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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,600 This programme contains very strong language and adult humour from the outset. 2 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:29,960 ♪ Birthday boy coming through your flaps. ♪ 3 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:39,400 Happy birthday to me, and breakfast in bed for my princess. 4 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,680 Oh, no, I think... Happy birthday, dada. 5 00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:48,160 Gosh, careful. -Never mind, no harm done. -Oh dear. 6 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:51,240 Birthday kiss? 7 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,240 Robin, I hope you're not pressing for intercourse. 8 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:06,320 Sorry, you're crushing my hip, do --you mind? -Sorry. -I want to get a bit more sleep. 9 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,400 Come on, let's give mummy a lie-in. 10 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:31,720 Uh, uh. Mo...morning. 11 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,400 -Morning. -Lovely... 12 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:43,920 -..day for it. -Yes, yes. -Isn't it, yes. Ha ha ha. -Ha. 13 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,920 The...the...these. They're not mine. 14 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:55,360 No, of course not. They're Mummy's. Poor Mummy. 15 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:03,960 -It's not good actually. -Oh dear. 16 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:15,960 Oh dear. Well, we hope to meet her before too long. Come along Archie. 17 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,960 Bye. 18 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:41,720 CAR RADIO PLAYS 19 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,560 TOILET FLUSHES 20 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:12,560 -Oh. -Hi... Um... Sorry to bother you. 21 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:16,680 -It's about the hog roast. -Hmmm. 22 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:22,880 It's...all ready to go then. 23 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:32,560 Mother got terrible diarr...dire...dar... 24 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:39,280 -D...diarrhoea. -Oh. 25 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:45,280 So, I didn't think you'd want me...handling the meat. 26 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,680 Maybe you...wouldn't mind... 27 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:55,360 -..po...po... Po? -Po-popping over. 28 00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:00,200 Can I just quickly get...dressed? 29 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:06,280 DANCE MUSIC PLAYS 30 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:20,760 Whoa, what the fuck! What the fuck are you doing? 31 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,680 Playing. What the fuck are you doing? 32 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:27,160 Oh just, erm, you know...shaking it up. 33 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:35,000 -It's good, is it? -Mmm. 34 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:38,280 Fucking tease. You fucking beer tease. 35 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,560 Go on, give me one. Go on. 36 00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:45,680 I...Go on, give me one. What, are --you scared? -No. -Oh yeah your are. 37 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,880 -Of course I'm not. -You're fucking scared, you're fucking bricking it. 38 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,920 -I just can't be the person. -What person...?The bad... 39 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,960 ..what, person that sets somebody free? I don't have a problem. 40 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,720 I just want a beer. Come on, give me one. 41 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:58,800 Why don't you help yourself then? 42 00:04:58,840 --> 00:04:59,960 HE SIGHS 43 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,440 I think it'll taste better coming from you. 44 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:16,120 Oh, fuck me. Oh, fuck me, that is... You hate it? 45 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,560 That is good. 46 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:22,920 Oops. 47 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:28,200 Oh, erm...the erm... 48 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,880 -..he should be very nice. -Hmm. They're very... 49 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,640 -..juicy, these pigs. -Hmm. 50 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:39,920 R-r-r-r-r... 51 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,480 -right. -Super. 52 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,640 Right, ah. Yes. Good. I must press on actually. 53 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:53,920 Oh yes, oh yes. -The, the, the, the party. -Yes. 54 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:55,920 What, what, what, what time's kick-off? 55 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:57,240 Er, well, it's six o'clock. 56 00:05:57,280 --> 00:06:01,440 Six o'cl...yes, I, well, I, hmm... I think I might be 57 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,800 a little late. Mummy... Oh no, no, no, no. 58 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,520 No, no, it's a family... It's a family party. 59 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,640 Mummy has her boiled eggs at six -o'clock. -Right, yes. 60 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,280 Erm, I need, I need to press on really, 61 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,600 because I've got a lot to do, so. 62 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:19,520 -Have you skewered a pig before? -No. -You did very well. -Thank you. 63 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:23,800 Better get this... Hmm...this. 64 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,840 This...this... 65 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,560 -..this blood off. -Hmm, hmm. 66 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:34,880 I think I'll run a bath. 67 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,840 -Good. -With, erm... With, erm... 68 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:41,400 With...smellies. 69 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:47,840 --Hmm.Smellies? -Mm-mm. -Smellies. I think I'll run a bath with smellies. 70 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,160 Good. 71 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:57,360 I...sorry, I'm going to have to press on. Can I just bob past you? 72 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,760 Thank you. Thank you so much. 73 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,960 Right. 74 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:09,360 ACCORDION MUSIC 75 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:15,840 Right, OK, everyone, it's celebration time. 76 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,360 CHEERING 77 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,400 Yes, alright. 78 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,680 It's Robin's 50th birthday, erm. 79 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:27,840 There's proper champagne... Ooh...for myself and for Robin. 80 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,640 And then for everyone else there's Cava. So, do tuck in. 81 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,880 We're...we're happy with our Shloer, -aren't we? -Yes. 82 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:36,480 What, what are you wearing? 83 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:39,520 The Bo-Peep outfit. You were going to be the shepherd. 84 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,400 I told you I didn't want to do it. Oh, that's a shame. 85 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,400 -Let's have a speech. -Oh, erm. 86 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:49,840 I suppose, reaching... 87 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,640 I think actually we should take a moment for Anne. 88 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,520 Yeah, absolutely. 89 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,040 She's not dead, is she? 90 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,840 Not quite. 91 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:09,560 SOMEONE CRIES QUIETLY 92 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:17,160 And of course we're, you know, we're very sad that Tom had to leave us. 93 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:22,040 But, you know he's, he's where he should be. You know, with his wife. So... 94 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,720 Right, so, as you know I was going to do the egg and tomato duet with Tom. 95 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:31,320 But he's with his wife, where he should be, so Robin is 96 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:36,200 insistent that, as it's his birthday, he replace Tom as tomato. 97 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:37,840 OK? 98 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,160 ♪ I'm an egg. 99 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,960 ♪ And I'm a tomato. 100 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:49,520 ♪ When we're together my uvula vibratos. 101 00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:52,640 ♪ Fried or scrambled, # Tossed we ramble 102 00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:56,200 ♪ About each other's mouths like lambs taking a gambol. ♪ 103 00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:01,040 Shall we be naughty and have some cake? 104 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,600 Mummy doesn't let me have cake. 105 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:07,320 Oh, come on, I'm sure she'll let you have a bit of daddy's cake on his birthday. There you go. 106 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,880 Hmm? Fun to be naughty, isn't it? 107 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:12,920 Can I be naughty? 108 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:15,760 Sure. 109 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,320 You. You little... 110 00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:25,280 ♪ Let's get together for the tum-dance. 111 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:28,520 ♪ Let's get together for the tum-dance. ♪ 112 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,600 APPLAUSE 113 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,200 --Kerry, cake. -Oh, yes. -Now. 114 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:46,360 Quickly. 115 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,400 Where did Archie go? 116 00:09:56,440 --> 00:10:00,200 -Oh. Oh. -Oh my god. 117 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,480 LAUGHING 118 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,760 Is that Robin's birthday cake for the party? 119 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,320 Yeah, it's great having fun, mate. 120 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,320 ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow. ♪ 121 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:19,240 -Alright? -Something smells good. 122 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:24,640 What...on earth has happened? 123 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:27,120 Fi, I am so sorry. Sorry. 124 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,880 What have you done? What have you done to the cake? I don't 125 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,840 understand, why would you do that to a cake? 126 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,720 It wasn't me. Well, it's never you, is it? 127 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,920 It's never your fault, nothing's ever your fault. I can't believe 128 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:41,360 you've sabotaged Robin's, poor Robin's... Oh.....birthday like this. 129 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,360 SHE TUTS 130 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:47,280 Oh Kerry, please don't be upset. I'm not bothered... Fi. 131 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,960 --Hey man. -Tom. -Hey. What, you came back? 132 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,560 How you doing? I couldn't miss your birthday. 133 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:05,040 SHE POURS A DRINK 134 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,360 SHE SIGHS 135 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,720 Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley 136 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,760 ♪ We're no strangers to love 137 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:49,160 ♪ You know the rules and so do I 138 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:53,480 ♪ A full commitment's what I'm thinking of 139 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:57,400 ♪ You wouldn't get this from any other guy 140 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:02,760 ♪ I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling 141 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,480 ♪ Gotta make you understand 142 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:09,760 ♪ Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down 143 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,800 ♪ Never gonna run around and desert you 144 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:18,160 ♪ Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye 145 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:22,160 ♪ Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you. ♪ 146 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:28,160 And did she respond to you at all? Aaaah...no. 147 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:31,720 But, you know, the doctors are really, they're really jazzed about her progress. 148 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,720 Excellent. So, you know, I couldn't be happier. 149 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,400 Great. And do you think she knew you were there? 150 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:41,680 I knew she was there, and somehow that was enough. 151 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:45,680 -Plus, you know, she's tall. -Mm-hmm? 152 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:49,720 And they, I mean they just said that the coma might just 153 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:53,400 kind of work its way down to her midriff and her legs. 154 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,000 -Right. -She's a big girl, she'll sweat it out. 155 00:12:56,040 --> 00:13:00,280 -You seen Fay anywhere? -I haven't, you know. No, not for a while. 156 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:04,360 -OK, she's probably in the tent. -OK. I'll check the tent. 157 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,680 -See you later. -The night is young. 158 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:15,560 Oh wow, I can't believe you saw her eyelashes move. That's great, guys. 159 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:19,160 -I'm really pumped about that. -Yeah, but, it might have just been the wind. 160 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,680 It could have been the wind. 161 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:22,840 How's your holiday? 162 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,360 It's kind of terrible. 163 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,880 Erm... I'm here all on my own 164 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:31,520 and I actually tried to get back to London 165 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:35,240 but the train broke down and then, I don't know if it was on the news, 166 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:39,240 but the trains have broken down, all the trains are broken down. 167 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:45,280 Oh. Mum... Mum said you were seeing someone else. 168 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:48,960 I think that's why she did it. 169 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,840 No. No, no, not at all. 170 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,600 Who's that? 171 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,200 Where? Behind you. 172 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,760 What, the tent flaps? You talking about the tent flaps? 173 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,080 They're tent flaps. 174 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,080 No, dad, that woman behind you. 175 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,360 I don't know. 176 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,880 I do not know. 177 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:41,640 DANCE MUSIC PLAYS 178 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:58,440 -Whoa-ho, here he is. -Hey. -Alright, mate? -How you doing? 179 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:02,080 ♪ It's Bobby, with Adam, and Fay. What they doing? 180 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,520 ♪ Let's have a beer. Hey baby, how you doing? ♪ 181 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,400 -Mate, have a beer. -Not now, thanks, man. 182 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,760 No, they're really -good. -Hey baby, how you doing? 183 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,640 Hello, chaps. Hello, chap-esses. Hey, Robin. 184 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,200 --Hey. -Hello. -Are you alright? Yeah, how are you? 185 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,000 I'm very well, thank you, very well. 186 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:22,400 I think I've got a few too many of these. 187 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:26,400 Feeling like I've got a bit -of a corker of a head on. -Oh, man. 188 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,640 Mixed the grain and the grape, I think, which you shouldn't do. 189 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,640 -Well, here's a little present. -Oh. 190 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:37,360 Get your tanks off my lawn, OK. Tom Fuhrer. 191 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:43,120 And, I've got you that. Oh, why thank you. What is it? 192 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:48,040 -It's a headache tablet. -Oh, Fay. -Isn't she amazing? -She is, she's like Boots. 193 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,840 Is everything good in the 'hood, babe? 194 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:55,840 I'll let you two lovebirds get reacquainted, and I'll go and find Fiona. 195 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,160 -Bye. -See you later, man. 196 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,160 Wind yer body. 197 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:04,800 You OK, babe? 198 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:07,560 Are you kidding? 199 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:12,880 Sorry, I'm, erm... I'm looking for Fay. Erm, she... 200 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:16,880 Oh really, because I thought you didn't know her, so... 201 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,040 What you talking about? 202 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:20,560 SHE SIGHS 203 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:23,760 In the tent. You were Skypeing your children. 204 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:27,480 Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on. No, no, no, you weren't there, alright. 205 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,960 -Oh my god. -What? I was Skypeing my kids and that... 206 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,720 That was you. 207 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:40,520 No, honestly, I don't... I sensed a presence, 208 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:44,440 like a shadow of a cloud or... 209 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:49,120 Like a bird or a crow. I thought it was... I thought it was a crow. 210 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,520 You thought I was a crow? I th...yeah. 211 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:57,000 I, honestly... If I'd known it was you, baby, why on earth... Oh, that's... 212 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,880 ..why wouldn't have I introduced you to my beautiful children? 213 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:02,520 Because you don't want to.I... 214 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,680 No one wants to more than me, OK? 215 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,760 So you had the chance but you chose not to? 216 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,640 I didn't know you were there. Children... You say you wanted to 217 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,320 get engaged and then you don't fucking follow it through. 218 00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:15,640 I want to get engaged to you so hard, baby. 219 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:17,760 --Baby. -So we're getting married? -Tch. 220 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,400 Are we getting married? 221 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,120 I just want us to have this honeymoon period together, you know. 222 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:29,080 I just want to like, I just want to, I just want to like fuck 223 00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:31,080 and think about it. 224 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:38,440 Cooee. There you are. You look so wonderful. 225 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:40,760 SHE BLOWS A RASPBERRY 226 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,760 You do, like a big ginger princess. 227 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,640 Are you happy, Robin? 228 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,880 Are you having a happy birthday? 229 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:53,080 I'm having a birthday. 230 00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:54,720 HE CHUCKLES 231 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:58,280 You, you're so wonderful. 232 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:03,080 -You, you should be happy. -Aww, bless you, Kerry. And so are you. 233 00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:07,920 -No. -Yeah, yes, yes you are. I'm here to tell you that you are. 234 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,720 And that's official. 235 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:22,200 Sorry, Robin, I was a bit drunk. Good. 236 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,640 Hog. 237 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:59,920 --Hi, Fi. -Oh. -May I join you? 238 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,040 So you just couldn't bear to miss the party. 239 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:10,920 Oh well, no, no, I spoke to the kids and we all felt 240 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:16,360 that Anne would want me to finish up here, really. 241 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,800 Right, so you didn't go and see her? 242 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:19,840 I... 243 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:22,520 Look, Fi, 244 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:28,880 --I'm a nice guy. -Yeah. -You know, I'm a... I'm a good guy. 245 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:34,840 And Fay loves me, and I'm having such a good time, 246 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,760 I'm having such a laugh. 247 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:40,440 And, Anne used to say I didn't have a sense of humour. Well, hello? 248 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,560 Fay laughs at virtually every single thing I say. 249 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:48,400 Well of course she does, she's -retarded. -She is not retarded, she is a hip young gunslinger. 250 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,040 And, I'm sorry, Fi, 251 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,360 no one's ever said this to you before I don't think, 252 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,600 and it's about time someone did. You... You are so uptight. 253 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,280 You know? 254 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:02,280 No wonder you can't have sex, you're probably all closed up down there. 255 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,080 I'm not closed up down there! 256 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:08,640 I mean, poor Robin. It's not you I'm thinking of, poor Robin. I...I'm menopausal. 257 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:16,720 Well that's... I know plenty of menopausal gals who have 258 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,480 perfectly healthy sex lives. 259 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,960 Bully for those menopausal gals, Tom. I mean, I have inflammation, I have dryness, 260 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,840 and it's extremely difficult for me to get anything in there at all. 261 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,160 You're just not trying, Fi. 262 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:31,120 And meanwhile your, your husband's running around like a castrated elf. 263 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:36,880 Well, I don't want to have sex with Robin. I, you know, he... I don't want to have sex with him. 264 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:40,400 Well, I don't think you want to have -sex with anyone, actually. -Yes I do. 265 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,040 Who? Who? Who do you want to have sex with? 266 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,400 Well, there was a time when I found you attractive, Tom. 267 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:01,480 You are... 268 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:07,520 not an unattractive woman, Fi. 269 00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:12,040 Well you're, so you're saying I'm not unattractive. Are you saying that I'm attractive, is that what 270 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,880 you're saying? You know, my mother said that Fred West was not an 271 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,880 unattractive man. I mean, is he attractive? 272 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:19,160 You are more attractive than Fred West. 273 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,200 What are we doing in here? 274 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,680 What do you think we're doing in -here? -Having a shower. 275 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:40,600 This will sort you out. No, this is good actually, because I don't have a problem with drugs. 276 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:50,480 Oh my god. You're a box of tricks, aren't you? I fucking love you, you're brilliant. 277 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:51,520 Hello? 278 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:55,120 Adam. 279 00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:58,160 Adam. 280 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:10,480 Is that your girlfriend? 281 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,640 -Maybe. -Do you love her? 282 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:16,160 Shut up. 283 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,360 So mental, isn't it? 284 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:23,440 Got a whole field to do this in, just do it in the fucking toilets. 285 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,240 OK. 286 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:32,240 It's good, it's really good that you're doing this actually, Kerry. 287 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:36,480 Because I think, you know, old people just think that they can't have fun anymore. 288 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,520 Right. 289 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,480 You know. Yeah, you're old. But, you know, try and have a good time. 290 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:42,680 Yeah. 291 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:44,960 SHE SNIFFS 292 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:57,920 Well, this is sexy isn't it? It happens. 293 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:07,160 DANCE MUSIC PLAYS 294 00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,880 How are you feeling? Mm, I feel very good. 295 00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:15,160 That's just moving out of the euphoria to something more glow. 296 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,440 -Oi, what's up chucks? -Hey. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy... 297 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:22,240 How you doing? Are you OK? Yeah, I'm fine. 298 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,880 Mate, what is it? 299 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,240 I'm trying to work out, what is it with your fucking girlfriend? 300 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,320 What can I tell you? Lucky guy, I guess. 301 00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:37,480 Anne was lovely, -wasn't she? -She's great. 302 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:41,520 I mean, IS lovely. -Yeah, I mean, she's not dead. -No. 303 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:46,800 She had a nice body. She had a great...torso. 304 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:51,280 No, she had a cracking trunk. She was 6'4" of fun. 305 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:55,040 You know, now there's this one... 306 00:23:55,080 --> 00:24:00,640 this hot little bitch who's been -plying me with drugs. -Alright, mate. 307 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,160 THEY LAUGH 308 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,600 She has, she's been fucking plying me with drugs, 309 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,560 she's a fucking little stir. 310 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,560 ♪ Stir it up. Stir it up. ♪ 311 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,360 You know, she's coming in here like a fucking... 312 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:20,120 fucking dirty little tornado. OK, Adam. 313 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,040 Adam, listen, this is my girlfriend, mate. 314 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,800 And I know Fay is a lot of fun, 315 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:30,400 but that doesn't mean we can all hop on the pussy ship here. 316 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,920 I haven't hopped on any pussy ship, I promise you, Tom. 317 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:37,160 I don't think you have, Adam, have you hopped on a pussy ship? 318 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:38,800 Woo-woo, all aboard. 319 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:42,960 The HMS Hot... Dirty... Pussy... 320 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,400 OK, that's enough. Let's draw a line under this. 321 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:49,440 Come on, mate, I'm with Kerry, I've got to fantasise about someone. 322 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:55,120 Oh, here he is, the crown prince. 323 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:58,160 Alright, Dave. Your fancy lady arrived yet? 324 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,000 No. 325 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:04,640 Are you going to get yourself some eh, some muff? 326 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,040 Why are you drinking? 327 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,000 Why am I drinking? Why are you drunk? 328 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:11,560 Because it's time for your fucking dad to have some fucking 329 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,960 fun for once in his life. 330 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,800 Fucking drinking. I'm off my fucking tits. 331 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:18,720 That's why I'm fucking drinking, 332 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:22,000 because I need some fucking fun in my life. You probably should stop. 333 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,280 You should fucking know that more than anybody, you little cunt. 334 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:26,800 I fucking hate you. 335 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:35,480 You fucking... We really should get -you a cup of coffee. -Fuck off. 336 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,480 Adam, you're looking a bit -cross-eyed. -Yeah, so are you, mate. 337 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,400 You always have done. Come on, let's not get nasty. 338 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:43,720 You're such a fucking... 339 00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:47,440 You're such a fucking sad prick. -Oh, please. -I'm not a sad prick. 340 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,080 -I'm not a sad prick, mate. -What happened to your, how the fucking 341 00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:53,440 hell did you get your hair back, baldy? You with your fringe. 342 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:56,080 I've had excellent comments about my fringe, mate. 343 00:25:56,120 --> 00:25:59,920 -Baldy. -Bald men are some of the most sexually active members of society. 344 00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:02,680 I've got... Sean Connery! ..tons -of spunk, mate. -Did you take it? 345 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,200 I've got tons of fucking spunk, -right. -Let's not get nasty. 346 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:08,000 Did you take it off you arse -and put it on your head? -No. 347 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:11,080 -I didn't, a surgeon did. -Fuck you. So, piss off. 348 00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:14,600 And do you know who's sad? You know -who's sad, your son. -Yeah, yeah. 349 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,280 Your son is wanking himself to death because his cock's the only friend he's got. 350 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,800 In fact his cock's a better father -to him that you are. -No more. 351 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:26,120 You sound like his fucking mother, fucking off and leaving me with him. 352 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:31,560 She drowned to death. Yeah, it's like, watch where you're fucking going you stupid cow. 353 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:37,200 Fucking, leaving me with a fucking kid, fucked up my life. 354 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:38,880 And now I end up with Kerry. 355 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,400 No one's fucking sorry for me, are they? 356 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,000 You're the fucking cunt, mate. 357 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,760 -She's gone. -What? 358 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:56,480 Mum's passed away, Fiona. 359 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:00,880 Oh, my god, I... 360 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:04,120 She's passed away. -I'm so sorry. -She's just... 361 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:09,440 Have you...? I'm so sorry, I can't really stop. 362 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,560 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 363 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,840 accessibility@bskyb.com 28143

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