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1
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,600
(HEAVY ROCK BLARES OUT)
2
00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:45,280
(MUSIC STOPS)
3
00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,960
Why are you walking towards me,
Mike?
4
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,680
No. It's like you're trying to fold
it with a TV in it.
5
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:05,840
You're such a clown. Mike, stand
still.
6
00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:09,800
-Have you been looting?
-If we'd been
looting, why would it be in a
blanket?
7
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:11,840
Fingerprints.
8
00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:14,880
It came through the window.
I know how looting works.
9
00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,520
It came through THAT window.
10
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:19,920
(CRASHING FROM INSIDE)
Room 211.
11
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:22,520
Johnny Cash's room.
Exactly.
12
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:26,000
But it's rock musicians who throw
tellies out of hotel windows.
13
00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:29,000
That's how they maintain they're
fabulously muscular abdomens.
14
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,120
Johnny Cash is country and western.
More of a thinker.
15
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:36,040
Songs about unsuccessful marriages
and late night rail travel.
16
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:39,160
He's been on the rampage. There were
sounds of an argument,
17
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,680
bad language and now,
he's barricaded himself in his room.
18
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,760
Barricaded?
Well, he's put the chain on.
19
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,320
JOHNNY: Aarrghhhhh!
20
00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,360
-That's the trouser press.
-Did he not
get my welcoming card
21
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,880
saying he should come to me
with any concerns?
22
00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:54,760
I included my extension number.
23
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,040
JOHNNY: NO!
Oooh!
24
00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:00,640
Shortbread fingers. You got lucky
this time.
25
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,320
JOHNNY: Not again!
26
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,960
Should we call the police?
Definitely not.
27
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,520
The Evening Post will have us
for breakfast.
28
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,560
Cash, Bang, Wallop! That's the
headline I'd anticipate.
29
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:15,320
No. Anything short of manslaughter
we deal with in-house.
30
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,040
Mine!
31
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,320
Best get yourselves out of here.
32
00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:33,320
Her days are numbered.
33
00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:35,760
I think you'll find all days
are numbered.
34
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:39,080
Take a calendar for example.
Each month... Please stop.
35
00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,480
I'm talking about our so-called
manageress.
36
00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:45,240
Eight weeks into a 12-week trial
and she's got a major incident
37
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:48,080
with an overseas celebrity?
She's finished.
38
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,360
Oh, I think her plan is keep it all
hush-hush.
39
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:54,680
Well, you know what they say...
the best laid plans of mice and men.
40
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,640
I doubt there's much crossover.
Eh?
41
00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:00,200
Plans of mice and men.
I doubt there's much crossover.
42
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,520
They want such different things.
Mike!
43
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,280
Why don't you go and see if Mr Cash
needs anything?
44
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,160
Like a skip...for example.
45
00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,120
♪ Love is a burning thing
46
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,720
Mr Cash. Mr Cash.
Begging your pardon.
47
00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:28,280
You seem to have accidentally
grabbed my tie.
48
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:31,320
Mr Cash, I just want to check
-your mini bar.
-You can't.
49
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,240
It's stuck in a bush.
Mike, I'll take it from here.
50
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,960
I can't actually leave
because...er...
51
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,760
Right.
52
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,080
♪ I fell into a ring of fire
53
00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:46,080
♪ I fell into a burning ring of fire
54
00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:50,520
Whilst in the midst of battle,
Lord Almighty fallen
55
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:54,360
-Where are his people?
-They've gone
on a day trip to Sherwood Forest.
56
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,120
-Of course.
-There's definitely
someone in there wi' him.
57
00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:00,520
He's been screaming blue murder
-at 'em.
-Do something about the tie.
58
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:02,560
Oh, but I love her, Jean.
59
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,320
I know there's an age difference but
she says... Mike.
60
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,160
Go away.
61
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,200
♪ The ring of fire ♪
62
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,520
Mr Cash, it's Jean Sexton.
I'm the hotel manageress.
63
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:17,200
Abandon all hope ye who enter here.
64
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,560
For your information, that
is the nicest room in the hotel.
65
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,080
Doesn't even have a television.
66
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,960
Mr Cash, if you won't let me in, I'm
going to have to call the police.
67
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,680
I'm a country and western singer.
68
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:32,040
Their involvement would only fuel
the legend.
69
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:35,120
We need to make up your room.
70
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,720
There's no need to make it up.
It's already here.
71
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,520
You can't stay in there forever.
72
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:45,720
Eventually, you're going to run out
of painkillers.
73
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,680
(CHAIN RUSTLES ON DOOR)
74
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:58,280
To they that knocketh,
it shall be opened.
75
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:23,400
Hello. I'm Johnny Cash.
76
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,840
What have you written that with?
77
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:30,680
-Hot chocolate.
-That's a relief.
78
00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:35,040
Shall I take that? Thank you.
79
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:38,160
I guess you'd better sit down.
80
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,000
There may be some vomit on that.
81
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,920
I'll wash my hands. Maybe you could
pass me the sink (?)
82
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,960
Oh, sure.
83
00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:53,120
Ha! I'd offered you coffee but...
84
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,640
You don't have a kettle.
I have red wine...
85
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,320
if you don't mind drinking it out of
your cupped hands.
86
00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,080
Not now I've got sick on them.
87
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:04,400
Oh, Mr Cash.
Whatever have you been up to?
88
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:08,360
I'm sorry, mam but I had to defend
myself.
89
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,640
Against who? Not Mike.
90
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,680
Mike?
(MAKES CHOKING NOISE)
91
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,560
Hell, no. Not him. He's just a jerk.
92
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,720
Well, there's no one else here.
Oh, he'll be back.
93
00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,320
I'm afraid I can't predict when.
94
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,560
No one can.
95
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,400
We should get someone out to have
a look at your hand.
96
00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:31,480
No, I don't believe
in that palm reading bullshit.
97
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:35,760
No, I don't mean someone to predict
when your attacker will return.
98
00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,680
I mean someone to LOOK at your hand.
99
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:40,720
-A doctor.
-No, it's OK.
100
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,640
I...I have medication.
101
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,720
I saw the empty packets in the bin.
102
00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,640
Well, you're quite a detective.
103
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,600
Say, do you know I was in Columbo
once?
104
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:52,880
Yes, I remember.
105
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:56,120
Mam, can I be completely honest
with you?
106
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,520
I know what you're going to say
but you weren't bad.
107
00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:00,360
-You're a singer not an actor.
-No.
108
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:04,040
Columbo wasn't what I was gonna be
completely honest about.
109
00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:10,440
-Oh.
-The truth is, I've experienced
darkness in my life.
110
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:13,240
Yeah. An addiction to painkillers.
111
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:19,000
Surely you need to experience pain
in order to write melancholy songs.
112
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,600
You speak of sooth, mam.
113
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,320
You can call me Jean.
114
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,160
I'm John.
115
00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,560
Tell me, do you sing, Jean?
116
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,800
Not any more.
I used to sing in a choir.
117
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,840
Yeah, and you shall give.
118
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,880
We all shall.
119
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:45,080
Anyway, I've wrestled with pain.
120
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,760
Pain in all its grim manifestations.
121
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,520
What brought about such terrible
torment?
122
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:55,000
-I had an eye infection.
-Yes, that can
really smart.
123
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,480
So I got some pills to take
the pain away.
124
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,960
And well, that felt good.
125
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:04,000
Have you heard of Optrex?
I just didn't want any more pain.
126
00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,800
You should try sitting
on an upturned wastepaper bin
127
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:09,520
while a sad, but slightly rambling,
story unfolds.
128
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:12,480
Jean, forgive me. Here. Please take
my pillow.
129
00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:15,600
Anyway, I beat that addiction...
130
00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:17,560
with the help of the Good Lord.
131
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:21,000
Amen! Sorry.
132
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,160
I'm, by instinct, a joiner-inner.
133
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:26,560
But hang on a minute,
if you've beaten the addiction,
134
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,880
why was the bin full of...?
Beat it I did...
135
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:34,320
And then, well I guess it was about
two years ago...
136
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:40,120
..I went for what you might call
a life-changing walk.
137
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:49,520
The air that day seemed to smell
like the early times.
138
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:54,080
I looked at creation all around me
and I saw that it was good.
139
00:08:56,240 --> 00:09:00,280
But who can say how or when
the Evil One will manifest himself?
140
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:05,480
♪ I found him by the railroad track
this morning ♪
141
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:08,000
Hold on a minute. Were you in
Africa?
142
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,440
I guess I'd better start
at the beginning.
143
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:15,120
I'm going to tell you
a somewhat distressing story.
144
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,120
Will it involve you throwing
anything out of the window?
145
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:21,160
Only my personal dignity.
I'm all ears.
146
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:26,160
My home is in Tennessee. I live
in a place called The House of Cash.
147
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,440
Oh. Is it a bureau de change?
148
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:31,840
It's a theme park.
What sort of theme park?
149
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,080
It's me themed.
150
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,720
Oh. The House of Cash. I get it.
151
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,400
Maybe theme park's the wrong word.
152
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,360
It's more of a museum - a museum
about me.
153
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,040
A me-seum.
154
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:48,200
-If you like.
-You live in a museum
dedicated to yourself?
155
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:51,240
I guess we all do.
156
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:53,880
Wise words?
157
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:57,440
In a ways, I populated the
surrounding land with a menagerie
158
00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,640
including a couple of ostriches.
159
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,680
Male and female.
160
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:05,920
I cared for them as Noah cared
for his adopted creatures.
161
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,880
You mean in extremely cramped
-conditions?
-Hell, no!
162
00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:10,920
They wandered free.
163
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,960
Sometimes, I'd happen across them
making love in a clearing.
164
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:21,920
-What was that like?
-Disgusting.
165
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,000
Then came that awful winter.
166
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,360
Oh, I tried to give 'em shelter
167
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:35,520
but they were the meanest, most
uncooperative critters, I ever knew.
168
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,960
Have you ever employed English
teenagers?
169
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,720
Whoa. We had this girl from Derby
worked here...
170
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:44,760
She used to sit there, take her
shoes off and then sit...
171
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,920
It grew colder. The ostrich is
a desert bird
172
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:54,800
and well, love can only keep you warm
for so long, Jean.
173
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,480
I know. I've been camping.
174
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,440
I found her frozen solid.
175
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,120
I won't deny it.
I cried like a child.
176
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,880
♪ Goodbye, little darling...
177
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,720
But the meat was tender.
178
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:19,160
-What about her partner?
-We could not
locate that bird.
179
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,960
♪ Although we have to part...
180
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,600
I tried everything I could think of.
181
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:29,240
♪ You're always in my heart
182
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:33,920
♪ Goodbye, little darling, goodbye
183
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:40,520
♪ Goodbye, little darling, goodbye ♪
184
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,800
I really thought he'd come looking
for her
185
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,520
but I guess he knew she'd gone to a
better place.
186
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:52,280
Your stomach, you mean.
187
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,880
Then spring came.
188
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:02,120
I was out taking a solitary walk.
189
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:06,080
The air was crisp as fine linen.
190
00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,320
It felt good to be alive.
191
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,640
My personal problems behind me.
192
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:14,760
(RUSTLING)
193
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:21,560
Then, suddenly, there he stood.
194
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:30,080
Manifesting great rage and hungry
for revenge.
195
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,640
Waldo...
196
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:44,680
I always figured we'd meet again.
197
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,320
Waldo?
198
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,360
(TOILET FLUSHES)
199
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,400
That was his name.
200
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,200
And you spoke to him?
201
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,680
Did Eve not speak with the serpent?
202
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,800
Yes, but... I'm not saying that
turned out well.
203
00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,920
I'm just saying there's a president.
204
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,960
(HISSES)
205
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:06,680
Look, I'm sorry for your loss.
206
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,080
But this land is my land
and you're on it.
207
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,400
And I'm the boss.
208
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:15,000
Now, cease this leaping. You're an
ostrich, Waldo.
209
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,960
You lost your battle with gravity
generations ago.
210
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:23,040
Whoa! I see there's no reasoning
with you on this occasion.
211
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:25,480
I shall walk again tomorrow.
212
00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:29,560
Guess that'll give you 24 hours
to reconsider your position.
213
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,680
(HISSES)
214
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,640
Firm but fair.
How did Waldo take it?
215
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:40,080
Oh, he continued to bluster
so I moved on.
216
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,560
I don't like to play hard ball
with the bereaved.
217
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:47,760
But his manner was hostile and I had
to draw a line.
218
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,040
So the next day, I walked again.
219
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,520
With a big stick.
220
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:55,240
To draw the line?
In a manner of speaking.
221
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:59,560
Yey, though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death
222
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,760
I will fear no evil for thou art
with me,
223
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:06,080
Thy rod and thy staff,
they comfort me.
224
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:08,120
You were going to hit him with it.
225
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,160
If the occasion arose.
226
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:17,120
I returned to the path I had walked
the previous day.
227
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,600
(HISSES)
228
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:40,000
Waldo, I did not come here seeking
conflict.
229
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:43,200
But I will strike thee down if you
come any...
230
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,600
Ompf!
231
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,640
(HISSES)
232
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:04,360
My next blow will finish you, Waldo.
233
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:07,160
I'll eat you like I ate
your beloved.
234
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:24,360
♪ I hurt myself today
235
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:28,280
♪ To see if I still feel... ♪
236
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:31,600
Don't condemn me with your stare,
Jean.
237
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:36,960
I'll show you what a vengeful ostrich
is capable of.
238
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:41,320
Oh, sorry. When things got scary
last night,
239
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:45,960
I put on the hotel's non-slip bath
mat as a protective shield.
240
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:49,520
Would that I'd been wearing it that
fateful day in Tennessee.
241
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,040
(GASPS)
242
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:56,240
After Waldo fled into the
undergrowth,
243
00:15:56,280 --> 00:16:00,880
I had to hold the wound together
to stop my intestines falling out.
244
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:05,320
Like I was clutching a
busted grocery bag full of sausages.
245
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:09,280
That flightless bastard broke two
of my ribs as well.
246
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,640
If I hadn't been wearing a sturdy
leather belt,
247
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,880
I wouldn't be here today.
It doesn't bear thinking about.
248
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:18,520
But did you have to tell him
you'd eaten his partner?
249
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,320
It must have been hard for him to
comprehend.
250
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:24,560
I did mention he's an ostrich.
251
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,240
Yes. But who knows what they do
and don't understand.
252
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:31,800
Well, he understood the international
language of the big stick.
253
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:38,800
Anyways, the pain was intense
and well, I just couldn't take it.
254
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:41,280
Oh. I see.
255
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:45,720
Waldo got his dark revenge. He turned
me back into a junkie.
256
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,680
-That's annoying.
-I'm a pillhead,
Jean.
257
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:52,280
I wash 'em down with a bottle of red
wine and I am at peace.
258
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:56,000
Well, I was until last night.
259
00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:00,360
-He has returned.
-Who?
260
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:04,080
I woke in the early hours and there
he stood
261
00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:08,760
pecking at the complimentary
fruit bowl. Biding his time.
262
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:12,520
Not Waldo. But, how did he get past
reception?
263
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:16,800
They wouldn't have recognised him.
Ostriches look pretty much alike.
264
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:21,560
Fearing another attack, I tore the
vertical ironing board from the wall.
265
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:27,120
-It's a trouser press.
-And used it as
a shield. He fought like a demon.
266
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,560
You've made a right mess
of this shoe horn.
267
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,400
It occurred to me if I could shove it
into his anus
268
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:34,960
I might be able to rupture his
spleen.
269
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:40,040
-Any luck?
-I gained entrance but just
as I was about to commence
270
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:44,720
my scooping motion, he suddenly
wiggled like a hula dancer,
271
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:48,760
spun around and took it from me with
his razor-sharp beak.
272
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:52,560
He fears nothing. Including
bacteria.
273
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,280
What I don't understand is how did
he manage to get in...?
274
00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:02,360
Jon, take multiple painkillers with
copious amounts of wine...
275
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:06,040
Are there side effects?
None whatsoever.
276
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:09,000
That's lucky (!)
What are you
driving at, Jean?
277
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,720
You just hear about people on drugs
having hallucinations.
278
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:15,720
-You know, seeing things.
-You're
wrong, Jean. He was as real as...
279
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:21,440
(PHONE) Erm... I believe it's
underneath the mediocre landscape.
280
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,680
If you don't like this, why didn't
you throw it out of the window?
281
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,680
I respect art.
Even at its most pedestrian.
282
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:29,720
Hello.
283
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,720
Hello, Kirsty.
284
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,600
Thanks. Your road manager is here.
He's on his way up.
285
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,680
-Is he with Waldo?
-No.
286
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,600
I think
Kirsty would have mentioned it.
287
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,800
How long you been running
the place, Jean?
288
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:47,360
I've only got this job on a
three-month trial.
289
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:50,000
I'll find out next month if they're
keeping me.
290
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,440
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
291
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:56,040
Hm. I guess I haven't helped.
292
00:18:56,080 --> 00:19:00,120
John, I got here as fast as I could.
293
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,720
Didn't you get a hotel pen and one
of those little notepads?
294
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,520
Am I still wearing my hat?
I hope so.
295
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:13,080
It's what Robin Hood used to wear.
(SIGHS) It's pretty.
296
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:16,160
I was gonna get you one but they
-don't do them in black.
-Oh, J-J...
297
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,960
this is Jean.
She's showed me kindness.
298
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,000
God bless you, Jean.
299
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:23,560
Would you like a Johnny Cash
souvenir plectrum?
300
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,800
I didn't do it for personal gain.
301
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,440
Take it, Jean.
I won't think less of you.
302
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,480
Thank you.
I used to play the guitar.
303
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,960
This might inspire me to take it up
again.
304
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,640
What have you done to yourself?
It was here in this room.
305
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:41,440
We fought like Lucifer
and the Archangel Michael.
306
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,760
I'm confused now.
307
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:48,000
You smashed the room up because you
-were on pills and wine.
-Hell, no.
308
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,200
Waldo came. Looking for blood.
309
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:53,600
Waldo? As in the ostrich Waldo?
You betcha.
310
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,840
-But where is he now?
-Humpf.
The bird has flown.
311
00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:00,640
I'm no ornithologist but I'm pretty
sure ostriches are incapable...
312
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:05,200
-How did he get here?
-He didn't say.
He might have been on our plane.
313
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,400
An ostrich on a plane.
314
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,960
It's taken him a while
but he finally found a Plan B.
315
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,400
But wouldn't we have seen him
on the plane?
316
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,440
-Maybe he was in coach.
-Are you sure
about this, John?
317
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:21,880
It could have been another Ostrich.
I don't know anything anymore.
318
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,560
John...
319
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:28,160
..probably best
you don't mention this to anyone.
320
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,920
You think I'd be ostracised?
321
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:32,320
(MOUTHS)
322
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:38,040
You're not yourself. You're...
I've lost my way, J-J.
323
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:42,400
I must accept that. I can't go on
burying my head in the sand.
324
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,160
(MOUTHS)
325
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,440
(PHONE)
326
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:56,160
Hello. OK. They'll be right down.
327
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,520
The ambulance is here. He's parked
at the back.
328
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:03,720
-It's more private.
-Come on, John.
Let's get that hand fixed.
329
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,600
If they right hand offendeth thee,
cut it off.
330
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,640
We're not going NHS.
331
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,400
I guess I did a bad thing, Jean.
332
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,560
This room was due for a refurb.
333
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:19,640
No, I was talking about my Columbo.
No, that was a fab episode.
334
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:23,680
Honest. I love where you point where
you think all the killers are.
335
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:27,600
That was my idea. The director said
it was too much.
336
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,840
Ooh.
337
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,920
-Come with me, Jean.
-Jean's got
a hotel to run.
338
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,400
-I've got you now.
-I need you.
339
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:45,320
Just for a little while.
340
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:56,440
♪ He heard that lonesome whistle blow
341
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,960
Mr Cash. Mr Cash.
342
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,720
I'm from the Nottingham Evening
Post.
343
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:03,680
We were told there'd been
-an incident.
-Told by who?
344
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,800
Mr Cash has badly wounded his
hand...
345
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:08,840
falling over a...erm...
346
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:13,160
an extension cable rail. You know
those...things.
347
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,720
Yes, I fell into a turning ring
of wire.
348
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:22,840
And I believe I may have bled to
death had it not been for the actions
349
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,640
of the hotel manageress, Jean Sexton.
350
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:27,760
Make sure you get the name right.
351
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,560
She's best hotel administrator
I've ever met.
352
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:34,920
She's handled everything
-to perfection.
-Sorry, Miss.
353
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:37,040
We really need to get Mr Cash
to the hospital.
354
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:42,040
♪ I'm so lonesome, I could cry ♪
355
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:53,000
JOHNNY AND JEAN: # Swing low sweet
chariot...
356
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:57,520
♪ Comin' for to carry me home
357
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:03,360
♪ Swing low, sweet chariot
358
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:07,880
♪ Comin' for to carry me home ♪
359
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:09,920
(PLAYS RIFF)
360
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,640
subtitles by Deluxe
E-mail sky.subtitles@sky.uk
361
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:23,840
♪ Swing low...
362
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,400
♪ ..sweet chariot
363
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:30,360
♪ Comin' for to carry me home
364
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:34,840
♪ Swing lo-ow-ow, sweet chariot
365
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,480
♪ Comin' for to carry me home
366
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:43,840
♪ Well, now, they're comin' for
to carry me home ♪
367
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,760
Every loose end has got to be
tied up.
368
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,560
Makes you crazy.
369
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:53,240
That's a crying shame. It really is.
370
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:58,480
A man with your talent.
Real killers loose out there.
371
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,520
And they got you chasing smoke.
29737
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