All language subtitles for The.White.Lotus.S01E01.Arrivals.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb-NHINL

Hawaiian Flight 451 to Honolulu

will be boarding in 15 minutes
through gate number 26.

We will be boarding
by row numbers.

Please remain seated

until your section
has been called.

You headed home?

Yeah.

We were at the Amanari.

It was fine.
The food was good.

Not much to do there,

but we just like
to sit around anyway.

Which hotel were you at?

-White Lotus.
White Lotus?

Our guide told us
someone was killed there.

The body's on our plane.

On our plane?
To Honolulu?

Yeah. They're about to load
the body on our plane.

Well, other than that,
did you have a good vacation?

It was my honeymoon.

Oh, congratulations.

How wonderful.
Was it everything you hoped?

-Where's your wife?
-Yeah, where's your wife?

No offense...

leave me the fuck alone.

Okay then.

Oh my God,
who are these people?

So, these two.

They just got married
in the Hamptons.

Her parents have a place there.

I bet they met on Raya.
Totally.

-She's in fashion.
-Marketing.

He went to Dartmouth,
international finance.

-She loves him, but...
-He's got a small dick.

He's a closet Adderall snorter.

Gives him an edge at work.

Makes his dick
even smaller.

Walmart heiress.

She's meeting her friends
for a girls' trip.

She gets on their nerves,

but she pays for everything,
so they put up with her.

She's an American
Brigitte Bardot.

-She loves animals.
-Hates Jews.

High-end pimps
for a billionaire sex pervert.

They're coming to recruit us

for their Illuminati
pedophile sex ring.

Hey, girls.

What, Mom?

Liv, come up front.
I think you can see the resort.

-Up, up, up, up, up.

Quinn.

Here they come.

Big smiles.

Wave, Lani. There we are.

Wave like you mean it, Lani.

Look, Lani, I-- I know
it's your first day on the job,

and, uh, I don't know
how it worked
at your other properties,

but here,
self-disclosure is discouraged.

Especially with these VIPs
who arrive on the boat.

You know,
you don't wanna be too specific

as a-- as a presence,
as an identity.

You wanna be more generic.

-Generic?
-Yes.

You know, it's a Japanese ethos

where we are asked to disappear
behind our masks

as pleasant
interchangeable helpers.

It's tropical kabuki.

And the goal is to create
for the guests

an overall impression
of vagueness

that can be very satisfying,

where they get everything
they want

but they don't even know
what they want,

or what day it is,
or where they are,

or who we are,
or what the fuck is going on.

It looks like you got a dollop
of mayonnaise on your top, Lani.

-What is that on your left tit?
-Oh, uh, I-- I don't know.

That's what I mean.

Oh, God. Here they come.

I mean, I just feel like
there's so many different trees.

Shit. I don't know.
Just hold the tray up high

and cover the stain
on your boob.

Just a little higher.
That's it.

Welcome.
Thank you.

Mr. and Mrs. Mossbacher. Hello.
I'm Armond, the resort manager.

-Welcome to the White Lotus.
-Thank you.

How was your journey here?

Long.
Oh.

-But honestly, fine.
-Happy to be here.

The boat ride does add time
to the trip,

but the views of the coastline
are magnificent, aren't they?

-Incredible.
-Yeah.

Simply a must for our VIPs

staying in the suites.

Now, it's just a short ride
in the cart with Dillon
to the hotel...

-Aloha.
-...and then we'll get you
to your suite, the Tradewinds,

and you can freshen up.

Thank you, Armond.
Thank you.

-Of course.
Right this way.

Aloha.
Aloha.

-Masculine for you.
-Nuts. I'm nuts for nuts.

I'm presuming Mr. Shane Patton
and Mrs. Rachel Patton?

-Oh!
-That's us.

Oh my God. Yes.

-Is that not correct?
No, it's correct.

I'm just, um--
I'm getting used to it.

We just got married
the day before yesterday.

-Yeah.
-I am aware. Congratulations.

-Oh...
-Yeah. Thanks.

-Um... Mrs. Patton. Wow.
-Yeah.

Sounds so weird.

Like, am I changing my name?
Is that...

Well, how about we get you
a daiquiri

before you make any major
life decisions?

Ooh, yes. Yes.

Christie will be riding
with you back to the hotel.

-Okay.
-And she'll escort you

-to the Palm Suite.
Palm Suite.

And I'm sure
you will just love it.

-Okay.

Aloha, aloha.

Aloha.
-Aloha. Thank you.

I'll check in with you
in a little while, okay?

Okay.
-Okay. Bye-bye.

-Aloha.
Aloha.

-Aloha.
-Are you Ms. MacQoowod?

Quoid. One syllable.

-MacWad?
-Well, two syllables,

but the second part
is one syllable, "wad."

MacQuoid.

-Is it Gaelic?
-I don't know.

I really don't know.
I-- Just, listen, I--

I'm in desperate need
of a massage.

Is that possible?
Is there anything available?

I mean, I just--
I'd take anything right now

because I have a herniated disc
and I just...

-Belinda behind you.
-Belinda behind me?

Belinda, who is behind you,
is our spa manager.

-Hi
Oh.

Belinda, Ms. Macuhwad
is in need of treatment.

Would you have any openings
for her this afternoon?

Um... unfortunately,
we are all booked.

Oh, no. I just-- Really?

Are you sure?
I would really appreciate it.

I'm not picky. You know, if--

I don't have to have
deep tissue or anything.

I'd take anything at this point.
Anything.

Anything but reiki, of course.

Um, you know what?
I'll see what we can do.

Really?
-Yeah.

-Okay. Thank you.

Uh, Lani is our trainee.

Um, Lani,
please ride with Ms. MacQuoid

back to the hotel and bring her
up to the Hibiscus Suite.

Hibiscus.
-Okay. Thank you.

-Aloha.
-Aloha.

Thank you.

Oh,
there's a lobster bake tonight.

-Oh.
-Lobster. Yum.

-Hey.
-Hey.

Let's get
this honeymoon started.

Oh, really?

Hmm.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What? What is it?

What's wrong?

This is the wrong room.

-What do you mean?
-Wh--

We're supposed to be
in a honeymoon suite.

This isn't the honeymoon suite.
This...

Maybe it is.
Why isn't it?

No, 'cause I did
a virtual tour on the website.

This is, uh, this isn't it.
This is just a regular suite.

What are you talking about?

This is like the swankiest
hotel room I've ever stayed in.

Yeah, well, you haven't traveled
that much, so...

Plus, we're paying
for the honeymoon suite.

Hmm... technically,
we're not paying for anything.

Your parents are.
I think it's fine, Shane.

I mean, look,
it's an amazing view.

And we're near the restaurant.
And it's convenient.

We can stuff ourselves
and go drown in the ocean.

Uh...

we're supposed to have
our own plunge pool

and a private patio.

There's a balcony.
There's another balcony.

I mean, they screwed us
on our room.

Oh, Shane.
I wouldn't go that far.

-Well...
Just talk to the guy.

Yeah. Yeah.

Is it-- is it a big deal?
Really?

-Yeah.
-Yeah?

It's our once-in-a-lifetime
honeymoon.

Yeah.

I just want it
to be perfect for you, baba.

Mm, you're the sweetest.

All right.
I'm gonna go talk to the guy.

-Okay.
-Maybe a blowjob first?

What?

What? We had a 12-hour flight.

-I'm all horned up for you.
-Shane, stop.

I'm gonna talk to this guy
with half a boner?

Stop it.
-All right, yeah.

No, we'll save it
for the right room.

-Yeah.
-All right.

-Wait, I'm gonna come with you.
Okay!

Will you be needing
anything else

at this time, ma'am?

One thing. It's just,
uh, where are the bags?

Right there. Right behind you.

Oh. Right.
Of course.

-Okay. Thank you.
-You're welcome.

Wait, there's just, um, there--
there was one small bag.

It's a small white plastic bag.

That's the only one that's--
I don't see it here.

Okay. A plastic bag?

A white--
Yeah, it's very important.

-Plastic bag?
Yeah.

Do you think they could have
left it on the-- on the wheelie?

Oh my God. Oh my God.
It has, uh-- Oh my God.

I can call the bellman.

Yeah, uh, I-- no, yeah--
It has my mother's ashes in it.

-Oh! Oh.
Oh my God.

-Do you think it's lost?
-Oh, no, no, no.

I took two boats.
We-- If maybe you could call

the boat-- the boat people,
and then there was a--

there was a little white--
a little golf cart thing.

I don't think it had
a trunk in it,

but maybe it was
left on there, but I just, uh--

No, I...
-Did the boat depart?

Oh my God!
Oh my God.

-Is this it?
-Thank you. Thank you.

I just-- That would
have been really bad.

-Thank God. Thank you.
-Thank you.

-I-- I can't lose these.
-No.

Mahalo.

It's okay.

Oh my God.

The beach looks sick.
We should go.

Girls.
Yeah, let's go.

Yeah?

I would like to talk
to you guys about, you know,

just some of this clutter,

because this is gonna be
our common space,

and I would love to try to,
you know, just clear it out.

-'Cause I think I'll have
an anxiety attack...
-Mom.

...if I have to live in this
all the time.

We can take care of it later.

Well, you know what?
Let's take care of it now.

Maybe we can find a good spot
to store everything.

Quinn.
Why is your bed in here?

Olivia said
I have to sleep here.

Olivia, your brother
is not sleeping in the kitchen.

Why not?

Well,
because it's a galley kitchen.

It's tiny.

And we've got
this whole beautiful room.

Mom, he's doing fine in there.
Look, he's stimming.

He can entertain himself
for hours

with just his own hand gestures.

-He's fine in the kitchen.
-Olivia, no.

Mom, you want him sleeping
out here with us?

He's gonna jerk off to Paula
while she's sleeping.

I really don't feel like waking
up to that, Mrs. Mossbacher.

Call me Nicole.

And you do have
a beautiful body, Paula.

Mom.

You have a beautiful body, too,
Olivia.

I just don't think
it's fair for your brother

to have to spend his entire
vacation in a windowless box.

You got to bring a friend.

And I'm so appreciative, Nicole.

Well, we're so happy
to have you, Paula.

I'm fine in here.

See, Mom, he's fine.

He's being himself,
gaming and fapping

and bye, see you later.

We're gonna take care
of this, honey.

Shortly.

Okay. It's okay.

Gotta change my shirt.
I spilled...

Okay.

Hey, saw you called.

Oh my God, Darrell,
the baby's coming or something.

No. No way.
-No-- no, I swear.

Baby.

It-- it hurts so freaking bad.
I don't know what to do.

Just come home then.
-No.

No. I don't get off
for four more hours.

Just come home, baby.

I can't. I can't, okay?
Because-- because--

because no one even knows.
It's my first freaking day.

It'll be fine, okay?
I'm here for you.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
I gotta go. I gotta change.

-Okay, pray for me, yeah?
I will. I love you.

I love you.
Hang in there, baby.

I got this.

Oh, you changed your uniform.
Good.

What was that anyway?
Was it tuna fish?

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe.

-Are you a messy eater or...
-Oh, no.

I mean, it-- it's beachy casual
but always presentable,

you know, with a clean look.

Clean.

Oh, Mr. Patton
and Ms. Undecided.

You finding everything
to your liking?

Uh, actually, I think you put us
in the wrong room.

We-- we're supposed to be
in the honeymoon suite.

Oh, there is no honeymoon suite.

Well, uh, we're supposed to have

a plunge pool
on a private patio.

Oh, well, that would be the, uh,
the Pineapple Suite.

-Okay.
-But...

I-- yeah, I don't have a--

a record of you
booking that room, no.

Uh, my mother sent
a virtual tour.

She booked the room.

Uh, well, you're paying for
a presidential ocean view suite.

Um, the Palm.
That's a very nice room.

-Totally unique.
-Right.

-It's really nice, yeah.
-But no plunge pool.

But you still have
the infinity pool,

the waterfall pool,
and the fountain pool.

Right.

The Pineapple Suite,
it has the private pool

but it doesn't have
the ocean view.

Um, I think the privacy
would be nice, right?

I don't know.
Maybe I should call my mother?

Do you wanna call your mother?

What do you think she'll say?

I think she's gonna say
we're in the wrong room, but...

Well,
the Pineapple Suite

isn't available,
I'm afraid, anyway.

Oh, it's not?

No. There's a German couple
staying there.

They also just got married.

-So... it is a honeymoon suite.
-Shane.

No, I just--
-It's not that big of a deal.

I mean, the room is really--
It's gorgeous.

Oh, well,
the Palm is everyone's favorite.

I prefer the Palm
to the Pineapple.

-Don't you, Lani?
-Palm, yeah. The Palm.

Uh-huh.
-Okay. Um...

All right.

That's a bummer.

I saw the virtual tour of it,
and it's...

We're definitely not paying
for the more expensive room?

No.
-Right?

I mean, yes, you are not.

Okay.

-Um, hi.
-Hi.

Is there anything else
I can help you with, or...

No, that's...

-Thank you. Thanks.
-Of course.

I think I might've fucked up

and double booked
the Pineapple Suite.

But, you know, hopefully
they'll just get over it.

See, in situations like that,
just always stay positive.

Remind these people of--

of all the fabulous things
they already possess.

Unique room, ocean view.

You have to treat these people
like sensitive children.

They always say it's about
the money, but it's not.

It's not even about the room.
They just need to feel seen.

-Seen.
-They wanna be the only child.

The special, chosen baby child
of the hotel.

And we are their mean mummies,

denying them
their Pineapple room.

I, uh...

-Are they bigger?
-I don't know, you tell me.

-I haven't seen them in a while.
-Nicole, they're fucking huge.

Huh.
I wonder what's going on.

It's cancer.
I have testicle cancer.

We don't know that yet.
We have not gotten the results.

-Shouldn't we be getting those?
-Tomorrow.

-Well, wait. Isn't tomorrow now?
-No. Tomorrow.

No. I know. But tomorrow there
is what here?

-No. It's still tomorrow.
-Okay. Well, you know,

he said that it could be
a lot of other things.

No. He said that
it maybe could be other things.

And there's not a lot of
other things it could be, right?

I mean, uh,
it's not a family of mice

that burrowed inside
my ball sack. It's cancer.

Or maybe even something worse.

Well, let's just wait
and hear what he has to say.

-Let's not, you know...
-It's cancer!

It's cancer.
-Why are you so sure?

Nic, my dad died of cancer
and he was only 46 years old.

It wasn't testicular cancer,
was it?

I don't-- Wait.
I don't even know.

You know what? I should call
my Uncle Charlie and find out.

It's just... so disturbing

that it's in my balls,
and that they get big like this.

It's very Gogol.

Mark, whatever it is,
you're gonna be fine.

People get cancer.
They deal with it.

It's not like it was
when your dad had it.

And you know what?

They're making
breakthroughs every day.

It's like a nonstop parade
of progress.

You know what?
This is terrible timing.

Coming here was nuts.

Look at your son.
He's sitting in there alone.

He looks like he's killing time
in a waiting room

before a root canal.
Go get him. Go have some fun.

Nic...

Quinn is the exact age
I was when my dad died.

Well, then all the more reason

to pay him
a little attention now...

while you're still with us.

Come on.
Get out of the closet.

-Hey!
Hey.

All right.
Let's go out and explore.

-What do you mean?
-Let's get off the phone,

and let's go have some fun,
okay?

This is nature.

Nature, Quinn.
Quinn, nature.

-Well...
-Yeah?

-All right.
-All right. Get your suit on.

-Oh, hey.
-Hi.

Do you remember me?
-Yes.

Any luck squeezing me in today?

All of our masseuses
are fully booked.

-Sorry.
-Oh.

But I actually have some
free time right now, myself.

Oh.

Here's what I'm thinking, Tanya.
We could do a consultation.

That way I can get
a better sense

of what's going on with you
and your body.

And I could give you
a cranial sacral,

-which I always recommend.
-So, no massage?

I think you'll find this
really cathartic.

Will I be fully naked?

Oh, no. We'll put you
in a bathrobe

so you're comfortable
and we can do a little movement.

-Okay?
-Okay.

Okay. Right this way.
-Thank you.

Hi!

Hi.

I saw you guys on the boat
and on the plane.

-Uh, where are you from?
-New York.

-What neighborhood?
-Um, East Village.

But I'm letting go of my place.
I'm gonna move into Shane's--

my husband's--
my husband's name is Shane.

Where'd you meet him?

Through friends.

Oh, not Raya?

Raya? No.
Not Raya.

How long
was the engagement?

We actually just met
last September.

Oh, wow. That was really fast.

Yeah. Like, how'd you know
he was the one?

Oh, I don't know, um...
the chemistry was there, and...

His dick's not small.
-Yeah.

I don't know.
Shane really wanted

to get married,
and he's very decisive

and pretty convincing,
so it just felt right.

-Yeah. What does he do?
-He's in real estate.

Uh, that's what his father does.

Oh, he works for his father?

-What do you do?
-I'm a-- I'm a journalist.

Oh.

Mostly profiles and, um--

-Where'd you go to school?
-SUNY Potsdam.

-Hmm.
-Uh, and then I...

I moved to the city
to change the world

and make a name for myself
and pay off my loans.

All of which I have yet to do,
so...

Won't he pay off your loans?

Shane? I--

-But he could?
-Well, uh, yes. Yeah.

Yeah, he could.

Yeah, of course,
'cause he's super rich.

Well, his family is wealthy
compared to my family--

I mean, compared
to most families. Yeah.

I mean...
it sounds like you scored.

Yeah. He's super hot. Congrats.

Do you two
go to school together?

What year are you in?

-Sophomores.
-Sophomores.

And your mom--
um, I'm assuming it's your mom.

She looks really familiar.
Is she-- Um, what does she do?

Her mom's the CFO of POOF.

Oh, yeah.
That's Nicole Mossbacher.

That's your mom?

I actually wrote
a profile on her.

Well, it was repurposing
someone else's profile,

but, um, it was like...

"Ten Women Kicking
the Corporate World's Ass,"

-you know? That kind of thing.
-Yeah.

-She's a big deal.

Okay.
Well, it was nice to meet you.

Oh, shit.

Uh, I-- I, uh-- uh--

-I think I--
-Lani, are you all right?

You're white as a sheet.

I should-- I should sit down.

Well, we can't have you
sitting in the lobby.

Just go and have a rest
in my office.

Okay.

Food poisoning, you think?
Maybe the tuna?

-Yeah, tuna.

Oh, Mr. Mossbacher.
How can I help you?

Uh, my son and I were looking
to do some kind of activity.

Wonderful.
Of course. Fantastic.

And I thought it would be fun
to try scuba diving.

Yes.
A few reefs are still thriving.

Do you have your PADI license?

PADI license?
No. What is that?

No, I don't.

Then that would be impossible.

Uh, you can get your
accreditation here, though,

-in the pool.
-Great.

Takes three days.

How about... water skiing?

Yes. Very fun.

Uh, the swells are too great
right now, unfortunately.

We just had a hurricane
pass through,

so it's a bit biblical
out there.

That's too bad.

Yeah. Maybe later in the week.

How about jet skiing?

Same. Swells.
It's a liability issue.

Mm-hmm. Um...

...surf lessons?

Well, the surfing team leaves
first thing in the morning.

I can sign you up for tomorrow,
6:00 a.m.?

6:00 a.m.? No way.

Um, I don't know.

What-- what would
you suggest that we do?

Well, I would suggest
snorkeling in the bay.

You know, there's not
too many fish in the afternoon,

but you'll definitely
see something.

And you can get your masks
and fins and things

-at the beach shack.
-Are there sharks?

They are actually
a family of sharks

that hang out in the bay,
but they're quite small.

Like this big.
They're cute.

Okay.

-Yeah, let's do it.
Cool.

Enjoy yourselves.

And I'll see you tonight
at the lobster bake.

Yup.

Oh. God.
What is this?

Can somebody clean
this up, please? Dillon?

What I'm hearing is
you're having a lot of fatigue.

Yeah.

I feel like taking a nap
right now.

Why do you think
you're so tired?

I think it's 'cause I'm so close
to the floor.

In general.

Well... my mom passed away
in June.

I'm so sorry.

Just dealing
with all the logistics,

you know, of it all. It's--
it was just exhausting.

And I'm still dealing with it.

You know, my mother...

I have her ashes, you know.

I brought them here, and I was--
you know--

I was gonna scatter them
in the ocean,

'cause she loved the ocean,
but I-- you know-- I don't--

I-- I don't even--

I don't even know
where I'm gonna scatter them.

My mother actually passed away
a few years ago,

and, you know...
I'm still grieving.

-I'm still working through it.
-Oh.

Nobody loves you
like your mother.

Yeah.

But... my mother, she's--

She was, um...

She was just...

Yeah.

My love life is a ruin.

I've driven away every man
that...

...I've ever been involved with,

'cause you know, I just--
I get-- I--

I just, you know,
I get too attached.

And they don't like that.

I just--

I can't get rid of this,
like-- this--

this really empty feeling.

I want--

I want someone
to figure it out for me.

-Why don't we
try something, okay?

Will you trust me?

Okay.

Wow.

Boy, you know, this feels nice.

-Tanya?
-Mm-hmm.

I want you
to repeat after me, okay?

Okay.

-Every moment...
-Every moment...

...I'm being born
into this life.

...I'm being born
into this life.

-I will drop the story...
-I will drop the story...

...and feel the newness
of each moment.

...and feel the newness
of each moment.

I am my own phallic mother.

I'm my own phallic mother.

I'm my own vaginal father.

My own vaginal father?

I fill my own cup.

I fill my own cup.

My failing body is immaterial.

The child in me is alive
and fresh as the day I was born.

...is immaterial
because the child in me is

as fresh as the day
it was born.

I will connect
with that child at all times

and feed and nurture her.

I will connect with that child
at all times

and feed and nurture her.

You don't have to do this part.

I know, but I like it, okay?

I know. I'll just--
It's a Hindu chant...

-Okay.
...so just listen...

-and breathe.
-I love it.

What are you doing?

Huh?

Why do you keep looking
at your dick?

I'm not.
I'm looking at my balls.

I'm gonna go in.

Are you afraid of sharks?

It's just...

-Hey.
-Where'd you go?

To the pool.

You know those girls
from the boat,

the young ones?

They made me feel, like,
really, really weird just now.

-Baba.
What?

The guy lied.

I mean, that or he's just stupid
or something.

We did book the room
with the pool,

and we paid for it.

My mom forwarded me
the booking.

-Shane!
What?

I'm not gonna let him ruin
our honeymoon.

No. But he's not. You are.

Like, let's just enjoy
this room. It's nice.

Just forget about
the other room.

But we paid for it.

-Get over yourself.
-Get over myself?

Get over it.

Like, why are we even thinking
about this?

Let's just enjoy
our honeymoon, you know?

There's no problem.

Oh my God. Baba.

-What?
-It's our first marital spat.

Uh...

Is that what you want?
Are you looking for fights?

Not with you. I'm not fighting.

Just come here. Come over here.
Come here.

I won't mention it again.
I'll take care of it. Okay?

I just want you have the best.
The best.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah. Today at 3:00?

Oh, yeah. Let me take a look.
We can--

Of course,
we can do the massage,

and then we can follow that
with the scrub.

We can do the wrap too.

Unfortunately, we can't do
the scrubs in the room.

We have a water room for that.

Okay. Great.
We'll get you in for that.

And then,
you also wanted a wrap too?

We'll do that at 3:00,
massage, followed by scrub,

followed by the wrap.
And you also...

-Yes, yes, yes.
We can absolutely do a facial.
I loved it.

-Loved it.
The exfoliating facial
is pretty intensive.

It's about an hour and a half,
so we can, um...

Oh, no. Absolutely.

We can take the whole block
of time if you want.

No. Not really.

I saw... a lot of seaweed.
It was... pretty gross.

Yeah.

-What?

Ah, I'm just thinking.

Being a man,
being a young man...

in this time right now,
can't be easy.

Why? 'Cause we can't harass
girls anymore?

No.

Well, yeah.

I don't know. I don't know,
the modern world today

is just so... emasculating.

You mean, like, we're cucked?

Yeah.

Unless you're a fireman
or something.

You know, I think...
it's like every kid...

like, growing up, wants to be
the hero of the story.

And in the end...

you know, you're just happy
you're not the villain.

You know what I'm saying?

Is this about mom
making more money than you?

No. It's not about that.
What?

Sorry. Sorry.

I'm just...

I'm proud of you, Quinn.
That's all.

Thanks.

And I just hope that you,
like, think of me...

and... remember this time...
in a positive way.

Okay.

I love you.

I love you, too.

If you like
pineapple, the soufflé
will knock your socks off.

That's my tip for tonight.

Enjoy yourselves, lovebirds.

How are you tonight,
people?

-Oh, good, thanks.
-Good to see you.

Like she actually cared
about the working poor.

She was a neoliberal war hawk.

She was a neolib and a neocon.

I'm sorry.
Did you say Hillary Clinton?

Something about Hillary Clinton?

Nothing, Mom.

Oh. Oh, is that the trendy thing
they're teaching now,

to hate on Hillary Clinton?

Mom, don't get triggered.

Hillary Clinton is one
of the most influential women

of the last 30 years,
and many women in my generation

very much admire
Hillary Clinton.

Okay. Don't worry about it, Mom.
We all love Hillary Clinton.

How was the snorkeling?

Did you see the little sharks?

Nope. Didn't see much.

No? Well, go first thing
in the morning,

take a little bread,

and they'll swim
right up to you.

It's like a Disney movie.

A slightly scary Disney movie.

Oh. Excuse me.

What? What is it?

Um, Lani is in your office,
having a baby.

-What? Who's Lani?
-The trainee.

What do you mean
she's having a baby?

She is in labor.

Lani, the trainee,
is having a baby in my office?

That's not possible.

Well, it's happening.

-Oh, fuck.
Uh, Armond.

Oh my gosh.
I have to tell you something.

I have to tell you.

I had the most
amazing treatment today.

You know, I've had a lot
of treatments in this lifetime.

And I swear to God,
the one that I had today

was probably the best treatment
I've ever had.

It was incredible.

-It really was.
-I'm sorry, madam.
I'm needed in the office.

Okay, but listen. Listen,

I have a massage scheduled
for tomorrow.

And, um,
I want to request Belinda.

-Belinda is the best.
-I'll make a note.

Can you help me
with that?

-I'll make a note.
All right.

God!
Lani, what's going on?

Why didn't you tell me
you were pregnant?

I'm sorry.
I needed work, okay? I--

You-- you can't have a baby
the first day on the job.

I didn't know. She's early.
Oh, she's early.

Well, do you have a doctor.
Lani?

-Dr. Rezz is on his way.

But he is coming from
the other side of the island.

-Oh my God.
He'll be here.

Somebody should get
Belinda up here.

Seems like she might have
dabbled in midwifery.

Yeah. M-- maybe
one of the guests is a doctor?

What? I'm supposed to walk
around the lobster bake, Dillon?

"Is there a doctor?
Our trainee is having

a baby in the lobby." Idiot!

It's like the only activity
they have here.

What are you doing?
Stop. That's embarrassing.

-I'm helping.
-Mom, what the fuck?

Lobster is very tough.
It's very tough.

Oh, it hurts.
I can't!

-Oh God, oh God, oh God.
You're okay.

I'm gonna go back up
to the room.

Thank you.

Hey, I bet those are the German
fuckers that got our room.

What?

That's all right.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

-Sir! Hey, sir. Hey.
-Y-- yes?

Um, I have an email here...
uh, about the booking.

Can I talk to you about this
in just a minute?

Uh, yeah. No problem.
Yeah. Whenever.

Or never. It's all good.
It's all good.

Thank God I caught you.

-What's going on?
-I have no idea what to do.

-Oh, hey. Hi. Hey.

Hey-- Wait-- Belinda. Belinda.

Belinda, it's me.

To...
the adventure of a lifetime.

There's no one
I'd rather be doing it with.

Cheers.

You're doing great, Lani, okay?
Breathe for me.

You gotta breathe.
Give me your eyes.

-Breathe deep in, okay?

In. Out.

-Hey. Doctor's here.

-Oh, thank God.

-Hey, Lani, I'm Dr. Rezz.
Thank you.

-We're here to take care of you.
Thank you, thank you.

Let me get some gloves,
check your vitals real quick.

It hurts so bad.

How far apart
are your contractions?

Two minutes.

Two minutes?
Yeah.

I just thought she was chunky.

You know, the poor woman
was having a baby

and I...
...I didn't even notice.

Fuck.

Did you think that guy was hot?

What guy?

That guy you were gawking at
by the tiki torches.

I don't remember seeing a guy
by the tiki torches.

Quinn, what are you doing
in there? Are you fapping?

Fuck off!

Shit. Nicole, it's the doctor.

I told you, today is tomorrow.
Answer it.

Hello.

Mark Mossbacher?
-This is he.

Hi, do you have
a minute for the doctor?

Yeah. Of course.

Okay. One second.
I'll put him right on.

He's calling me first thing.

Don't read into it.

I'm so sorry, Mark.
I just lost him.

What?

Can we call you back
in a few minutes?

Hey, I'm on vacation.
It's very late here.

Can you just please
get him back?

I'm so sorry.
It'll just be a few minutes.

I promise. Call you right back.

-Okay.
Okay. Thanks.

It's gonna be okay, Mark.

It's-- it's gonna be good news.

Good things happen
to good people.

We're married.

We're on our honeymoon.

Yeah. Yep.

I'm happy.

Yeah. Me, too.

I just hope that we don't become

like one of those
old, depressing couples

with all this baggage
and resentment and regrets.

And...

I just hope it always stays
this way, you know?

Yeah. It will, baba.

-Promise?
-Yeah.

Come here.

We are always gonna
feel like this.

We will always be young.

And we will always be in love.

And there will be days
and days just like this.

-Okay?
-Okay.

Hmm.

I wish we had drugs.

I've got Ambien, Xanax,
and a few Klonpin,

but we can't use it all,
'cause...

I need them
for my panic attacks.

Oh...

You think you could have dinner
with me at the hotel tonight?

The hotel doesn't really like it

when the staff interacts
with the guests.

This is like some kind
of caste system...

Thank you for bringing me here.

How are you, having fun?

You have the most
beautiful skin I've ever seen.

We got-- we gotta go...

Girls, you left your...

If it turns up,
I will call immediately.

-Surprise!
-Mom!

A lot of great girls
came and went, but you won.

You're making me
sound like a trophy wife.

Well, what's so wrong with that?

I do not see what
the big deal is.

It's our honeymoon!

I'm on vacation.

-I'm trying to unwind...

...from the stress
that is my life.

So, who's the guy?

The one you've been sneaking out
every night to have sex with?

You're so real.

I'm very real.

So, what's your guys' secret?
How do you keep the spark alive?

The spark?

No, it's not alive, it died.

Goodbye, mother!

I don't want a free massage.

I don't want cheap champagne.

Enjoy.

What I want
is to speak to your boss.

He thinks
we've ruined his honeymoon,

I will ruin his honeymoon!

Honeymooners... Whoo!