All language subtitles for Letterkenny (2016) - S01E01 - Aint No Reason to Get Excited (1080p HULU WEB-DL x265 MONOLITH)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:13,680 A couple hockey players come up to the produce stand the other day... 2 00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:15,616 (MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO) 3 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,390 (DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES) KATY: Bye! 4 00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:27,260 Can't believe your sister's still dating these nut sacks. 5 00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:28,629 Wayne. How're you now? 6 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:29,730 KATY: Good and you? Not so bad. 7 00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:31,097 Hi, Katy. Go home, Daryl. 8 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,836 Nice onesie. Does it come in men's? 9 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,071 Oh, I think you cum in men enough for all of us. 10 00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:39,072 I think you better come in my... 11 00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:41,542 I mean, you better come... 12 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:44,377 I think you better come say that to his face, you fucking hicks! 13 00:00:44,410 --> 00:00:46,346 Nice execution. You're doin' terrific. 14 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,314 Hey, I heard about your break‐up, buddy. 15 00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:50,283 She was your sweetie for five years, right? 16 00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:52,218 Your high school sweetie, right? 17 00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:54,120 What's it to ya? Heard she cheated on you, buddy. 18 00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:55,355 That's a real kick in the knackers, bro. 19 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:57,157 Just a real ouchie, bro. 20 00:00:57,190 --> 00:00:59,292 It's too bad she taught you not to fight anymore, buddy. 21 00:00:59,325 --> 00:01:01,461 'Cause that's a fight on sight for you and her new guy, buddy. 22 00:01:01,494 --> 00:01:03,530 Fourth line for life, bro. 23 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,132 Maybe, if you'd ever been in a real fight, you might not be so keen for another. 24 00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:06,767 What did you say? 25 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,135 You heard me. 26 00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:10,504 Hold my spitter. 27 00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:12,806 Darts off, boys. 28 00:01:12,839 --> 00:01:14,374 You looking for a tilly, buddy? 29 00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,409 Let's have a donnybrook. DARYL: Pump the brakes. 30 00:01:16,442 --> 00:01:18,278 You take your shirt off, but leave your sunglasses on? 31 00:01:18,311 --> 00:01:20,647 What sort of backwards fuckin' pageantry is that? 32 00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,583 Do you want to fight with those shades or play pokerstars.com? 33 00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:24,384 Hold my spitter. 34 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:25,852 Dude, I can't hold your spitter. You're holding my spitter. 35 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:27,487 Just put the spitters down. Tick‐tock. 36 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,294 Go time! Go time! 37 00:01:34,327 --> 00:01:36,229 Look at that fuckin' treasure trail. 38 00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,264 WAYNE: What's up with your fuckin' body hair, big shoots. 39 00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:40,166 You look like a 12‐year‐old Dutch girl. 40 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,135 Your aesthetician quaff that for you? 41 00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:43,403 DARYL: You can kiss my ass‐thetician. 42 00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,872 You guys do cross fit? You can cross‐fuck‐off. 43 00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:48,441 Cross fart. How many times you pulled your horn today, bud? 44 00:01:48,474 --> 00:01:49,710 What? Oh, she's bashful. 45 00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:51,311 Oh, come on, kitten. I won't tell anyone. 46 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:53,547 Ball park six to eight? 47 00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:55,749 You're a fucking animal. Play a little five on one. 48 00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:57,584 WAYNE: Hit the kitchen, mix a batch. DARYL: Feed the ducks. 49 00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,152 Distribute some free literature. 50 00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:00,486 Go time! 51 00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:02,255 Fuckin'... Shed 'em! 52 00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:04,858 Riley! Jonesy! Put your fuckin' shirts on! Get outta here! 53 00:02:06,492 --> 00:02:09,195 BOTH: This isn't over! Jinx. You owe me a Coke. 54 00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:10,531 Never buy you a Coke. 55 00:02:16,402 --> 00:02:18,905 It's a hard life pickin' stones and pullin' teats 56 00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:22,709 but sure as God's got sandals it beats fightin' dudes with treasure trails. 57 00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,745 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 58 00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,788 Hi, Katy. 59 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,623 We're out of yogurt. 60 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,358 I brought some from home. 61 00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:39,726 KATY: So why didn't you stay there and eat it. 62 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,494 Mornin' Dary. Mornin'. 63 00:02:44,397 --> 00:02:45,766 WAYNE: Thank you. Welcome. 64 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,701 So, you talked to Angie yet? 65 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:49,970 It's been almost a month now. Think you need to get back on the horse. 66 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,606 She stepped out on you. Can't go back to that and get any respect. 67 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:53,807 Not in Letterkenny. 68 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,408 Wayne, Angie did you a lot of good. 69 00:02:55,441 --> 00:02:57,243 Somewhere along the way you kinda got soft. 70 00:02:57,277 --> 00:02:58,679 You're not even fighting anymore. 71 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,514 You know what you need? Sex. With a girl. 72 00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:02,549 Not just any girl. A good Christian girl. 73 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:03,817 I think I can help you. 74 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,852 I've been going to the Burning Bush Youth Group every Sunday. 75 00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,253 I think you should come with me. 76 00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:08,755 I think you should just eat your yogurt. 77 00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:09,856 There's millions of starving kids in the world. 78 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:10,891 Yeah? Name ten. 79 00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:22,603 (SIGHS) 80 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:23,870 You need a distraction. 81 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,672 Something fun. Look at this. 82 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:30,977 It's called Tinder. 83 00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,346 Look, see there's all these girls and if you don't like one, 84 00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:35,315 you just say nope and move onto the next. 85 00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:38,619 But if you do like one, then you can see how close they are 86 00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:39,986 and I don't know, maybe meet up 87 00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,487 or whatever. 88 00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:44,357 So if you like 'em you just type 'em out a message or what's the scoop? 89 00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:47,794 Yeah. You just, you know, say something like... 90 00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:53,967 Like, "On a scale of one to America, how free are you right now?" 91 00:03:58,605 --> 00:04:00,674 Oh, Jesus! Look at these nut sacks. 92 00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:03,476 Why do you hate them so much? 93 00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:05,612 'Cause hockey players would grab a monkey by the tit if they could. 94 00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:08,582 Smokes are for jokes, bud! 95 00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:10,450 Put it out before it puts you out, bud! 96 00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:11,718 (CHUCKLES) Trash the ash, pal! 97 00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:18,424 Ouch! Put it out! Put it out! 98 00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:20,360 Put it out! Put it out! 99 00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,730 Tell the fish hook story, Dan. 100 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,566 It's really more of a Wayne story. 101 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,533 Yeah, but he won't tell it. 102 00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,769 Oh, you've heard it a baker's dozen times. 103 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,403 Tell the story or he won't shut up. 104 00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,005 DAN: Is there anymore trail mix? 105 00:04:32,038 --> 00:04:33,006 It's in the house. 106 00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:35,509 Yous makes the most delicious trail mix, Katy, 107 00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:38,478 and I got to say that's what I appreciates about you. 108 00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:39,980 Is that what you appreciate about me? 109 00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,782 Pitter‐patter, squirrely Dan. 110 00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:43,950 So, as the story goes, 111 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:46,086 Wayne hucks an egg at a truck with a Confederate flag 112 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,688 in the back windshield 113 00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,055 and the driver's fumin' pissed. 114 00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:52,492 So, we flee the scene goin' full tilt like a Peterbilt, right? 115 00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:55,762 Now, The Federales catch up to us and chase us through a few backyards 116 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,931 before we scamper up into some trees 117 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:00,867 and all Wayne's got on is a pair of cut‐off jean shorts 118 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:03,870 so he ain't exactly super jazzed about the situation, was you Wayne? 119 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,672 Oh, I'm no DJ Jazzy Jeff. 120 00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,273 The Federale pulls out his Taser, 121 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:11,745 and he points it up at Wayne and says some real Clint Eastwood‐sounding shit. 122 00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:13,213 He says to Wayne, he says, 123 00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:17,350 "If I'd known I was going to run into some uptown street toughs today, 124 00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:19,052 "I'd have done up my top button." 125 00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:20,987 (CHUCKLES) That's from a John Wayne motion picture. 126 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:21,922 No, Cool Hand Luke. 127 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:24,090 Pert near anything Kevin Costner, really. 128 00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:27,928 Either way, I's impressed and I'd let out an audible gasp 129 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:32,065 so he hears me, spins around, aims the Taser up at me and lets fire, 130 00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:34,635 and if that thing doesn't latch onto my nipple ring, 131 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,870 which I'm pretty sure amplified the electric current, 132 00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,672 he sent coursing through my entire body. 133 00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:41,007 And they just walked over and yanked that thing out of my nipple 134 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,809 like it was a goddamn fish hook. 135 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,511 At least that's according to my cousin. 136 00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:45,946 Well, you know, my second cousin. 137 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,881 Who, Garrett? No, Jarrett. 138 00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:49,583 Huh... I cried. 139 00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:50,951 I'm not even ashamed to admit that. 140 00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:52,919 (BURPS) 141 00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:54,755 That was well brought up. Too bad you weren't. 142 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:55,822 I should say. 143 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,625 Thirsty Thursdays, boys. 144 00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:00,861 Might as well get balls deep in a bottle of Gus'n Bru tonight. 145 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,699 It's a four leaf clover. Make a wish. 146 00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:07,668 Wish you weren't so fucking awkward, bud. 147 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:08,702 (BLOWS) 148 00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:10,103 (BURPS) 149 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:16,009 KATY: Is Angie working? 150 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,143 DARYL: Better have a peek‐see, Wayne. 151 00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,618 GAIL: How are yous? WAYNE: Not too bad. 152 00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:27,554 Good. And you? Not too bad. 153 00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:29,823 Smells like someone's in their barn clothes. 154 00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:32,492 It's Dary. Four shots of Gus'n Bru, please and thank you, 155 00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:33,694 One for you, too, Gailor. 156 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,962 Thank you, Wayne, but I'm off the sauce. 157 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:38,464 Taking eight vitamins a day now. 158 00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:40,834 What are you taking? I'm taking multi‐vitamin, 159 00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,837 fish oil, vitamin C, vitamin D, 160 00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:46,907 two vitamin B complexes and two Cold‐FX's. 161 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,509 Yeah, but 'cept how many darts though? 162 00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:49,610 Twenty, 25 darts. 163 00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:50,844 Oh, you got 'er down then? 164 00:06:50,877 --> 00:06:52,012 Last I seen ya, you were on a pack and a half of smokes. 165 00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:53,980 Well, sometimes, I'll have a pack and a half of smokes, 166 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,181 but never more than two packs of smokes. 167 00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,783 Good enough. 168 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,187 All right. Won't be rude. 169 00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:04,525 I'd hang a piss. 170 00:07:04,558 --> 00:07:06,026 Oh, fuck. 171 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,094 I'm about to give birth to a pound of fudge. 172 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:12,498 (TRICKLING) 173 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:14,868 Wayne. 174 00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:15,902 McMurray. How're ya now? 175 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,504 Good 'n you? Not so bad. 176 00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:20,607 Seen Angie, with her new dude? What a fuckin' dandy. 177 00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:23,644 Yeah. He's got fugazi‐diamonds in both ears 178 00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:25,011 and leprechaun buckles on his shoes. 179 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:27,781 Running a fuckin' Dippity‐Doo convention upstairs for a salad. 180 00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:30,917 Driving a '94 Jeep YJ with a wave decal on the side. 181 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,919 Enough cologne to offend a Bangkok lady boy. 182 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,020 Good enough. 183 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,188 Do you want to hear the best part? 184 00:07:35,221 --> 00:07:37,090 You really wanna hear the best part. 185 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,892 Okay. He went full Bieber eyes. 186 00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:41,461 What? Bieber eyes. 187 00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:44,565 Wayne. 188 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,869 Wayne. Wayne, look. 189 00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,270 It's inappropriate, McMurray. 190 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,573 Wayne, just look for fuck's sake. 191 00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:53,607 Just fuckin' look, Wayne. 192 00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:57,978 Full Bieber eyes. What's that? 193 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,147 Bieber. The pop star. 194 00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:02,949 I'm not familiar with his work. (DOOR OPENING) 195 00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:10,524 This must be where the dicks hang out, eh? 196 00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:11,892 Our dicks hang out. 197 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,927 Yours is like a mushroom in a corn field. 198 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,061 Mind your fuckin' business, Alexander. 199 00:08:17,564 --> 00:08:20,634 Seen Angie with her new dude? What a fuckin' dandy. 200 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,302 Eyes on your own work there, super chief. 201 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,904 (ALEXANDER LAUGHING) (DOOR OPENS) 202 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:32,546 Thank Christ, Wayne, I'm pushing clobs here. 203 00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:35,916 Get outta the way, I'm growing a tail. 204 00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:38,552 Wayne, I would like to cordially invite you to the Burning Bush Youth Group 205 00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:40,654 this Sunday, for an evening of song and praise. 206 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:43,690 Hard no. My sweetie, Margaret, is a first class gal. 207 00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,592 She's got some friends she can introduce you to. 208 00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:48,629 Margaret? Sounds like a biddy old blue‐hair'd. 209 00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:52,899 She's not. She's a very focused young woman on the path to eternity with Christ. 210 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,868 And which part of that appeals to you? 211 00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,972 I like singing the songs. KATY: Sort yourself out. 212 00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,209 You're a pervert, Daryl. 213 00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,779 Jesus, your breath could stop a Mack truck right now. 214 00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:06,947 All right, cool it. 215 00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:10,717 What say, we go for a quick ice run, Wayne? 216 00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,086 I'm pushing up on you for years now. 217 00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:15,822 What's say you give old Gailor one for the scrapbook? 218 00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:16,890 Huh? 219 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,831 I'll do the Youth Group. 220 00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:26,232 All right. 221 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:29,269 DAN: Gail, looks like the John's allergic to fudge. 222 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,337 DAN: Bring the plunger, we may have to break this one up. 223 00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,840 Told you to flush as you go. Fuck. 224 00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:36,009 (ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING) 225 00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:53,627 (BAND TUNING) 226 00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:01,067 (INAUDIBLE) 227 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,972 Hi, Daryl. Christ be with you. 228 00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:08,041 Margaret. 229 00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:10,010 And you must be Wayne. Mmm‐hmm. 230 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:12,012 Christ be with you, Wayne. Hello. 231 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:13,847 How are yous? 232 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,115 Oh, not s'bad. Good 'n you? 233 00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,249 Perfect. 234 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,686 You made a good choice coming here, tonight. 235 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,054 Yeah? Why is that? 236 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,058 Hold your finger here for as long as you can. 237 00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:26,727 What for... 238 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,800 All right. Now imagine, 239 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,836 your soul engulfed in that for all of eternity. 240 00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:37,137 Okay. 241 00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:43,276 God is good. 242 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,377 That's how they get you. 243 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:48,414 Wayne's been going through a bit of a rough break up, 244 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:50,316 and I thought a night at the Burning Bush might help him out. 245 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,085 Plus, it's better than spending all his time on Tinder. 246 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,421 Tinder? 247 00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,891 Did you know that it was originally called Grindr 248 00:10:57,924 --> 00:10:59,826 and that it was made for gay men to sodomize each other? 249 00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:04,164 No. Yeah. 250 00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:05,331 Good way to get a finger in your bum. 251 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:07,734 Or a tongue in your bum. 252 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:10,136 Do you know what Dick Dingers are? 253 00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,073 No. 254 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:15,809 It's when they snort drugs off of each other's erect penises. 255 00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,744 That have just been in bums. 256 00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:20,947 Oh, my gourd! Look at this turnout. 257 00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:22,015 Hi, everybody. 258 00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:23,917 (CHEERING AND APPLAUDING) 259 00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:25,185 Quick question for all y'all. 260 00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,788 How good is God? 261 00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:30,123 (CHEERING AND APPLAUDING) 262 00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:33,159 I know, I know, I love him. He's the best. 263 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,861 There's almost no one I like more. 264 00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,763 Second question, has anyone seen... 265 00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,832 Where is my beautiful girlfriend, Virginia? 266 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,366 Ginny, where are you? 267 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,368 GLEN: There she is, Ginny, come on up here. Come up, Ginny. 268 00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:46,006 (CLAPS) Oh, ugh, Ginny. 269 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,074 Ginny, Ginny, Ginny. Hmm. 270 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:51,177 I still remember, like it was yesterday, 271 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,446 the day that the Lord gave you to me. 272 00:11:53,479 --> 00:11:56,049 And he said, "Glen, 273 00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:59,853 "this is your blank canvas, it is pale. 274 00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,888 "It is colorless, it is almost cardboard‐like. 275 00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:03,990 "I want you 276 00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:06,860 "to give it life, to give it color." 277 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:07,794 And so I said to the Lord, 278 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:09,996 "I will give it everything, everything. 279 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,799 "Except for one thing." 280 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:15,035 (AUDIENCE CHATTERING) What was that question? Uh, hmm? 281 00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:17,303 Vaginal intercourse! 282 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,171 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 283 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,408 GLEN: Guess what, boys and girls? 284 00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:25,812 You're in for somethin' special, 'cause we got The Salty Treats. 285 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,180 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 286 00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,817 (ROCK SONG PLAYING) 287 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:37,991 What the actual fuck is this place? 288 00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:39,860 Why can't you just enjoy yourself? 289 00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,061 It's 'cause I get onto this Tinder thing, 290 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:44,164 and now they tell me it's for finding dudes. 291 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,266 But that's some bullshit, right? 292 00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,134 I don't know. You want some strawberry lemonade? 293 00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:51,471 I haven't seen this sort of fuckin' bedlam since we fired Roman Candles 294 00:12:51,505 --> 00:12:55,208 at coyotes that night and caught one right in the butt hole, fuck. 295 00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:58,211 Ran up the back porch, dropped seven shades of shit in Dad's work boots. 296 00:12:58,244 --> 00:12:59,846 Could have been a wolf. There's wolf's in the back bush. 297 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,181 There's for sure mooses. 298 00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,849 Have a dart. Yeah, I'd have a dart. 299 00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:06,019 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 300 00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:19,533 Oh, fuckin' Grindr. 301 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,968 Grindr? 302 00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,369 (GROWLING) Grindr. What? 303 00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:24,738 Pray tell, what are you doing on Grindr, Wayne? 304 00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:27,941 What are you skids doing out of your parents' basement, Stewart? 305 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,109 The gang and I have been doing hip‐hop karaoke 306 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,044 for the better part of 48 hours. Out on the decks. 307 00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:32,979 Ones and twos. The entire 48. 308 00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,080 Subsequently spittin' hot fire. (EXHALES) 309 00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:35,849 Playing Mega‐Man and Final Fantasy on original NES. 310 00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:37,183 Pokémon Gold, on GameBoy Color. 311 00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,985 Gotta catch 'em all. Bulbasaur, Ivysaur, Venusaur, 312 00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,621 Charmeleon, Charizard, fuckin' Charmander. 313 00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:41,922 Fuckin' Charmander. 314 00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:45,291 WAYNE: Time to take about 20% off on the meth intake, boys 315 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,993 STEWART: Ever played Dr. Mario on Super NES? 316 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:49,395 (EXCLAIMS) Game is full of subliminal messages. 317 00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,097 Hunter S. Thompson would have had a field day. 318 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:53,299 Hunter S.? Charles Bukowski. 319 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,969 Oh, yes, Chuck Bukowski. That's a better one, Stewart. 320 00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,170 STEWART: Ever played Aladdin on original Sega G? 321 00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:58,505 Coffee? Tea? Sega? 322 00:13:58,539 --> 00:14:00,306 Lion King was far ahead of its time. 323 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,108 Makes you think far beyond your years. 324 00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,343 Disney games prevail! 325 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,345 You got any weed? 326 00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:08,181 I always regret coming to the surface with you, day‐walking hicks. 327 00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:10,183 The minutiae of your world. 328 00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:12,886 My basement resembles an island Xanadu, in comparison. 329 00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:14,087 Okay. Ah, but some quick math 330 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,356 tells me this time, however, 331 00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:19,159 you've been so agonized by a woman you're now seeking the company of men. 332 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,561 (GIGGLES) 333 00:14:20,594 --> 00:14:22,062 Oh, okay. We've all thought about it. 334 00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:24,264 Well, good on you for doubling down. 335 00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,667 Although, I didn't peg you for a pipe fitter, Wayne. 336 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,502 (GROWLING) Pegged! 337 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:29,870 Five years with Angie, we figured you were a concrete clam slammer. 338 00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:32,038 Why drink from the furry cup when the garden hose is right there? 339 00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,039 Who knew he liked the chutney ferret, eh fellas? 340 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:34,608 (ALL LAUGHING) 341 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:36,610 Fuckin' what? 342 00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:38,178 Knob jockey. Back door bandit. 343 00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:39,580 I'm gay, but donut puncher! 344 00:14:39,613 --> 00:14:41,081 (CHUCKLES) 345 00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,249 Just gimme my phone. Oh, yeah, sure thing. 346 00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:44,518 Oklahomo. Rear admiral. 347 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,486 Uphill gardener. (LAUGHING) Bum bumper. 348 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,288 This is awkward for me, you guys. 349 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:49,690 Hey, it's okay. 350 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:52,458 We know, and we support you. (GRUNTS) 351 00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,194 All right. Donald Trump of rump! 352 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,495 (ALL LAUGHING) 353 00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,966 Phone. Okay. 354 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,002 But only because you have this weird... 355 00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:05,539 Menergy... (IN FALSETTO) Menergy! 356 00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:08,108 About you. (MOANS) Sorry. 357 00:15:11,512 --> 00:15:13,580 That's a great name for a spa. (GROWLS) 358 00:15:13,614 --> 00:15:15,549 (PLAYING DIDGERIDOO) 359 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,527 (CHEERING AND APPLAUDING) 360 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:28,662 Oh, stop it. You know I love ripping didge. 361 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:58,158 If you don't change your attitude you're gonna lose out on all the girls. 362 00:15:58,191 --> 00:16:01,127 Like the 12‐year‐olds or the 13‐year‐olds? 363 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:03,063 DARYL: Well, have you noticed all the well‐groomed dudes here? 364 00:16:04,598 --> 00:16:06,232 MARGARET: You missed the best part. 365 00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,468 Glen just did his didgeridoo solo. 366 00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:11,337 Well, that's pretty much it. 367 00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:12,673 You guys wanna get some milk shakes? 368 00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:14,407 I think Modeans is open. Boy, howdy. 369 00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:17,243 Well, well, well... 370 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:20,781 Daryl, girl, Wayne. 371 00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:24,017 Bit surprised to see you here, I'm being honest. 372 00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:26,252 Didn't realize you were big fan of the didge. 373 00:16:28,522 --> 00:16:30,624 Aw. More of a didgere‐don't? 374 00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,994 (HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING) 375 00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:42,335 (GIGGLES) 376 00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:44,070 What do you do with the fertile, Wayne? 377 00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:46,339 Didn't I just catch you cruisin' Grindr? 378 00:16:46,372 --> 00:16:48,208 Come again? 379 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:49,510 Hey, shouldn't you boys be watching Friday Night Lights 380 00:16:49,543 --> 00:16:50,677 with a gym sock on your joy stick? 381 00:16:50,711 --> 00:16:52,112 Chirp Tim Riggins. I fuckin' dare you. 382 00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:54,748 Mix in a little One Tree Hill and maybe some Gossip Girl. 383 00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:57,317 But I think we've got bigger fish to fry right here. 384 00:16:57,350 --> 00:17:00,153 Looking for love over the rainbow now, are we Dorothy? 385 00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,622 I hate you, 386 00:17:01,655 --> 00:17:03,489 but can confirm deer season's over. 387 00:17:03,524 --> 00:17:05,158 He's hunting bear now. 388 00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,693 (GROWLING) (LAUGHING) 389 00:17:06,727 --> 00:17:10,163 I fuckin' hate you too. However, fuckin' hate him more. 390 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,699 And I just found out he's ambidextrous. 391 00:17:12,733 --> 00:17:13,567 What are they talking about, Wayne? 392 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:14,668 RILEY: He likes dicks now. 393 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,436 In his bum. Or his mouth. 394 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:17,504 RILEY: All over. 395 00:17:17,538 --> 00:17:19,339 WOMAN: Oh, my God. That's Angie's new boyfriend? 396 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,507 DARYL: Oh, that's that city boy. 397 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,810 (IMITATING TRAIN HONK) 398 00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,747 What a skirt. 399 00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:28,281 (CHUCKLES) What a shit. 400 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,089 Fuck, Lemony Snicket, what a series of unfortunate events 401 00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:37,691 you fuckin' been through, you ugly fuck. 402 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,459 Boulevard of Broken Dreams. 403 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:42,529 RILEY: Fuck you, Stewart. Hey, fuck you... 404 00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:43,597 MAN: Yeah, fuck yourself. 405 00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:54,675 (HORN HONKING) 406 00:18:05,652 --> 00:18:07,153 (PHONE BEEPS) 407 00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:08,822 You must be having a fun night. 408 00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:12,292 "Ur bro is gay. 409 00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,795 "LMFAO." In all caps, from Riley. 410 00:18:17,798 --> 00:18:21,467 Wayne? You remember when you were 19, 411 00:18:21,502 --> 00:18:24,771 those worm pickers kept coming in the night and trampling on our beans? 412 00:18:24,805 --> 00:18:26,540 What did you do? 413 00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,809 Dug six foot holes, put a skunk in each one 414 00:18:28,842 --> 00:18:31,144 and waited for them to fall in. 415 00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:35,348 Remember when the skids egged Daryl on his bike? What did you do? 416 00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:38,218 Put some stink bombs in a Nerf gun and fired it at them on prom night. 417 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:41,888 Remember when you came in from chorin' and found those messages 418 00:18:41,922 --> 00:18:44,257 on my computer from a guy calling me a slut? 419 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:46,527 I wanted a piece of that guy for a long time. 420 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,462 You drove over to his house and broke his nose on his front lawn. 421 00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:54,935 You know, I miss that Wayne. 422 00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,236 I think a lot of people do. 423 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,403 It's for the better. 424 00:19:01,642 --> 00:19:02,876 (HUMMING) 425 00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,550 (GRUNTING AND MUMBLING) 426 00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:23,564 This is Sparta! 427 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:27,901 (TROY LAUGHING) 428 00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:36,209 Ow! Fuck! 429 00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:39,279 What the hell are you doing? I'd ask you the same thing, you fuckin' tit. 430 00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:42,348 I'm taping an idiot. I'm not sneaking up on dudes and starting fights. 431 00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:44,217 I'm not fightin' ya. I'm smackin' ya. 432 00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:47,721 Oh, that's right. You don't fight anymore, do you? 433 00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:50,857 I figured I'd have one on deck for sure after I stole your girl. 434 00:19:52,793 --> 00:19:54,394 Nothin', eh? 435 00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,396 No move? 436 00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:58,632 She must've trained you well. 437 00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:01,467 So what's it gonna take to get you back on the horse there, champ? 438 00:20:01,502 --> 00:20:03,737 Do I go inside and spread Angie right out on the bar when she gets here? 439 00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:07,541 I've fucked your girl more times than you've had a hot meal. 440 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:10,476 Maybe your sister wants to join us. 441 00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:13,880 It's Katy, right? Shit. 442 00:20:13,914 --> 00:20:15,749 Why don't I go over there and ask her myself? 443 00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:16,717 (GRUNTS IN PAIN) 444 00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:18,619 (GROANS) 445 00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,460 Pull your pants up, Alexander. 446 00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:35,902 You've come this far. 447 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,576 (BOTTLE SHATTERS) 448 00:21:13,974 --> 00:21:14,975 (WHIMPERS) 449 00:21:15,576 --> 00:21:17,010 (SPITS) 450 00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:18,645 Welcome to fuckin' Letterkenny. 451 00:21:46,573 --> 00:21:47,574 Good to have you back, big brother. 452 00:21:49,375 --> 00:21:51,077 Hi, Katy KATY: Go home, Daryl. 453 00:21:51,111 --> 00:21:52,445 (CAR DOOR CLOSES) 454 00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:54,380 (ENGINE REVVING) 455 00:21:55,882 --> 00:21:57,383 JONESY: Bye, Wayne. Have a good one bro. RILEY: Bye, Wayne. 456 00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:59,452 RILEY: See you later, buddy. 457 00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:01,622 ♪ Pigeon Hole, like a wild wolf pack ♪ 458 00:22:01,655 --> 00:22:04,591 ♪ Ch‐ch‐ch, bom‐bom‐bom! We 'bout to pull back ♪ 459 00:22:04,625 --> 00:22:07,393 ♪ Let it out, let it loose, light years ahead of you ♪ 460 00:22:07,427 --> 00:22:11,932 ♪ Quick, run, scatter for the hills is what you better do ♪ 461 00:22:11,965 --> 00:22:14,868 ♪ That's what you better do ♪ 462 00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:22,008 ♪ That's what you better do ♪ 463 00:22:22,042 --> 00:22:24,911 ♪ Straight out the motherfuckin back water boondocks ♪ 464 00:22:24,945 --> 00:22:27,781 ♪ Somethin' brand new to go sla on the jukebox ♪ 465 00:22:27,814 --> 00:22:30,751 ♪ Slim Jim, been around the clock 'til the wig split ♪ 466 00:22:30,784 --> 00:22:33,720 ♪ Heat up the soup pot and mop up the pig shit ♪ 467 00:22:33,754 --> 00:22:36,657 ♪ Yeah, uh, Pigeon Hole, step back ♪ 468 00:22:36,690 --> 00:22:39,693 ♪ Too high for 'em, I am on my jet pack ♪ 469 00:22:39,726 --> 00:22:42,529 ♪ I am on that future grind, sorry for the setback ♪ 470 00:22:42,563 --> 00:22:45,498 ♪ People need to clean it up, people need a wet nap ♪ 471 00:22:45,532 --> 00:22:48,434 ♪ Fuck that, I keep it sand paper rugged ♪ 472 00:22:48,468 --> 00:22:51,071 ♪ Sand paper rugged, sand‐sand paper rugged ♪36287

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