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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,920
This programme contains very strong
language from the outset
and throughout.
2
00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:24,560
..total fucking bollocks!
3
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:36,400
'I bloody told Noel Edmonds to pick
me up in the field next to the
house!'
4
00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,760
-Right.
-Dozy bastard lands his
chopper right in my garden!
5
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,080
You should see the state
of my begonias, Bob!
6
00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:45,600
Elton, I don't have an opening act.
No.
7
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,400
And I need to raise five million
quid,
8
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,720
and I'm trying to run a ten-hour
stadium show
9
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,920
-off of four generators!
-Three.
-Three?!
-Yeah.
10
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,360
Christ!
11
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:59,320
So, while I appreciate that having
Noel Edmonds in your garden
12
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,080
in any context
13
00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:04,760
must be vaguely traumatic...
Fine plants, Bob, begonias.
14
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:07,360
They don't seek the limelight
like some of the other...
15
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,720
-Do you fancy opening?
-No!
16
00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,360
Stage one is fantastic!
17
00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,920
Maybe see it as a tribute
18
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:18,760
to your... To your plants!
And the whole famine thing!
19
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:22,480
They wouldn't want a tribute, Bob,
I'm telling you! Christ, you're not
listening!
20
00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:26,640
Begonias are some of the most
bashful plants I've ever had
the privilege of growing!
21
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:29,480
A tribute would be their worst
fucking nightmare!
22
00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,520
They're humble!
23
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,000
Do you fancy opening, Freddie?
24
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:40,920
No, darling, I need to soak up
the vibe.
25
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:42,880
That's a load of bollocks!
26
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,560
You're all scared about not getting
sound checks
27
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,640
and you want someone else to break
in the mics!
28
00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:51,880
Hadn't even crossed my mind, Robert.
That's the only way that you'll all
get on, Freddie.
29
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:54,920
-Absolutely.
-Are the Irish band here
-yet?
-No.
30
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:59,840
-I do like the singer.Bo-no?
-Boner?!
31
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:03,200
-It's Bono, OK? It's Bono!
-Is it?
Yeah!
32
00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:04,960
-Oh.Bono.
-Oh.
33
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,840
-Bono.
-What a shame!
34
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,000
(KNOCKS)
35
00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:16,080
Would you fancy opening, maybe,
Sade?
36
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,360
-Uh, yeah, all right.Yeah?
-Wow!
37
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:22,720
-Well, that's great!
-As long as you
get the others to stop asking me
about Africa.
38
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:23,960
Hm?
39
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,440
-Ah.
-Shite!
40
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:26,760
Ah, look...
41
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,000
I'm... I'm sorry!
42
00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:30,800
I left Africa when I was four, Bob.
43
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:35,000
I can tell them about Colchester,
but I'm not sure today's really
about Colchester, is it?
44
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,720
-No. Not primarily.
-No.
45
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:41,240
So how can I be the African expert?
46
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:44,440
I know the line-up. It doesn't look
great.
47
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:47,600
-No.
-God knows, we tried!
48
00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:52,200
Prince, Stevie Wonder, Diana Ross,
-Michael Jackson.
-But they didn't
want to do it.
49
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:56,840
-What about the Brits?
-Personally,
I'd have loved to have had Aswad.
50
00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:58,360
Or Steel Pulse.
51
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,640
But they don't have the profile,
Sade.
52
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,120
It has to be about the money, Sade,
it has to be!
53
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,040
And I know they're a bunch of
bleeding lunatics,
54
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:09,160
but they're the biggest acts
in the country, yeah?
55
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:14,280
And if I can get those acts on that
stage, then we get the money!
56
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:15,800
No, it's cool.
57
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,680
I just didn't think today would
involve me
58
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:20,200
explaining to an off-their-tits
Status Quo why Africa
59
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,160
is hot in the winter.
60
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,960
Yeah.
61
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,320
-Do you know what I mean?Yeah.
-Mm.
62
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,560
-Yeah?OK.
-It's fine.
63
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,360
It's not.
64
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,480
-Look, you're not opening, Sade.
-No.
65
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,760
And I'll make sure that you get
-a sound check.
-What?!
66
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,120
No, it's fine. Everything's...
67
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,600
-Jesus!
-Everything's fine. Great.
68
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,920
What's wrong with Steel Pulse?
I like Steel Pulse.
69
00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:52,400
Tony!
70
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,640
Tony, speak to me!
71
00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,200
They're running too low, Bob!
72
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,600
It isn't a sustainable situation!
What?!
73
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:02,880
You're asking me to transcend
the rules of kinetic energy.
74
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,840
To play God in the atheist world
of physics!
75
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:09,280
Tony, just tell me in a way that
-I'll understand.
-Yes.
76
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,080
Right. If one goes, you're fucked.
77
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,720
If two go, you're massively fucked.
Bob!
78
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:21,320
-Midge!
-I've really got to check
on those snacks.
79
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,080
I was just looking for you.
80
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:27,400
Could I have a wee word?
Absolutely. Yeah.
81
00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,320
OK, Tony.
82
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,840
There's two billion people watching
this,
83
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,080
so it's all down to you.
84
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,600
So we're on quite early.
85
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:45,120
Yeah. Yeah, I'm just trying to fit
everyone in, like, you know?
86
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,320
I'm surprised to see your mob
higher up the bill.
87
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:49,320
No. Really? Are we?
88
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:50,800
Aye.
89
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:52,520
How long's your slot?
90
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:53,840
Um...
91
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,600
I dunno!
92
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,840
Aye, 18 minutes. Hm.
93
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,520
I checked.
94
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,400
Oh, yeah. That's right - 18.
95
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,000
And remind me.
96
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:04,640
How long is I Don't Like Mondays?
97
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,400
I'd say probably like four minutes.
98
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,360
Three minutes, 52 seconds.
99
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:11,920
Yeah.
100
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:13,560
-I checked.
-Right.
101
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,000
So are you gonna play it four times?
102
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:19,960
Huh.
103
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,840
I mean, come on, Midge.
104
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,880
We do have other songs.
105
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,600
-You know?
-Ho-ho-ho-ho.
106
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,320
-We do!
-Ha-ha-ha-ha!
107
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:34,880
Well, thanks for having me.
It's good to be here.
108
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,760
Come on, Midge. Don't be like that!
Like what?
109
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,440
(EXASPERATED SIGH)
110
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,000
Well, I mean, would you...
Would you...
111
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,320
Would you...fancy...
112
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,760
opening? No. Just... No, no, no.
113
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,320
No. No.
114
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,440
Definitely not.
115
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,760
Right, Midge. Well, it's lovely
speaking to you,
116
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,720
but just go on and have fun,
like everyone else.
117
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,120
Please.
118
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,840
I've gotta get past you, now.
119
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:11,240
Jesus Christ!
120
00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:12,880
Crazy bastard!
121
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,280
Can you sign for...
Will you fuck off, will you?
122
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:22,800
I'm not sure about having your name
plastered all over your guitar,
Brian. It looks a bit...showy.
123
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:25,600
I dunno. I quite like it, you know?
124
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:29,240
You got your name on it. It reminds
you whose guitar it is, you know?
125
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,760
It would mean you wouldn't keep
losing yours, I suppose.
126
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,880
Not a bad point!
127
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,280
Hey, did you come in on Edmonds'
chopper, as well?
128
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:37,800
Yeah, that was incredible.
129
00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:39,840
Being up there, looking down
on the fans.
130
00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,600
They were like little ants crawling
about.
131
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,600
We got a taxi here, Rick.
132
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,280
-Did we?
-Yeah, big time.
133
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,400
Oh, fucking hell! What a taxi!
134
00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,000
Here we go!
135
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,400
♪ Here we go and here we go
and here we go! ♪
136
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,000
That's one of ours.
137
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:59,160
Edmonds shouldn't even be involved,
Freddie. He's not rock'n'roll!
138
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,720
-Which one's Edmonds?
-He's on TV
with a fucking beard.
139
00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:04,840
Oh, yeah. The nature stuff.
-That's David Bellamy!
-Right.
140
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,160
Wish it had been David Bellamy!
141
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,880
David Bellamy wouldn't land
-in my fucking garden!
-No?
142
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:13,360
Wouldn't dream of it. There's only
one big white chopper allowed
in my garden
143
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:17,800
and it belongs to a Scandinavian
called Horst! Put some fucking
trousers on - you look ridiculous!
144
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,440
-Fucking Edmonds! Hello, love.
-Hiya.
145
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,160
It's like velvet, darling. What do
-you use?
-Just shampoo.
146
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,560
Don't you dare!'Sade!'
147
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,920
Phil, are you all right?
I'd love to send a message to Africa
during my set.
148
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:35,400
OK. Yeah, of course. You can do
-that. Absolutely.
-Great.
149
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:39,200
Is there an Ethiopian tribal word
that means, "This is your day
to shine"?
150
00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:42,440
Oh, and it would be great
if it rhymed with Sussudio.
151
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:43,800
Fuck's sake!
152
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,440
Did you see Hadley's jacket?
153
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,400
-Christ Almighty!
-Hi, Bob.
How are you?
154
00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:50,440
-Good, thank you.
-Grand. Fantastic.
155
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,160
On we go. Yep.
156
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:53,960
So, how long?20 minutes.
157
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:57,880
Then Charles, Diana, and two billion
people get to watch an empty stage!
158
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,560
Why won't anybody bloody open?
Because of the sound check!
159
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,160
It can't just be the sound checks.
160
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:05,760
McCartney? The later they play,
the closer they are to him?
I don't know!
161
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:11,000
-America!
-ABC haven't picked up
the feed yet.
162
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:14,480
Sneaky bastards! They all want to
make sure they go out in the States!
163
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,400
When did rock stars get so smart?!
164
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,600
You say that...
165
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,600
Come on, Sade! Look out! Oi!
166
00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,480
(ROAR OF CROWD)# Here we go and
here we go... #Listen to that!
167
00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:36,520
Congratulations, lads!
168
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:38,240
-Pinch me, Rossi!
-What a slot!
169
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:41,520
They're banging on about some
American thing.
170
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:43,680
Yeah, some palaver with the time
difference.
171
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:46,240
Yeah, well, they're five hours
ahead,
172
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,280
so you'll be going out just as the
Americans are having their tea.
173
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,720
-Prime time.
-Lovely-jubbly!
174
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,360
Hang on. Wait, wait, wait.
175
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,520
Isn't it five hours behind?
-No.No.
-No.
176
00:08:56,560 --> 00:09:01,360
What it is, lads, is the way that
we're using the satellites,
177
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,520
we actually end up reversing
the time.
178
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:07,400
-Yeah?
-What are they gonna come up
with next?
179
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:08,840
Christ knows! Go on, then.
180
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:11,120
Yeah. Go on, lads. On you go!
181
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,560
Go on!
182
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:16,040
Knock them out, fellas!
183
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,120
(CROWD ROARS)
184
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:20,680
-Are they gonna be all right?
-Yep.
185
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,200
They've only got to remember two
chords, so...
186
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,280
Hello!
187
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:26,920
(FEEDBACK)
188
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,680
How you doing? All right?
189
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,960
The Quo.
190
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,160
The fucking Quo!
191
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,320
♪ Rockin' All Over The World
192
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:41,480
♪ Here we are and here we are
and here we go ♪
193
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,600
Should it be doing that?
194
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,520
-What do you think?
-Seems unlikely.
195
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:54,840
If you don't lose sound soon,
it'll be a miracle.
196
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,440
Well, what can you do?
197
00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,040
I could rob some power
from backstage.
198
00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,880
Well, they've all done their hair.
Just bloody do it!
199
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,800
-MAN:
-All right, Bob?
How are you?
200
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,160
How are we for time?
On track, more or less.
201
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,600
-U2 only played two songs.
-What?
202
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:14,160
Bono had to "save" a girl
"from being crushed".
203
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,240
Oh. It'll go far, that one.
204
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,400
And the donations?
205
00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:19,960
I'll ask.
206
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,360
Wait. Hang on. Where are we going?
I have to get ready!
207
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:26,600
No, you've got to go and say hello
to Diana and her bloke. Come on.
208
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,360
Fuckin' bollocks!
209
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,000
Quo! Quo! Quo! Quo! Quo!
210
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:35,800
My heart was going like that.
211
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:39,040
-Got any coke?
-I'm trying to stay off
-it, Francis.
-Fucking dry in here.
212
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,760
There's 72,000 people outside!
213
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:47,320
Are you gonna do Money For Nothing?
-Probably.
-It's a classic, innit?
214
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:51,200
-DIANA:
-Where's Phil Collins?
Your Highness,
215
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,120
with the greatest of respect,
216
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:58,520
I think you have some very strange
-tastes.
-Tell me about it.
217
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,760
Well, I shall look forward to
playing for you.
218
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,680
We're leaving soon. Lunch with Mummy
at HQ.
219
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:07,080
Right.
220
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:14,240
Please, um, excuse me just for one
second.
221
00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:16,320
(KNOCKING)
222
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:18,360
OK, Midge, um... A-hem.
223
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:22,960
Bit of a technical - we're having
to move you up a few slots.
That's fine, love.
224
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,400
OK.
225
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:28,560
MAN:'Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome to the stage
226
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,320
'The Boomtown Rats!'
227
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,400
(AUDIENCE ROARS)
228
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,160
That fucking...
229
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,200
Did you see Charles dancing?
230
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,040
Good God, I thought he was having
a bleedin' stroke!
231
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,640
I should have known it would end
like this.
232
00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:51,960
Do you want me to check on snacks?
Look, Midge, I didn't know...
233
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,680
After everything I've done.
234
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,120
Everything YOU'VE done?
235
00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:02,560
Midge, I've sacrificed my whole
career for this!
236
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,440
You didn't have one to sacrifice!
237
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,480
-What?!
-OK, boys. Let's calm down.
238
00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:08,560
I wrote the bloody song, Bob!
239
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:12,760
No, you wrote the theme tune to
Z Cars and we changed the words!
240
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,160
Oh, really? Well, at least I've got
timing!
241
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,320
I'm sorry?
242
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,480
Tell me, Bob.
243
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:26,000
Why don't you jump at the end of
songs any more?
244
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:31,400
I don't know what you're talking
about.
245
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,160
You can't land on the beat.
246
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,000
I can't what?
247
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,560
That is... That is totally
subjective.
248
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,080
Rockstar 101.
249
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:43,080
-And you can't do it.
-Oh, I can land
-on the beat.
-You're incapable
of landing on the beat.
250
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,520
I can land on the beat.
That is not something you can do.
251
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:47,160
OK, boys.
252
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,480
-I can land on the beat!
-You cannot!
253
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,120
I can land on the beat!
254
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,680
No-o-o!!
255
00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:58,840
I can land on the beat!
256
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,600
The beat cannot be landed.
257
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,000
It was the bravest thing I've ever
seen, darling.
258
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:07,280
I don't want the day to become
-about me.
-Of course!
259
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,760
-That's the last thing I want.
-Yes.
260
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:13,280
He said he was told to land in my
garden. That he was only following
orders.
261
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,800
Where have we heard that before,
-David?
-Yeah, it sucks.
262
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:18,920
I'm not saying Noel Edmonds
is an active Nazi.
263
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,560
-No.
-But I'm not saying he's not!
264
00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:24,240
Where's Alison Moyet?
265
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,760
We want them to have it.
Yeah. Royalty-free.
266
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:30,320
-For what purpose?
-To use as a, um,
a what's it?
267
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,120
-National anthem.
-National anthem.
OK.
268
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:36,960
So you're suggesting that Ethiopia
change their national anthem
269
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,560
to Rockin' All Over the World?
270
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,200
There ain't no cure
-like rock'n'roll.Amen.
-Sister.
271
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:46,920
She liked that, I think.
272
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,480
Do I smell?
273
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:51,000
Yes!
274
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:58,000
Bob! Bob!
275
00:13:58,040 --> 00:13:59,520
Here you go.
276
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,480
Is that it?
277
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:13,120
That's all we've raised?
There was an issue at the start.
278
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:16,000
The BBC didn't have quite enough,
um...phones.
279
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,040
-Enough what?
-Phones.
280
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,320
-Phones?!
-Yeah.
281
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,640
Well, what happened?
282
00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:25,760
Bob. OK, I'm your assistant.
283
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,480
I'm not in charge of the phones!
284
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:32,040
And why's the music stopped?
285
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,840
Because the acts know that the
sound's on the blink, so they're
scared to go on.
286
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,920
Well, this is a bloody mess!
287
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,640
Of course it's a bloody mess!
288
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:43,600
You decided to throw the world's
biggest gig in history
289
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,280
with four months' warning
290
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,880
despite everyone in the whole world
telling you not to.
291
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,640
It was only ever gonna be a bloody
mess,
292
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,440
you stupid Dublin wanker!
293
00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,120
Oh, God!
294
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,080
Oh, Jesus.
295
00:14:58,600 --> 00:14:59,920
That's it!
296
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,560
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
297
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,920
I had a chat with Jimmy Savile
and he said, "You look out for him
because he's fucking trouble."
298
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,200
A beard like an angry vagina.
299
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,720
Listen up.
300
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,280
Will yous listen up, please?
301
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,200
Big, fat, hairy bitch!
302
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:17,840
(CHATTER CONTINUES)
303
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,520
OK. Shut the fuck up!
304
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:27,440
I don't want to hear another word
about sound or slots
305
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,400
or bloody begonias!
306
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,920
I will not be silenced!
They're plants, Elton, OK?
307
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,520
Flowers.
308
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:40,640
I need five million quid to get food
to people who are fucking dying!
309
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,840
OK? They're fucking dying!
310
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,720
So, who's up next?
311
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,160
Hmm?
312
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:58,880
It would be the greatest honour
of my life.
313
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,120
We've already been up, Rick.
314
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:03,920
-Have we?
-Yes.
315
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,440
What is going on today?
316
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,160
Sit down.
317
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,560
I'll do it.
318
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:17,520
Thank you, Sade.
319
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,080
Now...
320
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,080
I'm gonna raise some money.
321
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,520
Is Bob in trouble?
322
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,680
No, no, no. Rick, do you want a
glass of water?
323
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,920
Yeah, if I could, yeah.
Thanks, Marsha.
324
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:36,640
We've got some great acts coming up.
325
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,840
And I hope the people at home are
enjoying the show
326
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,320
but please, come on,
let's not forget
327
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:46,360
'the reason why we're here.
It's to raise money, you know?'
328
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,320
'Absolutely. So, the address...'
329
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,920
'Fuck the address. Just read out the
phone number.'
330
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:56,880
'I think we're gonna have the
address.''Look, pick up the phone
and make a donation.
331
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,080
'Just don't go down the pub tonight,
please!
332
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,600
'Just stay in, watch the telly
and give us the money instead.
333
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,280
'There are people dying, now!
334
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:06,920
'So give me the money!'
335
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:10,200
Oh, let's just play the bloody hits,
shall we?
336
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,640
♪ QUEEN: Hammer To Fall
337
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,480
♪ Here we stand
338
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,280
♪ Or here we fall
339
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:28,560
♪ History won't care at all
340
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:29,920
♪ Make the bed... ♪
341
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:33,400
Freddie has them
in the palm of his hand!
342
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,640
Course he has!
343
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,120
OK.
344
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,520
So... You're banned from the BBC.
345
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:44,400
-Good.
-And donations are up £300
a second!
346
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:46,320
-What?!Yeah!You're joking!
-No!
347
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:49,760
No. And while it was wholly
justified...
348
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,200
..I'm sorry for calling you a
wanker.
349
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,920
Oh, well, come on. You wouldn't be
the first!
350
00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,520
We're gonna get the food trucks!
I know.
351
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,360
I fucking know. I fucking know!
Come on!
352
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:08,600
Especially when you add in
the Band Aid money.
353
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:10,640
From Midge's song.
354
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,160
-I know.Yeah?
-I know. I know.
355
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,840
Go on, then.
356
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,720
-For Christ's sake.
-Yeah.
357
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,520
Come on.
358
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,200
FREDDIE:# Give it to me one more
time! ♪
359
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,240
I shouldn't have nicked your slot.
360
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:37,000
I shouldn't have said that stuff
-about your career.
-No, but it's
true.
361
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,600
I spent two grand buying copies of
our last single.
362
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,080
I thought it didn't chart?
It fucking didn't!
363
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,960
-Jesus.
-I know.
364
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,800
(CONCERT ANNOUNCEMENTS IN DISTANCE)
365
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,600
You know what?
366
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,560
That's what makes today
so impressive, Bob.
367
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:11,360
You didn't do this as a big star
that people want to be seen with.
368
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,040
You did it as a washed-up wanker
clinging to a record deal.
369
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,080
This wanker thing is relentless.
370
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:20,080
You had no right to make the day
happen.
371
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:23,120
You built it with your bare hands.
372
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,440
And your anger and your
stubbornness.
373
00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:29,160
I'm proud of you, Bob.
374
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:31,840
And...
375
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,840
..I can land on the beat.
376
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,920
No. You can't.
377
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:41,600
No.
378
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,360
No, I can't.
379
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:44,760
(AUDIENCE CHEERS)
380
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,920
Who's playing?
381
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,440
It's McCartney, I think.
382
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,400
Why isn't he singing?
383
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,160
Bob? Bob?
384
00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,560
He's not coming through.
-I can't hear... Marsha!
-Yes?
385
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,720
Talk to me!
And then there was one.
386
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,480
The sound's gone on his mic.
They can't hear his vocals.
387
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,080
-What?! On McCartney?!
-Yes!
388
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:10,920
Jeez, I'll have to leave
the country!
389
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,000
Credit to the drummer,
he's hanging in there.
390
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:14,680
Just like on the Titanic.
391
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,640
ANNOUNCER:'Sorry about that,
folks. Gremlins in the system.'
392
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,200
Fuck it!
393
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,320
Tony, Tony.
394
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:24,160
What are the chances of just one
more!
395
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,520
If you get it from backstage
and make it acoustic,
you might squeeze one
396
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,600
but we're running on fumes, mate!
397
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,880
Marsha, get the lyric sheets.
398
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,840
-What song?
-Midge's song!
Come on, let's go!
399
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:38,240
Feed the fucking world!
400
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,440
Let's go.
401
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,280
Marsha, bring them in!
402
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:46,680
Midge.
403
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,840
Snow in Africa at Christmas time?!
404
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:51,560
Best not scrutinise it, yeah?
405
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,920
"Where nothing ever grows"?
Reminds me of my fucking garden.
406
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,480
"Feed the Welsh"?!"World", Rick!
"Feed the world."
407
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,880
-Fucking cool.
-OK, people, listen up.
408
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,840
This is it. It's done.
409
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,200
Now, where's David?
410
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:06,400
Yes?
411
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,160
David, you start, OK?
412
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,280
Give this shite some credibility.
Shite?
413
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:12,960
OK, come on. Let's go.
414
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,440
Let's go.
415
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,920
(CROWD ROARS)
416
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:32,480
Well, go on, then!
417
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,080
Thank you so much!
418
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,320
It's been a great day!
419
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,240
♪ Here we stand
420
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,200
♪ Or here we fall
421
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:11,800
♪ History won't care at all
422
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:13,680
♪ Make the bed
423
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:15,800
♪ Light the light
424
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,400
♪ Lady Mercy won't be home tonight
425
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:23,160
♪ You don't waste no time at all
426
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:27,200
♪ Don't hear the bell but you answer
the call
427
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:30,680
♪ Comes to you as to us all
428
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,440
♪ Yeah, we're just waiting
for the hammer to fall ♪
429
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,240
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