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1
00:00:00,875 --> 00:00:02,785
[buzzer sounds]
2
00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:07,337
Bring it in, guys. Good effort.
Really strong effort out there.
3
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:11,508
-But you can't win 'em all, right?
-Actually we've lost them all.
4
00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:14,144
-Yeah, but who's counting?
-Everyone.
5
00:00:14,222 --> 00:00:19,392
Our record is posted in the school blog.
It's even trending. losers.
6
00:00:19,477 --> 00:00:20,517
Really?
7
00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:22,686
And follow.
8
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,900
Well, we're having fun, right?
9
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:28,614
-[lackluster cheer]
-That's the excitement.
10
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,485
And I brought raisins.
11
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:34,203
[Crash] Hey, coach, you stink!
12
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,834
-Who said that?
-Hmm, hmm, hmm.
13
00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:43,169
I've seen better plays
in a kindergarten theater class!
14
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:47,170
-Words hurt, mister!
-You couldn't coach the side of a barn!
15
00:00:47,922 --> 00:00:50,842
I'm sorry, Mr. Vanover.
He's just learning to heckle.
16
00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:53,925
What he means is you're not a good coach.
17
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:58,523
-[whistle quavers]
-All right, you know what?
18
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,520
I'm a history teacher.
I don't even like basketball!
19
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:04,982
I'm only doing this
because mother prefers me not at home.
20
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:08,185
Hey, I'm sorry... for your mother!
21
00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:10,066
-[laughs]
-That's it!
22
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:13,953
-I quit! I don't need any of this!
-[keys jangle]
23
00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:16,242
You know, I do need my car keys.
24
00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:22,122
Great, we lost our coach.
Now what are we gonna do?
25
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:25,037
I'm gonna do what I always do
when the going gets tough:
26
00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:28,046
add this disappointment
into an internal reservoir of rage
27
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:30,879
and wait for it to boil up
and explode in my mid-40s.
28
00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:34,394
All right, you twisted my arm.
29
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:37,099
-I'll coach your team.
-No way, I'm not playing for you.
30
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:39,430
Why not? It's not such a bad idea.
31
00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:42,096
Crash will be a great coach.
He knows how to win,
32
00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:45,187
and he won't cry as much as Mr. Vanover.
33
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:49,861
Plus I have a whistle. [tweets, gulps]
34
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,613
[tweeting] I swallowed the whistle.
Little help here?
35
00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:55,408
Again, one more.
36
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:58,830
[coughs, smacks] Mmm. Minty.
37
00:01:59,327 --> 00:02:03,077
♪ Let me tell you about the Bernsteins ♪
38
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,420
♪ Yo, I'ma let you finish ♪
39
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,210
-♪ But ding-dong ♪
-♪ Who's that? ♪
40
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:08,383
♪ Yo, it's Crash at the door ♪
41
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:11,011
♪ Don't wait for you to openKick it down hard core ♪
42
00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:13,299
♪ A purple with a 'tudeWhere your mom hide the food? ♪
43
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:15,973
-♪ In the fridge ♪
-♪ I'ma eat it then we tear it up, dude
44
00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:18,512
♪ No make-up or feelingsTea parties or dolls ♪
45
00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:19,846
♪ Now it's ninjas and football ♪
46
00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:21,101
-♪ And face slams ♪
-♪ Good call ♪
47
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:22,392
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
48
00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:23,635
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
49
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:25,097
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
50
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:26,016
♪ What he said ♪
51
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,524
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
52
00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:28,765
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
53
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,187
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
54
00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:31,225
♪ What he said ♪
55
00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,527
♪ It's war against awesomeBut awesome's gotta soar ♪
56
00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:36,201
-♪ I'll be grounded forever ♪
-♪ That's what friends are for ♪
57
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,581
♪ Crash and BernsteinCrash and Bernstein ♪
58
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,238
-♪ Crash and Bern... ♪
-♪ I said "Stein" ♪
59
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:41,946
♪ What he said ♪
60
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,286
[chuckles]
61
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,495
Yes, I'd like to apply
for a platinum business card.
62
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:51,673
My annual income?
63
00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,336
Does that include my allowance?
64
00:02:56,217 --> 00:02:58,467
No, let me talk to your parents!
65
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:00,758
Hello?
66
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,425
Now that I'm Wyatt's new basketball coach,
67
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:07,437
I'm gonna need room
for all my trophies. Oh.
68
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,437
Hmm. I'm gonna...
69
00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:15,321
-[glass shatter]
-[laughs]
70
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:17,953
Ordinarily I'd rat you out
to Mom for that,
71
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:22,581
but you know since you're
the new coach, let's talk business.
72
00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:27,536
My brand is breaking
into the sports apparel market.
73
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,214
-Oh.
-You should let me redesign
74
00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:30,542
your team's uniforms.
75
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,747
All right, but nothing girly.
76
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:37,217
No bedazzling, no skorts,
no built-in sports bras.
77
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,300
Except for Justin, he's kind of busty.
78
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,102
-Move it, chew toy!
-Whoo!
79
00:03:44,182 --> 00:03:46,232
[grunts] Whoo-hoo!
80
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:50,059
Let's do that couch-cushion ride
again, yeah!
81
00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:51,976
Sorry, I'm busy. I need money.
82
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:55,025
I found some awesome sunglasses
that will make me look totally cute
83
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:58,200
if I fall asleep in math class.
Ooh, a quarter!
84
00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:02,579
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
There's money in the couch?
85
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:07,212
If anyone's looking for me,
I'll be deep couch diving. Whoo!
86
00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:12,246
I know an easier way
for you to make money.
87
00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:14,625
How would you like to work
in the fashion industry?
88
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:18,223
-As a model?
-[laughs] Right, a model!
89
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,802
Oh, you were serious.
90
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:24,973
No, I just signed a big contract
to make basketball jerseys
91
00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:27,016
and you're
just the type of desperate person
92
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,890
I'm looking to take advantage of.
93
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:34,361
Hey, did you guys used to have a cat?
94
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:38,151
-No.
-Oh, good, so this must be a chicken bone.
95
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:44,331
-♪ Hey ♪
-[laughs]
96
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,660
Okay, everyone,
our first game is on Friday.
97
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,996
So mark it in your calendars as a win.
98
00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:53,752
Now let's work on some fundamentals.
99
00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:55,705
What should we do first? Layups?
100
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:58,465
No, no, no, no, something
even more important--
101
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:01,297
Intro dances!
102
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,135
♪ Move your body ♪
103
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,438
All right, Bernstein,
show me what you got.
104
00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:16,518
Oh, I don't know,
I'm not really much of a dancer.
105
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:21,195
Aw, yeah! All right, sprinkler!
106
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,407
Robot!
107
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:32,208
Deaden your eyes, Bernstein.
You are a machine, not a man.
108
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,844
Thattaboy. All right, Pesto, you're up.
109
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:49,307
-[whistle blows]
-Come on, Pesto, it's a basketball game,
110
00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:51,641
not a Lady Gaga concert!
111
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,899
All right, everybody, huddle up over here.
112
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:57,265
Enough fooling around.
113
00:05:58,108 --> 00:06:00,528
Time to work on the real fundamentals.
114
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,820
There's the high five, the low five,
115
00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,914
fist bump, fist bump explosion,
116
00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:07,739
the forearm bash,
and if you really want to get fancy...
117
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:08,826
Bernstein, come here.
118
00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:12,745
Right hand, left hand,
one potato, two potato,
119
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:15,081
elbow, elbow, hip check, Namaste,
120
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:18,166
jazz hands, face slam! [laughs]
121
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,673
Yeah, nice, yeah.
122
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,168
[laughs]
123
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,263
Amanda,
I don't like playing the boss card,
124
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:28,054
but you've only made one sleeve--
125
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,598
And jerseys are sleeveless!
126
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:33,392
Actually, I'm gonna need
the rest of the day off.
127
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:36,016
There was a family emergency.
I need to get home fast.
128
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:37,606
You are home.
129
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:40,444
She didn't buy it.
130
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:43,276
Quit slacking!
131
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:46,816
Cleo, if you're going to be in business,
132
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,986
then you'll have to treat
your employees with respect.
133
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,542
Mom, it's Amanda!
134
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:54,159
I couldn't even get a reference from you.
135
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:57,787
In fact, you told me not to hire her.
136
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:01,054
I didn't say you shouldn't hire her.
137
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:03,208
I said I wouldn't hire her.
138
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,131
See ya, Wyatt.
139
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,430
Fine, I have other ways
of getting what I want.
140
00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:11,892
Hey, Pesto.
141
00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:14,733
How would you like to buy me
a new pair of sunglasses?
142
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:18,939
I'm broke. But I could maybe get you
my grandma's reading glasses.
143
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,066
How much could I get for your watch?
144
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,939
Take it. Who needs time
when you've got what we have?
145
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,109
[huffs]
146
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:28,704
Pesto,
147
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,987
look, I know Amanda's my daughter,
148
00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:34,907
but you need to find a girl
who likes you for you.
149
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:40,458
I'm flattered, Mrs. Bernstein,
but I don't think of you like that.
150
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:43,589
Thanks for letting me down easy.
151
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:47,758
Ah, look, Amanda's trying
to take advantage of you.
152
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:52,392
Exactly. She could take
advantage of anyone and she chose me.
153
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:53,522
Can I borrow your computer?
154
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:56,018
I'm going to change my status
to "in a relationship."
155
00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,351
If you want to be a great coach,
156
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,477
you have to learn
from other great coaches.
157
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:04,324
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
You're saying I'm not a great coach?
158
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,741
Well, I was working my way up to that,
159
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,410
-but you saved me some time.
-Oh.
160
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:13,663
Now Pat Riley won five NBA Championships.
161
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,583
His teams ran everybody off the court.
162
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:19,082
His hair is... mesmerizing.
163
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,090
-How's he get it slicked back like that?
-Hair gel.
164
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,919
But his hair didn't win championships.
165
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:28,755
Well, it could have.
It shines like a wet seal.
166
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,177
Who's the guy throwing the chair?
167
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,972
Oh, he's one of the best
college coaches ever.
168
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,806
He yelled a lot,
but got the most out of his players.
169
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:40,022
He used a motion offense
to free up shooters.
170
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:42,233
-You're getting this, right?
-Yep.
171
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:43,613
All the important stuff.
172
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:53,701
Hope we get to work
on our game faces today. How's this?
173
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:58,204
It looks like you have to go
to the bathroom.
174
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,042
Well, now I kinda do.
175
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,666
[whistle blasts]
176
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:05,549
Listen up, clowns!
177
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:08,968
I am here to chew bubblegum
and kick butt.
178
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,469
And I am all out of bubblegum!
179
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,260
-I have some gum.
-No gum in my gym!
180
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:18,848
The coach Crash era starts now!
181
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,693
[grunts] Rahr!
182
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,015
Huh? Oh.
183
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:30,697
Hmm, now line up for sprints!
And someone go get my arms!
184
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,987
I bet this never happened to Pat Riley.
185
00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:38,198
[weak whistle]
186
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,997
-[whistle blows]
-Pick it up, ladies.
187
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,462
All this whistling is chapping my lips.
188
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,375
How long have we been running?
189
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:51,222
I can't see the clock.
Everything is blurry.
190
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:54,469
If I don't make it,
tell my mom I love her.
191
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:56,932
[Pesto] Coach,
192
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,682
-I can't feel my legs.
-Oh, let's see.
193
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,976
-I can feel them. Take another lap!
-Aah!
194
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,524
This is all your fault!
195
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:09,105
You're the one who wanted
Crash to be our coach.
196
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:10,192
I'll talk to him.
197
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,897
You're out of control.
198
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:16,567
Didn't you learn anything
about basketball from our talk?
199
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:20,538
Of course I did. Slick my hair back,
throw a chair, yell a lot.
200
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:24,790
I gave you a three-hour lecture!
And I had to pee the whole last hour!
201
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,496
The point I was making
202
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:28,955
-is basketball's about teamwork--
-[whistle tweets]
203
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:30,917
-Teamwork and execu--
-[tweets]
204
00:10:31,006 --> 00:10:34,676
-Teamwork and execution!
-[blasts]
205
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:36,469
-Take it easy!
-[whistle tweets]
206
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:38,933
-This is supposed to be fun.
-Pft!
207
00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:44,854
Pat Riley says if you want to win,
you gotta leave your guts on the floor.
208
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,936
I think I'm about to. [gags]
209
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:53,451
You call that hurling?
Put your back into it!
210
00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,486
You wanted to see me?
211
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:00,988
Sit.
212
00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:04,909
You know,
213
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,245
this is the difficult part of the job.
214
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:11,921
You're just not cutting it here at...
[whispers] ...Cleo.
215
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:15,045
You know nothing happens
when you do that with your hand, right?
216
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:18,637
Wait, are you firing me?
217
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:22,640
Oh, no, no, no. I'm the CEO.
I don't fire people.
218
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,313
I have people to do that for me.
219
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:29,359
You're fired!
220
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:33,029
I think you'll appreciate
221
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:35,149
the generous severance package
we're offering.
222
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:43,908
A coupon and a banana?
You can't fire me. I quit.
223
00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:45,365
In that case,
224
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:48,044
we keep the severance package.
225
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,463
Fine, I'm fired.
226
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,632
I worry about her future.
227
00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:58,434
♪ Kick it down hardCrash and Bern ♪
228
00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:01,470
All right, our first game.
Who is pumped?
229
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:06,936
No one. You made us
do warm-up sprints for three hours.
230
00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:10,978
-We're exhausted!
-All right, who's exhausted?
231
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,526
Yeah, that's the spirit!
232
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:17,989
Now listen, guys,
I know I've been working you really hard.
233
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:21,411
I know that you're so tired you think
you got nothing left in the tank.
234
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:25,581
But I have complete faith that this team
is gonna win today.
235
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:30,422
Why? Simple, because I went out
and got us a really tall guy.
236
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:33,956
Hey, what's up?
237
00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:36,922
How old are you?
238
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:40,506
If anyone asks,
I'm a 12-year-old transfer student.
239
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:45,890
Guys, this is Derek,
the new face of the franchise.
240
00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:47,484
Where are those raisins you promised me?
241
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:50,849
You'll get raisins when you win!
Now hit the hardwood.
242
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,067
I don't think we need that guy.
243
00:12:58,153 --> 00:13:00,243
Check this out.
All that practice has paid off.
244
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,489
My handles are sick, I got mad hops,
245
00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:06,575
and I know six other pieces
of basketball slang.
246
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:10,833
Uh, listen, Bernstein,
I have two roles here.
247
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:13,035
One as your coach,
and one as your friend.
248
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,004
As your coach, we need to talk.
249
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:19,299
As your friend, uh-oh, doesn't sound good.
250
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:22,093
As your coach, you're riding the pine!
251
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:25,684
As your friend,
you can sit next to me the whole game!
252
00:13:27,182 --> 00:13:28,482
You're benching me?
253
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:31,558
Look, you're a point guard,
so's the new guy.
254
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:35,074
I have to tell you,
as your coach, I want to win.
255
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,938
As your friend, I want to tell you
256
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,185
that coach is a jerk
and I want to kick his butt.
257
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:42,567
As your coach, I'd like to see you try!
258
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:46,115
Oh, yeah? Here we go! [blows thudding]
259
00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:51,001
Ooh, oh, oww! Stop it! [choking]
260
00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:53,751
[screaming] Aah!
261
00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,705
[Derek] Ah, in your face!
262
00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:00,467
They can't stop me. What are you doing?
263
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:06,298
Get that outta here! In your face!
In everybody's face! Oh, excuse me!
264
00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:08,718
Oh, you can't stop me.
I'll take that.
265
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:12,807
-Oh, yeah. [growls]
-Aah!
266
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,564
[buzzes]
267
00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,976
[scattered applause, cheers]
268
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:19,815
Yeah, great game, everyone.
269
00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:21,821
-Yeah, it was!
-No, it wasn't.
270
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,203
I didn't even get to shoot.
271
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:26,659
I was open the whole game,
and that ball hog didn't even pass to me.
272
00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:29,911
That's because you have no game.
I took you kids to school.
273
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:31,962
We are at school.
274
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,918
I know, because I was able to finish
my English essay,
275
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,790
while I was sitting on the bench!
276
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,377
What are you guys complaining about?
I thought you wanted to win.
277
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:43,343
Not like this.
You're the worst coach ever.
278
00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:46,085
What? Why? My record is one and zero.
279
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:50,057
You yell at us all the time,
you make us do sprints till we pass out,
280
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:53,270
and then when we're passed out,
you draw stuff on our faces.
281
00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,059
[laughs]
282
00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:58,816
Meow! [laughs]
283
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,188
-We need a new coach.
-[gasps]
284
00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:02,936
Now wait a minute, guys.
285
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:07,318
This is Crash's first time. I mean,
sure, he gets a little carried away,
286
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:11,287
but he's trying to help us.
And he is a really good artist.
287
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,291
You really look like a cat.
288
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:16,710
Let's put it to a vote.
289
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:19,381
Whoever wants Crash to stay,
raise your hand.
290
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:22,838
Oh, yeah, this is looking good.
291
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,550
Now who wants to fire Crash?
292
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:30,557
-Crash, what are you doing?
-I want to be on the winning side.
293
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,811
You don't understand,
you just fired yourself.
294
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,604
Oh.
295
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:38,265
Come on, guys,
let's go play some laser tag.
296
00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:40,769
Hey, you too, cat face.
297
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,477
[giggles] You make me laugh.
298
00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:46,912
Bernstein, you're still here?
299
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:51,275
The way I see it, I have two roles.
As your friend and as your player.
300
00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:54,657
As your friend,
I'm really sorry you got fired.
301
00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:57,286
As your player,
I'm gonna go catch up with those guys
302
00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:59,334
-and play laser tag.
-[scoffs]
303
00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:02,418
Fine! I don't need anybody!
304
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,761
[slurping]
305
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,804
Hey, Carl, give me another one.
306
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:12,313
Don't you give me that look.
307
00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:14,597
I will tell you when I have had enough.
308
00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:18,648
I used to be somebody.
You ever hear of Pat Riley?
309
00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:21,192
I had his hairstyle.
310
00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:23,232
-Hey, Crash.
-Mrs. B.
311
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,146
How many smoothies have you had?
312
00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:27,447
Not enough to make the pain go away.
313
00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:29,409
-I heard you lost your team.
-Yeah.
314
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:30,869
But you can't quit.
315
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:32,953
I mean, sure you're a terrible coach...
316
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,414
And you're
a terrible motivational speaker.
317
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,205
Continue.
318
00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:39,582
But at least you're passionate.
319
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:44,295
I mean, your problem was you spent
more time yelling at your players
320
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:45,757
than you did teaching them.
321
00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:48,379
You catch more flies
with honey than you do with vinegar.
322
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,256
And you catch even more with dog poop.
323
00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:54,854
Oh, excuse me. You stink!
324
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:58,725
Oh, not you again.
Please, leave me alone.
325
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:01,350
I am seven prize tickets away
from a kazoo.
326
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,230
Sorry, Mr. Vanover.
327
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:09,862
Actually, I'm trying to teach Crash
how to be more encouraging and positive.
328
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:11,276
If you wouldn't mind,
329
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,704
maybe I could show him
what I mean while you're shooting.
330
00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:16,793
-He's just gonna make fun of me.
-No, no, I promise,
331
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:21,500
no taunting, no criticism,
just compliments and love.
332
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:23,212
That sounds nice. Okay.
333
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,422
Oh, come on--
334
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:31,217
-[muffled]
-Not a word.
335
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:32,840
Crash,
336
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:34,390
watch and learn.
337
00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:37,393
That was nice, you got a piece of the rim.
338
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,064
I did, didn't I?
339
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:47,070
Ooh, okay, missed again,
but still good form.
340
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:55,741
The basket is six feet away!
341
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:58,825
I mean, they train seals
to do this with their nose.
342
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:02,292
Hey, Mrs. B., come on, come on.
It's just a game. Calm down.
343
00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:05,044
I'm trying to teach you a lesson
and this guy is driving me nuts!
344
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,126
I mean, he couldn't sink a rock
into the ocean!
345
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:09,212
Have you considered
you might be left handed?
346
00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:13,837
Okay, I am a grown man,
I do not have to take this kind of abuse.
347
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:16,427
I'm getting on my bike
and riding home to mother!
348
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:21,643
I'm sorry, Mr. Vanover.
349
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:27,396
-That didn't go as planned.
-Oh, no, no, no, no. Point made!
350
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:30,572
I mean, if I was half as bad as you,
I'm embarrassed.
351
00:18:30,652 --> 00:18:35,742
I threw a chair and made children cry,
but you are mean!
352
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:41,121
-Time!
-[buzzes]
353
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:45,294
Time-out on the court,
which means it's the perfect time
354
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:48,665
to talk about
those beautiful uniforms by...
355
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:50,755
[whispers] ...Cleo.
356
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:52,970
Sorry.
357
00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:55,929
Okay, there's 10 seconds left.
358
00:18:56,011 --> 00:18:58,101
-What should we do?
-Just give me the ball.
359
00:18:58,179 --> 00:19:01,179
-Why do you get to shoot?
-Because I haven't made one all night.
360
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:02,386
I'm due.
361
00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:06,935
-We need a coach.
-Twist my arm again. I'll do it.
362
00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:08,732
Crash, what are you doing here?
363
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,815
I want my old job back.
364
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:14,610
I was taught a very important lesson
by a mean, mean woman,
365
00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:17,816
who I will not name.
[whispers] It was your mom.
366
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:23,410
But I want a second chance,
if you're willing to give an old coach
367
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,076
one last shot at glory.
368
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:29,918
-What do you say, guys?
-Who cares?
369
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,423
-There's only 10 seconds left.
-That's the attitude.
370
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:35,125
All right, we've got enough time
for one last shot.
371
00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:37,756
So let's run "the play," huh?
372
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,354
-Right, yeah?
-The play.
373
00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:42,099
-On three. One, two, three.
-Break!
374
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,222
[buzzes]
375
00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:50,733
♪ Move your body ♪
376
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,699
[buzzes]
377
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:10,209
Yeah, yeah, right! All right.
378
00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:13,879
I don't know why we're celebrating.
We lost by 17 points!
379
00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,843
Seventeen points?
380
00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:20,255
We lost by 17 points?
381
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:25,345
Who is coaching this team?
Oh! Right, me.
382
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:27,853
Um, I'll be right back.
383
00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:30,265
You stink, coach!
384
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:33,685
Hey, come on, we had fun.
It's not all about winning.
385
00:20:34,275 --> 00:20:36,525
Says a loser!
386
00:20:36,611 --> 00:20:39,451
Oh, yeah?
Why don't you come down here and say that?
387
00:20:39,531 --> 00:20:41,781
Why don't you come up here
and say that?
388
00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:45,577
Okay, I'm up here. Where are you?
389
00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:47,912
I came down here looking for you.
390
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:52,962
-[Crash] I can do this all night.
-[Crash] So can I.
391
00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,844
-You're very handsome.-You're very handsome, too.
392
00:20:57,674 --> 00:20:59,764
No way, you got the sunglasses?
393
00:20:59,843 --> 00:21:02,683
-[coins jingle]
-I'm still working on raising the money.
394
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:05,772
What are you doing with my safe?
395
00:21:05,849 --> 00:21:06,769
Hold on.
396
00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:12,652
-Is this your safe? I thought it was mine.
-It's got my name on it.
397
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:17,991
Oh, right.
I have one that looks just like it.
398
00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:20,659
I bet we have the same combination.
What's yours?
399
00:21:20,739 --> 00:21:24,159
-Nice try.
-I know the combination to the safe.
400
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:29,960
It's 16, 24... hyah!
401
00:21:31,166 --> 00:21:32,626
[laughs]
402
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:36,253
♪ Crash and Bern , hard core ♪
403
00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:38,546
♪ Bass, bass ♪
404
00:21:43,094 --> 00:21:44,104
♪ What ♪
405
00:21:47,390 --> 00:21:48,640
♪ That's what friends are for ♪
406
00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:49,765
♪ Crash and Bern ♪
407
00:21:49,851 --> 00:21:50,941
♪ Tear it up, dude ♪
408
00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:53,609
♪ Good call ♪
409
00:21:53,688 --> 00:21:55,768
♪ Crash and BernCrash and Bern ♪
410
00:21:55,857 --> 00:21:58,777
-♪ I said, "Stein" ♪
-♪ What he said ♪
32119
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