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Previously on Californication...
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- That's it! Big, stop the van!
- What?
3
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Ovitz! Hit the bricks!
See you at the Oscars, pal.
4
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:11,635
I've been busting my nuts for weeks
just to get a meeting with Ronny Praeger.
5
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,137
You got Daisy the part!
6
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:14,930
I had to invest 100 grand in his movie.
7
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You don't know me.
Hank Moody. I'm a writer.
8
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:19,601
I want to ask you a question
about Lew Ashby.
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Call me "He who will kill you
if you touch his daughter."
10
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- She's pretty awesome.
- She is.
11
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,318
That thirsty little nose
of yours is costing us some money.
12
00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:32,489
You just put the bulk of our nest egg
into a movie called Vaginatown.
13
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:34,533
- What's wrong with Clittes?
- Coke dick.
14
00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:35,576
We need a stunt cock.
15
00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:38,746
You will get in there and drive Miss Daisy.
16
00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:41,874
Did we get that?
17
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:45,252
I have many vices, my friend,
but jailbaiting ain't one of them.
18
00:00:47,672 --> 00:00:48,881
Excuse me, gents.
19
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,559
All right, repeat after me. I will never...
20
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"I will never..."
21
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...ever...
- "...ever..."
22
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,189
...fuck Mia again.
23
00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:07,900
"...fuck Mia again."
24
00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:09,359
Thank you.
25
00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:11,278
Jesus. Just saying it gets me wet.
26
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:16,200
Fuck you. Find somebody else
to pen your sordid fucking tale.
27
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:21,246
Don't leave. We got a good thing going. It's
been a long time since I had me a... friend.
28
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:22,956
Shucks, I'm almost touched,
29
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:26,877
but you can't expect me to indulge
your every fucking depraved whim.
30
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:30,839
Jesus Christ. I just realised
what it must be like to live with me.
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I really didn't think you were gonna be
such a fucking ninny about the whole thing.
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00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:35,886
A "ninny"?
33
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,347
Because I've had my share of the tang?
34
00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:40,891
Because I have my own
sordid past to contend with?
35
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,268
No, because she told me
that you guys fucked.
36
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:49,733
- Be that as it may...
- Repeat after me...
37
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,159
You got to get me out of this shit, Charlie.
38
00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:43,370
I can't get you out of anything.
You signed a fucking contract.
39
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:45,289
Since when has that ever mattered?
40
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:48,959
It's either this or you do the adaptation
of Fucking And Punching.
41
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:52,421
Wait, sorry, I take that back.
I don't think I can get you that job.
42
00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:56,133
I can't take it. The guy's gone Kurtz.
He needs a doctor, not a biographer.
43
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,302
No one said you had
to move in with the guy.
44
00:02:58,344 --> 00:03:00,554
You never do anything halfway, do you?
45
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- Says the man holding the plastic ass-gina.
- Hey.
46
00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:05,475
What the fuck are we doing here, anyway?
47
00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:06,560
Hello!
48
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:10,355
I'm edumacating myself
as to the various marketing opportunities
49
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available to the young porn starlet.
50
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:17,821
- Holy shit. You really like this girl, huh?
- Yeah, of course I like her.
51
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:22,618
I like her in the kind, paternal way any agent
likes someone whose career is in his hands.
52
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:27,039
How about the kind, paternal way in which
a boy likes to stick his pee-pee inside a girl?
53
00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:32,127
- You like her that way, too?
- I kind of did that already.
54
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:33,921
What?
55
00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:35,631
Nigga, please!
56
00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:38,217
I had to step in and stunt-cock. That's all.
57
00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:39,468
"Stunt-cock"?
58
00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:43,138
- Long story. You had to be there.
- Stunt-cock.
59
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,681
Holy shit, Johnny Wad.
60
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:47,935
How we gonna keep you down on the farm
now you've penetrated a porn star?
61
00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:50,520
It was just the tip.
Just the tip, then I popped.
62
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:53,148
Naturally. Here's the deal.
This is what we've got to do.
63
00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:56,652
You gotta go home and grab Cokey Smurf,
meet me at LAX.
64
00:03:56,694 --> 00:03:58,904
We gotta get the hell out of town, palomino.
65
00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:03,408
I mean, we are down the rabbit hole
and I'm afraid we ain't never coming back.
66
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:25,889
- Oh, my God! Are you OK?
- Jesus Christ, lady!
67
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,016
- You came outta nowhere.
- You coulda killed me.
68
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:31,687
Looks like I'll have to get your name
for insurance purposes and whatnot.
69
00:04:31,729 --> 00:04:36,316
Oh, my God. You're that asshole.
Why am I not surprised?
70
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:39,653
It saddens me to think
that in an internal dialogue about me,
71
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,072
I'm "that asshole"
and not "that handsome stranger"
72
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,742
or "that guy who made a mess of my bush."
Hank Moody.
73
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:49,538
- It's nice to see you again, Mrs...?
- Jones.
74
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:50,706
Jones?
75
00:04:50,748 --> 00:04:54,167
Really? After all this intrigue,
that's kind of a letdown.
76
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:58,964
- Janie Jones.
- Oh, like the Clash song. That's fantastic.
77
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,507
I'm half-chubbed.
78
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:04,720
What do you say we forget this "vehicular
manslaughter" thing and I buy you a drink?
79
00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:06,388
Yeah, I don't think so.
80
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:09,266
I thought the threat
of legal action was gonna do it,
81
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:14,021
but it looks like I'm gonna have to employ
my considerable powers of seduction.
82
00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:15,772
- You ready?
- Oh, yeah.
83
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,362
I got nothing.
That's it. I'm out.
84
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:25,198
No, tomorrow night in Venice, Marat.
85
00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:28,035
I'll be the one staring into
the bottomless pit of despair.
86
00:05:28,077 --> 00:05:30,329
Get there early before I wet myself.
87
00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:34,041
Oh, yeah! Nailed it!
88
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:36,418
Oh, that's right, I still got it.
89
00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:38,795
OK. I shouldn't be telling you guys this,
90
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:40,756
but Becca is my absolute favourite.
91
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:45,260
Thank God! I thought you were gonna
come down on her for being a Satanist.
92
00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:48,430
I think it's safe to say
that whole thing's just a phase.
93
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:50,182
It probably has something to do
94
00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:52,726
with whatever might be going on
between you two.
95
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:58,565
I'm sorry. She made reference
to some changes at home.
96
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:01,610
Well... long story short,
97
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:05,405
we were together and now we're apart.
98
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,449
- Again.
- So, you're divorced?
99
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:10,077
- Not exactly.
- It's OK. I'm not judging.
100
00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:13,163
You know, I'm divorced.
Pretty recently, actually.
101
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,790
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Right on!
102
00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:18,502
Hank. We were never married,
so the divorce thing is...
103
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:21,421
- I did ask. A number of times.
- Not the time or the place.
104
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:24,633
I gave her a ring. She gave it back.
I gave it to a homeless woman.
105
00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:26,093
I'm sorry. That's so sad.
106
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:30,555
- It worked out for the homeless woman.
- None of that really matters right now.
107
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:34,976
What matters is that we're together
when it comes to raising Becca.
108
00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:38,772
Not always. For instance, I want Becca
to be a lesbian when she grows up
109
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,732
and Karen just wants her to be happy.
110
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:43,652
That's ridiculous.
Like, you can't be both?
111
00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,655
A happy lesbian?
112
00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:49,241
- Classy.
- Yeah, I know.
113
00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:53,954
You'd think with all the money we spend
they could afford some proper glassware.
114
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,333
Have you seen Mia lately?
115
00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:00,544
No. Why?
No more than usual.
116
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,838
- What does that mean?
- What does it mean?
117
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:05,632
I don't know.
What do you mean?
118
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:09,719
It's just I keep stopping by Bill's
to check on her and she's never home.
119
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:13,723
I know she likes to hang out
at Ashby's den of iniquity and so do you.
120
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:15,809
- I have seen her there.
- Right.
121
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:19,729
- Yeah. You know, once in a while, not often.
- Does she have a boyfriend?
122
00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:24,484
I don't know. What is this, Sex And The City, girlfriend?
What's with the questions?
123
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,695
It's just, last time she came for dinner
124
00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:30,574
she was asking me all these questions
about dating an older man,
125
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:33,160
and it was like she was
kind of asking my approval.
126
00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:35,495
I hope you shut that shit down immediately.
127
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,873
No. I mean, why would I?
128
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:41,001
It's a perfectly valid life experience
if it's the right guy.
129
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:43,837
- Why would you say something like that?
- Why not?
130
00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:48,550
- I dated one of my professors once.
- That's foul.
131
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He was younger
than you are now, actually.
132
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:52,345
I'm nauseous, actually.
133
00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:55,140
The sex was fantastic, actually.
134
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:58,101
- Now you're just trying to get my goat.
- Am I getting it?
135
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:01,771
Yes! Now, you'll only have yourself to blame
if this thing gets out of hand.
136
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:04,065
- What thing?
- This gross "older man" thing.
137
00:08:04,108 --> 00:08:06,443
No. Well, I want you to keep an eye out.
138
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:10,197
I mean, make sure that she
doesn't go anywhere near Ashby.
139
00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:12,282
That guy is such a fucking scumbag.
140
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,326
Well, he means well, you know?
141
00:08:14,368 --> 00:08:16,411
That sounds familiar.
142
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:19,498
- I got to go..."Phyllis."
- Goodbye.
143
00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,666
You're ridiculous. OK, OK!
144
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,335
- Your hair smells good.
- Good.
145
00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:27,130
It smells like lady hair.
146
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,556
Hey.
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00:08:37,391 --> 00:08:39,559
Hey yourself, Mrs. P.
148
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:42,437
I just wanted you to know
I love your writing.
149
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:46,441
Quite possibly my four favourite words
in the English language.
150
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,109
Hits all the pleasure centres.
151
00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:50,570
Positively rhapsodic.
152
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:53,198
I didn't think it was appropriate
to say it in front of your...
153
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,741
your ex-wife, lover, whatever...
154
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:57,369
Oh, God. I wish you had.
That woulda pissed her off.
155
00:08:57,411 --> 00:08:59,955
- You like pissing her off, don't you?
- I do.
156
00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:02,207
I like pissing off my ex, too.
157
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,876
Cool. Is he watching?
158
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,086
Yeah, from the window.
159
00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:09,422
Oh, well,
I'll make sure to use my good cock.
160
00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:12,342
Just so you know, I'm on my period.
161
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:17,264
Not sure I needed a verbal on that but I care
very little about such things. I was in Nam.
162
00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:20,267
God. My ex always cared.
He thought it was dirty.
163
00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:23,019
Oh, it is dirty... in a good way.
164
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:27,274
Also, I haven't had time to trim the hedges
lately, if you know what I'm saying.
165
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:32,529
I do know, and, again, no worries.
I enjoy a generous thicket.
166
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,823
I got to tell you,
167
00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:39,327
your feelings about periods and pubic hair
have just made me a bigger fan.
168
00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:42,122
It's what I do.
Anything else you care to disclose?
169
00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:44,499
I'm very excited about fucking you right now.
170
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:47,502
You are a chatty one, Mrs. Patterson.
171
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:52,507
Baby. Baby!
172
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:53,717
Look who I found.
173
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:59,389
Daisy?
What happened? What's wrong?
174
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:02,851
She was sleeping outside in her fucking car!
175
00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:05,562
I didn't want to bother you guys.
I didn't know where to go.
176
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:08,273
My fucking manager showed up
at my apartment and...
177
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:09,733
You have a manager?
178
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:13,361
You remember the guy who was
shooting the "slam van" stuff?
179
00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:16,489
That smelly, sleazy fuck?
That's your manager?
180
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:20,785
No. You're my manager.
He's just a fucking scumbag.
181
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,539
And you didn't think
this was worth mentioning?
182
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:27,542
I was just scared
you wouldn't want to work with me.
183
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:30,045
And then everything just happened so fast.
184
00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:32,422
- I'm really sorry.
- What does he want?
185
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,133
Money.
He wants to be bought out of his contract.
186
00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:37,886
That's ridiculous.
Clients get poached all the time.
187
00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:40,472
I put you in Vaginatown,
I get the commission.
188
00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:42,974
- That's what I told him.
- What did he say?
189
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:46,311
He trashed my apartment
and ate all my food.
190
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:47,812
I'm just gonna crash in my car.
191
00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:51,358
- I just really don't want to put you guys out.
- No, no. Don't be silly.
192
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,777
We'll make up the guest room.
193
00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:55,445
Just get into bed, baby.
194
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,614
Mommy and Daddy will keep you safe.
195
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,532
- Marcy!
- What?
196
00:10:59,575 --> 00:11:02,577
She's scared shitless.
Come on, Daise.
197
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:05,914
I'm too tired to freshen up
the fucking guest room.
198
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:07,749
Mama needs her sleep.
199
00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:25,475
Oh, God.
200
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,103
That was exactly what I needed.
201
00:11:28,145 --> 00:11:30,438
Good for you, lady.
Happy to protect and serve.
202
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:32,857
- Uh-oh.
- What?
203
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:34,651
I think I'm gonna cry.
204
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,404
Oh, dear. Don't do that.
205
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:42,117
No. It's not a bad thing. It's...
206
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,786
Coming makes me cry.
I mean, on occasion.
207
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,079
I get that.
208
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:50,875
I mean, sometimes, after I come
I want to... weep, you know?
209
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,129
But, usually, I just nap. You know?
210
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:59,426
You want me to hug you or...
211
00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:01,386
comfort you in some...
212
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:02,470
fashion?
213
00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:06,933
No, that's nice of you to offer,
but it's not necessary.
214
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,017
OK.
215
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:16,568
- Where's the shitter in this joint?
- Down the stairs, to the right.
216
00:12:29,373 --> 00:12:30,999
Damien?
217
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:33,460
Mr. Moody?
218
00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:38,757
You fucked my mom.
219
00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:41,301
I fucked your mom?
220
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:44,679
I fucked your mom.
221
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,851
Did you hurt her?
222
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:10,538
Oh, no! You didn't?
223
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,667
- I can explain.
- No, you can't.
224
00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:17,337
It's not what it looks like.
She wouldn't listen to reason.
225
00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:19,756
I didn't see you put up much of a fight, lover.
226
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:23,259
You guys have got to stop this!
This is sick and wrong!
227
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:27,514
Sure. It's sick and wrong when he does it
but it's perfectly fine for you to fuck me.
228
00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:31,059
Stop saying that out loud. It's not OK.
That's why we never did it again.
229
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:32,727
Never say never, Hankie.
230
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,562
I promise I'll never do it again.
231
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,815
You've already done it again three times!
232
00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:38,358
Far more than that.
233
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:42,821
- Do you want Karen to find out about this?
- I don't know.
234
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:44,906
Do you want Karen to find out about this?
235
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:47,909
Finding out about this
could mean finding out about us,
236
00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:51,955
which could very well mean
the death of hope, Hank.
237
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:00,880
Thank you.
238
00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:15,728
What the fuck is this?
239
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:20,108
Kurt fucking Cobain...
240
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:21,401
played that.
241
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:25,613
Courtney gave it to me. I helped her
produce a demo, write some songs.
242
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:26,906
It's yours.
243
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:29,951
You're giving me Kurt Cobain's guitar
because you fucked Mia?
244
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:33,162
No. I'm giving you Kurt Cobain's guitar
because...
245
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:39,335
you're my only friend and I... let you down.
246
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,837
Take care of it.
247
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:45,133
I mean, you can put Becca
through college with that fucking thing.
248
00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:49,470
Look...
249
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:52,765
You hungry?
250
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:55,935
You like crepes?
I got a new pan I want to try out.
251
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:59,439
That's what I'm gonna do,
I'm gonna make us some crepes.
252
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:05,862
Becca, it's not half as crazy as it sounds.
253
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,280
Fuck you!
254
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:11,534
OK. But I think that your language
is perhaps a tad inappropriate.
255
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,828
It's fucking appropriate, all right.
256
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:15,830
Karen, will you cut me some slack here?
257
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:19,834
Do you see me fronting in any way?
I've admitted that I'm wrong, you know.
258
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:23,129
I don't think that...
You don't talk to your old man that way.
259
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:26,466
Oh, well, you do if he fucked
your boyfriend's mother.
260
00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:29,844
I didn't know, OK?
And I don't like all this "boyfriend" talk.
261
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,387
Well, of course you didn't know.
262
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:34,349
How could you ever be expected
to know such a thing?
263
00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:38,811
Yes. Yeah, you know what?
If you look at this thing in a certain light,
264
00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:43,483
the whole mess can be viewed
as almost entirely your fault.
265
00:15:45,569 --> 00:15:46,611
Come on.
266
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:48,947
You didn't tell me about the boy
until the dinner party.
267
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:54,369
- How was I to know who his mother was?
- Well, if you were not so preoccupied
268
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:58,081
with sticking your dick
in any hole that will have you,
269
00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,707
you might notice these things.
270
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:03,044
You kicked my dick out of the house.
You made my dick homeless.
271
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:06,255
"Out of doors" is a place
where penises don't fare well
272
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:10,301
- in the rain and the wind and all that...
- Hank, shut up!
273
00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:13,554
My homeless dick
now must seek shelter from the storm
274
00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:15,056
where and whence it can.
275
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:18,726
Did she say to you,
"Hank, I love your writing"?
276
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,687
You see that?
This is why we should be together.
277
00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:23,690
- You just know my shit. It's perfect.
- It's why we shouldn't be together.
278
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:26,150
She needed a good cry.
She was lonely.
279
00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:28,778
- What's the harm?
- The harm?
280
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:33,908
Well, the harm is right there, OK?
That is the harm. Big harm.
281
00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:36,744
And the worst part is
she was defending you.
282
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:38,579
What do you mean?
283
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:43,334
He didn't break it off with her. He just said
you were a dick for sleeping with his mother.
284
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:44,711
That's legitimate.
285
00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:51,009
But that did not sit well with her because
no one talks shit about her beloved father.
286
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:52,760
So, she broke it off with him.
287
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,556
Fuck.
288
00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:08,276
Don't you dare touch me.
289
00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:14,323
Kurt Cobain played this guitar.
290
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:18,703
If you treat it right, you'll never have
to work another day in your life.
291
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:21,789
You can't buy your way out of this one.
292
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:25,168
Damien was right. You are a dick.
293
00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:37,221
Hey, Mrs. Patterson.
Is Damien home?
294
00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:40,808
He's not here. He's at band practice.
Do you want to come in?
295
00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:43,978
I don't think that would be such a great idea.
296
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:46,022
Don't let him scare you.
He's a good kid.
297
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:50,234
- He's just very protective of his mother.
- That's a good thing.
298
00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:56,324
But we can't let our kids ruin a perfectly
excellent sexual chemistry, can we?
299
00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:59,827
When you put it that way,
it sounds pretty fucking reasonable.
300
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:03,039
Can you write that down for me for later
in case I need to use it?
301
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:06,709
Old man,
I will go fucking medieval on your ass!
302
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:10,797
Settle down, Townshend.
I came here to talk to you, mano a mano.
303
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:12,298
- Damien!
- Come on.
304
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,717
Settle down, buddy.
What is it?
305
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,970
What can I do for you?
Let's figure this out. Come on.
306
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:22,016
OK. Here we go.
307
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,310
Come on, man.
What can I do for you?
308
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,312
Nothing.
There's nothing you can do.
309
00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:29,482
You're dead to me
and Becca's totally dead to me.
310
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:34,570
Well, that's a crying shame
because she appears to be very fond of you.
311
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:38,282
Really?
312
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:39,617
What did she say?
313
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:43,621
Nothing that I could ever repeat
without vomiting.
314
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:46,249
Now, come on, what can we do?
315
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:47,625
Let's figure this out.
316
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:50,211
OK. First of all, repeat after me.
317
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:52,213
OK.
318
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,049
I will never...
319
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:56,634
"I will never..."
320
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,344
...ever...
- "...ever..."
321
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:00,805
...ever...
322
00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:03,307
"...ever..."
323
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,351
...fuck my mom again.
324
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:06,894
"...fuck my mom again."
325
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:08,771
...fuck your mom again.
326
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:11,399
Boys, we don't have to be so quick to...
327
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:13,401
Fine.
Whatever you want.
328
00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,487
OK?
329
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:19,448
We good? Anything else?
330
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:22,118
What's up with the guitar?
331
00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:29,458
- Ladies, I am home!
- If it isn't Mr. Big Fucking Hollywood Agent.
332
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:32,461
Steal any fucking clients on the way here,
you bald motherfucker?
333
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:34,130
Is everybody OK here?
334
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:37,049
Yeah. I think it's called a "pimp go get."
335
00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:40,052
You come into my house,
336
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:42,138
you push around a couple of girls.
337
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:45,308
You could have called, texted,
we work this out ourselves.
338
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:49,103
You poached my girl.
That skank, she belongs to me.
339
00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:53,149
Sweetheart, put those fingers away.
Who knows where they've been?
340
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,526
Wait a second. I fucking do. In my ass.
341
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:57,653
- That was one time.
- One good time.
342
00:19:57,696 --> 00:20:00,615
Hey, jerk-off,
you know what a fucking contract is?
343
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:09,874
- This is not a very good deal, Daisy.
- You think?
344
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:12,877
Bad news, you're connected
to Gilbert Gottfried here for life.
345
00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:16,505
Good news,
this will never hold up in court, asshole.
346
00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:18,299
Maybe not, Perry Mason, but guess what?
347
00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:20,927
A lot of not-nice shit
can happen during that time.
348
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:23,054
You want to fucking take that chance?
349
00:20:23,096 --> 00:20:25,723
You motherless cunt bastard!
350
00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:27,183
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you!
351
00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:30,811
You know what?
That wasn't very nice at all.
352
00:20:30,854 --> 00:20:33,314
That's my soy milk,
and I have serious dairy issues.
353
00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:36,525
- I bet you do.
- I want you out of my house now.
354
00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:39,445
And, you, please put my wife down.
355
00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:42,490
I got no problem with that.
But Daisy, she's coming with me.
356
00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:44,533
Sweetheart, come on. We've got a past.
357
00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:47,036
You know that speculum series
we wanted to do?
358
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:50,331
I think the time is right.
Come on, honey. Let's make some porn!
359
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:55,044
- How much you want for her?
- She's not a fucking slave, Charlie!
360
00:20:55,087 --> 00:21:00,508
You know what, pal? I believe in this girl!
Yeah. She is gonna be a huge star one day.
361
00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:02,510
Vaginatown is just the beginning.
362
00:21:02,552 --> 00:21:04,720
There will be much ruing of this day.
363
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:07,682
Ruing, right. Big fucking star.
Jenna fucking Jameson.
364
00:21:07,724 --> 00:21:10,726
Wait a second.
There's a fucking Chinese bag! Nice!
365
00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:15,648
Look. It's all gonna be OK. I'm gonna give
him some money from the emergency fund.
366
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,858
Oh, no, no. No, no, no, baby.
367
00:21:17,901 --> 00:21:21,028
Baby, you said it yourself, she's family, OK?
368
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:24,115
And that's what the money's for -
emergencies.
369
00:21:24,157 --> 00:21:26,784
- I can't let you do this.
- What's the alternative?
370
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:28,536
You go back, next thing you know,
371
00:21:28,578 --> 00:21:31,414
you're starring in your own line
of gynaecological training films.
372
00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:33,749
- Not on my watch.
- OK. Baby. Baby!
373
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:35,835
Maybe you should write him a check.
374
00:21:35,877 --> 00:21:37,295
I will give him wh...
375
00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:43,175
All of it?
376
00:21:44,177 --> 00:21:46,345
You spent all of it?
377
00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:50,266
That was my med money, baby.
378
00:21:51,768 --> 00:21:54,562
Pleasure doing business with you,
Captain Jackass!
379
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:04,697
I love that car.
380
00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:12,413
I'm sorry, Daddy.
381
00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:14,540
I don't know what happened to me.
382
00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:16,876
You're going to your mother's.
383
00:22:16,918 --> 00:22:21,047
But going to my mother's
makes me want to do drugs!
384
00:22:21,089 --> 00:22:23,424
- A lot of 'em!
- I don't want to hear it.
385
00:22:23,967 --> 00:22:26,552
It's a good place for you to chill out.
386
00:22:30,849 --> 00:22:32,475
Whatever you say, Daddy.
387
00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:35,644
I'll help you knock this monkey
off your back, baby.
388
00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:38,814
If you let me.
389
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:52,536
Where are we going?
390
00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:55,498
Nowhere. Just going for a walk.
391
00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:57,249
No one walks in L.A.
392
00:22:57,292 --> 00:23:00,336
We do. Always have, always will.
393
00:23:00,379 --> 00:23:02,296
We're New Yorkers.
394
00:23:02,339 --> 00:23:06,509
There is no "always", there's just right now.
395
00:23:06,551 --> 00:23:09,178
You don't like me very much right now,
do you?
396
00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:11,347
No. I don't.
397
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:16,936
You know, I know I say this too much,
all the time, probably, but...
398
00:23:16,978 --> 00:23:19,105
I was wrong to do what I did
399
00:23:19,147 --> 00:23:23,943
and I was wrong to be so glib
about trying to fix it.
400
00:23:23,985 --> 00:23:26,404
There is no right or wrong, Dad,
401
00:23:26,446 --> 00:23:29,407
just the consequences of your actions.
402
00:23:29,449 --> 00:23:31,617
You taught me that.
403
00:23:31,660 --> 00:23:35,746
I guess I don't like the consequences
of my actions very much right now.
404
00:23:35,789 --> 00:23:38,207
Yeah. Me neither.
405
00:23:41,294 --> 00:23:42,378
So, uh...
406
00:23:43,463 --> 00:23:46,507
What is it that you like so much
about this boy?
407
00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:47,716
I don't know.
408
00:23:47,759 --> 00:23:50,219
Come on.
It's got to be something.
409
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:52,596
Use your words.
410
00:23:52,639 --> 00:23:54,932
He's really smart.
411
00:23:54,975 --> 00:23:56,392
Let's not go crazy.
412
00:23:57,477 --> 00:23:59,645
And he makes me feel pretty.
413
00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:02,773
Well, that you are.
You're very pretty. You're beautiful.
414
00:24:02,816 --> 00:24:06,318
- Shut up. I'm not beautiful.
- Don't say that. Look...
415
00:24:06,361 --> 00:24:10,906
Don't ever say that. You are beautiful. You're
the most beautiful thing in the world to me.
416
00:24:10,949 --> 00:24:12,616
Then treat me that way.
417
00:24:13,326 --> 00:24:15,494
I'm always on your side, Dad, always.
418
00:24:15,537 --> 00:24:18,330
Even when I shouldn't be.
But I'm sick of it.
419
00:24:18,373 --> 00:24:21,250
Get your shit together before it's too late.
420
00:24:21,334 --> 00:24:24,587
I don't care if you and Mom
never say another kind word to each other,
421
00:24:24,629 --> 00:24:27,131
but I'm sick and tired of parenting you both.
422
00:24:27,174 --> 00:24:30,634
I'm a fucking kid!
I don't know what I'm doing half the time.
423
00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:35,848
But I do know this: If you keep cracking
jokes and taking another drink
424
00:24:35,891 --> 00:24:39,018
and pretending that life
is one big, stupid party,
425
00:24:39,102 --> 00:24:41,562
you will miss everything.
426
00:24:47,527 --> 00:24:48,736
Becca!
427
00:24:58,163 --> 00:24:59,830
You have fun, OK?
428
00:25:02,584 --> 00:25:04,543
Not too much fun.
429
00:25:15,305 --> 00:25:16,514
Hey, Damien.
430
00:25:17,849 --> 00:25:21,519
I might take you to the guitar centre
and get you something cooler than that.
431
00:25:21,561 --> 00:25:24,104
- That's...
- No, man. This guitar is awesome.
432
00:25:24,147 --> 00:25:27,691
It's like... It's like something Cobain
would have played.
433
00:25:28,818 --> 00:25:30,819
Awesome.
434
00:25:33,406 --> 00:25:34,865
Have fun, honey.
435
00:25:37,744 --> 00:25:40,079
May I have another, please?
436
00:25:40,121 --> 00:25:41,413
I don't think so.
437
00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:43,958
Really? Am I that sloshed?
438
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:49,380
No. But if I'm gonna take you home with me,
I don't want you to be at... half-mast.
439
00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:56,220
I'm so flattered. I just don't think I'd be
very good company for anybody tonight.
440
00:25:56,888 --> 00:25:58,806
Why not? I've heard good things.
441
00:25:58,848 --> 00:26:00,516
No, I am very agreeable.
442
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:03,477
And you are nothing
if not a beautiful barmaid.
443
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,772
I've just got a little too much
of my daughter's voice
444
00:26:06,815 --> 00:26:10,192
running around in my head right now
to be good company for anybody.
445
00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:13,153
That's not as creepy as it sounds, either.
446
00:26:13,196 --> 00:26:15,197
Honestly.
447
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:19,660
So, tonight,
I think you're just gonna have to settle for...
448
00:26:21,204 --> 00:26:23,872
The tip!
Just the tip!
449
00:26:23,915 --> 00:26:26,333
Get it? Got it? Good.
450
00:26:27,127 --> 00:26:28,711
Good night, Hank.
451
00:26:28,753 --> 00:26:31,088
Good night, beautiful barmaid.
452
00:26:35,510 --> 00:26:37,219
Am I too late?
453
00:26:37,262 --> 00:26:39,638
Did you already wet yourself?
454
00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:41,181
So, what are we drinking?
34973
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