All language subtitles for Walking.With.Herb.2021.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

Do you think I should
get her ears pierced?

- I don't know!
- Yeah!

I didn't get mine pierced
until I was 14, I think?

Yeah, I think that's right.

Yes, she's grandma's little angel.

Right? Grandma's little angel.

- She sleeps so well.
- She does.

Just share that with everybody.

Let me get my phone
and we'll take a picture. Keep on going.

Okay, look over here, guys.
One, two, three...

Smile, faith!

- Dad is gonna document this whole life.
- That's right.

- Still a tiny, tiny, thing.
- I'll take a selfie.

Whose nose do you think she has?

- Yours.
- I think it might be Omar's.

Grandpa.

It's me.

Look at this. Look, look, look.

She always grabs my finger.
No matter what she does.

Is that your happy face?
She likes to grab your finger.

She loves it.
She just holds my hand.

Look at this, look at this.
She won't let go!

- So funny!
- We're in a good family!

I'm sorry, baby faith.

God took your daddy.

♪ Do you know the muffin man? ♪

♪ The muffin man, the muffin man? ♪

♪ Do you know the muffin man? ♪

♪ Who lives on drury Lane? ♪

- Who loves you?
- Mama!

Where are you?

I love you, grandpa.

Now, he's taken you.

"Blessed are those who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.

For it is not the will of my father
who is in heaven

that one of these little ones
should perish."

Then why is she in the box?

Where was our father
when she got sick?

Please rise and join me
in reciting psalm 23

from the old testament for the spirit
of faith Elizabeth amable-amo-fareed.

- "The lord is my Shepherd."
- "The lord is my Shepherd."

- "I shall not want."
- "I shall not want."

"He maketh me
to lie down in green pastures."

"He maketh me to lie down
in green pastures."

"He restoreth my soul."

Who kills innocent healers and children?

Daddy. We have to have faith.

I have no faith.

Breakfast!

Sheila tranquinila,
how does your garden grow?

Well, the rabbits seem to be enjoying it.

I'll pick up some meshed wire.

Hmm. That's what you said last summer.

Well, last summer I lied.

This summer, I promise.

I really do need that wire mesh.

That ladies home and garden contest
is fast approaching.

How do I help you?

Ask whozit, your eternal love lord.

You know, if you make fun
of my faith one more time,

I'm going to stop speaking to you.

Let me think about that.

I'd better get to work.

That's a really good idea.

You are getting on my last nerve.

Be ready to forgive again and again...

And again. Amen.

Oh, god.

Good morning, Mr. Amable-amo.

Would you like to be undisturbed?

Disturb me at will, Karen.

Um...

Mr. Amable-amo,
your daughter is here.

Send her in, please.

Hi, daddy.

Hi.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Thanks for seeing me.

Oh, please.
As if I wouldn't see my baby.

How are you, huh? Sit down.

- A little situation.
- Oh.

The pipes in the school's bathroom burst
and flooded the kitchen!

- I'm really sorry, baby.
- Yeah, well.

Uh, can you run an after-school program
if you're not actually open after school?

How much is it gonna cost to fix?

Um, just $5,000.

But I'm already three months late

on my mortgage payment, daddy.
I'm so...

I see. Your mom and I could help.

No, you already do so much.

We can do more.

Hey, Daniel. Hey, Bruce.
What's going on? Janice!

Oh, daddy.

Come on, baby. That's okay.

That's me. Best job ever.

Oh, I love you.

So, Mr. A... oh, sorry! Interrupting!
Nuisance guy! Private moment!

No, no! I'm sorry. He's...
My dad, he's just...

I... I... I wish I knew more dads
who were... just.

This is Gabe berkowitz,
my new assistant vp for compliance.

This is my daughter.
Audrey amable-amo-fareed.

Hi. Of course. Hi.

Words are worthless to say anything
meaningful about your losses, so I'll...

So I'll stop trying to use 'em. Words.

I know.

Okay. I love you, daddy. Bye.

Um, you know, your dad told me
about the work that you do.

If you ever need a mountain biker

who's also a world-class
ukulele player...

- I'll be there.
- Oh.

- Cool.
- Okay.

Well, hello there, hot dog! Huh?

What are you doing here?

Where'd you come from? Huh?

Well, some very inclusive person
is missing you.

Come here, little belly.
Come here, little belly.

Oh, that's a little belly boy.
Wanna get some water?

Anything else
you need from me, Mr. A?

Yes. I want the bank to do more.

More for who? Or whom.
Is it who or whom?

Whom. Everybody.

- Hmm.
- Our community.

Audrey, my daughter is...

Well, your daughter's
gonna miss another payment.

The thing is, the examiner
isn't gonna care.

He's gonna foreclose.
And we are a bank.

Oh, really? Gee! Since when?

The thing is, they will shut you down,
if you don't follow the rules.

- When's our criminal defense due?
- Two days.

Okay. Well, let's get ready
to be examined.

Shave all your body hair.

Okay, okay.

Fist bump? Good talk.

Oh, boy.

"Joe, it's god. I have chosen you
for a special mission.

I could have done
the whole burning bush thing,

but all the plants in your office
are artificial."

Um, very funny!

Yeah. Thank you.

Um, whoever hacked into my computer
and left me an attractive

and grammatically correct
message from, uh...

Oh. It's a bad idea.

Whoever hacked my computer,
uh, no need to confess.

Please, just UN-hack it.

And, uh, thank you all
for your kind attention to my...

Psychotic outbursts.

All right. Whoever this is,
you want a playmate? Here you go.

"Hey there, god.
About time I heard from you.

Let's meet for lunch to discuss..."

Oh!

"Resist the sarcasm, Joe.

Rather, behold and believe!"

Karen, my printer prints in black, right?

Yes, sir. Problem?

There's someone that's trying...

Ah, what?

What?

Thanks, Karen.

"I'll give you a more traditional sign.
A big white dove will tap your window,

wink at you, flap three times, fly away."

Winking white dove drone.

Very impressive.

Hey, Gabe!

Are you in control of all of this?

Oh!

Oh! I'll call the copy machine people.

It's okay. It's just being innovative.

First American bank examination report?

"I want you free
to concentrate on your mission."

Well, what's my mission?

Wait. Puppy dog.

Hmm. Wait.

Sand wedge.

Go give that to Joe.

Good boy!

Good boy!

You have reached
Sheila amable-amo.

Please leave a message.

Hi.

What have you got?

Huh? What's this?

"Sometimes we forget to remember
what we have known all of our lives."

Such as the power of faith

to fill us with the power
to change our lives.

"In an instant of revelation."

Do you have to travel to the revelation
or can I stay in the air conditioning?

Well, you know, honey, I've always
enjoyed the fact you're a little nuts.

It's part of your charm.

So, uh...

- What's the mission?
- Yes.

It's so ludicrous
that you're gonna say what I did.

How could god,
given all the strife in the world,

care about such a mission?

Wouldn't, couldn't, so doesn't.

Okay. So, the mission is
three, two, one...

Win the golf championship
of the world entire.

I told you!

That is the most ridiculous thing
I've ever heard

since probably the last
most ridiculous thing!

Ah!

I don't know if this is relevant,

but there's a really big dove
on your head.

- Is it pooping?
- No.

It just winked at me.

It did that to me too!

Oh, Joseph, I haven't seen that smile
in such a long time.

I'm not smiling. I'm grimacing.

No, querido. That's a smile.

I'm a little scared.

Me too.

But I figure that's par for the course.

We haven't had this much to drink, right?

No.

Can we agree that what just happened
just happened?

What are we gonna do?

Well, I could take you
to the mental hospital or...

You could accept
that not a prankster, not a hacker,

but the almighty... chose you.

And you could follow the instructions.

You believe that this was...
Is an act of god?

I not only believe.

I am overjoyed

that god has chosen Joseph amable-amo.

And maybe it's no accident

that your name means
what god needs you to be.

Joe kind-love.

But golf?

I think you should go.

All right.

Are they kidding?

Okay.

Oh, wow.

Could be someone's
a fabulous bird trainer...

Or not.

Boy.

Wow.

Could be set for a weird zombie movie...

Or not.

Hey, it's you again.

What have you got there?

Hey! What's this? What's this?

"Amable-amo Joseph.

Kind-love Joe, hit some warm-up shots.

Dog's name is sand wedge."

You Sandy or wedgie for short?

Ah. Sandy, of course.

Wedgie would be a little risqué
for a divine operation like this.

Aw, man!

Phew!

Not bad! For a stove-up
old banker.

Herb.

Joe amable-amo.

I reckon the almighty lord
already told you about me, yeah?

Almighty lord?

Almighty plus lord, a.L. Al...

Whoa.

Heck, well, you know,
I kind of figured, uh...

I kind of figured we were on the brink
of getting updates from the beyond.

Whoo, these are old. Yeah.

While you were figuring out
what you needed to figure out

to get you to show up here, yeah?

Well, that's interesting figuring, herb.

Well, can't say I blame you
for having your doubts.

About the almighty or my golf game?

Well, I mean,
who could doubt the almighty?

Me, I could. I have. I do.

And I'm not up for this ludicrous mission.

Unless you have a robotics person
who can give me back

the body and game I had when I was 30.

Well, my part in this mission is, Joe,

I get you to trust and believe.

And your part is to turn all of that
self-doubt right there into faith.

Now how 'bout...

How 'bout you hit me a ball?

What if I say no?

You say no,
I give you money for gas

and you go back to the incredible
excitement of your current life in...

I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh.

High finance!

Trust in a higher purpose
than you figured was your highest purpose.

Lots of things are possible, Joe.

I'd love to cooperate,

but when my daughter
lost her husband and child,

and what she continues
to sacrifice her life for,

a non-profit school for homeless kids.

That's my...

She and those kids. I mean...

Well, then, heck, Joe!
I mean, cash in then!

Cash it in!

I don't know if you or mighty al know,

but amateurs can't receive cash prizes.

I'm thinking endorsements.

Endorsements?

Senile-guy swim diapers.

Stair lifts with built-in bedpans.

They don't have those, do they?

Talking stool softeners.

That is funny!

I haven't seen those.

Walk-in bathtub with...

Salad bar.

And more! You know, sponge cake!

Sponge cake.

They've never had
a spokesperson.

Sponge cake.

Thirty-five years is too long.

Ah!

Oh, it was just like that movie.

You know, close encounters
of the third kind.

The light was on me.
And it wasn't for a long time,

but it was on me and it was weird.

I don't know. Some kind
of atmospheric anomaly. I don't know.

Maybe what you thought
was an atmospheric anomaly

was really a message from god.

Or maybe it was an atmospheric anomaly.

Joseph... no one, no one thing

can force you back
to the faith you once had.

I'm gonna change my concept
to what a day is.

Hmm. I'm interested
in how you're gonna do that.

Go to bed at 9:00, and wake up at 4:00.

Theory being?

A two-hour head start
on the rest of the world every day.

Hmm. Maybe a way to hit 200 golf balls

and run a bank and spend
enough time with your wife

that she doesn't abandon you.

Until further notice,

I'll be coming in at 6:00
and leaving at 3:00.

Thank you.

Thanks for helping me
with this office.

Hey, boss. Love the new hours.

For me, not for you, Gabe.

Knew it. Uh, oh, and great job
on those two reports.

Looked them over. First time
I didn't make any mistakes.

Oh, and also, I set up the exit interview
with the examiner for Friday at 11:00.

Looking forward to that like a root canal.

Oh, no, you should try a root canal.
You know what? My mom had one

and she said that it was really
like a twilight sleep...

- Gabe?
- Yep?

If Audrey and I wanted
to start riding a bike,

what would you suggest we do first

after, say, buying the bike?

Pedal?

Now. Give these babies a try.

Okay? Thing I taught nicklaus
was, slow down at the top.

Finish your backswing
before starting your downswing.

It worked pretty good
for old Jackson, huh?

You taught Jack nicklaus.

One lesson, all it took.

Here, hit this.

All the way back, all the way through.
Think ballet.

Right? So that club you got right there,
I call it Joe's slice hotch,

and this one right here
is your hook hotch.

Now, jojo, hit me a nice fade.

Sponge cake!

- Wow!
- Beautiful!

- How 'bout a cold one?
- Absolutely!

Hey, Sandy. How old are you?
Around 14?

Pretty close.
Fourteen hundred, closer.

Ooh, boy. My idea of a cold one's
are beer-related. What's this?

- Ha! That's my special herb's herb tea.
- Hmm.

Huh? Say that ten times fast. But not now.

Do it on your own time
'cause you've got golf balls to collect.

Ah, you and your daddy boy
were real close, yeah?

He was my hero.

Hard worker, strong faith,
stronger values.

Best golfer in town.

When I graduated from high school,
I was offered a full-ride scholarship.

College all-American.
Satellite tour. And then, uh...

What? I don't recall.

Oh, yeah. Then life kind of got in the way
of kind-love Joe's dreams, huh?

Yeah. Isn't there something
in the Bible about

god passing out new bodies?

Yeah, romans 8.

But in romans 5, it says,
"we rejoice in our suffering,

because we know what suffering brings."
What is that?

Massive resentment of god's inability

to resist destroying innocent lives.

I was gonna say perseverance,
but all right.

I gotta go.

Okay, well, go to your king James Bible
in your living room, Joe.

If you have faith the size of a tiny
mustard seed, you can move mountains.

I'm a mustard fan.

You've heard the expression,
"drive for show and putt for dough"?

About 60,812 times.

You're a good listener. I'm gonna show you
my foolproof method

for making every putt inside of ten feet.

Foolproof? Right.

I don't know anything
that a human can't screw up.

All right. I want you to grip the putter
firmly in your hands, Joe.

Put the putter in the lifeline
of each hand.

Good. Now. Put your elbows
against your side.

No hand, arm or wrist movement.

I want you to "visualate" the ball
going into the hole.

Hmm. So much for, uh, foolproof.

- Bad "visualating."
- Okay.

I want you to move the putter back, Joe,

by rockin' the weight
off of your left instep

and then back onto the left instep.

So you're rockin' back,
rockin' back to your left foot.

Okay? There's 50 balls here.

Fifty?

When you make all 50,
you can go home.

And remember, faith is the belief
in the right to believe in yourself.

I know, Joe.

Baby faith, huh?

Putt.

You got 49 more to go, Joe.
And you can go home.

I was hungry at dinner time.

Eat. I got this.

So how was it?

I sort of loved it.

- Yeah.
- Really?

You did?

Tell me!

It's fantastic. It felt really good.

But we have a problem.

Bank examiners
are coming in tomorrow.

They're gonna want me to foreclose
on our daughter's school.

And you're not properly prepared

because you've been
tempted back to your faith

that god will provide?

Stuck on my faith that I have no clue
what god will provide,

as the last offerings were
several people dead in our family.

Well...

Audrey's mortgage isn't gonna be an issue.

- Tell me.
- Okay.

Pay off Audrey's mortgage.

With what? My stamp collection?

Honey. All those...
Those big payday speeches

and autograph-signings
at those retirement homes

after you win the championship
of the world entire.

You really believe that?

No. But I'm practicing pretending.

- Here.
- Wait. Herb says that...

Oh, herb says.

Oh. Come here.

Now, let's just forget about
what herb says for tonight, okay?

Because we have the right.

Hmm.

We have the obligation.

We have the desire.

Your individual deposit accounts
are impressive.

Your loan portfolio
to small local businesses,

especially minorities
and first-time home buyers, admirable.

Your collections
are persistent and effective,

with the exception of one.

Uh, a loan to
jardin del sol primary school

that's four months in arrears.
Why haven't you foreclosed?

That's a really important group in town.

They feed and educate
poor and homeless children.

Compassion is laudable,

but it is not a hallmark
of the banking business.

Sorry I'm late. Couldn't find
the right thing to wear.

Joe, Gabe, Mrs. Perkins,

I am the incoming president
of Mr. Amable-amo's board.

My name is Herbert barreth,
phd philosophy,

physical education, arborist... whoa!

I love that little Buddhist thingy.

One of my favorite thinkers,
gautama Buddha.

What's that other one? Don't tell me.

- I won't tell you, Mr. Barreth.
- Uh, Dr. Barreth.

Doctor. Because I have no idea...

You have no idea what's going on.

But whatever's going on can be fixed up
inside "eleventeen" days.

Eleventeen? I'm sorry, I don't...

That is a banking term
of where I hail from.

- And where's that, mister...
- Uh, doctor.

That is over yonder,
the last star that you see before dawn.

She wants $300,000 in arrears.

Okay, Mr. Amable-amo will be going
on two fundraising trips,

and when he returns
from the second trip in may,

back payments, in full.

It's only April 25th.
I'm afraid I can't poss...

Don't be afraid that you can't.

You remember what the Buddha said?
And if you don't, I'll remind you.

"Death is not to be feared
by someone who has lived wisely."

Wow! So, be brave, Mrs. Perkins,
and trust that you can do the right thing,

even though it appears
increasingly unpopular.

It's your funeral, fellas.

Funerals don't exactly terrify me anymore,
Mrs. Perkins.

For the record, you haven't heard
the last of this.

Where I come from,
we never hear the last of anything.

I think she's mad.

- Yeah, okay, that was, uh...
- It was, wasn't it?

Uh-huh, I have a question.

I'm sure you do. Ask the boss.
I gotta go.

Two trips in may?

Yes. Think about it.

The world entire
open sectional qualifier.

I gotta finish in the top two in the...

Oh, my god!

Yes, exactly. Oh-your-god.

Nothing to fear, Joe.

Except fear itself, right?

No. There is nothing to fear
except the burdens of success.

Right, Gabe?

I'm behind whatever you say.
Just get me the bumper stickers.

Uh, don't suck up.
It's not appealing on you.

Okay, sir.

Tomorrow morning, Joe,
I want you to meet me

at the artesia country club
bright and early.

- 8:00 A.M.
- why?

Don't ask why.

Oh, and wear something nice.

Supposed to clear up in two hours,
47 minutes and 63 seconds.

Aha! Mrs. Amable-amo!

I know you.

Does anybody really know anyone,
Mrs. Amable-amo?

Something told me
to come along today.

I only sent you that message
once telepathically.

When I was picking up
the wire mesh yesterday.

Very good, Mrs. Amable-amo.

Are you allowed to call me Sheila?

Only you can stop me, Sheila.
Come on, Joe.

Some golfers
have personal trainers, huh?

They don't use horse liniment anymore
like when you played last.

- Sheila! Joe!
- Hi.

Coming in to finish the sign up, Dave.

You haven't played in years.

Thirty-five to be exact.

You don't have a handicap.

Exactly, Dave. That's why he needs
to play in the club championship,

so he can establish a handicap low enough
to enter a world entire qualifier.

A world entire qualifier.

She just said that.

- And you are?
- I'm herb.

Director of personal hygiene and hijinks.

- I had to make you the lowest seed.
- Mm-hmm.

Which means you play
our defending champion,

Marco figueroa, in the first round.

Perfect. He gets clobbered
in the first match,

it frees up his whole weekend for that
fence I've been nagging him to put up.

Get the hammer out.
Marco hasn't lost a match in five years.

Neither has Joe.

One of my dearest Chinese friends
a few thousand years ago said,

"the longest journey
starts with a single step."

- You're ready.
- Oh, I doubt it.

- Joe.
- Oh, yes, I'm ready. I'm ready.

- Any sage advice?
- Most importantly, I think, uh...

I know. Trust in al.

Oh, al would appreciate that,

but I was thinking
of something more spiritual,

like forget about the mechanics.

Who's al?
Is al that guy at the deli?

Al, the almighty lord
does love pastrami.

Marco figueroa,
Joe amable-amo, you have the tee.

- Hello, Joe.
- Hello!

I see you brought a caddy.

No thoughts for the day, okay?
It's all up inside you.

Herbert?

- Bruce Lee.
- Yes!

Amable-amo, 1-up.

Foolproof.

Foolproof.

Yes!

I couldn't do this without you.

Amable-amo, 2-up.

Good shot, Marco!

Breathe.

Yeah, take a deep breath.

Don't slow play me, Jose!

Jesus, Moses and Mary!

Love that group.

♪ Figueroa going down ♪

♪ down, down, down... ♪

I can never hit that note.

♪ Down ♪

One more time!

- ♪ Figueroa ♪
- ♪ going down ♪

You can let him win.

Hey. Not a chance.

Foolproof.

Foolproof.

Amable-amo, 2-up,
one hole to go.

That's the match!

Oh!

Wow!

- Good game, Joe. Heck of a round.
- Thank you.

- Terrific.
- Thank you.

More matches, honey.

Foolproof.

Sponge cake.

Come on. My bad.

Whoo! Daddy!

The club champion, Joe amable-amo!

Thank you so much! Great game.

Whoo!

Thank you!
Thank you so much! Thank you.

I haven't seen you play golf
like that before.

Who would've thought? No.

- I've never played golf like that before.
- Really?

Not even when I was a kid, no.
Ever. Are you kidding?

I'm so proud of you!

I mean, I had my doubts.
Dove or no dove, but...

I don't know, it's just...

You're just becoming this new and improved
version of your younger self.

I didn't think there was
that much room for improvement.

Still don't think
god spoke to you, huh?

Hmm. How can you seriously
weigh playing good golf

against a family tragedy,
honey? That's all.

I don't know.

Maybe it's not about golf, or you.

Maybe... maybe it's god
challenging people

all over the world
who have become complacent to...

To be more, to do more
than they ever thought possible.

And not take refuge
in their personal pain.

I love you.

I really love you.

Joe!

Oh!

Joe!

- Oh, come on.
- Yeah?

- What?
- Look at the garden.

I'm sorry, baby.

Really, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Get! Get! Get out!

Get!

Hello!

- Hey, Mr. A! Um...
- Hey, Gabe.

Give me ten minutes, all right?
If you can.

You got it! You got it!

- Hi.
- What are you doing?

I didn't want to bother you, sir.

I got a call from herb
that you needed help?

Uh, can you give me a hand?

Yeah! May I? Okay.

Is it doing it? Oh, it is!

- Ta-da!
- Wow!

Look at that!

I'm just sorry it took so long.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Two...

- three.
- My tongue was out.

I just said, "but that's not a monkey."

So that was...
That was what happened to... to me.

- Oh. You good, daddy?
- Never better.

Except maybe that Tuesday in November

when we adopted our bean dip
35 years ago.

My favorite day.

My favorite day.

My favorite day. Period.

- Bean dip.
- Definitely my favorite.

You guys, I just can't stand to think

that you're gonna start selling off
your retirement to help me.

And I can't guarantee you, daddy,
that I'm not gonna be in the same exact...

What? What?

Please just tell me.

Don't worry about it.

Because?

Because your dad's gonna win
the championship

of the world entire golf tournament.

What? Daddy?

Yep. And, um...

I can't accept the prize money,

but I can rent myself for endorsements.

For jardin del sol.

This is the crazy tournament
the crazy oil billionaire is funding.

It's the biggest prize money
in history, daddy.

All of the young guys are gonna be there.

Have some faith.

Yeah. He's gonna qualify
in Denver next week.

And then he wins in palm Springs
two weeks later.

♪ ...the muffin man? ♪

♪ Do you know the muffin man? ♪

♪ Who lives on drury Lane? ♪

♪ Do you know the muffin man? ♪

♪ The muffin man? ♪

♪ The muffin man? ♪

♪ Do you know the muffin man? ♪

♪ Who lives on drury Lane? ♪

Awesome. High five.

All right!

♪ Do you know the muffin man? ♪

♪ The muffin man? The muffin man? ♪

Mama.

Mommy! Where's mommy?

Boo! Where's your mommy? Ah...

Oh, yeah! Mama! Mommy! Where's mom?

♪ The muffin man ♪

♪ do you know the muffin man
who lives on drury Lane? ♪

♪ The muffin man ♪

- Who loves you?
- Mama!

Grandpa!

♪ Who lives on drury Lane? ♪

I love you, grandpa.

What would happen to Sheila
and Audrey if you took a leap?

What business is this of yours?

- No man is an island, entire...
- Stop!

I'm incompetent, gutless, spineless.

Maybe.

Maybe?

Maybe which? What?

Gutless and spineless and incompetent.

Thank you.

No, not you. Me.

I'm sent to help people
from the beginning of humankind.

Win the world entire?

Are you out of your mind?

Oh, god! Help!

This fall's not gonna kill you.

Probably make you an invalid,
which wouldn't be nice for Sheila,

but if you still wanna die,
let's do it right now. I'll let go.

No!

Go back to your faith, Joe.

Go back for you.

You don't wanna die.

Honey!

You have to get up.

You have to get up.
You have to get up.

Come on with me.

Honey, let's just get
a coffee first. Okay?

Come on.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my god! Look at that!

This is beautiful.

Honey! How did this...

Well, isn't that just such a clever way

to keep you-know-who
in our good graces?

Well, here's one of golf's
most unusual stories.

In Denver today,
65-year-old Joe amable-amo

won the southwest qualifier
for the championship of the world entire.

From new Mexico,
the bank president beat 40 guys

nowhere near his age like a bass drum.

Asked afterward how he did it,
amable-amo said,

"I'm a garden, blooming."

Really. Bloom away, old guy.

Amable-amo will now play in golf's richest
and most prestigious tournament.

Every major on the planet
will be gunning for the inaugural title

and its staggering $3 million prize.

The world entire is shaping up to be
the biggest golf tournament in history.

Any golfer who's anybody
will be playing in it.

And apparently, one golfer who's nobody.

Wow!

Mrs. Perkins from the bank
would like "a word," as she put it.

One word? Sardines? Plankton?

Mrs. Perkins.

Mr. Amable-amo. Deadline approaching.

That's five words, Mrs. Perkins.

Very amusing.

A friendly reminder.

And what form
does this "friendliness" take?

If I were you...

I think we both agree you're not.

I said "if."

As me, Mrs. Plankton, you'd do what?

I would get the foreclosure paperwork
ready for you to serve.

Okay. Friendly reminder
taken as friendly. Thank you.

And can you send the sardines on ice?

- Something has happened.
- What?

I don't know.

But you are funny again.

Just a temporary loss
of my inconsolable fury at the world.

Hmm.

Sheila!

Yes?

You don't need that?

What are you doing? Hmm.

Are we breaking up?

Take your time and love for me.

- Good morning!
- Good morning, Sheila. Hi!

There's the baby. Hi, how are you?

- Hey!
- Hey, Joe!

Okay, so, what I'm saying is,
win or lose, I'm here for you. Okay?

But I think god chose the right two guys
for the mission.

- Wow!
- I love you.

I love you.

It means a lot to me.

Yeah, to me too, Sheila. Thanks.

"So you shall go on your way,
and you shall not hurt your foot."

Hey! Proverbs 3:23-3:24.

Very good.

Couldn't spring for a place
a little nicer, Joe?

Put me on a nicer per diem,
we'll move up.

My funds are spoken for.

Of course!

You sure showed those rabbits!

Yeah, that's right.

I guess things do work out
sometimes, sweetheart.

You know, like for you.

If you have hope and you have faith,

and you're working to change reality.

And to my shock and delight,

a guy who's helping me
to help myself to be new again.

Oh, I share in that delight, darling!

- You're my mommy.
- Yes, I am.

Let's hit it to palm Springs.

- Right now?
- Yeah.

We're gonna rent a bus,
go pick up the parents

and all your kids and bring dad
a busload of hope!

- Yes?
- Yeah, cool.

Okay.

This is the game's next evolution.

The richest prize in golf history.

This is their time, their world
and their championship to win.

A new era, a new tournament,

a new story will be written.

The championship of the world entire.

The richest golf tournament.
In the history of mankind, folks.

Yeah, just about every country
and continent

are represented in this one.

The favorite, of course,
is Scotland's Archie borthwick

who has won pretty much every tournament.

Except the biggie.

Like the world entire.

Correct. Now borthwick
will be playing with the man

least likely to win the golf tournament.

Jose amable-amo...

It's Joe.

Hey, I don't know who he is.

- Joe amable-amo.
- Right.

The 65-year-old banker from new Mexico
who somehow qualified his way in.

Now, amable-amo is just thrilled
to be here, I'm sure.

Amable-amo winning this thing
would be like me

winning the nobel prize
for color commentary.

- In other words, no chance.
- Yep.

Good morning, boys.

- Good morning, gents!
- Good morning.

- Pro-v.
- All right, we got a titleist. Yeah.

Okay. Good luck.

From Scotland, three-time
masters runner-up,

Archie borthwick.

Archie borthwick
now getting set on the tee.

Borthwick of course, with his
longtime caddy, wiley Andrews

and his wife, Camille.

Camille is an interesting story
unto herself.

A former miss america contestant
from Illinois,

she was the first-ever deaf contestant
in the miss america contest

and she finished third.

Camille is right there
at her husband's side,

and she hopes for great results
in this tournament too.

Wife and caddy. Cheering hard
for Archie to win this thing.

- Quiet, please.
- Okay, stay focused.

Get in the hole!

You're on the tee
at the world golf entire, Joe.

- An actor playing the...
- World's greatest golfer. I got it.

Not much at stake though, really.

I mean, god's message,

the bank's future,
your daughter's non-profit.

Oh, and this little thing called
your reputation for eternity.

But only that long, right? Eternity.

Please welcome,
from las cruces, new Mexico, usa,

Joe amable-amo.

- You got this, Joe!
- Come on, Joe!

- Foolproof.
- Foolproof.

Good putt.

Mr. Amable-amo.

Read about you.
You've got quite the story there, sir.

Thank you.

Nice going, dudler.

Good first hole.

Go, Joe! Go, Joe!

Joe! Joe! Joe!

Whoa!

Joe amable-amo, folks.

Tied for fourth after an opening round 67

and a day two 68.

Two rounds to go. Impossible, right?

Yeah, I don't believe it.

Playing with the likes
of Archie borthwick,

for whom greatness
has long been predicted,

but which so far has eluded
this very gifted,

angry young scotsman.

Can you relate?

No, I'm an old, angry irishman.

Angry part's there.

Borthwick, however,
looking awfully strong

after a day two 66
currently in third place.

You all right over there?

Phew.

This experience, this journey, you...

It makes you think about, you know what?

Yea, probably, but tell me anyway.

Most religions since time immemorial

have had something like what
the judeo-christians call the golden rule.

Billions of people have been taught
to do for others

without expectation of reciprocity.

You'd think with a message
that simple and elegant,

that you people would get along better.

Good night, Joe.

Good night, herb.

- It's a glorious day, Joe.
- Yep.

Hey, keep it going, pro! Pulling for ya!

Why don't you caddy for him
the rest of the season, eh, wiley?

See what you started?

You must be tired of me
chokin' major after major.

What do you say?

The unlikely Joe amable-amo
at the age of 65

goes birdie, birdie on ten and eleven!

He's right there in the hunt.
I mean, what are the odds?

No odds. Not even
on the board, Dave. It can't be.

Uh, before you hit your next shot,

you might wanna take a look
over yonder at that gallery.

Coming through.
Thank you, thank you!

Mm-hmm.

He's right there. Hi!

Oh!

Who's that with 'em?

- The bikers?
- Yeah.

Hey, president and founder.

You're telling me
they're called the apostles?

Hello!

- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hi.

Hello, everybody! Hello!

Thank you, gentlemen.
Thank you very much.

And with a birdie on 18,

Joe amable-amo,
alone in second place.

We all obviously
got this guy all wrong, David.

Yeah, I mean, he's behind
the tournament leader, Archie borthwick

by just one shot and they are going to be
paired together tomorrow.

Can you imagine the final round
we've got ahead of us tomorrow?

Borthwick, amable-amo...
History or consigned to oblivion?

- Stay tuned.

♪ Someday you'll turn around ♪

♪ and realize you're mine ♪

♪ and I believe ♪

♪ it just might be tonight ♪

I'm gonna give my fingers a rest.
I'll be back in five.

- Hey!
- Hey.

Playing together again, huh?
Final twosome? Final round?

And the borthwicks. What happened?
What did they do?

Hit a fancy bistro all alone?

Archibald's not big on human communion.

Camille and I try to work it out with him.

But, you know, what are you gonna do?
He's just, you know.

He likes you guys though.
You know that, don't you?

- Hey.
- He's just a little, well...

The feelings of expectation
of him are huge,

and his feelings of obligation
to fulfill those expectations even huger.

You read his psychiatric report.

No, I felt that I've been there.

"No temptation has overtaken you
that is uncommon to man.

God is faithful. He will never
allow you to be tested

beyond your ability."

- That goes for you too.
- Thank you.

I needed that.

Archie, John quiñones.

How does it feel like
playing in the final pairing

in the world's richest golf tournament?

Playing against a man
who's twice your age?

It's a joke.

A joke? What's the funny part?

- Sorry, John. Big fan.
- Thank you.

Joe amable-amo. Your opponent
considers your participation

in this high moment of drama a joke.

What do you think of that?

Well, herb and I have been laughing
for the last three days.

So, I think he's right.

I hope you and Chong
get back together.

Joe amable-amo,
all alone in second place.

And the tournament leader,
Archibald borthwick, ready to go here.

Borthwick has a one-shot lead
on the amiable amable-amo

with 18 holes to play.

This should be very interesting.

- I'm hoping for history.
- Careful, boys.

I'm sporting a lucky hat.

Have a good round.

He's lucky he got it on his head.

Please welcome,
from las cruces, new Mexico, usa,

Joe amable-amo.

Nothing to fear but success, Joe.

Beautiful drive by amable-amo.

Not gonna beat you with a power game,

but just splits the fairway.

Now that's a drive, yeah.

And from Scotland, Archie borthwick.

Baba booey!

Archie borthwick on the tee.

And he has been outdriving amable-amo
by about 50 or 60 yards.

And I would expect
to see the same right here.

Borthwick with a beauty!

He wants to slide a little,
but what have I taught you?

Foolproof!

Knock it in, bro.

Amable-amo from about 12 feet.

He needs this to stay one shot
behind borthwick,

and he has been fantastic
with the putter all tournament long.

And, Terry, that's usually
the first thing to go

when you get to about 40 years of age.

Speak for yourself.

Looks like he's got the line!

Oh, wow!
He just keeps making us wrong.

Amable-amo with just a beautiful par,

keeping pace just one shot off the lead.

One shot behind Archie borthwick.
Amazing.

That was good!

This guy,
he's like a fart in a space suit.

He just will not go away.

Uh, okay.

Hey, uh, arch. Favorite movie line.

Few movies, lot of golf.

"Go ahead, make my day."
Dirty Harry.

Yeah, mine is, uh... I watched it...
With the shark.

It's, uh... Teeth?

Teeth? no, it's jaws, bro.

- "I'm gonna need a bigger..."
- "...Bigger boat."

Yeah.

We've got 225 to the pin,
220 to the center,

so I want you to carry the front,
let it release back to the pin.

Uh, slice hotch.

Trust your swing
and let the monkey loose, mijo.

Amable-amo now here
on the tee at the fourth.

How about this hole? 240 yard par 3.

He thinks he can get there

with this really strange-looking
extra-long club

that looks like an elephant's toenail
on a stick.

- And he hits it.
- Whoo!

Oh, he hits it to perfection!

Wow, look at this.
To about three feet.

A beautiful shot by amable-amo.

Absolutely heavenly!

Wiley! Don't. Don't. Get out!

Borthwick with a very good look
at birdie here to maintain the lead.

Oh, a tough miss.

So that par now gonna put
borthwick and amable-amo

into a share of first place, David.

You know, Terry,
borthwick, he just looks bewildered now

that this old goat won't go away.

I mean, he might be starting to unravel,
we've seen it before.

His wife, Camille and caddy wiley
are gonna have to work really hard

to make sure this young man stays focused
and doesn't fall apart.

The boy's having
a tough time, huh, wiley?

When is Archie
gonna win the big one?

What kind of career can a guy have
when he don't win the big one?

One of the great things
of being my age.

Potential is dust in the wind.

Oh, I like that song. It's a little grim,

but if you substitute "lobsters"
for "dust."

♪ Lobsters in the wind ♪

♪ all we are is lobsters in the wind... ♪

Joe amable-amo on the tee
here at the fifth.

Archie!

I have to win this tournament.

But I really believe in you.

Let's go, arch.

Have I ever told you my recipe for cider?

Oh!

Oh, and that is just
a terrible tee shot.

The only way to say it for borthwick,
here at the seventh.

This young man
is definitely starting to...

Well, his head's about to fall off.

He's got that two-way miss
going, huh, wiley?

Wiley. Come on, man.

You tell him to relax,
you're just gonna agitate him.

Yeah, that's been our pattern.

Right, arch. I think you take the seven.
Punch it out in the middle there.

Take your medicine and take the par.

No, I'll play the three.

Archie, take the seven.
That's the right club.

Three.

- Come on, man.
- Wiley!

Just give me the club, huh?

We shouldn't be watching.

It's like looking through
someone's bedroom window.

Nice and easy swing,
you've done it a thousand times before.

I believe in you.

All you, all day.

You don't have to feel obligated
to imitate him

because he has unfulfilled talent.

Yeah, okay. Let's go find your ball.

Now his, Lassie couldn't find it
if it was wrapped in bacon.

So with a par by amable-amo
on this eighth hole,

and that bogie by borthwick,
amable-amo...

Here's a phrase I did not expect to utter.

...is now the leader
of this golf tournament by one stroke.

Well, you know, I wouldn't be
one to say I told you so.

Because you didn't.

No. You're right.
I didn't. I didn't see it either.

You play your game. Nobody else's.

Is anyone else's available?

I'll think of some other clichés
I can throw at you.

Carpe diem.

Yeah, sorry, Joe.
I'm not much of a fisherman.

Carp is a bony, malodorous fish.

Carpe diem means "seize the day."

Yeah! My boy Horace, 26 bc,
"odes."

Yeah, that's right. Ode Horace.

Known to his mates as...

Sparky.

Aha! Well done, mate! Cheers.

- The guy's all right.
- Thanks for that.

Attaboy!

Borthwick
with a fabulous eagle putt.

Yeah, he seems to have
regained some composure.

Mm-hmm. And with it,
a share of the lead now.

Amable-amo with yet another birdie.

Yeah, he and his caddy
are certainly having a good time.

I've never seen two sober people
on a golf course have this much fun.

Joe amable-amo, now the leader
of this golf tournament.

But borthwick is just one behind
after that fabulous eagle on 13.

Five holes to go.
Who wants it more?

I heard about your family,
the loss you all had.

It's very kind of you. Thank you.

Joe! Joe! Joe!

Same as yesterday?

Right down the middle
left of the sand trap.

Easy swing.

Watching you, Joe,

I think Archie might be
getting a lesson in... life.

It's him, wiley. Him.

Get in the hole!

Joe amable-amo
with just an incredible birdie on 14

and still in the lead.

But borthwick is still on his heels,
just a shot behind.

They're going to have
to wait a little while here

as play has slowed
and the field is really backed up.

Hmm. More time to think,

- which usually, is not a good thing.
- No.

The guy's probably lost the ball up there.

What?

My family, what we've been through,
what we've lost.

Well, there's no explanation

that could be understood
at the human level.

Everything all right, Joe?
You're on the tee box.

Climax of drama.

Climax of drama, very exciting.

You have anything else to offer?

Now, here. Anything for me?

You gotta have faith, Joe.

Faith that I can blah, blah, blah.

- Well, in the book of job...
- Please.

Joe, who are you to question god?

Well, supposedly,
the chosen old guy golfer

sent to prove who the hell knows?

Pardon the satanic references
at this juncture.

"For I know that my redeemer lives,

and at last, he will stand
upon the golf course."

Well, if your redeemer doesn't get here
by this afternoon,

there ain't gonna be anyone here.

I'm here.

Welcome back, son.

I love you.

Amable-amo,
here's that distance again.

Just about 20 feet for birdie,

to maintain a share of the lead, David.

And need I remind everybody,
three million American dollars.

- Yeah! Whoa!
- Come on!

I know you know this, but...

This tee shot plays
like a slight dogleg left.

Almost ended up
in the water myself yesterday.

Thank you, Archie.

You see? He's not a bad guy.

He's got daddy issues.

Dad raised his boy
to be all the things dad wasn't,

isn't, never will be.

The kid will never,
never win the old man's love

till he wins a major.

He sees the kid
marries miss Illinois.

Dad says arch will never hang on to her.

Well, he's wrong so far.

Well, Archie could have
stayed at home

counting his money
with his beautiful wife.

Instead, he's here testing himself,

trying to figure out
how to relax under the stress

of his own and his dad's expectations.

Hmm.

You try it.

- He did. Wiley played.
- Yep.

That's why I'm caddying.

This incredible day.

This incredible final round
is not done yet.

It all comes down to this, the 18th.

Joe amable-amo
of las cruces, new Mexico

and Archibald borthwick of Scotland
tied for the lead.

Whatever happens here, Joe,

I need you to know that...

Playing this round, it's...

With you...

You know what?

Good luck.

You all right?

Well, here it is.
Your favorite birdie hole.

Same as yesterday.

Down the right side, equal to the center.

Bring us home.

- Quiet please.
- Thanks, wiley.

Get in the hole!

You know there's no pressure here,
unless of course you think there is.

I've never felt pressure like this
in my life, herbie.

But you know what?

Yeah. You love it.

All right. Keep it from going left, yeah.

Left.

Left.

Wait, what? What?
Is that a dove?

Did a dove just grab amable-amo's ball
and drop it in a bush?

I think I know who might be
responsible for that.

The bush is now on fire!
I don't believe what I'm seeing!

What's next? A pack of locusts?

We've seen a lot of birdies today,
but nothing quite like that.

Thanks. Thanks for doing that.

Is that your ball right there?

Yep. That's my ball.

I'm afraid it is. That's your ball.

Joe, you play the ball as it lies
or under rule number 19-1 and 14-3,

you're allowed to declare the ball
unplayable,

take a drop with a new ball
and incur a one-stroke penalty.

Yeah, I think that we should...

I'll take the one-stroke penalty
and declare it unplayable.

Burning bush. God says?

"I will be who I will be."

David, I'm not even sure I believe
what I just saw.

I think it's safe to say
Joe amable-amo's ball is unplayable but...

I think it's safe to say
that it's inflammable.

Uh, yeah.

Even, he's gotta laugh at this.

I've been tempted all day to say
there's something biblical about this day

and this round of golf.

I'm starting to believe you.

I've never seen that before.

Nor have I.

Deep breaths, Joe.

Enjoy the place. The time. The moment.

You earned it.

Thank you, Archie.

You're a good man.

Here you go, Archie.

A little bit of a left to right wind.

- Look at the pin placement.
- Yeah.

Okay, 182.

- 182.
- Put her up there.

- What are you doing?
- Shh.

Ow!

Amable-amo
needs to make this putt

and have borthwick miss
for this to be tied

and we would go to a playoff.

And with everything that we have seen,
I wouldn't mind seeing more golf.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
the tournament co-leaders

from las cruces, new Mexico,
Joe amable-amo!

Well, here it is, the final hole
of the world entire.

Try not to start anything on fire.
Till I get back.

And from Scotland, Archie borthwick.

There's nothing there. Straight up.

Good speed. Straight putt.

Borthwick's 12-footer
is a little bit right to left,

and he's made many of these putts
throughout his career.

If he makes this one, he's the winner
of the championship of the world entire.

That's all it is.

A cup and a half out. Right to left.

All about the speed.

- A cup and a half?
- Mm-hmm.

If he makes this, folks,
this week,

this long strange day is over.

It has been that.

How many times has Archie borthwick

been in a big event
just to see it fall by the wayside?

Hasn't been able to come through.
But now, has that opportunity.

Amazing that it would
come down to this.

This for the win.

The tap in and now it is up
to Joe amable-amo. Amazing.

Joe amable-amo, the 65-year-old
from new Mexico has a five-footer.

To send this
to a sudden death playoff.

I have faith you're gonna
make this putt.

The question is, do you?

Foolproof, herb. Foolproof.

I will be who I will be.

Thank you, al.

So the miss for amable-amo
and that is it.

It's Archie borthwick who's now the winner
of the championship of the world entire.

Do you believe
what we have seen today?

No, I can't imagine
what this must feel like

for Archie borthwick.

The monkey is finally off his back.

He's a major winner!

It's a life-changing moment
for this young man.

Oh, ye of abundant faith.

You missed that putt on purpose.

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner
of the championship of the world entire,

Archibald borthwick!

You're my champion!

Yeah!

- Congratulations, champ.
- I know what happened here.

Woo-hoo!

Joe.

Thank you, sir.

Wiley, you've done a good job.

You're the man.

Thank you.

Yes!

Joe!

Take a deep breath.

You deserve the feeling you're getting.

Congratulations.

You're really a great man.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Mr. Kind-love,
that was impressive.

I'm honored.

Clearly, you are, uh, very coachable.

Herb. Thank you.

Nice job, Joe.

Joe amable-amo, I gotta tell you,

I'm paid to know what to say
in these situations.

Right now, I'm at a loss.
Can you just tell me this?

Are you a religious man, Joe?

I am a disciple of al.

"Al"?

The almighty lord. God.

I know you can't accept
the runner-up check,

but what are you gonna do
with all the endorsements?

What are you gonna do with those
that may cause you

to put in a dozen phone lines or so
in that bank in new Mexico?

Something very selfish.
I'm gonna give it all away.

- Congratulations on everything.
- Thank you.

Archie? A heroic victory for you.

Gutsy maybe, not heroic.

A hero is someone that gives himself up
for the benefit of others.

Gentlemen, you gave us
a once-in-a-lifetime show.

Thank you!

You did it, so I believe it.

When you were a kid,

your old man was a
pretty doggone good golfer.

Hey! He still is a pretty
doggone good golfer.

Whoa!

So, I think I know who you are.

I'm pretty sure that you do.

I know. Sandy and I are headed
to North Korea, yeah.

Yeah, to deliver a message
to someone there of human compassion.

- Oh, man.
- Yeah.

There you go. He is so good.

- Thanks for watching him.
- Sure.

Hold out your hand.

Oh!

Thanks, Sheila.

Hold out your hand.

For the baby.

- Oh!
- For the...

Oh, she's gonna be so happy!

In time to come.

Excuse me. You have a...

I guess this is goodbye.

It's not goodbye. You know what?
Al didn't give you full disclosure.

Job's not done yet, Joe.

You're gonna be delivering this message
for the rest of your life.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

You and I will see each other again.

I love you.

Thank you.

I'm proud of you, buddy.

Thank you.

Come on, honey.

Hey, everyone. Uh...

You know my wife, Camille.

Hi. We met on the course.

I feel like I know each of you.

Your love for each other is beautiful.

Your support and your faith
in your husband is beautiful.

Joe, Mrs. Amable-amo, I'm no hero.

But your daughter, Audrey? She is.

"Pay to the order of jardin del sol.

Signed, Archibald borthwick."

I hope I spelled it right.

Yes, you spelled it right!

How can we ever... ever thank you?

Thank you, Joe.

Thank you.

Let's go home.
We have a lot to do.

Oh my god!

Your garden's going to be overrun.

Sponge cake!