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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,918
Previously on Californication...
2
00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:05,212
- So, Hank.
- Meredith.
3
00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:07,297
- You're a writer.
- A great writer.
4
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:10,092
Do you know what the worst thing is?
You're not writing.
5
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:13,053
- Are you familiar with Hell-A magazine?
- Hell, no.
6
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:16,390
- They would like you to blog for them.
- Do you have a gun?
7
00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:19,727
You're out there sticking
your dick in anything that moves.
8
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:21,770
My name is Hank.
9
00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:24,440
I know. Mia.
10
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,361
- Who did she go with?
- Bill's daughter.
11
00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:30,779
I didn't know Bill had a daughter.
12
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,197
- How old is she?
- 16.
13
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,868
This is Mia, Bill's daughter.
And this is Hank.
14
00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:38,454
- Y-you two know each other?
- No.
15
00:00:38,496 --> 00:00:39,913
- I need you, baby.
- No.
16
00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:44,043
Hank, Hank, I'm getting married.
17
00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:46,462
Don't marry him. Marry me.
18
00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:47,838
Hey.
19
00:00:51,509 --> 00:00:53,844
- Becca.
- I hate you.
20
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:13,864
What are you thinking about?
21
00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:18,952
I'm thinking about how much
I absolutely fucking loathe this city.
22
00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:23,207
Just as I was thinking about
how much I absolutely love it.
23
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:27,044
Meanwhile, I haven't written
a goddamn word since we got here.
24
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:31,840
You need to relax.
I just miss New York, honey.
25
00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:36,637
You know, and I miss you,
because you're still there,
26
00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:38,889
in that big, thick head of yours.
27
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,517
Come back to us, Hank.
28
00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:43,519
Your girls miss you.
29
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,030
So, who are you talking to?
30
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:58,534
Oh. Nobody. Professional hazard.
31
00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:01,328
What do you do?
32
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,540
I'm a writer. Nonpractising.
33
00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:08,293
- I've got something you could read.
- Yeah?
34
00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:20,305
Oh. I think you have potential.
35
00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:26,955
- Hank.
- Bob.
36
00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:28,457
- Bill.
- Really?
37
00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:29,917
Becca doesn't want to see you.
38
00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:32,294
You looking for a cock punch?
Let me talk to her.
39
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,338
Trust me, as the father
of a teenage daughter,
40
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:37,132
just give her some space,
she'll come around.
41
00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:39,384
Shit. You know something... Bill, is it?
42
00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:40,677
Yep. Still Bill.
43
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,596
Well, I appreciate the parenting advice,
44
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:45,933
but maybe giving them too much space
is not such a good idea.
45
00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:49,603
Maybe too much space is actually
the root of the problem. Rebecca?
46
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,980
My daughter is 16, and she's an angel.
47
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:54,149
Clearly I'm doing something right.
48
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:56,109
- Oh, you poor bastard.
- Excuse me?
49
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:57,319
- Homo says what?
- What?
50
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,071
Gotcha.
51
00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:02,824
What the fuck is that?
52
00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:05,035
Oh, you like it?
I could've bought a car instead.
53
00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:06,912
I think you should still buy the car
54
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:09,122
and then run over
whoever created that turd.
55
00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:12,000
Everything OK here, boys?
56
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,085
It's all good.
57
00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:15,754
It's all good? That's kind of a hip lingo.
58
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:18,507
"It's all good. It's all good."
59
00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:20,634
Yeah, that's...
that's what they say, the kids.
60
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:24,096
- I still hate you.
- Naturally.
61
00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:26,556
But I do want to see your movie.
62
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:28,558
It's my book. It's not my movie.
63
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:31,311
Not my problem. I like your movie.
64
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,522
Oh, how is that even possible, honey?
65
00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:38,110
Because it proves you're not
the asshole they say you are.
66
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:42,864
Cursing will cost you.
67
00:04:46,744 --> 00:04:48,287
Now who says I'm an asshole?
68
00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:50,038
Can we swap nights this weekend?
69
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:51,832
We're having some people over
on Saturday,
70
00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,667
and I'd love for Becca to be there.
71
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,753
- Uncle Charlie and Aunt Marcy.
- Thank you, sweetie.
72
00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:59,840
Dad should come.
They're his friends, too.
73
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:01,508
And Uncle Charlie's his agent.
74
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,427
Maybe he has an offer for him.
75
00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:06,305
You're welcome to come, Hank.
76
00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:09,391
Absolutely. Hey, bring a date.
77
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,353
- Bring a date.
- Earbuds.
78
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:20,694
First of all, you could not handle me hitting
it off with somebody right in front of you.
79
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:23,071
Oh, you're right.
It could be very painful.
80
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,990
But I think I'll get through it.
81
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,284
OK, so I take this to mean
the answer is no,
82
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,286
that you're not going to marry me.
83
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,787
Hank, I'm standing right here.
84
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,123
Did you ever stop and think
that it might be nice for Becca
85
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,833
to see us all get along for a change?
86
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,126
Yes, and it might be nice
87
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,171
if I could fellate
myself while farting The White Album,
88
00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:41,548
but I haven't been able
to quite master that yet.
89
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:42,924
Is he coming?
90
00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:45,719
Absolutely. What can I bring, Bob?
91
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,972
Bill. Billy Bob. Whatever the fuck...
92
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,766
That's not a "fuck," Becca.
93
00:05:57,648 --> 00:06:01,818
Your assistant makes me want
to touch myself in a bad place.
94
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:04,946
That's nice.
95
00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,948
My assistant makes me
want to hang myself.
96
00:06:06,991 --> 00:06:09,951
- While masturbating?
- Are you retarded or something?
97
00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:12,496
Funky back tat on the small of the back.
98
00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:14,498
- You know what that means.
- No.
99
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:18,126
- She likes it in the pooper.
- Really?
100
00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:20,462
I have no idea.
I just wanted to say "pooper".
101
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,005
I have found that the back tat
102
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,299
is a watermark
of the promiscuous, though.
103
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,635
Doesn't change the fact
she's the world's worst assistant.
104
00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:28,762
She drops calls, she loses manuscripts,
105
00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,264
she can't even get
my fucking macchiato right.
106
00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:35,352
But... but she does seem
to have a nipple ring. Quite possibly two.
107
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,355
There is something very cool
going on in that area.
108
00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:41,316
OK, OK. Enough
about my assistant's nipples.
109
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:44,403
You want to talk some business?
How's the new book coming?
110
00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:46,405
Now, that's a hostile question.
111
00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:49,950
Hank, you have owed your publisher a book
since Becca was breast-feeding.
112
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:52,369
I remember because I used
to like to watch Karen do that.
113
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,246
Kiss my black ass.
114
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,083
You need a fucking job.
115
00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,710
What? OK. What? What do you got?
116
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:04,798
- Wait a minute. Listen. You hear that?
- What?
117
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:07,384
That's the sound of my phone
not ringing for you.
118
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:11,054
Hank, you have burned every bridge
I built for you with my bare hands.
119
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,180
Except, of course...
120
00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:13,974
- No, don't say it.
- Hell-A magazine.
121
00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:15,725
They want you to blog for them.
122
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,811
Just take the fucking meeting already!
123
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:20,397
No! No! Let's ask Dani California.
124
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:23,942
Hell-A magazine. Thoughts?
125
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:26,111
You'd be perfect for them.
126
00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:28,113
Nipple ring?
127
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:29,614
Two?
128
00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:32,617
Anywhere else?
129
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:35,662
She's got a nose ring, too.
You know what that means.
130
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:38,665
- What? She likes it in the nose?
- That is sick.
131
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:43,837
Look around. LA needs you.
Now more than ever.
132
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:48,550
Your voice is a shotgun blast
to all the pretentious fucks
133
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:50,927
who pollute this once-great city of yours.
134
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:54,306
Just so you know,
it's not and never will be my city.
135
00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:56,933
Use the blog, Hank.
136
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,977
Channel your rage.
137
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:05,901
You're a dying breed.
You're a real writer, a real man.
138
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:08,862
You've got heart, balls, and swagger.
139
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:11,573
Either way.
140
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:14,451
Come over to the dark side, Hank.
141
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:17,537
Join us at Hell-A magazine.
142
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,873
I appreciate the enthusiasm. I do.
143
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:24,211
- But I just... I don't have much to say.
- Think about it.
144
00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:26,379
Oh, where you going?
I thought I was the real deal.
145
00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:29,966
It's a shame I'm in a relationship.
146
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:33,386
Write me something, Hank.
147
00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:39,184
- Good night.
- Good night.
148
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:49,569
The airplane. Oh.
149
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:06,795
- So, what do you think?
- Very little of substance.
150
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:10,340
No.
151
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,051
My tits. Seriously.
152
00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:18,348
They seem pretty
fucking groovy to me.
153
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,934
- Think they're too small?
- Too small for what?
154
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,644
- I want to make them bigger.
- No.
155
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:26,815
They're absolutely almost perfect,
in every conceivable titty way.
156
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:29,276
What about my lips?
157
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:33,071
Highly kissable.
158
00:09:35,032 --> 00:09:37,033
Not those lips.
159
00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:40,453
- These.
- Oh...
160
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,292
What...
161
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,752
What about them?
162
00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:49,588
Do you think they're too flappy?
163
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:53,008
- What's that? Flappy?
- Flappy?
164
00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:55,260
I was thinking about
getting them fixed.
165
00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:57,846
Vaginal rejuvenation.
You heard about it?
166
00:09:57,888 --> 00:09:59,514
Get them trimmed up a little.
167
00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:02,559
That way they don't look like
day-old deli meat.
168
00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:06,813
Ooh. I think I just lost my manhood.
169
00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:09,190
And got hungry at the same time.
170
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:11,109
I can help you find that.
171
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,695
You can try.
172
00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:29,878
- Hey, this is you.
- Oh. I thought you recognized me.
173
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,880
I'm not a big porn guy, actually.
174
00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:33,965
And who might that be?
175
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:38,136
- Oh, that's my daughter.
- Do you need to go... see to her?
176
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:43,016
It's OK. She'll quiet down.
Don't worry about it.
177
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,395
Go be with your daughter.
178
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:52,484
I'm gonna have to confiscate
this for further study.
179
00:11:11,128 --> 00:11:12,921
Piece of shit.
180
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:19,594
"Hell-A magazine blog number one.
181
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:22,097
"Hank hates you all.
182
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:24,557
"A few things I've learned in my travels
183
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,643
"through this crazy little thing called life...
184
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,937
"One... a morning of awkwardness
185
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:31,981
"is far better than a night of loneliness.
186
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:34,734
"Two... I probably won't go down in history,
187
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:37,070
"but I will go down on your sister.
188
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,197
And three... while I'm down there,
189
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,409
"it might be nice to see a hint of pubis.
190
00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:45,620
"I'm not talking about a huge
'70s Playboy bush or anything,
191
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:46,955
"just something that reminds me
192
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:50,542
that I'm performing
cunnilingus on an adult.
193
00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:53,086
"But I guess
the larger question is,
194
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:56,214
"why is the City of Angels so hell-bent
195
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:59,175
"on destroying its female population?"
196
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,323
Jesus H. Christ.
197
00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:28,580
Nope. Just little old me.
198
00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:32,125
Are you OK? You look a little pale.
199
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,377
You're not gonna have
a heart attack, are you?
200
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:35,962
You are getting on in years.
201
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:39,549
Just because I'm older than you,
doesn't necessarily make me old.
202
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:42,927
- Well, I am 16, you know.
- So I've been told.
203
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:45,472
What's the word for that again?
204
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:48,224
Oh, yeah. It's statutory rape.
205
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:49,851
That's two words.
206
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,644
Hi, Daddy.
207
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,940
Honey, put some clothes on, OK?
We have company.
208
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:59,277
Well, I'm sure it's nothing
he hasn't seen before.
209
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,780
- Hank.
- Tim.
210
00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:05,241
- Thanks for coming.
- Thanks for having me.
211
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:08,161
- It's my pleasure.
- Oh, the pleasure is all mine.
212
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:11,164
I think this is...
213
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:14,417
an important first step
we're taking here.
214
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,044
Really? What step is that?
215
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:17,962
The one where I sit back and watch
216
00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:20,423
as you try to steal my family
out from under me?
217
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,717
It's not gonna happen.
218
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,345
Game on, brohem.
219
00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,138
Hey. You didn't have to do that.
220
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:30,558
I didn't. It's for me. Sorry about that.
221
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,937
Hank, Sonja.
222
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:35,438
Sonja, Hank.
223
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,274
Hi. I love your writing.
224
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,235
And I love you.
225
00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:43,321
I read your adaptation way back
when Soderbergh was gonna do it.
226
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:46,157
- I fucking loved it.
- Hey, my salad days.
227
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,576
You and I are gonna get along just fine.
228
00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:51,329
I'm sorry. Honey?
Can I borrow the missus for a moment?
229
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:54,582
- Yeah.
- Can I talk to you?
230
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:57,418
- What the fuck are you doing?
- What do you mean?
231
00:13:57,461 --> 00:14:00,088
You're trying to set me up
with this woman.
232
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:01,923
I thought it might be nice for you
233
00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:04,175
to have a playdate
with someone your own age.
234
00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:07,887
- And what if we get along swimmingly?
- Hankie.
235
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,723
I had to leave you, remember?
236
00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,600
I'm not holding a torch here.
237
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:15,353
And you need to get on with your life.
238
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:18,815
And you need to get in touch
with your emotions, woman.
239
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:26,489
He says he's not used to dating.
240
00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,332
Nobody likes you.
241
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:39,502
You're ugly and your mother
dresses you funny.
242
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:42,005
Now smile, you fucking douche.
243
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:13,995
- Dad? Dad?
- Yes.
244
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:16,039
- Can I get a dog?
- Absolutely. Yes.
245
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:21,127
- As long as it poops here.
- We'll talk about it, honey.
246
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:23,963
I'm sorry, Hank. My apologies.
247
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:26,049
That's fine, Bill. She's very sweet.
248
00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:28,843
Well, I'd like to propose a toast.
249
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,136
To friends...
250
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:35,433
...family, a new beginning...
251
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:38,186
- And a happy ending.
- Well said, honey.
252
00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:40,688
- I'll drink to that.
- Cheers.
253
00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:44,233
Cheers, cheers.
254
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:47,612
So, how did you and Bill meet?
255
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:50,239
I don't think this is
the right setting for that...
256
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:53,242
I think this is the perfect
setting for that story.
257
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:56,579
Bill hired Karen to redo
his place... this place.
258
00:15:56,622 --> 00:16:01,709
And along the way, they talked Zen
And The Art Of The Mid-Life Crisis
259
00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:04,671
and eventually
fell head over heels in love.
260
00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:07,298
In Karen's case, heels over head.
261
00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:09,801
And Bill got another trophy for his mantel,
262
00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:14,389
and Karen got to move
into her own Barbie dream house.
263
00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:16,975
Talk about being the architect
of your very own...
264
00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:18,559
happy ending.
265
00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:21,562
- Got it.
- That's a bit of an oversimplification, Hank.
266
00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:24,107
- But I'm not surprised.
- Floor is all yours, Bill.
267
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,985
- I'll pass.
- That doesn't surprise me.
268
00:16:27,027 --> 00:16:28,277
How did you and Karen meet?
269
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,239
- Mia, I don't think...
- Some other time, sweetie.
270
00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:33,282
- What? I'm curious.
- Me too.
271
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,159
Karen's not a big fan of memory lane.
272
00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:37,620
- I'll tell it.
- Rebecca.
273
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:41,499
Mom was going to art school and playing
bass in this downtown noise band.
274
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:44,002
Dad had just published his first novel.
275
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:46,337
They met cute at...
what was it called again?
276
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:48,047
- CBGBs.
- Right.
277
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:50,133
He thought she was pretentious,
278
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:53,261
and she thought he was
way too pleased with himself.
279
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:55,304
But they had sex anyway.
280
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:57,724
In the morning, he made her breakfast,
281
00:16:57,766 --> 00:16:59,892
and she talked about her plan
to move to Seattle
282
00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:03,104
- so she could stalk and marry...
- Chris Cornell.
283
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:07,358
Right. But then she read Dad's writing.
284
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:08,526
And that was it.
285
00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:12,363
Nine months later, I was born.
286
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:14,741
They never got married, of course.
287
00:17:14,783 --> 00:17:18,828
But they stayed together a long time.
288
00:17:18,912 --> 00:17:21,956
A lot longer than most people do.
289
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:31,966
Oh, my boyfriend's here. I got to go.
Bye, Daddy.
290
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,092
Oh! Bye.
291
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:35,344
- Good night.
- Good night.
292
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:36,721
- Bye, honey.
- So long.
293
00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:40,058
I wish I could tell an interesting story
about my me and my ex,
294
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:43,269
but it's really just LA cliché number 4b.
295
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,605
He was sleeping with his assistant.
296
00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:47,440
Oh, shit. That happens.
297
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,484
- His name was Ted.
- Your husband?
298
00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:51,360
His assistant.
299
00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:54,906
- Could be worse.
- Really? How so?
300
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:57,909
Well, instead of finding out
your husband was gay,
301
00:17:57,951 --> 00:18:02,121
you could've found out
that he was a...
302
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:05,708
Scientologist or something like that.
303
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,086
I'm a Scientologist, Hank.
304
00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:12,090
Or a Nazi.
305
00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:15,635
Or al-Qaeda.
306
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:17,845
Keep trying.
307
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:20,223
See, this is what I love
about LA, is the diversity.
308
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:22,308
I bet you do.
309
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:24,977
The Eagles!
310
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:27,647
Oh. Eagles Of Death Metal.
311
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,774
Cool. Right on.
312
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:32,068
I liked having you here tonight.
313
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:36,155
- Well, I liked being here tonight.
- Bullshit.
314
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:40,952
Oh. It's a pleasure doing business with you.
315
00:18:40,994 --> 00:18:42,912
I hate to burst your bubble, sweetie,
316
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,623
but that movie has nothing
to do with your old man.
317
00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:46,958
Of course it does.
318
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,002
Your novel, while very much
an exercise in nihilism,
319
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:52,046
is firmly rooted in romanticism.
320
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:54,715
You read the novel?
321
00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:56,634
Oh, Jesus fuck.
322
00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:05,643
You shouldn't take the Lord's
name in vain, you know.
323
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:08,312
- Where'd you get that old chestnut?
- Bill.
324
00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:10,940
I was wearing
my Cradle Of Filth t-shirt.
325
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:13,526
The one that says
"Jesus was a C-word" on the back.
326
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:15,111
That's my girl.
327
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:19,907
But I do pray sometimes. Sort of.
328
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:22,076
What do you pray for?
329
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:23,786
That you and Mom work out your shit
330
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,747
and we move back to New York.
331
00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:33,296
No, honey. You don't owe me
anything for that one.
332
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:35,131
- Dad?
- Yeah?
333
00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:37,133
Are you OK?
334
00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:43,681
No.
335
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:46,058
But I'm working on it.
336
00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:50,855
Can I get a dog?
337
00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:52,857
Oh, you're good.
338
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:54,567
You're good.
339
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,368
Son-ja.
340
00:20:04,411 --> 00:20:07,496
Hey, look, I'm sorry
about before... what I said.
341
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:10,166
I don't know what the fuck
I'm talking about half the time.
342
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:13,586
- Ask anybody. They'll tell you.
- No worries. No worries.
343
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:17,882
You want... you want to...
you want to get fucked up?
344
00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:26,474
Why are you so smiley?
345
00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:28,517
There's nothing quite like getting stoned
346
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:34,023
on the very bed that your ex-domestic
partner shares with her fiancé.
347
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,776
It's the little things.
348
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,781
- Could you do me a favour?
- Absolutely.
349
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:49,330
Tell me what you think.
350
00:20:53,877 --> 00:20:57,588
- Honestly?
- Yeah. Honestly.
351
00:20:57,631 --> 00:21:00,883
I'm 40-something years old.
352
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:04,637
I don't have time to play games.
I need to know the truth.
353
00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:11,936
Well, your breasts are obviously real.
354
00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:16,899
And, um, you have an abundance
of pubic hair,
355
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,777
which is really nice.
356
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:25,199
And, um, there's no evidence
of vaginal rejuvenation.
357
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:28,494
I'd say aside from the fact
that you worship a space alien,
358
00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:31,038
you just might be the most
beautiful woman I've seen
359
00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:33,124
in a long, long time.
360
00:21:34,334 --> 00:21:36,460
Thank you.
361
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:39,213
It's my pleasure.
362
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:44,343
- Would you do me another favour?
- Yeah.
363
00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:46,387
Would you fuck me?
364
00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:49,473
My husband recently left me
for a guy named Ted,
365
00:21:49,516 --> 00:21:51,892
and right now all I want to do
is get fucked stupid
366
00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:54,145
by a guy who actually likes women.
367
00:21:54,187 --> 00:21:55,896
If that's OK with you.
368
00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:58,691
Well, I'd be lying
if I said I never wondered
369
00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:01,861
what it might be like
to violate a Scientologist.
370
00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:08,242
You must be looking like
Art Garfunkel down there lately.
371
00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:10,036
Oh, my God. You're obsessed.
372
00:22:10,078 --> 00:22:13,331
Well, you haven't been in
for a wax in months.
373
00:22:13,373 --> 00:22:16,334
So either you're taking
your lady business elsewhere
374
00:22:16,376 --> 00:22:19,462
or you're sporting
a ginormous hippie bush.
375
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:22,923
I hate that shit.
I just came to keep you in business.
376
00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:27,511
And I just want you to be happy
and hair-free.
377
00:22:27,554 --> 00:22:30,431
Well, I am happy.
378
00:22:30,474 --> 00:22:32,975
Thank you very much.
379
00:22:34,561 --> 00:22:37,313
Are you sure you're not
making a deal with the devil
380
00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:39,231
that your ass can't cash?
381
00:22:39,274 --> 00:22:41,484
What does that even mean?
382
00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:48,532
What?
383
00:22:48,575 --> 00:22:51,369
Are you totally serious
about marrying this guy?
384
00:22:51,411 --> 00:22:53,829
- Yes.
- Why?
385
00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:57,375
I love him. He loves me.
He's great with Becca.
386
00:22:57,417 --> 00:23:01,170
- I mean, what else is there?
- What about Hank?
387
00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:04,507
- What about him?
- He loves you.
388
00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:06,717
He's trying to get his shit together.
389
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,969
He has been trying
to get his shit together
390
00:23:09,012 --> 00:23:11,222
since the day we first met.
391
00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:17,561
And the sex with Bill? Is it good?
392
00:23:19,106 --> 00:23:21,440
Yeah. It's different, you know?
393
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,819
Come on.
394
00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:29,323
- I want to show you my house.
- Oh, my God.
395
00:23:30,826 --> 00:23:32,993
My house is my art.
396
00:23:35,455 --> 00:23:38,999
I don't think Tom and Katie would approve
of what we're doing right now.
397
00:23:39,042 --> 00:23:42,128
- Oh, God. Shut up and fuck me already.
- Are you clear yet?
398
00:23:42,170 --> 00:23:44,463
Shut up and fuck me.
399
00:23:44,506 --> 00:23:47,091
You are one kinky Thetan.
400
00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:58,185
Are you OK?
401
00:24:06,570 --> 00:24:08,946
Oh. OK.
402
00:24:09,531 --> 00:24:10,573
Right.
403
00:24:24,212 --> 00:24:25,421
Oh, God.
404
00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:27,047
Jesus.
405
00:24:35,098 --> 00:24:36,390
My painting.
406
00:24:36,433 --> 00:24:39,393
It's all good. We got it under control.
407
00:24:43,398 --> 00:24:44,732
It's all good.
408
00:24:47,027 --> 00:24:49,195
OK. We're so high!
409
00:24:49,237 --> 00:24:51,030
I don't know what happened.
410
00:25:04,753 --> 00:25:06,629
You look like ass.
411
00:25:08,131 --> 00:25:10,758
Did we just have sex?
412
00:25:14,429 --> 00:25:18,599
- What do you want from me?
- Isn't it obvious?
413
00:25:20,977 --> 00:25:25,940
What happened the other night
will never, ever happen again.
414
00:25:26,024 --> 00:25:28,025
And why is that?
415
00:25:28,109 --> 00:25:30,569
Because it's sick and wrong.
416
00:25:30,612 --> 00:25:33,822
Well, maybe I'm in the minority here,
417
00:25:33,865 --> 00:25:37,117
but I just don't think
there's anything sick and wrong
418
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,287
about a little fucking and punching
between consenting adults.
419
00:25:40,330 --> 00:25:43,374
You're not an adult, for one.
420
00:25:43,416 --> 00:25:46,001
You dirty old man.
421
00:25:48,672 --> 00:25:51,006
Well, I guess I'll just have
to get out my vibrator
422
00:25:51,091 --> 00:25:52,716
and read your blog.
423
00:25:52,759 --> 00:25:56,595
That's cool. Then it won't be
a total waste of time.
424
00:25:56,638 --> 00:25:58,764
I thought it was cool.
425
00:25:58,807 --> 00:26:02,685
I was like, "Hey, I totally fucked that guy."
426
00:26:06,773 --> 00:26:09,650
- Must be weird, though.
- What?
427
00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:13,028
Becoming the employee of a man
you so clearly hate.
428
00:26:13,071 --> 00:26:16,240
What are you talking about?
429
00:26:16,866 --> 00:26:20,828
My father.
He owns Hell-A magazine.
430
00:26:20,870 --> 00:26:23,539
Mia, is that you?
431
00:26:23,582 --> 00:26:26,333
Coming, Daddy.
432
00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:42,975
Always a pleasure.
433
00:27:20,347 --> 00:27:21,805
30575