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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 2 00:48:47,130 --> 00:48:50,000 Everything looks good. The lease had been signed, 3 00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,590 the liquor license had been transferred into the name of Kinnetic Corp., 4 00:48:52,590 --> 00:48:56,620 you've got enough insurance that if someone so much as sneezes, you're protected... 5 00:48:56,620 --> 00:48:59,640 In short, the joint's all yours. 6 00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:02,010 Theodore, you are a marvel. 7 00:49:02,010 --> 00:49:05,950 Although when I said go buy yourself a new toy, this isn't exactly the toy I had in mind. 8 00:49:05,950 --> 00:49:10,980 It says in the box "appropriate for boys from ages 19 to 40", so stop fretting, mother, 9 00:49:10,980 --> 00:49:12,980 I can afford it. 10 00:49:14,310 --> 00:49:16,290 Are you sure we can afford it? 11 00:49:16,290 --> 00:49:20,770 We did the math a dozen times, even without the movie we each have enough income. 12 00:49:20,770 --> 00:49:23,060 Plus, the money we've saved... 13 00:49:23,060 --> 00:49:24,840 I just need some reassurance. 14 00:49:28,810 --> 00:49:29,960 How's that? 15 00:49:30,260 --> 00:49:33,030 I'm already thinking color schemes. 16 00:49:34,330 --> 00:49:39,030 All the back room needs is a fresh coat of black paint, and a condom dispenser. 17 00:49:39,030 --> 00:49:44,340 What about pink walls with a sky blue ceiling and white fluffy clouds for the baby's room? 18 00:49:44,340 --> 00:49:49,630 That's amazing how with a few simple touches you can turn a tired old room into a fresh and inviting space. 19 00:49:49,630 --> 00:49:54,420 Or we could wallpaper, remember how Monty and Ilay had their kid's room wallpapered with Disney characters? 20 00:49:54,420 --> 00:49:58,600 And get a cleaning crew in here to jackhammer the dried cum off the floor. 21 00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:01,810 Yeah, but it's probably yours. 22 00:50:03,020 --> 00:50:05,670 With all this space, at least we won't be on top of each other. 23 00:50:05,670 --> 00:50:07,990 That's unless we choose to be. 24 00:50:08,860 --> 00:50:11,510 I want to reopen by Friday, 25 00:50:11,510 --> 00:50:14,410 Friday? This Friday? But that's impossible. 26 00:50:14,410 --> 00:50:16,690 You said that every day that we're closed, we're losing money. 27 00:50:16,690 --> 00:50:19,660 Yeah, but we still need to line up bartenders, go-go boys, a new manager... 28 00:50:19,660 --> 00:50:21,840 Well then, you better line them up. 29 00:50:23,080 --> 00:50:25,440 There's so much to do! 30 00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:28,720 They say it took 500 years to complete Notre Dam. 31 00:50:29,130 --> 00:50:31,020 Is that supposed to be encouraging? 32 00:50:31,020 --> 00:50:36,120 We're making a home, together. Who cares how long it takes? 33 00:50:37,910 --> 00:50:40,720 Well, if there's a problem we'll just change the table cloths. 34 00:50:41,260 --> 00:50:42,730 And the napkins. 35 00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:45,250 And the flowers. 36 00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:47,670 And the menu. 37 00:50:48,730 --> 00:50:51,280 Let me know if you wanna change the groom... 38 00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:52,690 Okay... 39 00:50:54,050 --> 00:50:55,740 What was that? 40 00:50:55,740 --> 00:50:58,160 The wedding of Alien and Predator. 41 00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:00,990 The groom's the producer of the channel 5 six o'clock news. 42 00:51:00,990 --> 00:51:03,730 It will be big news if I survive. 43 00:51:03,730 --> 00:51:08,350 Bride's a twice-divorced drama queen, Panzer division, who's convinced there is going to be a disaster, 44 00:51:08,350 --> 00:51:12,650 and believe me, if she doesn't get off my ass, which are words you rarely hear me say, 45 00:51:12,650 --> 00:51:13,510 there will be. 46 00:51:13,510 --> 00:51:16,700 Well it can't be any worse than Mel and Lindsey's anniversary surprise. 47 00:51:16,700 --> 00:51:20,850 No shit. - Now honey, I can't let yourself get all worked up. 48 00:51:24,110 --> 00:51:26,250 Of course, I realize that may be genetically impossible. 49 00:51:26,250 --> 00:51:30,100 Hey boys. Bacon cheese burger for Michael, pot pie for Em, 50 00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:32,910 and a BLT for Teddy, 51 00:51:32,910 --> 00:51:35,730 hold the bacon, lettuce, bread, mayo and fries. 52 00:51:38,390 --> 00:51:40,930 Trying to keep yourself in shape for your new boyfriend? 53 00:51:41,190 --> 00:51:43,100 He's adorable. - Yeah. 54 00:51:43,100 --> 00:51:45,050 He's history. 55 00:51:46,240 --> 00:51:48,750 Jacks off to photos of Ted Kennedy. 56 00:51:49,410 --> 00:51:52,740 Actually thought Marlon Brando needed to gain a few pounds. 57 00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:57,620 That's why he was in love with me. Fat and old turn him on. 58 00:51:57,620 --> 00:51:59,330 Teddy, you're not fat. 59 00:51:59,990 --> 00:52:01,820 Well, not hugely grossly. 60 00:52:01,820 --> 00:52:03,820 And you're certainly not old. 61 00:52:04,510 --> 00:52:06,220 Excuse me, sir. 62 00:52:06,220 --> 00:52:07,390 Sir? 63 00:52:08,450 --> 00:52:10,820 Babylon reopens Friday night. 64 00:52:11,820 --> 00:52:13,700 Here you go, guys. 65 00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:18,350 He called me "sir". 66 00:52:19,050 --> 00:52:21,880 He spoke loudly, so I could hear. 67 00:52:22,570 --> 00:52:24,470 I thought Babylon went belly-up. 68 00:52:24,470 --> 00:52:27,270 You mean you didn't know? Tell him, Teddy. 69 00:52:27,270 --> 00:52:29,070 I resuscitated it. 70 00:52:29,070 --> 00:52:31,890 Put my mouth on it, and blew. 71 00:52:32,510 --> 00:52:35,140 So that's how you spend your disposable income? 72 00:52:35,950 --> 00:52:37,300 You should've bought a house. 73 00:52:37,300 --> 00:52:42,010 Some of us queers prefer dancing and fucking, to kiddies and picket fences. 74 00:52:42,010 --> 00:52:44,400 Word on the street is that Poppers is the new hotspot. 75 00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:48,820 Friday night Poppers goes back to being the piss hole it always was. 76 00:52:56,930 --> 00:53:00,410 Hi J.R.! Your daddies love you. 77 00:53:01,290 --> 00:53:02,600 There's this new place in the mall. 78 00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:06,670 You design the bears yourself and pick out their outfits, record their voices... 79 00:53:06,670 --> 00:53:09,300 It's adorable! - Precious. 80 00:53:10,750 --> 00:53:13,770 You'll have to forgive Melanie, she's been up all night with J.R. 81 00:53:13,770 --> 00:53:17,360 She has colic, cried for four hours straight. 82 00:53:19,340 --> 00:53:23,460 Look, I wanted to apologize for getting so heated the other night. 83 00:53:23,850 --> 00:53:26,880 It was a shock, that's all. I wasn't expecting... - We know. 84 00:53:26,880 --> 00:53:28,000 No one was. 85 00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:31,280 Although, now that I remember, 86 00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:37,170 Every time I would stop by, one of you was always out, or at work, or taking a nap... 87 00:53:38,340 --> 00:53:40,820 Anyway, I'm sorry. - You said that. 88 00:53:41,500 --> 00:53:44,410 I mean that after all this time, you two couldn't work things out that it had to come to this... 89 00:53:44,410 --> 00:53:49,390 Thank you very much, we're sorry too. Now if you don't mind can we not discuss our marital problems? 90 00:53:49,390 --> 00:53:53,390 The important thing is, we need to decide how we're going to take care of our child. 91 00:53:54,900 --> 00:53:56,310 Our child? 92 00:53:56,550 --> 00:54:00,050 How much time she'll spend with you and with Linds, and with Ben and me... 93 00:54:00,050 --> 00:54:02,050 we're buying a new house. 94 00:54:02,480 --> 00:54:05,580 I'll tell you how much time she's gonna spend with you. None! 95 00:54:05,860 --> 00:54:07,580 Melanie, please, would you lower your voice? 96 00:54:07,580 --> 00:54:09,540 I'm sure we could handle this without screaming. 97 00:54:09,540 --> 00:54:11,540 Who's screaming, I'm making a point. 98 00:54:11,800 --> 00:54:13,280 Tell that to her. 99 00:54:14,590 --> 00:54:17,810 We had an agreement that I'd be a part of our daughter's life! 100 00:54:17,810 --> 00:54:20,850 Yeah, which at no time included physical custody. That was never discussed. 101 00:54:20,850 --> 00:54:24,880 Because when we made it, you two were together! A couple, a family! 102 00:54:25,110 --> 00:54:27,100 Now all that changed, now you're not! 103 00:54:27,100 --> 00:54:29,250 Why, I'm still her mother. - So am I. 104 00:54:29,250 --> 00:54:31,290 And I'm her father. - No one is denying that. 105 00:54:31,290 --> 00:54:35,070 She is! She's saying I have no rights! - No, I'm saying you may be her father, 106 00:54:35,070 --> 00:54:39,930 her biological father, but Lindsey and me are still her parents. That hasn't changed. 107 00:54:44,990 --> 00:54:47,300 Now, if you will excuse me, 108 00:54:47,300 --> 00:54:49,770 my daughter needs to be fed. 109 00:54:52,850 --> 00:54:57,740 Right! Upon arrival, the guests will be offered a glass of Chateauneuf du Pape 1991. 110 00:54:57,740 --> 00:54:59,170 Make that 1990. 111 00:54:59,170 --> 00:55:01,170 1990. 112 00:55:01,170 --> 00:55:04,490 A string quartet plays a medeley of your favorite Elton John songs... 113 00:55:04,490 --> 00:55:07,100 I've decided to go with "Eine kleine Nachtmusic". 114 00:55:07,100 --> 00:55:09,770 Well, scratch "Rocket Man". 115 00:55:09,770 --> 00:55:15,070 Now, when the wedding march begins... we are keeping the wedding march? 116 00:55:15,070 --> 00:55:18,920 Oh, of course... you'll enter from over there, um, 117 00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:21,700 Why not from over here? - You'll enter from over here, 118 00:55:21,700 --> 00:55:25,370 holding a spray of lillies. - I'm thinking of white roses and baby's breath. 119 00:55:25,370 --> 00:55:30,080 Baby's breath, okay, you'll then proceed to the bower, um, 120 00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:32,470 at which point... - What if it rains? 121 00:55:32,790 --> 00:55:35,060 I already asked Johnny. No rain. 122 00:55:35,060 --> 00:55:39,730 Your weather man couldn't predict a hurricane if it was blowing down Market street. 123 00:55:41,070 --> 00:55:44,060 I've gotta get back to the station, I've got a remote coming in from Iraq. 124 00:55:44,060 --> 00:55:45,280 Iraq? 125 00:55:45,740 --> 00:55:47,430 Screw Iraq! 126 00:55:47,740 --> 00:55:51,510 We're having a wedding! - Now now, don't you worry... 127 00:55:51,510 --> 00:55:56,760 I am going to have a little talk with God, and there's no way he's going to let anything rain on your... 128 00:55:56,760 --> 00:55:58,460 parade. 129 00:55:59,710 --> 00:56:03,630 The ladies room. We haven't decided the color of the toilet tissue. 130 00:56:04,050 --> 00:56:07,470 Lavender. No, mint! No, buttercup! 131 00:56:07,470 --> 00:56:11,450 I wish you could see Lila under less stressful conditions. 132 00:56:11,450 --> 00:56:13,450 She'll still drive you nuts, but... 133 00:56:13,910 --> 00:56:17,910 I love her. - Well, of course you do. That's what this is all about. 134 00:56:18,230 --> 00:56:20,750 You know, I gotta hand it to you. I don't know how you do it. 135 00:56:22,340 --> 00:56:28,260 One of the reasons we queer guys are around... help you straight people straighten up. 136 00:56:30,330 --> 00:56:35,170 Just make sure you pack my swimsuits and t-shirts soon, it's summer in Australia. - Yes sir. 137 00:56:35,170 --> 00:56:38,470 Anyways, they fired him. Three days into production. 138 00:56:38,470 --> 00:56:41,160 First time director, huge production... he couldn't handle it. 139 00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:44,620 Also I hear he and Orlando Bloom did not get along. 140 00:56:44,620 --> 00:56:49,100 Blair? I want that trainer in my hotel every morning at 5 am, uh? 141 00:56:49,530 --> 00:56:53,260 Well, call the producer and fucking demand it! 142 00:56:53,260 --> 00:56:54,370 How long will you be gone? 143 00:56:54,370 --> 00:56:58,210 Well, it's a six month shoot, provided I can do post here, we're still negotiating. 144 00:56:58,210 --> 00:57:00,080 Where the hell is my Ambien. 145 00:57:00,800 --> 00:57:04,470 On an 18 hour flight, this is the only way to fly. - I'm sure. 146 00:57:04,470 --> 00:57:07,410 Listen, I don't mean to throw you out or anything, but I just figured 147 00:57:07,410 --> 00:57:11,520 while I was gone would be a good time to do some work on the house, you know, redecorate. 148 00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:16,040 But... - Please feel free to stay for a couple of days until you line up with something else. 149 00:57:16,500 --> 00:57:17,490 Thanks. 150 00:57:18,840 --> 00:57:22,190 Even though I'm on the other side of the world, I haven't lost my passion for Rage. 151 00:57:22,190 --> 00:57:24,550 My development people are going to shop it around, 152 00:57:24,960 --> 00:57:31,150 the gay crusader is too powerful to be defeated by some asshole who can't see beyond the box office. 153 00:57:31,150 --> 00:57:32,480 Right? 154 00:57:36,310 --> 00:57:37,530 Blair? 155 00:57:38,300 --> 00:57:41,580 I'm not happy with the time we've arranged for the car... 156 00:57:41,580 --> 00:57:44,570 I can't believe the way she talked to me. - You're the father. 157 00:57:44,570 --> 00:57:47,670 But I'm not the parent, at least not as far as Melanie is concerned. 158 00:57:47,670 --> 00:57:51,800 Oh, that's bullshit. You're every bit as much her parent as she is. - You should've heard her. 159 00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:54,340 Screaming so loud, she woke up the baby. 160 00:57:54,940 --> 00:57:56,530 While they are carrying on... 161 00:57:57,770 --> 00:58:01,510 I know we can provide a more stable home life for J.R. than they can. 162 00:58:01,510 --> 00:58:06,790 I'm sure you're right. But the one thing we mustn't do is overreact. We've gotta stay calm, 163 00:58:06,790 --> 00:58:09,850 and rational. - Everybody keeps telling me that! 164 00:58:13,220 --> 00:58:16,830 Alright. I'll be calm. And rational. 165 00:58:18,470 --> 00:58:21,100 There's no way I'm giving up my kid. 166 00:58:23,190 --> 00:58:25,880 Finish up with those lights, we're about to open the doors! 167 00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:28,690 Could you move those cartons behind the bar? - Yes sir. 168 00:58:28,690 --> 00:58:30,450 And don't call me "sir"! 169 00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:33,380 Break a leg, baby! 170 00:58:33,930 --> 00:58:37,430 Just don't do it while we're shaking our booties. - I didn't think I'd see you here. 171 00:58:37,430 --> 00:58:39,200 Thought you'd be too busy with the wedding plans. 172 00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:42,640 I'm never to busy to sit ring-side on opening night. 173 00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:44,640 Ready in two minutes. 174 00:58:45,030 --> 00:58:46,640 And what have we here? 175 00:58:46,640 --> 00:58:49,540 This is Alonzo, this is Emmett. 176 00:58:49,540 --> 00:58:53,080 Already picturing a moonlit beach, caressed by a carribean breeze, 177 00:58:53,080 --> 00:58:55,990 the palms sway gently to a latin guitar. 178 00:58:55,990 --> 00:58:59,150 We didn't have too many palm trees in Trenton. 179 00:58:59,150 --> 00:59:01,190 Alonzo is the new club manager. 180 00:59:01,190 --> 00:59:04,600 And may I say, a vast improvement over the former one. 181 00:59:05,850 --> 00:59:09,960 I haven't have this much fun with a toy since my erector set. 182 00:59:09,960 --> 00:59:14,360 My parent's couldn't afford an erector set. So I decided to play with the one God gave me. 183 00:59:14,730 --> 00:59:18,120 Okay boys! Take your places! 184 00:59:18,430 --> 00:59:20,500 Let's bring the lights down... 185 00:59:20,870 --> 00:59:23,160 and the strobes up. 186 00:59:23,940 --> 00:59:26,940 And we're back in business. - Not quite. 187 00:59:29,610 --> 00:59:32,970 Ain't Babylon without that thumpa-thumpa! 188 00:59:32,970 --> 00:59:35,880 Okay boys and boys, what time is it? 189 00:59:35,880 --> 00:59:39,050 It's showtime! 190 01:00:17,420 --> 01:00:19,500 What - the - fuck? 191 01:00:21,030 --> 01:00:24,410 Don't worry, it's still... it's early. 192 01:00:32,190 --> 01:00:35,710 Where is everybody? - It's "Shorts and Shots" night at Poppers, 193 01:00:35,710 --> 01:00:38,070 all the hot guys are over there. 194 01:00:38,370 --> 01:00:42,020 Think I'll go, um, check it out. 195 01:01:04,130 --> 01:01:05,720 Todd. 196 01:01:06,440 --> 01:01:08,220 Hey... 197 01:01:08,220 --> 01:01:11,100 Didn't think you're still in town. 198 01:01:11,100 --> 01:01:14,500 This is Justin, and so is this. 199 01:01:14,500 --> 01:01:17,490 Seems there's no shortage of us in Hollywood. 200 01:01:17,490 --> 01:01:19,490 You get me another Ghetto, hun. 201 01:01:23,990 --> 01:01:26,960 He's cute, if you like the type. 202 01:01:29,070 --> 01:01:31,480 Really sucks about Rage, doesn't it? - Yeah. 203 01:01:31,480 --> 01:01:36,360 Really sucks. I swear there's not an ounce of artistic integrity in this fucking town. 204 01:01:36,850 --> 01:01:39,670 Why don't you go back to New York? To the theater. 205 01:01:39,670 --> 01:01:43,130 I would in a heartbeat if I didn't have a 3-picture deal with Bruckheimer. 206 01:01:44,210 --> 01:01:48,160 So where's our genious director? - He left yesterday for Australia. 207 01:01:48,870 --> 01:01:51,450 I heard he's taking over that remake of Mothra? 208 01:01:51,450 --> 01:01:56,690 Well, it isn't a Brett Keller film unless something flys. - He still plans on doing Rage, though. 209 01:01:56,690 --> 01:02:01,230 His people are out shopping it to other studios, now that it's in turnabout. 210 01:02:01,950 --> 01:02:04,480 That's turn-around. - Right. 211 01:02:04,480 --> 01:02:07,030 He swore he's going to get it made. 212 01:02:07,030 --> 01:02:11,490 Well, that's out Brettsky. Fighting the evil empire single handed. But, 213 01:02:11,490 --> 01:02:18,110 in this business, the only thing that rises from the dead is Dracula. And then only if Brad Pitt is playing. 214 01:02:18,870 --> 01:02:21,820 When something's over, it's over. 215 01:02:47,230 --> 01:02:49,920 You look like you gave an orgy and nobody came. 216 01:02:49,920 --> 01:02:54,100 I love how you can take a stale cliche and make it fresh. 217 01:02:54,810 --> 01:02:56,630 Could you do the same for this muffin? 218 01:02:57,620 --> 01:02:59,150 What the fuck's with you? 219 01:02:59,630 --> 01:03:03,720 Guess how many homos showed up last night for the reopening of Babylon. 220 01:03:04,540 --> 01:03:06,480 Is this one of those lightbulb jokes? 221 01:03:06,970 --> 01:03:10,630 Twelve. Counted'em. Twelve. 222 01:03:11,420 --> 01:03:14,630 Eight fucking grand, down the crapper. 223 01:03:15,110 --> 01:03:18,780 If I don't do something quick, it's going to be another eight fucking grand tonight, 224 01:03:18,780 --> 01:03:21,460 and tomorrow night, and the next night. 225 01:03:21,460 --> 01:03:23,970 Sounds like one hell of an expensive blowjob. 226 01:03:23,970 --> 01:03:25,970 I wouldn't have mind it, even that. 227 01:03:26,620 --> 01:03:30,860 But not one of them was even remotely fuckable. - I don't get it, where did they all go? 228 01:03:30,860 --> 01:03:34,170 The music was fucking awesome, and only a buck a shooter. 229 01:03:34,170 --> 01:03:37,010 Where you boys have been all night? - Poppers. 230 01:03:37,270 --> 01:03:40,540 Poppers?! That dump's older than I am. 231 01:03:40,540 --> 01:03:44,020 The only thing that is... 232 01:03:44,020 --> 01:03:45,780 There you have it. 233 01:03:48,850 --> 01:03:53,920 You of all people should know. There's no one more fickle than a fag. 234 01:03:58,110 --> 01:04:00,110 Hey. - Sorry I'm late. 235 01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:04,350 The woman in front of me had a stack of coupons. 236 01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:08,990 Hey, sweetie! - Hi Mommy. 237 01:04:08,990 --> 01:04:11,150 Did you have fun with mama? 238 01:04:13,020 --> 01:04:15,220 Here's the mail. - Thanks. 239 01:04:15,730 --> 01:04:21,280 Okay big boy... gather up your toys, it's time to go. 240 01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:24,050 Mama, I don't want to go. 241 01:04:24,760 --> 01:04:27,090 Are we gonna go through this every time? 242 01:04:29,500 --> 01:04:33,730 It's okay, sweetie. I'll see you tomorrow when Mommy goes to work, okay? 243 01:04:34,690 --> 01:04:38,030 How's J.R.? - Up all night, screaming. 244 01:04:38,030 --> 01:04:41,900 Why don't you let me take her? - You can't be up all night, and look after Gus, and work all day. 245 01:04:41,900 --> 01:04:44,970 You're exhausted. - Don't worry about me, okay? I can handle it. 246 01:04:44,970 --> 01:04:49,040 No one said you couldn't. - Then don't start. - I'm not starting anything. 247 01:04:50,140 --> 01:04:52,400 I just wish there was some way we could just... - Make up? 248 01:04:53,100 --> 01:04:54,400 Get along. 249 01:04:55,070 --> 01:04:57,800 Shit. - What is it? 250 01:04:57,800 --> 01:05:00,890 That little fucker hired a lawyer. 251 01:05:00,890 --> 01:05:02,890 Her name is Bobby Bennett. 252 01:05:02,890 --> 01:05:05,080 I thought she was married to Hugh Heffner. 253 01:05:05,080 --> 01:05:08,490 That's Barbie Benton. This is a tough gay lawyer. 254 01:05:08,490 --> 01:05:13,170 She took the first gay adoption case in Pennsylvania to the state's supreme court, and won. - Yeah. 255 01:05:13,170 --> 01:05:16,790 She said as J.R.'s biological father I have rights, and I should fight for them. 256 01:05:16,790 --> 01:05:18,790 No! No, I don't like it there. 257 01:05:20,390 --> 01:05:24,900 So, she has agreed to take our case. - Glad to see you stand up for yourself. 258 01:05:24,900 --> 01:05:28,370 I'm sorry it had to come to this. - Well they didn't leave me any choice! 259 01:05:29,670 --> 01:05:31,570 Is this where you want it, Deb? 260 01:05:31,570 --> 01:05:34,520 Where I want it is in the garbage. But... 261 01:05:34,520 --> 01:05:37,320 it's Carl's favorite chair, so... 262 01:05:47,550 --> 01:05:50,380 Hey, that's better, huh? - Oh yeah, much better. 263 01:05:50,730 --> 01:05:54,860 Well, I'm not going to let my daughter be raised by a couple of single mothers. 264 01:05:54,860 --> 01:05:57,510 When there's a loving, stable home with two fathers. 265 01:05:58,860 --> 01:06:00,580 Single mothers? 266 01:06:01,930 --> 01:06:04,450 You just said, "single mothers". 267 01:06:05,170 --> 01:06:06,440 You mean like me? 268 01:06:07,100 --> 01:06:10,510 I wasn't talking about you, I wasn't even thinking about you. - Yeah, so what else is new. 269 01:06:10,510 --> 01:06:13,660 But I was a single mother. And guess what, 270 01:06:13,660 --> 01:06:17,640 even without a father, you still had enough sense to come in out of the rain. 271 01:06:17,640 --> 01:06:20,350 Sometimes. - That's not what I was talking about. 272 01:06:20,350 --> 01:06:23,590 Christ sakes, mom, could you stop misinterpreting? - Who's misinterpreting? 273 01:06:23,590 --> 01:06:26,780 All we're saying... - I know what you're saying, I speak the language, 274 01:06:26,780 --> 01:06:32,200 thank you very much! You think there's two of you, that you're better equipped to raise a kid. 275 01:06:32,830 --> 01:06:35,960 Let me tell you two experts something. 276 01:06:35,960 --> 01:06:40,140 Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a partner and enough money to stay home and raise their kids. 277 01:06:40,140 --> 01:06:42,700 Some of us had to work. Night and day! 278 01:06:43,290 --> 01:06:45,970 Sometimes till two in the fucking morning. 279 01:06:46,790 --> 01:06:49,360 So that our kids could have sneakers and jeans, and 280 01:06:49,360 --> 01:06:53,040 walkmans and go to the movies, just like all their friends. 281 01:06:53,580 --> 01:06:56,850 And while we were out there working, we were just hoping, and praying to God, 282 01:06:56,850 --> 01:06:59,760 they didn't get sick, or get in trouble. 283 01:07:00,820 --> 01:07:02,540 But we had no choice. 284 01:07:03,150 --> 01:07:06,370 We made whatever sacrifice we could for out kids' happiness. 285 01:07:08,600 --> 01:07:12,370 So, you two think you could do it better? 286 01:07:13,460 --> 01:07:15,450 All I gotta say is... 287 01:07:16,270 --> 01:07:18,050 good for you. 288 01:07:24,930 --> 01:07:28,900 I almost didn't recognize you since you gained all that weight! 289 01:07:28,900 --> 01:07:33,210 It's not that much. - I wish that I could gain weight like that. 290 01:07:33,210 --> 01:07:39,930 I try and I try and I eat, and I eat but no matter what I do, I just can't keep it on. 291 01:07:39,930 --> 01:07:42,940 Pity. - Chocolate? - I'm on a diet. 292 01:07:44,560 --> 01:07:46,750 Your hair is getting thinner. 293 01:07:47,550 --> 01:07:50,550 Look, whatever else is going on, I've always had a healthy head of hair. 294 01:07:50,550 --> 01:07:53,650 Well, I hate to contradict Mrs. Brawling, 295 01:07:53,650 --> 01:07:58,310 But the mirror only has one face and... you're looking at it. 296 01:07:59,220 --> 01:08:00,310 Shit! 297 01:08:01,160 --> 01:08:02,910 I'm getting bald! 298 01:08:03,810 --> 01:08:05,790 What do I do?! 299 01:08:05,790 --> 01:08:08,020 Convert to Judaism and wear a yarmulka? 300 01:08:08,020 --> 01:08:11,030 There's no use fighting it, sweatheart. 301 01:08:13,220 --> 01:08:17,610 I'm afraid age is the last trick any of us picks up. 302 01:08:17,610 --> 01:08:22,680 The problem is, after it fucks us, it doesn't leave. 303 01:08:22,680 --> 01:08:29,060 So if I were you, I'd stop singing the title song from "poor me" and accept it. 304 01:08:29,060 --> 01:08:31,060 Then what? Die? 305 01:08:31,060 --> 01:08:33,190 Or move to Palm Springs. 306 01:08:33,190 --> 01:08:36,630 Pour yourself a Martini and ogle the... 307 01:08:36,630 --> 01:08:39,610 Mexican boys. 308 01:08:41,410 --> 01:08:45,800 Now... what shall we do with this? 309 01:08:46,380 --> 01:08:49,980 Same old, same old? 310 01:08:51,010 --> 01:08:55,330 It doesn't matter how many of these weddings I do, I always get a lump in my throat and a tear in my eyes. 311 01:08:55,330 --> 01:08:57,880 Maybe it's allergies. What if everybody starts sneezing? 312 01:08:57,880 --> 01:09:02,530 You see, I told you, we should've had it indoors! - The only stifles today will be stifles of joy, 313 01:09:02,530 --> 01:09:05,400 from how lovely the bride looks. - I still think I should've left my hair down, 314 01:09:05,400 --> 01:09:09,630 my face looks too round, doesn't it? - It's the perfect frame for the perfect picture. 315 01:09:09,630 --> 01:09:12,610 You hear that, honey? - It's all an illusion, I'm a mess. 316 01:09:12,610 --> 01:09:15,630 Are those rain clouds? - I think that it's time to cue the wedding march. 317 01:09:16,750 --> 01:09:19,910 You need to relax. 318 01:09:23,030 --> 01:09:24,980 To my beautiful bride... 319 01:09:24,980 --> 01:09:30,110 From now on, you're my morning news, my evening news, and my special bulletin. 320 01:09:30,110 --> 01:09:32,990 Don, what a beautiful sentiment! 321 01:09:34,460 --> 01:09:36,320 Oh my God. Oh my God! 322 01:09:36,320 --> 01:09:38,460 Alright, places, everyb... 323 01:09:39,140 --> 01:09:42,370 I told you something would go wrong? Didn't I tell you there'll be a disaster?! 324 01:09:42,370 --> 01:09:45,830 My blouse! Look at me! How can I go out there? I can't. It's ruined! 325 01:09:45,830 --> 01:09:47,940 Everything is ruined! 326 01:09:48,540 --> 01:09:49,840 Take it off. 327 01:09:49,840 --> 01:09:53,470 Take it off. Take your blouse off, come on, be quick about it! 328 01:09:53,470 --> 01:09:55,470 Chop chop! - Okay... 329 01:09:56,960 --> 01:09:58,400 Oh my God. 330 01:09:59,610 --> 01:10:02,210 Go, go go go. - Going! 331 01:10:06,310 --> 01:10:11,360 I need a soup pot and two bottles of Bourgandy, please! Vits, vits! 332 01:10:11,360 --> 01:10:13,620 As fast as we can, people! 333 01:10:13,620 --> 01:10:16,210 You want a chicken too?! 334 01:10:16,210 --> 01:10:20,170 That's a hell of a time to make cocque au vin, two minutes before our wedding! 335 01:10:20,880 --> 01:10:24,000 Alright... - What the fuck are you doing?! 336 01:10:26,310 --> 01:10:29,150 Just because I didn't carry her doesn't mean I'm not her mother too. 337 01:10:29,150 --> 01:10:32,710 See the choo-choo go around the tracks, sonny boy? See it? 338 01:10:33,330 --> 01:10:35,060 Sure is fun. 339 01:10:35,450 --> 01:10:38,770 But after a while it gets monotonous and predictable, 340 01:10:38,770 --> 01:10:43,180 and that's when we throw off the shackles of convention and relinquish control, 341 01:10:43,180 --> 01:10:48,520 and cause senseless, tragic, disaster! 342 01:10:48,520 --> 01:10:51,760 Oh my... did you see that? 343 01:10:51,760 --> 01:10:53,650 Brian, what are you doing? 344 01:10:53,650 --> 01:10:57,580 I'm just teaching my son how to have fun. Well I wish you'd listen to what I'm saying. 345 01:10:57,580 --> 01:11:01,030 Just because I didn't carry her doesn't mean I'm not her mother too? 346 01:11:01,030 --> 01:11:06,310 I was there every step of the way. Impregnating her, coaching her, taking care of her... 347 01:11:06,310 --> 01:11:09,620 I even helped with the delivery. - So who says you're not? 348 01:11:10,600 --> 01:11:11,650 Michael. 349 01:11:12,480 --> 01:11:16,330 He's petitioning for joint custody. And 50 percent physical custody. 350 01:11:16,740 --> 01:11:19,300 Who the hell does he think he is, the father? 351 01:11:19,750 --> 01:11:22,750 The agreement was that he would always be a part of the baby's life, 352 01:11:22,750 --> 01:11:25,270 but Mel and I would raise her. - Together. 353 01:11:25,270 --> 01:11:28,930 Doesn't make any difference, we're still the same people. We're still Jenny Rebecca's parents. 354 01:11:28,930 --> 01:11:31,260 Well, he seems to feel differently. 355 01:11:32,850 --> 01:11:35,010 If only Melanie had been reasonable. 356 01:11:35,010 --> 01:11:36,610 Melanie? 357 01:11:36,610 --> 01:11:37,950 Our little Melanie? 358 01:11:38,600 --> 01:11:41,430 Reasonable? - Instead of trying to force him out. 359 01:11:42,130 --> 01:11:44,790 Now if he goes through with this, I'll be the one who's forced out. 360 01:11:45,390 --> 01:11:47,820 The court will say I am the one with no legal rights. 361 01:11:48,940 --> 01:11:53,740 It looks like your mommy is in quite a predicament. - Goddamn right she is. 362 01:11:57,960 --> 01:12:00,230 I can't believe what I mess my life has become. 363 01:12:02,920 --> 01:12:04,040 We've money. 364 01:12:04,690 --> 01:12:07,070 What I need is for you to talk to him. 365 01:12:07,920 --> 01:12:09,340 You're his best friend. 366 01:12:10,240 --> 01:12:11,850 Hey Gus! 367 01:12:12,190 --> 01:12:14,600 But it's okay, sonny boy. 368 01:12:15,050 --> 01:12:17,590 We will get it back on track. 369 01:12:17,590 --> 01:12:19,590 Wait, wait, wait... 370 01:12:21,630 --> 01:12:23,190 Here, flip the switch. 371 01:12:25,080 --> 01:12:27,060 That's should just about do it. 372 01:12:27,060 --> 01:12:30,560 Just take that please, thank you, thank you, and we're here... 373 01:12:30,870 --> 01:12:34,100 Perfect, here we go, and one... 374 01:12:34,100 --> 01:12:36,800 and two... there! 375 01:12:37,040 --> 01:12:39,400 It even matches your bouquet! 376 01:12:39,740 --> 01:12:43,790 Thank you, thank you... let's go, let's go! - You're a genious. 377 01:12:43,790 --> 01:12:47,870 I'm not a genious... aunt Lulu's the genious. 378 01:12:47,870 --> 01:12:53,570 See, I'm back at Hazlehurst when I was a boy, my Momma worked and scraped to buy me good white pants for church, 379 01:12:53,570 --> 01:12:58,870 Well, before we got there, I stole some boysenberry cobblers and, imagine the rest... 380 01:12:58,870 --> 01:13:02,250 Momma was just about to whoop me, but aunt Lulu saved the day. 381 01:13:02,250 --> 01:13:05,400 She picked a mass of boysenberries, made some boysenberry juice, 382 01:13:05,400 --> 01:13:07,860 and next Sunday I had the most fabulous purple pants for the church. 383 01:13:07,860 --> 01:13:10,960 Which I of course accessorized with a yellow sweater and a pink scarf. 384 01:13:10,960 --> 01:13:12,650 That's a hell of a story. 385 01:13:12,650 --> 01:13:18,340 When I got my fairy wings, I learned how to turn a diaster into something beautiful. 386 01:13:18,340 --> 01:13:22,630 Now you two walk down that aisle, and live happily ever after. 387 01:13:58,840 --> 01:14:04,210 Come on honey, there's no back room here, so I guess it's off to my place! 388 01:14:04,860 --> 01:14:07,430 Last time I looked, there was a back room at Babylon. 389 01:14:07,740 --> 01:14:11,330 Brian, hey... we were planning to stop by later. 390 01:14:11,330 --> 01:14:14,260 Why not now? Avoid the crowds. 391 01:14:15,710 --> 01:14:20,620 Look, it's not my fault the herd's moved on. All the hot guys come here now. 392 01:14:21,760 --> 01:14:25,290 Look at that one... just look at him! 393 01:14:25,290 --> 01:14:28,850 Tired old queen, desperately trying to hold on to... 394 01:14:38,250 --> 01:14:39,560 Teddy? 395 01:14:57,630 --> 01:14:59,880 Had to, Theodore? 396 01:15:00,360 --> 01:15:01,990 Brian, what are you doing here? 397 01:15:01,990 --> 01:15:04,260 Checking out the competition. 398 01:15:04,920 --> 01:15:06,260 Me too. 399 01:15:06,480 --> 01:15:08,660 Is that why you're in disguise? 400 01:15:09,960 --> 01:15:11,140 My new look. 401 01:15:11,940 --> 01:15:15,680 I was going for something newer, hipper. 402 01:15:15,680 --> 01:15:19,600 I'm trying to bring them back to Babylon, not scare them away. 403 01:15:22,450 --> 01:15:26,240 Well, you'd better do it fast or you're gonna lose your pants. 404 01:15:26,240 --> 01:15:28,240 Might as well start now. 405 01:15:57,280 --> 01:15:59,050 Like that? - Oh yeah. 406 01:16:23,270 --> 01:16:25,870 How was your flight? 407 01:16:38,780 --> 01:16:41,840 Okay. Let's try this again. 408 01:16:48,680 --> 01:16:52,720 Christ! What's going on in here, you can hear her crying halfway around the block! 409 01:16:52,720 --> 01:16:55,260 Colic. She's been up all night. 410 01:16:55,260 --> 01:16:57,390 Oh. She got that from Michael. 411 01:16:57,390 --> 01:17:02,260 I knew he'd turn out gay, he was a screamer from the day he arrived. Come here honeybun... 412 01:17:04,400 --> 01:17:06,660 Honeybun is what I used to call Michael. 413 01:17:08,650 --> 01:17:13,800 Look, you really shouldn't be here. Considering he plans to sue me for custody. 414 01:17:14,670 --> 01:17:16,520 You still haven't learned, have you. 415 01:17:18,070 --> 01:17:20,190 We have a child here, with a problem. 416 01:17:20,950 --> 01:17:22,820 You got a hot water bottle? 417 01:17:23,760 --> 01:17:25,780 In the kitchen, I think. 418 01:17:25,780 --> 01:17:27,050 Fill it. 419 01:17:29,640 --> 01:17:31,040 With warm water! 420 01:17:31,980 --> 01:17:36,160 Grandma is going to make it alright, yes she is... 421 01:17:39,370 --> 01:17:42,470 I know it hurts, I know it hurts honey. 422 01:17:42,470 --> 01:17:44,360 Where's Mommy? 423 01:17:55,280 --> 01:17:58,480 Debbie... I know you want to see your granddaughter, 424 01:17:58,480 --> 01:18:02,090 and I appreciate your help, but... - But? What? 425 01:18:02,610 --> 01:18:06,800 Until this thing's settled... - As far as I'm concerned, it already is. 426 01:18:07,190 --> 01:18:11,360 The three of you carrying on, each of you wanting a piece of this poor child, that's shameful. 427 01:18:12,560 --> 01:18:13,910 It's worse than that king. 428 01:18:14,440 --> 01:18:16,360 You know the one, Solomon. 429 01:18:19,820 --> 01:18:21,400 But the bottom line... 430 01:18:22,910 --> 01:18:25,110 I say a baby belongs with its mother. 431 01:18:27,000 --> 01:18:28,210 You do. 432 01:18:29,290 --> 01:18:31,260 Maybe it's because I'm a mother. 433 01:18:32,020 --> 01:18:33,570 A single mother. 434 01:18:34,860 --> 01:18:40,760 And anyone who isn't and never has been, doesn't have a clue how tough that is, and that includes my son. 435 01:18:44,400 --> 01:18:46,880 So whatever I can to do help, I'm here. 436 01:18:47,660 --> 01:18:49,660 Thank you for being on my side. 437 01:18:50,510 --> 01:18:51,660 Now, hear this. 438 01:18:54,090 --> 01:18:57,030 The only one whose side I'm on is my granddaughter's. 439 01:18:58,970 --> 01:19:00,910 Isn't that right, honeybun? 440 01:19:05,980 --> 01:19:07,040 So tiny. 441 01:19:07,310 --> 01:19:09,170 I hated it out there. 442 01:19:09,170 --> 01:19:13,260 The weather never changes! All anybody talks about it the business. 443 01:19:13,260 --> 01:19:15,400 If you don't have a go project, you're invisible. 444 01:19:15,400 --> 01:19:18,380 Yeah yeah, as they say in the movies, cut to the chase. The guys are hot! 445 01:19:18,380 --> 01:19:20,980 Yeah, except after a while they all start to look the same. 446 01:19:21,400 --> 01:19:25,300 Perfect hair. Perfect teeth. Perfect body. - Sounds perfectly aweful. 447 01:19:25,300 --> 01:19:29,100 And you can not trust anyone or believe anything anybody ever says. 448 01:19:29,100 --> 01:19:32,120 Everybody's just looking out for themselves and their careers. 449 01:19:32,120 --> 01:19:34,870 Yeah, sounds exactly like what you always hear about L.A... 450 01:19:34,870 --> 01:19:39,350 a lot of shallow superficial assholes, desperately trying to be what they're not. 451 01:19:41,130 --> 01:19:42,340 Hey Deb... 452 01:19:42,720 --> 01:19:43,980 Can I get a soup spoon? 453 01:19:44,260 --> 01:19:46,650 Sure can, honey, they're all by the counter. Help yourself. 454 01:19:46,650 --> 01:19:49,270 You're lucky you got out of there in one piece, baby. 455 01:19:49,660 --> 01:19:51,290 So much for Rage, the movie. 456 01:19:51,290 --> 01:19:53,290 So much for Rage, the money! 457 01:19:53,290 --> 01:19:57,300 It's okay, we'll be find. You know it's just as well that they didn't make it. 458 01:19:57,300 --> 01:20:01,240 And you were right, by the time they'd have finished it, Rage would have wound up straight. 459 01:20:02,440 --> 01:20:04,170 At least we still have the comic. 460 01:20:04,670 --> 01:20:05,930 Our comic. 461 01:20:05,930 --> 01:20:08,390 And most important, you're back with us, where you belong. 462 01:20:08,390 --> 01:20:10,440 Yeah, what are you going to do now, really? 463 01:20:11,040 --> 01:20:12,960 Never had much chance to think about it. 464 01:20:12,960 --> 01:20:15,890 Don't you worry, baby. Your old job is still here waiting for you, 465 01:20:15,890 --> 01:20:19,530 you can start busting tables any time you want. 466 01:20:24,050 --> 01:20:28,300 So... would you like to slit your throat now, or after we have coffee? 467 01:20:34,910 --> 01:20:37,340 Emmett! Welcome to channel 5 news. 468 01:20:37,940 --> 01:20:41,640 Everyone is still raving about the wedding. Lila's friends want to know where she got that blouse, 469 01:20:41,640 --> 01:20:43,320 said they never saw such a beautiful color. 470 01:20:43,320 --> 01:20:45,690 Well, I'm just relieved everything worked out alright. 471 01:20:45,690 --> 01:20:49,820 If there's anything I can do for you... your next wedding... - Actually, there is. 472 01:20:50,630 --> 01:20:54,150 I watched you day after day through this entire event. 473 01:20:54,430 --> 01:20:55,400 You did? 474 01:20:56,230 --> 01:20:58,990 And I have a little proposition to make. 475 01:20:59,620 --> 01:21:00,790 You do. 476 01:21:01,780 --> 01:21:03,130 I want you, Emmett. 477 01:21:05,280 --> 01:21:08,310 What is it with me and straight men... 478 01:21:08,310 --> 01:21:12,700 Mr. McGruder, I'm very flattered... but you're a married man now. 479 01:21:12,700 --> 01:21:15,740 What the hell are you... you don't think I... 480 01:21:17,250 --> 01:21:20,290 Please, no.... 481 01:21:21,560 --> 01:21:24,210 Well you did say you wanted me. - For the news team. 482 01:21:24,400 --> 01:21:28,120 As what? Sports commentator? Weather girl? 483 01:21:28,120 --> 01:21:30,700 Either way I think you'd be terribly disappointed. 484 01:21:30,700 --> 01:21:34,920 Listen, I don't have to tell you, queer is very hot right now. Everybody wants the gay perspective. 485 01:21:34,920 --> 01:21:38,090 What do the gays think about fashion, cooking, decorating? 486 01:21:38,090 --> 01:21:41,610 Like you said, that little fairy magic that gives us straights a little twist. 487 01:21:41,610 --> 01:21:44,580 And you want me to... - To do a new segment. 488 01:21:44,580 --> 01:21:47,240 Offer us the gay point of view. 489 01:21:47,240 --> 01:21:49,890 Give us some tips, do some makeovers. 490 01:21:49,890 --> 01:21:54,050 I.. I've never... - After that magic act you performed at our wedding, you can do anything. 491 01:21:54,650 --> 01:21:58,020 That include being channel 5's queer guy. 492 01:22:04,910 --> 01:22:09,570 Without the lights and the music and the hot guys, it's just a room, isn't it. 493 01:22:09,570 --> 01:22:11,060 It's all an illusion. 494 01:22:11,620 --> 01:22:14,320 Nothing but cheap theatrics. 495 01:22:15,060 --> 01:22:16,620 Sorry about your baby. 496 01:22:16,620 --> 01:22:17,380 Jenny? 497 01:22:17,850 --> 01:22:19,990 Rage. - Oh, that. 498 01:22:20,520 --> 01:22:22,550 Right now I got more important things to think about. 499 01:22:24,530 --> 01:22:26,860 So why the urgent message on my cell? 500 01:22:29,040 --> 01:22:31,670 I want you to leave Melanie and Lindsey alone. 501 01:22:32,750 --> 01:22:38,240 They have enough shit to work out right now without you sticking your bulldog, or should I say, bulldyke laywer on them. 502 01:22:38,710 --> 01:22:41,690 What the fuck business is it of yours if I want to hire a lawyer? 503 01:22:42,180 --> 01:22:45,390 Who the fuck are you to... - Gus's father, that's who the fuck I am. 504 01:22:45,390 --> 01:22:48,380 You had to lose a ball before you even knew he was alive! 505 01:22:54,360 --> 01:22:55,880 I'm sorry, that was a... 506 01:22:56,480 --> 01:22:58,430 uncalled for remark. It's just that... 507 01:22:59,050 --> 01:23:02,620 because they're your son's parents too, I thought you'd understand. 508 01:23:02,620 --> 01:23:07,550 What I understand, is that if you go through with this, Lindsey's going to be the one that's left out. 509 01:23:07,550 --> 01:23:09,340 She's going to be the one that gets fucked over. 510 01:23:09,340 --> 01:23:13,070 Well, she should've thought of that before she cheated on Mel and lied to me! 511 01:23:13,070 --> 01:23:16,980 Christ, would you give it a rest already? We all know the story. 512 01:23:17,220 --> 01:23:21,340 Why don't you stop defending her for a change and try defending me, your best friend? 513 01:23:23,390 --> 01:23:26,220 Right now, the best thing for Jenny Rebecca is to be with Ben and me, 514 01:23:26,220 --> 01:23:30,170 in a stable home, not being passed back and forth between two battling lesbians. 515 01:23:31,800 --> 01:23:33,290 When did you change? 516 01:23:35,620 --> 01:23:36,260 What? 517 01:23:36,590 --> 01:23:40,620 When did you become this pious, sanctimonious, judgemental twit? 518 01:23:43,140 --> 01:23:44,420 The point is not... 519 01:23:44,420 --> 01:23:45,920 when did I change. 520 01:23:45,920 --> 01:23:47,910 The point is, why haven't you. 521 01:23:48,950 --> 01:23:50,380 When are you going to stop being some... 522 01:23:50,720 --> 01:23:52,970 over the hill club boy, and grow up? 523 01:23:52,970 --> 01:23:56,340 So now I'm the object of your disapproval too. 524 01:23:58,230 --> 01:24:00,250 You and the nutty professor get married, 525 01:24:00,830 --> 01:24:02,580 in fucking Canada, 526 01:24:03,160 --> 01:24:05,190 you move to Stepford Avenue with all the... 527 01:24:05,190 --> 01:24:07,270 other ersatz heterosexuals. 528 01:24:07,270 --> 01:24:11,650 And suddently that gives you the right to make pronouncements on everybody else's life? 529 01:24:13,090 --> 01:24:17,260 Upside of your perfect marriage, Mikey... it's called gay divorce. 530 01:24:18,710 --> 01:24:22,110 Fags and dykes can fuck up their lives just like the rest of the world. 531 01:24:24,190 --> 01:24:26,310 I'm just trying to do what's best for my daughter. 532 01:24:26,820 --> 01:24:28,310 And protect my rights. 533 01:24:31,850 --> 01:24:33,260 I'm sorry you can't see that. 534 01:25:06,120 --> 01:25:07,770 Just call me... 535 01:25:07,770 --> 01:25:08,980 the queer guy. 536 01:25:09,580 --> 01:25:12,280 Wouldn't that be like calling the pope "the catholic guy"? 537 01:25:13,320 --> 01:25:16,920 Don McGruder, the producer of the channel 5 news I've just did his wedding, 538 01:25:16,920 --> 01:25:21,150 wants me to join the news team. I am returning to the cameras. 539 01:25:21,150 --> 01:25:25,850 This time, with my clothes on. I'm going to be channel 5's queer guy. 540 01:25:25,850 --> 01:25:29,660 Sharing tips, making quips, and generally showing Pittsburgh how to be fabulous. 541 01:25:29,860 --> 01:25:31,660 You can start by showing me. 542 01:25:32,710 --> 01:25:36,630 My hair, my gut, my face... 543 01:25:36,630 --> 01:25:40,730 God, I look like a Sharpei. - There is nothing wrong with the way you look. 544 01:25:41,050 --> 01:25:44,740 Would you stop being a friend and be honest? - I am being honest! 545 01:25:44,740 --> 01:25:46,390 Come here. Come here! 546 01:25:48,660 --> 01:25:51,930 Look at yourself. Your true self. 547 01:25:52,470 --> 01:25:54,690 The self that kicked crystal. 548 01:25:54,690 --> 01:25:59,330 That completed the Liberty Ride, that got a great job. You turned your life around, Teddy. 549 01:25:59,330 --> 01:26:03,100 And that is something to be very, very proud of. You're practically a hero. 550 01:26:03,470 --> 01:26:08,030 Okay so who cares if you put on a few pounds, or have a few character lines. 551 01:26:08,510 --> 01:26:12,190 Stop looking at the shell... and see the pearl. 552 01:26:15,140 --> 01:26:16,310 You're right, Em. 553 01:26:17,830 --> 01:26:19,100 You're so right. 554 01:26:21,980 --> 01:26:25,820 It did sound good, didn't it. Maybe I can use it on my segment. 555 01:26:26,710 --> 01:26:27,380 Well, 556 01:26:27,950 --> 01:26:32,410 this queer guy's gotta get to the gym and then get some beauty rest. 557 01:26:32,410 --> 01:26:37,340 Camera's merciless, you know. Shows every line and immediately adds ten pounds. 558 01:26:37,540 --> 01:26:38,770 I'll see you baby! 559 01:26:39,290 --> 01:26:40,210 Thanks Em... 560 01:26:40,530 --> 01:26:44,100 Hey, you're going to make a great queer guy. You already are. 561 01:26:44,100 --> 01:26:45,490 Can't help it! 562 01:27:06,470 --> 01:27:09,820 Hi, yes, my name is Ted Schmidt, 563 01:27:09,820 --> 01:27:13,130 and I'd like to make an appointment to see the doctor. 564 01:27:15,570 --> 01:27:17,090 Be right with you. 565 01:27:23,550 --> 01:27:25,930 My attorney advised me not to talk to you. 566 01:27:25,930 --> 01:27:30,330 Well, I'm an attorney too, and I'd say she's being overly cautious. 567 01:27:31,200 --> 01:27:33,060 After all, we're friends. 568 01:27:33,880 --> 01:27:35,060 Family. 569 01:27:36,000 --> 01:27:37,060 Are we? 570 01:27:38,340 --> 01:27:40,170 I'm sure we can work this out. 571 01:27:40,840 --> 01:27:44,640 Save ourselves a lot of grief, and legal expenses. Which if I know anything about lawyers, 572 01:27:44,640 --> 01:27:47,080 this is why she doesn't want us communicating. 573 01:27:49,280 --> 01:27:52,180 Look. I admit. I overreacted. 574 01:27:53,040 --> 01:27:57,360 I was just being protective, the way any mother would. You can understand that. 575 01:28:02,020 --> 01:28:05,290 There's no question you're part of Jenny Rebecca's life! 576 01:28:05,740 --> 01:28:07,710 It's just that she's still young. 577 01:28:07,710 --> 01:28:09,710 She's still breastfeeding. 578 01:28:10,580 --> 01:28:15,380 I was thinking that maybe later on down the road, maybe when she's four or five, 579 01:28:15,380 --> 01:28:19,210 she could spend some time with you and Ben, I think that's perfectly reasonable. 580 01:28:19,730 --> 01:28:20,920 Don't you? 581 01:28:24,430 --> 01:28:26,470 How dumb do you think I am? 582 01:28:27,470 --> 01:28:30,650 No. Don't answer that, I can imagine. 583 01:28:31,750 --> 01:28:35,610 First you tell me I have no rights, which isn't true. I have as much rights as you. 584 01:28:35,610 --> 01:28:39,830 Now you try to get me to agree not to take her until she's four or five? 585 01:28:43,050 --> 01:28:44,950 I'm sorry Mel, I'm not backing off. 586 01:28:44,950 --> 01:28:47,120 I can't believe you're doing this! 587 01:28:47,120 --> 01:28:50,880 After we stood right here in your store and agreed that you could be the father, 588 01:28:50,880 --> 01:28:53,570 instead of just a sperm donor. - Then why won't you let me have her? 589 01:28:53,570 --> 01:28:56,910 Cause you don't know shit about raising a baby! Even your own mother agrees. 590 01:28:56,910 --> 01:28:59,550 My mother? - Yes, she thinks you're behaving like an asshole. 591 01:28:59,940 --> 01:29:01,030 Oh really? 592 01:29:01,510 --> 01:29:05,520 You know what? I don't give a flying fuck what my mother thinks. 593 01:29:05,520 --> 01:29:09,010 Jenny Rebecca is my daughter too, and I'm going to have joint custody. 594 01:29:10,580 --> 01:29:12,630 Then you go ahead and try. 595 01:29:13,180 --> 01:29:16,390 But let me tell you, you're not only up against one angry mother, 596 01:29:16,390 --> 01:29:20,610 and lesbian. You're up against one pissed off lawyer. 597 01:30:11,990 --> 01:30:13,040 So... 598 01:30:14,900 --> 01:30:16,660 was it all you remembered? 599 01:30:17,400 --> 01:30:18,390 And more. 600 01:30:19,970 --> 01:30:21,120 What about you? 601 01:30:24,010 --> 01:30:25,990 It was... okay. 602 01:30:27,640 --> 01:30:28,970 Just okay. 603 01:30:29,420 --> 01:30:30,970 It was great. 604 01:30:31,870 --> 01:30:35,730 Say it was great. Say it was great! Say it! 605 01:30:37,510 --> 01:30:39,520 It was great, it was great, it was great. 606 01:30:39,520 --> 01:30:40,450 It was great. 607 01:30:41,910 --> 01:30:45,070 It was. It was great. 608 01:30:50,030 --> 01:30:51,580 I thought you're never coming back. 609 01:30:53,930 --> 01:30:55,110 I figured. 610 01:30:57,610 --> 01:30:59,010 Why would you? 611 01:31:02,040 --> 01:31:03,160 Can't imagine. 612 01:31:35,090 --> 01:31:36,090 What's this? 613 01:31:43,140 --> 01:31:45,450 It's one of my storyboards from the movie. 614 01:31:46,480 --> 01:31:47,450 It's good. 615 01:31:48,300 --> 01:31:49,070 Thanks. 616 01:31:56,600 --> 01:31:57,190 What? 617 01:31:57,530 --> 01:31:58,360 Nothing. 618 01:32:04,290 --> 01:32:06,690 I told everyone how shitty it was out there. 619 01:32:07,320 --> 01:32:09,330 How stupid everyone was. 620 01:32:10,800 --> 01:32:12,190 Truth is, I loved it. 621 01:32:15,450 --> 01:32:16,700 I know... 622 01:32:18,450 --> 01:32:21,950 It was hot. It was fun, it was exciting. 623 01:32:24,400 --> 01:32:27,550 We were going to change the world. The world's first gay superhero. 624 01:32:31,600 --> 01:32:32,590 Well, it's over. 625 01:32:42,020 --> 01:32:43,690 Now you're back. 626 01:32:50,930 --> 01:32:53,100 Must be quite a let down after all that. 627 01:32:58,060 --> 01:33:00,770 There's still one thing Pittsburgh has that Hollywood doesn't. 628 01:33:10,100 --> 01:33:12,990 That is, if the offer still stands. 51265

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