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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,551 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:15,097 We could actually use a lead guitarist, you know, for that Eddie Van Halen shit. 3 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,099 - What do you guys call yourselves? - Queens Of Dogtown. 4 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:19,727 You want to know how many women I've slept with? 5 00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:20,978 No. No, no, no. 6 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,980 I got to get it up to 100. 7 00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:26,608 Triple digits, then I can die happy. 8 00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:29,111 My tits are so sore, I'm crampy as hell, 9 00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,697 and I've been throwing up in my mouth 10 00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:35,242 - all day long. - Nice. You're probably preggers. 11 00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:36,952 You are quite a slut. 12 00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:39,747 Because I'm a cocky fucking attorney, and this is a great case for me. 13 00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:42,249 But if you insist on dicking around and wasting my time, 14 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,626 I'm happy to see you rot in jail. What the fuck do I care? 15 00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:46,670 Hank Moody, Sasha Bingham. 16 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,548 Sasha. All right, what is it you do, Sasha? 17 00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:52,426 - She's a fucking movie star, you nudnik. - How am I supposed to know that? 18 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:55,804 With Sasha's interest, and with Hank's face all over the news right now, 19 00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:58,432 we could be at Sundance this time next year. 20 00:00:58,475 --> 00:00:59,725 Just get me out of it, Charlie. 21 00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:02,478 I can't focus on a stupid fucking screenplay right now. 22 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,314 I can't do that. Stu's been calling. 23 00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:19,244 Brilliant! 24 00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:22,206 Pure, unadulterated brilliance! 25 00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:25,501 Wow, that must have been one hell of a dookie. You wash your hands? 26 00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:29,505 The script is good, Hank. It's really good. Total game-changer. 27 00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:33,383 Don't say that ever again - "game-changer". I'll kill you. 28 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:35,344 You totally, totally nailed it. 29 00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:37,930 You took that book, and you... 30 00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:40,724 - You made it your own. - It is my own, Charlie. 31 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:41,892 Right. Right. 32 00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:46,063 Your words are downright broner-inducing. 33 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:50,692 - Yeah, I almost pleasured myself in there. - Kind of like a solo-blumpkin deal? 34 00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:54,238 Joke all you like, but my briefs are way crowded right now. 35 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:57,866 Well, I am just overjoyed that my tales of melancholy and the infinite sadness 36 00:01:57,909 --> 00:02:01,411 can induce some sort of a reaction in you like that, old man. 37 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,956 This is gonna be a really good movie, Hank! 38 00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:07,793 I smell... I smell me an Independent Spirit Award. 39 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:10,546 You think they might get it on demand at the state pen? 40 00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:13,257 Cheer up, will you, pal? This is good for both of us. 41 00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:15,676 You, pumping out the literary greatness. 42 00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:17,970 Me, riding your coattails, just like old times. 43 00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:21,932 Yes, well, as much as I enjoy a good old-fashioned ego hummer, 44 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,810 it is time for you to take your leave, bald sir. 45 00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:27,062 I have much self-pity in which to wallow. 46 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:31,233 No, no, no. No time to wallow. We got us a dinner date with Stu and Zig. 47 00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,569 Zig? What the fuck is a Zig? 48 00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:36,613 Zig Samitaur, the billionaire. 49 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,949 He's financing the movie, you dumb shit. 50 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,909 Sounds brutal. Count me out. 51 00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:44,037 It is brutal, but essential. No money, no honey. 52 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,707 Well, no can do, Runks. I got a date with my dong 53 00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:49,001 and some hotel-room po'nography. 54 00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,420 The good stuff too - penetration and everything. 55 00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:53,755 Your dong's gonna have to wait till dinner's over. 56 00:02:53,798 --> 00:02:55,883 The money man wants to meet him some writer. 57 00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:58,427 - He's a big fan, by the way. Big, big fan. - Oh, shit. 58 00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:02,055 You ever notice when they do the editing in the hotel-room po'nography, 59 00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:05,601 and they take out all the penetration and it's just pumping, sweaty man ass, 60 00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:08,478 it looks like just about any Matthew McConaughey picture ever made? 61 00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:55,484 - Isn't it a little early? - What? For an itty-bitty glass of vino? 62 00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:58,403 Fuck you, you teetotalling buzzkill. 63 00:03:58,446 --> 00:03:59,529 - All right? - OK. 64 00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:02,491 Now it's time for bottoms up. That's right. 65 00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:06,703 Marcy! Oh, God. 66 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:08,997 - Sorry, Marcy. - No! 67 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:12,000 - No, it's OK! - Marce, I'm sorry. 68 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:14,670 Thank you so much for letting them practise here. 69 00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:18,507 It's fine! That's cute. 70 00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:22,970 Girls getting together to play the rock and roll. I like it. 71 00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:25,514 I like to patronise the arts. 72 00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:28,642 Have you heard anything? From Charlie? 73 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:31,478 About the trial? Not really. 74 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,397 I mean, I could ask, 75 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:37,359 but it would mean having an actual conversation with Butterbean himself, and... 76 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:39,736 I don't want him getting the wrong idea. 77 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:44,074 Why? Are you missing you some Hankness? 78 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,743 Which one? The one I loved or the one who fucked Mia? 79 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:50,372 I don't know. All I know right now is it all feels a little unreal. 80 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,499 It's kind of like a walking daymare. 81 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,167 - Fancy-ass... - A daymare? 82 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:57,087 - Yeah, it's a Hank thing. - No, I think I know what you mean. 83 00:04:57,171 --> 00:04:58,422 Holy fuck-nuts. 84 00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:01,466 Where did Becca find these miscreants? The pound? 85 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:03,677 They look like a pack of feral animals. 86 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,930 Well, let's go to the store and get them something to gnaw on. 87 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:09,975 - And leave them here all alone? - Yeah, they're fine. 88 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,977 They're tough chicks. No one's gonna mess with them. 89 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,688 I don't give a shit about them. I'm talking about the house. 90 00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:17,441 I don't want them sacrificing a freaking goat in here. 91 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:24,156 So, can we shoot the picture in 30 days? 92 00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:26,908 - Absolutely. - Absolutely not. 93 00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:29,453 Maybe. Let me look at the schedule. 94 00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:31,705 Hank, what do you think? 95 00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:34,416 Hank's not really a shooting schedule kind of guy. 96 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,043 Silence, agent! 97 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:45,427 Well, Zig-zag, my work here is done. I really don't give a fuck. 98 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:49,181 - And Sasha Bingham will star? - Yes, she's reading as we speak. 99 00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:52,309 There's no saying no to this draft. Hank really killed it. 100 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,020 She is really fuckable, isn't she? 101 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,440 Beautiful breasts... 102 00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,859 blow-job smile. 103 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:07,074 Hank, have you made love to her? You're quite the cocksman, no? 104 00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:09,785 No comment, Ziggy. A gentleman never tells. 105 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:12,621 That's true. He keeps it in his wank bank 106 00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:16,333 until he's ready to pull it out and play with his little pee-pee. 107 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:23,298 Of course, I haven't had an erection in the past decade, but that's another story. 108 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:28,762 But that doesn't stop me from giving face rides to my sister-wives, right, ladies? 109 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,098 My God, Zig, you have got a way with words. 110 00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:33,850 Face rides to your sister-wives. Respect. 111 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,815 And what about Eddie Nero? 112 00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:42,025 - Have we locked him yet? - He's circling. 113 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,361 What the fuck does that mean, agent? 114 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:49,199 It's very hard to nail him down, Zig! A little slippery! 115 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,993 - We're doing our best! - Ah, it doesn't matter. 116 00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:55,664 With Sasha Bingham's puddum and her magnificent boobies, 117 00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:57,499 I can pre-sell the foreign territories 118 00:06:57,542 --> 00:07:01,086 so that we'll be in the black before we shoot an inch of film. 119 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,298 OK. 120 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:09,886 To Fucking & Punching: The Movie. 121 00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:17,436 - Here. - God, I love... that... title! 122 00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:25,026 You and me, Hank... 123 00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:27,070 we know things. 124 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,781 Dark things. 125 00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:31,908 I love your writing. 126 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:36,538 - His best yet. - Screenplays bore me to tears. 127 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,624 - Word. - I like to have things acted out for me. 128 00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:43,712 Let's go to my house and do a reading. Shall we? 129 00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:48,425 Girls, have them bring the car around immediately. OK? 130 00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:55,682 Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 131 00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:58,268 - Why do you keep saying fuck? - My boobies are so big and swollen. 132 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,394 They're killing me. 133 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:00,937 - Right. - Here, feel. 134 00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,230 I'm good. I'm good. 135 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,483 No, seriously. 136 00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:08,320 - Marce, I don't want to feel your tit. - Grab that tit. Squeeze it! Squeeze it! 137 00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:11,781 - Ow! Yeah. What'd I tell you? - Well, what have I been telling you? 138 00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:14,701 Oh, no, Marcy, are you crying? 139 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:17,245 - Why are you crying? - I don't know! 140 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:20,874 OK, sudden crying jags, sore boobies... 141 00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:22,792 - And I'm late. - Bingo. 142 00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:26,588 - Come on, let's get you a pregnancy test. - And some snacks? 143 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:29,174 - And some snacks. - Ow! Jesus, woman! 144 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,384 You're killing my titties. I'm serious! 145 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:39,309 "Henry, this is Bob's daughter Clea. 146 00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:43,355 - "Do you two know each other?" - "Well..." 147 00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:46,274 - "No." - "I do recognise you." 148 00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:48,944 - "No, you don't." - "Sure I do." 149 00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:52,739 "From your book. Your picture's on the back. 150 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:55,033 "What happened to your face?" 151 00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:59,955 "Oh, this? It's nothing. You should see the other guy." 152 00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:04,876 The other guy! I love it. 153 00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:09,464 - "Hope she doesn't press charges." - "He. It was a he." 154 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,466 "Right. Well, I'm off to bed. 155 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:13,885 "It was really nice to meet you, Henry." 156 00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:17,681 "Hey, she's... nice. 157 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,975 - "How old might she be?" - "16." 158 00:09:20,017 --> 00:09:22,018 She's 16! 159 00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:25,939 How delightful, Hank! 160 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,649 Very well played, by the way. 161 00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:30,402 So... 162 00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:32,612 erotic. 163 00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:37,158 Good news, everyone. Not only have I decided to fully finance 164 00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:41,037 this shining example of art-house erotica, 165 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,998 but I myself am in possession 166 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,500 of my first diamond-hard erection 167 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:50,380 since the Clinton White House, thanks to you and your words, Hank Moody. 168 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,798 Respect. 169 00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:54,217 Tend to me, Tabby. Take me in your mou... 170 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,469 Not you, Corrine, no! You give lousy head. 171 00:09:56,512 --> 00:10:00,140 You're timid, and you lack focus. We got to get you some Ritalin. 172 00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,933 OK, come on. Over here. 173 00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:08,982 Oh, yes. 174 00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:12,277 Isn't this wonderful, Hank? 175 00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:17,949 You and me? Men together. 176 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:24,289 Corrine, see how gentle and subtle she is. 177 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:29,252 He doesn't like you, agent. 178 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:33,715 He smells your fear, your weakness. How does that make you feel? 179 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:37,844 He could put on a suit and do your job, and no one would know the difference. 180 00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:43,099 All right, all right, that's enough! 181 00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:48,730 I don't want to waste this magnificent erection on a silly suck and fuck. 182 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:52,150 I'll be back, and then we will finish the performance. 183 00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,736 Keep these boys entertained, will you? 184 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:58,657 Show 'em what you got. 185 00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:00,784 I'll be back. 186 00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:04,954 Well, who wants to get baked? 187 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,832 All right, then. 188 00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:11,586 - All right. - Up high. 189 00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:14,464 Hey, I'll take one of those. What do you say? 190 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,300 What? 191 00:11:54,171 --> 00:11:56,548 - Marce. - You know what? I don't want to know. 192 00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:58,633 Come on. No. You need to find out. 193 00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:01,970 Did you see those hideous fucking creatures downstairs? 194 00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:03,888 I don't want one of those! 195 00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:07,308 Marce, I swear, that does not happen for a long time. 196 00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,936 They're... At first, they're so cute. I mean, they're so... 197 00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:13,982 Yeah, shitting and pissing all over the place and making my fucking nipples bleed - 198 00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:16,693 that's really fucking cute. No, thank you! 199 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,278 - Marce. - Kill me now! 200 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,822 Let's just do it. Come on, let's do this thing. 201 00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:23,324 - You need to... - Fine! 202 00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:25,410 Fine. 203 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,328 Let's do this. 204 00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:31,666 All right! Let's get this golden shower started. 205 00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,918 Open up and say pee. 206 00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:47,474 This is like... 207 00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:50,518 This is like The Virgin Suicides meets The Yule Log. 208 00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,061 I cannot look away. 209 00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:56,649 Hey, are you guys really sisters, or is this kind of like a White Stripes deal? 210 00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,445 Better not... I can't. 211 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,739 All right, you know what? 212 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,657 TSTB. 213 00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:09,204 TSTB. Too stoned... to ball. 214 00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:15,251 It's Stu. Stu! 215 00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:19,547 No, back off, fuck toys. This producer is looking for love. 216 00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:21,883 This guy, up here. 217 00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,802 - Moi? - Yes, please. 218 00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:26,679 Maybe just for a minute. 219 00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:32,560 You smell like cigarettes and champagne and Cool Ranch Doritos. 220 00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:35,063 And it makes me strangely hard. 221 00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:37,148 Number 17. 222 00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:39,400 How do you like them apples? 223 00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:41,903 - See you guys later. - Apples and Doritos. 224 00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:44,572 Stu, that sounds pretty good to me. You hungry? 225 00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,407 A little bit. A little, little bit. 226 00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:50,453 Shit. Fuck. The rabbit done died. 227 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:54,707 - I'm sorry, baby. - OK. 228 00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:57,377 Quick. Punch me in the stomach. 229 00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:59,420 - Go. - You have options. 230 00:13:59,463 --> 00:14:01,256 Oh, really? 231 00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:06,302 OK, my options are, I either have a fucking abortion, or I have a fucking baby. 232 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,721 Those are what's commonly known as options. 233 00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:13,059 OK, so I could either vacuum this nightmare out of my twat, 234 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:16,062 or I could settle in for the burden of a lifetime. 235 00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,898 Is there anything else? Is there something behind Door #3? 236 00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:22,068 How did this happen to me, Karenina? 237 00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:24,612 Why does Hashem hate me? 238 00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:26,239 Fuck. 239 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,157 OK, so who... whose is it? 240 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,201 - I don't know. - Is it Charlie's? 241 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:32,912 Fuck, no. That kid's all snipped to shreds. 242 00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:34,789 It can't be him. 243 00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,916 It's not Rick Springfield? 244 00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:39,127 He was all about the ass. 245 00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:40,295 - Nice. - Yeah. 246 00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:41,379 Plus, he never came. 247 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,298 - What? - No, we'd fuck for hours. 248 00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:45,800 I'd come nine times. He'd shoot a puff of smoke. 249 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,635 Can't be that dude. 250 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,889 There were... a couple of Craigslist... 251 00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:55,184 - "casual encounters" here and there. - OK. 252 00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:58,354 - But I never let 'em raw-dog me. - OK. 253 00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:01,691 So, shit. It could be an immaculate conception. 254 00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:07,113 What? I'm not good enough to get knocked up by God? 255 00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:10,408 Fuck you. Some friend you are! 256 00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:12,702 Come get some rest. Lie down. 257 00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:16,623 I can't rest, because your fucking child is playing devil music in my living room. 258 00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:19,250 - No, it's OK. I'll go get them to stop. - No, no, no. 259 00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,753 They're good. Let 'em play. I like it. 260 00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:23,796 It's fine. I'll be fine. 261 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:28,301 Do you think I'd make a good mom? 262 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:31,262 Yes, I think you'd make a great mom. 263 00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:33,181 Fucking-A, right. 264 00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:36,142 That little mutant would be lucky to have me. 265 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:47,487 - Are you sure you're into this? - Yes. Take me, agent. 266 00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:51,658 I only ask because I'm encountering sort of a lack of lubrication here. 267 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:55,453 Oh, it's OK. I can grin and bear it. It'll feel like I'm a wirgin. 268 00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:57,664 A "wirgin"? 269 00:15:57,706 --> 00:16:00,875 Like virgin, but with a "w". It sounds super creepy that way. 270 00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:02,919 Yes. Yes, it really does. 271 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,172 Well... 272 00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:08,383 OK, then. 273 00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,551 Here we go. 274 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:19,644 Am I doing something wrong? I'm not averse to a little guidance here. 275 00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:21,896 It's not you. It's... It's him. 276 00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:27,068 I can't screw with him watching us. He's got that gleam in his eye. 277 00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:31,572 Well, we're all just mammals here. 278 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:35,576 No. No, you don't understand. He tried to finger my friend Jess one time. 279 00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:38,913 He is highly sexual. Just get him out of here. 280 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:41,249 Jeez! What is he throwing at me? 281 00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:44,043 - His poo. - His poo? Jesus Christ! 282 00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:46,170 That is one antisocial monkey! 283 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,256 God! 284 00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:53,970 Kong, would you get the fuck out of here? Jeez. 285 00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:58,725 Look... 286 00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:00,685 Kong! 287 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,271 Get it off! 288 00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,106 Get it off! Get it off! 289 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,837 Kong is dead! 290 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,672 - Long live Kong! - Who is Kong? 291 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:33,551 The monkey! That bald scumbag murdered our monkey! 292 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:37,305 I committed no such act! It was self-defence. 293 00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:38,806 - You killed the monkey? - No! 294 00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:41,059 I tracked down the one man in this city 295 00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:43,936 who's got the dough to pull off my fucking passion project, 296 00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:46,147 and you killed his fucking monkey? 297 00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,608 It was an accident! I swear! 298 00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:51,027 That monkey was a deviant and a cockblocker. 299 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:55,531 He was throwing his faecal matter at me! And he bit my fucking arm! 300 00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:56,949 - Murderer! - What... 301 00:17:56,992 --> 00:18:01,120 Runks! Killing an innocent monkey in the name of getting some poon. 302 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:04,207 - Is nothing sacred? - No one has to know about this. 303 00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:07,335 I say we abscond with that corpse, take it to Griffith Park, 304 00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:09,504 and put that little turd-fondler six feet under. 305 00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:11,798 What do you need? Hush money-wise? 306 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,174 Hey! Shut up, 307 00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:15,176 take a look at the eye in the sky. 308 00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:18,638 Hello! Yeah. Look, they're in every room. 309 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,307 That means we're fucked, OK? 310 00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:24,644 So listen up, you giant botcher. 311 00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:28,189 We have only one play here. 312 00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:33,945 And that is for you to come clean and tell Zig before he finds out. 313 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:36,823 I want you to march into that man's bedroom... 314 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:42,662 ...and tell him you killed his fucking monkey! 315 00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:45,581 - I don't want to do that. - I'll take you. Come on. 316 00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,709 Come on. Come on. Come here. 317 00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:51,879 Get outta here, you fucking moron! 318 00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:01,139 Hey. 319 00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,432 Make yourself at home. 320 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,351 Sorry. Sorry. I was... 321 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:08,437 I was knocking and I was ringing, and no one answered. 322 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,190 So, what, you just let yourself in? 323 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:15,069 Well, the door was open and my girl was inside. 324 00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,821 What would you do? 325 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:20,408 OK, OK, I get it. The exact same thing. 326 00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,371 Which hell spawn is yours? 327 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:28,416 Pearl. The one with the pipes. 328 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,253 Mine's Becca, the one with the bangs. 329 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:34,589 She's pretty fierce, that one. 330 00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:36,966 Tasty licks. 331 00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,261 And you are? 332 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,221 I'm sorry. I'm Ben. 333 00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:45,433 - Karen. Nice to meet you. - Karen. Nice to meet you too. 334 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,979 Well, here you go, Karen. 335 00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:54,817 Not many people can say they have a picture 336 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,778 of the exact moment they met someone for the first time, 337 00:19:57,821 --> 00:20:00,239 so there you go. My gift to you. 338 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,826 I think this is going really well. 339 00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,662 Hello? 340 00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,998 - Zig. - Zig? 341 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:14,462 - You freaky bastard, Zig. - Zig, we got a little situation out here. 342 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,923 Kind of a minor monkey incident happening. 343 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,636 Zig or no Zig, I gotta take a wazz. 344 00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:28,100 Hello? 345 00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:31,854 Eat my peach, baby, blow on my dice! 346 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,105 You gotta... 347 00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:34,857 Zi... Hey, wha... 348 00:20:38,862 --> 00:20:40,780 Charlie! 349 00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:43,824 Charlie, we got a bit of a predicament in here. 350 00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:46,285 What? 351 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:57,546 Hey! Hey, hey, hey! What the fuck's going on in here? 352 00:20:57,631 --> 00:21:00,925 - Runkle, how did Zig take the news? - Not so well, actually. 353 00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:05,054 Oh, God! 354 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:09,016 Come on! Sweet mother of God! Runkle, did you do that to him?! 355 00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:11,143 No, I did not do that to him! 356 00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:13,187 We came in here, and that's how he was! 357 00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:15,731 I mean, I am not averse to the occasional choke and stroke, 358 00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:19,360 but this is a prime example of why one must always use the buddy system! 359 00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:22,822 - This is not good. This is not good at all. - On the bright side, 360 00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:25,324 it makes the whole monkey thing a bit less of a SNAFU, doesn't it? 361 00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:27,159 - That's a good point. - That is true. 362 00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:29,787 On the other hand, it's gonna be hard to make F&P: The Movie 363 00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:34,375 - without Creepy Warbucks over here. - It makes it impossible. 364 00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:38,296 Anyway, it was a pleasure almost working with you. 365 00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:41,340 - And... yeah. - You can't go anywhere! 366 00:21:41,383 --> 00:21:44,385 - We got a serious situation here! - The fuck I can't. 367 00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:47,555 Dead monkeys and autoerotic asphyxiation? 368 00:21:47,639 --> 00:21:50,850 That's my cue. I was never here. 369 00:21:50,892 --> 00:21:52,351 What? 370 00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:54,520 Not exactly a "Going down with the ship" type, is he? 371 00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:57,356 What the fuck, Hank? What do we do now? 372 00:21:57,399 --> 00:21:59,400 You have to stop yelling, firstly. 373 00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:01,569 Kinda touching the dead guy there. Don't do that. 374 00:22:01,611 --> 00:22:04,488 - Shouldn't we take him down? - Nothing good can come of that. 375 00:22:04,531 --> 00:22:08,409 - Jesus. - He really liked the script, though, huh? 376 00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:11,579 He must have. I'm flattered. Kinda. 377 00:22:11,621 --> 00:22:14,123 - Hank, I'm scared. - Yeah. 378 00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:17,543 This is really dark. This is way, way, way dark. 379 00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:20,254 We got to make this go away. Hold me, please. 380 00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:23,883 Cool your jets, Runks. I got a guy. 381 00:22:30,849 --> 00:22:33,476 - Oh, shit, Hank. Shit, Hank. - Be cool, Runks. 382 00:22:33,518 --> 00:22:35,770 - Shit, shit, shit. - Maintain. 383 00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:44,653 - What's going on here, fellas? - Just rocking out with our cocks out. 384 00:22:44,696 --> 00:22:47,448 One of those parties? OK. 385 00:22:47,491 --> 00:22:51,202 - And where's Mr Samitaur? - He's inside. 386 00:22:51,244 --> 00:22:53,913 - In the bathroom. - Just hanging out. 387 00:22:53,955 --> 00:22:55,956 OK. You mind if I have a word with him? 388 00:22:55,999 --> 00:22:59,043 - Uh... - Looks like somebody hit the panic button. 389 00:22:59,086 --> 00:23:02,797 - He's a fucking murderer! - Allow me to explain. 390 00:23:05,175 --> 00:23:09,637 - Yeah! What? You want some of this? - No, I don't want any of it. 391 00:23:09,721 --> 00:23:12,264 You want some of this, midnight cowboy? Let's go! 392 00:23:30,659 --> 00:23:33,411 - What the fuck, Hank? - Thank you so much for coming. 393 00:23:33,453 --> 00:23:37,540 - Tell me. - One dead billionaire, one dead monkey. 394 00:23:37,582 --> 00:23:41,210 Autoerotic asphyxiation... the billionaire, not the monkey. 395 00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,170 - Wow. Really? - Shit happens. 396 00:23:43,797 --> 00:23:46,632 - Is he OK? - Yeah, he just got tased. 397 00:23:46,675 --> 00:23:48,634 - And him? - Him I knocked out. 398 00:23:48,677 --> 00:23:50,886 Don't be tasing my agent, motherfucker. 399 00:23:50,929 --> 00:23:53,806 - OK, self-defence. - I like that. What's the move? 400 00:23:53,849 --> 00:23:56,684 Depends. Did you actually do anything illegal? 401 00:23:56,726 --> 00:23:59,061 Is there something you're not telling me? 402 00:24:02,149 --> 00:24:07,111 I did watch two sisters take off their clothes and make out with each other, 403 00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:10,322 and that made my wiener feel a little weird. 404 00:24:10,365 --> 00:24:13,868 - That's gross... - But I don't believe that's illegal. 405 00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:16,704 - It's not illegal. OK, we call... - Maybe it should be. 406 00:24:16,746 --> 00:24:18,747 We call 911. You give a statement. 407 00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:21,542 I ask for a favour. We make sure it doesn't end up all over the press. 408 00:24:21,585 --> 00:24:24,712 Wow, that's grace under pressure. I dig that in a woman. 409 00:24:24,796 --> 00:24:27,840 And you look smokin' hot tonight. You got a big date? 410 00:24:27,883 --> 00:24:29,133 You know what? It's strange. 411 00:24:29,176 --> 00:24:31,510 Part of me is really quite pissed off at you right now, 412 00:24:31,553 --> 00:24:34,763 because your idea of staying out of trouble sucks balls, 413 00:24:34,806 --> 00:24:38,851 but the other part, I don't know, it feels vaguely... 414 00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:40,853 - proud of you. - Proud? 415 00:24:40,896 --> 00:24:42,771 I don't think there's much to be proud of here tonight. 416 00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:45,024 A debauched party, a couple of dead primates - 417 00:24:45,066 --> 00:24:46,734 not really worthy of a gold star. 418 00:24:46,776 --> 00:24:49,820 No, you absolutely screwed the pooch, but... 419 00:24:49,863 --> 00:24:53,407 calling me shows at least a modicum of sense and... 420 00:24:54,451 --> 00:24:57,912 - more than a little trust. - Sensible and trusting. 421 00:24:57,954 --> 00:25:00,080 That's me in a nutshell, really. 422 00:25:02,042 --> 00:25:04,460 How high are you right now? 423 00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:05,669 How high are you? 424 00:25:05,712 --> 00:25:07,796 - Significantly. - Yeah. 425 00:25:08,673 --> 00:25:11,050 All right. Let me deal with this. 426 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,682 You OK, buddy boy? 427 00:25:19,768 --> 00:25:21,894 I feel like ass. 428 00:25:21,937 --> 00:25:24,230 - Like a great big slab of ass. - Yeah. 429 00:25:24,272 --> 00:25:27,399 Look on the bright side. You inched closer to your magic number. 430 00:25:27,442 --> 00:25:30,361 It was just the tip, Hank. It doesn't count. 431 00:25:30,403 --> 00:25:32,571 - Tip counts. - You think? 432 00:25:32,614 --> 00:25:34,406 Fucking-A. The tip always counts. 433 00:25:34,449 --> 00:25:36,575 - The tip counts? - Yeah. 434 00:25:37,285 --> 00:25:39,119 Hold your shit together, Chunkle. 435 00:25:39,162 --> 00:25:41,622 Tomorrow's another day in the dream factory. 436 00:25:44,918 --> 00:25:47,378 Don't blame yourself, buddy boy. 437 00:25:47,420 --> 00:25:49,421 I got blood on my hands, Hank. 438 00:25:49,464 --> 00:25:51,340 Seriously, I don't know if I'm gonna sleep tonight. 439 00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:55,386 Every time I close my eyes, I see that sweet little monkey's face. 440 00:25:57,973 --> 00:25:59,974 Marcy? 441 00:26:04,813 --> 00:26:07,439 - You want to come in? - What, tuck you in? 442 00:26:07,482 --> 00:26:09,984 - Read you a bedtime story? - No. 443 00:26:10,569 --> 00:26:12,486 Your lady's chariot. 444 00:26:16,449 --> 00:26:19,910 I don't think they want to see me, Charlie. 445 00:26:19,953 --> 00:26:22,204 When has that ever stopped you? 446 00:26:22,247 --> 00:26:24,373 Come on, don't be a pussy. 35573

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