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1
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:17,134
Announcer:
And he's down. That's it!
2
00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:20,051
That's it.
Cleon "slammin" salmon
3
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:23,437
is still the heavyweight
champion of the world.
4
00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:26,269
What a deadly punch.
It's all over.
5
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,268
Hi. Two?
6
00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:29,039
Hey, buddy.
7
00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:32,915
Do me a favor.
My girlfriend don't like her tuna.
8
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,379
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- It's fine.
9
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,031
What do you mean?
You just said it was undercooked.
10
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,512
- Tell the guy.
- It's fine, Anthony. The guy is busy.
11
00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:42,641
Stacy, he's a monkey wrench.
It's his job. Look.
12
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,932
Oh, let me get that for you.
13
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,188
See? Just tell him what you want
and he'll do it.
14
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,474
- I'm not even that hungry.
- You know what?
15
00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:53,689
Look, this is a little raw. Just put a
little fire on it, all right, buddy?
16
00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:57,027
Uh, sir, tuna is a very delicate fish.
17
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,678
Whoa.
You think you're better than me?
18
00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:00,784
No, I don't think
I'm better than you, sir.
19
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,674
Well, you talk to me like I never
ate a piece of fucking fish before.
20
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,493
I'm sure you've had
some fish before, sir.
21
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:08,704
You know what?
Tell the chef to cook it nice.
22
00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:11,871
And here, we need more butter.
23
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:14,335
Okay. I will be right back.
24
00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:16,420
- Yeah, you will.
- Thank you.
25
00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:18,301
Now we got no butter.
26
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,048
Dave, can I get a re-fire?
27
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:25,683
What did you just say to me?
28
00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:28,345
The guy on table five wants
it cooked a little bit more.
29
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:31,356
No, they asked for it medium rare.
It's perfect.
30
00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:33,963
If he wants it cooked more
tell him to go shove it up his ass.
31
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,729
You want me to tell that guy
to cook this in his ass?
32
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,398
Yeah, within the inside of his anus.
33
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:42,909
- Come on, Dave.
- Fine.
34
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,704
Fuck him if he doesn't know
what medium rare is.
35
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,084
Anthony: Are you kidding me?
36
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:54,667
When I said cook it nice, I didn't mean
bring it back looking like a fucking turd.
37
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,298
Sir, I actually do not cook the food.
I am just a waiter.
38
00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:58,925
Oh, a smart guy.
39
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,696
You want to get smart with me,
smart guy?
40
00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:03,134
Oh, great.
What are you gonna do, kick his ass?
41
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:04,593
Yeah, maybe I am.
You want me to?
42
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,429
Sure, go ahead.
43
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,523
You always got to beat
the shit out of the loser.
44
00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:11,125
Like the waiter at the macaroni grill,
the waiter at the olive garden,
45
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:12,605
the waiter at buca di beppo.
46
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:15,463
Sir, here at the slammin' salmon
there are no problems, just solutions.
47
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:18,149
You know what?
Here, you puck ass bitch. Here.
48
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,634
You like that?
How about some of that?
49
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:22,240
Tell me what that tastes like.
And you better say like shit.
50
00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,402
Like shit.
51
00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:27,266
Good, now get the fuck out of here
and bring us some swordfish instead.
52
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,746
I'll be right back.
53
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,498
And you better not spit that out.
54
00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:32,284
Okay, I will not.
55
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:33,952
Thank you.
56
00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,295
Up yours, you shit bird.
57
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,881
You've got to be
fucking fucking me.
58
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,513
Were you just eating that piece
of fish on the floor?
59
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:48,300
You have no idea.
This guy made me eat it.
60
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,513
Oh, really?
61
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:53,055
A customer shoved the food in your
mouth and told you you had to eat it?
62
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,349
Yeah. He actually told me
I couldn't spit it out too.
63
00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:57,893
Oh man, that's crazy. What?
64
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,562
And I'm the prime minister of narnia.
65
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,489
You're paying for that piece of fish.
66
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:04,991
It was a send back.
67
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,806
Then you should have put it
in the send back area.
68
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,991
- You're paying for it.
- You know what?
69
00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:12,704
Fuck this, Carl. I quit.
70
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,584
Fine, but I'm not the one
you have to tell.
71
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,337
You've got to tell the champ.
72
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:23,502
And I know you don't have
the guts to do it.
73
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:28,511
All right then, I'll just leave.
Screw the champ.
74
00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:31,518
You really think you can walk out of here
without telling the champ?
75
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,519
You remember Marty millman?
76
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:37,148
Marty millman is breathing through
a hole in his throat right now.
77
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:40,686
Rich, he will find you
and ass fuck you
78
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,525
in the face or in the mouth.
79
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:45,031
Fine.
Fine, I'll tell him to his face.
80
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:46,908
- Okay, fine.
- I'll tell him myself.
81
00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:48,798
- Okay, go for it.
- I'm gonna go right now.
82
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:50,635
- Okay, good luck.
- I'm not afraid of him.
83
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,197
- Okay, bye-bye.
- I'll see you soon.
84
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,366
- We'll be here.
- Carl.
85
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:57,081
In his face, right?
86
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,912
Shit. Fuck it. Fuck this.
87
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:38,077
Hey, Carl.
Rich parente is not a quitter.
88
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:42,081
Whoa!
89
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:53,050
Guess we ain't getting
our swordfish.
90
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,520
Ow.
91
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:20,961
Dude, last night was sick.
92
00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:24,294
I was rolling with my boys
down at club merengue
93
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,583
and they called last call.
94
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,968
So I reminded them
it's now daylight savings
95
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:31,255
and we got an extra hour.
96
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:35,176
And in that hour
I had five smirnoff ices...
97
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:39,645
And I walked out of there
with a Bangladeshi hooker.
98
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:43,562
I banged her deshi
all night long.
99
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,654
Where'd you go pimping
last night, playboy?
100
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:50,611
I too had a wild night last night.
101
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:53,322
I made sweet hot love
to an orangutan.
102
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,407
Really? A bachelor party?
103
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,368
- Oh yeah.
- What'd it smell like?
104
00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,908
- Bananas mostly.
- Really?
105
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:02,452
Guy, I'm pulling your leg.
106
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:05,748
I did not fuck
an orangutan last night.
107
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,686
I have student teacher
evaluations coming up.
108
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,584
Keep going, playboy.
I'm listening.
109
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,845
- There's one kid who...
- Hey.
110
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:17,426
So, did you hear
who's coming back tonight?
111
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:21,188
Yeah, Connor.
God, I can't believe it.
112
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,724
Can you imagine
being the star of a TV show
113
00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,421
and then having to come back
and wait tables?
114
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,107
I know. It's humiliating.
115
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,902
Hey, do you think you guys
will get it on again?
116
00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:35,160
Yeah right.
He should be so lucky.
117
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,036
You don't get two bites of the apple,
118
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:40,040
especially when it's golden delicious.
119
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,292
Oh, yeah.
120
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,623
- Dave: Chow down.
- Yes!
121
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,959
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm starving.
122
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,374
What you pigs are eating
is the blackened COD.
123
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:53,295
It comes with Rosemary mashed potatoes
and tempura mushrooms.
124
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,963
It's blackened because... hey!
125
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:58,804
It's blackened because I bought 60 pieces
last Tuesday and it's gone bad.
126
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:02,688
I'll give a free dessert to whoever
sells the most of this shit.
127
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:04,438
- You bitch.
- Rich: Guys.
128
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:07,191
I hate to be a ball buster,
but somebody was toking marijuana
129
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:10,149
in the coat checkroom last night
and that is a big no no never.
130
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,439
Rich, you put me on
for a double tomorrow.
131
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,136
You said you needed
money for ballet school.
132
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,900
I do, but I also told you
133
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:18,115
that I'd get shin splints
if I work a double.
134
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,371
- Oh, you're right. I'm sorry.
- That's right.
135
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,645
Shin splints, okay, you're right.
I will change that right away.
136
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,909
Who the hell is that?
137
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,248
Oh, that's our new busboy.
138
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,254
Donnie, could you
come over here, please?
139
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:31,588
Donnie is Dave's twin brother.
140
00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:34,218
Straighten your fucking bow tie.
141
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:37,096
No, you went too far. Back.
142
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,262
I'll warn you guys now,
he's a complete retard.
143
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,678
- I told you not to call me that.
- You what?
144
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,097
- I said you're the retard.
- You're the retard!
145
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:46,890
- You're the retard.
- You're the retard.
146
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:48,683
- You're the re...
- Shut up!
147
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,979
- Weird.
- Donnie kanogi, hi.
148
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,774
- You a douchebag like your brother?
- No, I...
149
00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,448
- Donnie kanogi.
- Tara.
150
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:02,705
Don't worry about it.
My sister's a dick too. I get it.
151
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,083
Ladies and gentlemen,
straight from TV land,
152
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,039
our old friend Connor rhodes!
153
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,794
What's up? What's up?
154
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,626
I missed each and every one of you.
155
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,882
Rich: Look at him.
Look at this guy.
156
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,918
- Hey.
- There you go.
157
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,712
We watched you every single Sunday
for two weeks.
158
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,552
Hot stuff.
159
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,307
- Dude! Ha ha!
- Whoa!
160
00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,969
Oh, you did get a nose job.
161
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,934
No no, my hair is longer
and it makes my face look tiny.
162
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:29,315
We noticed it looked smaller
ontv
163
00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,317
but we thought it was makeup.
164
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:35,982
It's strange, I know, but the camera
actually takes 2 lbs off your nose.
165
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,820
I think you took 2 lbs
off your nose.
166
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:41,327
Nice one, dick p.
But seriously, I did not get a nose job.
167
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,238
Hey, true to form,
you're an hour late.
168
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:46,829
- Nuh-uh. Daylight savings.
- Then you should be an hour early.
169
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,459
- Oh.
- Pretty good, huh?
170
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,588
All right, everybody, hit the floor.
Let's have a big night tonight.
171
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,398
- Whoo!
- Let's see some pep in that step.
172
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,667
- Let's do it.
- Oh, I'm Donnie.
173
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,605
- Welcome back.
- Thank you. Nice to see you.
174
00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,129
- Good to see you.
- You look good.
175
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:01,298
- You do too.
- How are you doing?
176
00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:03,842
Mmm.
177
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,306
Wow, frosty.
178
00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:08,062
So are you gonna be
all right with this?
179
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,503
Yeah yeah. Well, you know,
I spent a shitload of cash I didn't have.
180
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:11,767
So... got to eat.
181
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,606
Go to work.
182
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,987
- Okay. Working, huh?
- Yeah.
183
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:33,289
So what, you like quit
tobeonatv show?
184
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,583
Yeah yeah, I got a lead role
on "cfil hotlanta."
185
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:39,047
- No way.
- Yeah.
186
00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:41,884
Connor walked out of here
in a Blaze of glory.
187
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:44,265
Uh-huh.
188
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,050
Uh-huh.
189
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:47,935
Uh-huh.
190
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,721
Uh-huh.
191
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:52,311
Yeah! Yeah!
192
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,396
I'm famous! Whoo!
193
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:58,155
I'm famous! Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya!
194
00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,905
Whoo-hoo!
195
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:02,192
Mm-mmm.
196
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,952
Cole slaw never tasted so good.
197
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,488
Whoo-hoo!
198
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,998
Fucking big nose.
199
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,660
Suck it. Eat a dick. Eat a dick.
200
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,874
Suck it. Lick it. Stick it.
201
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,584
Double dick it.
202
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:19,125
And fuck you!
203
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:25,924
- Cole slaw!
- Yeah.
204
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,967
They killed me off
after two episodes.
205
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,808
- Aw, how come?
- Because every time he came on TV
206
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:32,982
America threw up in their mouths
just a little bit.
207
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:34,151
Oh, yes.
208
00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:38,187
Actually, it's because the actress
who plays the police commissioner
209
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:41,231
and I took a little trip
to ejacuidor together.
210
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:44,367
Whoa, wait.
Isn't that Morgan Fairchild?
211
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,573
It is Morgan Fairchild.
212
00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:47,783
- What?
- All right.
213
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:48,957
- Dude!
- She's hot!
214
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,662
But the creator of the show,
this guy named dick lobo,
215
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:54,578
got jealous and suddenly
detective shep winford
216
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:58,340
would up dead in a petting zoo
with the killer's sperm in his shoes.
217
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:01,046
Wait, his sperm was in your shoe?
218
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,337
Whatever, dude.
Tell us about Morgan Fairchild.
219
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,630
Was she wet? Was she dry?
Did she laugh? Did she cry?
220
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,844
All right, day one of shooting,
221
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:11,637
Morgan Fairchild is giving me
the stink eye something fierce.
222
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:16,228
At the end of the day she says,
"I want to see you in my trailer."
223
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,144
So I knock on the door,
open it up and go in
224
00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:23,235
and Morgan Fairchild is wearing
the tiniest piece of lingerie.
225
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,572
I mean, it's not even lingerie.
It's like silly string.
226
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,078
- What color?
- See-through.
227
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,365
- See-through?
- Like a spider web.
228
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:32,827
That's so hot.
229
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:35,122
She says, "I've got a little
welcome present for you."
230
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:38,163
Takes out a gift wrapped box,
opens it,
231
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:42,084
reaches in and pulls out,
and I shit you not,
232
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,675
the biggest, blackest...
233
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,009
- Woman: Welcome to slammin' salmon.
- Man: Thank you.
234
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:49,674
- Just one?
- Just one.
235
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:51,934
- No no no.
- Not my section. Not my section.
236
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,891
- He's definitely coming back.
- No he's not.
237
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,056
- No no no no.
- No no no no.
238
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:58,600
- Ah!
- Damn it!
239
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,144
You do not seat one person
at a four top.
240
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:02,562
Sorry, guy.
241
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:05,447
Can you please wait until I get back
to finish that story?
242
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,030
- I can't wait.
- No dice, Jim rice.
243
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:10,570
- Come on.
- They've spoken, guy.
244
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,204
God!
245
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,582
Shit.
246
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:17,664
All right, she reaches in
and pulls out, and I shit you not...
247
00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:20,455
Hey, sport. How are you?
248
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,295
Welcome to the slammin' salmon.
I'm guy.
249
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,710
Well, hello, guy.
I'm Horace, and thank you.
250
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:28,925
Oh no!
251
00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:33,218
Sounds like someone
told a great story.
252
00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,512
Yes it does.
253
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,488
Connor, I just sat you.
Welcome back.
254
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,365
It's good we didn't get a booth.
255
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:51,152
Don't forget
your slammin' salmon smile.
256
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,696
Donnie: Is that a real thing?
257
00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:54,660
- Do I need to know that?
- Mia: Yeah.
258
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,746
Honey, I'm not hungry.
Can we just split a couple things?
259
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:01,253
Hi, welcome to the slammin' salmon.
260
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:04,416
- Okay.
- Oh my god, I know you.
261
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,301
- Really?
- Oh yeah, I definitely know you.
262
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:10,009
- Where do I know you from?
- Maybe he's in your spinning class.
263
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,925
- He looks like a spinner.
- Honey, he's not a spinner.
264
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,343
Oh, god, it's driving me crazy.
265
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,261
I know I've seen
you somewhere before.
266
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,806
Is it from TV do you think?
267
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,349
Oh!
268
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,734
Yes, I've got it.
269
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:26,112
Yeah, you waited on me
last time I was here.
270
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,944
= duh.
271
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:32,861
Well, I left for a while to be one
of the leads on "cfil hotlanta."
272
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:38,325
No way. I'm the black woman
from "law & order," so...
273
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:41,290
- You're so funny.
- Thanks.
274
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:44,956
- I'll have a Merlot.
- Dry sack, rocks.
275
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,929
Ladies and gentlemen,
276
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:54,341
from hell's kitchen, New York,
277
00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:57,226
the doctor of destruction,
278
00:14:57,397 --> 00:15:00,230
the captain of crunch,
279
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,642
the heavyweight champion
of the world,
280
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,857
slammin' cleon salmon.
281
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,698
Thank you. I hope you find the seafood
to be succulent.
282
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:17,284
And if you need anything,
anything at all,
283
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,744
remember... ding... ring the bell.
284
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:23,286
And come back soon,
or else I'll ring your bell.
285
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,670
Oh, look at that.
You've been working out.
286
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:30,801
Let's see. Come here.
Yeah. Okay.
287
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:32,837
Nuts, I need a drink.
288
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:36,178
$200 for a babysitter?
I mean, come on, that's a lot of money.
289
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,092
No, you're totally worth it.
290
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,057
I know how much
you love Norah Jones.
291
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:42,688
I love her too. I bought the tickets.
Front row seats.
292
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,396
My favorite song? Um...
293
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:47,689
"Don't know why"?
294
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,946
Recording: Round one.
295
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,528
Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've got to go. I love you.
296
00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:55,193
Well, if it isn't the king of siam.
297
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:58,283
- Make yourself at home.
- Okay. Hey, champ.
298
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,458
Didn't mean to sit in your chair.
Sorry about that.
299
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:01,957
I'm just being humorous.
300
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:05,211
But I do want to talk
about something serious.
301
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:09,750
Are you familiar with
Japanese albino hunting?
302
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,543
Can't say that I am, no.
303
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:15,054
Oh my god, it is all the rage
in Japan right now.
304
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,385
What they do is they set a bunch
of Japanese albinos
305
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,266
loose in the forest
and you hunt them.
306
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:20,973
And you shoot them?
307
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:23,934
No no, it's just for sport.
Strictly catch and release.
308
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:25,769
Who is it?!
309
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:28,025
Round one.
310
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:30,694
Your drink, champ.
311
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:32,981
Oh, crazy straw.
312
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,945
Mmm. Wow, that's good.
313
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,735
So my first time
hunting these albinos
314
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,905
an albino ran right past me.
315
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:42,869
I got so nervous
I smacked him in the head
316
00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:44,909
and almost depacitated him.
317
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,419
It's decapitated, champ.
318
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,080
Whatever, motherfucker!
319
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:52,091
Hmm. Hmm.
320
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:53,967
Round one.
321
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:55,253
Now where was I?
322
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:58,264
You were talking about Japanese
albino hunting.
323
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,766
Oh yeah. So I bet the head
of the yakuza
324
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,349
20 grand that I could catch
more albinos than him.
325
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,855
I mean, look at me, come on.
I'm an athlete.
326
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,936
Well, you know what?
I got my ass kicked.
327
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,601
And now I've got to pay him
20 grand by tomorrow.
328
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,146
Sounds like someone
has to go to the atm machine.
329
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:15,110
Yeah, you would think that.
330
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:17,991
But I'm a little cash-poor right now.
331
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:21,529
I bought some land on the moon
next to John Travolta.
332
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,948
Smart. Real estate
is a very safe investment.
333
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,562
So here's what
you've got to do for me.
334
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,417
I need you to make 20 grand tonight
335
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,954
or else these guys are gonna come
and take the restaurant.
336
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:32,714
Champ, the most the restaurant
337
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,625
has ever made in one night
is 15 grand.
338
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:37,216
Oh, boo hoo hoo. I don't care.
339
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,826
I wish you would have told me.
I would have had more waiters on tonight.
340
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,841
I wish nino Gutierrez
would have told me
341
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:45,056
he was gonna sock me with a hard right
in the fracas in Caracas.
342
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,722
And now look at him.
343
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:52,810
He's dead.
344
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:55,150
I can see that.
345
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,531
So figure it out.
346
00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:01,615
If you don't get me 20 grand by tonight
I'm gonna lose the restaurant.
347
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,451
If I lose the restaurant
I'm gonna be mad.
348
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:07,162
And if I'm mad I'm gonna beat
the shit out of you
349
00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:08,746
and break all your arms.
350
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,912
Champ, I'm gonna need those arms.
351
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,671
I got three kids.
352
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:15,424
All the more reason to keep it open.
Okey-dokey?
353
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:16,630
Okey-dokey.
354
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,135
I'm gonna skedaddle.
355
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,638
I'll be back to check on you later.
356
00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:24,179
Bam!
357
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,684
Round one.
358
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:28,096
Oh boy.
359
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:28,308
Everybody listen up, please.
360
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:30,147
Everybody listen up, please.
361
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,354
Hello, everyone listen to me, please.
362
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,359
Champ wants a big night tonight.
363
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,522
So he is offering a prize
to the top selling waiter.
364
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:40,362
- Ooh, is it cash?
- It's not cash, but it's something better.
365
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,743
- What, a blowjob from your mother?
- Oh!
366
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:45,780
No no, it's not a blowjob
from my mother, okay?
367
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,290
The prize for the top selling waiter,
368
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:52,454
two front row seats to the Norah Jones
concert this week.
369
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,232
Oh my god, oh my god!
I love Norah Jones.
370
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,131
Oh my god.
371
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,338
- Right? Right?
- Sweet, I'm in.
372
00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:00,093
Are you serious?
You like Norah Jones?
373
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:01,754
No, she's a slag.
374
00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:03,869
But think of all the tang
that's gonna be at that show.
375
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:06,600
I'll be up to my elbows in tang.
Like a fucking astronaut.
376
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:09,308
With a space helmet on.
377
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,518
You're a weird fucking dude.
You know that?
378
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:14,434
I am so gonna win this.
Do tips count?
379
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,372
Tips count.
Champ loves great service, right?
380
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:20,068
Okay, give me your tips as you get them
and I'll post it up on the board, okay?
381
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:21,652
- All right.
- Now everyone,
382
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,284
get out there and move some fish.
383
00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:26,787
I've never lost at anything in my life.
384
00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:35,580
Look at this good-looking
group of men.
385
00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:38,545
So are you boys hungry?
386
00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:40,255
Starving.
387
00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:44,092
Mmm, well you know what they say
about a man with a big appetite.
388
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:46,257
It's all true.
389
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:48,596
Good. 'Cause you know what?
390
00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:50,932
You're gonna have
the 4-ib lobster tonight.
391
00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:53,689
- Okay.
- Okay? And so are you. And you.
392
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,396
I just have to tell you,
I am a huge fan.
393
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:58,652
"Dogs of the Sahara"
is a perfect movie.
394
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:02,315
And your acting in it is sick.
Like hospital sick.
395
00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:05,200
Wow. Thanks, man.
I appreciate it.
396
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:08,955
Seriously, I think you discovered,
like, a new emotion in that movie.
397
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:12,083
Really? I didn't know.
Thanks again.
398
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:13,789
Well, what kind of emotion?
399
00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,579
Well, you know, it's like
he's like brave
400
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:18,088
but naive.
401
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:20,090
You know? Like braive.
402
00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:22,297
Okay.
403
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,086
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
404
00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:26,506
- Sorry, I never do this.
- What's your name, pal?
405
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:28,800
- I'm Connor.
- Connor, I'm Marlon.
406
00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:31,264
And this is my girlfriend Samara Dubois.
407
00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:33,555
Oh, I read "us weekly."
I know who this is.
408
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:36,224
The interior designer
who stole your heart.
409
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:37,687
That's right.
410
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,023
I hired her to decorate my chill chalet.
411
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:43,405
She said, "first things first.
You should just call it a 'chilet."
412
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:46,158
I fell in love with her
right then and there.
413
00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:47,909
I just put the two words together.
414
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,991
Chilet. I love that.
415
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,200
New guy. Sorry.
416
00:20:54,378 --> 00:20:57,415
- So what's this?
- Little tradition here at the salmon.
417
00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:00,878
Anytime a busboy breaks something
he does a shot of blue curacao.
418
00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:03,133
Is it cool to drink on the job?
419
00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:06,011
Do you need to ask your big brother
for permission?
420
00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:08,764
Do you want to try shaving with this?
Okay, yeah, let's see.
421
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:11,266
I'm older by eight hours.
422
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:13,143
Hi-yaa!
423
00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:15,270
And don't worry.
No one will ever know.
424
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:16,977
Cool.
425
00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:19,483
- Hey, conman.
- Mr. Spencer.
426
00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:22,360
I was wondering
if you could help me out.
427
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,897
Oh my god, this is really sudden.
428
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:29,076
I'm proposing to Samara tonight.
429
00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:32,704
Wow, somebody finally put
a saddle on you, huh, bronco?
430
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:35,082
Um, yeah. When we order dessert,
431
00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:37,243
could you put the ring in it
so she can find it?
432
00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:40,834
Yeah yeah yeah.
Let's get her drunk so she says yes.
433
00:21:43,093 --> 00:21:46,256
That's a custom-made ring, yeah?
434
00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:48,421
It's safe with me.
You have my word.
435
00:21:48,599 --> 00:21:49,964
Cool.
436
00:21:51,769 --> 00:21:53,009
- Wow.
- Wow.
437
00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:55,107
- Send back
- Oh, out of the way. It's a dessert.
438
00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:57,263
- Somebody sent back a dessert.
- Oh my god.
439
00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:59,102
Mmm.
440
00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:01,421
When somebody sends back a dessert
you've got to move fast.
441
00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:03,401
They're like wild jackals
at their mother's teat.
442
00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:05,779
I've got to get lemons.
Tara, will you watch my section?
443
00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:08,783
- Mmm, yup.
- This is good!
444
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:17,575
- What's up, mamma Mia?
- Uh-oh.
445
00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:20,961
The old follow me down
to the walk-in fridge game, huh?
446
00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:22,871
- Uh-huh.
- Oh.
447
00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:26,884
Frankly, I didn't expect to see
you here at the salmon again.
448
00:22:27,054 --> 00:22:30,137
Yeah, well, I figure I'm here
three or four months tops.
449
00:22:30,307 --> 00:22:32,285
And then I'm moving to California
to do some modeling.
450
00:22:32,309 --> 00:22:35,267
Well, don't you
have to be like tall,
451
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:38,474
muscular and really hot to model?
452
00:22:38,649 --> 00:22:42,016
No no, not anymore. You'd be amazed
what they can do with cgi these days.
453
00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:43,809
Right.
454
00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:45,979
I like the new nose, by the way.
455
00:22:46,156 --> 00:22:48,647
It's so funny that you all think that.
456
00:22:48,826 --> 00:22:50,987
'Cause it's the same nose it always was.
457
00:22:51,161 --> 00:22:52,492
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
458
00:22:52,663 --> 00:22:55,780
- Want to take a closer look?
- I just might.
459
00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:11,344
- You fucking love it.
- Yeah.
460
00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:16,346
Oh my god! Oh yes!
461
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,431
- So fucking hot.
- Yeah.
462
00:23:21,483 --> 00:23:25,192
Wow. You know what?
I'm not your tickle friend anymore.
463
00:23:25,362 --> 00:23:27,398
Well, you are saying no
464
00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:29,609
but a couple of your friends
are saying yes.
465
00:23:29,783 --> 00:23:31,990
It's cold in here, asshole.
466
00:23:41,337 --> 00:23:42,918
Why do they call you nuts?
467
00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:45,079
Because I'm crazy.
468
00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:46,497
You don't look crazy.
469
00:23:46,675 --> 00:23:48,666
Oh, I'm insane.
470
00:23:48,844 --> 00:23:51,210
You should see me
without my meds.
471
00:23:51,388 --> 00:23:53,674
At my last job,
I didn't take my meds one day,
472
00:23:53,849 --> 00:23:56,841
hour later I was walking around naked
with peanut butter in my hair
473
00:23:57,019 --> 00:23:59,260
telling people my name was zongo.
474
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:03,022
I delivered an old lady a cup
of hot water with my balls in it.
475
00:24:03,192 --> 00:24:05,148
Yeah, talk about your red zinger.
476
00:24:05,319 --> 00:24:08,482
Yeah, but I don't
remember any of it.
477
00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:11,489
My balls were red though.
478
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,492
- Are you serious?
- Totally.
479
00:24:15,663 --> 00:24:17,574
No, I'm joking.
480
00:24:17,748 --> 00:24:19,534
But it is true.
481
00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:28,505
- Sir.
- Huh?
482
00:24:28,676 --> 00:24:30,587
Are you ready to order your entree?
483
00:24:30,761 --> 00:24:33,047
Oh, I haven't even looked
at the menu.
484
00:24:33,222 --> 00:24:35,554
Oh, that's my party people.
485
00:24:35,724 --> 00:24:37,055
Yeah!
486
00:24:38,435 --> 00:24:40,972
Hey, all right.
487
00:24:41,146 --> 00:24:44,013
You've been here for an hour, sir.
Surely you must be hungry.
488
00:24:44,191 --> 00:24:46,773
Oh, I am. I'll take a look.
489
00:24:46,944 --> 00:24:50,232
In the meantime, I'll have a drink.
490
00:24:50,406 --> 00:24:53,489
Tell me, guy,
what goes well with Tolstoy?
491
00:24:53,659 --> 00:24:56,401
Dom perignon, cristal,
perhaps a chateau margaux,
492
00:24:56,578 --> 00:24:58,694
or even a 1945 rothschild.
493
00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:00,737
Well, I'll take all four.
494
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,998
- Really?
- No.
495
00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:05,454
I'll just have a cup of hot water
496
00:25:05,629 --> 00:25:08,416
with a wedge of lemon.
497
00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:11,457
Living on the edge.
498
00:25:13,178 --> 00:25:16,011
- Tara: Oh no, here.
- Hold on, hold on.
499
00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:17,796
Oh!
500
00:25:18,809 --> 00:25:20,720
Rich: Oh, come on.
501
00:25:23,856 --> 00:25:25,141
Oh, Jesus.
502
00:25:25,315 --> 00:25:27,351
Connor: Nuts, you fucker.
503
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:28,732
Uh-oh! Dick p, a little help?
504
00:25:28,902 --> 00:25:31,484
- What are you guys doing?
- Dicking around, bro.
505
00:25:31,655 --> 00:25:33,941
- Yahtzee!
- What are you doing with the booze?
506
00:25:34,116 --> 00:25:37,404
Donnie, leave us.
Grab me an olive from the bar, please.
507
00:25:40,873 --> 00:25:44,206
Dave kanogi's brother.
I'm hazing the shit out of him, dude.
508
00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:46,479
Maybe you should be selling
the shit out of the food, dude.
509
00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:47,663
- Tara.
- Yes?
510
00:25:47,838 --> 00:25:49,607
You love Norah Jones.
I mean, "come away with me."
511
00:25:49,631 --> 00:25:51,401
You love that song.
I've heard you humming it.
512
00:25:51,425 --> 00:25:53,086
Yes, I also hum the macarena.
513
00:25:53,260 --> 00:25:55,280
It doesn't mean I want to go
to the macarena concert.
514
00:25:55,304 --> 00:25:57,795
- Oh, snap.
- Well, Norah Jones is different.
515
00:25:57,973 --> 00:26:00,180
I mean, she's cool and folksy and jazzy.
Come on.
516
00:26:00,350 --> 00:26:03,934
Rich, look, I'm in medical school, okay?
I don't have time to go to a concert.
517
00:26:04,104 --> 00:26:07,813
- What about you?
- I'm not sure who Norma Jones is.
518
00:26:07,983 --> 00:26:09,564
- Is she the puppeteer?
- No.
519
00:26:09,735 --> 00:26:13,023
Here's the thing. Norah Jones is for
chicks and weepy dorks like you.
520
00:26:13,197 --> 00:26:15,904
If I'm gonna make the champ richer,
I want a real prize.
521
00:26:16,075 --> 00:26:17,675
Till then, you tell him
to go fuck a cow.
522
00:26:17,826 --> 00:26:20,067
- What's up?
- Oh, snap!
523
00:26:28,378 --> 00:26:30,460
Hey, retards,
you want to answer the phone?
524
00:26:30,631 --> 00:26:32,997
Oh, I'll do it.
I'm only the manager.
525
00:26:34,343 --> 00:26:37,176
Good evening.
Persuasions spa and casino resort.
526
00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:40,383
I'm Stanley bellin.
How may I persuade you?
527
00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:43,515
Hey, Stanley. It's rich parente
calling on behalf of cleon salmon.
528
00:26:43,685 --> 00:26:46,802
Yeah, the champ would like to book
his regular suite.
529
00:26:46,980 --> 00:26:49,972
Oh, I'm afraid the suite
530
00:26:50,150 --> 00:26:52,186
is not available for Mr. salmon.
531
00:26:52,361 --> 00:26:54,693
What do you mean? Why not?
532
00:26:54,863 --> 00:26:57,696
'Cause last time
Mr. salmon's pet kangaroo
533
00:26:57,866 --> 00:26:59,822
defecated in our kitchen.
534
00:26:59,993 --> 00:27:02,484
Oh, well, that kangaroo
is no longer with us.
535
00:27:02,663 --> 00:27:05,450
The champ actually killed him
during a sparring session.
536
00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:07,285
I'm so sorry to hear that.
537
00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:10,701
Unfortunately I will have to
politely say no.
538
00:27:10,879 --> 00:27:12,494
Is that Stanley?
539
00:27:12,673 --> 00:27:15,335
- Let me talk to him.
- Don't tell him it's me. Just...
540
00:27:15,509 --> 00:27:16,840
Yes, champ. It's Stanley bellin.
541
00:27:17,010 --> 00:27:18,170
Fuck.
542
00:27:18,345 --> 00:27:20,427
Tell him I said I want
the emperor suite
543
00:27:20,597 --> 00:27:22,758
or I'm gonna shove his ass
up his ass.
544
00:27:22,933 --> 00:27:26,926
Uh, of course Mr. salmon
can stay in the emperor suite.
545
00:27:27,104 --> 00:27:28,765
I was merely joking.
546
00:27:28,939 --> 00:27:31,806
Tell him to make the reservation
under king kamehameha.
547
00:27:31,984 --> 00:27:34,396
All right, kamehameha.
548
00:27:34,570 --> 00:27:36,561
How many ms?
549
00:27:36,738 --> 00:27:39,730
And it better be free or I'm gonna
knock Stanley into Bolivian.
550
00:27:39,908 --> 00:27:43,025
Yeah, he said that he was
hoping it would be free
551
00:27:43,203 --> 00:27:44,763
or he was gonna knock you
into Bolivian.
552
00:27:44,830 --> 00:27:46,411
But I think he means oblivion.
553
00:27:46,582 --> 00:27:48,413
Whatever, motherfucker!
554
00:27:48,584 --> 00:27:51,075
It'll be free. It'll be free.
555
00:27:51,253 --> 00:27:53,414
Guys, listen up. New deal, okay?
556
00:27:53,589 --> 00:27:55,469
Champ is very serious
about selling big tonight.
557
00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:57,463
So there's a new prize.
558
00:27:57,634 --> 00:27:59,545
A four-day, three-night stay
559
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:03,053
at the persuasions spa
and casino resort hotel in key largo.
560
00:28:03,223 --> 00:28:05,054
- That sounds awesome.
- Really?
561
00:28:05,225 --> 00:28:06,578
Wait a minute, is that the gay key?
562
00:28:06,602 --> 00:28:08,183
It's the straight key, guy.
563
00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:10,184
What if he wanted the gay key?
564
00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:11,515
Why would I want the gay key?
565
00:28:11,690 --> 00:28:14,727
- I thought you said you...
- Rich: All right, listen listen listen.
566
00:28:14,902 --> 00:28:16,312
It's a great prize. Come on.
567
00:28:16,486 --> 00:28:18,602
Persuasions spa
and casino resort hotel.
568
00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:20,175
- That's awesome.
- Hell yeah, dick p.
569
00:28:20,199 --> 00:28:22,064
Here are the current standings, okay?
570
00:28:22,242 --> 00:28:24,483
Nuts, Tara, let's pick it up
a notch, okay?
571
00:28:24,661 --> 00:28:25,867
Enthusiasm!
572
00:28:26,038 --> 00:28:28,529
My suggestion to you guys,
sell the COD.
573
00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:30,447
One of the most expensive
items on the menu.
574
00:28:30,626 --> 00:28:32,537
$38.95, okay?
575
00:28:32,711 --> 00:28:34,747
Let's get out there
and turn 'em and burn 'em.
576
00:28:34,922 --> 00:28:37,629
All right?
577
00:28:37,799 --> 00:28:39,630
Rich: Come on, sell some COD.
578
00:28:39,801 --> 00:28:42,292
Well, you have got to try the COD.
579
00:28:42,471 --> 00:28:44,587
Is it fishy?
I don't really like fishy fish.
580
00:28:44,765 --> 00:28:47,006
Oh, no no no.
The COD is the least fishy of the fishes.
581
00:28:47,184 --> 00:28:50,722
It's so unfishy it's not even
classified as a fish.
582
00:28:50,896 --> 00:28:52,636
I'll take one.
583
00:28:54,024 --> 00:28:56,857
Do yourself a favor,
order the COD.
584
00:28:57,027 --> 00:29:00,736
Is it a fishy fish?
I like my fish fishy.
585
00:29:00,906 --> 00:29:02,634
COD is definitely
the fishiest fish there is.
586
00:29:02,658 --> 00:29:05,070
And a fishy fish
is a healthy fish.
587
00:29:06,787 --> 00:29:08,527
Did you know that COD
is a flying fish?
588
00:29:08,705 --> 00:29:10,491
It's flying off the shelf tonight.
589
00:29:10,666 --> 00:29:12,827
Is it flakey? I like flakey.
590
00:29:13,001 --> 00:29:14,957
Very flakey.
The eskimo name for COD
591
00:29:15,128 --> 00:29:17,585
is actually ponacana
which means flake fish.
592
00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:20,247
Huh.
593
00:29:20,425 --> 00:29:22,757
It's a rare Moroccan midget COD.
594
00:29:22,928 --> 00:29:25,965
It's almost impossible to catch
so the portions are tiny.
595
00:29:26,139 --> 00:29:27,629
You might want to get two per person.
596
00:29:27,808 --> 00:29:30,265
Moroccan midget COD?
I've heard of that.
597
00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:31,891
It's really good.
598
00:29:32,062 --> 00:29:34,624
I usually don't swear at my tables,
but you people look really cool.
599
00:29:34,648 --> 00:29:36,604
So it's fucking delicious.
600
00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,561
We'll get fucking two each.
601
00:29:38,735 --> 00:29:41,477
Good order.
602
00:29:41,655 --> 00:29:43,191
Hey!
603
00:29:45,075 --> 00:29:48,863
- I've got to ask you something.
- Okay.
604
00:29:49,037 --> 00:29:50,493
Were you on "cfi hotlanta"?
605
00:29:50,664 --> 00:29:53,326
Uh, yeah, I was.
606
00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:54,706
I knew it.
607
00:29:54,876 --> 00:29:56,867
I said you were on
"the bachelorette,” dude.
608
00:29:57,045 --> 00:29:59,001
Well, they're both good shows,
I suppose.
609
00:29:59,172 --> 00:30:00,503
I love both of those shows.
610
00:30:00,674 --> 00:30:02,630
Hey, conman, when you're ready,
611
00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:04,712
I think we're ready for desert.
612
00:30:04,886 --> 00:30:08,049
We'll have a brownie,
one scoop of vanilla ice cream
613
00:30:08,223 --> 00:30:09,554
and two spoons.
614
00:30:09,725 --> 00:30:11,966
Mmm, carbs.
615
00:30:12,144 --> 00:30:15,227
Yeah, I will get that right out to you.
616
00:30:17,441 --> 00:30:19,477
You know,
oysters are an aphrodisiac.
617
00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:23,394
More oysters, more aphrodisia.
618
00:30:25,449 --> 00:30:28,282
That is if you guys think
you're gonna get lucky tonight.
619
00:30:28,452 --> 00:30:30,067
I probably will.
620
00:30:30,245 --> 00:30:32,406
What's up, boys?
Did you dirty ho-daddies
621
00:30:32,581 --> 00:30:34,867
wish this perfect angel
a happy birthday yet?
622
00:30:36,335 --> 00:30:38,496
Oh, it's your birthday?
623
00:30:38,670 --> 00:30:40,285
Yeah.
624
00:30:40,464 --> 00:30:42,079
Where's your birthday suit?
625
00:30:43,967 --> 00:30:45,457
Stop.
626
00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:49,173
- You're so bad.
- I can be worse.
627
00:30:53,769 --> 00:30:55,663
Donnie, have you ever noticed
that redheaded people
628
00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:57,018
breathe through their mouths?
629
00:30:57,189 --> 00:30:58,850
Like orangutans?
630
00:30:59,024 --> 00:31:01,140
Yeah, exactly like orangutans.
631
00:31:01,318 --> 00:31:02,979
Coincidence?
632
00:31:03,153 --> 00:31:04,563
Happy birthday?
633
00:31:04,738 --> 00:31:06,444
Donnie, leave us.
634
00:31:06,615 --> 00:31:09,197
Bring me a cocktail onion
from the bar, please.
635
00:31:09,368 --> 00:31:12,326
What can I say?
I thought I'd help you get a big tip.
636
00:31:12,496 --> 00:31:13,986
Just like the old days.
637
00:31:14,164 --> 00:31:16,120
And while we're at it...
638
00:31:16,291 --> 00:31:18,202
May I ask for your hand?
639
00:31:18,377 --> 00:31:20,538
Ooh, I accept.
640
00:31:21,546 --> 00:31:24,037
You know,
if you and I work together,
641
00:31:24,216 --> 00:31:26,502
we will definitely win
this key largo prize.
642
00:31:26,676 --> 00:31:27,756
Mmm, no.
643
00:31:27,928 --> 00:31:29,839
Come on, Mia.
Why are you being so difficult?
644
00:31:30,013 --> 00:31:31,469
I want my tickle friend back.
645
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:33,346
- You do?
- Ooh!
646
00:31:34,935 --> 00:31:36,454
Rich, did you just
take a bite of that?
647
00:31:36,478 --> 00:31:38,139
Rich?
648
00:31:38,313 --> 00:31:39,644
Something's stuck.
649
00:31:41,983 --> 00:31:44,128
Jesus Christ, there was
a diamond ring in that brownie.
650
00:31:44,152 --> 00:31:46,143
It was in the send back area.
It was up for grabs.
651
00:31:46,321 --> 00:31:49,063
- You said it was a send back.
- I said I want my tickle friend back.
652
00:31:49,241 --> 00:31:51,232
What the fuck is a tickle friend?
653
00:31:53,495 --> 00:31:55,656
Cough it up.
654
00:31:55,831 --> 00:31:57,196
- Whoo!
- Connor: Come on!
655
00:31:57,374 --> 00:31:59,285
I'm not choking. I swallowed it.
656
00:31:59,459 --> 00:32:02,121
Get it out.
657
00:32:18,979 --> 00:32:21,220
Nuts:
Clam chowder for the gentleman.
658
00:32:21,398 --> 00:32:23,935
One, two, three.
659
00:32:25,735 --> 00:32:28,568
The salmon and haricots verts
for the lady.
660
00:32:28,738 --> 00:32:31,980
One, two, three.
661
00:32:32,159 --> 00:32:34,024
Soup spoon.
662
00:32:34,202 --> 00:32:36,693
One, two, three.
663
00:32:36,872 --> 00:32:40,285
Is there anything else
I can get you this evening?
664
00:32:40,459 --> 00:32:42,575
I think we're fine for now.
665
00:32:42,752 --> 00:32:44,242
Thank you.
666
00:32:44,421 --> 00:32:46,878
One, two, three.
667
00:32:48,884 --> 00:32:50,875
Uh, enjoy your wine.
668
00:32:53,763 --> 00:32:56,379
Oh!
669
00:32:57,392 --> 00:32:59,804
Dude, it's heading down to funkytown.
670
00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:01,468
I can't feel it anymore.
671
00:33:01,646 --> 00:33:03,326
- What is that thing?
- It's a stud finder.
672
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:05,806
Stud finder?
Sounds like a gay dating service.
673
00:33:05,984 --> 00:33:07,349
Heyoo!
674
00:33:07,527 --> 00:33:09,063
Can we just get the ring, please?
675
00:33:09,237 --> 00:33:11,148
- Tara.
- What?
676
00:33:11,323 --> 00:33:14,051
We need medical help. Rich just swallowed
a really important diamond ring.
677
00:33:14,075 --> 00:33:16,441
Um, is it still in the esophagus?
678
00:33:18,413 --> 00:33:20,333
Okay, well, it's too deep
to expunge by vomiting.
679
00:33:20,373 --> 00:33:22,333
It could tear the esophageal
tissue on its way up.
680
00:33:22,417 --> 00:33:23,657
After all, it is a diamond.
681
00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:25,371
Hardest substance known to man!
682
00:33:25,545 --> 00:33:29,333
Look, my advice...
You have to pass it anally.
683
00:33:29,508 --> 00:33:32,124
- Oh, shit.
- Hope it doesn't turn into coal.
684
00:33:32,302 --> 00:33:34,322
Dude, you better pray it doesn't
fork off into your dick.
685
00:33:34,346 --> 00:33:35,882
Ouch.
686
00:33:36,056 --> 00:33:37,658
Nuts, what was with that counting
thing at the table?
687
00:33:37,682 --> 00:33:39,593
Counting?
688
00:33:39,768 --> 00:33:41,053
Did you take your meds today?
689
00:33:41,228 --> 00:33:43,765
Meds? Yeah, 3:30.
Took 'em before I came here.
690
00:33:43,939 --> 00:33:46,430
Next one is at 8:30.
691
00:33:46,608 --> 00:33:47,814
Right now.
692
00:33:47,984 --> 00:33:50,350
Wait, did you account
for daylight savings?
693
00:33:50,529 --> 00:33:53,020
Daylight savings. No. No.
694
00:33:53,198 --> 00:33:55,259
Well, that means that your body
actually thinks it's 9:30.
695
00:33:55,283 --> 00:33:57,011
You were supposed to take
your meds an hour ago.
696
00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:59,742
Uh-oh. Not good.
697
00:33:59,913 --> 00:34:02,450
Okay, look, why don't you take them
and I'll watch your section?
698
00:34:02,624 --> 00:34:04,034
Yeah.
699
00:34:04,209 --> 00:34:06,270
Probably all those cock rings
jangling around in there.
700
00:34:06,294 --> 00:34:07,730
Nuts, nuts, nuts,
where are you going?
701
00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:10,316
I've got to get something out
of the coat room. Just take a second.
702
00:34:10,340 --> 00:34:13,298
Can you watch these guy's tables?
I got a diamond ring in me, man.
703
00:34:14,594 --> 00:34:16,926
That's all right.
I'll get it later.
704
00:34:30,610 --> 00:34:32,646
- Was he just skipping?
- What?
705
00:34:32,821 --> 00:34:35,233
- Was he just skipping?
- Pig in a poke.
706
00:34:35,407 --> 00:34:36,772
Let's get back to work.
707
00:34:36,950 --> 00:34:39,566
I think I got a pretty good bead
on a lunch box.
708
00:34:50,463 --> 00:34:51,543
What's up, buddy?
709
00:34:51,715 --> 00:34:54,627
Okay, there's been a bit of a shag.
710
00:34:56,136 --> 00:34:57,922
Someone ate your engagement ring.
711
00:34:59,639 --> 00:35:02,346
You're fucking with me.
That's good.
712
00:35:02,517 --> 00:35:04,599
No. I put the ring in the brownie
713
00:35:04,769 --> 00:35:06,885
and I turned my back
for just one second
714
00:35:07,063 --> 00:35:09,349
and a member of the staff
ate the brownie.
715
00:35:09,524 --> 00:35:12,186
You stupid cock.
That was a $450,000
716
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:13,816
south African bing diamond.
717
00:35:13,987 --> 00:35:16,854
I want to speak to the manager
and the asshole who ate it now.
718
00:35:17,032 --> 00:35:19,990
Did you know some dumb fuck
ate my ring?
719
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,072
Yes, sir.
And I'm terribly sorry about that.
720
00:35:23,246 --> 00:35:24,599
So what are you gonna do about it?
721
00:35:24,623 --> 00:35:26,204
I'm trying to pass it.
722
00:35:26,374 --> 00:35:28,490
- Come again?
- I'm trying to pass it.
723
00:35:28,668 --> 00:35:31,626
Anally.
Coffee, cigarettes, laxatives.
724
00:35:31,796 --> 00:35:34,959
- It was you?
- Uh, yes it was.
725
00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:39,672
That was a $450,000 south African
bing diamond you just ate.
726
00:35:39,846 --> 00:35:42,007
Uh, your meal
is on the house tonight.
727
00:35:42,182 --> 00:35:43,262
Screw the meal.
728
00:35:43,433 --> 00:35:47,221
If you don't fuck out that shitting diamond
and fast I'm gonna kick your ass.
729
00:35:47,395 --> 00:35:50,057
And conster, there will be
a sequel to that.
730
00:35:52,942 --> 00:35:54,898
Como se dice
"Cleveland steamer"?
731
00:35:55,070 --> 00:35:56,480
Don't worry about it.
732
00:35:56,655 --> 00:35:58,361
Yo, Dave.
733
00:35:58,531 --> 00:36:00,772
No, don't even say it.
734
00:36:00,950 --> 00:36:02,190
The woman said it's cold.
735
00:36:02,369 --> 00:36:04,655
- It's steaming.
- I know.
736
00:36:04,829 --> 00:36:05,989
Fucking customers, huh?
737
00:36:06,164 --> 00:36:09,143
I mean, I told her to cook with her ass
and then go fuck herself but she insisted.
738
00:36:09,167 --> 00:36:11,328
I like you, guy.
739
00:36:11,503 --> 00:36:13,585
Jamie, nuke the dick out of it.
740
00:36:13,755 --> 00:36:16,497
Si, senor.
741
00:36:26,101 --> 00:36:28,683
Hey, what's that blue shit
on your lips?
742
00:36:28,853 --> 00:36:29,968
Nothing.
743
00:36:30,146 --> 00:36:32,353
- Blue curacao.
- Are you drunk?
744
00:36:35,110 --> 00:36:37,192
Asshole, I got you this fucking job.
745
00:36:37,362 --> 00:36:39,353
You screw this up,
I'm telling mom.
746
00:36:39,531 --> 00:36:41,396
No!
747
00:36:41,574 --> 00:36:43,656
Jamie:
Come on, senor Dave, get him!
748
00:36:46,329 --> 00:36:48,741
Get him, Dave. Come on, man.
749
00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:52,144
I'm gonna stick
your fucking face in the oven.
750
00:36:52,168 --> 00:36:53,954
I fucking hate you!
751
00:36:59,384 --> 00:37:00,874
Come on, senor!
752
00:37:01,052 --> 00:37:03,384
Twins are disgusting, man.
753
00:37:03,555 --> 00:37:06,797
Want me to put your head in the oven?
'Cause I'll do it! I'll do it!
754
00:37:06,975 --> 00:37:08,761
I'm sorry.
755
00:37:08,935 --> 00:37:11,142
The kitchen just told me
we're out of the brownies.
756
00:37:11,312 --> 00:37:13,098
So would you like
the soufflé instead?
757
00:37:13,273 --> 00:37:15,184
It takes an hour to prepare.
758
00:37:15,358 --> 00:37:16,838
I don't think
that we actually need...
759
00:37:16,943 --> 00:37:18,649
- Oh, we'll take it.
- Honey.
760
00:37:18,820 --> 00:37:20,881
Now tell me all about your plans
for the living room.
761
00:37:20,905 --> 00:37:22,941
Okay,
762
00:37:23,116 --> 00:37:26,028
where is my boyfriend
and what did you do with him?
763
00:37:28,455 --> 00:37:30,787
Okay, think pillows.
764
00:37:30,957 --> 00:37:33,238
- I'll leave you two alone.
- Starting with the bathtub...
765
00:37:33,334 --> 00:37:36,041
Oh, thank you.
766
00:37:36,212 --> 00:37:38,419
I'm a ballerina, you know?
767
00:37:38,590 --> 00:37:42,299
And I'm putting myself through
the bilitnikoff ballet school.
768
00:37:43,511 --> 00:37:46,002
Well, you certainly
got the body for it.
769
00:37:46,181 --> 00:37:49,469
And it stretches in every direction.
770
00:37:51,811 --> 00:37:54,769
Uh, here's a little something extra
771
00:37:54,939 --> 00:37:57,430
for the sugar plum fairy.
772
00:37:57,609 --> 00:38:01,101
Oh, thank you.
773
00:38:02,363 --> 00:38:04,570
What are you looking at, Liz?
774
00:38:04,741 --> 00:38:07,528
- You are so winning this contest.
- Oh, yeah.
775
00:39:06,636 --> 00:39:09,503
Oh...
776
00:39:09,681 --> 00:39:11,091
Shit!
777
00:39:16,020 --> 00:39:17,931
Don't cry. It's gonna look fine.
778
00:39:18,106 --> 00:39:20,563
Oh, gently gently gently. Ah!
779
00:39:20,733 --> 00:39:22,693
This looks all right.
Was this a cream-based soup?
780
00:39:22,861 --> 00:39:24,567
Yeah. Yeah, I think so.
I think so.
781
00:39:24,737 --> 00:39:27,399
- Does that make a difference?
- Sometimes.
782
00:39:27,574 --> 00:39:30,361
Okay, well, it looks like
first-degree burns.
783
00:39:30,535 --> 00:39:32,400
It could lead to some
epidermal scarring.
784
00:39:32,579 --> 00:39:36,367
I want you to go home and get some rest
and drink plenty of water.
785
00:39:36,541 --> 00:39:39,453
I am not going home.
I'm in first place.
786
00:39:39,627 --> 00:39:41,788
Hey, that's the spirit, Mia.
Get out there.
787
00:39:41,963 --> 00:39:43,624
What? Rich, no.
Look, she needs to rest
788
00:39:43,798 --> 00:39:46,665
and put some ichthammol
or sulfadiazine on her face.
789
00:39:46,843 --> 00:39:50,210
Yeah, rich, she needs
ichthioldizine.
790
00:39:50,388 --> 00:39:53,095
Thank you, Donnie.
At least someone here has a heart.
791
00:39:53,266 --> 00:39:55,473
- Thank you.
- Um, all right.
792
00:39:55,643 --> 00:39:57,099
You guys are right.
You're right.
793
00:39:57,270 --> 00:39:58,680
Mia, you should go home.
794
00:39:59,814 --> 00:40:02,351
Did baryshnikov go home
795
00:40:02,525 --> 00:40:05,141
when he twisted his ankle
at the bolshoi festival?
796
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:06,730
I, uh...
797
00:40:06,905 --> 00:40:10,648
Did Vladimir putinski walk away
when he sprained his toe
798
00:40:10,825 --> 00:40:13,441
doing "the marzipan king"
at the ballet des elysées?
799
00:40:13,620 --> 00:40:16,157
I'm guessing by your tone, no.
800
00:40:16,331 --> 00:40:20,324
Okay, did Joe theesman quit baseball
when he broke his leg?
801
00:40:20,501 --> 00:40:22,787
Um, it's actually Joe theismann,
802
00:40:22,962 --> 00:40:24,362
and he never played football again.
803
00:40:24,422 --> 00:40:27,835
Either way, I am tougher
than you are, motherfucker.
804
00:40:28,009 --> 00:40:30,716
Shh, what's that?
805
00:40:30,887 --> 00:40:33,799
Oh no. Oh, shit.
Okay, I'll be back.
806
00:40:33,973 --> 00:40:36,806
- Look, Mia, just sit down, okay?
- Yeah yeah. Don't touch.
807
00:40:36,976 --> 00:40:38,557
The captain of crunch,
808
00:40:38,728 --> 00:40:41,686
the heavyweight champion
of the world,
809
00:40:41,856 --> 00:40:44,268
slammin' cleon salmon.
810
00:40:46,736 --> 00:40:48,522
You've got to be kidding me.
811
00:40:48,696 --> 00:40:51,483
I am here. Undefeated, baby.
812
00:40:51,658 --> 00:40:53,649
- The king is here.
- You're number one.
813
00:40:53,826 --> 00:40:55,532
How you doing?
Come here and give me a hug.
814
00:40:55,703 --> 00:40:57,284
Mmm, you look good.
815
00:40:57,455 --> 00:41:00,162
Hey, get a carrot for
the ss fudgealicious, okay?
816
00:41:00,333 --> 00:41:02,119
I assume that's the horse?
817
00:41:02,293 --> 00:41:05,911
Never assume. When you assume
you make an asshole out of yourself.
818
00:41:07,632 --> 00:41:09,793
All right, thank you.
Go back to eating.
819
00:41:09,968 --> 00:41:11,654
Enjoy yourselves.
Forget it. It's not about me.
820
00:41:11,678 --> 00:41:15,091
Hey, rich, tell Dave
to cook that swordfish.
821
00:41:15,264 --> 00:41:18,006
I won it from emeril lagasse
in a thumb-wrestling contest.
822
00:41:18,184 --> 00:41:20,140
I broke this thumb. Bam!
823
00:41:20,311 --> 00:41:22,427
He cried like a baby.
824
00:41:22,605 --> 00:41:24,687
Hey, look, me and Mr. yamamuri,
825
00:41:24,857 --> 00:41:26,688
we want the best seat
in the house.
826
00:41:26,859 --> 00:41:28,219
We want the royal treatment, rich.
827
00:41:28,277 --> 00:41:29,733
Uh, champ, you can't.
828
00:41:29,904 --> 00:41:32,486
I mean, we need those tables
if you want to earn the 20 grand.
829
00:41:32,657 --> 00:41:35,194
That's nice, rich.
Check this out.
830
00:41:35,368 --> 00:41:37,359
If you don't find me a table,
831
00:41:37,537 --> 00:41:40,950
I'm gonna shove him up your ass.
832
00:41:41,124 --> 00:41:44,457
Champ, isn't he yakuza?
833
00:41:44,627 --> 00:41:47,334
Come on, man. Don't be racist.
No, he's not yakuza.
834
00:41:47,505 --> 00:41:51,248
Mr. yamamuri is gonna make the first
slammin' salmon candy bar in Japan.
835
00:41:51,426 --> 00:41:53,257
Check it out... a layer of chocolate,
836
00:41:53,428 --> 00:41:57,216
nougat, peanut, more nougat
and salmon.
837
00:41:57,390 --> 00:41:59,346
Yeah, I know it sounds nasty,
but trust me.
838
00:41:59,517 --> 00:42:01,883
They love that fish candy
over in the orient.
839
00:42:02,061 --> 00:42:04,177
Now I'm saying that to say this:
840
00:42:04,355 --> 00:42:07,062
Shut the fuck up,
get me a table,
841
00:42:07,233 --> 00:42:09,940
or I'm gonna use your nuts
for cufflinks.
842
00:42:10,111 --> 00:42:12,102
- Coming right up. Great.
- All right.
843
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:13,941
- Candy bar sounds delicious.
- Itis.
844
00:42:14,115 --> 00:42:16,322
- Okay, be right back.
- All right.
845
00:42:16,492 --> 00:42:18,778
You're gonna love this waitress.
She's a ballerina.
846
00:42:18,953 --> 00:42:21,945
Graceful like a swan.
Tell Mr. yamamuri.
847
00:42:24,167 --> 00:42:26,704
Hey, champ.
848
00:42:28,629 --> 00:42:30,961
What the fuck happened to you?
849
00:42:31,132 --> 00:42:33,088
I got burned with soup.
850
00:42:33,259 --> 00:42:36,376
Don't you know you're supposed
to blow on it first?
851
00:42:36,554 --> 00:42:37,634
Yes, champ.
852
00:42:37,805 --> 00:42:40,045
Well, don't just stand there.
Get out of here, soup face.
853
00:42:40,099 --> 00:42:41,459
You're offending
my tokyokan guest.
854
00:42:41,559 --> 00:42:44,346
- Get me the smart girl.
- Tara?
855
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:47,182
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'm gonna get her for you.
856
00:42:47,356 --> 00:42:49,847
And tell her to bring me
some champagne.
857
00:42:50,026 --> 00:42:52,813
I am so sorry, but her soup face
scared the shit out of me.
858
00:42:52,987 --> 00:42:54,568
My voice is not that high.
859
00:42:56,866 --> 00:42:59,653
This says eight hours.
I need something faster.
860
00:42:59,827 --> 00:43:01,567
I hear eye-drops
work on some people.
861
00:43:01,746 --> 00:43:04,158
One glass of apple juice
and I can fill up a mailbox.
862
00:43:04,332 --> 00:43:07,165
- Yogurt.
- Cheddar cheese.
863
00:43:07,335 --> 00:43:11,044
Tara, the champ wants you
to wait on him.
864
00:43:11,214 --> 00:43:13,921
Oh, okay.
865
00:43:14,967 --> 00:43:18,130
- Cause of the...
- Oh, yeah. Right.
866
00:43:22,892 --> 00:43:26,225
Mr. yamamuri say he think
if Muhammad Ali
867
00:43:26,395 --> 00:43:28,761
was still young man
no one ever defeat him.
868
00:43:30,399 --> 00:43:32,765
Yeah, well, if ifs and buts
was candies and nuts,
869
00:43:32,944 --> 00:43:34,855
we'd all have a merry Christmas.
Tell him that.
870
00:43:39,534 --> 00:43:41,070
No, I didn't say that.
871
00:43:41,244 --> 00:43:44,736
If ifs and buts
was candies and nuts,
872
00:43:44,914 --> 00:43:47,030
we'd all have a merry Christmas.
873
00:43:47,208 --> 00:43:48,448
Yes, champ-San.
874
00:43:48,626 --> 00:43:50,708
- I translate...
- Say it!
875
00:43:53,047 --> 00:43:57,040
If if and but was candy and nut,
876
00:43:57,218 --> 00:43:59,379
we all have a merry Christmas.
877
00:43:59,554 --> 00:44:01,920
Thank you. Was that so hard?
878
00:44:02,098 --> 00:44:04,885
- Hey, champ.
- Mmm.
879
00:44:05,059 --> 00:44:06,390
Oh.
880
00:44:06,561 --> 00:44:09,268
Dave, what did you do?
Did you blow papa smurf?
881
00:44:11,858 --> 00:44:14,565
Blow papa smurf.
882
00:44:16,070 --> 00:44:19,153
We got a couple of stiffs over here.
883
00:44:19,323 --> 00:44:21,135
Champ, would you like
to order some appetizers?
884
00:44:21,159 --> 00:44:23,696
Yes, I would like to order
some encrapments.
885
00:44:23,870 --> 00:44:26,361
I will have the frutti del mare,
886
00:44:26,539 --> 00:44:28,780
the oysters del cabana
887
00:44:28,958 --> 00:44:31,074
and the clams casino.
888
00:44:31,252 --> 00:44:33,459
And for the entree I want
that swordfish that I caught.
889
00:44:33,629 --> 00:44:36,416
Oh, and Dave, make sure
you cook the nose too.
890
00:44:36,591 --> 00:44:38,752
I want to see
what that tastes like.
891
00:44:38,926 --> 00:44:40,257
You got that, Dave?
892
00:44:40,428 --> 00:44:42,919
Oh, and I want maraschino cherries
on everything.
893
00:44:43,097 --> 00:44:45,839
Did you know
that the word maraschino
894
00:44:46,017 --> 00:44:49,100
came from the boxer
rocky maraschino?
895
00:44:49,270 --> 00:44:52,182
Uh, it's actually rocky marciano.
896
00:44:52,356 --> 00:44:55,098
Whatever, motherfucker!
897
00:44:55,276 --> 00:44:57,608
Okay. Okay. Okay.
898
00:44:58,946 --> 00:45:01,779
How do you say motherfucker
in Spanish?
899
00:45:01,949 --> 00:45:04,281
Most guys go surf 'n' turf.
900
00:45:04,452 --> 00:45:07,194
But I like a guy who goes
surf 'n' surf 'n' turf 'n' turf.
901
00:45:07,371 --> 00:45:09,099
You know, actually,
could you give us a minute?
902
00:45:09,123 --> 00:45:12,615
And we will call you
when we need you.
903
00:45:12,793 --> 00:45:16,126
You men always say you're gonna call.
904
00:45:16,297 --> 00:45:18,317
Okay, actually I'm just trying
to keep my appetite here.
905
00:45:18,341 --> 00:45:20,297
But thank you...
906
00:45:20,468 --> 00:45:22,424
For groping me
907
00:45:22,595 --> 00:45:24,631
and bringing your face
into our dinner.
908
00:45:26,307 --> 00:45:29,140
These are the days I thank god
I have a perfect face.
909
00:45:35,900 --> 00:45:37,265
Sorry.
910
00:45:42,156 --> 00:45:44,147
Hmm.
911
00:45:45,534 --> 00:45:47,820
- Hey, you.
- Oh.
912
00:45:49,372 --> 00:45:52,864
So I'm gonna take you up on
your offer about working as a team.
913
00:45:53,042 --> 00:45:56,000
Oh, I don't know.
914
00:45:56,170 --> 00:45:58,252
I think I would drag you down.
915
00:45:58,422 --> 00:45:59,787
No.
916
00:45:59,966 --> 00:46:02,252
Best of luck to you.
917
00:46:03,594 --> 00:46:05,960
Dave: Get it out of the soup!
Get it out of the soup!
918
00:46:06,138 --> 00:46:08,550
Will somebody please kill this thing?!
919
00:46:08,724 --> 00:46:12,091
He's strong! He's strong!
920
00:46:12,270 --> 00:46:15,228
What the fuck is taking so long?
921
00:46:22,071 --> 00:46:24,187
You have to dominate
the swordfish.
922
00:46:24,365 --> 00:46:26,947
Only then can you saute it.
923
00:46:27,118 --> 00:46:29,109
Thanks, champ.
924
00:46:29,287 --> 00:46:31,073
Rich, numbers!
925
00:46:31,247 --> 00:46:33,454
Here you go.
926
00:46:33,624 --> 00:46:34,830
Are we at 20 grand yet?
927
00:46:35,001 --> 00:46:36,241
We're at 12,000.
928
00:46:36,419 --> 00:46:38,159
That's not even halfway.
929
00:46:38,337 --> 00:46:40,919
- Um, actually...
- In my office!
930
00:46:42,883 --> 00:46:44,464
Everybody in my office!
931
00:46:46,053 --> 00:46:47,884
No no no, not the customers.
932
00:46:48,055 --> 00:46:49,636
You guys sit down.
933
00:46:49,807 --> 00:46:52,173
Wait staff in my office.
934
00:47:07,408 --> 00:47:10,900
So I guess nobody wants
this trip to the Bahamas.
935
00:47:11,078 --> 00:47:13,740
Um, it's actually key largo, champ.
Persuasions.
936
00:47:13,914 --> 00:47:17,077
You know what?
Don't say another word.
937
00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:20,243
'Cause you've proven yourself useless,
wouldn't you say?
938
00:47:20,421 --> 00:47:22,377
Say it.
939
00:47:22,548 --> 00:47:26,587
I am useless with a capital y.
940
00:47:26,761 --> 00:47:28,877
I am useless
941
00:47:29,055 --> 00:47:30,795
with a capital y.
942
00:47:30,973 --> 00:47:34,340
That's right.
Now then, when I was in your position,
943
00:47:34,518 --> 00:47:36,600
I would have rabbit-punched
my own mother
944
00:47:36,771 --> 00:47:38,727
for a trip to the Bahamas.
945
00:47:40,316 --> 00:47:42,794
Are you telling me you wouldn't want
to be on a beach right now
946
00:47:42,818 --> 00:47:44,524
sipping on a strawberry daiquiri?
947
00:47:44,695 --> 00:47:47,311
- I would like that very much.
- Well, too bad!
948
00:47:47,490 --> 00:47:49,981
'Cause strawberry daiquiris
are for closers!
949
00:47:50,159 --> 00:47:51,945
Not for pussies!
950
00:47:54,955 --> 00:47:56,240
Hey, numbnuts.
951
00:47:56,415 --> 00:47:58,531
Yeah, champ?
952
00:47:58,709 --> 00:48:01,325
You're gonna be polishing
my fist with your teeth.
953
00:48:02,421 --> 00:48:04,002
I'll get to you later.
954
00:48:04,173 --> 00:48:07,381
Who is guy "meatdrapes"?
What kind of name is that?
955
00:48:07,551 --> 00:48:09,792
It's metdrapedes, sir.
956
00:48:12,014 --> 00:48:14,255
Well, I think you're
pronouncing it wrong.
957
00:48:14,433 --> 00:48:16,219
This says "meatdrapes.”
958
00:48:16,394 --> 00:48:18,806
It's actually pronounced
metdrapedes.
959
00:48:18,979 --> 00:48:20,957
Well, why doesn't it sound
like that when I say it?
960
00:48:20,981 --> 00:48:22,642
"Meatdrapes.”
961
00:48:22,817 --> 00:48:24,978
I don't know.
962
00:48:25,152 --> 00:48:27,313
You don't know much,
do you, guy?
963
00:48:27,488 --> 00:48:29,103
No, sir.
964
00:48:29,281 --> 00:48:31,317
Well, if a trip to the Bahamas
965
00:48:31,492 --> 00:48:33,824
ain't gonna get the molasses
out ya asses,
966
00:48:33,994 --> 00:48:36,360
maybe $10,000 will do the trick.
967
00:48:36,539 --> 00:48:38,746
- What?
- What?
968
00:48:38,916 --> 00:48:41,658
- 10,000 bucks?
- That's right, new prize.
969
00:48:41,836 --> 00:48:45,374
Top waiter leaves here tonight
with 10 grand in his pocket.
970
00:48:45,548 --> 00:48:48,790
Do you know what 10 grand
feels like in your pocket?
971
00:48:48,968 --> 00:48:51,084
It feels like a third cock.
972
00:48:51,262 --> 00:48:54,720
Jesus, how many cocks you got, champ?
973
00:48:56,517 --> 00:48:58,257
Are you lampooning me,
meatdrapes?
974
00:48:58,436 --> 00:48:59,551
No, of course not, sir.
975
00:48:59,728 --> 00:49:02,344
- You want a punch in the eye, guy?
- No, please.
976
00:49:02,523 --> 00:49:04,354
I can make your face
look like a pie, guy.
977
00:49:04,525 --> 00:49:06,186
Oh, god, no.
978
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:08,351
Oh!
979
00:49:17,872 --> 00:49:19,954
Excuse me.
I didn't mean to do that.
980
00:49:20,124 --> 00:49:22,740
But now you know the deal.
981
00:49:22,918 --> 00:49:25,034
The waiter that comes in first place
982
00:49:25,212 --> 00:49:27,373
gets $10,000.
983
00:49:27,548 --> 00:49:30,790
Whoever comes in last
gets a broken rib sandwich.
984
00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:33,630
And I wasn't even trying to hurt him.
985
00:49:33,804 --> 00:49:37,012
- Are you about to cry, guy?
- No, of course not.
986
00:49:37,183 --> 00:49:38,798
Loosen up your tie, guy.
987
00:49:38,976 --> 00:49:41,058
Did you hear what I just said?
988
00:49:41,228 --> 00:49:43,014
It was a rhyme.
989
00:49:43,189 --> 00:49:46,431
If you're not gonna cry,
then put it in his eye.
990
00:49:46,609 --> 00:49:51,103
Punch to the gut
and make him smell like a skunk.
991
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:53,737
If he runs out of meat then he's...
992
00:50:03,042 --> 00:50:04,782
So what are you all staring at?
993
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:07,042
Don't nobody want $10,000?
994
00:50:07,213 --> 00:50:09,704
Get the hell out of here now!
995
00:50:09,882 --> 00:50:12,002
- Get out of my way.
- I've got this thing in the bag.
996
00:50:12,092 --> 00:50:13,487
Bullshit, big nose,
it's already over.
997
00:50:13,511 --> 00:50:15,342
Um, champ,
998
00:50:15,513 --> 00:50:17,299
I don't mean to tell you
your business,
999
00:50:17,473 --> 00:50:20,010
but if you have to make 20 grand
tonight and you give away 10,
1000
00:50:20,184 --> 00:50:22,675
it works counter
to what you're trying to do.
1001
00:50:22,853 --> 00:50:26,095
Richardo, believe it or not,
I ain't a numbers man.
1002
00:50:26,273 --> 00:50:28,184
I punch people for a living.
1003
00:50:28,359 --> 00:50:31,476
And I'm gonna punch you
if you don't make that money tonight.
1004
00:50:31,654 --> 00:50:34,145
Okay, that's good math.
I'm on it.
1005
00:50:45,501 --> 00:50:48,117
- You really mean that?
- Oh, yeah I do.
1006
00:50:49,630 --> 00:50:51,495
Wow, that is so cool.
1007
00:50:51,674 --> 00:50:53,790
It's that couple's
20th wedding anniversary.
1008
00:50:53,968 --> 00:50:57,460
Woman:
Really? They look so young.
1009
00:50:57,638 --> 00:50:59,366
Well, they've been married
since they were 16.
1010
00:50:59,390 --> 00:51:01,802
Can you believe? That's amore.
1011
00:51:02,893 --> 00:51:06,761
Gordon, send those kids
a bottle of champagne.
1012
00:51:06,939 --> 00:51:08,699
Apparently they've been
married for 10 years.
1013
00:51:08,774 --> 00:51:11,545
But she didn't want to get pregnant
until the cancer went into remission.
1014
00:51:11,569 --> 00:51:14,527
Well, it went into remission last week.
1015
00:51:14,697 --> 00:51:17,551
Oh, will you send them a bottle of your
best champagne? On us, of course.
1016
00:51:17,575 --> 00:51:19,315
- It'd be my pleasure.
- Thank you.
1017
00:51:19,493 --> 00:51:21,324
Mia:
You see that man over there?
1018
00:51:21,495 --> 00:51:24,032
He's the one who pulled me
from the burning car.
1019
00:51:24,206 --> 00:51:25,537
He's my hero.
1020
00:51:25,708 --> 00:51:27,539
Tara:
After three years in a wheelchair,
1021
00:51:27,710 --> 00:51:29,575
he walked into her arms.
1022
00:51:29,753 --> 00:51:32,290
It was "oprah™'s highest
rated episode.
1023
00:51:32,464 --> 00:51:35,206
And they're sitting right over there.
1024
00:51:35,384 --> 00:51:38,672
I am gonna stuff it in your ass tonight.
1025
00:51:38,846 --> 00:51:41,508
Well, that's gonna be
an extra 50 bucks.
1026
00:51:41,682 --> 00:51:44,765
That's okay.
Shellfish makes me horny.
1027
00:51:44,935 --> 00:51:47,517
- Good, 'cause I got crabs.
- Who doesn't?
1028
00:51:47,688 --> 00:51:51,021
Excuse me, sir.
Compliments of the house.
1029
00:51:57,698 --> 00:51:59,814
What is this,
some kind of hidden camera thing?
1030
00:51:59,992 --> 00:52:02,779
- Are you miked?
- Are you miked?
1031
00:52:02,953 --> 00:52:05,660
I was just kidding about the anal.
1032
00:52:05,831 --> 00:52:07,367
Woman: Eww.
1033
00:52:07,541 --> 00:52:08,741
I was just bored at the hotel.
1034
00:52:08,876 --> 00:52:10,832
I was looking for something
to do with my cock.
1035
00:52:11,003 --> 00:52:12,959
Perfectly natch.
1036
00:52:13,130 --> 00:52:16,167
Come on, take a look at her.
You wouldn't kick in that back door?
1037
00:52:16,342 --> 00:52:18,958
I'm not ashamed. = fuck this!
1038
00:52:32,024 --> 00:52:35,232
Yeah, guy.
Number two with a bullet.
1039
00:52:35,402 --> 00:52:37,734
Congratulations.
1040
00:52:37,905 --> 00:52:39,190
Burn.
1041
00:52:39,365 --> 00:52:41,731
I would like to see you try
and sell with a burned face,
1042
00:52:41,909 --> 00:52:44,070
you orange tanned prick!
1043
00:52:44,244 --> 00:52:46,735
Oh, sucks to be you, Hiroshima.
1044
00:52:48,332 --> 00:52:49,572
10 grand!
1045
00:52:54,338 --> 00:52:55,857
Oh, yeah?
Well, check out the scoreboard.
1046
00:52:55,881 --> 00:52:57,621
You got to get by me first,
fake 'n' bake.
1047
00:52:57,800 --> 00:53:00,883
- Aha-ha! See ya.
- Oh, I am going to own this.
1048
00:53:12,147 --> 00:53:14,638
Hi there. Hey.
1049
00:53:14,817 --> 00:53:16,648
Is that Norma Jones?
1050
00:53:16,819 --> 00:53:18,434
That's Nutella the pop star.
1051
00:53:18,612 --> 00:53:20,732
Connor: Yeah, you take Norah Jones,
Fergie and Beyonce
1052
00:53:20,906 --> 00:53:22,384
and mix "em together,
you get Nutella.
1053
00:53:22,408 --> 00:53:25,741
Ah. Who's Beyonce?
1054
00:53:25,911 --> 00:53:28,778
- Nutella, Nutella.
- There he is.
1055
00:53:28,956 --> 00:53:30,617
Good to see you.
1056
00:53:30,791 --> 00:53:32,827
Mwah mwah.
1057
00:53:33,001 --> 00:53:35,959
Nutella thinks it's always good
to see you too, champ.
1058
00:53:36,130 --> 00:53:37,570
Give 'em the best seat in the house.
1059
00:53:37,715 --> 00:53:40,798
Thank you, baby.
Y'all see all that chocolate?
1060
00:53:40,968 --> 00:53:42,833
- I know, I love chocolate.
- I heard that.
1061
00:53:43,011 --> 00:53:44,296
- Right this way.
- All right.
1062
00:53:44,471 --> 00:53:46,712
- Perfect, that table.
- Come on.
1063
00:53:46,890 --> 00:53:49,723
- Thank you.
- Yes!
1064
00:53:49,893 --> 00:53:52,009
Come on.
1065
00:53:52,187 --> 00:53:55,099
- Hey, sexy Patty.
- Hey.
1066
00:53:55,274 --> 00:53:57,001
Hey, if you give me the best tables
for the rest of the night
1067
00:53:57,025 --> 00:53:58,515
I'll take you to persuasions
with me.
1068
00:53:58,694 --> 00:54:00,400
Oh, I thought you were taking Mia.
1069
00:54:00,571 --> 00:54:03,233
No, I would rather take you-a.
1070
00:54:03,407 --> 00:54:05,363
Oh my god, you are so funny.
1071
00:54:05,534 --> 00:54:06,886
You've got a great sense of humor.
1072
00:54:06,910 --> 00:54:08,241
Oh, you have great posture.
1073
00:54:08,412 --> 00:54:09,697
I used to have scoliosis.
1074
00:54:09,872 --> 00:54:12,158
You can't tell.
1075
00:54:16,128 --> 00:54:17,459
Good evening, miss Nutella.
1076
00:54:17,629 --> 00:54:20,792
We are so honored
to have you with us tonight.
1077
00:54:20,966 --> 00:54:23,673
Can I just say that I love your song
1078
00:54:23,844 --> 00:54:25,926
"too Sincere for you"?
1079
00:54:26,096 --> 00:54:29,680
J for you... j it's up here.
1080
00:54:29,850 --> 00:54:31,511
Got it.
Nutella thanks you, baby.
1081
00:54:31,685 --> 00:54:34,017
Now can we order fast?
'Cause Nutella is hungry.
1082
00:54:34,188 --> 00:54:35,644
Of course.
1083
00:54:35,814 --> 00:54:37,679
So what should we have?
1084
00:54:37,858 --> 00:54:41,726
Well, the champ ordered
two bottles of cristal,
1085
00:54:41,904 --> 00:54:44,065
four lobsters troubadour,
1086
00:54:44,239 --> 00:54:45,945
an Alaskan king crab,
1087
00:54:46,116 --> 00:54:49,483
oysters carbonara
and a round of swordfish.
1088
00:54:49,661 --> 00:54:51,947
Well, we will take five of that.
1089
00:54:52,122 --> 00:54:54,283
- Fantastic.
- You treat Nutella right,
1090
00:54:54,458 --> 00:54:56,119
Nutella treats you right.
1091
00:54:56,293 --> 00:54:58,229
- I know what you're saying, girlfriend.
- All right, girl.
1092
00:54:58,253 --> 00:55:01,541
- Okay, right.
- Show 'em what you're working with.
1093
00:55:19,441 --> 00:55:22,399
Okay, great. There we go.
1094
00:55:24,571 --> 00:55:27,313
No. What? What are you doing?
1095
00:55:27,491 --> 00:55:29,571
- Why am I on the board?
- I am giving you a section.
1096
00:55:29,660 --> 00:55:31,616
Congratulations, you are in
the competition.
1097
00:55:31,787 --> 00:55:33,223
What are you talking about?
I'm a busboy.
1098
00:55:33,247 --> 00:55:35,829
- You were a busboy.
- Get your hands off me.
1099
00:55:35,999 --> 00:55:37,364
But now you're a waiter.
1100
00:55:37,543 --> 00:55:40,125
No, I don't know the first thing
about waiting tables.
1101
00:55:40,295 --> 00:55:42,627
It's very simple.
You ask the people what they want,
1102
00:55:42,798 --> 00:55:45,039
and then you bring it to them.
A monkey could do it.
1103
00:55:45,217 --> 00:55:48,584
I'm four hours behind these guys
and I'm shitfaced.
1104
00:55:48,762 --> 00:55:50,423
Bring those tables out.
= no no no!
1105
00:55:50,597 --> 00:55:52,758
Rich:
Great, stick them wherever they fit.
1106
00:55:52,933 --> 00:55:54,514
Donnie: Please don't do this.
1107
00:55:54,685 --> 00:55:56,926
Rock shrimp and scallop Linguini.
1108
00:55:57,104 --> 00:55:59,766
Stay close to the shitter.
I call it my pants down pasta.
1109
00:55:59,940 --> 00:56:01,700
Be sure to eat all the cream.
Hey, douchebag.
1110
00:56:01,859 --> 00:56:04,396
Dave, you've got to tell the guy
I'm a fuck-up, yeah?
1111
00:56:04,570 --> 00:56:07,131
No no no, you'll do great.
You made it through six months of college.
1112
00:56:07,155 --> 00:56:09,567
- Come on, Dave.
- Sounds like waiter material to me.
1113
00:56:09,741 --> 00:56:11,527
This is delicious.
1114
00:56:11,702 --> 00:56:15,445
I hope the champ knocks every tooth
out of your fucking head.
1115
00:56:15,622 --> 00:56:17,658
I hope the champ
knocks your tooth out.
1116
00:56:21,962 --> 00:56:24,169
Ah!
1117
00:56:25,299 --> 00:56:28,211
Shots shots shots.
Come on, get it into ya.
1118
00:56:31,263 --> 00:56:33,879
Hello, gentlemen,
and welcome to the salmon slammin'.
1119
00:56:34,057 --> 00:56:37,299
My name is Donnie. Can I start you off
with something to drink tonight?
1120
00:56:37,477 --> 00:56:39,934
We've already got some drinks,
haven't we, mate?
1121
00:56:40,105 --> 00:56:41,936
Sounds like you're from the uk.
1122
00:56:42,107 --> 00:56:45,315
Are you in a band like oasis
or Herman's hermits?
1123
00:56:45,485 --> 00:56:48,022
No, we're not.
1124
00:56:48,196 --> 00:56:50,903
Are there any answers I can question
you from the menu tonight?
1125
00:56:51,074 --> 00:56:54,237
All right, Donnie, why don't you tell us
something good on the menu, eh?
1126
00:56:54,411 --> 00:56:56,151
Well, the blue curacao
is excellent.
1127
00:56:56,330 --> 00:56:58,412
Private joke.
1128
00:56:58,582 --> 00:57:00,698
Just get us some more shots, all right?
1129
00:57:00,876 --> 00:57:03,436
Then I will just clear these shot glasses
out of the way for you.
1130
00:57:03,545 --> 00:57:05,661
Hey hey!
1131
00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:12,342
You fucking cunt.
1132
00:57:12,512 --> 00:57:15,345
I'm not drunk.
1133
00:57:28,445 --> 00:57:30,561
So how is everything tonight?
1134
00:57:30,739 --> 00:57:33,776
Oh, truly splendid, guy.
Thank you.
1135
00:57:33,951 --> 00:57:36,363
Well, we're really really busy tonight.
1136
00:57:36,536 --> 00:57:38,276
Yes, I can see that.
1137
00:57:38,455 --> 00:57:40,821
So is there anything else I can get
for you tonight
1138
00:57:40,999 --> 00:57:43,035
or just the check?
1139
00:57:43,210 --> 00:57:45,701
Well, I wouldn't mind a cup of tea.
1140
00:57:45,879 --> 00:57:49,292
Get the fuck out of here.
1141
00:57:49,466 --> 00:57:51,377
Excuse me?
1142
00:57:51,551 --> 00:57:52,916
Are you reading "war and peace"?
1143
00:57:53,095 --> 00:57:54,447
Get the fuck out of here.
I love that book.
1144
00:57:54,471 --> 00:57:57,588
Oh, well, perhaps you'd like
to come to my book club.
1145
00:58:02,104 --> 00:58:04,186
It really brought the...
1146
00:58:04,356 --> 00:58:06,438
House down.
1147
00:58:06,608 --> 00:58:08,314
Hey, kid.
1148
00:58:08,485 --> 00:58:09,645
I like you.
1149
00:58:09,820 --> 00:58:11,856
I think they put you
in a really tough situation.
1150
00:58:12,030 --> 00:58:14,092
I'm gonna help you out
and give you one of my tables.
1151
00:58:14,116 --> 00:58:15,697
Really? Thanks.
1152
00:58:15,867 --> 00:58:18,074
Yeah, see Donald Trump over there?
1153
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:21,945
Knock yourself out.
1154
00:58:24,751 --> 00:58:27,117
- Mmm-mmm.
- Ooh, Connor.
1155
00:58:27,295 --> 00:58:29,536
- Hmm?
- I just sat you a six.
1156
00:58:29,715 --> 00:58:31,000
Six.
1157
00:58:31,174 --> 00:58:32,914
Mmm, thanks, Patty.
1158
00:58:35,887 --> 00:58:38,469
Woman: So you just keep
whacking him in the knee.
1159
00:58:40,684 --> 00:58:43,016
Painful, but better
than a punch in the face.
1160
00:58:49,651 --> 00:58:52,768
- Connor?
- Hey, Morgan.
1161
00:58:52,946 --> 00:58:55,278
Hi.
1162
00:58:55,449 --> 00:58:57,235
You remember dick lobo,
1163
00:58:57,409 --> 00:58:59,695
- the producer of "cfi hotlanta."
- Hey.
1164
00:58:59,870 --> 00:59:01,280
Of course.
1165
00:59:01,455 --> 00:59:03,286
And the entire rest of the cast.
1166
00:59:03,457 --> 00:59:05,994
Yeah, Ron, Mary Kay, jojo.
1167
00:59:06,168 --> 00:59:08,705
Um, what are you guys doing here?
1168
00:59:08,879 --> 00:59:11,712
Oh, we're in town to shoot
this fabulous crossover promo
1169
00:59:11,882 --> 00:59:13,088
with "cfi Miami."
1170
00:59:13,258 --> 00:59:14,623
Oh, cool.
1171
00:59:14,801 --> 00:59:16,883
You know, somebody suggested
that if I was in Miami
1172
00:59:17,054 --> 00:59:18,385
this is the place to come.
1173
00:59:18,555 --> 00:59:20,170
That was me.
1174
00:59:20,348 --> 00:59:22,680
Right. Right.
1175
00:59:22,851 --> 00:59:24,842
Yeah, so what are you doing here?
1176
00:59:25,020 --> 00:59:27,477
You researching a role
for TV or something?
1177
00:59:27,647 --> 00:59:29,308
Not really.
1178
00:59:29,483 --> 00:59:31,974
I actually just work here. So...
1179
00:59:32,152 --> 00:59:34,768
Keeping it real, huh?
1180
00:59:34,946 --> 00:59:38,279
- Good for you, dog.
- All right. Okay.
1181
00:59:39,826 --> 00:59:42,863
So can I get you all started off
1182
00:59:43,038 --> 00:59:45,074
with something to drink?
1183
00:59:45,248 --> 00:59:49,412
I told myself
I wasn't going to put
1184
00:59:49,586 --> 00:59:54,000
my thumbprint into every dessert
1185
00:59:54,174 --> 00:59:55,664
and yet...
1186
00:59:58,470 --> 01:00:00,176
That's impossible.
1187
01:00:00,347 --> 01:00:02,087
I never touched that one.
1188
01:00:02,265 --> 01:00:03,701
You know you're gonna
have to start over now.
1189
01:00:03,725 --> 01:00:05,056
I know.
1190
01:00:06,144 --> 01:00:08,681
I told myself
I wasn't going to put...
1191
01:00:08,855 --> 01:00:10,516
This is undefeated, you are...
1192
01:00:10,690 --> 01:00:12,601
Should be depleted.
1193
01:00:12,776 --> 01:00:14,186
When you go against me
1194
01:00:14,361 --> 01:00:16,818
you're gonna
be needing a paramedic.
1195
01:00:16,988 --> 01:00:19,775
P-a-r-a-dic. Paramedic.
1196
01:00:22,202 --> 01:00:24,909
Zongo's in the house!
1197
01:00:34,131 --> 01:00:36,292
Cleon: Hey, he's onto something.
1198
01:00:36,466 --> 01:00:37,922
You guys see nuts?
1199
01:00:38,093 --> 01:00:41,426
I want all the wait staff
skipping just like nuts now.
1200
01:00:43,431 --> 01:00:46,264
God damn it, I said now! Skip!
1201
01:00:46,434 --> 01:00:48,766
Skip, everybody!
1202
01:00:48,937 --> 01:00:51,053
Keep skipping. Keep skipping.
1203
01:00:51,231 --> 01:00:52,812
If you're in one place,
hop up and down.
1204
01:00:52,983 --> 01:00:55,599
- There you go, man.
- Tara: You doing all right?
1205
01:00:55,777 --> 01:00:59,269
Skip it like you mean it!
Keep skipping!
1206
01:00:59,447 --> 01:01:00,732
What the fuck?
1207
01:01:00,907 --> 01:01:04,195
J tempura j
1208
01:01:04,369 --> 01:01:07,657
j it's delicious. J
1209
01:01:10,625 --> 01:01:12,911
that's great.
1210
01:01:13,086 --> 01:01:14,997
I love it. We'll take all of it.
1211
01:01:15,172 --> 01:01:17,208
- Nuts, nuts, come here.
- Rich: Tara, Tara, Tara.
1212
01:01:17,382 --> 01:01:20,124
Rich, he's over the edge.
We have to help him.
1213
01:01:20,302 --> 01:01:21,782
Let it slide.
He's selling like crazy.
1214
01:01:21,928 --> 01:01:25,011
- You don't care?
- I totally care.
1215
01:01:26,975 --> 01:01:28,886
Rich, look at him.
He's totally out of control.
1216
01:01:29,060 --> 01:01:31,096
That doesn't bother you?
1217
01:01:31,271 --> 01:01:34,058
- Keep up the good work, okay?
- Rich, come on. Something's wrong.
1218
01:01:34,232 --> 01:01:35,938
If you need anything
ask for zongo.
1219
01:01:37,611 --> 01:01:39,226
In second place is Connor.
1220
01:01:39,404 --> 01:01:42,612
And in first place, nuts/zongo.
1221
01:01:42,782 --> 01:01:44,647
- Nuts is in first? Jesus Christ.
- What?
1222
01:01:44,826 --> 01:01:46,908
Rich, he's bazonkers.
Get him off the floor.
1223
01:01:47,078 --> 01:01:49,319
- Yeah.
- Look, aren't we all a little bazonkers?
1224
01:01:49,497 --> 01:01:51,909
Rich, why are you doing this?
Is it because of the champ?
1225
01:01:52,083 --> 01:01:53,789
That's ridiculous.
We have a job to do.
1226
01:01:53,960 --> 01:01:55,813
Nuts and zongo should at least count
as two different people.
1227
01:01:55,837 --> 01:01:56,837
- I agree.
- Yes.
1228
01:01:57,005 --> 01:01:59,525
Look, if it's any consolation,
you're all really close together.
1229
01:01:59,591 --> 01:02:01,331
- Oh.
- Except for you, Donnie.
1230
01:02:01,509 --> 01:02:03,374
Oh.
1231
01:02:03,553 --> 01:02:05,794
Oh my god. Excuse me.
I've got to go.
1232
01:02:09,017 --> 01:02:12,180
- Got to be an asshole about this.
- I ain't losing to some lunatic.
1233
01:02:14,064 --> 01:02:16,459
If you don't like mauve we can totally
do some kind of texture
1234
01:02:16,483 --> 01:02:17,893
mosaic finger-painting.
1235
01:02:18,068 --> 01:02:19,729
Excuse me.
1236
01:02:19,903 --> 01:02:22,144
I just wanted to let you know
that the chef
1237
01:02:22,322 --> 01:02:24,153
is pushing out
1238
01:02:24,324 --> 01:02:26,861
your dessert from the oven.
1239
01:02:27,035 --> 01:02:29,117
It'll just be a few minutes.
1240
01:02:29,287 --> 01:02:33,246
Well, that is fantastic,
detective shep winford.
1241
01:02:33,416 --> 01:02:35,953
Now why don't you track me
down another drink?
1242
01:02:36,127 --> 01:02:38,334
And tell them to put some
booze in it this time, yeah?
1243
01:02:38,505 --> 01:02:40,336
Coming right up.
1244
01:02:40,507 --> 01:02:42,213
- Are you sure you want another one?
- Yes.
1245
01:02:42,384 --> 01:02:44,170
Maybe a virgin rum and coke.
1246
01:02:44,344 --> 01:02:47,302
- That would just be coke.
- Oh, that sounds delicious.
1247
01:02:47,472 --> 01:02:49,258
Whoo! What's up, noodle dicks?
1248
01:02:49,432 --> 01:02:52,265
That table over there just ordered
two rounds of premium Tequila.
1249
01:02:52,435 --> 01:02:53,800
Now are y'all just gonna sit here
1250
01:02:53,979 --> 01:02:56,082
while they make you look like
a bunch of fucking pussies?
1251
01:02:56,106 --> 01:02:58,347
Hell no, dude.
We'll take three rounds.
1252
01:02:58,525 --> 01:02:59,925
Shit yeah!
What are y'all, phi taus?
1253
01:02:59,985 --> 01:03:02,442
- Phi taus!
- Come on now, give it to me.
1254
01:03:02,612 --> 01:03:04,332
- Give it to me good.
- Let's take him down.
1255
01:03:04,406 --> 01:03:07,819
- I know where he keeps his meds.
- Yeah.
1256
01:03:07,993 --> 01:03:10,154
I want some booze in my belly.
1257
01:03:10,328 --> 01:03:11,909
Yeah, baby!
1258
01:03:12,080 --> 01:03:14,867
Fidel, this is for a pissed-off movie star,
so give it some balls.
1259
01:03:16,209 --> 01:03:17,745
Mm-hmm, yeah. Do it.
1260
01:03:17,919 --> 01:03:20,706
Go and go.
That's what I'm talking about.
1261
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:22,541
Hola, diablo blancos.
1262
01:03:22,716 --> 01:03:25,002
Zongo like vodka.
1263
01:03:25,176 --> 01:03:27,462
Hey hey, you doing okay, zongo?
1264
01:03:27,637 --> 01:03:30,299
- Mmm.
- Hello, zongo.
1265
01:03:30,473 --> 01:03:32,088
You've got to take it, zongo.
1266
01:03:32,267 --> 01:03:34,724
Nobody puts zongo in a cage.
1267
01:03:34,894 --> 01:03:38,386
No one's trying
to put zongo in a cage, zongo.
1268
01:03:38,565 --> 01:03:41,352
Okay. I'll take it.
1269
01:03:41,526 --> 01:03:44,142
- It's so big!
- Get him!
1270
01:03:49,909 --> 01:03:52,275
Zongo, calm down.
1271
01:04:05,425 --> 01:04:06,710
What the fuck?
1272
01:04:06,885 --> 01:04:09,046
Hey, Mr. lobo.
1273
01:04:09,220 --> 01:04:11,632
- Men's room?
- All: Just down the hall.
1274
01:04:11,806 --> 01:04:14,388
Miami.
1275
01:04:14,559 --> 01:04:16,515
Open. There.
1276
01:04:16,686 --> 01:04:19,393
Got it. Got it. Got it.
Got it. Got it.
1277
01:04:19,564 --> 01:04:22,055
Easy. Easy, zongo. Easy. Shh.
1278
01:04:22,233 --> 01:04:24,269
Easy. That's good.
1279
01:04:24,444 --> 01:04:27,186
- That's good.
- Get him up.
1280
01:04:30,950 --> 01:04:33,066
Hey, you look better.
1281
01:04:33,244 --> 01:04:34,700
Yeah, I'm better now.
1282
01:04:34,871 --> 01:04:37,487
I am gonna win this thing,
face or no face.
1283
01:04:37,665 --> 01:04:40,782
Got a birthday table and I've got
'em in the palm of my hand.
1284
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:43,793
- So you want to sing with me?
- Yes, I do.
1285
01:04:43,963 --> 01:04:46,625
Get your poop in a group.
1286
01:04:49,427 --> 01:04:52,464
- Any second now.
- Believe it when I see it.
1287
01:04:58,645 --> 01:05:00,931
Sorry.
1288
01:05:03,316 --> 01:05:05,682
- Ahem.
- Oh shit.
1289
01:05:05,860 --> 01:05:07,396
Connor, hey.
1290
01:05:07,570 --> 01:05:09,652
Mr. lobo, I just need
a minute of your time
1291
01:05:09,823 --> 01:05:11,188
to talk about why you fired me.
1292
01:05:11,366 --> 01:05:14,779
Connor, please.
I don't know what you're taking about.
1293
01:05:14,953 --> 01:05:17,114
It's okay, I understand.
1294
01:05:17,288 --> 01:05:19,028
I mean, you cast me
to play a big-nosed cop
1295
01:05:19,207 --> 01:05:21,368
and I got a nose job.
It was stupid.
1296
01:05:21,543 --> 01:05:23,329
I didn't even know
you had a nose job.
1297
01:05:23,503 --> 01:05:25,463
Looks pretty good though.
Turn your head that way.
1298
01:05:25,547 --> 01:05:27,378
Yeah. Who's your doctor?
1299
01:05:27,549 --> 01:05:29,790
I've got a 12-year old daughter
with a fucking beak.
1300
01:05:29,968 --> 01:05:32,630
She's got bean bag tits
and a big caboose too.
1301
01:05:32,804 --> 01:05:35,011
That poor girl's gonna have
a hard road ahead.
1302
01:05:35,181 --> 01:05:36,967
Mr. lobo, I know I made a mistake.
1303
01:05:37,142 --> 01:05:40,054
Look, kid, I didn't fire you
for having a small nose.
1304
01:05:40,228 --> 01:05:43,095
Mr. lobo, I am not gonna
turn you in to the nose police.
1305
01:05:43,273 --> 01:05:45,059
You kill me, man.
1306
01:05:45,233 --> 01:05:48,020
It was hard
growing up with that nose.
1307
01:05:48,194 --> 01:05:51,027
You are a real fucking moron,
you know that?
1308
01:05:51,197 --> 01:05:53,734
- What?
- You read the script, didn't you, shithead?
1309
01:05:53,908 --> 01:05:57,196
It's all nose jokes.
"I've been nosing around. I smell a rat."
1310
01:05:57,370 --> 01:05:59,577
And then you show up
with that little cat nose.
1311
01:05:59,747 --> 01:06:01,362
Doesn't make any sense.
1312
01:06:01,541 --> 01:06:03,953
Do you realize how hard it is
to rewrite an entire season?
1313
01:06:04,127 --> 01:06:06,709
- No, sir.
- You were a kid with a big nose.
1314
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:08,996
Yougoton TV
but you fucked it up.
1315
01:06:09,174 --> 01:06:12,041
You. Who? You fucked it up.
1316
01:06:14,053 --> 01:06:16,385
Look, Mr. lobo, I found out
about this place
1317
01:06:16,556 --> 01:06:18,672
that does nose enlargements.
1318
01:06:18,850 --> 01:06:22,183
And if all goes well I could actually
have the money to do it by tomorrow.
1319
01:06:22,353 --> 01:06:23,638
Oh.
1320
01:06:23,813 --> 01:06:27,726
The new honker is gonna
be a goddamn fire hose.
1321
01:06:27,901 --> 01:06:29,391
What are we supposed to do?
1322
01:06:29,569 --> 01:06:33,812
Bring back detective shep winford
from the dead with a big nose?
1323
01:06:33,990 --> 01:06:35,855
This isn't fucking "x files."
1324
01:06:39,746 --> 01:06:41,111
Goodbye.
1325
01:06:43,208 --> 01:06:46,746
Rich: So you didn't donkey punch
Morgan Fairchild.
1326
01:06:46,920 --> 01:06:49,036
Oh, Jesus Christ.
1327
01:06:59,641 --> 01:07:03,600
Hey, wasn't I in last place
an hour ago?
1328
01:07:03,770 --> 01:07:05,101
Yes, you were.
1329
01:07:05,271 --> 01:07:08,013
- Was zongo here?
- Oh, zongo was here all right.
1330
01:07:08,191 --> 01:07:10,557
Sold 18 entrees
to a party of six.
1331
01:07:10,735 --> 01:07:13,067
I don't remember any of that.
1332
01:07:13,238 --> 01:07:14,590
Not even the champ
offering 10 grand?
1333
01:07:14,614 --> 01:07:17,606
- 10 grand for what?
- Top seller.
1334
01:07:22,997 --> 01:07:26,080
Fucking dodo bird.
1335
01:07:45,228 --> 01:07:47,219
Nuts?
1336
01:07:47,397 --> 01:07:49,308
Are you okay?
1337
01:07:49,482 --> 01:07:52,770
I am zongo.
1338
01:07:52,944 --> 01:07:54,559
Ugh.
1339
01:07:54,737 --> 01:07:56,568
I am still going to win this contest
1340
01:07:56,739 --> 01:07:59,105
because I can hold it together
under pressure.
1341
01:07:59,284 --> 01:08:01,775
Welcome to the slammin' salmon.
1342
01:08:01,953 --> 01:08:03,693
Be graceful and amazing
1343
01:08:03,871 --> 01:08:05,827
'cause that's what I am.
1344
01:08:08,626 --> 01:08:10,708
Donnie?
1345
01:08:10,878 --> 01:08:13,585
Who the fuck is Donnie?
1346
01:08:13,756 --> 01:08:16,293
I'm Donnie, Mr. salmon.
1347
01:08:16,467 --> 01:08:18,958
Good try, Dave.
1348
01:08:20,179 --> 01:08:22,545
No, I'm Dave's twin brother.
1349
01:08:23,641 --> 01:08:25,006
And you know what?
Another thing,
1350
01:08:25,184 --> 01:08:27,391
I don't care how severe
her peanut allergy is.
1351
01:08:27,562 --> 01:08:29,018
Wow!
1352
01:08:29,188 --> 01:08:31,645
Did anybody ever tell you
you guys look exactly alike?
1353
01:08:31,816 --> 01:08:33,226
Every day.
1354
01:08:33,401 --> 01:08:35,687
Is that why you wear the blue lipstick?
1355
01:08:35,862 --> 01:08:37,944
Either way,
I hope you like hospital food.
1356
01:08:38,114 --> 01:08:41,356
No, I was recently a busboy.
1357
01:08:41,534 --> 01:08:44,025
- I wasn't a part of this thing.
- Yeah, you know what?
1358
01:08:44,203 --> 01:08:47,491
Excuses are like assholes.
Everybody's got one,
1359
01:08:47,665 --> 01:08:49,747
but don't nobody want to admit it.
1360
01:08:49,917 --> 01:08:53,205
Now get your ass out of last place
1361
01:08:53,379 --> 01:08:56,462
or I'm gonna use
your spine for a jump rope.
1362
01:09:00,303 --> 01:09:01,793
What the fuck?
1363
01:09:03,222 --> 01:09:06,055
I'd still hit that.
1364
01:09:11,856 --> 01:09:13,721
- I got it.
- Nice.
1365
01:09:15,151 --> 01:09:18,063
Dude, where's the south African
bing diamond?
1366
01:09:20,740 --> 01:09:22,526
Shit!
1367
01:09:25,787 --> 01:09:28,529
Ladies, hello and welcome
to the slammin' salmon tonight.
1368
01:09:28,706 --> 01:09:32,119
Let me tell you about some of the more
delicious things on our menu.
1369
01:09:32,293 --> 01:09:35,330
Uh, we have a boneless fillet of...
1370
01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:40,582
Champion...
1371
01:09:40,760 --> 01:09:44,002
Also a very nice black eye...
1372
01:09:46,265 --> 01:09:49,757
Sock-eyed salmon.
It's very nice.
1373
01:09:51,854 --> 01:09:53,936
It's sautéed...
1374
01:09:54,107 --> 01:09:55,847
Heartbeat...
1375
01:09:58,152 --> 01:10:00,188
He's watching me.
1376
01:10:17,046 --> 01:10:20,288
Little story for you, Dave il,
before you get back to work.
1377
01:10:20,466 --> 01:10:23,833
When I was training
for the dispute in Beirut,
1378
01:10:24,011 --> 01:10:27,629
I used to run 10 miles a day with
a baby camel strapped to my back.
1379
01:10:29,976 --> 01:10:32,467
So you can understand
how bemusing I find it
1380
01:10:32,645 --> 01:10:34,226
that you're trying
to run away from me.
1381
01:10:34,397 --> 01:10:36,433
I was...
1382
01:10:36,607 --> 01:10:39,269
Don't run. Just take it.
1383
01:10:43,865 --> 01:10:45,571
Okay, here we go. Here we go.
1384
01:10:45,742 --> 01:10:47,698
Here's to "cfll hotlanta"
1385
01:10:47,869 --> 01:10:50,861
and its record 15 Emmy award
nominations.
1386
01:10:51,038 --> 01:10:52,744
- Yay.
- Hear hear.
1387
01:10:53,750 --> 01:10:54,830
Oh.
1388
01:10:55,001 --> 01:10:56,866
Connor.
1389
01:10:57,044 --> 01:10:58,705
Come here. Come here a second.
1390
01:10:58,880 --> 01:11:01,838
Come here. Come here.
1391
01:11:03,593 --> 01:11:06,335
Hey, buddy, we couldn't have done it
without you, man.
1392
01:11:06,512 --> 01:11:08,594
- Hear hear.
- Hear hear.
1393
01:11:08,765 --> 01:11:10,426
Thanks a million.
1394
01:11:10,600 --> 01:11:13,057
Oh, Connor, have you met
our newest cast member?
1395
01:11:13,227 --> 01:11:14,717
This is Steve lemmaduche.
1396
01:11:16,355 --> 01:11:17,936
Hey, buddy. What's crackin'?
1397
01:11:18,107 --> 01:11:20,189
Call me duche.
1398
01:11:21,778 --> 01:11:24,110
Hey, what are those guys
eating over there?
1399
01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:27,272
Over there? That's the salmon.
1400
01:11:29,202 --> 01:11:31,409
Oh yeah. That smells beautiful.
1401
01:11:31,579 --> 01:11:33,115
Hustle me out one of those.
1402
01:11:33,289 --> 01:11:35,746
And a chocotini, dry.
1403
01:11:35,917 --> 01:11:37,157
Thanks, pal.
1404
01:11:37,335 --> 01:11:38,620
The duche.
1405
01:11:38,795 --> 01:11:40,626
Connor.
1406
01:11:40,797 --> 01:11:44,289
Look, I just know you're gonna
find another show really soon.
1407
01:11:44,467 --> 01:11:46,458
Thank you, Morgan.
1408
01:11:46,636 --> 01:11:50,549
And that being said, I also know
that I ordered my ahi tuna seared,
1409
01:11:50,723 --> 01:11:53,089
and, baby, this is not seared.
1410
01:11:53,267 --> 01:11:56,225
I'll get that right back to you.
1411
01:11:56,395 --> 01:11:58,431
Thank you.
1412
01:12:06,656 --> 01:12:10,114
Donnie? What are you doing?
1413
01:12:12,453 --> 01:12:13,659
Are you crying?
1414
01:12:13,830 --> 01:12:15,786
No.
1415
01:12:16,791 --> 01:12:19,908
What is that?
It's not coming off.
1416
01:12:20,086 --> 01:12:21,872
The champ is gonna kill me.
1417
01:12:22,046 --> 01:12:23,957
There's no way I can get
out of last place.
1418
01:12:24,131 --> 01:12:25,746
Donnie, he's not gonna kill you.
1419
01:12:25,925 --> 01:12:28,837
Didn't you hear?
Last place is a broken rib sandwich.
1420
01:12:29,011 --> 01:12:32,344
You see? Breaking your ribs
won't kill you.
1421
01:12:34,433 --> 01:12:37,220
Okay, look, Donnie, why don't you
take one of my tables?
1422
01:12:37,395 --> 01:12:39,260
The mcnaultys.
They're great tippers
1423
01:12:39,438 --> 01:12:41,850
and they've got a huge check.
My gift to you.
1424
01:12:42,024 --> 01:12:43,810
Shut up.
You need that money for school.
1425
01:12:43,985 --> 01:12:46,442
Nutella's check is over $1000.
1426
01:12:46,612 --> 01:12:48,773
Once I close her out,
I'm gonna shoot past everyone.
1427
01:12:48,948 --> 01:12:50,859
Take the table.
1428
01:12:51,033 --> 01:12:53,399
- Really?
- Yeah.
1429
01:12:53,578 --> 01:12:56,820
- How would I pay you back?
- I don't know.
1430
01:12:56,998 --> 01:13:00,161
Take me out for a broken rib
sandwich sometime.
1431
01:13:00,334 --> 01:13:02,700
Help me up.
1432
01:13:02,879 --> 01:13:04,335
Come on, you lush.
1433
01:13:09,468 --> 01:13:11,629
Welcome to the slammin' salmon.
1434
01:13:11,804 --> 01:13:13,214
My name is zongo.
1435
01:13:13,389 --> 01:13:15,880
How is everyone feline this evening?
1436
01:13:17,476 --> 01:13:20,809
The '62 salmon is "purrfect.”
1437
01:13:20,980 --> 01:13:24,143
Would anybody like to try?
1438
01:13:24,317 --> 01:13:27,184
Oh, yes. Everybody take a sip.
1439
01:13:27,361 --> 01:13:29,226
Mmm, delicious.
1440
01:13:29,405 --> 01:13:32,397
How about you, ma'am?
How does that taste?
1441
01:13:32,575 --> 01:13:34,987
How does that taste?
How does that taste?
1442
01:13:35,161 --> 01:13:36,651
How does that taste?
1443
01:13:36,829 --> 01:13:39,161
How does that taste?
How does that taste?
1444
01:13:39,332 --> 01:13:41,618
How does that taste?
How does it taste?
1445
01:13:41,792 --> 01:13:43,783
How does it taste?
How does that taste?
1446
01:13:43,961 --> 01:13:46,168
How does it taste?
1447
01:13:50,676 --> 01:13:52,166
Ow!
1448
01:13:54,680 --> 01:13:58,013
Definitely the hardest
substance known to man.
1449
01:13:58,184 --> 01:14:00,266
Mmm! Mmm!
1450
01:14:00,436 --> 01:14:03,098
Mmm, so good.
1451
01:14:03,272 --> 01:14:05,137
Mmm.
1452
01:14:05,316 --> 01:14:08,433
Mmm. Mmm.
1453
01:14:15,159 --> 01:14:16,490
Oh my god.
1454
01:14:16,661 --> 01:14:19,403
- Oh, I love it.
- I'm glad you like it.
1455
01:14:19,580 --> 01:14:21,195
Yes.
1456
01:14:21,374 --> 01:14:23,456
Yes, I'll marry you.
1457
01:14:29,173 --> 01:14:32,586
- I love you so much.
- I love you too, baby.
1458
01:14:32,760 --> 01:14:34,625
- Tara, Tara, Tara.
- What?
1459
01:14:34,804 --> 01:14:36,124
Can you go check on nuts, please?
1460
01:14:36,222 --> 01:14:37,741
Why do I have to do it?
Rich, I'm slammed.
1461
01:14:37,765 --> 01:14:39,096
'Cause you're a doctor, come on.
1462
01:14:39,266 --> 01:14:41,536
I'm not even close to being a doctor.
I'm a second-year med student.
1463
01:14:41,560 --> 01:14:43,050
I'm making half of this shit up.
1464
01:14:43,229 --> 01:14:45,149
Come on, isn't it part
of your hippocrastic oath?
1465
01:14:45,272 --> 01:14:47,979
Hippo what?
Look, don't put this on me, okay?
1466
01:14:48,150 --> 01:14:50,141
He got punched out
by that gigantic mongoloid
1467
01:14:50,319 --> 01:14:52,059
because you
denied him his medication.
1468
01:14:52,238 --> 01:14:55,401
You sold him out just like you sold out
Mia and that poor kid Donnie.
1469
01:14:55,574 --> 01:14:57,815
And all because you're afraid of cleon.
1470
01:14:57,994 --> 01:15:00,155
God, you're a real
spineless pussy, rich.
1471
01:15:02,415 --> 01:15:05,498
Hey, three of them.
1472
01:15:05,668 --> 01:15:07,033
Oh, Jesus.
1473
01:15:07,211 --> 01:15:08,951
Look at these babies.
1474
01:15:09,130 --> 01:15:12,213
- Honey, hi.
- Hey.
1475
01:15:12,383 --> 01:15:13,589
What are you doing here?
1476
01:15:13,759 --> 01:15:16,546
Well, the kids couldn't sleep
so I thought we'd pop in and say hi.
1477
01:15:16,721 --> 01:15:19,428
Mrs. rich parente in the house.
1478
01:15:19,598 --> 01:15:20,883
- Hey, champ.
- Hey.
1479
01:15:21,058 --> 01:15:23,925
Oh, cleon.
1480
01:15:24,103 --> 01:15:27,095
I don't mean to be mean,
but, baby, you need some listerine.
1481
01:15:29,066 --> 01:15:31,728
That's my little sister.
Always tells it like it is.
1482
01:15:31,902 --> 01:15:34,393
Oh, look at the little babies.
1483
01:15:34,572 --> 01:15:36,688
Hey, it's uncle cleon.
1484
01:15:39,160 --> 01:15:41,697
What'd you do,
fuck a xerox machine?
1485
01:15:41,871 --> 01:15:44,362
Watch your goddamn mouth
in front of my kids.
1486
01:15:44,540 --> 01:15:46,656
- It's uncle cleon. Watch it.
- No no, not too close.
1487
01:15:46,834 --> 01:15:49,291
- Okay, easy now. Okay.
- Keep your guard up.
1488
01:15:49,462 --> 01:15:52,329
How the hell did you wind up
with the champ's sister?
1489
01:15:52,506 --> 01:15:54,667
Well, believe it or not,
1490
01:15:54,842 --> 01:15:57,083
the champ introduced us
and we fell in love
1491
01:15:57,261 --> 01:16:00,549
and had these babies.
And here we are.
1492
01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:04,056
When I first was made aware
of richardo here,
1493
01:16:04,226 --> 01:16:06,638
he cracked his head open
running out of my office.
1494
01:16:06,812 --> 01:16:09,053
And I thought right away,
this guy
1495
01:16:09,231 --> 01:16:11,688
is such a pussy.
1496
01:16:11,859 --> 01:16:13,815
I knew he was such a pussy
1497
01:16:13,986 --> 01:16:16,648
that he would never
ever cheat on my sister.
1498
01:16:16,822 --> 01:16:18,608
No, I'm serious.
1499
01:16:18,783 --> 01:16:20,819
You want to know what
my nickname for him was?
1500
01:16:20,993 --> 01:16:23,359
Cunty mctwat.
1501
01:16:23,537 --> 01:16:25,073
'Cause he was such a pussy.
1502
01:16:27,958 --> 01:16:30,870
Why isn't anybody laughing?
1503
01:16:31,045 --> 01:16:33,331
- That's amazing.
- Cleon: Hey, babies, yes.
1504
01:16:33,506 --> 01:16:35,358
The middle one has your head.
1505
01:16:35,382 --> 01:16:36,792
Don't touch... no no no. Okay.
1506
01:16:39,011 --> 01:16:40,811
Rich: Okay, we've got
some movement, you guys.
1507
01:16:40,846 --> 01:16:43,053
Oh!
1508
01:16:43,224 --> 01:16:45,010
This is bullshit!
1509
01:16:45,184 --> 01:16:48,426
You gave Donnie
all of nuts's huge tables.
1510
01:16:48,604 --> 01:16:50,040
Guy, it's anyone's game still, all right?
1511
01:16:50,064 --> 01:16:52,271
There's only 250 bucks
separating first and last.
1512
01:16:52,441 --> 01:16:54,272
- It's anyone's game.
- That's awesome.
1513
01:16:54,443 --> 01:16:56,213
You better not be lying,
'cause I will cut you.
1514
01:16:56,237 --> 01:16:58,603
All right, one hour left.
Go get 'em, guys, all right?
1515
01:16:58,781 --> 01:17:01,067
- Okay okay.
- Mia Mia Mia.
1516
01:17:01,242 --> 01:17:02,857
I just sat the last table.
You got 'em.
1517
01:17:03,035 --> 01:17:06,368
It's the Miami dolphin's offensive line
and they're starving.
1518
01:17:06,539 --> 01:17:09,656
Good luck.
Sorry, but, you know...
1519
01:17:09,834 --> 01:17:11,324
This is so not over.
1520
01:17:11,502 --> 01:17:14,915
- You're gonna burn, baby.
- I'm not losing this thing.
1521
01:17:15,089 --> 01:17:16,545
I'm not losing this thing.
1522
01:17:17,675 --> 01:17:19,211
All right, if you ladies are like me,
1523
01:17:19,385 --> 01:17:21,046
you can eat a shitload of lobster.
1524
01:17:21,220 --> 01:17:24,087
I am not leaving
until you people are heaving.
1525
01:17:24,265 --> 01:17:27,257
So that's four orders
of the Alaskan king crab legs.
1526
01:17:28,811 --> 01:17:31,473
Eat it, fuck nut.
1527
01:17:35,985 --> 01:17:37,521
Hey, how are you?
1528
01:17:37,695 --> 01:17:39,855
I couldn't help but overhear
you ordered the king crab.
1529
01:17:39,989 --> 01:17:42,947
Well, we came in here dead set
on the San Francisco cioppino,
1530
01:17:43,117 --> 01:17:46,951
but that young lad made those
king crab legs sound irresistible.
1531
01:17:47,121 --> 01:17:49,237
It's just that you look like good people.
1532
01:17:49,415 --> 01:17:52,248
And the chef asked us not
to sell the king crab
1533
01:17:52,418 --> 01:17:55,706
because it's a week old.
1534
01:17:55,880 --> 01:17:59,338
Why would that waiter recommend
something that's turned?
1535
01:17:59,508 --> 01:18:01,669
It's one of the most expensive
items on the menu.
1536
01:18:01,844 --> 01:18:05,177
You can figure it out.
But please, you didn't hear it from me.
1537
01:18:05,347 --> 01:18:07,963
My name is guy.
1538
01:18:08,142 --> 01:18:11,259
I like him more.
That's the man I trust.
1539
01:18:14,023 --> 01:18:17,766
Hi, guys.
Welcome to the slammin' salmon.
1540
01:18:17,943 --> 01:18:20,104
My name is Mia
and I'll be your waitress.
1541
01:18:20,279 --> 01:18:22,611
I apologize for my appearance,
1542
01:18:22,781 --> 01:18:25,113
but I was in an explosion.
1543
01:18:25,284 --> 01:18:26,899
Is this like make a wish foundation?
1544
01:18:27,077 --> 01:18:28,942
Yes, definitely.
1545
01:18:29,121 --> 01:18:30,657
That's great.
1546
01:18:30,831 --> 01:18:34,198
What a brave lady. I mean,
showing your face in public like this.
1547
01:18:34,376 --> 01:18:35,991
- Thank you.
- Tell you what, Mia,
1548
01:18:36,170 --> 01:18:39,253
we're starving, so would you start
us off with some appetizers?
1549
01:18:39,423 --> 01:18:41,505
Of course.
1550
01:18:41,675 --> 01:18:44,087
We'll take two t-bone steaks.
Two each.
1551
01:18:44,261 --> 01:18:46,843
- Two each.
- Okay.
1552
01:18:47,014 --> 01:18:48,800
Put some calamari on there.
1553
01:18:48,974 --> 01:18:51,260
Good luck on your nose job.
1554
01:18:51,435 --> 01:18:52,845
Thank you, Mr. lobo.
1555
01:18:53,020 --> 01:18:54,581
Give me a call
when the bandages come off.
1556
01:18:54,605 --> 01:18:57,438
- Okay.
- We're doing "cfi greektown."
1557
01:18:57,608 --> 01:19:01,066
You might be right for
detective stavros popadropolis.
1558
01:19:01,237 --> 01:19:03,569
- Okay.
- Feel like I'm gonna give birth.
1559
01:19:03,739 --> 01:19:05,024
Thank you, Mr. lobo.
1560
01:19:05,199 --> 01:19:08,236
Thank you, Connor.
It's so good to see you again.
1561
01:19:08,410 --> 01:19:10,138
Great to see you too, Morgan.
You look terrific.
1562
01:19:10,162 --> 01:19:13,245
- Oh, thank you.
- Hey, man, you're a hell of a waiter.
1563
01:19:13,415 --> 01:19:16,327
Don't quit your day job. Boop.
1564
01:19:16,502 --> 01:19:18,914
Get lost.
1565
01:19:19,088 --> 01:19:22,376
Oh, enjoy not winning
10 grand, sucker.
1566
01:19:22,549 --> 01:19:24,756
Oh, honey, that's so cute.
1567
01:19:24,927 --> 01:19:28,715
But I still have Nutella and, whew,
it is a huge check.
1568
01:19:28,889 --> 01:19:31,005
Don't worry though.
When I'm done with school
1569
01:19:31,183 --> 01:19:33,595
I'll fix your nose for free.
Any shape you want, okay?
1570
01:19:33,769 --> 01:19:36,055
Button nose, cute little clown nose.
1571
01:19:36,230 --> 01:19:39,017
Ooh, a brown nose.
That works well for you.
1572
01:19:44,530 --> 01:19:48,773
And I came in here dead set on
the San Francisco cioppino.
1573
01:19:48,951 --> 01:19:50,971
I'm very sorry, sir.
We will change your order right away.
1574
01:19:50,995 --> 01:19:52,722
- And guy will be your waiter.
- Donnie: What?
1575
01:19:52,746 --> 01:19:55,237
Donnie, the table is guy's now.
1576
01:19:55,416 --> 01:19:57,498
No no no. No, it was...
1577
01:19:57,668 --> 01:20:00,501
- See? I can step up to the plate.
- Finally.
1578
01:20:03,465 --> 01:20:06,332
Some pitchers of beer,
that bucket of jumbo shrimp,
1579
01:20:06,510 --> 01:20:08,046
that spinach artichoke dip,
1580
01:20:08,220 --> 01:20:10,586
and of course that 8-1b lobster
you were talking about.
1581
01:20:10,764 --> 01:20:12,755
- Yes.
- And that should do it.
1582
01:20:12,933 --> 01:20:14,798
Okay.
1583
01:20:14,977 --> 01:20:16,763
Oh, baby girl, what's wrong?
1584
01:20:16,937 --> 01:20:19,553
It's just you guys are so nice.
1585
01:20:19,732 --> 01:20:22,348
And this is my biggest check ever.
1586
01:20:22,526 --> 01:20:25,142
I just really needed this.
1587
01:20:25,321 --> 01:20:27,403
And you're the nicest waitress
we've ever had.
1588
01:20:27,573 --> 01:20:30,861
You know, Mia,
I know you were pretty once.
1589
01:20:31,035 --> 01:20:32,866
Thank you.
1590
01:20:43,422 --> 01:20:45,663
That's disgusting.
1591
01:20:47,760 --> 01:20:49,716
I'm gonna be sick.
1592
01:20:57,853 --> 01:21:01,846
I just wanna win.
1593
01:21:05,486 --> 01:21:07,602
And, um, word to your mother.
1594
01:21:07,780 --> 01:21:09,316
All right, girl.
1595
01:21:17,081 --> 01:21:19,788
Nutella, I'm sorry.
This isn't the check that I gave you.
1596
01:21:19,958 --> 01:21:22,791
Yeah it is. Champ comped us.
1597
01:21:22,961 --> 01:21:25,953
I throw a little knee right there.
1598
01:21:26,131 --> 01:21:28,998
It bends him down. Bam!
1599
01:21:30,636 --> 01:21:33,548
Well, were you dissatisfied
with the service?
1600
01:21:33,722 --> 01:21:36,259
- You didn't leave a tip.
- Do the math.
1601
01:21:36,433 --> 01:21:39,049
20% of nothing is nothing.
1602
01:21:39,228 --> 01:21:41,594
Come on, y'all. We outie.
1603
01:21:51,824 --> 01:21:53,689
Shit.
1604
01:22:23,522 --> 01:22:25,082
Here you go.
I didn't want to interrupt.
1605
01:22:25,232 --> 01:22:26,392
Thank you.
1606
01:22:26,567 --> 01:22:28,478
Have you read this?
1607
01:22:28,652 --> 01:22:30,233
Uh, no. I can't say that I have.
1608
01:22:30,404 --> 01:22:33,146
I did not know anything,
1609
01:22:33,323 --> 01:22:35,530
anything at all till now.
1610
01:22:38,662 --> 01:22:41,074
You remind me
of a young Andrew bolkonski.
1611
01:22:41,248 --> 01:22:43,785
Oh, thank you.
1612
01:22:43,959 --> 01:22:45,199
No, thank you.
1613
01:22:45,377 --> 01:22:47,038
Thank you.
1614
01:22:57,598 --> 01:22:59,714
Uh...
1615
01:22:59,892 --> 01:23:01,678
I'm sorry, sir.
I think you made a mistake.
1616
01:23:01,852 --> 01:23:03,638
I can't take that much money.
1617
01:23:03,812 --> 01:23:06,599
I didn't make a mistake.
What's your name?
1618
01:23:06,773 --> 01:23:08,889
Donald kanogi.
1619
01:23:09,067 --> 01:23:11,479
I'm dying, Donald kanogi.
1620
01:23:12,905 --> 01:23:16,022
My doctor told me
I have a month to live.
1621
01:23:16,200 --> 01:23:19,784
Have you ever heard
of schistophosiasis?
1622
01:23:19,953 --> 01:23:21,534
No, I haven't.
1623
01:23:21,705 --> 01:23:23,161
Well, I've got it.
1624
01:23:23,332 --> 01:23:25,493
- I've got it hard.
- Oh my god.
1625
01:23:25,667 --> 01:23:28,750
All I wanted to do tonight
was to sit quietly,
1626
01:23:28,921 --> 01:23:30,832
have a nice meal,
1627
01:23:31,006 --> 01:23:33,292
read a little Russian
pre-existentialism.
1628
01:23:33,467 --> 01:23:36,675
It was pretty crowded,
but unlike the other waiter,
1629
01:23:36,845 --> 01:23:39,678
you were content to let me
sit here nonetheless.
1630
01:23:39,848 --> 01:23:42,089
And I thank you for that.
1631
01:23:43,310 --> 01:23:45,016
But, sir...
1632
01:23:45,187 --> 01:23:47,303
No, young man,
1633
01:23:47,481 --> 01:23:49,597
you can't take it with you.
1634
01:23:49,775 --> 01:23:52,357
Now if you'll excuse me,
1635
01:23:52,528 --> 01:23:56,237
I've got a lot of living to do
before I die.
1636
01:23:57,824 --> 01:23:59,360
Do svidaniya.
1637
01:24:26,728 --> 01:24:27,934
Oh!
1638
01:24:31,483 --> 01:24:33,474
That poor man.
1639
01:24:33,652 --> 01:24:35,984
You know, it really puts things
into perspective.
1640
01:24:36,154 --> 01:24:39,112
Fuck him and the horse
that rode over him.
1641
01:24:39,283 --> 01:24:42,650
That's guy. Big heart, big hair.
1642
01:24:42,828 --> 01:24:45,661
That's me. Throw big dick in there,
you got a box trifecta.
1643
01:24:45,831 --> 01:24:48,698
You know what? It's way too late
for that kind of chatter.
1644
01:24:48,875 --> 01:24:50,706
- Heyo, I've got the totals.
- Guy: All right.
1645
01:24:50,877 --> 01:24:53,459
- Who wants to see some results?
- Oh, I do, I do.
1646
01:24:53,630 --> 01:24:56,747
- Oh, yeah.
- Gather round. This is pretty exciting.
1647
01:24:56,925 --> 01:24:59,507
- Gather around, everybody.
- All right.
1648
01:24:59,678 --> 01:25:02,010
- I'm excited.
- Good.
1649
01:25:02,180 --> 01:25:03,636
- Are you guys ready?
- Yes.
1650
01:25:03,807 --> 01:25:06,469
Okay.
First, before I start, let me just say
1651
01:25:06,643 --> 01:25:09,305
- I'm really proud of you guys.
- Thank you.
1652
01:25:09,479 --> 01:25:11,515
Very proud.
I think you did a great job tonight.
1653
01:25:11,690 --> 01:25:13,396
- Thank you.
- Here we go.
1654
01:25:13,567 --> 01:25:16,229
In third place...
1655
01:25:17,821 --> 01:25:20,062
- Is the waiter...
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
1656
01:25:20,240 --> 01:25:22,652
- Wwho did a good job tonight...
- Say it, you big dog.
1657
01:25:22,826 --> 01:25:26,489
- Come on.
- And his name is nuts.
1658
01:25:26,663 --> 01:25:29,996
- Hey, nuts.
- In the pickle jar, all right.
1659
01:25:30,167 --> 01:25:31,282
- Great.
- Okay.
1660
01:25:31,460 --> 01:25:32,620
- Bring it.
- Here we go.
1661
01:25:32,794 --> 01:25:35,831
In second place, and runner up,
1662
01:25:36,006 --> 01:25:39,214
is...
1663
01:25:39,384 --> 01:25:41,295
- Come on.
- Connor.
1664
01:25:41,470 --> 01:25:42,801
What? Who won?
1665
01:25:42,971 --> 01:25:45,553
Drum roll, please. Drum roll.
1666
01:25:45,724 --> 01:25:47,885
Great, thank you.
1667
01:25:48,060 --> 01:25:51,518
And the winner of the $10,000 prize
1668
01:25:51,688 --> 01:25:53,679
and the big contest
1669
01:25:53,857 --> 01:25:57,065
tonight is...
1670
01:25:57,235 --> 01:25:59,647
- Oh!
- Tara.
1671
01:25:59,821 --> 01:26:02,312
- Oh my god!
- Honk the goose.
1672
01:26:02,491 --> 01:26:04,402
- What?
- Oh my god, I won?
1673
01:26:04,576 --> 01:26:05,986
How is that even possible?
1674
01:26:06,161 --> 01:26:09,995
Well, the guy who got hit by the horse
gave her a $1,000 tip.
1675
01:26:10,165 --> 01:26:12,531
I had that table.
That's my table.
1676
01:26:13,794 --> 01:26:15,625
Jesus, Donnie.
1677
01:26:15,796 --> 01:26:18,412
You gave me a table,
I gave you a table.
1678
01:26:18,590 --> 01:26:22,128
That is the most selfless thing
anyone has ever done for me.
1679
01:26:22,302 --> 01:26:24,042
Well, when the champ kills me,
1680
01:26:24,221 --> 01:26:25,961
just see to it I get a decent burial.
1681
01:26:26,139 --> 01:26:27,925
You're not gonna die.
1682
01:26:28,100 --> 01:26:29,715
I'll give you mouth to mouth.
1683
01:26:29,893 --> 01:26:33,101
Stick a sock in it
before I puke.
1684
01:26:34,398 --> 01:26:36,684
Richardo. It's time.
1685
01:26:36,858 --> 01:26:40,476
All right, if you guys will excuse me
for one second...
1686
01:26:40,654 --> 01:26:41,860
All right, baby,
1687
01:26:42,030 --> 01:26:44,737
what is the final take?
1688
01:26:44,908 --> 01:26:47,866
Am I sitting in the lap
of luxury or what?
1689
01:26:48,036 --> 01:26:50,152
Well, we made...
1690
01:26:50,330 --> 01:26:52,946
$19,017.
1691
01:26:53,125 --> 01:26:54,706
Wow.
1692
01:26:54,876 --> 01:26:57,583
$19,017.
1693
01:26:57,754 --> 01:26:58,960
Pretty good.
1694
01:26:59,131 --> 01:27:01,793
But last time I checked,
1695
01:27:01,967 --> 01:27:05,630
19 is lower than 20, right?
1696
01:27:06,847 --> 01:27:09,384
That makes you a grand short,
short shorts.
1697
01:27:11,309 --> 01:27:13,425
What's that?
1698
01:27:13,603 --> 01:27:15,514
- The waiters tips.
- Problem solved.
1699
01:27:15,689 --> 01:27:18,396
I'll just take a grand out of that then.
1700
01:27:18,567 --> 01:27:20,148
No no no, hold on.
1701
01:27:20,318 --> 01:27:22,400
Excuse me, champ.
About the 10 grand.
1702
01:27:22,571 --> 01:27:24,607
- Not now, Tara.
- The what?
1703
01:27:24,781 --> 01:27:25,941
The $10,000.
1704
01:27:26,116 --> 01:27:28,152
Oh, there is no $10,000.
1705
01:27:28,326 --> 01:27:30,817
That was all predicated
on an illusion.
1706
01:27:30,996 --> 01:27:32,987
I don't understand.
1707
01:27:33,165 --> 01:27:36,828
Okay, I'll break it down.
If I needed to make 20 tonight,
1708
01:27:37,002 --> 01:27:40,494
why would I give away 10?
That makes no sense.
1709
01:27:40,672 --> 01:27:42,458
Right, rich?
1710
01:27:42,632 --> 01:27:44,497
Right.
1711
01:27:44,676 --> 01:27:45,916
Thank you.
1712
01:27:46,094 --> 01:27:48,005
Adieu.
1713
01:27:54,186 --> 01:27:56,973
Champ.
1714
01:27:58,982 --> 01:28:01,018
This money belongs to the waiters.
1715
01:28:01,193 --> 01:28:03,058
And you owe Tara $10,000.
1716
01:28:03,236 --> 01:28:04,521
Whoa.
1717
01:28:04,696 --> 01:28:07,187
What the hell
is wrong with you, richardo?
1718
01:28:07,365 --> 01:28:09,822
You offered a prize
and now you owe her.
1719
01:28:09,993 --> 01:28:12,780
You want to make something of it?
1720
01:28:16,333 --> 01:28:18,119
Yeah, I do.
1721
01:28:18,293 --> 01:28:21,126
Just do what you promised,
you motherfucker.
1722
01:28:21,296 --> 01:28:23,582
- Oh!
- What?
1723
01:28:25,425 --> 01:28:27,541
Well well well,
1724
01:28:27,719 --> 01:28:29,926
looks like somebody's little acorns
1725
01:28:30,096 --> 01:28:31,836
done grew into big nuts.
1726
01:28:32,015 --> 01:28:34,222
You're finally acting like a man.
1727
01:28:34,392 --> 01:28:36,474
But you're too little too late.
1728
01:28:36,645 --> 01:28:38,727
I still got to pay the yakuza
1729
01:28:38,897 --> 01:28:40,637
20,000 yen.
1730
01:28:40,816 --> 01:28:43,353
Wait, yen or dollars?
1731
01:28:43,527 --> 01:28:45,563
Same thing, stupid.
1732
01:28:45,737 --> 01:28:47,898
Yen is Japanese for dollars.
1733
01:28:48,073 --> 01:28:49,984
Oh.
1734
01:28:50,158 --> 01:28:51,898
Actually, champ, 20,000 yen
1735
01:28:52,077 --> 01:28:55,444
is about 170 American dollars.
1736
01:28:55,622 --> 01:28:58,534
Ah-so.
1737
01:28:59,626 --> 01:29:02,789
In circumspeculation
that makes sense.
1738
01:29:02,963 --> 01:29:05,579
When I was in the orient
I used to wonder to myself
1739
01:29:05,757 --> 01:29:07,918
why is everything so small
1740
01:29:08,093 --> 01:29:11,176
yet so expensive?
1741
01:29:11,346 --> 01:29:13,211
Good work, Dr. Doolittle.
1742
01:29:14,224 --> 01:29:16,340
170 for me.
1743
01:29:16,518 --> 01:29:18,258
10 grand for you.
1744
01:29:20,230 --> 01:29:22,190
What do you think I should
do with the rest of it?
1745
01:29:22,357 --> 01:29:23,997
I think you should
give it to the waiters.
1746
01:29:24,109 --> 01:29:27,021
- I think they earned it.
- Cleon: Yeah, I guess so.
1747
01:29:27,195 --> 01:29:30,687
I was wrong to think they
could be replaced by robots.
1748
01:29:30,866 --> 01:29:33,027
Nice one, rich.
1749
01:29:33,201 --> 01:29:35,408
Feed, my pretties, feed.
1750
01:29:37,664 --> 01:29:39,996
Oh my god!
1751
01:29:48,133 --> 01:29:49,623
Money money money!
1752
01:29:49,801 --> 01:29:51,541
Oh god.
1753
01:29:51,720 --> 01:29:54,086
Wow, rich.
1754
01:29:54,264 --> 01:29:57,097
- That was legendary.
- Thank you.
1755
01:30:03,481 --> 01:30:07,144
Well, I guess I should thank you
properly for what you did.
1756
01:30:10,655 --> 01:30:11,986
Aw!
1757
01:30:12,157 --> 01:30:13,897
That's so nice.
1758
01:30:43,605 --> 01:30:45,891
Whoa. Oh, just...
1759
01:30:46,066 --> 01:30:48,557
Okay, oh oh oh.
1760
01:30:48,735 --> 01:30:51,727
Okay okay,
what the fuck, Donnie?
1761
01:30:51,905 --> 01:30:53,361
You see that, Donnie?
1762
01:30:53,531 --> 01:30:55,647
That's how you kiss a girl,
you fucking fruit cake.
1763
01:30:55,825 --> 01:30:58,942
I hate you.
1764
01:30:59,120 --> 01:31:01,031
Nice going, dog.
1765
01:31:01,206 --> 01:31:03,071
Oh, god.
1766
01:31:03,249 --> 01:31:05,114
It tastes like tartar sauce.
1767
01:31:05,293 --> 01:31:07,158
Wait wait wait wait. Hold on.
1768
01:31:07,337 --> 01:31:09,453
I almost forgot.
1769
01:31:09,631 --> 01:31:13,044
I still got to kick the shit
out of the low man.
1770
01:31:13,218 --> 01:31:15,709
Is he fucking serious?
1771
01:31:15,887 --> 01:31:17,172
Oh god.
1772
01:31:20,558 --> 01:31:23,095
Why are you hitting yourself?
Why are you hitting yourself, huh?
1773
01:31:23,269 --> 01:31:25,373
Why are you hitting yourself?
Why are you hitting yourself?
1774
01:31:25,397 --> 01:31:28,389
Why are you hitting yourself?
Have you gone crazy, huh?
1775
01:31:28,566 --> 01:31:29,897
Are you crazy, man?
1776
01:31:30,068 --> 01:31:31,828
All right, come on.
Let's get this over with.
1777
01:31:31,903 --> 01:31:33,965
I've got to get home and watch
"dancing with the stars."
1778
01:31:33,989 --> 01:31:35,525
Nick lachey is doing the jitterbug.
1779
01:31:35,699 --> 01:31:36,968
He's good.
Have you ever seen him?
1780
01:31:36,992 --> 01:31:38,482
- No no.
- You've got your guards up.
1781
01:31:38,660 --> 01:31:40,471
- You want to fight?
- You're just kidding, right, champ?
1782
01:31:40,495 --> 01:31:43,578
Don't be so scared.
You should learn to control your fears.
1783
01:31:43,748 --> 01:31:45,739
Take me for instance.
I'm afraid of the dark.
1784
01:31:45,917 --> 01:31:48,117
But you'd never know it
'cause I have mental discipline.
1785
01:31:48,211 --> 01:31:50,731
You know what I'm saying?
I don't even use a nightlight no more.
1786
01:31:50,839 --> 01:31:53,421
- Okay okay.
- Whoa whoa, what's up?
1787
01:31:53,591 --> 01:31:55,127
What? What's up? What's up?
1788
01:31:55,301 --> 01:31:59,260
J it's the cry of the cougar,
the fist to the face j
1789
01:31:59,431 --> 01:31:59,715
j no pride or glory for the loser j
1790
01:31:59,723 --> 01:32:03,466
j no pride or glory for the loser j
1791
01:32:03,643 --> 01:32:07,101
j there's blood and broken teeth
all over the place j
1792
01:32:07,272 --> 01:32:09,103
j and the last thing you'll hear j
1793
01:32:09,274 --> 01:32:13,233
j is the cry of the cougar j
1794
01:32:15,822 --> 01:32:17,608
j lock your doors j
1795
01:32:17,782 --> 01:32:20,398
j get off the streets,
I'm on the prowl j
1796
01:32:20,577 --> 01:32:23,319
j I'm telling you
I'm on the hunt now j
1797
01:32:23,496 --> 01:32:25,532
j don't try to stop me j
1798
01:32:25,707 --> 01:32:30,292
j I smell raw meat and I ain't had
shit to eat for six days j
1799
01:32:31,755 --> 01:32:34,963
j who wants a piece?
Who wants a shot? J
1800
01:32:35,133 --> 01:32:39,627
j who wants a long and brutal
bloody painful smackdown? J;
1801
01:32:39,804 --> 01:32:43,012
j you in the glasses,
I'm talking to you j
1802
01:32:43,183 --> 01:32:46,550
j how'd you like
my foot up your ass? J
1803
01:32:48,980 --> 01:32:50,720
j it's the cry of the cougar j
1804
01:32:50,899 --> 01:32:52,560
j the fist to the face j
1805
01:32:52,734 --> 01:32:57,228
j I'm gonna shoot you
with my luger j
1806
01:32:57,405 --> 01:33:00,568
j there's blood and broken teeth
all over the place j
1807
01:33:00,742 --> 01:33:02,482
j and the last thing you'll hear j
1808
01:33:02,660 --> 01:33:06,573
j is the cry of the cougar j
1809
01:33:13,588 --> 01:33:15,328
J I've got the speed j
1810
01:33:15,507 --> 01:33:17,213
j I've got the book j
1811
01:33:17,383 --> 01:33:19,214
j I'm lean and mean
and swift and tough j
1812
01:33:19,385 --> 01:33:21,296
j and big and fast, yeah j
1813
01:33:21,471 --> 01:33:23,211
j it's like if a ninja man j
1814
01:33:23,389 --> 01:33:24,799
j had sex with the hulk j
1815
01:33:24,974 --> 01:33:28,432
j and gave birth to some kind
of crazy ninja hulk j
1816
01:33:28,603 --> 01:33:30,685
j it's the cry of the cougar j
1817
01:33:30,855 --> 01:33:33,016
j the fist to the face j
1818
01:33:33,191 --> 01:33:37,184
j I'll slash you up
like Freddy krueger
1819
01:33:37,362 --> 01:33:40,775
j there's blood and broken teeth
all over the place j
1820
01:33:40,949 --> 01:33:44,112
j when your mom finds your body
she'llcry j
1821
01:33:44,285 --> 01:33:47,527
j the cry of the cougar j
1822
01:33:49,999 --> 01:33:53,742
j cry, cougar, cry. J
1823
01:33:55,004 --> 01:33:56,540
what's up, noodle dicks?
1824
01:33:56,714 --> 01:33:58,045
That to-do-you...
1825
01:34:00,009 --> 01:34:02,546
Whoo! Hey, noodle dicks.
1826
01:34:02,720 --> 01:34:05,177
God damn it. Come on.
1827
01:34:05,348 --> 01:34:07,384
Whoo! What's up, noodle dicks?
1828
01:34:07,559 --> 01:34:10,767
That table over there just ordered
two rounds of premium Tequila.
1829
01:34:10,937 --> 01:34:12,893
Now you guys... now you guys...
1830
01:34:13,064 --> 01:34:14,929
Shit!
1831
01:34:15,108 --> 01:34:17,315
I missed each and every one of you.
1832
01:34:22,448 --> 01:34:25,531
I don't like that shit.
I don't like the dark.
1833
01:34:25,702 --> 01:34:28,068
Y'all didn't fucking see "green mile"?
1834
01:34:28,246 --> 01:34:29,861
I am afraid of the dark.
1835
01:34:30,039 --> 01:34:32,280
- That's fucked up.
- Cut.
1836
01:34:33,960 --> 01:34:36,246
Oh my god, that's crazy.
1837
01:34:36,421 --> 01:34:38,127
And I'm Barack Obama.
1838
01:34:38,298 --> 01:34:39,879
And I'm osama bin laden.
1839
01:34:40,049 --> 01:34:41,414
And I'm Obama bin laden.
1840
01:34:41,593 --> 01:34:42,833
And I'm Shaquille O'Neal.
1841
01:34:43,011 --> 01:34:46,253
And I'm Gloria estefan
from the Miami sound machine.
1842
01:34:51,102 --> 01:34:52,967
I can do it. I can do it.
1843
01:35:00,612 --> 01:35:03,024
- Can you do a faster one, please?
- Okay.
1844
01:35:07,619 --> 01:35:10,201
Cut.
1845
01:35:18,171 --> 01:35:20,082
Good, let's go from the top again.
1846
01:35:20,256 --> 01:35:22,622
Is it gross? All right, cut.
1847
01:35:22,800 --> 01:35:24,131
Cut cut cut.
1848
01:35:24,302 --> 01:35:26,182
It wasn't gross.
I just thought I'd put it back.
1849
01:35:31,226 --> 01:35:32,807
Well, you know what they say:
1850
01:35:32,977 --> 01:35:34,888
All the good ones are either gay or crazy.
1851
01:35:35,063 --> 01:35:36,644
Or fat. Or gassy.
1852
01:35:36,814 --> 01:35:38,805
Or Dutch. Or uncircumcised.
1853
01:35:38,983 --> 01:35:41,975
- Ew!
- What does that mean?
1854
01:35:42,153 --> 01:35:43,768
Cut!
1855
01:35:43,947 --> 01:35:46,484
And she throws an elbow
across like this.
1856
01:35:46,658 --> 01:35:48,774
So I want to grab her...
I started to do like that.
1857
01:35:48,952 --> 01:35:50,783
Body shot, body shot,
body shot, body shot.
1858
01:35:50,954 --> 01:35:52,194
We were in the clinch like this
1859
01:35:52,330 --> 01:35:54,308
and I started to go,
"bitch, what the fuck are you doing?"
1860
01:35:54,332 --> 01:35:56,038
So I'm like...
And I'm trying to hit him.
1861
01:35:56,209 --> 01:35:58,120
And we cover up like this
and I'm moving around.
1862
01:35:58,294 --> 01:35:59,704
I'm like, "this dude is..."
1863
01:35:59,879 --> 01:36:01,273
No, don't turn your back.
Stay right here.
1864
01:36:01,297 --> 01:36:03,663
Last week on "heroes."
1865
01:36:03,841 --> 01:36:06,503
Yeah, cut. Yes. Very good.
1866
01:36:25,154 --> 01:36:26,735
'Cause I'm bored.
1867
01:36:26,906 --> 01:36:29,522
Cut. Cut.
1868
01:36:36,666 --> 01:36:39,749
J ay, mamacita j
1869
01:36:39,919 --> 01:36:42,080
j go on and do your thing, yeah j
1870
01:36:42,255 --> 01:36:44,041
j go on and do your thing, girl j;
1871
01:36:44,215 --> 01:36:46,797
j ay, mamacita j
1872
01:36:46,968 --> 01:36:49,835
j go on and do your thing, yeah j
1873
01:37:14,787 --> 01:37:16,323
J uh-huh tl
1874
01:37:22,086 --> 01:37:23,667
J uh-huh tl
1875
01:37:29,761 --> 01:37:31,342
J uh-huh tl
1876
01:37:52,617 --> 01:37:55,609
J ay, mamacita j
1877
01:37:55,787 --> 01:37:58,278
j go on and do your thing, yeah j
1878
01:37:58,456 --> 01:38:00,538
j go on and do your thing, girl j;
1879
01:38:00,708 --> 01:38:02,869
j ay, mamacita j
1880
01:38:03,044 --> 01:38:05,126
j go on and do your thing, yeah j
1881
01:38:05,296 --> 01:38:07,127
j oh, yeah j
1882
01:38:07,298 --> 01:38:09,289
j ay, mamacita. J
132853
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