Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:03,168
Previously on Californication...
2
00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:06,130
- Sonja. Hey.
- Awkward.
3
00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:13,887
Nice to see you again.
4
00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:15,889
I am pregnant.
You didn't notice my bump?
5
00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:18,851
- Julian's a writer, too.
- Really? My condolences.
6
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:21,603
I like to think of myself
as more of a creative midwife.
7
00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:23,731
What, you're officially back together?
8
00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:25,733
- Until we fuck it up.
- Could be any second now.
9
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,110
Hank!
10
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:30,863
I got this book deal.
11
00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:33,866
They want to write about
why everything I touch turns to gold.
12
00:00:33,908 --> 00:00:34,950
You write it.
13
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,036
- Beatrice Trixie.
- Hank Moody.
14
00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:39,246
One girl, two cocks,
ultimate showdown!
15
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,416
I've had both of them,
but what they seem to forget
16
00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:45,002
- is that they both paid for the sex.
- Have we met?
17
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,463
You always have
some fucking excuse!
18
00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:49,631
This fucking perv
just tried to mouth-rape me.
19
00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:51,091
I accidentally went down on her.
20
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,551
I fucking hate you!
21
00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:55,554
If you sit here,
people are gonna think you're weird.
22
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:58,140
And here I was,
planning to run for prom queen.
23
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:02,644
Back to work, assholes!
24
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,521
We're making rock history here!
25
00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:27,503
Woman! What are you doing?
I'm rocking "medium" now.
26
00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:29,922
86th percentile.
Don't shut the Free Bird down.
27
00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:31,799
What happened to the clearing up?
28
00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:33,675
Well, I kind of focused on the patio.
29
00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:35,844
And then I was summoned
by the gods of rock.
30
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,554
One must take heed of that shit.
31
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:41,141
Right. We're having a dinner party.
32
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:43,060
So why would you focus on the patio?
33
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,646
God! When you say it out loud
like that, it sounds awful.
34
00:01:45,688 --> 00:01:49,149
- Is it too late to call off?
- Stop it. It's gonna be fun, right?
35
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,275
Really?
36
00:01:50,318 --> 00:01:53,654
Cos I think it's gonna be like
having a Q-tip jammed up my urethra.
37
00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,448
For three hours. Without lube.
38
00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:59,034
Which could be fun if you do it to me.
39
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,077
- Wanna?
- Hank...
40
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,495
Come on. Let's get going.
41
00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:03,789
But I think you should
check out the patio.
42
00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:06,750
- No, no, no. I gotta...
- I think you'll be pleased.
43
00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:11,797
Judas Priest, Hank.
44
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,757
What are you up to?
45
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:18,137
I was hoping you'd finally make
an honest woman of me.
46
00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:20,139
What is that?
47
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:22,516
Is it not jaw-droppingly beautiful?
48
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:25,477
Does it not to make
the love juices to flow?
49
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,603
Hank...
50
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,941
I thought you gave that
to a homeless woman.
51
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,819
Who gives diamonds to the homeless?
Not I, Rabbi.
52
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:37,447
I don't know what to say...
53
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:41,243
OK, well, then, let me relieve you
of your root vegetables...
54
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,786
And allow me.
55
00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:49,543
I love you, Karen.
56
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:53,422
And I want to spend the rest of my life
annoying the shit out of you.
57
00:02:53,464 --> 00:02:56,133
And I want the rest of my life
to start right now.
58
00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:03,015
I'm sick and tired of fighting about the past.
59
00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:06,310
We're not going anywhere.
I get that now.
60
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:08,896
This is our home.
61
00:03:08,938 --> 00:03:13,192
Because home is wherever
you and Becca are.
62
00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:16,069
I love L.A.
63
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:20,032
Seriously. I love it.
I can't get enough of it.
64
00:03:20,074 --> 00:03:21,742
You are so full of shit.
65
00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:23,744
Will you marry me, Karen?
66
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:29,082
Queen of my dreams...
67
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,877
Mother of my child...
68
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,588
Lady of the Valley...
69
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:37,758
- Any more?
- Fuck, now I'm out.
70
00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,971
I'm so wet right now. Are you?
71
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:47,559
It must be like Niagara Falls
down there, huh?
72
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:50,938
You could always
check it out for yourself.
73
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,528
Why am I here?
74
00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:42,364
The question that plagues us all, Mia.
Why are you here?
75
00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,950
She's here
because the poor little wunderkind
76
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:47,244
is spending too much time alone.
77
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,495
Wunderkind?
78
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,956
Are we just tossing
that term around now? Really?
79
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:54,251
I may be alone, but I am far from lonely.
80
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,504
You wouldn't believe how many
Facebook fucktards wanna be my friends.
81
00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:01,967
Mia, could you use
your big-girl words right now?
82
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:06,513
Historically, Bill was always fine
with the creative use of profanity.
83
00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:09,516
- So I recall.
- But I guess you weren't.
84
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,519
Maybe that's why things
didn't work out between you two.
85
00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:17,899
You see, I don't understand
why we invite her.
86
00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:21,069
We already have one sullen,
disrespectful she-devil in our midst.
87
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,990
How is that any better than the last?
88
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,993
- You said to change, I changed.
- Change again.
89
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:31,747
- You're making me mad, Mother.
- Becca...
90
00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:33,040
Hank, enough!
91
00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:34,499
I am making you mad?
92
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,501
Allow me to defuse.
93
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:38,920
- No.
- Mrs. Moody?
94
00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:41,256
Ms. Moody.
95
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:42,883
Mr. Moody.
96
00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:44,968
- Not so fast.
- What?
97
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,803
Did you hear me say yes at any point?
98
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,514
You didn't have to.
Your eyes said it for you.
99
00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:51,725
As did the arching of your back
100
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:54,686
and the soft, gentle swell of your flower,
101
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,521
the urgent release of...
102
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,277
You smell like cigarettes.
103
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:03,570
- What?
- Yeah.
104
00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:06,615
No. It's Mia. Mia's been smoking.
105
00:06:06,657 --> 00:06:08,408
As for Becca... I wouldn't worry.
106
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,578
She'll be back to her
sweet, little unicorn-loving self in no time.
107
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:12,704
10 or 12 years, tops.
108
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:15,707
- You promise?
- I promise.
109
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,793
In the meantime,
let's focus on the good.
110
00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:19,711
We's gettin' hitched, woman.
111
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:22,422
And just a few short hours ago,
you had a big, fat orgasm.
112
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:23,799
This is heady stuff.
113
00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:26,301
Yours was pretty rockin' as well.
114
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:28,678
- Yes, I was concerned for your safety.
- You were?
115
00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:29,763
- Yeah.
- How come?
116
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:33,767
I was afraid that the sheer force of my
ejaculate might do some internal damage.
117
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:36,645
- You OK down there?
- Don't flatter yourself.
118
00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:38,021
That's him.
119
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,440
- Him who?
- The boy.
120
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,651
What boy?
You didn't say anything about a boy.
121
00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:45,904
No, because I didn't want
to do this for days.
122
00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:48,073
Go get the door. And be nice.
123
00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:50,367
I'm nice. I'm always nice.
I love gentleman callers.
124
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,451
OK.
125
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:55,080
Fucking kid better watch his ass.
Mia? Load my shotgun.
126
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:57,374
Come on! Lipstick!
127
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,547
- Who are you?
- Damien.
128
00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:08,760
- What do you want?
- I'm here to see Becca Moody.
129
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:13,640
Do you like the rap music?
130
00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:17,185
- Yeah. G's up.
- G's up, huh?
131
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:21,189
What about Roe v. Wade?
132
00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:25,735
I mean, I think it's the woman's choice.
133
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,320
Why should I let you in?
134
00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:31,741
Well, cos I'd kind of really like
to get away from them.
135
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:35,495
Yeah, I don't blame you.
Why are they doing that?
136
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:38,373
I don't know. It's really creeping me out.
137
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:41,209
All right. Get inside, quick.
Go play some Guitar Hero.
138
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:44,212
I'm on medium now.
86th percentile.
139
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:49,384
Hey, assholes...
Hey! Break it up.
140
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:51,970
We dropped some E.
141
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,556
You guys are fuckin' retarded!
142
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,600
You're worse than Sid and Nancy.
143
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:59,811
- Yeah, that's right.
- I never did it before. Me likey!
144
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:03,398
- Just wait till we get naked.
- That's something I'm looking forward to.
145
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:04,524
Here's a novel idea.
146
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:08,695
Why don't you get naked and fuck
yourselves goofy in your own home?
147
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:11,281
No way. We're starving. Let's eat.
148
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:15,327
Oh, that's a very nice... shirt.
149
00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:19,206
Where are all the white bitches at?
150
00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:20,916
There she is.
151
00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:23,418
- I love you so much.
- You do?
152
00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:28,089
- Mia. How are you? Nice to see you.
- Gross! Is that a hard-on?
153
00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:31,426
- Mia!
- Something poked me!
154
00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:33,512
Hey, what's going on?
Where are they?
155
00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:35,514
- In her room.
- What is up with you, woman?
156
00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:38,141
She could be in her first trimester by now.
157
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,519
- Becca.
- Dad?
158
00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:43,688
Door open at all times.
Get it? Got it? Good.
159
00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:48,109
Damien... If that is your real name,
and I'm not convinced...
160
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:51,112
I'm watching you. I'm not joking.
161
00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:53,406
I'm sorry. OK?
162
00:08:53,449 --> 00:08:56,368
Your hair is so gorgeous, Mia.
163
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:59,120
I want to chop it off and sleep in it, man.
164
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,249
Oh, boy.
165
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:05,627
Oh, my God! I didn't even
have time to get changed.
166
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:06,711
Well, hello, Dali!
167
00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:08,171
- You look gorgeous!
- Thank you!
168
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,590
Hey! You look gorgeous, too. Oh, my God.
169
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,676
- Sorry.
- Very friendly.
170
00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:14,886
- You look gorgeous.
- Can I get you...
171
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,555
- Hi, man, how are ya?
- Thanks.
172
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:20,559
- What the fuck was that?
- What?
173
00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:22,519
- You kissed me on the lips.
- Sorry, friend.
174
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,397
I didn't mean to stir up any feelings
you couldn't handle.
175
00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:27,732
No, I can handle it.
But I think it's in my rights
176
00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:30,902
to not want the taste of you
on my lips or my lady's lips.
177
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:34,614
But thanks for the vino.
Make yourself at home.
178
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,992
That's beautiful.
179
00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:40,453
My father gave her a ring once, too.
Didn't take.
180
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:44,708
- Thank you, sweetie.
- So, Karen, when's the wedding?
181
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:48,295
Oh, my God. He just, like, proposed to me
a couple of hours ago.
182
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:51,423
You know what? If you want,
Julian can marry you.
183
00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:53,091
He's an ordained minister.
184
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:55,635
Why doesn't that surprise me at all?
185
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:59,889
It's called Church of the Silent Dawn.
And he's married so many couples.
186
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:03,602
Which is odd cos, of course,
he sure won't, you know, marry me.
187
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:06,187
Maybe the baby
is gonna change his mind.
188
00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:08,982
Or maybe he's just not that into you.
189
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,778
Mia, that's rude.
190
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:16,281
Don't shoot the messenger.
191
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:21,995
Star power!
192
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:25,165
You should come to one of my workshops.
Free of charge.
193
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:27,626
You do workshops now?
I am down with that shit.
194
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:31,504
See what it's about.
Maybe it'll help you with your writing.
195
00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:35,300
When you extract the artist within,
does he cut you a check, too?
196
00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:37,177
I suppose you could mock it if you want,
197
00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:40,347
but it does seem to be striking
a minor chord out there.
198
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:43,558
He's being very modest.
199
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:46,144
The thing's selling like
Michael Jackson's Thriller album.
200
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:47,228
It's a great record.
201
00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:49,773
- Definitely one of my top 10.
- You're not alone.
202
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:55,779
You're just printing money
over there, aren't you?
203
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:03,286
- That's a very nice material. What is that?
- I don't know.
204
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,330
- Is that a linen or...
- No idea.
205
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,834
You done?
206
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:15,298
You know, I'm not surprised
that you've attained bestseller status,
207
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:19,052
because I think you've tapped into
one of the biggest markets there is.
208
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:21,054
Everybody wants to feel special.
209
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:24,391
They are. Even you, Hank Moody.
210
00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:26,768
First a kiss, now the sweet talk.
211
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,687
What's next, a little hand release?
212
00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:34,734
Will you excuse me a moment?
213
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:42,283
Hey, guys, move that over.
It's a little tight.
214
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:46,079
All right, that's good.
215
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:49,708
- Ashby!
- Moody!
216
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:51,710
What took you so long, man?
217
00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:54,546
Stopped to pick up some dessert.
You'll thank me later.
218
00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:56,214
Music people time.
219
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:01,553
Destiny, Moody.
Moody, Destiny.
220
00:12:01,595 --> 00:12:03,888
Yes, we haven't been
formally introduced...
221
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:06,433
You brought me
to the mouth-rapist's house?
222
00:12:06,475 --> 00:12:10,812
Oh, shit, from the party.
I'm a fucking idiot.
223
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,274
- Should I leave?
- Yeah.
224
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:16,067
No, really.
Come on, don't be silly.
225
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,695
- What's your old lady's name again?
- Karen.
226
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,489
Got it. Karen, Karen,
Karen, Karen, Karen.
227
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:24,868
You ready?
Come on, let's go deep.
228
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:38,381
Why don't...
Does somebody want to say grace?
229
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,550
Anybody? Damien?
No grace from you?
230
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:44,304
- I'll say grace.
- Fantastic. Take it away, daughter.
231
00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:47,974
Can you choose your words
really carefully? OK?
232
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:52,312
I would like to thank the Lord below
233
00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:56,065
for giving me the strength
to make it through this dinner.
234
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:57,734
Praise hail Satan.
235
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,278
- That was cool.
- And scary.
236
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:03,907
- Seriously. I have chills.
- Can you scratch my back, baby?
237
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:06,117
That's interesting but chilling.
238
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,286
That feels amazing.
You're like a wizard.
239
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:11,080
Becca's going through
a bit of a phase right now.
240
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:13,833
- It's not a phase, Mother.
- I know.
241
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,044
- It's my religion.
- She's willing to suffer for it.
242
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:20,924
She was sent to the principal's office the
other day for possessing a Satanic Bible.
243
00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:24,177
Nothing like sending your kid
to a progressive private school
244
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:26,471
that wants to burn your kid's books.
245
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:29,933
Yeah, but then again,
they might be right to raise an eyebrow.
246
00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:33,686
- After all, where does it end?
- What do you mean?
247
00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:36,272
Well, it's all well and good
to indulge your children,
248
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:37,899
but to endorse a point of view
249
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:43,196
that profanes every sacrosanct concept
in our culture is wrong, no?
250
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:47,033
OK, I think it's time to put
Sir Walter Raleigh back in the can.
251
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,410
Honey, it's none of our business.
252
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:52,205
Chapter four. Lose your filter, find your way.
253
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:54,707
- How could I forget?
- Gefilte? Did somebody say gefilte?
254
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,251
Have you read it?
255
00:13:57,545 --> 00:14:00,630
- Excuse me?
- Have you read the book?
256
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,882
I don't think I need to, honey.
257
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:05,009
Don't "honey" me, mister.
258
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:08,346
The Satanic Bible is actually
the ultimate self-help book.
259
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:11,391
It's not about worshipping the devil.
260
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:14,310
It's about believing in yourself
first and foremost
261
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:17,689
and not wasting your time
on psychic vampires.
262
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:20,149
If you read it, you might learn a thing or two
263
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:23,736
cos it makes a hell of a lot more sense
than the gobbledygook you're passing off
264
00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:26,656
on the average, everyday
Barnes & Noble bottom-feeder.
265
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,200
That's right. I've read your book.
266
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,911
I want my money back.
267
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,580
O-tay!
268
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:38,167
I don't know about you guys,
but I think that deserves a slow handclap.
269
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,629
- That's rude.
- Bravo!
270
00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:44,257
Hank, no. No, no. Stop.
271
00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:48,887
- That girl's magic. What's her name?
- Becca.
272
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:51,681
So when are you due, sweetie?
273
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,141
You are pregnant, right?
274
00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:55,894
Oh, no. Yeah. I am pregnant. Yes, I am.
275
00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:57,854
- Congratulations!
- Thank you.
276
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,315
And my due date
is not far enough away.
277
00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:02,025
Did you guys have a lot of fun trying,
278
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:05,403
or did you have to beat off
into a test tube or something?
279
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:10,199
I'm just asking. I mean, people
do that shit... stuff a lot nowadays.
280
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:13,578
No, well, this happened
the old-fashioned way.
281
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,038
OK.
282
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:19,709
You gave her a little bit of the old artist
within, didn't you? Salty dog.
283
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,586
Actually, I'm not the father.
284
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,296
- What?
- Not the father?
285
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:27,008
- Oh, my God. I had no idea. I'm sorry.
- No, no, no.
286
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:30,720
I have no secrets. There is no shame.
287
00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:35,350
In fact, when we met,
Sonja was already pregnant.
288
00:15:35,392 --> 00:15:37,977
- I could smell it on her.
- Smell it?
289
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:44,651
Yeah, really, he is serious.
I didn't know.
290
00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:49,489
- That's possible.
- Yeah, yeah. I know, right?
291
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:52,158
It was quite a weird first date.
292
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:57,789
I'll raise the child as my own.
And I'll love it as my own.
293
00:15:57,831 --> 00:16:00,124
I think that is awesome.
294
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,210
This is a grown man willing to stand up
295
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:05,505
and take responsibility for
another man's seed.
296
00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:07,548
- Big ups...
- Thank you.
297
00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:09,801
Mad love. Much respect.
298
00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:11,552
What is she doing?
299
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:14,138
So you have no idea
who the father is?
300
00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:17,183
- I'm not that big a slut, Karen.
- No! I...
301
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,310
Hey, hey. No one's judging.
302
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:21,145
No one's judging, baby girl.
303
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:24,148
- Some of my favourite humans are sluts.
- My wife is a slut.
304
00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:25,900
I, personally,
don't believe in that word.
305
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:28,194
I think that a woman
who indulges herself sexually
306
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,029
should be celebrated and not condemned.
307
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:32,365
Chapter seven. "Let a ho be a ho," right?
308
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:34,283
- That's right!
- Amen to that.
309
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:37,120
That's exactly
what the Satanic Bible would say.
310
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:38,579
Hail Satan!
311
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:41,708
There was only one guy,
according to Sonja.
312
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:45,712
And, you know, she was lonely.
He was there.
313
00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:48,756
You needed a little positive reinforcement,
didn't you?
314
00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:50,008
And he gave you that.
315
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:54,095
So there is nothing to be ashamed of.
We all do it.
316
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:57,807
The point is to rise above it
and to love ourselves.
317
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,600
Totally, totally.
318
00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:01,519
You just come up with that shit
319
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,855
or do you have cue cards
written somewhere?
320
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:09,485
OK. So I'm just doing
a little mental math over here,
321
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:14,115
and I think what you're saying, Sonja,
322
00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,617
and correct me if I'm wrong,
323
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:20,621
but that Hank could very well
be the father of the child
324
00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:22,915
because you guys
definitely bumped uglies
325
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:25,960
that one night at my father's, right?
326
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,128
Fuck!
327
00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:28,629
You wear a cock bag?
328
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:32,175
Nope. He hates rubbers.
329
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,302
Yeah. Me too.
I can't feel a damn thing.
330
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:36,137
- I love rubbers.
- Keeps him in the game.
331
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,805
Keeps me in the game.
332
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,686
God, I'm sorry. I didn't...
333
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,521
I didn't want it to come out like this.
334
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:52,945
I've been trying to find a way to tell you.
But it doesn't matter.
335
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:56,157
You know, I mean,
I want this baby no matter what.
336
00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:03,206
Dude, this is my favourite dinner party ever.
I'm so glad I came.
337
00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:07,794
Well, I don't know about you guys,
but I think a cheers is in order, huh?
338
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:11,672
To yet another fine mess. Good job!
339
00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:13,591
I'll drink to that.
340
00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:16,135
Well done.
341
00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:20,681
Let's go.
342
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:26,395
To fine messes...
And new daddies.
343
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:48,376
What the fuck?
344
00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:51,629
- This is my daughter's bedroom!
- I know. Chick's got great taste.
345
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:54,674
Have you no sense of shame?
Get the fuck out of here!
346
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:55,883
You know better.
347
00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:58,219
Marcy... Jesus Christ, Charlie.
348
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:25,538
Motherfucker left a floater.
349
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,332
Game on, broheme. Oh, I get it.
350
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,334
I read you, brother.
351
00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:33,921
I hear you talking to me.
352
00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:38,634
No.
353
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:45,349
Hi.
354
00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:47,435
Hey, you know what?
355
00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:51,355
The fucking "artist within"
left us a turd within our toilet.
356
00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:53,316
Can you believe that shit?
Literally?
357
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,068
It's like he's taking a dump
on top of my head.
358
00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:59,155
I'm reading him loud and clear.
I mean, it's a thing between him and me.
359
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,574
And I think it involves you.
You've inflamed him in some way.
360
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:05,161
Now it's like Jaws 3. It's personal.
You want a bump?
361
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,288
Are you ready to talk about it now?
362
00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:10,333
What was that?
363
00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:16,589
What's he on?
The coke, I know. What else?
364
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:19,967
Nothing. He did a few lines,
had a few drinks, that's it.
365
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,929
- Get the pen.
- The pen.
366
00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:25,806
I got it.
367
00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:27,808
Get the pen!
The pen! The pen!
368
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:31,896
Fuck!
369
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:35,024
Oh, my God! What...
370
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:48,287
Oh, I hate when that happens.
371
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:56,504
- What the fuck was that?
- Food allergies.
372
00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:59,465
Bane of my fucking existence.
373
00:21:00,842 --> 00:21:03,886
Did you eat any of that sashimi?
374
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:08,683
And then you shoved your tongue
down my throat. There you go.
375
00:21:08,725 --> 00:21:10,851
Thanks, pal. You saved my life.
376
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:14,188
Hey, what'd you do with that coke?
377
00:21:16,191 --> 00:21:18,150
You know you can always crash
at my house, right?
378
00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:20,444
Thank you, but I don't think
that'll be necessary.
379
00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:22,488
I don't know, man. I know chicks.
380
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:26,534
This looks like some serious,
extreme doghouse shit right here.
381
00:21:28,078 --> 00:21:30,204
- Ready, darlin'?
- Yep.
382
00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:33,124
- Where are you going?
- They're giving me a ride.
383
00:21:33,166 --> 00:21:34,667
Maybe stop for a drink.
384
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:36,252
Works for me. The Otheroom?
385
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:39,130
- Great.
- OK.
386
00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:43,009
- Good night,
- Good night.
387
00:21:46,263 --> 00:21:47,305
Hey, come here.
388
00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:49,473
You be cool with her because she's...
389
00:21:49,516 --> 00:21:52,310
She doesn't seem like it,
but she's kind of a fragile flower.
390
00:21:52,352 --> 00:21:54,353
All right? So play nice.
391
00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:56,647
Look, I have many vices, my friend,
392
00:21:56,690 --> 00:21:59,066
but jailbaiting ain't one of 'em.
393
00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:02,194
Well, I mean, there was
that one time in Salt Lake City,
394
00:22:02,237 --> 00:22:05,239
but that was like
a Mormon mother/daughter thing.
395
00:22:05,282 --> 00:22:06,949
Pretty fucking hot.
396
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:11,704
I pull that out of the spank bank
every once in a while.
397
00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:14,790
- Mind if I borrow it?
- You know where I live.
398
00:22:17,961 --> 00:22:20,755
- Mr. Moody.
- That sounds weird.
399
00:22:20,797 --> 00:22:23,549
Call me "he who will kill you
if you touch his daughter."
400
00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:26,635
Right. I get it.
401
00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:28,304
She's pretty awesome.
402
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:31,640
She is. But thank you for saying that.
403
00:22:31,683 --> 00:22:34,518
Do you need a ride home or something?
404
00:22:34,561 --> 00:22:38,397
- No, I walked. I live close by.
- Fantastic.
405
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,900
Yeah, so I guess we'll be seeing
a lot of each other.
406
00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:44,111
Don't push it. Goodbye forever.
407
00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:56,749
I told you we should have
called the whole thing off.
408
00:22:56,833 --> 00:22:59,460
Then we wouldn't have gotten
the happy news.
409
00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:04,590
The man with the fresh vasectomy
is about to be a daddy.
410
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:09,053
- You caught me.
- Yeah.
411
00:23:13,308 --> 00:23:16,060
At least you can see
the comedy in all of this.
412
00:23:16,103 --> 00:23:18,604
Oh, right. I either laugh
or I cry, right?
413
00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:21,357
Or both.
414
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,819
Maybe I'm PMS'ing, but I feel
like I could use a good cry.
415
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:30,324
I'm not mad at you.
416
00:23:31,827 --> 00:23:33,828
How is that even remotely possible?
417
00:23:37,457 --> 00:23:41,627
Cos this isn't about anything you did
while we were apart.
418
00:23:41,670 --> 00:23:44,588
This is about what I did.
419
00:23:44,631 --> 00:23:46,632
I made a huge mistake.
420
00:23:46,675 --> 00:23:49,301
No. Don't say that. You didn't.
421
00:23:49,344 --> 00:23:52,555
I did. I jumped in the car
with you that night.
422
00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:56,225
Then we came back here
and we had sex.
423
00:23:56,268 --> 00:24:00,938
And then we just tried to pick up
where we left off.
424
00:24:01,022 --> 00:24:03,983
I mean, do you have any idea how...
425
00:24:04,025 --> 00:24:06,110
fucking dysfunctional that is?
426
00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:10,948
You know, silly me, cos...
427
00:24:10,991 --> 00:24:14,743
I'm sitting here thinking
that it's like a dream come true.
428
00:24:15,370 --> 00:24:20,040
It was. It was a dream.
But we were crazy, Hank.
429
00:24:20,083 --> 00:24:22,793
Like, thinking we
could just wave a magic wand
430
00:24:22,836 --> 00:24:25,421
and everything would be as it was.
431
00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:30,593
I mean, if it was ever as we think it was.
432
00:24:30,635 --> 00:24:32,344
- If you know what I mean.
- Right.
433
00:24:32,387 --> 00:24:37,183
Because we just imagined everything.
434
00:24:37,225 --> 00:24:40,186
We can't do this to her any more.
435
00:24:40,228 --> 00:24:42,605
You know,
we've been reckless with her heart.
436
00:24:42,647 --> 00:24:44,607
- Or I have.
- No, no.
437
00:24:44,649 --> 00:24:46,025
It's my fault.
438
00:24:46,067 --> 00:24:47,359
I should've gone away.
439
00:24:47,402 --> 00:24:50,738
- I should have gotten my sh...
- You are a wonderful mother.
440
00:24:50,780 --> 00:24:52,490
Always.
441
00:24:55,076 --> 00:24:59,914
I will never, ever regret
getting into the car with you that night.
442
00:24:59,956 --> 00:25:03,125
Cos it was so much fun.
443
00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:07,171
And marrying Bill
was definitely not the answer.
444
00:25:10,050 --> 00:25:13,594
I don't know how to say this, but...
445
00:25:13,637 --> 00:25:14,803
Don't.
446
00:25:19,434 --> 00:25:22,269
Neither is marrying you.
447
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:30,903
- This isn't the answer either, you know?
- No.
448
00:25:36,451 --> 00:25:39,787
Angel, I love you so, so much.
449
00:25:43,583 --> 00:25:46,335
I can't stay.
450
00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:48,629
I'm not asking you to.
451
00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:55,928
I can't stay.
452
00:26:15,073 --> 00:26:16,991
I'm gonna go out for a little while.
453
00:26:17,033 --> 00:26:20,160
It's OK, Dad. You tried your best.
454
00:26:23,498 --> 00:26:26,250
It was nice while it lasted.
33277
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.