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1
00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:08,184
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:14,547
(BOTH GRUNT)
3
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:17,449
You want some Cooch?
4
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:19,145
(GASPS)
(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)
5
00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:21,387
Don't get mad, get Brad.
6
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,032
(BIRD SCREECHES)
7
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,656
This won't hurt a bit.
Huh? What?
8
00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,731
No! (SCREAMING)
9
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:02,428
(GRUNTS)
10
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:08,066
Subject responded
less than favorably.
11
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,673
Oh, my.
(DOOR POWERS OPEN)
12
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,044
Is "shit show" hyphenated?
13
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,742
Doctor, I think
we found...No, it isn't.
14
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:14,984
I think we found our man.
15
00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:17,038
He's a junkie whose
tolerance is off the charts!
16
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,847
He's pushing 10.4 Belushis
on the Cobain Index!
17
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:21,850
How is he responding
to the serum?
18
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:23,752
You tell me!
(BEEP)
19
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:26,424
That all you got? (GULPS)
20
00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:29,224
SCIENTISTS: Chug, chug,
chug, chug! What?
21
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:30,287
DOCTORS: (SCREAMING
AND LAUGHING ON TV)
22
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:34,633
Cocaine! Get your
cocaine here!
23
00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:37,372
Hot, fresh cocaine
priced to move!
24
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:41,028
You, sir, how many cocaines
can I put you down for?
25
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:42,268
All of them.
26
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:43,543
(GRUNTS)
(EXCLAIMS)
27
00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:47,181
Ha! Letting those eggheads
pump me full of pink juice
28
00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:49,008
was the best decision
I ever made.
29
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:51,012
TITANIUM REX: You there!
Whoa!
30
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:53,254
When I heard there was
a 9-foot-tall bright pink
31
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:55,451
vigilante taking down
drug dealers,
32
00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:58,623
I had to see it
with my own eyes.
33
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:02,692
Those drugs won't be hurting
our city's teenagers ever again.
34
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:05,993
(INHALES)
Unless I was mistaken
35
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,396
and you were just
robbing drug dealers.
36
00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:10,829
What? No, no way!
I hate drugs!
37
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:13,674
I... I'd punch drugs
right in the face if I could.
38
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,441
I knew I could count on you.
39
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,339
Say, what's your handle,
big man?
40
00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:18,711
Uh, it's just Brad.
41
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:21,439
Yeah, well, I'm sure
we can do better than that.
42
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,105
(SCREECHING)
43
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,308
Where the hell is Brad?
44
00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:27,977
(SCREECHING)
(GRUNTS)
45
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:30,915
Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
46
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:32,091
(SQUAWKS)
47
00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:34,049
Oh, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit!
48
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:36,857
What? Empty?
Brad, you idiot!
49
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,890
Shit, shit, shit!
Comin' through! (GRUNTS)
50
00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:40,156
You're safe now.
51
00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:41,364
(YOWLS)
Oh, what the hell?
52
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:42,695
All right.
(YOWLS)
53
00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:45,200
Watch your fucking
crotch fruit then!
54
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:47,743
Keep your distance,
League of Freedom,
55
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:51,738
or face the spring-loaded
power of Ratapult!
56
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,472
Two? Shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit!
57
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:56,607
Looks like you're all out
of small to medium-sized zoo animals.
58
00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:58,814
Care to try an eagle? (LAUGHS)
59
00:02:58,846 --> 00:02:59,946
(CRACKLING)
Oh!
60
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:02,020
Oh, you thought
I came alone?
61
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:04,649
Meet my partner, Quiplash.
62
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,815
The cracks from his nano-whip
are sharp, my friends,
63
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:10,785
but not as sharp
as his tongue.
64
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:14,396
Well?
65
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:17,728
Uh, nice tits... Moron!
66
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,126
Dude, what was that?
67
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:22,137
He's really got your number.
68
00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:24,239
I'm gonna ask
you guys, peer to peer,
69
00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:26,412
to forget you just saw that.
70
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,180
Moving on, this baby panda
will fetch millions
71
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,779
on the Chinese black market.
72
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:34,421
Correction that baby panda
is worth maybe $80.
73
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,318
Huh? Why?
That thing's dead.
74
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,020
What?
75
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,391
Oh, my God!
76
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:40,690
Pandas really are fragile.
77
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:41,991
Is that supposed
to be a quip?
78
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:44,632
You're just stating facts,
you dumb asshole!
79
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:47,698
You baby panda
killing monsters!
80
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,198
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
81
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,259
Ahhh!
82
00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:51,768
QUIPLASH: For the love
of Christ, man!
83
00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:53,129
(GASPS)
84
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,596
TITANIUM REX:
Where the hell is Brad?
85
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:55,765
Come on, come on!
86
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:57,743
There's got to be
something in here.
87
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,571
Quiplash, we need
a distraction!
88
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:00,667
Reload me!
89
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:04,978
We'll meet again, fools,
or my name isn't Ratapult!
90
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:06,752
(SCREAMS)
91
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:09,950
Was that... Did I just fire
a human child into the sky?
92
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:12,323
From the corner of my eye,
she looked like a spider monkey!
93
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:14,593
This just went from
property damage to murder!
94
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:16,062
We'll get the chair!
95
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,389
(GROWLS)
96
00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:19,185
(EXCLAIMS)
97
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:20,626
Hey, what the...
(GROANS)
98
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:22,331
(LAUGHS)
(GRUNTS)
99
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:26,134
Nice one! Good job!
Nice! So fun! That was satisfying.
100
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:29,566
Oh, don't worry
about the damn child in the sky, everybody.
101
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:30,803
I got her.
102
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,238
What the hell?
103
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,742
My latest upgrade
a holographic decoy
104
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:37,235
synthesized from
my observations of the team.
105
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,207
(HUMMING)
106
00:04:39,246 --> 00:04:40,346
I'm Brad!
107
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,051
(LAUGHTER)
Are you guys seeing this?
108
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,452
That's uncanny!
109
00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:44,594
Hey, guys.
110
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,748
And what in God's name
happened to you?
111
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:49,457
Oh, yeah, um...
I... I got lost.
112
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:51,060
I... It won't happen again.
113
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:54,185
(HUMMING)
114
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:55,397
I'm Brad.
(LAUGHTER)
115
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,399
Is that supposed to be me?
116
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,001
Oh, add some stink lines!
(ALL CACKLING)
117
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,302
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
118
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:03,465
Hmm...
BLACK SATURN: There it is!
119
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:10,037
Okay, okay, I'm sure
they're sending you more stuff soon.
120
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:12,777
You just gotta play it off.
121
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,153
Uh-oh.
122
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:17,452
Just a reminder,
it's the first Friday
123
00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:20,245
of an odd-numbered month,
and that means tonight is...
124
00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:22,017
Oh, good Christ, no.
125
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,655
Game night.
(SHOUTS) No!
126
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:24,861
That's unfortunate.
No! Damn it!
127
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,392
Come on, man!
What's wrong with game night?
128
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,427
Nothing, as long
as your dad wins.
129
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:31,232
Otherwise, he turns into
a weeping butthole.
130
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:32,404
Gross.
131
00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:33,533
Uh, hey, guys.
132
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,697
Have I gotten a package
from Optocorp?
133
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:37,936
Whoa! You been
working out, my man?
134
00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:40,441
That's some
fine-ass definition.
135
00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:45,449
I, uh... I got to go out.
136
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:48,449
Oh, well, that was extremely
suspicious. (CHUCKLES)
137
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,852
Maybe we should follow...
No, no, no, no, no!
138
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,154
No excuses.
139
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:55,355
Tonight at 8:00 sharp
League game night.
140
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:59,159
Fine. Let me just put it
into my calendar app here.
141
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,792
VOICE: (ON PHONE) Droid!
142
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,558
A Droid, huh?
143
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:03,956
I'm sorry.
144
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:09,396
I'm supposed to get a package
from you guys every month.
145
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:12,907
I'm sorry. I can't seem
to find a record of... There aren't records!
146
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:15,180
It's a clandestine operation.
147
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,548
Do you know what
"clandestine" means?
148
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,708
Do you?
149
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:22,417
Sir, sir! Sir, stop it!
(PHONE RINGS)
150
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,283
Yes, sir.
151
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:27,557
Okay, but... Yes, sir.
152
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:28,918
They'll see you now.
153
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,256
Thank you.
154
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:31,530
Sorry about the...
155
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:34,129
Oh, the birthday card
that my son made me?
156
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,501
Keep it.
157
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,799
That card was
a work of art, Brad.
158
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:41,171
Normally kids go overboard
with the macaroni and glitter,
159
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:43,541
but not Charlie.
Never Charlie.
160
00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:46,571
I'm sorry,
but, Mr. Opplinger, we had a deal!
161
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:49,277
I keep my mouth shut
about your human trials,
162
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:51,449
and you keep me
in the pink.
163
00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:53,979
Those trials have come
to a close, I'm afraid.
164
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:56,624
"Project Brad" has been
rendered obsolete.
165
00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:01,662
Say hello to "Project Chad."
166
00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:04,389
Holy shit!
(CRINKLING)
167
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,764
Brad, the card!
Sorry! Sorry!
168
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,231
You think this chump
can replace me?
169
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,333
He's wearing
business cas'!
170
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:13,965
You're a talking
labia, dude!
171
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:16,701
Oh, please,
let's not squabble. It's simple.
172
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:19,107
Chad's worked in finance
for 15 years.
173
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:21,409
He's a Wall Street
cocaine vacuum.
174
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,941
He's got twice
your chemical tolerance.
175
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,807
Buy low, get high!
176
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:28,277
That was stupid.
177
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:31,075
Only Chad can withstand
our new serum. (BEEPING)
178
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,918
Your serum is obsolete.
179
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:36,623
We're dumping it
in a responsible, ecofriendly fashion.
180
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:39,457
Any faster than
30 cubic liters and hour,
181
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:41,903
and beluga whales start
piling up like cordwood.
182
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,599
No! (PANTING)
183
00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:45,101
Going somewhere, brah?
184
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,372
(ALARM)
185
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:48,399
It'll be gone
by midnight tonight.
186
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:50,795
Closer to 11:50, sir.
Jesus, Bernie!
187
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:53,708
It's six of one,
half a dozen of go fuck yourself.
188
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:55,881
I'll show this piece
of shit the door.
189
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:58,779
Six hours!
(METAL DOOR CLANKS)
190
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,352
Okay. We've got it narrowed
down to two choices.
191
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:03,421
Black Saturn,
it's your turn to pick.
192
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:05,420
Pass.
Pick. One.
193
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:06,822
They're both so good.
194
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:08,424
I didn't say
it would be easy.
195
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:10,785
The yellow box.
They're both yellow.
196
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:14,364
Ugh! In that case,
my choice is...
197
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:17,804
(SCREAMS)
(ZAP)
198
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,501
The next one
cuts you in half.
199
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:24,912
Does someone
want to grab Brad?
200
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,638
(SCRIBBLING)
Dang, dude! You got a death wish or something?
201
00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:29,005
What do you care?
202
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:31,982
I thought we were
keeping our relationship aggressively casual.
203
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,352
Oh, right. See ya!
Oh, oh, wait, Cooch!
204
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,951
Whoa! You look like
hot buttered shit!
205
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,648
One, two, three, four, five.
206
00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:43,587
(WHOOPING) Michigan Avenue!
207
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:44,864
You just won yourself
208
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:49,232
an unregulated
toxic mortgage, sucka! E4!
209
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:52,632
That's a direct hit.
(LAUGHS)
210
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:55,136
Sunk your battleship,
dick wad!
211
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,468
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
(EXPLOSION SOUNDS)
212
00:08:57,504 --> 00:09:01,314
(MIMICKING) "Help, someone!
People are dying in the water!"
213
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,981
"Throw 'em a lifeboat!"
"Ah! It's too late!"
214
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:06,651
(LAUGHS) They're all dead.
215
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,220
That's why I gotta bust
into Optocorp tonight
216
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:10,549
and steal that serum.
217
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,394
Well, if you're gonna
pull off a heist...
218
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:16,289
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
Uh, I'd also like to go.
219
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:18,163
Cooch, that...
That really means a...
220
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:19,661
Oh, you just want
out of game night.
221
00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:21,063
Yeah, it's mostly game night.
222
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,964
Well, I don't want to do
a heist just me and you.
223
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:25,267
That'd be gross.
224
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:26,598
We could ask Rex for help.
225
00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:30,374
No! I can't
let him know I'm just some guinea pig junkie.
226
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:33,013
I need a team
with nothing to lose,
227
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,740
real assholes.
228
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:37,335
Yeah. Human garbage.
229
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,677
BLUE MENACE: As much as I love
being called human garbage,
230
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,753
you should leave that
out of your pitch next time.
231
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:44,452
I'm going to pass.
When do we get a trial?
232
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,494
I want a goddamn trial!
233
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:50,289
Screw these dicks, man!
We'll break into Optocorp ourselves.
234
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:53,133
Did you say Optocorp?
235
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:57,164
I never told you
how I got this face.
236
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:58,527
Well, we're in a bit
of a hurry, so...
237
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:01,265
In my early days,
I used to do corporate gigs.
238
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:04,341
I wouldn't call it art,
but it paid the bills.
239
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:08,011
There I was at Optocorp's
annual Aspen retreat.
240
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,411
The crowd was loaded,
which was good.
241
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,053
You see, prop comedy
follows the rule of fours
242
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,450
as in four drinks minimum.
243
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:19,052
Stone sober,
not even my grandmother could stomach my act.
244
00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:22,416
But four drinks deep
and rubber chickens just slay.
245
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:26,485
Six or seven drinks, ha!
Now that's another story.
246
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:29,026
There's something
in the reptile part of the brain
247
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,902
that sees a man
in a banana hat and gets hostile.
248
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,372
DROID: Droid.
249
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,200
Oh, God damn it.
Power button's stuck.
250
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,235
How, how long have you...
Long enough.
251
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:38,940
Prison breaks, heists?
252
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,512
You guys are
skipping game night?
253
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:42,280
Please take me with you!
254
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,379
Well, I'm volunteering too,
if, if that wasn't clear.
255
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:45,811
I kind of got cut off
on the story there.
256
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,606
So anyway,
I'm tossing up rib eyes
257
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,047
when I see
Jack Hannah walk in... Oh! Oh, we're leaving.
258
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,753
I'll finish the story
on the drive.
259
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:53,485
I am foreclosing
on your property
260
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,820
and adding the profit
to my private bank vault.
261
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:58,486
Ah! Bitch tits!
Whoa!
262
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:00,925
Okay, Saturn's turn.
Sorry, Rex.
263
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:03,631
I'm too busy brooding,
which is something I'm known for.
264
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:07,173
I will roll for him.
Wait a goddamn minute.
265
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,900
I knew it!
A hologram! (GROWLS)
266
00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:15,678
Oh, good God!
It's a fucking gram job!
267
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,579
You're my nemesis, Groaner.
268
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,810
The bomb collar
is for my protection.
269
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:22,117
It wasn't
in the initial pitch. That's all I'm saying.
270
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:23,779
Hey!
271
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:27,856
Uh, where...
Where are you guys going?
272
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:29,818
(THINKING) Pound Town.
Pound Town, table for two.
273
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:31,417
Pound Town table for two
at SexDonald's.
274
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:32,928
I'm having
the Quarter Pound Her.
275
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,360
Yep, that's it.
That's the one.
276
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,564
Uh, where are you going?
277
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:37,866
I'm sneaking out on a date.
278
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,568
TITANIUM REX: Where the hell
is everybody?
279
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:41,099
What?
(ALARM BLARING)
280
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:44,544
Get me out of here!
Nobody gets left behind. Hold tight, Lex.
281
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:45,711
We're gonna...Huh?
(HORN HONKS)
282
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:49,209
Hey! Hey, I called shotty!
Uh, sorry, Lex!
283
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,150
DROID: Droid!
Huh?
284
00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:57,582
Oh, damn it! Oh, God!
285
00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:59,587
(GROWLING)
286
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:02,359
Uh, what's happening?
(BOTH GRUNT)
287
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,319
We're a well-oiled machine.
288
00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:07,357
No one get any ideas.
Game night is happening.
289
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:10,504
And there's nothing you,
you, or you can do about it!
290
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:12,370
I, for one, am glad
you caught us, Rex!
291
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,199
I'm having the time
of my life!
292
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,504
Thank God
the Stockholm Syndrome is kicking in.
293
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:19,136
I apologize
for deceiving you, Rex.
294
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,772
It will never happen again.
295
00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:23,308
(ZAPPING)
Shit.
296
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,953
Dad, come on.
Can't we at least play a game that isn't for children?
297
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:29,219
"Everybody's an Asshole"?
This is a real game?
298
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,249
Yeah, the biggest game
in college.
299
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,724
"If you're in a relationship,
300
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,062
"do you consider
Internet porn cheating?"
301
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,588
Internet what?
Pornography is readily available
302
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:39,534
on any Internet
enabled device.
303
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,899
And by a strictly
biological definition,
304
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,399
no, it is not cheating.
Is that so?
305
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,771
Excuse me, everybody.
I need to make a quick telephone...
306
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,070
I just need...
Get out of my way! (LAUGHING)
307
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,002
(DOOR SLAMS)
Okay, Dad, this is gonna be fun.
308
00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:54,538
Uh, draw a card
from the "Have You Ever Had Sex With" pile.
309
00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:56,514
Well, I don't like
the sound of that. Ahem.
310
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:59,253
"Have you ever had sex with...
311
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,909
"...your best friend's wife?"
312
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:02,618
Uh... Whoops!
313
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:04,649
Oh, shh... Sorry about that.
314
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:06,594
Dad, holy S!
315
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:10,419
I can't believe...
Wait, isn't American Ranger your best friend?
316
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,717
Oh, dear.
317
00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:15,498
You slept with Ranger's wife,
Gloria? How long ago?
318
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,328
Uh...
319
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:20,234
O.M. God.
You're still doing it!
320
00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:23,067
My turn's over! Next!
Rex, you have to tell him.
321
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:24,643
That's crazy.
322
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:27,411
Okay, this is from
the "How Many Dicks Have You" pile.
323
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,210
Ha! I'm gonna need
some scratch paper to work this math.
324
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:33,683
Ahhh! Game night's over!
Let's watch a movie.
325
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:38,554
Ugh! How are we gonna
get through this?
326
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:41,449
Look for a pass code
or a key card.
327
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:46,563
(PINGING)
(BEEPS)
328
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:49,333
Uh, what's the rule
on garbage donuts?
329
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,562
Are they in a box
or out of a box?
330
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:53,198
They're touching a box.
331
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,443
Well, then
it's donut time!
332
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:57,238
(GRUNTS) No Chad.
333
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,970
Maybe me and my crack team
can do this.
334
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:01,877
(ALL CHOMPING LOUDLY)
It is good.
335
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:04,439
Heist of the century, dude!
336
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:05,807
MR. OPPLINGER:
No loose ends, Chad.
337
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,245
Eliminate Brad
by any means necessary.
338
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,121
And if anyone
gets in your way,
339
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:11,820
well, you know what to do.
340
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:12,851
(BEEPS)
341
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:19,162
All righty.
Let's see what crackles.
342
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,332
Ooh! Too Close For Comfort.
343
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,231
Love that show.
MAN: (ON TV) Monroe!
344
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:26,273
No, give me that!
Lex, turns out your phone isn't fluid proof.
345
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:28,369
Can I grab your lap
computer for a second? Thank you very much!
346
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:34,414
This is just sad.
We can't get past a door?
347
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:36,781
Keep looking.
Time is running out!
348
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:40,079
That's such a stupid device.
What? What, clocks?
349
00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:42,953
Why anything got to be
one time or another time?
350
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,453
Hashtag cat logic!
That will never trend!
351
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,215
I know for a fact
you don't even have a Twitter account!
352
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:48,724
(ARGUING CONTINUES)
(JANITOR WHISTLING)
353
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:51,585
(WHISTLES)
Anyone order an unlocked door?
354
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,034
All right, Groaner!
355
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:54,260
How'd you do it, Groaner?
356
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:56,804
Oh, let's just say...
357
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:57,929
You know what?
We should go.
358
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:02,602
Wow! Think of the BTUs
they're wasting in here.
359
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,265
Nope.
Come on. Let's move.
360
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:07,444
Whoa, whoa, wait!
Just as I suspected.
361
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:09,214
These are
pressure-sensitive tiles.
362
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,682
One wrong step could trigger
a death trap.
363
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:15,351
There's one chance
that control panel.
364
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:19,252
Only one ring left.
Got to make it count.
365
00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:20,586
(GRUNTS)
366
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,932
Ring around the rosy.
Saturn, you did it!
367
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,929
Wait, wait!
This is a Nest thermostat.
368
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:30,161
That was a normal
fuckin' floor!
369
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:32,727
You're a psychopath.
Takes one to know one.
370
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,525
Fine! We're both psychopaths.
371
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:36,537
I'll take it.
I'll take that all day.
372
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:38,609
Which way now?
We'll have to split up.
373
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:39,868
I'll take Groaner
to the lab...
374
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:42,006
No way!
Groaner's my nemesis.
375
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:45,012
Geez! Why don't you
just kiss his butthole while you're at it?
376
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:47,105
Only if it's a kiss
before dying.
377
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,747
Oh, even then,
not necessary.
378
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:51,621
Fine! Whatever.
Let's just hurry.
379
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:57,793
AMERICAN RANGER:
* From sea to shining sea! (MOANING FROM LAPTOP)
380
00:15:57,824 --> 00:15:59,534
(SCREAMING)
381
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,659
(SIGHS) Oh.
You did well, soldier.
382
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:03,064
Here's a burial with honors.
383
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,003
Oh, God.
384
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,674
That your muscle jizz?
Yeah.
385
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,972
But it can't be this easy.
386
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,537
Can you jump through
without touching them?
387
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,306
They're too close together.
388
00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:20,305
Sorry, dude.
I'm not skinny enough.
389
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:24,017
(SIGHS) I know someone who is.
390
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,718
Ugh! You look
like D.J. Qualls in "Road Trip," man!
391
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:29,815
Now you know.
392
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:32,356
This was me
before that serum.
393
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:35,662
A scrawny nothing. (GRUNTS)
394
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:38,795
(OPERATIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
395
00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:53,376
Guess that serum
made everything bigger, huh?
396
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:57,283
Yeah! Dudes,
look what we found! Yee-haw!
397
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:58,717
(ALARM BLARING)
Wait!
398
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:01,421
Yeah!
Ahhh!
399
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:04,924
Saturn, God damn it!
D.J. Qualls?
400
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,957
You know
you were the best thing about "Road Trip"?
401
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:13,303
(SCREAMS)
(CHAIN SAW BUZZING)
402
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:15,973
Guys, come on!
You're missing it!
403
00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:17,772
Sure! Maybe I need a break.
404
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,274
Oh, who am I kidding?
405
00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:21,736
(GIRL SCREAMING)
Dad?
406
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,114
MAN: Freeze!
(GUNS FIRING)
407
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,578
God, all my Saturn rings!
408
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,917
But you said
you were all out of rings!
409
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,892
This is a madhouse!
A madhouse!
410
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,860
I apologize for
dragging you into this.
411
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,662
If you didn't
feel sorry for me, you wouldn't be about to die.
412
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:45,665
I'm not here
'cause I feel sorry for your stupid ass.
413
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:48,738
I'm here because I...
I like you.
414
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:56,143
Ow! Ow!
Did that go through my cheek?
415
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,820
On the count of three,
you draw their fire!
416
00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:05,079
Yeah, you can kick that shit
right down the road, dude.
417
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:07,453
Ahhh!
418
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,958
Ugh. I'll draw their fire.
419
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:14,660
Tell Rex I wish I was the hero
he thought I was.
420
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,529
Damn, dude!
421
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,740
(GULPING)
No!
422
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:26,139
(GULPING)
(GROWLING)
423
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,479
Holy shit!
424
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:36,484
Are we doing movie night
or not?
425
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:38,446
Ew! Why is your face
looking so weird?
426
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:41,915
Are you smiling?
Sorry. I just realized...
427
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,064
...everyone else
ran out on me.
428
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,030
Half the team's doing
God knows what.
429
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:49,928
Ranger's applying
a hard candy shell to my MacBook Pro, but...
430
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,372
You stuck it out, Lex.
431
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:54,769
You know, this team has been
my family for so long
432
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:58,941
that sometimes I forget
I have a real family,
433
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,071
you.
434
00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:02,736
I wish I had been able
to say it years ago, but,
435
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:07,005
Lex, I...
(SCREAMS) Dad!
436
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:08,916
Wait, you're a hologram?
437
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:12,448
Your father was
"sick of everyone's bullshit" and went to bed.
438
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,915
Nobody gives Chad a gram job!
439
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:16,524
(BUZZING)
(GRUNTS)
440
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:20,788
What's going on?
I heard a no... (SCREAMS)
441
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,397
Oh! I jammed my Johnson!
442
00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:24,960
(BUZZING)
443
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,597
(GRUNTING)
(GROWLS)
444
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:28,943
What's the matter,
extra crispy?
445
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:31,098
Can't handle
the original recipe?
446
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:35,009
We all know
who's got the juice around here, brah.
447
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:38,951
One dose of the good stuff
and your ass is a bear market.
448
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:40,948
Then why stop at one,
lightweight?
449
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:44,820
(GRUNTS)
After all, greed is good!
450
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:48,921
Money never sleeps!
451
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:51,322
(SPLASHING)
452
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,788
I could have
timed that better.
453
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,303
Project Chad is terminated.
454
00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:01,631
I suppose revenge on Brad
is your top priority now, sir.
455
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:05,168
My top priority?
I run a Fortune 500 company.
456
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,744
We make more in one day
selling canned energy drinks
457
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:10,484
than that stupid experiment
cost in 10 years!
458
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:12,610
Sell the lab equipment
to the Chinese.
459
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:14,645
I don't give a shit!
Yes, sir.
460
00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:17,821
"Top priority!"
Oh, Jesus, Al.
461
00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:22,789
I'm sorry, Rex.
I was never a hero.
462
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:27,232
I was just a scumbag junkie
who took advantage of your kindness.
463
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,060
Brad, I'm not blind.
464
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:31,055
I always knew the truth
about you.
465
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:35,167
But I had faith.
And you always rose to the occasion.
466
00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:37,101
Yeah, but...
Being part of this team
467
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:39,166
means being there
for your teammates.
468
00:20:39,205 --> 00:20:41,005
Oh, like you were there
for me tonight?
469
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,880
Yes, well, it also
means trusting your teammates
470
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,281
to be there for you.
471
00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:54,017
What the hell
is he doing here? I have no idea.
472
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:55,493
Brad, you've earned your spot.
473
00:20:55,522 --> 00:20:58,492
League member for life.
Thanks, Rex.
474
00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:06,296
Back to the prison level,
huh? Ow! Easy!
475
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:09,743
Being a league member
has certain perks, like, I don't know,
476
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,769
sitting on each other's
faces and junk.
477
00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:13,714
I'll get the peanut butter.
478
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:16,110
Mmm, make it chunky.
479
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:19,046
Are you fucking my cat?
480
00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:21,248
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
481
00:21:21,298 --> 00:21:25,848
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