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1
00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:03,720
The following programme
contains adult humour.
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00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,960
You don't even have the balls
to say the words.
3
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:21,440
-You're pathetic!
-I'm sorry
things didn't work out.
4
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:24,680
Say it, you fraud.
You silver-spoon fed joke.
5
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
Thanks for stopping by, Howard.
Say it.
6
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:30,480
"You're fired. You're fired," say it.
7
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:33,600
You can't even say the words,
-you pussy!
-I'll tell you what.
8
00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,120
Change my kid's diaper on
the way out and I'll make sure
9
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:39,360
your Christmas bonus cheque
doesn't get lost in the mail.
10
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,760
You can't do it. I'll... You'll what?
What, are you gonna sue me?
11
00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:45,640
I have two floors of lawyers
in this building swatting away
12
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,280
bullshit lawsuits like
gnats in a barbecue.
13
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:51,120
Change...the diaper, Howard!
14
00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,640
Hey, take the garbage out
on the way out.
15
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,320
Whoa. Here's my tax returns.
16
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:06,960
(MUSIC - YOU THINK YOU'RE A MAN
BY DIVINE)
17
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,240
Charybdis, can you turn the music up?
18
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,760
(VOLUME INCREASES)
19
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:20,800
All right.
20
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:26,520
I want you to make art
21
00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:28,560
to each other.
22
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,720
I'll be here, filming it.
23
00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:34,800
Here. And...action!
24
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:39,080
♪ Yes, walk away...
25
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,600
Oh?
You're telling me you can make it
26
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,880
♪ On your own...
Goodness gracious!
27
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:48,280
♪ ..all alone without my help
Mister, you just made a big mistake
28
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:52,120
♪ You think you're a man
but you are only a boy
29
00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:55,760
♪ You think you're a man,
you are only a toy... ♪
30
00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:59,600
Hi! (LOWERS VOICE) Oh, hi. Yeah.
31
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:02,760
I've got a bit of celebrity gossip
for the Page Six gang.
32
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:08,040
Are you ready? Donald Trump
is the best golfer in New York.
33
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:11,120
Yeah, you can quote me on that.
Oh, my name?
34
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:13,160
Uh, John...
35
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,560
..Baron. Yeah, the girls
go crazy for him.
36
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,080
They throw their bras at him
on the fairway.
37
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,920
OK, well, there you go,
that's a little story for you.
38
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,960
OK, great. Bye-bye!
39
00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:28,240
Mm! Mm...
40
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:31,360
Reception said Howard was sobbing,
in the lobby.
41
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,080
Yeah, about Howard. Christ, Kay.
42
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:36,200
We can't have these people
in my office.
43
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,600
We let people go over the phone.
Of course.
44
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:41,440
But I thought Howard was safe.
I mean, he was in your wedding.
45
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,720
He clogged up the toilet
at the reception.
46
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,080
No, that was you at
Howard's wedding, sir.
47
00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,720
Ah, I certainly don't
remember it that way,
48
00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,600
but I guess we'll never know.
He's depressing.
49
00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:54,520
Make sure you lose his Christmas
bonus cheque in the mail.
50
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,080
You know, next time you
gotta do something like that,
51
00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,080
for both of your sakes, you should
just rip the band-aid off.
52
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,160
You know, don't count 10, just
dive right into the cold water.
53
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:06,240
No metaphors, what are you saying?
I mean, just get it over with.
54
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:09,040
A simple "you're terminated,"
does the job,
55
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:12,680
doesn't leave any grey area. There's
no point dancing around things.
56
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,600
Speaking of dancing around things,
and I mean tits,
57
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:19,000
just so there's no grey area, when
are we gonna see the cheerleaders?
58
00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:23,280
OK, so most of the press are here...
59
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,920
-Mm!
-So, yeah, as soon as
you finish your hamburgers,
60
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,160
we can head down to the basement.
Basement?!
61
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:31,040
Yeah, we had to move everything
from the lobby to the basement.
62
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:33,480
The TV people said the
noise from the fountain
63
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:36,520
was making it hard to record sound.
And all the gold everywhere
64
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,560
was causing flares
with the lighting.
65
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:41,120
These people have no class!
We gonna have cheerleaders
66
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:44,360
dancing around in a basement?
I didn't even know we had a basement.
67
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,720
Ivana's office is in the basement.
68
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,920
As a matter of fact,
she's down there right now
69
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,640
putting finishing touches on
the cheerleaders' uniforms.
70
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,360
Ooh, swish! Rim job.
71
00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:01,520
"The United States Football League
will play in the summer.
72
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:05,520
"The NFL are small fries, and
we're the whole baked potato,
73
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:07,760
"says franchise owner Donald Trump."
74
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,120
Did you know I did
some paintings for him?
75
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:14,400
He commissioned them for his
big, ugly eyesore skyscraper
76
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:17,880
on Fifth Avenue and I did them.
Eight of them.
77
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:22,200
Black and silver, with
glittering diamond dust.
78
00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:26,280
-Wow!
-Well, he decided
he didn't want them.
79
00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:28,400
He never explained why.
80
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,920
He didn't have the decency
to call me either.
81
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,760
Had one of his minions do it.
82
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:37,120
He never paid me. I suspect
he's cheap, you know.
83
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:38,920
-Vile!
-Hm.
84
00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,360
I would love to give him
a piece of my mind.
85
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,560
It's appalling behaviour.
You should, Andy.
86
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:50,040
Mm. I'll probably just write
something mean about him in my diary.
87
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,240
It just makes so mad, though.
88
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:57,520
Maybe I shouldn't go to
-that thing today.
-So, don't.
89
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,800
He should be so lucky
to have you there.
90
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:02,920
It's just when I go out now,
91
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,680
sometimes I don't even
recognise New York any more.
92
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:12,080
And I worry that New York
doesn't recognise me back.
93
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,680
There will be press there, though.
94
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,600
Right. Go.
95
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:23,320
Do it!
96
00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:27,040
And tell him where he can
stick his stupid skyscraper.
97
00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:28,640
Ah!
98
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:31,880
Ooh! Judges, who do we got?
99
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:34,560
Uh... Um, yeah,
100
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:38,080
so many people were already
booked for other things.
101
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,600
Let's see, we got LeRoy Neiman.
102
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,600
The black guy from Fame?
He's a terrific dancer.
103
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:48,200
Yeah, I think you're thinking
of the character Leroy from Fame.
104
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,240
That's Gene Anthony Ray.
105
00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,720
The guy who shot Martin Luther King?
He's here?
106
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:58,280
-So, we got LeRoy Neiman.
-Spock?
No, that's Leonard Nimoy.
107
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,560
I'm talking about the artist.
108
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:04,640
He's done a lot of work for Hefner.
Ooh, Hef! He's here?
109
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,800
No. We got Beverly Sills!
110
00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:11,120
From the Beverly Sillsbillies?
What? No!
111
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:13,640
-The opera singer.
-What has
this gotta with football?
112
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:16,560
You wanted Farrah Fawcett.
What's she got to do with football?
113
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:20,560
Hello? Hamburgers,
titty-titty tatas?
114
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,920
America, you know!
115
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:26,960
OK, one person from your list
was available and said yes.
116
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:31,720
-Andy Warhol.
-Andy? Oh,
you know what he said once?
117
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:36,560
-I do.
-He said that
making money is art,
118
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:40,360
and working as art... Yeah.
Good business is the best art.
119
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,400
-Yeah.
-That's an actual
Andy Warhol quote.
120
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:48,120
I mean, smart guy. Weird guy,
total queer, but a smart guy.
121
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:50,920
All set?
122
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:57,200
Oh?
123
00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,240
Wonderful!
124
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,120
(CAMERA CLICKS)
125
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,440
Taxi?
126
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,320
Really incredible.
127
00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:19,640
It was the best Match Game
I've seen yet.
128
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:22,560
Charles Nelson Reilly,
that guy is so funny!
129
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:26,120
He made this great joke.
You don't watch Match Game?
130
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:30,360
No, I don't know...
Over Bridges of Sighs
131
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:35,440
♪ To rest my eyes in shades of green
132
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:38,920
♪ Under Dreaming Spires
133
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:42,040
♪ To Itchycoo Park,
that's where I've been
134
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,680
♪ What did you do there?
I got high!
135
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:49,360
♪ What did you feel there?
Well, I cried!
136
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:53,960
♪ But why the tears there?
Tell you why-yyyyy!
137
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:57,040
♪ It's all too beautiful
138
00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:00,880
♪ It's all too beautiful
139
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:04,560
♪ It's all too beautiful
140
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,280
♪ It's all too beautiful
141
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,960
♪ It's all too beautiful
142
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,960
♪ It's all too beautiful...
143
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,080
Ladies and gentlemen, the owner
of the New Jersey Generals,
144
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:21,120
Mr Donald J Trump.
145
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,640
I should introduce
myself to the girls.
146
00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,440
In case they're nervous.
Which way's their dressing room?
147
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,840
Ivana is actually in the
dressing room at the moment,
148
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,960
just putting finishing touches on
-their outfits.
-What a cock block!
149
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,080
-Is that you?
-Just this way, sir.
150
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:42,200
-Mr Trump?Jimmy.
-I would
like you to meet LeRoy Neiman!
151
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,680
May the force be with you.
152
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,960
-I'm sorry?
-Is that not you?
153
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,360
Um, Beverly Sills.
154
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:53,440
Oh, boy. Did they tell you
that I love the opera?
155
00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,440
Ironically, I have a
no fat chicks policy,
156
00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:59,080
so I usually leave before the end.
157
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,280
It's a joke! I really
do love the opera.
158
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:06,400
Beverly, this is my wife, Ivana.
159
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,680
-Hi.
-She just finished
tailoring all the outfits
160
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:12,360
for the cheerleaders today.
Which I realise now,
161
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,520
is a clever way of
keeping all of them
162
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,760
from hitting on a
happily-married man.
163
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,800
Am I right?
164
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,960
-Wait, where's Warhol?
-Good question,
165
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,120
he should've been here
half an hour ago.
166
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:25,600
Don't bend me over
today, Andy. Christ!
167
00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:30,120
♪ I would like to climb
High in a tree
168
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:33,800
♪ I could be happy, I could be happy
169
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:37,600
♪ Or go to Skye
On my holiday
170
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:41,000
♪ I could be happy, I could be happy
171
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:44,840
♪ Maybe swim a mile
Down the Nile
172
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:48,480
♪ I could be happy,
I could be happy...
173
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,840
(MUSIC CONTINUES IN THE BACKGROUND)
174
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,360
(CHATTER)
175
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:05,280
You know, Steven Spielberg has
an apartment in this building?
176
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,840
No shit. You wanna meet him?
177
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,480
You could be in one of his pictures,
like I don't know,
178
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:14,440
ET, or the other one.
I can totally arrange it.
179
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,240
Cheri, Susie, come on over!
180
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,800
Mr Trump, uh, I'm told
Mr Warhol is stuck in traffic
181
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:24,360
and will be here shortly. Now, I am
thinking we should get cracking.
182
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:31,400
Oh! No, yeah.
183
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:34,640
OK, gang. Let's get started.
184
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:40,120
And find that little peroxided
freak! Find out where he is.
185
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,800
The boss is gonna fill his diapers
if Warhol is a no-show.
186
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,840
All right. OK, on it.
187
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:50,200
All right. Danny,
let's hit the lights!
188
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:54,720
All right, just a reminder, we
are looking for the best answers
189
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:57,240
New York has to offer.
The best of the best.
190
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:01,640
Psst! More like "the breast
of the breast," am I right?
191
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:05,920
Wait till you see the cans
on the redhead. Ooh, boy!
192
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:10,440
Oh, will you relax?
It's a joke, First Amendment.
193
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,960
All right, let's get started.
194
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:16,760
Our first cheerleader,
from Passaic, New Jersey,
195
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,360
it's Susie Baraff!
196
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:22,160
♪ Are you ready for the pony girls?
197
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:26,480
♪ The ride, ride, fast,
ride, pony girls?
198
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,080
♪ Are you ready for
-the lonely girls?
-Next!
199
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:32,200
From Rehoboth Beach,
Delaware, Sandra Hayes.
200
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:37,240
♪ They've got time on their hands...
201
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:40,200
Are they all...?All what?
202
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:41,680
Uh...
203
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:46,560
Are they all going to
dance the same way?
204
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:50,400
I mean, couldn't some of them
dance the tango or something?
205
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,800
LemRay? Thoughts?
206
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,520
No? OK, let's keep going.
207
00:11:56,560 --> 00:12:00,600
Next. From right here in
New York City, it's Courtney Booker.
208
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,280
Ooh!
209
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,720
♪ Are you ready for the sex girls?
210
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:10,160
♪ No-one is ready for the sex girls!
211
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,800
♪ Are you ready for the sex girls?
I like that one!
212
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:15,680
♪ No-one is ready for... ♪
213
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,360
Mr Warhol?
214
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,160
We've been waiting
for you downstairs.
215
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,760
My pieces are better
than this stuff.
216
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:43,240
Mr Trump will be so pleased
you're here, Mr Warhol.
217
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,760
-Andy.
-Andy.
218
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,400
Yes?
219
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:52,240
Uh, we, we should...
We should really go downstairs.
220
00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:54,920
You know, he asked me
to do some work.
221
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,680
We really better get going.
If you just...
222
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:01,120
♪ Hello!
223
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:04,880
♪ Hello again!
224
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,760
♪ Hello!
225
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:10,840
♪ Hello again!
226
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:29,400
♪ You might have forgot
The journey ends
227
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,960
♪ You tied your knots
You made your friends
228
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:36,760
♪ You left the scene
Without a trace
229
00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:40,320
♪ One hand on the ground
One hand in space...
230
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,200
Oh. That's a no for you.
231
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,240
(MUSIC STOPS)
Andy?
232
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,600
Andy Warhol is here, everybody.
Let's take five.
233
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,720
Andy, where the hell have you been?
I mean, you're later than a...
234
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,280
Well, I was gonna make
a Puerto Rican joke, but A,
235
00:13:56,320 --> 00:14:00,560
I'm not 100% certain about that guy,
and B, I'm just happy you're here.
236
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,880
-Hello, Donald.
-Uh, can I
get you something to drink?
237
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:08,880
Well, coffee's gone, but we have an
incredible new soft drink called Tab.
238
00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,440
Now, full disclosure, it's warm.
239
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,440
I could get you something else.
Then we have to send a girl out,
240
00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,320
-and it gets expensive.
-I'm fine.
Thank you, Donald.
241
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:20,400
You remember Beverly,
and Lemurn, right?
242
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,880
Of course. Beverly, saw you the
other week with Shirley MacLaine,
243
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:26,840
-Waldorf Towers.
-I told you
the sports world
244
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:29,360
wasn't done with you yet, Andy.
(CHUCKLES)
245
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,360
We had a joint exhibition
of sports paintings at the
246
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,280
Institute Of Contemporary Art
in LA couple of years back
247
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:38,600
for a guy called Richard Weisman.
Yes. As I recall,
248
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:41,600
that was a scenario where we
were both commissioned and paid
249
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:44,000
for our work, wasn't it?
You bet it was.
250
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:47,320
Bought me a Cadillac, to start with.
You know what Andy said once?
251
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:51,560
-What's that?
-Andy said that making
money is art, working is art,
252
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,920
good business is the best art.
Isn't that brilliant?
253
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,440
So, I'm an artist, too.
Andy paints groceries,
254
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,840
and I make millions. Am I right?
255
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:04,920
I'm gonna grab a sandwich.
256
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:10,600
Actually, I would love to talk
to you about a little thing.
257
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:13,400
As I'm sure you recall...
Sorry to interrupt.
258
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:16,080
I have a photographer here
from The New York Post
259
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,640
who would just love to get
a photo of the two of you.
260
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,880
Yeah, well, send him over.
It's a her, actually,
261
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,880
-and she's right here.
-Mm.
Mr Warhol, Mr Trump,
262
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:27,960
this is Agnieszka Kowalovic
from The New York Post.
263
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,600
What's your name again?
It's Agnieszka.
264
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:35,080
-Oh, well, gesundheit.
-It is a huge
honour to meet you, Mr Warhol.
265
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,640
-Oh, I like your camera.
-Thank you.
266
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:40,200
Hello, Donald.
Please, call me Donald.
267
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,360
(KISSES HAND) How do you do?
268
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,880
Ah, now your name, let me guess?
Mexican?
269
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:48,160
-I'm from Poland.
-Oh, I got
a great Polish joke for you.
270
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,920
No, no!
271
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:53,600
Uh, Andy and I are no
strangers to your pages.
272
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:57,040
But I got the hat-trick. I'm on
the front page three times a week
273
00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:01,280
for my businesses, I'm on page 6
three times a day for my social life,
274
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:05,120
and now I'm all over your back page
with my football team.
275
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,760
Um...?
276
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:14,920
Patricia, are you married?
It's Agnieszka.
277
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:17,240
-Now?
-Sorry to but in, guys.
278
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,480
We only got a couple
more girls to dance.
279
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,080
We want to wrap this thing up?
Christ, I never thought
280
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,840
in a million years I'd get tired
of tits bouncing in Lycra.
281
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:26,880
This is taking forever!
282
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,480
I have to leave now, sorry.
I have nausea.
283
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,560
Agnausea? I'd love to
take you to dinner.
284
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:35,080
I always have time for my friends
at The New York Post.
285
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,600
-I can have Kay set it up.
-Please, no.
286
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:40,880
No, you please no. You're delightful.
287
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:42,400
Oh.
288
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,240
Donald, I really need
to ask you something.
289
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:50,280
Yeah, if she went up two cup sizes,
she'd be an 8.
290
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,280
What?
291
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,560
Patrish-nish, the photographer!
292
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,440
Earth to Andy. Come in, Andy!
293
00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,880
Exactly how much of this
space cadet stuff is schtick.
294
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,920
You little kook!
295
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,800
(SIGHS)
296
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:13,160
Oh, what about her? She'd be good!
297
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,920
Uh, can someone get Andy his glasses?
298
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:21,280
-What's your name?
-It's Phyllis.
You'd make a great cheerleader.
299
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,960
Actually, I have a prosthetic leg.
300
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,160
Then, make that head cheerleader!
301
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:30,160
You're looking to break ground
with this football league, right?
302
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:32,480
-Isn't that the idea?
-Andy, buddy,
303
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:35,120
cheerleaders are supposed
to get people excited.
304
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,760
-No offence.
-Who wants a boring 10?
305
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,840
Such a dull number.
306
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:45,640
Beauty has such a very close
relationship with pain, you know?
307
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:50,200
Don't get me wrong, ladies.
Your dancing is out of this world,
308
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:55,880
but I'd like to try to find out
what really pushes your buttons.
309
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,240
May I talk to the cheerleaders?
310
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,880
-Press really love this shit.
-Yeah.
311
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,040
All right. Line up, ladies.
312
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:08,880
Oh, boy.
313
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,360
OK, you with the perm.
314
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:16,360
If you had to choose between never
speaking to your mother again
315
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:20,720
or never watching TV again,
what would you choose?
316
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:22,880
Um, bye, Mom.
317
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,640
Nothing comes between me
and my Falcon crest!
318
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:29,320
(LAUGHS) You, with
the blue eye shadow.
319
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:35,440
Which animal do you genuinely find
the most sexually attractive?
320
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,760
Are we not gonna get to dance?
321
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,760
All right. Leg warmers here.
322
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,680
If you woke up one morning
and you were the mayor,
323
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:48,920
what's the first law you would pass?
324
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,760
I would give the death penalty to
men who leave the toilet seat up.
325
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,800
Wow!(LAUGHTER)
326
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:59,160
OK, ladies, I think we've seen
everything we need to see.
327
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,320
We'll be in touch. Lights!
328
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:05,720
You are one sick puppy, Andy.
329
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:07,880
An absolute nutbag!
330
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:11,240
So, thanks for coming down.
I actually do have something
331
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,240
I've been meaning to talk to you
-about.
-Yeah, you mentioned that.
332
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:17,640
I'll have Kay set up a call.
I got a million things going on,
333
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:21,200
and I got this new project.
Donald... I'm gonna negotiate peace
334
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:24,760
with the Soviets, and I'm gonna
stop a nuclear war from happening.
335
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,920
My lawyer says I can do it,
and he's a smart guy.
336
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,960
(CLEARS THROAT)
Thanks for having us.
337
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,320
When will we know which
cheerleaders get selected?
338
00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:35,320
Oh, Christ, we picked them months
ago. This is just for show!
339
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:38,800
I have the daughters of a couple
of friends I owe a favour to,
340
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,440
and then a few of
my executives' nieces,
341
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,920
and then at least one ex-girlfriend
who I wanna keep on my good side.
342
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,160
You know what I mean?!
343
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,600
This will only take
a minute, Donald.
344
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:52,400
Actually, I have dinner at
Delmonico's and I'm running late,
345
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,680
and I don't wanna be a white guy
downtown after dark, you know?
346
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:59,520
Sitting duck.
I, I just have one question.
347
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:04,080
-Christ, what?
-Why didn't
you pay me for my paintings?
348
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,720
Oh, well, if I remember...
349
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:12,120
Uh, I wonder if it
was miscommunication.
350
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:16,200
Uh, Ivana, honey? Do you remember?
351
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:21,440
OK, well, I'll look into it. Because
I'm just as confused as you are.
352
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:24,840
I would appreciate the truth.
And you deserve it, you deserve it.
353
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:29,440
It's just that I'm wracking my brain,
to try to figure out what happened.
354
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:33,720
-You know.
-Answer me, Donald.
Why didn't you pay me?
355
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:37,280
You didn't even have the decency
to call me yourself
356
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,720
and tell me you didn't want them.
-Come on.
-You had an underling do it.
357
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:44,320
You know that I deserve... You wanna
know why I didn't buy your paintings?
358
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,920
Because I fucking hated them!
(OTHERS GASP)
359
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:54,360
Thank you.
360
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,560
Maybe it's all for best.
361
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,760
Art is what you can
get away with, isn't it?
362
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:04,200
Well, I mean, I know art.
363
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:07,560
I'm an artist, too! You should
know that more than anybody.
364
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,600
Good business is the best art!
365
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,320
♪ I could be right
366
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,080
♪ Could be wrong...
367
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:24,200
'January 15th, 1984.
368
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,440
'The papers are going
to write a little column
369
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,640
'about the cheerleader auditions
today. They're going to leave out
370
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,680
'the part about how Donald Trump
is cheap and rude,
371
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,720
'and about how I gave him
a piece of my mind,
372
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,560
'and about how he's a dull bore.
373
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:42,120
'But it wouldn't even matter
if they did put that stuff in.
374
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,360
'Donald Trump knows that.
375
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,880
'It's one thing to have the papers
write bad stuff about you.
376
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,960
'What you really have to worry about
377
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,000
'is if they stop writing
any stuff at all.
378
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,040
'Can you imagine?'
379
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,120
♪ ..I could be right
380
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,800
♪ I could be wrong
381
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,320
♪ I could be right
382
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:10,000
♪ I could be wrong, I could be right
383
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,760
♪ I could be black, I could be white
384
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,520
♪ I could be right, I could be wrong
385
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,160
♪ I could be black, I could be white
386
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,000
♪ Your time has come,
your second skin
387
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,760
♪ The cost so high, the gain so low
388
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,360
♪ Walk through the valley
389
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,040
♪ The written word is a lie
390
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:39,920
♪ May the road rise with you
391
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,400
♪ I could be wrong
392
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,840
♪ I could be right... ♪
393
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,880
Subtitles by Deluxe
394
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,600
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