All language subtitles for Mean.Mums.S01E02_English

- All right, nearly home time.

Let's tidy up.

Quickly.

[gentle jaunty music playing]

- [Phil] Hands up, who's
excited?

[children yelling]

[clock clicking]

[clock ticking]

- Hey, would Cinnamon
like to come over tomorrow

for a play date after school?

- Sorry, she has advanced tree
climbing

and then Wahine Wanderers.

- Oh, Wahine what?

- It's like Brownies but better.

- Oh, I never did Brownies.

- I had all the badges.

They had to invent new ones for
me.

I'm the reason there's a

'Who's Best at Playing
the Silent Game?' badge.

Spoiler alert, it was me.

- Cool.

- Yeah, it was.

- Ah, what about Wednesday?

- That's figure skating for
winners.

- Thursday is Two-Wheeler
training

at the Teuila Blakely School
for Big-Girl Bike-Riding,

and Friday, chess zitsu.

- Chess-what-su?

- It's a hybrid of Chess and Jiu
Jitsu.

It activates parts of the brain

that increases strategic
thinking and employability.

- Afternoon, Wahine ma.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- Would Braxton like
to come round tomorrow

after school for a play date?

- Sorry, he's got golf
and then Chess Zitsu.

- My kids are free.

[chuckling]

[upbeat music playing]

[bell ringing]

[children chattering]

[upbeat music]

[clock clicking]

- Good morning Kate
Sheppards and Sheppardesses.

A reminder that tomorrow

is our Crazy Hair Day
fundraiser.

So come with the craziest
hairstyles

your mums can find on Pinterest,

and a gold coin donation,

not silver.

- Jaden, where are your shoes?

- Are you busy?

- I've got a fundraising meeting

for Crazy Hair Day,

I'm trying not to be late for.

- I'll write you a note.

Our school nurse has to
keep her hand on a car,

for 48 hours to win a
competition,

so I need a mum,

to check one of the kids.

- [gasping]

Say no more.

Don't worry I've had them
before.

- Ahh... Sick bay.

- Okay. Hi-vy Ivy,

I'm Jess.

And me and Doctor Web MD,

are gonna to check you for
chicken pox.

But seeing as you're someone
else's child,

I'm just gonna leave

this door wide open alright,

okay.

Ah, temperature.

[birds chirping]

Remember I'm a doctor,

just jokes.

Okay, stay cool till after
school.

Chaaa.

She is clear.

[door slams]

- Thank God.

The last thing we need
is another nits outbreak.

- Wait. A what outbreak?

- A nits outbreak.

- No, you said chicken pox.

- No, I scratched my
head which means nits.

- You scratched your cheek

which clearly infers chicken
pox.

I checked her for chicken pox.

Why didn't you check her for
nits?

You're kind of perfect for it.

- They give me the heebie
jeebies.

- Oh, they give everyone
the heebie jeebies.

- We might need to enlist

the Junior Fundraising Committee
to help.

- Okay, but don't tell Heather

that it was me,

but mostly it was you who messed
up.

- Agreed.

[suspenseful music playing]

- The school's in trouble

and I need you not to overreact.

The school has nits.

- Oh my Godfathers!

- Oh, sorry,

I can't think about
them without scratching.

- Now I'm gonna have to buy

that expensive shampoo

and wash every soft surface in
the house.

Cinnamon can say goodbye

to her female empowerment duvet
set.

- Ah, it gets better.

The Principal want's us to perm
Ivy clean

and subtly check her class.

- This better not affect Crazy
Hair Day.

It's supposed to be a
hair raising fundraiser.

- Braxton's going as the
principal.

[laughing]

- What kind of mum sends her kid

to school with nits?

- Anyone can make a mistake.

- Nits don't discriminate.

- Hine's right.

I, for one, don't blame the
victim,

or any other minor player

who thought they were helping

but just really making it worse.

[suspenseful music playing]

- Could Ivy Green please return

to the sick bay

and avoid all contact with
staff,

students and soft furnishings.

- Ohh, bags no de-knitting.

- I'll take one for the team.

- [indistinct] , Hine.

- Mm-hm. And after you guys

can check all the kids in her
class.

- Oh nah, yeah I probably-

- Too late, don't try
and wriggle out of it

- Oh, don't say wriggle.

- Wriggle.

- What are you doing?

- It's nit repellent.

It literally repels the nits.

- Ah-ha.

- Don't hog it.

- Okay, that's enough.

That's enough.

- They really like clean,

lustrous naturally coloured
hair.

- Hi, Doctor Jess.

- Doctor?

- Just cause I look so smart.

[Jess chuckling]

Hey, Ivy right? Long time no see
buddy.

- Are you okay?

- Yes, just Hine is
going to check your hair,

while we observe from a
distance.

- I don't have chicken pox.

- But you do have nits.

- Oh.

- Have you borrowed anyone's hat
lately?

- My sister's friend
had a party on Saturday.

- Mm, that's not relevant.

What room are you in?

- 13 and 14.

- The nits have burrowed into
her brain,

she can't remember what room
she's in.

- 13 and 14 is a combined class.

- I always knew that was a bad
idea.

[gentle upbeat music playing]

- You take room 13 and 14

and I'll do Ivy's sister in Room
12.

- Why are we even the
ones stuck doing this?

- Because we're mums.

We do gross stuff for free,

because we love kids.

- I hate loving kids.

- Blame Ivy's mum,

this is all her fault.

When I see her I'm going to tell
her that.

- Yeah, it's definitely not the
fault

of anyone who could have stopped
Ivy

going back to her class or
anything.

[chuckling]

Okay, remember that the
principal

doesn't want us to raise a panic

amongst the children.

So whatever you do don't say the
'n' word.

- I'm going to raise a
panic in Ivy's mum's face.

- And the other one.

- There were only three left.

[uptown music playing]

- Okay Room 13 and 14,

Ms Wong needs a logo

for her big rock tribute band,,

since she can't afford a graphic
designer,

because teaching's about
passion not paychecks.

- Hello,

I'm Jess and I'm here to

judge your drawings

and chose the best one
to win a special prize.

- What's the prize?

If it's cash, I'm in.

- Well actually, the
principal has asked me

to come in here and check

for something,

in this classroom.

Nits

- Oh, sorry,

every time I hear the word, I
scratch.

- So, I'm just going to put on

my art choosing glove

and my thinking mitten,

and just take a close,

but not too close,

look at all your beautiful work.

- So, I need you all

to sit very still

while I measure your head for
crowns.

- Is it because we're all
winners?

- We can't all be winners,

that defeats the purpose of
winning.

- You're kind of mean.

- Who's your mum?

- Trudy.

- Mm. That makes sense.

[gentle jaunty music playing]

- Oh, that's lice,

nice use of colour there

[inhales deeply]

You are gonna be just fine.

Oh wow, what's that?

- It's my brother
getting eaten by a shark.

- Nice.

Oh, pretty.

[gasping]

Winner!

We have a winner.

Winner!

And oh,

another winner,

another winner.

That makes two winners.

[gentle music playing]

Okay, you alright?

Okay, just in the hall down
there.

Kei te pai. Argh.

- Are you okay?

- That's like the third grossest
thing

I've had to touch as a parent.

Hi!

- Ivy's sister.

Their mum is in so much trouble.

- Why's she wearing a crown?

- Well, I promised I'd craft
crowns

and I'm a mum of my word.

Did you get any from Room 13 and
14?

- Eva Grossweener and Ivanna
Fontana.

- Oh, their mums will be so
embarrassed.

- Nits are nothing to be ashamed
of.

- And that's important that we
remember

that should we hear anything
today

that makes us think otherwise.

- Alright, let's have a game

of duck, duck goose.

Ryan, run around the circle

and touch everyone on the head.

- Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck,
duck

- And really get your hand in
there.

- duck, duck, duck, duck, duck,
goose!

- You've got something in your
hair.

- Ivy's mum is dead to me.

- It's just glitter.

- Oh, thank God!
- Oh, thank God!

- Personal jinx!

[chuckling]

- You got jinxed.

[laughing]

- What is a personal jinx?

- Jinx, when two people say

the same thing at the same time.

One person says jinx,

the other person can't talk

until the jinx-master says their
name.

Did you not play this as a
child?

- No, you can't jinx me

without my permission.

What was that for?

- Well, if you speak

before the jinx-master releases
you,

you get a punch.

- It's true.

[chuckling]

- Heather, I release you

from your jinx.

- Yeah, you do.

[upbeat tune playing]

- And that's why static
electricity

is a great way to get kids
interested in science.

Thank you, Cinnamon.

Who's next?

[children yelling]

- Me! Me! Me! Me!

- Braxton, come here, mate.

Alright, here we go.

- Ava's got them too.

- Oh.

- And Ivy's mum is on her way.

- You have no hair for them to
grip!

- I think I'll have a word with
Ivy's Mum.

She's put our Crazy Hair
Day fundraiser in jeopardy

and that does not go unpunished.

- It's not entirely her fault.

- But I want it to be.

- Hi, Cinnamon's mum.

- Oh, you guys know each other?

- She's in Cinnamon's
Wahine Wanderers six.

- Ahhh.

Maybe all the victims are
connected?

- Well they do all go to Kate
Sheppard.

- And they're all girls.

Who else does Wahine Wanderers?

- Ahh, Eva, Ava, Ivanna,
Ivy and Ivy's sister,

Cinnamon's the only one missing.

- I'm gonna to kill Ivy's mum!

- She didn't mean that.

[birds chirping]

[suspenseful music playing]

Okay, before we go in,

I need to ask you something.

Okay, if hypothetically,

a mum had the opportunity
to check the nits

but accidentally -

- Oh, I'm just waiting for the
beep.

- Oh.

- Hi, Ivy's Mum,

it's Cinnamon's Mum.

I'm just calling, to let you
know

that it appears that both your
daughters

have contaminated the
entire W.W six with nits

and I'll be sending you the
receipt

for the most expensive nit
shampoo

that I can find.

Cinnamon has a very sensitive
scalp.

[suspenseful music playing]

- Looks like we're gonna be here

for a while ladies.

Anyone do anything good at the
weekend?

- Also, I'll expect a donation

to make up for the profits

that we'll lose with crazy hair
day.

I'm not trying to make you feel
guilty,

but it's the only way you'll
learn, okay.

Sorry you were saying?

- Nothing.

- Okay.

- So, you all went?

- Wanna to see some photos?

- Yes.

Flash phone?

- My step mum bought it for me.

[sighing]

[suspenseful music playing]

Heather's not gonna like this.

[chuckling]

[gentle music playing]

- What are you waiting for?

- You to go in to your
daughter's class?

- I'm not allowed inside
the classroom for a week

after just a misunderstanding

about the amount of parental
advice

that Phil requires.

Jess, my daughter is in there

she needs saving from the
parasite

that shall not be named.

[children grunting]

- Oh my God!

- What?

- And release.

Nice and that, Room 1,

is how a rugby scrum is put
together.

[kid laughing]

- With that kind of cross
contamination

anyone who goes in there

has a high probability

of coming out with nits.

[suspenseful music playing]

- Your daughter's in danger,

I'm going in.

- You would have made a good
Brownie.

- Thank you so much,

because I feel like-

- [claps]
Chop chop.

[gentle jaunty music]

[door shuts]

[Jess panting]

- Oh, let's welcome Ryan's mum,
Room 1.

- [children in unison]
Good morning, Ryan's mum.

- [nervous chuckling]

- How can we help?

- I'm here to right my wrongs.

- Excuse me?

- Can I just borrow Cinnamon for
a second?

- We're just about to give
each other head massages

as part of our mindfulness
curriculum.

- Oh no!

Let's put pause on that for a
second.

Don't wanna tell you

how to do your job or anything,

anyway, thank you!

There's our girl.

- This is the last straw,

I'm having Ivy's mum banned

from Wahine Wanderers.

Mummy loves you baby.

[door slams]

- I think I know what happened.

- Did Ivy tell you?

- That her mum doesn't
love her enough to notice

that her two daughters had nits?

She works full time.

- Hey, we all work full time,

some of us just don't get paid.

- No, I know what really
happened.

- Oh no.

- Oh no!

[suspenseful music playing]

- Yep, you've got nits.

- Oh.

- You should have used the
repellent.

- You know what, it's karma.

- Is it that girl in Room C
then?

- No.

I had the chance to check Ivy
for nits

this morning and I blew it,
okay?

- You're the reason that
Cinnamon

has the lice that aren't nice?

- You can yell at me if you
want.

- Oh no, I don't yell,

I just allow my vocal cords

to reach their full potential.

- I think Heather has a
confession to make too?

- No, I don't think so.

- I saw the photos.

- Dammit.

- I feel more confused than
usual.

- Cinnamon had a birthday
party on the weekend

and all those girls were
invited.

- She had a party

and you didn't invite me and
Ryan?

I mean, I know we haven't
known each other for long,

but I thought we had a nice
friendship.

- I was sticking to the rule

where you only have as many kids

as the age they're turning.

Cinnamon was six,

so I invited the Wahine
Wanderers six.

- That's why you had glitter in
your hair.

- I did a glitter pinata.

It was a showstopper.

- I thought we were friends?

I got nits for you!

- We had a fairy,

he wouldn't have liked it.

- Ryan loves fairies
and dinosaurs equally.

Was Braxton invited?

- No.

- Oh.

- At least your boys didn't get
nits

from Ivy's sister.

I'm sorry, okay?

I should've invited you.

- You're going to be more sorry

when you see this.

[suspenseful music playing]

I think your fairy had nits.

- I should have gone

with the more expensive Elsa.

- So, looks like the girls went
home

with something a little
more than a goodie bag.

So that means, it's actually
your fault

that there are nits at Kate
Sheppard.

- Let's not jump to conclusions.

- Well you were more than happy

to jump to conclusions

about Ivy's mum's parenting.

- Nits are good at jumping.

- At this point,

my voice message does seem a tad
harsh.

- A tad?

- Ivy's mum is just pulling up.

- Nits!

[birds chirping]

[suspense music playing]

- You should say sorry.

- No, I hate apologising.

Makes it sound like I was wrong.

- Oh okay,

I've got an idea.

Trust me, just come and say
sorry.

- Sorry.[In unison]
- Sorry!

- Double jinx!

No talking, I have something to
say.

Okay, I have nits,

but I am taking the precautions
needed

to get rid of them, okay?

But it's not my fault

and there's nothing to be
ashamed of.

Okay, nits happen,

the best thing we can do

is just be honest with each
other

and get rid of them as
soon as possible, okay?

Just be a little kinder to each
other.

- Hm?

- Yeah, okay.

Heather and Ivy's mum,

I release you from your jinx.

- What the hell is a jinx?

Or is it karma's sister?

- No, it's some game
that Jess played as a kid

that no one else has heard of.

- [mumbles]Hey, I'll just...

- Jinx. Everyone played jinx.

- The parents have been called

and will pick the girls up soon.

- Great.

- Mm-hm. And Crazy Hair
Day's been postponed.

- It's probably for the best.

I'm really sorry about the
party.

You honestly didn't miss much.

One kid literally screamed for
ice cream.

- Hug?

- From the neck down.

[upbeat music playing]