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1
00:00:00,291 --> 00:00:02,711
♪ Let me hear you say Crash ♪
2
00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:07,257
-[grunts]
-[bat hits]
3
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:09,840
Whoa. Nice swing, Bernstein.
4
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:12,756
But you have to sit a lot closer
if you want to hit that TV.
5
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:15,103
Now come on. It's time for school.
6
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,731
It's summer break.
We've got three months off.
7
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:19,599
Time to drain the brain.
8
00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:22,266
And done.
9
00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:27,864
Three months of no school?
Am I in heaven?
10
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:31,067
Think about how much free time
that gives us.
11
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,615
I can finally catch up on my ice fishing,
12
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:39,291
take a luge lesson,
get my tongue stuck to this frozen pole.
13
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:43,537
-It's summer. You can't do any of that.
-Oh.
14
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:45,883
In that case,
15
00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:50,512
let's just sit on the couch and watch TV
for three months straight. Ready?
16
00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:52,928
[sighs] Go!
17
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:55,511
[both singing]
♪ Crazy family awesome time Portland ♪
18
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:57,677
♪ Crazy family awesome time Portland ♪
19
00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,976
♪ Crazy family...Aw, you get the point ♪
20
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,140
[laughs]
21
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:04,607
I'm so glad our new cable package came
with the disgusting game show channel.
22
00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:07,359
-[man crying]
-Aw, come on. Quit crying, dude.
23
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:11,322
Like you're the first guy who's ever had
to eat a hairball on a cracker.
24
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:12,954
-[puking]
-Oh, he threw up.
25
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:14,910
You know what that means.
26
00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:17,991
-[announcer] It's a puke out!
-[Crash laughs]
27
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,868
Hey, Portland, send usvideo of your family
28
00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:23,165
doing crazy stuffand maybe you can be a contestant
29
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:26,749
with a chance to win 10 000 dollars.
30
00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:28,246
[Chip] See you next time on...
31
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:31,548
[auto-tuned] Crazy Family
Awesome Time Portland!
32
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:34,553
-We have to do that.
-Auto-tune ourselves?
33
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,096
[auto-tuned]
Seems like it might be annoying,
34
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,889
but that never stopped me before.
35
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:40,598
No, I mean get on the show.
36
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:42,734
I'm gonna make
an audition tape of our family.
37
00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:46,561
Do you really think
we're crazy enough? [grunts]
38
00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:49,478
[grunting]
39
00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:55,157
[grunting]
40
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,950
I think we might have a shot.
41
00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:59,083
[wailing]
42
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:02,330
-Cool. Can we play jump rope?
-Oh, sure thing.
43
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,039
[chuckles] We are so in.
44
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:15,006
♪ Let me tell you about the Bernsteins ♪
45
00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:17,099
♪ Yo, I'ma let you finish ♪
46
00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:18,928
-♪ But ding-dong ♪
-♪ Who's that? ♪
47
00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:20,104
♪ Yo, it's Crash at the door ♪
48
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:22,771
♪ Don't wait for you to openKick it down hard core ♪
49
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:25,061
♪ A purple with a 'tudeWhere your mom hide the food? ♪
50
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,975
-♪ In the fridge ♪
-♪ I'ma eat it then we tear it up, dude
51
00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:30,234
♪ No make-up or feelingsTea parties or dolls ♪
52
00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:31,816
♪ Now it's ninjas and football ♪
53
00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:33,071
-♪ And face slams ♪
-♪ Good call ♪
54
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,113
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
55
00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:35,355
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
56
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:36,817
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
57
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:37,736
♪ What he said ♪
58
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,494
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
59
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:40,486
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
60
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:41,907
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
61
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:42,945
♪ What he said ♪
62
00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:45,498
♪ It's war against awesomeBut awesome's gotta soar ♪
63
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,922
-♪ I'll be grounded forever ♪
-♪ That's what friends are for ♪
64
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,551
♪ Crash and BernsteinCrash and Bernstein ♪
65
00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:51,918
-♪ Crash and Bern... ♪
-♪ I said "Stein" ♪
66
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,875
♪ What he said ♪
67
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:55,968
[chuckles]
68
00:02:57,844 --> 00:03:01,264
Okay, hummingbirds. Come and get it!
69
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,808
-I can fly!
-Aah!
70
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:05,272
Aah! [grunts]
71
00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:09,022
I can taste blood!
72
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,395
-[Mel grunts]
-Okay, that was good, people.
73
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,694
But let's do it again.
74
00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:16,197
Crash, this time I need you
to slam into Mom.
75
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:19,619
I will smash into her as hard as I can.
76
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:20,989
Wait, what's going on?
77
00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:24,246
I'm making an audition tape to get us
on Crazy Family Awesome Time Portland .
78
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:27,749
What? No. I don't want to be
on that disgusting show.
79
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:29,712
Didn't they once force an entire family
80
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:32,673
to get inside a coffin filled
with angry squirrels?
81
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,594
Yes. And that could be us!
82
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:39,183
[Crash] You're going down,
Mrs. B! [grunts]
83
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,723
I give up, Bernstein.
84
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:44,675
I feel like I'm just banging my head
against a brick wall here.
85
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:47,481
Man, it's hot.
86
00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:50,903
-Cassie, how hot is it gonna be today?
-[phone beeps]
87
00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:54,190
[Cassie] Today's high temperaturewill be 89 degrees.
88
00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:58,445
Uh, Bernstein? I don't mean to alarm you,
89
00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:01,910
but I think there's a lady
living inside your phone.
90
00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:05,951
It's just Cassie. She's an app.
She answers any question you ask her.
91
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:09,037
Any question?
Oh, I have one! [clears throat]
92
00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:14,004
Cassie, what would happen if I ate
a whole thing of hummingbird food?
93
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,207
-[phone beeps]
-[Cassie] Hummingbird food is sugar water
94
00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:17,837
I would advise against it.
95
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:21,894
Ah! Well, it's a little late now,
isn't it, Cassie?
96
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:26,640
[stammering] Aah!
97
00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,885
Bernstein! Bernstein!
98
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:34,567
Ask Cassie what to do when it feels
like your heart is exploding.
99
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:38,113
Ask her! [groans]
100
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,280
♪ Yeah ♪
101
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:41,573
♪ Crash and Bern ♪
102
00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:44,989
Well, I'm off to archery camp.
103
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:46,664
Archery camp?
104
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:48,155
Yes, Mom.
105
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:50,746
You told me not to waste
my whole summer at the mall.
106
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:52,292
So I figured I'd do something
107
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,455
that will look good
on my college application.
108
00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:57,257
You know, you can't just send a picture.
109
00:04:58,590 --> 00:04:59,920
-Bye, Mom.
-Cleo!
110
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:03,262
You look like you're going somewhere fun.
111
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:05,965
Well, you said I wasn't allowed
to get a job this summer,
112
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:09,096
so I'm off to the pool
to hang with my peeps and chillapse .
113
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,850
It's "chillax." "Chill" plus "relax."
114
00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:16,267
Really?
It's not "Children" plus "collapse"?
115
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:18,988
-That's ridonk-lafur .
-Just stop talking.
116
00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:21,149
-Bye, Mom.
-[Mel] Bye.
117
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,735
Like I'd ever take archery.
118
00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:29,124
Like I'd ever turn down
an internship at a bank.
119
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:33,209
Like I'd ever eat a tuna fish sandwich
without a side of corn chips.
120
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,460
What? Not my story? Sorry.
121
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,892
Hey, Crazy Family Awesome Time Portland ,
122
00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:47,469
This is how we get ready for bed
in the Bernstein house.
123
00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,598
-[Mel] Goodnight, Wyatt.
-[Wyatt] Goodnight, Mom.
124
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,480
-Aah!- [Wyatt] Oh, no. Door, door, door, door!
125
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:57,654
[groans]
126
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,145
Hey, Crash. Do something crazy.
127
00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:03,775
Can't you see I'm on the phone?
[clears throat]
128
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:08,792
Cassie, who would win in a street fight,
clouds or rainbows?
129
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:09,738
[phone beeps]
130
00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:12,706
[Cassie] There is no rainin the forecast today.
131
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,539
Oh, so you don't want
to take sides, huh? Fine!
132
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,585
I have a related follow up question.
133
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:22,259
Does my uvula look big? Aah.
134
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:24,300
Also, what's a uvula?
135
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:28,260
Don't you think you've gone
a little overboard with Cassie lately?
136
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:33,056
No. I only ask her questions
that are vitally important.
137
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:39,145
Cassie, what do you call a dog
that is half chihuahua and half poodle?
138
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:42,072
-[phone beeps]
-[Cassie] That is called a chi-poo.
139
00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:47,122
[laughing]
140
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,991
Cassie, why can't taco be a color?
141
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,656
-[phone beeps]
-[Cassie] Because taco's are food.
142
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,156
Why?
143
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,417
-[phone beeps]
- Because people like to eat them.
144
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:57,669
Why?
145
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:00,748
What weather comes after "x"?
146
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,587
-[phone beeps]
-[Cassie] "Y."
147
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,842
Hey, I ask the questions here!
148
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:10,764
What do you call a dog
that is half bulldog and half poodle?
149
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:13,637
-[phone beeps]
-[Cassie] That is called a bull-poo.
150
00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:20,475
[laughing]
151
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,026
Okay, maybe I did go overboard.
152
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,359
From now on,
153
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:28,284
I'm only asking Cassie
really important questions.
154
00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:29,365
[clears throat]
155
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:34,119
Cassie, what do you call a dog
that's half poodle and half poodle?
156
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:35,044
[phone beeps]
157
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,455
[Cassie] That would be a poodle.
158
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:41,250
However, I expectyou would like me to say "poo-poo."
159
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:42,876
Yeah! Yeah! Say it.
160
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:45,132
-[phone beeps]
-[Cassie] Poo-poo.
161
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:50,715
[laughs]
162
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,255
[laughing]
163
00:07:56,518 --> 00:08:00,358
[both grunt]
164
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:03,818
[both grunting]
165
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:07,490
-Boy, video chess is hard.
-[grunts]
166
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,660
-Checkmate.
-Ohh!
167
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,619
-[doorbell rings]
-Doorbell!
168
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:19,456
Hello. Is this the Bernstein residence?
169
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:22,881
Yeah. Your voice sounds familiar.
Do I know you?
170
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,501
I'm Cassie.
171
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,425
[gasps] Cassie from the phone?
172
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,888
-Yes. Are you Crash?
-I am.
173
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:36,220
You ruined my life! [screams] Aah!
174
00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:38,767
[beeps, mimics Cassie]
Well, this just got weird.
175
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,859
Are you really Cassie?
176
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,242
Yes. And also no.
177
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:50,909
I'm from the small country of Macapalego,
178
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:54,199
and my real name is
Kuvnyabzzzck Zrzrydlvizk.
179
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:59,624
[all repeating name]
180
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,416
Maybe just call me Cassie.
181
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:02,829
Fine.
182
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:05,587
For years I have worked as a human Cassie,
183
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,260
answering questions
for heavy users of the Cassie App.
184
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:10,800
Whoa. That must be a pain,
185
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,474
answering annoying people's questions
all the time.
186
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:19,313
Is it a pain? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it?
187
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:24,018
My life was perfect
until I was assigned to Crash.
188
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,225
That's me.
189
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,819
I mean, how many times is "chi-poo" funny?
190
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:34,492
[family laughing]
191
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:38,164
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You were saying how horrible Crash is.
192
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,254
Please continue.
193
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,920
Anyway, one day I just lost it.
194
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:47,091
I was like,
"I don't care what color a taco is!
195
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:49,170
Clouds and rainbows do not fight!
196
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:53,885
And your uvula is disgusting,
you ignorant, annoying son of a donkey!"
197
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:56,508
[gasps] And then I was fired.
198
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:01,480
Please forgive my outburst,
Mrs. Bernstein.
199
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:04,059
[sighs] My anger at Crash
got the best of me.
200
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,305
We've all been there, sister.
201
00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,607
-Amen.
-Preaching to the choir.
202
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:12,315
I'm afraid I don't have enough
to get back to Macapalego.
203
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:17,780
Can any of you recommend any bridges
that would be comfortable to sleep under?
204
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,664
We're not gonna let you
sleep under a bridge, Cassie.
205
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,286
We'll all chip in and help out.
206
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,673
How much does a ticket
back to your country cost?
207
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:29,300
-Approximately 7000 US dollars.
-[Wyatt] No!
208
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,666
You know,
I hear the 11th Street bridge is nice.
209
00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:36,137
-Oh, yeah.
-[Crash] That is a great neighborhood.
210
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,391
[sighs] Thank you for letting me stay here
211
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:47,227
while I figure out
how to return home, Mrs. Bernstein.
212
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,653
I hope you don't mind.
213
00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,572
I made breakfast for the family.
214
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,109
Mind?
215
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:53,987
Do I mind?
216
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:58,321
I have several thousand
omelet recipes memorized,
217
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,408
but I decided to keep it simple.
218
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:04,213
Six Cornish hen's eggs,
a half a cup of homogenized sheep's milk,
219
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:05,169
two tablespoons--
220
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:08,498
You had me at "food."
I don't have to cook.
221
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:12,510
Mom! Crash is doing that thing
with the hot sauce again.
222
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:20,263
He's filming us
for Wyatt's stupid game show audition.
223
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,807
Crash, stop breathing fire.
224
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:26,141
Believe me, Mrs. B.,
you want it coming out of this end.
225
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:33,605
Hold the door.
226
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,243
-How was the mall?
-Amazing.
227
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,820
-How was the bank?
-Awesome.
228
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,945
They let me turn down someone for a loan.
229
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:39,992
[elevator dings]
230
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,538
-[elevator dings]
-[laughing]
231
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,999
-This is the best summer ever.
-Totally.
232
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:48,880
Tomorrow's Mr. Fisher's birthday.
We're having cake in the break room.
233
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,170
Cleaning the dinner table isn't so hard.
234
00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:59,006
I don't get why Mrs. B.
doesn't let me help more. [grunts]
235
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,353
-[sighs] Aah!
-You're doing the floor.
236
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,347
Don't worry.
237
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:09,063
They don't get as mad at me
as they do at you. I'll take the blame.
238
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:12,364
Well, in that case... [chuckles]
239
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:17,783
-I like you, Cassie. I'm glad you're here.
-I'm glad I'm here too...
240
00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:21,197
...because now I can hurt you.
241
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,952
[laughs] Oh, Cassie.
242
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:26,504
You and your zany Macapaleggian humor.
243
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,369
-[laughs]
-This is not a joke.
244
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:34,667
We do not have jokes in Macapalego,
not since our 17th Amendment was passed.
245
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:40,045
-So... You're serious?
-Deadly serious.
246
00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:42,385
And everything I told you was true.
247
00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:45,178
-You got me fired!
-[gulps]
248
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,765
-You ruined my life!
-[gulps]
249
00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:51,601
And soon, youare going to pay for it!
250
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,477
Could you hold on a second, please?
251
00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:56,230
[slurps]
252
00:12:58,028 --> 00:12:58,898
[gulps]
253
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:03,453
Your days are numbered, Crash.
254
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:06,240
Who wants mango fritters?
255
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:08,367
-[Cleo] Oh, me! I do.
-[Wyatt] I'd like some!
256
00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,754
I think I just frittered
in my pants a little.
257
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:20,183
Ah. There. I am totally safe in here.
258
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,353
Okay, I'll remove locksmith
259
00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:27,640
from the "special skills" section
of my resume.
260
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,272
-Crash, guess what?
-What?
261
00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:32,312
We got
on Crazy Family Awesome Time Portland .
262
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,145
Oh, that's great, Bernstein!
263
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,520
Oh, I wish I could be
on the show with you.
264
00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,778
But Cassie said
she was going to shave off my outsides
265
00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:42,610
and make me
into a pair of slippers. Have fun.
266
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,663
I'm sure Cassie didn't say that.
267
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:47,792
[Cassie] Crash, are you in here?
268
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,449
Get in the closet! Save yourself!
269
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:51,917
-No!
-[grunts]
270
00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:56,214
Crash, where are you?
271
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,840
Oh, good. We're alone.
272
00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:01,551
That means no one can save you.
273
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:04,844
Bernstein, now! Surprise attack!
274
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,562
Why didn't you surprise attack?
275
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,904
You never said
we were gonna surprise attack.
276
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:19,149
[scoffs] If I told you,
it wouldn't be a surprise.
277
00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:25,405
Oh, hi, Mr. Wyatt. I was just putting
on these gloves, because...
278
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:28,240
it's so cold in here. [shivers]
279
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:29,946
I heard you threaten Crash.
280
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:32,206
Oh, potato balls!
281
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,286
I didn't want any witnesses.
282
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:40,171
But I already have the gloves on,
so say goodbye to your friend.
283
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:42,255
-No!
-Whoa! What are you gonna do to me?
284
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,220
Cassie, wait.
285
00:14:43,758 --> 00:14:46,048
-What if we gave you money?
-How much money?
286
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:48,604
If I told you
I can get you 10 000 dollars,
287
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,020
would you leave Crash alone?
288
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:53,598
Oh, as a person that came here
under false pretenses
289
00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:57,185
and continuously lied to you
so that I could destroy your friend...
290
00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:59,272
-[chuckles]
-...you have my word.
291
00:14:59,357 --> 00:15:01,067
-[sighs]
-Cool.
292
00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:02,571
How are you at game shows?
293
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:04,952
♪ Crazy Family Awesome Time Portland ♪
294
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:06,950
♪ Crazy Family Awesome Time Portland ♪
295
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:09,282
♪ Crazy Family...Aw, you get the point ♪
296
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:12,997
Is there a family here
who's ready to get crazy?
297
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,499
[whooping]
298
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:18,001
Yeah, we're crazy!
Mrs. B's a little moody though.
299
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:21,125
And the tall broad wants to kill me.
300
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,762
Makes a heck of a fritter though.
301
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,257
Okay.
302
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:29,722
I can't believe you dragged us
onto this awful show.
303
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,644
Cheer up, Mom. They've got three cameras.
304
00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:38,606
All right. I'll ask you ten questions.
You get them all right, you win ten grand.
305
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:41,188
But if you get one of them wrong,
306
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:44,694
you'll have to survive
the den of disgusting to win the money.
307
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,948
[audience] Aah!
308
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:50,910
Whoa. The den of disgusting.
309
00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:53,162
It's even more mysterious in person.
310
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:56,464
Hey, what's behind the wall today, Chip?
Fire ants?
311
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,920
Leeches? Sewer meat?
312
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:02,420
You won't find out until you get
a question wrong.
313
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:04,214
Which isn't gonna happen, Chip.
314
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,877
'Cause we got
our secret weapon, remember?
315
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:09,175
-Cassie knows everything.
-Right. Right.
316
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:12,310
Stick to the plan.
Let Cassie answer the questions...
317
00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:14,931
and forget about what's
behind the wall.
318
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,475
Got it.
319
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:19,556
Is it maggots, Chip?
Is it maggots behind the wall?
320
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:23,784
Can't tell you, Crash. The suspense
is part of the fun for our audience.
321
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:27,898
Of course. I get it.
You can't tell us. [sighs]
322
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,657
It's totally maggots, right, Chip?
323
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:34,657
Just a heads up, Chip.
If it's maggots, I will hurt you.
324
00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:35,794
Noted.
325
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,213
Let's get to our first question.
326
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:41,538
"Ba" is the symbol for which element?
327
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:43,923
-[beeps]
-Barium.
328
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:45,344
-[dings]
-Correct.
329
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:47,170
[all whooping]
330
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:49,927
So... no den of disgusting?
331
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:52,599
[exhales]
332
00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:56,474
-[beeps]
-Mount Kilimanjaro.
333
00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:57,678
-[dings]
-[Crash grunts]
334
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:01,230
-[beeps]
-Albert Einstein.
335
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:02,692
-[dings]
-[groans]
336
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,110
-[beeps]
-The spotted hyena.
337
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,952
-[dings]
-[grunting]
338
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:13,239
That's nine in a row.
Now for our final question.
339
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,120
Crash, what are you doing?
340
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:18,411
[straining] Come on.
Just let me have one peek, Chip!
341
00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:20,956
I won't tell anyone, I swear!
342
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:24,167
It sounds like maggots. Am I right?
343
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:26,625
Crash, get back over here.
344
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,513
One more question
and we get rid of Cassie.
345
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:30,260
Yeah. Yeah, my bad.
346
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:33,092
It's obviously maggots.
I don't need to see this.
347
00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:39,023
The final question for 10 000 dollars.
348
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,940
What do you call a dog
349
00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:44,359
that is a cross between a chihuahua
and a poodle?
350
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:46,728
[beeps]
351
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:48,736
-That is called a--
-Crash-poo!
352
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,148
-[buzzes]
-That's wrong, right?
353
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:55,406
Oh, well! Looks like we're going
to the den of disgusting!
354
00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:58,582
-Yes, you are!
-[Crash laughs]
355
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:02,367
Hey, it's maggots in there,
right, Chip? Right?
356
00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:04,287
Maggots, maggots, maggots, maggots,
357
00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:06,376
maggots, maggots, maggots.
358
00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:11,262
Well, Bernstein, you were wrong.
It's not maggots.
359
00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:14,843
-[hissing]
-[audience] Aah!
360
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:19,718
I know you're disappointed.
Just think of them as really long maggots.
361
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:28,692
Today's disgusting challenge is called
"The conveyer belt of random awfulness."
362
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:33,905
If we don't win the 10 000 dollars,
I am wearing your friend home as a scarf.
363
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,738
Can you make up your mind?
364
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:38,244
Is it slippers or is it a scarf?
365
00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:40,656
'Cause I only have so much fabric.
366
00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:43,924
Here's how it works.
367
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:47,128
You'll be strapped to this belt
slithering towards the snakes,
368
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:50,840
while we do a bunch
of random awful stuff to you.
369
00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:52,262
Seriously, Chip,
370
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:55,010
after the show,
you better run to your car.
371
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:57,256
Gotcha.
372
00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,805
Now if you fall in the tank,
you get no money.
373
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:02,519
But there is one way to stop the belt.
374
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,440
If one of you can hit that target
with an arrow,
375
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,772
you win 10 000 dollars.
376
00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:09,646
-Amanda, this is perfect.
-No.
377
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:12,113
-I really don't think--
-She goes to archery camp.
378
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:14,113
We're gonna be fine. [chuckles]
379
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:24,124
Amanda Bernstein, you are so grounded!
380
00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:26,415
Oh... Cleo works at a bank.
381
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,919
[gasps] Cleo!
382
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,091
-You are so grounded.
-[horn blaring]
383
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,380
Uh-oh! It's the underpants horn.
384
00:19:32,464 --> 00:19:34,514
-[Crash laughing]
-[others groaning]
385
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:37,551
[Chip] Looks like it's laundry day
at the sumo wrestler's retirement home.
386
00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:39,925
They're tighty, but they're not so whitey.
387
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:40,933
[groaning]
388
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,728
This game makes no sense.
389
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:45,728
Come on, Amanda. Get us out of here.
390
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,230
Yelling doesn't help!
391
00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:50,482
-[siring wailing]
-You know what that sound means.
392
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,435
No! We have no idea!
393
00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:56,108
It's our early skunk warning system.
394
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:58,697
what the--?
395
00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:01,162
Whoa! [coughing]
396
00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:04,871
[Crash] Boy, that is good skunk. Wow.
397
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:07,294
Seriously, this can't be legal.
398
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:10,384
Oh, it's totally legal.
You signed a release.
399
00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:13,590
In a few seconds, you're gonna be begging
those snakes to release you.
400
00:20:13,672 --> 00:20:15,302
[hissing]
401
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,052
I can't take it anymore.
402
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:18,553
Amanda, give me the bow and arrow.
403
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:20,135
-No!
-[Wyatt] Run, crash!
404
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,300
Whoa!
405
00:20:22,514 --> 00:20:24,564
[panting] No!
406
00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:28,401
She's gonna bow and arrow me.
On national television!
407
00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,858
In not letting you take out Crash.
408
00:20:30,939 --> 00:20:32,769
-I am not trying to hit Crash.
-[audience counting down]
409
00:20:32,857 --> 00:20:34,647
I'm trying to hit the target.
410
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:39,278
-Now move out of the way!
-[whimpering]
411
00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:42,407
-[bell ringing]
-[cheering]
412
00:20:42,492 --> 00:20:44,292
-Yes!
-[whooping]
413
00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:45,329
[groans]
414
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:48,536
Oh, look. I made a new friend.
415
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:51,542
I'm gonna name you "maggot."
416
00:20:51,626 --> 00:20:54,626
Does anyone know
where I can find a giant ATM?
417
00:20:54,713 --> 00:20:56,843
-[all chuckle]
-[Crash] Hey, Bernstein.
418
00:20:56,923 --> 00:21:01,473
Ask Cassie how long it takes
for a snake to digest its food.
419
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,466
Come on, kid. Untie me.
420
00:21:06,725 --> 00:21:09,225
Not so fun now, is it, Chip?
421
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:12,310
Come on, I was just doing my job.
I've got a family.
422
00:21:12,397 --> 00:21:14,437
Okay, just some cats, but I want a family.
423
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:16,484
-[horn blaring]
-Uh-oh!
424
00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:19,488
-You know what that means.
-No, I don't.
425
00:21:19,571 --> 00:21:22,371
It's Crash's underpants horn!
426
00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:26,945
I play lots of songs. Any requests?
427
00:21:27,037 --> 00:21:28,577
-[straining]
-[groans]
428
00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:30,753
Oh, just throw me in with the snakes.
429
00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:36,303
♪ Crash and Bern , hard core ♪
430
00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:38,719
♪ Bass, bass ♪
431
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:44,096
♪ What ♪
432
00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:48,597
♪ That's what friends are for ♪
433
00:21:48,683 --> 00:21:50,023
♪ Crash and Bern ♪
434
00:21:50,101 --> 00:21:51,811
♪ Tear it up, dude ♪
435
00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:53,769
♪ Good call ♪
436
00:21:53,855 --> 00:21:56,225
♪ Crash and BernCrash and Bern ♪
437
00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:59,026
-♪ I said, "Stein" ♪
-♪ What he said ♪
33877
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