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1
00:00:22,244 --> 00:00:25,045
- Immigration?
- Revenue.
2
00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:29,250
Missus Rose! There are people
here from the government!
3
00:00:35,956 --> 00:00:38,658
I've been gutted!
4
00:00:38,693 --> 00:00:40,660
John, I've been stripped
of every morsel of pleasure
5
00:00:40,695 --> 00:00:43,397
I earned in this life!
6
00:00:43,431 --> 00:00:44,731
Well, how do you think I feel, Moira?!
7
00:00:44,766 --> 00:00:47,267
Eli was family, for God's sake!
8
00:00:47,301 --> 00:00:50,569
Leave your finances to me,
he said! Son of a bitch!
9
00:00:50,604 --> 00:00:51,837
Baby, it's crazy, people are just like,
10
00:00:51,872 --> 00:00:54,274
taking our stuff!
11
00:00:54,308 --> 00:00:56,943
I said, they're taking our stuff!
12
00:00:56,977 --> 00:00:59,379
Can you just step out of
the club for a second, ple...
13
00:00:59,413 --> 00:01:01,614
Hold on, hold on! Those
bags are not for you,
14
00:01:01,648 --> 00:01:03,182
my boyfriend bought those for me,
15
00:01:03,217 --> 00:01:05,218
so, theoretically, they are his!
16
00:01:05,252 --> 00:01:07,486
Please sir, can you step aside?
17
00:01:07,521 --> 00:01:10,423
No, you step aside! You step aside!
18
00:01:10,457 --> 00:01:11,824
I'm still trying to wrap my mind around
19
00:01:11,858 --> 00:01:13,759
what kind of a sick
person wants to get paid
20
00:01:13,794 --> 00:01:15,928
to destroy another person's life!
21
00:01:15,962 --> 00:01:19,298
Destroy another person's life!
22
00:01:19,332 --> 00:01:20,733
Where are you taking that?!
23
00:01:20,767 --> 00:01:23,468
My very soul has been kidnapped,
24
00:01:23,502 --> 00:01:26,438
there's no ransom, no
one's coming to save me!
25
00:01:26,472 --> 00:01:28,040
We've got 15 minutes to
collect our personals,
26
00:01:28,074 --> 00:01:30,675
- can we pick up the pace?!
- No, no!
27
00:01:30,709 --> 00:01:32,877
Did you put Kristen with Robin?
They don't like each other!
28
00:01:32,912 --> 00:01:36,681
Nooooo! Nooooo!
29
00:01:36,715 --> 00:01:38,516
Eli really did a number, Johnny.
30
00:01:38,551 --> 00:01:40,819
He took everything.
31
00:01:40,853 --> 00:01:43,154
They're still looking for him,
they think he's in the Caymans.
32
00:01:43,188 --> 00:01:45,189
He was our business manager,
he's supposed to pay taxes!
33
00:01:45,223 --> 00:01:47,459
Hmm.
34
00:01:47,493 --> 00:01:50,027
There is a very small
amount set aside for you,
35
00:01:50,062 --> 00:01:52,497
and one asset the government
has allowed you to retain.
36
00:01:52,531 --> 00:01:55,299
The kids.
37
00:01:55,334 --> 00:01:59,703
The children are dependents, Moira.
38
00:01:59,737 --> 00:02:03,640
You bought a small town in 1991, Johnny.
39
00:02:03,675 --> 00:02:06,810
Yes, I bought that as a joke for my son.
40
00:02:06,845 --> 00:02:09,880
Wait, you actually purchased that town?
41
00:02:09,914 --> 00:02:13,517
Yes, I purchased the town,
how else could I get the deed?
42
00:02:13,551 --> 00:02:16,252
- You could've photo shopped the deed!
- And saved the money!
43
00:02:16,287 --> 00:02:18,856
Why would I Photoshop a deed,
the joke was owning the town!
44
00:02:18,890 --> 00:02:20,190
- Okay, stop.
- That was the joke!
45
00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:21,358
- Oh my God!
- Well, that was the joke!
46
00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:23,727
To Johnny's credit...
47
00:02:23,761 --> 00:02:27,230
This town just might be your
saving grace, at least for a while.
48
00:02:27,264 --> 00:02:28,732
What do you mean?
49
00:02:28,766 --> 00:02:30,033
You can live there for next to nothing,
50
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,801
until you get back on your feet.
51
00:02:31,835 --> 00:02:33,736
I'm sure there's a
penthouse we can move into,
52
00:02:33,770 --> 00:02:36,206
please, there are other options.
53
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,141
Well, homelessness is still on the table.
54
00:02:52,322 --> 00:02:55,791
The whole time I was surrounded
by old women wearing visors,
55
00:02:55,826 --> 00:02:58,628
who smelled like yams!
56
00:02:58,662 --> 00:03:01,130
There was nowhere to lie down!
57
00:03:01,164 --> 00:03:02,831
There was nowhere to lie
down, there was no bed!
58
00:03:02,865 --> 00:03:04,566
There was no kitchen.
59
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,635
I know!
60
00:03:06,669 --> 00:03:09,338
No.
61
00:03:09,372 --> 00:03:10,605
I don't know what to
tell you, there's like,
62
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:13,442
cows all over the place, like, everywhere.
63
00:03:13,476 --> 00:03:15,610
I don't know if there's even a station,
64
00:03:15,645 --> 00:03:17,546
I don't know what's happening!
65
00:03:17,580 --> 00:03:21,583
Johnny Rose!
66
00:03:21,617 --> 00:03:23,852
Roland Schitt.
67
00:03:23,886 --> 00:03:25,787
Oh, you're the mayor
we're supposed to meet.
68
00:03:25,821 --> 00:03:27,889
That's right, I'm the mayor,
69
00:03:27,924 --> 00:03:29,758
so if you're looking for
an ass to kiss, it's mine!
70
00:03:32,595 --> 00:03:36,030
Oh, this is my family, my son...
71
00:03:36,065 --> 00:03:37,365
Let's get you all squared away
in the office there, Johnny,
72
00:03:37,399 --> 00:03:39,434
okay, the gals can grab the bags,
73
00:03:39,468 --> 00:03:40,768
you follow me, all right, right this way,
74
00:03:40,802 --> 00:03:43,137
watch it, honey, here we come.
75
00:03:43,172 --> 00:03:44,939
The "Cheaters" marathon
we watched, it's like that.
76
00:03:44,973 --> 00:03:46,874
Children, keep an eye on these bags.
77
00:03:46,908 --> 00:03:50,778
Apparently in hell, there's no bellman!
78
00:03:50,812 --> 00:03:53,113
- David, what are we...
- Shut up!
79
00:03:53,147 --> 00:03:54,848
- You shut up!
- You shut up!
80
00:03:54,883 --> 00:03:59,587
- Um, you shut up!
- You shhhut up!
81
00:03:59,621 --> 00:04:01,722
The name is Rose.
82
00:04:01,756 --> 00:04:04,558
I don't see a reservation under that name.
83
00:04:04,593 --> 00:04:07,027
It's okay, Stevie, I set
aside two rooms for them.
84
00:04:07,062 --> 00:04:09,062
Well, there's nothing here.
85
00:04:09,097 --> 00:04:10,863
Well okay, fine, just
book 'em in with two rooms,
86
00:04:10,898 --> 00:04:13,166
these people own the
town; They're big deals.
87
00:04:13,201 --> 00:04:15,034
We'll need three rooms, minimum.
88
00:04:15,069 --> 00:04:17,337
Ooh, no can do, honey.
89
00:04:17,371 --> 00:04:20,039
Look, we have a one room comp policy here,
90
00:04:20,074 --> 00:04:23,176
and I am personally throwing in an
extra room out of sheer decency, so...
91
00:04:23,211 --> 00:04:25,244
What about suites? Do you
have a couple of suites?
92
00:04:25,278 --> 00:04:26,579
This guy!
93
00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:28,280
Um...
94
00:04:28,315 --> 00:04:31,884
No, this is a motel,
95
00:04:31,919 --> 00:04:35,387
so we cater more to off road
truckers and drunk teenagers.
96
00:04:35,422 --> 00:04:38,457
Please, someone just
give me a key, to a door,
97
00:04:38,492 --> 00:04:41,893
to a room any room! I just want a bathtub,
98
00:04:41,928 --> 00:04:45,063
and a long extension cord, please.
99
00:04:45,098 --> 00:04:47,266
There you go, ma'am.
100
00:04:52,305 --> 00:04:54,306
It smells like a gym bag.
101
00:04:54,341 --> 00:04:56,708
Does anyone else feel light headed?
102
00:04:56,743 --> 00:05:00,311
Oh my God, this takes
me back to high school.
103
00:05:00,346 --> 00:05:03,815
You know, I did the deed in just
about every room in this place.
104
00:05:03,850 --> 00:05:06,284
Yep, if a forensic team came in here
105
00:05:06,318 --> 00:05:08,520
with one of those blue lights,
this place would just light up!
106
00:05:08,554 --> 00:05:10,756
Okay, that's good.
107
00:05:10,790 --> 00:05:12,557
- Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!
- Oh my God. Oh my God!
108
00:05:12,591 --> 00:05:14,959
Oh hey, chief, the other
room's right through there.
109
00:05:14,993 --> 00:05:16,561
Here you go.
110
00:05:19,865 --> 00:05:21,866
And there's the bed,
111
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:26,137
I should probably pull off
that cover, and... burn it.
112
00:05:26,172 --> 00:05:28,640
All right.
113
00:05:28,674 --> 00:05:32,843
Good, Roland, thank you very
much, appreciate everything, uh...
114
00:05:32,878 --> 00:05:33,878
... Have a ball in the land down under!
115
00:05:33,912 --> 00:05:35,445
Ever wanna ride a kangaroo?
116
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,182
Okay.
117
00:05:38,216 --> 00:05:41,018
Okay.
118
00:05:41,053 --> 00:05:44,555
- Okay.
- Oof!
119
00:05:44,589 --> 00:05:46,691
Okay, okay.
120
00:05:46,725 --> 00:05:48,992
Okay, okay, okay.
121
00:05:49,026 --> 00:05:52,762
Okay. Okay.
122
00:05:52,797 --> 00:05:55,265
Okay. Okay!
123
00:05:59,036 --> 00:06:02,472
Okay. Okay. I love you!
124
00:06:02,507 --> 00:06:06,976
Oh, okay, well, it looks
like you got all the channels
125
00:06:07,011 --> 00:06:09,913
except for Channel 19 for
some reason. I don't know why.
126
00:06:09,947 --> 00:06:11,848
Well, the thing is we won't be
watching a lot of television,
127
00:06:11,882 --> 00:06:14,584
but again, thank you,
128
00:06:14,618 --> 00:06:17,120
I don't want to keep you,
I know you're a busy man.
129
00:06:30,434 --> 00:06:33,236
Whoa!
130
00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:38,273
Hi.
131
00:06:38,307 --> 00:06:40,408
Can I help you?
132
00:06:40,443 --> 00:06:42,010
I'm looking for an extra towel, Okay...
133
00:06:42,045 --> 00:06:43,712
And this might be a stupid question,
134
00:06:43,747 --> 00:06:45,748
considering the state
of the rugs in our room,
135
00:06:45,782 --> 00:06:50,219
but do you have a business centre here?
136
00:06:50,253 --> 00:06:53,521
Yes, we do have a business center.
137
00:06:53,556 --> 00:06:55,423
You can find it right outside
the doors to your left,
138
00:06:55,458 --> 00:06:59,060
right beside the hammam spa.
139
00:06:59,094 --> 00:07:00,328
Would you like me to book you
a treatment while you're at it?
140
00:07:00,363 --> 00:07:02,297
Thank you, no, just the towel, thanks.
141
00:07:02,331 --> 00:07:04,232
I'll get those right out.
142
00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:10,337
Well Roland, once again,
thank you for giving us
143
00:07:10,372 --> 00:07:11,906
the lay of the land here,
144
00:07:11,940 --> 00:07:14,008
but we have some serious unpacking to do.
145
00:07:14,042 --> 00:07:16,644
- Oh, sure!
- If you don't mind.
146
00:07:16,678 --> 00:07:19,213
No problem there, Johnny,
I don't mind helpin' out.
147
00:07:19,248 --> 00:07:21,615
Listen, one thing before I go here, um...
148
00:07:23,852 --> 00:07:25,686
Do you mind if I use your toilet?
149
00:07:28,022 --> 00:07:32,092
Is it absolutely necessary?
150
00:07:32,126 --> 00:07:34,461
Uh, yeah, I would say
it's absolutely necessary!
151
00:07:36,765 --> 00:07:38,064
Excuse me.
152
00:07:38,099 --> 00:07:40,033
Absolutely necessary.
153
00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:42,303
Yes, that train has left the station,
154
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,337
if you know what I mean!
155
00:07:47,241 --> 00:07:50,143
- I need that bed.
- Why?
156
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,477
- Because I need it.
- Why?
157
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,013
Because if someone were to break in here
158
00:07:53,047 --> 00:07:54,181
in the middle of the
night wanting to murder us,
159
00:07:54,215 --> 00:07:55,548
they would attack this bed first,
160
00:07:55,582 --> 00:07:58,218
so I need this bed.
161
00:07:58,252 --> 00:08:00,753
So you're saying that you
want me to get murdered first?!
162
00:08:00,788 --> 00:08:02,822
In front of you? And
then what would you do?
163
00:08:02,856 --> 00:08:04,691
Would you just run away
and leave me to bleed out...
164
00:08:04,725 --> 00:08:06,492
On the floor?!
165
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:09,662
Uh, sort of, that was the plan, yeah.
166
00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:12,164
Okay. Well, you can have
the bed when I leave.
167
00:08:12,199 --> 00:08:14,734
Well, where are you going?
168
00:08:14,768 --> 00:08:16,035
Stavros is flying in to
get me, I told you that.
169
00:08:16,069 --> 00:08:19,205
What do you mean Stavros is com...
170
00:08:19,239 --> 00:08:21,307
What do you mean? When?
When is he doing that?
171
00:08:21,341 --> 00:08:23,342
Like, whenever stupid Mary-Kate
stops hogging his plane.
172
00:08:23,376 --> 00:08:26,511
Well, where are we going?
173
00:08:26,546 --> 00:08:30,482
Okay, at present, he's just coming for me,
174
00:08:30,516 --> 00:08:32,351
but then I figured that
we would just come back
175
00:08:32,385 --> 00:08:35,387
and grab you guys at some point.
176
00:08:35,421 --> 00:08:38,623
What kind of sociopath abandons her
family in some vomit soaked dump,
177
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,729
to gallivant around the world
178
00:08:43,763 --> 00:08:45,764
with her dumb shipping heir loser boyfriend
179
00:08:45,798 --> 00:08:48,299
she's known for three months?!
180
00:08:48,334 --> 00:08:50,969
Um, David, it will be
four months next month!
181
00:08:51,003 --> 00:08:53,304
Oh my God!
182
00:08:53,339 --> 00:08:56,507
And he just told me that he
could potentially see himself
183
00:08:56,541 --> 00:08:57,942
considering saying "I love you"
184
00:08:57,977 --> 00:09:00,278
at some point sometime soon, so...
185
00:09:00,312 --> 00:09:01,846
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
186
00:09:01,881 --> 00:09:03,681
I'm telling mom. I'm telling
mom and dad, have you told them?
187
00:09:03,715 --> 00:09:06,384
No! No David, I'm waiting
for the right opportunity.
188
00:09:06,418 --> 00:09:08,419
Okay, otherwise dad's gonna cry,
189
00:09:08,453 --> 00:09:10,287
and mom's gonna do that thing
190
00:09:10,321 --> 00:09:11,989
where she pretends that nothing's wrong,
191
00:09:12,023 --> 00:09:13,357
and then just doesn't
talk to me for five months,
192
00:09:13,392 --> 00:09:14,425
and I don't want that.
193
00:09:14,459 --> 00:09:17,928
Well, I need this bed! I need it, so.
194
00:09:17,962 --> 00:09:20,163
You know what, David?!
195
00:09:20,198 --> 00:09:22,199
You get murdered first for once!
196
00:09:22,233 --> 00:09:24,301
No, you get murdered first!
197
00:09:24,335 --> 00:09:26,603
David, you get murdered first!
198
00:09:26,637 --> 00:09:28,738
No, you! You do it!
199
00:09:28,773 --> 00:09:31,108
Yes, you get murdered first!
David, you get murdered first!
200
00:09:42,887 --> 00:09:45,354
I actually think this place is kinda cute.
201
00:09:45,389 --> 00:09:47,490
Did you say cute?
202
00:09:47,525 --> 00:09:50,993
No Alexis, Martha Stewart's
Hampton home is cute.
203
00:09:53,297 --> 00:09:55,298
Where's that weird man?
204
00:09:55,332 --> 00:09:58,367
Where?
205
00:09:58,402 --> 00:09:59,936
He's in the bathroom.
206
00:09:59,970 --> 00:10:02,238
He... he won't leave!
207
00:10:02,272 --> 00:10:04,140
Well, he's been in there
for a very long ti...
208
00:10:04,174 --> 00:10:07,143
Oh my God! Oh my God!
209
00:10:07,177 --> 00:10:10,479
Jeez. Um... Boy.
210
00:10:10,513 --> 00:10:12,013
Remind me to get that window fixed.
211
00:10:12,048 --> 00:10:14,049
It will not open.
212
00:10:14,083 --> 00:10:15,851
Roland, listen, thank you very much,
213
00:10:15,885 --> 00:10:17,753
but I appreciate everything you've done,
214
00:10:17,787 --> 00:10:21,389
we need a little private
time now, as a family.
215
00:10:21,424 --> 00:10:25,393
Sure, well actually, those
curtains do close there so...
216
00:10:25,428 --> 00:10:28,096
Oh, look! You've got Channel 19!
217
00:10:28,130 --> 00:10:31,599
Roland, could you get the fuck out?!
218
00:10:31,633 --> 00:10:34,336
This latest model is a
revelation in innovation.
219
00:10:34,370 --> 00:10:36,838
I am not lying folks, it's
gonna last you a lifetime.
220
00:10:36,872 --> 00:10:40,808
You are gonna thank...
221
00:10:40,843 --> 00:10:44,645
That was an overreaction.
That was uncalled for.
222
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:47,381
It's just... you know,
we're a little tired,
223
00:10:47,415 --> 00:10:49,917
it's been a long day,
224
00:10:49,952 --> 00:10:52,920
there's a pharmacy worth
of drugs wearing off
225
00:10:52,955 --> 00:10:54,989
on most of us right now,
and I just think as a family,
226
00:10:55,023 --> 00:10:57,057
we just need a little time to chill.
227
00:10:57,092 --> 00:11:00,327
Johnny, please, you
don't have to apologize,
228
00:11:00,362 --> 00:11:01,962
and you really don't have
to hit me over the head
229
00:11:01,997 --> 00:11:03,830
with this sort of thing, I get it,
230
00:11:03,865 --> 00:11:06,233
you need your little family
time and all that, I'm sure.
231
00:11:06,267 --> 00:11:08,202
No problem.
232
00:11:08,236 --> 00:11:10,971
You know what I'll do, I'll um...
233
00:11:11,006 --> 00:11:14,241
I'll just get the fuck out of here.
234
00:11:30,796 --> 00:11:32,597
Ugh, we have to eat in here?!
235
00:11:32,631 --> 00:11:35,266
I think it's kinda sweet.
236
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:38,369
Alexis, what's going on with you?
237
00:11:38,403 --> 00:11:41,239
- What do you mean?
- Seriously?!
238
00:11:41,273 --> 00:11:43,374
The room was "cute," this place is "sweet."
239
00:11:43,408 --> 00:11:45,476
I am personally offended by this place,
240
00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:48,112
I don't know what you
think is nice about it.
241
00:11:48,146 --> 00:11:51,982
The town is disgusting. It is gruesome.
242
00:11:52,016 --> 00:11:56,687
It is charming, it is quaint,
it's like out of a storybook.
243
00:11:56,721 --> 00:12:00,657
Alexis, what the hell
is the matter with you?!
244
00:12:00,692 --> 00:12:04,695
Okay... Stavros is flying in to get me,
245
00:12:04,729 --> 00:12:06,797
and I am going to go live
with him for a little bit.
246
00:12:06,831 --> 00:12:09,099
Well, that is not happening.
247
00:12:09,133 --> 00:12:11,234
And I am appalled that my baby girl
248
00:12:11,269 --> 00:12:14,004
has turned into a
selfish, duplicitous whore!
249
00:12:14,038 --> 00:12:16,139
Oh, hello!
250
00:12:16,173 --> 00:12:18,875
Hi, I'm Twyla. I'll be your waitress today.
251
00:12:18,910 --> 00:12:21,677
Anyway, I read about you guys,
252
00:12:21,712 --> 00:12:24,114
and everything you've gone
through, it sounds super crappy.
253
00:12:24,148 --> 00:12:26,081
Super crappy?
254
00:12:26,116 --> 00:12:27,950
I had a second cousin in Elmdale
255
00:12:27,984 --> 00:12:30,453
who did telemarketing,
he made a ton of money.
256
00:12:30,487 --> 00:12:31,987
It turns out his entire
business was illegal,
257
00:12:32,022 --> 00:12:33,489
and he lost everything.
258
00:12:33,524 --> 00:12:36,125
Hm... not quite the same.
259
00:12:36,159 --> 00:12:38,828
Yeah, no, he went to prison,
which is terrible, but...
260
00:12:38,862 --> 00:12:42,431
But he is learning
Spanish, no mas, le duele!
261
00:12:42,465 --> 00:12:44,499
I think it means, "stop, it hurts."
262
00:12:44,534 --> 00:12:46,802
Oh, wonderful anecdote.
263
00:12:46,836 --> 00:12:48,270
Could you give us a moment please?
264
00:12:48,305 --> 00:12:50,672
Whenever you're ready,
I'm just right over here.
265
00:12:50,706 --> 00:12:53,409
I forbid you to abandon our family.
266
00:12:53,443 --> 00:12:55,344
I am a grown woman, mother.
267
00:12:55,378 --> 00:12:57,246
This is an act of a spoiled child!
268
00:12:57,280 --> 00:13:00,515
I think it's unforgivable!
269
00:13:00,550 --> 00:13:01,817
I think that you're just super jealous,
270
00:13:01,851 --> 00:13:04,486
'cause I'm getting out of here!
271
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:06,755
Also, you have a big thing
of dandruff on your eyebrow.
272
00:13:06,789 --> 00:13:08,523
- Don't do that!
- Kids, stop, stop!
273
00:13:08,558 --> 00:13:10,425
The world is falling apart around us John,
274
00:13:10,460 --> 00:13:12,828
and I'm dying inside.
275
00:13:12,862 --> 00:13:15,029
Well, I'm feeling a little queasy myself.
276
00:13:15,064 --> 00:13:17,698
Oh, brisket!
277
00:13:17,732 --> 00:13:19,300
- Give me... some spale!
- David!
278
00:13:26,541 --> 00:13:29,177
John...
279
00:13:29,211 --> 00:13:31,011
- Oh my God!
- Umm...
280
00:13:35,183 --> 00:13:37,818
These rooms did have doors, didn't they?
281
00:13:37,853 --> 00:13:39,520
Yeah, it's a hotel, they're hotel rooms!
282
00:13:39,554 --> 00:13:42,322
It's a motel! These are motel rooms.
283
00:13:42,357 --> 00:13:44,424
What if they took our stuff?!
284
00:13:44,459 --> 00:13:46,126
What stuff? There's no stuff to take.
285
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,427
I have stuff!
286
00:13:49,630 --> 00:13:52,432
Son of a bitch!
287
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,040
Yeah, I've got a problem.
288
00:14:00,074 --> 00:14:02,075
If this is about doors...
289
00:14:02,110 --> 00:14:03,776
Yeah, it's about doors,
yeah, my doors are gone,
290
00:14:03,811 --> 00:14:06,245
my front door, somebody stole my doors!
291
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,180
Yeah, you're gonna have to
talk to Roland about that.
292
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:09,983
He lives just down the street,
you make a left out of the motel
293
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,918
and then another left.
294
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,887
It's a house with a truck in the driveway.
295
00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:18,558
There's a bumper sticker
of a naked Helen Mirren.
296
00:14:18,592 --> 00:14:23,295
Oh my God, no! No! No!
297
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:25,931
- What?!
- Ah! My earrings! They were there.
298
00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:27,333
- They're not there!
- Where did they go?
299
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,635
I don't know!
300
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,537
I don't know! First you
threatened to abandon me,
301
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,906
and now my precious diamonds are gone!
302
00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:36,175
Okay, you are super dramatic right now.
303
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:39,210
Shut up and look for them!
304
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:52,090
Get open!
305
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:58,896
Roland, I see you behind the truck!
306
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:00,898
Yeah, of course you see me.
307
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,367
I'm looking at my gravel.
308
00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:07,272
Gravel these days, what are you gonna do?
309
00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:10,041
- Yeah, it's gravel.
- Yeah, it's gravel!
310
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,142
Hey, good news for you.
311
00:15:12,177 --> 00:15:14,545
I talked to a guy about
that bathroom window.
312
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,914
That's the least of my concerns right now!
313
00:15:16,949 --> 00:15:20,117
Oh really? Well, why don't
we address your concerns?!
314
00:15:20,151 --> 00:15:23,420
The doors! I want my doors back!
315
00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:24,521
- Oh!
- Before it gets dark!
316
00:15:24,556 --> 00:15:26,823
My son is afraid of moths.
317
00:15:26,857 --> 00:15:28,725
Oh, hmm. Well, here's the
thing about that Johnny,
318
00:15:28,759 --> 00:15:31,295
you see, you did a bad thing.
319
00:15:31,329 --> 00:15:33,663
You disrespected me in
front of your family!
320
00:15:33,698 --> 00:15:34,831
And now they think less of me.
321
00:15:34,865 --> 00:15:37,667
I doubt that's possible.
322
00:15:37,702 --> 00:15:39,570
And to be honest, you were
kinda breathing down our necks
323
00:15:39,604 --> 00:15:41,871
a little bit back at the motel.
324
00:15:41,906 --> 00:15:44,808
Johnny, when I was a kid
and I did a bad thing,
325
00:15:44,842 --> 00:15:47,477
my father took the doors off my room.
326
00:15:47,511 --> 00:15:51,547
And he said to me,
"Roland, privacy is earned."
327
00:15:51,582 --> 00:15:54,584
I am having a tough time following that.
328
00:15:54,619 --> 00:15:56,452
What the hell does that
have to do with privacy?
329
00:15:56,487 --> 00:15:59,822
Nothing. I just got mad,
and I took your doors.
330
00:15:59,856 --> 00:16:02,391
Look, if you took
offense to anything I said
331
00:16:02,426 --> 00:16:05,261
back at the motel, just
know it wasn't personal.
332
00:16:07,764 --> 00:16:10,766
All right, apology accepted.
333
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:11,967
Well, that was less of an apology,
334
00:16:12,002 --> 00:16:13,469
and more of an explanation.
335
00:16:13,504 --> 00:16:14,470
Nevertheless, I accept your apology.
336
00:16:14,505 --> 00:16:16,571
Which it wasn't!
337
00:16:16,606 --> 00:16:19,341
So thank you again for that apology.
338
00:16:19,375 --> 00:16:20,976
Well, there was no apology,
and I can't do this anymore!
339
00:16:21,011 --> 00:16:22,978
You said you're sorry in a
very sweet and humble way,
340
00:16:23,013 --> 00:16:24,813
and that takes a big man to do that,
341
00:16:24,848 --> 00:16:27,716
and that's what Johnny
Rose is! A big man! Ooh!
342
00:16:32,255 --> 00:16:34,822
Oh!
343
00:16:34,857 --> 00:16:38,126
Hello! Hello!
344
00:16:38,161 --> 00:16:40,828
Hi, hello, come here, please.
345
00:16:40,863 --> 00:16:45,467
I don't suppose you saw
any hobos or crackheads
346
00:16:45,501 --> 00:16:48,036
loitering around the hotel today?
347
00:16:48,070 --> 00:16:50,872
No crackheads, no...
348
00:16:50,906 --> 00:16:53,675
While the rooms were exposed to
the world like a Moroccan fair,
349
00:16:53,709 --> 00:16:56,778
someone got in here and stole my earrings.
350
00:16:56,812 --> 00:17:00,848
But it was just... but it
was just you here today.
351
00:17:00,883 --> 00:17:03,918
- It was.
- It was.
352
00:17:03,952 --> 00:17:07,221
I'm assuming you were the only
one here on the premises today?
353
00:17:07,255 --> 00:17:09,756
I think I know where
you're going with this.
354
00:17:09,791 --> 00:17:14,161
No, I'm simply confirming
that you alone were here
355
00:17:14,196 --> 00:17:16,397
when the earrings were stolen.
356
00:17:16,431 --> 00:17:17,364
Are you asking me if I stole your earrings?
357
00:17:17,399 --> 00:17:20,467
No, I would never, please!
358
00:17:20,502 --> 00:17:23,570
But I also would certainly
never press charges
359
00:17:23,604 --> 00:17:26,439
if my earrings were
suddenly to be returned.
360
00:17:26,473 --> 00:17:29,475
If they suddenly reappeared,
361
00:17:29,510 --> 00:17:31,444
if you gave them back I
would not press charges,
362
00:17:31,478 --> 00:17:33,680
I would look the other way.
363
00:17:33,715 --> 00:17:35,481
Okay, you know what? I gotta run.
364
00:17:35,516 --> 00:17:37,684
'Cause I wanna hit the
pawn shop before it closes.
365
00:17:37,719 --> 00:17:39,852
I owe my crack dealer a ton of money, so.
366
00:17:39,886 --> 00:17:42,755
You seem like you have
this under control, though.
367
00:17:42,789 --> 00:17:44,424
What just happened?!
368
00:17:44,458 --> 00:17:46,926
David, I politely asked that concierge girl
369
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,629
if she had stolen my earrings,
and she turned ice cold,
370
00:17:49,663 --> 00:17:51,664
and now she's on her way to a pawn shop!
371
00:17:51,699 --> 00:17:54,100
What?! I need a towel!
372
00:17:54,134 --> 00:17:56,335
Hello, hi.
373
00:17:56,369 --> 00:17:58,704
Hi, I am sorry if my mom accused you
374
00:17:58,739 --> 00:18:00,840
- of taking something.
- It's fine.
375
00:18:00,874 --> 00:18:02,842
Okay, but does this mean that
when you're cleaning our rooms,
376
00:18:02,876 --> 00:18:04,676
you're gonna put weird stuff in
our beds out of spite, or something?
377
00:18:04,711 --> 00:18:06,278
I won't be cleaning your room.
378
00:18:06,312 --> 00:18:07,847
Okay, can I ask you a question?
379
00:18:07,881 --> 00:18:09,949
Shoot.
380
00:18:09,983 --> 00:18:11,016
I think you're kind of rude!
381
00:18:11,051 --> 00:18:13,318
Is that a question?
382
00:18:13,353 --> 00:18:16,455
I have asked you thrice now for a towel,
383
00:18:16,489 --> 00:18:19,258
so that I may wash this town off my body.
384
00:18:19,292 --> 00:18:20,525
Do you think I wanna be here?
385
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,261
Do you think I wanna be here?!
386
00:18:22,295 --> 00:18:23,962
I don't know what you want,
387
00:18:23,996 --> 00:18:26,064
you've given me one word
answers since I got here!
388
00:18:26,098 --> 00:18:27,999
So if I get you a towel you'll
stop following me to my car?
389
00:18:28,093 --> 00:18:31,996
Yes! Yes!
390
00:18:32,031 --> 00:18:34,632
Fine, but I'm only doing this
because you called me rude,
391
00:18:34,666 --> 00:18:36,835
and I take that as a compliment.
392
00:18:36,869 --> 00:18:39,003
The man is a lunatic!
393
00:18:39,038 --> 00:18:40,604
What the hell happened here?
394
00:18:40,639 --> 00:18:43,007
We've been robbed.
395
00:18:43,042 --> 00:18:46,310
Right now some local is
pawning my earrings for crank.
396
00:18:46,345 --> 00:18:48,111
- Your diamonds?!
- Yes, my diamonds,
397
00:18:48,146 --> 00:18:50,080
the one thing I could hide under my tongue.
398
00:18:50,114 --> 00:18:54,585
Moira, I took your earrings out of here,
399
00:18:54,619 --> 00:18:58,422
and I put them in my shoe. For safekeeping.
400
00:18:58,457 --> 00:19:02,392
No! No!
401
00:19:02,426 --> 00:19:05,128
Stavros just texted me.
402
00:19:05,163 --> 00:19:07,464
And he ended it, he's not coming!
403
00:19:07,498 --> 00:19:08,932
He said he doesn't have
time to come and get me,
404
00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:12,269
because he already rsvp'd
to Diddy's white party,
405
00:19:12,303 --> 00:19:14,738
and doesn't have time to do both!
406
00:19:14,772 --> 00:19:16,573
But I was supposed to be
his date to the white party!
407
00:19:16,607 --> 00:19:20,844
Alexis, he was never my favourite Stavros.
408
00:19:20,878 --> 00:19:22,479
I've hated that guy ever since he asked me
409
00:19:22,513 --> 00:19:24,748
to do lines with him at my sixtieth.
410
00:19:24,782 --> 00:19:27,149
Just out of sheer curiosity,
411
00:19:27,184 --> 00:19:29,986
um, where do you stand now
412
00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:31,921
on whether or not you
think this motel is cute?
413
00:19:31,955 --> 00:19:33,022
Like, is it still cute, or is it...
414
00:19:33,056 --> 00:19:35,057
You're a dick, David!
415
00:19:35,092 --> 00:19:36,859
Oh, I'm a dick!
416
00:19:36,894 --> 00:19:38,761
Okay, did I dump you for a party?!
417
00:19:38,795 --> 00:19:40,129
David, help me with the doors.
418
00:19:40,163 --> 00:19:42,331
No I can't, I just got out of the shower.
419
00:19:42,366 --> 00:19:43,499
- I need help with the doors.
- Oh my God!
420
00:19:43,533 --> 00:19:45,201
David, help him with the doors!
421
00:19:45,235 --> 00:19:46,903
- You help him with the doors!
- No!
422
00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:48,037
David, could you help me with the doors?!
423
00:19:48,071 --> 00:19:49,605
It's air drying!
424
00:19:49,639 --> 00:19:52,207
Pick up a hammer, and
nail this coffin shut!
425
00:19:56,204 --> 00:19:57,850
As if I didn't see this coming.
426
00:19:58,608 --> 00:20:02,044
He's broken up with me five times already.
427
00:20:02,078 --> 00:20:05,480
Like, there was that time
that he never met me in Rio,
428
00:20:05,515 --> 00:20:06,981
and remember that time that he gave me
429
00:20:07,016 --> 00:20:09,885
his ex wife's engagement ring?
430
00:20:09,919 --> 00:20:12,287
And then, last summer,
431
00:20:12,321 --> 00:20:14,423
that time that he left his Molly
432
00:20:14,457 --> 00:20:16,190
in my glove compartment,
and then I got arrested?
433
00:20:16,225 --> 00:20:18,860
Oh my God! Can you do me a huge favour?
434
00:20:18,895 --> 00:20:21,595
And never repeat this to
anyone that you respect, okay?
435
00:20:21,630 --> 00:20:24,665
- Okay? Okay.
- Okay.
436
00:20:24,699 --> 00:20:26,968
Kids, we just came in to say good night,
437
00:20:27,002 --> 00:20:30,704
and to remind you that we
will get through this...
438
00:20:30,739 --> 00:20:32,240
- Okay, good night!
- As a family...
439
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:34,675
Warmest regards to you both.
440
00:20:34,709 --> 00:20:38,746
And that will end up
on our feet in no time!
441
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,681
Of course, by then our
feet will be shoeless,
442
00:20:40,715 --> 00:20:42,750
and filthy and mangled,
443
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:46,487
from walking on cigarette
butts and broken beer bottles.
444
00:20:46,521 --> 00:20:50,257
So, seriously Alexis, enough about Stavros!
445
00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:54,328
I'm sorry if I am going
through something right now!
446
00:20:54,362 --> 00:20:55,595
You're going through something?!
447
00:21:06,107 --> 00:21:08,641
- Good night, children.
- Good night!
448
00:21:08,676 --> 00:21:11,177
- Good night.
- Good night.
449
00:21:11,211 --> 00:21:12,445
Let's all pray we don't wake up.34107
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