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1
00:00:00,300 --> 00:00:05,080
I've just moved in with the world's
biggest idiot. ..I've moved in.
2
00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:06,480
Congratulations!
3
00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:11,000
'This programme contains
some strong language.'
4
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,040
There's this bloke called
Graham at the gym
5
00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:15,280
and he was saying that I should...
PAUL!
6
00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:17,360
You look lovely in that.
7
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:18,560
I look disgusting.
8
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:19,720
As if.
9
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,200
Right, I'm off to Pilates.
10
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:23,120
Do you want a lift, lover?
Graham's here.
11
00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:25,800
We got robbed at work
and they took my phone.
12
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:26,840
Oh, bloody hell.
13
00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:28,920
Oh, don't. Laura's in there.
14
00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:31,240
There's this bloke called
Graham at the gym.
15
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,720
Paul. We're going.
16
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,040
You are being so suspicious today.
17
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,280
What's this?
18
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,920
Don't you dare get married
before me.
19
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:44,200
Think at one point you thought
I was going to ask you to marry me.
20
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:47,920
Why would I want to marry you?
You fucking stink!
21
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:49,920
Don't ask her to marry you, Steve.
22
00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:52,320
Look, I know we like to have
a bit of banter, the two of us,
23
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,120
but let's just be
serious for a minute.
24
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:55,960
And I will be talking
to your dad as well.
25
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,880
If you ask her to marry you,
I'll break your fucking neck.
26
00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:10,000
How was your gran?
27
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:14,120
Ugh. Boring. All she does
is talk about dead people.
28
00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:15,160
Ugh.
29
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,720
They're dead. Get over it.
Do you know what I mean?
30
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,880
What have you been doing?
31
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:26,920
What?
32
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,840
I made a bit of a mess
in the bedroom. It's horrible.
33
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:32,840
You'd better have a look.
34
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,640
Have you done a poo in there?
35
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,040
No, of course
I haven't done a poo in there!
36
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:43,320
Do you honestly think I'm
the sort of man who'd do a poo
37
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:46,080
in his bedroom and get his girlfriend
to go and look at it?
38
00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:49,240
Just go and have a look.
39
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:50,800
Do you know what I mean though?
40
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,480
Just cos someone's dead,
doesn't make them interesting.
41
00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,360
Oh, my God.
42
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,680
Steve!
43
00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:03,440
Have we got a new telly?
44
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,160
And...
45
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:14,280
Ah!
46
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:16,880
And also...
47
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,200
It's cider. Oh, my God!
48
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,240
9%.
49
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,360
Wait there.
50
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:29,120
Oh, you got Skittles.
51
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,280
What are you supposed to do when
you see your doctor in the street?
52
00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,200
Fuck me.
53
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,960
What's that?
54
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:14,200
I saw my doctor at a bus stop
and I didn't know
55
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,920
whether to say hello or not.
56
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:17,600
Oh. Ha!
57
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,680
It's kind of awkward, isn't it,
cos he's, like, 60 and
58
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,880
he's a nice bloke but at the same
time he's had his finger up my arse.
59
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:27,480
Have you had some?
60
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:29,080
No.
61
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,520
Wow!
62
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,400
No wonder it was only a tenner.
63
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,600
So...
64
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,320
Why are you being creepy?
65
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,120
I'm not. What do you mean creepy?
66
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:55,680
Shutting the door. Your face.
It's creepy. Stop it.
67
00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:58,840
Would you mind
if I just said something?
68
00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:00,720
That's such a creepy thing to say.
69
00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:01,960
Becky.
70
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,200
OK.
71
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:14,320
My dearest, darling Rebecca.
72
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,480
Today is our first anniversary.
73
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,000
Rebecca? You're such a knob!
74
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,120
Just let me finish.
75
00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:20,840
Ooh. I haven't taken my pill.
76
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:23,920
Like them, by the way.
77
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,080
OK?
78
00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:34,360
Yep.
79
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:35,800
DOORBELL RINGS
80
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,680
It's just Dan.
81
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:44,200
My dearest, darling Rebecca.
82
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:47,760
Sorry!
83
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,880
Today is our first anniversary.
84
00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:51,320
DOORBELL RINGS
85
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:54,520
Becky! Steve!
I need your help with Laura!
86
00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:01,360
Seriously. When they've gone, I'm
going to rip the piss out of you.
87
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:04,760
DOORBELL RINGS
88
00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:12,600
She's been drinking.
She called me from a phone box.
89
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,160
Shut up, pig.
Are you OK, Laur?
90
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,680
She was groping me.
91
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,560
I was trying to get her off the bus.
92
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:19,880
Any excuse. Any fucking excuse.
93
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,040
Don't do that, Laura.
94
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,120
Shut up, pig.
95
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,520
Do you want to call Paul?
96
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:28,680
Yep.
97
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:32,080
I am not going in there and there's
nothing you can do about it.
98
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,120
Come on. Let's go
and have a lie down.
99
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,680
Don't touch me!
100
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:39,000
She doesn't wash her hands
when she pisses.
101
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,480
I wash them after a poo.
102
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,360
Paul?
103
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:45,520
No, it's Steve.
104
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:48,640
Come on, Laura. Let go of
the door frame. There's a good girl.
105
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,760
Don't I, Laura?
I wash them after a poo.
106
00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:54,080
Mm-hm.
107
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,280
He's on his way!
Tell him I love him!
108
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,760
OK. She loves you.
109
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:02,440
He loves you too!
110
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,760
He's lying. OK.
111
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:07,960
Get your hands off me.
112
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,440
What's going on?
113
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,920
Sorry. Becky's sister's poorly.
114
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,280
Nice dressing gown.
115
00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:19,480
Thanks.
116
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,600
And you.
117
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,080
Present?
118
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:23,360
Yeah.
119
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,240
Me too.
120
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,680
Have you got it on the back?
121
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:28,800
Yeah.
122
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,040
Bye then.
123
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:35,080
Bye.
124
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:40,000
I went to see Granny.
She sends her love.
125
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,440
She's a wrinkly old fuck.
126
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:43,040
She's excited about the baby.
127
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:44,440
Shall I get my tits out?
128
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,240
No.
129
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,680
Laura, that's our dinner!
130
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,320
Shush, Steve. I'm trying to eat.
131
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:50,960
For God's sake.
132
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,000
Where's Paul?
133
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:55,960
Don't do that.
134
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,480
Where's Paul, you blow-job?!
135
00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,880
He says he's at Pilates with Graham.
136
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,240
He's a fucking liar!
137
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,840
OK. Becky, can I have a word?
138
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:06,880
Yes.
139
00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:08,240
I feel sick.
140
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:09,520
I'll get you something.
141
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,280
You'll feel better if you're sick.
142
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,200
When I was pregnant with Kieran...
143
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:17,240
When you were pregnant with Kieran,
you were fucking enormous.
144
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:19,720
Becks?
145
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,120
Paul's not at Pilates.
146
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:28,320
I know.
147
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,720
He says that when he's with
some fucking whore!
148
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:33,760
No!
149
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,400
Wow.
150
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,000
Are you OK?
151
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,120
Sorry. Bit of an over-reaction.
152
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,680
Yeah!
153
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:44,120
Come here.
154
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,960
I think that's the first time
I've ever been called a blow-job.
155
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:53,280
Yeah?
156
00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,480
Ooh. Chicken.
157
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:03,720
She's so drunk.
158
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,080
(It's horrible.)
159
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,440
She wiped her hands on the duvet.
160
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,640
Like you've never done that.
161
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:11,400
Don't give her anything.
162
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:14,840
I'll just make her a Resolve.
Don't be such a blow-job!
163
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,280
(Pilates?
As if Paul's going to Pilates.)
164
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:18,720
Why are you being such a blow-job?
165
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:19,760
Becky!
166
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,440
I think you'll find my name
is Rebecca.
167
00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:22,480
No. No. Becky!
168
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:23,760
Don't be a dick.
169
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:24,800
Becky!
170
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,520
Steve, you're being annoying!
171
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,640
Becky... Just fuck off!
172
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:33,840
What the fuck was that?
173
00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:38,480
Look.
174
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:39,920
DOORBELL RINGS
175
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:42,760
Sorry.
176
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:44,920
Get the door.
177
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,280
DOORBELL RINGS
178
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:12,560
Hi, Steve. I was wondering if I
could borrow some limescale remover.
179
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,520
I was wondering if I could borrow
some limescale remover?
180
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,360
My flat's covered in limescale.
181
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,000
Is that just an excuse to come in?
182
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,480
Yeah.
183
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,720
Thanks.
184
00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:30,240
Shelly texted, said she was here.
I've written her a poem.
185
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,520
Yeah? Yeah.
186
00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,800
I'd love some feedback.
187
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,040
Not now, mate.
188
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,080
Um...I'd change that.
189
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:55,480
Really?
190
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:59,160
And I'd take out that line.
That bit, those two lines.
191
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,240
That whole section... Pretty grim.
192
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:02,640
That line.
193
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:05,800
That line
194
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:08,600
And that line.
195
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,720
And I wouldn't end on the word
"bollocks".
196
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,800
Really? Yeah.
197
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:17,680
Lucky I ran it past you.
198
00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:20,120
Laura wants to get her tits out.
199
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,800
Becky! Come and have a look at them!
200
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:22,840
Coming!
201
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:23,880
They're nice!
202
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:32,200
OK, Laur. Let's get you up, shall
we? Paul will be here in a minute.
203
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:33,840
I want to sit on the floor.
204
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,880
It's not nice on the floor,
come on.
205
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:39,000
Bring the chicken.
He's not at Pilates.
206
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,160
He says that
when he's out with some slut.
207
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,360
Drink your water. Come on.
208
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,000
I want to show Steve my tits.
209
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,280
I'm fine. I can see 'em.
Fine as they are.
210
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:50,920
Becks? Yes?
211
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,440
Can I talk to you in the kitchen?
212
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:53,800
I'm all right, thanks.
213
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:55,200
I got ID'd.
214
00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:56,720
Did you?
215
00:10:56,720 --> 00:11:01,680
They were like, "Are you over 18?"
and I was like, "Yes."
216
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:03,080
I've still got it.
217
00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:08,600
Look at the pig.
218
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:09,960
Don't be mean.
219
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,680
Come on. Drink your water.
220
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:18,320
He says he's at this Pilates
with this Graham, but he's not.
221
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,440
Laura!
222
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:25,960
Sorry, Shell.
223
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,040
SHE LAUGHS
224
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:28,880
No. It's fine.
225
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:34,960
Maybe Laura and Shelly
should wait outside for Paul.
226
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,320
They're fine.
227
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,680
Steve, what do you love
most about me?
228
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:43,840
I love everything about you.
229
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,440
Do you want to look at these?
230
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:46,520
No.
231
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,760
Will you go on holiday with me,
Steve?
232
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:49,960
Yes.
233
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,040
Becky? Come and have a nuzzle.
234
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:54,160
DOORBELL RINGS
Paul!
235
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,040
I'll get you some more water.
236
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,160
DOORBELL RINGS
237
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,680
You are so ugly.
238
00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:40,280
It's fucking killing me!
239
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:41,520
Where is she?
240
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:42,720
Bedroom.
241
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:44,800
I should go, Paul.
242
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:46,280
No. Wait.
243
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:52,080
Um...everyone, this is Graham.
Graham, this is everyone.
244
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,360
Nice to meet you all.
245
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,360
Graham's my friend. From Pilates.
246
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,800
Yes.
247
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,080
I'll wait in the car.
248
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:03,720
No! I'll be two minutes.
249
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:07,840
Why are you speaking to me
like this?
250
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:09,920
I'm not speaking to you
like anything.
251
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:10,960
Paul!
252
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,760
Listen to yourself, Paul.
253
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,000
Paul!
254
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:17,360
What?
255
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:18,760
Where have you been?
256
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,600
Pilates. Have you been drinking?
257
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,520
I had a glass of wine with my lunch.
258
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,640
For fuck's sake Laura,
you're pregnant.
259
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,400
He seems nice. Yeah.
260
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,320
Laura, come on.
261
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:32,080
(I've written you a poem.)
262
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:33,560
Will you read it to me?
263
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:35,880
I WAS at Pilates.
Look what I'm wearing!
264
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:38,440
Graham picked me up from work
and we went to Pilates.
265
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:39,880
No, you didn't.
266
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:41,760
Laura! That's not for you!
267
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,240
It's for the baby.
It sends him to sleep.
268
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,680
Laura!
269
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,360
Laura! Stop it!
270
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,080
You're better than the telly.
271
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,960
You make me wobble
like a strawberry jelly.
272
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,120
Strawberry jelly!
273
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:01,160
When I see you
my heart bangs and wallops.
274
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:04,760
And I like what you look like
when you suck on my...
275
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:08,560
..heart.
276
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:10,920
I had to change the ending.
277
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:12,800
'Graham! Come here!'
278
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:15,160
No, it's brilliant. I love it.
279
00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:18,880
Honestly, darling.
You have to believe me!
280
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:21,440
Who's this prick?
281
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,480
This is Graham.
282
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,120
Who is it?
283
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,400
This is Graham.
284
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:29,080
This is my friend Graham,
who I go to Pilates with.
285
00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:35,480
Graham?
286
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:37,440
Hello, Laura.
287
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,320
Yes, I'm Graham.
288
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,600
Lovely to meet you at last.
289
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,520
I've heard a lot about you.
290
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,080
Tell her. We've just been
to Pilates, haven't we?
291
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:48,720
Yes. We've just been to Pilates.
292
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,360
I slipped a disc last summer
293
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,560
and it's actually
rather good for the posture.
294
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,880
See?
295
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,240
Oh, my God!
296
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,160
SHE GIGGLES
297
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:07,480
Oh, my God!
298
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:11,480
So he hasn't been with
some fucking whore?
299
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:12,720
No.
300
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,080
Well, I hope not, anyway.
301
00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:19,040
No. Of course not.
Those days are behind me.
302
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:21,360
Oh, my God! Paul!
303
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:32,920
Have you got a stiffy?
304
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:34,000
No.
305
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,600
Laura!
306
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:39,000
I'd better be off.
Nice to meet you all.
307
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,720
Yes. Lovely to meet you.
308
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:41,840
Yes.
309
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:47,920
That is just sick.
310
00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:49,840
Graham, one minute.
311
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,040
Look at the pig.
312
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:52,480
Laura, don't be horrible.
313
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:54,240
You're a fucking mess.
314
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,920
OK, Laura. Calm down.
315
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,160
Have you no shame, pig?
316
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,200
Why are you marrying her?
317
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:11,360
Well, it's...
318
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:16,920
Well, we've paid for the venue.
319
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,560
OK.
320
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,120
Graham. Please.
321
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:27,840
We can't do this.
322
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:31,040
Yes, we can.
323
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,440
It's not fair on me, Paul.
324
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,160
I'm sorry.
325
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,120
Graham.
326
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:44,440
Please!
327
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,800
You smell like a pig
and you stink like a pig. >
328
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:05,280
All right?
329
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,200
No, Laura.
You can't speak to me like that.
330
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,880
You're just so unpregnant,
it makes me want to shit.
331
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,200
(Come on.)
332
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,680
OK. I'm going to leave now, Laura.
333
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:36,200
Go get that spastic to flick
your flaky little bean. Go on.
334
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,880
Pig! I'm speaking to you!
335
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:39,920
Pig!
336
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:41,080
Just shut up!
337
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:42,440
Ooh!
338
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:46,120
I am not a pig! I am Shelly!
339
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:48,760
All right. Go flick your bean,
Shelly.
340
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,000
Paul!
341
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,200
No! I will not go flick my bean!
342
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,360
You're going to be someone's mother!
You cannot behave like this!
343
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:59,600
This is not on!
I will not stand for it any longer!
344
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,680
It is not on!
345
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,400
You might have financial problems,
and you and Paul
346
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:09,320
might have other problems too,
but that's no excuse.
347
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:11,160
We don't have problems, do we?
348
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:12,960
No, of course not.
349
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,320
See? Silly fat pig.
350
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:18,840
Laura! I am not a pig
and this is not on!
351
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:22,760
Sometimes you're really not a nice
person! And you're getting worse!
352
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,480
Go fuck yourself, you slag!
353
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:29,360
I am NICE!
And I am only ever nice to you!
354
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:33,400
And you just make me cry!
I go home and I cry!
355
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:34,920
Because of you!
356
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:37,680
And you keep doing this to people
and you'll have no friends left
357
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:40,480
and I'm going to piss my fucking
pants when that happens.
358
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,360
I'm going to have a party,
and everyone will be there,
359
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:47,440
and you won't be invited and
it'll be exactly what you deserve!
360
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,520
It'll be exactly what you deserve
because you are a nasty,
361
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,240
ignorant, cruel FUCKING BITCH!
362
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,640
You make me cry, Laura,
363
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,960
and you'll die alone,
and I will dance on your grave!
364
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:05,080
I will dance for hours
on your stupid grave,
365
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:08,920
you horrible, BLOODY BITCH!
366
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,480
You do know I'm pregnant,
don't you, Shelly.
367
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:27,520
Incredible.
368
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:30,680
Excuse me, everyone.
369
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:35,760
Paul.
370
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:40,960
Are you OK, my beautiful?
371
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,320
Dan, that...
372
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,360
Well, that was horrible.
373
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,760
I can't explain why I did what I did,
374
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:38,000
but you have to know,
I had a really good reason.
375
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,400
Yeah? What's that then?
376
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:43,480
I can't tell you.
377
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:44,520
Wow. OK.
378
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,120
Oh, for God's sake.
379
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:50,160
You OK?
380
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,480
We were having a really nice night.
381
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:57,800
I know we were.
382
00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,200
No. Please!
383
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,280
I didn't mean to hurt you.
384
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,920
Becks. I didn't mean to hurt you!
385
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:11,960
So why did you?
386
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:14,840
Where are you going?
387
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,280
For a walk.
388
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,680
I swear on my mum's life, there's
a perfectly good explanation.
389
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,880
I'm really sorry for hurting you
because I'd never want to hurt you.
390
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:24,400
Please. Becky.
391
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:25,640
No! Becky!
392
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,440
The ring's in the...
Don't go anywhere.
393
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:46,640
It was in the bread bin.
394
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,320
It was all part of a...
395
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,040
I had this.
396
00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:54,400
I'd learnt it.
397
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,200
It was all part of, like, a plan,
398
00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:00,160
which is why I didn't want you
going in the bread bin.
399
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:03,640
And we were going to drink this.
400
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,400
I nicked the glasses from The Goose.
I'm so sorry.
401
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,200
I just didn't want you to find it.
402
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,920
I'm so, so sorry, Becks.
Please don't go.
403
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,960
I swear on my mum's life.
I swear on your life.
404
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,840
I swear on my life
and I'd swear on everything.
405
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:24,400
I am so sorry.
I beg you, please don't go anywhere.
406
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,560
How long have you been
planning this?
407
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:30,800
Ages.
408
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,800
Are you going to read it to me
or not?
409
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:36,280
This?
410
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:38,000
Do you want me to?
411
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,160
OK. Here?
412
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:45,280
My dearest darling Rebecca - Becky.
413
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:54,560
Today is our first anniversary
but it feels like our 50th.
414
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:58,560
The world began when we met.
415
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,000
It's like we've spent
our whole lives in bed
416
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,560
and getting interrupted
by Dan and Laura.
417
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:07,800
Everything else in the world
is so boring except for you.
418
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,600
I get bored when you're on the loo.
419
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,200
We're the same person.
420
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:13,760
You're as different from me
421
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,160
as one of my arms is
or one of my thoughts is.
422
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:17,440
When I first met you,
423
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:19,640
I didn't think it was possible
to love someone more.
424
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:21,520
Now every day, I find that it is.
425
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:25,080
The days go by so quickly
and we grow up and our lives change
426
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:28,400
but the one certain thing in all of
it is that I'll always be with you.
427
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,720
So I've got something
I want to ask you.
428
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:37,680
That was when I was going to take
the dressing gown off.
429
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:43,320
Then what?
430
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,800
Well, then there was this thing.
431
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:49,800
Shall I get it?
432
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,400
Like in Deal Or No Deal.
433
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,880
You have to choose one, I'll open it
and it'll give you the answer.
434
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:24,360
Sure?
435
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,400
You can swap.
436
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,800
My mum helped me make 'em.
437
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:52,160
That's so cool.
438
00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:57,880
Then there was more. Shall I?
439
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,520
I know we say
we don't believe in it,
440
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,160
but what's so bad
about getting married?
441
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:12,400
We'd get to spend
the rest of our lives together.
442
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,640
We could be a little family.
443
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,200
And we don't have to be
dicks about it.
444
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,120
We don't have to have a big wedding.
445
00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:22,080
We don't have to invite
any arseholes.
446
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:23,720
I'd just like to marry you...
447
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:29,040
because
I'd get to call you my wife.
448
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:30,480
And I'd be so proud.
449
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:37,880
We'd never have to worry
about anything ever again. So...
450
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:54,800
Well, you've really fucked
this up, haven't you?
451
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,440
Have you asked my dad's permission?
452
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,080
How did that go?
453
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:07,520
How do you think?
454
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:15,680
Well, I'm not getting married
in a bloody church.
455
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:22,400
We can do it literally
anywhere you want.
456
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,160
Of course I'll marry you,
you silly prick.
457
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:38,080
Thank God for that!
458
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,480
I'm so sorry about...
459
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:49,600
Ssh! Don't worry.
460
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:50,760
I'm so sorry.
461
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,160
I can't believe I hurt you.
462
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:57,840
I just... I'm so, so, so, so sorry.
463
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:04,480
Oh, yeah.
464
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:07,720
One more thing.
465
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:19,560
? Come closer, come close and listen
466
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:23,160
? The beat of my heart
keeps on missing
467
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:26,480
? I notice it most
when we're kissing... ?
468
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:30,280
You are such a pillock.
469
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,400
? Come closer and cuddle me tight
470
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,920
? My heart goes boom bang-a-bang
boom bang-a-bang
471
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,040
? When you are near
472
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,360
? Boom bang-a-bang
boom bang-a-bang
473
00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:43,080
? Loud in my ear
474
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:46,360
? Pounding away, pounding away
Won't you be mine?
475
00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:49,600
? Boom bang-a-bang-bang
all the time. ?
476
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:56,480
Subtitling by Red Bee Media Ltd
477
00:27:56,530 --> 00:28:01,080
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