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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,920 This programme contains very strong language from the outset and throughout. 2 00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:24,560 ..total fucking bollocks! 3 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:36,400 'I bloody told Noel Edmonds to pick me up in the field next to the house!' 4 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,760 -Right. -Dozy bastard lands his chopper right in my garden! 5 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,080 You should see the state of my begonias, Bob! 6 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:45,600 Elton, I don't have an opening act. No. 7 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,400 And I need to raise five million quid, 8 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,720 and I'm trying to run a ten-hour stadium show 9 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,920 -off of four generators! -Three. -Three?! -Yeah. 10 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,360 Christ! 11 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:59,320 So, while I appreciate that having Noel Edmonds in your garden 12 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,080 in any context 13 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:04,760 must be vaguely traumatic... Fine plants, Bob, begonias. 14 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:07,360 They don't seek the limelight like some of the other... 15 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,720 -Do you fancy opening? -No! 16 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,360 Stage one is fantastic! 17 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,920 Maybe see it as a tribute 18 00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:18,760 to your... To your plants! And the whole famine thing! 19 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:22,480 They wouldn't want a tribute, Bob, I'm telling you! Christ, you're not listening! 20 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:26,640 Begonias are some of the most bashful plants I've ever had the privilege of growing! 21 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:29,480 A tribute would be their worst fucking nightmare! 22 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,520 They're humble! 23 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,000 Do you fancy opening, Freddie? 24 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:40,920 No, darling, I need to soak up the vibe. 25 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:42,880 That's a load of bollocks! 26 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,560 You're all scared about not getting sound checks 27 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,640 and you want someone else to break in the mics! 28 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:51,880 Hadn't even crossed my mind, Robert. That's the only way that you'll all get on, Freddie. 29 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:54,920 -Absolutely. -Are the Irish band here -yet? -No. 30 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:59,840 -I do like the singer.Bo-no? -Boner?! 31 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:03,200 -It's Bono, OK? It's Bono! -Is it? Yeah! 32 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:04,960 -Oh.Bono. -Oh. 33 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,840 -Bono. -What a shame! 34 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,000 (KNOCKS) 35 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:16,080 Would you fancy opening, maybe, Sade? 36 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,360 -Uh, yeah, all right.Yeah? -Wow! 37 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:22,720 -Well, that's great! -As long as you get the others to stop asking me about Africa. 38 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:23,960 Hm? 39 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,440 -Ah. -Shite! 40 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:26,760 Ah, look... 41 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,000 I'm... I'm sorry! 42 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:30,800 I left Africa when I was four, Bob. 43 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:35,000 I can tell them about Colchester, but I'm not sure today's really about Colchester, is it? 44 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,720 -No. Not primarily. -No. 45 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:41,240 So how can I be the African expert? 46 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:44,440 I know the line-up. It doesn't look great. 47 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:47,600 -No. -God knows, we tried! 48 00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:52,200 Prince, Stevie Wonder, Diana Ross, -Michael Jackson. -But they didn't want to do it. 49 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:56,840 -What about the Brits? -Personally, I'd have loved to have had Aswad. 50 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:58,360 Or Steel Pulse. 51 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,640 But they don't have the profile, Sade. 52 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,120 It has to be about the money, Sade, it has to be! 53 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,040 And I know they're a bunch of bleeding lunatics, 54 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:09,160 but they're the biggest acts in the country, yeah? 55 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:14,280 And if I can get those acts on that stage, then we get the money! 56 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:15,800 No, it's cool. 57 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,680 I just didn't think today would involve me 58 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:20,200 explaining to an off-their-tits Status Quo why Africa 59 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,160 is hot in the winter. 60 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,960 Yeah. 61 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,320 -Do you know what I mean?Yeah. -Mm. 62 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,560 -Yeah?OK. -It's fine. 63 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,360 It's not. 64 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,480 -Look, you're not opening, Sade. -No. 65 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,760 And I'll make sure that you get -a sound check. -What?! 66 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,120 No, it's fine. Everything's... 67 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,600 -Jesus! -Everything's fine. Great. 68 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,920 What's wrong with Steel Pulse? I like Steel Pulse. 69 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:52,400 Tony! 70 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,640 Tony, speak to me! 71 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,200 They're running too low, Bob! 72 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,600 It isn't a sustainable situation! What?! 73 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:02,880 You're asking me to transcend the rules of kinetic energy. 74 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,840 To play God in the atheist world of physics! 75 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:09,280 Tony, just tell me in a way that -I'll understand. -Yes. 76 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,080 Right. If one goes, you're fucked. 77 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,720 If two go, you're massively fucked. Bob! 78 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:21,320 -Midge! -I've really got to check on those snacks. 79 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,080 I was just looking for you. 80 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:27,400 Could I have a wee word? Absolutely. Yeah. 81 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,320 OK, Tony. 82 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,840 There's two billion people watching this, 83 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,080 so it's all down to you. 84 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,600 So we're on quite early. 85 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:45,120 Yeah. Yeah, I'm just trying to fit everyone in, like, you know? 86 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,320 I'm surprised to see your mob higher up the bill. 87 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:49,320 No. Really? Are we? 88 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:50,800 Aye. 89 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:52,520 How long's your slot? 90 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:53,840 Um... 91 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,600 I dunno! 92 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,840 Aye, 18 minutes. Hm. 93 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,520 I checked. 94 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,400 Oh, yeah. That's right - 18. 95 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,000 And remind me. 96 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:04,640 How long is I Don't Like Mondays? 97 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,400 I'd say probably like four minutes. 98 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,360 Three minutes, 52 seconds. 99 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:11,920 Yeah. 100 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:13,560 -I checked. -Right. 101 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,000 So are you gonna play it four times? 102 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:19,960 Huh. 103 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,840 I mean, come on, Midge. 104 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,880 We do have other songs. 105 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,600 -You know? -Ho-ho-ho-ho. 106 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,320 -We do! -Ha-ha-ha-ha! 107 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:34,880 Well, thanks for having me. It's good to be here. 108 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,760 Come on, Midge. Don't be like that! Like what? 109 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,440 (EXASPERATED SIGH) 110 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,000 Well, I mean, would you... Would you... 111 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,320 Would you...fancy... 112 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,760 opening? No. Just... No, no, no. 113 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,320 No. No. 114 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,440 Definitely not. 115 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,760 Right, Midge. Well, it's lovely speaking to you, 116 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,720 but just go on and have fun, like everyone else. 117 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,120 Please. 118 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,840 I've gotta get past you, now. 119 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:11,240 Jesus Christ! 120 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:12,880 Crazy bastard! 121 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,280 Can you sign for... Will you fuck off, will you? 122 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:22,800 I'm not sure about having your name plastered all over your guitar, Brian. It looks a bit...showy. 123 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:25,600 I dunno. I quite like it, you know? 124 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:29,240 You got your name on it. It reminds you whose guitar it is, you know? 125 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,760 It would mean you wouldn't keep losing yours, I suppose. 126 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,880 Not a bad point! 127 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,280 Hey, did you come in on Edmonds' chopper, as well? 128 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:37,800 Yeah, that was incredible. 129 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:39,840 Being up there, looking down on the fans. 130 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,600 They were like little ants crawling about. 131 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,600 We got a taxi here, Rick. 132 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,280 -Did we? -Yeah, big time. 133 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,400 Oh, fucking hell! What a taxi! 134 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,000 Here we go! 135 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,400 ♪ Here we go and here we go and here we go! ♪ 136 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,000 That's one of ours. 137 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:59,160 Edmonds shouldn't even be involved, Freddie. He's not rock'n'roll! 138 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,720 -Which one's Edmonds? -He's on TV with a fucking beard. 139 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:04,840 Oh, yeah. The nature stuff. -That's David Bellamy! -Right. 140 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,160 Wish it had been David Bellamy! 141 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,880 David Bellamy wouldn't land -in my fucking garden! -No? 142 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:13,360 Wouldn't dream of it. There's only one big white chopper allowed in my garden 143 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:17,800 and it belongs to a Scandinavian called Horst! Put some fucking trousers on - you look ridiculous! 144 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,440 -Fucking Edmonds! Hello, love. -Hiya. 145 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,160 It's like velvet, darling. What do -you use? -Just shampoo. 146 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,560 Don't you dare!'Sade!' 147 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,920 Phil, are you all right? I'd love to send a message to Africa during my set. 148 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:35,400 OK. Yeah, of course. You can do -that. Absolutely. -Great. 149 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:39,200 Is there an Ethiopian tribal word that means, "This is your day to shine"? 150 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:42,440 Oh, and it would be great if it rhymed with Sussudio. 151 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:43,800 Fuck's sake! 152 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,440 Did you see Hadley's jacket? 153 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,400 -Christ Almighty! -Hi, Bob. How are you? 154 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:50,440 -Good, thank you. -Grand. Fantastic. 155 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,160 On we go. Yep. 156 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:53,960 So, how long?20 minutes. 157 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:57,880 Then Charles, Diana, and two billion people get to watch an empty stage! 158 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,560 Why won't anybody bloody open? Because of the sound check! 159 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,160 It can't just be the sound checks. 160 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:05,760 McCartney? The later they play, the closer they are to him? I don't know! 161 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:11,000 -America! -ABC haven't picked up the feed yet. 162 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:14,480 Sneaky bastards! They all want to make sure they go out in the States! 163 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,400 When did rock stars get so smart?! 164 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,600 You say that... 165 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,600 Come on, Sade! Look out! Oi! 166 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,480 (ROAR OF CROWD)# Here we go and here we go... #Listen to that! 167 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:36,520 Congratulations, lads! 168 00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:38,240 -Pinch me, Rossi! -What a slot! 169 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:41,520 They're banging on about some American thing. 170 00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:43,680 Yeah, some palaver with the time difference. 171 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:46,240 Yeah, well, they're five hours ahead, 172 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,280 so you'll be going out just as the Americans are having their tea. 173 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,720 -Prime time. -Lovely-jubbly! 174 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,360 Hang on. Wait, wait, wait. 175 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,520 Isn't it five hours behind? -No.No. -No. 176 00:08:56,560 --> 00:09:01,360 What it is, lads, is the way that we're using the satellites, 177 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,520 we actually end up reversing the time. 178 00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:07,400 -Yeah? -What are they gonna come up with next? 179 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:08,840 Christ knows! Go on, then. 180 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:11,120 Yeah. Go on, lads. On you go! 181 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,560 Go on! 182 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:16,040 Knock them out, fellas! 183 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,120 (CROWD ROARS) 184 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:20,680 -Are they gonna be all right? -Yep. 185 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,200 They've only got to remember two chords, so... 186 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,280 Hello! 187 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:26,920 (FEEDBACK) 188 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,680 How you doing? All right? 189 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,960 The Quo. 190 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,160 The fucking Quo! 191 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,320 ♪ Rockin' All Over The World 192 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:41,480 ♪ Here we are and here we are and here we go ♪ 193 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,600 Should it be doing that? 194 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,520 -What do you think? -Seems unlikely. 195 00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:54,840 If you don't lose sound soon, it'll be a miracle. 196 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,440 Well, what can you do? 197 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,040 I could rob some power from backstage. 198 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,880 Well, they've all done their hair. Just bloody do it! 199 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,800 -MAN: -All right, Bob? How are you? 200 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,160 How are we for time? On track, more or less. 201 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,600 -U2 only played two songs. -What? 202 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:14,160 Bono had to "save" a girl "from being crushed". 203 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,240 Oh. It'll go far, that one. 204 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,400 And the donations? 205 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:19,960 I'll ask. 206 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,360 Wait. Hang on. Where are we going? I have to get ready! 207 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:26,600 No, you've got to go and say hello to Diana and her bloke. Come on. 208 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,360 Fuckin' bollocks! 209 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,000 Quo! Quo! Quo! Quo! Quo! 210 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:35,800 My heart was going like that. 211 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:39,040 -Got any coke? -I'm trying to stay off -it, Francis. -Fucking dry in here. 212 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,760 There's 72,000 people outside! 213 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:47,320 Are you gonna do Money For Nothing? -Probably. -It's a classic, innit? 214 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:51,200 -DIANA: -Where's Phil Collins? Your Highness, 215 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,120 with the greatest of respect, 216 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:58,520 I think you have some very strange -tastes. -Tell me about it. 217 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,760 Well, I shall look forward to playing for you. 218 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,680 We're leaving soon. Lunch with Mummy at HQ. 219 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:07,080 Right. 220 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:14,240 Please, um, excuse me just for one second. 221 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:16,320 (KNOCKING) 222 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:18,360 OK, Midge, um... A-hem. 223 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:22,960 Bit of a technical - we're having to move you up a few slots. That's fine, love. 224 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,400 OK. 225 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:28,560 MAN:'Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage 226 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,320 'The Boomtown Rats!' 227 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,400 (AUDIENCE ROARS) 228 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,160 That fucking... 229 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,200 Did you see Charles dancing? 230 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,040 Good God, I thought he was having a bleedin' stroke! 231 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,640 I should have known it would end like this. 232 00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:51,960 Do you want me to check on snacks? Look, Midge, I didn't know... 233 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,680 After everything I've done. 234 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,120 Everything YOU'VE done? 235 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:02,560 Midge, I've sacrificed my whole career for this! 236 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,440 You didn't have one to sacrifice! 237 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,480 -What?! -OK, boys. Let's calm down. 238 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:08,560 I wrote the bloody song, Bob! 239 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:12,760 No, you wrote the theme tune to Z Cars and we changed the words! 240 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,160 Oh, really? Well, at least I've got timing! 241 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,320 I'm sorry? 242 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,480 Tell me, Bob. 243 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:26,000 Why don't you jump at the end of songs any more? 244 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:31,400 I don't know what you're talking about. 245 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,160 You can't land on the beat. 246 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,000 I can't what? 247 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,560 That is... That is totally subjective. 248 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,080 Rockstar 101. 249 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:43,080 -And you can't do it. -Oh, I can land -on the beat. -You're incapable of landing on the beat. 250 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,520 I can land on the beat. That is not something you can do. 251 00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:47,160 OK, boys. 252 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,480 -I can land on the beat! -You cannot! 253 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,120 I can land on the beat! 254 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,680 No-o-o!! 255 00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:58,840 I can land on the beat! 256 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,600 The beat cannot be landed. 257 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,000 It was the bravest thing I've ever seen, darling. 258 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:07,280 I don't want the day to become -about me. -Of course! 259 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,760 -That's the last thing I want. -Yes. 260 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:13,280 He said he was told to land in my garden. That he was only following orders. 261 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,800 Where have we heard that before, -David? -Yeah, it sucks. 262 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:18,920 I'm not saying Noel Edmonds is an active Nazi. 263 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,560 -No. -But I'm not saying he's not! 264 00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:24,240 Where's Alison Moyet? 265 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,760 We want them to have it. Yeah. Royalty-free. 266 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:30,320 -For what purpose? -To use as a, um, a what's it? 267 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,120 -National anthem. -National anthem. OK. 268 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:36,960 So you're suggesting that Ethiopia change their national anthem 269 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,560 to Rockin' All Over the World? 270 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,200 There ain't no cure -like rock'n'roll.Amen. -Sister. 271 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:46,920 She liked that, I think. 272 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,480 Do I smell? 273 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:51,000 Yes! 274 00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:58,000 Bob! Bob! 275 00:13:58,040 --> 00:13:59,520 Here you go. 276 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,480 Is that it? 277 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:13,120 That's all we've raised? There was an issue at the start. 278 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:16,000 The BBC didn't have quite enough, um...phones. 279 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,040 -Enough what? -Phones. 280 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,320 -Phones?! -Yeah. 281 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,640 Well, what happened? 282 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:25,760 Bob. OK, I'm your assistant. 283 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,480 I'm not in charge of the phones! 284 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:32,040 And why's the music stopped? 285 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,840 Because the acts know that the sound's on the blink, so they're scared to go on. 286 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,920 Well, this is a bloody mess! 287 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,640 Of course it's a bloody mess! 288 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:43,600 You decided to throw the world's biggest gig in history 289 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,280 with four months' warning 290 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,880 despite everyone in the whole world telling you not to. 291 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,640 It was only ever gonna be a bloody mess, 292 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,440 you stupid Dublin wanker! 293 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,120 Oh, God! 294 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,080 Oh, Jesus. 295 00:14:58,600 --> 00:14:59,920 That's it! 296 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,560 (SIGHS DEEPLY) 297 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,920 I had a chat with Jimmy Savile and he said, "You look out for him because he's fucking trouble." 298 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,200 A beard like an angry vagina. 299 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,720 Listen up. 300 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,280 Will yous listen up, please? 301 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,200 Big, fat, hairy bitch! 302 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:17,840 (CHATTER CONTINUES) 303 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,520 OK. Shut the fuck up! 304 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:27,440 I don't want to hear another word about sound or slots 305 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,400 or bloody begonias! 306 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,920 I will not be silenced! They're plants, Elton, OK? 307 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,520 Flowers. 308 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:40,640 I need five million quid to get food to people who are fucking dying! 309 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,840 OK? They're fucking dying! 310 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,720 So, who's up next? 311 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,160 Hmm? 312 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:58,880 It would be the greatest honour of my life. 313 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,120 We've already been up, Rick. 314 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:03,920 -Have we? -Yes. 315 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,440 What is going on today? 316 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,160 Sit down. 317 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,560 I'll do it. 318 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:17,520 Thank you, Sade. 319 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,080 Now... 320 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,080 I'm gonna raise some money. 321 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,520 Is Bob in trouble? 322 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,680 No, no, no. Rick, do you want a glass of water? 323 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,920 Yeah, if I could, yeah. Thanks, Marsha. 324 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:36,640 We've got some great acts coming up. 325 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,840 And I hope the people at home are enjoying the show 326 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,320 but please, come on, let's not forget 327 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:46,360 'the reason why we're here. It's to raise money, you know?' 328 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,320 'Absolutely. So, the address...' 329 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,920 'Fuck the address. Just read out the phone number.' 330 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:56,880 'I think we're gonna have the address.''Look, pick up the phone and make a donation. 331 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,080 'Just don't go down the pub tonight, please! 332 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,600 'Just stay in, watch the telly and give us the money instead. 333 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,280 'There are people dying, now! 334 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:06,920 'So give me the money!' 335 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:10,200 Oh, let's just play the bloody hits, shall we? 336 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,640 ♪ QUEEN: Hammer To Fall 337 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,480 ♪ Here we stand 338 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,280 ♪ Or here we fall 339 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:28,560 ♪ History won't care at all 340 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:29,920 ♪ Make the bed... ♪ 341 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:33,400 Freddie has them in the palm of his hand! 342 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,640 Course he has! 343 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,120 OK. 344 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,520 So... You're banned from the BBC. 345 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:44,400 -Good. -And donations are up £300 a second! 346 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:46,320 -What?!Yeah!You're joking! -No! 347 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:49,760 No. And while it was wholly justified... 348 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,200 ..I'm sorry for calling you a wanker. 349 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,920 Oh, well, come on. You wouldn't be the first! 350 00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,520 We're gonna get the food trucks! I know. 351 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,360 I fucking know. I fucking know! Come on! 352 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:08,600 Especially when you add in the Band Aid money. 353 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:10,640 From Midge's song. 354 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,160 -I know.Yeah? -I know. I know. 355 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,840 Go on, then. 356 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,720 -For Christ's sake. -Yeah. 357 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,520 Come on. 358 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,200 FREDDIE:# Give it to me one more time! ♪ 359 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,240 I shouldn't have nicked your slot. 360 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:37,000 I shouldn't have said that stuff -about your career. -No, but it's true. 361 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,600 I spent two grand buying copies of our last single. 362 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,080 I thought it didn't chart? It fucking didn't! 363 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,960 -Jesus. -I know. 364 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,800 (CONCERT ANNOUNCEMENTS IN DISTANCE) 365 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,600 You know what? 366 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,560 That's what makes today so impressive, Bob. 367 00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:11,360 You didn't do this as a big star that people want to be seen with. 368 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,040 You did it as a washed-up wanker clinging to a record deal. 369 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,080 This wanker thing is relentless. 370 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:20,080 You had no right to make the day happen. 371 00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:23,120 You built it with your bare hands. 372 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,440 And your anger and your stubbornness. 373 00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:29,160 I'm proud of you, Bob. 374 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:31,840 And... 375 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,840 ..I can land on the beat. 376 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,920 No. You can't. 377 00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:41,600 No. 378 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,360 No, I can't. 379 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:44,760 (AUDIENCE CHEERS) 380 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,920 Who's playing? 381 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,440 It's McCartney, I think. 382 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,400 Why isn't he singing? 383 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,160 Bob? Bob? 384 00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,560 He's not coming through. -I can't hear... Marsha! -Yes? 385 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,720 Talk to me! And then there was one. 386 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,480 The sound's gone on his mic. They can't hear his vocals. 387 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,080 -What?! On McCartney?! -Yes! 388 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:10,920 Jeez, I'll have to leave the country! 389 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,000 Credit to the drummer, he's hanging in there. 390 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:14,680 Just like on the Titanic. 391 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,640 ANNOUNCER:'Sorry about that, folks. Gremlins in the system.' 392 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,200 Fuck it! 393 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,320 Tony, Tony. 394 00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:24,160 What are the chances of just one more! 395 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,520 If you get it from backstage and make it acoustic, you might squeeze one 396 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,600 but we're running on fumes, mate! 397 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,880 Marsha, get the lyric sheets. 398 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,840 -What song? -Midge's song! Come on, let's go! 399 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:38,240 Feed the fucking world! 400 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,440 Let's go. 401 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,280 Marsha, bring them in! 402 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:46,680 Midge. 403 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,840 Snow in Africa at Christmas time?! 404 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:51,560 Best not scrutinise it, yeah? 405 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,920 "Where nothing ever grows"? Reminds me of my fucking garden. 406 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,480 "Feed the Welsh"?!"World", Rick! "Feed the world." 407 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,880 -Fucking cool. -OK, people, listen up. 408 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,840 This is it. It's done. 409 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,200 Now, where's David? 410 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:06,400 Yes? 411 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,160 David, you start, OK? 412 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,280 Give this shite some credibility. Shite? 413 00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:12,960 OK, come on. Let's go. 414 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,440 Let's go. 415 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,920 (CROWD ROARS) 416 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:32,480 Well, go on, then! 417 00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,080 Thank you so much! 418 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,320 It's been a great day! 419 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,240 ♪ Here we stand 420 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,200 ♪ Or here we fall 421 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:11,800 ♪ History won't care at all 422 00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:13,680 ♪ Make the bed 423 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:15,800 ♪ Light the light 424 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,400 ♪ Lady Mercy won't be home tonight 425 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:23,160 ♪ You don't waste no time at all 426 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:27,200 ♪ Don't hear the bell but you answer the call 427 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:30,680 ♪ Comes to you as to us all 428 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,440 ♪ Yeah, we're just waiting for the hammer to fall ♪ 429 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,240 subtitles by Deluxe E-mail sky.subtitles@sky.uk 32103

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