Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,876
Previously on Californication...
2
00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:04,670
I am right in the middle of a nasty divorce.
3
00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:06,880
You can play hard to get all you like, Runkle.
4
00:00:06,923 --> 00:00:09,299
But Sue Collini always gets the wienie.
5
00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:13,137
- How's it going, Professor?
- In a word? Awesome.
6
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,389
Look, Hank.
I know you're not exactly
7
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:18,475
what anyone would call
an education professional.
8
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,352
But my wife went out on a limb for you.
9
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:25,190
- What do you think of Jackie?
- You're old enough to be her father.
10
00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:26,734
You find me irresistible.
11
00:00:26,776 --> 00:00:28,986
Has a woman ever punched you in the face?
12
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,196
- You know what? You should use me.
- Really?
13
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,907
- This is where you work?
- You want to come inside?
14
00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:36,660
- Would that involve seeing you naked?
- Oh, most definitely.
15
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,329
I think not. In the interest
of student-teacher relations.
16
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:41,957
We're being all normal
and responsible, and...
17
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:45,085
What if, in the process,
we just kinda get over each other?
18
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:48,881
What if you tell me about our daughter?
19
00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:50,966
- Who are you texting?
- Chelsea.
20
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:53,802
To tell her you're being
a total dick right now.
21
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,181
I fucking hate you!
22
00:00:57,223 --> 00:01:00,976
Yeah, and I fuckin' hate you too,
you little shit.
23
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:33,008
Oh, no, no, no. You don't have to do that.
24
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:35,177
Not on my account.
25
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:38,055
Well, you see,
that is a prime example
26
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,182
of what's wrong with
the younger generation today.
27
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,309
You leave nothing to the imagination.
28
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,478
So you've got yourself some boobs.
29
00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:49,441
Some nice, big, round boobs.
30
00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:52,945
Everybody's got 'em.
31
00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:54,988
You know, nothing to get excited about.
32
00:01:57,742 --> 00:01:59,535
You know, just...
33
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:13,549
Hank? Hank.
34
00:02:15,009 --> 00:02:17,553
Hank.
35
00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:20,389
- Hank Moody.
- Yes, Fräulein.
36
00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:23,976
- Do you have anything you'd care to add?
- On the subject of?
37
00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:26,562
On the subject of the subject
we were just discussing.
38
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:29,857
Oh, that subject. Let me think.
39
00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:33,610
Not a thing. Nope.
40
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:36,864
- No. There is something I would like to say.
- Excellent. We're all ears.
41
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:39,700
Do we think the ladies have gone too far
with the sex-positive feminism?
42
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:42,828
I know they all say they're down
with the pornography
43
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:45,664
and the shaved pudenda and whatnot,
44
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:48,292
but do we really think
this is the path to liberation?
45
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:50,460
Ezra Pound. What do you think?
46
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:54,423
I'm not sure this is the proper forum
for such a discussion, Hank.
47
00:02:54,465 --> 00:02:56,967
You asked me.
I'm just thinking out loud. Spitball.
48
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,720
- OK, everyone. Thanks for coming.
- Already?
49
00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:01,555
- My Lord.
- Yeah, see you all tonight.
50
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,599
You too, Hank. Correct?
51
00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:06,226
- I'm sorry?
- Tonight. My house.
52
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:09,104
English department fall mixer.
Ring any bells?
53
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:11,273
- Not a one.
- Oh, it's just a little get-together
54
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,734
we have at the start of every school year.
55
00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:17,571
Faculty, grad students,
some wine, some cheese.
56
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,865
Well, that sounds awesome
and I'm stoked,
57
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:22,492
but alas, I've got plans
with the soul-sucking vampire
58
00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:25,120
I call my daughter tonight,
so I gotta take a rain check.
59
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:28,498
Well, no, Chelsea's already asked
if Becca can spend the night.
60
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:32,085
But I think she'll change her plans when
she hears what her old man's got on tap.
61
00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:35,047
Besides, wine gives me a headache
and cheese makes me fart, a lot.
62
00:03:35,089 --> 00:03:38,842
- You don't want me stinking up the place.
- Now, what if I said...
63
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,762
your job depends on it, Hank?
64
00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,808
Are you sexually harassing me right now?
65
00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:50,812
Because if you are,
I think I'm gonna have to report you.
66
00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:53,815
For giving me a serious boner.
67
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:56,610
Good to know. See you at seven.
68
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,200
No means no, you know.
69
00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:48,412
This man is ruining my life.
70
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,789
By making it unbearably awesome.
71
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:55,002
Sweetie, I'm not really sure
I understand what the problem is.
72
00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:58,672
He's delusional. He thinks we're going
to hang out and bond or something.
73
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,215
OK, hand it over.
74
00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:04,845
Thank you.
You don't understand, woman. I have a plan.
75
00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:07,055
- You do?
- Yes. If we never leave the house,
76
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:09,182
nothing bad can ever happen.
77
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:11,518
Right, cos, like,
your parents never fuck you up.
78
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:14,438
No, you see, you were supposed
to find that last remark charming.
79
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,606
Hold...
80
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,693
Hello? This thing on?
81
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:24,489
Yeah, yeah. Hey, I'm here, I just...
My boss is trying to get through.
82
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:27,326
I'm late for a dinner
with him and some clients, so...
83
00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:29,161
Well, don't go. Just blow it off.
84
00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:31,538
Please, will you take care
of the Becca thing, please?
85
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:34,875
- Yes. I will take care of it.
- Bye. Bye.
86
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:37,836
- Becca!
- Yes, Father?
87
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:40,797
Don your best frock.
The wine and cheese awaits.
88
00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:47,888
You see that bathroom over yonder?
89
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:53,435
Once, I took every crooked inch
Jackie Gleason had to offer in that stall.
90
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:56,521
Signed Kristofferson
right here in this booth.
91
00:05:56,564 --> 00:06:01,985
Yeah, time there was
when I would get wet off a great sign.
92
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:06,365
Oh, that's right. I'm talking dripping,
fucking Ganges wet.
93
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:09,785
Speaking of the good old days...
94
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:12,079
- Hey, yeah. Sue Collini?
- Over there, sir.
95
00:06:12,121 --> 00:06:15,123
Hey, Springfield.
Get your toned tush over here.
96
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,917
Sorry I'm late.
97
00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:19,961
Some Tarzana housewife
paid a grand to spend the day with me.
98
00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:22,130
She wanted to make out, so I did her a solid
99
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:25,008
and I ate that butterscotch
for, like, 45 minutes straight.
100
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:29,096
Right, Rick. This is my subordinate
and prospective boytoy,
101
00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:30,972
- Charles W Runkle.
- Pleasure.
102
00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,475
Sue and I used to see each other, you know.
Early '80s.
103
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:37,104
Rick, in what universe
is fucking like chinchillas
104
00:06:37,146 --> 00:06:41,108
and blowing coke up each other's asses
"seeing each other"?
105
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:45,654
I'm a big fan of your oeuvre, Rick.
All of it. The music, the acting...
106
00:06:45,696 --> 00:06:50,158
I'm flattered. Like I said on the phone,
I mean, I'm not looking for representation.
107
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:54,121
Oh, bullshit.
Housewives in Tarzana?
108
00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:57,416
Rick, don't tell me that you don't wanna
rawdog the top shelf
109
00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,418
like you used to in your prime, huh?
110
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:02,546
All due respect, Sue,
life isn't just about the pussy.
111
00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:05,340
It's about finding your passion
and never letting go,
112
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:08,969
- and this man has done just that.
- Quit licking his shaft.
113
00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:13,306
He's always been a prime cut
of USDA beefcake, and he knows it.
114
00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:16,601
Sure, the ladies love him.
September 7, 2002.
115
00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:19,813
The best sex I ever had with my wife.
116
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:22,190
Rick Springfield
at the Universal Amphitheatre.
117
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,943
Was like three solid hours
of foreplay, dude.
118
00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:28,321
Everything she wanted to do with him
in 1982 but didn't know how,
119
00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:31,450
she did with me repeatedly,
and I thank you, sir.
120
00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:34,202
- Fat lot of good that does me.
- OK, Runkle, get to the point.
121
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:36,163
First, we get you some indie cred.
122
00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:39,458
Let's find you your Wrestler,
like Mickey Rourke.
123
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:43,170
Let's see you blow people away
with your serious side, huh?
124
00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:47,424
Get an Oscar nom for playing an addict,
a cripple, a retard, whatever.
125
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:51,136
Then you go into every office in town
and you hit 'em with your passion project.
126
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,013
That's how you get it done.
127
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:56,183
Harry Greenberg Agency actually
has the mojo to make that happen?
128
00:07:56,225 --> 00:08:01,605
Fuck, no. You supply the mojo.
We take care of everything else.
129
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,774
Yeah, I like the sound of that.
130
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:07,611
Church.
131
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:12,032
You're scaring me, Sue.
Does that mean you like that?
132
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:36,139
Finally. God, what took you so long?
What up, Hank?
133
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,642
Becca, this is your last chance
to change your mind.
134
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:41,728
- Just do me one favour.
- Anything, my churlish love.
135
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:45,190
- Try not to get too hammered.
- Don't put Daddy in a corner.
136
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:50,612
You don't wanna park there.
Dean hates it when you block the entrance.
137
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:53,990
- Big date tonight?
- Is it that obvious?
138
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,826
That dress could cure cancer!
139
00:08:58,287 --> 00:08:59,996
I think you should fuck him.
140
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:03,458
If he agreed to meet you
at this sad assembly of two-bit intellectuals,
141
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,085
he clearly digs the shit out of you.
142
00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:08,255
Wow, you have the ability
to make a simple cocktail party
143
00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:10,590
into the worst thing
that's ever happened to you.
144
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,759
- It's a gift, really.
- There you are.
145
00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:16,096
- Did you two come together?
- No. We just came in together.
146
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:19,349
- Oh, I see.
- And I get more bars outside. Excuse me.
147
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:22,561
Did you happen to see where
Becca and Chelsea got off to?
148
00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,729
They went straight to Chelsea's room.
149
00:09:24,772 --> 00:09:28,316
Come in, come in.
I have so many people I want you to meet.
150
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:35,574
Come on, baby. Celebrate with me.
151
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:39,661
Don't baby me, jackass. No.
Fuck no. I got a date.
152
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,663
Well, drop the zero
and get with the hero.
153
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,749
- I signed a big fish today.
- Oh, well, good for you.
154
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:46,751
Maybe you can move the fuck out now.
155
00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:50,005
Right. Well. Force of habit, I guess.
156
00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:55,093
Every time I sign a client, I just can't help but
picture the two of us with a bottle of bubbly.
157
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,761
Well, that was then, Charlie.
158
00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:00,515
And this is now. Got it.
159
00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:02,809
OK, well...
160
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,644
Have a nice date.
161
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:07,022
Yeah, thanks.
162
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:19,242
Runkle, you were on fire today.
I mean, that was serious Swifty Lazar shit.
163
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:23,913
I've never been so proud and so wet...
164
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:26,082
at the same time.
165
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:28,209
Come on.
166
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,635
Thank you.
167
00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:41,514
How many jobs do you have, lady?
You got a paper route too?
168
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:44,059
Fill this thing up. Scotch preferably.
169
00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:47,354
I'm coming off a lengthy conversation
with a man in a sweater vest.
170
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:49,648
Dean Koons keeps the good stuff
locked in his office.
171
00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:52,609
- Which would be where, exactly?
- I can't tell you that.
172
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:56,905
People like you mess with the master's shit,
people like me get blamed for it.
173
00:10:56,947 --> 00:11:00,283
- Class warrior, are we?
- Just a girl saving for a rainy day.
174
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,703
You know, the truth is
I'm a pretty shitty bartender.
175
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:08,416
But I am a kick-ass stripper.
This bod is the true gift that God gave me.
176
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:10,752
I agree, but I think
you're selling yourself short.
177
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:14,297
- What, I'm too smart to be a stripper?
- Smart has nothing to do with it.
178
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,257
I'm just thinking in practical terms.
179
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,510
Down the road, job opportunities
tend to dwindle
180
00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:22,389
for those in the more naked professions,
if you understand what I'm saying.
181
00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:25,558
Two empty glasses, Jackie, thank you.
I'm going to offer
182
00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:28,687
our visiting scholar from Amherst
some of my '82 Latour.
183
00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:30,980
Hey. That's not cool, Dean Koons.
184
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:33,024
Segregating your guests into two classes,
185
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,276
offering your good stuff
only to a select few.
186
00:11:35,319 --> 00:11:38,738
Well, when you get your Guggenheim,
we can talk about that.
187
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:41,616
In the meantime, you enjoy
that glass of very middling Cab.
188
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:42,701
Asshole.
189
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:53,253
There you are.
I see you found the toys in the attic.
190
00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:56,339
What, are you running a museum
here on the side or something?
191
00:11:56,382 --> 00:12:00,301
It's just his little hobby.
Bores the shit out of me, actually.
192
00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:02,470
I'm quite relieved to catch you here alone.
193
00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:06,057
- You don't care about the snooping?
- Snoop all you want.
194
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,768
My life's an open book. Sadly.
195
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,646
Besides, Becca must have
told you all about us by now.
196
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,606
No, she's not much one for chatting.
197
00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:16,609
Texting, yes. Twitting,
tweetering, twatting,
198
00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:18,319
staring sullenly at the old man.
199
00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:21,406
Oh, please. You fathers have it easy.
200
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:24,033
Most days, I can barely get
a civil word out of Chelsea.
201
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:28,204
At least Becca still talks about you
with some sort of twisted affection.
202
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:31,249
Rebecca? My Becca?
That doesn't sound like her.
203
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,877
No, it's true. We had an interesting
discussion the other day
204
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:36,296
about the more scatological
elements in your work.
205
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:39,257
- And she knows a lot about Rabelais.
- Yes, I taught her that shit.
206
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:43,261
I figured, when she told me all about
how you got your start in New York
207
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,305
- and how you met her mother.
- No shit.
208
00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:47,390
I mean, she seems a little confused
209
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,435
about the issue of whether
you two are still together or not.
210
00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:53,271
Aren't we all?
211
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:56,941
Oh, that's a shame.
Gosh, I'd love to fix you up sometime.
212
00:12:56,984 --> 00:12:59,944
I appreciate that, but that's a fool's errand.
213
00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:03,156
- Really? Why is that?
- Well, it's my purgatory, really.
214
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:06,284
Dinner, drinks, whatever.
Never really all that interested,
215
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:09,579
but I find myself telling her
how beautiful she is anyway.
216
00:13:09,663 --> 00:13:13,124
Cos it's true. All women are,
in one way or another.
217
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:15,960
You know, there's always something
about every damn one of you.
218
00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:19,589
There's a smile, a curve, a secret.
219
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,300
You ladies really are
the most amazing creatures.
220
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:26,805
My life's work.
But then there's the morning after.
221
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:30,016
The hangover, and the realisation
that I'm not quite as available
222
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:33,853
as I thought I was the night before.
And then she's gone,
223
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:36,815
and I'm haunted
by yet another road not taken.
224
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,110
Wow. I'm impressed.
225
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:44,823
You actually dropped the act for a moment
and said something real.
226
00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:47,075
I do that sometimes.
But you never know when it's coming.
227
00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:49,744
You gotta stay on your toes.
I'm like a boxer that bobs and weaves,
228
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:52,080
like Muhammad Ali or Joe Frazier
or Sugar Ray Leonard.
229
00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:54,749
Basically, I'm just listing boxers, you might...
230
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,093
The party's downstairs, isn't it?
231
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,434
I think you might be
selling yourself a little short.
232
00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:16,396
With just the tiniest bit of effort,
233
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:19,691
you could've had someone much younger
234
00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:21,693
and much hotter.
235
00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:25,113
But better luck next time, Teach.
236
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,291
What's the matter with you?
You look flushed.
237
00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:38,418
Well, my virtue was just assailed.
238
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:41,629
In a not entirely
unpleasant manner, but still.
239
00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:44,215
- Leaving so soon?
- Yeah.
240
00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:47,176
Girl can only take so much
humiliation in one night.
241
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,304
The gentleman caller never called, huh?
242
00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,764
No, he never called. And he never texted.
243
00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:53,683
And he made an actual plan
to meet me here.
244
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:56,352
And he seemed really into it
on the first two dates.
245
00:14:56,395 --> 00:15:00,315
And then, he just never showed.
What... Go ahead and explain that to me.
246
00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:04,027
Take a shot, you said
you would explain it and, and... Why?
247
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:05,987
It's, like, so hard to make a phone call?
248
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,364
You seem to forget I'm not the man
who stood you up.
249
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:12,744
Here's where he keeps the good stuff.
250
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:17,332
Me! We were talking about me here.
251
00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:22,670
OK. I'm gonna say this once
and one time only, so listen closely, OK?
252
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,297
Fuck the fireman.
253
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:28,092
If I recall, that was the same advice
you gave me earlier in the evening.
254
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:29,594
Totally different context.
255
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:32,847
So that's it. Just fuck him. That's all you got.
256
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:36,225
I gotta be laid-back about this.
I'm not even allowed to be pissed off.
257
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,186
No, you get to be pissed off.
258
00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:41,314
But, you know,
maybe if you just relaxed for...
259
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:46,152
whoa... half a second, and stopped looking
so hard for the appropriate life mate,
260
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,780
then you might wake up
one morning next to one.
261
00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:51,115
Right. Cos it's just that easy.
262
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:54,243
I didn't say it was easy. But you've got
a serious gam up in the matter.
263
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:57,455
Oh, yeah. How so?
264
00:15:57,498 --> 00:16:00,458
Cos you're scary smart
and you're crazy beautiful.
265
00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:03,962
You're also incredibly sexual. So there.
266
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:08,299
What the fuck are you talking about?
I'm a total nerd.
267
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:10,259
True that, but you're a sexy nerd.
268
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:12,762
Some women,
they just shut off that part of themselves
269
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,597
and expect Prince Charming to come along
270
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,725
and pry open their dusty old beavers
with the jaws of life, or some shit.
271
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,644
Not you. You're a good-timer.
272
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:25,149
And you're just saying this, right?
273
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:28,444
Which... What do you mean?
274
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:31,155
Well, you're saying all this incredibly weird
275
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:33,574
but incredibly sweet stuff about me and...
276
00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:35,827
But that's what you do, right?
277
00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:39,163
That's what you do in this situation,
you're trying to make me feel better.
278
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:43,376
- Yeah. Which is bad, why?
- It's not necessarily a bad thing.
279
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:47,797
I just wonder if you mean anything
that's coming out of your mouth.
280
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,383
I don't just say shit.
I mean, I do talk a lot of shit,
281
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:53,428
but I generally mean what I say
and I say what I mean.
282
00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,558
So you see me as a viable candidate?
283
00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:05,023
- Depends on what you're running for.
- Dick! You know what I mean.
284
00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:10,361
Look, if my love life weren't as
complicated as something that is...
285
00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:12,572
really complicated
that I can't think of now,
286
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:14,949
I'd totally check your teeth
and take you out for a ride.
287
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:17,118
God, I hate you!
288
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:19,579
What? You're a strange bird.
Why are you hating on me?
289
00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:23,833
Cos I really thought you were
gonna kiss me just then.
290
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:26,627
That is weird. That is very weird.
291
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:30,173
- Why?
- Cos I was thinking the exact same thing.
292
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:31,799
- Really?
- Well, not exactly.
293
00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:35,178
I was thinking about what it might be like
to go down on you for the first time.
294
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:38,598
- It's kind of the same thing, isn't it?
- You're such an asshole.
295
00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:59,744
Do you feel it yet?
296
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:03,122
Nope. Is that normal?
297
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:07,210
Totally.
Mushrooms take a while to hit.
298
00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:11,631
What's the craziest thing
you've ever done?
299
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:15,426
Sexually.
300
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,678
Let's put it this way.
301
00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:21,182
My father would be thrilled
by my lack of experience in the area.
302
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:25,561
What about blow jobs?
303
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,606
I touched one.
304
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:30,650
Kind of freaked me out how hard it got.
305
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:33,528
You?
306
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:36,239
A bunch of times. It's fun.
307
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:39,200
Weren't you scared?
308
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:44,122
Sure. At first. But then you realise
how much power you have over guys,
309
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:46,624
and it's kind of exciting.
310
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,876
I'm sure I'd do something wrong.
311
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:51,087
It's not like you're gonna break it.
312
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,756
I mean, as long as
you're careful with your teeth
313
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:57,468
and remember to incorporate the balls,
you can't fuck it up too bad.
314
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,512
Ask any guy, he'll tell you.
315
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:02,723
- OK. Good to know.
- Don't worry.
316
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:06,686
- We'll get you laid this year.
- No rush.
317
00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:10,064
Sometimes I think I'd be happy
to stay a virgin forever.
318
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:13,192
Seems like once you get laid...
319
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:16,279
Your whole life basically turns to shit.
320
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:19,574
I've heard that one before.
Come on, Becca. You're slipping.
321
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:23,953
I've done a lot of work to get you out
of that gloomy fuckin' head of yours.
322
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,080
Think about it.
323
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:29,375
If my mother and father hadn't been
so quick to fuck each other,
324
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,961
I wouldn't be here right now.
325
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:35,423
And if I wasn't here right now,
I think they'd be a lot happier.
326
00:19:35,465 --> 00:19:38,092
Especially my father.
327
00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:42,305
It's really shitty that he makes you
feel that way, Becca.
328
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:45,057
He doesn't. It's me.
329
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,688
I just see things.
330
00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:57,153
- Is this it?
- Yep.
331
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:06,537
- Oh, wow.
- I know, right?
332
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,247
- No, not that.
- No?
333
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:10,666
No. I'm such a slut.
334
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:13,502
In the best way possible.
335
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:16,047
You're not, like, gonna lose
respect for me now, are you?
336
00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:18,466
Eight per cent at the most.
337
00:20:18,508 --> 00:20:20,593
Hold on. Thought I heard somebody.
338
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,804
- Shit. No... Ah!
- Shit.
339
00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:25,306
Go, go.
340
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:29,018
Won't you treat me nice?
341
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:34,482
Hey, my peach, blow on my dice
342
00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:36,984
Gonna swing on my swing
343
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:39,904
Don't you dare treat me nice
344
00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:42,740
Cos I'm a child for you
345
00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:47,036
Baby, I'm wild for you
346
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,088
- OK, you caught me.
- Oh, Jesus!
347
00:20:57,130 --> 00:20:59,090
Watch that stuff. Here, let me take that.
348
00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:00,967
- Gimme that.
- No, no! Will you stop it?
349
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:03,219
- Moody, for Christ's sake.
- You were gonna spill it.
350
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:06,138
Please don't handle me.
What are you doing in my private office?
351
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:09,558
- Came in here to make a phone call.
- That was your cell phone?
352
00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,727
Yeah. I like me a '70s groove.
353
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:14,647
What about that ditty you were singing
when you came in here?
354
00:21:14,731 --> 00:21:18,567
- May I enquire about that?
- That was an obscure classic.
355
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:20,236
- Was it? Yeah.
- Yes.
356
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:23,072
Is it some ditty of your own invention,
perhaps?
357
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,741
No, it's right out of
the great American songbook.
358
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:28,327
If you had a little more culture,
you'd understand.
359
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:31,455
Something you would have sung
a cappella with the Whiff 'N' Poofs?
360
00:21:31,498 --> 00:21:34,041
Gay Men's Health Choir,
or something like that?
361
00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:37,295
- Hey, you two. Party's in there.
- Ah, yeah.
362
00:21:37,337 --> 00:21:40,256
- You're not having any of my Lowland malt.
- I wouldn't dream of it.
363
00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:42,508
But I would like some privacy
to make a phone call.
364
00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:43,634
- No.
- No?
365
00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:45,344
- No.
- What do you mean, no?
366
00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:48,848
- That's not very polite.
- Well, my house, my rules.
367
00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:55,479
What's gotten into him?
368
00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:58,190
- Is there another way in here?
- Why do you want more privacy?
369
00:21:58,233 --> 00:22:00,067
- Well, I just...
- Listen, Hank.
370
00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:03,070
About earlier,
can we just forget what happened?
371
00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:06,532
Well, we needn't ever speak of it again.
372
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:10,328
But one does not very easily
forget the kiss of a beautiful woman.
373
00:22:10,370 --> 00:22:13,539
That's right. I said it. I meant it.
And I'm here to represent it.
374
00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:17,835
I gotta run, cos that cheese
is working on me.
375
00:22:28,555 --> 00:22:33,267
Hi. I was looking for Charlie.
376
00:22:33,310 --> 00:22:37,563
- He's gone home for the day.
- You must be Sue.
377
00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:39,982
Yes. Sue Collini.
378
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:42,026
Marcy, the ex.
379
00:22:42,069 --> 00:22:44,904
He's told me all about you.
380
00:22:48,241 --> 00:22:52,078
OK, well, if you just tell him
that I was looking for him,
381
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:54,955
I was gonna give him this bottle of...
382
00:22:57,667 --> 00:23:01,170
Smoker's cough.
Love those More Menthols.
383
00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:04,548
Charlie.
384
00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:07,176
- Charlie Runkle.
- Yes.
385
00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:09,303
Are you inside that woman?
386
00:23:09,346 --> 00:23:12,098
- I can explain.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
387
00:23:12,140 --> 00:23:14,767
Marcy. Marcy, it...
388
00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:19,939
- It was nice to meet you, Sue.
- Marcy, Marcy, don't go. Marcy!
389
00:23:19,981 --> 00:23:21,732
Oh, God, OK.
390
00:23:21,775 --> 00:23:25,820
Let's just keep my ass
closer to the ground, please.
391
00:23:25,862 --> 00:23:27,613
- There you go.
- OK.
392
00:23:27,656 --> 00:23:31,075
Remind me to never take your advice again.
393
00:23:31,118 --> 00:23:33,661
You're gonna thank me
when you're living in the suburbs
394
00:23:33,703 --> 00:23:37,081
with that house with the attached garage
of your dreams.
395
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:40,543
Would you like a smoke?
396
00:23:40,585 --> 00:23:44,505
No, I've broken quite enough rules
for one night, thank you.
397
00:23:44,548 --> 00:23:48,384
Speaking of which,
probably wasn't cool of me
398
00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:51,804
to take advantage of you
in your moment of weakness.
399
00:23:51,847 --> 00:23:56,976
No, it wasn't. But in fairness, all of my
moments are moments of weakness now.
400
00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:01,313
So, what's the matter with me anyway?
401
00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:06,193
Well, now that I've had
an up close and personal view,
402
00:24:06,236 --> 00:24:09,029
I would have to say, nothing.
403
00:24:09,072 --> 00:24:11,365
Oh, come on, that old chestnut?
404
00:24:11,408 --> 00:24:14,952
It's not me, I just haven't
found the right guy?
405
00:24:14,995 --> 00:24:16,620
- Oh, my God.
- What?
406
00:24:16,663 --> 00:24:18,747
- Shit, he's here.
- Him who?
407
00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:22,418
- The fire dude.
- The balls on that guy, three hours late.
408
00:24:22,502 --> 00:24:25,296
Then again, you just had another dude
inside you ten minutes ago.
409
00:24:25,338 --> 00:24:27,798
- Jill.
- Hey, Ross.
410
00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:29,467
- Hey.
- You made it.
411
00:24:29,509 --> 00:24:32,803
- Yeah, you must really hate me right now.
- She does.
412
00:24:34,264 --> 00:24:37,933
Yeah. That's not a lie. I...
413
00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:39,477
This is...
414
00:24:39,519 --> 00:24:42,855
This is Dr Henry Moody.
I'm her thesis advisor.
415
00:24:42,898 --> 00:24:45,691
It's nice to meet you. I was beginning
to think Jill made you up,
416
00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:47,818
that you were a figment of her imagination.
417
00:24:47,861 --> 00:24:52,406
Well, I'm hoping you'll give me a chance
to explain, you know, unless I'm too late.
418
00:24:52,449 --> 00:24:54,492
Maybe I've missed my chance.
419
00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:57,995
Well, normally she's a real stickler
for verities and balderdash,
420
00:24:58,038 --> 00:25:01,081
but if you were out saving lives,
I think an exception can be made
421
00:25:01,124 --> 00:25:03,709
for a real-life fire dude, don't you think?
422
00:25:03,752 --> 00:25:06,504
Weren't you just saying
you want another fucking drink?
423
00:25:06,546 --> 00:25:08,047
- Yes.
- Just now. You were, right?
424
00:25:08,089 --> 00:25:11,509
- I was. I need another fucking drink.
- Yeah.
425
00:25:11,551 --> 00:25:15,846
And spring for the good stuff.
Top shelf. Don't be cheap.
426
00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:18,224
See you in class, Professor.
427
00:25:20,143 --> 00:25:22,186
There's my dad.
428
00:25:22,229 --> 00:25:24,480
Hey. What have you two been up to?
429
00:25:24,523 --> 00:25:26,815
Late-night swim, midnight tennis match?
430
00:25:26,858 --> 00:25:30,486
We just walked down
to campus to get some pizza.
431
00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:33,781
- Pizza?
- Yes, pizza.
432
00:25:35,367 --> 00:25:38,327
- Come closer.
- Why?
433
00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,621
I want to smell you.
434
00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:48,837
You smell like pizza.
435
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:53,717
Be careful, don't get too close.
I feel a burp coming on.
436
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,220
- You wouldn't.
- I would.
437
00:25:56,263 --> 00:25:59,682
And remember, sometimes burps
smell worse than farts.
438
00:25:59,724 --> 00:26:02,226
- Is that a threat?
- You guys are so gross.
439
00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:05,896
What, there's no bodily functions
at the deanery? Just catered affairs?
440
00:26:08,149 --> 00:26:11,652
Hey, Dad, don't pick me up
till noon tomorrow, OK?
441
00:26:11,695 --> 00:26:13,279
OK, sweetie.
442
00:26:19,077 --> 00:26:20,953
Very cheerful. Very cheerful.
443
00:26:25,083 --> 00:26:28,294
One night, Felix. That's it. All right?
444
00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:31,422
Understood. I just...
I can't go back there tonight.
445
00:26:31,464 --> 00:26:34,300
I can't face her. Not after this humiliation.
446
00:26:34,342 --> 00:26:38,345
Remind me again how this humiliation
is different from all the others.
447
00:26:38,388 --> 00:26:40,723
I'm gonna need some eggs Benedict
tomorrow, blue man.
448
00:26:40,765 --> 00:26:45,227
That I can do. What I cannot do
is resist the allure of a powerful woman.
449
00:26:45,270 --> 00:26:48,897
So we're 100 per cent sure
she's 100 per cent woman, right?
450
00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:52,359
The balls of steel thing is just metaphorical?
451
00:26:53,612 --> 00:26:55,571
You know what did the trick, Hank?
452
00:26:55,614 --> 00:26:58,073
What sent me over the edge
after weeks of resisting?
453
00:26:58,116 --> 00:27:00,951
One tiny little compliment
about my agenting.
454
00:27:01,036 --> 00:27:03,787
That's it. That's all it takes
to make a man come across.
455
00:27:03,830 --> 00:27:06,123
We are not complicated creatures.
456
00:27:06,166 --> 00:27:10,586
Don't be so hard on yourself.
You were sexually harassed tonight.
457
00:27:10,629 --> 00:27:14,256
As was I. No man can withstand
that kind of pressure.
458
00:27:15,383 --> 00:27:18,469
Yeah, but do you know where I'd be
If I'd been just a tiny bit stronger?
459
00:27:18,511 --> 00:27:20,596
Back in the promised land.
460
00:27:20,639 --> 00:27:23,641
The whole package, man.
My own house, my own bed,
461
00:27:23,683 --> 00:27:25,768
my own wife.
462
00:27:26,770 --> 00:27:29,605
Next year, my Hebrew friend.
463
00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:32,316
Next year in Jerusalem.
37046
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.