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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:02,751 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:04,670 You hocked everything? Is that it? 3 00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:07,756 I need to fess up, OK? It's part of the process. 4 00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:09,425 I'm King of Fuck Mountain! 5 00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:10,718 I could go for days! 6 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,219 All right, repeat after me. 7 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,971 - I will never... - I will never... 8 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,639 ...fuck Mia again. 9 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,641 Oh, no! You didn't! 10 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:18,767 You're an asshole! 11 00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:21,770 - But we haven't even dated. - No, I'm a little too old for you. 12 00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:23,230 You date children. 13 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:25,524 What the fuck? 14 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,443 I thought I saw a green light there. 15 00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:28,527 I work for Lew Ashby. 16 00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:29,737 It just says "Get in the car." 17 00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:31,530 We'll have you back by eleven. 18 00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:32,823 Just in time. 19 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,950 - The guy's an animal. - But he is a great kisser. 20 00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,244 I'm gonna have to pass on that very tempting offer. 21 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,496 Wow. Rejected. 22 00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:43,333 I went on a date with this beautiful woman, 23 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,669 and I did not have sex with her. 24 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:48,255 - Why are you looking at me like that? - How am I looking at you? 25 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,924 Like you want a reward or something. 26 00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:53,343 That was very rewarding. 27 00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:57,181 What is that? 28 00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:59,349 - That's... - It's like a lump or something. 29 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,268 That's my groin. 30 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:56,073 What does that mean? 31 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,825 - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah? 32 00:01:57,867 --> 00:02:00,869 I see what you mean. You got quite a lump here. 33 00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:02,454 It's grotesque. 34 00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:04,998 - Cancer? - Not necessarily. 35 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,875 What the fuck is it? 36 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,212 One very angry and swollen lymph node. 37 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:11,547 Down there? 38 00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,924 I keep telling him it's probably nothing, right? 39 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,592 Not necessarily. 40 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,347 So, what are you working on these days? 41 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,141 What am I working on? 42 00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:24,935 I'm working on figuring out what that fucking lump in my junk is. 43 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:28,021 - That's what I'm working on. - I say we biopsy that sucker. 44 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,941 We'll do it right here, right now. 45 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:36,280 I'd love to, but I got a lot of important meetings and appointments, so... 46 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:40,033 - I'm a very busy man. I got to run. - Hank, you're doing this right now. 47 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:43,328 Come on. It'll be fun. It won't hurt at all. 48 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:46,915 Well, that's not true. It's gonna hurt like hell down here. 49 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,918 - It's gonna be quick, right? - In the whole scheme of things? 50 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:52,379 Sure. Over before you know it. 51 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:56,008 OK, hold up. Hold it. Is there time for me to get a drink? 52 00:02:56,050 --> 00:03:00,053 Can you send a man-nurse over to Gil Turner's for a bottle? Can I get a drink? 53 00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:03,015 For you? Sure. 54 00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:11,440 The body of Kurt Cobain was found in a room above the garage 55 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:14,234 of his fashionable Lake Washington Boulevard... 56 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,497 What's wrong? Are you OK? 57 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:29,249 Kurt Cobain... 58 00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,211 He's dead. 59 00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:35,589 What? What happened? 60 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,382 Suicide. 61 00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:41,845 - That's a fucking shame. - Yeah. 62 00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:46,058 And I'm pregnant. 63 00:03:58,279 --> 00:03:59,321 It's positive. 64 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:02,241 - As in? - As in, I'm with child. 65 00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:05,327 What's so positive about that? Here. Have another one. 66 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,621 Look. Pee on this. Pee on that. 67 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:10,582 We've done three, OK? I'm all out of pee. 68 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,709 Drink some water and hydrate and pee on this. 69 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:15,045 - I'm pregnant. - I'm not convinced. 70 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:18,131 This is happening. Fuck. 71 00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:20,467 The rabbit done died, huh? 72 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:23,762 All right. OK. 73 00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:26,974 What do we do now? 74 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:32,396 Well, it's OK. I mean, you know, I'll just take care of it, so... 75 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,856 We'll take care of it. 76 00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:37,025 So that's it? We've decided? 77 00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:38,402 That's good. Yeah. 78 00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,654 Well played, woman. 79 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:46,118 I now feel entirely incapable of giving you the right answer here. 80 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:50,622 Well, no. Jesus Christ, Hank, we barely know each other, right? 81 00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:51,915 You got a girlfriend. 82 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:55,877 It's a loose arrangement. The waify models are good that way, you know? 83 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,130 And you have a boyfriend. 84 00:04:58,172 --> 00:05:00,716 Let's not forget that important little factoid. 85 00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:04,052 I have a boyfriend who's on tour, a boyfriend I never see, 86 00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,388 a boyfriend I think less and less about. 87 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,056 All right, look. 88 00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:10,559 I don't want to be insensitive, all right, 89 00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:14,062 but are we entirely sure that this is my doing? 90 00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:19,192 Yep. We seem pretty sure. OK. 91 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:20,944 Most likely, it's nothing. 92 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,362 But what could it be? 93 00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,281 It's hard to say. 94 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,742 You could have a nasty infection somewhere. 95 00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:28,994 Well, that sounds very manageable. 96 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:32,331 Absolutely. We could probably knock that out with antibiotics. 97 00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:33,999 Great. What else? 98 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,917 It could very well be an STD. 99 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,128 - No, I don't think so. - Oh, really? 100 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,421 What else? 101 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,923 No, let's stay in this arena. I want to know more. 102 00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:44,718 Well, syphilis is a big one. It's on the rise. 103 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,386 - Syphilis. - Syphilis? 104 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,846 Do you hear that? That's nice. 105 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:51,224 I don't see any reason that we would assume that. It could be cancer. 106 00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:53,852 - It could be. - That's better than syphilis. 107 00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:57,856 Woman, what is wrong with you? You'd rather I have cancer? 108 00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:02,277 We've got to talk about options. 109 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,780 I don't have any pamphlets or literature on me, 110 00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:09,034 but you strike me as a painfully liberal, pro-choice kind of a gal. 111 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:13,121 Who, me? Oh, my God, no. I'm ultraconservative. 112 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,540 Like N.R.A., pro-life, the whole... 113 00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:16,875 - Really? - Yeah. 114 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:20,921 That really limits our options, but let's sit with that for a moment. 115 00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:25,884 Seriously, I have been on a kind of non-abortion streak 116 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:29,596 my whole life, and I feel kind of good about that, you know? 117 00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:32,182 Yeah. I get that. I get it. 118 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,892 But do you really... 119 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:35,852 really want to have a child right now? 120 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:38,397 No, not really. 121 00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:39,815 You do, right? 122 00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:42,192 No. God, no. I mean, I am a child. 123 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,152 A fairly big one, you know, 124 00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:47,155 but when children have children, 125 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:50,158 it never works out for anyone. Especially me. 126 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:53,245 Right. I can see it might seriously hamper your ability 127 00:06:53,287 --> 00:06:57,332 - to drink and get laid on a nightly basis. - Don't worry about that. 128 00:06:57,375 --> 00:07:01,086 - I can multitask with the best of 'em. - Good to know. 129 00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:04,548 I'm sorry that I knocked you up. 130 00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,133 It's almost rude, right? 131 00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:07,759 You're kind enough to grant me access 132 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:11,263 to your most intimate of areas, and what do I do? 133 00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:12,889 I pollinate that shit. 134 00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,976 I really wish that one of us would have insisted on a rubber. 135 00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:17,394 One of us did. 136 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,354 - Well, not this one. - This one. 137 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,982 Well, I mean, let's not get all Rashômon on it. 138 00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:25,944 If I re... OK. Well, no, maybe I didn't insist hard enough. 139 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:29,030 - Thank you. - OK, I'm not gonna press charges anymore. 140 00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:31,867 - Wonderful. Look at this. - I'm just gonna shoot you. 141 00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:35,203 We get along really well for a couple of virtual strangers. 142 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:37,664 For now, yeah, but give it 10 years, 143 00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:41,835 and I'll just be another woman that you got tired of fucking. 144 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:44,171 You know, in 10 years' time, 145 00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:46,298 you might very well be the love of my life. 146 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,136 What are you doing? 147 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:54,097 - He said today, you know? - He said maybe today. 148 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,599 Today is today. 149 00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:58,768 Hank. Will you stop it? It's gonna be OK. 150 00:07:58,811 --> 00:07:59,853 You don't know that. 151 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:04,691 Well, I do, because whatever happens, we'll get through it. 152 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,485 I'm gonna help you. 153 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:08,320 But it's not your problem. 154 00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:10,697 We're not even together right now, so... 155 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:14,117 I forgot what a hypochondriac drama queen you can be. 156 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,204 You're not the one who just had a biopsy done on your cock. 157 00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:19,122 That's cos I don't have a cock. 158 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:22,334 - Thank the Lord for that. - Anyway, it wasn't on your cock. 159 00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:27,005 Yeah, I know, but I consider that whole area, general area, my cock. 160 00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:29,841 Like, from my knees to my nipples, cock. 161 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:34,179 Well, he said it was probably just a swollen lymph node, remember? 162 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,347 It could be cancer. 163 00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:37,974 - It could be syphilis. - Oh, shit. Yeah. 164 00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:41,520 I could wind up a blind, dickless beggar working a 405 off-ramp. 165 00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:43,146 Stop by and say hi sometime. 166 00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:47,317 - Look who's here. - Hey, honey. 167 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,860 Are you OK? 168 00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:51,488 Yeah, sure. Yes. Why? 169 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:55,075 Because you're here. You've been sleeping over. 170 00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:57,953 Which could mean you guys are getting back together. 171 00:08:57,995 --> 00:09:00,330 Or it could mean something's wrong. 172 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:04,960 Either way, someone should grow a pair and tell me what's going on. 173 00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:09,381 We're not getting back together. 174 00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:12,300 And everything's fine. 175 00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:14,386 Liars! 176 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:18,765 Seriously. 177 00:09:20,476 --> 00:09:22,769 What do you want to do? 178 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,813 It's totally up to me? 179 00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:27,399 In a way, it is. 180 00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:30,819 OK, well, I'm just gonna deal with it, you know? 181 00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:33,697 I don't really want to have a baby right now, and... 182 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:39,494 judging by that huge exhalation... neither do you. 183 00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:41,955 So, that's it. 184 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,833 But we can't see each other anymore. 185 00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:49,045 This is no way to start a relationship. We're both cheating on people, Hank. 186 00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:52,299 It kind of sucks. I don't want to do that. 187 00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:56,011 So, you go, you know, take care of your shit, and I'll take care of mine, 188 00:09:56,053 --> 00:10:00,015 and if and when you want, you could call me. 189 00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:03,435 That's not the way it works in the big ol' world. 190 00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:06,187 People have a tendency to lose one another. 191 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:10,150 Well, if that's what happens, then it wasn't meant to be, right? 192 00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:21,703 Could you stop surfing the internet for a diagnosis? 193 00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:24,497 No way. I know what I have without question. 194 00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:25,582 What? 195 00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:28,918 Apparently, I have the bubonic plague. 196 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:32,172 Well, guess what? I have just the cure. 197 00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:36,134 I'm gonna offer you a service. Yeah. 198 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,677 Cancer-scare mercy fuck? 199 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:41,556 - You know, I'm gonna pass. - You're gonna pass? 200 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:42,641 - Yeah. - You are? 201 00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:45,435 I don't want you to be insulted, but... 202 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,395 That's OK. I can take it. 203 00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,689 I'm gonna go take a shower. 204 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:52,317 Can I ask you, before you go, a question? 205 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,694 I'm offering you sex and you want to talk? 206 00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:56,529 Has the Earth spun off its axis? 207 00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:58,990 It's just, you said that thing the other day, you know? 208 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,701 - What thing? - About Ashby. 209 00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,370 - What do you mean? - What do you mean? 210 00:11:03,412 --> 00:11:05,997 You said that thing about him being a great kisser, 211 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,625 which kind of sounded like a joke and kind of not at the same time. 212 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,419 Well, it kind of was a joke and it kind of wasn't at the same time. 213 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,088 I mean, he did kiss me. 214 00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:17,384 - He's a fucking asshole. - No, not an asshole. He's a child. 215 00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:18,802 He wants what he wants, 216 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:21,346 and he can't understand if he doesn't get it. 217 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:24,474 He's kind of similar to someone else I know. 218 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,351 There should be a lot of empathy. 219 00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,061 You didn't answer my question. 220 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,562 What was the question? 221 00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:32,482 Is this something I need to worry about? Is something going on? 222 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,442 Oh, please. 223 00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:37,112 Don't you have enough to worry about right now? 224 00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:40,281 Will you please stop answering my questions with a question? 225 00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:43,993 Then stop asking me questions. You said it. 226 00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,745 We're not together right now. 227 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:48,331 So I don't owe you any explanation. 228 00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:40,341 Come on, buddy. Everybody has a scare or two in their life. 229 00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:42,677 You remember when they took that gnarly skin tag 230 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,554 off the base of my scrotum that time? 231 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:48,141 - That amused you greatly. - Skin tags are inherently amusing. 232 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:49,809 Yes, and disgusting. 233 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:52,979 It's the Runkle family curse. Mad skin tags, baby. 234 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,607 You make me want to die. 235 00:12:56,817 --> 00:13:00,695 Anyway, I remember I sweated that phone call for days, man. 236 00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:02,489 You know, waiting for the results. 237 00:13:02,531 --> 00:13:05,950 Marcy finally had to bitch-slap some sense into me at one point. 238 00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:07,786 You will be OK. 239 00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:09,871 That's what everybody says, "You'll be OK." 240 00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:12,207 And then one day the phone rings and you're not OK. 241 00:13:12,249 --> 00:13:14,584 Well, yeah. There's that. 242 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,336 Hey, look on the bright side. 243 00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:19,589 That girl seems to be eye-raping you over there. 244 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:24,677 Who cares? Know how much time I've wasted on that fucking dance? 245 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,721 Time I could have spent hanging with my daughter? 246 00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:32,143 - You are a great father. - No! I'm a father. I am not great. 247 00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,896 A great father is a guy that gives it all up for his family 248 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,524 and leaves his self-destructive bullshit at the door. 249 00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:40,318 The self-loathing is strong in you today, my friend. 250 00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:42,654 I'm like my father. There isn't a woman that I've met 251 00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:45,615 that I haven't fallen in love with for 10 minutes or 10 years. 252 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,159 What about the one woman that threw it in with me? 253 00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:52,247 Took that massive leap of faith just to be with me? What did I do? I fucked that up. 254 00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:53,748 You gave it a shot, man. 255 00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:55,208 - Did I? - Yeah. 256 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:59,087 Did I do my absolute best or did I just want someone I didn't have? 257 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:01,256 Is the chase better than the catch? 258 00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:06,010 And other some such clichéd, masculine bullshit. 259 00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:08,763 There is no absolute best, Hank. 260 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:14,686 You know, I really envy your relationship with Marce. You know, it's... 261 00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:18,731 It's like it's indestructible. Teflon marriage. 262 00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:21,234 Maybe. Doesn't mean I don't want things. 263 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,528 Yeah, but you know what you have. 264 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,446 I don't know. 265 00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:30,493 Faced with my own mortality, I might rather be elsewhere. 266 00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,037 With Daisy maybe. 267 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:36,040 That's just the mindfuck of the fresh. That's an illusion. 268 00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:38,626 That's just new pussy talking to you. 269 00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:40,587 What if it's not, huh? 270 00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:44,382 Runkle, you better watch your fucking ass 271 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:47,594 or I will have your balls, skin tags and all. 272 00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:53,558 - Doctor? - No. 273 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,935 It's Ashby. Fuck him. 274 00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:31,346 You want me to leave the water running? 275 00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:33,765 There's still some hot left. 276 00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:39,187 Yeah, OK, OK. 277 00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:41,314 Hey, beautiful. 278 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,942 What's up with Moody? Haven't seen him for days. 279 00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:47,528 He's not picking up, returning my calls. He OK? 280 00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:50,531 Yeah. Yeah, he... 281 00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:55,203 - No. He's got some stuff going on. - Anything I can do? 282 00:15:57,331 --> 00:16:00,500 No. I mean, you know, he kind of wants to know 283 00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:02,877 what's going on with us, which is, like... 284 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,462 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 285 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:05,838 What is going on with us? 286 00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:09,842 I told him you were a great kisser, which was kind of dumb. 287 00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:12,804 Well, that is somewhat incendiary. 288 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,975 - And yet completely true. - I wouldn't know. 289 00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:20,228 No, he... It kind of pissed him off. 290 00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:24,524 - Really? You don't say? - Right. 291 00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:27,360 You know, I was seeing this guy when I first met Hank, 292 00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:29,654 and he kind of reminds me of you. 293 00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:30,780 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 294 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,950 - What was he like? - He was simple. 295 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,411 Simple? Like, retarded? 296 00:16:36,453 --> 00:16:37,829 Yeah. 297 00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:42,208 No. No, good. Really good simple. I mean, he was... 298 00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:45,169 He loved music, he smiled a lot. 299 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:50,008 Stop it. Kind of like he had the secret, you know? 300 00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:52,010 - Which is what? - I guess... 301 00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:57,598 Take the thing you love and make it your life. 302 00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,310 - So, we should kiss? - No. 303 00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:03,813 Are you insane? Do you have no memory? 304 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,231 Fucker! 305 00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,025 Hank, no! 306 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,319 Hank! God! 307 00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:12,822 Hank, stop! 308 00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:14,574 Oh, shit! 309 00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,076 OK! OK! 310 00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:22,749 OK. I'm out. 311 00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:26,586 Bitch! 312 00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:29,422 What are you doing? What are you doing? 313 00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:34,218 Come on. You're behaving like a child. 314 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,763 Moody! 315 00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:38,222 Hank! 316 00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:39,640 Get off of him! 317 00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:43,561 Hank Moody, Dr. Reiss calling. Give me a call at the office. 318 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,481 Hey! Hello? Hello? 319 00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:50,485 Fuck! 320 00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:54,322 Peace. 321 00:17:54,364 --> 00:17:58,326 That's great, Marce. Yes. I accept your apology. 322 00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:00,203 I'm all for the 12 steps. 323 00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:02,371 Love 'em. Can't get enough of 'em. 324 00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:03,873 Wish there were more. 325 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,709 Sounds great. 326 00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:09,796 Can't wait to see you. 327 00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:13,424 Love you too, baby. Bye. 328 00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:17,720 Hey. 329 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:20,807 "Hey" yourself. 330 00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:25,812 - I thought I might find you here. - Well, you could've just called. 331 00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:28,815 I just didn't want to do this over the phone. 332 00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:30,608 I found a place. 333 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:33,653 So you're moving out? 334 00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,321 It's a cute place. 335 00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,698 It's just a single, but it's in Santa Monica. 336 00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:40,993 It's pretty close to the water and close to yoga. 337 00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:44,956 There's something else I wanted to tell you. 338 00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:46,916 And I hope you're not mad. 339 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:50,169 But I don't want to do any more porn. 340 00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:52,255 I think I'm out. 341 00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:53,422 Really? 342 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,592 But you're so good at it. 343 00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,137 I don't know, Vaginatown was special. 344 00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:02,390 I mean, this whole thing was special. 345 00:19:02,432 --> 00:19:07,311 And, you know, if I can't actually be with you, Charlie... 346 00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:11,566 I'd kind of like the last person I had on-screen sex with to be you. 347 00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:16,696 That's, like, one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me. 348 00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:19,907 And yet totally gross for you. 349 00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:24,662 What are you gonna do? 350 00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:27,123 Temp, waitress... 351 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:31,127 But I'm gonna take acting classes. And maybe some improv. 352 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,212 I know I've got an uphill battle ahead of me. 353 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,672 What with the fisting and all. 354 00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:35,798 - Exactly. - Yeah. 355 00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:38,801 But it's worth it cos I really want this. 356 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,137 Well, I'll still manage you if you'll have me. 357 00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:44,056 Are you sure that's such a good idea? 358 00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:46,225 No. 359 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:52,815 But the thought of never seeing you again sounds like a much, much worse idea. 360 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:59,447 Maybe I could see your place sometime. 361 00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:01,699 I'd like that. 362 00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:06,954 Maybe I could see it now. 363 00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:10,124 Well, I'd like that even more. 364 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:18,633 - Sorry about your cock. - It's not my cock. 365 00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:20,468 Doesn't matter. You should have told me. 366 00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:24,222 - I trained as a paramedic. I could've helped. - Oh, yeah? Like how? 367 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:29,810 I don't know. I could've... felt around, put your mind at ease. 368 00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:31,062 Maybe next time. 369 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:35,524 Look, I'm sorry I kissed your old lady. 370 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,110 I'm sorry I kissed yours. 371 00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:41,113 - You fucking asshole. Did you penetrate? - Did I go inside? No. 372 00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:44,992 Friends don't let friends bang each other's soul mates. 373 00:20:45,035 --> 00:20:46,953 A-fucking-men to that. 374 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:49,872 Be good. 375 00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:57,421 - Sorry about the mess. - It's OK. 376 00:20:57,464 --> 00:21:00,174 Hank, you're my best friend. 377 00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:03,761 I would never, ever fuck someone to get back at you. 378 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:07,682 I know. That's the thing. If you fuck someone, you really want to. 379 00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:10,184 That's what scares me. 380 00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:13,437 Well, what do you really want? I mean, how do you want this to end? 381 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,941 I want to keep doing this for as much time as we have left. 382 00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:18,401 Not, not cleaning up. 383 00:21:19,486 --> 00:21:20,528 This. 384 00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:24,573 Isn't that, like, what we've been doing? 385 00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:28,286 Well, I don't know if we have. We've talked about it endlessly, 386 00:21:28,328 --> 00:21:31,831 and we've listed all the reasons why it's not possible, 387 00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:34,750 but what if all those reasons just magically went away? 388 00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:37,211 That's the problem. They never do. 389 00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:40,339 OK, you've got one month left. What do you do? 390 00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:42,758 - How do you spend it? - With Becca. 391 00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:44,260 No Hank in there? 392 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:47,722 I don't fit in anywhere in there? No Hank? 393 00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:50,308 Maybe a couple of days. 394 00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:53,436 Fair enough, but for me... 395 00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:56,022 I want you there at the end. 396 00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:58,524 I want those eyes to be the last thing that I see. 397 00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:05,448 - You know what it is about Lew? - No. I don't. 398 00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:07,992 He made a choice. He chose art. 399 00:22:08,035 --> 00:22:09,785 He made that his life. 400 00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:11,787 And that's OK, that's valid. 401 00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:13,247 But with you... 402 00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:18,252 You can't figure out who you want to be, you know? 403 00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:22,340 It's your indecision that paralyzes you and hurts us, Hank. 404 00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:25,051 I can feel your restlessness. 405 00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:28,679 I mean, a moment like this, yeah, you want me, you want us. 406 00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:32,433 And then that moment passes, and you become like this ghost. 407 00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:36,062 14 years ago, "I love you" was more than enough. 408 00:22:36,104 --> 00:22:39,231 I mean, it was almost revolutionary. 409 00:22:39,858 --> 00:22:45,071 And now... I don't know. They're just words. 410 00:22:45,113 --> 00:22:47,990 I mean, I know you mean them, but... 411 00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:50,659 Hank, I don't know what they mean to you. 412 00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:59,001 You want to be saved? 413 00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:08,511 Hello? 414 00:23:09,096 --> 00:23:12,139 Hey, Dr. Reiss. How are you? 415 00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:17,978 OK. All right. Well... 416 00:23:19,356 --> 00:23:20,731 Thank you. 417 00:23:22,651 --> 00:23:24,693 - What? - You were right. 418 00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:26,570 - What? - Syphilis. 419 00:23:27,864 --> 00:23:29,698 - Bullshit. - It's benign. 420 00:23:29,741 --> 00:23:31,784 You know, just... 421 00:23:31,827 --> 00:23:34,829 Antibiotics is all I need, and then... 422 00:23:34,871 --> 00:23:38,999 - I'm gonna be OK. - That's fantastic. You're OK. 423 00:23:39,793 --> 00:23:41,001 For now. 424 00:23:45,882 --> 00:23:48,259 - Want to give me that... - No. 425 00:23:48,301 --> 00:23:51,971 ...post-cancer-scare mercy fuck now? - No. It's too late. 426 00:23:55,809 --> 00:23:58,018 So, this is it, I guess? 427 00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:04,108 I guess so. Yeah. 428 00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:07,153 - Can I call you? - No. 429 00:24:07,946 --> 00:24:10,072 No, really, I'd rather you didn't. 430 00:24:10,157 --> 00:24:13,033 Well, will you call me, you know, just to... 431 00:24:13,076 --> 00:24:14,952 let me know you're OK? 432 00:24:14,995 --> 00:24:16,996 Yeah. I'll call you. 433 00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:20,249 No, you won't... 434 00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:21,792 But I get it. 435 00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:24,879 It was... 436 00:24:24,921 --> 00:24:30,551 It was... It was awfully nice sharing this most unpleasant of milestones with you. 437 00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:33,888 Yeah. Same here. 438 00:24:35,974 --> 00:24:38,476 Don't get lost out there, OK? 439 00:25:10,008 --> 00:25:12,176 Hank! 440 00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:20,684 I was gonna go check out that vigil of Kurt Cobain. 441 00:25:22,437 --> 00:25:24,730 I don't know. Did you want to come? 442 00:25:24,773 --> 00:25:27,066 - The Cobain vigil? - Yeah. 443 00:25:27,108 --> 00:25:31,278 Well, I got a vigil that I was already... 444 00:25:31,321 --> 00:25:32,655 No, seriously. 445 00:25:32,697 --> 00:25:34,949 - Yeah? - Yeah. 446 00:25:34,991 --> 00:25:39,495 I don't know if you know this about me, but I love vigils. 447 00:25:39,538 --> 00:25:41,330 I kind of guessed that. 448 00:25:43,750 --> 00:25:45,709 Dear Karen: If you're reading this, 449 00:25:45,752 --> 00:25:48,587 it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it. 450 00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:50,673 So, good for me. 451 00:25:51,591 --> 00:25:53,717 You don't know me very well, but if you get me started, 452 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:57,596 I have a tendency to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. 453 00:25:58,348 --> 00:26:00,349 But this... 454 00:26:00,392 --> 00:26:04,270 this is the hardest thing I've ever had to write. 455 00:26:04,312 --> 00:26:07,106 There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it. 456 00:26:07,148 --> 00:26:10,359 I met someone. It was an accident. 457 00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:12,736 I wasn't looking for it. I wasn't on the make. 458 00:26:12,779 --> 00:26:14,446 It was a perfect storm. 459 00:26:14,489 --> 00:26:16,865 She said one thing. I said another. 460 00:26:16,908 --> 00:26:18,951 Next thing I knew, I wanted to spend the rest of my life 461 00:26:18,994 --> 00:26:21,620 in the middle of that conversation. 462 00:26:23,915 --> 00:26:26,083 Now there's this feeling in my gut. 463 00:26:26,126 --> 00:26:28,294 She might be the one. 464 00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:30,170 She's completely nuts 465 00:26:30,213 --> 00:26:33,882 in a way that makes me smile. Highly neurotic. 466 00:26:33,925 --> 00:26:36,719 A great deal of maintenance required. 467 00:26:36,761 --> 00:26:38,679 She is you, Karen. 468 00:26:39,848 --> 00:26:41,515 That's the good news. 469 00:26:43,393 --> 00:26:47,187 The bad is that I don't know how to be with you right now. 470 00:26:47,230 --> 00:26:49,523 And that scares the shit out of me. 471 00:26:49,566 --> 00:26:51,650 Because if I'm not with you right now, 472 00:26:51,735 --> 00:26:54,111 I have this feeling we'll get lost out there. 473 00:26:56,865 --> 00:27:00,200 It's a big, bad world full of twists and turns, 474 00:27:00,243 --> 00:27:02,161 and people have a way of blinking 475 00:27:02,203 --> 00:27:03,912 and missing the moment... 476 00:27:04,956 --> 00:27:08,751 the moment that could've changed everything. 477 00:27:08,793 --> 00:27:10,669 I don't know what's going on with us, 478 00:27:12,255 --> 00:27:16,258 and I can't tell you why you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me... 479 00:27:18,678 --> 00:27:22,222 but, damn, you smell good, like home. 480 00:27:22,265 --> 00:27:23,932 And you make excellent coffee. 481 00:27:23,975 --> 00:27:27,436 That's got to count for something, right? 482 00:27:27,479 --> 00:27:28,729 Call me. 483 00:27:29,439 --> 00:27:32,358 Unfaithfully yours, 34738

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