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Previously on Californication...
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- This is where you work?
- You want to come inside?
3
00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:08,424
- Would that involve seeing you naked?
- Most definitely.
4
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:12,261
I think not. In the interest
of student-teacher relations.
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00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:14,054
Hank...
6
00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:16,432
- Hank!
- Yes, Fräulein.
7
00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:20,060
Tonight, my house,
English department fall mixer.
8
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:23,022
How many jobs do you have, lady?
You got a paper route too?
9
00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:26,066
- Did you two come together?
- No. We just came in together.
10
00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:37,703
I fucking hate you!
11
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,663
OK, I'll just move back in.
12
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:42,833
- I do my thing, you do yours.
- Fine by me.
13
00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:47,671
- No means no, you know?
- This the surprise you were talkin' about?
14
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,006
I signed a big fish today.
15
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,967
Well, good for you.
Maybe you can move the fuck out now.
16
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,302
Come on.
17
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,889
I was looking for Charlie.
18
00:00:56,931 --> 00:00:59,641
Charlie. Are you inside that woman?
19
00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:01,018
I can explain.
20
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Bob's your uncle.
21
00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:25,375
Felicio. Looks like
you caught me doing a little...
22
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:26,835
pre-class meditato.
23
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:29,963
- We should talk.
- Oh, shit, you're not preggers, are you?
24
00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:32,341
Hank, we kissed. That was all.
25
00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:34,927
Technically speaking, you kissed me,
for what it's worth.
26
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,471
I've never done that before.
27
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:41,058
You never kissed a man? That's plain weird.
What, are you a hooker or something?
28
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,102
Hookers don't kiss.
Neither do Marines.
29
00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:45,979
That's the best gay porn title I ever heard.
Marines Don't Kiss.
30
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:49,525
What I'm saying is, I've never stepped
outside of my marriage before.
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00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:50,984
Well, of course not. Duh!
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00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:54,113
Who in their right mind would step out
on His Royal Deanness?
33
00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:57,157
Look, I know Stacy's not exactly of your tribe.
34
00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:00,494
But once upon a time I was
very much in love with the man.
35
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:04,123
- Before he cheated on me, that is.
- Whoa, Nelly!
36
00:02:04,165 --> 00:02:08,502
Are you trying to tell me that smarmy piece
of wiener cheese took his love to town?
37
00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:12,172
Oldest story in the book, I'm afraid.
He fell for one of his students.
38
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:14,883
We got through it, though.
Counselling, couples therapy.
39
00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:17,970
Over-intellectualising the whole thing
to an absurd degree.
40
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:21,682
- We're really quite good at that.
- Rock on with your bad selves.
41
00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:27,187
That's awesome, but I'm guessing
that you feel like you're owed one.
42
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,648
Like you got this Get Out Of Jail Free Card,
43
00:02:29,732 --> 00:02:32,401
and you just don't know
how or when to use it?
44
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:35,279
Or maybe I do.
45
00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:38,532
Oh, well, shucks.
I'd be flattered...
46
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:44,997
but I try not to involve myself
in other people's domestic strife.
47
00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:47,249
Really, Hank?
I haven't known you all that long,
48
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,877
but that doesn't seem like
part of your programming.
49
00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:53,714
It's a relatively new thing based
on a shitload of really horrible experiences.
50
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:55,883
But it's a thing nonetheless.
51
00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:59,136
And who says I'd ever cash in such a chit
on the likes of you?
52
00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:05,309
I would be the lucky one if you would.
53
00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:09,730
I mean, you're a great broad, Felicia.
You deserve to be happier.
54
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:19,323
Why can't I stop kissing you?
55
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:23,327
It's not your fault. I'm like flypaper
for the emotionally disturbed.
56
00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:27,539
That's my balls.
57
00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:30,876
Am I interrupting something?
58
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,545
- Just some furtive fucking.
- Oh, God!
59
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:35,964
- I'll come back.
- Please. This fellow?
60
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:39,009
Give a girl some credit.
61
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:42,179
- I have to go to class.
- OK. Ta.
62
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:46,975
- We should talk.
- Oh, shit, you're not preggers, are you?
63
00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:49,478
What are you talking about?
You said you were snipped.
64
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,813
That's a relief.
65
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:55,234
- We can't do that any more.
- You're right. We should not.
66
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:59,154
I mean, we could lose our jobs,
our homes...
67
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:02,199
- our citizenship.
- Yeah, I know.
68
00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:05,786
I was more thinking along the lines
that I haven't had the sex in a while,
69
00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:09,039
and the other night
was kind of like waking a sleeping tiger.
70
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,541
If we're not gonna be doing it
on a regular basis,
71
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:14,836
I don't think we should be doing it at all,
you know what I mean?
72
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,880
I do know what you mean,
73
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:20,217
but that whole waking
the sleeping tiger thing
74
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,719
got me hard.
75
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,390
And I'm wet.
76
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,892
Hard and wet,
that's a winning combination.
77
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:33,105
That's like cookies and cream, or...
78
00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:35,440
Lennon and McCartney.
79
00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:26,408
Hank, I've been making some phone calls
on your behalf. And guess what.
80
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:30,871
People think you're a cunt. No joke.
Now, here's what I think we should do.
81
00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:35,292
There's a lot of dried-up Hollywood snatch
out there in need of watering.
82
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,044
Powerful older women
83
00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:41,631
whose limp-dicked husbands have long
since stopped tending their gardens.
84
00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:45,761
And they want someone young,
dumb, full of come.
85
00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:48,055
That's where you come in.
86
00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:50,932
Now, I think we should
send you around town,
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00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:53,352
these executive suites,
88
00:05:53,394 --> 00:05:56,688
and you charm your way
into the hearts, minds,
89
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:59,441
and pants of these unfuckable monsters.
90
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:02,569
Next thing you know,
my phone is ringing for Hank Moody.
91
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:05,405
So you're suggesting that
I dump this whole writer thing
92
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,574
and reinvent myself
as a Hollywood man-whore?
93
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,034
Abso-fuckin'-lutely.
94
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,870
And then we turn around
95
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:15,540
and we sell your story
as a modern-day American Gigolo.
96
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,959
- What do you think?
- What are you guys doing?
97
00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:21,421
- You playing footsie?
- She's playing footsie, not me.
98
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:24,716
- We're not dating. Just fucking.
- Really?
99
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,302
- Just the once.
- Bullshit.
100
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,679
I gave you two blow jobs in one night.
101
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:32,891
And you ate this pussy
like your mama made it.
102
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:36,228
Holy fuckballs! I got a lunch.
103
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:39,439
Kristofferson. My most loyal client.
104
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:42,442
God, I get in a puddle
just thinking about it.
105
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:44,986
Oh, Runkle, now, don't be jealous.
106
00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:47,823
I think we should keep emotion
out of this thing of ours.
107
00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:50,367
Good idea, Sue. I'm totally with you on that.
108
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:53,995
Yeah. What are you doing later, Hank?
Party at my place.
109
00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:57,082
Why don't you stop by
for a steak and a blow job?
110
00:06:57,125 --> 00:07:00,377
I'd love to see you and Runkle
with your swords crossed.
111
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,504
Collini... out.
112
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,425
What the fuck is going on, big boy?
113
00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:09,970
Just goin' with the flow.
114
00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:12,722
I gotta pick up Becca.
I promised her I'd take her shopping.
115
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,892
- You want to hit a strip club later?
- Sure. Yeah.
116
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,520
- Sounds like a good time.
- I got a student that works at one.
117
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:21,398
- Of course you do.
- She dropped my class. I think she did.
118
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,109
I'm perturbed, I want to find out why,
but I can't go alone.
119
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,111
- That would be unseemly.
- Agreed.
120
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,321
Hey, you gonna buy me a lap dance?
121
00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:31,408
Maybe. If you promise
not to come in your pants.
122
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,702
Moody... out.
123
00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:36,371
Come on, Becca,
you're killing me softly here.
124
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:40,375
OK, I'm gonna pretend I didn't see that.
125
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:43,170
Just bring my daughter back alive,
and I won't call the cops.
126
00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:45,005
- OK? I promise.
- Dad...
127
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:49,259
- You have no fashion sense whatsoever.
- I have excellent fashion sense.
128
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,720
I know what works for me.
I have a uniform.
129
00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:53,346
And a massive brain tumour.
130
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:56,600
Because I don't want to see your butt crack
every time you get out of the car?
131
00:07:56,642 --> 00:08:00,270
- All right, fine. I'm guilty. Call me crazy.
- May I?
132
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:04,107
May you what, butt into our conversation?
Sure. Feel free. Go ahead.
133
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,068
She looks amazing.
134
00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,404
See? What she said.
135
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:11,865
Well, of course she looks amazing...
136
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:15,243
To the tune of... 200 quatloos?
137
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:18,788
Jesus Christ, if I didn't already object
on moral and religious grounds,
138
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,790
I'm never gonna spend that on clothes.
139
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,834
You promised you'd take me shopping.
140
00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:25,670
Yes, honey, but I thought that meant,
you know,
141
00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:27,923
buying a few T-shirts at Hot Topic
142
00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:31,259
and grabbing an Orange Julius
or something like that.
143
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:35,305
- I'm not that girl any more, Dad.
- She's not that girl any more, Dad.
144
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,724
Thanks for the help, Shopkeep. Look, um...
145
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:41,895
I think I see someone over there
in the market for a $250 Jethro Tull T-shirt.
146
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:44,898
By the way, I was at that show.
I paid all of ten bucks for the shirt.
147
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,275
Go. Exploit. Be gone.
148
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:48,818
I hate you.
149
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:50,904
Becs? Bexster?
150
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:54,699
Listen, why don't we go
for a little walk and talk, and I'll...
151
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:58,203
I'll get you one of those hot dogs on a stick
that you like?
152
00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,372
Or that you used to love, anyway.
153
00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:02,874
I don't even know. I'm giving up. That's it.
154
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:11,216
- There. Are you happy now?
- Sort of.
155
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:15,345
But not really. Not if you're not.
156
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,597
You can't have it both ways, Dad.
157
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,810
- Are you expecting someone?
- Godot.
158
00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:25,063
"Godot."
That's not bad.
159
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,357
- Hey, Chelsea.
- I want to show you something.
160
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:32,862
- We're working on her manners.
- Hideous creatures, these teenage girls.
161
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:36,575
- Monstrous. Couldn't agree with you more.
- Is it too late to drown them in the tub?
162
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:38,618
Would you like some tea or sherry or...
163
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:41,705
- what is it, Pimm?
- No, thanks.
164
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:45,375
- I heard about the fight.
- Fight. Not really a fight.
165
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:49,212
It was more like a disagreement.
Caring out loud, really.
166
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,256
Let me take her shopping with us.
167
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:56,052
- No. Your daughter looks like a trollop.
- That's mean.
168
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:58,430
I'm just kidding. Not really.
169
00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:01,266
Come on, just tell me how much
you want to spend.
170
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,810
I'll make the most of it,
and I'll make her look as...
171
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,271
I don't know,
classy as humanly possible.
172
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,481
- I don't know.
- Come on. She's such a sweet girl
173
00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:11,276
and misses her mother and doesn't know
how to talk to her father.
174
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:15,030
- She used to.
- Well, things change. She's evolving.
175
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:18,992
She's trying out different personalities.
You've got to adapt or die.
176
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:22,787
- Well, maybe I'll come with you.
- Absolutely not. No. No, no.
177
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:25,290
Besides, I wouldn't want her to see me
178
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,834
pull you into a dark corner
and make out with you.
179
00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:31,630
You dirty English rose, you.
180
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,883
It would appear that you bring it out in me.
181
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:42,098
You all ready?
182
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,314
Can I go?
183
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:51,358
Yes.
184
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:55,820
See, I told you he wasn't
quite the asshole you said he was.
185
00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:57,947
Come along, girls. Let's hit the road.
186
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:01,660
That's Mr Asshole to you, Chelsea.
187
00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:17,217
Check it out. I think I can see
where they put the implants in.
188
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:20,095
Ba-Jesus, it's like the laces on a football.
189
00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:22,681
You gonna be like this all night?
Hey, is Jackie working?
190
00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:26,643
Sorry, sweetie, don't know any Jackie.
You want a dance?
191
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:30,230
Do you really think I would strip
under my real name?
192
00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:33,358
Sorry, I don't know the protocol.
193
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,527
Well, you're forgiven.
194
00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:37,779
Well, what is your stripper handle, then?
195
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:38,863
- Ashley.
- Ashley?
196
00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:41,032
- Ashley Madison.
- Ashley Madison.
197
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:43,660
Meet my agent. This is my student.
198
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,870
Of course she is.
199
00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:48,915
You know, I had a feeling
you'd show up sooner or later.
200
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,000
Is that why you dropped my class?
201
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:53,420
Yeah, because I'm just
that obsessed with you.
202
00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:56,256
Listen, I really can't
sit around and chitchat all night.
203
00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:58,842
So you can buy a dance or hit the road.
204
00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:02,429
Come here, my agent.
Oh, settle down.
205
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:08,810
OK, this is for me.
And this... Well, let's go, here...
206
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:11,187
This is for Ralph Baldo Emerson here.
207
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,897
Come on, big guy.
208
00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:28,204
- What happened to you?
- Nothing scandalous.
209
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:30,915
- Writing's just not my thing.
- I beg to differ.
210
00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:34,627
Well, you can beg all you want,
but it was an elective.
211
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:37,046
I'm a business major. I don't have time for it.
212
00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:39,466
Business?
213
00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:41,801
Who studies business
in this day and age?
214
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:44,471
That feels really good, by the way.
215
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,556
- Nice work.
- Thanks.
216
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,725
That there is a man boner.
217
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:52,771
Yeah, that's pretty much
what we shoot for in here.
218
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:56,483
Look, I know what you're thinking.
219
00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:59,110
I'm not one of your typical
fucked-up damage cases
220
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:01,321
who's just lusting for male attention.
221
00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,990
I'm not saying those girls don't exist.
222
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:08,244
Throw a rock in here and you'll hit
six or seven, but that's not me.
223
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:14,042
I am just making the most of what I got
while I still got it.
224
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:19,506
Right. So what's next?
225
00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:22,133
- I get the hell out.
- Just like that?
226
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:27,472
You're just gonna disappear
like a topless Salinger?
227
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,641
The Stripper In The Rye.
228
00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:33,436
- Hey, did you just come in your pants?
- What? You were grinding...
229
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,146
- Disgusting!
- I'm sorry.
230
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:38,441
- It was an exceptional lap dance.
- Freakin' gross!
231
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,986
- Nicely done, Runkle.
- It was a compliment.
232
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,781
A liquid compliment.
233
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,658
Hello?
234
00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:48,576
Hey, Marcy, baby!
235
00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:51,162
I'm at a strip club with Hank!
236
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:55,208
I just got a lap dance. It's awesome here.
237
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,878
Really? No shit.
238
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:02,423
Yeah, yeah, I'll be right there.
Hey, I gotta go.
239
00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:05,760
Somebody who saw the house
is coming back for the third time this week.
240
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,053
They might make an offer.
241
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:09,097
- Good luck, pal.
- No. Sticky fingers.
242
00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:11,015
Nice to meet you, Ashley Madison.
243
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:17,564
See, what did I tell you?
Am I not awesome?
244
00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:21,150
Do I not provide a valid
and worthwhile public service?
245
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:24,904
Yes, all that and more.
But you're a damn fine writer too.
246
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,865
So you say.
247
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:30,243
- But I don't really care about that.
- Well, maybe you should.
248
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,745
- Maybe it's another way out.
- Of what?
249
00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:34,914
The hole you're desperately
trying to dig out of.
250
00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:38,668
Maybe not as fast, but the payoff
will last a lot longer, trust me.
251
00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:41,212
You know,
I don't know a thing about you, Teach.
252
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:44,090
Where you grew up, what you believe in.
253
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:47,510
But you really have no idea
where I come from. The shit I've seen.
254
00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:51,389
- All right, well, tell me.
- Why?
255
00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:55,101
- It's boring as shit.
- I don't know, tell me.
256
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:58,980
OK, do you really want to hear
about the father that I never knew?
257
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:04,027
The mother who used to clean
rich people's houses to get me to college?
258
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,863
Writing is just a pipe dream.
259
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,949
You can't really make a living
doing something like that.
260
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:13,286
Actually, that's how you end up teaching.
261
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,999
Instead, I would rather retire my mother,
you know?
262
00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:21,210
And if I have to use my body to do so,
then so fucking be it.
263
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,046
You know, I appreciate you
264
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:27,842
trying to help me unleash my inner
Hemingway, but I'm a big girl.
265
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:29,844
You know, I can take care of myself.
266
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:32,931
I think you should
really get back into class.
267
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:35,224
We could workshop
that little story of yours.
268
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:38,478
I'm not sure I believe a word of it,
but I dig the details.
269
00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:42,649
- It was a pleasure meeting you, Ashley...
- Madison.
270
00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,776
Ashley Madison.
271
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:53,284
- Jesus, took you long enough.
- I'm sorry. I had to call a cab.
272
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,161
What's with the stain?
273
00:15:56,205 --> 00:16:00,875
Don't bother. I don't want to know.
I'm on the rag, and I'll start screaming.
274
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:03,711
- I don't want to scream.
- OK. What can I do?
275
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:07,632
Just make sure your jerk-off paraphernalia
is all tucked away.
276
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:10,301
Gone. Done. What else?
277
00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:13,513
That's it. I think I'm good with that.
278
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:17,809
- So this is it, huh?
- What?
279
00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:20,895
We're really gonna do this? Sell the place?
280
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:24,107
- Isn't that what we want?
- Yeah, sure, I guess.
281
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:27,110
Just, you know, all of a sudden,
a lot of memories come flooding back.
282
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:31,614
Some bad, but so many good, really.
Great, even.
283
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:34,575
Can you stop, Charlie? Just stop, OK?
284
00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:38,705
Cos I really don't want to go traipsing
down memory lane with you right now.
285
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:41,624
I gotta go change my fucking tampon.
286
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,299
- Is that all you got?
- Come on.
287
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:52,010
- Yeah, Ashley.
- Come on, Ashley.
288
00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:54,345
- Party. Yeah.
- Party with us.
289
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:56,264
Hey, Jackie.
290
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,434
- You all right?
- Yeah. Fine.
291
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:02,061
You know, big girl.
Can take care of myself. Remember?
292
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,188
- You sure?
- Yeah.
293
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:07,066
That means you can take off now,
old timer.
294
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:10,153
I'm not sure I want to. I'm lonely.
295
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:14,198
What do I have to do to join this little
homoerotic band of thieves here?
296
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:17,285
Someone's looking
for a mouthful of cock and balls, huh?
297
00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:20,621
Well, that does not sound
very appetising or filling.
298
00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:24,375
Oh, shit! Bruce, Johnny, over here, quick!
299
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:26,961
- Kick his ass.
- Leave him alone! Stop!
300
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:29,797
Fuck you. Fuck you!
301
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,216
Hey, Ted, let's go.
302
00:17:33,927 --> 00:17:36,137
What were you thinking?
303
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:40,349
I was trying to prevent you from getting
raped atop a pinball machine, you ingrate.
304
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:42,935
They're my regulars.
They're usually sweethearts.
305
00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,813
- Now you tell me.
- Are you OK?
306
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:50,401
No. I just got my ass kicked
by a J Crew catalogue. I'm not OK.
307
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:53,071
- What hurts?
- My ass.
308
00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:55,615
Yep, this is where the magic happens.
309
00:17:55,657 --> 00:18:00,495
Oops, sorry. Used to happen.
Yeah, we're splitting the sheets.
310
00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:04,499
D-l-V-O-R-S-E. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Things just didn't work out.
311
00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:07,668
You know, could happen to anyone.
Even you guys.
312
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,338
Hey, dickless wonder, shut up.
313
00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:14,300
Get it together, you two.
314
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,720
That's disgusting.
315
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:20,431
Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
316
00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:25,061
Well, that time of the month.
You know how it is, right, sisters?
317
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:30,108
Don't worry, we'll make it all nice.
318
00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:33,569
Well, I think we've seen everything
we needed to see. Thank you. Good night.
319
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:37,949
Really, Marcy, a fucking tampon
in the toilet? In this market?
320
00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:40,326
- Under control.
- You should be ashamed.
321
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:42,453
It's going down.
322
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,798
Come on.
323
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,551
You're coming in.
I want to take a look at you.
324
00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:01,305
- What about your friend Balt?
- He's sleeping at his boyfriend's.
325
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:04,976
He's got a boyfriend?
Good for that dude.
326
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:11,274
Pussy.
327
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,776
What, no points for attempting
to defend your honour,
328
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:17,280
no matter how ill-conceived
or amateurish the execution?
329
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:24,245
- Is that what you were looking for?
- Not exactly, but that'll do.
330
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:30,168
No. No más. I'm dizzy enough as it is.
331
00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:33,671
- And this is not a good idea.
- What does that even mean?
332
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:38,301
- You're my student.
- Not any more I'm not.
333
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:41,262
Well, you're a student, and I am a teacher,
334
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:45,766
and as such,
this is frowned upon somewhat.
335
00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:49,437
Give me a break.
336
00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:54,275
You once spent an entire class ranting
about how much you hate Coldplay.
337
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:58,112
Something tells me that you could care less
about what's frowned upon.
338
00:19:58,155 --> 00:20:01,616
That's still one of my favourite lectures.
339
00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:05,203
Shit, you're really weakening my resolve.
340
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,747
Look, I'm 23.
341
00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:09,916
If I'm attracted to you...
342
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:14,420
If I want to fuck you...
343
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:18,799
- That's really not helping.
- Then what's the big deal?
344
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,556
You have really nice boobs.
345
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:29,602
Can I touch one?
346
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:33,731
Go ahead.
347
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:40,988
Oh, hello.
348
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:45,368
This is so not fair.
349
00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:54,085
Fuck. It's like a slasher film in there.
350
00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:55,836
I think I got it all.
351
00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:59,674
Are you OK?
352
00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:03,970
Just leave me the fuck alone, Runkle.
Jesus!
353
00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:05,930
Why are you crying?
354
00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:09,892
Why wouldn't I be crying?
I just want to be done with it already.
355
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:12,937
I want to sell this fucking house
and get on with the rest of my life.
356
00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:15,106
Maybe you should have
thought about that
357
00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:18,484
before you left all that
menstrual blood in the toilet.
358
00:21:18,527 --> 00:21:20,903
Would you cut me some slack?
359
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:25,658
How many big, stinking dumps
have you left in that very same toilet?
360
00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:30,830
I'm sorry I've made you so unhappy, Marcy.
361
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:37,753
Doesn't matter any more.
We just weren't meant to be.
362
00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:40,298
See, that's the thing. I think we were.
363
00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:42,758
I think we were supposed
to live happily ever after.
364
00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:44,677
I just took a wrong turn somewhere.
365
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:48,222
Or, OK, several wrong turns.
366
00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:50,349
I fucked it up.
367
00:21:51,518 --> 00:21:55,563
I'm a big boy, Marcy. I will do whatever
it takes to make you happy again.
368
00:21:55,605 --> 00:21:58,816
And if that means letting you go,
that's what I will do.
369
00:21:58,859 --> 00:22:01,193
Just you watch.
370
00:22:13,206 --> 00:22:17,001
What the fuck is wrong with you?
What happened to letting me go?
371
00:22:17,044 --> 00:22:20,755
I don't know. It's hard.
372
00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:27,178
It sure is.
373
00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:29,305
Do that again.
374
00:23:29,324 --> 00:23:31,242
Hey, what's up, baby blanket?
375
00:23:31,284 --> 00:23:36,080
I can't seem to drag my ass
out of bed this morning.
376
00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:39,792
I don't know. How 'bout you? Can't sleep?
377
00:23:39,835 --> 00:23:44,255
No. That bed's awfully big without you
and your smoking-hot ass.
378
00:23:45,298 --> 00:23:48,217
That's funny, cos you never seem
to have much of a problem
379
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:50,428
getting someone to share a bed with you.
380
00:23:50,470 --> 00:23:54,723
Yeah, well, they ain't you, lady.
381
00:23:54,766 --> 00:23:57,059
So what can I do for you?
382
00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:59,395
That's easy. You just tell me
383
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:03,065
that despite all the seemingly shitty things
I do, I'm still a good person.
384
00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:07,027
Oh, my, you are having
a dark night of the soul.
385
00:24:07,070 --> 00:24:13,242
I'm just not liking myself very much lately,
and we're fresh out of booze.
386
00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:17,121
Otherwise I'd sleeping
like a drunk marmoset right now.
387
00:24:17,164 --> 00:24:19,415
So what,
you want me to hear your confession
388
00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:22,334
and absolve you of all your sins?
389
00:24:22,377 --> 00:24:26,088
That's kinda hard to do when
I don't know what you're up to out there.
390
00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:29,049
- Want me to give you the gory deets?
- God, no.
391
00:24:29,092 --> 00:24:32,803
I mean, that's the beauty
of being so far away.
392
00:24:32,846 --> 00:24:36,056
I don't need to listen
to the gory deets any more.
393
00:24:36,099 --> 00:24:38,058
But thank you.
394
00:24:39,936 --> 00:24:41,729
You make me feel better.
395
00:24:41,771 --> 00:24:43,814
It's what I do.
396
00:24:45,609 --> 00:24:51,030
Listen, much as I would love
to soul-search with you, I need to go.
397
00:24:51,948 --> 00:24:54,867
I get it. It's time
to make the doughnuts, right?
398
00:24:57,204 --> 00:24:58,579
You still love me?
399
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:02,958
Always. That's the problem.
400
00:25:03,835 --> 00:25:08,422
- Gospel. Have a good day.
- Get some sleep, sinner.
401
00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:11,509
Give that little rapscallion
a kiss for me, OK?
402
00:25:11,551 --> 00:25:12,885
Will do, bugaboo.
403
00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:26,273
Top of the morning to you,
Miss Robinson.
404
00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:28,526
And you too, Mr Moody.
405
00:25:28,568 --> 00:25:30,778
And just so you know,
I've been thinking about it,
406
00:25:30,820 --> 00:25:33,489
and I don't think
we can be friends any more.
407
00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:36,534
- Oh, really? That's too bad.
- Not necessarily.
408
00:25:36,576 --> 00:25:39,745
I'm not wearing any underwear.
409
00:25:44,501 --> 00:25:49,421
Professor, would you mind terribly
if I audit your class this morning?
410
00:25:49,506 --> 00:25:52,424
I was thinking you could probably
teach me a thing or two
411
00:25:52,467 --> 00:25:56,178
about life, love, the pursuit of happiness.
412
00:25:57,430 --> 00:25:59,723
I'm sorry I'm late, Teach.
413
00:25:59,766 --> 00:26:03,227
Hot date.
You know, up all night thinking about it.
414
00:26:03,270 --> 00:26:09,233
Just keep on replaying it
over and over and over in my mind.
32567
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