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1
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Previously on Californication...
2
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You hocked everything? Is that it?
3
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I need to fess up, OK?
It's part of the process.
4
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I'm King of Fuck Mountain!
5
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I could go for days!
6
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All right, repeat after me.
7
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- I will never...
- I will never...
8
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...fuck Mia again.
9
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Oh, no! You didn't!
10
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You're an asshole!
11
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- But we haven't even dated.
- No, I'm a little too old for you.
12
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You date children.
13
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What the fuck?
14
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I thought I saw a green light there.
15
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I work for Lew Ashby.
16
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It just says "Get in the car."
17
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We'll have you back by eleven.
18
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Just in time.
19
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- The guy's an animal.
- But he is a great kisser.
20
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,244
I'm gonna have to pass
on that very tempting offer.
21
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,496
Wow. Rejected.
22
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I went on a date
with this beautiful woman,
23
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,669
and I did not have sex with her.
24
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:48,255
- Why are you looking at me like that?
- How am I looking at you?
25
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Like you want a reward or something.
26
00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:53,343
That was very rewarding.
27
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:57,181
What is that?
28
00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:59,349
- That's...
- It's like a lump or something.
29
00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,268
That's my groin.
30
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:56,073
What does that mean?
31
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- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah?
32
00:01:57,867 --> 00:02:00,869
I see what you mean.
You got quite a lump here.
33
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It's grotesque.
34
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- Cancer?
- Not necessarily.
35
00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,875
What the fuck is it?
36
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,212
One very angry and swollen lymph node.
37
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Down there?
38
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,924
I keep telling him
it's probably nothing, right?
39
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Not necessarily.
40
00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,347
So, what are you working on these days?
41
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,141
What am I working on?
42
00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:24,935
I'm working on figuring out
what that fucking lump in my junk is.
43
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:28,021
- That's what I'm working on.
- I say we biopsy that sucker.
44
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,941
We'll do it right here, right now.
45
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:36,280
I'd love to, but I got a lot of important
meetings and appointments, so...
46
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:40,033
- I'm a very busy man. I got to run.
- Hank, you're doing this right now.
47
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Come on. It'll be fun. It won't hurt at all.
48
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Well, that's not true.
It's gonna hurt like hell down here.
49
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,918
- It's gonna be quick, right?
- In the whole scheme of things?
50
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:52,379
Sure. Over before you know it.
51
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:56,008
OK, hold up. Hold it.
Is there time for me to get a drink?
52
00:02:56,050 --> 00:03:00,053
Can you send a man-nurse over to
Gil Turner's for a bottle? Can I get a drink?
53
00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:03,015
For you? Sure.
54
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:11,440
The body of Kurt Cobain
was found in a room above the garage
55
00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:14,234
of his fashionable
Lake Washington Boulevard...
56
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,497
What's wrong? Are you OK?
57
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:29,249
Kurt Cobain...
58
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,211
He's dead.
59
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:35,589
What? What happened?
60
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,382
Suicide.
61
00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:41,845
- That's a fucking shame.
- Yeah.
62
00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:46,058
And I'm pregnant.
63
00:03:58,279 --> 00:03:59,321
It's positive.
64
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:02,241
- As in?
- As in, I'm with child.
65
00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:05,327
What's so positive about that?
Here. Have another one.
66
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,621
Look. Pee on this.
Pee on that.
67
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:10,582
We've done three, OK?
I'm all out of pee.
68
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,709
Drink some water and hydrate
and pee on this.
69
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:15,045
- I'm pregnant.
- I'm not convinced.
70
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This is happening. Fuck.
71
00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:20,467
The rabbit done died, huh?
72
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All right. OK.
73
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:26,974
What do we do now?
74
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:32,396
Well, it's OK. I mean, you know,
I'll just take care of it, so...
75
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,856
We'll take care of it.
76
00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:37,025
So that's it? We've decided?
77
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:38,402
That's good. Yeah.
78
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,654
Well played, woman.
79
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:46,118
I now feel entirely incapable
of giving you the right answer here.
80
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:50,622
Well, no. Jesus Christ, Hank,
we barely know each other, right?
81
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:51,915
You got a girlfriend.
82
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:55,877
It's a loose arrangement. The waify models
are good that way, you know?
83
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,130
And you have a boyfriend.
84
00:04:58,172 --> 00:05:00,716
Let's not forget that important little factoid.
85
00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:04,052
I have a boyfriend who's on tour,
a boyfriend I never see,
86
00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,388
a boyfriend I think less and less about.
87
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,056
All right, look.
88
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:10,559
I don't want to be insensitive, all right,
89
00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:14,062
but are we entirely sure
that this is my doing?
90
00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:19,192
Yep. We seem pretty sure. OK.
91
00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:20,944
Most likely, it's nothing.
92
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,362
But what could it be?
93
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,281
It's hard to say.
94
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,742
You could have a nasty infection
somewhere.
95
00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:28,994
Well, that sounds very manageable.
96
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:32,331
Absolutely. We could probably
knock that out with antibiotics.
97
00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:33,999
Great. What else?
98
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,917
It could very well be an STD.
99
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,128
- No, I don't think so.
- Oh, really?
100
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,421
What else?
101
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,923
No, let's stay in this arena.
I want to know more.
102
00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:44,718
Well, syphilis is a big one.
It's on the rise.
103
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,386
- Syphilis.
- Syphilis?
104
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,846
Do you hear that? That's nice.
105
00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:51,224
I don't see any reason that we would
assume that. It could be cancer.
106
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:53,852
- It could be.
- That's better than syphilis.
107
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:57,856
Woman, what is wrong with you?
You'd rather I have cancer?
108
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:02,277
We've got to talk about options.
109
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,780
I don't have any pamphlets
or literature on me,
110
00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:09,034
but you strike me as a painfully liberal,
pro-choice kind of a gal.
111
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:13,121
Who, me? Oh, my God, no.
I'm ultraconservative.
112
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,540
Like N.R.A., pro-life, the whole...
113
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:16,875
- Really?
- Yeah.
114
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:20,921
That really limits our options,
but let's sit with that for a moment.
115
00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:25,884
Seriously, I have been on
a kind of non-abortion streak
116
00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:29,596
my whole life, and I feel
kind of good about that, you know?
117
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:32,182
Yeah. I get that. I get it.
118
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,892
But do you really...
119
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:35,852
really want to have a child right now?
120
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:38,397
No, not really.
121
00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:39,815
You do, right?
122
00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:42,192
No. God, no.
I mean, I am a child.
123
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,152
A fairly big one, you know,
124
00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:47,155
but when children have children,
125
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:50,158
it never works out for anyone.
Especially me.
126
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:53,245
Right. I can see it might
seriously hamper your ability
127
00:06:53,287 --> 00:06:57,332
- to drink and get laid on a nightly basis.
- Don't worry about that.
128
00:06:57,375 --> 00:07:01,086
- I can multitask with the best of 'em.
- Good to know.
129
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:04,548
I'm sorry that I knocked you up.
130
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,133
It's almost rude, right?
131
00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:07,759
You're kind enough to grant me access
132
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:11,263
to your most intimate of areas,
and what do I do?
133
00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:12,889
I pollinate that shit.
134
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,976
I really wish that one of us
would have insisted on a rubber.
135
00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:17,394
One of us did.
136
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,354
- Well, not this one.
- This one.
137
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,982
Well, I mean, let's not get
all Rashômon on it.
138
00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:25,944
If I re... OK. Well, no,
maybe I didn't insist hard enough.
139
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:29,030
- Thank you.
- OK, I'm not gonna press charges anymore.
140
00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:31,867
- Wonderful. Look at this.
- I'm just gonna shoot you.
141
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:35,203
We get along really well
for a couple of virtual strangers.
142
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:37,664
For now, yeah, but give it 10 years,
143
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:41,835
and I'll just be another woman
that you got tired of fucking.
144
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:44,171
You know, in 10 years' time,
145
00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:46,298
you might very well be the love of my life.
146
00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,136
What are you doing?
147
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:54,097
- He said today, you know?
- He said maybe today.
148
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,599
Today is today.
149
00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:58,768
Hank. Will you stop it?
It's gonna be OK.
150
00:07:58,811 --> 00:07:59,853
You don't know that.
151
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:04,691
Well, I do, because whatever happens,
we'll get through it.
152
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,485
I'm gonna help you.
153
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:08,320
But it's not your problem.
154
00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:10,697
We're not even together right now, so...
155
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:14,117
I forgot what a hypochondriac
drama queen you can be.
156
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,204
You're not the one
who just had a biopsy done on your cock.
157
00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:19,122
That's cos I don't have a cock.
158
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:22,334
- Thank the Lord for that.
- Anyway, it wasn't on your cock.
159
00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:27,005
Yeah, I know, but I consider that whole area,
general area, my cock.
160
00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:29,841
Like, from my knees to my nipples, cock.
161
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:34,179
Well, he said it was probably just
a swollen lymph node, remember?
162
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,347
It could be cancer.
163
00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:37,974
- It could be syphilis.
- Oh, shit. Yeah.
164
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:41,520
I could wind up a blind,
dickless beggar working a 405 off-ramp.
165
00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:43,146
Stop by and say hi sometime.
166
00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:47,317
- Look who's here.
- Hey, honey.
167
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,860
Are you OK?
168
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:51,488
Yeah, sure. Yes. Why?
169
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:55,075
Because you're here.
You've been sleeping over.
170
00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:57,953
Which could mean you guys
are getting back together.
171
00:08:57,995 --> 00:09:00,330
Or it could mean something's wrong.
172
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:04,960
Either way, someone should grow a pair
and tell me what's going on.
173
00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:09,381
We're not getting back together.
174
00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:12,300
And everything's fine.
175
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:14,386
Liars!
176
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:18,765
Seriously.
177
00:09:20,476 --> 00:09:22,769
What do you want to do?
178
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,813
It's totally up to me?
179
00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:27,399
In a way, it is.
180
00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:30,819
OK, well, I'm just gonna deal with it,
you know?
181
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:33,697
I don't really want
to have a baby right now, and...
182
00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:39,494
judging by that huge exhalation...
neither do you.
183
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:41,955
So, that's it.
184
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,833
But we can't see each other anymore.
185
00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:49,045
This is no way to start a relationship.
We're both cheating on people, Hank.
186
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:52,299
It kind of sucks. I don't want to do that.
187
00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:56,011
So, you go, you know, take care of your shit,
and I'll take care of mine,
188
00:09:56,053 --> 00:10:00,015
and if and when you want,
you could call me.
189
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:03,435
That's not the way it works
in the big ol' world.
190
00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:06,187
People have a tendency to lose one another.
191
00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:10,150
Well, if that's what happens,
then it wasn't meant to be, right?
192
00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:21,703
Could you stop surfing
the internet for a diagnosis?
193
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:24,497
No way.
I know what I have without question.
194
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:25,582
What?
195
00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:28,918
Apparently, I have the bubonic plague.
196
00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:32,172
Well, guess what? I have just the cure.
197
00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:36,134
I'm gonna offer you a service.
Yeah.
198
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,677
Cancer-scare mercy fuck?
199
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:41,556
- You know, I'm gonna pass.
- You're gonna pass?
200
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:42,641
- Yeah.
- You are?
201
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:45,435
I don't want you to be insulted, but...
202
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,395
That's OK. I can take it.
203
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,689
I'm gonna go take a shower.
204
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:52,317
Can I ask you, before you go, a question?
205
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,694
I'm offering you sex and you want to talk?
206
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:56,529
Has the Earth spun off its axis?
207
00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:58,990
It's just, you said that thing
the other day, you know?
208
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,701
- What thing?
- About Ashby.
209
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,370
- What do you mean?
- What do you mean?
210
00:11:03,412 --> 00:11:05,997
You said that thing
about him being a great kisser,
211
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,625
which kind of sounded like a joke
and kind of not at the same time.
212
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,419
Well, it kind of was a joke
and it kind of wasn't at the same time.
213
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,088
I mean, he did kiss me.
214
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:17,384
- He's a fucking asshole.
- No, not an asshole. He's a child.
215
00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:18,802
He wants what he wants,
216
00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:21,346
and he can't understand
if he doesn't get it.
217
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:24,474
He's kind of similar to someone else I know.
218
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,351
There should be a lot of empathy.
219
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,061
You didn't answer my question.
220
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,562
What was the question?
221
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:32,482
Is this something I need to worry about?
Is something going on?
222
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,442
Oh, please.
223
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:37,112
Don't you have enough
to worry about right now?
224
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:40,281
Will you please stop answering
my questions with a question?
225
00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:43,993
Then stop asking me questions.
You said it.
226
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,745
We're not together right now.
227
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:48,331
So I don't owe you any explanation.
228
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:40,341
Come on, buddy.
Everybody has a scare or two in their life.
229
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:42,677
You remember when they took
that gnarly skin tag
230
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,554
off the base of my scrotum that time?
231
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:48,141
- That amused you greatly.
- Skin tags are inherently amusing.
232
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:49,809
Yes, and disgusting.
233
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:52,979
It's the Runkle family curse.
Mad skin tags, baby.
234
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,607
You make me want to die.
235
00:12:56,817 --> 00:13:00,695
Anyway, I remember I sweated
that phone call for days, man.
236
00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:02,489
You know, waiting for the results.
237
00:13:02,531 --> 00:13:05,950
Marcy finally had to bitch-slap
some sense into me at one point.
238
00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:07,786
You will be OK.
239
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:09,871
That's what everybody says, "You'll be OK."
240
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:12,207
And then one day the phone rings
and you're not OK.
241
00:13:12,249 --> 00:13:14,584
Well, yeah. There's that.
242
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,336
Hey, look on the bright side.
243
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:19,589
That girl seems to be
eye-raping you over there.
244
00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:24,677
Who cares? Know how much time
I've wasted on that fucking dance?
245
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,721
Time I could have spent
hanging with my daughter?
246
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:32,143
- You are a great father.
- No! I'm a father. I am not great.
247
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,896
A great father is a guy
that gives it all up for his family
248
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,524
and leaves his self-destructive
bullshit at the door.
249
00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:40,318
The self-loathing is strong in you today,
my friend.
250
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:42,654
I'm like my father.
There isn't a woman that I've met
251
00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:45,615
that I haven't fallen in love
with for 10 minutes or 10 years.
252
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,159
What about the one woman
that threw it in with me?
253
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:52,247
Took that massive leap of faith just to be
with me? What did I do? I fucked that up.
254
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:53,748
You gave it a shot, man.
255
00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:55,208
- Did I?
- Yeah.
256
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:59,087
Did I do my absolute best
or did I just want someone I didn't have?
257
00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:01,256
Is the chase better than the catch?
258
00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:06,010
And other some such
clichéd, masculine bullshit.
259
00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:08,763
There is no absolute best, Hank.
260
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:14,686
You know, I really envy your
relationship with Marce. You know, it's...
261
00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:18,731
It's like it's indestructible.
Teflon marriage.
262
00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:21,234
Maybe.
Doesn't mean I don't want things.
263
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,528
Yeah, but you know what you have.
264
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,446
I don't know.
265
00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:30,493
Faced with my own mortality,
I might rather be elsewhere.
266
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,037
With Daisy maybe.
267
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:36,040
That's just the mindfuck of the fresh.
That's an illusion.
268
00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:38,626
That's just new pussy talking to you.
269
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:40,587
What if it's not, huh?
270
00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:44,382
Runkle, you better watch your fucking ass
271
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:47,594
or I will have your balls, skin tags and all.
272
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:53,558
- Doctor?
- No.
273
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,935
It's Ashby. Fuck him.
274
00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:31,346
You want me to leave the water running?
275
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:33,765
There's still some hot left.
276
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:39,187
Yeah, OK, OK.
277
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:41,314
Hey, beautiful.
278
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,942
What's up with Moody?
Haven't seen him for days.
279
00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:47,528
He's not picking up, returning my calls.
He OK?
280
00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:50,531
Yeah. Yeah, he...
281
00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:55,203
- No. He's got some stuff going on.
- Anything I can do?
282
00:15:57,331 --> 00:16:00,500
No. I mean, you know,
he kind of wants to know
283
00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:02,877
what's going on with us, which is, like...
284
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,462
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
285
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:05,838
What is going on with us?
286
00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:09,842
I told him you were a great kisser,
which was kind of dumb.
287
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:12,804
Well, that is somewhat incendiary.
288
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,975
- And yet completely true.
- I wouldn't know.
289
00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:20,228
No, he... It kind of pissed him off.
290
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:24,524
- Really? You don't say?
- Right.
291
00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:27,360
You know, I was seeing this guy
when I first met Hank,
292
00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:29,654
and he kind of reminds me of you.
293
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:30,780
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
294
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,950
- What was he like?
- He was simple.
295
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,411
Simple? Like, retarded?
296
00:16:36,453 --> 00:16:37,829
Yeah.
297
00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:42,208
No. No, good. Really good simple.
I mean, he was...
298
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:45,169
He loved music, he smiled a lot.
299
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:50,008
Stop it.
Kind of like he had the secret, you know?
300
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:52,010
- Which is what?
- I guess...
301
00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:57,598
Take the thing you love
and make it your life.
302
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,310
- So, we should kiss?
- No.
303
00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:03,813
Are you insane?
Do you have no memory?
304
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,231
Fucker!
305
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,025
Hank, no!
306
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,319
Hank! God!
307
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:12,822
Hank, stop!
308
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:14,574
Oh, shit!
309
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,076
OK! OK!
310
00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:22,749
OK. I'm out.
311
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:26,586
Bitch!
312
00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:29,422
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
313
00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:34,218
Come on.
You're behaving like a child.
314
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,763
Moody!
315
00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:38,222
Hank!
316
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:39,640
Get off of him!
317
00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:43,561
Hank Moody, Dr. Reiss calling.
Give me a call at the office.
318
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,481
Hey! Hello? Hello?
319
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:50,485
Fuck!
320
00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:54,322
Peace.
321
00:17:54,364 --> 00:17:58,326
That's great, Marce.
Yes. I accept your apology.
322
00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:00,203
I'm all for the 12 steps.
323
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:02,371
Love 'em.
Can't get enough of 'em.
324
00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:03,873
Wish there were more.
325
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,709
Sounds great.
326
00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:09,796
Can't wait to see you.
327
00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:13,424
Love you too, baby. Bye.
328
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:17,720
Hey.
329
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:20,807
"Hey" yourself.
330
00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:25,812
- I thought I might find you here.
- Well, you could've just called.
331
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:28,815
I just didn't want to do this over the phone.
332
00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:30,608
I found a place.
333
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:33,653
So you're moving out?
334
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,321
It's a cute place.
335
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,698
It's just a single, but it's in Santa Monica.
336
00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:40,993
It's pretty close to the water
and close to yoga.
337
00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:44,956
There's something else I wanted to tell you.
338
00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:46,916
And I hope you're not mad.
339
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:50,169
But I don't want to do any more porn.
340
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:52,255
I think I'm out.
341
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:53,422
Really?
342
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,592
But you're so good at it.
343
00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,137
I don't know,
Vaginatown was special.
344
00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:02,390
I mean, this whole thing was special.
345
00:19:02,432 --> 00:19:07,311
And, you know,
if I can't actually be with you, Charlie...
346
00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:11,566
I'd kind of like the last person
I had on-screen sex with to be you.
347
00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:16,696
That's, like, one of the nicest things
anyone's ever said to me.
348
00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:19,907
And yet totally gross for you.
349
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:24,662
What are you gonna do?
350
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:27,123
Temp, waitress...
351
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:31,127
But I'm gonna take acting classes.
And maybe some improv.
352
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,212
I know I've got an uphill battle ahead of me.
353
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,672
What with the fisting and all.
354
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:35,798
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
355
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:38,801
But it's worth it cos I really want this.
356
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,137
Well, I'll still manage you if you'll have me.
357
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:44,056
Are you sure that's such a good idea?
358
00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:46,225
No.
359
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:52,815
But the thought of never seeing you again
sounds like a much, much worse idea.
360
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:59,447
Maybe I could see your place sometime.
361
00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:01,699
I'd like that.
362
00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:06,954
Maybe I could see it now.
363
00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:10,124
Well, I'd like that even more.
364
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:18,633
- Sorry about your cock.
- It's not my cock.
365
00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:20,468
Doesn't matter. You should have told me.
366
00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:24,222
- I trained as a paramedic. I could've helped.
- Oh, yeah? Like how?
367
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:29,810
I don't know. I could've... felt around,
put your mind at ease.
368
00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:31,062
Maybe next time.
369
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:35,524
Look, I'm sorry I kissed your old lady.
370
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,110
I'm sorry I kissed yours.
371
00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:41,113
- You fucking asshole. Did you penetrate?
- Did I go inside? No.
372
00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:44,992
Friends don't let friends
bang each other's soul mates.
373
00:20:45,035 --> 00:20:46,953
A-fucking-men to that.
374
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:49,872
Be good.
375
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:57,421
- Sorry about the mess.
- It's OK.
376
00:20:57,464 --> 00:21:00,174
Hank, you're my best friend.
377
00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:03,761
I would never, ever fuck someone
to get back at you.
378
00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:07,682
I know. That's the thing.
If you fuck someone, you really want to.
379
00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:10,184
That's what scares me.
380
00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:13,437
Well, what do you really want?
I mean, how do you want this to end?
381
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,941
I want to keep doing this
for as much time as we have left.
382
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:18,401
Not, not cleaning up.
383
00:21:19,486 --> 00:21:20,528
This.
384
00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:24,573
Isn't that, like, what we've been doing?
385
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:28,286
Well, I don't know if we have.
We've talked about it endlessly,
386
00:21:28,328 --> 00:21:31,831
and we've listed all the reasons
why it's not possible,
387
00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:34,750
but what if all those reasons
just magically went away?
388
00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:37,211
That's the problem. They never do.
389
00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:40,339
OK, you've got one month left.
What do you do?
390
00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:42,758
- How do you spend it?
- With Becca.
391
00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:44,260
No Hank in there?
392
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:47,722
I don't fit in anywhere in there?
No Hank?
393
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:50,308
Maybe a couple of days.
394
00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:53,436
Fair enough, but for me...
395
00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:56,022
I want you there at the end.
396
00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:58,524
I want those eyes to be
the last thing that I see.
397
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:05,448
- You know what it is about Lew?
- No. I don't.
398
00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:07,992
He made a choice.
He chose art.
399
00:22:08,035 --> 00:22:09,785
He made that his life.
400
00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:11,787
And that's OK, that's valid.
401
00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:13,247
But with you...
402
00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:18,252
You can't figure out
who you want to be, you know?
403
00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:22,340
It's your indecision that paralyzes you
and hurts us, Hank.
404
00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:25,051
I can feel your restlessness.
405
00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:28,679
I mean, a moment like this,
yeah, you want me, you want us.
406
00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:32,433
And then that moment passes,
and you become like this ghost.
407
00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:36,062
14 years ago, "I love you"
was more than enough.
408
00:22:36,104 --> 00:22:39,231
I mean, it was almost revolutionary.
409
00:22:39,858 --> 00:22:45,071
And now...
I don't know. They're just words.
410
00:22:45,113 --> 00:22:47,990
I mean, I know you mean them, but...
411
00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:50,659
Hank, I don't know what they mean to you.
412
00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:59,001
You want to be saved?
413
00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:08,511
Hello?
414
00:23:09,096 --> 00:23:12,139
Hey, Dr. Reiss. How are you?
415
00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:17,978
OK. All right. Well...
416
00:23:19,356 --> 00:23:20,731
Thank you.
417
00:23:22,651 --> 00:23:24,693
- What?
- You were right.
418
00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:26,570
- What?
- Syphilis.
419
00:23:27,864 --> 00:23:29,698
- Bullshit.
- It's benign.
420
00:23:29,741 --> 00:23:31,784
You know, just...
421
00:23:31,827 --> 00:23:34,829
Antibiotics is all I need, and then...
422
00:23:34,871 --> 00:23:38,999
- I'm gonna be OK.
- That's fantastic. You're OK.
423
00:23:39,793 --> 00:23:41,001
For now.
424
00:23:45,882 --> 00:23:48,259
- Want to give me that...
- No.
425
00:23:48,301 --> 00:23:51,971
...post-cancer-scare mercy fuck now?
- No. It's too late.
426
00:23:55,809 --> 00:23:58,018
So, this is it, I guess?
427
00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:04,108
I guess so. Yeah.
428
00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:07,153
- Can I call you?
- No.
429
00:24:07,946 --> 00:24:10,072
No, really, I'd rather you didn't.
430
00:24:10,157 --> 00:24:13,033
Well, will you call me,
you know, just to...
431
00:24:13,076 --> 00:24:14,952
let me know you're OK?
432
00:24:14,995 --> 00:24:16,996
Yeah. I'll call you.
433
00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:20,249
No, you won't...
434
00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:21,792
But I get it.
435
00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:24,879
It was...
436
00:24:24,921 --> 00:24:30,551
It was... It was awfully nice sharing
this most unpleasant of milestones with you.
437
00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:33,888
Yeah. Same here.
438
00:24:35,974 --> 00:24:38,476
Don't get lost out there, OK?
439
00:25:10,008 --> 00:25:12,176
Hank!
440
00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:20,684
I was gonna go check out
that vigil of Kurt Cobain.
441
00:25:22,437 --> 00:25:24,730
I don't know.
Did you want to come?
442
00:25:24,773 --> 00:25:27,066
- The Cobain vigil?
- Yeah.
443
00:25:27,108 --> 00:25:31,278
Well, I got a vigil that I was already...
444
00:25:31,321 --> 00:25:32,655
No, seriously.
445
00:25:32,697 --> 00:25:34,949
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
446
00:25:34,991 --> 00:25:39,495
I don't know if you know this about me,
but I love vigils.
447
00:25:39,538 --> 00:25:41,330
I kind of guessed that.
448
00:25:43,750 --> 00:25:45,709
Dear Karen:
If you're reading this,
449
00:25:45,752 --> 00:25:48,587
it means I actually worked up
the courage to mail it.
450
00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:50,673
So, good for me.
451
00:25:51,591 --> 00:25:53,717
You don't know me very well,
but if you get me started,
452
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:57,596
I have a tendency to go on and on
about how hard the writing is for me.
453
00:25:58,348 --> 00:26:00,349
But this...
454
00:26:00,392 --> 00:26:04,270
this is the hardest thing
I've ever had to write.
455
00:26:04,312 --> 00:26:07,106
There's no easy way to say this,
so I'll just say it.
456
00:26:07,148 --> 00:26:10,359
I met someone.
It was an accident.
457
00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:12,736
I wasn't looking for it.
I wasn't on the make.
458
00:26:12,779 --> 00:26:14,446
It was a perfect storm.
459
00:26:14,489 --> 00:26:16,865
She said one thing.
I said another.
460
00:26:16,908 --> 00:26:18,951
Next thing I knew, I wanted to spend
the rest of my life
461
00:26:18,994 --> 00:26:21,620
in the middle of that conversation.
462
00:26:23,915 --> 00:26:26,083
Now there's this feeling in my gut.
463
00:26:26,126 --> 00:26:28,294
She might be the one.
464
00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:30,170
She's completely nuts
465
00:26:30,213 --> 00:26:33,882
in a way that makes me smile.
Highly neurotic.
466
00:26:33,925 --> 00:26:36,719
A great deal of maintenance required.
467
00:26:36,761 --> 00:26:38,679
She is you, Karen.
468
00:26:39,848 --> 00:26:41,515
That's the good news.
469
00:26:43,393 --> 00:26:47,187
The bad is that I don't know
how to be with you right now.
470
00:26:47,230 --> 00:26:49,523
And that scares the shit out of me.
471
00:26:49,566 --> 00:26:51,650
Because if I'm not with you right now,
472
00:26:51,735 --> 00:26:54,111
I have this feeling we'll get lost out there.
473
00:26:56,865 --> 00:27:00,200
It's a big, bad world full of twists and turns,
474
00:27:00,243 --> 00:27:02,161
and people have a way of blinking
475
00:27:02,203 --> 00:27:03,912
and missing the moment...
476
00:27:04,956 --> 00:27:08,751
the moment that could've
changed everything.
477
00:27:08,793 --> 00:27:10,669
I don't know what's going on with us,
478
00:27:12,255 --> 00:27:16,258
and I can't tell you why you should waste
a leap of faith on the likes of me...
479
00:27:18,678 --> 00:27:22,222
but, damn, you smell good,
like home.
480
00:27:22,265 --> 00:27:23,932
And you make excellent coffee.
481
00:27:23,975 --> 00:27:27,436
That's got to count for something, right?
482
00:27:27,479 --> 00:27:28,729
Call me.
483
00:27:29,439 --> 00:27:32,358
Unfaithfully yours,
34738
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