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1
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:08,966
Runkle!
2
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,467
Previously on Californication...
3
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- Hey, is this Runkle's house?
- Who the fuck are you?
4
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,265
- Stu Beggs. You're the wife?
- Soon to be ex.
5
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,017
Want to know how many women
I've slept with?
6
00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:21,228
I gotta get it up to 100.
7
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:22,438
Triple digits.
8
00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:24,064
- I met the wife.
- Soon to be ex.
9
00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:26,150
So you wouldn't mind
if I took a crack at her?
10
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:27,818
Say what?
11
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,028
And you are?
12
00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:30,946
- I'm Ben.
- Karen.
13
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:33,115
- Nice to meet you.
- Karen. Nice to meet you too.
14
00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:34,950
- How's Lenny Kravitz?
- Excuse me?
15
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,494
That caramel-coloured man
you've been hanging around with.
16
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,163
None of your business.
17
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:42,458
Abby here is the best there is
at defending the unjustly accused.
18
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:45,127
- You really love this shit?
- Sometimes it's even better than sex.
19
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:47,546
You must not like sex very much.
20
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,650
Am I really that scary the morning after?
21
00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:12,404
Hardly. You're just really penetrating me
with those pretty blue eyes.
22
00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:16,200
- They're hazel.
- Are they?
23
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,827
It's early and you got
a bunch of cruddies in there.
24
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:20,621
Thank you.
25
00:01:20,663 --> 00:01:24,958
Yes, no. That's right, hazel they are.
Still pretty, though.
26
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:29,213
Well, I suppose one good penetration
does deserve another.
27
00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:32,549
I like where you're going with this.
I love me some morning sex.
28
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:36,095
Daylight, smelly pits, bad breath.
Bring it. Let's do this.
29
00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,180
I need to recuse myself.
30
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:41,100
- Recuse me?
- I'm being serious.
31
00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:43,560
- Well, the bathroom is that-a-way.
- We had sex, Hank.
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00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:47,606
Don't do that.
Don't reduce it. That was not sex.
33
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:50,025
That was naked poetry.
34
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:52,194
I haven't been fucked like that
since I was an altar boy.
35
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,822
- Are you finished?
- No, I'm not. I'm just getting started.
36
00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:56,073
You're not listening.
37
00:01:56,116 --> 00:02:00,202
No, I'm not because I'm too busy
reading your Braille.
38
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:04,123
I'm a lip-reader, and I can also read
upside down, and you know what it says?
39
00:02:04,165 --> 00:02:07,960
- "Shut up and fuck me."
- We had sex. You made me come.
40
00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:12,214
Don't sell yourself short.
I invited you to come. You did all the rest.
41
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:16,718
- And now we have a serious conflict.
- I'm not the greatest of legal minds,
42
00:02:16,761 --> 00:02:19,346
but last night, when we made
the beast with two backs,
43
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:22,891
I don't believe that you
were technically my attorney, so...
44
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:27,729
Yes, and that logic was perfectly,
perfectly sound last night.
45
00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:29,439
This morning, not so much.
46
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:32,276
Last night, this morning,
what's the diff, really?
47
00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:35,404
- What's it all about anyway?
- It's your choice, Hank.
48
00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:38,782
What do you want me to do?
Fuck you or defend you?
49
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,952
Oh, shit. There's a really good lawyer joke
in there somewhere,
50
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:45,539
but there's not enough blood in my brain
to figure it out right now.
51
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:48,500
- I'm introducing you to a new attorney.
- No, I like my old one.
52
00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:51,253
And she likes you too.
A little too much maybe.
53
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:53,463
How much are we talking?
54
00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,633
Read my Braille.
55
00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:05,601
That speaks volumes.
56
00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:17,779
So...
What's it gonna be?
57
00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:19,823
You're recused.
58
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,581
Hello?
59
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:11,416
Hello!
60
00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:14,127
Good morning. Good morning.
61
00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:16,964
- What are you doing?
- Well, your door was ajar.
62
00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:19,466
I just wanted to make sure
you hadn't been violated.
63
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:22,135
So what are you,
Robin Hood of rapists now?
64
00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:24,554
Good one.
And I just wanted to say hello.
65
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,807
Hello and goodbye!
66
00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:28,892
I have time to kill.
I have an appointment.
67
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:32,187
I brought you some coffee.
How do you take it now? Black?
68
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,147
- Thanks, brother.
- Fuck.
69
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,233
Cheers.
70
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:40,904
- So what, you guys are doing it now?
- Shut up. It's none of your business.
71
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,949
It is my business.
That was my vagina for a very long time.
72
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:46,952
- I have squatter's rights on that.
- Ben brought me a painting,
73
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:50,038
and he was hanging it up for me
in the bedroom, OK?
74
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:52,374
That is smooth, Ben.
Real smooth.
75
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:56,253
- What was the occasion? Doing it?
- Ben is an artist, Hank.
76
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:59,214
- Oh, fuck, aren't we all?
- Actually, I am an artist by profession.
77
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:02,718
- It says so on my tax return.
- Well, sometimes in the bathroom,
78
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,678
I will draw on the wall
with my own poo.
79
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,722
Doesn't make me
a fucking artist, does it?
80
00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:08,598
- Poo-casso.
- No, it makes you a grown man
81
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:12,394
- who likes to play with his excrement.
- Exactly, Karen. Exactly.
82
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:16,315
- I design album covers.
- That is butt-fucking awesome, Ben.
83
00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:19,318
You are very hard to hate.
Hey, guess what.
84
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,945
I did it last night too...
with a woman.
85
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,406
A woman?
A grown woman?
86
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:27,117
An extremely hot,
totally sexy woman.
87
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,286
- Class up the wazoo, right?
- Good for you.
88
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,121
- A real fucking dame.
- Good for you.
89
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,999
No, good for us, Karen.
'Cause we're moving on.
90
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,043
We're sharing
our genitals with other people.
91
00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:38,545
It's so fucking mature,
I want to punch myself in the dick.
92
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:41,256
- Do it!
- Listen, not that I'm not enjoying this,
93
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:44,676
whatever this is, but I just feel like
maybe I should try and put a stop to it.
94
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:47,179
Yes, that would be a good idea,
and good luck 'cause...
95
00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:49,139
Yes, that would be a good idea
and good luck...
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00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,058
- I'm gonna stab you.
- Fuck you.
97
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:54,895
- Did you tell him about the girls?
- No. She doesn't tell me anything any more.
98
00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:57,439
They're doing an unplugged gig tonight.
You should come.
99
00:05:57,482 --> 00:06:00,859
Well, that's interesting.
Maybe I will.
100
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:04,821
Maybe I won't. Guess you'll just have to
wait and see, you two, won't you?
101
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:06,156
I'm excited.
102
00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:13,330
- We have a proposition for you, Runkle.
- OK, let me just throw it out there.
103
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,957
This is not a threesome
I am interested in at all.
104
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:19,127
We, neither, you fucking jackass.
105
00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:23,048
Well, I'm open... sexually.
I mean, I just want you to know that.
106
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:27,677
- Stu, shut the fuck up.
- OK. So here's the deal.
107
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:32,849
We have a pitch meeting today
at Showtime, at FX, and HBO tomorrow.
108
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,435
But I think Showtime is
the right place for this.
109
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:40,190
Nurse Jackie, I like that shit.
Edie Falco. Respect.
110
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:43,443
- What's the pitch?
- Well...
111
00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:46,696
You were married to her.
112
00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:54,996
- I don't get it.
- See? He's not a visionary, Stu. I told you.
113
00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:59,376
It's a down-and-dirty half-hour
about a foul-mouthed celebrity waxologist.
114
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:04,673
Punaany-tender to the stars, if you will,
based on hers truly.
115
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:07,801
You know what?
116
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:10,345
- That's not a bad idea.
- Thank you.
117
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:13,348
Really? Well, how come
you never thought of it, brain trust?
118
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:18,103
Obviously, I was too close to it.
I was too busy being emasculated by it.
119
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,772
Don't blame me because
you were born with a clit for a cock
120
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:24,359
and a tiny little beanbag
to house what passes for balls.
121
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:26,361
See? Magic.
122
00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,700
Don't you worry. Abby's the best.
123
00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:34,035
But even the best need
a little help sometimes.
124
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:37,581
- Isn't that right, Abby?
- Absolutely, Lloyd. You are the man.
125
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,375
I'll take care of you.
126
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:43,795
Thank you, Lloyd Alan Phillips, Jr.
I feel safe with you.
127
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:46,882
- What are you reading right now?
- What am I reading?
128
00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:51,845
- What's on your nightstand right now?
- That's an interesting question.
129
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:55,307
A bottle of Heineken, pack of smokes,
the accommodator.
130
00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:59,060
The accommodator?
Is that like a novel?
131
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:01,980
No, no, no. It's more like a sex toy.
A dildo, essentially,
132
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:06,067
only you strap it to your head so that
the dong part juts out from your chin.
133
00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:09,905
It enables you to "accommodate" your lady
by performing oral and penetrato
134
00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:12,157
at the same time.
You know, like...
135
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:16,536
- Something like this. Like chinocchio?
- Interesting.
136
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:19,289
I think it's very interesting.
I can hook you up. You too, Abby.
137
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,208
Thank you.
That's generous of you.
138
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:24,252
You seem to be in good shape.
Where do you work out? You do the steps?
139
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:28,256
- The steps?
- In Santa Monica.
140
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:32,594
It's quite a scene. Lots of lovely ladies.
You can really make a day of it.
141
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:34,846
Yeah.
142
00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:38,725
- What's up? You need something?
- I was just thinking...
143
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:41,353
If I wanted to hang myself,
144
00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:44,648
do you think this chandelier here
would support my weight there?
145
00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:48,610
About 175, 180?
146
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:50,695
You have an interesting
sense of humour, Hank.
147
00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:52,906
That's what they tell me,
Lloyd Alan Phillips, Jr.
148
00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:55,784
Well, I like to take care of myself
these days.
149
00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:58,119
- Had a bit of a scare last year.
- Did you?
150
00:08:58,162 --> 00:09:02,332
Yeah, nothing serious. Just an anal fissure.
You know what that is, Hank?
151
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,170
- It's like a small rip or tear...
- Yeah, yeah. I know.
152
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:11,800
...in the skin of the anal canal.
Well, hurt like a son of a bitch.
153
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:14,511
Only thing that got me through was
the thought of getting back to the game.
154
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,888
- You play, Hank?
- No!
155
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:20,642
- I'm more of a miniature golfer myself.
- We should play, the three of us.
156
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,978
Today.
You guys can get me up to speed.
157
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:25,814
I'll go and check with Lindsay,
see if she can clear my schedule.
158
00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:29,192
- Great.
- This is not good.
159
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:34,155
You made your bed...
and then you fucked me in it.
160
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:37,951
- I think I need to recuse myself.
- It's impossible. He's my boss.
161
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:41,997
I can't just go to him and say,
"Hey, sorry. Hank thinks you're a big bore."
162
00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:44,374
- But he is.
- Maybe that's a good thing.
163
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,710
Maybe that will prevent you
from sticking your dick in him.
164
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:51,047
I would never stick my dick in him. It would
fall off from complete and utter boredom.
165
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:55,969
Get directions from Patti.
I'll see you out on the links.
166
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:07,063
Did he tell you about his anal fissure?
167
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:09,566
Yes. Yes, he did.
He's the fissure king.
168
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,860
I'm sorry. He's the worst.
169
00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:15,739
- I don't know how you stand it here, Patti.
- Me neither. All the guys here are like that.
170
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,742
Sometimes I think
I'm never gonna find a man.
171
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:24,122
- What kind of fella you looking for?
- Honestly? I just need to get laid.
172
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:26,374
I hear that.
173
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:29,461
You know what? I think I can help out.
I got a guy for you. He's a sure thing.
174
00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:33,590
Total chrome dome, but he fucks
like a champ. Loves to eat the pussy too.
175
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,260
I'm listening.
176
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,229
A little nervous there, huh?
177
00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:50,815
You never have been
one for sales, have you?
178
00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:53,902
No. Fuck you.
Stop trying to psych me out.
179
00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:57,364
You know what? I'm the nervous one.
I got the fucking runs.
180
00:10:57,406 --> 00:10:59,366
I think I have a little IBS.
181
00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:02,410
- A little TMI.
- I'm sorry, my dear.
182
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:05,205
Not to worry.
It always happens before a pitch.
183
00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:08,041
It's a ritual cleansing.
184
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,675
- So...
- Be quiet.
185
00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:18,677
What? What?
No. I was just...
186
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:22,722
I was going to ask about you and Stu.
Stu and you.
187
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:27,477
Mar-stu! That's what the rags
would be calling it. Mar-stu.
188
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,146
So, how's it going?
189
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,649
Whatever.
He's nice.
190
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,734
Nice.
191
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:38,154
- Do you like him?
- Yes, I like him, Charlie, OK?
192
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:40,907
It's nice to be with
a fucking grown-up for once.
193
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,034
I used to be a grown-up...
194
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:44,744
Once.
195
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,830
I just...
196
00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:48,915
- regressed a little.
- A little?
197
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,543
You're like a bald Benjamin Button,
aging in reverse.
198
00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:55,046
You're gonna die a big, pink,
quivering Jell-O baby. Come on.
199
00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:58,425
Whatever's going on
between the two of you,
200
00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:02,220
I hope you find
all the happiness you deserve.
201
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,889
I mean that.
202
00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:07,016
Thanks, Charlie.
203
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:14,315
And you're gonna do great in there.
204
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:18,737
OK. That is better.
205
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:22,449
Got all the poison out.
So, we ready to do this?
206
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:25,076
OK, let's huddle up.
Come on.
207
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:28,204
- Yes.
- There we go.
208
00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:32,917
He likes this.
209
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,156
Motherfucker.
210
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,788
I'm sorry, sir.
Collared shirts only. And no denim.
211
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,247
What are you, some kind of fascist?
212
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,708
What have you got against denim?
It's the people's fabric.
213
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:16,044
I can show you to
the pro shop if you'd like, sir.
214
00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:19,214
Run.
Save yourself.
215
00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:29,182
- Oh, my God. This is just too delicious.
- I hate myself, and I want to die.
216
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:31,810
- We are going to have much fun.
- That's impossible.
217
00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:34,229
Think about it.
We can have guilt-free sex now.
218
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:36,564
- I wasn't guilty.
- Well, I was.
219
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:39,192
Well, sometimes guilt
can make the sex better.
220
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,819
Sometimes it can.
221
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,532
Dressing room quickie?
I'll let you play with my putter. Come on.
222
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:48,785
Looking good, Hank.
223
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,204
You guys ready to go to church?
224
00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:58,044
Roberta, would you believe me
if I told you we have your next Weeds?
225
00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:01,172
Great.
Tell us.
226
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:05,844
The name of the show is Hot Lips.
Yeah.
227
00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:10,640
It centres around the sexploits
of an aesthetician of the stars.
228
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:15,395
What is it like to stare into the business end
of Sandy Bullock's vagina?
229
00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:18,731
This woman knows.
230
00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:23,403
What's it like to take off the hair
from Robin Williams' mammoth ballsack?
231
00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:26,489
This woman is familiar
with every vein.
232
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:30,118
I don't...
I don't do balls, so...
233
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:36,332
Well, that's good news.
234
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:37,959
But anyway...
235
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,380
But...
236
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:49,429
Marcy has stories and stories and stories
that go for days and days and days,
237
00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:52,432
so I'm gonna hand it off to her...
238
00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:55,393
...and if you will
kindly excuse me,
239
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:59,022
I'm having a little tummy trouble.
240
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:08,448
Yeah.
241
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:12,160
I got some stories, kids.
I've seen some shit.
242
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:15,538
I've seen...
243
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:20,877
I've got stories...
Damn!
244
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,671
I got stories that'll straighten your pubes.
245
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,637
Maybe you could tell us one.
246
00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:33,306
Yeah, of course. I...
247
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:37,435
Shit, let me think.
248
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:43,191
'Cause I'm totally fucking
drawing a blank here.
249
00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:45,860
So...
250
00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:49,614
Marcy gets a call
from a very famous actress.
251
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,532
I'm not gonna name any names here.
252
00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:53,159
Nicole!
253
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:56,287
It's an emergency.
She's shooting at Universal.
254
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:59,540
Her leading man has been
flirting with her all day long.
255
00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:02,585
Sean.
He wants to see her in his trailer
256
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,880
to talk about the script,
Haiti, whatever.
257
00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:07,882
Clearly it is on.
258
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:12,762
But Nicole is sporting kind of
a winter bush situation down south,
259
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,389
if you know what I mean.
260
00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:17,850
What is a hairy-scary A-lister to do?
261
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:22,313
She calls the Marster over here.
And what does Marcy do?
262
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:25,358
She accidentally tears off
a piece of Nicole's labia.
263
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:28,528
Majora, not minora.
But there's blood everywhere.
264
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,697
The movie shuts down.
265
00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:34,117
Yeah, funny scene,
but what's the show?
266
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,244
That is a very good question, Roberta.
267
00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:40,373
To me, it's about the crazy shit
that women do to themselves
268
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:42,500
in the name of men.
269
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:46,337
It's about a smart,
successful, modern woman
270
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:50,466
looking for love in a city that
does not place a whole lot of value on it.
271
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,552
And it's about pussy.
272
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:58,307
It's about getting some,
giving it away, and keeping it clean.
273
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,355
You know anything about
the history of the game, Hank?
274
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,149
Precious little, Lloyd.
275
00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:09,193
Well, it's not altogether clear,
it's up for debate,
276
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:13,823
but some historians claim it dates back
to the Roman game of paganica,
277
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:17,243
where participants use a bent stick
to hit a stuffed leather ball.
278
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,662
Is that right?
That is fascinating.
279
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,956
How do you work
for this fucking drone?
280
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:25,293
He's my boss. Have you loved
every boss you've ever had?
281
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:28,087
- I don't know. I never really had a boss.
- What are you talking about?
282
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,923
To have a boss, you need to have a job
and I've never had one.
283
00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:34,677
I'm actually having sex with someone
who's never been gainfully employed?
284
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,013
I know.
It's weird, right?
285
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,265
What?
286
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,601
- Hank.
- Who callin' my phone?
287
00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:43,811
- Silence!
- I'll call you back.
288
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:46,981
Go ahead, Lloyd.
289
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,904
- Beautiful, Lloyd.
- You're up, Abby.
290
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:05,917
Hold on a second there.
Let me show you something.
291
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:13,174
Just keep this arm straight.
292
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:15,134
- And use your hips.
- OK.
293
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:18,346
- OK.
- Thank you, Lloyd.
294
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:20,556
You dog, you.
295
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,352
- Good shot, Abby.
- I'm up.
296
00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:34,529
Sorry.
297
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:43,704
OK, I get a hoolihan on that one, right?
298
00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:47,375
- That's a mulligan.
- Right, whatever. I got that.
299
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:51,045
Hang on a second, Hank.
Let me show you something.
300
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:55,007
Keep your left arm straight, come on.
301
00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:57,677
You're gonna need a little
Astroglide back there, Lloyd.
302
00:18:57,719 --> 00:19:00,847
- I'm not that easy.
- And use your hips now. OK?
303
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,018
You're all over the place.
304
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,692
Fuck me.
305
00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:14,694
Run, you cunt!
306
00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:17,655
- No, no, no.
- Get there, get there.
307
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:21,159
Hank, that's not funny.
A little respect for the game, please.
308
00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:25,705
Now, we're not going to go anywhere
until you drive that ball.
309
00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,553
Pulled it.
310
00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:50,980
Great fucking meeting,
and they bought it in the room,
311
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:54,525
just like I said they would.
I am so excited, Marcy.
312
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:58,112
I knew you had a project in you
just waiting to get out.
313
00:19:58,155 --> 00:20:00,114
Runkle, how come you never saw this?
314
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:04,243
I don't know, Stu.
I guess I just missed it.
315
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,495
Guess I missed a lot of things.
316
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:10,041
Hey, you want come back to my place,
celebrate further?
317
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:12,835
Sure. Go get the car.
318
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:16,130
Sorry I can't invite you, Charlie,
but that would be weird.
319
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,507
I agree, Stu.
320
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:21,969
Anyway, like I said, I'm not interested
in nuding up with you guys.
321
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:24,597
Besides, Hank has fixed me up
on a blind date.
322
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,724
She should be here any minute.
323
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,894
Apparently, she's DTF.
324
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:33,147
Love to hear that.
Peace, bro.
325
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:41,739
- You really saved my ass, Runkle.
- I did nothing of the sort.
326
00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:46,452
I just gave you a little push, that's all.
You did the rest.
327
00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:50,373
OK.
328
00:20:51,875 --> 00:20:54,293
Well...
329
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,963
- Have a good night.
- You too, Marce.
330
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:15,439
You must be Charlie.
331
00:21:15,482 --> 00:21:18,609
And how would you know?
332
00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:21,404
Hank told me you were bald.
333
00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:24,282
Right.
Of course he did.
334
00:21:24,324 --> 00:21:27,118
He also said you fuck like a champ.
335
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,788
Nice to meet you.
I'm number 21.
336
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:42,550
Hey, you think I can return these clubs
to the pro shop when I'm done today?
337
00:21:42,592 --> 00:21:45,219
Jesus.
Mean face guy.
338
00:22:02,863 --> 00:22:04,864
- Hey, come on.
- Come here!
339
00:22:04,906 --> 00:22:07,658
- Hank, Lloyd!
- I was raking!
340
00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:09,452
- I was cleaning up.
- Come here!
341
00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:11,579
Stop this!
You're acting like children.
342
00:22:13,957 --> 00:22:16,042
Come here!
343
00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:21,380
- Oh, my God!
- Shut up! Shut the fuck up!
344
00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:23,674
How dare you disrespect
the golf course!
345
00:22:23,717 --> 00:22:25,217
- Lloyd!
- Shut the fuck up!
346
00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:27,386
Lloyd Alan Phillips, Jr!
347
00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:31,682
- Hank, I'm sorry.
- Gentlemen, please.
348
00:22:31,725 --> 00:22:35,978
- I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry.
- I do that sometimes. I make people angry.
349
00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:38,522
- But you know what you're gonna do now?
- What?
350
00:22:38,565 --> 00:22:40,733
You're gonna give me back to Abby.
351
00:22:40,776 --> 00:22:44,320
Yeah, because this right here?
352
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:47,365
- This is not a love connection.
- Most certainly is not.
353
00:22:47,407 --> 00:22:51,202
But that sexy little legal beagle,
that is just what the doctor ordered for me.
354
00:22:51,244 --> 00:22:54,580
Yeah, but my word is my bond, and I told
Abby that I would take good care of you.
355
00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:56,874
Believe it or not,
she was taking great care of me.
356
00:22:56,917 --> 00:23:00,044
In fact, I have never felt
so well taken care of by an attorney.
357
00:23:00,087 --> 00:23:02,129
- It was almost erotic.
- It's OK.
358
00:23:02,172 --> 00:23:07,385
I was feeling a little stressed, a little
overworked, but I learned from the best.
359
00:23:07,427 --> 00:23:10,888
You gotta be careful. You don't want
another one of those anal fissures.
360
00:23:10,931 --> 00:23:14,558
I most certainly do not.
That was an awful time. A terrible time.
361
00:23:14,601 --> 00:23:16,769
Like having two anuses.
362
00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:19,438
- Do you have a picture?
- Well, I do.
363
00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:22,024
- Really?
- The doctor said I was so special,
364
00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:24,902
- I'm in all the books.
- Right on.
365
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:29,740
No, that's your kid.
There it is.
366
00:23:29,783 --> 00:23:34,036
Right the fuck on. Looks like
a map of the western United States.
367
00:23:40,627 --> 00:23:44,088
- Fine, I'll be your attorney again.
- Really? You will?
368
00:23:44,131 --> 00:23:46,924
This is good news.
369
00:23:46,967 --> 00:23:50,136
Yes. Unless I get you off,
you'll be of no use to anyone.
370
00:23:50,178 --> 00:23:52,346
Me, most importantly.
371
00:23:52,389 --> 00:23:55,307
Well, then I think you should
probably get me off.
372
00:23:55,350 --> 00:23:58,394
- Nope. No more sex.
- What?
373
00:23:58,437 --> 00:24:00,438
No more sexy time?
374
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:05,443
Well, I mean, if I'm going to see
this through to the end,
375
00:24:05,485 --> 00:24:07,611
we can't have
a physical relationship.
376
00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:11,740
- But we do have a physical relationship.
- Not any more, we don't.
377
00:24:11,783 --> 00:24:12,992
But...
378
00:24:13,034 --> 00:24:15,661
- But what?
- You got yours.
379
00:24:15,704 --> 00:24:18,205
I know.
It was good too.
380
00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:21,750
- I'm sorry, pal.
- Fine. Be that way.
381
00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:25,921
You can give it up that easily?
I'm actually insulted.
382
00:24:25,964 --> 00:24:30,342
It's not gonna be easy. I got a whole movie
playing in my head, and it's pretty arousing.
383
00:24:32,012 --> 00:24:34,180
- I know that movie.
- Yeah?
384
00:24:34,222 --> 00:24:36,390
- I love that movie.
- Starring you.
385
00:24:36,433 --> 00:24:38,851
I guess it's just gonna have to
keep us going, huh?
386
00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:42,104
- I guess so.
- It'll be interesting.
387
00:24:42,147 --> 00:24:45,983
- What'll be interesting?
- Well, there will come a day
388
00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:48,652
when all this horrid
legal strife is behind us.
389
00:24:48,695 --> 00:24:52,156
- Lord, I fucking hope so.
- And...
390
00:24:52,199 --> 00:24:54,992
it'll be interesting to...
391
00:24:55,035 --> 00:24:57,953
see what you want then.
392
00:24:57,996 --> 00:24:59,538
You know what I mean?
393
00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:03,334
Yeah, I know what you mean.
394
00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:46,544
- Hey, Ben.
- How are you, Hank?
395
00:25:46,586 --> 00:25:48,754
How are you this evening?
396
00:25:50,590 --> 00:25:53,259
You know, we never really got off
on the right foot, did we?
397
00:25:53,301 --> 00:25:56,804
No, we didn't.
That's probably my fault.
398
00:25:56,846 --> 00:25:58,639
It's definitely your fault.
399
00:26:03,937 --> 00:26:07,314
- Your kid is talented.
- So's yours.
400
00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:12,695
- Well, we got that in common, right?
- Yeah.
401
00:26:12,737 --> 00:26:15,322
And we seem to have
the same taste in women.
402
00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:18,909
You know, Hank,
I gotta be honest with you.
403
00:26:18,952 --> 00:26:21,161
It's not what you think it is.
404
00:26:21,204 --> 00:26:23,789
Not that I don't want it to be
what you think it is,
405
00:26:23,832 --> 00:26:27,626
It's just she's not...
She's just not there yet.
406
00:26:29,045 --> 00:26:31,213
OK, that's good to know.
407
00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:33,424
That doesn't mean
I'm gonna stop trying.
408
00:26:33,466 --> 00:26:35,551
I wouldn't expect you to.
409
00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:38,679
If you did,
you wouldn't deserve her.
410
00:26:38,722 --> 00:26:41,015
She sure is something special
all right.
411
00:26:41,850 --> 00:26:43,183
Amen.
33944
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