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1
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Previously on Californication...
2
00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:05,504
I was talking to Dani, here,
about our sexual problem.
3
00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:06,922
She's totally in.
4
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:12,011
- I've got to get my camera. This is...
- Motherfucker!
5
00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:16,306
Most recently, I gave man-birth
to a weighty tome called God Hates Us All...
6
00:00:16,349 --> 00:00:18,726
Which was turned
into a movie called...
7
00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:20,644
A Crazy Little Thing Called Love.
8
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,354
You drink too much. Write too little.
9
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:24,356
The only exercise you get
is in the bedroom.
10
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:28,402
Some folks have compared
the wait for your new novel
11
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:31,447
to the decade-plus wait
for the new Guns N' Roses album.
12
00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:33,323
How's the new book coming?
13
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:35,075
Now, that's a hostile question.
14
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:36,660
Hank, I got you a ticket.
15
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,246
I hope that's fully refundable
because I ain't going.
16
00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:42,416
- You're not going to your dad's funeral?
- He was a fucking asshole.
17
00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:45,002
Hank, you're not your father.
18
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:59,099
The white zone
is for the immediate loading
19
00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:00,684
and unloading of passengers only.
20
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:02,394
Holy shit!
21
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,064
Hey, I was just about
to call the SuperShuttle.
22
00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:06,690
- Hey.
- Hey.
23
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:09,401
How are you? How was it?
24
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,697
- Hank!
- Oh. Too much, right? With the pelvis?
25
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:17,576
I thought maybe I could
get a little half a grind there, but maybe not.
26
00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:20,496
I'm not here to pick you up. I'm meeting Bill.
27
00:01:20,538 --> 00:01:22,831
You don't think I saw Bilbo Baggins
up there in first class?
28
00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:25,334
- You did?
- He doesn't travel very light, does he?
29
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:27,086
Give the guy a break. Hey!
30
00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:30,380
- He's been away for a month.
- A lot can happen in a month. A lot did.
31
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,925
You shut up. Don't say a word.
32
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:43,560
Hey, don't hold back
on my account, guys.
33
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:46,021
- I'm not.
- Really?
34
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:48,941
Cos if it was me, I would grab that ass.
35
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I would grab it like I owned it.
36
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,444
Especially after such a prolonged absence.
37
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:57,449
Would now be the appropriate time, Hank,
to say how sorry I am for your loss?
38
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,952
It actually would have been
more appropriate about three hours ago
39
00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:02,037
with a free drink
and an ice-cream sundae.
40
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,039
What were you doing
with all those hot towels?
41
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,541
You got a bad case of swamp ass?
42
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:07,584
It must have been a very long flight.
43
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:10,045
And I think this is
where we should part company.
44
00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:12,881
- I see a cab with my name on it.
- Don't be ridiculous.
45
00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:16,510
- Bill, it's just a figure of speech.
- We'll give you a ride home, Hank.
46
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:19,638
- No. No.
- Really? Wow, that's mighty white of you.
47
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:22,766
No, he loves cabs.
It reminds him of the Big Apple.
48
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:27,312
There's no need to punish
the environment unnecessarily.
49
00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:30,566
- That, you will put out, of course.
- This, yeah. Of course, yeah.
50
00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:32,192
And... here.
51
00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:36,196
I got shotgun.
52
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:24,036
No way, man.
53
00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:27,414
What the fuck is so great
about that $30 salad, anyway?
54
00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:31,835
Yeah, shit. OK, yeah. Fine, whatever.
55
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,213
That's fine. Eight o'clock.
56
00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:36,882
You weren't planning
on cooking tonight, were you?
57
00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:39,635
I've got to go to Koi
for the 400th fucking time.
58
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:44,139
Sometimes, I'm surprised
I don't shit crispy rice with spicy tuna.
59
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,934
Do you want me
to bring you something home?
60
00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,435
Maybe some baked crab roll?
61
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:52,314
We could eat it in bed while we watch
all those CSI: Miamis I saved up.
62
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:55,943
A little late-night snack
with your snack daddy?
63
00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:57,361
I'm good.
64
00:03:57,403 --> 00:04:00,739
I actually think I might have a thing tonight.
65
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:04,284
Oh. A thing?
66
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:06,703
Yeah, I'm thinking about going to book club.
67
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:09,915
Well, you'll be home early, then.
68
00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:12,084
Earlyish, I guess.
69
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,336
Why so curious all of a sudden?
70
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,004
I thought you said
you were going out tonight.
71
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:18,048
I'm not. I'm not curious all of a sudden.
72
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,759
I happen to know
you fucking hate book club.
73
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:24,096
Yeah, well, when you commit to something,
you're supposed to stick with it.
74
00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:28,016
Sure.
75
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,853
I guess I'll leave you to it, then.
76
00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:34,273
See you later.
77
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,650
Later.
78
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:49,621
What ever happened to
all this season's losers of the year?
79
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:55,043
Every time I got to thinking,
"How'd they disappear?"
80
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,713
When I woke up
81
00:04:57,755 --> 00:05:03,427
Mom and Dad are rolling on the couch
82
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,763
Rolling numbers, rock and rolling
83
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:10,017
Got my KISS records out
84
00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:13,770
Mommy's all right, Daddy's all right
85
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,815
They just seem a little weird
86
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:20,610
Surrender, surrender
87
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:23,822
But don't give yourself away
88
00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:32,205
Away
89
00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:34,291
Dad!
90
00:05:34,959 --> 00:05:36,960
That's my name. Don't wear it out.
91
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:41,465
You guys. Oh, my God.
That was incredible.
92
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:43,467
I want you to play that song at the wedding.
93
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:47,137
- Let's not get carried away.
- What? What do you mean?
94
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,680
You're very, very good.
95
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,224
Well, I think if you give them some time, Bill,
96
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:53,518
they could bone up on some Supertramp.
97
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:57,898
I don't get it. You don't want them
to play that song?
98
00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:01,401
No, I don't mean anything.
I thought we decided on the string quartet.
99
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,154
- Bill, what?
- Dan Fogelberg.
100
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,448
We haven't talked about this,
and I think, perhaps...
101
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:07,991
- Hey, Becs.
- Yes, Posh?
102
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:10,369
Our guests could use a beverage.
What do you think?
103
00:06:10,411 --> 00:06:12,704
- Agreed.
- You don't like music.
104
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:15,248
Hey, hey, I don't want
to get your hopes up, guys.
105
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:17,376
But you keep rolling
with the marital discord,
106
00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,087
and I see you across from Oprah
on a big yellow couch.
107
00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:21,671
Fingers crossed.
108
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:29,096
OK, great.
Thank you. Are you coming up?
109
00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:30,806
No. Why?
110
00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:32,766
For to make-a the sex.
111
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,518
Are you fucking insane, Hank?
112
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:38,146
Do the seats on this recline?
113
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:41,900
Hank, whatever sex we're gonna have,
we've had, OK?
114
00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:43,276
It's little late to play hard to get.
115
00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:45,987
We need to start acting
like we split up already, OK?
116
00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:47,531
Let's just forget about it.
117
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:50,117
Who could forget
such a knee-rattling orgasm?
118
00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:53,370
You were grieving.
I was co-grieving. It was a slip.
119
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,248
It was a good slip. I think you knocked
something loose down there, tiger.
120
00:06:56,290 --> 00:06:58,625
- Hank...
- I wrote something.
121
00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,254
That's great, Hank.
122
00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:05,090
I don't think you heard me.
I wrote something.
123
00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:07,676
Not that blog shit, either. Something real.
124
00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:09,344
That's why I was in New York for so long.
125
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,304
I just sat down
at my mother's old Smith Corona.
126
00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:13,598
- I didn't get up for two weeks.
- Wow.
127
00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:17,727
I got pages here, honey. Many pages.
It's rough, but it's something.
128
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,771
That's great. I wish you a lot of luck.
129
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:23,024
You fucked it out of me, woman.
Now you don't want to take responsibility?
130
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:26,319
Hank, you know, fuck you.
I'm not that person any more, OK.
131
00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:30,073
I'm not your fucking sounding board
cum security blanket.
132
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:33,076
- You're not in the least bit interested?
- Yes, of course,
133
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,871
- I'm fucking curious, but no!
- Fine, then it's settled. There it is.
134
00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:38,165
I'm not taking no for an answer.
135
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:40,792
Hank, I'm sure it's very good.
I'm sure it's excellent.
136
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:43,920
Most likely, it's a piece of crap.
But I won't know until you tell me.
137
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,423
- Don't do that.
- Cos that's the way it's always gone.
138
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,674
I give it to you, and you tell me.
139
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:51,344
I can't tell the difference between the
ridiculous and the sublime until you tell me.
140
00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:55,098
Now, be careful with that.
You've got my life there in your hands.
141
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:58,560
This is just words, you know.
It's words, OK. Take it.
142
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:01,313
Well, words is all I have left to play with.
143
00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:03,190
So be gentle.
144
00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:06,401
Now, please tell Becca
to expect a gentleman caller.
145
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,278
Hank, please, take this.
146
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,323
Honestly, thank you. Smell you later.
147
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,575
Fuck.
148
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,981
Say it! Say it! Say it! Say it! Say it!
149
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:48,276
- OK, you're a good agent.
- That's right, motherfucker!
150
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,863
If it hadn't been for me putting
that little clause in your contract,
151
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,616
then you wouldn't be holding
that big, fat wad of cash.
152
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:57,077
Yeah, fucking blood money is what it is.
153
00:08:57,119 --> 00:08:59,079
Who the fuck cares what it is?
154
00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:02,958
Thanks to the aggressively mediocre taste
of the American moviegoing public,
155
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,584
you now get to reap the benefits.
156
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:07,212
Bonus time, baby. Treat yourself.
157
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:09,256
Treat myself?
158
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:11,841
- Get yourself a new car.
- I don't want a new car.
159
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,843
I like my old one. It's got character.
160
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,638
If by character, you mean it's got lady juice
161
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,265
in every nook and cranny of the upholstery,
162
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:19,975
then, yes, you're absolutely right.
163
00:09:20,017 --> 00:09:22,561
- That explains a lot, actually.
- Get it washed, then.
164
00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:25,313
Now you could probably even get yourself
165
00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:27,983
one of those little
prepaid coupon booklets, right?
166
00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:30,110
You put it in the glove compartment.
That's how I roll.
167
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,654
- That's how you roll?
- That's how I roll, baby.
168
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:38,868
I did purchase what is commonly referred to
by the kids as a big-ticket item.
169
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,537
What am be dat?
170
00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:48,295
- OK. I'm getting a bad feeling here.
- Why is that?
171
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:52,299
I'm thinking you intend to give that
to someone who might already be engaged.
172
00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:55,594
- That's the plan, motherfucker.
- Don't do this to yourself, Hank.
173
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:58,346
Come on, Charlie. Don't do what to myself?
174
00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:00,599
Don't go after what I want?
I've done the research.
175
00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:02,601
Karen and I belong together.
And I feel good.
176
00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:06,521
Lately... I mean, just the past little while,
things are looking up for me.
177
00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,690
I feel a change. I wrote something.
178
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:11,568
Wait. You... you... you what?
179
00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:15,989
You wrote something? OK.
180
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:19,534
I have dreamed
about this moment, all right?
181
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:22,245
The one where you come to me,
pages in hand.
182
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:25,415
You say, "Please read this."
I do, and it's fucking genius.
183
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,209
I sell it. We both
get ourselves back on track.
184
00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:30,170
And we all live happily ever fucking after.
185
00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:32,672
Fuck me. No pressure there.
186
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,966
What is it? A screenplay?
A short story? What?
187
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:37,427
No more screenplays for me. It's a novel.
188
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:39,638
It's a short novel.
189
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:42,432
It's a modern-day answer to Lolita, really.
190
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:46,269
You know, an older man
unwittingly beds an underage girl.
191
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:49,105
It unravels his life completely.
High jinks ensue.
192
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:52,150
Broner. You gave me a broner.
193
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,319
Where is it? Let me read it.
194
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,279
Hey, Dani, cancel my lunch!
195
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,948
I gave it to Karen.
She reads all my stuff first.
196
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:00,325
So? You know, slip me a copy.
197
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,078
Look, I promise I won't read it
till after she's done.
198
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,705
That's the only one.
I went old-school this time.
199
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,999
I hunted and pecked like a motherfucker.
200
00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:10,710
Whatever. This is great fucking news, pal.
201
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:14,255
I'm not so sure, Charlie.
I mean, you know, most likely, it sucks.
202
00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:16,633
Well, yeah, see,
that's where I come in, right?
203
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,718
By the time I get through spinning,
204
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:21,554
nobody will be able to tell
whether it's a piece of shit
205
00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:23,765
or a heartbreaking work
of staggering genius.
206
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:24,891
There's a difference?
207
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:54,379
Dan, your next appointment
is waiting for you on the lot.
208
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:55,964
Hi.
209
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,300
Leave me alone.
210
00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:00,552
Ooh, a hostile.
211
00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:03,054
No, I'm browsing.
If I have any questions, I'll ask you.
212
00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:05,348
Now, shoo, you little parasite, you.
213
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:09,310
- Oh, she's still coming.
- What do you do?
214
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:12,814
- I'm a writer.
- Oh, yeah? Movies? TV?
215
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:16,651
Books. Novels. The occasional haiku.
216
00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:20,405
Oh. All right, well, let me know
if you have any questions.
217
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:23,491
- What the fuck was that?
- What?
218
00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:26,703
You think I can't afford
this penile implant on wheels.
219
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:27,912
So you're done with me.
220
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:29,664
- I didn't say that.
- You didn't have to.
221
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,708
A guy's got feelings.
222
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:36,588
This one. I want to drive this one.
223
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:43,470
- Let me get the keys.
- Please.
224
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:45,346
I love LA.
225
00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:48,224
- So, what do you think?
- It's really clean.
226
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:53,396
That's it? This is one of the finest
automobiles the world has to offer.
227
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,774
I'm not a big car guy.
I'm more point A to point B.
228
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:58,610
I think if I got to open it up past,
like, seven miles an hour,
229
00:12:58,652 --> 00:13:00,153
I might really fall in love with it.
230
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:03,573
Will you get off that fucking phone
before I stuff it up your ass?
231
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,325
Hey. Hey, buddy.
232
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:09,496
- What, are you kidding me?
- I kid you not, sir. Shame on you.
233
00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:12,999
- Mind your own fucking business.
- Come on. You don't want to be that guy.
234
00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:17,378
Look at her. She's perfect. She's
drop-dead. She's firecrackers on the Fourth.
235
00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:19,923
You'll never do better, but she can,
you know what I'm saying?
236
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,970
So, tell me something.
237
00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:30,558
What do I have to do
to get you into this car?
238
00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:34,395
Well, let's talk about the extras.
239
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,288
- I like the BMW, too, though.
- That's better.
240
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,207
No, I like it. It's roomy.
241
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,334
Leather! Leather!
242
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:04,300
- Oh.
- Hey.
243
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,636
Hey, honey, your dad's here.
244
00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:10,598
- Hey.
- Hey. What the fuck is that?
245
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:12,475
Oh, just ignore that.
246
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,686
It's hard. It's very shiny.
247
00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:15,979
- What about that? Did you?
- What?
248
00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:17,480
- Any thoughts? Notes?
- No, this is my...
249
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,816
Criticisms? Did the Kool-Aid
still taste as sweet?
250
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,192
- No, Hank...
- Shall I turn around
251
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,570
so you can blow smoke
up my ass more easily?
252
00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:26,531
- Want to fuck me cos I'm a genius?
- I have not had a second to breathe.
253
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:30,076
- I'm so sorry. I really am.
- No, I... don't be sorry. I mean, I...
254
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:34,289
Honey, I just would have thought
you would be more intrigued.
255
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:36,332
No, I am. I'm... I am intrigued.
256
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,793
- I'm just... I'm also kind of...
- Horny?
257
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:45,717
No, what? Like you? Like 23 hours a day?
Like some rutting moose? No.
258
00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:48,678
The Billdo is back in black,
and you're not warm for his form.
259
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,847
That shit tells me something.
260
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,266
You've got to catch up on your reading.
261
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:56,644
Whoa. It's even more phallic
than the last one.
262
00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:57,770
You like?
263
00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,565
I liked the old one better.
It had character.
264
00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:03,109
- And a funky smell.
- Yes.
265
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:06,738
- Where are we going?
- It's a surprise.
266
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:10,325
I suggest that you brew
one of your specialty teas,
267
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:12,994
settle into a backbreaking piece
of modern furniture,
268
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:15,204
and curl up with your favourite author.
269
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:18,207
Martin Amis or Virginia Woolf
or Charles Bukowski?
270
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:20,043
Imposters, all.
271
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:33,514
Whatever I want?
272
00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:35,224
Whatever you want.
273
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,602
The possibilities are endless.
274
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:40,772
Well, go with something classic
and timeless,
275
00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:43,691
something that looks like Keith Richards
might have thrown up on it at some point,
276
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,861
something that would make Jon Bon Jovi
277
00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:49,989
quake in his acid-washed jeans.
278
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,408
Like that one?
279
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,369
This blue one? Yeah.
280
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:58,665
- Hey, man. Is Dave around, man?
- No, he's on vacation.
281
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:03,252
- You need some help?
- No, he's an old friend.
282
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:06,631
I just figured he could help me
with some cash.
283
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:08,800
Bummer.
284
00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:13,846
Come on, pretty girl.
285
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,143
- Father?
- Offspring?
286
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,604
That was a nice guitar.
287
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:25,692
Yes, sometimes it's best not
to get involved in the affairs of others.
288
00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:30,071
That's interesting, coming from
the most intrusive man I know.
289
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:34,701
...park or something now.
- Hey, excuse me.
290
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:36,536
- Look at the swings...
- Excuse me.
291
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:39,122
That's a beautiful fiddle
you've got there.
292
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,165
- Yeah?
- Yeah, how much you want for it?
293
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:43,751
- It's worth a lot, man.
- Yeah, I'll bet.
294
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:46,754
I can put it on eBay
and get over ten grand, easy.
295
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:49,173
Yeah, how much you want for it?
296
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:52,885
- I'd take a grand.
- But you said it's worth ten at least, right?
297
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:56,305
Yeah, well... you've got to do
what you've got do, man.
298
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:57,890
Yeah, I hear that.
299
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,187
How about 13.5?
300
00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:04,939
Come on, man. Don't fuck with me.
301
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,983
I'm not fucking with you.
I'm a couple hundred short.
302
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,777
If you give me your address,
I can send you a check.
303
00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:18,661
Don't worry about it.
Just play it in good health.
304
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:20,204
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
305
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,959
My lady, your axe awaits.
306
00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,586
You're a good daughter.
307
00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:28,796
- My hair.
- I'm sorry. Come on.
308
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,182
I have a confession to make.
309
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,685
- Yes?
- You know what you said earlier
310
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,812
about not wanting Becca
to play at the wedding?
311
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:49,233
Bill, that really bothered me.
312
00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:51,652
I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it.
313
00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:54,614
I just don't want our wedding
to be some big joke.
314
00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:57,492
I don't want it to be
some kind of adults-only affair.
315
00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:58,785
You know, all stuffy.
316
00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:00,411
I want it to be fun and whimsical
317
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:04,415
and something
we're gonna remember forever.
318
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:05,541
All right, I hear you.
319
00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:10,838
Maybe Becca
can learn some... Van Morrison.
320
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:13,049
There's nothing that makes this man cry
321
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,134
like a little Brown Eyed Girl.
322
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:17,386
That's definitely a compromise.
323
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:22,183
Bill, there's something else
that I want to tell you.
324
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:24,727
One second. One second.
325
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,607
- Hi, Bill.
- Dad or Daddy, please.
326
00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:31,734
- Hey.
- Hey.
327
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:35,655
- What's this?
- Oh, it's Hank's new book.
328
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:39,075
Hank wrote a new book?
Well, fuck me running!
329
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:42,203
- Sorry. Can I read it?
- No.
330
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,914
I don't think that's appropriate.
331
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,041
Well, is it good?
332
00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:50,253
- I haven't read it yet.
- Why not?
333
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:53,381
What is this?
334
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:02,223
Oh, my God.
How did you even...
335
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:03,516
Well, I remembered you saying
336
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,685
how much you liked
the view from your dorm room.
337
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:09,147
So I convinced these
lovely little NYU co-eds
338
00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:11,315
to let me take
a picture from their dorm room,
339
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:14,235
which, once upon a time,
was your dorm room.
340
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,779
You... you're just adorable.
341
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:18,239
Well, I try.
342
00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:23,703
Now, what was it you wanted to tell me?
343
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:28,791
Oh, nothing. No, no, no. No, nothing.
Come here. Come here.
344
00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:34,172
Marce! Hey! Hey!
345
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:36,174
Marce! Marce!
346
00:19:36,216 --> 00:19:39,510
Get that sweet, little hairless
ass of yours downstairs!
347
00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:41,470
We've got some celebrating to do!
348
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,806
Hey, I thought you had a dinner.
349
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,267
I did. I bailed at the last second.
350
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:49,145
I wanted to see you.
351
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,189
Why?
352
00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:53,441
I need an excuse to see my wife
all of a sudden?
353
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:56,652
No, it's just...
what is there to celebrate?
354
00:19:56,695 --> 00:20:00,031
Hank wrote something.
355
00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:02,700
Well, kudos to Hank. He's a writer.
356
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:03,993
This is a big deal, sweetie.
357
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,662
This is like the return of old Hank.
358
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:09,290
Or I don't know. Maybe it's the new Hank.
359
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:12,752
But the guy, he came into my office today
360
00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:16,881
with a giant engagement ring
he bought for Karen,
361
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:19,008
What? What are you talking about?
362
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,552
The only thing I could think
when I saw it was hope.
363
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:22,887
Baby, hope, hope.
364
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:26,140
Things have been just really
fucked-up around here, right?
365
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,516
I mean, you know it, too, right?
366
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:30,436
Ever since, well, the nipple incident.
367
00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:32,313
Or, actually, before then.
368
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:37,818
But the thing I realise now is
that I was just really depressed, you know.
369
00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:39,946
And if Hank can get his
shit together, then so can I.
370
00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:41,489
And that is exactly what I'm gonna do.
371
00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:43,699
Good for you, Charlie.
372
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:47,286
And I want you to know, baby,
that I'm sorry.
373
00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:50,039
For what?
374
00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:52,917
For letting us get to a place in our lives
375
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,835
where we actually thought
we needed a threesome
376
00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:56,545
to get ourselves back on track.
377
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:59,340
You don't have to apologise for that.
378
00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:01,217
Yes, I do, because it is not right.
379
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,887
I want you to know...
That you are all I need, baby.
380
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,765
You're right, Charlie.
381
00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:10,393
Things have changed since Nipplegate.
382
00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:13,729
Yes, yes, and I want to go right back
where we were before.
383
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,400
Yeah, I don't think that's possible.
384
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:19,193
Good. Me, too.
385
00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:21,737
Or... wait. What?
You... what? You don't?
386
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:24,532
No, the thing with your tit
387
00:21:24,574 --> 00:21:27,410
made things very clear to me.
388
00:21:27,452 --> 00:21:31,122
The morning after our ill-fated threesome,
I woke up,
389
00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:34,333
and the only thing
I wanted to do was call Dani.
390
00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:37,295
Now, I don't know if that
makes me a fucking rug-muncher.
391
00:21:37,337 --> 00:21:41,132
But that sweet, little goth nutjob
392
00:21:41,174 --> 00:21:44,343
makes this girl want
to put her finger in the dyke.
393
00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:47,972
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you saying?
394
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,144
What the fuck?
395
00:21:53,186 --> 00:21:56,063
Oh, we were watching Bound just now.
396
00:21:56,106 --> 00:21:58,190
You're right. That shit is hot.
397
00:21:58,233 --> 00:22:00,401
You do have quite a movie collection.
398
00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:01,777
And quite a wife.
399
00:22:04,948 --> 00:22:07,325
- You're fired, missy.
- Too late, boss.
400
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:10,703
I think it's time I moved on
to a new desk.
401
00:22:10,746 --> 00:22:13,998
Hey, maybe I'll even be an agent someday.
402
00:22:14,041 --> 00:22:15,333
I know about everything.
403
00:22:15,375 --> 00:22:18,544
I know about the S and M
and the light B and D.
404
00:22:18,587 --> 00:22:21,339
And I'm not mad. I'm just kind of sad.
405
00:22:21,381 --> 00:22:22,757
And sexually awakened.
406
00:22:22,799 --> 00:22:26,927
I think we should go out there
and fuck all the people we never fucked.
407
00:22:26,970 --> 00:22:30,139
Let's just rock out with our cocks out!
408
00:22:30,182 --> 00:22:33,684
Carpe motherfucking diem, baby!
409
00:22:34,686 --> 00:22:39,148
Wha... what if I don't want to...
410
00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:41,650
Rock out with my cock out?
411
00:22:50,577 --> 00:22:51,786
Hey.
412
00:22:51,828 --> 00:22:53,579
What is that?
413
00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:56,165
What about the guitar Bill got you?
414
00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:59,543
This one's special. Timeless. Classic.
415
00:23:01,129 --> 00:23:02,296
It looks like Keith Richards
416
00:23:02,339 --> 00:23:03,798
threw up on it back in the '70s.
417
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,092
Back in the '70s.
418
00:23:06,134 --> 00:23:07,593
Thanks, Dad.
419
00:23:07,636 --> 00:23:09,261
You're welcome. Now go practise.
420
00:23:09,304 --> 00:23:12,473
Extra loud so you
annoy the neighbours and Bill.
421
00:23:12,516 --> 00:23:14,642
I've got to talk
to your mom about something.
422
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:21,357
- Hello?
- Oh.
423
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,818
A chill just ran up my sack.
424
00:23:23,860 --> 00:23:27,029
Hold on a second.
I've got to prepare myself.
425
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:28,614
Yeah, me, too.
426
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:33,828
OK, just like old times.
427
00:23:33,870 --> 00:23:36,872
Give it to me straight. I want it all.
428
00:23:36,915 --> 00:23:38,249
Here we go.
429
00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:40,876
Lay it on me.
430
00:23:40,919 --> 00:23:43,045
Brutal truth.
431
00:23:43,964 --> 00:23:46,507
- I can't.
- You love ripping me to shreds.
432
00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:48,676
It's not as much fun
when I give you permission?
433
00:23:51,346 --> 00:23:53,597
Look at me.
434
00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:59,019
You didn't read it.
435
00:23:59,938 --> 00:24:01,188
You didn't fucking read it.
436
00:24:01,231 --> 00:24:04,358
I can't read it, Hank.
437
00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:09,196
Why not?
438
00:24:09,239 --> 00:24:12,241
Because... I can't go back.
439
00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:16,245
I... that part of my life is over now.
440
00:24:18,206 --> 00:24:22,209
There are a number of things going
through my mind to say to you right now,
441
00:24:22,252 --> 00:24:24,712
but only one is coming to the forefront.
442
00:24:24,754 --> 00:24:26,630
And that is...
443
00:24:28,008 --> 00:24:30,843
- Fuck, we had the sex, Karen.
- Would you shut the fuck up?
444
00:24:30,886 --> 00:24:33,012
Shutting me up is not
gonna make it any less true.
445
00:24:33,054 --> 00:24:36,307
You know what?
That was a one-time thing, OK?
446
00:24:36,349 --> 00:24:38,934
It's done. I mean, I don't regret it.
447
00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:41,729
Why would you?
You came, like, three times?
448
00:24:41,771 --> 00:24:44,398
- Shut up! Hank, now I regret it, OK?
- Twice, one and a half...
449
00:24:44,441 --> 00:24:46,817
- Now I do regret it.
- Slower on the second, it's understandable.
450
00:24:55,035 --> 00:24:57,495
Hank, the fact that you wrote this
is fucking incredible.
451
00:24:57,579 --> 00:24:59,371
I'm so proud of you.
452
00:24:59,414 --> 00:25:03,375
And I'm so glad that you have finally
opened a new chapter in your life.
453
00:25:03,418 --> 00:25:06,629
And it's here, and it's great.
454
00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:10,216
You have to do it on your own, OK?
455
00:25:12,719 --> 00:25:14,553
What if I don't want to?
456
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:21,852
What if I want to go back
and do it all over again?
457
00:25:23,271 --> 00:25:24,730
Only this time...
458
00:25:26,107 --> 00:25:27,274
not make the same mistakes.
459
00:25:27,317 --> 00:25:31,445
This time, do it better, Karen.
460
00:25:31,488 --> 00:25:33,656
This time, do it right.
461
00:25:34,741 --> 00:25:37,535
With jewellery.
462
00:25:37,577 --> 00:25:42,915
Hank... I don't love you any more, OK?
463
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:47,503
I love Bill. I'm gonna marry Bill.
464
00:25:47,587 --> 00:25:50,548
And I really, really need you to respect that.
465
00:25:55,178 --> 00:25:57,012
I'm a fucking asshole.
466
00:26:06,523 --> 00:26:09,525
I'm a motherfucking asshole.
467
00:26:23,331 --> 00:26:24,999
Hey. Hi.
468
00:26:25,041 --> 00:26:28,085
Do you know how
to get to the 405 from here?
469
00:26:28,128 --> 00:26:31,755
- On foot?
- Yeah.
470
00:26:31,798 --> 00:26:33,299
You could walk over to Lincoln.
471
00:26:33,341 --> 00:26:37,177
- Get the fuck out of the car, motherfucker!
- Get out of the car!
472
00:26:37,220 --> 00:26:40,389
- Hold it.
- Get out of the car!
473
00:26:40,432 --> 00:26:43,392
Get the fuck out now!
Get the fuck out!
474
00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:46,145
- Fuck!
- Get in. Come on, let's go.
475
00:26:46,187 --> 00:26:48,022
- G...
- Shut the fuck up!
35462
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