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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:05,123 Can I get a what's uuuuup? 2 00:00:05,158 --> 00:00:07,405 - Can you get a what? - No time for pleasantries, Steve. 3 00:00:07,407 --> 00:00:09,207 I've unsleeved the pudding pop. 4 00:00:10,174 --> 00:00:11,133 That's right. 5 00:00:11,168 --> 00:00:13,746 A lot of stuff has been going on around here without my comment, 6 00:00:13,748 --> 00:00:15,413 and I think it's time to... 7 00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:17,415 ...tell it like it is. 8 00:00:17,417 --> 00:00:19,752 That's right. I tell it like it is. 9 00:00:19,754 --> 00:00:21,486 I call it like I see it. 10 00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:23,021 Do I pussyfoot around? 11 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,088 I can't. 12 00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:27,159 It begins now. 13 00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:29,428 Hayley, you know what I'm going to say. 14 00:00:30,333 --> 00:00:32,831 - The bicycle shorts... - The bicycle shorts you wore last week. 15 00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,833 I didn't see a bicycle. 16 00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:36,245 Was it a fashion thing? 17 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:37,702 With a baggy sweater, I-I thought... 18 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:38,737 It looked bad. 19 00:00:38,889 --> 00:00:41,023 Francine, I saw on the credit card statement 20 00:00:41,025 --> 00:00:43,291 you got a subscription to master class? 21 00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,159 Doris Kearns Goodwin does one... 22 00:00:45,161 --> 00:00:47,896 You're going to become a DKG-level historian? 23 00:00:47,898 --> 00:00:49,831 That'd be the first time anyone in this family 24 00:00:49,833 --> 00:00:51,099 followed through on something. 25 00:00:51,101 --> 00:00:53,568 Remember how you all saw the movie "Nightcrawler" 26 00:00:53,570 --> 00:00:55,103 and you all wanted to become nightcrawlers, 27 00:00:55,105 --> 00:00:57,706 selling pictures of car accidents to the news? 28 00:00:57,708 --> 00:00:59,641 How many of you are nightcrawlers now? 29 00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:01,443 We... we could... we could be nightcrawlers... 30 00:01:01,445 --> 00:01:03,045 Big mistake piping up, Steve. 31 00:01:03,047 --> 00:01:05,847 The other day, your hair came down into your face? 32 00:01:05,849 --> 00:01:08,250 - No. - I was getting out of the pool! 33 00:01:08,252 --> 00:01:10,852 You don't have a face where you can ever let your hair 34 00:01:10,854 --> 00:01:12,987 come forward like that. 35 00:01:12,989 --> 00:01:15,724 It's your nose. Just telling it like it is. 36 00:01:15,726 --> 00:01:17,459 Talk to me about hair. 37 00:01:17,461 --> 00:01:19,527 Of all people. Good gracious. 38 00:01:19,529 --> 00:01:20,662 What's that, Son? 39 00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:22,530 Is it a hard truth you're muttering? 40 00:01:22,532 --> 00:01:24,799 Hit me with it. I can take it. 41 00:01:24,801 --> 00:01:27,736 I said it's funny for you of all people 42 00:01:27,738 --> 00:01:29,271 to criticize someone's hair! 43 00:01:29,273 --> 00:01:30,405 You're bald! 44 00:01:30,407 --> 00:01:33,341 - Bald... bald... - _ 45 00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,543 - Dad? - Ooh! 46 00:01:35,545 --> 00:01:37,345 Bald! Bald! Bald! 47 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,013 Bald! Bald! 48 00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:40,615 Pretty good Steve impression, huh? 49 00:01:40,617 --> 00:01:41,816 Now do Klaus! 50 00:01:41,818 --> 00:01:43,685 What's up, dudes? 51 00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:46,220 Klaus usually says "bros." 52 00:01:48,892 --> 00:01:51,972 ? Good morning, U.S.A. ? 53 00:01:52,007 --> 00:01:55,229 ? I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ? 54 00:01:55,231 --> 00:01:58,433 ? The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ? 55 00:01:58,435 --> 00:02:02,971 ? And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ? 56 00:02:04,775 --> 00:02:08,110 ? Oh, boy, it's swell to say ? 57 00:02:08,112 --> 00:02:10,845 - ? Good... ? - ? Good morning, U.S.A. ? 58 00:02:10,847 --> 00:02:11,913 Aah! 59 00:02:13,249 --> 00:02:16,184 ? Good morning, U.S.A. ? 60 00:02:18,588 --> 00:02:20,989 There I was, blasting them with the truth, 61 00:02:20,991 --> 00:02:23,125 one of my best tell-it-like-it-is-es-es, 62 00:02:23,127 --> 00:02:26,394 and Steve just knocks the wind out of me with... with... 63 00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:27,862 The truth? 64 00:02:27,864 --> 00:02:28,931 Yes. 65 00:02:28,933 --> 00:02:30,999 Ya know, Stan, to tell it like it is freely, 66 00:02:31,001 --> 00:02:33,601 you must remove all your weaknesses. 67 00:02:33,603 --> 00:02:35,670 Baldness is my only weakness. 68 00:02:35,672 --> 00:02:38,072 You know, there's a hair transplant technique 69 00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:40,274 I read about that's very cutting edge... 70 00:02:40,276 --> 00:02:41,610 hair seeds. 71 00:02:41,612 --> 00:02:43,745 "Cutting edge" is intriguing. 72 00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,880 If you did it, I could arrange to have your new hair 73 00:02:45,882 --> 00:02:47,749 styled by none other than... 74 00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,417 get ready for this... 75 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:52,020 Josay Bosay. 76 00:02:53,490 --> 00:02:55,490 - Who? - Are you serious? 77 00:02:55,492 --> 00:02:56,758 Josay Bosay? 78 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,494 He's my most celebrated hair stylist character. 79 00:02:59,496 --> 00:03:00,829 I have never heard of him. 80 00:03:00,831 --> 00:03:03,031 Back in the '70s, Josay gave Rod Stewart 81 00:03:03,033 --> 00:03:06,501 what would turn out to be his forever haircut. 82 00:03:06,503 --> 00:03:07,836 You know what, Roger? 83 00:03:07,838 --> 00:03:09,904 I will get hair seeds! 84 00:03:09,906 --> 00:03:12,574 I'm so excited, I have to journal! 85 00:03:12,576 --> 00:03:14,843 Is Stan right about us? 86 00:03:14,845 --> 00:03:17,512 We were so excited about being nightcrawlers. 87 00:03:17,514 --> 00:03:20,248 It's all we talked about in 2015. 88 00:03:20,250 --> 00:03:23,651 But how many times did we actually go out on the prowl? 89 00:03:23,653 --> 00:03:25,053 Not even once. 90 00:03:25,055 --> 00:03:27,655 Look, did you all like the movie "Nightcrawler"? 91 00:03:27,657 --> 00:03:29,191 - Yes! - More than anything. 92 00:03:29,193 --> 00:03:31,459 And do you still think about it every day? 93 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,861 - Yes! - Morning to night! 94 00:03:32,863 --> 00:03:35,129 And do you think that taking pictures of car accidents 95 00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:37,599 and crime scenes seems like easy, fun money? 96 00:03:37,601 --> 00:03:38,733 Yes! 97 00:03:38,735 --> 00:03:40,002 Then get out there! 98 00:03:42,873 --> 00:03:45,040 No one ever uses the fireman pole. 99 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:47,843 Not even me. 100 00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:54,048 With my proprietary hair seed technology, 101 00:03:54,050 --> 00:03:57,119 giving you a big, beautiful mane of hair 102 00:03:57,121 --> 00:03:59,121 is as easy as one, two, three. 103 00:03:59,123 --> 00:04:02,624 Now, let's take the wig off and see what we're working with. 104 00:04:04,260 --> 00:04:05,593 I can't do it. 105 00:04:05,595 --> 00:04:07,729 My... head's under there. 106 00:04:07,731 --> 00:04:09,131 I'm right here. 107 00:04:09,133 --> 00:04:13,135 - I'm too nervous! - What if I hold the other hand? 108 00:04:13,137 --> 00:04:15,003 And now... 109 00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:18,206 I'm a monster. 110 00:04:18,208 --> 00:04:19,941 It's okay, Mr. Smith. 111 00:04:19,943 --> 00:04:23,612 As a professional, I see this sort of thing every day. 112 00:04:23,614 --> 00:04:25,413 Pamela, bring me some dramamine. 113 00:04:25,415 --> 00:04:27,349 I'm looking at something that makes me queasier 114 00:04:27,351 --> 00:04:28,951 than any roller coaster. 115 00:04:28,953 --> 00:04:31,353 These hair seeds are gonna go nuclear 116 00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:34,756 when they touch down on that cueball melon of yours. 117 00:04:34,758 --> 00:04:37,225 Let's gas this Kojak. 118 00:04:37,227 --> 00:04:39,561 I-I thought this was an outpatient surgery. 119 00:04:39,563 --> 00:04:40,829 Shh. 120 00:04:40,831 --> 00:04:42,598 It's gonna be a breeze. 121 00:04:43,634 --> 00:04:47,101 Stan, things are going very badly. 122 00:04:47,103 --> 00:04:49,171 Your body has rejected the hair seeds, 123 00:04:49,173 --> 00:04:50,839 and something went nuts with your kidneys. 124 00:04:50,841 --> 00:04:52,774 They swelled up and got very big, 125 00:04:52,776 --> 00:04:54,642 then they shrunk down very small, 126 00:04:54,644 --> 00:04:56,110 then they made a hissing sound, 127 00:04:56,112 --> 00:04:57,846 then they just flat-out vanished. 128 00:04:57,848 --> 00:04:59,447 I saw the whole thing on ultrasound. 129 00:04:59,449 --> 00:05:00,682 I was like... 130 00:05:02,452 --> 00:05:03,852 What does this mean for my hair? 131 00:05:03,854 --> 00:05:05,387 We need a rare double donor... 132 00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:08,056 both a kidney and a hair match. 133 00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:10,792 Fortunately, I already found the right person. 134 00:05:10,794 --> 00:05:12,794 They're here, they're excited to help, 135 00:05:12,796 --> 00:05:14,596 and they're right behind this curtain. 136 00:05:14,598 --> 00:05:16,064 Looks like Tuttle. 137 00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,932 I'm going to insist the donation be anonymous. 138 00:05:17,934 --> 00:05:19,534 This is an outrage! 139 00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:20,935 I'm a hero! 140 00:05:20,937 --> 00:05:23,405 Stay behind the screen. It is my wish. 141 00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:25,273 Prep for surgery! 142 00:05:25,275 --> 00:05:28,610 Let's get hairy! 143 00:05:28,612 --> 00:05:30,412 - Aaaah! - He's dead again?! 144 00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:32,480 This is a nightmare! 145 00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:34,349 My anesthesia's not working! 146 00:05:34,766 --> 00:05:36,551 My anesthesia's not working! 147 00:05:36,553 --> 00:05:37,953 Shut up! Shut up! 148 00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:41,657 Stan, open your eyes. 149 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:45,560 It worked. 150 00:05:45,562 --> 00:05:46,828 - Hair? - Oh, yeah. 151 00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:48,963 And it was easy as one, two, three 152 00:05:48,965 --> 00:05:50,264 months in a coma. 153 00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:51,299 I was in a coma?! 154 00:05:51,301 --> 00:05:53,101 It's time to remove this towel 155 00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:55,437 and send you out into the world, 156 00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:57,305 a man who has hair, 157 00:05:57,307 --> 00:05:59,107 but no towel. 158 00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:00,775 The fruit... 159 00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,277 of the hair seed. 160 00:06:03,247 --> 00:06:05,247 Oh! 161 00:06:05,249 --> 00:06:07,049 Ohh! 162 00:06:07,051 --> 00:06:08,450 Ooh. 163 00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:11,185 I look like the beast from "Beauty and the Beast"! 164 00:06:11,187 --> 00:06:14,056 Now I get to bring you to Josay Bosay 165 00:06:14,058 --> 00:06:16,058 for your first-ever haircut. 166 00:06:16,060 --> 00:06:18,060 I can't keep my hands out of it! 167 00:06:18,062 --> 00:06:20,528 I love seeing you so happy, Stan. 168 00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:22,597 Anonymous! Anonymous! 169 00:06:28,072 --> 00:06:31,473 Uh, Stan Smith, here for Josay Bosay? 170 00:06:37,547 --> 00:06:39,013 Naughty boy! 171 00:06:39,015 --> 00:06:42,817 Trying to read my unfinished memoirs! 172 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:45,487 There's some juicy stuff in that memoir. 173 00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:48,290 When Morgan Fairchild reads what I have to say 174 00:06:48,292 --> 00:06:51,826 about our hot affair, she's going to be so very angry. 175 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,895 But she gets horny when she's angry, 176 00:06:53,897 --> 00:06:56,765 so more sex for me, right, gorgeous? 177 00:06:58,368 --> 00:07:00,302 Th... these are scribbles. Not writing. 178 00:07:00,304 --> 00:07:02,570 Oh, I can write. And I can read, too. 179 00:07:02,572 --> 00:07:05,974 I read a book that was one majillion, but let's talk hair. 180 00:07:05,976 --> 00:07:07,642 I want this haircut to be good. 181 00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:09,978 Rod was nervous, too, 182 00:07:09,980 --> 00:07:12,647 before I gave him that. 183 00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:14,449 Make me look like me. 184 00:07:14,451 --> 00:07:15,717 The most me. 185 00:07:33,938 --> 00:07:35,870 Et voil�! 186 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:38,272 You just became... 187 00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:39,274 a butterfly. 188 00:07:39,275 --> 00:07:40,942 - I hate it. - How's that, gorgeous? 189 00:07:40,944 --> 00:07:42,210 It's a horrible haircut. 190 00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:43,878 It's Rod Stewart's forever cut! 191 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,547 It's an out-of-date hair-do. 192 00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,081 It's a hair-don't, frankly. 193 00:07:48,418 --> 00:07:50,352 I gotta tell it like it is. 194 00:07:50,354 --> 00:07:52,821 Josay Bosay, you're obviously 195 00:07:52,823 --> 00:07:55,023 nothing but a washed-up dinosaur. 196 00:07:55,348 --> 00:07:57,025 He looks horrible. 197 00:07:57,027 --> 00:07:59,027 You look horrible. 198 00:07:59,029 --> 00:08:00,829 We all look horrible! 199 00:08:00,831 --> 00:08:02,965 This fool only knows one haircut! 200 00:08:02,967 --> 00:08:06,368 It's official... Josay Bosay is finished! 201 00:08:06,370 --> 00:08:08,370 To the hat store! 202 00:08:09,436 --> 00:08:11,573 Stan, what have you done?! 203 00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:12,907 I'm ruined! 204 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:14,977 Josay Bosay is ruined! 205 00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:19,514 Hello, Josay Bosay salon, 206 00:08:19,516 --> 00:08:20,949 we're ruined. 207 00:08:24,554 --> 00:08:25,554 I need it fixed. 208 00:08:25,555 --> 00:08:27,889 Can the hair artists at Fantastic Sam's 209 00:08:27,891 --> 00:08:29,557 guarantee total perfection? 210 00:08:30,894 --> 00:08:33,027 I-I'm sorry, is someone crying on your end 211 00:08:33,029 --> 00:08:35,163 or is that coming from my house? 212 00:08:35,165 --> 00:08:37,165 Several people are crying there, you say? 213 00:08:40,971 --> 00:08:43,105 Pube shapes are hot! 214 00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:46,775 - Josay is no-o-o-ot! - _ 215 00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:48,910 Terrible about Josay, isn't it? 216 00:08:48,912 --> 00:08:50,378 How you destroyed him? 217 00:08:50,380 --> 00:08:51,914 And after he stood by you 218 00:08:51,916 --> 00:08:54,849 during your difficult hairplug recovery. 219 00:08:54,851 --> 00:08:56,118 Klaus, don't interact with me. 220 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,852 I, uh... I... I don't know. 221 00:08:57,854 --> 00:08:59,121 I... I feel weird right now. 222 00:08:59,123 --> 00:09:01,389 You feel guilt, Stan. 223 00:09:01,391 --> 00:09:02,991 No, I think it's just that earlier, 224 00:09:02,993 --> 00:09:04,793 I ate an entire hardshell crab 225 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:06,260 like it was a softshell crab. 226 00:09:06,262 --> 00:09:08,062 Besides, why would I be guilty? 227 00:09:08,064 --> 00:09:09,397 I was only telling it like it is. 228 00:09:09,399 --> 00:09:12,334 Stan, perhaps I can tell you like it is... 229 00:09:12,336 --> 00:09:14,869 telling it like it is is mean! 230 00:09:14,871 --> 00:09:17,139 And when you're mean, you feel guilty. 231 00:09:17,141 --> 00:09:18,673 And sometimes... 232 00:09:18,675 --> 00:09:21,743 it feels like you ate the wrong kind of crab. 233 00:09:21,745 --> 00:09:24,012 Wow. When you put it like that... 234 00:09:24,014 --> 00:09:25,680 Well, so, what am I supposed to do? 235 00:09:25,682 --> 00:09:29,017 Support your friend by lying to his face. 236 00:09:29,019 --> 00:09:30,352 Reverse all your positions. 237 00:09:30,354 --> 00:09:33,287 Say anything that will make him feel good. 238 00:09:33,289 --> 00:09:35,890 Klaus, you're a genius and I love you. 239 00:09:35,892 --> 00:09:36,959 You do? 240 00:09:36,961 --> 00:09:38,960 Whoa, lying's easy. 241 00:09:38,962 --> 00:09:40,963 I'm gonna go do it to Roger. 242 00:09:42,232 --> 00:09:44,232 - Roger? - It's Josay! 243 00:09:44,234 --> 00:09:47,435 Look, Josay, I've been meaning to say how sorry I am 244 00:09:47,437 --> 00:09:48,970 for what happened at your salon. 245 00:09:48,972 --> 00:09:50,973 Former salon. You hated the cut. 246 00:09:50,975 --> 00:09:53,908 Wrong! I love this haircut! 247 00:09:55,018 --> 00:09:56,044 Really? 248 00:09:56,046 --> 00:09:58,046 But the awful things you said... 249 00:09:58,048 --> 00:09:59,647 A misunderstanding. 250 00:09:59,649 --> 00:10:01,115 You called me out-of-date. 251 00:10:01,117 --> 00:10:02,717 Shyeah. Timeless! 252 00:10:02,719 --> 00:10:03,985 What about washed up? 253 00:10:03,987 --> 00:10:06,254 Washed up. Clean, tidy! 254 00:10:06,256 --> 00:10:07,856 Okay, I see that. 255 00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:08,990 And dinosaur? 256 00:10:08,992 --> 00:10:11,526 Like a T-Rex. He's the king, bud. 257 00:10:13,463 --> 00:10:16,198 Talk about your misunderstandings! 258 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,332 Now, I'm ecstatic you like the cut, 259 00:10:18,334 --> 00:10:21,203 but if you want to maintain that electrocuted bird look, 260 00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:23,805 you'll need to apply this constantly. 261 00:10:23,807 --> 00:10:25,607 It's got a strong smell. 262 00:10:25,609 --> 00:10:27,141 What... is this? 263 00:10:27,143 --> 00:10:29,277 A little home recipe I cooked up. 264 00:10:29,279 --> 00:10:30,945 It's starting to sting. 265 00:10:30,947 --> 00:10:32,214 It's very astringent. 266 00:10:32,216 --> 00:10:33,748 That's why I wear the gloves. 267 00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:36,018 It's hair-friendly, not skin friendly. 268 00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:37,886 Well, I... I love it. 269 00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:40,088 You know what? I could sell this. 270 00:10:40,090 --> 00:10:42,090 It could be the key to my comeback. 271 00:10:42,092 --> 00:10:44,158 I think a little's getting in my... 272 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,227 Ow! 273 00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:47,629 I mean... I mean wow! This is great stuff. 274 00:10:47,631 --> 00:10:50,965 I just have to get people to love it as much as you do! 275 00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:53,035 If that's even possible! 276 00:10:55,639 --> 00:10:57,772 Am I a lucky duck or what? 277 00:10:57,774 --> 00:10:59,708 I put out feelers that I'm interested in 278 00:10:59,710 --> 00:11:02,977 starting my own product line, wanna spend lots of money, 279 00:11:02,979 --> 00:11:06,180 and I'm immediately contacted by Roz and Larry here 280 00:11:06,182 --> 00:11:08,383 to be my manufacturing partners! 281 00:11:08,385 --> 00:11:10,652 They're complete strangers, but they have a nice house, 282 00:11:10,654 --> 00:11:14,056 and that makes me trust them on a gut level. 283 00:11:14,058 --> 00:11:16,658 Why is the factory closed, again? 284 00:11:16,660 --> 00:11:18,793 Oh, a skunk got in there. 285 00:11:18,795 --> 00:11:20,128 Pissed or whatever. 286 00:11:20,130 --> 00:11:21,463 Well, I'm convinced. 287 00:11:21,465 --> 00:11:25,600 Stan, is this a great idea or is this a great idea? 288 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:27,936 Or do you not like it and think I'm a fool? 289 00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:29,938 Uh, it's... it's great. 290 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,473 - You're great. - Oh, excellent. 291 00:11:31,475 --> 00:11:35,077 Roz, Larry, here is a check for the last of my money. 292 00:11:35,079 --> 00:11:37,612 Oh, great, but we can do this later. 293 00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,748 - Uhp! - Uhh! 294 00:11:40,452 --> 00:11:41,883 That's a good sign, right? 295 00:11:41,885 --> 00:11:44,218 - Eager to get started? - Uh... 296 00:11:44,220 --> 00:11:46,554 Stan, they have a very expensive home. 297 00:11:46,556 --> 00:11:48,090 They don't need my money. 298 00:11:48,092 --> 00:11:49,891 I think this is an open house. 299 00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:52,026 Could you both sign in? 300 00:11:52,028 --> 00:11:53,962 So, I've been getting quite the runaround, 301 00:11:53,964 --> 00:11:56,431 but you're the right person to help me stop a check? 302 00:11:56,433 --> 00:11:59,567 Well, I wrote a check that was my entire life savings 303 00:11:59,569 --> 00:12:02,036 made out to cash earlier today, and I'd like to... 304 00:12:02,038 --> 00:12:04,706 Stop! That! Check! 305 00:12:04,708 --> 00:12:07,241 Okay, thank you so much! You're gorgeous! 306 00:12:07,243 --> 00:12:09,043 They cashed it hours ago. 307 00:12:11,047 --> 00:12:13,181 I'm a fool! A failure! 308 00:12:13,183 --> 00:12:14,983 I know you know it, Stan! 309 00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:17,251 Tell me like it is! 310 00:12:17,253 --> 00:12:19,521 Well, if you must know the truth... 311 00:12:19,523 --> 00:12:21,055 No! Keep lying, Stan! 312 00:12:21,057 --> 00:12:22,657 Wuzzat? 313 00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:23,926 The truth is... 314 00:12:23,928 --> 00:12:25,259 Lie, lie, lie! 315 00:12:25,261 --> 00:12:26,929 Wuzzat? 316 00:12:26,931 --> 00:12:28,930 You're a great hairdresser. 317 00:12:28,932 --> 00:12:30,132 Yes! 318 00:12:31,022 --> 00:12:32,400 Do you really think so? 319 00:12:32,402 --> 00:12:35,069 You're the greatest hairdresser in the world. 320 00:12:35,767 --> 00:12:38,140 Do you mean the greatest now, 321 00:12:38,142 --> 00:12:39,942 or of all time? 322 00:12:39,944 --> 00:12:42,276 Um... all time. 323 00:12:42,278 --> 00:12:43,946 Including the future, too? 324 00:12:43,948 --> 00:12:45,279 How could I possibly know... 325 00:12:46,780 --> 00:12:48,483 Yes. Including the future, too. 326 00:12:48,485 --> 00:12:50,952 "The greatest hairdresser of all time." 327 00:12:50,954 --> 00:12:52,286 I have to agree. 328 00:12:52,288 --> 00:12:53,622 You know, I think we're in this mess 329 00:12:53,624 --> 00:12:55,490 because I forgot it's about the hair, 330 00:12:55,492 --> 00:12:57,291 not this facocta product. 331 00:12:58,495 --> 00:13:02,164 So, if I want to get back on top... 332 00:13:02,166 --> 00:13:05,968 I need to give Rod Stewart a new forever haircut! 333 00:13:05,970 --> 00:13:07,635 That's what worked before! 334 00:13:07,637 --> 00:13:10,238 Oh, Rod's gonna be so excited! 335 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,374 But I don't know how to get in touch with him. 336 00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:13,441 Hmm... 337 00:13:13,443 --> 00:13:15,643 Aw, and it was such a good idea... 338 00:13:15,645 --> 00:13:17,980 Oh, man! Lucky duck alert! 339 00:13:17,982 --> 00:13:19,514 - It's a picture of Rod. - _ 340 00:13:19,516 --> 00:13:21,650 I-I can read the squiggles, 341 00:13:21,652 --> 00:13:24,452 but why don't you read them to me? 342 00:13:24,454 --> 00:13:27,255 It says Rod's in town for the grand opening 343 00:13:27,257 --> 00:13:29,457 of one of his incredible stew restaurants, 344 00:13:29,459 --> 00:13:32,594 the Art of Stew by Rod Stew-art. 345 00:13:32,596 --> 00:13:36,130 Rod Stewart is the same person as Rod Stew-art?! 346 00:13:36,132 --> 00:13:37,465 Yum, right? 347 00:13:37,467 --> 00:13:41,603 I can taste those big, hard carrot pieces already. 348 00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:43,979 _ 349 00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:55,017 Restaurant opening is in 15 minutes, Mr. Stewart. 350 00:13:55,019 --> 00:13:56,551 Eh, it's okay. 351 00:13:56,553 --> 00:13:59,388 They can't make the stew without me. 352 00:14:01,427 --> 00:14:03,625 Surprise, Rod-baby! 353 00:14:03,627 --> 00:14:06,094 I'm sure sorry we snuck into your limo, sir. 354 00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,562 I-I love your stews. 355 00:14:07,564 --> 00:14:09,364 Josay Bosay! 356 00:14:09,366 --> 00:14:12,100 Give us a kiss, you cheeky bastard! 357 00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:13,367 Mwah! 358 00:14:13,369 --> 00:14:15,770 Josay, why has it been so long? 359 00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:17,505 Oh, I thought it was because we were both 360 00:14:17,507 --> 00:14:19,974 after the smashing Victoria Principal... 361 00:14:19,976 --> 00:14:22,777 legs for days, lot of cowlicks, though, for a woman... 362 00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:26,248 and when she chose me, I figured it ate you up inside. 363 00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:29,651 Josay, I-I thought you were a homosexual? 364 00:14:29,653 --> 00:14:30,719 Oh, yeah. 365 00:14:30,721 --> 00:14:32,520 Anyway, Rod, there's not much time. 366 00:14:32,522 --> 00:14:35,189 I'm very impressed by all the success you've had 367 00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:36,658 with the stew restaurants. 368 00:14:36,660 --> 00:14:37,660 Mmmwah. 369 00:14:37,661 --> 00:14:39,461 What a great new chapter for you. 370 00:14:39,463 --> 00:14:41,863 Speaking of new chapters, I want one. 371 00:14:41,865 --> 00:14:44,266 And what better way for me to have one 372 00:14:44,268 --> 00:14:46,601 than by giving you a brand-new hairstyle 373 00:14:46,603 --> 00:14:48,870 to be revealed at the grand opening 374 00:14:48,872 --> 00:14:51,339 of one of your suburban stew restaurants? 375 00:14:51,341 --> 00:14:53,675 Seems like a strange plan. 376 00:14:53,677 --> 00:14:56,278 It's not. It's a very good plan. 377 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,413 Just ask Stan. He's on board. 378 00:14:58,415 --> 00:15:01,015 The bloke with the great hair? 379 00:15:01,017 --> 00:15:02,150 That's Stan. 380 00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:04,419 My most supportive friend. 381 00:15:04,421 --> 00:15:06,488 Now, let's get cracking. 382 00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:08,690 Absolutely not, Bosay! 383 00:15:12,696 --> 00:15:15,229 Stan, he's not letting me do it! 384 00:15:16,232 --> 00:15:18,232 Stan, help! 385 00:15:28,779 --> 00:15:30,645 Did we just kidnap Rod Stewart? 386 00:15:30,647 --> 00:15:32,180 Yes, you did! 387 00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:33,548 Okay, that's one vote. 388 00:15:37,614 --> 00:15:38,887 Greg, here's what we know... 389 00:15:38,889 --> 00:15:41,823 We know Rod Stewart's limousine was hijacked 390 00:15:41,825 --> 00:15:44,359 at the opening of his new stew restaurant. 391 00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:48,497 We know his stews are really flavorful, very rich. 392 00:15:48,499 --> 00:15:50,098 We know Rod Stewart is... 393 00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:51,833 I want to say Australian? 394 00:15:51,835 --> 00:15:54,503 As you can see, the police have them well-surrounded. 395 00:15:54,505 --> 00:15:56,104 I imagine whoever is in there 396 00:15:56,106 --> 00:15:59,107 cannot feel too good about their prospects. 397 00:15:59,248 --> 00:16:00,709 I'm feeling good about this. 398 00:16:00,711 --> 00:16:03,111 Let's cut your hair and become fabulous together. 399 00:16:03,113 --> 00:16:04,245 Again. 400 00:16:04,247 --> 00:16:06,315 Josay, please stop the limo. 401 00:16:06,317 --> 00:16:08,183 I'm scared for all our lives. 402 00:16:08,185 --> 00:16:09,651 Roger, what's happening back there? 403 00:16:09,653 --> 00:16:12,053 The headline is "I'm feeling good." 404 00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:13,454 Rod's warming up. 405 00:16:13,456 --> 00:16:15,524 His eyes aren't doing as much fearful darting. 406 00:16:15,526 --> 00:16:17,192 Few more laps around the ol' highway 407 00:16:17,194 --> 00:16:18,393 and I think he'll let me cut him. 408 00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:20,061 Oh, dear. 409 00:16:23,534 --> 00:16:26,601 And here they come to get their pictures, 410 00:16:26,603 --> 00:16:28,937 those disgusting, scum-sucking... 411 00:16:28,939 --> 00:16:30,805 nightcrawlers! 412 00:16:30,807 --> 00:16:33,542 If the kidnappers are a bunch of babes with big ones, 413 00:16:33,544 --> 00:16:35,810 we could be looking at 50 Gs. 414 00:16:35,812 --> 00:16:38,479 - Yeahhh. - We gotta get closer. 415 00:16:38,481 --> 00:16:40,014 If Rod Stewart is killed 416 00:16:40,016 --> 00:16:41,616 and we're not there to get the picture, 417 00:16:41,618 --> 00:16:44,853 well, then, are we even loathsome nightcrawlers at all? 418 00:16:48,024 --> 00:16:49,624 Could be a shootout. 419 00:16:49,626 --> 00:16:52,427 Might crash. Might fireball. Yeah. 420 00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:54,095 Might fireball, boom. Boom! 421 00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:56,698 Look! We can get from the off-ramp to the on-ramp, 422 00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:59,500 blow right past the police line. 423 00:16:59,502 --> 00:17:01,702 Fireball! 424 00:17:01,704 --> 00:17:04,305 Punch it, punch it, punch it, yeah, yeah! 425 00:17:04,307 --> 00:17:05,506 Nowwww... 426 00:17:05,508 --> 00:17:06,641 Punch it! 427 00:17:06,643 --> 00:17:08,843 - Noooo! - You said punch it! 428 00:17:08,845 --> 00:17:10,979 The last one I switched it to mean brake! 429 00:17:10,981 --> 00:17:12,514 Punch the brake! 430 00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:17,586 Those gotdamt nightcrawlers! 431 00:17:17,588 --> 00:17:20,055 Nightcrawlers, desperate for magic footage 432 00:17:20,057 --> 00:17:22,591 of a celebrity death, have caused an accident. 433 00:17:22,593 --> 00:17:25,460 Their pursuit of senselessly gratuitous coverage 434 00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:28,797 sickens me to the very core of my journalistic integrity. 435 00:17:28,799 --> 00:17:31,266 - Should we cut the feed? - Don't be a nitwit. 436 00:17:31,268 --> 00:17:33,001 What if there's a fireball? 437 00:17:35,672 --> 00:17:38,407 Rod, pleeeeease! 438 00:17:38,409 --> 00:17:40,008 No! 439 00:17:42,079 --> 00:17:43,211 Bla-dow! 440 00:17:49,552 --> 00:17:51,953 It's time to give up! 441 00:17:53,824 --> 00:17:55,690 Oh, good, you're coming back. 442 00:17:55,692 --> 00:17:57,959 I forgot to tell you, Roz and Larry reached out. 443 00:17:57,961 --> 00:18:00,829 It was a misunderstanding, but to get me my money back, 444 00:18:00,831 --> 00:18:02,631 they needed my social security number. 445 00:18:02,633 --> 00:18:03,898 Great news, right? 446 00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:05,166 Shut up! Shut your mouth! 447 00:18:06,070 --> 00:18:07,769 I felt guilty and I overcorrected, 448 00:18:07,771 --> 00:18:10,571 but all this lying to be nice has made everything terrible! 449 00:18:11,036 --> 00:18:12,841 Terrible? In what way? 450 00:18:12,843 --> 00:18:16,044 I have no choice now but to tell you like it is. 451 00:18:16,046 --> 00:18:20,048 Only this time, I'm going to try to add in... 452 00:18:20,050 --> 00:18:21,450 some kindness. 453 00:18:21,452 --> 00:18:22,651 Okay. 454 00:18:22,653 --> 00:18:24,585 I'm scared, but I'm ready. 455 00:18:25,856 --> 00:18:27,188 You're an ass. 456 00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:30,258 Your mind is an explosive source of shitty ideas, 457 00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:31,592 and all to do what? 458 00:18:31,594 --> 00:18:33,795 Revive a career that didn't matter to begin with? 459 00:18:33,797 --> 00:18:35,797 You're a terrible stylist. 460 00:18:35,799 --> 00:18:37,799 Aside from a total lack of taste, 461 00:18:37,801 --> 00:18:39,935 you're also just not a good haircutter, 462 00:18:39,937 --> 00:18:41,136 on a craftsman level. 463 00:18:41,138 --> 00:18:42,403 Scissor skills are zero. 464 00:18:42,405 --> 00:18:43,872 Everyone knows you're illiterate, 465 00:18:43,874 --> 00:18:46,541 so it's excruciating when you keep showing people your book, 466 00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:49,010 or pretend to sit down with that big quill pen. 467 00:18:49,012 --> 00:18:51,079 - Your breath... - The... the kindness, please? 468 00:18:51,081 --> 00:18:52,814 When is it? When is it?! 469 00:18:53,838 --> 00:18:55,216 You... 470 00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:59,020 make me feel bad when I say how awful you are at everything. 471 00:18:59,022 --> 00:19:02,223 Because you're nice to me. 472 00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:05,894 You make me wish I thought you were a better man. 473 00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:07,095 Wow. 474 00:19:07,097 --> 00:19:08,297 Yeah. 475 00:19:08,299 --> 00:19:09,498 But you're not. 476 00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:12,033 Sweet Maggie May, 477 00:19:12,035 --> 00:19:15,303 both of you are trying so hard to change, to grow. 478 00:19:15,305 --> 00:19:18,507 And maybe I've been stuck in a rut myself. 479 00:19:18,509 --> 00:19:20,709 Josay... let's do it. 480 00:19:20,711 --> 00:19:23,512 This has been a long time coming, Roddy-boy. 481 00:19:23,514 --> 00:19:26,447 Eh, the haircut. L-Let's do the haircut. 482 00:19:26,449 --> 00:19:27,916 I'm horny for that, too. 483 00:19:27,918 --> 00:19:30,251 Seems like someone should sing... 484 00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:32,053 I hadn't prepared... 485 00:19:32,055 --> 00:19:34,523 It's me! 486 00:19:34,525 --> 00:19:38,459 ? With that hair, you look a fool ? 487 00:19:38,461 --> 00:19:42,197 ? But with this cut, you could be cool ? 488 00:19:42,199 --> 00:19:44,533 ? You'll appear young ? 489 00:19:44,535 --> 00:19:46,535 ? You'll appear young ? 490 00:19:46,537 --> 00:19:48,669 ? Basically young ? 491 00:19:48,671 --> 00:19:50,805 ? Basically young ? 492 00:19:50,807 --> 00:19:53,208 ? More or less young ? 493 00:19:53,210 --> 00:19:55,476 ? In the right light ? 494 00:19:55,478 --> 00:19:58,947 ? If they don't get too close ? 495 00:19:58,949 --> 00:20:03,218 ? You'll appear yoooooung ? 496 00:20:16,499 --> 00:20:18,033 They kidnapped Rod! 497 00:20:18,035 --> 00:20:19,368 Murder them! 498 00:20:27,044 --> 00:20:30,045 It's... it's not Rod Stewart. 499 00:20:30,047 --> 00:20:33,648 It's some old skeleton with a different out-of-date haircut. 500 00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:35,316 It's the Clooney! 501 00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:37,118 Rod Stewart isn't here! 502 00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:39,254 And maybe he never even existed! 503 00:20:39,256 --> 00:20:40,655 Let's go home! 504 00:20:44,261 --> 00:20:47,062 Rod, you may have noticed some similarities 505 00:20:47,064 --> 00:20:48,863 between the song I sang in the limo 506 00:20:48,865 --> 00:20:50,799 and your song "Forever Young". 507 00:20:50,801 --> 00:20:52,801 - Yeah, kind of. - Great. 508 00:20:52,803 --> 00:20:55,136 Then you'll understand why I'm suing you. 509 00:20:58,208 --> 00:21:00,175 Have a great night! 510 00:21:02,212 --> 00:21:04,046 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com 35737

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