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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,809 --> 00:00:02,808 ¶ Chappelle's show ¶ 2 00:00:02,810 --> 00:00:04,410 ¶ chappelle's show ¶ 3 00:00:04,412 --> 00:00:06,111 - ¶ chappelle's show ¶ - ¶ chappelle's show ¶ 4 00:00:06,113 --> 00:00:07,313 ¶ chappelle's show ¶ 5 00:00:07,315 --> 00:00:09,215 - ¶ chappelle's show ¶ - ¶ ah ¶ 6 00:00:11,519 --> 00:00:14,053 I don't think he's coming. 7 00:00:14,055 --> 00:00:15,754 Oh. 8 00:00:15,756 --> 00:00:17,023 Let's start the show. 9 00:00:20,761 --> 00:00:22,027 Ladies and gentlemen, 10 00:00:22,029 --> 00:00:26,298 put your hands together for Dave chappelle! 11 00:00:27,935 --> 00:00:30,336 Dave chappelle, going once... 12 00:00:30,338 --> 00:00:33,238 Dave chappelle, going twice... 13 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:34,440 Fuck it. 14 00:00:34,442 --> 00:00:35,741 Ladies and gentlemen... 15 00:00:35,743 --> 00:00:36,909 Put your hands together 16 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:41,013 for donnell rawlings and Charlie Murphy! 17 00:00:53,127 --> 00:00:54,193 Hey, look. 18 00:00:54,195 --> 00:00:55,827 Dave chappelle left the show. 19 00:00:57,632 --> 00:00:59,298 But I want y'all to know somethin'. 20 00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:01,767 Charlie Murphy is not mad at Dave chappelle. 21 00:01:01,769 --> 00:01:03,936 'Cause I happen to know if it wasn't for Dave chappelle, 22 00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:05,371 you motherfuckers would still be calling me 23 00:01:05,373 --> 00:01:06,371 Eddie Murphy's brother. 24 00:01:10,812 --> 00:01:13,779 You know... Somebody had to do this. 25 00:01:13,781 --> 00:01:15,714 I ain't want to be up here doing this. 26 00:01:15,716 --> 00:01:17,717 Speaking for me and donnell, as a matter of fact... 27 00:01:17,719 --> 00:01:18,917 Nigga, speak for yourself. 28 00:01:18,919 --> 00:01:21,420 I need all the camera time I can get, nigga! 29 00:01:21,422 --> 00:01:22,988 I'm goin' ass to the glass! 30 00:01:22,990 --> 00:01:26,358 Take a picture of me, son! 31 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:27,893 Strike a pose! 32 00:01:27,895 --> 00:01:29,761 Keep talkin', nigga, whatever! 33 00:01:33,901 --> 00:01:35,768 Ahh! 34 00:01:38,105 --> 00:01:39,738 I'm tryin' to blow up. 35 00:01:41,842 --> 00:01:44,509 As we all know, money changes everything, right? 36 00:01:44,511 --> 00:01:47,179 And the funny thing, like, before Dave had all this money, 37 00:01:47,181 --> 00:01:48,614 man, a lot of people didn't know, like, 38 00:01:48,616 --> 00:01:51,817 how much Dave really was worth or how much he had 39 00:01:51,819 --> 00:01:54,153 and Dave had to find out a real crazy way 40 00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:56,455 that people knew that he had a lot of cash. 41 00:01:56,457 --> 00:01:57,556 Take a look at this. 42 00:02:00,494 --> 00:02:02,194 Yeah, welcome back to 106 & park, 43 00:02:02,196 --> 00:02:03,963 b.E.T.'S top ten live. 44 00:02:09,203 --> 00:02:11,670 So, you g'wan do your show again? 45 00:02:11,672 --> 00:02:13,438 It's lookin' that way. 46 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:17,610 You must be paid... Big tv star. 47 00:02:17,612 --> 00:02:19,711 Nah, man, it's cable. 48 00:02:19,713 --> 00:02:21,847 I do all right, but nothin' to write home about. 49 00:02:21,849 --> 00:02:24,383 Congratulations to Dave chappelle! 50 00:02:26,888 --> 00:02:29,220 He's rakin' it in on the new season of the chappelle show, 51 00:02:29,222 --> 00:02:30,523 the Dave chappelle show. 52 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:35,160 Reports say chappelle has received $55 million. 53 00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:44,402 They be lyin' like shit on tv, don't they? 54 00:02:44,404 --> 00:02:46,038 All right, you all set. 55 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:47,572 How much I owe you, man? 56 00:02:47,574 --> 00:02:49,608 $11,000. 57 00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:57,583 Your chalkboard says $8, man. 58 00:02:57,585 --> 00:03:01,153 That's the old price. 59 00:03:02,690 --> 00:03:04,857 That is fucked up. 60 00:03:04,859 --> 00:03:06,826 You hear what I'm saying, bald head? 61 00:03:06,828 --> 00:03:09,494 Y'all gonna let him rob me? 62 00:03:09,496 --> 00:03:11,697 Huh? Hah? 63 00:03:11,699 --> 00:03:13,765 Pay up now, 11 in cash. 64 00:03:13,767 --> 00:03:16,168 All right. But for $11,000... 65 00:03:16,170 --> 00:03:18,003 Shave my balls then, nigga. 66 00:03:18,005 --> 00:03:19,972 Come on, get to cuttin'. 67 00:03:24,979 --> 00:03:26,745 How much I owe you? 68 00:03:26,747 --> 00:03:28,447 - Nice car. - Yeah. 69 00:03:28,449 --> 00:03:30,582 Richest, funniest man in America. 70 00:03:31,886 --> 00:03:34,520 $873. 71 00:03:34,522 --> 00:03:36,554 Aw, come on, man, the sign say $28. 72 00:03:36,556 --> 00:03:37,856 I ain't playin' this shit today. 73 00:03:37,858 --> 00:03:39,090 That's the old price. 74 00:03:39,092 --> 00:03:40,826 What you mean, that's the old price, nigga? 75 00:03:40,828 --> 00:03:43,028 All right, man, let me get my checkbook 76 00:03:43,030 --> 00:03:44,229 and we work something out, all right? 77 00:03:44,231 --> 00:03:45,230 Let me get a picture with you. 78 00:03:45,232 --> 00:03:46,165 Fuck no, nigga... 79 00:03:47,234 --> 00:03:48,768 You got your camera, man? 80 00:03:50,204 --> 00:03:53,138 $25 million? 81 00:03:53,140 --> 00:03:54,539 That's half my money, man. 82 00:03:54,541 --> 00:03:56,742 You ain't do half the work. 83 00:03:56,744 --> 00:03:58,644 Shit. 84 00:03:58,646 --> 00:04:00,579 What if I don't wanna pay? 85 00:04:05,752 --> 00:04:07,886 What's that? Your sister's gun? 86 00:04:07,888 --> 00:04:10,589 You think that's the first time I had a gun put in my face? 87 00:04:10,591 --> 00:04:13,458 Nigga, that's the sixth time this has happened this week. 88 00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:15,161 That's why I got him around. 89 00:04:15,163 --> 00:04:16,394 Go ahead, pull your pistol out, 90 00:04:16,396 --> 00:04:18,497 let's have a little arms race in the room. 91 00:04:18,499 --> 00:04:19,898 Oh, no. 92 00:04:19,900 --> 00:04:21,333 They the government, man. 93 00:04:21,335 --> 00:04:23,602 I'm afraid of them. 94 00:04:23,604 --> 00:04:26,805 I pay you $4,000 a week to hold me down, nigga. 95 00:04:26,807 --> 00:04:28,407 Hold me down! 96 00:04:28,409 --> 00:04:29,909 $4,000 a week? 97 00:04:31,879 --> 00:04:34,513 You haven't filed for that. 98 00:04:34,515 --> 00:04:35,981 Both of you... 99 00:04:35,983 --> 00:04:36,982 Get buck naked. 100 00:04:36,984 --> 00:04:39,518 Damn it. 101 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:40,686 You know what, dude? 102 00:04:40,688 --> 00:04:41,787 You fuckin' fired. 103 00:04:41,789 --> 00:04:43,088 - You know what? - What? 104 00:04:43,090 --> 00:04:45,791 When you get out of here, you're in trouble, Jack. 105 00:04:47,094 --> 00:04:48,861 You just gonna let him threaten me like that? 106 00:04:50,130 --> 00:04:51,963 How you gonna get $25 million out of me 107 00:04:51,965 --> 00:04:53,431 if I got the nigga from green mile 108 00:04:53,433 --> 00:04:55,034 sittin' on me in the middle of "k" street? 109 00:04:55,036 --> 00:04:55,968 That's a good point. 110 00:04:57,037 --> 00:04:58,103 Freeze! 111 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,941 Oh... shit! 112 00:05:05,779 --> 00:05:07,479 You all right, dog? 113 00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:08,480 You all right? 114 00:05:09,716 --> 00:05:12,350 Money... 115 00:05:12,352 --> 00:05:13,752 The root of all evil. 116 00:05:15,389 --> 00:05:19,325 The irs pulled the trigger, 117 00:05:19,327 --> 00:05:21,994 but your greed did this to me, Dave. 118 00:05:21,996 --> 00:05:23,796 Wh-why you sayin' that, man? 119 00:05:23,798 --> 00:05:26,998 You didn't have to do two more seasons 120 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,902 no matter how good the show is. 121 00:05:29,904 --> 00:05:34,039 They're only gonna say it's not as good as last year was. 122 00:05:34,041 --> 00:05:36,808 I know... I already know that. 123 00:05:36,810 --> 00:05:39,845 You know-- you know what the key 124 00:05:39,847 --> 00:05:41,780 to keeping the show fresh is? 125 00:05:41,782 --> 00:05:44,216 What? 126 00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:46,417 You gotta... 127 00:05:46,419 --> 00:05:49,187 Come on, talk to me! 128 00:05:49,189 --> 00:05:52,824 You gotta... 129 00:05:52,826 --> 00:05:54,259 I'm dead. 130 00:05:58,366 --> 00:06:00,198 We had our own "ka-ching!" Moment, didn't we? 131 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,267 Yeah, we did, man. This is crazy, man. 132 00:06:02,269 --> 00:06:04,602 Me and Charlie Murphy, because we've been under a lot of stress 133 00:06:04,604 --> 00:06:07,506 and both of us had our own "ka-chung!" Moment. 134 00:06:07,508 --> 00:06:09,041 Take a look at this. 135 00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,277 So where's Dave at, man? 136 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:15,014 Africa. 137 00:06:15,016 --> 00:06:16,882 Africa Africa? 138 00:06:16,884 --> 00:06:18,283 Yeah. 139 00:06:18,285 --> 00:06:20,885 That mother... 140 00:06:20,887 --> 00:06:22,788 I'm broke, bitch! 141 00:06:27,495 --> 00:06:29,461 Hey, look, y'all, y'all got to stay where you at 142 00:06:29,463 --> 00:06:31,296 'cause we gonna be right back 143 00:06:31,298 --> 00:06:33,198 with some more chappelle's show. 144 00:06:34,534 --> 00:06:40,139 Oh, yeah, we got more for you. 145 00:06:40,141 --> 00:06:41,239 - ¶ Chappelle's show ¶ - who's that? 146 00:06:43,411 --> 00:06:46,778 Thank you. 147 00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:49,014 Hey, y'all remember when, when Chuck d said 148 00:06:49,016 --> 00:06:51,783 that hip-hop was like the CNN to the hood? 149 00:06:51,785 --> 00:06:53,818 I agree with him, but only partially, 'cause, see, 150 00:06:53,820 --> 00:06:57,556 all hip-hop ain't exactly newsworthy in my opinion. 151 00:06:57,558 --> 00:06:59,091 Check this shit out. 152 00:06:59,093 --> 00:07:03,228 And now, a hip-hop newsbreak with Chuck Taylor. 153 00:07:05,098 --> 00:07:06,765 Good evening, I'm Chuck Taylor. 154 00:07:06,767 --> 00:07:08,400 It's been a very busy day in the news. 155 00:07:08,402 --> 00:07:09,935 A lot of things have happened. 156 00:07:09,937 --> 00:07:12,938 A staten island man is listed in stable condition tonight 157 00:07:12,940 --> 00:07:15,373 after a brutal assault by rapper method man 158 00:07:15,375 --> 00:07:16,842 following an argument. 159 00:07:16,844 --> 00:07:19,645 The victim addressed the press earlier today. 160 00:07:19,647 --> 00:07:24,015 It was torture. Straight torture, son. 161 00:07:24,017 --> 00:07:26,484 First he put my nuts on the dresser. 162 00:07:26,486 --> 00:07:28,520 It was crazy--just my nuts. 163 00:07:28,522 --> 00:07:32,624 And then he banged them shits with a spiked bat, like "bow!" 164 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,929 And then, he sewed my asshole shut. 165 00:07:36,931 --> 00:07:41,099 Kept feeding me and feeding me and feeding me! 166 00:07:41,101 --> 00:07:43,701 This all took place in the slums of shaolin. 167 00:07:43,703 --> 00:07:46,438 There was the rza, the gza, ol' dirty bastard, 168 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,907 raekwon the chef, u-God, inspectah deck, 169 00:07:48,909 --> 00:07:51,877 and of course, the method man. 170 00:07:51,879 --> 00:07:53,278 The victim also said that 171 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:54,846 at one point during the altercation, 172 00:07:54,848 --> 00:07:56,514 method man put a hanger on the stove 173 00:07:56,516 --> 00:07:58,550 and left it for, like, 40 minutes 174 00:07:58,552 --> 00:08:01,086 and then he stuck it in his ass real slow. 175 00:08:01,088 --> 00:08:04,089 Like, "sss..." 176 00:08:04,091 --> 00:08:06,791 At this point, method man is still at large, 177 00:08:06,793 --> 00:08:10,495 so stay tuned to news channel 3 for this and other stories. 178 00:08:10,497 --> 00:08:11,764 I'm Chuck Taylor. 179 00:08:16,436 --> 00:08:20,372 We'll be right back with more "chappelle's show"! 180 00:08:26,013 --> 00:08:27,146 ¶ Chappelle's show ¶ 181 00:08:27,148 --> 00:08:28,479 ¶ chappelle's show ¶ 182 00:08:28,481 --> 00:08:30,282 It's those guys. 183 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,621 I'ma pose a question to the audience right now. 184 00:08:35,623 --> 00:08:38,056 If you mysteriously had $50 million 185 00:08:38,058 --> 00:08:39,525 out of nowhere tomorrow, 186 00:08:39,527 --> 00:08:42,460 would you use any of the money to maybe... 187 00:08:42,462 --> 00:08:45,396 Get revenge on somebody you had a grudge against? 188 00:08:45,398 --> 00:08:47,399 You would? 189 00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:51,269 The funny thing, Dave chappelle felt the same way. 190 00:08:51,271 --> 00:08:52,771 Check this out. 191 00:09:03,016 --> 00:09:05,216 Holy shit, it's Dave chappelle! 192 00:09:05,218 --> 00:09:06,485 Watch your mouth. 193 00:09:06,487 --> 00:09:08,854 Hey, little fella, is your, uh, is your dad around? 194 00:09:08,856 --> 00:09:10,489 No, he's at work. 195 00:09:10,491 --> 00:09:11,490 Where's he workin'? 196 00:09:11,492 --> 00:09:12,691 He works at the doughnut shop 197 00:09:12,693 --> 00:09:13,858 on Roscoe boulevard. 198 00:09:13,860 --> 00:09:17,695 Sounds lucrative. 199 00:09:17,697 --> 00:09:19,598 Do me a favor, squirt, run get your mom. 200 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,966 Mom! 201 00:09:20,968 --> 00:09:23,368 Oh, my God. 202 00:09:23,370 --> 00:09:24,369 David. 203 00:09:24,371 --> 00:09:25,370 Oh... 204 00:09:25,372 --> 00:09:27,739 Oscar, go play with your toys. 205 00:09:27,741 --> 00:09:30,743 You don't mind if we come in, take a load off, do you? 206 00:09:33,079 --> 00:09:36,415 You know, David, I've been so proud of you all these years, 207 00:09:36,417 --> 00:09:38,383 and I want you to know that I'm really sorry 208 00:09:38,385 --> 00:09:40,052 about what happened between us. 209 00:09:40,054 --> 00:09:44,322 I mean, for Pete's sake, David, we were all just kids. 210 00:09:44,324 --> 00:09:46,458 Yeah. Yeah, we were kids. 211 00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:47,993 I mean, how were you gonna know 212 00:09:47,995 --> 00:09:49,928 that cheatin' on me the night that I asked you to marry me-- 213 00:09:49,930 --> 00:09:51,430 with Jamal, of all people-- 214 00:09:51,432 --> 00:09:52,764 would really give me trust issues 215 00:09:52,766 --> 00:09:55,600 that I struggle with to this very day. 216 00:09:56,870 --> 00:09:59,304 Well, the good news is, Jamal and I are still together, 217 00:09:59,306 --> 00:10:01,473 and he's legit now. 218 00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:04,710 I have a confession to make. 219 00:10:04,712 --> 00:10:06,378 I love you. 220 00:10:06,380 --> 00:10:09,948 I've loved you the entire time I've been away from you. 221 00:10:09,950 --> 00:10:11,816 I want you to marry me. 222 00:10:13,854 --> 00:10:18,089 Dave, I don't know what to say. 223 00:10:18,091 --> 00:10:19,090 Say yes. 224 00:10:19,092 --> 00:10:20,358 What about your wife? 225 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:21,993 Shh... 226 00:10:21,995 --> 00:10:24,429 Her? It's over between us. 227 00:10:24,431 --> 00:10:27,198 What about my husband? 228 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,167 What about him? Leave him. 229 00:10:29,169 --> 00:10:31,335 You don't need his doughnut shop money, I got you. 230 00:10:32,939 --> 00:10:35,841 Or you could stay around here; I'm sure you're comfortable. 231 00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:38,310 Give it a week. 232 00:10:38,312 --> 00:10:41,513 I'll send a jet for you to bring you to my home. 233 00:10:41,515 --> 00:10:44,616 If you're gonna come, I'll be there waitin'. 234 00:10:59,199 --> 00:11:01,366 It's done, baby. 235 00:11:01,368 --> 00:11:03,401 The divorce is final? 236 00:11:03,403 --> 00:11:05,370 It's all taken care of? 237 00:11:05,372 --> 00:11:07,238 Oh, thank God. This is for you. 238 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:11,075 I want you to close your eyes, I got a surprise for you. 239 00:11:11,077 --> 00:11:13,278 Keep 'em closed. 240 00:11:14,281 --> 00:11:15,280 All right, open 'em! 241 00:11:18,685 --> 00:11:20,686 This my wife and my son! 242 00:11:20,688 --> 00:11:24,022 Girl, I didn't get no divorce-- we're happy as hell! 243 00:11:25,926 --> 00:11:27,125 Why did you do this to me? 244 00:11:27,127 --> 00:11:28,259 Why did I do it? 245 00:11:28,261 --> 00:11:30,195 'Cause I'm petty and lucky for me, 246 00:11:30,197 --> 00:11:32,230 my family's petty too. 247 00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:36,200 Nice shoes. 248 00:11:36,202 --> 00:11:38,770 Oh! 249 00:11:38,772 --> 00:11:41,172 Hold on, hold on. Look at that squirrel skin coat. 250 00:11:41,174 --> 00:11:42,741 Oh! 251 00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:44,008 Get that coat some peanuts. 252 00:11:45,912 --> 00:11:47,045 Go back to your husband. 253 00:11:47,047 --> 00:11:48,146 Oh, wait a minute. 254 00:11:48,148 --> 00:11:50,816 - Oh! - Oh! 255 00:11:50,818 --> 00:11:52,717 All right, come on y'all, let's get out of here. 256 00:11:52,719 --> 00:11:54,052 Let's go to the amusement park. 257 00:11:54,054 --> 00:11:55,987 I don't know about you, but I want some doughnuts. 258 00:11:58,258 --> 00:12:00,959 How many squirrels must die for you to look fly? 259 00:12:05,966 --> 00:12:07,465 Hey, shonda, 260 00:12:07,467 --> 00:12:09,134 I'm rich, bitch! 261 00:12:16,142 --> 00:12:17,743 You son of a bitch. 262 00:12:19,946 --> 00:12:22,014 You son of a bitch. 263 00:12:22,016 --> 00:12:23,781 Knock, knock. 264 00:12:23,783 --> 00:12:25,417 Hope I'm not interrupting. 265 00:12:25,419 --> 00:12:26,852 Dave chappelle. 266 00:12:26,854 --> 00:12:30,288 Jerry Jacobs, casting agent extraordinaire. 267 00:12:30,290 --> 00:12:32,691 Oh, hello, Dave. 268 00:12:32,693 --> 00:12:35,593 Congratulations on all your success. 269 00:12:35,595 --> 00:12:37,829 Oh, thank you, Jerry. You know what? 270 00:12:37,831 --> 00:12:40,265 I got to say, this lady here has meant so much to me, man, 271 00:12:40,267 --> 00:12:43,201 in fueling the fire of my career, 272 00:12:43,203 --> 00:12:45,236 that I did a little something for you. 273 00:12:45,238 --> 00:12:46,638 What? 274 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:50,508 I know that ad time on the super bowl is expensive, 275 00:12:50,510 --> 00:12:54,379 but I hold in my hand an advertisement 276 00:12:54,381 --> 00:12:56,648 for Jerry Jacobs casting. 277 00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:57,749 No. 278 00:12:57,751 --> 00:13:00,218 You might want to come see this. 279 00:13:02,155 --> 00:13:03,454 Hey, I'm Dave chappelle, 280 00:13:03,456 --> 00:13:04,689 and I'm here to say a few words 281 00:13:04,691 --> 00:13:07,092 about America's premiere casting agent. 282 00:13:07,094 --> 00:13:10,428 Of course, I'm talking about Jerry Jacobs. 283 00:13:10,430 --> 00:13:12,197 She sucks ass! 284 00:13:12,199 --> 00:13:13,665 Eight years ago at an audition, 285 00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,567 Jerry had the nerve to tell me that I didn't have, 286 00:13:15,569 --> 00:13:17,902 and I'm quoting her, "it." 287 00:13:17,904 --> 00:13:19,304 Man, was that bitch wrong! 288 00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:22,507 But don't take my word for it. 289 00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:25,510 One time Jerry called me a "nigga" 290 00:13:25,512 --> 00:13:27,311 on the set of jungle fever. 291 00:13:27,313 --> 00:13:28,480 I never said that. 292 00:13:28,482 --> 00:13:30,382 Kiss my black ass, Jerry. 293 00:13:30,384 --> 00:13:32,050 Two times! 294 00:13:32,052 --> 00:13:33,117 Give me some. 295 00:13:33,119 --> 00:13:35,086 That's Jerry Jacobs casting. 296 00:13:35,088 --> 00:13:37,522 Don't hire her 'cause she sucks ass, 297 00:13:37,524 --> 00:13:39,257 and she's a racist. 298 00:13:39,259 --> 00:13:40,425 You can see more of Jerry 299 00:13:40,427 --> 00:13:43,128 in this month's cameltoe magazine. 300 00:13:43,130 --> 00:13:45,029 Oh, my God, Jerry. 301 00:13:45,031 --> 00:13:46,598 Got some bad news for you. 302 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,733 You're fuckin' done, son! 303 00:13:48,735 --> 00:13:50,735 It's over. 304 00:13:50,737 --> 00:13:53,605 ¶ A moment like this ¶ 305 00:13:53,607 --> 00:13:56,874 ¶ some people wait a lifetime ¶ 306 00:13:56,876 --> 00:14:00,145 ¶ for a moment, mo... ¶ 307 00:14:00,147 --> 00:14:01,079 ¶ Jerry Jacobs ¶ 308 00:14:19,966 --> 00:14:22,367 Dave? 309 00:14:22,369 --> 00:14:25,169 Steve. 310 00:14:25,171 --> 00:14:27,205 Oh, my God, what happened? 311 00:14:27,207 --> 00:14:29,707 What hap--I mean, how did you get in the, um... 312 00:14:29,709 --> 00:14:32,010 End up in the chair? 313 00:14:32,012 --> 00:14:35,346 I got into a bad car accident a few years ago 314 00:14:35,348 --> 00:14:38,149 not long after you left here. 315 00:14:38,151 --> 00:14:40,252 I'm sorry to hear that, man. 316 00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:42,120 It's all right, man. 317 00:14:42,122 --> 00:14:45,991 You know everybody around here is real proud of you, Dave. 318 00:14:45,993 --> 00:14:47,158 In fact, just the other day, 319 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,294 I was talking about you with Jay rizzo. 320 00:14:49,296 --> 00:14:50,562 You remember him? 321 00:14:50,564 --> 00:14:53,498 Yeah, Jay rizzo, whatever happened to that guy? 322 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,099 He's in a wheelchair too, man. 323 00:14:55,101 --> 00:14:57,101 Damn. 324 00:14:57,103 --> 00:15:00,906 Can I be honest with you for a second, papa? 325 00:15:00,908 --> 00:15:03,374 I'm really glad you came here today 326 00:15:03,376 --> 00:15:07,945 because I've been wanting to apologize to you for years. 327 00:15:07,947 --> 00:15:10,649 Banning you from the club was the biggest mistake 328 00:15:10,651 --> 00:15:12,517 I ever made. 329 00:15:12,519 --> 00:15:14,219 I know this doesn't mean anything to you, 330 00:15:14,221 --> 00:15:18,723 but I just want you to know that I'm sorry... 331 00:15:18,725 --> 00:15:21,126 And I always knew from the bottom of my heart 332 00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:23,361 that you were going to make it. 333 00:15:23,363 --> 00:15:25,864 Oh, man. 334 00:15:25,866 --> 00:15:28,900 Steve. 335 00:15:28,902 --> 00:15:31,436 I came here to get revenge on you, man. 336 00:15:31,438 --> 00:15:33,305 - You did? - Yeah, man. 337 00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:34,506 I was gonna burn your club down. 338 00:15:34,508 --> 00:15:35,974 You don't smell that gas? 339 00:15:37,710 --> 00:15:40,011 I know that's wrong, but I was just so mad all these years 340 00:15:40,013 --> 00:15:41,012 for you banning me. 341 00:15:41,014 --> 00:15:44,148 It was just--I'm sorry, man. 342 00:15:44,150 --> 00:15:46,183 All these years I walked around with that weight 343 00:15:46,185 --> 00:15:49,887 and now I feel like you lifted it. 344 00:15:49,889 --> 00:15:51,856 Thank you. 345 00:15:51,858 --> 00:15:53,992 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 346 00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:56,327 Thank you for making this that much sweeter, 347 00:15:56,329 --> 00:15:57,328 you son of a bitch. 348 00:15:57,330 --> 00:16:00,365 Hey, hey! What the fuck, man? 349 00:16:00,367 --> 00:16:02,234 Not the stairs, man. 350 00:16:19,652 --> 00:16:22,521 Oh, I love it when a plan comes together. 351 00:16:32,031 --> 00:16:33,765 Whoa, nice--oh, let me see what you got. 352 00:16:33,767 --> 00:16:36,501 Oh, oh, I just want to hold him. 353 00:16:40,006 --> 00:16:43,007 Oh! 354 00:16:43,009 --> 00:16:45,410 That little motherfucker, bye! 355 00:16:49,048 --> 00:16:51,049 We'll be back with more chappelle's show 356 00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:53,185 right after these messages! 357 00:16:58,358 --> 00:16:59,758 - Okay. - Robot, help us please! 358 00:17:02,061 --> 00:17:04,563 Thank you, thank you. 359 00:17:05,632 --> 00:17:07,065 Hey, yo. 360 00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:10,368 You ever been in the club and a new Tupac record come out? 361 00:17:11,571 --> 00:17:13,138 It's--he's living! 362 00:17:15,374 --> 00:17:18,709 If Elvis is live, Tupac is alive! 363 00:17:18,711 --> 00:17:20,645 I saw Tupac on 42nd street 364 00:17:20,647 --> 00:17:23,949 selling biggie t-shirts two for $10, man. 365 00:17:25,686 --> 00:17:27,285 Tupac lives! 366 00:17:30,089 --> 00:17:34,492 Let's just say his lyrics were a little bit before they time. 367 00:17:34,494 --> 00:17:35,961 Check this out. 368 00:17:38,464 --> 00:17:41,466 Exclusive, here's that new Tupac. 369 00:17:51,277 --> 00:17:54,145 ¶ listen close as life turns its pages ¶ 370 00:17:54,147 --> 00:17:57,715 ¶ machiavelli here kickin' rhymes for the ages ¶ 371 00:17:57,717 --> 00:17:58,949 ¶ see things in stages ¶ 372 00:17:58,951 --> 00:18:01,519 ¶ wise words spoken by sages ¶ 373 00:18:01,521 --> 00:18:04,055 ¶ from skytel to BlackBerry pagers ¶ 374 00:18:04,057 --> 00:18:05,290 ¶ your crew don't phase us ¶ 375 00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:07,058 ¶ we'll make you busters pay us ¶ 376 00:18:07,060 --> 00:18:10,194 ¶ run up in your spot like c.J. From San Andreas ¶ 377 00:18:10,196 --> 00:18:12,796 ¶ I wrote this song a long time ago ¶ 378 00:18:12,798 --> 00:18:15,366 ¶ a real long time ago ¶ 379 00:18:15,368 --> 00:18:16,701 ¶ feel me ¶ 380 00:18:16,703 --> 00:18:19,404 ¶ I wrote this song a long time ago ¶ 381 00:18:19,406 --> 00:18:21,639 ¶ it was the dopest song I ever wrote ¶ 382 00:18:21,641 --> 00:18:22,873 ¶ in '94 ¶ 383 00:18:22,875 --> 00:18:24,776 ¶ what can a nigga do ¶ 384 00:18:24,778 --> 00:18:28,112 ¶ when half the people voted for George w. ¶ 385 00:18:28,114 --> 00:18:30,481 ¶ bouncin' checks from George w. ¶ 386 00:18:30,483 --> 00:18:31,916 ¶ can't be true ¶ 387 00:18:31,918 --> 00:18:33,885 ¶ better choke him 'cause he's a snitch ¶ 388 00:18:33,887 --> 00:18:36,588 ¶ I'm talking about George w. Smith ¶ 389 00:18:36,590 --> 00:18:38,055 ¶ from city council ¶ 390 00:18:38,057 --> 00:18:40,458 ¶ he ran in '93 out in Oakland ¶ 391 00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:42,327 ¶ you probably didn't hear about him ¶ 392 00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:44,929 ¶ I wrote this song a long time ago ¶ 393 00:18:44,931 --> 00:18:47,498 ¶ a real long time ago ¶ 394 00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:50,702 ¶ way before slim shady was in demand ¶ 395 00:18:50,704 --> 00:18:53,704 ¶ way before we dropped bologna on Afghanistan ¶ 396 00:18:53,706 --> 00:18:56,941 ¶ I wrote this song in '94 ¶ 397 00:18:56,943 --> 00:18:59,210 ¶ how am I doing this? ¶ 398 00:19:01,347 --> 00:19:02,746 ¶ look around the club ¶ 399 00:19:02,748 --> 00:19:05,984 ¶ see everyone in the place showin' pac love ¶ 400 00:19:05,986 --> 00:19:07,618 ¶ got a smile on my face ¶ 401 00:19:07,620 --> 00:19:10,688 ¶ the girl in the miniskirt has bad taste ¶ 402 00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:12,056 ¶ 'cause that shirt don't match ¶ 403 00:19:12,058 --> 00:19:14,459 ¶ there's a pudding stain on the back ¶ 404 00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:17,728 ¶ what the fuck is that? ¶ 405 00:19:17,730 --> 00:19:20,498 ¶ it might be doo-doo ¶ 406 00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:22,900 ¶ and you in the back, you ain't shit ¶ 407 00:19:22,902 --> 00:19:25,903 ¶ you bought a gin and tonic, but you didn't even tip ¶ 408 00:19:25,905 --> 00:19:28,239 ¶ and if you hit this table one more time ¶ 409 00:19:28,241 --> 00:19:29,807 ¶ then the record might skip ¶ 410 00:19:29,809 --> 00:19:30,875 ¶ might skip ¶ 411 00:19:30,877 --> 00:19:32,143 ¶ I told you ¶ 412 00:19:32,145 --> 00:19:34,045 ¶ stop hitting the table ¶ 413 00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:35,446 ¶ Tupac is raw ¶ 414 00:19:35,448 --> 00:19:38,483 ¶ I wrote this rhyme in 1994 ¶ 415 00:19:38,485 --> 00:19:41,719 ¶ I'm not alive ¶ 416 00:19:41,721 --> 00:19:43,487 ¶ thug life ¶ 417 00:19:43,489 --> 00:19:44,555 ¶ Dave chappelle ¶ 418 00:19:44,557 --> 00:19:46,691 ¶ that ain't your wife ¶ 419 00:19:46,693 --> 00:19:50,728 ¶ damn, man, go back to your kids ¶ 420 00:19:50,730 --> 00:19:52,997 ¶ go home ¶ 421 00:19:52,999 --> 00:19:55,566 ¶ I wrote this song a long time ago ¶ 422 00:19:55,568 --> 00:19:57,835 ¶ a real long time ago ¶ 423 00:19:57,837 --> 00:20:01,139 ¶ way before beanie sigel had to do a bid ¶ 424 00:20:01,141 --> 00:20:04,342 ¶ way before Dave chappelle had two kids ¶ 425 00:20:04,344 --> 00:20:06,077 ¶ don't give him no hoochie ¶ 426 00:20:08,314 --> 00:20:09,814 Tupac, rest in peace. 427 00:20:13,052 --> 00:20:14,885 ¶ okay, I will ¶ 428 00:20:19,426 --> 00:20:21,993 Thank y'all for watching chappelle's show. 429 00:20:21,995 --> 00:20:24,261 Good night! 430 00:20:28,401 --> 00:20:29,634 I'm rich, biatch! 431 00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:32,704 Hi, thank you. 432 00:20:34,374 --> 00:20:38,075 All right, here it comes. 433 00:20:38,077 --> 00:20:40,778 The victim also said that at one point during the altercation 434 00:20:40,780 --> 00:20:43,814 method man put a hanger on the stove and left it-- 435 00:20:49,356 --> 00:20:52,189 Ready? 436 00:20:52,191 --> 00:20:54,993 The victim also said that at one point during the altercation 437 00:20:54,995 --> 00:20:56,494 method man put a hanger on the stove 438 00:20:56,496 --> 00:20:58,162 and left it for, like, 40 minutes. 439 00:20:58,164 --> 00:20:59,163 And then-- 440 00:21:03,669 --> 00:21:04,936 Oh, shit. 30692

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