All language subtitles for Letterkenny (2016) - S04E01 - Never Work a Day in Your Life (1080p HULU WEB-DL x265 MONOLITH)

Your gal has
a cousin who's spun

and she is no longer your hun.

'Cause you had to pop'em
and boy did you drop 'em.

Yeah, you did
what had to be done.

Came to you
after having a bar fight.

Felt like you got
hit by a car, right?

But your pal had your back,
went on the attack,

but it turned off his gal
like a night light.

That God‐fearing sack‐of‐shit,
Bradley, came in and he
fucked up so badly,

that your brother stepped in,
which his gal calls a sin,

but, I'd do the same
fucking gladly.

Well, you're not really sure
as what went down.

But you hears
you look like a real clown.

Your pal had a scrap
like a real proper snap.

And since he's
been wearing a frown.

Katie chose me over Jonesy,

I don't like
that he's all alone‐sy.

But I'm getting laid,
I don't hate that trade,

I just wish that she
had a clone‐sy.

Katy cat dumped me for Reilly.

It sucks, may put it dryly.

He's getting laid,
and I can live with that trade.

It's just kinda tough
to be smiley.

Been hoovering bombers and rips,

eating zoomers
and taking mad dips.

There's no end in sight,
but I am on an apt flight,

so fuck off
with all your guilt‐trips!

The Church said, "No more"
to my teachings.

Been filling the void
with street preachings.

I'm out in the rain,
and I haven't seen Wayne.

Us together
is not too far‐reaching.

Wayne knocked out Bradley,
and I'll say,

through that bullshit,
Rosie won't stay.

It sucks for me
cause there's no guarantee

I'll see either of them
on my birthday.

It's been two months
since Rosie went packing.

And sure, your love life
has been lacking.

But a friend backs a friend,
and on that, you don't bend.

She's onwards and upwards.
Get cracking.

(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL
ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO)

(MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO)

(GLASS BREAKING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(SNORTS)

Gail's birthday party tonight
at MoDeans two.

‐MoDeans two.
‐MoDeans two.

You want MoDeans two
around over there, Wayne?

MoDeans two
must choring to do.

How about a little bit
of MoDeans togetherness?

Now no needs to fight MoDeans
tooth and nails over.

Good thing I'm getting good
at MoDeans tootin'
out the negativity.

Oh, quit MoDeans tooting
your own horn there, Wayne.

Why don't you quit being
such a MoDeans tool
over there, Daryl?

All right, let's put this fight
to the MoDeans tomb.

Good.

There's always
MoDeans tomorrow.

Well, MoDeans to be fair.

(ALL SINGING)
♪ To be fair ♪

To be fairs,
now it seems like you're
doing all this work

to distract yourself
from feelings you don't
wants to be dealing with.

‐Get real.
‐It's a lot of work, Wayne.

Well, do what you love,
and you'll never work
a day in your life.

Stormy comes out
of the barns yet?

(GROANS)

(MUSIC BOX PLAYING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

Hey, boys.

Did you miss me?

Anyone ever tell you
what an asshole you look like?

You're a complete
fucking flop, bud.

Pull your finger
out of your ass,
you fucking pipe fitter.

I'd rather be
watching a hobo jerk off.

I think we'd be lucky
a hobo jerk off right now.

I'd rather watch
a paper cut in slow‐mo.

I'd rather be watching
a ten‐man lemon party
on an IMAX movie screen.

Don't let grammy
google that one.

You know what, you'd be
my grammy's soulmate, cupcake.

You're bum‐fluff, buds.

Sing a song or something.
Do a trick. You're useless.

What's your laundry‐folding
channel, hun?

I bet you know exactly
how many days it is
until Christmas, don't you, bud?

Wait!

What?

Go fuck yourself,
you silly fucking butt‐crusty.

You're a Danish
in a donut shop.

You're a cup of baby carrots,
you fucking asshole.

Where's your kitty‐petting
partner there, pussy?

I don't even know
what your name is, bud.

My friend's name
is Jonesy and my...

Reilly, get in the house.

Well...

back to choring.

Yeah, I do kind of wonder
what that other nutsack's
been up to.

(ZANY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
PLAYING)

(GRUNTING)

Who brought the rocket, boys?

Those billet brother's
a fucking rocket boys.

Wanna watch me
shoot for my point, bud?

I got a stick he can handle.

No penalty for hair pulling
in this game.

I'd check you from behind.

‐Let's play dirty snipe.
‐Let's muck it up.

Different kind of headshots
over here, bud.

Don't need a Conky
to enter my dark room, rocket.

We love stick swinging, boys.
How about a quick poke check?

I love a good
spear in the slot room.

You like a long twig
or a short twig?

I'll show you
an illegal curve.

‐Lay some skin, Mark.
‐Coming right up, Dax.

I miss my buddy.

‐I'll be your buddy.
‐I'll be your buddy.

What are we even doing here?

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

‐How are you now?
‐WAYNE: Good. And you?

Then tell it to your face.

Okay.

Sure is nice
to have a break from choring.

‐Thanks for the help.
‐If it's good for the goose,
it's good for the gander.

Well, more hands
make less work.

Yeah, but,
it's a lot of work, Wayne.

Do what you love and you'll
never work a day in your life.

So, Stormy wouldn't come out
of the barn this morning
to eat her breakfast.

Wouldn't even touch it
till I moved inside.

(GRUNTS)

You should try to mix
some Vitamin D in there too,

because likely she hasn't
been getting enough
from the sunlight.

Naturally, and what not.

Well, like that's what
I think a vet would say.

Yeah, I really do feel
like the vet might say that.

You know the only other dog
Stormy's ever taken to

is Rosie's stud Seado.

Now, he is such a good boy.

(IN PET TALK)
Oh, he's a good boy.

(IN PET TALK)
Who's a good boy?

Yes, he is such a boy.

Well, then do it for Stormy.

(IN PET TALK)
She's such a good girl.

(IN PET TALK)
Oh, what a good girl.

(IN PET TALK)
Who's a good girl?

Yeah, she is
such a little girlie.

Plus, Stormy and Seado
did have the most beautiful
litter we've ever had.

(IN PET TALK)
Who's a good little puppy?

(IN PET TALK)
Who's a little puppy?

(IN PET TALK)
So little.

(IN PET TALK)
Where's her belly?
That little puppy.

(IN PET TALK)
Now who wants a little
itchings and a scratchings?

(IN PET TALK)
You're just a little puppy
with your little belly.

(IN PET TALK)
I see you, little puppy.

(IN PET TALK)
Who wants the scratches
on their bellies?

(IN PET TALK)
You wants the scratches
on their bellies.

(IN PET TALK) Who likes a little
itchings and scratchings
behind their ears?

So, it's settled.

I'll give Rosie a call,
tell her to bring over Seado.

Hard no. Too busy.

WAYNE: Back to choring.

ALL:
No!

Hey, buddy.

Hey, buddy.

How're you doing, buddy?

‐I'm good.
‐Good.

You look
kind of bummed, buddy.

Yeah.

Kind of bummed, buddy?

No, I'm just a bit lonely.

But, I'm good, bro.

You know,
I'm so good, it's good.

‐Yeah, totally.
‐Yeah, good, dude.

(CLEARS THROAT)

You know, I'm...

I'm kinda bummed too.

Yeah?

It's just...

Katy's always making me
do stuff for her, and she's
never hanging out with me.

She's really busy,
helping Wayne doing his stuff,
and it's like...

(CLEARS THROAT)

I'm good though.

‐Dude, I'm also so good, bro.
‐I'm so good.

I'm so sick, bro!

‐Bro!
‐I'm super good!

‐Good, bro!
‐I'm so good. I am, dude.

I'm having the best time.

‐Having the best time.
‐Ever.

‐Nothing's wrong in my life.
‐Best times. You good?

(TIRES SCREECHING)

‐Hey, Adam and Steve.
‐(GROANS)

‐Stewart!
‐I always support you.

This is our place to dance.
To disco.

To get dirty.

I'm not here
to dance, heathen.

Unless, well...

Unless you ask me to, Roald.

I'm here to street preach.

After the church
of spiritual humanism...

Isn't it church
of human spiritualism?

No, isn't it the church
of humanly spiritualists?

The church
of spiritual humanism

formerly the church
of spiritual humanism's science.

‐Totally.
‐Totally.

After the church
of spiritual humanism
no longer required me

to serve him
under their roof,

budget cuts,
you know how that goes,

I asked him to guide me
to where I was needed.

Him guided me to here.

‐Rips.
‐Rips?

‐Ripsy do!
‐Rips around a religious person?

It's weird.

Glen, this is where we do rips.

Stewart, this is where
I do revelations.

What are you guys doing?

Like we go to the gym
and do reps?

This is the area for rips.

We just want to do reps.

But we could all
do revelations.

We don't want to do
revelations. Just reps.

‐Want rips?
‐No rips. Just reps.

What about reps
and revelations?

Just reps!

We cannot do rips
and revelations.

There will be no rips
done in his presence!

However,

I can envision the scenario
in which I'm doing revelations
and you two are doing reps,

and I'm watching,
and I like it.

‐Just reps!
‐Just reps!

‐Rips.
‐Reps!

‐Revelations!
‐Rips!

‐Reps!
‐Revelations!

‐Rips!
‐Reps!

Revelation!

Hey!

(CLAMORING)

ALL: Bonnie McMurray!

I called the cops.

Rips!
(SQUAWKING)

‐Reps?
‐Reps?

Revelations.

‐How are you now?
‐Good, and you?

Then, tell that to your face.

You know,
he's a short‐haired dog.

You don't need
to brush him twice a day.

You know, you don't
need to watch me
brush him twice a day.

Get a hobby. Get a kite.

You know what?
Take a fucking break
from choring.

DAN: It's a lot of work, Wayne.

Well, do what you love,
and you'll never work
another day in your life.

Come on, Gus.

(IN PET TALK)
He is such a good boy.
That's just what he is.

DARYL: If you never
had to work
another day in your life,

what do you think
you'd be doing?

DAN: That's a very
good question, Derry.

What would you do
if you never had to work
another day in your life?

Well, pull on it, likely.

DAN: I was just thinking,

I'd have plenty of times
for batching.

DARYL: We'd have
so much time
for mixing a batch.

DAN: I'd mix a hardy batch.

DARYL: If I never had to work
another day in my life,
I'd be wailing on it.

DAN: Or just hammering on it.

DARYL: It'd be like I was
back in high school.

beat my bread
like it owes me money.

DAN: I'd mix more bats
than Betty Crockers.

DARYL: Play more horn
than a trombone player.

DAN: You know, I used to have
pole position in many
a five‐finger race.

DARYL: I've handled
some shower stinkys.

DAN: Beats sitting around
scratching crotch all day.

DARYL: Or bust
like Humpty Dumpty.

DAN: I'd carry bigger wads
than Tony Soprano.

DARYL: You know, we've been
out weighing chores so much,

I can't remember the last time
I leaned into one.

DAN: Yeah.

DARYL: Say,

is there matinee game on, no?

DAN: What sport?

DARYL: I don't know.

Ball.

DAN: Yes.

Yes, I do believe there's
a game this afternoon.

You see that movie
Get Out yet?

Twice. Good fucking movie.

Did you hear they're
making a Canadian version?

‐No.
‐Called Get out.

‐Happy birthday, Gail.
‐Thanks, Katy cat.

Rosie, how are you now?

‐Good, and you?
‐Tell that to your face.

Okay.

What's cooking, good‐lookin'?

Stormy.
She won't leave the barn.

I heard. Seado hasn't
been himself either.

Dogs, am I right?
It's a lot of work.

Do what you love, and you'll
never work a day in your life.

Say, what would you do
if you never had to work
a day in your life?

Read.

I think I'll go do that now.

Happy birthday, cousin.
Bye, Katy.

I'll tell you what I'd do.

Shauna Gastonbrew?

‐That, and...
‐No, I meant for me.

I'd diddle my skittle

‐Oh?
‐Till she spittles.

For fuck's sakes.

I'd flick my bean
like a rousing game of ...

for sexy results.

‐I don't doubt it.
‐I mean it.

You haven't
seen a climax like this
since Karate Kid crane kick.

Bye, Gail.

I've wet more skin
than a public pool.

I've reached more peak
than a sherpa.

So you sure you don't wanna
come with us to Gail's birthday
party there, big sugar?

Too much choring to do.

See the wet wheel out of here.
What's the frequency
there, Kenneth?

Stormy got a finger in the bum.

‐Was it a...
‐Two‐knuckler.

‐Like a horizontal knuckler?
‐Hard no.

‐That means
that a two‐knuckler...
‐Can confirm.

A person has two knuckles, okay?
One, two. It's not knuckle.

I asked.

I asked the vet
if that sort of person
has two knuckles per finger.

One, two.
Okay? It's clinical.

So, I don't wanna hear
another word about it. Fuck.

DAN: Fair enough, good buddy.

That might be something.

‐What?
‐Firing knuckles up
animals bums all day.

‐What do you mean?
‐Well...

that could be a lot of work.

Do what you love and you'll
never work a day in your life.

‐Wayne, how are you now?
‐Good, and you?

‐Then, tell...
‐Tell that to your face.

Yes, Katy, it's really funny
how you keep saying that.

What's the deal with Stormy?

Physically,
she's in ship shape.

She's chiseled out of stone.

The vet says that she's
the healthiest German Shepherd
she's ever seen.

‐Vet like Shepherds.
‐Oh, the vet love Shepherds.

Shepherds are fucking lovable.

So then, what's the problem?

Vet said she might be depressed.

‐Dogs get depressed?
‐Get real!

Well, then, you and Stormy
make a fine pair
of poopy pants then.

Fly a kite, Katy.

The only difference
is that Stormy can't talk.

I bet if she could talk,
then she would
tell us what's wrong

so we could do something
to fix it.

You can talk.

And it would be wise
for you to use that luxury

to tell the appropriate parties
what's wrong so we can
do something to fix it.

(ENGINE REVVING)

Just some food
for thought there,
poopy pants.

‐Hey, Seth.
‐Hey, Seth!

(DOOR CLOSES)

Fuck a duck.

(GROANS)

(ZANY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
PLAYING)

Super.

You brought
the fucking rocket, boys?

Those Billet brothers
are fucking rocket, boys?

Let's play a little
two‐on‐one scheme.

I'll play left,
he'll play right,
you fit in the middle.

Ride the pine,
we'll change on‐the‐fly.

Let's find your neutral zones.

I'd love to back‐check you, bud.

It's a butt‐ending clinic
over here, boys.

You make my stick hot.
Get it?

Come penetrate
the slot, mister.

‐You a good D‐man?
‐Sure, you're a good D.

Man.

Why don't you go up and lay me
some of that skin, honey?

Coming right up, Daxie.

I miss my buddy.

‐I'll be your buddy.
‐I'll be your buddy.

What're we even doing here?

(DIGITAL BEEPING)

How are you now?

Hail the Lord casteth Satan

from the dollar storeth
parking lot!

And the Lord
showedeth Satan no mercy.

And the Lord casteth Satan
into the deaths

of the bowels
of the pits of hell.

Gentlemen.

How goeth
your revelations, Glen?

Divine, Stewart.

‐How goeth your rips?
‐Celestial.

There's no place for rips
among revelations!

Revelations haveth
no place among rips!

Then I believe
we haveth our conclusion.

That we doeth.

Battle blitzkrieg.

‐Conflict.
‐Crash!

‐Havoc!
‐Hostility!

War!

(GRUNTING)
War!

‐How are you now?
‐How are you now?

‐Well, good, and you?
‐Well, good, and you?

‐Then tell that to your face.
‐Then tell that to your face.

‐What about Stormy?
‐Not so good.

Seado's been a pile, too.

‐He's such a good boy.
‐Yes, he is such a boy.

You knocked out my cousin.

My loyalty to my family
will not be compromised.

Your cousin
knocked out my friends.

My loyalty to them
will not be compromised.

Good enough.
We're here for the dogs.

Okay. Pitter patter.

(PHONE RINGING)

‐Bless her.
‐Bradley?

I'm at my second favorite
cousin's birthday party

and I don't see
my favorite cousin
or her dude, Wayne.

Where you at?

We're at Wayne's.

Put me on speaker phone.

BRADLEY: Yo, Wayne.

‐Bradley.
‐This ain't Biggie and Pac.

Nobody dead, nobody dying.

I knocked out Wayne's friends,
you knocked me out.

We squared off
and did it the right way.

There's got to be a winner,
there's got to be a loser.

Yo, Wayne, I couldn't do it
the night up on account
of being unconscious and shit.

‐Good, scrap, my dude.
‐Yeah, that was
a pretty good scrap.

Last time I checked,
that's how shit gets done.

You got a problem
you can't solve with words,
you throw hands.

After that, it's finished.

I got no problems
with you, Wayne.

I got no problem
with you, Bradley.

Actually, I got a lot of time
for dudes like you.

Good ol' boys
are a dying breed.

Good ol' boys gotta
keep the good ol' boys
that are alive.

I agree. Good ol' boys
are a dying breed.

And you're funniest
fucking guy I know, Bradley.
I mean, seriously.

What say, you two
quit being fools
this damn minute?

Ain't got no time
to waste on this planet.

That's what's up.

You know,
the Little Bones game
is tied over there right now.

That's what's up.

‐That's what's up.
‐That's what's up.

You're damn right,
that's what's up.

Now, get your asses down
to my second favorite
cousin's birthday party.

(DOG BARKING)

(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL ROCK MUSIC
PLAYING)

(MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO)

Okay, everybody, and who wants
a big happy birthday together!

ALL: Happy birthday to Gail!

(CHEERING)

‐Whoo!
‐Yeah.

Relationships,
it's a lot of work.

Do what you love...

And you'll never
work a day in your life.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC STOPS)