All language subtitles for The Good Fight - 05x04 - And the Clerk Had a Firm….EXPLOIT+GGEZ+GLHF+ION10+NTb.English.C.updated.Addic7ed.com

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Three weeks ago, ten brave individuals

signed up for the
adventure of a lifetime

to find true love.

And tonight, on the season finale

of Love in Bali,

there's only two suitors left.

Who will Trina choose?

Danny, the cowboy from Montana,

or Nick, the day trader from Manhattan?

We're down to the final decision.

Oh, God.

She's going to choose Nick, isn't she?

... middle of the country

is right in the middle again.

Who is it?

Someone good!

See? Didn't I tell you?

Someone good.

Mr. Lester, uh...

What do you need?

Conversation.

Can I come in?

I'd rather it was during work hours.

You know, I would too.

But we have just, uh, 12 minutes

to discuss an important issue.

Please...

- Come in.
- Thank you.

Well, well.

So, this is...

an apartment.

Yeah.

- Student loans.
- Yes.

Uh, you said 12 minutes.

Yes. So, now...

Where is this? Um...

Let's see.

- That's my orthodontist appointment.
- Um...

This is my pizza. Why do I have that?

Is this about Mr. Rivi?

Yes. Uh, and no.

Oh, here it is.

See, I really should keep

the new ones on top.

- Uh, it, uh...
- It would make my life...

so much easier.

What does Mr. Rivi need?

Well, that's what our conversation

is going to be about.

See, Oscar likes to help his friends.

And he considers you a friend now.

Oh, I don't need any
friends, Mr. Lester.

Well, you do on this one.

First...

you can't tell anyone I was here,

or how you heard this.

You have to promise me.

Promise.

You said that too fast.

Think about it, then promise.

Promise.

Good.

So, Oscar has friends
in the police department,

and in about ten minutes,

a search warrant is going to be served

on someone close to you.

- Who?
- Someone at your firm.

- It... Yeah, who?
- Now,

the police are not actually
serving the warrant.

The FBI is.

And that's how Oscar
got the information.

Because the police hate the Feds.

- And-and who is being served?
- Well, let me see.

Uh, I have this on one of these notes.

What? Exercises?

Yes.

Bad back? Because I have
a, uh, a chiropractor...

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No.

But why are you doing exercises?

I get migraines.

It-It helps with them.

I'm so sorry.

You know, my mom got terrible migraines.

She would lie on the
floor for hours and cry.

It was very sad.

Oh. Here.

Diane Lockhart.

That's who's being served,

in about nine minutes.

You can't tell her how you know this.

You promised.

And be sure to tell her,

be very careful

about any documents pertaining to Oscar.

Oh, shit.

Ow.

If this can wait until tomorrow,

- please hang up right now.
- Ms. Lockhart,

I'm sorry. This-this can't wait.

- Who is this?
- Carmen.

Moyo, your new associate.

Okay. What is it, Carmen?

Uh, I can't tell you how I know this,

but in eight minutes, the
FBI is going to be serving

a search warrant on your residence.

Where'd you... Where did you get this?

I've been told I can't say.

Rivi?

Ms. Lockhart...

Well, uh... What are they searching for?

I wasn't told.

But they're sure that we're,
we're being served tonight?

- Yes.
- Okay. Thanks.

- Work?
- That was an associate saying that in eight minutes,

our house is going to be
searched by the FBI.

Do you believe him?

Her. I don't know. Maybe.

Eight minutes?

Oh, fuck.

- Don't!
- No. I'm going to lock it up.

Liz, I'm sorry to bother you.

Diane, can this wait?

I don't think it can.

The new associate, Carmen,

she called with a tip saying

that the FBI is executing
a search warrant

on our house in a few minutes.

Wait. What... What?

Wh-Where did she get the...

- where did she get the tip?
- I don't know.

She couldn't say. Rivi?

Uh, yeah, or-or Wolfe-Coleman.

Oh, my God.

She's tangled up with
some rough characters.

I mean...

All right, you know what? We need to...

we need to, um....

We need to, uh, purge your files

'cause the FBI are always...

What?

Nothing. Nothing.

The-the Feds are always trying

- to pierce attorney-client...
- What is that?

- Uh, pierce...
- Nothing.

Kurt, what is that?

- ... attorney-client privilege.
- Business.

So, uh, we need, we need

to get your files purged.

You know what? Hold
on. I'm just gonna...

I'm gonna...

I'm gonna loop in Jay.

Okay?

Hello?

Hello.

Jay, hey. Um...

It's Liz. I have Diane with me.

We need to purge her computer.

Supposedly, we're being searched
in a few minutes by the FBI.

The life of a nation is secure

only when that nation is honest.

Okay.

Diane,

is your laptop powered up?

Yes.

Now what are you doing?

ATF advice on when you're searched.

Diane...

I wrote a PowerShell script
that can delete work files,

but you need to access it

through the "newfolder" path.

What does that mean?

- A man is worked upon...
- Shh.

- by what he works on.
- Shh!

Jay, what does that mean?

- Don't you sleep?
- Oh, can't a brother see 'em?

- Shh.
- Just hold the "Pause" button down...

... by his circumstances,
the circumstances...

Hit restart and press "Command" and "R".

... will carve him out, as well.

- Shh.
- Uh...

- All right, got it.
- When you see the logo,

- let go.
- ... any people will quietly submit to...

When you see a recovery mode menu...

... and you have the exact measure

- of the injustice and wrong...
- ... choose "Disk Utility",

then "Erase", then "Quit...

- Disk Utility"!
- ... which would be imposed upon them.

All right. Oy.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Diane. Diane.
- Let me see 'em. Let me see 'em.

- Diane.
- What?

When Boseman left, you were,
um, you working remotely,

and so we printed out all your
files and sent them to you.

Oh, my God. I've got five boxes here.

The shredding service was
supposed to pick them up.

Wha... Oh, shit.

Federal agents.

- Here to serve a search warrant.
- Liz, I'm-I'm

going to need you to take my 9:00 a.m.

- What? Why?
- The Feds are going to want to review my hard copies.

I'll need to get to court.

- It's this build-your-own-court guy.
- Who?

Hal Wackner.

He just wants to know how courts work.

Just give him a half hour
and cut him loose.

Okay?

Diane Lockhart.

What a small world.

It's Nancy Crozier, remember?

- I'm working as an AUSA now.
- Yes.

I'm, uh, sorry about that.

Balthazar, would you mind?

All right.

Oh. Sorry.

And we will keep an
accounting of any breakage.

I would have picked it
up myself. I'm just, um...

I'm four months pregnant.

I have a, uh, duly-authorized
search warrant here

that gives us the right to enter
and search the premises.

If this is about my work,

- these materials are covered by attorney-client privilege.
- No.

Actually, it's, it's about your husband.

Sir, I am here to serve you
with a search warrant.

Ms. Reddick, how are you?

Good, Mr. Cooper. How are you?

Good. Shall we begin?

Oh.

I'm taking Diane's 9:00.

So, just call me when he gets here.

It's some judge guy.

You said the, uh, restroom
is down the hall to the right?

Yeah.

Excuse me.

Where am I supposed to
go for the staff meeting?

The partner meeting
or the associate one?

Whichever's more interesting.

I only know about the associate one.

That's where I want to go.

Thank you.

- Who is he?
- I don't know. Why?

Um, he's coming to our daily.

Oh, is that the STR Laurie guy?

He's reviewing who was
kept on after the firings.

Oh, God. I don't think
I was nice to him.

- Well, he can't fire you because you weren't very nice.
- Yes, he can.

Mm.

People always think I'm a lesbian.

And some people won't ask me.

They do non-verbal
communication communication.

I can tell they're trying
to ask if I'm a lesbian.

They look at me and
they go, "Are you, uh...

They do, like, a wiggle.

They're like, "Are you a little, uh..."

Ah... you know.

And I always play dumb, I'm like,

I don't know, have Parkinson's?

They're like, "No, you know..."

I've got a boyfriend. He's awesome.

I love him so much.

We met online.

He is Nigerian.

Mm-hmm.

He's a prince. I swear to God.

A Nigerian prince.

And he gets me to do things,

ooh, I never thought I would do.

You know what I'm saying?

You know how they call Nigeria

a shithole country?

Very funny.

Though maybe problematic.

Morgan's act is edgy,
and that's what we want.

But now, someone's
posted this video online,

and, uh, we're getting a
lot of Twitter pushback.

Ah. So, you're worried
about being cancelled?

Ooh. Ooh. Don't say the "C" word.

- But, uh, yeah.
- Well...

We want your business, Mr. Cooper.

You want us to sue.

We're ready.

No, I want you to do a sensitivity read.

Really?

Yes. We have an $8 million
contract to stream her act.

So, we want you to review her set for...

cultural inaccuracies,

representation issues, bias,

stereotypes, problematic
language, blah, blah, blah.

And, uh, why us?

Well, clearly because we're one
of the best firms in Chicago.

Because you're a Black firm,

and most of Morgan's jokes
touch on racial themes.

And we were thinking of bringing you

all of our legal business anyway, so...

this may be a good way to
take you for a test drive.

Well, I think you'll
find us street ready.

And uh, hey, we wouldn't mind
if Morgan's act stayed funny.

Right? We have over
200 million subscribers.

- Somebody somewhere is always gonna be offended.
- Okay.

How soon do you need this?

- Day after tomorrow.
- Ah.

I've been told you, uh, work fast.

Uh, well, we... We do our best.

Oh, excuse me. I need to...

- I need to get this.
- Yes, ma'am.

I'll be in touch.

Hey. You still in court?

Yeah. They're delaying us.

Us? What do you mean, "us"?

The search warrant wasn't about me.

It was about Kurt.

Kurt? Why?

January 6.

Some veterans he took
shooting stormed the Capitol.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. So, this could take a while.

- And you're defending Kurt?
- Yes.

How did my 9:00 go?

Why are you being so casual with him?

That is Del Cooper.

- We want his streaming business.
- David, I am on the phone.

- Oh, I thought you were ignoring me.
- Can we just deal

- with this later, please?
- Oh, as in...

when you lose the client?

- Priorities, Liz.
- All right, sorry.

Uh, yeah. Your 9:00,

the kooky court guy, he didn't show up.

Yes. Well, he may arrive late.

He's unpredictable.

We're tight on paralegal hours.

So make sure you keep track,

and we'll divvy up at
the end of the week.

Well, I think we should give
seniority to the associate

- with the most billable hours.
- I would agree.

But I think it should be billable hours

over a whole quarter,
not just the month.

What are you two talking about?

I just want to be clear
for our fact-finding guest

- how we do things here.
- Oh, don't mind me.

Is there any way we can help
with your fact-finding, Mr...

Wackner.

I guess, uh... I don't
want to interrupt.

- No, don't worry. Please.
- Please.

Well, I do have questions
about jury trials.

- Oh, of course.
- There's a lot of issues.

- That's definitely...
- Jury selection...

Those files are covered

by attorney-client
privilege, Your Honor.

My agents smelled wh...

Sorry. One second.

Just... Phew.

False alarm.

My agents smelled
recent burning activity,

and found ashes in the fireplace.

From my husband and I enjoying a fire.

Well, they saw no evidence of firewood.

Yes, which is what happens
when you burn firewood.

Your Honor, this is not the issue.

The issue is that we need
to review the contents

of these boxes that Ms.
Lockhart tried to burn.

- Objection.
- Sustained.

Any review would pierce

attorney-client privilege, Your Honor.

Ms. Crozier, help me understand.

Your warrant was for Mr. McVeigh.

Yes?

Then why do we need to
review all the boxes?

Okay.

Unfortunately, and I'm very
embarrassed to admit this,

but... I'm pregnant.

Four months. It's a girl.

We decided on the name Tabitha.

Very nice. Very nice.

I love it when we get to share
these private moments.

I'm sorry, the point.

I was, uh, carrying files
pertaining to Mr. McVeigh

and I slipped.

Oh, my God. Are we really
doing this, Your Honor?

If I could continue.

I slipped and Mr. McVeigh's
files got mingled

- in with Ms. Lockhart's.
- Oh, yes.

I hate when that happens.

Unfortunately, the Bureau
now needs to go through

all the files to distinguish
which is applicable

to our search warrant.

- Your Honor...
- No. No. No.

You don't have to do that.

The court will appoint
a neutral official

who will review and separate the files.

No one's happy.

Perfect.

Diane.

Such a pleasure to face
you in court today.

Do you have a minute?

- Ms. Crozier...
- Oh, Nancy's fine.

This is the moment when you impress me

with all the evidence you
have against my husband

and suggest he cop a plea.

So we can do that right here.

Certainly.

Dylan Pike says that Kurt
is not only concealing

the names of insurrectionists,

but that he was the ringleader
of those insurrectionists.

Really?

The accused man you
threatened with prison

threw somebody else
under the bus? How novel.

Hi, Diane. I'm heading
to Judge Leon's court.

Hi, Diane.

Whoop. Sorry.

Diane.

If I were your husband, I would talk.

Mr. Pike seemed very convincing.

And we know how these things work.

The first person who talks gets a deal.

The last person who talks gets prison.

20 years, to be specific.

So, I think it's time to talk.

It wasn't a legal issue.

It was something for work.

If you're keeping it from
the FBI, it's a legal issue.

Are you not telling me
because I'm your lawyer,

or because I'm your wife?

Because of your politics.

Oh, come on.

Turning in insurrectionists
should be our politics.

Diane, this works between us

because we don't let
our political judgements

overwhelm our respect for each other.

Kurt, I lived through eight
years of the Tea Party

and four years of Trump,

but January 6...

I mean, that, that....

that changed everything for me.

I can't treat this like
a chess game anymore.

And what is a chess game here?

Us?

This marriage?

No.

That's the one thing that's not a game.

It was a list of the 80 members

of the Gun and Ammo club.

That's what I burned.

They're not insurrectionists.

But I know that the FBI would
treat them like they were.

And I swear to you, I would protect them

just like I would protect
your book-group friends.

All right, so, we're going to
go through it page by page.

And, uh, if anybody has any problems,

just stop me. Okay?

Remember, streaming is the future.

- So don't fuck around.
- Wow.

Very inspiring, David. Thank you.

Inspiring words.

Okay. Here we go.

"If it looks like I'm walking funny,

you have to understand
my boyfriend is Nigerian".

Stop.

She's objectifying Black men.

Yes. Although in
this case, I don't mind.

It doesn't matter if you mind.

- It's racially insensitive.
- Oh...

Even though her boyfriend is Nigerian?

That doesn't matter, either.

Something can be true
and racially insensitive

if she generalizes from
a specific to a universal.

But how is she doing that?

The joke is based on the
audience's shared understanding

of a stereotype.

Okay. Okay. Enough.

- Let's try to focus.
- Okay. Hello.

Wait. Now, let's be positive.

All right? Now, let's-let's-let's think.

Is there anything that we could
throw in there that wouldn't

throw off the rhythm?

- You know, rhythm is important.
- Yeah.

Norwegian.

Why would she be walking funny
if her boyfriend was Norwegian?

You know what they say
about those Norwegians.

- Okay, fine. Then think of something better.
- Do you even understand

- what this is?
- If you're so worried about

offending people on Twitter,

how about the Amish?
They don't tweet much.

That's a religion. You don't
make fun of a person's religion.

- I was joking.
- All right.

If you have to explain
that you're joking,

- it's not a joke.
- Is that so?

Okay, Jay, I need you
to look into two things.

First, this man, Dylan Pike.

- Kurt's friend?
- They are not friends.

They're... I don't know what they are.

But I need to know if he's
actually trying to set Kurt up

as a ringleader of the insurrectionists.

I know.

Ms. Lockhart, you wanted to see me?

Yes, come on in. Thank you, Jay.

Good luck.

Carmen, I need to congratulate you

on hitting the ground running here.

And I need to know...

who told you about the search warrant?

I was asked to not divulge.

You cannot be asked that.

I am covered by the same
attorney-client privilege

that covers you.

It's my understanding
that the search warrant

was actually served on another case.

Not one of mine, one
regarding your husband.

So this came from Rivi?

I apologize.

I can't confirm that.

Carmen, you have been here three weeks.

You have two clients,
Wolfe-Coleman and Oscar Rivi.

It's one or the other.

Can I make a phone call, Ms. Lockhart?

- I think that would be smart.
- Diane, you wanted me?

What is going on with
your crazy court judge?

My... ?

Marissa, I am in no mood
for defensiveness.

Wackner missed his 9:00 a.m. meeting,

and then I see him in federal
court shadowing Leah.

He... What?

Find out what is going on with him.

I can't have him out there freelancing.

Welcome, one. Welcome, all.

I need everybody to pipe down, please.

Don't make me use my gavel.

Okay, I need all prospective
jurors to line up

against the brand-new,
beautiful jury box,

shortest to tallest.

Dean will give you your numbers.

Right this way, folks.

There's my muse.

In chambers?

So, juries now?

Yeah, I was inspired by your firm.

Your associates told me about
how juries are racially biased.

- I'm trying to correct it.
- Our associates?

My boss said you didn't
make your 9:00 a.m.

No, I did.

I waited.

And then I decided to take
my own fact-finding tour.

- What does that mean?
- Whenever you're kept waiting,

ask the receptionist
where the restroom is.

When they say, "Turn right
at the end of the hall",

turn left.

I saw your sign outside.

- Oh. It's looking good. Yeah?
- And the bench.

- Spiffier.
- Yeah.

Where's the money coming from?

A sympathetic donor.

Come on, help me out here.

It's a jury trial, so
wh... What do I do?

One thing I've learned about you, Judge.

You just pretend to be dumb to
get everyone around you to talk.

So talk.

Uh. Well, what's the case?

NFT fraud.

I don't know what that is.

Non-fungible token.

Someone sold a painting
that was a NFT fake.

And they're suing them for $4 million.

You're hearing a case
involving $4 million?

- It's a jury trial.
- Okay, but that's...

Wh... how...

This was cute when it
was the People's Court.

But why would anybody
agree to let you decide?

Signed and notarized.

Both sides will honor
the jury's verdict.

But this was notarized
in your fictional court,

by you, about a fictional case.

About a fictional crime.

Faking a NFT.

Marissa...

It seems there are some
last remaining brain cells

in there that are unwilling
to climb on board.

This is a court.

In fact, it is better than a court.

A court is defined by the
justice it administers...

... not by the ceremony it displays.

That's not Shakespeare.

'Tis moi.

So...

Come on.

I, uh...

I bought your services
from your law firm.

I have a chair for you out there.

Has your name on it.

What else do you need?

You like it?

All righty.

Good job.

Juror number five, step forward, please.

Turn around.

Raise your hands.

- What's the name?
- Michael from Wicker Park.

Michael, do you know the words
to the National Anthem?

Yes.

Okay, let's hear it.

- Now?
- Yeah.

♪ Oh, say can you see ♪

♪ By the dawn's early light ♪

♪ By the... ♪

♪ Um... ♪

Liar. Dean, kick him.

Okay.

Juror number one.

Step forward, please.

- what's your name, young lady?
- Gina from Logan Square.

Hello, Gina from Logan Square.

Do you know the words
to the National Anthem?

I... don't.

Do you know of the third question

asked of King Arthur in the Holy Grail?

Is this a Monty Python question?

Because I hate Monty Python.

Oh, that's unfortunate. I love it.

Does that change your mind?

No.

Take your place in the jury box.

What do we got here?

Um, number seven.

Do you know who Jerry
Garcia was named after?

I... um...

- Jerome Kern.
- _

What can she make fun of?

Make him Brazilian.

It's the right rhythm, and
they're burning the Amazon.

No one will care.

- They're Hispanic.
- Latinx.

Oh, my God.

Look who's in there.

They're old.

Plus, none of us go to comedy clubs.

We don't know stand-up,
and we're not funny.

- I'm funny.
- Liz, you're...

you're a brilliant lawyer,
but, nothing personal,

you're not a barrel of laughs.

Hey, Diane, Jay thinks that we
need younger people in there.

Oh, God. Yes.

So, I'll get the mail room.

Okay, but you really
think I'm not funny?

No offense.

Um, listen.

I think you should be
in on this meeting.

What meeting?

Let's talk hypothetically,

shall we, for a moment?

If that helps.

Let's say I have a client

who receives information
from people who are not fans

of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

- Okay?
- And let's say...

that he worries, this unnamed client,

that the investigation of your husband

might actually be a smoke
screen for coming after him.

Has something happened?

Hypothetically.

Well, there is a new
piece of information,

and I'd like to share
it with the two of you.

But let me start by saying,

my client likes Carmen.

Well, that's good to know.

Carmen's a valued first-year associate.

It's one of the reasons...

No, strike that, it's the only reason

that he's staying with this firm.

And so if Carmen tells you

that she can't share with
you a piece of information,

then she can't share with
you a piece of information.

No, Mr. Lester, that is
not at all how this works.

I'd better step out.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- No. No. Stay.

Now, I am a name partner.

Carmen is a first-year associate.

She's only been out of
law school for how long?

How many months?

- Eight.
- Eight months.

Now, Carmen is free to resign,

and hang her shingle
wherever she'd like.

She can even go and work for you.

That is up to her.

But while she is here,
she is subject to the rules

and the mentoring of this firm.

Carmen, why don't you and I talk?

No.

We need to know now
if Carmen is staying,

not after you two talk.

If she leaves right now,

we will look for another associate.

But you have a lot to learn, Carmen,

and you can only do that here.

Well, that's what worries me.

There are some explosions of talent

that are best left untaught.

Well, I disagree with you,
but this is up to Carmen.

Carmen?

Mr. Lester, I'm...

I'm staying here.

Well, I'll talk to my client.

Oh.

You asked if something happened.

Uh, it will happen in ten minutes.

Your husband, uh, will be served
with a grand jury summons.

Kurt, call me.

In about ten minutes, you're
probably going to be served

with a grand jury summons.

Don't worry, it is just a
power play by this AUSA.

So, we'll just...

Kurt...

I'll have to call you back.

I've just been served.

Each of you has been given a paddle.

One side is red, the other green.

As we go through the material,

I want you to hold up the red side

if you find the joke offensive,

green for funny.

"What is it with Amish having such

big, juicy butts?

Must be all those buggy rides".

Buggy rides.

Come on, anybody.

Uh, red, offensive; green, funny.

What if it's neither?

Can we see the original joke
before it was sensitized?

- Now, that's funny.
- And offensive.

But the whole point is
to be subversive, right?

And we're going to piss off the
client if we turn it into shit.

Yeah.

- That's our job.
- Hey, hey, hey.

I've seen this woman in clubs,

and I'm not offended.

And last I checked, I'm Black.

- He is Black.
- So, just let the woman do her thing.

- All right, has anybody filled this guy in...
- Okay, but...

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
We're getting off track.

- Okay.
- You young people

know more about this than we do.

So, we need your help.

What's safe for her to joke about?

You want to make people
laugh, you joke about sex.

Okay? That's what I do.

- Yeah, and it's offensive.
- And anti-woman.

But you can't tell a joke
without offending someone.

That's not true.

W.S. Gilbert still delights,

over a hundred years later,
with delicious wordplay.

Except Gilbert & Sullivan

is classist and colonialist bullshit.

Fine.

Then how about dumb blondes?

- Hey.
- Take it back.

♪ Got a hold on me... ♪

So like, so like...

- ... like, fall apart, and I was like...
- Mm. Okay. Wow.

Where are the dancing
girls and slot machines?

Hey...

- Hey, want a drink?
- Am I Marissa?

- Hey. - Mm. Yeah.
- Thank you.

So what's so funny?

Uh, just how the partners'
ideas on comedy lack...

- Actual humor?
- Yeah, and grit and grime.

You know, I like my comedy
like I like my women.

- Dirty?
- No.

Sharp, and-and mean.

Hey, you know, when we were kids
we used to cut each other up.

At my school, we used to crack
on each other about everything.

If you had a limp or
a speech impediment.

Or your hair was too
nappy or too straight.

Uh, if you were fat or looked starved.

- Uh... Are you serious?
- Oh...

- We peed in a girl's shampoo bottle.
- No, that crosses the line.

And now it's like you need a
permission slip to tell a joke.

Yeah, and that's why I printed up these.

Boom.

Oh, my God, a permit to
tell a joke. I love it.

Hey, you can have that one.

Uh, I don't think I should
make a Black joke.

Well, I can handle it.

Can I get a Jewish one?

Here.

- Jay, you want one?
- Shit, I want more than one. Come on.

So, what? You're just going
to hand these around?

Yeah, like trading cards or Bitcoin.

What else you got?

Um, feminists.

Uh, Obama, Kamala.

- Mmm...
- Uh, Republicans.

The Fats.

- Ooh, skinny bitches, that's a good one.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Is there anything we can't do?

Uh. Necrophilia?

Mm. No. That could be funny.

Autism.

- Selena Gomez's kidney transplant.
- Hey.

- Put one in just to throw everybody off.
- All right.

One that's so inappropriate
even you wouldn't joke about it.

Wait. Do you think we could
get cancelled for even joking

- about being cancelled?
- Oh, yeah.

All right, wait. Here it comes now.

Try this one and see.

- Mm. No, no, no, no, no.
- Mm. No.

- Come on. Come on.
- No. No. I'm not touching that.

- No, no. Come on.
- Oh, God. Okay.

- Greta Thunberg walks into a bar...
- And...

- No. I can't do it.
- Ah, come on now.

- Uh, she's a child.
- No, she's not.

- She's 18.
- Your heart's not even in it.

Do you think I'm funny?

During sex?

No.

Did I look at you like you were funny?

Well, then that's my bad
'cause I was making my...

"Damn, baby. You fine.
Get over here" face.

No.

No. Shut up. No. No.

I was...

No. I was, I was told
today that I'm not funny.

Really? By who?

Because, because you're funny.

All right, you just said that in a way

that makes it sound like I'm not funny.

Wow.

That's a lot to read from just tone.

You see,

this is a discussion
nobody's going to win.

Oh, God.

You don't think I'm funny.

No, uh. Okay, baby. Look.

Funny people aren't funny.

All right, you're going
to have to explain that.

Okay.

Funny people don't laugh.

They just stare at you and, and
they say "Now, that's funny".

They're not fun to be around.

Oh, but you're, you're funny.

Oh, you think I'm funny.

See. That's why I love you.

Okay. Okay, wait. Wait.

- By love...
- No. No.

- I meant...
- We don't, we don't have to talk about it.

No. Wait. Wait. Stop now. Look.

By love, I meant affection.

I have affection towards you.

Then maybe we should get married.

Ah. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

- Now, now that's funny.
- Thank you.

- All right. Yeah.
- Thank you. I am funny.

- You just... I can hear the applause now.
- That's right.

Kurt, listen to me.

You can be jailed for contempt.

I'm not naming names.
I'll just take the Fifth.

But you need a good-faith reason
to invoke the Fifth Amendment.

If you don't have one...

and God knows, I hope that you don't...

you can still be held in contempt.

Who decides if I have
a good-faith reason?

A judge.

Kurt, you're a witness in
a grand jury proceeding,

not a gunslinger at the O.K. Corral.

Toughness is not what counts here.

Mr. And Mrs. McVeigh. Hello.

Are you ready?

- Kurt?
- I'm ready.

Oh, not you, uh, Diane.

Oh. I'm first?

Yes.

I do go shooting with
my husband occasionally,

but I wasn't with him
when he allegedly trained

some of these men, so
I can't identify them.

Are you sure about that, Ms. Lockhart?

I am sure of that, Ms. Crozier.

Can I play you a tape recording?

No.

That was a joke.

This is your grand jury.

You can play anything you want.

Uh. Hello, yes.

I would like to report the name

of one of the January 6 rioters

I saw on your poster.

Dylan Pike.

Isn't that your voice,

identifying one of the men
that your husband trained?

- It is my voice, but...
- So...

you do, in fact, know a name.

I didn't get that name from Kurt.

I got that name from
our firm's investigator,

and it's the only one I know.

But a moment ago, you said
that you didn't know any...

... any of the names.

No, you asked me if I could
identify any of the men

that my husband trained,
and I said I could not.

And I still cannot.

Okay.

If that's how you want to leave it.

Well, this is your questioning.

It's where you want to leave it.

Kurt, listen.

I need to explain something.

- Mr. McVeigh? Are you ready?
- Uh, please.

Can you give us just a minute?

- We need Mr. McVeigh now.
- Just a minute.

Did you get a... a card on your desk?

Yeah. Yeah, mine says, "Good for
one joke about little people".

What about you?

White girl clothes.

Huh. Did you use it?

What does that mean, use it?

Well, I... I don't know,
I think it means

that you're supposed to use

this card to tell one joke.

Oh, I don't want to tell a joke
about white girl clothes.

- All right. Well, then trade.
- Oh.

Is this about people
making fun of the partners

'cause they think we're not funny?

Well, I don't know.

Maybe we need to look for
someone with a "partners" card.

I want your white feminist card.

I don't know if I can trust you with it.

- Oh.
- This is like Park Place.

I'll let you have my jokes
about Make-a-Wish kids.

- I have ethnic accents.
- Ooh.

I am really good at doing accents.

What is going on here? Who did this?

Who do you think? The mail room.

All right, we're going to
have to get a handle on this

before the streamers come back.

Because this is not
sensitivity-read material.

Mm.

Do the, uh, the African one. The, uh...

The Nigeria one.

Eh, I don't know, that's more Indian.

I don't know what that was.

Shit.

What?

HR wants to see me.

Me, too.

Oh, okay...

Uh...

The fun's over. Someone talked to HR.

- It's cool, it's cool.
- No, no, no, no. No.

All right. No. Here's what we do.

Nothing.

We all refuse to go.

They can't fire all of us.

Actually, they probably can.

So we delay.

Everyone says they're
busy, which we all are,

and they'll stop by...

next month.

That's-that's not a bad idea.

Yeah, no, I-I think it is.

Oh, come on.

- Your next witness, buddy.
- Yes, Your Honor.

I'd like to call the inventor

of the NFT artwork, Mr. Earle.

I want to be clear to
the members of the jury

that all witnesses
will be fully costumed.

So you have no idea of
race or class status.

Oop, easy does it.

Dean, help him up.

Oh, no, wrong way. You're getting cold.

There you go.

Welcome.

Don't sit on your stinger. Easy.

So, Mr. Earle,

very simply, can you tell us
what an NFT artwork is?

It's a unique piece of art,

made up of a blockchain that
establishes its uniqueness.

The blockchain tech behind NFTs

allows us a means of authentication.

Allows proof of ownership

to be assigned to digital art works

which makes collectibles one of a kind.

Mr. Cord, hi.

Ah. Hi.

You're Eli Gold's little girl.

- His daughter.
- Yeah.

I saw you last at my work.

That's right, yeah. Come on.

Join me.

This is a thing, isn't it?

Um... Yeah.

How do you know about it?

Well, I met the judge, uh,
where you work, on the elevator.

Sounded interesting, his little project.

Your Honor, this is prejudicial.

I actually agree.

And I will instruct
the jury to disregard.

But my guess is he...

won't mind, because juries
can't disregard something

they've already heard.

So, before we started,
I required both lawyers

to give me photos of themselves
in nothing but a diaper

and sucking their thumbs.

- Your Honor, I didn't intend...
- Yes, you did.

So...

Please disregard this photo
you are about to see.

I think you are the next
GQ cover, my friend.

So you're financing this?

Oh, don't look so happy,
Mr. Defense Lawyer...

How much?

Start-up money, five million.

Why are you interested?

Well... this is the future.

We're disrupting things, you see?

Commerce and travel, communications,

currency... now justice.

The key isn't the money.

The key is I'm bringing cases.

To the back room of a copy store?

Oh.

Have you ever seen

the garage where they
founded Hewlett-Packard?

It's about a fifth
the size of this room,

and it's a museum now.

It's our hallowed ground.

20 years from now,
this will be a museum.

It will be a shrine, to...

- to Justice.
- You are dismissed.

- Your witness.
- Oh...

Here comes the defendant.

You remind me of an old joke.

Guy walks into a Florida
bar with his alligator,

says to the bartender,
"You serve lawyers here?"

Thank you, Mr. McVeigh, for
responding to our summons.

You're welcome.

McVeigh. That's...

That's an unfortunate name.

Any relation?

I've been told, by my lawyer,

to respond to all your questions,

"I refuse to answer on the grounds

that it may tend to incriminate me".

Really? Asking if you're related
to the Oklahoma bomber?

That might incriminate you?

I've been told, by my lawyer,

to respond to all your questions,

- "I refuse to answer on the grounds that it...
- Okay.

... may tend to incriminate me".

Let's turn to January 6 of this year.

All we want to know are the
names of the gunmen you trained.

Do you know those names?

I've been told, by my lawyer,

to respond to all your questions,

"I refuse to answer on the ground

- that it may tend to incriminate me".
- Mr. McVeigh.

You have to have a good-faith reason

to invoke the Fifth Amendment.

You can't just use it to
avoid answering questions.

Because I can hold you in
contempt for refusing to answer.

Is that a question?

Yes.

I've been told by my lawyer to
respond to all your questions,

"I refuse to answer on the grounds

- that it may tend to incriminate me".
- Let's talk about your lawyer.

Because, uh, you know...

I don't know that she has
your best interests at heart.

Let me play you a tape.

Uh, hello. Yes.

I would like to report the name

of one of the January 6 rioters

I saw on your poster.

Dylan Pike.

No.

Uh, I'd rather not leave my name.

The only reason that you're here

is because your wife is a talker.

Would you like to comment on that?

I've been told by my lawyer...

Oh.

I should have told you.

I'm sorry.

But I knew you'd be
upset, so I withheld.

I was wrong.

So... so what happened?

Did you take the Fifth?

Did she allow it?

Kurt.

I need a new lawyer.

Okay. We need to
ask everybody to cool it,

because we're all getting calls from HR.

I didn't even make a joke,
and I'm being called.

All right, so we'll
just collect the cards

and we'll just...
we'll go back to normal.

They were harmless.

HR needs to stop harassing us.

Everyone got along.
No one got into a fight.

Everybody got that it was a joke.

I'm not going up to see them.

Well, we can't boycott HR.

- Why not? Downstairs is.
- Because we're adults.

As partners, we work
with HR, not against them.

So nobody here is joining any boycott.

So we have to go up and be
questioned and sensitized again?

Oh. All right. All right.
All right. Fine.

I will... I will go up
first and talk to them.

Oh. Oh. Look who's here.

Okay. I will, um, walk
them through our work.

Okay...

I am sorry I missed you
the other day, Mr. Wackner.

It couldn't be avoided.

Oh, it was no problem.

I found it incredibly educational.

Yes. Marissa says that
you have been busy.

She also says you have
great plans for your court.

Well, if you call it
"great' that I finally

got a plumber to fix my toilet.

I put in one of those Japanese toilets.

Have you used one of those?
The seat's always warm.

I-I would call great, uh,
a $5 million investment.

Actually, I met Hal right here.

So, we have you to thank for
bringing us together, Diane.

I'm going to double his retainer

so that you can give your full attention

to the 9 3/4 Circuit.

The kind of attention
it really deserves.

Would you like my advice?

Yes.

You can't be judging cases
thrown at you by David Cord

if David Cord is financing your court.

That is corruption.

I have absolutely no vested
interest in any of these cases.

- None.
- Well, how is that possible?

I'm stepping away from my businesses.

I want to work on this country.

I want to... I want to bring it back.

I'm retiring.

I know my promise
won't do much good here.

But, uh, I don't care if Jesus
himself financed my court.

I'd cash his checks
and judge against him.

I am the most untouchable man on Earth.

You know why?

"I got nothing to lose,

- and nothing to gain".
- Mm.

That's a Todd Snider song.

♪ I got nothing to lose,
nothing to gain ♪

♪ It's like a one way ticket
to cruise in the passing lane ♪

♪ I cannot complain. ♪

Okay, gentlemen.

What advice do you need?

As you can see,

we offered alternate lines,
when appropriate.

Yeah. Yeah, I can see that.

- This is, uh, very thorough work.
- Thank you.

I won't say it was easy.

Well, you know what
they say, comedy is hard.

- Right, Morgan?
- Not done yet.

Yeah, we, well, we...

- really liked the original pages...
- Uh, just...

Just so you know,

uh, we have other services too.

Our litigation department is
one of the best in the country.

You don't like it?

Um. No, I, I...

I... I love it.

I... I love it.

This is, uh...

This is the funniest thing
I've read in years.

It's the funniest thing
from a lawyer since...

since Dershowitz stripped
down for a massage.

We can take another look at it.

Morgan, we don't want
to get cancelled. Okay?

You're right. You're right.

You're right. You're
right to be worried.

In fact, I will give you a
list of Twitter cancellers

that you can put on stage
when I get cancelled.

I'm sure they're just as funny.

Maybe not as funny as...

this, but...

This is going to be hard to beat.

I mean, if you read what I read?

Do we have the same copy, because...

Eieesh, you guys.

Funny...

I know comedy and this is...

Aw! You're too good.

I get it. I get it.

This, though... Wait a minute.

Norwegians. Did you see that part?

Get out with the Norwegians!

Who...

came up with the Norwegians?

You? Maybe you.

You guys are all going to be
big on TikTok. I have a feeling.

Because anybody that says
"Norwegians" as a punchline

is too good.

It's too good. It's so good, in fact,
I'm quitting the business.

- Finally, someone is just...
- Well...

- is just sticking it to the Norwegians.
- This was helpful.

- Screw 'em!
- Our firm can handle all your needs.

- You've peaked in comedy.
- I'll be in touch.

- I'm out.
- Ms. Reddick...

- Mr. Cooper.
- I'm quittin' the business, congratulations.

Woof! Yes!

Makes me laugh.

I'm quitting the business...

Well, that was fucked.

David, they asked us
for a sensitivity read,

not to redefine comedy.

No, they asked us to
sign a client, you and I.

A massive client, and we failed.

You failed.

You know what, David?
Why don't you just take

your hard-nosed asshole
tactics back upstairs.

- I'm your boss, Liz.
- No.

My boss is your boss,

and he is somewhere in Dubai.

And you and I don't even know his name.

So stop the shit and work with me.

I'll talk to Del later.

That was nicely done.

Very Boseman-like.

I know.

Hey. I recognize you.

How do I recognize you?

Uh... Chicago Improv. 2008.

- Yeah. You were great.
- Oh, thanks, man.

Hal Wackner. David Cord.

- Hi.
- Del Cooper. Oh, thanks.

What do you do now, Del?

I, uh, own a comedy streaming service.

- You?
- I invented a court.

- Ah.
- Um, I finance it.

Now, that's a funny idea.

Maybe we should talk, huh?

♪ I got nothing to lose ♪

♪ I got nothing to gain ♪

Jay.

♪ It's like a one-way ticket ♪

♪ To cruise in the passing lane ♪

Did you talk to Dylan Pike?

I did. Just today.

And he's saying that
Kurt is the ringleader?

Yep.

Well, what else?

Diane, you're not his...

Kurt said you're not his lawyer anymore.

- Well, yes, but...
- Julius is his lawyer.

You need me?

Yes. The Kurt McVeigh case.

Oh. Good. Come on in.

♪ I got nothing to lose ♪

♪ I got nothing to gain ♪

♪ It's like a one way ticket ♪

♪ To cruise in the passing lane ♪

♪ I can't complain ♪

♪ I guess I can't complain ♪

♪ I can't complain... ♪

Thank you for your concern
up here in Human Resources.

We appreciate it, but
I-I just want to insist,

all right, this-this was just

a bunch of lawyers blowing off steam

and satirizing the sensitivity of...

the justifiable sensitivity
of corporate culture.

Nobody complained about
being the butt of a joke

because, as you can see,
everyone was the butt of a joke.

Because everybody had a card.

Everybody was being made fun of.

Look, look, there's even
a card with my name on it

that someone from the mail
room used to tell a joke

about how far a stick was up my ass.

Who from the mail room?

No.

We-we just want to talk to him.

No. No. I was the butt of that joke,

and then I got to say a joke about them.

So, no. You're not going to review this.

We can go upstairs.

- There is no upstairs.
- There's always upstairs.

Okay, um... You know
what? Uh... let's see.

Here you go.

All right. You have a card
that says, "Black boss".

I'm Black, and I'm a boss.

So, go ahead.

Okay. Hold on. Here we go.

I have on that says, "Human Resources".

So, I get to tell a joke about you,

and then you get to
tell a joke about me.

Why would I do that?

Because we're human.

Okay. Here I go.

How many Human Resources
people does it take

to screw in a lightbulb?

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