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00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:06,000
This programme contains very strong
language from the outset and
throughout.
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00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,720
♪ Thank You For Being A Friend
3
00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:25,920
Ooh, I LOVE this!
4
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:29,880
Of course...you know WHY we love
-this show so much, don't you?
-Hm...
5
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:31,960
WE'RE the Golden Girls.
6
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:34,680
Old dears!
Old?!
7
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,040
Hanging out together.
8
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,240
Lonely!
Speak for your bloody self, dear.
9
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,880
I'm Rose, of course -
sweet and kind.
10
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:43,640
Incredibly annoying.
11
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,040
You're Sophia.
Why the bloody hell am I Sophia?
12
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,400
She's 4ft tall and 90!
13
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,440
But she does go like a bloody train.
14
00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:53,120
Ooh!
(PEALS OF LAUGHTER)
15
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:55,000
(GIGGLES)
My God!
16
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,600
Diana, you're Blanche cos she...
17
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,720
Dirty bitch!
(GIGGLES)
18
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,760
I mean, honestly, I expect
that sort of behaviour of this one,
19
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:05,240
but YOU - a princess.
20
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:08,520
Oh, listen, boys, just tonight,
21
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,880
I'd just awfully like
to NOT be a princess.
22
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,520
What would you rather be -
23
00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:14,240
a plasterer?
(GUFFAWS)
24
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,360
Get the fucking drinks in, love!
(LAUGHS)
25
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,160
Much better.
26
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,000
Yah.
27
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:23,560
Oh, Ken, where's the bell
for your butler?
28
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,320
Oh, isn't she funny?
29
00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,320
(GIGGLES)
30
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:28,720
Ladies and gentlemen,
31
00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,960
the Princess of Wales!
Sod off, Ken.
32
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,960
(DOOR BUZZER)
33
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,000
(HUMS CHEERFULLY)
34
00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,920
(SILLY VOICE) Hello!
MAN: Taxi, Mr Everett.
35
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:42,640
Oh. Where are we going?
36
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,720
Oh...
37
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:47,360
No, we'd booked it
before you came over.
38
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:50,120
It's OK. I'll just cancel.
No, you bloody won't!
39
00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,520
I'm not going to get fucked
sitting here, am I?
40
00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,920
Well, if anyone can
conjure a dick out of thin air,
41
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,160
it's you.
(GIGGLES)
42
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,960
(DOOR BUZZER)
43
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,120
(DOOR BUZZER)
You SHALL go the ball, Ken, my dear.
44
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:04,880
There's two of us.
45
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,160
It's not that
we don't want you to come,
46
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:09,360
but it's...erm...
47
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:11,600
Honestly, you wouldn't like it.
Why not?
48
00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:13,640
Awful place.
49
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,720
Very rough, very dark.
50
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,760
Full of big sweaty, horrible men.
51
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,080
So why are YOU going?
52
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,120
Big sweaty, horrible men!
53
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,600
Sounds jolly nice, actually.
54
00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:27,160
Honestly, it definitely
ain't the Ritz, darling.
55
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,040
It's OK.
56
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,040
I understand.
57
00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,080
Oh, for goodness' sake,
why can't she come?
58
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,040
Let the girl have some fun.
59
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,240
Oh, yes, Fred, very clever (!)
60
00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:39,480
I can just see tomorrow's headlines.
61
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:43,120
'Princess of Wales
pictured in gay club.
62
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:44,840
Off her head on poppers.'
63
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,600
What if they don't know it's HER?
64
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,320
Freddie...
65
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:53,560
I can't walk to Marks
without 40 people shouting,
66
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:55,840
'It's all
in the best possible taste!'
67
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:57,840
I bet you've only got
to open your window
68
00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:59,840
before people
start giving it all that:
69
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,840
♪ I see a little silhouetto of a man
70
00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:03,600
Fuck off.
Scaramouch!
71
00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:06,080
My point is...darling,
72
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:10,320
how on earth are we going to smuggle
the most famous woman in the world
73
00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:14,080
into the maddest gay bar in London
without anyone knowing it's her?
74
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,400
I think we should just stay in.
75
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:19,000
Don't be such a boring old pouf.
76
00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:22,000
Come on, dear,
the bloody suspense is killing us.
77
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,520
Well, what do you think?
78
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,440
Well...
79
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,880
I prefer 'em
a little butcher myself,
80
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:37,600
but...
81
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,680
you do make an awfully pretty boy.
82
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,400
Now try the voice.
83
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,920
I'm Jeremy.
84
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,960
Pleased to meet yer.
85
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,120
Is that Northern?
Try another one.
86
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,160
(FAKE COCKNEY) All right?
87
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:53,000
Ain't you a lovely-lookin' fella?
88
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,040
Oh, if I were you, I'd stay quiet.
89
00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:57,080
Let's go.
Ooh!
90
00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,000
Isn't this jolly fun?
91
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,880
(CHUCKLES)
92
00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:04,600
What?
Oh, no, I was just wondering
93
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,240
if maybe we should dress down
a little too, you know?
94
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:10,280
I don't think you could, dear.
You look like Ena fucking Sharples.
95
00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,160
Thanks, Fred (!)
96
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,440
No, I mean,
so we don't attract attention.
97
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,680
Oh, well,
I think the more attention on US
98
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,720
the less attention on HER, don't you?
99
00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,840
And I do find
things happen much quicker
100
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,880
when people know I'm Freddie Mercury.
101
00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:24,800
Well,
that's fine if you just want...
102
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,520
you know?
103
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,160
Well, I do and... I do.
104
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:31,840
Well, I don't.
105
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,720
(MELODRAMATICALLY) I'm lonely, Fred.
106
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,640
You can say it in your normal voice,
you know?
107
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,440
I'm lonely.
How long do I have to wait, boys?
108
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,160
Coming, dear.
109
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,560
Well, if you don't want
to be Kenny Everett,
110
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,400
put this on, pull it down...
111
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,320
Perfect.
112
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,680
'Who's that mystery man?'
they'll say.
113
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,520
Ena fucking Sharples...
114
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,560
in a hat.
115
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,240
Thank you, by the way.
116
00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:04,160
It's honestly so nice
to be out having a normal night.
117
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:05,880
Normal?!
Normal?
118
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:07,560
Normal? Sorry.
119
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,160
Well, if this is normal, my dear,
120
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,320
what on earth must the bloody Palace
be like?
121
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:14,520
Oh, it's mental. You saw
It's A Royal Knockout, didn't you?
122
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:17,240
They're like that all the time.
Fucking awful.
123
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,960
It's like being on the Moon.
124
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,680
She's drunk!
125
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,440
Well, that's what I always thought.
126
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:27,480
It just feels
awfully remote and silent.
127
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,160
And then I get wheeled out -
128
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,760
the Princess - at some function,
129
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,600
and everybody stops and turns
130
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,800
and waits to hear
what I've got to say, and...
131
00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:41,160
well, I've been doing nothing.
132
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:42,920
Just...
133
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,480
on the Moon.
134
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,520
So what am I going to say?
135
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,560
(SILLY VOICE) Moon was nice.
136
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,160
Moon was lovely,
very peaceful this time of year.
137
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:53,760
(CHUCKLES)
138
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,520
Well, anyway, thank you ever so.
139
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,760
Ooh, we're a right bloody bunch,
we are.
140
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:02,920
Well, here's to a normal night.
141
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,800
♪ La-la-la la-la-la-la
142
00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:09,600
♪ La-la la-la-la la-la la-la-la-la
143
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,680
♪ La-la la-la-la-la
144
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,760
♪ La-la la-la-la la-la la-la-la-la
145
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,600
♪ La-la-la
146
00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,640
(CHEERING AND WHISTLING)
147
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,560
♪ MY name is MacNamara,
I'm the leader of the band
148
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,480
It's only a Wednesday, darling.
149
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,520
You should see it on a Saturday.
150
00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:30,560
Just play it cool, OK? Come on.
151
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,320
Sorry!
152
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,760
Well, it's awfully bloody dark
in these glasses.
153
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,800
For goodness' sake, stop it.
154
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,040
Are you sure
someone won't recognise me?
155
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:47,360
♪ Ooh, and Henessee Tennessee
tootles the flute
156
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,000
♪ My word, 'tis something grand
157
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,680
Hey!
Hello, dear.
158
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,560
♪ Is MacNamara's band
159
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,600
Evening.
La-la la-la-la-la
160
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:58,360
♪ La-la la-la-la la-la la-la-la-la
Who's this?
161
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,320
Your boyfriend?
162
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,640
Something like that.
163
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:08,040
Kenny, I need the lavatory.
Is there a loo?
164
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,680
♪ Whenever an election's on
165
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,640
♪ We play on either side
166
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,680
♪ The way we play our fine old airs
167
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,720
♪ Fills Irish hearts with pride
168
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:22,400
♪ Oh, if poor Tom Moore was living
now, he'd make you understand
169
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,880
Thank you.
170
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,960
I almost think
she's bloody gone and done it!
171
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,880
Yes, but where's Di, dear?
172
00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,840
She's just here.
173
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:34,520
Oh, fuck!
174
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:37,240
♪ Ooh, and Henessee Tennessee
tootles the flute
175
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,400
♪ My word, 'tis something grand
176
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:42,680
♪ A credit to old Ireland, boys,
is MacNamara's band
177
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,720
♪ La-la-la
178
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:46,720
♪ La-la la-la
179
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:49,880
♪ La-la la-la-la-la la-la-la
180
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:51,640
♪ La-la la-la
181
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,800
♪ La-la la-la-la
182
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,360
♪ La-la la-la-la-la la-la-la
183
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,160
Ken!
184
00:07:58,200 --> 00:07:59,960
Kenny, I really...
185
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,680
(WHISTLING)
186
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,840
♪ La-la la-la-la-la la-la-la
187
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,880
(MURMURS)
188
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,400
♪ La-la la-la-la-la
189
00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:11,280
♪ La-la la-la-la-la la-la-la
190
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,760
♪ La-la-la
191
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:15,520
♪ La-la la la-la-la
192
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:19,360
What do you mean, she's gone?
Well, you know how she was here?!
193
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:23,720
(GASPS) Oh, my God, Freddie,
we've lost the Princess of Wales!
194
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,880
♪ La-la la-la-la-la la-la-la
195
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,600
♪ La-la-la! ♪
196
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:38,960
(DANCE MUSIC AND CHATTER)
197
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,000
Sorry, busy.
198
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:08,240
Well, go and find her.
Why me?
199
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,440
Because this whole stupid thing
was your idea.
200
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,480
But you're in disguise.
201
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,720
Bi-atch!
202
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,720
How did it go?
Killed it.
203
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,160
Showtime, motherfuckers!
204
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,200
I am coming to get you!
205
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:32,880
(DOOR SHUTS)
206
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,280
(TOILET FLUSHING)
207
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,360
(GROANS)
208
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,320
(Oh, come on, you bastard.)
209
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,680
Careful, darling, no wig.
210
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,120
I'm sorry. I'm ever so sorry.
211
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,000
I... (DEEPENS VOICE) I'm sorry.
212
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,880
(GULPS)
No, you're all right.
213
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,720
At least you flushed!
(POLITE LAUGH)
214
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,480
Put your hand back.
215
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,680
(GASPS) Oh, Je...
216
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,720
Jesus Christ.
217
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:07,600
It's... It's YOU?
218
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,760
Er...yeah.
219
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,480
I suppose it is.
220
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,200
Oh...
Well, I should probably...
221
00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,800
My friends will...
Yeah.
222
00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:18,880
Unless you want a hand
with your dress.
223
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,680
Oh, no,
I don't like people seeing... Yeah.
224
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,800
No, honestly...
It's really no bother.
225
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,640
I...
226
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:27,920
I'm not looking my best.
227
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,760
I don't mind.
Really?
228
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,600
Of course I don't.
229
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,800
I'm sorry about my skin. It's...
230
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:40,040
It's fine.
231
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,080
What about your friends?
232
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,400
Oh, well,
they'll be all right for a minute.
233
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,880
Probably
haven't even noticed I've gone.
234
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,920
Where the fuck is she?
235
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,960
Excuse me.
236
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,200
I don't suppose...
What's that, mate?
237
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,520
Oh, I was just wondering if...
238
00:10:57,560 --> 00:11:00,400
It's too loud.
You're gonna have to...
239
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:03,120
What did you say, mate?
Are you looking for someone?
240
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,160
I was.
241
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,200
I am, actually.
242
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,240
What's YOUR name?
243
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,440
Tony. What's yours?
244
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,200
Now, that would be telling,
wouldn't it?
245
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,440
Well, I bet you're wishing
I'd kept my dress on now.
246
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,880
(LAUGHS)
247
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:27,200
Sorry.
248
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,000
(CHUCKLES) For what?
249
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,280
I... (SPLUTTERS)
250
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:33,520
I go round town
with four jumpers on.
251
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,600
No-one's ever seen the state of me.
252
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,360
Nobody except, well,
253
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,120
Princess bloody Diana!
254
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:40,440
(SYMPATHETIC LAUGH)
255
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:43,800
What's with the...
Oh. I...
256
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:47,240
I thought I might try and blend in
for once, have a normal night.
257
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,520
Normal? Feel like I'm tripping!
258
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,680
Mm.
259
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:56,120
You know,
I watched it over and over.
260
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,800
The wedding.
Oh.
261
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:00,960
I thought
it was the most beautiful thing.
262
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,160
YOU were the most beautiful thing.
263
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,080
If I'd known then that you...
264
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:08,200
well, there would've been
a million things
265
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,920
I would have wanted to ask you.
266
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:12,000
Oh, well...
267
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,880
I never really have
anything interesting to say.
268
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,640
It doesn't matter.
269
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:18,680
I can't think of anything to ask.
270
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,840
(SIGHS)
271
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,920
Not now anyway.
272
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,400
(SOBS SOFTLY)
273
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,440
Sorry.
274
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,360
It's OK.
I know. (SNIFFS)
275
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,120
I just...
276
00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:40,880
I don't cry.
277
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,440
(SIGHS)
278
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,120
I wish you'd seen me before.
279
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:57,120
Not that you'd have any...reason to.
280
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,160
I just...
281
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,760
I was...
282
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,480
Jesus, I was gorgeous.
283
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,120
I'm on the Town Planning Committee
of the council.
284
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,840
Fascinating.
And what is it you do?
285
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,680
Oh...
286
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,520
You know, boring.
287
00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:22,560
Tell me more about YOU.
288
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:26,360
What are you doing?
289
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,160
We have lost Princess bloody Diana.
290
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,200
(Oh, don't panic, Fred.)
291
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:31,920
He doesn't recognise me.
292
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:33,680
He was just talking to me.
293
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,520
About what?
Town planning.
294
00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:38,240
Ooh!
295
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,720
Oh, you don't get it.
There's no catchphrases.
296
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,720
No 'In the best possible taste!'
297
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,120
Lovely!
298
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,160
Hi, Freddie.
299
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,040
Hello, darling.
300
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:50,600
(CHUCKLES)
301
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,840
I know
this isn't like the done thing,
302
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:55,760
but can I just say
I'm a massive fan?
303
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,720
Can I buy you a drink?
What are you doing?
304
00:13:57,760 --> 00:13:59,480
We were just talking.
Oh.
305
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,320
Yeah,
it's nice to meet you and that,
306
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:03,680
but, well, this is Freddie Mercury.
307
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,680
And I'm...
308
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:09,440
Kenny Everett!
309
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,160
Off the telly?
310
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,600
Oh, I don't...
I'm not much for the telly.
311
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,440
I've got a bit of gear
if you'd rather.
312
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,840
Oh, go on. Why the hell not?
Where do you want to...
313
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:23,080
Cupid Stunt?
You'll have seen Cupid Stunt.
314
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,080
What about the table?
Too sticky.
315
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,560
It's a joke.
What about the loo?
316
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:29,600
It's always bloody busy in there.
Come on, Sid Snot?
317
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:32,440
'Hello, lads, it's Snot here.'
318
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,120
There must be somewhere else
flat and clean?
319
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,240
Honestly, like that...
320
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:44,240
the whole world's turned
inside out and upside down.
321
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,360
But this illness is...
322
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,680
We've got so much
we want to tell people,
323
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:52,760
but no fucker wants to listen.
324
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,040
What?
No, it's just...
325
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,360
..well,
I've got absolutely nothing to say,
326
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,440
and everybody wants to listen.
327
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:07,480
It's all in the best possible taste!
328
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,640
Freddie, what are we doing?
329
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:11,400
This is ridiculous.
330
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,120
I know. It's so wrinkly and sweaty,
331
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,880
it's not happening at all.
332
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:16,600
No.
333
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,480
Freddie, dear,
we've lost our friend, you know,
334
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:24,520
who also just happens to be
the most famous woman in the world
335
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:26,840
in this packed, rowdiest,
punk gay bar.
336
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:29,640
We need to find her, and we're
not going to be able to do that
337
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:32,440
unless we stop attracting
bloody attention to ourselves.
338
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:34,880
Now, let's get a move on.
I wonder how keen you'd be
339
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:38,880
to get a move on if YOU
were getting all the attention.
340
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:40,760
I could get him if I wanted him,
you know?
341
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:42,600
I don't, but I could, if I did.
342
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,640
Excuse me, Kenny.
343
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,160
Yes?
344
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,240
Oh, no. Excuse me, Kenny.
345
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,760
So, Freddie,
can I give you a call some time?
346
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,120
(MUTTERS)
347
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,360
Come here!
348
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,160
Bitch!
349
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,920
Slut!
350
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:07,320
I've seen things
in these last few years.
351
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,080
Amazing things.
352
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,000
Guys nursing their blokes -
353
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,920
reading to them, singing to them,
354
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,960
feeding them,
355
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,040
cleaning the shit off of them,
356
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,080
holding them while they die.
357
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,120
I did it.
358
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,080
When I first met him -
359
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,600
Terry - he was...
360
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:31,440
well, something else.
361
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,160
Big bloke, you know?
362
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,160
Took care of himself.
363
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,760
Legs like...
(CHUCKLES)
364
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,400
Not in the end, more like...
365
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,560
I know!
366
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,280
'Peepee.'
367
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,520
(BITTER LAUGH)
368
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:48,560
Those were his last words.
369
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,520
All of a sudden, he had this
panicked little look on his face
370
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,600
because
he didn't want to mess himself.
371
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:56,760
Like a little boy
he was, in the end.
372
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,760
'Peepee.'
He always said 'piss', you know?
373
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,800
'Wazz' sometimes, but...
374
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:06,360
He was lucky to have you.
375
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,360
He was,
376
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,280
cos it was OK
for him to be a little boy.
377
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,440
Weak and helpless
378
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:17,000
because he had someone who knew...
379
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:19,360
who really knew
380
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:21,440
how brave and how strong he was.
381
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,280
And now I need to go back home
382
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,400
cos he went first.
383
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,640
I need to go back
to my mum and dad...
384
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:35,000
..and I'll be thin
and I'll go blind
385
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,960
and I'll look anything
but fucking brave and strong,
386
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,280
and they'll watch me fade away
387
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,080
and they'll think it's...
388
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:44,720
all my fault.
389
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,320
Wages of sin and all that,
390
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:49,120
and they won't know
391
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,360
and they'll try and remember
the better times,
392
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,200
before I got sick.
393
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,160
They'll remember the old me...
394
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:59,960
the sad, unhappy...little me.
395
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,560
Cos they never knew the happy me,
396
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,680
down here, or the brave me.
397
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,720
No-one's going to remember that me.
398
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:13,480
Cos there'll be no-one left.
No-one that cared.
399
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:17,080
No-one that was here. You know?
400
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,040
I don't know that I understand.
401
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,000
Oh, sweetheart.
402
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:26,560
There are so many of us,
going or gone.
403
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:30,000
Half of them out there. More.
404
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,240
All of us - sometimes -
it feels like.
405
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,840
I know.
406
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,200
It doesn't look like it, does it?
407
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:40,560
All cheering
and dancing and fucking.
408
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,000
No.
409
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,200
Why are they all dancing?
410
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:48,640
What else are we gonna do?
411
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,920
Lived our whole lives - most of us -
412
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,200
alone, different.
413
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,280
I'm not different.
414
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,320
Wrong?
415
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,880
And then we...
We find a place like this.
416
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:06,000
And it all finally makes sense.
417
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,400
And maybe
we don't want them to take it away.
418
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,400
Maybe we just want to feel normal.
419
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,440
In here...
420
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,480
for a night.
421
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,760
That's all I want.
422
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:24,840
That's all?
423
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:27,000
Oh, that and my bloody health
424
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,120
and a million pounds and a shag,
425
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,120
but...you know,
426
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,760
you don't see many people
climbing around me these days
427
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,440
looking for some action. (SCOFFS)
428
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,400
Or even a fucking hug or a kiss.
429
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,160
Yeah. I meant off a bloke.
430
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:48,800
Oh! (LAUGHS)
431
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,000
You know I'm gay, right?
432
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,480
Yes, darling, I had realised.
433
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:57,800
But thanks.
434
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,440
(HUBBUB)
435
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:13,400
There you are. We thought
you'd been kidnapped by anarchists.
436
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,480
(LAUGHS) So...
437
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,440
THESE are your friends?
438
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:19,920
Yes.
439
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,920
How's that normal night
working for you?(CHUCKLES)
440
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,880
Shall we make a move?
Yes.
441
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,800
Erm...but before that,
442
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,880
could we not have a little dance?
443
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:34,520
That is what
you normally do in a club, isn't it?
444
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,400
♪ NEW ORDER: Blue Monday
445
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,160
♪ How does it feel
446
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,760
♪ To treat me like you do
447
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,720
♪ When you've laid your hands
upon me
448
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,320
♪ And told me who you are? ♪
449
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:23,480
Oh, thank you for taking me out.
450
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,200
Sorry it wasn't exactly normal,
my love.
451
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,440
I don't think either of you two
could ever have a normal night.
452
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:31,480
And I hope that never changes.
453
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,000
Everything's changing, my dear.
454
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,200
I mean, come on,
I'm going home alone.
455
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:41,160
I only ever go out to find someone
to stay IN with these days.
456
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:45,440
You know, I think
the next time people turn around
457
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,160
expecting me to talk,
458
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:49,680
I should actually say something.
459
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,960
Let's get a taxi.
460
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,800
Nonsense.
461
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:57,120
I've spied a far more appropriate
carriage for royalty.
462
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,600
(WHOOPS)
463
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:05,800
(TRIUMPHANT LAUGH)
464
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:08,320
Come on, my dear.
Getting in...
465
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:10,120
(WHOOPS)
466
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,880
OK.
467
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,000
Ready? Go!
468
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,800
Whoo!
469
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,280
♪ You would see
the biggest gift would be from me
470
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:22,160
♪ And the card attached would say
471
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,680
♪ Thank you for being a friend
472
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,880
♪ Thank you for being a friend
473
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,080
♪ Thank you for being a friend
474
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,440
♪ Thank you for being a friend ♪
475
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:44,360
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