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This programme contains very strong
language and adult humour from the
outset.
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♪ Birthday boy coming
through your flaps. ♪
3
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:39,400
Happy birthday to me, and breakfast
in bed for my princess.
4
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,680
Oh, no,
I think... Happy birthday, dada.
5
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:48,160
Gosh, careful.
-Never mind, no harm done.
-Oh dear.
6
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:51,240
Birthday kiss?
7
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,240
Robin, I hope you're not
pressing for intercourse.
8
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:06,320
Sorry, you're crushing my hip, do
--you mind?
-Sorry.
-I want to get a bit
more sleep.
9
00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,400
Come on, let's give mummy a lie-in.
10
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:31,720
Uh, uh. Mo...morning.
11
00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,400
-Morning.
-Lovely...
12
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:43,920
-..day for it.
-Yes, yes.
-Isn't it, yes. Ha ha ha.
-Ha.
13
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,920
The...the...these. They're not mine.
14
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:55,360
No, of course not.
They're Mummy's. Poor Mummy.
15
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:03,960
-It's not good actually.
-Oh dear.
16
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:15,960
Oh dear. Well, we hope to meet her
before too long. Come along Archie.
17
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,960
Bye.
18
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:41,720
CAR RADIO PLAYS
19
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,560
TOILET FLUSHES
20
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:12,560
-Oh.
-Hi... Um...
Sorry to bother you.
21
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:16,680
-It's about the hog roast.
-Hmmm.
22
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:22,880
It's...all ready to go then.
23
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:32,560
Mother got terrible
diarr...dire...dar...
24
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:39,280
-D...diarrhoea.
-Oh.
25
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:45,280
So, I didn't think you'd want
me...handling the meat.
26
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,680
Maybe you...wouldn't mind...
27
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:55,360
-..po...po... Po?
-Po-popping over.
28
00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:00,200
Can I just quickly get...dressed?
29
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:06,280
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
30
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:20,760
Whoa, what the fuck! What the
fuck are you doing?
31
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,680
Playing. What the
fuck are you doing?
32
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:27,160
Oh just, erm, you know...shaking it
up.
33
00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:35,000
-It's good, is it?
-Mmm.
34
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:38,280
Fucking tease.
You fucking beer tease.
35
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,560
Go on, give me one. Go on.
36
00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:45,680
I...Go on, give me one. What, are
--you scared?
-No.
-Oh yeah your are.
37
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,880
-Of course I'm not.
-You're fucking
scared, you're fucking bricking it.
38
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,920
-I just can't be the person.
-What
person...?The bad...
39
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,960
..what, person that sets somebody
free? I don't have a problem.
40
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,720
I just want a beer.
Come on, give me one.
41
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:58,800
Why don't you help yourself then?
42
00:04:58,840 --> 00:04:59,960
HE SIGHS
43
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,440
I think it'll taste better
coming from you.
44
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:16,120
Oh, fuck me. Oh, fuck me,
that is... You hate it?
45
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,560
That is good.
46
00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:22,920
Oops.
47
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:28,200
Oh, erm...the erm...
48
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,880
-..he should be very nice.
-Hmm.
They're very...
49
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,640
-..juicy, these pigs.
-Hmm.
50
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:39,920
R-r-r-r-r...
51
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,480
-right.
-Super.
52
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,640
Right, ah. Yes. Good.
I must press on actually.
53
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:53,920
Oh yes, oh yes.
-The, the, the, the party.
-Yes.
54
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:55,920
What, what, what,
what time's kick-off?
55
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:57,240
Er, well, it's six o'clock.
56
00:05:57,280 --> 00:06:01,440
Six o'cl...yes, I, well, I, hmm... I
think I might be
57
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,800
a little late. Mummy... Oh no, no,
no, no.
58
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,520
No, no, it's a
family... It's a family party.
59
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,640
Mummy has her boiled eggs at six
-o'clock.
-Right, yes.
60
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,280
Erm, I need,
I need to press on really,
61
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,600
because I've got a lot to do, so.
62
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:19,520
-Have you skewered a pig before?
-No.
-You did very well.
-Thank you.
63
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:23,800
Better get this... Hmm...this.
64
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,840
This...this...
65
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,560
-..this blood off.
-Hmm, hmm.
66
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:34,880
I think I'll run a bath.
67
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,840
-Good.
-With, erm... With, erm...
68
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:41,400
With...smellies.
69
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:47,840
--Hmm.Smellies?
-Mm-mm.
-Smellies. I
think I'll run a bath with smellies.
70
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,160
Good.
71
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:57,360
I...sorry, I'm going to have to
press on. Can I just bob past you?
72
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,760
Thank you. Thank you so much.
73
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,960
Right.
74
00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:09,360
ACCORDION MUSIC
75
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:15,840
Right, OK, everyone,
it's celebration time.
76
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,360
CHEERING
77
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,400
Yes, alright.
78
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,680
It's Robin's 50th birthday, erm.
79
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:27,840
There's proper champagne...
Ooh...for myself and for Robin.
80
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,640
And then for everyone else there's
Cava. So, do tuck in.
81
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,880
We're...we're happy with our Shloer,
-aren't we?
-Yes.
82
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:36,480
What, what are you wearing?
83
00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:39,520
The Bo-Peep outfit.
You were going to be the shepherd.
84
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,400
I told you I didn't want to do it.
Oh, that's a shame.
85
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,400
-Let's have a speech.
-Oh, erm.
86
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:49,840
I suppose, reaching...
87
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,640
I think actually
we should take a moment for Anne.
88
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,520
Yeah, absolutely.
89
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,040
She's not dead, is she?
90
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,840
Not quite.
91
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:09,560
SOMEONE CRIES QUIETLY
92
00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:17,160
And of course we're, you know,
we're very sad that Tom had to leave
us.
93
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:22,040
But, you know he's, he's where he
should be. You know, with his wife.
So...
94
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,720
Right, so, as you know I was going
to do the egg and tomato duet with
Tom.
95
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:31,320
But he's with his wife,
where he should be, so Robin is
96
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:36,200
insistent that, as it's his
birthday, he replace Tom as tomato.
97
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:37,840
OK?
98
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,160
♪ I'm an egg.
99
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,960
♪ And I'm a tomato.
100
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:49,520
♪ When we're
together my uvula vibratos.
101
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:52,640
♪ Fried or scrambled,
# Tossed we ramble
102
00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:56,200
♪ About each other's
mouths like lambs taking a gambol. ♪
103
00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:01,040
Shall we be naughty
and have some cake?
104
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,600
Mummy doesn't let me have cake.
105
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:07,320
Oh, come on, I'm sure she'll let you
have a bit of daddy's cake on his
birthday. There you go.
106
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,880
Hmm? Fun to be naughty, isn't it?
107
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:12,920
Can I be naughty?
108
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:15,760
Sure.
109
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,320
You. You little...
110
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:25,280
♪ Let's get
together for the tum-dance.
111
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:28,520
♪ Let's get
together for the tum-dance. ♪
112
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,600
APPLAUSE
113
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,200
--Kerry, cake.
-Oh, yes.
-Now.
114
00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:46,360
Quickly.
115
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,400
Where did Archie go?
116
00:09:56,440 --> 00:10:00,200
-Oh. Oh.
-Oh my god.
117
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,480
LAUGHING
118
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,760
Is that Robin's birthday cake for
the party?
119
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,320
Yeah,
it's great having fun, mate.
120
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,320
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow. ♪
121
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:19,240
-Alright?
-Something smells good.
122
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:24,640
What...on earth has happened?
123
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:27,120
Fi, I am so sorry. Sorry.
124
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,880
What have you done? What have you
done to the cake? I don't
125
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,840
understand, why would you do that to
a cake?
126
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,720
It wasn't me.
Well, it's never you, is it?
127
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,920
It's never your fault, nothing's
ever your fault. I can't believe
128
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:41,360
you've sabotaged Robin's, poor
Robin's... Oh.....birthday like
this.
129
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,360
SHE TUTS
130
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:47,280
Oh Kerry, please don't be upset.
I'm not bothered... Fi.
131
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,960
--Hey man.
-Tom.
-Hey.
What, you came back?
132
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,560
How you doing?
I couldn't miss your birthday.
133
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:05,040
SHE POURS A DRINK
134
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,360
SHE SIGHS
135
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,720
Never Gonna Give You Up
by Rick Astley
136
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,760
♪ We're no strangers to love
137
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:49,160
♪ You know the rules and so do I
138
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:53,480
♪ A full commitment's what I'm
thinking of
139
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:57,400
♪ You wouldn't get
this from any other guy
140
00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:02,760
♪ I just wanna tell you how
I'm feeling
141
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,480
♪ Gotta make you understand
142
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:09,760
♪ Never gonna give
you up, never gonna let you down
143
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,800
♪ Never gonna run around
and desert you
144
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:18,160
♪ Never gonna make you cry,
never gonna say goodbye
145
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:22,160
♪ Never gonna tell a lie
and hurt you. ♪
146
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:28,160
And did she respond to you at all?
Aaaah...no.
147
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:31,720
But, you know, the doctors are
really, they're really jazzed
about her progress.
148
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,720
Excellent.
So, you know, I couldn't be happier.
149
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,400
Great. And do you think
she knew you were there?
150
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:41,680
I knew she was there,
and somehow that was enough.
151
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:45,680
-Plus, you know, she's tall.
-Mm-hmm?
152
00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:49,720
And they, I mean they just
said that the coma might just
153
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:53,400
kind of work its way down to her
midriff and her legs.
154
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,000
-Right.
-She's a big girl,
she'll sweat it out.
155
00:12:56,040 --> 00:13:00,280
-You seen Fay anywhere?
-I haven't,
you know. No, not for a while.
156
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:04,360
-OK, she's probably in the tent.
-OK.
I'll check the tent.
157
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,680
-See you later.
-The night is young.
158
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:15,560
Oh wow, I can't believe you saw her
eyelashes move. That's great, guys.
159
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:19,160
-I'm really pumped about that.
-Yeah,
but, it might have just been the
wind.
160
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,680
It could have been the wind.
161
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:22,840
How's your holiday?
162
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,360
It's kind of terrible.
163
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,880
Erm... I'm here all on my own
164
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:31,520
and I actually tried to get
back to London
165
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:35,240
but the train broke down and then,
I don't know if it was on the news,
166
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:39,240
but the trains have broken down,
all the trains are broken down.
167
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:45,280
Oh. Mum... Mum said you were
seeing someone else.
168
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:48,960
I think that's why she did it.
169
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,840
No. No, no, not at all.
170
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,600
Who's that?
171
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,200
Where?
Behind you.
172
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,760
What, the tent flaps?
You talking about the tent flaps?
173
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,080
They're tent flaps.
174
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,080
No, dad, that woman behind you.
175
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,360
I don't know.
176
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,880
I do not know.
177
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:41,640
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
178
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:58,440
-Whoa-ho, here he is.
-Hey.
-Alright, mate?
-How you doing?
179
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:02,080
♪ It's Bobby, with Adam,
and Fay. What they doing?
180
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,520
♪ Let's have a beer.
Hey baby, how you doing? ♪
181
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,400
-Mate, have a beer.
-Not now, thanks,
man.
182
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,760
No, they're really
-good.
-Hey baby, how you doing?
183
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,640
Hello, chaps. Hello, chap-esses.
Hey, Robin.
184
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,200
--Hey.
-Hello.
-Are you alright?
Yeah, how are you?
185
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,000
I'm very well, thank you, very well.
186
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:22,400
I think I've got a few too
many of these.
187
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:26,400
Feeling like I've got a bit
-of a corker of a head on.
-Oh, man.
188
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,640
Mixed the grain and the grape,
I think, which you shouldn't do.
189
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,640
-Well, here's a little present.
-Oh.
190
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:37,360
Get your tanks off my lawn, OK.
Tom Fuhrer.
191
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:43,120
And, I've got you that.
Oh, why thank you. What is it?
192
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:48,040
-It's a headache tablet.
-Oh, Fay.
-Isn't she amazing?
-She is, she's
like Boots.
193
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,840
Is everything good in the 'hood,
babe?
194
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:55,840
I'll let you two lovebirds get
reacquainted, and I'll go and find
Fiona.
195
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,160
-Bye.
-See you later, man.
196
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,160
Wind yer body.
197
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:04,800
You OK, babe?
198
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:07,560
Are you kidding?
199
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:12,880
Sorry, I'm, erm...
I'm looking for Fay. Erm, she...
200
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:16,880
Oh really, because I thought you
didn't know her, so...
201
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,040
What you talking about?
202
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:20,560
SHE SIGHS
203
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:23,760
In the tent.
You were Skypeing your children.
204
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:27,480
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on. No, no,
no, you weren't there, alright.
205
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,960
-Oh my god.
-What?
I was Skypeing my kids and that...
206
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,720
That was you.
207
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:40,520
No, honestly,
I don't... I sensed a presence,
208
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:44,440
like a shadow of a cloud or...
209
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:49,120
Like a bird or a crow. I thought
it was... I thought it was a crow.
210
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,520
You thought I was a crow?
I th...yeah.
211
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:57,000
I, honestly... If I'd known it was
you, baby, why on earth... Oh,
that's...
212
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,880
..why wouldn't have I introduced you
to my beautiful children?
213
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:02,520
Because you don't want to.I...
214
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,680
No one wants to more than me, OK?
215
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,760
So you had the chance
but you chose not to?
216
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,640
I didn't know you were there.
Children... You say you wanted to
217
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,320
get engaged and then you don't
fucking follow it through.
218
00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:15,640
I want to get engaged to you
so hard, baby.
219
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:17,760
--Baby.
-So we're getting married?
-Tch.
220
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,400
Are we getting married?
221
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,120
I just want us to have this
honeymoon period together, you know.
222
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:29,080
I just want to like, I just want to,
I just want to like fuck
223
00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:31,080
and think about it.
224
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:38,440
Cooee. There you are.
You look so wonderful.
225
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:40,760
SHE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
226
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,760
You do, like a big ginger princess.
227
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,640
Are you happy, Robin?
228
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,880
Are you having a happy birthday?
229
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:53,080
I'm having a birthday.
230
00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:54,720
HE CHUCKLES
231
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:58,280
You, you're so wonderful.
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00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:03,080
-You, you should be happy.
-Aww,
bless you, Kerry. And so are you.
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00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:07,920
-No.
-Yeah, yes, yes you are.
I'm here to tell you that you are.
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00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,720
And that's official.
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00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:22,200
Sorry, Robin, I was a bit drunk.
Good.
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00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,640
Hog.
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00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:59,920
--Hi, Fi.
-Oh.
-May I join you?
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00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,040
So you just couldn't bear to
miss the party.
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00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:10,920
Oh well, no, no,
I spoke to the kids and we all felt
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00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:16,360
that Anne would want me
to finish up here, really.
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00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,800
Right, so you didn't go and see her?
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00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:19,840
I...
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00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:22,520
Look, Fi,
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00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:28,880
--I'm a nice guy.
-Yeah.
-You know,
I'm a... I'm a good guy.
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00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:34,840
And Fay loves me,
and I'm having such a good time,
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00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,760
I'm having such a laugh.
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00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:40,440
And, Anne used to say I didn't
have a sense of humour. Well, hello?
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00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,560
Fay laughs at virtually every
single thing I say.
249
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:48,400
Well of course she does, she's
-retarded.
-She is not retarded, she
is a hip young gunslinger.
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00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,040
And, I'm sorry, Fi,
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00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,360
no one's ever said
this to you before I don't think,
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00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,600
and it's about time someone did.
You... You are so uptight.
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00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,280
You know?
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00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:02,280
No wonder you can't have sex, you're
probably all closed up down there.
255
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,080
I'm not closed up down there!
256
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:08,640
I mean, poor Robin. It's not you I'm
thinking of, poor Robin.
I...I'm menopausal.
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00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:16,720
Well that's... I know
plenty of menopausal gals who have
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00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,480
perfectly healthy sex lives.
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00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,960
Bully for those menopausal gals,
Tom. I mean, I have inflammation, I
have dryness,
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00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,840
and it's extremely
difficult for me to get anything in
there at all.
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00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,160
You're just not trying, Fi.
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00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:31,120
And meanwhile your, your husband's
running around like a castrated elf.
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00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:36,880
Well, I don't want to have sex with
Robin. I, you know, he...
I don't want to have sex with him.
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00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:40,400
Well, I don't think you want to have
-sex with anyone, actually.
-Yes I do.
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00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,040
Who? Who?
Who do you want to have sex with?
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00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,400
Well, there was a time
when I found you attractive, Tom.
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00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:01,480
You are...
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00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:07,520
not an unattractive woman, Fi.
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00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:12,040
Well you're, so you're saying I'm
not unattractive. Are you saying
that I'm attractive, is that what
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00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,880
you're saying? You know, my mother
said that Fred West was not an
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00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,880
unattractive man. I mean, is he
attractive?
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00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:19,160
You are more attractive
than Fred West.
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00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,200
What are we doing in here?
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00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,680
What do you think we're doing in
-here?
-Having a shower.
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00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:40,600
This will sort you out.
No, this is good actually, because
I don't have a problem with drugs.
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00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:50,480
Oh my god. You're a box of tricks,
aren't you? I fucking love you,
you're brilliant.
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00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:51,520
Hello?
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00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:55,120
Adam.
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00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:58,160
Adam.
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00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:10,480
Is that your girlfriend?
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00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,640
-Maybe.
-Do you love her?
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00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:16,160
Shut up.
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So mental, isn't it?
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00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:23,440
Got a whole field to do this in,
just do it in the fucking toilets.
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OK.
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00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:32,240
It's good, it's really good that
you're doing this actually, Kerry.
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00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:36,480
Because I think, you know, old
people just think that they
can't have fun anymore.
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00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,520
Right.
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00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,480
You know. Yeah, you're old. But,
you know, try and have a good time.
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00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:42,680
Yeah.
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00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:44,960
SHE SNIFFS
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00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:57,920
Well, this is sexy isn't it?
It happens.
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00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:07,160
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
294
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,880
How are you feeling?
Mm, I feel very good.
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00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:15,160
That's just moving out of the
euphoria to something more glow.
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00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,440
-Oi, what's up chucks?
-Hey.
Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy...
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00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:22,240
How you doing? Are you OK?
Yeah, I'm fine.
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00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,880
Mate, what is it?
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00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,240
I'm trying to work out, what is it
with your fucking girlfriend?
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00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,320
What can I tell you?
Lucky guy, I guess.
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00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:37,480
Anne was lovely,
-wasn't she?
-She's great.
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00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:41,520
I mean, IS lovely.
-Yeah, I mean, she's not dead.
-No.
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00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:46,800
She had a nice body.
She had a great...torso.
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00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:51,280
No, she had a cracking trunk.
She was 6'4" of fun.
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00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:55,040
You know, now there's this one...
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00:23:55,080 --> 00:24:00,640
this hot little bitch who's been
-plying me with drugs.
-Alright, mate.
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00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,160
THEY LAUGH
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00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,600
She has, she's been fucking
plying me with drugs,
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00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,560
she's a fucking little stir.
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00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,560
♪ Stir it up. Stir it up. ♪
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00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,360
You know, she's
coming in here like a fucking...
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00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:20,120
fucking dirty little tornado.
OK, Adam.
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00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,040
Adam, listen,
this is my girlfriend, mate.
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00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,800
And I know Fay is a lot of fun,
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00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:30,400
but that doesn't mean we can all
hop on the pussy ship here.
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00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,920
I haven't hopped on any pussy ship,
I promise you, Tom.
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00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:37,160
I don't think you have, Adam,
have you hopped on a pussy ship?
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00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:38,800
Woo-woo, all aboard.
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00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:42,960
The HMS Hot... Dirty... Pussy...
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00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,400
OK, that's enough.
Let's draw a line under this.
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00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:49,440
Come on, mate, I'm with Kerry, I've
got to fantasise about someone.
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00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:55,120
Oh, here he is, the crown prince.
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00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:58,160
Alright, Dave.
Your fancy lady arrived yet?
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00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,000
No.
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00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:04,640
Are you going to get yourself
some eh, some muff?
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00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,040
Why are you drinking?
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00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,000
Why am I drinking?
Why are you drunk?
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00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:11,560
Because it's time for your fucking
dad to have some fucking
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00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,960
fun for once in his life.
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00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,800
Fucking drinking.
I'm off my fucking tits.
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That's why I'm fucking drinking,
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00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:22,000
because I need some fucking
fun in my life.
You probably should stop.
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00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,280
You should fucking know that more
than anybody, you little cunt.
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00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:26,800
I fucking hate you.
335
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:35,480
You fucking... We really should get
-you a cup of coffee.
-Fuck off.
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00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,480
Adam, you're looking a bit
-cross-eyed.
-Yeah, so are you, mate.
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00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,400
You always have done.
Come on, let's not get nasty.
338
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:43,720
You're such a fucking...
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00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:47,440
You're such a fucking sad prick.
-Oh, please.
-I'm not a sad prick.
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00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,080
-I'm not a sad prick, mate.
-What
happened to your, how the fucking
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00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:53,440
hell did you get your hair back,
baldy? You with your fringe.
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00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:56,080
I've had excellent
comments about my fringe, mate.
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00:25:56,120 --> 00:25:59,920
-Baldy.
-Bald men are some of the most
sexually active members of society.
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00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:02,680
I've got... Sean Connery! ..tons
-of spunk, mate.
-Did you take it?
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00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,200
I've got tons of fucking spunk,
-right.
-Let's not get nasty.
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00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:08,000
Did you take it off you arse
-and put it on your head?
-No.
347
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:11,080
-I didn't, a surgeon did.
-Fuck you.
So, piss off.
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00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:14,600
And do you know who's sad? You know
-who's sad, your son.
-Yeah, yeah.
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00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,280
Your son is wanking himself to death
because his cock's the only friend
he's got.
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00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,800
In fact his cock's a better father
-to him that you are.
-No more.
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00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:26,120
You sound like his fucking mother,
fucking off and leaving me with him.
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00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:31,560
She drowned to death.
Yeah, it's like, watch where you're
fucking going you stupid cow.
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00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:37,200
Fucking, leaving me with a fucking
kid, fucked up my life.
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00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:38,880
And now I end up with Kerry.
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00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,400
No one's fucking sorry for me,
are they?
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00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,000
You're the fucking cunt, mate.
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00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,760
-She's gone.
-What?
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00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:56,480
Mum's passed away, Fiona.
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00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:00,880
Oh, my god, I...
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00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:04,120
She's passed away.
-I'm so sorry.
-She's just...
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00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:09,440
Have you...?
I'm so sorry, I can't really stop.
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00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,840
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