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Previously on Californication...
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- No kiss?
- I'm done with that.
3
00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:08,048
You, on the other hand,
have been a very naughty little Smurf.
4
00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:11,844
- Bi-curious, are we?
- He started it, spanking his assistant.
5
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It was very sweet, actually.
6
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I want to learn from you.
7
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- I want to be an agent.
- I see.
8
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First, you systematically
destroy my marriage...
9
00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:21,103
I know about everything, Charlie.
10
00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:23,647
...and now you want me
to help with your career.
11
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,066
I don't think you heard me.
I wrote something.
12
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:29,486
- Hank wrote a new book? Can I read it?
- I don't think that's appropriate.
13
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Is there anything I can help you with?
14
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I wrote this novel, and I was just wondering
15
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:35,284
- if Charlie would read it.
- What's it about?
16
00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:37,536
A 16-year-old girl
fucks a much, much older man
17
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:40,330
and finds herself both spiritually
and sexually awakened.
18
00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:43,584
Dad, are you OK?
19
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,878
No...
20
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But I'm working on it.
21
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This book is gonna be huge.
22
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:51,091
What's going on here?
Are you having second thoughts?
23
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,427
- Are you questioning things?
- I question everything.
24
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:55,095
- It's very healthy.
- It is very healthy.
25
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:57,264
I just think you can't run off and marry a guy
26
00:00:57,307 --> 00:01:00,309
after making sweet love to yours truly.
27
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We had women that loved
us for who we were, and we fucked it up.
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Ain't life fuckin' grand?
29
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Yowsa.
30
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- Hey.
- You look great, Mom.
31
00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:28,504
Oh, thank you, sweetie.
32
00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:30,631
I guess you're going with
a more liberal interpretation
33
00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:32,382
of the whole "white wedding"
concept, are you?
34
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:35,385
Do you think I could go braless...
Ooh. Sorry.
35
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:36,970
Didn't know we had
a gentleman in our presence.
36
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Well, only if you go with
a more liberal interpretation
37
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,141
of the whole "gentleman" concept.
38
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Ouch.
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You know, as exciting as it is
to be behind the scenes
40
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,356
in the girls' locker room
right before the big game,
41
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:49,149
I think I'm going to take my leave.
42
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,692
Oh, shit.
43
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- I think my dad's coming.
- What?
44
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,738
He was supposed to be playing racquetball.
45
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,365
Yes, by all means, get that thing off.
46
00:01:56,407 --> 00:02:00,619
The groom should not see you in the dress
just before the wedding... that's bad luck.
47
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:03,956
- What's worse luck is getting married itself.
- Shut up.
48
00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:06,333
It's like two out of three of those
end in divorce.
49
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:09,086
Sometimes more... three out of two.
50
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,380
- Bill.
- Hank.
51
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,008
- You look lovely.
- Thank you.
52
00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:19,012
A little uncomfortable coming from you.
You know what? Oatmeal.
53
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,264
Thank you, Daddy.
54
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,057
You should've seen the dress
Karen had on just now.
55
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:24,518
She had the... I mean,
it was like, here...
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00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:27,437
- Cut it out.
- And then the back...
57
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,939
- Hey. You're home early.
- Hi.
58
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:32,151
Well, I'm playing Harry Greenberg.
I bageled him.
59
00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:34,361
Ah, ironically. You know what?
60
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,446
One day, you and me,
Bill Tilden. Mano a mano.
61
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,532
We're gonna play the real tennis.
62
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:42,369
Not that sissy kind. We're going '70s style.
We're playing wooden rackets, knee socks.
63
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:45,164
Plum smugglers. We do it.
But not today because I gotta go.
64
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:46,582
- Dad.
- Yes.
65
00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:48,834
- You can't. Remember?
- No... What?
66
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:51,295
I have to talk to you... and Mom.
67
00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,921
Really? What about, sweetie?
68
00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:55,632
Family stuff.
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00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:58,719
Well, we're a family.
Or we will be very soon, right?
70
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:01,638
So I should say what I feel?
No matter what?
71
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,056
- Absolutely.
- Yes.
72
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:06,185
- Always.
- I want to live with Dad.
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00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:11,815
I'll still visit and stuff. I just...
74
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:14,484
I want to live most of the time with Dad.
75
00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:19,323
It's the first I've heard of this.
Karen. Karen.
76
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:21,575
Karen! Karen!
77
00:03:23,119 --> 00:03:26,079
Hey, Becca, have you...
have you thought this through?
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00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:27,623
I mean, have you... Becca.
79
00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:30,834
Shit. Becca! Becca.
80
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:33,045
- Bill. Bill.
- Yeah...
81
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,341
- Then there were two.
- Yeah.
82
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:39,593
I'm gonna need some help
getting out of this dress.
83
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,637
And then there was one.
84
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,274
- Thank you.
- Sure.
85
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,278
Uncle Runkle.
86
00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:43,073
- Sorry I'm late. I just...
- You just what?
87
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,200
Nah. That's all I got.
88
00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:49,830
- I do have some news, though.
- Ah! Delight me.
89
00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:53,208
Becca's moving back in with me.
90
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:55,043
- No shit.
- Yeah.
91
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,713
- Poor Karen. She must be...
- Devastated.
92
00:04:57,755 --> 00:05:00,549
- That's brutal.
- It is. The good news is, though,
93
00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:02,968
that as of today
you and your extensive porn collection
94
00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:04,303
are moving into the Four Seasons.
95
00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:07,014
- Fantastic.
- I booked you a room
96
00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,557
in the Husbands Who've
Been Kicked To The Kerb
97
00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:10,600
"By Their Diminutive Lesbian Wives wing.
98
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:13,103
It's right next to the Young Actresses
Fresh Into Town wing.
99
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,897
- Am I correct?
- I don't know the layout of the hotel.
100
00:05:16,899 --> 00:05:17,983
Well, that is news.
101
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:20,610
Boy, I'll miss the camaraderie.
102
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:24,281
But that stain in your bedroom
was really starting to unnerve me.
103
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:27,659
You inspired that stain,
you cunning linguist, you.
104
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,286
- It's a talent.
- Job well done.
105
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:33,373
What were you doing
in my bedroom, you perv?
106
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:36,168
Snooping, of course.
Looking for some fucking words I can sell.
107
00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:38,086
- Good luck with that shit.
- By the way,
108
00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:41,965
how come you never told me
Bill's little Lolita of a daughter was a writer?
109
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,009
Cos I don't use that term loosely.
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00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:46,386
Writer. Everybody says
they're a writer in this town.
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I'll give her budding wordsmith, maybe.
112
00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:52,392
- Budding, huh? She's fuckin' bloomed, pal.
- Sorry?
113
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,728
Dani's dripping wet
over this manuscript of hers.
114
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:58,648
In fact, she insists that I pump it,
launch her agenting career,
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00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:02,402
or she's gonna hit me with the mother
of all sexual-harassment suits.
116
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,613
Oh, Charlie, I'm sorry.
117
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:06,990
Do you think you can get me
a front-row seat to the trial?
118
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:09,076
I'd like to be behind you
in all the courtroom sketches.
119
00:06:09,118 --> 00:06:10,118
You're such a good friend.
120
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:11,578
What the fuck do you want me to say?
121
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You fuck around with your assistant,
you're gonna get screwed.
122
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,251
There's only a few things that could happen,
all of them bad.
123
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:20,337
You're gonna get threatened,
you're gonna get sued.
124
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,172
You can go for the trifecta and get divorced.
125
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,300
And yet, do I get any credit
for all the assistants I didn't fuck?
126
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,052
- No, that's an injustice.
- It is.
127
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,805
I get no credit for all the dicks I do not suck.
128
00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:33,975
- Check, please.
- Then again, I don't know.
129
00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:36,395
If... if Mia turns out to really be talented,
130
00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:38,939
then I could pump this
till I'm blue in the face.
131
00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:40,649
No harm, no foul. Am I right there?
132
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:45,737
She... she might have some talent,
from what I've seen, the little I have seen.
133
00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:47,322
What is this thing about?
134
00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:50,033
This coverage makes it sound
really fuckin' hot, you know?
135
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,994
There's this young woman
who's bangin' this older guy,
136
00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:55,664
and at one point, you know,
she... she hauls off
137
00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:57,874
and just punches him right in the face.
138
00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,419
That's... that's pretty ballsy
right there, right?
139
00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:03,255
I don't know what else happens,
but that's one scene.
140
00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:05,340
- Motherfucker.
- What?
141
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:10,971
Fucking And Punching.
142
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,145
This is beyond ballsy.
143
00:07:19,647 --> 00:07:21,606
Where are you...
144
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,025
OK, then.
145
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:14,659
- What the fuck?
- Oh. I guess you didn't hear me knocking.
146
00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:16,077
- No.
- No.
147
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,330
Well, that's why I let myself in...
because I figured
148
00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:20,457
you'd probably be out here
in this general vicinity,
149
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,750
unable to hear me knocking.
150
00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:25,045
Out by the pool, kickin' it,
you know, after school?
151
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:26,963
Right. Well, school doesn't get out till three.
152
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:29,424
You need to get on top of that
kind of shit, Hank.
153
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:30,967
Wow. Is that, like, universal?
154
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:34,095
Cos I was over at Mia's school that day,
and it was very progressive,
155
00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:36,473
like maybe they didn't adhere
to that kind of strict...
156
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:40,101
There's no one here. I'm all on my own
in my big, empty house,
157
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:42,521
just like I will be when
you take my daughter away from me.
158
00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:44,523
Come on, honey.
I had nothing to do with that.
159
00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:46,858
Oh, really? You didn't put her up to it?
160
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,568
No! Of course not. Why would I do that?
161
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:52,030
Well, I don't know... to embarrass me.
To score some big fucking victory over Bill.
162
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,115
- No, I wouldn't do that.
- Your usual shit.
163
00:08:54,158 --> 00:08:57,035
No. No, no, no. I wouldn't do that.
164
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:59,746
What, so she just came up with it all by
herself, out of the blue?
165
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:03,542
The system that's been working for us since
we split up, that's not working any more?
166
00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:05,669
"I want to live with Dad.
I don't want to live with Mom."
167
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:09,297
She's a teenager. I think the word
you're looking for is mercurial.
168
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:11,216
No, I'm not looking...
169
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:13,343
And I would never
fuck with her head like that.
170
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,929
Yours, yes. I can be
a dick like that sometimes.
171
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:18,890
But hers, never. Not in a million years.
172
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:22,811
- Well, OK.
- What do you mean, OK?
173
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:26,064
I mean, OK, I believe you.
But it's not gonna make any difference.
174
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,899
It doesn't make it any easier for me.
175
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:29,901
I know, but if you think about
it in practical terms,
176
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,112
it just means, like,
a couple extra nights a week, right?
177
00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:36,157
- I mean, it's not a big...
- No. Don't, OK? Don't do that.
178
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,285
I don't need your
fucking sympathy, Hank, OK?
179
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:41,079
Get out of my house,
cos I don't want to see you right now!
180
00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:49,671
Where's Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS?
181
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:52,382
- Excuse me?
- Dani. Where's Dani?
182
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,385
She's... she's in a meeting with Mr Runkle.
183
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,636
- And you are?
- Going in there.
184
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,597
- I'm sorry, sir.
- Hey, look at the time.
185
00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:00,765
The big hand says fuck
and the little hand says off.
186
00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:02,350
Good thing it doesn't
have a second hand, huh?
187
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:07,147
All right, I need to talk to you, and you,
and you need to get out, and you...
188
00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:10,734
You, I don't need to talk to, but I know you.
189
00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:13,528
- Hello, Victoria.
- Well, so formal.
190
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:16,948
Tricky Vicky, he used to call me,
back in the day.
191
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:18,742
Where the hell have you been,
Hank Moody?
192
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:21,119
Haven't you owed me a book since
the good guy was in office?
193
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:23,163
Yeah, it's been seven years,
thanks for asking.
194
00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:25,624
It's coming along swimmingly.
Spell-checking as we speak.
195
00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:28,627
- I need to have a chat with you.
- I'm in the middle of a meeting.
196
00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:30,754
I can see that. It won't take long.
197
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:33,340
Hank, do you think
you two could do this a little bit later?
198
00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:36,092
Like after the meeting
that Victoria flew in from New York for?
199
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:38,261
No. We should straighten it out now.
200
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,972
We have a bunch more set up for later.
We don't want them to stack up.
201
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:43,475
Thank you, Dani. I can handle this.
202
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:44,893
Well, handle it, then.
203
00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:47,395
Looks like you've got
a live one there, Runkle.
204
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:51,691
Hank, have a seat.
We can talk about Chinese democracy
205
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:54,069
as soon as I'm done talking
with the publishing sensation.
206
00:10:54,111 --> 00:10:56,696
I don't know if you're aware,
but this young woman's written
207
00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:59,240
- what could be the book of the year.
- Is that right?
208
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:02,577
Have I ever been wrong about this shit?
It's fantastic.
209
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,663
It's like your early stuff. Not so juvenile.
210
00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:07,332
Not so many lame boner jokes.
211
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:09,751
Well, coincidentally,
I have a lame boner right now.
212
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,169
I have a lame boner for justice.
213
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,463
And if you won't give me
a private sidebar right now,
214
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,216
maybe there's something you'd like to say
to these good people?
215
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:19,469
I don't know. What might
they be interested in hearing?
216
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:24,599
Come on, Mia. Just... just out with it.
217
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:30,689
Wait. I know what I could say.
218
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:32,732
Thank you, Hank.
219
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:36,027
Thank you for giving me notes
and helping me with this.
220
00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:38,029
It's been a dream come true, really,
221
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:39,989
To have your favourite writer
in the whole wide world
222
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:43,618
help you on your very first... novel.
223
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,829
Hank, you're so sweet.
224
00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,956
That's it? That's the way you want to play it?
225
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,418
What do you want me to do,
blow you, Hank?
226
00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:52,794
I mean, that would be untoward.
227
00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:55,422
Oh, my God, look at
the potty mouth on this one.
228
00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:57,298
I love it.
229
00:11:57,341 --> 00:12:01,094
She'd be great with the press, right?
Like Elizabeth Wurtzel... with talent.
230
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,847
OK, Hank. Let's go, huh?
231
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:06,099
What the fuck is the matter with you?
232
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,226
What do you have, epilepsy,
Asperger's, Tourette's?
233
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:10,437
Good to see you, Hank.
Good luck with the spell-check.
234
00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:12,063
I need to talk to you, Charlie.
235
00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:15,191
- No, no...
- Later. Later. I will talk to you later.
236
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,201
You can't pack her lunch
for the next six months.
237
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:28,580
I know. I'm just packing it
for tomorrow because, you know,
238
00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:31,207
I figured if I get all
the sandwiches in for tomorrow,
239
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,334
then, if he forgets, it's OK, cos, like,
240
00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:35,420
she has sandwiches
for every day of the week.
241
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:38,256
Stop stressing. Come here.
Come here. Come here.
242
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,009
OK.
243
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:46,598
Is Mia back from her meeting yet?
244
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,016
- What meeting?
- She met with Charlie.
245
00:12:48,058 --> 00:12:50,268
She's trying to get
one of her stories published.
246
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:52,020
- Isn't that great?
- Oh, wow, yeah.
247
00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:55,982
Yeah, I haven't read it, but my father's
intuition says it's probably pretty special.
248
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,735
Yes. Yeah.
I'm sure it is.
249
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,030
Have you signed the papers yet?
250
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:05,533
Oh, God. No, honey. Sorry. I forgot.
I've been a little preoccupied.
251
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:07,368
I know. I know. Let's go. No, we got to go.
252
00:13:07,411 --> 00:13:09,370
- Come on. Come on.
- But, Bill...
253
00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:12,582
We're gonna take a look at this.
Nah, this is important stuff.
254
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:16,920
Look, we have our prenup,
we have our wills.
255
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,172
Don't you care about Becca's trust fund?
256
00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:21,174
Yeah... No.
257
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,551
Bill, I don't. I don't care.
258
00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:26,763
All I care about is Becca leaving me.
259
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:31,017
Us. She's not leaving us.
260
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:34,854
You know, she's moving out.
She doesn't want to live here any more.
261
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:38,233
I can't tell what's worse...
262
00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:41,152
whether she doesn't know
she's ripping my heart out,
263
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:44,322
or whether she does know,
but, you know, she just doesn't care.
264
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:46,157
Honey, honey, it's a phase.
265
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,243
She sees Mia acting so independently,
266
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:50,870
she probably wants to see
what that feels like,
267
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,832
so she's doing the only thing
she can to assert herself.
268
00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:55,250
What? Like getting away from me?
269
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:57,836
Like I'm the Wicked Witch
of the West or something?
270
00:13:57,878 --> 00:13:59,504
No, it's not about that, trust me.
271
00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,090
As soon as her father lets her down,
272
00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:05,176
she'll be begging you
to bring her back home, I promise.
273
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:08,179
We're talking about Hank here.
How long can that possibly take?
274
00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:12,100
He'll probably disappoint her on
the car ride home and have to turn around.
275
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:14,769
Don't make me laugh,
cos I'm trying to wallow here, OK?
276
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,905
Thank you ever so kindly.
277
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:29,200
So you had your fun
and then you told them the truth, right?
278
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:30,827
Told them what, Hank?
279
00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:34,873
You know, I think I'd appreciate
your particular brand of humour a lot more
280
00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:36,708
if you weren't fucking around with my life.
281
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,835
And you haven't fucked around
in mine at all?
282
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:41,254
I mean, I know, I know... it was an accident.
283
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:43,131
How could you possibly have known?
284
00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:44,841
The simple fact remains, you fucked me
285
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,885
and you didn't want to have
anything to do with me.
286
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:49,637
- That doesn't sit well with the ladies.
- So this is your revenge?
287
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,890
You're some kind of
feminist caped crusader?
288
00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:54,559
Yeah, well, we all pay for
our sins sooner or later, Hank.
289
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:57,437
Thank you. How'd you get ahold of it?
290
00:14:57,479 --> 00:15:00,899
Well, it was just sitting there
all unappreciated and shit,
291
00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,317
and I asked Karen if I could read it.
292
00:15:02,359 --> 00:15:05,069
- And she said no.
- Exactly.
293
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:07,780
She was afraid that I would
get corrupted in some way.
294
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,741
- I'm sure.
- Oh, man.
295
00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:12,410
I wonder what'd she think
if she knew that I had your dick in my mouth.
296
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:15,788
But I digress.
Anyway, I took it to Kinko's
297
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:17,874
and settled in
for what was truly a great read.
298
00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:21,336
It's so good, Hank.
299
00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:23,671
A really great first draft.
300
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:25,048
You're gonna get caught, you know.
301
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:27,467
People are gonna recognise my writing.
302
00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:30,094
No, see, I covered my tracks.
303
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:32,347
I added little bits of me when I re-typed it.
304
00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:35,808
It's not really so much
an outright theft as a mash-up.
305
00:15:35,851 --> 00:15:39,062
An homage, if you will. From me to you.
306
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:42,857
You are a very young...
307
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,943
sociopath-in-training.
308
00:15:44,985 --> 00:15:50,114
Oh, come on. That's like Satan calling
one of his junior minions a big meanie.
309
00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:51,991
Yes, but I never set out to hurt you, Mia.
310
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:53,368
What else is out there for me, huh?
311
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:57,038
College, going to Europe,
working at an agency,
312
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,123
a network, a studio?
313
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:02,377
Blech! Boring! This has been fun.
314
00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:07,423
I never intended to be famous,
but I do like being the centre of attention.
315
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:10,635
It feels just like I thought it would...
316
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,637
totally fucking great.
317
00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:16,933
But it's gonna go away.
318
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:23,314
Well, we just got offers
from Victoria Newsome and Little, Brown,
319
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:26,275
but I think Random House
is gonna blow them out of the water.
320
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:30,071
Random House?
I didn't even know they were...
321
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:32,448
Did I miss these calls?
I didn't see messages.
322
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:34,784
No, I didn't think it was
worth bothering you about.
323
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:38,162
Some KahlĂșa with your coffee?
We seem to be all out of champagne.
324
00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:42,625
I think the TV people drank it all
when they sold Slut Wars into syndication.
325
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,293
No. No, thank you.
326
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:46,671
Don't mind if I do.
327
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:49,007
It's been a great ride, Charlie Runkle.
328
00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:51,509
We proved sex and the workplace can mix.
329
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,720
We subverted some dominant paradigms.
330
00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:55,013
And from a feminist standpoint,
331
00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:57,724
we're about to launch
a major female writer.
332
00:16:57,766 --> 00:16:59,434
She was great, wasn't she?
333
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:01,811
I mean, she was poised,
she was funny...
334
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:06,024
she had them eating out of her hand
and looking up her skirt at the same time.
335
00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:08,067
Yeah, that is quite a feat.
336
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:12,321
The girl's gonna sell five million copies
based on the jacket photo alone.
337
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:16,451
And did you see how completely
unfazed she was by Hank?
338
00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:18,036
I mean, no offence, he's a cool guy,
339
00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:19,954
but it was kind of pathetic, right?
340
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:24,584
Yeah, Dani, I actually have
a little bit of a headache, you know?
341
00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:26,878
I think I'm just gonna lie down
here for a while.
342
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,506
OK. You rest, I'll take the calls.
343
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:56,699
So, here's the last of your T-shirts.
344
00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,202
Thanks.
345
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:02,121
You know, you can always
bring your stuff home,
346
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,957
for me to wash
on the weekends or whenever.
347
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,292
I know.
348
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:09,712
Cos your dad, you know,
349
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:13,382
he'll probably just buy you new clothes
when the old ones get dirty.
350
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:16,135
- That would be his solution...
- Mom, I know.
351
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,474
You know.
352
00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:23,392
Yeah.
353
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:24,644
Hey!
354
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:25,812
Wow!
355
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:28,314
Shit, you're not taking everything, are you?
356
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,900
No. Just the essentials.
357
00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:36,906
I'm gonna let you guys...
give her a hand, yeah?
358
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,450
- Mom?
- Yeah?
359
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,119
You and me...
360
00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:43,538
I was thinking next Saturday
we could go to the Getty.
361
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:48,960
- Just us.
- That'd be great. I'd love that, sweetie.
362
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:54,924
And so it begins.
363
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,552
The non-custodial parent time, hm?
364
00:18:57,594 --> 00:19:01,013
Oh, hey, not The Dark Side Of The Moon.
I might want to borrow that one.
365
00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:04,433
- It's way too small for you.
- Uh, yeah. That's why I like it.
366
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:08,896
- Whatever.
- Hey, I was just teasing.
367
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:11,149
That's what sisters do, you know?
368
00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:13,693
They borrow clothes, talk about boys,
369
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:16,988
conspire against the parental units...
370
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:21,617
You know, it's not gonna be
any fun here without you.
371
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:25,204
- Was it fun before?
- Hm, true.
372
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:28,082
But, hey, you're not gonna have
that problem any more, living with your dad.
373
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:30,918
Sure. It'll be a hoot.
374
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:33,462
Like taking Kafka
to the Third Street Promenade.
375
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,965
You're not even excited a little bit?
376
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:39,760
- I suppose.
- Well, shit, I would be stoked.
377
00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:44,056
Cos your dad, I mean, he's a riot.
He's totally awesome.
378
00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:46,893
I'm not going to live with
my dad because it's fun.
379
00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:49,645
I'm going because I have to.
380
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:53,816
I don't know if you've noticed,
but your dad is about to marry my mom.
381
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,694
- Yeah, so?
- So it's really happening.
382
00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:59,155
He can't pretend any more that it's not.
383
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,366
And whatever miraculous thing
384
00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:04,827
he thought was going to happen
with the writing...
385
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,871
You know, that thing he wrote
back home in New York
386
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,165
that was going to be
the redemption of us all?
387
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:12,043
Well, obviously, that's not happening, either.
388
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,545
Yeah, I guess not.
389
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:15,880
So it's official.
390
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:18,633
Rock bottom.
391
00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:21,010
The death of hope.
392
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,179
Can't leave him alone now.
393
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,472
The man's got nothing.
394
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:27,725
Well, that's not entirely true.
395
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:30,603
He's got you.
396
00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:35,316
We should all be so lucky.
397
00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:11,018
Loved your new novel.
398
00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:18,859
I knew from the first page.
399
00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:23,030
Strange, too. It was like 1987.
400
00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:24,824
I went to this party with Bret Easton Ellis.
401
00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:26,575
I asked him who
the good young writers were.
402
00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:28,661
He showed me that short story of yours.
403
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,705
I had the same feeling when I read it.
404
00:21:30,747 --> 00:21:33,708
Like this person and I
are connected somehow.
405
00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:36,335
Like we were gonna do
something special together.
406
00:21:36,378 --> 00:21:39,964
Well, I'm just overjoyed that
you saw me in there somewhere.
407
00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:41,424
You're all over it, pal.
408
00:21:41,466 --> 00:21:43,259
But, listen, I got to ask,
409
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:47,722
you know, since you always tend to write
exactly what you know...
410
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,352
What's the fuckin' deal?
411
00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:04,572
You have done some
fucked-up shit in your time,
412
00:22:04,614 --> 00:22:07,867
but I didn't think you'd do that.
413
00:22:07,909 --> 00:22:09,160
Not knowingly.
414
00:22:09,202 --> 00:22:11,871
What, she tricked you into it?
I find that hard to believe.
415
00:22:11,913 --> 00:22:14,457
She was at a book store,
and she was reading my book.
416
00:22:14,499 --> 00:22:17,251
You know, that's always a great
conversation starter for me,
417
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:20,087
and she was cute and flirty,
I was half in the bag, anyway.
418
00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:22,089
I was just right for that moment.
419
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:24,508
The self-loathing
was strong in me that night.
420
00:22:24,551 --> 00:22:28,512
I didn't know she was Bill's daughter,
and I thought she was in college.
421
00:22:28,555 --> 00:22:32,558
You know, maybe older. I was wrong.
422
00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:34,852
Jesus Christ.
423
00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:37,563
How'd we get ourselves into this one?
424
00:22:38,231 --> 00:22:40,232
Thank you for saying we.
425
00:22:41,401 --> 00:22:44,278
Look, I'll do whatever
you want me to do, you know?
426
00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:46,364
I'll take it off the counter,
you... you say the word.
427
00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:49,325
- Are there offers?
- Many.
428
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:50,409
Well, then I'm fucked.
429
00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:53,537
If I say anything,
if I do anything about this shit,
430
00:22:53,580 --> 00:22:55,873
there's no telling
what she's gonna do.
431
00:22:55,916 --> 00:22:59,460
There's no stopping her
from telling Karen or Bill or Becca.
432
00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:01,420
Fuck. The police.
433
00:23:02,089 --> 00:23:04,006
Fuck the police.
434
00:23:06,968 --> 00:23:08,052
Expecting someone?
435
00:23:13,767 --> 00:23:17,812
Wait. Let me get that.
436
00:23:21,024 --> 00:23:23,317
- Good evening, ladies.
- Hey.
437
00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:24,944
I should get going. Call me later?
438
00:23:24,986 --> 00:23:26,779
- I will.
- Four Seasons.
439
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:29,031
- Good night.
- Night.
440
00:23:34,121 --> 00:23:37,039
- I'm gonna go put my stuff down.
- Sure.
441
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:45,923
- I'm sorry.
- About what?
442
00:23:45,966 --> 00:23:48,092
You won.
443
00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:51,178
Not if you're this upset.
I didn't win a goddamn thing.
444
00:23:51,972 --> 00:23:53,806
I hate seeing you this sad.
445
00:23:53,849 --> 00:23:56,642
Ever.
446
00:23:56,685 --> 00:23:59,103
Except maybe after sex with Bill.
447
00:23:59,146 --> 00:24:03,274
Hmm? That's a smile.
A small smile, but a smile nonetheless.
448
00:24:03,316 --> 00:24:07,278
- I'll take it.
- Don't worry, Mom. I'll be fine.
449
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:10,239
I know. And it's not you I'm worried about.
450
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:11,949
I know.
451
00:24:11,992 --> 00:24:14,034
But first of all, this is not goodbye.
452
00:24:14,786 --> 00:24:17,121
Just think of it
as me on the road with the band,
453
00:24:17,164 --> 00:24:19,665
playing a few out-of-town gigs.
454
00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:21,709
Plus, you get a break from my noisy guitar.
455
00:24:21,751 --> 00:24:25,171
Yeah, but I love your noisy guitar.
456
00:24:25,213 --> 00:24:27,256
I would say, you know, "Take care of her,"
457
00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:30,050
but I think she's probably
gonna take better care of you.
458
00:24:30,093 --> 00:24:31,677
I don't disagree.
459
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:34,555
Call me if you need anything, OK?
460
00:24:34,598 --> 00:24:37,099
Anything at all.
461
00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:40,603
I love you, honey.
462
00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:42,396
I love you, too.
463
00:24:46,318 --> 00:24:48,986
She's highly emotional, that one.
464
00:24:49,988 --> 00:24:51,572
All the good ones are.
465
00:24:53,158 --> 00:24:55,493
In exchange, they've given their word
466
00:24:55,535 --> 00:24:59,246
they will only fight al-Qaeda.
467
00:24:59,289 --> 00:25:02,333
Take a picture. It'll last longer.
468
00:25:06,963 --> 00:25:08,047
Are you OK?
469
00:25:08,089 --> 00:25:10,466
You seem depressed.
470
00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:13,427
- What do you mean? Like more than usual?
- Yes.
471
00:25:13,470 --> 00:25:15,221
I sense these things.
472
00:25:15,263 --> 00:25:17,932
Oh, yeah?
473
00:25:17,974 --> 00:25:19,517
I'm peachy.
474
00:25:22,979 --> 00:25:24,271
Trust me.
475
00:25:52,676 --> 00:25:54,843
Hey, Bill.
476
00:25:54,886 --> 00:25:57,012
36380
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