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1
00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:03,800
You're very good with dogs.
2
00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:06,080
Every dog on the Wirral
comes to me in the end.
3
00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:07,800
Charlie, lie down.
4
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:10,160
What is it, son?
Not much of a catch, am I?
5
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:11,920
We were in love!
Do you remember our chat
6
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:13,640
about alternatives to intercourse?
7
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,480
I've got an old cow from a
do-gooding outfit
8
00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:16,880
breathing down my neck.
9
00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:19,400
We may well be in a position
to offer financial assistance,
10
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:22,520
to gifted and talented children
of parents who are in prison.
11
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:23,920
Wait, wait...
12
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,440
Problems with your dog?
13
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,920
I can help you with that.
14
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,760
Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop!
15
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:30,800
THUD
16
00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:32,080
DOG WHINES
17
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:34,040
Jasmine!
18
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:44,560
Yeah, my grandson is a very
talented footballer, yeah.
19
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,640
Yeah, well, there
was an infringement
20
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,400
of the drug regulations at
the other club but it was...
21
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,880
I see. Yeah, well, listen,
I won't keep you cos
22
00:00:56,920 --> 00:01:00,520
I bet you're all very busy getting
ready for the relegation dogfight.
23
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,040
Good luck with that...not!
24
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:06,720
Well, that's a letter from the
vet's threatening cancellation.
25
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:09,040
If Eron is not good enough
for the Championship,
26
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:11,400
then I shall try a few
Premiership clubs.
27
00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:14,480
That's a thank-you letter from the
lady with the epileptic malamute.
28
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:17,640
Ah, this dog's heartbroken, Tony.
29
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:20,280
She's not even barking
at the postie now.
30
00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:22,640
And that's a final
demand from the water.
31
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:26,120
Well, lucky we've got our own supply
then. Yeah.
32
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:30,280
Ooh, looks like Barbara's got
herself back on privileges.
33
00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:33,640
Well, don't you go opening it. It's
addressed to Eron. I'm filtering.
34
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:36,600
If the prison can have a shufty,
then surely her own mother can.
35
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,560
Oh, she's a bit out of date.
36
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,640
He's got something a bit
fluffier to cosy up with now,
37
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,560
hasn't he, Super Maria? Yeah!
38
00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:51,040
Cover up your best bits.
39
00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:53,760
You don't want the dog
mistaking them for butter.
40
00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:59,960
Aw, look at the pair of yous.
41
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,800
You're like Ryan O'Neal
and Ally McBeal. Who?
42
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:06,520
Only you won't die of cancer when
you're 24, love...hopefully.
43
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,760
Ah-ho-ho-ho, thanks, Nana.
44
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,200
Hey, I need to get these on
charge so I can flog them
45
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,040
at the class later on.
46
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:16,960
Erm, I'm really grateful you've
given us a home, Mrs Fazackerly.
47
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:21,120
Aww! If you could have seen this lad
when he was toddling round with
48
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,840
a full nappy with his mother
sky-high on glue, poor scrap...
49
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,840
Look at him now.
50
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,400
Don't go soft on us, Nana.
Did yous two get any sleep?
51
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,800
Or were you up all night
playing pickle tickle? Nana!
52
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,600
And, Eron, I hope you're not
just sorting yourself out.
53
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:37,000
When Grandad and I
first went all the way
54
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:39,280
he buzzed my brillo till dawn!
Look, Nana...
55
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:40,840
CREAKING AND CRASHING
56
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:43,840
DOG BARKS
57
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:49,840
Pull out the hook-up, Tony,
the dog's getting electrocuted!
58
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:57,560
Good girl.
59
00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:00,920
Aw!
60
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,280
Eron, elbows.
61
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,240
Have you got your stuff squashed
into your old room yet, son?
62
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,800
Mmm, No Name pissed on
the double mattress, Nana.
63
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:14,200
Well, we don't want the princess
sleeping on the pee, do we?
64
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:16,120
We'll be fine in the single bed.
65
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,440
And don't worry about
your nocturnals,
66
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,080
Grandad's only got partial hearing
67
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,920
and I'll just pop on my headphones,
listen to a bit of Rhydian.
68
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,280
Oh, no, it's... Do you want
a bit of HP with that, Jaz?
69
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,000
Have you got any ketchup?
We've run out.
70
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,360
Get some more when Tony's
DLA comes in on Thursday.
71
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:39,800
It's my mum. Right,
stay where you are.
72
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,600
I'll handle this.
73
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,160
DOG BARKS
74
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:50,480
Stand still, Mrs Singh,
do not excite the dog.
75
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,640
They don't lock their jaw unless
they're in full-scale attack mode.
76
00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:57,360
Look, look, come on,
No Name. Good dog.
77
00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:01,120
Right, if you've come to
take Jaz away... Jasmine
78
00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:02,560
..you can think again.
79
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,560
No, look, when teens exhibit
red-flag behaviours, I'm the first
80
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,800
to understand that they are
processing their emotions in the
amygdala.
81
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:12,160
You what, doola?! Well, you know, at
this stage of cerebral development,
82
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,160
they're making poor decisions.
83
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,840
Their frontal cortex
is being restructured.
84
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,320
It's crucial that they
eat enough salad,
85
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,400
fruit, all the right nutrients.
86
00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,440
I'm going down the
shops on Thursday.
87
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,640
I'm going to be buying eight
anti-bloat yogurts for 69 pence.
88
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,960
Might I have a word
with the young couple?
89
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,280
Come on, No Name. Good dog.
90
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:36,280
Wait.
91
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,840
He's not having his tubes snipped.
92
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:42,640
Yeah, you don't even castrate a
dog until he's a fully-grown male.
93
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,520
No, no, no, no of course not, no.
94
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:47,080
So, you two can choose
between erm...
95
00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:51,560
..a male and a female
condom, that's a sponge,
96
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:55,440
cervical cap or a
diaphragm, withdrawal...
97
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,720
That doesn't work, does it, Tony?
Not with a red-blooded male.
98
00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,920
..erm, an IUD, an implant.
99
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,680
You've got ring, a patch, the pill.
100
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,960
Oh, I think this one might
even accommodate you, Tone.
101
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,960
Can I take the dogs out, Nana V?
102
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,560
Jasmine, it's safer to
have all the information
103
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,760
and then you can make
informed choices.
104
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:16,720
You're a sex maniac!
105
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,600
Look, hang on, Jaz!
106
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,160
Listen, Eron's been watching dogs
copulate since he was knee-high.
107
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,000
Would you like a biscuit?
108
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,560
Oh, yes, thank you. It's a
shame they've headed off.
109
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:30,360
I'd rather have liked them to
hear my, erm, my good news.
110
00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:32,400
Oh, yeah, what's that?
111
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:37,080
Future'Z has awarded Eron a sum
of money for his football boots.
112
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,880
Mr Denomer, our trustee,
113
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,040
was very impressed by
the application I put in.
114
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,800
Ah, I'm made up, he deserves that!
115
00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:48,560
How much? Well, now...
116
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,560
this is a bit confusing.
117
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,440
Our, erm, departmental
financial assistant
118
00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:54,960
has just left, unfortunately.
119
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,520
So, erm, I'm not sure what
that figure there is.
120
00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,680
Well, if you turn it
round...there you go.
121
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,240
Right, that's the first tranche.
122
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,240
And, erm, that looks like
a quarterly figure.
123
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:12,720
And then the organisation's
put in an overhead of 12.5%.
124
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:15,040
He's very good at
figures, Mrs Singh.
125
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,920
Yeah, he was part-qualified before
he was beached by depression.
126
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:22,880
So, if you take it away
you're left with...£147.38.
127
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:26,840
Good grief! There's a
hitch, unfortunately.
128
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:31,480
Technically, the client - that's
Eron's situation has changed.
129
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,240
Oh, yeah? Well, the voluntary
sector is under a lot of
130
00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:36,040
scrutiny, as I'm sure you're aware.
131
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:37,720
Indeed.
132
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:40,560
And you have a new member
of the household
133
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,640
nullifying the original
signed declaration.
134
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,120
Ah, so the lad's not going
to get his boots, then?
135
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:47,520
Sadly not.
136
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:48,920
Well, is there nothing we can do?
137
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,200
Tragically, no.
138
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,600
Though Jasmine could
always move back home.
139
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:09,480
Good boy, Charlie!
140
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:12,360
Good loose lead, good.
141
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,040
Go on, lad.
142
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,040
No, Charlie, leave it!
143
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,760
Leave! Charlie! Gerald!
144
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,160
Charlie!
145
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,160
DOG BARKS
146
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,520
Thank you so much, officer.
147
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:32,240
I'm terribly sorry he
startled your cat, madam,
148
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,720
It's just youthful exuberance,
isn't it, officer?
149
00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,760
Local bylaws clearly state that
you must not have a dog off a lead
150
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,840
and at large in a
public thoroughfare.
151
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,480
Yes, I am very aware of that.
That brute's not trained!
152
00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:45,920
No, he is, actually. We
school him pretty rigorously.
153
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:49,160
It's the third time, this week,
he's tried to attack Gerald!
154
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,640
But he doesn't attend an
accredited training class?
155
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,640
Oh, no, yeah, he does. It's
Mrs Fazackerly's Dogging Needs.
156
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:58,080
Best in the area. How frequently
does the dog attend?
157
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,840
Erm...we go weekly.
Name and address, madam?
158
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,480
Is this really necessary, officer?
159
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,120
We are cracking down on casual
160
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,320
and irresponsible dog
owners in the area.
161
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,240
Well, what about cat owners?
162
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:13,360
All right, it's Ms Naomi Singh and
it's number 15 Patterdale Gardens.
163
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:16,680
And may I have your name,
madam, as a witness?
164
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:19,120
It's Heaven Jones.
165
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,080
Is that Helen with two L's?
166
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:24,120
No, Heaven - where the
angels live with Jesus.
167
00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,960
Unusual name.
I outgrew the last one.
168
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,880
Ms Singh, I'm obliged to issue
you with a penalty notice...
169
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,240
Well, he pulled the
lead out of my hand!
170
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,560
..in the form of an
£80 on-the-spot fine.
171
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,320
What?! That's not enough
of a punishment.
172
00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:38,800
Will I have a criminal record?
173
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,480
Yes. Honestly...
174
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:45,600
Is that your wheelie bin, madam?
Yes, they're due tomorrow.
175
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,240
Then I have to issue you with
a further on-the-spot fine
176
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,200
for putting your rubbish out early.
177
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,160
COMPUTER CONVERSATION
178
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:58,120
Right, Charlie, in your
bed, in your bed.
179
00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,560
Make sure you do, yeah. OK.
180
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,000
In your bed, in your
bed, in your bed.
181
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:04,560
Did Jasmine phone?
182
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:07,720
Hey, bro, check out the climb
over the Togowotee Pass.
183
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:10,680
She'll be back, that
woman's very grasping.
184
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,240
I've got a no-nose saddle
to limit groin pain.
185
00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:14,880
More cushion for the pushing!
186
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,680
LAUGHTER
187
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,080
Charlie, in your bed!
188
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,760
Check out the delivery
options. No problem.
189
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,040
I think this dog is
actually getting worse!
190
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:24,480
Do you want some sourdough, Ravi?
191
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:27,240
Sourdough? Yes, it's
a breakfast item.
192
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,640
It's made from wild lactobacilli.
193
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,560
I think in your part of the world
they call it lahooh or canjeelo.
194
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:33,960
In the Pennines?
195
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,640
Same time tomorrow, dude?
196
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,520
Cool, love you long time, bro.
197
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:40,120
Ravi, do you think
your usual saddle is
198
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,480
causing your erectile dysfunction?
199
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,080
Still here.
200
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:46,920
SCRUNCHING
201
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,720
DOGS BARK
202
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:07,640
Hiya, Keiron, Chief Superintendent
Hooper around?
203
00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,840
He's just over there. Cheers!
Nice work there, Dylan.
204
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:15,200
That's a belter of a bite
circle, isn't it, Super?
205
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:18,320
Yeah, I'm very proud of my team.
We've got a mixture today,
206
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:19,720
experienced and new dogs.
207
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,720
Just watching young Jacks there, he's
learning how to bite and detain.
208
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:26,880
Oh, talking of which,
you didn't find that dangly, blue
earring in your bedding, did you?
209
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,440
Yeah, we did get into a bit
of a mangle, didn't we?
210
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:31,640
You were dead set
on doing number 26.
211
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:34,440
Yeah, well, Rita wasn't interested
in "The Toboggan".
212
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:37,880
Well, 15 years of marriage can
take a lot of getting over.
213
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:44,360
Oh, divorce can make
you feel very alone.
214
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:48,640
My ex never moved out but Tony
can be very silent of an evening.
215
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:53,480
Right, Canine Responsibility
Awareness Community Day.
216
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,120
Mrs Fazackerly, let's talk CRAC.
217
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,640
Hello, white flag!
218
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:12,160
Sorry, did we get off
on the wrong foot?
219
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:15,840
Oh, look, you have a lovely
cat, I have a dog.
220
00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:19,960
Can't we, as neighbours, be
reasonable and just sort this out?
221
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,480
I'm not planning to
stick around for long.
222
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,280
Oh, what a pity.
223
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,440
Are you part of the short-term
emergency housing scheme?
224
00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,280
Whatever, it's a shoebox!
225
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,920
Oh, well, yes, I work
in the voluntary sector,
226
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,600
so, you know, I do understand.
227
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:37,320
Well, at least I'm free...at last.
228
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:41,040
Right, erm, is there
any sign of your cat?
229
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,080
Oh, he's not mine.
230
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:46,800
Oh! You can't possess an
animal. Well, you sort of can.
231
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:51,400
They're not bound by laws. Gerald
can defecate where he wants to.
232
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:53,120
Well, that is true.
233
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:56,720
Mammals need freedom to pursue
their goals, their visions...
234
00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:58,320
Neighbourhood cats...
235
00:11:58,360 --> 00:11:59,680
CAR ALARM BLARES
236
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,640
Oh, sorry! No, Charlie, Charlie.
237
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:09,560
Right, so, the dog owners...
238
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,200
at the end of the class I want
them filling this bottleneck, OK?
239
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,840
Try flogging the light-up bras,
would you?
240
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:17,080
Get rid of all this
knocked-off stuff.
241
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:21,440
OK, canine responsibility,
what does that mean to you?
242
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,920
Mrs Beggs?
243
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,160
Erm...is it picking up your dog poo?
244
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,840
I think we all agree you've
got to pick up your dog poo.
245
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,600
What is canine responsibility
to you, young man?
246
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,360
Keeping your dog on the lead.
247
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:34,960
Yeah, keeping your dog on the lead.
248
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:39,720
Part of being caninely responsible
is about using your judgment.
249
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,160
OK, so you're taking
your little puppy,
250
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:43,840
you're taking him out for a walk.
251
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,000
You come face to face
with a man in spectacles.
252
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:48,440
Your puppy catches
his own reflection,
253
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:52,560
terrified, he pulls, runs into the
road, a car swerves to avoid him...
254
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,080
a horse coming from the
opposite direction is
255
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,480
startled by the sound
of squealing brakes.
256
00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:01,120
He bolts, the rider is thrown into
the path of an articulated lorry,
257
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:03,120
carrying flammable cargo,
258
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,760
which careers over a
railway bridge, fireball explodes
259
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:11,480
and it lands on the 12.13 from
Lime Street - you're liable.
260
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,040
Sorry, actually, can I just ask,
261
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,480
how do you stop your dog
just chasing after cats?
262
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,080
I will take questions
for the remedial dogs
263
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:21,800
at the end of the class.
264
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,360
OK, so what we're going to talk
about today is what frightens
265
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,080
a little puppy.
266
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:30,520
A little puppy can be terrified
when he can't see the owner's face.
267
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,200
Mrs Singh, I wonder if
you could just pop up.
268
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,960
Erm, take the centre of the room.
Please bring Charlie with you.
269
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,720
Come on, Charlie. Charlie, come.
Charlie, come.
270
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:42,640
OK, now if you could just
pop that on your head.
271
00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:44,440
Now don't get jealous, everyone,
272
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,080
you'll all have a chance
to do this later.
273
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,400
Now, Mrs Singh has her face covered,
274
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,400
and you can see that
Charlie is terrified.
275
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,640
He's showing all the signs of fear.
276
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:57,760
That's cos he can't
see the owner's face.
277
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,320
Thank you very much, Mrs Singh.
278
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:07,720
OK, now, canine responsibility -
what does it mean, Mrs Singh?
279
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,240
Sorry, the dog's not
working for them,
280
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:13,600
you're just giving them willy-nilly.
Well, he'll bark otherwise.
281
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:16,360
It's not appropriate to give
your dog a treat without him
282
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:17,960
working for it.
283
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:22,440
Ah-ha-ha! Here is
Mr Canine Responsibility himself!
284
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:26,480
The man who put "super" into Chief
Super, Chief Super Gerry Hooper!
285
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:31,080
Good evening.
Now, this gentleman here...
286
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:34,440
he's presiding over a very important
day coming up next week and I
287
00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,120
hope we've got a lot of takers.
288
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:37,920
Who's coming to CRAC Day?
289
00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:40,920
Hurry, hurry!
290
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:44,120
If the bizzies see this knocked-off
gear Nana will be in trouble!
291
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:49,600
So, Gerry, this year after the
best-dressed dog competition
292
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,040
and after the micro-chippers
have done their worst,
293
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:53,960
I take the puppies
on a Hazard Hike.
294
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,960
You've got my juices flowing!
295
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,320
TONY COUGHS
296
00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,720
Oh, you remember my ex, don't
you? All right, Tony?
297
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:04,760
Tell me more. I arrange a
number of everyday hazards
298
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:08,160
and the owners coax
the puppies through.
299
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:11,120
Well, a bit like a ghost
train, only doggy style.
300
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,880
You're very generous with your
time in this community, Veneta.
301
00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:18,480
I've got a lot to give. Of course
there would be a charge for that...
302
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:21,280
extra.
303
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:26,600
Ooh, sorry about this. We are
celebrating Chinese New Year.
304
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,640
Can I get you a cup of tea
or something stronger?
305
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:33,200
Oh, I could kill for a
Tia Maria...but not in uniform.
306
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,600
You're very welcome to take it off.
307
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:37,200
Sorry, Tony.
308
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:40,200
Oh, don't worry about Tony,
he'll be cheering you on.
309
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,040
As soon as he's lost
a bit of weight,
310
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,640
he'll be out of this van himself.
311
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:47,280
Scratching the itch with Claudia
Cardinale or whomever he fancies.
312
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:50,680
Ah, now here's my little smasher!
313
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,400
I prefer cats myself but she
is a lovely little bitch.
314
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,160
Was it all your wife's fault?
315
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,520
Rita was high maintenance...
316
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,280
cruel, passionate,
317
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:04,080
spontaneous, wild...
318
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,280
I know the type. I'm like
that, aren't I, Tony?
319
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,040
Among other things.
320
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:12,960
I don't know...she just
made me feel alive.
321
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,800
Like I do?
322
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,680
I need to go, V.
323
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,760
Sorry, Gerry, do you mind?
324
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,200
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
325
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,600
Have you and your ex
done the divvy up, then?
326
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:27,880
Divorce can be very
expensive for a man.
327
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,480
Oh, the solicitors are
still slogging it out.
328
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:32,520
Are you on speaking terms?
329
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,080
No, last I heard she was way away.
330
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,880
You're hurting, Gerry.
331
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:42,400
You're a very intuitive woman, V...
332
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,560
I'm losing my mind!
333
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,560
Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh...
334
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,040
now, come on, come
to Nana...that's it.
335
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,040
Now, you couldn't advance me
a little float, could you?
336
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:57,080
Just for the items I need to
purchase for my Hazard Hike.
337
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,280
URINE DRIBBLES AND TONY STRAINS
338
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,720
HEAVEN: Gerald! Gerald!
339
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:12,200
Have you fed the dog?
340
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:17,920
Charlie, Charlie!
341
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:21,800
Charlie, Charlie, Charlie!
342
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,960
HEAVEN IN THE DISTANCE:
Gerald, Gerald!
343
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,560
Ravi!
344
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,080
Gerald, Gerald, where are you?
345
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,080
DOORBELL RINGS
346
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,440
Killer!
347
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,240
So, the dog came back
through a gap in the fence
348
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:43,960
when your husband waved
around some Stinking Bishop?
349
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,280
Yes, erm, Charlie has a
penchant for British cheese.
350
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,440
And where is Mr Singh now?
351
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,120
He's out road testing
a no-nose saddle.
352
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,560
Oh, I like this. Ah, been looking
for that actually...can I?
353
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:58,680
I don't want other cat
to suffer. Gerald's dead!
354
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,640
Oh, no, Charlie, shush!
355
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,800
Can I get you a drink of water?
356
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,960
Have you got any cough mixture?
No, I don't think so...
357
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,000
It's a boss house this.
358
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:13,560
Ah, no. Thank you so much for
dropping by, I won't keep you.
359
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:14,920
Mrs Singh, I don't think you
360
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,160
appreciate the gravity
of the situation.
361
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,120
Jasmine! Don't try and hug me.
362
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:21,000
Nana V's just told me what you did.
363
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:22,400
I like to treat them like adults.
364
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:26,320
I'm only here because I don't want
you to stop Eron getting his money.
365
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:29,520
I can't bend the rules,
Jasmine, not even for you.
366
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:32,160
Would you like a cocoa, sweetheart?
367
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,600
We will have to search
the area for a corpse.
368
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,880
Oh, Mrs Singh's committed homicide?
369
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:39,600
No, with respect, officer, I find
it hard to believe that the
370
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,760
police are this concerned
with finding a missing cat.
371
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,960
Oh, felicide. Yeah, my
little No Name, my dog,
372
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,760
she knows all about that.
373
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:49,080
You look like a dog.
374
00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:50,520
That's a compliment in my book.
375
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,160
Mrs Singh, you are suspected of
376
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,520
owning a dangerously
out of control animal.
377
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,760
No, no, no, this
is grossly unfair!
378
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,920
Mrs Singh, the court may issue
a destruction order for Charlie.
379
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,760
Now, hang on a minute there,
son. Are you a Virgo?
380
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,880
Are you nuts? And a £5,000 fine...
381
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:12,280
Ah, talking of which, can I now
please have Eron's £147.38?
382
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:16,840
..or a nine-month prison sentence,
Mrs Singh. Good day.
383
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,400
That is a trip hazard,
384
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,320
my toe is now stubbed.
385
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:26,920
I could claim.
386
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:31,760
I used to have a big fridge.
387
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,680
Come on, Eron, son, take the dogs
for a walk. Get your mind off it.
388
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,480
But I love Jaz, Nana.
389
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:56,400
I know you do, son.
390
00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:00,520
Come on now, go and fetch
me grandad's chamois.
391
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:04,000
Come on, Tony, let's
do your nethers.
392
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:07,920
Nether say nether...
393
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,520
Nether say die!
394
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,680
SHE CHUCKLES
395
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:15,880
I nether, nether, nether want to
396
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,160
Be in love with anyone but you
397
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,120
You make me sing
398
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:22,600
You make me sad
399
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:26,400
You make me glad
You make me mad for you
400
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:31,840
You make me laugh
You make me cry
401
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:35,440
You make me live
You make me die for you
402
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:39,160
I love you, hate you
love you, hate you
403
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:43,880
But I'll want you till
the world stops turning
404
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:49,360
Whatever you do
405
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:55,640
I'll nether, nether,
nether want to be
406
00:20:55,680 --> 00:21:00,400
In love with anyone but you.
407
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,920
THEY LAUGH
408
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,520
Ooh, you could cut your nails!
409
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:16,120
Good afternoon, madam, you wish to
410
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:19,120
make a complaint about one of my
bylaw enforcement officers, I gather.
411
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:20,600
Yes, I'm afraid so.
412
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,880
Yeah, some of these lads are
desperate for promotion.
413
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,200
I've told him,
414
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,320
"You'll never make traffic warden
if you sweat the small stuff."
415
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:31,760
Mmm, well, yes, thank you
so much, Chief Superintendent.
416
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,280
As long as we're singing off the
same hymn sheet, Mrs Singh?
417
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,400
Oh, yes, in two part canto,
crescendo poco a poco.
418
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,440
I'll certainly come along.
419
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,640
Well, CRAC Day will give yourself
and Charlie a lot more confidence.
420
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,760
And I always say, "A happy
dog is a law-abiding dog."
421
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,240
Don't you agree, Mrs Singh?
Oh, please, call me Naomi.
422
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,320
Na-yo-mi. No, Naomi.
423
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,280
Thank you, Na-ho-mi.
424
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:54,960
Right, thanks so much.
Safe journey... Bye-bye.
425
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,080
Na-ho-mi, Na-ho-mi, Ne-ho-mi...
426
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,400
Have a good day. Thanks for coming.
427
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:26,400
..never a truer word spoken.
428
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,720
Good afternoon and
welcome to CRAC Day.
429
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:43,800
Canine Responsibility
Annual Community Day.
430
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:47,120
Erm, hopefully we'll
have a cracking day!
431
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,480
SHE LAUGHS
432
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:53,440
Yes, and don't forget, please,
pick up after your dogs.
433
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,120
There are bags freely available.
434
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,320
I like to call these Chief Super
Hooper's pooper scoopers...
435
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,880
So, we'll crack on then.
436
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:05,520
I will now hand you over to Nana V.
437
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:09,200
Gerry, is it still OK to use your
police motor for the big finale?
438
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,000
Sure, yes.
439
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:15,600
Right, OK, can all the puppies that
are registered for the Hazard Hike,
440
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,560
can you all please line up?
441
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:22,240
What I want you to do is to approach
the Chief Superintendent one by one.
442
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:26,440
A lot of dogs do not like a
man in uniform. Fortunately
443
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,560
for those of us that do there are a
number of comprehensive websites.
444
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:30,600
Oh!
445
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,000
HOOVER SUCKS
446
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,160
Expect the unexpected, Mrs Beggs.
447
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:41,200
Now, over the next half hour you can
expect a number of everyday perils.
448
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,080
Come on, Charlie.
449
00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:44,920
Oh... Hello, Gerry!
450
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:49,040
Hello, Na-ho-mi. We do have a
mature student joining us today.
451
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:52,120
He looks innocent enough, but
I'm here to tell you that this
452
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,920
dog is currently
under police caution.
453
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,080
Right, puppies...
This way, Charlie.
454
00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:01,760
..fasten your seat belts, we're
in for a bumpy ride. Follow me!
455
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,840
DOGS BARK
456
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:11,000
This way, Charlie.
That's a good boy.
457
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:14,800
Flashing lights, strobing lights
and flare effects. Eyes wide.
458
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:21,200
Come on, Charlie.
Come on now, Mrs Singh.
459
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,960
I have said to you before about
not overdoing the treats.
460
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,600
Onto the next!
461
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,840
Shut...open...shut.
462
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,720
Building your dog's
confidence - very important
463
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,920
while this vehicle backs up
here with this loud noise.
464
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:38,080
Combination of spectacles and
the shopping bag can be a really
465
00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:40,080
frightening aspect for your dog.
466
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:42,000
I can actually hear his heartbeat.
467
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:45,000
Some quivering and shaking
there, we'll have to work on it.
468
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:46,440
Go!
469
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,080
Don't be scared.
470
00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:50,800
Good boy.
471
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,000
You've got a terrified-looking
puppy there!
472
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:56,080
These are signs of fear here.
Well done, well averted!
473
00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,400
Tempting toxin test.
474
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,040
Get in close, get a whiff of it,
get a whiff of it...and good boy.
475
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:03,520
Mrs Beggs now, come on.
476
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:06,120
Leave, leave, leave the
chocolate liquorice.
477
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,800
Very good, very good, Mrs Beggs.
478
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,920
RADIO: Alpha tango 327, come in.
479
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:14,360
I've got a lock on the targets -
ready your big gun.
480
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:17,000
Roger that. You already did!
481
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:18,680
Right, Mrs Singh.
482
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:20,560
SIREN WAILS
483
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:26,560
Leave it, that's it.
Good boy. Well done! He's done well.
484
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:30,200
Target puppies at three o'clock,
add the two to your blues.
485
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,320
POLICE SIREN WAILS
486
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,640
SHE SCREAMS
487
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,440
Cat killer!
488
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,200
Get off me, you dipsy maniac!
489
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:45,480
My cat's gone for good,
I want justice!
490
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:47,440
Oi, you, break it up!
491
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:52,480
Oh, thank you, Mrs Fazackerly.
492
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,600
Oi!
493
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,200
Hey, police, stop!
494
00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:58,760
Are you all right?
495
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,560
Oh, yes, thank you. Stop!
496
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,360
Rita! I'm Heaven now!
497
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,880
Where've you been,
whatever your name is?
498
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:10,720
I did it online. I don't care
if you did it on the moon,
499
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,040
I bloody love you!
500
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:16,280
You bastard, I bloody
still love you and all.
501
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,480
Come here!
502
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,040
Another one bites the dust.
503
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,200
DOG VOMITS
504
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:27,280
Oh. Charlie's given you a little
treat there, Mrs Singh.
505
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:32,560
Does that canine bodily
waste belong to you?
506
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:37,440
Oh, for goodness' sake, this is
undigested, regurgitated dog treats.
507
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,520
Regurgitated dog...
508
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,160
CAT MEOWS
509
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,920
..treats.
510
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,080
Gerald? Gerald!
511
00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:46,480
Charlie!
512
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:49,840
Mrs Singh! Gerald.
513
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:56,320
Is this part of it?
514
00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:58,200
Mrs Singh!
515
00:26:58,240 --> 00:26:59,600
I'm fine.
516
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:04,480
It's epic, bro.
517
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:07,600
It's operated remotely by a Bowden
cable, attached to a shifter
518
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:09,880
mounted on the down tube.
DOORBELL RINGS
519
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:14,000
Who's that? If I can't stay with
Eron, Eron is staying with me.
520
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:17,640
What? Hello, Jaz. Come on,
Super Maria, come on, good girl.
521
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:19,560
Evening, Mrs Singh.
522
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:21,880
Do you want to give
us a hand with these?
523
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:23,920
Which is Jasmine's bedroom, then?
524
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,320
No, this relationship
is barely legal.
525
00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:27,920
Should they really be sharing a bed?
526
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:29,760
Well, little bit of
a blush downstairs,
527
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:33,000
very healthy for your best bits.
Oh, you're both sex mad!
528
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,320
Look, just cos we're
staying in the same bed,
529
00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:38,320
it doesn't mean we're
at it. We want to wait.
530
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:40,880
Well, that is very
sensible, Jasmine.
531
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,800
We want it to be special.
It's always special.
532
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:46,520
So, we're getting married!
533
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:48,240
SHE GASPS
534
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:49,840
HE GASPS
535
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:56,200
Woo-hoo!
536
00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,840
This won't affect
the grant, will it?
42055
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