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Previously on Californication...
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00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:05,421
- So, Hank.
- Meredith.
3
00:00:05,463 --> 00:00:06,797
Have you written anything
I might have read?
4
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,550
Well, that depends on whether
or not you read, Meredith.
5
00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:13,762
The good people at Hell-A
are very interested in your thoughts.
6
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:16,849
They would like you to blog for them.
7
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:21,353
- Jesus H. Christ.
- I am 16, you know.
8
00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:22,604
So I've been told.
9
00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:23,689
Hi, Daddy!
10
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,774
Honey, put some clothes on.
We have company.
11
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:28,068
Are you totally serious about marrying Bill?
12
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:29,862
Yes. Why?
13
00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:31,030
What about Hank?
14
00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:32,281
Game on, brohem.
15
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,825
- You want to get fucked up?
- Oh!
16
00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:38,746
Oh, God.
17
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:43,083
- Must be weird, though.
- What?
18
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:45,210
Becoming the employee of a man
you so clearly hate.
19
00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:47,379
- What are you talking about?
- My father.
20
00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,965
He owns Hell-A magazine.
21
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,890
Once upon a time, I wrote a book.
22
00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:01,143
People seemed to dig it, so I wrote another,
23
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,436
and one after that.
24
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,897
That's when Hollywood
came knocking at my back door.
25
00:01:04,939 --> 00:01:07,149
As soon as I cashed that cheque,
I wrapped my lips
26
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:10,486
around the mighty erection
that is the film industry
27
00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:13,739
and sucked hard...
just like a good whore should.
28
00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:16,617
Unfortunately, I had to be taught
not to orphan the balls.
29
00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:17,701
Moody!
30
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,953
Ladies and gentlemen, Todd Carr...
31
00:01:19,996 --> 00:01:22,247
the caramel-coated, chrome-domed auteur
32
00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:24,166
who took my precious little novel,
33
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:27,753
wiped his ass, and transformed it into
the craptastic crowd-pleaser
34
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:32,132
also known as
Crazy Little Thing Called Love.
35
00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,592
My people.
36
00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:35,636
You still bitching about whoring
yourself out to Hollywood?
37
00:01:35,678 --> 00:01:37,805
Only when my pimp's not around.
38
00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,723
You're no goddamn fucking
Faulkner, you know.
39
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,142
And you're no Brett fucking Ratner.
40
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:45,395
Although that could be a compliment,
and in that case, I didn't mean to.
41
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:48,857
I'm sick of you talking shit
about me in the press.
42
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,193
Oh, that's why you're here.
I thought you might have come by
43
00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:54,571
because you found out I fucked your wife
in almost every room of your house.
44
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:57,574
No? Every room of your house.
45
00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:00,035
And I'm sorry about the rug.
I didn't realise the old lady was a squirter.
46
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:09,563
Hank.
47
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:14,318
- Where's Karen?
- Home, with Becca.
48
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,652
She's funny, that one.
49
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,779
Becca? Yeah, she is a real character.
50
00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:20,782
No... Karen. She knows
how to push all my buttons.
51
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,160
I don't think she's trying
to push your buttons, Hank.
52
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:27,039
Bill, I'm not really interested in what
you think, but thank you for sharing.
53
00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:29,875
- I wanted to come.
- You did?
54
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:32,836
- I'm not the bad guy.
- You're not the bad guy?
55
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,880
Life is complicated, man.
56
00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:38,383
"Life is complicated, man."
That's what you got?
57
00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:40,385
Way to dip into the platitudes.
58
00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:42,262
I guess that's why you're the writer, Hank.
59
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:46,016
Oh, fuck. I didn't ask for you
to fucking come bail me out.
60
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,476
I didn't ask for a fucking job.
61
00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:49,269
I don't know who the fuck you think you are.
62
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:51,355
You think I'm dying
to be in business with you?
63
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:53,732
Some rude, disrespectful jackass
64
00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,692
who can't get out of his own way?
65
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,361
You looking for a dick punch?
66
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,780
Do you want to punch me in the dick?
67
00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:01,865
I kind of do, yeah,
but standing here talking about it
68
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,450
is beginning to sound kind of gay.
69
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:06,745
Go ahead. Take a shot.
But think...
70
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:08,830
Would you want Becca to see this?
71
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,209
I'll settle for a titty twister.
72
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,796
God. You're 11.
73
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,298
Fuck.
74
00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:23,845
Keep the job, Hank.
Get back on your feet. Get on with your life.
75
00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:26,974
And forget about the woman
you didn't want to marry.
76
00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:32,521
Don't make me get up and kick
your ass all over again, Bill!
77
00:05:14,772 --> 00:05:16,231
Hi. Remember me?
78
00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:20,277
How could I forget?
Best blind date of my life, asshole.
79
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,486
We don't have much time.
80
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:23,739
Your suitor will be returning
from the shitter posthaste,
81
00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:26,825
but in his absence, I would like
to offer my sincere apologies.
82
00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:31,663
My behaviour the other night was beyond
appalling, despicable, reprehensible.
83
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:33,582
I was a mess. I have no words.
84
00:05:33,624 --> 00:05:36,084
For a guy with no words,
that was a lot of words.
85
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:40,756
That's funny.
I wouldn't have expected that from you.
86
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:43,342
Because you had me so nailed.
87
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,679
Well, let me make it up to you.
Let me... can I... take you out sometime?
88
00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:52,267
I'm out right now...
with a guy who's not an asshole.
89
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:55,729
Right. Well, do you see
yourself marrying this fella?
90
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:56,938
You never know.
91
00:05:56,981 --> 00:06:00,275
Girls know in a matter of seconds whether
they want to fuck, marry, or kill a guy.
92
00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:02,986
Which begs the question, how am I doing?
93
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:04,112
Bye, now.
94
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,033
Be good to her, my friend.
95
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,410
I had a shot with her once, but I blew it.
96
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:13,121
Rock out with your cock out,
but remember...
97
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:17,000
no gloving, no loving.
98
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:19,836
Au revoir, mes enfants. Au revoir.
99
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:30,889
So...
100
00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,100
You were brought up
on the East Coast.
101
00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:36,603
Jersey, maybe. No... Long Island.
102
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:39,147
Dad had a chip on his shoulder,
blue on his collar.
103
00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:40,899
Mom was a little beat down by it all,
104
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:43,402
but she was the one
who encouraged you to dream big.
105
00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:47,280
They fought a lot, but they stayed together
through good times and bad.
106
00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:50,409
You had sisters. You learned about girls.
107
00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:54,329
You were good with them...
maybe a little too good.
108
00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:58,208
You read books, and you didn't want to die
five miles from where you were born.
109
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,293
So you escaped
into the city you romanticised
110
00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:03,755
and reinvented yourself
as a poor man's Mclnerney.
111
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,048
How am I doing?
112
00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:10,053
Pretty good...
a lot more gracious than mine.
113
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,888
I blacked out there in the middle,
114
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:15,976
when you were really strumming
my pain with your fingers, but...
115
00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:17,060
Well done.
116
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:21,815
- How long you been working on that?
- A couple of weeks.
117
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,025
It's a good story.
118
00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:26,820
Any idea how it ends?
119
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,479
- Hey, where are you going?
- I have to get to work.
120
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:03,064
A job? What do you do?
121
00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:06,151
Well, don't you remember?
I'm a poor gal's Martha Stewart.
122
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:08,987
Don't you remember I'm an asshole?
123
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:11,323
Right. I'm an attorney.
124
00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:15,285
Oh, then we're both assholes.
What's your thing?
125
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,745
Divorce.
126
00:08:16,787 --> 00:08:18,371
You must be a busy girl.
127
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:21,374
That I am, which is
why I have to skedaddle.
128
00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:24,419
I can't believe you were trying to slink
out of here without saying goodbye to me.
129
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:28,715
Hank. Please.
I assume this was a one-time thing.
130
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:31,384
Why would you assume
something like that?
131
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,014
No offence, but you don't seem
like the kind of guy
132
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,599
who's looking for a lot of repeat business.
133
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:41,937
- I'm offended. How about tonight?
- Are you sure?
134
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:46,149
Yeah, a proper date...
dinner, 20th-century style.
135
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,527
I'd be just as happy to come back here.
136
00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:54,157
No. No, no, no. Dinner.
A girl's got to eat.
137
00:08:58,287 --> 00:09:01,414
That she does.
138
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,104
Are you gonna flush?
139
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:29,568
- What the fuck are you doing here?
- The redhead let me in.
140
00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:33,238
Question... does the carpet
match the drapes, Hanky-panky?
141
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:37,867
- You scared the shit out of me.
- I know. You screamed like a little girl.
142
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:40,954
- Kind of a turnoff, actually.
- What the fuck do you want?
143
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,373
- I'm late.
- What?
144
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:46,793
That's not possible.
I wore a condom.
145
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:50,130
That's... that would be like
the Immaculate Conception.
146
00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:53,550
And you... you're the one who... you...
And then you left.
147
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,427
I'm late for school.
148
00:09:56,762 --> 00:10:01,433
OK. Well, then, what do you want from me,
besides the obvious?
149
00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:03,226
Don't flatter yourself, champ.
150
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:04,936
I have a creative-writing course,
151
00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:07,897
and I need to turn
something in today, so...
152
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,942
OK, what's the problem?
It's creative writing.
153
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,403
Be creative. Write something.
154
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,406
This from a guy who hasn't
written a word in five years?
155
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,283
Nobody likes a smartass.
156
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:22,245
You must have some piece-of-shit
short story you never published.
157
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,039
- No. No, nothing.
- Hank?
158
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:31,046
Stop that. And don't move.
159
00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:32,589
Do not fuck around!
160
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,133
It's not funny.
161
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,805
Hey, look who's here.
162
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:42,807
You don't call. You don't write.
163
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:46,102
- You look like shit.
- And you look beautiful.
164
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:49,272
Far too beautiful for these four walls.
Let's go out and get some breakfast.
165
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,524
- Get a coffee.
- No, we'll go out. We'll get it.
166
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,152
- Look, get dressed.
- Fuck!
167
00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:00,617
- Hank?
- Yeah?
168
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,161
I just wanted...
169
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:08,333
- What, no points for safety?
- Yes, but magnums? Wow.
170
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:11,086
- Yeah, well, you know.
- Did you have a growth spurt?
171
00:11:11,128 --> 00:11:14,923
Well, no, I been...
I been working out. Just a lot of vitamins.
172
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:16,007
I got a whole...
173
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,842
I got a regimen.
174
00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:21,596
Hank, do not quit this job.
175
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:24,182
It's hardly a job, Karen. It's a blog.
176
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:28,311
It's the best thing that's happened
to you in a long time, and you're good at it.
177
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:31,856
- Well, I just can't work for Bill.
- Why not?
178
00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:33,983
Well, for one, he's a dick.
179
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:37,320
Could you just swallow your stupid pride
180
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:41,199
and keep the job, keep writing, keep doing
what you were put on this planet to do?
181
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:45,787
What else is there for you besides
drowning in a sea of pointless pussy?
182
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,126
It's the neighbours.
183
00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:55,964
OK. Do you know what?
I should go in there. I'm gonna go in there.
184
00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:57,132
No!
185
00:11:57,174 --> 00:12:01,094
I'm gonna and tell her what to expect and
how to treat it. It's only fair.
186
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,096
There are some images
187
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:06,182
you don't want floating around
your pretty little head.
188
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:11,438
Trust me, it's like a Mapplethorpe shoot
in there, except with less cock.
189
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:15,233
Shut up, OK? Shut up.
190
00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:23,116
Keep the job, Hank.
Do it for Becca's sake.
191
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,410
Give her something to look up to.
192
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:33,918
Thanks for stopping by.
193
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:53,813
Just suppose you're a guy and you're
getting a massage from another guy,
194
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,815
and it's nice, it's relaxing.
195
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:58,318
Then all of a sudden,
you get a little tingle,
196
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,153
a little unintentional stim.
197
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:04,282
What do you call that,
where you get a little turgidity?
198
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,075
You know, you get a rollover going there.
199
00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:07,786
That was Nora from Hell-A magazine.
200
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,163
She wants to know when
she can expect the new piece.
201
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,749
What would you call that phenomenon?
202
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:17,003
The whole idea behind the blog is
an ongoing narrative. You understand?
203
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:20,256
A series of events that follows
another series of events.
204
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:22,050
I get that. I get that. I really do.
205
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,552
I just can't whore myself out
to the tall man any more.
206
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,347
Ongoing or not, I can't do it. Capisce?
207
00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:32,727
With all due respect, Hank,
grow the fuck up already.
208
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:35,188
Come on, you're the lying cocksucker
that got me into this in the first place.
209
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:36,356
You set me up.
210
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:39,275
If you mean that I contrive a situation
211
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,861
in which you might actually start
to produce words again,
212
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,738
then, yes, OK, guilty as charged.
213
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:46,991
You should have told me
what you were up to. That was bullshit.
214
00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:50,912
You wouldn't have done it!
OK? You see what I'm getting at here?
215
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,081
Oh, fuck you. You're fired.
216
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:58,503
You know that you've fired me every 90
days since we started to work together.
217
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:01,172
Yeah, because
I'm a consistent motherfucker.
218
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:04,008
Don't do this, Hank, OK? Not now.
219
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:07,554
No other agent in their right mind
would take you on at this point.
220
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:10,890
And the ones who would wouldn't be able
to get you a job writing kiddy porn.
221
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:14,894
Yeah, we'll see about that. It's a broner.
The word I'm looking for.
222
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:18,022
Unintentionally man-inspired
boner... broner.
223
00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:20,358
Duly noted.
224
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:25,446
Broner!
225
00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:29,742
What is so fucking difficult about
distinguishing diet from regular, huh?
226
00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:32,495
Here. Just go. You're fired, all right?
227
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:35,164
Get out. Go!
Fucking get out of here!
228
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:46,009
You OK there, tiger?
229
00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:50,305
Did you ever have one of those days
where you feel like a tired, old whore
230
00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:53,641
whose uterus is about to fall out?
231
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:56,019
I think I'm in touch with that emotion.
232
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:59,606
Really? I was just being dramatic. Do tell.
233
00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:02,442
That guy you saw me with last night?
234
00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:04,152
He's married.
235
00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:06,404
Oh, you dirty cheater, you.
236
00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:07,488
Five years.
237
00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:10,366
Been fucking a married guy for five years?
238
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:11,451
Classy, huh?
239
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,579
I tend to think of myself
240
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,789
as a whatever-makes-you-happy
kind of a guy,
241
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:20,627
but I have to ask...
What's in it for you, lady?
242
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:22,712
I love him.
243
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,716
And I tend to believe him
when he says he loves me.
244
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,218
That sounds like a charming
little romcom,
245
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:32,847
except for the part
where he won't leave his wife.
246
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:36,517
The guy's richer than God.
He doesn't want to cut it in half.
247
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:40,063
I haven't known you very long,
and this probably means precious little
248
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:44,400
coming from a guy who treated you like
a piece of prison ass on a blind date,
249
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:48,279
but I think you deserve
a hell of a lot more.
250
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,575
My baby.
251
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:56,245
You have a baby with the married guy?
Holy fuck.
252
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:57,538
No...
253
00:15:57,581 --> 00:16:00,249
my dog...
254
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,709
Cat Stevens.
255
00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:04,837
You have a dog named Cat Stevens?
256
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,215
Holy fuck!
257
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:12,470
A gift from married guy.
258
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:17,183
I know it sounds incredibly lame,
but he was like our baby.
259
00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:21,688
The one thing that was ours... just ours.
260
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:26,526
So, his wife goes out of town,
and I bring Cat Stevens over to the house.
261
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:28,987
Naturally, the bitch comes home early.
262
00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:32,407
I barely have enough time to put on
my clothes and sneak out the back.
263
00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:35,743
And then I realised I left him behind.
264
00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:41,082
That fucking bitch thought
sweet little Cat Stevens was a gift for her.
265
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:45,795
- Married guy doesn't say anything?
- How could he?
266
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:48,297
That is sick.
Come on.
267
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:52,427
- Where are we going?
- We're gonna fix this.
268
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:21,933
Hey, honey.
269
00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:34,779
You're insane.
270
00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:37,406
You've been fucking a married
guy for five years,
271
00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:39,575
you've got a dog named Cat Stevens,
and I'm insane?
272
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:40,660
Point taken.
273
00:18:40,702 --> 00:18:44,497
I got to figure out a way to get in there
without breaking a window or something.
274
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:46,707
How about this?
275
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:00,847
Cat?
276
00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:07,895
And you'll never have dried-up
meat in the refrigerator.
277
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,022
Hey. Cat Stevens.
278
00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:12,441
Come here, Cat.
279
00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:14,193
Roast beef, lamb, turkey.
280
00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:17,488
This knife is like a hot knife
going right through butter.
281
00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:18,990
It has a fork with the end,
282
00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:21,284
so you pick up the meat,
dip it into the gravy.
283
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:23,452
Remember, here's a grapefruit. Look at this.
284
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:26,455
Not a seed, not a drop of juice comes out.
285
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:28,916
Come here.
286
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:31,043
I'll take you away from all this.
287
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,924
Cat! Yusuf Islam!
288
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:39,135
Be Straight is a good song.
289
00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:41,888
Come here, Cat. Come here.
290
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:44,557
Come on.
291
00:19:57,112 --> 00:20:00,072
Go!
292
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,327
Go. Go, go, go.
293
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:14,587
Don't worry, I'll be gone
for good in a few minutes.
294
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:19,759
Actually, I was...
I was gonna call you.
295
00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:22,136
You could've emailed.
296
00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:29,977
I think I overreacted yesterday,
and I'm sorry about that,
297
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:34,190
So, the job is yours
if... if you still want it.
298
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:37,443
- I want it.
- Good.
299
00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:40,529
But...
300
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,740
But?
301
00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:48,120
From now on, if I make a mistake
or I screw something up,
302
00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:52,250
you should feel free to discipline me
in whatever way you see fit.
303
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:53,584
You're the boss.
304
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:02,551
Oh, and Hank called.
305
00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:05,846
He said you could still be
his agent if you want.
306
00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:25,324
I thought that was you.
307
00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:28,953
I would have focused
on a different area altogether.
308
00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:32,415
- Get your ass back in bed then.
- I got to go to work.
309
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:36,168
Ah, yes, I don't think I've ever dated
a woman who had a job before.
310
00:21:37,754 --> 00:21:40,923
Is that what we're doing? Dating?
311
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:43,426
It does feel that way...
312
00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:48,264
Kind of, sort of, maybe, a little bit.
313
00:21:49,599 --> 00:21:52,727
Yeah. I guess it kind of does.
314
00:21:52,769 --> 00:21:55,813
Too many tongues.
315
00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:58,983
Hey, take your fucking dog.
316
00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:03,404
I didn't have the heart to tell you,
but that's not Cat Stevens.
317
00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:05,614
- What?
- You took the wrong dog.
318
00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:07,992
So not your fault...
the bitch has a lot of them.
319
00:22:08,035 --> 00:22:12,121
Look on the bright side.
He seems to really like you.
320
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,380
Thank you.
321
00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:28,012
This is not a macchiato.
A macchiato...
322
00:22:35,228 --> 00:22:38,689
What am I going to do with you?
323
00:22:39,983 --> 00:22:41,984
Whatever you want, boss.
324
00:22:52,704 --> 00:22:54,663
Look what a mess I've made.
325
00:23:30,617 --> 00:23:33,327
- Guess who.
- Something's familiar.
326
00:23:33,370 --> 00:23:35,621
Did you switch to Camel Lights?
327
00:23:35,705 --> 00:23:38,207
Ah, that's cute. What you reading?
328
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:42,211
Oh, you're not gonna go through
with that barbaric ritual, are you?
329
00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:45,673
- I was thinking about it.
- You don't sound too excited.
330
00:23:45,715 --> 00:23:50,302
I am. It's just weird.
I never thought I'd get married.
331
00:23:50,345 --> 00:23:53,848
You had me convinced
it was all a bullshit fairy tale.
332
00:23:53,890 --> 00:23:56,517
- And it's not?
- Not if you meet the right person.
333
00:23:56,601 --> 00:23:58,769
You say it's about meeting Mr Right.
334
00:23:58,812 --> 00:24:01,480
I think you're settling
for Mr Right In Front Of You.
335
00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:05,943
I'm asking you to consider
Mr Lurking Right Above You.
336
00:24:06,027 --> 00:24:07,361
Hank, Hank, Hankie.
337
00:24:08,864 --> 00:24:13,242
I wouldn't want to erase the fact that,
once upon a time, I used to love you. But...
338
00:24:14,536 --> 00:24:15,578
Hank!
339
00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:17,621
- Hello.
- William.
340
00:24:17,664 --> 00:24:19,457
I have something for you.
341
00:24:19,499 --> 00:24:24,253
Hank, uh, Hank,
you didn't have to do this.
342
00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:27,631
Considering I got my precious
bodily fluids all over yours,
343
00:24:27,674 --> 00:24:30,885
I felt like, yeah, I kind of did.
344
00:24:30,927 --> 00:24:35,806
But that piece of art
is worth a small fortune.
345
00:24:35,849 --> 00:24:38,809
Don't look a gift piece
of overpriced pop art in the mouth.
346
00:24:38,852 --> 00:24:41,520
I know people who know people.
Just enjoy it.
347
00:24:41,605 --> 00:24:44,899
Consider it a belated engagement present.
348
00:24:44,941 --> 00:24:47,610
Hang it over your marital bed.
349
00:24:47,652 --> 00:24:50,279
What's up with you?
You seem kind of, um...
350
00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:51,906
- Jaunty?
- Yes.
351
00:24:51,948 --> 00:24:53,240
- Devil-may-care?
- Yes.
352
00:24:53,283 --> 00:24:55,451
- Happy?
- Even.
353
00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:56,827
Well, maybe I met a girl.
354
00:24:56,870 --> 00:24:58,829
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey, honey.
355
00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:00,372
I've got something for you, too.
356
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:02,625
Just hold on. Stay right there.
357
00:25:06,213 --> 00:25:10,549
I'm partial to Yusuf Islam,
but you can call him whatever you want.
358
00:25:10,592 --> 00:25:12,635
And, Bill, don't worry.
He can stay with me.
359
00:25:12,677 --> 00:25:14,136
That's so nice of you, Hank.
360
00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:17,097
Yes, Hank,
that's very nice of you.
361
00:25:18,850 --> 00:25:20,601
Well, you guys look like one big happy.
362
00:25:20,644 --> 00:25:24,271
I am proud to report
that my daughter has just penned
363
00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:27,691
one of the most impressive short stories
I have ever had the pleasure of reading.
364
00:25:27,734 --> 00:25:31,237
Now, the prose was a bit on the purple side,
365
00:25:31,279 --> 00:25:34,281
but still, I had no idea she had it in her.
366
00:25:34,324 --> 00:25:39,745
- I'm sure the prose wasn't that purple.
- No, it was, but still, it was good stuff.
367
00:25:39,788 --> 00:25:42,122
That is something.
368
00:25:42,165 --> 00:25:44,041
Well, it's what I do.
369
00:25:44,084 --> 00:25:47,127
Speaking of which,
dare I ask about the blog?
370
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,965
Honey, to quote the Clash,
371
00:25:51,007 --> 00:25:54,385
should I stay or should I rock the casbah?
372
00:25:54,427 --> 00:25:58,639
Do what you want, Dad.
I love you no matter what.
373
00:26:01,726 --> 00:26:03,352
"Good morning, Hell-A.
374
00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:07,690
"In the land of the lotus-eaters,
time plays tricks on you.
375
00:26:07,732 --> 00:26:09,149
"One day you're dreaming.
376
00:26:09,192 --> 00:26:13,445
"The next, your dream
has become your reality.
377
00:26:13,488 --> 00:26:18,659
"It was the best of times.
If only someone had told me.
378
00:26:18,702 --> 00:26:21,662
"Mistakes were made,
hearts were broken,
379
00:26:21,705 --> 00:26:24,707
"harsh lessons learned.
380
00:26:24,749 --> 00:26:26,625
"My family goes on without me,
381
00:26:27,919 --> 00:26:31,171
"while I drown in a sea
of pointless pussy.
382
00:26:33,550 --> 00:26:36,135
"I don't know how I got here.
383
00:26:36,177 --> 00:26:40,931
"But here I am, rotting away
in the warm California sun.
384
00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:44,184
"There are things
I need to figure out,
385
00:26:44,227 --> 00:26:47,021
"for her sake, at least.
386
00:26:47,063 --> 00:26:48,689
"The clock is ticking.
387
00:26:48,732 --> 00:26:50,691
"The gap is widening.
388
00:26:53,194 --> 00:26:57,615
"She won't always love me
no matter what."
29232
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