here. 118 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:36,932 I've got a screening for something called A Crazy Little Thing Called Love. 119 00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:39,309 That it? 120 00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:53,573 London, Paris... 121 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,581 Maybe forget about tomorrow. 122 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,960 Pretty tall order. 123 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,441 Hey, Moody, what'd you think? 124 00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:31,486 Oh, wait, I forgot... I don't give a fuck. 125 00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:35,532 Now, now... 126 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,867 - That's it, Charlie, I'm doing it. - What? 127 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:40,370 I'm fucking his wife. He's left me no choice. 128 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:43,248 - You don't want to do that, Hank. - Yep, I think I do. 129 00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:46,710 Revenge is a dish best served with my dick. 130 00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:48,753 He actually said, 131 00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:52,340 "Revenge is a dish best served with my dick"? 132 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:58,013 Yeah, but he was just kidding around. 133 00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:01,141 He was just kidding around. So he didn't really have an affair with Mrs Carr? 134 00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:04,227 Well, yes, he did. But that was all in good fun. 135 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:08,523 I see. So your definition of "good fun" is breaking up a marriage? 136 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,775 OK, now you're twisting my words around. 137 00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:28,001 - I think so too. - I think it's gonna be very big. 138 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,294 Women are gonna like it. 139 00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:33,089 - People seem to love... - Women and transsexuals, maybe. 140 00:10:34,925 --> 00:10:37,052 You get lost, Moody, or you still pouting? 141 00:10:37,094 --> 00:10:39,596 I'm sorry if I wanted it to be better, Carr. 142 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,265 A little more Fight Club, and a little less You've Got Mail. 143 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:45,060 Christ on the cross, Moody, what are you complaining about? 144 00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:47,937 - That thing is tracking through the roof. - Trackin', schmackin'. 145 00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:50,732 It's a fucking abortion, and you did the bloody honours. 146 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,318 The worst thing is you're not even a good abortionist. 147 00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:57,405 - You're a fucking hack with a wire hanger. - You're such a fucking little girl. 148 00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:58,907 You want to see things done your way, 149 00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:01,076 why don't you pick up a fucking camera and direct? 150 00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:03,286 I don't want to direct. You said you liked my book. 151 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:07,290 - We shook hands. I trusted you. - It's not that bad. 152 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,459 Come on, what do you think? Be honest. 153 00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,295 Can I speak freely? 154 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:16,257 Sure. But be careful. You're my fucking agent too. 155 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,259 I thought it was amazing. 156 00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:22,722 - You silly twat. - I thought it was wonderful, baby. 157 00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,933 Be nice and I'll let you write the sequel. 158 00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:28,520 Be nice and I won't fuck your wife again. 159 00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:31,022 What the fuck did you just say? 160 00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:34,275 Apologise, Hank. Right now. 161 00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:37,529 I'm just fucking with you, Carr. You guys are obviously bulletproof. 162 00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:42,325 A love story for the ages. A crazy little thing called love. Cheers. 163 00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:44,953 So when Karen moved in with Bill, 164 00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:48,164 did Mr Moody express any similar desire for revenge? 165 00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:53,795 I'm gonna get that fucking bastard. I'm gonna make him rue. 166 00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:55,630 - Rue what, exactly? - I don't know. 167 00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:57,882 I just like saying "rue". I find it most pleasing. 168 00:11:57,925 --> 00:11:59,259 Don't be stupid, Hank. 169 00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:01,636 - Too late. - Yeah, that's what I was afraid of. 170 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:04,556 Charlie, the man has stolen the love of my life right out from under me. 171 00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:07,767 That dull fucking dial tone of a human has poached my woman. 172 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:10,979 You can understand that, right? He has poached my favourite client. 173 00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:13,773 And now my daughter lives in prison behind these castle walls. 174 00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:16,526 - What would you have me do? - Go home and sleep it off. 175 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:20,447 Aside from that. Do you have my back on this, Charlie? 176 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:24,200 - Just don't get us arrested, OK? - Word to your mother, Charlie. 177 00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:26,578 Word to your fucking mother, you bald motherfucker. 178 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:29,289 If only someone would come along and steal you out from under me. 179 00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:32,417 That ain't gonna happen. That will never happen. I will never leave you. 180 00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:33,626 You know why? I'll tell you. 181 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:36,880 Because I love you, and I will totally become your blood brother right now. 182 00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:38,673 Do you have a knife? A shard of something? 183 00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,675 - I'm good. I'm good. - Use these car keys. 184 00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,719 - I'm good. - Take the fucking wheel. 185 00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:18,338 What the fuck are you doing? You took a shit on my car! 186 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,381 - Come on. - Fuck! 187 00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:25,970 - Don't... - Come on and get me. Come on! 188 00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:27,597 Here we go! 189 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,603 Go, Charlie, go! 190 00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:38,024 Nothing further. 191 00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:44,823 - Mr Runkle... - Yeah. 192 00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:48,576 Would you describe Mr Moody as more than just a client? 193 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:53,039 Absolutely. I would describe him as a friend. My best friend. 194 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:56,084 And in what ways has he acted as your friend? 195 00:13:57,461 --> 00:14:01,422 Well, there was a time I was estranged from my wife... 196 00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:03,007 We're now divorced. 197 00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:07,804 She's having another man's baby. They're living together now. 198 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,180 - Mr Runkle. - Yes? 199 00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:12,225 - We don't need quite that much detail. - I'm sorry. 200 00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:14,269 Anyway... 201 00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:18,481 Hank and I went out drinking one night, and long story short, we met this woman. 202 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:22,652 She came back with us to Hank's place, and I started putting the moves on her. 203 00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:25,280 But she really wasn't that interested. 204 00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:27,407 Fact is, she wanted to sleep with Hank. 205 00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:29,784 But Hank wasn't that interested. He wanted to go to bed. 206 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,286 You know, get some sleep. 207 00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:34,414 - But you know what he did? - Mr Runkle, it's OK, 208 00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:37,417 - let me rephrase the question. - No, no, no. You want to know what he did? 209 00:14:37,459 --> 00:14:39,502 He agreed to have a threesome with us anyway. 210 00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:42,505 That's right, because that is the kind of friend he is. 211 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,507 And it turned into a total botch too 212 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,843 because the woman in question was a squirter. 213 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,345 - A squirter! - Mr Runkle! 214 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,806 I'm sorry. 215 00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:55,476 A female ejaculator. 216 00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:08,489 - Nothing further, Your Honour. - Mr Runkle, you're excused. 217 00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:11,659 If it please the court, the state calls Karen van der Beek. 218 00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:19,250 In your opinion, how much did Hank Moody hate Bill Lewis? 219 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:21,085 Well, hate is a very strong word. 220 00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:24,047 I hate you, Bill. 221 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:27,300 - That's lovely, Hank. Thank you. - Karen? Karen! 222 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:28,801 - Hey, hey. - Karen! 223 00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:30,887 Can I have my family back now? 224 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:34,349 - Please? Pretty please? - Go away, Hank. 225 00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:36,517 I feel I must warn you, Bill... 226 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,479 I have a gun. And I will use it. 227 00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:42,023 - OK. - I will shoot you right between the eyes. 228 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:46,486 And if that doesn't work, I will kick you in the cunt. 229 00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:47,946 That's a water gun, Hank. 230 00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:49,989 Filled with hot sauce, motherfucker. Banzai! 231 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:53,534 Hank! Hank, what the fuck! Will you grow up! 232 00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:55,244 Give that to... Stop. 233 00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:56,871 - What are you doing? - Karen... 234 00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:59,374 Hi, Karen. You're so pretty. 235 00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:02,418 - Are you OK? - Shall I linger? 236 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:04,963 - No, no, I got it. - This is getting old, Hank. 237 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:07,674 No older than you are, Bill. Booyah! 238 00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:10,343 - Shut up. - Nailed it! 239 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:12,845 - I'm sorry... Hank, go. - OK, are you ready? 240 00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:14,973 - Are you ready to come home now? - What? 241 00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:17,308 Are you ready to call an end to this little flight of fancy? 242 00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,727 - Because guess what, I forgive you. - Hank... 243 00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:22,689 - You're welcome. - Shut up. It's over, OK? 244 00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:26,275 The fat lady has sung. She has left the building. You've gotta get used to this. 245 00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,486 - Let me see Becca. - No! You're drunk! 246 00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:31,572 She's seen me drunk before. And I'm a happy drunk, anyway. 247 00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:33,783 - Get out. Go home. - Don't use that word. 248 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:37,245 You're not allowed to use that word. It's not fair. I don't have a home. 249 00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:39,789 - OK, I'm not using it, OK? Go home. - Give me my gun. 250 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,083 - Give me my gun. Can I have my gun? - Yes. Yes. 251 00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:46,754 Your cross, Ms. Rhoads. 252 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,719 Let me get this straight. You broke up with Mr Moody, 253 00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:54,887 moved in with Mr Lewis, agreed to marry him, 254 00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:57,890 but left him on your wedding night to move back in with Mr Moody. 255 00:16:57,933 --> 00:17:01,894 You then kicked Mr Moody out because you thought he impregnated a friend, 256 00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:06,357 moved to New York for a job opportunity, left your daughter in Mr Moody's care, 257 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,234 came back, played house some more. 258 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:11,988 And then you broke it off yet again when Mr Moody was accused of statutory rape. 259 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,907 Is that correct? 260 00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:20,788 You make me sound crazy when you say it out loud like that. 261 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:23,916 Your words, not mine. Is that the sequence of events? 262 00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:27,795 Yes. 263 00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:32,467 Nothing further. 264 00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:46,272 I like this whole recess idea. Takes me back to my formative years. 265 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:49,275 How long do we get? Do we have time for a game of kickball? 266 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:53,696 Maybe she'll give him another chance. 267 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:57,241 Shit. You didn't have to be so hard on her up there, you know. 268 00:17:57,284 --> 00:18:01,412 - Do you want to go to jail? - Is this another one of your trick questions? 269 00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:06,000 Just let me do my job. You just sit there and look pretty. 270 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:08,461 I can do that. 271 00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:11,589 I think. 272 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:15,635 How deep do these feelings run, by the way? 273 00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:17,720 Huh? 274 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:20,306 I just want to know what I'm dealing with here. 275 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:23,226 I can't believe I'm having a relationship conversation 276 00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:25,812 with my lawyer on the first day of my trial. 277 00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:29,482 I can't believe I'm having a relationship conversation. 278 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,859 - I know. You're such a girl, right? - Shut up. 279 00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:33,861 I am serious, I will cut your dick off. 280 00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:35,571 And... 281 00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,740 I'm hard. 282 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:39,367 Again. 283 00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:41,869 Et tu, Runkle-us? 284 00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:44,413 OK, you... After all the stories we rehearsed, 285 00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:48,251 I missed the part where I said, "Fuck it, let's go with female ejaculation!" 286 00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:52,213 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He was twisting my words around. 287 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:55,758 Did you see that? I got really fucking nervous. 288 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:59,137 Oh, it's OK, buddy boy. It's all right. 289 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:03,808 And for what it's worth, it was really fun hearing that poop story again. 290 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:05,810 I know. Right? 291 00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:13,276 If it please the court, the state calls William Lewis. 292 00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:24,412 Here comes sweet dick Willie. 293 00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:28,416 Do you find him attractive, sexually? 294 00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:46,017 Mia! 295 00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:48,144 Daddy? Welcome home. 296 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,146 Get inside, now! 297 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,900 What the fuck are you doing in my house? 298 00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:56,903 I came to get my family... 299 00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:59,280 - then I passed out. - You're pathetic. 300 00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:05,912 Good God, man. Get yourself together! 301 00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:11,167 Get me a strainer. I'll clean it up. I'll make it nice. 302 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:15,671 - Just get the fuck outta here. - I can do that. 303 00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:19,675 Just do me a solid, Bill. 304 00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:21,594 Don't tell 'em I was here. 305 00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,930 That would be my pleasure. 306 00:20:23,972 --> 00:20:26,515 I'm sorry I'm such a turd in the punch bowl. 307 00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:29,769 I just really miss them. 308 00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:32,438 Yeah, I'm sure you do. They're pretty fantastic. 309 00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:35,316 And as much as you blame me, this is your doing. 310 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,986 I know that. Why do you think I'm so fucked up? 311 00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:46,118 - Can you give me a hand? - Yeah. 312 00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:50,331 You're a nice man, Bill. 313 00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:52,792 Oh, Jesus! 314 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,835 - Are you OK? - Yeah. 315 00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:57,129 - All right. - You're handsome too. 316 00:20:57,172 --> 00:21:01,592 A real tall drink of water. I see what Karen sees in you now. I get it. 317 00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:04,053 I bet you've got a nice dong too. You must. 318 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,347 Karen has a thing for pretty dongs. 319 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:08,766 - Let's go. - Good for you, Bill. 320 00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:12,937 So let me see, when you arrived home from your business trip, 321 00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:15,982 you found Hank and Mia having some sort of poolside conversation. 322 00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:20,528 - That's correct. - And when was that, exactly? 323 00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:22,738 July 12th, 2007. 324 00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:25,366 Which would mean you arrived home 325 00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:27,827 and saw Hank Moody having a conversation 326 00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:31,163 with your daughter prior to the night of August 13th? 327 00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:33,499 Yes. 328 00:21:34,584 --> 00:21:38,254 Quiet down, please. Quiet. 329 00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:44,176 Mr Lewis, do you believe that Hank Moody set out to sleep with your daughter 330 00:21:44,219 --> 00:21:47,054 - as a way of getting back at you? - I most certainly do. 331 00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:48,764 Yes. 332 00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:53,519 - Quiet. - No further questions. 333 00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:56,063 Your witness. 334 00:21:56,106 --> 00:21:57,857 Mr Lewis... 335 00:21:57,899 --> 00:22:01,444 What condition was the defendant in when you found him talking to your daughter? 336 00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:03,738 He was drunk. 337 00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:06,198 - How drunk? - Blotto. 338 00:22:34,102 --> 00:22:36,270 Who the fuck are you? 339 00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:39,106 I live here. Who the fuck are you? 340 00:22:39,149 --> 00:22:42,109 My family lives here. I've come to rescue them. 341 00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:47,239 - How's that working out for you? - Not as well as I'd planned. 342 00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:51,243 If they were really your family, don't you think they'd be with you right now? 343 00:22:52,746 --> 00:22:55,623 It's complicated. 344 00:22:55,665 --> 00:22:57,458 You really love them, don't you? 345 00:22:57,501 --> 00:23:03,297 Yeah. So much so that the words themselves sound unspeakably lame. 346 00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:06,509 God, that's hot. 347 00:23:08,095 --> 00:23:10,763 - Mia! - Daddy? Welcome home. 348 00:23:10,806 --> 00:23:12,807 Get inside, now! 349 00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:17,561 Why didn't you think to mention this before? 350 00:23:17,604 --> 00:23:20,606 Because I didn't think it mattered. 351 00:23:20,649 --> 00:23:24,902 I mean, he was so drunk. He was in and out of sleep. 352 00:23:24,945 --> 00:23:29,448 The night that we met at the bookstore, he had no idea who I was. None. 353 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:35,871 What was your relationship with Karen like? 354 00:23:35,914 --> 00:23:39,500 It was fine. She was nice. 355 00:23:39,543 --> 00:23:41,669 I didn't ask if she was nice. 356 00:23:41,711 --> 00:23:43,712 I asked what your relationship was like 357 00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:46,632 when you were forced to live together under the same roof. 358 00:23:51,638 --> 00:23:55,307 Hey, Mia! Where are you going dressed like that? 359 00:23:55,350 --> 00:23:57,852 - Out. - Out where? 360 00:23:57,894 --> 00:24:02,106 - Just out. Who cares? - I care. Who with? 361 00:24:02,149 --> 00:24:06,652 - Some guy. - Some guy? What, some guy from school? 362 00:24:06,695 --> 00:24:10,990 - No, he's older. - He's older? OK, how much older? 363 00:24:11,032 --> 00:24:15,870 - Significantly. - Mia, come on. Your dad's out of town. 364 00:24:15,912 --> 00:24:18,831 He is not gonna want you tramping around with some older guy. 365 00:24:18,874 --> 00:24:22,042 My dad's always out of town. I don't think he cares about my whereabouts. 366 00:24:22,085 --> 00:24:24,462 Mia, come on. 367 00:24:24,504 --> 00:24:27,882 Hey, Becca and I, we're gonna watch a movie. 368 00:24:27,924 --> 00:24:31,051 Manhattan. I just... You want to join us? 369 00:24:31,094 --> 00:24:33,679 I don't want to see a movie. I want to go out. 370 00:24:33,722 --> 00:24:37,016 But, you know, maybe you shouldn't. Maybe there's trouble out there. 371 00:24:37,058 --> 00:24:39,351 - You know what I mean? - Well, what's so wrong with that? 372 00:24:39,394 --> 00:24:41,353 Don't you ever want to go out and get into trouble? 373 00:24:41,396 --> 00:24:42,813 Sure, when I was your age. 374 00:24:42,856 --> 00:24:44,607 But you know what, I wish once in a while 375 00:24:44,649 --> 00:24:47,526 someone had asked me to stay in and watch a movie instead. Come on. 376 00:24:47,569 --> 00:24:51,822 - You know you want to. - No, I'm gonna go. 377 00:24:51,865 --> 00:24:55,659 Mia, you know what, at this point I'm not really asking you, I'm telling you. 378 00:24:55,702 --> 00:24:57,745 - Oh, you're telling me. - Yeah. 379 00:24:57,787 --> 00:25:01,248 - What are you gonna do about it? - Don't test me. 380 00:25:01,291 --> 00:25:02,875 Fuck you. 381 00:25:06,630 --> 00:25:08,881 She was just being sweet. 382 00:25:08,924 --> 00:25:12,218 But that just made me more mad, you know. 383 00:25:12,260 --> 00:25:14,220 My mother was dead, 384 00:25:14,262 --> 00:25:18,474 and my father decided to bury his grief in a new girlfriend. 385 00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:23,395 I just wanted to go out and get into trouble. 386 00:25:23,438 --> 00:25:26,941 At the same time, I wanted her to stop me. I... 387 00:25:26,983 --> 00:25:29,401 It felt good, someone caring enough to say no, 388 00:25:29,444 --> 00:25:33,239 but I just told her "Fuck off" and I stormed out. 389 00:25:33,281 --> 00:25:36,450 That guy was a jerk. I left him at some bar on Abbot Kinney, 390 00:25:36,493 --> 00:25:42,748 and I started walking home thinking I'd catch whatever was left of Manhattan. 391 00:25:42,791 --> 00:25:47,753 But then I wandered into the bookstore... 392 00:25:47,796 --> 00:25:51,799 and I found the trouble that I was looking for. 393 00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:56,720 Nothing further. 394 00:26:06,106 --> 00:26:07,773 That was horrible. 395 00:26:07,816 --> 00:26:10,901 It was like watching This Is Your Life in 3-D, 396 00:26:10,944 --> 00:26:14,029 on acid, with my creepy uncle's dick on my shoulder. 397 00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:15,906 - What the fuck, Hank? - What the fuck what? 398 00:26:15,949 --> 00:26:18,617 - What the fuck? - That jury is now under the assumption 399 00:26:18,660 --> 00:26:21,161 that you knew Mia before you actually slept together. 400 00:26:21,246 --> 00:26:23,122 - But... - The seed of doubt has been planted. 401 00:26:23,164 --> 00:26:26,250 That's all it takes. Do you... 402 00:26:26,293 --> 00:26:28,877 This changes everything. 403 00:26:37,137 --> 00:26:38,887 Some day, huh? 404 00:26:38,972 --> 00:26:42,141 - So you knew who she was all along? - No, not you too, Karen. 405 00:26:42,183 --> 00:26:44,101 No, I have no memory of that. None. 406 00:26:44,144 --> 00:26:47,146 - Amnesia. Convenient. - You don't understand, 407 00:26:47,188 --> 00:26:50,149 - those days were all a blur to me. - I do understand. Yeah. 408 00:26:50,191 --> 00:26:53,611 You can't remember. I will never forget! 409 00:26:53,653 --> 00:26:56,905 It's that asshole's job to make me look like an asshole. 410 00:26:56,948 --> 00:26:59,575 Yeah, well, you know what, he didn't have to work too hard. 411 00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:01,619 The only thing I'm guilty of is poor judgment. 412 00:27:01,661 --> 00:27:04,246 Yeah, me too! Fuck you! 33451

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