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1
00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:04,267
Thank you for being a friend
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00:00:09,475 --> 00:00:11,136
Your heart is true
3
00:00:11,210 --> 00:00:15,169
You're a pal and a confidante
4
00:00:16,549 --> 00:00:19,643
And if you threw a party
5
00:00:19,718 --> 00:00:24,553
Invited everyone you knew
6
00:00:24,623 --> 00:00:28,582
You would see
the biggest gift would be from me
7
00:00:28,661 --> 00:00:31,596
And the card attached would say
8
00:00:31,664 --> 00:00:37,261
"Thank you for being a friend"
9
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:45,074
Advertise your product or brand here
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10
00:01:06,999 --> 00:01:08,591
- Oh...
- Oh, Dorothy!
11
00:01:08,667 --> 00:01:11,830
What do you mean sneaking up on me
like that? You scared me half to death!
12
00:01:11,904 --> 00:01:15,533
I'm sorry, Rose. Next time I walk into
a dark room in the middle of the night,
13
00:01:15,608 --> 00:01:20,341
I'll send a mariachi band ahead of me.
What are you doing up?
14
00:01:20,412 --> 00:01:24,644
- I thought I heard a strange noise.
- What kind of strange noise?
15
00:01:24,717 --> 00:01:28,312
Like someone walking slowly
up creaking stairs.
16
00:01:28,387 --> 00:01:30,582
We don't have stairs.
17
00:01:30,656 --> 00:01:35,252
I know! How strange is that?
What are you doing?
18
00:01:35,327 --> 00:01:37,795
Well, I thought I heard a prowler outside.
19
00:01:37,863 --> 00:01:39,421
Oh, my God, Dorothy!
Why didn't you call the police?
20
00:01:39,498 --> 00:01:42,592
Oh, no, no.
It turned out it was a neighbor's cat...
21
00:01:42,668 --> 00:01:45,796
trying to mate with our plastic flamingo.
22
00:01:48,207 --> 00:01:50,232
What is it? I heard screams!
What's happening?
23
00:01:50,309 --> 00:01:52,106
No, nothing.
Everything's fine, Blanche.
24
00:01:52,177 --> 00:01:55,044
We never should have watched Psycho.
25
00:01:56,382 --> 00:02:00,785
For 25 years, I have avoided that picture,
even when Stan invited me
26
00:02:00,853 --> 00:02:04,152
to the Roxy instead of over
to his mother's house for dinner.
27
00:02:04,223 --> 00:02:06,748
And it turned out
that my instincts were right -
28
00:02:06,825 --> 00:02:11,091
Norman Bates is scarier
than my mother-in-law.
29
00:02:12,131 --> 00:02:14,599
And a much better dresser.
30
00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:16,532
Oh, I never should
have watched it, either.
31
00:02:16,602 --> 00:02:19,799
It always upsets me -
especially that shower scene.
32
00:02:19,872 --> 00:02:23,672
Why, it's the reason
I prefer not to shower alone.
33
00:02:27,579 --> 00:02:28,568
Sure, Blanche.
34
00:02:28,647 --> 00:02:33,482
And Goldilocks and the Three Bears
is why you prefer not to sleep alone.
35
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:37,118
- Well, at least we're not alone tonight.
- Oh, boy.
36
00:02:37,189 --> 00:02:40,454
You know, there is nothing worse
than being wide awake
37
00:02:40,526 --> 00:02:43,188
and scared and by yourself.
38
00:02:43,262 --> 00:02:45,287
Oh, yes there is:
39
00:02:45,364 --> 00:02:49,095
being wide awake and scared
and by yourself
40
00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:52,626
without a double-fudge
chocolate cheesecake in the freezer.
41
00:02:52,705 --> 00:02:54,536
Ah! I'll get the silverware.
42
00:02:54,606 --> 00:02:57,040
I feel better already.
43
00:02:57,109 --> 00:03:00,567
You know, I never used to do anything
like this with my old roommates.
44
00:03:00,646 --> 00:03:03,240
You had roommates before us?
I never knew that.
45
00:03:03,315 --> 00:03:06,113
Oh, yes. Two very eccentric old ladies
46
00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:10,952
who used to bathe together
and floss each other's teeth.
47
00:03:11,023 --> 00:03:13,548
I kicked them out one morning,
and that very afternoon
48
00:03:13,625 --> 00:03:16,321
went down to the supermarket
to advertise for new ones.
49
00:03:16,395 --> 00:03:18,955
That was when I first met Rose.
50
00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:34,671
- Are you OK?
- Oh, I'm fine.
51
00:03:34,747 --> 00:03:37,238
Oh, I know exactly
what you're going through.
52
00:03:37,316 --> 00:03:39,341
- I can read it in your face.
- You can?
53
00:03:39,418 --> 00:03:42,717
Oh, sure. Your husband
or your boyfriend dumped you.
54
00:03:42,788 --> 00:03:46,121
Oh, honey, don't let it get you down.
It's just the nature of the beast.
55
00:03:46,191 --> 00:03:49,752
They'd do it in the mud if they had to.
56
00:03:49,828 --> 00:03:53,787
You just go sleep with his best friend.
That'll even up the score.
57
00:03:57,703 --> 00:04:00,069
Am I on Candid Camera?
58
00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:06,711
- You mean, you didn't get dumped?
- Well, actually, I did by my landlord.
59
00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:10,943
He threw me out of my apartment,
but I couldn't sleep with his best friend.
60
00:04:11,016 --> 00:04:15,510
He's over 80 years old
and thinks he's the Archduke Ferdinand.
61
00:04:16,555 --> 00:04:18,147
Why did he throw you out?
62
00:04:18,223 --> 00:04:20,316
Well, the new owners of the building
don't allow cats,
63
00:04:20,392 --> 00:04:22,257
and I'm not about
to part with Mr. Peepers.
64
00:04:22,327 --> 00:04:25,922
Oh, I guess you two have been
through a lot together, huh?
65
00:04:25,998 --> 00:04:29,126
Yes, I found him last week.
66
00:04:29,201 --> 00:04:31,999
But I wouldn't feel right
having a home if he didn't.
67
00:04:32,071 --> 00:04:33,971
We've become very attached.
68
00:04:34,039 --> 00:04:36,098
You know, I think that shows
great strength of character.
69
00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:38,075
I like you and I like cats.
70
00:04:38,143 --> 00:04:41,635
I also happen to have a room for rent,
and the name is Blanche Devereaux.
71
00:04:41,713 --> 00:04:44,705
Why would you name a room
Blanche Devereaux?
72
00:04:45,984 --> 00:04:50,614
That's very good.
I like a roommate with a sense of humor.
73
00:04:50,689 --> 00:04:53,920
My last two roommates were two old
sticks-in-the mud from Minnesota.
74
00:04:53,992 --> 00:04:56,517
Oh! Tell me a little bit about yourself.
75
00:04:56,595 --> 00:04:59,655
Well, my name is Rose Nylund
and I'm from Minnesota.
76
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:05,893
- Stop it, girl. You're killing me.
- Oh, but I'm not a stick-in-the-mud.
77
00:05:05,971 --> 00:05:09,031
Oh, listen, I can let my hair down
and get crazy with the best of them.
78
00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:11,804
Really?
Hey, I think we'd get along great.
79
00:05:11,877 --> 00:05:16,473
- I got a feeling you're a wild woman.
- Oh, you bet I am.
80
00:05:16,548 --> 00:05:19,278
I eat raw cookie dough.
81
00:05:21,053 --> 00:05:26,013
And occasionally, I run through the
sprinklers and don't wear a bathing cap.
82
00:05:26,091 --> 00:05:30,687
And at Christmas, I've been known
to put away more than one eggnog.
83
00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:36,093
- What's the matter?
- I think I'd better keep looking.
84
00:05:36,168 --> 00:05:38,432
Oh, I'll stop eating raw cookie dough.
85
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:41,098
No, honey, that's not it. It's just
the two of us have nothing in common.
86
00:05:41,173 --> 00:05:45,303
We're just two different kinds of people.
It wouldn't work out, believe me.
87
00:05:47,846 --> 00:05:51,407
- Can I pet your cat, lady?
- Why, sure, sweetheart.
88
00:05:51,483 --> 00:05:53,883
- What's his name?
- Mr. Peepers.
89
00:05:53,952 --> 00:05:57,285
I had a cat just like him.
His name was Harpo.
90
00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:59,847
But he died. I miss him.
91
00:05:59,925 --> 00:06:04,123
Oh, well, you'll have
to get yourself another kitty.
92
00:06:04,196 --> 00:06:06,494
Would your mommy
let you have another kitty?
93
00:06:06,565 --> 00:06:09,762
Yeah, she said she would
get me one next week.
94
00:06:09,835 --> 00:06:15,637
Well, if you'll promise to give him
a really, really good home,
95
00:06:15,707 --> 00:06:18,642
- I'll let you have Mr. Peepers.
- Great!
96
00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:22,806
- Would it be OK if I call him Harpo?
- Well, I don't think he'd mind.
97
00:06:22,881 --> 00:06:25,714
- Thanks a lot, lady.
- Yeah, there you go sweetheart.
98
00:06:25,784 --> 00:06:28,514
Mom!
99
00:06:28,587 --> 00:06:32,079
Say, Rose...
Look, now, I'm not making any promises,
100
00:06:32,157 --> 00:06:35,126
but how would you like to take a look
at that Blanche Devereaux room?
101
00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:37,094
Really? I'd love to.
102
00:06:37,162 --> 00:06:40,393
- Come on, let's go.
- By the way, what's your name?
103
00:06:42,601 --> 00:06:44,125
That last remark
was the reason
104
00:06:44,203 --> 00:06:46,364
I didn't let you move in that same day.
105
00:06:46,438 --> 00:06:48,372
But after I saw what
I had to choose from,
106
00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,670
you seemed like a gift from heaven.
107
00:06:50,742 --> 00:06:54,075
You wouldn't believe some
of the people I interviewed.
108
00:06:54,146 --> 00:06:58,480
Well, I think that about completes
our tour, Madame Zelda.
109
00:07:00,352 --> 00:07:02,582
Anything else I can tell you
about the place?
110
00:07:02,654 --> 00:07:05,555
Yes. Was a young woman
in a nurse's uniform
111
00:07:05,624 --> 00:07:07,558
murdered in this house with a handsaw?
112
00:07:07,626 --> 00:07:09,218
Heavens, no!
113
00:07:09,294 --> 00:07:12,889
Are you sure?
I'm getting a very strong vibration.
114
00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:16,366
I see a woman in a white uniform,
writhing and screaming.
115
00:07:16,435 --> 00:07:17,868
And there's a man kneeling over her.
116
00:07:17,936 --> 00:07:22,339
If it was last Wednesday, that was me
and the gentleman I'm currently dating,
117
00:07:25,010 --> 00:07:27,570
but that was a French maid's uniform.
118
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:29,772
(doorbell
119
00:07:29,848 --> 00:07:32,146
Mrs. Devereaux, you must leave
this house at once.
120
00:07:32,217 --> 00:07:33,741
It's possessed by an evil spirit.
121
00:07:33,819 --> 00:07:37,050
Actually, it's possessed
by Miami Federal.
122
00:07:37,122 --> 00:07:40,421
And at seven percent,
you couldn't blast me out of here.
123
00:07:40,492 --> 00:07:42,756
- Yes?
- Are you Blanche Devereaux?
124
00:07:42,828 --> 00:07:43,954
Yes, what can I do for you?
125
00:07:44,029 --> 00:07:48,398
Well, I'm Dorothy Zbornak.
This is my mother Sophia Petrillo.
126
00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:50,162
Remember we spoke on the phone
about sharing the house?
127
00:07:50,235 --> 00:07:52,032
Yes. Come in, uh-huh.
128
00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:56,063
Move in this house
and you'll die an agonizing death.
129
00:08:00,679 --> 00:08:03,307
Thank you, Madame Zelda.
Goodbye.
130
00:08:03,382 --> 00:08:05,907
Oh, ladies, I'm sorry about that.
131
00:08:05,984 --> 00:08:08,851
You get so many weirdoes
when you run an ad in the newspapers.
132
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,979
Please sit down.
133
00:08:11,056 --> 00:08:14,583
Well, are you ladies considering
taking both rooms?
134
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:16,127
Oh, no. Just me.
135
00:08:16,194 --> 00:08:18,754
Mother lives at the Shady Pines
Retirement Home.
136
00:08:18,830 --> 00:08:22,027
Oh, the Shady Pines. I know
the Shady Pines: it's a lovely place.
137
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:24,091
It's a prison.
138
00:08:25,737 --> 00:08:30,071
They lock us in our rooms and force us
to look like we're having fun.
139
00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:33,805
Then they take pictures
for their brochure.
140
00:08:33,879 --> 00:08:36,279
Ma, you know that's not true.
141
00:08:37,582 --> 00:08:40,551
You'll have to excuse my mother -
she recently had a stroke,
142
00:08:40,619 --> 00:08:44,111
and her perception
is a little, you know, distorted.
143
00:08:44,189 --> 00:08:47,716
- Oh, I understand.
- No, you don't.
144
00:08:48,493 --> 00:08:50,586
Why don't we start out
with a tour of the house
145
00:08:50,662 --> 00:08:53,688
and later on we'll sit down and go over
that application you filled out.
146
00:08:53,765 --> 00:08:57,633
Wonderful.
Oh, your house is just breathtaking.
147
00:08:57,703 --> 00:09:00,297
I know.
148
00:09:00,372 --> 00:09:03,239
You said it looked like a dump
from the outside.
149
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:11,479
This is the lanai.
It is wonderful in the summertime.
150
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:13,882
Especially if you like to sunbathe
with your top off.
151
00:09:13,952 --> 00:09:17,786
Oh, really, really?
And the neighbors can't see in.
152
00:09:17,856 --> 00:09:19,881
Oh, sure they can.
153
00:09:22,194 --> 00:09:25,561
The woman has "slut" embroidered
on her underwear.
154
00:09:28,433 --> 00:09:30,663
Dear things, I'm afraid
I'm running a little late.
155
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:34,729
- May I just ask you a few questions?
- Well, of course. Go right ahead.
156
00:09:34,806 --> 00:09:37,673
What do you call
an inhabitant of Guam?
157
00:09:39,511 --> 00:09:40,842
I don't know.
158
00:09:40,912 --> 00:09:44,712
A Guamanian, I guess. What does this
have to do with renting the room?
159
00:09:44,783 --> 00:09:48,480
Oh, nothing. I just wanted
to finish my crossword puzzle.
160
00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:53,614
Now, then, Dorothy, would you say
you are a very neat person?
161
00:09:53,692 --> 00:09:56,456
Oh, yes. Very, very neat.
162
00:09:56,528 --> 00:09:58,962
Please. You're neat and I wear a D cup.
163
00:10:03,402 --> 00:10:05,893
At that moment.
I was convinced I'd blown it.
164
00:10:05,971 --> 00:10:08,735
I was sure I'd made
a bad first impression.
165
00:10:08,807 --> 00:10:12,243
But then I met Rose. and I realized
I could have shown up naked.
166
00:10:12,310 --> 00:10:15,143
playing a ukulele
and still gotten the room.
167
00:10:15,213 --> 00:10:18,011
Oh, it's been such a lovely day.
168
00:10:18,083 --> 00:10:22,713
Mr. Sunshine really gave us
one of his biggest and brightest smiles.
169
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:27,589
Oh, I feel like putting my arms around
Mother Nature and giving her a big kiss.
170
00:10:27,659 --> 00:10:32,028
- Hi, you must be Dorothy.
- And you must be Mrs. Rogers.
171
00:10:34,499 --> 00:10:37,866
No, but we have a Mrs. Rogers
at the Grief Center.
172
00:10:37,936 --> 00:10:40,837
Oh, and there's a Mrs. Rogers
lives across the street.
173
00:10:40,906 --> 00:10:45,240
Then of course, there's Dale Evans, the
most famous Mrs. Rogers of them all.
174
00:10:45,310 --> 00:10:48,746
I didn't catch your name.
175
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:53,217
I'm Rose Nylund, your new roomie.
Blanche has told me all about you.
176
00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:56,152
Sorry your husband dumped you.
177
00:10:57,289 --> 00:11:00,087
You can borrow my bubble bath
anytime you want.
178
00:11:00,158 --> 00:11:03,787
That'll help ease the lonely nights.
Thank you very much.
179
00:11:04,496 --> 00:11:05,986
I see you two are getting acquainted.
180
00:11:06,064 --> 00:11:08,123
Yes, I'm just gonna
take my stuff to my room.
181
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,668
It's the second on the left
down the hall there?
182
00:11:10,735 --> 00:11:14,637
Dorothy, the second on the left is mine.
Blanche had promised it to me.
183
00:11:14,706 --> 00:11:17,539
Blanche promised it to me too.
Didn't you, Blanche?
184
00:11:17,609 --> 00:11:19,668
Whoops.
185
00:11:19,744 --> 00:11:24,875
Oh, great, great.
What are we supposed to do now?
186
00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:27,680
Back in Minnesota,
we'd settle this kind of a dispute
187
00:11:27,752 --> 00:11:30,243
with some good-natured logrolling.
188
00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:33,189
Sorry, Rose. My log is in the shop.
189
00:11:34,659 --> 00:11:36,650
What do we do now? Toss a coin?
190
00:11:36,728 --> 00:11:38,423
- OK.
- All right.
191
00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:40,829
- I'll take tails.
- OK.
192
00:11:43,668 --> 00:11:45,226
Tails, you win.
193
00:11:45,303 --> 00:11:47,134
I'll make it up to you, Dorothy,
I promise.
194
00:11:47,205 --> 00:11:49,537
Listen, if there's ever a night
where you can't sleep,
195
00:11:49,608 --> 00:11:53,044
I'll come to your room
and sing "Kumbaya. "
196
00:11:54,045 --> 00:11:56,946
Rose, I don't know what to say.
197
00:11:57,015 --> 00:11:59,711
Yes, I do.
198
00:11:59,784 --> 00:12:01,877
Don't ever do that.
199
00:12:03,455 --> 00:12:06,856
Well, Rose, what do you say we help
Dorothy move her things, OK?
200
00:12:06,925 --> 00:12:08,324
OK.
201
00:12:08,393 --> 00:12:12,329
Gee, this is fun already,
being roomies with you two.
202
00:12:13,465 --> 00:12:15,797
- Oh!
- Oh, Blanche!
203
00:12:15,867 --> 00:12:20,133
Blanche, I am so sorry.
Oh, I'll buy you another one.
204
00:12:20,205 --> 00:12:22,867
Well, you can't.
That was one of a kind.
205
00:12:23,608 --> 00:12:26,873
Oh, well, don't feel bad.
I never really liked it much anyway.
206
00:12:26,945 --> 00:12:30,108
It's just that my grandmother
gave this to me.
207
00:12:30,181 --> 00:12:32,342
On her deathbed.
208
00:12:33,985 --> 00:12:38,786
She was very, very sick
for a very, very long time.
209
00:12:38,857 --> 00:12:41,724
I loved her very, very much.
210
00:12:41,793 --> 00:12:46,423
Blanche, why don't you just grind
the broken pieces in her hand?
211
00:12:48,433 --> 00:12:53,200
Blanche, I know I can't replace it,
but I wanna make it up to you.
212
00:12:53,271 --> 00:12:56,138
Listen, since this is our first night
as roommates,
213
00:12:56,207 --> 00:12:59,404
I'd like to invite the two of you
to dinner at my favorite restaurant.
214
00:12:59,477 --> 00:13:02,412
- Well, that's very sweet of you, Rose.
- Well, thank you, Rose.
215
00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:05,108
Then we'd better hurry,
'cause the Strawberry Blizzard Special
216
00:13:05,183 --> 00:13:08,414
at the Dairy Queen only lasts till five.
217
00:13:08,486 --> 00:13:12,320
- Come on, I'll drive.
- Oh, let's not drive. Let's skip there.
218
00:13:22,267 --> 00:13:25,703
Oh, my goodness,
It's 2:00 in the morning.
219
00:13:25,770 --> 00:13:28,864
- And I am still wide awake.
- Me too.
220
00:13:28,940 --> 00:13:32,671
You know, before I met you two girls,
I was never up this late.
221
00:13:32,744 --> 00:13:36,703
Except, of course,
during the Jerry Lewis Telethon.
222
00:13:36,781 --> 00:13:39,716
- Of course.
- I was never a night person, either.
223
00:13:39,784 --> 00:13:41,718
Until I blossomed
into young womanhood
224
00:13:41,786 --> 00:13:45,984
and realized I was even
more devastating by moonlight.
225
00:13:46,057 --> 00:13:47,046
Of course.
226
00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:50,185
I will never forget the night
I made that discovery.
227
00:13:50,261 --> 00:13:51,819
It was during the spring cotillion.
228
00:13:51,896 --> 00:13:56,390
I was wearing a long white dress
and my first push-up bra.
229
00:13:56,468 --> 00:13:59,835
And Bobby Buck McAIlister and I
were enjoying a glass of punch
230
00:13:59,904 --> 00:14:04,637
out on the veranda, when a beam
of moonlight hit my cleavage.
231
00:14:07,646 --> 00:14:10,706
Suddenly, the band began to play.
232
00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:17,686
It was at that moment I realized my
bosoms had the power to make music.
233
00:14:24,796 --> 00:14:28,425
Didn't Bette Midler
win a special Grammy for that?
234
00:14:31,836 --> 00:14:36,603
Oh, girls. Isn't it wonderful how we
always have such a good time together?
235
00:14:36,675 --> 00:14:39,906
- It's been that way right from the start.
- Please, Rose.
236
00:14:39,978 --> 00:14:42,446
Don't you remember
the day after we moved in
237
00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:44,846
when we went shopping together?
238
00:14:51,156 --> 00:14:53,181
Walking by that sausage case
back there
239
00:14:53,258 --> 00:14:56,022
really brought back a lot of memories.
240
00:14:56,094 --> 00:14:59,996
Sausage opens a floodgate
for many of us, Rose.
241
00:15:00,799 --> 00:15:02,926
- What's this, Blanche?
- Smoked oysters.
242
00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:06,402
Oh, come on. Now, I know we said
we'd go in on everything equally,
243
00:15:06,471 --> 00:15:08,234
but this is four dollars a can.
244
00:15:08,306 --> 00:15:11,969
Well, we have to have these.
They're absolutely essential.
245
00:15:12,043 --> 00:15:16,946
Well, if you ever have a date
with a man who's a little sluggish...
246
00:15:18,616 --> 00:15:22,882
a tin of these and a bottle of cold duck,
you'll be prying him off the wall.
247
00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:40,262
- Those are very nice cantaloupes.
- Why, thank you.
248
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,445
- This one's ripe.
- And how do you tell, Dorothy?
249
00:15:50,515 --> 00:15:54,212
Well, you smell the tip of it. It's an old
Sicilian method my mother taught me.
250
00:15:54,285 --> 00:15:55,843
Oh, Dorothy, dear.
251
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:59,185
The best way to tell if a melon is ripe
is Southern. You thump it.
252
00:15:59,257 --> 00:16:03,284
Well, actually, roomies, I have
the best method - the farm method.
253
00:16:03,361 --> 00:16:07,388
- It works every time.
- And what might that be, Rose, dear?
254
00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:15,496
No. Mm-mm.
255
00:16:21,746 --> 00:16:23,839
Better.
256
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:29,282
Yeah, I almost forgot.
257
00:16:29,354 --> 00:16:32,881
We need a Globe and a Tattler
and a Midnight Star
258
00:16:32,957 --> 00:16:36,620
and an Enquirer and I guess
maybe one serious newsmagazine
259
00:16:36,694 --> 00:16:40,027
so we know what's going on
in the world - one People.
260
00:16:43,601 --> 00:16:46,229
Excuse me, you made a mistake.
261
00:16:46,304 --> 00:16:49,501
Those peaches aren't 59 cents a pound:
they're 89 cents.
262
00:16:49,574 --> 00:16:51,769
Honesty is the best policy.
263
00:16:51,843 --> 00:16:55,404
What are you trying to do, Rose?
Qualify for some kind of scout badge?
264
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,142
Well, I can't help it
if I'm an honest person.
265
00:16:58,216 --> 00:17:02,084
Obviously, something you don't
know anything about.
266
00:17:02,153 --> 00:17:06,351
- What are you talking about?
- Well, you bought pantyhose in petite.
267
00:17:08,026 --> 00:17:12,326
Anybody can see you couldn't
get those past your knees.
268
00:17:12,397 --> 00:17:13,523
If you don't keep your voice down,
269
00:17:13,598 --> 00:17:16,590
I'm gonna hit you in the head
with this loin of pork.
270
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:19,059
Oh, Blanche, come on!
271
00:17:19,137 --> 00:17:23,403
$15.99?
Now, this is just too extravagant.
272
00:17:23,474 --> 00:17:25,874
I'm not going in on this.
I don't even like loin of pork.
273
00:17:25,944 --> 00:17:29,345
All right, then I'm not going in
on this nightstick.
274
00:17:29,414 --> 00:17:32,577
- This is a pepperoni.
- It's obnoxious.
275
00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:37,417
Excuse me. You made a mistake.
276
00:17:37,488 --> 00:17:42,323
That Windex isn't on sale this week -
the regular price is $1.99.
277
00:17:42,393 --> 00:17:45,487
Rose, why don't you just save it
for The Price is Right?
278
00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:49,026
Excuse me for trying
to be a good American.
279
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:51,864
Will you two please
keep your voices down?
280
00:17:51,936 --> 00:17:56,430
I have shopped and dated extensively
throughout this market.
281
00:17:56,507 --> 00:17:59,101
That does it, that does it!
I am shopping for myself.
282
00:17:59,177 --> 00:18:02,010
Fine! Blanche and I will do
very nicely on our own.
283
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:04,378
Oh, no, I'm not shopping
with you, Mary Poppins.
284
00:18:04,449 --> 00:18:06,508
Fine!
285
00:18:35,713 --> 00:18:40,446
All right, who put the Raisin Bran
in the refrigerator?
286
00:18:40,518 --> 00:18:43,851
- I did. Do you have a problem with that?
- Yes, I do.
287
00:18:43,922 --> 00:18:46,720
I have two problems with it.
First of all, there isn't room for it in there
288
00:18:46,791 --> 00:18:49,487
and second of all, it doesn't go
in the refrigerator- it goes in the cabinet.
289
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:54,224
It does not go in the cabinet.
It stays fresher in the refrigerator.
290
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,130
No, it does not stay fresher
in the refrigerator.
291
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,724
If it stayed fresher in the refrigerator,
292
00:18:57,802 --> 00:19:00,600
there would be a sign on it
saying "refrigerate. "
293
00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:04,130
Actually, you're both wrong.
It does not belong in a refrigerator.
294
00:19:04,208 --> 00:19:08,304
It does not belong in a cabinet.
It belongs in a glass canister.
295
00:19:08,379 --> 00:19:10,643
That way, it's not only visually appealing,
296
00:19:10,715 --> 00:19:14,583
but you can see
if they cheated you out of raisins.
297
00:19:14,652 --> 00:19:16,779
I thought everybody knew that.
298
00:19:16,854 --> 00:19:18,549
You know, until I met you, Rose,
299
00:19:18,623 --> 00:19:23,151
I didn't know that people actually
talk back to their Rice Krispies.
300
00:19:24,729 --> 00:19:26,390
All right, I have had it!
301
00:19:26,464 --> 00:19:29,627
Thanks to all this constant bickering,
I now have a splitting headache.
302
00:19:29,701 --> 00:19:34,638
Oh, girls, let's face facts. The three of us
just can't agree on anything.
303
00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:37,573
I mean, it is obvious we were
not meant to live together.
304
00:19:37,642 --> 00:19:40,236
I hate to agree with you,
but I think you're right.
305
00:19:40,311 --> 00:19:44,338
I think so too. In fact, I know so.
306
00:19:44,415 --> 00:19:48,818
This is exactly what happened
during the Great Herring War.
307
00:19:53,057 --> 00:19:54,718
The Great Herring War?
308
00:19:54,792 --> 00:19:57,056
Yes. Between the Lindstroms
and the Johanssons.
309
00:19:57,128 --> 00:19:59,961
Oh, that Great Herring War!
310
00:20:01,265 --> 00:20:04,063
The two families controlled
the most fertile herring waters
311
00:20:04,135 --> 00:20:06,695
off the coast of Norway,
so naturally, it seemed like
312
00:20:06,771 --> 00:20:09,865
it would be in their best interest
to band together.
313
00:20:09,941 --> 00:20:12,501
Oh, boy, was that a mistake.
314
00:20:12,577 --> 00:20:15,705
You see, they couldn't agree
on what to do with the herring.
315
00:20:15,780 --> 00:20:17,475
Oh, well, that's understandable.
316
00:20:17,548 --> 00:20:21,006
I mean, the possibilities
are overwhelming.
317
00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:25,482
Exactly. The Johanssons
wanted to pickle the herring
318
00:20:25,556 --> 00:20:29,117
and the Lindstroms
wanted to train them for the circus.
319
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:35,927
Weren't they kind of hard to see,
riding on the elephants?
320
00:20:37,001 --> 00:20:39,993
Oh, not that kind of circus.
A herring circus.
321
00:20:40,071 --> 00:20:43,666
Sort of like SeaWorld, only smaller.
322
00:20:44,442 --> 00:20:47,570
Much, much smaller.
323
00:20:47,645 --> 00:20:49,977
But bigger than a flea circus.
324
00:20:50,081 --> 00:20:52,106
Tell me, Rose, um...
325
00:20:55,653 --> 00:20:59,612
did they ever shoot a herring
out of a cannon?
326
00:21:10,001 --> 00:21:12,026
Only once.
327
00:21:15,873 --> 00:21:19,036
But they shot him into a tree.
328
00:21:20,511 --> 00:21:23,344
After that, no other herring would do it.
329
00:21:25,349 --> 00:21:27,783
You're making this up!
330
00:21:27,852 --> 00:21:32,186
I am not!
My grandfather told me that story.
331
00:21:32,256 --> 00:21:35,885
Of course, he also used to call me
by my sister's name.
332
00:21:37,428 --> 00:21:41,694
And sometimes, he'd wear his
underwear on the outside of his pants.
333
00:21:43,601 --> 00:21:46,661
I guess he wasn't a very reliable source.
334
00:21:48,806 --> 00:21:51,400
Ohh... Ahh!
335
00:21:52,543 --> 00:21:57,344
Oh, girls, girls, do you realize
what just happened?
336
00:21:57,415 --> 00:21:59,178
Well, I know I've been
having a very good time,
337
00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:01,810
and there wasn't even a man
in the room.
338
00:22:04,055 --> 00:22:07,491
Do you think it was just a fluke, or do you
think we could learn to like each other?
339
00:22:07,558 --> 00:22:12,825
Well, I think it might take time,
but I think it could be worth it.
340
00:22:12,897 --> 00:22:14,888
- Let's give it a shot.
- Great!
341
00:22:14,966 --> 00:22:16,991
- I'm game.
- OK.
342
00:22:23,141 --> 00:22:25,837
Wait a minute. What's that?
343
00:22:25,910 --> 00:22:29,471
Oh, I'm sorry. I know it's awful,
but I have this incredible sweet tooth.
344
00:22:29,547 --> 00:22:30,707
- What is it?
- Cheesecake.
345
00:22:30,781 --> 00:22:31,839
- What kind?
- Chocolate.
346
00:22:31,916 --> 00:22:36,319
Oh, I think this could be the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.
347
00:22:40,691 --> 00:22:43,057
I guess some things never change.
348
00:22:43,127 --> 00:22:46,563
They sure don't. We've almost
finished the entire cheesecake.
349
00:22:46,631 --> 00:22:48,326
Oh, what the hell.
It was a special occasion.
350
00:22:48,399 --> 00:22:52,130
Yeah, and it sure took my mind off
of Psycho.
351
00:22:52,203 --> 00:22:54,569
Listen, these can wait till morning.
Let's go to bed.
352
00:22:54,639 --> 00:22:56,607
OK.
353
00:23:11,022 --> 00:23:13,752
Ma, that is not funny!
354
00:23:13,824 --> 00:23:16,122
Are you kidding? It's a riot!
355
00:23:16,894 --> 00:23:21,194
I pulled it once on old man Peterson,
after we had saw Psycho at the home.
356
00:23:21,265 --> 00:23:24,826
They had said
he would never walk again.
357
00:23:24,902 --> 00:23:26,893
He walked.
358
00:23:28,940 --> 00:23:31,431
Well, good night. Sweet dreams!
359
00:23:34,745 --> 00:23:37,646
Well... I think I'll have
just one more cup of tea.
360
00:23:37,715 --> 00:23:39,273
Yeah, and we can finish
the cheesecake.
361
00:23:39,350 --> 00:23:40,510
Sounds good.
362
00:23:40,585 --> 00:23:42,348
You know what would go so good
on this cheesecake
363
00:23:42,420 --> 00:23:43,819
is those chocolate sprinkles.
364
00:23:43,888 --> 00:23:47,449
- We finished those an hour ago.
- We could crush some Oreos on top.
365
00:23:47,525 --> 00:23:50,050
We ran out of those two hours ago.
366
00:23:50,127 --> 00:23:52,118
- How about some whip cream?
- Mm!
367
00:23:52,196 --> 00:23:55,131
I think we still have a can.
I'll get it - it's in my bedroom.
368
00:23:55,199 --> 00:23:57,292
Never mind, Blanche.
369
00:23:58,305 --> 00:24:04,494
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