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1
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,551
Previously on Californication...
2
00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:15,097
We could actually use a lead guitarist,
you know, for that Eddie Van Halen shit.
3
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,099
- What do you guys call yourselves?
- Queens Of Dogtown.
4
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:19,727
You want to know
how many women I've slept with?
5
00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:20,978
No. No, no, no.
6
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,980
I got to get it up to 100.
7
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:26,608
Triple digits, then I can die happy.
8
00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:29,111
My tits are so sore,
I'm crampy as hell,
9
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,697
and I've been throwing up in my mouth
10
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:35,242
- all day long.
- Nice. You're probably preggers.
11
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:36,952
You are quite a slut.
12
00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:39,747
Because I'm a cocky fucking attorney,
and this is a great case for me.
13
00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:42,249
But if you insist on dicking around
and wasting my time,
14
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,626
I'm happy to see you rot in jail.
What the fuck do I care?
15
00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:46,670
Hank Moody, Sasha Bingham.
16
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,548
Sasha. All right,
what is it you do, Sasha?
17
00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:52,426
- She's a fucking movie star, you nudnik.
- How am I supposed to know that?
18
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:55,804
With Sasha's interest, and with Hank's face
all over the news right now,
19
00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:58,432
we could be at Sundance
this time next year.
20
00:00:58,475 --> 00:00:59,725
Just get me out of it, Charlie.
21
00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:02,478
I can't focus on a stupid
fucking screenplay right now.
22
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,314
I can't do that. Stu's been calling.
23
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:19,244
Brilliant!
24
00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:22,206
Pure, unadulterated brilliance!
25
00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:25,501
Wow, that must have been one hell
of a dookie. You wash your hands?
26
00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:29,505
The script is good, Hank.
It's really good. Total game-changer.
27
00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:33,383
Don't say that ever again - "game-changer".
I'll kill you.
28
00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:35,344
You totally, totally nailed it.
29
00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:37,930
You took that book, and you...
30
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:40,724
- You made it your own.
- It is my own, Charlie.
31
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:41,892
Right. Right.
32
00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:46,063
Your words are downright broner-inducing.
33
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:50,692
- Yeah, I almost pleasured myself in there.
- Kind of like a solo-blumpkin deal?
34
00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:54,238
Joke all you like,
but my briefs are way crowded right now.
35
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:57,866
Well, I am just overjoyed that my tales
of melancholy and the infinite sadness
36
00:01:57,909 --> 00:02:01,411
can induce some sort of a reaction
in you like that, old man.
37
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,956
This is gonna be a really good movie, Hank!
38
00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:07,793
I smell...
I smell me an Independent Spirit Award.
39
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:10,546
You think they might get it
on demand at the state pen?
40
00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:13,257
Cheer up, will you, pal?
This is good for both of us.
41
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:15,676
You, pumping out the literary greatness.
42
00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:17,970
Me, riding your coattails, just like old times.
43
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:21,932
Yes, well, as much as I enjoy
a good old-fashioned ego hummer,
44
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,810
it is time for you to take your leave, bald sir.
45
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:27,062
I have much self-pity in which to wallow.
46
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:31,233
No, no, no. No time to wallow.
We got us a dinner date with Stu and Zig.
47
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,569
Zig? What the fuck is a Zig?
48
00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:36,613
Zig Samitaur, the billionaire.
49
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,949
He's financing the movie, you dumb shit.
50
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,909
Sounds brutal. Count me out.
51
00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:44,037
It is brutal, but essential.
No money, no honey.
52
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,707
Well, no can do, Runks.
I got a date with my dong
53
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:49,001
and some hotel-room po'nography.
54
00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,420
The good stuff too -
penetration and everything.
55
00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:53,755
Your dong's gonna have to wait
till dinner's over.
56
00:02:53,798 --> 00:02:55,883
The money man
wants to meet him some writer.
57
00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:58,427
- He's a big fan, by the way. Big, big fan.
- Oh, shit.
58
00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:02,055
You ever notice when they do the editing
in the hotel-room po'nography,
59
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:05,601
and they take out all the penetration
and it's just pumping, sweaty man ass,
60
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:08,478
it looks like just about any Matthew
McConaughey picture ever made?
61
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:55,484
- Isn't it a little early?
- What? For an itty-bitty glass of vino?
62
00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:58,403
Fuck you, you teetotalling buzzkill.
63
00:03:58,446 --> 00:03:59,529
- All right?
- OK.
64
00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:02,491
Now it's time for bottoms up.
That's right.
65
00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:06,703
Marcy! Oh, God.
66
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:08,997
- Sorry, Marcy.
- No!
67
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:12,000
- No, it's OK!
- Marce, I'm sorry.
68
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:14,670
Thank you so much
for letting them practise here.
69
00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:18,507
It's fine! That's cute.
70
00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:22,970
Girls getting together
to play the rock and roll. I like it.
71
00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:25,514
I like to patronise the arts.
72
00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:28,642
Have you heard anything?
From Charlie?
73
00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:31,478
About the trial? Not really.
74
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,397
I mean, I could ask,
75
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:37,359
but it would mean having an actual
conversation with Butterbean himself, and...
76
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:39,736
I don't want him getting the wrong idea.
77
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:44,074
Why? Are you missing
you some Hankness?
78
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,743
Which one? The one I loved
or the one who fucked Mia?
79
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:50,372
I don't know. All I know right now
is it all feels a little unreal.
80
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,499
It's kind of like a walking daymare.
81
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,167
- Fancy-ass...
- A daymare?
82
00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:57,087
- Yeah, it's a Hank thing.
- No, I think I know what you mean.
83
00:04:57,171 --> 00:04:58,422
Holy fuck-nuts.
84
00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:01,466
Where did Becca find these miscreants?
The pound?
85
00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:03,677
They look like a pack of feral animals.
86
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,930
Well, let's go to the store
and get them something to gnaw on.
87
00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:09,975
- And leave them here all alone?
- Yeah, they're fine.
88
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,977
They're tough chicks.
No one's gonna mess with them.
89
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,688
I don't give a shit about them.
I'm talking about the house.
90
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:17,441
I don't want them sacrificing
a freaking goat in here.
91
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:24,156
So, can we shoot the picture
in 30 days?
92
00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:26,908
- Absolutely.
- Absolutely not.
93
00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:29,453
Maybe.
Let me look at the schedule.
94
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:31,705
Hank, what do you think?
95
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:34,416
Hank's not really
a shooting schedule kind of guy.
96
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,043
Silence, agent!
97
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:45,427
Well, Zig-zag, my work here is done.
I really don't give a fuck.
98
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:49,181
- And Sasha Bingham will star?
- Yes, she's reading as we speak.
99
00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:52,309
There's no saying no to this draft.
Hank really killed it.
100
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,020
She is really fuckable, isn't she?
101
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,440
Beautiful breasts...
102
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,859
blow-job smile.
103
00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:07,074
Hank, have you made love to her?
You're quite the cocksman, no?
104
00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:09,785
No comment, Ziggy.
A gentleman never tells.
105
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:12,621
That's true.
He keeps it in his wank bank
106
00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:16,333
until he's ready to pull it out and play
with his little pee-pee.
107
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:23,298
Of course, I haven't had an erection
in the past decade, but that's another story.
108
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:28,762
But that doesn't stop me from giving
face rides to my sister-wives, right, ladies?
109
00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,098
My God, Zig, you have got
a way with words.
110
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:33,850
Face rides to your sister-wives.
Respect.
111
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,815
And what about Eddie Nero?
112
00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:42,025
- Have we locked him yet?
- He's circling.
113
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,361
What the fuck does that mean, agent?
114
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:49,199
It's very hard to nail him down, Zig!
A little slippery!
115
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,993
- We're doing our best!
- Ah, it doesn't matter.
116
00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:55,664
With Sasha Bingham's puddum
and her magnificent boobies,
117
00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:57,499
I can pre-sell the foreign territories
118
00:06:57,542 --> 00:07:01,086
so that we'll be in the black
before we shoot an inch of film.
119
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,298
OK.
120
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:09,886
To Fucking & Punching: The Movie.
121
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:17,436
- Here.
- God, I love... that... title!
122
00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:25,026
You and me, Hank...
123
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:27,070
we know things.
124
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,781
Dark things.
125
00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:31,908
I love your writing.
126
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:36,538
- His best yet.
- Screenplays bore me to tears.
127
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,624
- Word.
- I like to have things acted out for me.
128
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:43,712
Let's go to my house and do a reading.
Shall we?
129
00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:48,425
Girls, have them bring
the car around immediately. OK?
130
00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:55,682
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
131
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:58,268
- Why do you keep saying fuck?
- My boobies are so big and swollen.
132
00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,394
They're killing me.
133
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:00,937
- Right.
- Here, feel.
134
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,230
I'm good. I'm good.
135
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,483
No, seriously.
136
00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:08,320
- Marce, I don't want to feel your tit.
- Grab that tit. Squeeze it! Squeeze it!
137
00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:11,781
- Ow! Yeah. What'd I tell you?
- Well, what have I been telling you?
138
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:14,701
Oh, no, Marcy, are you crying?
139
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:17,245
- Why are you crying?
- I don't know!
140
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:20,874
OK, sudden crying jags, sore boobies...
141
00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:22,792
- And I'm late.
- Bingo.
142
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:26,588
- Come on, let's get you a pregnancy test.
- And some snacks?
143
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:29,174
- And some snacks.
- Ow! Jesus, woman!
144
00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,384
You're killing my titties. I'm serious!
145
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:39,309
"Henry, this is Bob's daughter Clea.
146
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:43,355
- "Do you two know each other?"
- "Well..."
147
00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:46,274
- "No."
- "I do recognise you."
148
00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:48,944
- "No, you don't."
- "Sure I do."
149
00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:52,739
"From your book.
Your picture's on the back.
150
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:55,033
"What happened to your face?"
151
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:59,955
"Oh, this? It's nothing.
You should see the other guy."
152
00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:04,876
The other guy!
I love it.
153
00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:09,464
- "Hope she doesn't press charges."
- "He. It was a he."
154
00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,466
"Right. Well, I'm off to bed.
155
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:13,885
"It was really nice to meet you, Henry."
156
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:17,681
"Hey, she's... nice.
157
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,975
- "How old might she be?"
- "16."
158
00:09:20,017 --> 00:09:22,018
She's 16!
159
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:25,939
How delightful, Hank!
160
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,649
Very well played, by the way.
161
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:30,402
So...
162
00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:32,612
erotic.
163
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:37,158
Good news, everyone.
Not only have I decided to fully finance
164
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:41,037
this shining example of art-house erotica,
165
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,998
but I myself am in possession
166
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,500
of my first diamond-hard erection
167
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:50,380
since the Clinton White House,
thanks to you and your words, Hank Moody.
168
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,798
Respect.
169
00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:54,217
Tend to me, Tabby.
Take me in your mou...
170
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,469
Not you, Corrine, no!
You give lousy head.
171
00:09:56,512 --> 00:10:00,140
You're timid, and you lack focus.
We got to get you some Ritalin.
172
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,933
OK, come on. Over here.
173
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:08,982
Oh, yes.
174
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:12,277
Isn't this wonderful, Hank?
175
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:17,949
You and me?
Men together.
176
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:24,289
Corrine,
see how gentle and subtle she is.
177
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:29,252
He doesn't like you, agent.
178
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:33,715
He smells your fear, your weakness.
How does that make you feel?
179
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:37,844
He could put on a suit and do your job,
and no one would know the difference.
180
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:43,099
All right, all right, that's enough!
181
00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:48,730
I don't want to waste this magnificent
erection on a silly suck and fuck.
182
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:52,150
I'll be back,
and then we will finish the performance.
183
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,736
Keep these boys entertained, will you?
184
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:58,657
Show 'em what you got.
185
00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:00,784
I'll be back.
186
00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:04,954
Well, who wants to get baked?
187
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,832
All right, then.
188
00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:11,586
- All right.
- Up high.
189
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:14,464
Hey, I'll take one of those.
What do you say?
190
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,300
What?
191
00:11:54,171 --> 00:11:56,548
- Marce.
- You know what? I don't want to know.
192
00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:58,633
Come on. No.
You need to find out.
193
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:01,970
Did you see those hideous
fucking creatures downstairs?
194
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:03,888
I don't want one of those!
195
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:07,308
Marce, I swear,
that does not happen for a long time.
196
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,936
They're... At first, they're so cute.
I mean, they're so...
197
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:13,982
Yeah, shitting and pissing all over the place
and making my fucking nipples bleed -
198
00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:16,693
that's really fucking cute.
No, thank you!
199
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,278
- Marce.
- Kill me now!
200
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,822
Let's just do it.
Come on, let's do this thing.
201
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:23,324
- You need to...
- Fine!
202
00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:25,410
Fine.
203
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,328
Let's do this.
204
00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:31,666
All right! Let's get
this golden shower started.
205
00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,918
Open up and say pee.
206
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:47,474
This is like...
207
00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:50,518
This is like The Virgin Suicides
meets The Yule Log.
208
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,061
I cannot look away.
209
00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:56,649
Hey, are you guys really sisters,
or is this kind of like a White Stripes deal?
210
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,445
Better not...
I can't.
211
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,739
All right, you know what?
212
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,657
TSTB.
213
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:09,204
TSTB.
Too stoned... to ball.
214
00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:15,251
It's Stu. Stu!
215
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:19,547
No, back off, fuck toys.
This producer is looking for love.
216
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:21,883
This guy, up here.
217
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,802
- Moi?
- Yes, please.
218
00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:26,679
Maybe just for a minute.
219
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:32,560
You smell like cigarettes
and champagne and Cool Ranch Doritos.
220
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:35,063
And it makes me strangely hard.
221
00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:37,148
Number 17.
222
00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:39,400
How do you like them apples?
223
00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:41,903
- See you guys later.
- Apples and Doritos.
224
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:44,572
Stu, that sounds pretty good to me.
You hungry?
225
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,407
A little bit. A little, little bit.
226
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:50,453
Shit. Fuck. The rabbit done died.
227
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:54,707
- I'm sorry, baby.
- OK.
228
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:57,377
Quick.
Punch me in the stomach.
229
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:59,420
- Go.
- You have options.
230
00:13:59,463 --> 00:14:01,256
Oh, really?
231
00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:06,302
OK, my options are, I either have a fucking
abortion, or I have a fucking baby.
232
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,721
Those are what's commonly
known as options.
233
00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:13,059
OK, so I could either vacuum
this nightmare out of my twat,
234
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:16,062
or I could settle in
for the burden of a lifetime.
235
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,898
Is there anything else?
Is there something behind Door #3?
236
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:22,068
How did this happen to me, Karenina?
237
00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:24,612
Why does Hashem hate me?
238
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:26,239
Fuck.
239
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,157
OK, so who...
whose is it?
240
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,201
- I don't know.
- Is it Charlie's?
241
00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:32,912
Fuck, no.
That kid's all snipped to shreds.
242
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:34,789
It can't be him.
243
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,916
It's not Rick Springfield?
244
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:39,127
He was all about the ass.
245
00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:40,295
- Nice.
- Yeah.
246
00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:41,379
Plus, he never came.
247
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,298
- What?
- No, we'd fuck for hours.
248
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:45,800
I'd come nine times.
He'd shoot a puff of smoke.
249
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,635
Can't be that dude.
250
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,889
There were... a couple of Craigslist...
251
00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:55,184
- "casual encounters" here and there.
- OK.
252
00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:58,354
- But I never let 'em raw-dog me.
- OK.
253
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:01,691
So, shit.
It could be an immaculate conception.
254
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:07,113
What? I'm not good enough
to get knocked up by God?
255
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:10,408
Fuck you. Some friend you are!
256
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:12,702
Come get some rest. Lie down.
257
00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:16,623
I can't rest, because your fucking child
is playing devil music in my living room.
258
00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:19,250
- No, it's OK. I'll go get them to stop.
- No, no, no.
259
00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,753
They're good. Let 'em play. I like it.
260
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:23,796
It's fine. I'll be fine.
261
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:28,301
Do you think I'd make a good mom?
262
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:31,262
Yes, I think you'd make a great mom.
263
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:33,181
Fucking-A, right.
264
00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:36,142
That little mutant
would be lucky to have me.
265
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:47,487
- Are you sure you're into this?
- Yes. Take me, agent.
266
00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:51,658
I only ask because I'm encountering
sort of a lack of lubrication here.
267
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:55,453
Oh, it's OK. I can grin and bear it.
It'll feel like I'm a wirgin.
268
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:57,664
A "wirgin"?
269
00:15:57,706 --> 00:16:00,875
Like virgin, but with a "w".
It sounds super creepy that way.
270
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:02,919
Yes. Yes, it really does.
271
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,172
Well...
272
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:08,383
OK, then.
273
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,551
Here we go.
274
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:19,644
Am I doing something wrong?
I'm not averse to a little guidance here.
275
00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:21,896
It's not you. It's... It's him.
276
00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:27,068
I can't screw with him watching us.
He's got that gleam in his eye.
277
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:31,572
Well, we're all just mammals here.
278
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:35,576
No. No, you don't understand.
He tried to finger my friend Jess one time.
279
00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:38,913
He is highly sexual.
Just get him out of here.
280
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:41,249
Jeez! What is he throwing at me?
281
00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:44,043
- His poo.
- His poo? Jesus Christ!
282
00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:46,170
That is one antisocial monkey!
283
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,256
God!
284
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:53,970
Kong, would you get
the fuck out of here? Jeez.
285
00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:58,725
Look...
286
00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:00,685
Kong!
287
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,271
Get it off!
288
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,106
Get it off! Get it off!
289
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,837
Kong is dead!
290
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,672
- Long live Kong!
- Who is Kong?
291
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:33,551
The monkey! That bald scumbag
murdered our monkey!
292
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:37,305
I committed no such act!
It was self-defence.
293
00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:38,806
- You killed the monkey?
- No!
294
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:41,059
I tracked down the one man in this city
295
00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:43,936
who's got the dough to pull off
my fucking passion project,
296
00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:46,147
and you killed his fucking monkey?
297
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,608
It was an accident! I swear!
298
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:51,027
That monkey was a deviant
and a cockblocker.
299
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:55,531
He was throwing his faecal matter at me!
And he bit my fucking arm!
300
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:56,949
- Murderer!
- What...
301
00:17:56,992 --> 00:18:01,120
Runks! Killing an innocent
monkey in the name of getting some poon.
302
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:04,207
- Is nothing sacred?
- No one has to know about this.
303
00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:07,335
I say we abscond with that corpse,
take it to Griffith Park,
304
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:09,504
and put that little turd-fondler six feet under.
305
00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:11,798
What do you need? Hush money-wise?
306
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,174
Hey!
Shut up,
307
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:15,176
take a look at the eye in the sky.
308
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:18,638
Hello! Yeah.
Look, they're in every room.
309
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,307
That means we're fucked, OK?
310
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:24,644
So listen up, you giant botcher.
311
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:28,189
We have only one play here.
312
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:33,945
And that is for you to come clean
and tell Zig before he finds out.
313
00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:36,823
I want you to march
into that man's bedroom...
314
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:42,662
...and tell him you killed his fucking monkey!
315
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:45,581
- I don't want to do that.
- I'll take you. Come on.
316
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,709
Come on. Come on.
Come here.
317
00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:51,879
Get outta here,
you fucking moron!
318
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:01,139
Hey.
319
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,432
Make yourself at home.
320
00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,351
Sorry. Sorry.
I was...
321
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:08,437
I was knocking and I was ringing,
and no one answered.
322
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,190
So, what, you just let yourself in?
323
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:15,069
Well, the door was open
and my girl was inside.
324
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,821
What would you do?
325
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:20,408
OK, OK, I get it.
The exact same thing.
326
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,371
Which hell spawn is yours?
327
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:28,416
Pearl. The one with the pipes.
328
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,253
Mine's Becca, the one with the bangs.
329
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:34,589
She's pretty fierce, that one.
330
00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:36,966
Tasty licks.
331
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,261
And you are?
332
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,221
I'm sorry. I'm Ben.
333
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:45,433
- Karen. Nice to meet you.
- Karen. Nice to meet you too.
334
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,979
Well, here you go, Karen.
335
00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:54,817
Not many people can say
they have a picture
336
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,778
of the exact moment they
met someone for the first time,
337
00:19:57,821 --> 00:20:00,239
so there you go. My gift to you.
338
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,826
I think this is going really well.
339
00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,662
Hello?
340
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,998
- Zig.
- Zig?
341
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:14,462
- You freaky bastard, Zig.
- Zig, we got a little situation out here.
342
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,923
Kind of a minor
monkey incident happening.
343
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,636
Zig or no Zig,
I gotta take a wazz.
344
00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:28,100
Hello?
345
00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:31,854
Eat my peach, baby,
blow on my dice!
346
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,105
You gotta...
347
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:34,857
Zi... Hey, wha...
348
00:20:38,862 --> 00:20:40,780
Charlie!
349
00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:43,824
Charlie, we got a bit
of a predicament in here.
350
00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:46,285
What?
351
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:57,546
Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
What the fuck's going on in here?
352
00:20:57,631 --> 00:21:00,925
- Runkle, how did Zig take the news?
- Not so well, actually.
353
00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:05,054
Oh, God!
354
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:09,016
Come on! Sweet mother of God!
Runkle, did you do that to him?!
355
00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:11,143
No, I did not do that to him!
356
00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:13,187
We came in here,
and that's how he was!
357
00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:15,731
I mean, I am not averse to
the occasional choke and stroke,
358
00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:19,360
but this is a prime example of why
one must always use the buddy system!
359
00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:22,822
- This is not good. This is not good at all.
- On the bright side,
360
00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:25,324
it makes the whole monkey thing
a bit less of a SNAFU, doesn't it?
361
00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:27,159
- That's a good point.
- That is true.
362
00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:29,787
On the other hand, it's gonna
be hard to make F&P: The Movie
363
00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:34,375
- without Creepy Warbucks over here.
- It makes it impossible.
364
00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:38,296
Anyway, it was a pleasure
almost working with you.
365
00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:41,340
- And... yeah.
- You can't go anywhere!
366
00:21:41,383 --> 00:21:44,385
- We got a serious situation here!
- The fuck I can't.
367
00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:47,555
Dead monkeys
and autoerotic asphyxiation?
368
00:21:47,639 --> 00:21:50,850
That's my cue.
I was never here.
369
00:21:50,892 --> 00:21:52,351
What?
370
00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:54,520
Not exactly a "Going down
with the ship" type, is he?
371
00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:57,356
What the fuck, Hank?
What do we do now?
372
00:21:57,399 --> 00:21:59,400
You have to stop yelling, firstly.
373
00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:01,569
Kinda touching the dead guy there.
Don't do that.
374
00:22:01,611 --> 00:22:04,488
- Shouldn't we take him down?
- Nothing good can come of that.
375
00:22:04,531 --> 00:22:08,409
- Jesus.
- He really liked the script, though, huh?
376
00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:11,579
He must have.
I'm flattered. Kinda.
377
00:22:11,621 --> 00:22:14,123
- Hank, I'm scared.
- Yeah.
378
00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:17,543
This is really dark.
This is way, way, way dark.
379
00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:20,254
We got to make this go away.
Hold me, please.
380
00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:23,883
Cool your jets, Runks.
I got a guy.
381
00:22:30,849 --> 00:22:33,476
- Oh, shit, Hank. Shit, Hank.
- Be cool, Runks.
382
00:22:33,518 --> 00:22:35,770
- Shit, shit, shit.
- Maintain.
383
00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:44,653
- What's going on here, fellas?
- Just rocking out with our cocks out.
384
00:22:44,696 --> 00:22:47,448
One of those parties? OK.
385
00:22:47,491 --> 00:22:51,202
- And where's Mr Samitaur?
- He's inside.
386
00:22:51,244 --> 00:22:53,913
- In the bathroom.
- Just hanging out.
387
00:22:53,955 --> 00:22:55,956
OK. You mind if I have a word with him?
388
00:22:55,999 --> 00:22:59,043
- Uh...
- Looks like somebody hit the panic button.
389
00:22:59,086 --> 00:23:02,797
- He's a fucking murderer!
- Allow me to explain.
390
00:23:05,175 --> 00:23:09,637
- Yeah! What? You want some of this?
- No, I don't want any of it.
391
00:23:09,721 --> 00:23:12,264
You want some of this, midnight cowboy?
Let's go!
392
00:23:30,659 --> 00:23:33,411
- What the fuck, Hank?
- Thank you so much for coming.
393
00:23:33,453 --> 00:23:37,540
- Tell me.
- One dead billionaire, one dead monkey.
394
00:23:37,582 --> 00:23:41,210
Autoerotic asphyxiation...
the billionaire, not the monkey.
395
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,170
- Wow. Really?
- Shit happens.
396
00:23:43,797 --> 00:23:46,632
- Is he OK?
- Yeah, he just got tased.
397
00:23:46,675 --> 00:23:48,634
- And him?
- Him I knocked out.
398
00:23:48,677 --> 00:23:50,886
Don't be tasing my agent,
motherfucker.
399
00:23:50,929 --> 00:23:53,806
- OK, self-defence.
- I like that. What's the move?
400
00:23:53,849 --> 00:23:56,684
Depends.
Did you actually do anything illegal?
401
00:23:56,726 --> 00:23:59,061
Is there something you're not telling me?
402
00:24:02,149 --> 00:24:07,111
I did watch two sisters take off their clothes
and make out with each other,
403
00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:10,322
and that made my wiener
feel a little weird.
404
00:24:10,365 --> 00:24:13,868
- That's gross...
- But I don't believe that's illegal.
405
00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:16,704
- It's not illegal. OK, we call...
- Maybe it should be.
406
00:24:16,746 --> 00:24:18,747
We call 911. You give a statement.
407
00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:21,542
I ask for a favour. We make sure
it doesn't end up all over the press.
408
00:24:21,585 --> 00:24:24,712
Wow, that's grace under pressure.
I dig that in a woman.
409
00:24:24,796 --> 00:24:27,840
And you look smokin' hot tonight.
You got a big date?
410
00:24:27,883 --> 00:24:29,133
You know what? It's strange.
411
00:24:29,176 --> 00:24:31,510
Part of me is really quite pissed off
at you right now,
412
00:24:31,553 --> 00:24:34,763
because your idea of staying
out of trouble sucks balls,
413
00:24:34,806 --> 00:24:38,851
but the other part, I don't know,
it feels vaguely...
414
00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:40,853
- proud of you.
- Proud?
415
00:24:40,896 --> 00:24:42,771
I don't think there's much
to be proud of here tonight.
416
00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:45,024
A debauched party,
a couple of dead primates -
417
00:24:45,066 --> 00:24:46,734
not really worthy of a gold star.
418
00:24:46,776 --> 00:24:49,820
No, you absolutely
screwed the pooch, but...
419
00:24:49,863 --> 00:24:53,407
calling me shows at least
a modicum of sense and...
420
00:24:54,451 --> 00:24:57,912
- more than a little trust.
- Sensible and trusting.
421
00:24:57,954 --> 00:25:00,080
That's me in a nutshell, really.
422
00:25:02,042 --> 00:25:04,460
How high are you right now?
423
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:05,669
How high are you?
424
00:25:05,712 --> 00:25:07,796
- Significantly.
- Yeah.
425
00:25:08,673 --> 00:25:11,050
All right. Let me deal with this.
426
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,682
You OK, buddy boy?
427
00:25:19,768 --> 00:25:21,894
I feel like ass.
428
00:25:21,937 --> 00:25:24,230
- Like a great big slab of ass.
- Yeah.
429
00:25:24,272 --> 00:25:27,399
Look on the bright side.
You inched closer to your magic number.
430
00:25:27,442 --> 00:25:30,361
It was just the tip, Hank.
It doesn't count.
431
00:25:30,403 --> 00:25:32,571
- Tip counts.
- You think?
432
00:25:32,614 --> 00:25:34,406
Fucking-A. The tip always counts.
433
00:25:34,449 --> 00:25:36,575
- The tip counts?
- Yeah.
434
00:25:37,285 --> 00:25:39,119
Hold your shit together, Chunkle.
435
00:25:39,162 --> 00:25:41,622
Tomorrow's another day
in the dream factory.
436
00:25:44,918 --> 00:25:47,378
Don't blame yourself, buddy boy.
437
00:25:47,420 --> 00:25:49,421
I got blood on my hands, Hank.
438
00:25:49,464 --> 00:25:51,340
Seriously, I don't know
if I'm gonna sleep tonight.
439
00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:55,386
Every time I close my eyes,
I see that sweet little monkey's face.
440
00:25:57,973 --> 00:25:59,974
Marcy?
441
00:26:04,813 --> 00:26:07,439
- You want to come in?
- What, tuck you in?
442
00:26:07,482 --> 00:26:09,984
- Read you a bedtime story?
- No.
443
00:26:10,569 --> 00:26:12,486
Your lady's chariot.
444
00:26:16,449 --> 00:26:19,910
I don't think they want to
see me, Charlie.
445
00:26:19,953 --> 00:26:22,204
When has that ever stopped you?
446
00:26:22,247 --> 00:26:24,373
Come on, don't be a pussy.
35573
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