Original subtitles

NARRATOR: Three weeks ago, ten brave individuals

signed up for the adventure of a lifetime

to find true love.

And tonight, on the season finale

ofLove in Bali,

there's only two suitors left.

Who will Trina choose?

Danny, the cowboy from Montana,

or Nick, the day trader from Manhattan?

We're down to the final decision.

Oh, God.

She's going to choose Nick, isn't she?

-[knock on door] -...middle of the country

is right in the middle again.

[knocking]

-[TV continues playing] -[knocking gets louder]

Who is it?

LESTER: Someone good!

See? Didn't I tell you?

Someone good.

Mr. Lester, uh...

What do you need?

Conversation.

Can I come in?

I'd rather it was during work hours.

[chuckling]: You know, I would too.

But we have just, uh, 12 minutes

to discuss an important issue.

Please...

-Come in. -Thank you.

Well, well.

So, this is...

an apartment.

Yeah.

-Student loans. -Yes.

Uh, you said 12 minutes.

Yes. So, now...

Where is this? Um...

Let's see.

-That's my orthodontist appointment. -Um...

This is my pizza. Why do I have that?

[chuckling]

Is this about Mr. Rivi?

Yes. Uh, and no.

Oh, here it is.

See, I really should keep

the new ones on top.

-Uh, it, uh... -It would make my life...

so much easier.

What does Mr. Rivi need?

Well, that's what our conversation

is going to be about.

See, Oscar likes to help his friends.

And he considers you a friend now.

Oh, I don't need any friends, Mr. Lester.

Well, you do on this one.

First...

you can't tell anyone I was here,

or how you heard this.

You have to promise me.

Promise.

You said that too fast.

Think about it, then promise.

Promise.

Good.

So, Oscar has friends in the police department,

and in about ten minutes,

a search warrant is going to be served

on someone close to you.

-Who? -Someone at your firm.

-It... Yeah, who? -Now,

the police are not actually serving the warrant.

The FBI is.

And that's how Oscar got the information.

Because the police hate the Feds.

-And-and who is being served? -Well, let me see.

Uh, I have this on one of these notes.

What? Exercises?

Yes.

Bad back? Because I have a, uh, a chiropractor...

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No.

But why are you doing exercises?

I get migraines.

It-It helps with them.

I'm so sorry.

You know, my mom got terrible migraines.

She would lie on the floor for hours and cry.

It was very sad.

Oh. Here.

Diane Lockhart.

That's who's being served,

in about nine minutes.

You can't tell her how you know this.

You promised.

And be sure to tell her,

be very careful

about any documents pertaining to Oscar.

[phone ringing]

[ringing continues]

Oh, shit.

-[ringing] -[groans]

Ow.

[groans]

If this can wait until tomorrow,

-please hang up right now. -CARMEN: Ms. Lockhart,

I'm sorry. This-this can't wait.

-Who is this? -Carmen.

Moyo, your new associate.

-[sighs] -Okay. What is it, Carmen?

Uh, I can't tell you how I know this,

but in eight minutes, the FBI is going to be serving

a search warrant on your residence.

Where'd you... Where did you get this?

I've been told I can't say.

Rivi?

Ms. Lockhart...

Well, uh... What are they searching for?

I wasn't told.

But they're sure that we're, we're being served tonight?

-Yes. -Okay. Thanks.

-Work? -That was an associate saying that in eight minutes,

our house is going to be searched by the FBI.

Do you believe him?

Her. I don't know. Maybe.

-Eight minutes? -[clears throat]

-[line ringing] -DIANE: Oh, fuck.

-Don't! -No. I'm going to lock it up.

[ringing]

Liz, I'm sorry to bother you.

Diane, can this wait?

I don't think it can.

The new associate, Carmen,

she called with a tip saying

that the FBI is executing a search warrant

on our house in a few minutes.

Wait. What... What?

Wh-Where did she get the...

-where did she get the tip? -I don't know.

She couldn't say. Rivi?

Uh, yeah, or-or Wolfe-Coleman.

-[giggling] -Oh, my God.

She's tangled up with some rough characters.

I mean...

All right, you know what? We need to...

we need to, um....

We need to, uh, purge your files

'cause the FBI are always...

[chuckles, breathes heavily]

[laughing]

What?

Nothing. Nothing.

The-the Feds are always trying

-to pierce attorney-client... -What is that?

-Uh, pierce... -Nothing.

Kurt, what is that?

-...attorney-client privilege. -Business.

So, uh, we need, we need

to get your files purged.

You know what? Hold on. I'm just gonna...

I'm gonna...

I'm gonna loop in Jay.

Okay? [chuckling]

[buzzing]

[clears throat]

Hello?

Hello.

LIZ: Jay, hey. Um...

It's Liz. I have Diane with me.

We need to purge her computer.

Supposedly, we're being searched in a few minutes by the FBI.

FREDRICK DOUGLASS: The life of a nation is secure

only when that nation is honest.

[clears throat loudly]

Okay.

Diane,

is your laptop powered up?

Yes.

Now what are you doing?

ATF advice on when you're searched.

JAY: Diane...

I wrote a PowerShell script that can delete work files,

but you need to access it

through the "newfolder" path.

What does that mean?

-A man is worked upon... -Shh.

-by what he works on. -Shh!

Jay, what does that mean?

-JAY: Don't you sleep? -Oh, can't a brother see 'em?

-LIZ: Shh. -JAY: Just hold the "Pause" button down...

...by his circumstances, the circumstances...

Hit restart and press "Command" and "R."

...will carve him out, as well.

-JAY: Shh. -Uh...

[chimes]

-All right, got it. -When you see the logo,

-let go. -...any people will quietly submit to...

When you see a recovery mode menu...

...and you have the exact measure

-of the injustice and wrong... -...choose "Disk Utility,"

then "Erase," then "Quit...

-Disk Utility"! -...which would be imposed upon them.

All right. Oy.

LIZ: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

-Diane. Diane. -Let me see 'em. Let me see 'em.

-Diane. -What?

When Boseman left, you were, um, you working remotely,

and so we printed out all your files and sent them to you.

Oh, my God. I've got five boxes here.

The shredding service was supposed to pick them up.

Wha-- Oh, shit. [inhales]

-WOMAN: Federal agents. -[pounding on door]

-Here to serve a search warrant. -DIANE: Liz, I'm-I'm

-[pounding on door] -going to need you to take my 9:00 a.m.

-What? Why? -The Feds are going to want to review my hard copies.

-[pounding] -I'll need to get to court.

-It's this build-your-own-court guy. -Who?

-Hal Wackner. -[pounding grows more insistent]

He just wants to know how courts work.

Just give him a half hour and cut him loose.

KURT: Okay?

[Diane sighs]

-[metal rattling] -[sighs]

[sighs] Diane Lockhart.

What a small world.

It's Nancy Crozier, remember?

-I'm working as an AUSA now. -Yes.

-[glass shatters] -I'm, uh, sorry about that.

Balthazar, would you mind?

All right.

Oh. Sorry.

And we will keep an accounting of any breakage.

I would have picked it up myself. I'm just, um...

I'm four months pregnant.

I have a, uh, duly-authorized search warrant here

that gives us the right to enter and search the premises.

If this is about my work,

-these materials are covered by attorney-client privilege. -No.

Actually, it's, it's about your husband.

Sir, I am here to serve you with a search warrant.

♪

♪

♪

♪

[elevator bell dings]

[indistinct chatter]

Ms. Reddick, how are you?

Good, Mr. Cooper. How are you?

Good. Shall we begin?

Oh.

I'm taking Diane's 9:00.

So, just call me when he gets here.

It's some judge guy.

You said the, uh, restroom is down the hall to the right?

Yeah.

♪

Excuse me.

Where am I supposed to go for the staff meeting?

The partner meeting or the associate one?

Whichever's more interesting.

I only know about the associate one.

That's where I want to go.

Thank you.

-Who is he? -I don't know. Why?

Um, he's coming to our daily.

Oh, is that the STR Laurie guy?

He's reviewing who was kept on after the firings.

Oh, God. I don't think I was nice to him.

-Well, he can't fire you because you weren't very nice. -Yes, he can.

Mm.

WOMAN: People always think I'm a lesbian.

And some people won't ask me.

They do non-verbal communication communication.

I can tell they're trying to ask if I'm a lesbian.

They look at me and they go, "Are you, uh...

They do, like, a wiggle.

They're like, "Are you a little, uh..."

Ah... you know.

And I always play dumb, I'm like,

I don't know, have Parkinson's?

They're like, "No, you know..."

I've got a boyfriend. He's awesome.

I love him so much.

We met online.

He is Nigerian.

Mm-hmm.

He's a prince. I swear to God.

A Nigerian prince.

And he gets me to do things,

ooh, I never thought I would do.

You know what I'm saying?

You know how they call Nigeria

-a shithole country? -[David laughs]

Very funny.

Though maybe problematic.

Morgan's act is edgy, and that's what we want.

But now, someone's posted this video online,

and, uh, we're getting a lot of Twitter pushback.

Ah. So, you're worried about being cancelled?

Ooh. Ooh. Don't say the "C" word.

-But, uh, yeah. -DAVID: [chuckles] Well...

We want your business, Mr. Cooper.

You want us to sue.

We're ready.

No, I want you to do a sensitivity read.

Really?

Yes. We have an $8 million contract to stream her act.

So, we want you to review her set for...

cultural inaccuracies,

representation issues, bias,

stereotypes, problematic language, blah, blah, blah.

And, uh, why us?

Well, clearly because we're one of the best firms in Chicago.

Because you're a Black firm,

and most of Morgan's jokes touch on racial themes.

And we were thinking of bringing you

all of our legal business anyway, so...

this may be a good way to take you for a test drive.

Well, I think you'll find us street ready.

[chuckling]

And uh, hey, we wouldn't mind if Morgan's act stayed funny.

Right? We have over 200 million subscribers.

-Somebody somewhere is always gonna be offended. -LIZ: Okay.

How soon do you need this?

-Day after tomorrow. -Ah.

I've been told you, uh, work fast.

[cell phone ringing]

Uh, well, we... We do our best.

Oh, excuse me. I need to...

-I need to get this. -Yes, ma'am.

COOPER: I'll be in touch.

Hey. You still in court?

Yeah. They're delaying us.

Us? What do you mean, "us"?

The search warrant wasn't about me.

It was about Kurt.

Kurt? Why?

January 6.

Some veterans he took shooting stormed the Capitol.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. So, this could take a while.

-And you're defending Kurt? -Yes.

How did my 9:00 go?

Why are you being so casual with him?

That is Del Cooper.

-We want his streaming business. -David, I am on the phone.

-Oh, I thought you were ignoring me. -Can we just deal

-with this later, please? -Oh, as in...

when you lose the client?

-Priorities, Liz. -All right, sorry.

Uh, yeah. Your 9:00,

the kooky court guy, he didn't show up.

Yes. Well, he may arrive late.

He's unpredictable.

DEVIN: We're tight on paralegal hours.

So make sure you keep track,

and we'll divvy up at the end of the week.

Well, I think we should give seniority to the associate

-with the most billable hours. -I would agree.

But I think it should be billable hours

over a whole quarter, not just the month.

What are you two talking about?

I just want to be clear for our fact-finding guest

-how we do things here. -Oh, don't mind me.

-Is there any way we can help with your fact-finding, Mr... -Wackner.

I guess, uh... I don't want to interrupt.

-No, don't worry. Please. -Please.

Well, I do have questions about jury trials.

-Oh, of course. -There's a lot of issues.

-That's definitely... -Jury selection...

Those files are covered

by attorney-client privilege, Your Honor.

My agents smelled wh...

Sorry. One second.

Just... Phew.

False alarm. [chuckles]

My agents smelled recent burning activity,

and found ashes in the fireplace.

From my husband and I enjoying a fire.

Well, they saw no evidence of firewood.

Yes, which is what happens when you burn firewood.

CROZIER: Your Honor, this is not the issue.

The issue is that we need to review the contents

of these boxes that Ms. Lockhart tried to burn.

-Objection. -Sustained.

DIANE: Any review would pierce

attorney-client privilege, Your Honor.

Ms. Crozier, help me understand.

Your warrant was for Mr. McVeigh.

Yes?

Then why do we need to review all the boxes?

[sighs] Okay.

Unfortunately, and I'm very embarrassed to admit this,

but... I'm pregnant.

Four months. It's a girl.

We decided on the name Tabitha.

FARLEY: Very nice. Very nice.

I love it when we get to share these private moments.

I'm sorry, the point.

I was, uh, carrying files pertaining to Mr. McVeigh

and I slipped.

Oh, my God. Are we really doing this, Your Honor?

CROZIER: If I could continue.

I slipped and Mr. McVeigh's files got mingled

-in with Ms. Lockhart's. -FARLEY: Oh, yes.

I hate when that happens.

Unfortunately, the Bureau now needs to go through

all the files to distinguish which is applicable

to our search warrant.

-Your Honor... -No. No. No.

You don't have to do that.

The court will appoint a neutral official

who will review and separate the files.

No one's happy.

Perfect.

Diane.

Such a pleasure to face you in court today.

Do you have a minute?

-Ms. Crozier... -Oh, Nancy's fine.

This is the moment when you impress me

with all the evidence you have against my husband

and suggest he cop a plea.

So we can do that right here.

Certainly.

Dylan Pike says that Kurt is not only concealing

the names of insurrectionists,

but that he was the ringleader of those insurrectionists.

Really? [chuckles]

The accused man you threatened with prison

threw somebody else under the bus? How novel.

Hi, Diane. I'm heading to Judge Leon's court.

Hi, Diane.

Whoop. Sorry.

Diane.

If I were your husband, I would talk.

Mr. Pike seemed very convincing.

And we know how these things work.

The first person who talks gets a deal.

The last person who talks gets prison.

20 years, to be specific.

So, I think it's time to talk.

It wasn't a legal issue.

It was something for work.

If you're keeping it from the FBI, it's a legal issue.

Are you not telling me because I'm your lawyer,

or because I'm your wife?

Because of your politics.

Oh, come on.

Turning in insurrectionists should be our politics.

Diane, this works between us

because we don't let our political judgements

overwhelm our respect for each other.

Kurt, I lived through eight years of the Tea Party

and four years of Trump,

but January 6...

I mean, that, that....

that changed everything for me.

I can't treat this like a chess game anymore.

And what is a chess game here?

Us?

This marriage?

No.

That's the one thing that's not a game.

[sighs]

It was a list of the 80 members

of the Gun and Ammo club.

That's what I burned.

They're not insurrectionists.

But I know that the FBI would treat them like they were.

And I swear to you, I would protect them

just like I would protect your book-group friends.

All right, so, we're going to go through it page by page.

And, uh, if anybody has any problems,

just stop me. Okay?

Remember, streaming is the future.

-So don't fuck around. -Wow.

LIZ: Very inspiring, David. Thank you.

Inspiring words.

Okay. Here we go.

"If it looks like I'm walking funny,

you have to understand my boyfriend is Nigerian."

-[chuckling] -MADELINE: Stop.

She's objectifying Black men.

DANIEL: Yes. Although in this case, I don't mind.

It doesn't matter if you mind.

-It's racially insensitive. -Oh...

Even though her boyfriend isNigerian?

That doesn't matter, either.

Something can be true and racially insensitive

if she generalizes from a specific to a universal.

DANIEL: But how is she doing that?

The joke is based on the audience's shared understanding

-of a stereotype. -[arguing over each other]

Okay. Okay. Enough.

-Let's try to focus. -Okay. Hello.

Wait. Now, let's be positive.

All right? Now, let's-let's-let's think.

Is there anything that we could throw in there that wouldn't

throw off the rhythm?

-You know, rhythm is important. -Yeah.

Norwegian.

Why would she be walking funny if her boyfriend was Norwegian?

You know what they say about those Norwegians.

-Okay, fine. Then think of something better. -Do you even understand

-what this is? -If you're so worried about

offending people on Twitter,

how about the Amish? They don't tweet much.

That's a religion. You don't make fun of a person's religion.

-I was joking. -LIZ: All right.

If you have to explain that you're joking,

-it's not a joke. -Is that so?

Okay, Jay, I need you to look into two things.

First, this man, Dylan Pike.

-Kurt's friend? -They are not friends.

They're... I don't know what they are.

But I need to know if he's actually trying to set Kurt up

as a ringleader of the insurrectionists.

-I know. -[knock on door]

Ms. Lockhart, you wanted to see me?

Yes, come on in. Thank you, Jay.

Good luck.

Carmen, I need to congratulate you

on hitting the ground running here.

And I need to know...

who told you about the search warrant?

I was asked to not divulge.

You cannot be asked that.

I am covered by the same attorney-client privilege

that covers you.

It's my understanding that the search warrant

was actually served on another case.

Not one of mine, one regarding your husband.

So this came from Rivi?

I apologize.

I can't confirm that.

Carmen, you have been here three weeks.

You have two clients, Wolfe-Coleman and Oscar Rivi.

It's one or the other.

Can I make a phone call, Ms. Lockhart?

-I think that would be smart. -Diane, you wanted me?

What is going on with your crazy court judge?

My...?

Marissa, I am in no mood for defensiveness.

Wackner missed his 9:00 a.m. meeting,

and then I see him in federal court shadowing Leah.

He... What?

Find out what is going on with him.

I can't have him out there freelancing.

[crowd chattering]

Welcome, one. Welcome, all.

I need everybody to pipe down, please.

Don't make me use my gavel.

Okay, I need all prospective jurors to line up

against the brand-new, beautiful jury box,

shortest to tallest.

Dean will give you your numbers.

DEAN: Right this way, folks.

There's my muse.

In chambers?

So, juries now?

Yeah, I was inspired by your firm.

Your associates told me about how juries are racially biased.

I'm trying to correct it.

Our associates?

My boss said you didn't make your 9:00 a.m.

No, I did.

I waited.

And then I decided to take my own fact-finding tour.

-What does that mean? -Whenever you're kept waiting,

ask the receptionist where the restroom is.

When they say, "Turn right at the end of the hall,"

turn left.

I saw your sign outside.

-Oh. It's looking good. Yeah? -And the bench.

-Spiffier. -Yeah.

Where's the money coming from?

A sympathetic donor.

Come on, help me out here.

It's a jury trial, so wh... What do I do?

One thing I've learned about you, Judge.

You just pretend to be dumb to get everyone around you to talk.

So talk.

Uh. Well, what's the case?

NFT fraud.

I don't know what that is.

Non-fungible token.

Someone sold a painting that was a NFT fake.

And they're suing them for $4 million.

You're hearing a case involving $4 million?

-It's a jury trial. -Okay, but that's...

Wh... how...

This was cute when it was the People's Court.

But why would anybody agree to let you decide?

Signed and notarized.

Both sides will honor the jury's verdict.

But this was notarized in your fictional court,

by you, about a fictional case.

About a fictional crime.

Faking a NFT.

-[scoffs] -Marissa...

It seems there are some last remaining brain cells

in there that are unwilling to climb on board.

This is a court.

In fact, it is better than a court.

A court is defined by the justice it administers...

...not by the ceremony it displays.

That's not Shakespeare.

'Tis moi.

So...

Come on.

I, uh...

I bought your services from your law firm.

I have a chair for you out there.

Has your name on it.

What else do you need?

[indistinct chatter]

You like it?

All righty.

Good job.

Juror number five, step forward, please.

Turn around.

Raise your hands.

-What's the name? -Michael from Wicker Park.

Michael, do you know the words to the National Anthem?

Yes.

Okay, let's hear it.

-Now? -Yeah.

♪ Oh, say can you see♪

♪ By the dawn's early light♪

♪ By the...♪

♪ Um...♪

Liar. Dean, kick him.

Okay.

Juror number one.

Step forward, please.

-what's your name, young lady? -Gina from Logan Square.

Hello, Gina from Logan Square.

Do you know the words to the National Anthem?

I... don't.

Do you know of the third question

asked of King Arthur in the Holy Grail?

Is this a Monty Python question?

Because I hate Monty Python.

WACKNER: Oh, that's unfortunate. I love it.

Does that change your mind?

No.

Take your place in the jury box.

What do we got here?

Um, number seven.

Do you know who Jerry Garcia was named after?

JUROR SEVEN: I... um...

WACKNER: [imitates buzzer] Jerome Kern.

-[phone chimes] -[group arguing]

What can she make fun of?

Make him Brazilian.

It's the right rhythm, and they're burning the Amazon.

No one will care.

-They're Hispanic. -Latinx.

-Oh, my God. -[arguing]

Look who's in there.

They're old.

Plus, none of us go to comedy clubs.

We don't know stand-up, and we're not funny.

-I'm funny. -Liz, you're--

you're a brilliant lawyer, but, nothing personal,

you're not a barrel of laughs.

Hey, Diane, Jay thinks that we need younger people in there.

Oh, God. Yes.

So, I'll get the mail room.

Okay, but you really think I'm not funny?

No offense.

Um, listen.

I think you should be in on this meeting.

What meeting?

Let's talk hypothetically,

shall we, for a moment?

If that helps.

Let's say I have a client

who receives information from people who are not fans

of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

-Okay? -And let's say...

that he worries, this unnamed client,

that the investigation of your husband

might actually be a smoke screen for coming after him.

Has something happened?

Hypothetically.

Well, there is a new piece of information,

and I'd like to share it with the two of you.

But let me start by saying,

my client likes Carmen.

LIZ: Well, that's good to know.

Carmen a valued first-year associate.

LESTER: It's one of the reasons...

No, strike that, it's the only reason

that he's staying with this firm.

And so if Carmen tells you

that she can't share with you a piece of information,

then she can't share with you a piece of information.

No, Mr. Lester, that is not at all how this works.

I'd better step out.

-No, no, no, no, no, no, no. -No. No. Stay.

Now, I am a name partner.

Carmen is a first-year associate.

She's only been out of law school for how long?

How many months?

-Eight. -Eight months.

Now, Carmen is free to resign,

and hang her shingle wherever she'd like.

She can even go and work for you.

That is up to her.

But while she is here, she is subject to the rules

and the mentoring of this firm.

Carmen, why don't you and I talk?

No.

We need to know now if Carmen is staying,

not after you two talk.

If she leaves right now,

we will look for another associate.

But you have a lot to learn, Carmen,

and you can only do that here.

LESTER: Well, that's what worries me.

There are some explosions of talent

that are best left untaught.

Well, I disagree with you, but this is up to Carmen.

Carmen?

Mr. Lester, I'm...

I'm staying here.

Well, I'll talk to my client.

Oh. [chuckles]

You asked if something happened.

Uh, it will happen in ten minutes.

Your husband, uh, will be served with a grand jury summons.

Kurt, call me.

In about ten minutes, you're probably going to be served

with a grand jury summons.

Don't worry, it is just a power play by this AUSA.

So, we'll just...

Kurt...

I'll have to call you back.

I've just been served.

JULIUS: Each of you has been given a paddle.

One side is red, the other green.

As we go through the material,

I want you to hold up the red side

if you find the joke offensive,

green for funny.

"What is it with Amish having such

"big, juicy butts?

Must be all those buggy rides."

[laughing] Buggy rides.

Come on, anybody.

Uh, red, offensive; green, funny.

What if it's neither?

Can we see the original joke before it was sensitized?

[laughter]

-Now, that's funny. -And offensive.

But the whole point is to be subversive, right?

And we're going to piss off the client if we turn it into shit.

-Yeah. -[all murmur agreement]

-That's our job. -Hey, hey, hey.

I've seen this woman in clubs,

and I'm not offended.

And last I checked, I'm Black.

-He is Black. -So, just let the woman do her thing.

-All right, has anybody filled this guy in... -Okay, but...

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. We're getting off track.

-Okay. -DANEIL: You young people

know more about this than we do.

So, we need your help.

What's safe for her to joke about?

You want to make people laugh, you joke about sex.

Okay? That's what I do.

-Yeah, and it's offensive. -And anti-woman.

But you can't tell a joke without offending someone.

That's not true.

W.S. Gilbert still delights,

over a hundred years later, with delicious wordplay.

Except Gilbert & Sullivan

is classist and colonialist bullshit.

Fine.

Then how about dumb blondes?

-Hey. -Take it back.

[murmuring, arguing]

[low chatter]

♪ Got a hold on me...♪

-[laughter] -So like, so like...

-...like, fall apart, and I was like... -Mm. Okay. Wow.

Where are the dancing girls and slot machines?

Hey...

-Hey, want a drink? -Am I Marissa?

-Hey. -Mm. Yeah. -Thank you.

-[laughing] -So what's so funny?

Uh, just how the partners' ideas on comedy lack...

-Actual humor? -Yeah, and grit and grime.

You know, I like my comedy like I like my women.

-Dirty? -JIMMY: No.

Sharp, and-and mean.

Hey, you know, when we were kids we used to cut each other up.

At my school, we used to crack on each other about everything.

If you had a limp or a speech impediment.

Or your hair was too nappy or too straight.

Uh, if you were fat or looked starved.

-Uh... Are you serious? -Oh...

-We peed in a girl's shampoo bottle. -No, that crosses the line.

And now it's like you need a permission slip to tell a joke.

Yeah, and that's why I printed up these.

Boom.

Oh, my God, a permit to tell a joke. I love it.

Hey, you can have that one.

Uh, I don't think I should make a Black joke.

Well, I can handle it.

-Can I get a Jewish one? -[scoffs]

Here.

-Jay, you want one? -Shit, I want more than one. Come on.

So, what? You're just going to hand these around?

Yeah, like trading cards or Bitcoin.

What else you got?

Um, feminists.

Uh, Obama, Kamala.

-Mmm... -Uh, Republicans.

-The Fats. -[laughing]

-Ooh, skinny bitches, that's a good one. -Yeah. Yeah.

Is there anything we can't do?

Uh. Necrophilia?

Mm. No. That could be funny.

Autism.

-Selena Gomez's kidney transplant. -Hey.

-Put one in just to throw everybody off. -All right.

One that's so inappropriate even you wouldn't joke about it.

Wait. Do you think we could get cancelled for even joking

-about being cancelled? -Oh, yeah.

All right, wait. Here it comes now.

Try this one and see.

-Mm. No, no, no, no, no. -Mm. No.

-Come on. Come on. -No. No. I'm not touching that.

-No, no. Come on. -[laughing]: Oh, God. Okay.

-Greta Thunberg walks into a bar... -And...

-No. I can't do it. -Ah, come on now.

-Uh, she's a child. -No, she's not.

-She's 18. -You're heart's not even in it.

[sighs]

Do you think I'm funny?

During sex?

No.

Did I look at you like you were funny?

Well, then that's my bad 'cause I was making my...

"Damn, baby. You fine. Get over here" face.

[both laughs]

No.

No. Shut up. No. No.

I was...

No. I was, I was told today that I'm not funny.

Really? By who?

Because, because you're funny.

All right, you just said that in a way

that makes it sound like I'm not funny.

Wow.

That's a lot to read from just tone.

[stammers] You see,

this is a discussion nobody's going to win.

Oh, God.

You don't think I'm funny.

No, uh. Okay, baby. Look.

Funny people aren't funny.

All right, you're going to have to explain that.

[chuckles] Okay.

Funny people don't laugh.

They just stare at you and, and they say "Now, that's funny."

They're not fun to be around.

Oh, but you're, you're funny.

Oh, you think I'm funny.

See. That's why I love you.

[chuckling] Okay. Okay, wait. Wait.

-[stammers] By love... -No. No.

-I meant... -We don't, we don't have to talk about it.

No. Wait. Wait. Stop now. Look.

By love, I meant affection.

I have affection towards you.

Then maybe we should get married.

Ah. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

-Now, now that's funny. -Thank you.

-All right. Yeah. -Thank you. I am funny.

-You just... I can hear the applause now. -That's right.

DIANE: Kurt, listen to me.

You can be jailed for contempt.

I'm not naming names. I'll just take the Fifth.

But you need a good-faith reason to invoke the Fifth Amendment.

If you don't have one--

and God knows, I hope that you don't--

you can still be held in contempt.

Who decides if I have a good-faith reason?

A judge.

Kurt, you're a witness in a grand jury proceeding,

not a gunslinger at the O.K. Corral.

Toughness is not what counts here.

Mr. And Mrs. McVeigh. Hello.

Are you ready?

-Kurt? -I'm ready.

Oh, not you, uh, Diane.

Oh. I'm first?

Yes.

I do go shooting with my husband occasionally,

but I wasn't with him when he allegedly trained

some of these men, so I can't identify them.

Are you sure about that, Ms. Lockhart?

I am sure of that, Ms. Crozier.

Can I play you a tape recording?

No.

That was a joke.

This is your grand jury.

You can play anything you want.

DIANE [recorded]: Uh. Hello, yes.

I would like to report the name

of one of the January 6 rioters

I saw on your poster.

Dylan Pike.

CROZIER: Isn't that your voice,

identifying one of the men that your husband trained?

-It is my voice, but... -So...

you do, in fact, know a name.

I didn't get that name from Kurt.

I got that name from our firm's investigator,

and it's the only one I know.

But a moment ago, you said that you didn't know any...

[exhales sharply, moans]

...any of the names.

No, you asked me if I could identify any of the men

that my husband trained, and I said I could not.

And I still cannot.

Okay.

If that's how you want to leave it.

Well, this is your questioning.

It's where you want to leave it.

Kurt, listen.

I need to explain something.

-Mr. McVeigh? Are you ready? -DIANE: Uh, please.

Can you give us just a minute?

-We need Mr. McVeigh now. -Just a minute.

[exhales]

Did you get a-- a card on your desk?

Yeah. Yeah, mine says, "Good for one joke about little people."

What about you?

White girl clothes.

Huh. Did you use it?

What does that mean, use it?

Well, I-- I don't know, I think it means

that you're supposed to use

this card to tell one joke.

Oh, I don't want to tell a joke about white girl clothes.

-All right. Well, then trade. -Oh.

Is this about people making fun of the partners

'cause they think we're not funny?

Well, I don't know.

Maybe we need to look for someone with a "partners" card.

LEAH: I want your white feminist card.

I don't know if I can trust you with it.

-LEAH: Oh. -This is like Park Place.

I'll let you have my jokes about Make-a-Wish kids.

-I have ethnic accents. -Ooh.

I am really good at doing accents.

What is going on here? Who did this?

Who do you think? The mail room.

All right, we're going to have to get a handle on this

before the streamers come back.

Because this is not sensitivity-read material.

-Mm. -[chattering, laughing]

JAY: Do the, uh, the African one. The, uh...

-[accent]: The Nigeria one. -[laughter]

JAY: Eh, I don't know, that's more Indian.

-I don't know what that was. -[laughs]

[phone chimes]

Shit.

JAY: What?

HR wants to see me.

[Jay's phone chimes]

Me, too.

[multiple phones chiming]

-[employees chattering] -JAY: Oh, okay...

-[chiming] -[chattering]

Uh...

[phones continue chiming]

The fun's over. Someone talked to HR.

-It's cool, it's cool. -No, no, no, no. No.

All right. No. Here's what we do.

Nothing.

We all refuse to go.

They can't fire all of us.

Actually, they probably can.

So we delay.

Everyone says they're busy, which we all are,

and they'll stop by...

next month.

-[laughing] -That's-that's not a bad idea.

Yeah, no, I-I think it is.

[phone buzzes]

Oh, come on.

-Your next witness, buddy. -Yes, Your Honor.

I'd like to call the inventor

of the NFT artwork, Mr. Earle.

I want to be clear to the members of the jury

that all witnesses will be fully costumed.

So you have no idea of race or class status.

Oop, easy does it.

Dean, help him up.

Oh, no, wrong way. You're getting cold.

There you go.

Welcome.

Don't sit on your stinger. Easy.

So, Mr. Earle,

very simply, can you tell us what an NFT artwork is?

It's a unique piece of art,

made up of a blockchain that establishes its uniqueness.

The blockchain tech behind NFTs

allows us a means of authentication.

Allows proof of ownership

to be assigned to digital art works

which makes collectibles one of a kind.

[whispers]: Mr. Cord, hi.

Ah. Hi.

You're Eli Gold's little girl.

-His daughter. -Yeah.

I saw you last at my work.

That's right, yeah. Come on.

Join me.

This is a thing, isn't it?

Um... Yeah.

How do you know about it?

Well, I met the judge, uh, where you work, on the elevator.

Sounded interesting, his little project.

Your Honor, this is prejudicial.

I actually agree.

And I will instruct the jury to disregard.

But my guess is he...

won't mind, because juries can't disregard something

they've already heard.

So, before we started, I required both lawyers

to give me photos of themselves in nothing but a diaper

and sucking their thumbs.

-Your Honor, I didn't intend... -Yes, you did.

So...

Please disregard this photo you are about to see.

[laughter]

I think you are the next GQcover, my friend.

So you're financing this?

WACKNER: Oh, don't look so happy, Mr. Defense Lawyer...

How much?

Start-up money, five million.

[Wackner continues indistinctly]

Why are you interested?

Well... this is the future.

We're disrupting things, you see?

Commerce and travel, communications,

currency-- now justice.

The key isn't the money.

The key is I'm bringing cases.

To the back room of a copy store?

Oh.

Have you ever seen

the garage where they founded Hewlett-Packard?

It's about a fifth the size of this room,

and it's a museum now.

It's our hallowed ground.

20 years from now, this will be a museum.

It will be a shrine, to...

-to Justice. -WACKNER: You are dismissed.

-Your witness. -Oh...

Here comes the defendant.

You remind me of an old joke.

Guy walks into a Florida bar with his alligator,

says to the bartender, "You serve lawyers here?"

Thank you, Mr. McVeigh, for responding to our summons.

You're welcome.

McVeigh. That's...

That's an unfortunate name.

Any relation?

I've been told, by my lawyer,

to respond to all your questions,

"I refuse to answer on the grounds

that it may tend to incriminate me."

Really? Asking if you're related to the Oklahoma bomber?

That might incriminate you?

I've been told, by my lawyer,

to respond to all your questions,

-"I refuse to answer on the grounds that it... -Okay.

...may tend to incriminate me."

Let's turn to January 6 of this year.

All we want to know are the names of the gunmen you trained.

Do you know those names?

I've been told, by my lawyer,

to respond to all your questions,

"I refuse to answer on the ground

-that it may tend to incriminate me." -Mr. McVeigh.

You have to have a good-faith reason

to invoke the Fifth Amendment.

You can't just use it to avoid answering questions.

Because I can hold you in contempt for refusing to answer.

Is that a question?

Yes.

I've been told by my lawyer to respond to all your questions,

-[sighs] -"I refuse to answer on the grounds

-that it may tend to incriminate me." -Let's talk about your lawyer.

Because, uh, you know...

I don't know that she has your best interests at heart.

Let me play you a tape.

DIANE: Uh, hello. Yes.

I would like to report the name

of one of the January 6 rioters

I saw on your poster.

Dylan Pike.

No.

Uh, I'd rather not leave my name.

CROZIER: The only reason that you're here

is because your wife is a talker.

Would you like to comment on that?

I've been told by my lawyer...

Oh.

I should have told you.

I'm sorry.

But I knew you'd be upset, so I withheld.

I was wrong.

So... so what happened?

Did you take the Fifth?

Did she allow it?

Kurt.

I need a new lawyer.

♪

LIZ: Okay. We need to ask everybody to cool it,

because we're all getting calls from HR.

I didn't even make a joke, and I'm being called.

All right, so we'll just collect the cards

and we'll just... we'll go back to normal.

They were harmless.

HR needs to stop harassing us.

Everyone got along. No one got into a fight.

Everybody got that it was a joke.

I'm not going up to see them.

Well, we can't boycott HR.

-Why not? Downstairs is. -Because we're adults.

As partners, we work with HR, not against them.

So nobody here is joining any boycott.

So we have to go up and be questioned and sensitized again?

Oh. All right. All right. All right. Fine.

I will-- I will go up first and talk to them.

Oh. Oh. Look who's here.

Okay. I will, um, walk them through our work.

Okay...

I am sorry I missed you the other day, Mr. Wackner.

It couldn't be avoided.

Oh, it was no problem.

I found it incredibly educational.

Yes. Marissa says that you have been busy.

She also says you have great plans for your court.

Well, if you call it "great' that I finally

got a plumber to fix my toilet.

I put in one of those Japanese toilets.

Have you used one of those? The seat's always warm.

I-I would call great, uh, a $5 million investment.

Actually, I met Hal right here.

So, we have you to thank for bringing us together, Diane.

I'm going to double his retainer

so that you can give your full attention

to the 9 3/4 Circuit.

The kind of attention it really deserves.

Would you like my advice?

Yes.

You can't be judging cases thrown at you by David Cord

if David Cord is financing your court.

That is corruption.

I have absolutely no vested interest in any of these cases.

-None. -Well, how is that possible?

I'm stepping away from my businesses.

I want to work on this country.

I want to... I want to bring it back.

I'm retiring.

WACKNER: I know my promise won't do much good here.

But, uh, I don't care if Jesus himself financed my court.

I'd cash his checks and judge against him.

I am the most untouchable man on Earth.

You know why?

"I got nothing to lose,

-and nothing to gain." -Mm.

That's a Todd Snider song.

♪ I got nothing to lose, nothing to gain♪

♪ It's like a one way ticket to cruise in the passing lane♪

♪ I cannot complain.♪

Okay, gentlemen.

What advice do you need?

DAVID: As you can see,

we offered alternate lines, when appropriate.

COOPER: Yeah. Yeah, I can see that.

-This is, uh, very thorough work. -LIZ: Thank you.

I won't say it was easy.

Well, you know what they say, comedy is hard.

-Right, Morgan? -Not done yet.

[stammers] Yeah, we, well, we...

-really liked the original pages... -Uh, just...

Just so you know,

uh, we have other services too.

Our litigation department is one of the best in the country.

You don't like it?

Um. No, I, I... [coughs]

I... I love it.

I... I love it.

This is, uh... [whoops]

This is the funniest thing I've read in years.

It's the funniest thing from a lawyer since...

since Dershowitz stripped down for a massage.

[laughter]

We can take another look at it.

Morgan, we don't want to get cancelled. Okay?

You're right. You're right.

You're right. You're right to be worried.

In fact, I will give you a list of Twitter cancellers

that you can put on stage when I get cancelled.

I'm sure they're just as funny.

Maybe not as funny as...

this, but... [whoops]

This is going to be hard to beat.

I mean, if you read what I read?

Do we have the same copy, because...

Eieesh, you guys.

Funny...

I know comedy and this is...

Aw! You're too good.

I get it. I get it.

This, though... Wait a minute.

Norwegians. Did you see that part?

Get out with the Norwegians!

Who...

came up with the Norwegians?

You? Maybe you.

You guys are all going to be big on TikTok. I have a feeling.

Because anybody that says "Norwegians" as a punchline

is too good. [whoops]

It's too good. It's so good, in fact, I'm quitting the business.

-Finally, someone is just... -Well...

-is just sticking it to the Norwegians. -This was helpful.

-MORGAN: Screw 'em! -Our firm can handle all your needs.

-MORGAN: You've peaked in comedy. -I'll be in touch.

-MORGAN: I'm out. -Ms. Reddick...

-Mr. Cooper. -I'm quittin' the business, congratulations.

Woof! Yes!

Makes me laugh.

I'm quitting the business...

-[Liz chuckles] -Well, that was fucked.

David, they asked us for a sensitivity read,

not to redefine comedy.

No, they asked us to sign a client, you and I.

A massive client, and we failed.

You failed.

You know what, David? Why don't you just take

your hard-nosed asshole tactics back upstairs.

-I'm your boss, Liz. -LIZ: No.

My boss is your boss,

and he is somewhere in Dubai.

And you and I don't even know his name.

So stop the shit and work with me.

I'll talk to Del later.

That was nicely done.

Very Boseman-like.

I know.

[indistinct chatter]

Hey. I recognize you.

How do I recognize you?

Uh... Chicago Improv. 2008.

-Yeah. You were great. -Oh, thanks, man.

-[elevator bell dings] -Hal Wackner. David Cord.

-Hi. -Del Cooper. Oh, thanks.

What do you do now, Del?

I, uh, own a comedy streaming service.

-You? -I invented a court.

-Ah. -Um, I finance it.

Now, that's a funny idea.

Maybe we should talk, huh?

♪ I got nothing to lose♪

♪ I got nothing to gain♪

Jay.

♪ It's like a one-way ticket♪

♪ To cruise in the passing lane♪

Did you talk to Dylan Pike?

I did. Just today.

And he's saying that Kurt is the ringleader?

Yep.

Well, what else?

Diane, you're not his...

Kurt said you're not his lawyer anymore.

-Well, yes, but... -Julius is his lawyer.

You need me?

Yes. The Kurt McVeigh case.

Oh. Good. Come on in.

♪ I got nothing to lose♪

♪ I got nothing to gain♪

♪ It's like a one way ticket♪

♪ To cruise in the passing lane♪

♪ I can't complain♪

♪ I guess I can't complain♪

♪ I can't complain...♪

Thank you for your concern up here in Human Resources.

We appreciate it, but I-I just want to insist,

all right, this-this was just

a bunch of lawyers blowing off steam

and satirizing the sensitivity of...

the justifiable sensitivity of corporate culture.

Nobody complained about being the butt of a joke

because, as you can see, everyone was the butt of a joke.

Because everybody had a card.

Everybody was being made fun of.

Look, look, there's even a card with my name on it

that someone from the mail room used to tell a joke

about how far a stick was up my ass.

[Liz laughs]

Who from the mail room?

No.

We-we just want to talk to him.

No. No. I was the butt of that joke,

and then I got to say a joke about them.

So, no. You're not going to review this.

We can go upstairs.

-There is no upstairs. -There's always upstairs.

Okay, um... You know what? Uh... let's see.

Here you go.

All right. You have a card that says, "Black boss."

I'm Black, and I'm a boss.

So, go ahead.

-[scoffs] -Okay. Hold on. Here we go.

I have on that says, "Human Resources."

So, I get to tell a joke about you,

and then you get to tell a joke about me.

Why would I do that?

Because we're human.

Okay. Here I go.

How many Human Resources people does it take

to screw in a lightbulb?

Captioning sponsored by CBS

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

♪