All language subtitles for Rob And Romesh Vs s03e04_English

'The following programme contains
strong language and adult humour.'

'Rom and I are back.'
(LAUGHS)

'And this week, we'll be
getting up close and personal

with tennis superstar and national
hero, Sir Andy Murray OBE.

We'll be keeping
the great man company...'

Rusty, come!'..as he prepares
to hit the comeback trail.'

Oh, no!
I tell you what, forget this.

Let's go back and do some training.

'And we'll see what it takes...'
(LAUGHS)

Jesus!
'..and what it doesn't...'

-Come on, Rob.
-Rob, come! (LAUGHS)
'..to be a champion.'

Do you feel like you gave
your best effort there?

I gave all of the effort
that I wanted to give.(LAUGHS)

'All in a bid to get to know
arguably the greatest tennis player

Britain has ever produced.'

Just a couple of action shots.

(LAUGHS)

'He's one of the best
in the business.'Oh, well done.

How do you like that, Murray? Huh?

'But the question is,
can he handle us?'

Yeah, it's brilliant. (LAUGHS)

So... (LAUGHS)

So, off we go to Andy Murray.

-Did you try to start the episode?
-No.

Go again.
You start the episode as me.

So, Andy Murray.

-Mm-hm.(LAUGHS) Is that me?
-Yeah.
This is what I have to work with.

-OK.
-I'll do you, you do me.
All right.

So, Andy Murray.
Are you a fan of Andy Murray?

Erm, I don't... No.

Why not?
(LAUGHS)
He's amazing.

He done tennis, smashed the ball,
Wimbledon, thank you very much,

off we go.
(LAUGHS)

So, have you met Andy Murray?
I have met Andy Murray.

Did you exchange numbers?
Yeah.

Ooh, this is good for us, then.
-Yeah.
-But is it sort of like...

Cos obviously we've got
Anthony Joshua's phone number.

But we've had a different experience
with that.

Well, I'm gonna tell you
something now.

Yeah?

So you know I really rinsed you
about the Anthony Joshua thing?

Yes, I know, cos it's been
clicked up on the internet,

and everyone asks me now
has Anthony Joshua text back?

I've had a very similar experience
with Anthony Joshua since.

Did he do it to you?

-You texted Joshua?
-Yeah.
What did you text him?

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS) What? What is it?

So, he did League Of Their Own.
Yes.

So, first thing, I get his number...
Yeah.

I text him "Romesh."
As in, "This is my number." Right?

So just the word "Romesh"?
Just the word. So he knows.

That's what you do, isn't it?
If somebody gives you a number.

No, no, no.
No, but I would go, "Hi. Hello.

This is my number."
No, but I'm trying to play it cool.

Yeah, I think that is too cool.
OK.

Well, it was too cool
cos he didn't reply.

OK. Zero reply, yeah?
Yeah.

Later on, after the record...
OK.

Oh, this is so...
So before you record

League Of Their Own, you would
text him immediately your name.

And then the same night after you
finished recording the show... Yeah.

..you're probably still in the same
building as him, what have you text?

This is so arse-kissy. "You played
that perfectly tonight, mate."

I'm gonna have to pull over.

Oh, my God! Who do you think you are?

Do you think Anthony Joshua cares

about how he did
on League Of Their Own?

Anyway, no reply.
(LAUGHS)

Two months later,
another text from me.

Now, this is where I would say
it gets pretty desperate. OK? "Bro."

OK. That's too much already.
-It gets worse.
-Yeah.

"Is this the right number for you?"
Oh!

(CAR HORN BEEPS)
Romesh! Rom!

Come on!

We've gotta start having
more respect for ourselves.

So then, before his last fight,
I send another text.

So you've gone three unanswered.
Three unanswered.

And one was, "Is this
the right number?"Yeah. Correct.

-Fourth one.
-Yeah."I'm sending
a thirsty-looking fourth text,

good luck tonight,"
before his fight.

OK. So you've rescued that slightly
with banter.

You've acknowledged your thirst.
-Yeah.
-Which I think is...

That's a bit of a clawback.

A bit of a clawback.
Enough of a clawback to get a reply.

-My man!
-He said,
"LOL. Just seen this. Ha-ha-ha.

We got the job done, Famalam."Oh,
actually I think he's come out worse.

(LAUGHS)

Fucking hell, AJ!

Famalam!

(LAUGHS)
Oh, my God!

Erm, anyway...
Anyway, Murray.

My relationship with Andy Murray
-has gone very differently.
-Yes.

So you know Andy Murray a bit.
Yeah.

Now we've got him for a whole show,
what do you want to get out of it?

Well, there's the official thing
that we want out of this,

and then there's the unofficial
thing we want out of this.

Yeah. Like, potentially, our kids
may wanna be tennis players.

-So we need an in.
-Yeah, the official
thing is we're trying to get to know

one of Britain's greatest ever
-tennis players. Right?
-Yeah.

Get beneath the surface.

Yes, because he's never really
let his true personality out.

We've never found
-the real Murray, have we?
-No.

I don't think we're capable of it,
though, do you? (LAUGHS)

I know what...
There's a slight arrogance

to declaring that our target

is to do something
that's not hitherto been not done.

-Yeah.
-But we think us
investigative journalists... Yeah.

-..we're gonna crack this.
-That's
what we are now, documentary makers.

(LAUGHS)

(BOTH LAUGH)

'Sir Andy Murray has had
an incredible career.

He's the only person in history

to win Olympic singles gold medals
twice in succession.

But it was at Wimbledon
that he hit legendary status,

ending Britain's 77 years of hurt
in the men's singles.'

'The waiting is over.'

'And three years later,
he did it again.'

'He's there.
Wimbledon champion again.'

'To kick off our time with Andy,

he'd invited us to meet him
at the National Tennis Centre,

where we were hoping to play some
tennis.'Go for it.(SHUTTER CLICKS)

'But it turns out
he was a bit preoccupied.'

There we go.
(SHUTTER CLICKS)

Today we are at the home of UK tennis

to watch Andy Murray
launch his fashion brand.

I didn't know Andy Murray
designed clothes, you know?

I mean, I am interested to know

at what point he wanted to get
into the world of fashion.

As if he was winning grand slams
but going,

"Actually, really, I just wanna
design a crewneck bomber."

This is so sexy.

You don't want me looking
-at the camera?
-No, no. Just...

Can you do one where you're looking
down the camera for me?

Like a personal collection?

What this show is supposed to be
is us getting to know Andy Murray.

And we're here to just sort of
hang out with him, you know?

Go on. Smack it.

Oh.
-Oh!
-Nightmare.

-Oh, no. Jesus!
-I tell you what,
shall we forget this?

Let's go back and do some training.
(LAUGHS)

He has been kind enough
to allow us access

to something
he would have been doing anyway.

Who do you think
is the hottest tennis player?

-Apart from yourself?
-So last year,
at the Queen's tournament,

I played with a Spanish guy
called Feliciano Lopez.

-Oh, yeah.
-Have a Google at him.
I'll have a little Google at him.

Is it your mum likes him?
Yeah. Exactly.

Super hot.
Oh, Jesus Christ!

Looks almost Sri Lankan,
-apparently.Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God!

Yeah, he's properly chiselled.
Did you find it distracting?

I did sort of find myself,
when we were sitting on the bench

next to each other, like sort of
looking at his legs and stuff.

He's, like, totally clean-shaven.
-Right.
-Is he?

So he knows, then, doesn't he?
He knows. He knows.

-What?
-He knows how hot he is?
Yeah.(LAUGHS)

Have you ever considered
shaving all of your body hair off?

I think I have touched on it,
like, with my wife,

and said, "Would you like me to?"
But I don't think...

She's not keen.
No. Not at all. No.

So explain to me the context
of how that conversation happened.

(LAUGHS)

Were you having dinner? Or was it
late one evening, and then you said,

"Would you like it if I shaved
my body from top to bottom?"

No, I'd was probably been
going through a bit of a dry spell

and I'd lost a bit of confidence,
and was like...(LAUGHS)

You know?

(LAUGHS)

"What can I do here?""I'll shave
my body, if that's what it takes."

"I'm literally in the shape
of my life and I'm not confident.

What you want me to do?
I could not be fitter.

There's not an ounce of fat on me.
I'm a top-level athlete

and still not body confident."
(LAUGHS)

Hello. Here he goes.
This is the money shot here, mate.

Get some of this.
-I'm on it.
-Top off. Look.

I need to take the shorts down,
as well, for it to be the real...

Oh, wow!(LAUGHS)
You might need
to change lens for that one.

This is a hell of a show, isn't it?
Have you got one that zooms?

Djokovic wouldn't have that.
-He'd have a little tent to go.
-Yeah.

But he's a knob, isn't he, Djokovic?
Is that right, Andy?(LAUGHS)

You were saying before
he's a massive prick, yeah?

(LAUGHS)
No?

It's not good, is it?
(LAUGHS)

-Good stuff.
-You can when you retire,
though, mate. Are you excited?

Get on the Jonathan Ross Show
and absolutely let rip on him.

"I tell you who else
is a complete arsehole, Jonathan."

(LAUGHS)

Romesh.
(LAUGHS)

Were you two not posing for some
very odd photos in your show?

Yes.
In, like, underpants?

We did the fashion shoot.
-New York Fashion Week.
-Awful. Yeah.

Awful? What do you mean awful?
Some of the worst images I've seen.

-Oh, wow!Yeah?
-Well, let's wait
for these to get developed, then.

In the old memory bank.
Here's a proposal for you.

Imagine those same shots, except
-just here, AMC.AMC.Yeah.
-Yeah.

'And that gave us an idea.'

You're about to see
your share price skyrocket.

'It was time to show Andy...'It's
-not forgiving material, is it?
-No.

'..how it was done.'

Ready? Go.

Wow!
Yeah? Is this what you dreamt up?

Why do you look so upset
at your range?

(LAUGHS)
Do you want us on the website?

(LAUGHS)
Just maybe a couple of action shots.

(LAUGHS)

That better now?
(LAUGHS)

♪ Na, na, na, come on ♪

'We could tell Andy was impressed.'

Work it, mate.
'And since we looked this good,

it seemed a shame
not to make the most of it.'

This is really, really sad.

Get some of this.
(CAMERA CLICKS)

♪ Na, na, na, come on ♪

Oh, that's nice.

That's it. Work it. Work that arse.
Look at that. Wow!

What do you think of these shots,
honestly?

I'm loving them.
-Yeah.
-He's loving them.

Technically, they're not
good tennis shots, but...

That's the one.
(CAMERA CLICKS)

Would this be a good ad
for the collection?

Maybe not the arse shot,
but the rest of them are all right.

Did you just hit... (LAUGHS)

Was that your leg?
(LAUGHS)

Yeah.

I mean, that can happen, but...
I thought it hit the floor.

Yeah, no, that was
-right on the shin.
-Fuck!

'With Romesh out of the picture...'
Lovely.'..it was my turn.'

Do you have to have your top tucked
-in full Wimbledon?
-Yeah. Try it.

'And I wasn't afraid to show Andy
just what I had in my locker.'

Rob. Rob.

-Just pull the shorts down.
-A little
-bit.
-Just a bit lower than that.

Try one like this.
No, because, honestly...(LAUGHS)

One quick one and then
-I'll drop them.
-That's brilliant!

You can, like, see each bollock.

Oh, my God!
Oh, God!

There we go. Look at that.

The thing is, though, with
Andy Murray, he's a lovely bloke,

but is he a model, no?

Have I walked the New York
Fashion Week. Yes, I have.

I am a catwalk model. That's a fact.

'And whilst it had been fun to relive
our glory days on the catwalk...'

That's it. That's the shot.
'..as Andy headed off for training,

I started to wonder
if sticking my arse up in the air

was really the best way to begin
our hard-hitting sports doc.'

I don't think this is what
the viewers wanna see

to get in the mind of Andy Murray.

'This week,
Rob and I are on a mission

to uncover
the real Sir Andy Murray.'

Oh, that's nice.'But when
we turned up to his photo shoot...'

Look at that. Wow!'..it's fair to
say it wasn't exactly Frost-Nixon.'

(CAMERA CLICKS)
That's it.
That's it. That's the shot.(LAUGHS)

'So when he invited us back to the
National Tennis Centre in London

for the honour of training with him
and the rest of Team Murray,

we jumped at the chance.

Unfortunately for us, though, Andy
had his own plans for the evening.'

Andy text me last night about today.

And I'll read the text to you.

He said,
"Hope you're getting some rest.

Cos the plan is to properly
fuck you both up."

Welcome to the Thunderdome.

Alright, lads.
-Guys, how are you doing?
-Good.

So, this is my coach, Jamie.
And my physical trainer, Matt.

-All right, Matt?
-And they're gonna
put you through your paces.

How are you feeling?
Cannot wait, mate.

What an honour to be taught
how to play tennis by Jamie.

(ALL LAUGH)

-Right.
-OK, so the first thing we're
gonna work on is speed lunging.

I've done that in Malia. Isn't it
half a gram and then bungee jump?

(LAUGHS)
All right.
Let's try and get these on.

You put this on, take me back to a
bedsit and we catch up on Crimewatch.

So, Matt, do you often bring
your hobbies into work?(LAUGHS)

OK. so I want you to run out,
hit a forehand, come back.

Five times. Go for the forehand. Go!

Yes. And back. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

That's great, Romesh. You're
dominating! You're Rominating!

There you go.
It's up around his pants.

He's gonna lose his pants.(SHRIEKS)
Yeah. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice.

And rest.

Oh, I love it. It's exciting
being dominated, isn't it?

Oh, my God! Matt, you do that
so good.(LAUGHS)
Do me a favour.

You can take a racket, as well,
when I come back, spank me.(LAUGHS)

'Now that Romesh and I
were suitably warmed up,

it was time to show Andy
what we were made of on the court.'

So we're just gonna
-do forehands first.Yeah.
-OK.

There you go, Rom.

Oh. OK.

Did you like that?
He's got power, ain't he?

We're having a rally, OK?
Oh, sorry.(LAUGHS)

You're supposed to hit it to me.
Here we go.

There's not a whole lot
you can say to that.

Rob, I think we'll get you. I think
-we've seen enough of that.
-OK.

Hit the ball.
OK. Here we go.

There we go.
Oh!

Got topspin on that.
Yeah.

All right. OK. Rob's
clearly the better player here.

That's called coaching, is it?
I just wanna get my head around it.

-I'm not a coach.
-No, you're not.
We can agree on that.(LAUGHS)

(R

We're gonna go with backhand.

I'd recommend a double-handed
backhand for you.

What are you laughing at?
Here we go. Come on.

He's not particularly coachable.
We did say try two hands.

Oh, shit!

-Double hit.
-That's a double hit.
-You can't do that.
-No.

Well, I can.
I've just done it, mate.(ALL LAUGH)

Good. Good shot.

-Oh, for God's sake!
-Rom, this
is ugly viewing for you.(LAUGHS)

What I've learned
about Andy Murray is

he expects the highest level of
effort from people he doesn't know.

And he's all about pushing himself
to the max. And I am not about that.

I am about pushing myself
to the min.

'The problem was, though,
nobody had told Andy that.'

Wow!'And whilst the golden child
could do no wrong...'

-Oh!
-Jamie, drop the orgasm noise
when you see him do a volley.

'..I was the one
Andy had singled out

for the tough love
training programme.'

I'm gonna serve this at you.

What do you mean, "At me?"At you.
-Ready?
-Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

Jesus!
(LAUGHS)

-He is allowed to do that.
-What
are you, his little back-up prick?

(LAUGHS)
I know he's allowed to do it.

It's just not very nice.

'And it didn't look like things
were going to get any nicer

when Andy decided to raise the stakes
with a game of doubles.

The first team to seven points
would be the winner.

And it wasn't hard to guess
which tennis superstar in waiting

Andy picked to be his partner.'

You know the game plan, right?

We direct as many balls as possible
at Romesh.

The same goes for us, right?

What, direct the balls at Romesh?
Everything...(LAUGHS)

Everything at Rob
cos he's going to miss every ball.

Let's do this.
Yes.

There you go.

I genuinely don't want to lose this.
Here we go.

(LAUGHS)

OK. One-all.

Murray took it well seriously.
In that doubles game,

he goes, "I really wanna win this."
I was like, "Hang on, mate.

You've got the better amateur here
and he's just your trainer.

If you can't beat him,
you're in trouble."

Get to it, Jamie! For Christ's sake!
It's yours!

Ooh!
I like it, though.

Oh, wait. I got excited.
I smelt blood, Andy.

Romesh is yet to hit a ball.

While I didn't get anything
personally from this session,

I would say we learnt a little bit
about Andy Murray today.

He is... er... mean.

Oh, for...
It's OK. Second serve.

Romesh still hasn't hit a ball
in the court yet.

He's mean when he thinks people
aren't doing their best.

And he thought what I did
was pathetic.

Come on then, dickhead.
(LAUGHS)
Go, go, go, go, go!

'With the friendly knockabout
now a full-blown grudge match,

Romesh was losing what little
remained of his cool.'

Yours, Andy. You!

Come on, Andy!
Whoa!

Wanker! Wanker!

-Shit!
-That was your side.
That was a great get, though.

Thank you, Andy Murray.
5-3.

We know who to blame if we lose
-this.
-There you go, mate.

Mine.
Yours. It's yours.

Oh!
Well done! Well done!

How do you like that, Murray? Huh?
Yes!

(ALL LAUGH)

That must have hurt. Wow!

Rom, great shot.
Thanks, mate.

You're still losing, but...
Here we go...great shot.

'Unfortunately for Rom, though,

his comeback proved to be
a one-hit wonder.'

No, no, no. Out. Match point.

Match point.
Yep.

'And for Team Muzza and Becks,

the end was never in doubt.'

-Yes!
-Yes!
-Come on!
-Yes!

-Come on!
-Beckett and Murray.
Garbage. You're garbage.

That was fun, that.
Yeah, it was. A little racquet tap.

A little racquet tap. Fuck off!

Oh, Andy doesn't want to shake...
Couldn't give a shit, mate. See ya.

I'm quite happy we're getting on.

Yeah. No, Andy,
this is fun, isn't it, huh?

(LAUGHS)
Huh? We're having fun.

Joking aside, it wasn't good, was
it?

The overall performance there
-was not good.
-Of me personally?

Yeah. I'm not saying that either
were great, but I did expect more.

(LAUGHS)'So, having failed to
impress Andy with my racquet skills,

I was given one last chance
to win his respect

and save our burgeoning friendship

when his two little mates unveiled
their final test of the day.'

So this is the yo-yo endurance test.

You're gonna start
on this white line here,

run out to the furthest white line,
and time it with the beep.

You're then gonna turn and come back
to this white line

and time that with the beep. You've
then got a few seconds to rest

before the beep goes
and you start running again.

OK, guys. Are we ready to go?
-Yeah.
-Yes.

(BEEP)
Away you go.

(BEEP)
Come on. Go, go, go!

Well done.

(BEEP)
Oh, my God!

(BEEP)
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Don't you dare stop
before that beep.(BEEP)

Come on! Go, go, go! You got it!

You're on time, guys.
You're on time.

(BEEP)
Great effort. Great effort.
Come on now.

(BEEP)
Go, go, go, go, go!

Come on, don't tap out, Romesh.

(BEEP)
-Yes. Yes.
-Come on! Come on!

Come on, Rob!

Romesh, get out.

Romesh, get out.
(BEEP)

Go, go, go, go, go!

Come on! Quick!
Come on, you're gonna make it back.

Make it back! Make it back!

Yes!
-Yes!
-Yes!

What are you talking about?

Go, go, go, go, go!

-Come on!
-Last leg!
This is bananas. This is a joke.

Well done. Well done.
You can make it! You can make it!

That's how we're playing, is it?
Great effort, Rob.

Great effort, Rob.
Great effort, mate.

I mean, Rob definitely
pushed it to his limits.

Why are you pretending
to be out of breath?

You finished ten minutes ago.
Just to make this end bit better.

(LAUGHS)
I'm actually totally fine.(LAUGHS)

Do you feel like you gave
your best effort there?

I gave all of the effort
that I wanted to give.

(ALL LAUGH)

And I mean that
-from the bottom of my heart.
-Yeah.

Yeah, so, overall,
I would say that the tennis

from Rob's perspective
went pretty well.

Thank you, Andy. Sir Andy, sorry.

Er, Romesh, on the tennis I thought
was, I thought you were poor,

if I'm being honest,
I thought you were really poor.

No, please be honest.
You've held back the whole day.

Whereas Rob, you know, I thought
you won every challenge, I think.

Yeah.
Well, well done, Rob, and, yeah.

-Thanks for that.
-All right.
-Thanks, guys. Cheers.
-Cheers.

-Cheers, guys, thank you.
-The bondage
rope in to the police or something?

Off you go. Bye. Not much banter
when the cameras are off, is there?

Off to the dungeon, Matt, are you?

Oh, God!
That went well for you, didn't it?

(LAUGHS) I'm not gonna lie.

Yes. What happened in that bleep test
thing? That yo-yo test?

I think what they describe
as not wanting it enough.

-Andy likes you.
-He likes me?
He likes you.

And he's making you... want him.

I don't want him.
You want him. You want his...

What are you talking about?
I do not want him.

But he wants you to want him.
And you're gonna end up wanting him.

I don't think Andy Murray wants me
and I'm going to end up wanting him.

He's friend-zoned me
and he wants to get off with you.

Well, I've had a nice day with you
-today.
-It's been good.

-Ready?
-Yeah. Let's go.
I might just keep that for Lou.

See if she's into it.

'This week Rob and I are trying
to interview national hero

Sir Andy Murray.

And it wasn't going well.

After my disastrous attempt
at tennis...'

Interesting.
'..we still weren't any closer

to getting to know the man
behind the racquet.

So when Andy asked us
to join him for a dog walk

near his home in Surrey, I decided
to bring in the reinforcements.'

Hello, mate.
You got a dog!

Yeah, I thought we're going
for a dog walk, bring a dog.

Is that your dog?
No. It's a mate's dog.

It's a nice dog. What's her name?
Tia.

I've brought a dog with me today
because we're going dog walking

with Andy Murray.
And either I bring a dog

to accompany Andy and his dog,

or Rob and I just walk alongside
Andy like two other of his animals.

Do you think this
is gonna win Andy over?

A good ploy to go,
"I'm a dog guy, too"?

We're meeting him to walk the dog.
Yeah.

He's got a dog.
I've turned up with a dog.

Immediately
we've got a little connection.

How's my body language with this dog?

I'll be honest, you look like
-you're shitting yourself.
-Yeah.

I'm from Sri Lanka.
Dogs are used as curry.

Come on, then, Tia, let's go.
Let's go and find Andy Murray.

Hey, guys.
You all right, mate?

How are you?
Yeah, good, thanks.

Romesh has brought a dog.
-I've brought a dog.
-Nice.

Beautiful dog. Hello.

Hello.
This is Tia.

-Who's this?This is Rusty.
-Hello,
-Rusty.
-Yeah, this is our boy. Yeah.

'This wasn't just a walk,

it was the opportunity
Romesh and I had been waiting for,

to finally put some questions
to Andy.'

I've been enjoying it with Andy.
I like the training.

And now we can get some more
juicy gossip out of him.

'But before we could get to work,

Rom's new friend Tia
decided to steal the limelight.'

Oh, my God!
There we go, Romesh.

Come on, mate.
You wanted to walk a dog.

I haven't actually done this before,
so...(DOG BARKS)

Oh, my God! It's four different
colours. Oh, mate!

The good thing in the winter
it's a nice hand warmer.

I shouldn't have looked in the bag.
(LAUGHS)

I don't know why
I looked in the bag.

Can I ask a question?
Some people tie them on branches.

Why do they do that?
I don't know why they do that.

Yeah, we always take them home
and I often just leave them

outside the front door.
What do you mean? For the milkman?

(LAUGHS)
Oh, just like a little treat.

When my wife gets home,
she's got, you know...

It's just a bit of a running thing
that we have.

Oh, right. You're winding
-each other up.
-Yeah. Exactly.

Is this Murray household banter?

It's supposed to be, yeah.
"Andy!

Left a little shit outside again,
didn't you?"

Good work, though.
You did that pretty well.

-Impressed, yeah?
-I was impressed,
yeah. That was good.

Oh, thank you, Andy.

(CHEERING)

'Andy Murray
is the Wimbledon champion!'

Your media persona, you was always
seen as quite serious, stern,

and the media would say miserable
and stuff. You play into that now.

You're not actually like that.
Well, when I first started,

like, on the tennis tour,

I just basically said
exactly what was on my mind.

And then a couple of things I said,

like, kind of jokes which, like,
if you say it with a straight face

and someone doesn't get it,
it then means that it, you know,

you were being serious.
Mate, you described my career.

Exactly. Well, your jokes aren't
funny, so that probably... Yeah.

I see what you mean.
When you say it with a serious face,

it really does hurt.
It cuts through.

And then,
I don't know if you know the story

of when I was asked, I was
getting wound up by a journalist,

it was before, I can't remember if
it was the Euros or the World Cup,

and we were just having a chat
about it and then they were saying,

"Who are Scotland playing
in the World Cup?"

And obviously Scotland
weren't in the World Cup.

I was then asked, "Oh, well,
who are you gonna be supporting

in the World Cup?" I said, "Whoever
England are playing against."

-Yeah.
-That's funny. Yeah.
Well, I thought so.

But then... But then...
(LAUGHS)

But then obviously that was...
That's our life, innit?(LAUGHS)

And then, like, that Wimbledon,

I walked out to play my match

and I walked past a lady
who was on her phone.

And she goes, "Oh, hang on a minute.

That Scottish wanker's
just walking past me."

And I was, like, on my way to play a
match. And I found that quite tough.

What was more offensive,
Scottish or wanker?(LAUGHS)

(CHEERING)
'He's there.

It's Murray's time in the sunshine
of centre court once again.'

If you got locked in a room
with Djokovic, Nadal and Federer

and you had to have a fight, who'd
win? Who's the hardest?(LAUGHS)

I think I'd get better on Djokovic.

I think Nadal I'd have
probably some trouble with.

I've been in the gym with him a few
times and physically he's... Yeah.

Yeah, he's... very, very strong.

But the other two
I think I've got, yeah.

I think you've got those eyes
where you could turn.

I think you might have the power.
You'd go dirty, as well.

I think you do something quite evil.

I think you've got it in you
to just lose it.

Just fall to your knees
and bite someone's dick off.

No. That's too much.
(LAUGHS)

Bite someone's dick off!

No, but I mean you've got that...
You could say ear or face or nose.

Dick! Why make it weird?

Oh, dear. Where do you see yourself?

Coming back in lockdown,
that was a time for you

to get back in training
and get over your injuries and stuff.

How was it, trying to get back
-into it after that big break?
-Yeah.

I think I told Romesh this,
that when...

Oh, you've been talking privately?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get on.

Have you? When did that happen?

-When did that happen?
-We get on well.
-We're good mates, aren't we?
-Yeah.

You been texting, have you? It's good
that you told him privately.

Rob and Romesh Show. That's fine.
-Yeah. Go on.
-Slightly one-sided.

There's a lot no replying,
but you carry on, don't you?

I'm actually gonna go to Nando's
later with Judy and Jamie.

Do what you want.
(LAUGHS)

Yeah, so I was, we spoke about this
and I was saying that

in lockdown, at the beginning,
like, I was really motivated

to train and stuff,
and I was getting up

before the kids got up, so I was
-getting up at 5:30.
-Oh, my God!

And I was thinking, you know,
I'm training when no one else is.

You're Mark Wahlberg.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.(LAUGHS)

And then about
maximum four days in,

I was like, "No, fuck it. It's not
worth it."(LAUGHS)(LAUGHS)

Do you know what?
I'm so happy you said that

because when you're an athlete
at the top of your game

and you thought that, so it makes
-normal people feel better.
-Yeah.

I enjoyed this little walk.
Thank you very much.

Nice, innit?
Where's your dog?

I don't know.
Let's try and call the dogs, quickly.

Rusty, come! Rusty, come!

-Come!What's that voice?
-You've got
-a dog voice.
-Hang on, do that again.

Call Rusty.
Rusty, come!(LAUGHS)

Come! Come!
What's that?

Treat. Sit. Sit. Sit.
Andy, why do you sound like that?

That's my dog voice
and he listens to it.

OK. Do it again.
OK. Go on. Go on. Fetch.

Rusty, fetch!
Call Rusty back.

Rusty, come!
(BOTH LAUGH)

-Come!
-Are you doing this...
-Is this a wind up?
-No!

Tia, come! Tia, come!
Tia, come! Tia, come!

-Yes!
-It works, you see?
There you go. There you go.

There you go.
Well done, Tia.

That looks like a set-up.
It works, doesn't it?

It's incredible. Thank you, mate.
You're such a good coach.

Rusty, come! Right. Cheers, Andy.
Come on, then, Tia.

-Let's go.
-Rusty, come, come.
Do you want a treat?

I thought that went well. We're up
to acquaintances now, aren't we?

-Right. I've got a question.
-Yeah.

He said, "I was talking to Romesh
about this."

We're interviewing Andy,
you're having secret chats.

I'm not having a secret chat.
You are having a secret chat.

-Show me.
-Why do I have to show you?
I wanna see the messages.

Why, Rob?
Right, where's Andy...

You have messaged him so many times.

"Hi, mate, it's Rom." It's just...
Can you just... You put...

Rob, I actually don't... This...
Seriously, just give me the phone.

Why is there little videos
of him playing tennis?

Why are you keeping that from me?
I'm not keeping anything from you.

Well, maybe just start a new group.

With what?
Me in it.

I just feel a bit out of the loop,
that's all.

Yeah, but, I mean,
you can't be in every loop.

There's some loops
that don't involve you.

I can't believe how many times
he's replied.

(LAUGHS)
It's like an actual friendship.

Let's head back home.
Let's go over here and sort this out.

Come on, Tia. Let's go.
Come on, Tia. (LAUGHS)

'Over the last few weeks,
Romesh and I have been on a journey

to get to know tennis legend
Sir Andy Murray.

And after a shaky start...'

Why are you pretending
to be out of breath?

You finished about ten minutes ago.
To make this end bit look better.

'..we were finally
on the inside track.'

Rusty, come!
(BOTH LAUGH)

'For our final meeting,

Andy had asked us to join him
for one of his favourite hobbies,

so we can see how he likes to relax
when he's away from the court.'

So, we are in Surrey again.
At a vineyard.

What are we doing
with Andy Murray at a vineyard?

Not drinking wine,
because that would be fun.

What we're actually doing
is we are joining Andy Murray

for a bike ride
up a very steep hill.

What time's Andy meeting us?
He's supposed to be here now.

When we did the series, I was like,
"Let's me a celeb or a sports star,

and then we can hang out with them
and do what they do to chill out."

This is no life.
I know.

I'm not really up for the bike ride.
I'm not really a bike ride guy.

It's also zero degrees.

And also, look at that.

Oh. That doesn't scream to me,
"bike ride."

"What are you gonna do? Bike ride?"
"No, I might just stand and cry

or, you know, star in a horror film."

I think I can beat him. If you
distract him, I'm gonna beat him.

Mate, distract him? I'll have
to assault him for you to beat him.

What I'm saying is
he's going in this relaxed

and thinks he can just smash me easy.
Yeah. And I would say...

Have I got surprisingly strong legs?

-Yeah.
-Thank you.
If I beat him up this hill,

if he beats me, I don't care, if I
beat him, it will haunt his dreams.

Between me beating him here
and "Rusty, come," he's destroyed.

How many of those coffees
-have you had?
-It's my fifth.

-Morning, Andy.
-How are you doing?
Are you all right?

-Good, yeah.
-Thank you so much for
allowing us to join you for this.

That's all right.
Any advice going up this hill?

It's quite long,
-so don't go off too fast.
-OK.

You look the part.
Exactly.

What have you got in there?
What's in the cup?

Coffee. But I've drunk it now.
Is that all right to have coffee?

Yeah, I just didn't know if it was
a performance enhancer or something.

(LAUGHS) All right,
shall we go up a fucking hill?

(ALL LAUGH)

'Today's bike ride would consist
of a relentless 2km ascent

up the north face of one of Surrey's
most unforgiving hills.

So if I had any hopes
of keeping up with Andy,

I was gonna need
all the help I could get.'

Where's Romesh?

I haven't seen him, actually. I
-don't know.
-Is he getting his bike?

Look, the truth is, I wanna
be able to enjoy this ride.

I wanna be able to chat to Andy
as we're going up.

And so I've found myself a solution.

Oh, here he is! (LAUGHS)
All right, boys?

And that solution
is an electric tricycle.

I can't...
What is that?

It's a tricycle. A trike.

A trike?
Yeah.

I can't work out if it's really cool
or if it's degrading.

I'll work it out for you. Very cool.
(LAUGHS)

-Is that electric?
-When I'm on it,
mate, of course it is.

Yeah, actually, in reality,
it is electric.

So you're not doing it properly.
I am doing it properly.

I tell you what, just jump
in the back of that bloke's car.

That'd be quicker, wouldn't it?
I tell you what, forget these.

Let's jump in the car. I'll get an
Uber. We'll just jump up there quick.

-In two minutes.
-It's ridiculous.
What do you mean it's ridiculous?

This is how I'm joining you.

'Ridiculous or not, I had the wheels
and the electricity

to conquer Mount Surrey.'

(LAUGHS) He's loving it.

Oh, wow!
Yeah, boy!

I reckon we could present
the new Top Gear, us three.

The thing you'll find
about the e-trike

is it can really go!
(BOTH LAUGH)

Whoo!
You can really feel the torque!

Oh, come here, Freddie!
(LAUGHS)(LAUGHS)

We're bloody good mates!
(LAUGHS)

Banter, banter, banter, rapport!

Genuine chemistry!

We are real friends, I promise, BBC!

Sometimes we even text each other.

(LAUGHS)

'But our Top Gear debut
would have to wait.

We had just started our ascent,
and worryingly,

I was already feeling the burn.'

Come on, Rob!
What's that?

Rob, come! Rob, come!
Come, Rob!

I've got no idea what I'm doing
with my fucking gears here.

You all right, Rob?
-Are you all right, Rob?
-Yeah.

No, not really. Just... pretty hilly
and my legs ache already.

(LAUGHS)

And I don't know what to do
with the fucking gears!(LAUGHS)

'Surprising no one, Rob's hopes
of beating Andy up the hill

were disappearing
as fast as he was in the fog.'

Shall we leave him there?
Yeah, let's just do it.

'And it wasn't long...

before this bike ride
became a two-horse race.'

How hard are you exerting yourself
on a scale of one to ten right now?

Five, probably.
Yeah.

What's worrying is I'm probably
a six or a seven.

And I've turned this up to maximum.

OK. This is so humiliating now
if I get beat.

'Even with the e-trike, I was
struggling to keep up with Andy...'

Oh, God! Andy!

'..who, annoyingly,
wasn't even breaking a sweat.'

Oh, shit!
Come on, Rom!

I'm coming!

'Meanwhile, back down the hill...'

Fucking hell!

'..I was starting to wish
I'd ordered that Uber.'

This isn't fun, is it, Andy?

It's not a fun thing to do.

Yeah, we're mates. He's fucked off.

Do you know what? I don't think
I'm gonna beat Andy.

'Just past the halfway point

and, blessedly, the hill
levelled out for a moment.

Which was all I needed
to reel Andy back in.'

Fuck!

(LAUGHS)
I love it!

'Or at least that was the plan.

Still, could be worse.'

Morning.

Morning.

This is shit.

What an awful way to spend a morning.

♪ Victorious

♪ Victorious ♪

Aah! Whoo!
Mate.

You're absolutely buzzing with that,
aren't you?

Loving it, yeah.
(PANTS)

It's a good hill, that.

(PANTS)

Oh, that's great. It's magical.

Yeah, sorry for all the suffering
on your electric bike.

It's pathetic.

-Ohh!
-When you look out here
and you see that,

it does make you think...

what a massive waste of time
this has been, doesn't it?

'At least, though,
I had made it to the top.'

I could've done this on my own.

What's the point
of meeting Andy Murray?

I saw him for 20 seconds.

I could have just come up
in the afternoon when it was warmer.

So how far behind
do you think Rob is?

I don't even know if he's still
riding, to be honest with you.

Do you think he's still alive?
Is this Rob?

Here he is. Beckett!

Great work, Rob.
Oh, my God! (PANTS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)
Have you thought about therapy?

(LAUGHS)

He can't even stay on it!

Was it that bad?
It was horrible.

You can't see nothing.
It's cold. You left me.

I might as well have done it
-on my own.
-Well, you did.

It was good. I enjoyed it.

It was, yeah... I felt like
I was going pretty quick.

You were going pretty quick.
I've enjoyed this episode, Andy.

It's a shame we've not seen you
play tennis. But apart from that,

it's been good to get to know
the man behind the racquet.

-Yeah.
-And it's pretty much
what I thought it would be.

Quite a nice guy.
Absolutely loves sport. (LAUGHS)

Absolutely loves tennis.
It's gonna be revealing.

Andy Murray, very nice guy.

Andy, what's been your favourite bit
hanging out with us?

I enjoyed you guys modelling,
to be honest.

I enjoyed that. It was good fun.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.

Because you could sort of see
how that was gonna add to the...

the value of your clothing line.
Exactly. Yeah.

So I gained from it
and it was also pretty funny.

-Yeah.
-Sure.
Do you know what I mean?

And you said sometimes you still feel
a bit like not body confident,

but seeing us in those clothes...
-Yeah, that helped.
-Do you know what?

I was feeling myself after that.
I bet you were.

I look all right, after all.
Yeah.

'So our time with Sir Andy
had come to an end.

It had been an absolute honour
to hang out

with the three times
grand slam winner

and get a glimpse into his world.

But as we prepared to part ways
and leave this awful hill behind,

one burning question remained.'

Yeah, I've enjoyed it.
I think we get on.

I think we're like a little gang.
And little thing,

don't wanna make it awkward,
can I join the WhatsApp group?

-What do you think?
-Well, if I set up
a group and invite you both.

Yeah. I mean, you'd need...
I'd join it. I'd join it.

-Oh, thanks, Andy.
-And then I'll stop
chatting to him. Maybe block him.

Exactly. I think you started off
this process... You escalated that.

I think you started off this process
liking Romesh more

because he's miserable like you. You
thought I was probably a bit chirpy.

You realise I'm an absolute legend
and now he's not put in the effort,

you're binning him off.
I'm the can-do man.

The only time I really saw him smile
was when he was exercising,

which is a bit weird, as well.

There's something sinister
about a man not smiling,

going up a hill on an electric
-scooter.Yeah.
-Something sinister?

It's not a bike
for someone that can walk.

What are you supposed to keep
in the back there?

I think your self-respect,
but it's fallen through the bars.

Just stuff for whatever party you're
heading to. Do you know what I mean?

Just like party... I could sit in it
and you could ride me round.

(LAUGHS)

Come on, mate, sort your gears out.
Go slow. Don't push yourself.

I could be your new trainer.
Andy, come!

-Andy, come!Andy, come!
-You've got
to beat your personal best.

Rusty, come!
Andy, come!

Andy, come! Come on, Andy!

OK, it's quite steep.
Oh, Romesh! Romesh, seriously.

Seriously, slow down!
Romesh! Romesh! Romesh!

♪ Champion, I can take a beating

♪ I'll rise again,
burning through the jungle

♪ Until the end, I can live forever

♪ I'll rise again, keep rising up

♪ Champion, I can take a beating

♪ I'll rise again,
burning through the jungle

♪ Until the end, I can live forever

♪ I'll rise again, keep rising up ♪

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