All language subtitles for Urban.Myths.S03E08_English

The following programme contains
strong language.

♪ THE ROLLING STONES:
Can't You Hear Me Knocking

♪ Yeah, you got satin shoes

♪ Yeah, you got plastic boots

♪ Y'all got cocaine eyes

♪ Yeah, you got speed-freak jive

♪ Can't you hear me knockin'
on your window? ♪

(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)
Hello, Margaret.

Would you care to try that again?

(CHUCKLES) All right, yeah.
Your Highness and whatnot.

I know you. You're a singer.

More of an anarchist, really.

The singing's just my route
to the downtrodden.

Not many downtrodden in here.

Yeah. I'm sort of parodying
the whole scene.

You're doing ever so well.

The newspapers say your marriage
isn't doing so great.

Aren't they mean?
Terribly so.

But if it's true,
may I offer myself up

for, you know,
a bit of national service?

Darling, while I admire
your ambition,

is the Queen's sister
not a little above your station?

I thought you were supposed to be
the fun one.

These things are relative.

Then prove it.

(GROANING)
Ooh! Oops.

(HICCUPS AND GRUNTS)

Hello, Margaret.

Hello, Elizabeth.
(BURPS)

(GRUNTS)
Forgive me.

(GRUNTING)

Expanding one's mind
is not as much fun as one hoped.

Well, you're only just starting.

I'm afraid I shan't be able
to see you again.

Why ever not?

Because my sole role in life
is to support my sister

and not cause the family
any embarrassment.

Which tends to preclude anything

that risks being
the slightest bit fun.

Keith, put it down.

There is a place, however,

where one can have
as much fun as one wants.

Oh, yeah? Where's that, then?

You came! How industrious of you.

Great vibe.
This is Basil.

You all right?
Hey, man.

How about a little fortification?

Your Highness, could I trouble you
for some payment?

Wonderful, Basil. Wonderful humour.

So, what news from home?

The bloody Beatles have got MBEs.

You can't be jealous, surely.
An anarchist like yourself?

God, no. Far from it.
I just think it's a shame

that your sister's being duped
by all that Northern ballocks.

I'm sure they'll get round
to giving you a trinket.

I'd turn it down.
No, you wouldn't.

I'd consider turning it down.

Well, I'm sure she'd be on the edge
of her broom, darling.

They probably think
I'm too dangerous.

Oh, undoubtedly.

And if I may be somewhat forward...

I rather hope that you are.

I suppose you want me
to come to the palace for tea?

You'd have to dine below stairs,
of course, being a bit of raff.

A bit of raff? I'm from Dartford,
we've got a Sainsbury's.

The Sainsburys
have moved to Dartford?

(KNOCKING)
Phone call, Your Highness.

Thank you, Basil.

Darling, did you fly
out of London Airport?

Yeah.
Oh, Christ.

♪ THE ROLLING STONES:
Everybody Needs Somebody To Love

♪ Everybody wants somebody... ♪

THROUGH PHONE: "I forbade you."
Elizabeth, we have a deal.

I give you ten months of the year
to smile and cut bloody ribbons

and as reward I may come here
and indulge myself.

"I imagine you've been indulging
with some abandon."

Oh, Elizabeth. How very un-regal.

"If you must holiday
with a musician,

why not one
of those nice Beatle boys?

I like Dingo."
Ringo.

"I thought it was Dingo."
No.

"He looks like a dingo."
He's not called Dingo.

"Well, perhaps he should be."
Was there anything else?

"Just promise me you won't stir up
the newspapers, Margaret.

You or your friend."
I live to serve Your Majesty.

"Well, that's more like it."
(CLICK / DIAL TONE)

♪ Something happened to me yesterday

♪ Something I can't speak of
right away

♪ Something happened to me

♪ Something oh so groovy... ♪

Her Majesty.
Something... ♪

I know.
"He has to go."

I said I know.

"I'm sorry, Margaret."

Then I'll allow you
to make it up to me.

I didn't enjoy it
as much as I thought I would.

I suspect that's
the point of incarceration.

I thought it'd be full
of plucky salt of the Earth types

but if I'm honest,
they were sort of arseholes.

Well, you're out now.
How did that happen, then?

I was supposed to do three months.

I'm afraid it was a parting gift,
darling.

If you ever need me, love,
I'll be there.

Goodbye, Michael.

♪ PAUL SIMON:
50 Ways To Leave Your Lover

♪ The problem is all inside
your head, she said to me

♪ The answer is easy
if you take it logically

♪ I'd like to help you
with your struggle to be free

♪ There must be
50 ways to leave your lover... ♪

(KNOCKING)
BASIL: Phone call, Your Highness.

Have we been overthrown?

They have a photo of you
and your latest friend.

They came here?

I think it's time for your companion
to exit proceedings.

This is a private island.

"Nothing is private any more."

Of course, I wouldn't have to
sneak around

if you'd let me divorce.

Well, you'll have to now.
Thank you, Elizabeth. What a treat.

Margaret. Don't you see?
Times are changing.

There's no reverence any more
and this kind of thing

gives our enemies the ammunition
they crave.

Some are saying they wish you
to retire from public life.

Oh, really?

And tell me, Elizabeth.
How the fuck might one do that?

I don't know.

Well, let me know when you do.

(THUNDER / RAIN POURING)

Hello, Margaret.

Thank you so much for coming.

You were there when they went for me.

And it sort of tied in
with the tax exile thing.

Oh, cheer me up, darling.

I'm getting divorced.
You too? What happened?

Officially, it's on the grounds
of adultery

but in reality, Bianca can't separate
the actions of Mick Jagger the man

and Mick Jagger the character.

Oh, I have missed you, Michael.

Well, I'm here now.

Basil, could you bring Michael
the key for Stargroves?

Of course, Your Highness.
It's for sale, if you're interested.

Your little friend still around?

No. Scuttled off.

Right. So...?

Michael, I don't have
a great many friends

and I should like
to keep you as one this time.

I think this is the most likely
way to do that, don't you?

Yeah, all right.

I suppose it's the last taboo,
really, isn't it?

Not having sex.
Maybe that could be my new thing.

I don't think that's the route

you'd truly like to traverse,
is it, Michael?

-No.
-No.

Fuck that!
Quite.

I'll see you back at the house.

So, what do you think of Jerry?

I do like Americans.

They have such a puppy-ish quality.

She's engaged to Bryan Ferry.

That would appear
to offer certain complications.

She's breaking it off
when we get back.

To be honest, I feel sorry
for Bryan but...what can you do?

Other people's lives.

I'm so glad you bought the house.

Worth every penny to see you, love.

And they've got that whole Caribbean
manana, manana approach to tax.

Oh, they're wonderful people,
Michael.

They have clung me to their bosom
and I shall never forget it.

Not now, Basil.

So? Come on, how was the wedding?

It was surprisingly affecting.

Diana looked very beautiful

and Charles managed
to get her name right.

Elton wasn't invited, was he?
No.

Thank Christ.
(CHUCKLES)

You know, Margaret, you seem
dangerously close to being happy.

Oh, Michael. I am liberated.

The press don't care about me
any more.

They have a younger, prettier
princess to pretend to worry about.

It really is
the most wonderful thing,

to feel that one's life
is one's own.

So what are you gonna do with it?

I have absolutely no idea.

Well, I'm very much looking forward
to meeting her.

Meeting whom?

Oh, didn't they tell you?

Diana wants to meet
the nation's cultural figures.

I've heard she has a lot of ideas.

They've booked me in.
Lunch at the palace.

The first step to Sir Mick.

I remember when
you were an anarchist.

Still am, love, still am.

I'm subverting the system
from the inside.

How clever.

Tell me. Did the invite come through
the palace or her office?

Why does it matter?

Because, darling...

the palace retains final approval
over diaries.

Margaret. She's a princess.

If she wants to feast her little eyes
over old Mick,

they can't exactly stop her.

Oh, Michael.

It was bloody cancelled.
No, it wasn't.

"You what?"
Diana threw a tantrum.

She wanted to meet a pop star

so, well, they had to let her
meet a pop star.

Who?
"Must you ask, darling?"

If you say Elton, I'll hang myself.

Philip Collins.
Jesus Christ!

Apparently, he was very pleasant.

Oh, I bet he was.
I bet Collins bloody lapped it up,

eating cucumber sandwiches
with his little sausage fingers.

I heard he was a fitting substitute.

What, for me? Phil Collins? For me?

Who might you have rathered?
What, than Collins?

I don't know, Roland Rat?
(CHUCKLES)

Keith, get down right now.

I've got to go, love.

(CLATTER / THUDDING)

Happy now?

Yeah, you have. Just a tickle. Here.

One has not the slightest clue
to what you refer.

There's no shame in it.

Look at McCartney,
he looks bloody haunted.

Or Elton, with that doormat
nailed onto his head.

Now that I'm the forgotten princess,
I find I can do all sorts of things.

Do you know I holidayed
with a male companion in Italy?

We held hands, toured the palaces.

We kissed in a bloody piazza.

You deviant!
I know!

Well, if your new bloke doesn't mind,

I'd like you to be my date
at the palace.

I've got a new plan. Tony Blair.

Oh. The fox lover.

Don't knock him.
He had me round his house.

Made me watch him play guitar.
Fuck me, that was a long night.

But it was worth it.
He's putting me up for a knighthood.

Oh, Michael.
He promised.

Well, he was decidedly foolish
to do that.

♪ No, you can't always get
what you want

♪ You can't always get
what you want... ♪

The Honours this month.
Thank you, Harold.

♪ You can't always get what you want

♪ But if you try some time... ♪

Oh, dear.
You get what you need... ♪

Oh, for...
Who's next? Chas

Must you care so much, darling?

Must you still be the boy
from Dartford asking to be let in?

It's nothing to do with that.
It's the principle of the thing.

I see.
I've done some things, Margaret.

I've done things that
you wouldn't believe but Elton?

My God, he's been there, you know?
He's been there.

Perhaps if you engaged
in more charitable pursuits...

I do charity. I did bloody Live Aid
for Bob and, you know, the Africans.

You don't do charity like Elton.
Oh, what, his black and white ball?

That's just an excuse for Elton
to stick the sequins on

and whip out his...
Not all of it, Keith. Not all of it!

We'll soon be back out there,
Michael.

Celebrating another year of freedom
for me

and another year
as a commoner for you.

A big old party at Basil's.

How does that sound?

Diana's death changes everything.

The business with the flag.

The criticism of the Queen.

They'd finally found a Royal
they could love

and they blame us for losing her.

It was a lovely funeral.

And to be fair, Elton did OK.

A little bit karaoke but he's always
had a bit of the Dog and Duck in him.

They're coming after me again.
Did you notice?

"Princess Margaret,
who attended the funeral alone."

That is the sound
of claws sharpening.

And a new angle.

Not the love-struck princess,
nor the predatory harlot...

but the tragical woman
left on the shelf.

You give them too much power,
Margaret. You always have.

Well...they won't have much longer
to torment me.

They've popped one of my lungs out,
darling.

Why didn't you say anything?

Why? Did you want it?

Illness is bad for the brand,
Michael.

But between us, I fear
I'm not long for this world.

Nah. Not with your breeding.

Generations have spent their lives
sat at home doing fuck all

to look after those genes of yours.

Not now, Basil.

(WATER RUNNING)

I'm staying here.

ON PHONE:
"Margaret, the Royal physician

says you are to come home
immediately."

They just need a little lotion.

"A little lotion? Margaret,
you'll need skin grafts."

I'm staying here.

"Why do you have to be
so bloody difficult?"

Because for 40 years
this is the only place

where I've enjoyed
the slightest sense of freedom.

And I know that if I leave now,
I shall never return.

"Oh, Margaret."

I'm sorry, Elizabeth.

Another embarrassment
for you to worry about.

"Margaret, my only worry
is that you're injured

and well, there's no alternative way
to phrase this but I love you.

I know that's not a sentiment
we bandy about and quite right too

but I do and you're just going to
have to accept it."

I live to serve Your Majesty.

"And you do it better than anyone."

May I have one more day?
I have a friend on his way.

Cheer me up, darling.

I'm getting divorced.
Oh, for Christ's sake.

I'll be honest, love.
It's a real slap in the face.

Right before the baby's born as well.
Jerry's pregnant?

She's not, no. Which is, apparently,
a whole big drama.

You know, Michael, I've had the best
days of my life on this island.

I mean, just look at Basil.

For 40 years he has opened his doors
and invited us into his home.

-My home?
-I only wish
we could repay the hospitality.

Ma'am, your plane is ready.

One more minute, please.

You know, Michael, when I was born,

the nation had prayed for a prince.

I entered the world
as a disappointment

and that is how I shall exit.

At least I was consistent.

With respect, Your Highness...

that's a load of old bollocks.

Well, what was my life, then?

I fell in love with the wrong men.

I drank, I smoked.

I was berated, ridiculed and pitied.

What would you call that, Michael,
if not disappointment?

I call it rock and roll.

You know, they'll give you
your trinket after I go.

Once the press
can't make the connection.

I'll turn it down.

No, you won't.

Goodbye, Michael.

Goodbye, Margaret.

Not now, Basil.

♪ THE ROLLING STONES:
Waiting On A Friend

♪ I'm not waiting on a lady

♪ I'm just waiting on a friend

♪ Mmm, a smile relieves a heart
that grieves

♪ Remember what I said

♪ I'm not waiting on a lady

♪ I'm just waiting on a friend

♪ I'm just waiting on a friend

♪ I'm just waiting on a friend... ♪

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