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1
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:08,667
(school bell ringing)
2
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:11,378
(Barney belches)
3
00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:13,449
(tires screeching)
4
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:15,612
D'oh!
5
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:16,616
(tires screeching)
6
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:18,117
(grunts)
7
00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:21,721
(trumpets)
8
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:30,295
(croaking)
9
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:36,801
George, I'm sorry
to see you up here.
10
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:39,844
Well, yes, but I died
for a worthy cause.
11
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,980
As we speak, my body is
about to be dissected
12
00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:45,677
by a budding
young scientist.
13
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,849
Let's observe
the dedication to learning
14
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:51,418
of this ten-year-old scholar
by the name of Bart Simpson.
15
00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:54,489
♪ Stab, stab, stab, stab,
stab, die ♪
16
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,658
♪ Stab, stab, die, die,
death, kill. ♪
17
00:00:56,657 --> 00:01:00,827
Well, his passion
is undeniable.
18
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,828
Yes, very...
very impressive.
19
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:06,500
By examining my specimen's
pyloric sphincter valve,
20
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:10,370
I deduced that she had an
affinity for fruit flies.
21
00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:13,511
By examining my specimen's
natty dreads,
22
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:18,437
I was able to deduce that he was
a jammin' Rasta-frogian.
23
00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:20,676
My body, my little
green body.
24
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:23,521
Okay, but surely
his portrayal
25
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:27,547
of Rastafarianism
will be culturally sensitive.
26
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:29,015
Pass the Dutchie.
27
00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:31,693
We be smokin' slabba slabba
with the Babylon.
28
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:34,192
Ribbit, ribbit, mon.
29
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,695
(panting loudly)
30
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,057
Come now, George.
31
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:40,225
At least this Scottish
groundskeeper
32
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:42,534
will give your remains
a respectful burial.
33
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:46,406
WILLIE: Into the crapper you
go, useless froggy garbage.
34
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:47,867
(toilet flushing)
35
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:50,635
Are you going to put a
good spin on that, too?
36
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,044
Hmm? Are you?!
37
00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:53,206
Well, are you?
38
00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:55,784
Well, uh... ribbit?
39
00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,545
MARGE: I can't put these grades
on the refrigerator.
40
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:02,994
I can't even put them
on the garage refrigerator.
41
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:04,820
It's not my fault.
42
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:06,585
I blame "so-key-ity."
What?!
43
00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:08,564
You know, so-key-ity.
44
00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:10,832
That's what everyone
blames for everything.
45
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,561
You mean "society"?
46
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,896
Yeah, that's the guy.
Honey,
47
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:16,902
I know you're a bright boy,
48
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,904
but if you don't try harder
in school,
49
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,966
you could end up...
50
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,851
...not a success.
51
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,780
Oh, that.
Don't worry, Mom.
52
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:34,085
As long as I can
stand on a corner
53
00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:35,748
and spin a sign
reading "new condos,"
54
00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,816
I'll be just fine.
55
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,031
(groaning)
56
00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:44,159
(Marge groaning)
57
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,930
(Marge groaning)
58
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,595
All that pacing
isn't gonna fix the boy.
59
00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:51,874
Just get him some pills.
60
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:54,272
Two pinks and a blue,
and it's off to the races.
61
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,535
Everything we've tried
with Bart has failed.
62
00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:58,484
What if there's nothing
we can do?
63
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,879
Mm, "nothing we can do"
is a whole lot better
64
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,451
than "it'll take all we've got."
65
00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:06,389
I wonder if anyone talks
about parenting online.
66
00:03:09,123 --> 00:03:10,663
Look at this one!
67
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:12,458
HOMER:
They're skiing.
68
00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:13,959
Skiing means happy.
69
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:16,831
Hmm, an expert with
a new book to promote.
70
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:20,530
Oh, I wonder if she'd be willing
to speak to a group for a fee.
71
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,071
Getting your child established
72
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:27,642
on the path
to success isn't easy.
73
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:30,511
I was driving my daughter
from her falconry tournament
74
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:32,981
to lute class
when she turned to me asked...
75
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:34,580
(speaks Mandarin)
76
00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:37,482
...which is Mandarin for,
"How do you do it?"
77
00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:39,424
She and I are learning Mandarin.
78
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,320
The answer?
(speaks Mandarin)
79
00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:43,362
Positive reinforcement.
80
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,417
(inquisitive chatter)
81
00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:47,926
In a recent study,
this mouse was denied food
82
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:50,828
whenever he failed
to find his way through a maze.
83
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:53,771
The mouse ended up dying...
of low self-esteem.
84
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,167
(shocked and excited chatter)
85
00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:58,600
I had a nightmare
where that happened to Bart,
86
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,606
but I never told you about it.
87
00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:03,038
I love it when you
don't tell me things.
88
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:04,683
This mouse was given food
89
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,948
whether he got
through the maze or not.
90
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:10,517
And this fall,
he'll be in a lab at Harvard.
91
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:12,777
(excited gasps and chatter)
92
00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:16,956
Low self-esteem can cripple
your child's chances of success.
93
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:18,687
The cure: praise.
94
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,132
(excited chatter)
95
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:22,687
Praise they can hold
in their hands.
96
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:25,956
Certificates, ribbons
and, yes, even trophies.
97
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:26,966
(crowd gasps)
98
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,697
(gasps) Trophies.
99
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:30,872
So that's the easy answer.
100
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,641
If Ralphie's shelf
says he's a winner,
101
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,540
then he'll be one!
102
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:37,781
And Moe yells a third thing
to feel part of the group!
103
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:42,380
Yes! Trophies--
that's what Bart needs.
104
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,383
This is how we save him.
105
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,715
(scoffs) Give Bart
a trophy? What for?
106
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,890
Most boogers wiped
on a bedroom wall?
107
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,889
They're giving trophies
for that now?
108
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:52,761
I weep for this country.
109
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,830
Bart's future is at stake.
110
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,898
Besides, I'm tired
of Springfield missing out
111
00:04:56,897 --> 00:05:00,767
on every parenting trend, like
the time-out and the diaper.
112
00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:03,568
I never got a trophy
when I was a kid,
113
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,240
and I turned out just...
114
00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:07,309
(gulping)
115
00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:14,183
(slowly):
...fine.
116
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:17,621
He's my son, and he's getting
a trophy for nothing.
117
00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:20,248
You hear me?
For nothing!
118
00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:23,619
Huh. Huh?
119
00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:24,794
(screams)
120
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:26,092
Good morning.
121
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:28,433
How's my special
little winner?
122
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:31,199
How'd you get that thing in
my bed without waking me up?
123
00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:33,768
Because you're
a champion sleeper.
124
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,867
It's the craziest thing.
125
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,039
She will not give up
on that kid.
126
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:40,868
Trophies can
boost self-esteem.
127
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:43,114
If you actually win them,
like I did.
128
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,440
But what's the point
129
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:46,645
of just handing out
unearned statues?
130
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:48,277
And statuettes.
131
00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:50,652
Well, it's just a waste
of gullible parents' money.
132
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:53,621
(echoing): Waste of gullibleparents' money.
133
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,620
Gullible parents' money.
134
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,662
Money. Money.
135
00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,558
(bell dings)
Hmm.
136
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,660
Step right up!
Every kid's a winner!
137
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:04,302
The more you spend,
the more you love!
138
00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:05,698
Mm-hmm.
139
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:10,338
I thought you agreed
that trophies should be earned.
140
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:13,137
I'm earning nature's
trophy: money.
141
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:14,140
(wind whistles softly)
142
00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:15,411
Remember, folks.
143
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,909
Nothing but a genuine
Trophyland trophy says
144
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,851
to your kids that...
145
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:21,977
HOMER:
♪ You're the best around ♪
146
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:24,482
♪ Nothing's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
147
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:26,845
♪ You're the best around ♪
148
00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:29,524
♪ Nothing's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
149
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,323
♪ You're the best around ♪
150
00:06:31,325 --> 00:06:33,655
♪ Nothing's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
151
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:35,530
♪ You're the best around ♪
152
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:36,999
♪ Nothing's gonna ♪
153
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,657
♪ Ever keep you down ♪
154
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:41,265
♪ You're the best around ♪
155
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:43,838
♪ Nothing's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
156
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,997
♪ You're the best. ♪
157
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:49,436
(chuckles) These stupid, loving
parents will buy trophies
158
00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:51,513
for any accomplishment.
159
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:54,112
Not wetting the bed,
using your inside voice,
160
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:56,854
even "go watch TV
in the other room."
161
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,850
I still think these things
are good for their self-esteem.
162
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,793
Not to mention
the self-esteem
163
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:04,019
that comes from
wad riffling.
164
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,024
(wind whistles softly)
165
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,355
Look, I even put
the boy to work.
166
00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:10,361
Well, then he should get
a trophy for that.
167
00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:11,804
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
168
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:14,199
We have a saying in the
participation trophy business.
169
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,901
"Don't get high--
self-esteem--
170
00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,543
on your own supply--
of self-esteem."
171
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,809
I don't care.
I'm giving him this.
172
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,808
What? Why did
it break?
173
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,410
The parts are of
the highest quality.
174
00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:27,281
They come from the
China of China: India.
175
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:32,416
Boy, did you glue this trophy
together with bubblegum?
176
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:34,989
Eh, sticky is sticky.
I'm taking my break.
177
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,828
HOMER: See? Giving him
trophies did nothing.
178
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,561
You've showered him
with praise,
179
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,426
and he's just
as lazy as ever.
180
00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:49,674
Shh! What if he
heard you say that?
181
00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:52,100
Hey, if Bart is
as bad at eavesdropping
182
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:53,765
as he is at everything else,
183
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,914
we've got nothing
to worry about.
184
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:58,009
I say we keep
talking loudly.
185
00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,081
But what about
his confidence?
186
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,680
Face it.
Our son is a screw-up.
187
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:05,783
He was born a screw-up, and
no matter how hard he tries--
188
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,246
which he never will--
189
00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:09,794
Bart will always
be a screw-up.
190
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,020
(groans)
191
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,764
And have you ever heard that
sound he makes when he's sad?
192
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,090
Pathetic.
193
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:21,871
(sighs)
194
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:26,773
Queen's bishop Lomotil
takes king's Ativan.
195
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:28,873
Oh, looks like I'll be
having a panic attack
196
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:30,376
on the toilet tonight.
197
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,937
(scoffs) Look at that
whimpering little crybaby.
198
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,806
(mocking):
Wah! Wah!
199
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:37,275
Abe, that's
your grandson.
200
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,824
Come visit me!
201
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,389
I'm so lonely!
202
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:43,787
(crying):
Wah! Wah!
203
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,790
What's got you down, kiddo?
204
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:48,292
My dad says I'm terrible
at everything.
205
00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:51,295
Oh, he's just repeating
what he heard as a boy from me.
206
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:54,828
Oh, I was an awful father,
just like my old man.
207
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,495
Your dad didn't
believe in you, either?
208
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:57,843
It wasn't his fault.
209
00:08:57,838 --> 00:09:00,508
He was just focused
on his career
210
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:02,967
as a professional child-beater.
211
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,906
Men would comefrom five towns over
212
00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:06,812
to study my father'stechnique.
213
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:09,753
But no matterhow many strangles he patented,
214
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:12,020
his father never approved.
215
00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:13,349
(choking loudly)
216
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:16,353
Even if only a little bit
of that really happened,
217
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,656
I'll never escape
being a loser.
218
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:20,159
That's loser talk!
219
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:23,060
You're a great kid,
and I'm gonna prove it to you.
220
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:26,157
Boy, this here's
a real trophy.
221
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,766
Our family's
most prized possession:
222
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:31,169
a Baumont Chrono-master Elite.
223
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,771
It's been a Simpson heirloom
224
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:35,773
ever since it was stolen
off a dead body at Gettysburg.
225
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:37,706
In 1982.
226
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:39,381
Whoa!
227
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:41,879
Wait. Is this just another
gold shiny thing
228
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:44,122
to trick me into
feeling special when I'm not?
229
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,517
You are special!
230
00:09:45,519 --> 00:09:47,189
You're like my prostate--
231
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:50,687
a spiky little troublemaker
who plays by his own rules.
232
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,561
You don't take hooey
from Louis.
233
00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,589
Never have, never will.
234
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:58,127
(shudders)
235
00:09:58,131 --> 00:09:59,701
I feel something.
236
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,870
It's like a sunburn
on the inside.
237
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,228
It's called "pride."
238
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:04,696
Every tick will remind you
239
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,905
you've got a grandpa
who believes in you.
240
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,707
The same way I believe
241
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:11,709
the retirement home
has been taken over by robots.
242
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,712
(Eastern European accent):
I am not a robot.
243
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,314
I just have
light-up sneakers.
244
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:16,775
♪ ♪
245
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:23,789
(Ralph humming)
246
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,755
Why is my trophy the smallest?
247
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,934
You all lost-- to me!
248
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,903
(confused murmurs)
249
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:38,501
Lisa, are you suggesting we
engage in excellence bias?
250
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:41,665
(crying):
She's loser-shaming me.
251
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:42,735
(growls)
252
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,584
(students gasp)
253
00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:49,249
Why do you always have to
make trouble, ya wee harpy?
254
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:51,019
How am I supposed to stay silent
255
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:54,618
when parents are just blindly
chasing the latest trend?
256
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,091
Ugh, parents.
257
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,759
Those lazy
lunch-packers.
258
00:10:57,758 --> 00:11:00,288
They just want to
be told what to do.
259
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:03,863
And there's no shortage of
experts who want to tell 'em.
260
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:05,964
WILLIE (echoing):
No shortage of experts.
261
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:08,026
Experts. Experts. Experts.
262
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:09,195
(bell dings)
263
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,942
LISA;
Another parenting expert, eh?
264
00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:16,608
Clearly, this is
a community in the grip
265
00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:17,940
of an addiction to trophies.
266
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,114
Now, parents,
267
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:22,452
I warn you, too much praise
creates millennials--
268
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:25,619
a generation of soft,
entitled narcissists,
269
00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:29,049
who drop out of college
to become deejays.
270
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:32,616
That only pays well
at the very highest levels.
271
00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:35,126
Instead of showering
your kids with gifts,
272
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:38,298
you should prod them
to greatness with GRIT.
273
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,068
Get up. Retry.
274
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,827
I don't care if you're...
275
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,495
Tired.
276
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,573
He's got a word made
of other words.
277
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:47,742
(chuckles) He must know
what he's talking about.
278
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,471
Oh, it is an end to praise.
279
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:50,736
Praise Vishnu.
280
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,744
(crowd exclaims, murmurs)
281
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,846
Remember, GRIT
also stands for:
282
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:58,318
Get Rid of Idiotic Trophies.
283
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:01,318
Another word word!
He did it again!
284
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:05,161
Why does the word "of"
sometimes count in the acronym
285
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,988
and sometimes not?
286
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:11,163
Shut up, Mel! Your kids live
in Nebraska with your mom.
287
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:14,674
CROWD (chanting):
No more trophies!
No more trophies!
288
00:12:14,668 --> 00:12:16,168
Uh-oh.
289
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:17,499
You are scum, sir!
290
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,844
(crowd booing)
Burn in hell!
291
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,740
Kill him with GRIT!
292
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:26,507
Hi, Homer.
How's the trophy business?
293
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:29,353
Nobody wants them
anymore, thanks to GRIT.
294
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:32,849
Stupid parenting method
I can't exploit for money.
295
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:34,623
Actually kinda
makes sense.
296
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,191
Hate it so much.
297
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:37,719
(Homer gasps)
298
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:39,194
I know that.
299
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,862
That's my dad's
old pocket watch.
300
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,531
How did you get it?
301
00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:44,799
Oh, Grampa said I earned it.
302
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:46,698
I guess someone
in this family's proud of me.
303
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,870
Oh, you didn't want it, did you?
304
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,639
(scoffs)
Yeah, right.
305
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,537
That watch means
nothing to me.
306
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:55,469
Really? Then how do you
explain that case you made?
307
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:58,735
I built it to always remind me
of what not to want.
308
00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:00,875
What about your
self-published novel?
309
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,911
Well, the character
of John Homer
310
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,076
is only partly
based on me.
311
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:07,885
Well, if I didn't know better,
I'd say you were obsessed
312
00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:10,048
with getting Grampa's watch.
313
00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:13,826
Ooh, thanks for the analysis,
Dr. Freud.
314
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,587
Next you'll be telling me
that this whole trophy business,
315
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,726
and in fact, all my
get-rich-quick schemes
316
00:13:18,732 --> 00:13:22,232
over the years, are born of
a desperate need for approval
317
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,935
from a father
who couldn't show love.
318
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:27,338
Likely because of
his traumatic relationship
319
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:30,780
with his own father,
and his before him, and so on.
320
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:34,247
But, unfortunately, Dr. Freud,
321
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:38,747
that couldn't be further
from the truth, Doctor.
322
00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:40,022
If you say so.
323
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,590
Now I'm gonna take this out
and see what life is like
324
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:45,819
with real love and encouragement
ticking in my pocket.
325
00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:48,533
Stupid watch.
326
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:49,788
Doesn't even have a fob.
327
00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:51,796
Bart, where's the fob?
328
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:54,968
Bart, you look like a fool!
329
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:58,038
(groaning slowly)
330
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:02,773
♪ You're the best around ♪
331
00:14:02,776 --> 00:14:05,436
♪ Nothing's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
332
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,775
♪ You're the best around ♪
333
00:14:07,781 --> 00:14:10,281
♪ Nothing's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
334
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:13,283
♪ You're the best around ♪
335
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:17,456
♪ Nothing's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
336
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,357
♪ Down ♪
337
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,331
♪ Fight till the end
'cause your life will depend ♪
338
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:25,960
♪ On the strength
that you have inside you ♪
339
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,966
♪ Ah, got to be proud,
staring... ♪
340
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:31,199
No!
341
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,510
HOMER:
♪ You're the worst around ♪
342
00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:38,209
♪ Everything's gonna
bring you down. ♪
343
00:14:43,817 --> 00:14:46,017
Okay, Milhouse, I'll drop
a rock, you watch it come down.
344
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,819
That should be
where Grampa's watch landed.
345
00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:50,592
(thud)
MILHOUSE: Ow!
346
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,160
Did you see
where the rock landed?
347
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:53,658
In my eye!
348
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:56,660
Oh. That watch was the only
thing that made me not terrible.
349
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,263
I can't lose it.
350
00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:01,425
I'll drop another rock
a few feet to the left.
351
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:06,273
My other eye!
352
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:07,513
Ow!
353
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,777
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
354
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:13,407
Not a single one
has missed me!
355
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:17,683
What are you doing?
356
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:21,694
That expert at the school said
trophies are bad for kids.
357
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:24,118
It's all part of GRIT.
358
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,724
No, no.
359
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,785
My trophies were earned.
360
00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:29,534
Even the soccer one?
361
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:32,629
I went to most
of the practices.
362
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:35,032
Yeah, but what happens
when another parenting expert
363
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:38,195
comes along with a whole
new theory on self-esteem?
364
00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:39,704
Another expert?
365
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,436
Who are they?
What are they saying?
366
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:46,775
Aw.
367
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:54,716
Okay, the watch is gone.
368
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:57,561
I guess I can live with being
a useless, worthless nothing
369
00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:59,087
as long as no one finds out.
370
00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:02,662
Sweetie, your grampa's
on the phone.
371
00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:03,662
Hello.
372
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,233
Great news, kiddo.
373
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:07,571
Remember That magazine
is putting out
374
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,997
their annual
family heirlooms issue.
375
00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:11,743
They want us for the cover.
376
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,768
You, me and the pocket watch.
377
00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:14,913
Um...
378
00:16:14,908 --> 00:16:17,078
It's a great story.
379
00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:19,236
Passing a beloved heirloom
from grandfather to grandson.
380
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:22,675
A gift that restored
a child's faith in himself.
381
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:25,582
Uh, Grampa, there's something
I have to tell you.
382
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:26,745
Hold on one second.
383
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,253
I'm just finishing up
384
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,594
a mandatory
pre-article heart exam.
385
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:32,420
Doc says as long
as I don't suffer
386
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:35,355
any major disappointments,
I'll be fine.
387
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:37,432
Now, what did you want
to tell me?
388
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,700
Uh, helmets ruined football.
389
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,769
Exactly! If you want
to protect your head,
390
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,098
grow your hair long.
391
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:45,873
Anyway, I'll see you
tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.
392
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:49,272
And you won't be late
because you've got that watch.
393
00:16:49,275 --> 00:16:50,805
(groans)
394
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,780
Stupid parenting experts.
395
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:55,779
Why don't they write a book
called Stop Buying These Books?
396
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,452
Everybody'd buy that.
397
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,550
Even if I was listening
to what you said,
398
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:01,622
it doesn't matter;
nothing matters.
399
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,451
My trophy business
has failed
400
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,486
and Bart has the
thing I wanted most:
401
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:07,062
Grampa's watch.
402
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:08,060
What watch?
403
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:10,561
The one you get
for being a success.
404
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:11,963
Well, then I should have it.
405
00:17:11,965 --> 00:17:14,125
Uh, that never really came up.
406
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:17,544
All that's left to do now
is bring these to the needy.
407
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:21,806
Best I can do
is charge you ten dollars
408
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,308
to throw them
in my Dumpster.
409
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:26,079
How about I give you a trophy
that says "Best Pawn Shop"?
410
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:27,809
Not unless I earned it.
411
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:28,714
(gasps)
412
00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:31,646
Dad's watch!
413
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:32,821
Hey, dirtbag shopkeep.
414
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:34,519
How did this come to you?
415
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:35,921
Mm. Some kid
brought it in.
416
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,662
Said he was mad
at his friend
417
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:41,657
for dropping so many rocks
in his eye.
418
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,731
That dude's seen
a lot of living.
419
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:47,165
Yours for 20 bucks.
420
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,697
That's an insult.
421
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,941
You're talking about a
self-worth-boosting antique
422
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:53,537
that's been in my family
for generations.
423
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:54,770
Twenty-two?
424
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:56,914
You'll take it all
and you'll like it.
425
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,684
(maniacal laugh)
426
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,523
Yes. I have it.
427
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,018
Some said it would never happen.
428
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:09,020
Most were unaware
of the situation.
429
00:18:09,022 --> 00:18:12,122
But I finally have
my father's watch!
430
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:14,185
(maniacal laugh)
431
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:20,126
(singsongy): Oh, Bart,
look what Daddy's got now.
432
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:22,603
(Bart crying)
433
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:27,543
Grampa was the only person
who believed in me.
434
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,970
But when he finds out
I lost the watch,
435
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,376
even he'll give up.
436
00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:32,537
(sobbing)
437
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:33,705
Stay strong, Homer.
438
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,383
Don't go soft on him now.
439
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:37,921
This is a once-in-a-lifetime
face-rubbing-in.
440
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,647
Mm. Come on, foot.
441
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:40,892
Kick, damn you!
442
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:41,947
(grunts)
443
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:47,730
(sighs) Son, I found something
that belongs to you.
444
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,887
(gasps) Grampa's watch!
445
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,896
No. I can't take it.
446
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,728
I didn't earn it,
so I don't deserve it.
447
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,233
You were right.
448
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,895
I am a screwup.
449
00:18:56,903 --> 00:19:00,443
But, boy,
who screwed you up?
450
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,410
(gasps) You.
451
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:04,008
It was you.
452
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,680
And those who came before.
453
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,275
(choking loudly)
454
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,920
It's stuck in
your hand fat.
455
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:20,192
Oh. You got to wedge something
in there to break the vacuum.
456
00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:21,833
(grunting)
457
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,434
Okay.
458
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:28,532
Smile, my little
watch watcher.
459
00:19:30,103 --> 00:19:32,673
(camera clicking)
460
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:39,309
That was a nice thing you did.
461
00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:41,712
Which parenting guide
told you to do it?
462
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,814
Well, baby,
sometimes you just
463
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:46,016
got to trust your gut.
464
00:19:51,124 --> 00:19:52,624
(watch shatters)
465
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,285
(choking)
466
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:07,708
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
467
00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:14,814
It's NBA draft day,
and the world waits to see
468
00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:15,814
who will be the first pick.
469
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:18,415
The consensus choice
is Cody Harris from LSU,
470
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:20,478
but there's an exciting
dark horse this year.
471
00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:23,086
It's a player from Springfield
by the name of Ralph Wiggum.
472
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:24,319
Uh-oh.
473
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,424
There's no tape
474
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:26,815
on this three-foot-six
second-grader,
475
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,826
but he does lead
the nation in trophies.
476
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,658
You can't argue
with trophies.
477
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:32,663
Boom! Kid's a winner.
478
00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,665
(groans)
479
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:37,667
From the Springfield Elementary
Afterschool Happy Hamsters,
480
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:41,910
the Philadelphia 76ers select
Ralph Wiggum, power forward.
481
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,780
I'm a millionaire!
482
00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:46,678
(camera clicks)
483
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,379
♪ ♪
484
00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:50,721
HOMER: ♪ Try to be best
'cause you're only a man ♪
485
00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:53,347
♪ And a man's got to learn
to take it ♪
486
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,693
♪ Try to believe,
though the going gets rough ♪
487
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:58,688
♪ That you got to
hang tough to make it ♪
488
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:01,191
♪ History repeats itself ♪
489
00:21:01,194 --> 00:21:03,794
♪ Try and you'll succeed ♪
490
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:06,026
♪ Never doubt
that you're the one ♪
491
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,572
♪ And you can have your dream ♪
492
00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:11,468
♪ You're the best around ♪
493
00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:13,871
♪ Nothing's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
494
00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:16,573
♪ You're the best around ♪
495
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:18,736
♪ Nothing's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
496
00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:21,645
♪ You're the best around ♪
497
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:25,818
♪ Nothing's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
498
00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:30,448
♪ You're the best. ♪
33887
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