All language subtitles for Rob And Romesh Vs s01e02_English

The following programme contains
strong language and adult humour.

Ten years ago, Rob Beckett and I met
on the comedy circuit,

and we've been friends ever since.

I think we complement each other.
He's sad, I'm happy.

He'll always smile about things.

It's just a shame that
that smile is so punchable.

(LAUGHS)

Now, we're putting our friendship
to the test.

Why are we in this vehicle?
Bigger the better.

..as we travel the world together...

I'm gonna get out of here and smack
-your arse with this.
-Get out, then.

..to meet some of the greatest
athletes on the planet.

(LAUGHTER)

..as well as some of
the biggest stars...

Hello!

..from the world of music
and entertainment.

(LAUGHTER)

We'll be immersing ourselves
in their worlds,

to find out
what makes them who they are.

I look happy, don't I?

Just minus the skill...

Oh, my God!

..talent...

This goes to my wife
in about three weeks.

..or motivation...

Jesus Christ!

Bolt don't do this, innit?

..that makes them megastars.

Holy shit!

This week, Romesh and I have been
given exclusive access

to Super Bowl champions,
the Philadelphia Eagles.

We're going to learn all about
America's favourite pastime:

The NFL...

(CHEERS)

..to find out
if it can take off in the UK.

Romesh and I will be meeting up with
fellow Brit and Super Bowl winner,

Jay Ajayi,

as he takes us training
in Philadelphia...

Hup! Ohh.

..to get us ready for our NFL debuts
in front of 90,000 fans

at Wembley Stadium.

Oh, no!

♪ (SINGING ALONG) Blood and fire
Blood and fire

♪ Ya-ya

♪ Bent politicians fight about

♪ Bent police officer

♪ Fight about them...

(LAUGHS)

♪ Blood and fire
BOTH: Blood and fire

♪ Bent politician
Fight about them

♪ Bent police officer
Fight about them... ♪

(BOTH LAUGH)

(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)

Essentially, what we're up to
here... Yeah.

..is trying to see if NFL,
biggest sport in the United States

they're trying to break it
over here...

Yes.
..can they do it?

-Yes.
-Or, will they do it?
That's what we're doing.

The issue is:
it's really complicated, the NFL.

I'm really trying to get into it,
and I like it.

I basically watch a bit of it
front of season,

but I always watch the Super Bowl.
Right.

So we always have a bit of a
Super Bowl party, me and my mates.

Erm...

(BOTH STAMMERING)

Yeah. That's a bit of a weird one.
You're probably working.

Well, next... To be fair-
At 2:00am?

Last time, I watched it in Dublin,

and my mate's come out to Dublin
with me for a tour show

and we watched it after.
That's why you weren't invited.

Yeah, but you said
you do it every year.

Yeah. (STAMMERS)
Let's not get bogged down in why...

Are we actually mates?

I'm gonna say this now...
OK.

Are you ready for it?

Mate, I've never been readier.
Never watched a Super Bowl game.

Never watched...
Even a bit of it?

I did watch the bit where
Janet Jackson's tit popped out.

Oh, Romesh!

The truth is, the sport is...

I find it, if I'm being honest,
impenetrable.

Right, they did that...
(LAUGHS)

Like...

They go for a little bit,
then they have a break,

and they're having a chat,

then they talk about the strategy,
I don't understand it.

This is good, because we don't
really know much, so we can learn.

And the only place to learn
is the US of A.

Our NFT adventure would begin
in Philadelphia,

the city of brotherly love...

..and home to one of the biggest
teams in the NFL:

Super Bowl champions,
the Philadelphia Eagles.

COMMENTATOR: 'And the Eagles
have won Super Bowl 52!'

They don't come any better than
the Eagles.

And we've been given
exclusive access

to their pre-season training camp,

where we were going to train
with the champions

and be put through our paces,
NFL style.

Here we go, Romesh.

Philly-dilly!

Rob, why are we in this vehicle?

Bigger the better, innit?
Well, not-

That's the American way.
You've got no spatial awareness.

Since when have you made that up?
Why...

It's every time
I've been in a vehicle with you.

Name one issue we've had.

I don't ever feel comfortable when
-I'm with you as a passenger.
-Really?

And that's in a normal-size car.
Are you doing passenger brakes?

Why don't you fucking drive then?

I don't understand. I enjoy life,
and I'm excited to be in America

in Philadelphia, doing work, right?

You're miserable. So I need
to understand it from your
point of view how annoying it is.

Why don't you pretend to be me, and
react to what you're seeing how I
react, so I can see what it's like?

I'll be a bit quiet and miserable
like you, and see how we get on.

(AS ROB) Oh, I'm a right prick.

I keep talking regardless of whether

I've got a point or any reason
to be speaking or not.

(ROB CHUCKLES)
This is narrow.

Oh, look. It's a wall.
(LAUGHS)

I decided to get a big car cos bigger
is better, but I can't drive
even a normal-sized car.

(LAUGHS)
He-he!

So, we're training with the Eagles
today.

-Yes.
-Er, wh-
Do you know how amazing that is?

Er, well-
Super-Bowl-winning Eagles.

Training with the Eagles, would be
great if I had some sort of base
level of fitness, right?

Sure.
Just now, I became short of breath

eating from this bag of pretzels.

(LAUGHS)

What do you think about your level of
fitness for doing NFL training?

I think I'm slightly
fitter than you,

but not fit enough
to train with the Eagles.

Why are you slightly fitter than me?

You've eaten a full bag of pretzels.
We've been here 20 minutes.

So, I've eaten half this bag of
pretzels, easily, right?

Yeah.
And then I looked on the bag.

I said, "It's not that bad,
it's a few pretzels."

On the bag it says,
"This bag contains 16 servings."

(LAUGHS)
I reckon you've had eight.

So, what's the calorie-

No, I'm... Fuck. Oh, fuck me.
I've had... I've had 1,000 calories.

(LAUGHING) No, you haven't.
Mate, I promise you.

I've had eight servings.
Yeah?

It's 110 calories per serving.

You've done that
without even flinching.

Oh, what have I done?
(LAUGHS)

You're genuinely upset.
Yeah, I honestly...

(LAUGHS)

So, with Rom's high-calorie
preparations complete,

it was time to join the Eagles
at their pre-season boot camp.

Go, Rom.

It's fun being away
in Philly with Rom.

I'm more excited than him.
He does a lot of travelling.

He normally goes to shitholes.

BOTH: Swoop!
Hey, Swoop.

Yeah.

I've got absolutely zero experience
of playing American football.

I have grown up finding the whole
idea that they call it football
offensive.

The training camp?
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, we're going training.
Yeah, we're going.

I'm excited about the training,
I think, like,

you're at the training centre...
I'm really excited about the kit.

I don't know why, but just, like,
putting on all the kit is gonna be
really exciting.

That fits your mouth perfectly.

(LAUGHS)

So, with Rob's helmet sorted,
it was time for our own training
session to begin.

First though, we wanted to see
how the Super Bowl champions do it.

(ONE WHISTLE BLOW, PLAYERS GRUNTING)

(THREE WHISTLE BLOWS)

The players are both
enormous and sexy.

That- I had no idea that
that was going to happen.

Oh, look how sexy that guy is.

Look at him,
his long hair and beard. Walker?

Is it usual to have a hard-on while
you're watching the training?

It's impressive if you can get a
hard-on in this heat, to be honest.

So, I think these guys, Rom...
Yeah.

..play centre, some of these,
cos they're the big ones.

They're definitely
the front row of the defence.

It looks like a fi-
That can't be allowed.

Oh, my God.

That is...for real.
Why though?

Surely they can't grab their shirts.

I watched the training session,
and it essentially looked like...

(PLAYERS GRUNT)

..about half past 11
outside of Wetherspoons.

So, with morale at an all-time high,

our next challenge was trying to
figure out how to get the kit on.

Is this a wind-up?

Have you got me little ones
on purpose?

(LAUGHTER)

Which, for Rob, was proving
a lot easier said than done.

♪ ROB BASE AND DJ E-Z ROCK:
It Takes Two

One,

two, three!

Rob certainly is excited
to put on all the gear.

Here's the sign of somebody that's
got absolutely zero idea
of what's involved.

What about this?

(ROM AND ROB LAUGHING)

Isn't the T-shirt wrong?

How can you be excited to put some
kit on? I just don't understand it.

Thank you. OH! Geez!
Is that all right?

Perfect. Thank you.

How do I look?

(LAUGHING) It's far too big for you.

(BOTH LAUGH)

You look really weird in it.

(BUGLE FANFARE)

Suited and booted, it was finally
time for Romesh and I

to take to the field and
show the Philadelphia Eagles

that we were made of
the right stuff.

(ROB LAUGHS)

Come on! You can't...

It's gonna be thrown
faster and harder than that.

Here you go, mate.

Oh, come on!
Get your head in the game.

Romesh, keep hold of the ball.

You keep throwing it at my face.

I'm so tired.
(LAUGHS)

Oh! (LAUGHS)

(BOTH LAUGH)

It was at this point that
the professionals showed up.

We were about to be put
through our paces

by Philadelphia Eagles centre,
Rick Lovato.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

And joining him, is one of
the biggest stars of the NFL...

..and only one of five
British players

to have ever won the Super Bowl,

Hackney-born running back, Jay Ajayi.

COMMENTATOR: 'Ajayi...'

(SPECTATORS CHEERING)

'..looking for the angle,
Ajayi dives.

Touchdown. Eagles.

Jay Ajayi
in his Philadelphia debut.'

What's going on, guys? I'm Rick.
Rom. How's it going?

Hey. Rick. Nice to meet you.
Rob. How you doing?

How's it going?
You guys are all laced up.

You guys ready to go?
All right.

(LAUGHS) Yes.
Let's go!

(LAUGHS)
Jesus Christ.

Is that like a team bonding thing?
Oh, yeah.

It's like,
"'Ey, you got your pads on."

You put the helmets on and smash
each other's heads
before you go out there.

We need to learn how to play.
Can you help us out?

We could definitely do that.

What is it you need, internally,
to be an NFL player?

What are the characteristics
you need?

Why are you looking at me like...?
Can I say something?

Can I tell you what happened?
You asked the question, he looked at
me like, "You ain't got it."

I swear that's the look
-he just gave me.
-You took that well.

Nah, ey. You gotta be tough, man.
You know what I'm saying?

You're already kinda scaring me,
man.

You got the eye, that's gonna freak
'em out off...

The mean eye is gonna definitely
get some guys...

So, you're ready.
..other side of the line.

A bit freaked out.
He's taken some hits.

Pumped from Jay's
motivational speech,

it was time to warm up.

And it was clear that our coaches
weren't going to go easy on us.

Ready? Chop your feet.

Break down!

Get up! Faster!

Break down!

Rob!
Oh, my gosh!

All right, all right, all right.

Hey, I'm on you today.
What are you talking about?

It's pre-season, Rick.
Give us a chance.

What do you mean you're on me?

I'm shit at everything, so what
I would like Jay to have done

is just gone, "Romesh,

you have no coordination whatsoever,

so let's just try and
help you survive."

All right, Jay.
You're picking on me.

But he's got...
He's getting your confidence up.

I want you to be great.
Yeah.

But I'm not your friend.
You ready?

Yeah.
Get your feet chopping. Let's go!

Go.
Down!

Come on!
Run!

Buzz, buzz, buzz!

Down!
Down!

What's "buzz" mean?
Yay.

Why'd you say "buzz"?
Buzz...

Fuck.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

(EXHALES SHARPLY, SPITS)

Do you guys feel warm?
Yeah.

He's hurting.
We haven't even started yet.

Oh! (EXHALES)

Let's get-
Now I feel better.

It's unacceptable.

You can put these helmets on and
get used to them a little bit.

OK.
Put the helmets on.

We're gonna start hitting a little
bit. You wanna hit each other?

When you have these pads and the
helmet on, you wanna hit each other.

My guy's hurting right now.
This is a warm-up, though. Come on.

I'm gonna grab the helmet for you.
Oh, thanks.

I can't look.
Should it... Should it...

'Helmet on, I quickly discovered
I might have a slight disadvantage
over Rom.'

But my issue is,
I can't look left or right.

That's OK. Just look straight.
Tunnel vision.

I'm simultaneously looking
left and right.

You do the sides,
-I'll do straight on.
-Yeah.

OK, cool.

The hardest part of training was
helmet on, right or left.

I can catch, I can throw,
I've got the speed, I can turn,

but I can't turn my neck.

I look like Mario when he was small.

That's what I look like.

♪ Doo, doo, doo ♪

All right, so I want you guys
to line up right here. Here.

Stand right here.
Yeah.

There you go.
I'll demonstrate right here.

OK. Do you want me to go easy on ya?

You guys are both gonna get into
a three-point stand.

-Oooh!
-And then you guys are gonna
drive each other back.

Oooooh! (CHUCKLES)
Fucking hell.

Is that all right?
Are you serious, man?

(EXCLAIMING)
Wow.

Have a little bit more base, man.
Come on.

I didn't know he was gonna do it,
I thought he was showing me.

No, you're getting ready.
OK.

Rick seemed like a nice guy,
when he first started,

and then, when he slammed Rob,

he became one of
my lifetime personal heroes.

Because of what he did
to Rob Beckett. (LAUGHS)

I mean, I owe him so much.

'Once I'd overcome
my minor concussion,

we were ready to rumble.'

Set. Hut!

-Ohhh.
-Come on, push each other,
-push each other.
-Oh, that was weak.

You guys are friends?
You hugged him.

He done me, I weren't ready.
You hugged him.

'And it's soon become apparent that
we needed to step things up a bit.'

Come on!
Set. Hut!

(LAUGHS)
Fuck off, mate!

I'm gonna fucking do him now.

("CHALLENGE" MUSIC PLAYS)

Ready. Set. Hut!
(GRUNTS)

Come on! Ahhh!
All right.

(LAUGHTER)

-And what?Ah-ha-ha!
-OK, now we've
got a hit on the shoulders, now.

So now, you got a little taste of
the idea of hitting someone,

now we wanna run and catch.
You think you can run and catch?

Yeah, I'll try.
Let me get a football.

You don't look like you're offence
alignment or defence alignment

so we're gonna try
-the other positions.OK.
-OK.

'This was it. Our final chance
to impress Jay and Rick.

We had to make the catch
and score the touchdown.'

I'm ready.
Go!

Ooh. OK.

AH!
Oh! (LAUGHS)

I'm so excited!

Oh, no!

Go!

Oh!

Ooh!

(GRUNTS)
Ahh, man!

Go!
You're free.

Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha!

Argh!

Oh, wo-o-o-ow!

It's so hard with the helmet on.

Go!

Oh, yeah. There it is.
(LAUGHTER)

Are you gonna score, Rom?

(CHEERING)

You got one.

'Romesh's celebration when he caught
that ball was incredible.

But then went sinister.'

He did it for two seconds too long.

I'll show you. It's like,
"Yaaay."

Boom.
That's what he should have done.

What he did, was,
"Yaaay."

Mmm.

Too long.
THAT was the problem with it.

We had a good day today.
That was good.

Do you know what? I can genuinely
see myself getting into it.

I'm absolutely distraught
-I didn't catch it.
-Yeah.

Genuinely furious.

I'm distraught that Jay
seemed to hate me for some reason.

He did. I think you won the football
and I won the friendship.

Yeah. And that is saying something,
cos you are annoying.

And you're shit.

(LAUGHS)

ROB: Rom and I are in Philadelphia,

and after our gruelling training
session with Jay and Rick,

there was only one way to recover,
by trying a local delicacy,

the Philadelphia cheesesteak.

Is it like actually going to be good,

or is it like fish and chips
which is crap but is traditional?

Dunno. Let's find out.

I can't eat cheese or steak.

You can eat the bread.

(MEAT SIZZLING)

I need to talk to you

about your celebration.

Oh, right, g- I thought you were
breaking up with me.

No, no, no, not yet.

The normal celebration,
if you score or get, is like

"Yeah. Yeah."

That's, that's the one.

Why did your brain send you to...

Because, erm...
First of all, that is-

That's...
No, but...

I'm bringing it down.
(REPEATS) I didn't do that face.

That is less than what you did.

I'm bringing it down,
cos there's kids here. OK?

I did not do that face.

Don't, please don't.
Cos you had the helmet on.

But that's what you were doing. OK?

Let's talk about your cele-
Oh, that's right. I didn't see it.

Ohh, wow (!)

If this was an Instagram post,
I'd put "savage" on it.

And I'd pin it to your forehead.
So, what's your celebration?

I'm gonna get the ball and
just go...

Do you know what you should do?

Not worry about it, cos
it's unlikely you're gonna catch it.

Fair enough.

I've got to be honest. I think
training in that kit, in that heat,

is one of the most physically
strenuous things I've ever done.

The worst part of it was,
I got absolutely ruined...

Yeah.
..by Dick Lovato.

And my back's been aching since.
He absolutely went through me.

But you loved it.
I discovered something yesterday.

My favourite Rob Beckett is the one
that's just been injured.

Do you think that was out of order
from him?

Is it out of order for a
professional NFL player to knock you
down by surprise?

Yes.
No.

I didn't even catch it.
I know. That was bad.

I mean,
for me to be able to catch it,

I think, if I hadn't have had that
experience of like actually getting
some success... Yeah.

..it would have been
a gutting experience.

I can't imagine what it would have
been like-

..You managed to catch it
and you're half blind.

I'm partially sighted.

You've genuinely
got no depth perception.

I don't think so.

Didn't even move. Didn't even react.

What are you doing?
Do you see my hands
coming towards you?

Yes, I can. I'm not bli-
I'm not Stevie Wonder, mate.

You said "no depth perception".

Don't-

See? You reacted. You're lying.

See?
Oh, my gosh. I'm embarrassed (!)

(LAUGHS)

There's egg on my face.
This has been really...

You really have taught me
-a lesson today.
-Thanks.

Thank you so much.

How's your back after getting done
-over by Ricky?
-It really hurts.

You weren't bothered
about the NFL at all,

so when we was doing this episode,
I was excited cos I watched
a few games and I like it.

How are you feeling now about
the NFL after coming here?

I sort of came into this thinking
it'll be an experience.

Yeah.
Obviously.

And I would say I was about here.
Yeah.

Now I'm about here.
I'm not quite here yet.

What is up there?
What's that called? A fan of it?

Yeah. A fan of it, like I'd actually
seek out to watch a game.

Then you were... So now you're...
What's this?

Nearly a fan.
Yeah.

It's a basic chart.
I'm still making up my mind.

-Sure. OK.
-I'm not gonna pull out
a Venn diagram.

Were you a maths teacher?
The point is this:

I am much more on board with it
than I was.

Yep.
Right?

The one doubt, the niggling doubt
that I've got in my mind is

what an actual whole game is like to
sit and engage with for the entirety.

It's a long time.
That will be the test for me.

But I'm coming into it with a much
more open mind than I did before.

As the sun set on Philadelphia,
and wanting to go to a match,

we arranged to meet up with
our mate from training,

fellow Brit and Eagles running back,
Jay Ajayi.

COMMENTATOR: 'Jay, an inside
hand-off. Look at him go!'

Hello, mate.

We were gonna ask him
about his Super Bowl win,

our playing potential,
but, more importantly,

whether he could get us into a game.

You're an exciting player,
you get yards and score touchdowns
and stuff.

What positions, do you reckon, me
and Romesh will be suitable for?

You've got quite broad shoulders...
You'd be like a centre.

Yeah?
You got your hand in the dirt, man.

He's got his hand in the dirt?
That sounded like an accusation.

(LAUGHS)

Romesh Ranganathan in sex scare!
(LAUGHS)

Caught with his hand in the dirt.

(LAUGHS) No...
He's an animal.

That's a standard...
That's a football statement.

Oh, OK. Fine.
"Hand in the dirt".

When you said-
That's actually search criteria on
some laptops.

(ALL LAUGH)

You play centre, you probably, like,
you'll be a trainer or something.

Yeah.
Trainer?

Hand out the Gatorade or whatever.
Do you know what I mean?

He has his hand in the dirt
and I'm watching?

I've got my hand in the dirt,
he's doing snacks or whatever.

You'd be a good duo, you know.

You just bring him the water
when he gets tired and all that.

This is gonna rip us apart,
sort of Ant and Dec here.

The NFL... The NFL...

The NFL hasn't got a budget
for a grill to protect those teeth.

(ALL LAUGH)

(CACKLES)
Damn.

COMMENTATOR: 'Ajayi's
got the first down and more.

Across midfield.'

(SPECTATORS CHEERING, WHISTLE BLOWS)

Can you explain to me
what exactly a centre is?

Wh-What skills do I need to have?

First off, I mean, you already have
the build, you know, for it.

You're a big guy.
Huge shoulders.

It was kind of a compliment,
kind of not a compliment.

Is centre like a fat prick?

I mean...
Fat prick?

You know, they're bigger guys.
Right.

But you hold the ball every play.
It-It starts with you.

You snap the ball
-to the quarterback.
-Yeah.

It's low pressure, though.
Mm.

The centre is definitely not doing
nothing glamorous,

they do the dirty work, like I said.

That's for the receivers,
the running backs, quarterbacks.

You still get invited
to all the parties?

The centres? Oh. Everyone loves...

Everyone loves... Those guys
have to be my best friend.

Right.
So we're gonna get on real good,

because I don't get anywhere
without you.

So what about the coach and stuff?
Are they part of...

You're good. But me and you...
Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.

We have to be on the same page.
What happened...

I just need water from you.

That's it.
(LAUGHS)

But me and you...
Get it, water boy.

What about the-
I'm feeling kinda dehydrated now.

Get me a drink, water boy.
Ha-ha!

(JAY AND ROM LAUGH)

Hurry up. Fetch some hydration.

Oh, look.
Oh, my... My mum...

Ahh, mate. Cheers.
There you go.

My mum said to me...
Do you want a cup?

My mum said to me, if I achieve at
the level that I possibly could,

eventually I could have
a white man serve me.

Yeah.
This is like a dream come true.

That was... She said to you
when you worked at that BP garage.

(LAUGHING) Yeah.
Ha-ha!

A few years now.
I was at Esso.

Oh. Now look at you.

♪ KANYE WEST: Champions
we run the city

♪ Number one
They fallin' from the top

♪ 'Round and 'round they go

♪ Rather be trappin' up
out of the bowl

♪ Then to get down with a ho ♪

So, you won the Super Bowl
last season.

What does that compare to, like,
the FA Cup, the Premier League,

the World Cup? What level of that
in your sport?

Yeah, I mean, I would compare it,
most likely, to a World Cup.

I mean, even though we don't have
the national kinda aspect to it,

as a nation, it's the highest
achievement you can do in the sport.

So, you're now...
You're champions now,

and you're gonna mount your defence,
er, we want to come and watch a game.

Yeah, man. I'm gonna get you guys to
the game,

show you how the Eagles do it,
you know what I'm saying?

Will you take us out after, as well?
Yeah. I'll show you the town.

Show you how to climb
the light poles out there.

That's what the Philly fans do.
Is it?

Yeah.
We'll really embarrass you.

Perfect. Thanks, mate.
It's been a pleasure.

-Cheers.
-Thank you so much, man.
Really appreciate it.

Dilly-Dilly!

Philly-Dilly, mate.
Philly-Dilly.

Yeah. Philly-Dilly.

Hop on a dilly, mate.

(LAUGHS)

ROB: Romesh and I
have arrived at Lincoln Field,

the home of the Philadelphia Eagles,

for the opening game of the season
against the Atlanta Falcons.

And I was determined to make it
a day even Rom would enjoy.

Here we are, Romesh.
Philadelphia Eagles.

I'm giving you
the full NFL experience.

Tailgating.
Yeah.

Booze, food and games.
Right.

My three favourite things.
What time is the actual game?

Fly, Eagles, fly.
No. What time's the actual game?

Nine o'clock.
What time is it now? Three.

Three, yeah.
It's six hours.

Yeah.
So we're doing a nine-hour day?

That's longer than my mum's
Royal Mail shift, mate.

You've got to soak it up, mate.

We were here six hours early

to meet the Eagles'
notoriously passionate fans

and experience the American
tradition of tailgating...

Go, birds!

..where the faithful
gather prior to the game

to drink beer...

ALL: EAGLES!

..burn meat...

ALL: EAGLES!
Whoo!

..and shout...

ALL: EAGLES!

A lot.

ALL: E-A-G-L-E-S,

EAGLES!

Good!
Yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Whoo!
Whoo!

YEAH!

WHOA!
GO, BIRDS!

Yeah!

I tell you what, Romesh,
I'm fucking havin' it now.

After nine of these and that shot,
I'm into it.

MAN: Go, Eagle birds!

That's it. EAGLES!

♪ ALL: Fly, Eagles, fly ♪

But to be considered a true fan,

you need to undertake
the beer bowl baptism,

which consists of
two pints of American lager

poured through a funnel
directly into your mouth.

Are you ready...
ROM AND ROB: YES!

..to join Eagles Nation?

'And the man in the hat is Erock,

the self-proclaimed undisputed king
of tailgating.'

YES!

In the name of the Eagles

and the cursed West,

DRINK, BITCHES!

(CROWD CHEERING)

E-A-G-L-E-S,

EAGLES!

ROMESH: EAGLES!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Yes!
WOMAN: Nice!

That was...
Lower!

Congratulations,
you got none of it on you.

(LAUGHS)

I'm throwing it out there, Rom.

I think this might be better than
the actual game.

I've got absolutely
no doubt about it.

I feel like I'm at
an actual frat party.

What I would say is
they can't really drink. I mean...

Well, they can't, they can't.
They think they can.

What's that?
Like, a cup of little piss beer.

And there are no shots.
-It's insane.
-Was that Ribena?

That's what's so funny.
That's really intimidating.

You go, "They're on it."

When you try it you go, "Oh, right,
this is Ribena. Nice."

I want to bring them to the football
game. "This is how we do it. Arr!"

I want to take them to Millwall,
where they've got to do 15 pints of
Stella and then watch a game.

Guys, what you like to do is do
a shot of Ribena and piss beer,

what we like to do is 15 pints and
then stab someone in a car park.

I love it. I've never had
so much fun-I love it.

I've never had this much fun
in a car park.

I've never had this much fun
-with you!
-Oh!

Cheers, Robbie.
Let's do it. Tailgate!

EAGLES!

Go, EAGLES!

Four hours and 20 piss beers later,

we join the 70,000 fans
heading inside the stadium.

EAGLES!

As Philadelphia welcome back
their Super Bowl heroes in style.

(SPECTATORS CHEERING)
Who-ay!

Whoo-hoo!

It's here, mate. Week one NFL.

They've got a massive trophy.
I didn't know it was that big
in the flesh.

Jesus Christ.
(LAUGHS)

(SPECTATORS CHEERING)

COMMENTATOR: 'Jake Elliot
will kick off.

The big star of last year.'

(SPECTATORS CHEERING)

'Game on,
and the NFL's 99th season is on.'

(ALL CHEER)

'The start of the match
certainly didn't disappoint.'

COME ON!

'The Eagles and the Falcons
took no prisoners.'

Yeah!

'With each team battling it out
for every yard of the pitch.'

(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Yeah-he-he!

'It was exciting,
it was electrifying,

it was everything
I thought the NFL would be.'

Come on!

But there was just
one small problem.

(SPECTATORS CHEERING)

What happens now?

Fuck knows.

'We had absolutely no idea
what was going on.'

'As the Falcons took the lead,

the enthusiasm of the home fans
started to wane.

And to make matters worse...'

Time out.

'..our hangovers kicked in.'

(YAWNS)

I'm so tired.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

'The Super Bowl champions needed to
dig deep, and so would we.'

What you need
to make the game better?

Two balls.

Two balls?

Er, talk me through
how that would go down?

One gets thrown, one gets run.

It's actually not a bad show.

Double trouble.

♪ CHOIR: It's a hard knock life... ♪

'But after that gem of an idea,

Rob's chat rapidly went down hill.'

Who do you reckon would win
out of a fight,

an eagle or a falcon?

I don't really have the
ornithological knowledge

to give you an answer.

I think an eagle's bigger.

'Two and a half hours into the game,

and Rob was starting to become
unbearable.'

(SPECTATORS EXCLAIMING)

♪ CHOIR: It's a hard knock life

My spoon... What's that
on the spoon called? The...

Handle.
Yeah.

It's weak. It's not strong enough
for this ice cream.

Look. Look how that bends.

Yeah, that is bad.

I've got to be honest with you.
We really have taken a dip here

if we're talking about
your ice-cream spoon.

'We needed something
to get us out of our slump.'

Let's go!

'We needed Jay Ajayi.'

COMMENTATOR: 'Ajayi...'
(CHEERING)

'..reaches out into the end zone.'

(FANS CHEERING)

'First touchdown of
the 2018 season.'

'Thanks to Jay's touchdown,
the Eagles were back in the game,

and we were back on our feet.

And not even a late touchdown from
the Falcons

could dampen
the spirits of the crowd.

Especially when Jay
scored the winning touchdown.'

'Into the end zone, touchdown,
Jay Ajayi.'

Some of it drags on,
but when it's good, it's good.

Yeah. I mean, this is
genuinely exhilirating.

Yeah.

'Three and a half hours
after kick-off,

and with the Eagles victorious...'

Mate.
Hi, guys. You all right?

'..there was only one man
we wanted to talk to.'

-Cheers, bro.
-How did you feel
when you got that first touchdown?

Good weight off the shoulders,
obviously.

It kept us in the game, and...
Just trying to do my part.

Just trying to keep us in the game
and make big plays.

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Nellie. Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you're the big man now?

Hey, but, erm...

I know it's a team sport,
but you're a big man today.

I guess.
Yeah. (LAUGHS)

You made us feel good, cos we've
been getting love from the UK,

because of you.
I'm glad to be carrying the flag.

I keep things going.
Amazing.

Thank you so much, man.

You been working on your catching?
I've been working on my bong.

I've been beer bonging, mate.
(LAUGHS)

I met Erock.
Oh, OK. So then, 'ey,

turn up tonight,
you've got your Eagles jersey,

you should be able to get
some free drinks with this.

I don't know if...
Where are we going?

That's the wrong number.
It's the water boy number.

Cheers, Jay.
See you later.

What a day.

Tailgating, incredible,
the opening of the game, incredible.

Dip to the middle, ended incredible.
Yes.

You're loving NFL, yeah?

I'm very much loving NFL.

I've got one little problem.
Go on.

You think you're better than me
at catching it.

Well, we have done some catching...
Yeah.

..and based on the only catching
that we have done, I have
been better than you.

But you think you're better than me.
Let's prove it once and for all.

So, what we're going to do is,
I'll sort it out,

wide receiver challenge.

We get three goes each to catch it,

Wembley Stadium, half time,
80,000 people.

How do you like it?

Er, I don't like it.

Why...? How is that comparable
to what we did? We were-

It's gonna be proper,
under pressure.

Anyone can do it in training.

They can't, I didn't.
But, what I'm saying is,

the pressure's on.

You were shittier than me with two
people watching and you thought,
"This needs 80,000 people."

I'm a big game player.

Pressure bursts pipes
or makes diamonds, yeah?

I think you think you're in Snatch.

(CHUCKLES)

Twist it however you want.
Let's get it sorted.

-It's already put to bed.
-Wembley-
What we're doing now,

is we're waking it up again.

Wembley, 80,000.
-So we can put it to bed?
-Exactly.

I would accept that.
It's currently asleep... Wembley.

I'm gonna catch it three times
and throw it in your toothy mouth.

Judgement day. A month after
their win in Philadelphia,

we were back in London

to watch the Eagles
take on the Jacksonville Jaguars

in front of 90,000 die-hard fans
in Wembley Stadium.

And after my less-than-stellar
performance in training,

where Rom caught a ball
and I didn't,

I'd arranged a half-time rematch,

where we would have three chances
each to catch the ball.

And whoever catches the most, wins.'

Here we go, Romesh. Wembley Stadium.

Full house for the wide receiver
end zone challenge.

(LAUGHS) God!
We're gonna be heroes.

Give me some.

I'm just doing this to bring this
conversation to an end, really.

You caught it in Philadelphia,
and I didn't.

So I thought, "Let's sort this out.

I'll smash it, absolute legend
in front of 90,000 people.

I'll train really hard and practise.

I haven't done that.
No.

Haven't practised at all?
No.

Because I don't know a quarterback.

No. I haven't practised,
cos I couldn't give less of a shit
about this challenge.

So, we've each got
our respective positions.

Yeah, but, mate, it's 90,000 people.

If you catch us in the end zone
and get up and do your, like...

You're like an absolute hero.

Like an absolute paedo in front of
90,000 people, yeah.

(LAUGHS)
But this is it. We're gonna do well.

Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah?

YES!
Yeah?

Come on.

'With Wembley slowly filling up,

we headed pitch side
to soak up the atmosphere

and to try to prepare for
the challenge ahead.

And Rob, for once,
was being very quiet.'

How are you feeling now?

Erm...

A little bit...

A little bit nervous.

I'll be honest with ya, erm,

I was more confident outside.

I should feel bad for you,
but all I feel is relief that

you've finally joined me in
realisation that this was a mistake.

Do you honestly... Are you still
happy that you organised it?

My thing is now,
I'm very scared and nervous,

but if we nail this,

it will be incredible.

Listen, let me explain something
to you. The NFL's great.

But I don't understand
why we can't do a show

where Rob and I immerse ourselves

in what it's like to be a fan.

None of these people are doing this.

This is not part of
the NFL experience,

make a bellend of yourself
at half time.

That's not a thing.

Oh, dear.

All I want is to catch. In my...

I don't care about anything else
now, above catching that ball.

I'm obsessed with it.

I want Rom to catch it too.

But I REALLY want to catch it.

And if he catches it and I don't,
I'm gonna be livid.

God knows what he's gonna be like,
if that prick catches it today.

If he catches it,
the relationship's over.

Let me tell you that now.

He is a weapons-grade prick
on his best day.

Imagine what he's gonna be like

after he's done that
in front of Wembley.

His head will explode.

But before that nightmarish scenario
could come about...

..it was time for the NFL
to do what it does best,

and put on a show.

(SPECTATORS CHEERING)

'As the Jaguars took on
the reigning champions,

the roar of the capacity crowd
filled the stadium.

And as Rob and I prepared to make
our NFL debut...'

Oh, God!
We're dead. We're dead.

'..the enormity of what we're about
to do really hit home.'

Ahh.
I feel sick.

I honestly actually feel sick.
I feel strangely comfortable,

cos this is quite similar
to the brace I had as a kid.

Before long, the sound of
the half-time whistle
echoed across the stadium...'

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

'..and it was finally time to find
out who was the best catcher.

Me or Romesh.'

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

COMMENTATOR: 'Welcome to
the half-time entertainment,

the wide receiver challenge.

Introducing number 36, Rob Beckett,

number 27, Romesh Ranganathan.

They'll compete against one defender

one throw from the five-yard line,
one from the ten, one from the 20.

Most catches wins.

(CHEERING)

Go, Rom!
Shit!

You can do it!

'First up, number 27, Ranganathan,
listening for the signals.

He's all set.

He comes off the line, there's
a bump, but he's broken free.

He's in the end zone,
the pass is there.

And he catches it.
It's a touchdown!

There's the spike. And the dance.'

Oh, no.

'Romesh styling and profiling.

Next up, 36, Beckett.'

Come on.

Don't build up your pass, Beckett.
Come on.

'Beckett's off the line,
he takes a bump.

Looking for the pass,
it's in his hands.

He dropped it!'
(SPECTATORS EXCLAIMING)

'He put it down,
it's on the ground.

Kicks it better than he catches it.'

Sorry.

I'm s- Oh, no,
I'm absolutely fucking horrific.

'So, after the first round, Romesh
leads with one, nothing.

And we move to ten yards
from the end zone.

Romesh getting the crowd behind him.

Free release off the line,

tippy toes into the end zone

and it's there, it's off his hands.
Nearly intercepted.'

Boooo!

'And no celebration this time.

He's giving the groundsmen
a little help.

Now Beckett with a chance
to even things up from the ten.

Free release, he's open,

the pass is there,
and off his belly!

Onto the ground!'
(BOOING)

'And listen to the boos
from the crowd.'

Oh, no!

NOOO!

Ah, this is the worst!

Please don't catch it.

'So, it all comes down to
the final throw

as Romesh, with a one-catch lead,
can ice it and beat Beckett.

There from the 20 now.

It's a test of endurance
as well as catching skill.

So, off from the 20,

clean release,
here's the ball in the air,

he looks back late!

It's between his arms.
He misses it completely.'

Booo!

'And Rob Beckett
is still in with a chance.

One catch to tie.

One drop to lose.

It's all hanging on one pass.

Beckett from the 20, nice release.

'And he's got it!'

YES!
(SPECTATORS CHEER)

'Touchdown! Beckett!'

And it's like the Eagles
have won the Super Bowl.

Rob Beckett under pressure,
delivers.

And he's finally caught one.'

Look, it was a draw, one-one,
let's be honest here.

Massive looping catch,
it was the best catch,

furthest away,

hardest to do.
He lost, I won.

But I'm not gonna rub it in his
face, but just so he knows.

I'm the catch daddy.

Well done, mate.

Well done.

STADIUM ANNOUNCER: 'Rob and Romesh!'

I didn't lose.
It was a draw, at best.

It's one thing to lose
to Rob Beckett,

but to not lose to Rob Beckett

and him think that
you've lost to Rob Beckett,

is infuriating beyond belief.

And, if I get the opportunity,
I'll kill him in his sleep.

Thank you.

I genuinely think that NFL,
if they can guarantee that

you come on at half time and do that,
I could get into it.

Every game?
-Absolutely.
-I enjoyed that.

I'm glad you liked it in the end.
Thank you, Bobby.

It was good.
Yeah.

We went to Philadelphia,
we saw it there,

we've seen it here,

and I think it's quality.

People are loving it.
The atmosphere's amazing.

I'd say,
thanks to this experience,

travelling to Philadelphia,
training with the Eagles,

coming here, doing this at half time,

it has made me nearly
a casual observer of the game.

(LAUGHS) You know what?
That's good, for you.

Yeah. Thank you for doing it.
Thank you for doing it.

You're happy we did it?
Yeah.

The crowd were wicked.
They're amazing.

Thank you, Rob.
I was wrong, you were right.

Yeah.
Let's go and celebrate.

Mine was longer and better,
wasn't it?

Yes, it was.
Be honest, I did the best.

So, I won, basically.

Would you say that?

Yeah, fine. Yeah.
If that's what makes you happy.

It really does.
Not that I want to make you happy.

Oh, God!

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