Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:06,319
This programme contains adult humour
and some strong language.
2
00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:09,039
Why would I want to marry you?
Fucking stink!
3
00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:11,040
What's this?
4
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:14,639
Don't you dare get married
before me.
5
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,440
I was just wondering if I could
have a word about me and Becky?
6
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:22,439
Sorry if I was a bit, you know,
when we did things.
7
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,159
No, don't worry.
8
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,359
I don't know what to do
with my hands.
9
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,159
Don't worry.
10
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,319
Don't ask her to marry you, Steve.
She doesn't like you.
11
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:34,039
She doesn't care about you.
She doesn't love you.
12
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:35,920
No-one does.
13
00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,239
Would you still love me
14
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:42,439
if I wore this every day
for the rest of my life?
15
00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,240
Probably.
16
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:52,074
-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==-
17
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,480
Have we got any beers?
18
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,400
Becks! There's no beers
in the fridge!
19
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:16,639
Are you speaking to me?
20
00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:19,480
MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES
21
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,479
There's no beers in the fridge.
22
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,079
There must be.
23
00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:27,879
My mum's just got off the bus.
24
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,719
Don't sit there.
25
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,319
God.
26
00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:33,079
A lot of, it wasn't there?
27
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:34,760
Yep.
28
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,959
You enjoyed that, didn't you?
29
00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:40,999
You had a lovely time.
30
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,719
Don't talk to it.
31
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,560
Gimme that.
32
00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:48,280
That.
33
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,880
Bit more?
34
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,559
We've run out of beers!
35
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,679
Shall we talk when I've
finished this, yeah?
36
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,839
We've run out of beers!
37
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,319
Have a look in the cupboard!
38
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:19,799
I have!
39
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,239
There's no beers in the fridge
or the cupboard?!
40
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:23,799
No! We've run out!
41
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,680
Oh, shit.
42
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,440
There must be one in the cupboard.
43
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:34,039
Why's Barney not got us any?
44
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,720
He's visiting his mum.
45
00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:43,359
Wasn't there one on the shelf?
46
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,000
I drank it.
47
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,760
Oh, I think I saw one
behind the...
48
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,199
Thank God for that.
49
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,639
DOOR BELL RINGS
50
00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:57,520
Hopefully she'll have some with her.
51
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,440
Hi, Mum.
52
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,279
Thanks, Becky.
53
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,319
Mike is being a dick.
54
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:10,639
He's trashing my bloody house.
55
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,880
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
56
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:16,959
Excuse me.
57
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,599
What?
58
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:22,639
Yeah, well, that is bollocks, Mike,
because if you did love me,
59
00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:24,640
you wouldn't be trashing my house.
60
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:29,200
Imagine loving your mum.
61
00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:32,400
Shut up. I love her.
62
00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,880
You don't love her.
You just want to fuck her.
63
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,000
Wow.
64
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:45,799
It's Children In Need.
65
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,479
I'm not watching Children In Need
without a beer.
66
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:49,839
You should use my roll-on.
67
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,199
We're gonna have to go Azeem's
now, aren't we?
68
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,520
Cans are a pound each.
69
00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:56,719
Anything?
70
00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:58,799
I found the Marmite.
71
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,439
Have some of that.
72
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,319
We're saving that
for a special occasion.
73
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,400
That.
74
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:16,160
I can't believe
I'm considering drinking this.
75
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,079
If you even try and make me
clear that up,
76
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,480
I promise you I'll
pull your bollocks off.
77
00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,879
Hello, hello, hello.
The door was open...
78
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,799
Don't come in. I smashed a glass.
79
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,920
It's gone everywhere.
80
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,280
Can you chuck us our shoes?
81
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,679
Yep.
82
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,199
So, The One Show's on at seven.
83
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:48,319
Then Children In Need
starts at half past.
84
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,560
What time are they announcing
the grand total?
85
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,399
I didn't mean chuck.
86
00:04:58,400 --> 00:04:59,959
Sorry.
87
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,279
Do you reckon Darren
would get us free pizzas?
88
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:04,240
Dunno. I'll call him.
89
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,000
What shall we get?
Couple of meat feasts?
90
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,439
Ow, Dan!
91
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,200
Sorry!
92
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,199
What do you think
about the meat feasts?
93
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,519
Extra meat? Yeah, course.
94
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,879
Two? Three. Four.
95
00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:24,719
That's two pizzas each.
96
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:26,560
You're so boring.
97
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,639
Did you want anything?
98
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,799
Nope. No. Just...filling time.
99
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,479
Until...?
100
00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,200
Dunno.
101
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,640
I found this.
102
00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,760
That's nice.
103
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:55,399
Just get out of my house
or I'm calling the police.
104
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,120
Mike's being horrible to my mum.
105
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:10,159
What you're saying, Mike,
is sexist. Yes, it is.
106
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,040
It's the most sexist thing
I've ever heard.
107
00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:17,959
Because you're treating me...
You are treating me
108
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,439
like a piece of meat and I am not.
109
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,120
I am not a piece of meat.
110
00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:27,040
Mike?
111
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,959
Trust me, Mike.
112
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,599
It was in your coat.
113
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,599
What were you looking there for?
114
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,639
Just... Trust me.
Money.
115
00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:38,879
Nice.
116
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,039
I will say what I want.
This is a free country, Mike.
117
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,959
My Uncle Pierce,
he fought in the war,
118
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:47,800
so you could...
Oh, here we go again.
119
00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:53,639
For God's sake,
I haven't changed my hair.
120
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,759
I'm gonna apply for a job.
121
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:57,400
Yeah? What as?
122
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,279
Do you remember what
I said to you at the bingo?
123
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:02,999
Dunno.
124
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,639
Right.
125
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,560
Do you remember what
I said to you at the bingo?!
126
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:13,640
At the bingo! When we won
the waffle-maker.
127
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,000
I need a poo.
128
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:22,679
OK. Are you gonna do one?
129
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:24,359
No, not yet.
130
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,839
I'm gonna leave it to the last
minute so it's nicer.
131
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:28,639
Yeah. I do that. Yeah.
132
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,440
Saves you having to push.
133
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,120
Yeah. I like the feeling
when it slips out.
134
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,559
Steve's not interested, Mike.
135
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,719
This morning, I filmed... Too far.
136
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:42,240
Yep.
137
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,799
He's coming over.
138
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,239
Hey.
139
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:51,959
Don't worry, OK?
I'm not gonna let him hurt you.
140
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:53,599
I can't let him in, Steve.
141
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,839
I won't let him in.
I'll block the door.
142
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,919
He's not going to get past me.
143
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,319
He's just saying all these
bad things about me.
144
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:02,079
New telly.
145
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,679
It's Laura's.
They had it delivered here.
146
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,079
Pardon?
147
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,719
They had it delivered.
148
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,240
Oh, right.
149
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,960
Children In Need's on tonight.
150
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:17,719
I've met Wogan.
151
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,319
I'm gonna go in there.
152
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,039
Cool.
153
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:24,079
I'm sure it'll blow over. He's just
feeling down at the moment.
154
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:28,039
He's probably got problems at
work. The thing is, you know, he's saying all these bad things,
155
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,399
like people do,
but he's just being Mike.
156
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,519
He's just being emotional.
157
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,280
Yeah.
158
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:40,319
I should probably open a window.
159
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,280
Yeah.
160
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:48,400
Shall I open it?
161
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:51,720
Nah.
162
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,359
Can I get you an ashtray?
163
00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:00,080
No. You're all right.
164
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:08,599
Yeah. With extra meat.
165
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,480
Extra meat.
166
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:17,080
No, I've got three bars.
It's you, Darren. We want extra meat.
167
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,680
We've been through this, Mike.
168
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,480
We've been through this.
169
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:30,960
He's doing my bloody head in.
170
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,119
Yeah, extra meat.
171
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,919
You know you shouldn't be on
the phone when you're driving.
172
00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:39,560
Don't sit there.
173
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,319
Mike!
174
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:45,160
I'll text you. I'll text you.
175
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:06,479
Are you done?
176
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,800
Yeah.
177
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:12,640
You can keep it.
178
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,879
Thanks.
179
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,640
DOOR BELL RINGS
180
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,400
Dan stuck his finger
in the Marmite.
181
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,720
Oh, I see.
182
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,559
What did you think I meant?
183
00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:43,639
You don't wanna know.
184
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,360
DOOR BELL RINGS
185
00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:56,199
All right?
186
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,680
Hey, Steve.
187
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,640
Becks. Oh, love the hair.
188
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:04,920
Dan.
189
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:08,119
Paul. Give 'em a kiss.
190
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,080
Start with Steve.
191
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,399
Hello.
192
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:15,959
Hi.
193
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,800
Both cheeks.
194
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,879
I'm actually all right, thanks.
195
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:28,119
He's got to learn, Becks.
196
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,199
He never kisses anyone
when he meets them.
197
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,559
Seriously, don't worry about it.
Both cheeks.
198
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,239
Don't.
199
00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,240
Oh, Becks. You're so frigid.
200
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,440
Erm... Are those yours to open?
201
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,959
Mr DF Perkins. Have you ever
heard of a Mr DF Perkins
202
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:48,640
living round here?
203
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,159
You're so banal.
204
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:57,599
Where's your mum?
205
00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,079
Mike, this is my flat. You're not
coming in here. Fuck off.
206
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:03,079
Show me your other phone!
Mike! Get out! I mean it!
207
00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:04,599
Give me your phone.
208
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:05,999
I don't know what you mean.
209
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,039
Scary.
210
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:08,399
You know exactly what I mean.
211
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:09,959
Shut up.
212
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,559
Oh, my God, Paul. Look at our telly!
213
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,239
It's big, isn't it?
214
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:14,839
It is big.
215
00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,079
Just give me it!
216
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:18,959
It cost us �2,000.
I should hope it's big.
217
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,159
It cost us what?
218
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,439
Hey, Janet. Gimme your cheek.
219
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:25,279
Yes. Hello.
220
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,399
Janet. Paul.
221
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,080
All right? Yeah.
222
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:33,320
Mike, don't be such a grumpy guts.
Gimme your cheek.
223
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,599
Erm. Dan? Yeah?
224
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,919
You OK? Yeah.
225
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,640
Good.
226
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,719
You using our loo?
227
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,199
Yeah.
228
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,719
Steve! Tell him!
229
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,759
Yeah. I'm coming! Dan...
230
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:50,879
I'll flush it.
231
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:52,759
I know you will. OK.
232
00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:54,479
You only live up there.
233
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:55,759
It's coming out.
234
00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:56,999
Come on, mate.
235
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,199
Fuck off, the lot of you.
236
00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,399
Oh, Mike.
237
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:00,519
Right, this is the one.
238
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,479
Tell him, Steve.
There's nothing on it.
239
00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:05,280
Well, why have you got two phones
then? Why do you need two phones?
240
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:16,080
ENGINE RUMBLES OUTSIDE
241
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,999
Bollocks. Mike!
242
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,559
It's my old phone, Mike.
There's nothing on it.
243
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,399
Come on, Mike.
244
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,279
Sent Monday at 11.17pm -
245
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,039
when she told me she was on her
way home from Jenny's.
246
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,839
Jenny's got a new number.
I haven't saved it yet.
247
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:50,959
Look, this is all just a big
misunderstanding.
248
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,039
Why don't you pop to Azeem's,
get us a few beers... It's locked!
249
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,119
Press unlock. Then the star key.
250
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,559
I'll do it.
251
00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,040
Men...!
252
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:07,119
Press unlock. Then the star key.
253
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,000
OK, Paul. I don't need your help.
254
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:13,799
Now. How does one unlock a Nokia?
255
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:15,839
Press unlock, then the star key!
256
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,279
For fuck's sake.
257
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,239
All right. Keep your hair on.
258
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:20,959
Sent Monday at 11.17pm.
259
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,359
Mike...
260
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,959
"Thanks for a fun night.
It's like we're both teenagers."
261
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,559
She's clearly texting Jenny.
This is ridiculous. Yeah.
262
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,279
"It was great to see you. I haven't
had a night like that in ages."
263
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,839
Come on, Mike.
It's Children In Need.
264
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,799
He's being silly, isn't he?
So silly.
265
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:39,160
"Next time, if you're good,
I'll let you put it in my mouth."
266
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,160
Come on, that's clearly...
267
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,360
That's clearly...
268
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:55,679
Mum!
269
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,559
We were toasting marshmallows.
270
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,639
Bollocks! Mike.
271
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:04,279
We were toasting marshmallows
and Jenny wanted to feed me one
272
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:07,319
and I wouldn't let her
because she hadn't been good.
273
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,399
That's such bollocks!
274
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,919
Mike, please.
275
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:15,359
So I simply said to her, next time,
if she's good, I'll let her
276
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:20,599
put it - the marshmallow -
I'll let her put it in my mouth.
277
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,439
Now what's wrong with that?
278
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:24,439
Right. Fine.
I'll read you another one.
279
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:26,679
No. I don't think we need
to hear any more.
280
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,319
To be honest, Mike,
in Janet's defence,
281
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,479
I wouldn't let someone feed me
a marshmallow.
282
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,279
She wasn't eating a fucking
marshmallow!
283
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,799
OK, Laura...
284
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:39,039
I like to eat at my own pace,
don't I, Paul? Yeah.
285
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,039
It's because I'm pregnant.
286
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,999
I don't even like marshmallows.
I really don't.
287
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,919
Crazy, I know, but I think it's
the texture. They're so springy.
288
00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:50,879
I'm the same with flumps.
Now don't get me wrong.
289
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,159
I could eat cola bottles
till they come out of my nose
290
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,919
and sometimes they do.
But would I eat a marshmallow?
291
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,280
No. And would I eat a flump?
No, I wouldn't.
292
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,519
Though I do like nougat.
293
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,519
I like those giant snakes...
294
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,879
For fuck's sake! Can't you all
just fuck off?
295
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:10,439
Mike. I was round Jenny's.
We were toasting marshmallows.
296
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,160
Now there is no need
for that language.
297
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:33,519
Can I get anyone a nice
glass of Advocaat?
298
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,239
Ooh. Yeah. I'll have one.
299
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:36,559
Mum?
300
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,240
No, I'll have this.
301
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,679
Laura?
302
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:45,199
Do you have any plum juice?
303
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,159
No.
304
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,199
You don't have any plum juice?
305
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:50,880
No.
306
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,639
Incredible.
307
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,919
Have you ever had plum juice, Janet?
308
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:57,919
No. Becks? Really?
309
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,240
PHONE RINGS
310
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:12,759
Did you give anyone our number?
311
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:15,280
No. What is our number?
312
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,240
Dunno.
313
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:22,640
Are you going to answer it?
314
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,319
DOOR BELL RINGS
315
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,160
Pizzas!
316
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,959
Hello, Shelly. All right?
317
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,040
Hi, guys. Thanks for this.
318
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,599
Laura's been so good with him
but I think he's getting a bit,
319
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:51,599
you know. Laura's Laura, isn't she,
which is great
320
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:56,799
but she can be a bit...
Well, I don't want to say anything
321
00:17:56,800 --> 00:18:00,279
because she's been so good actually
helping with Kieran
322
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,079
but it's so nice of you
to give her a break
323
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,999
and I know Kieran's excited,
aren't you?
324
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,479
Yeah. I've got his toothbrush
in there and his DS,
325
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:14,319
and he's got swimming in the morning
so make sure he takes this with him.
326
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:18,199
It starts at eight but he likes
to get there for 7.30.
327
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,639
Does he? Yeah. Fantastic.
328
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:25,399
And you might need to help him with
his costume, Becky, if that's OK.
329
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,719
What do you mean?
330
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:31,479
And he might wet the bed a little
bit tonight but he's got his pyjamas
331
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:33,280
so it shouldn't leak.
332
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,239
Laura said she'd spoken to you.
333
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,959
Erm...
334
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:41,760
By the way, Becka, Shelly's
going to... Oh, good.
335
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,159
So is it OK if he stays?
336
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:53,839
Um... Um...
337
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,640
I got you these.
338
00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:01,039
Yeah, he's more than welcome,
isn't he? Yeah. Definitely.
339
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:05,599
Thanks. Just stick him on the sofa.
He won't mind. Will you?
340
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,559
You'll be all right on the sofa
341
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,400
while Mummy goes to work,
won't you? Eh?
342
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:14,600
Thanks.
343
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,359
Do you mind
if he uses your loo?
344
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:21,799
No, of course not. Dan, you going
to hurry up in there?!
345
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,639
Yeah! Kieran needs the loo!
346
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,519
OK!
347
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,440
You all right, Dan?
348
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:30,600
Yep.
349
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,719
Thanks, guys.
I really appreciate it.
350
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,359
Ah. Don't worry at all.
351
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:39,119
Yeah. It'll be really nice
to have him. Thanks.
352
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:40,799
Children In Need's on tonight.
353
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,679
I know. I was talking to someone
about it on the bus.
354
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,600
Were you?
355
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,439
Right, Mike. Me and Janet
have talked it through
356
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,080
and we think you're being
a fucking twat.
357
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,919
Thanks, Steve.
358
00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:01,040
We were toasting marshmallows,
Mike. I swear on Steve's life.
359
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,519
How's my favourite little page boy?
360
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:09,119
Have you brought
his special pyjamas? Yeah.
361
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:12,079
Stick him in a bin bag,
just to be safe.
362
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,759
We're gonna get the Advocaat.
363
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,960
Lovely. And I'll take one
of them for my Paul. Thank you.
364
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,639
How are we doing in here?
Everything OK?
365
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,280
Hey, baby! I got your nose!
366
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,919
Oh, my goodness, Kieran.
What's that?
367
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,439
SHE LAUGHS
368
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,960
I'm so good with kids.
369
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,279
The truth is, Mike,
370
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:45,640
I just don't like people
putting marshmallows in my mouth.
371
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,599
I know you don't. I know.
372
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,359
And she was cooking it on a fire.
Imagine how hot it was.
373
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:54,799
I bet it was really hot.
374
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:58,199
It was. Then she starts
shoving it in my face.
375
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,359
I don't know what came over her.
376
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:03,279
She was just shoving the bloody
marshmallow in my face.
377
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,239
Well, yeah. That would annoy me,
if I'm honest.
378
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:08,840
Exactly. Exactly.
379
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:14,279
You swear on Steve's life
that's what happened?
380
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,120
I swear on Steve's life.
Just trust me.
381
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:21,600
Yeah.
382
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,559
OK.
383
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:30,239
Good. Now we got pizzas coming,
Children In Need's on,
384
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,879
so why don't you pop down Azeem's,
get us a few beers
385
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,440
and we can have a nice little
celebration?
386
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,719
Becks! Can you help us
with the telly?!
387
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,079
OK!
388
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,319
Do you know how much it cost, Becks?
389
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:55,319
Yeah, I heard.
390
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,599
I'm sorry you're stuck with Kieran.
391
00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,919
He's so weak. Do you know what
I mean? Like, physically weak.
392
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,400
But also, mentally, just so weak.
393
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,639
Oh. Hello.
394
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,839
Hi.
395
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:14,079
Dan, this is Kieran.
Kieran, this is Mummy's friend, Dan.
396
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:15,880
Hello. Hi!
397
00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:29,239
I tell you what.
398
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,039
If this Jenny starts trying
to feed me with marshmallows,
399
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,279
I'll knock her fucking teeth out.
400
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,359
It's all been sorted now so shall we
stop talking about it?
401
00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:39,560
I wasn't talking about it.
402
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,080
You haven't been answering my calls.
403
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,519
We got robbed at work
and they took my phone.
404
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,319
Oh, bloody hell.
405
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,319
Don't. Laura's in there.
406
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,320
Did you tell the police?
407
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:01,239
Hello.
408
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:02,680
Hello.
409
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,279
Do you wanna see a magic trick?
410
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:09,840
OK.
411
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,039
Abracadabra.
412
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,600
You can have that.
413
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:28,520
Thanks.
414
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,759
Children In Need's on tonight.
415
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:33,599
I know.
416
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,599
Do you wanna come round after work
and watch it on iPlayer?
417
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,999
I need to pick Kieran up
from swimming and then...
418
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,599
Shelly! Are you two going to help
or are you going to stand there
419
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:42,959
like a pair of paedos?
420
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,640
Oh, yes. Sorry, Laura.
421
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:49,999
DOOR BELL RINGS
422
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,679
Right, let's set you up
in here then.
423
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,080
OK. That's it, good boy.
424
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,240
Put this up.
425
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,599
OK? Mummy's got to head off now.
426
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:06,440
Shelly! Coming!
427
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:10,919
Me and Graham lift shit twice
as heavy as this on a daily basis.
428
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,399
DOOR BELL RINGS
429
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:14,879
You and Dan take one end.
430
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,519
Can we just take this home, please?
431
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:18,719
We're going to miss
the start of Children In Need.
432
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:20,799
You all right, Steve?
I've got your pizzas.
433
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:22,999
Lovely. Thanks, mate.
How much do we owe you?
434
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:24,600
Just call it a fiver.
435
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,199
Here you are. Thanks, mate.
436
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:31,639
Thanks, Darren.
437
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,559
Paul's here. Do you wanna say hello?
438
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:35,159
I'd better not.
My bike's down there.
439
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,319
No worries. See you later.
Yeah. See you.
440
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:40,559
Ooh! Bloody hell!
What happened to your neck?
441
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:43,319
Oh, yeah. One of the perks
of the job, isn't it?
442
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:44,879
Is it?
443
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,479
What do you mean?
444
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,679
I've got this MILF I deliver to.
She's fucking nuts.
445
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,920
She keeps texting me this filth
about fucking her in the...
446
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,120
Oh...
447
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,680
I'd better be off actually.
448
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,560
Erm...
449
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:13,319
You fucking liar!
450
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:14,799
Don't swear at me, Mike!
451
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:16,359
You total fucking liar!
452
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:19,320
I will not have you speaking to me
in this manner. It's just rude.
453
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,559
That Janet, I know she doesn't
look like much
454
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:25,600
but she gives the most amazing...
She's my mum.
455
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,080
Oh.
456
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:32,160
Awkward!
457
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,200
I'll go open the boot.
458
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,119
Oh, by the way, Becks, little tip.
459
00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:43,159
If Kieran has a nightmare, film it.
It's hilarious.
460
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,799
He sounds like he's dying.
Doesn't he, Shell?
461
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,319
Yeah.
462
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,239
Sorry, it's really heavy.
463
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:51,480
Well, help him, Shell.
Don't be a knob.
464
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,240
Thanks.
465
00:25:58,320 --> 00:25:59,719
You said she was an eight.
466
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:01,679
I said seven or an eight.
You said eight.
467
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:03,679
Well, you should see her
with her top off.
468
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:05,079
Ah. Jesus.
469
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:07,919
So is she good in bed then, Darren?
Yeah. She's a nutcase.
470
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:10,119
What does she do?
Everything. Anything.
471
00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:12,119
Bloody hell!
472
00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:14,400
She's got this cupboard
in her house...
473
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:18,520
Oh, my God.
474
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:22,680
Your mum...is shagging Darren!
475
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,119
I think that is going to go down
476
00:26:27,120 --> 00:26:30,480
as the worst moment
of my entire life.
477
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:39,759
Oh, for God's sake.
478
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:42,239
What?
479
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,599
The top one's vegetarian.
480
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:46,960
There must be some meat on it.
481
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,879
TOILET FLUSHES
482
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:52,920
Oh, this is the fucking pits.
483
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,679
You OK?
484
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:04,920
There was no toilet roll.
485
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:22,919
Thanks.
486
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:26,759
Your mum had to go.
She said say goodbye, didn't she?
487
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:30,040
Yeah. But she's really excited
about seeing you tomorrow.
488
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,440
Do you like pizza?
489
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,759
Hey! Come on!
490
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,839
There's no need for that!
Come on, big man!
491
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:47,519
Your mum'll be back tomorrow to pick
you up from swimming.
492
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:50,399
And in the meantime, we've got loads
and loads and loads of pizzas.
493
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:52,159
All the pizza you can eat.
494
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:54,639
We'll watch telly and you can
have as much of it as you want.
495
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:56,119
Imagine that!
496
00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:59,199
And then, we'll play a really,
really, really fun tidying up game
497
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,840
in the kitchen where
we get to pick up bits of glass!
498
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:05,880
OK?
499
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:09,360
Yeah? Yeah.
500
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:13,839
Good.
501
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,319
Now Children In Need's
about to start.
502
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:17,920
Let's go and eat some pizza!
503
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,920
We'll give him the vegetarian one.
504
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:31,679
? My heart goes boom bang-a-bang
505
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:33,919
? Boom bang-a-bang, when you are near
506
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,759
? Boom bang-a-bang, boom bang-a-bang
507
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:37,719
? Loud in my ear
508
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:39,799
? Pounding away, pounding away
509
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:41,639
? Won't you be mine?
510
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:44,200
? Boom bang-a-bang-bang all the time
511
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,759
? It's such a lovely feeling
512
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:51,880
? When I'm in your arms
513
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,199
? Don't go away, I wanna stay
514
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:57,199
? My whole life through
515
00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:58,919
? Boom bang-a-bang-bang
516
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:00,600
? Close to you. ?
517
00:29:01,305 --> 00:30:01,816
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
518
00:30:01,866 --> 00:30:06,416
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35737
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
