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1
00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:04,800
You'd better get it out.
You dropped it!
2
00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:09,240
I really need a piss.
Well, don't piss on it!
3
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:13,600
Are you gonna get it out or not?
I'm not touching it!
4
00:00:13,601 --> 00:00:15,719
Think of all the things
I've done in there.
5
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:22,000
How much
would I have to pay you to eat it?
6
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:25,800
Fuck it.
7
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,560
Oh, Becky!
What shall I do with it?
8
00:00:29,561 --> 00:00:31,719
Don't put it near me.
It's dripping! Stop shouting!
9
00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:34,480
Don't put it in the sink!
Oh, for God's sake! HE GASPS
10
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,159
I'm never having a bath, ever again!
11
00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:40,120
Cos you're always having baths,
aren't you(?)
12
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:49,480
Do you want some water?
13
00:00:49,481 --> 00:00:51,240
URINE TRICKLES
14
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,199
TRICKLING STOPS
Steve?
15
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,760
I can't wee and talk
at the same time.
16
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,240
Make sure it all goes in the loo.
17
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:19,480
URINE TRICKLES
Eugh!
18
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,919
You know, one of the perks
of living with you
19
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,640
is every time I need the toilet,
I get to tread in your wee.
20
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,759
TOILET FLUSHES
21
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:42,440
You planned saying that,
didn't you? Yep.
22
00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,920
Does Laura know we're getting
up early? Yeah, I told her.
23
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:50,799
You all right?
24
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,840
Yeah.
25
00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,119
You're putting toothpaste
on your head.
26
00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:59,240
I've got a spot coming.
It dries the skin out.
27
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:01,720
Of course it does.
28
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,919
What are we gonna do
if one of us dies?
29
00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:16,640
We're not gonna die.
30
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,920
HE SIGHS
31
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,159
We look a bit like each other.
32
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,360
Fuck off!
33
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,239
HE GROWLS PLAYFULLY
34
00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:45,560
Steve!
35
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,040
Do you think you'd be upset
if Laura died?
36
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:54,880
No, but if she died,
37
00:02:54,881 --> 00:02:56,980
do you think you'd feel
genuinely sad, or start
38
00:02:56,981 --> 00:02:59,079
to feel better after an hour or so?
Steve.
39
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:00,560
What? She's my sister.
40
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,919
(I think I'd probably
like her more if she was dead.)
41
00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:06,360
That's better.
42
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,239
I miss her so much!
43
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,919
Why couldn't they take me instead?
KNOCK AT DOOR
44
00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,559
Becks, I really need my poo now.
45
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,200
OK, Laur. We're nearly done.
46
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,440
No-one needs a poo
this time of night.
47
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:37,440
OK, Steve.
48
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,839
Was that an impression of my mum?
49
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,960
Becks, the loo roll's wet!
Have a look in the cupboard.
50
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,679
Fine, I'll do impressions
of your mum, then.
51
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,160
(AS STEVE'S MUM) OK, Steve.
52
00:03:52,161 --> 00:03:54,399
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
I'm a silly little bitch
53
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,759
and my husband
basically walks all over me
54
00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,279
and I've got a shit sense of humour
55
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,160
and I go to church.
LAURA FARTS, GRUNTS
56
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:03,320
Wow.
57
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:08,600
It's no worse than what you said.
Bloody hell!
58
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,639
Paul, mate, are you
gonna put some clothes on?
59
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:21,400
HE GRUNTS
I wanna sleep with my knob out.
60
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,360
HE CLEARS THROAT
OK.
61
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,999
Shell, can you move your head?
SHE MUMBLES
62
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,760
Shell!
63
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,199
Can you move your head, Shelly?
I need to get an egg.
64
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,560
SHE WHIMPERS
65
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,479
Come on, mate.
Put your pants back on.
66
00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:02,239
Are you gonna make that bitch
clean her fucking teeth?
67
00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,599
Just put something on, yeah?
68
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,959
In the morning
her breath's like cat shit.
69
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,999
YOU STINK OF CAT SHIT!
70
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,599
Put your clothes on, Paul.
71
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,559
She kisses me in the morning.
72
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:17,359
It's like kissing
a... a fucking litter tray!
73
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,119
Paul!
74
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:22,519
Stop shouting, Paul.
You're causing a disturbance.
75
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:23,639
Come on, mate.
76
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,759
Did I tell you about Karleshia,
Becks? Yeah.
77
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:29,119
She's the one whose job I'm
overtaking. Yeah, you said.
78
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,719
It's like a fairy story.
79
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,559
One minute she's on
the perfume counter at Boots,
80
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,479
the next minute, she's on X Factor.
You said, Laur.
81
00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:37,980
They put her through
to Bootcamp, but she
82
00:05:37,981 --> 00:05:39,480
didn't make the finals
cos it's fixed.
83
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:41,719
Karleshia?
84
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:44,140
All I'm saying is,
everything happens for
85
00:05:44,141 --> 00:05:46,559
a reason and you
make your own luck.
86
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,039
Hm, Laura, you've got
toothpaste on your cheek.
87
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,999
I've got a spot coming, Steve.
88
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,040
It dries the skin out.
89
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,999
Well, you both look
absolutely lovely.
90
00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,760
Eugh, Becky!
91
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,080
You'll be the ones
with the hangovers.
92
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,479
Julie Taylor said you
get talent spotters
93
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,159
hanging round the perfume counter
looking for the next Jordan.
94
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:18,358
Yes, I know, Laur.
You were telling us in the pub.
95
00:06:18,359 --> 00:06:19,880
I mean,
I know I'll never be a WAG,
96
00:06:19,881 --> 00:06:22,439
but there's plenty
of other things you can do ...
97
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,719
be a trendsetter,
or a famous novelist.
98
00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:27,158
You OK to go to sleep now, Laur?
We're getting up early, remember?
99
00:06:27,159 --> 00:06:29,280
Well, sorry, everyone. I thought
this was meant to be a sleepover
100
00:06:29,281 --> 00:06:32,439
to celebrate my new career,
but obviously I've become mistaken.
101
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:34,959
It's not a sleepover.
You missed your bus.
102
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,599
You'll know this, Steve.
103
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,959
When Julie Taylor goes to sleep,
she's completely nude.
104
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:40,999
OK, Laura.
105
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,279
She wears nothing, not a stitch.
106
00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:47,119
She's completely and utterly nude
apart from a pair of wax earplugs.
107
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,279
OK, that's enough
about Julie Taylor, Laura.
108
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:51,879
Don't worry, Becks.
She's not interested in Steve.
109
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,240
She's shagging a Chinaman.
110
00:06:53,241 --> 00:06:54,559
Laura!
111
00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,840
OK, fine, I'll keep
myself to myself.
112
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,039
Good night, everyone.
113
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,840
Good night, Laura.
Good night, Laura.
114
00:07:02,841 --> 00:07:04,159
Good night, Paul.
115
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,599
Have you taken your pill?
116
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:07,720
Yes, Paul.
117
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:27,279
I love you.
118
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,000
HE GRUNTS
119
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:31,400
I love you, Paul,
120
00:07:31,401 --> 00:07:34,039
with all my heart.
121
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,040
Sweet dreams, everyone.
122
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:40,999
Sweet dreams, everyone.
123
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,320
Sweet dreams, Laura.
Sweet dreams, Laura.
124
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,280
May all your wishes come true.
125
00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,280
I haven't got any!
Nor have I!
126
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:07,480
Oh, the zip's in my face.
127
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:24,680
FAINT DRIPPING
128
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,080
Becks?
129
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:57,360
Becks, I think there's a drip.
130
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,399
There's definitely a drip, Becks.
131
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,919
Steve, sort it out.
You sort it out.
132
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:08,400
I'm all comfy.
So am I.
133
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,999
Maybe it's just me,
134
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:17,080
but that sounds like blood dripping
from the wounds of a ghost.
135
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:23,079
Brilliant. I need another wee.
Don't tread on me, Steve.
136
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:26,239
I'm not gonna tread on you.
137
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:27,799
Put the light on if you're weeing.
138
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,479
I saw another ghost on Tuesday.
139
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,798
Me and Paul wanted to contact
the dead, or the living dead,
140
00:09:32,799 --> 00:09:34,080
and find out what they know,
141
00:09:34,081 --> 00:09:38,079
so we went to this seance from a
leaflet Paul got, and we came home
142
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,599
and I was being sick...
URINE TRICKLES
143
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:46,119
and I looked in the mirror and there
was this presence hovering behind me.
144
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:49,119
DRIPPING INCREASES
She was 12 and a half,
145
00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:53,199
she was from the Dark Ages
and she was covered
146
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:56,199
from head to toe...
DRIPPING CONTINUES
147
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,920
PLASTIC BOTTLES CLATTER
..in animal blood.
148
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,679
I think she wanted revenge on whoever it
was that covered her in animal blood.
149
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:06,479
TOILET FLUSHES That's what
it's like being a ghost.
150
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,639
You bear a grudge.
151
00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:09,720
And the devil doesn't help ...
152
00:10:09,721 --> 00:10:13,359
winding them up,
chipping away at their self-esteem.
153
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,239
Did it all go in the toilet?
154
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:19,959
Yeah. Can we go to sleep, Laura?
155
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,839
You didn't see a ghost.
156
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,000
They don't exist.
157
00:10:23,001 --> 00:10:25,639
They do exist, Steve.
I've seen four.
158
00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:28,679
And at the seance we spoke to
Elvis. All right, Laura.
159
00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:32,919
Elvis didn't say much, but what he
did say was fucking terrifying.
160
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,559
(YAWNING) Oh, Paul, please!
161
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,959
I've got a sixth sense for it.
Danny told me.
162
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,399
He's the wizard that did the seance.
163
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:45,399
I've got all the normal five senses ...
seeing, hearing, thinking and touch ...
164
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,799
but I've also got
a sixth sense ... ghosts.
165
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:52,959
Oh, my God! OK, that's enough
about ghosts, Laura.
166
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,039
Let's get some sleep.
167
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,320
We've got a very big day tomorrow,
we're getting up very early.
168
00:10:57,321 --> 00:10:58,719
OK.
169
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,199
Good night, everyone.
170
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,120
Sweet dreams, Paul.
171
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:06,720
And may all your wishes come true.
172
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:24,400
Paul and I are thinking
of going to Spain for a week.
173
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,280
SHE SIGHS
174
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,800
TINNY MUSIC FROM EARPHONES
175
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,719
HE SIGHS
Laura!
176
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,039
Turn your iPod off!
177
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:17,320
SHE SIGHS God, it's like living
in a concentration camp!
178
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,119
DAN: Steve?
179
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,159
BECKY SIGHS
Steve.
180
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,239
I think there's someone
at the door, everybody.
181
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,959
Steve?
Get rid of him.
182
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:41,159
Are you awake, Steve?
I think I heard your voice.
183
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,559
KNOCKING AT DOOR
Steve!
184
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:45,839
KNOCKING CONTINUES
Steve, Steve.
185
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:47,039
Brilliant(!)
186
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:48,120
Don't tread on me.
187
00:12:48,121 --> 00:12:51,200
How can I tread on you?!
You're on the sofa!
188
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,639
KNOCKING CONTINUES
So, at this seance,
189
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:59,759
Paul spoke to Roy, the scuzzy old
man that used to look after him.
190
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:02,120
He wasn't scuzzy.
He was my friend.
191
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,279
All right, Steve.
192
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,559
Dan, it's really late.
Yeah, sorry.
193
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:14,639
I was just passing, thought
I'd pop in, see if you're OK.
194
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,639
Yep, I'm fine, thanks.
195
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,119
Good, good.
196
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:21,719
OK, well, thanks for checking up...
197
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,440
Me and Anita split up.
198
00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:26,880
Yeah.
199
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,240
Sorry, mate.
Yeah.
200
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:34,839
Well, I'm sure it'll work itself
out. It has before.
201
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,720
Not this time, Steve.
OK.
202
00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:40,959
I've been crying on a bench.
203
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,999
I got hit by a boy.
204
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,160
Oh, bloody hell!
205
00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:48,680
He took my wallet.
206
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,600
There's nothing in it. I don't know
why I carry it round with me.
207
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,199
OK, well, Dan, it's gone one.
208
00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:00,079
We've actually got Laura,
Paul and Shelly staying,
209
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:03,959
and me and Becky have got a really
big day ahead of us tomorrow.
210
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,279
We're watching a whole series
of 24 in 24 hours,
211
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,520
it's gonna be pretty exhausting,
so why don't you...?
212
00:14:08,521 --> 00:14:10,240
Don't make me be alone tonight.
213
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:12,960
Don't.
214
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:17,039
Look at me, I've got nothing.
215
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,559
I can't be alone tonight.
216
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,999
I won't cause any bother.
217
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,199
I know.
218
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,279
I'll kip in the bath if you want,
I don't mind.
219
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,679
I won't come in the bedroom.
220
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,479
You don't have to talk to me.
221
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:30,440
I know, but...
222
00:14:30,441 --> 00:14:32,400
You won't even know I'm here.
223
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:36,040
But I can't go up there tonight.
224
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,280
Some really dreadful things
have happened.
225
00:14:39,281 --> 00:14:42,199
Mm-hm, I know,
but there's no space...
226
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:44,520
She fucked her uncle, Steve.
227
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:47,999
Sorry?
228
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,159
Anita.
229
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,680
She fucked her uncle.
That's why we split up.
230
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:55,198
She fucked her uncle?!
231
00:14:55,199 --> 00:14:56,400
Keep your voice down!
232
00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:59,679
What, as in her auntie's husband?
233
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:00,960
Her dad's brother.
234
00:15:00,961 --> 00:15:03,080
Should've seen it coming.
235
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,600
I don't know what to say.
236
00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:10,919
There's nothing to say.
237
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:15,599
It was her nan's birthday, they had
a barbeque, one thing led to another
238
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:18,040
and she ended up
fucking her uncle in the shed.
239
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,560
You'd better come in.
240
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:26,399
Is anyone in the inflatable chair?
No.
241
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,440
Excellent.
242
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,599
STEVE CLEARS HIS THROAT
243
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:40,119
Everyone. Dan's had a, um...
244
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:43,880
He's had a bit of bad news, so he's
gonna be joining us for the night.
245
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,799
What's happened?
246
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,080
Me and Anita split up.
247
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,439
Oh, no! Sorry, Dan.
248
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,159
Sorry to hear that, Dan.
249
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,439
Yeah, thanks.
250
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:55,199
MUMBLES SLEEPILY
251
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,879
Thanks, Paul.
252
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,199
What happened?
253
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:04,320
Just didn't sort of see eye to eye...
on a matter concerning her uncle.
254
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,280
Then later on,
I got hit with a brick.
255
00:16:07,281 --> 00:16:08,960
A brick?!
256
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:14,280
Oh, bloody hell!
257
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,040
I might get something cold
for my head.
258
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,879
How could I say no?
259
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,439
You're not really gonna
let him stay, are you, Steve?
260
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:34,958
I'm not gonna kick him out.
He's sad.
261
00:16:34,959 --> 00:16:36,798
What if I wake up
and find him licking me?
262
00:16:36,799 --> 00:16:38,720
He's not gonna lick you,
Laura. He might.
263
00:16:38,721 --> 00:16:40,519
He's not going to lick you.
264
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:41,958
I can't believe
you're letting him sleep here.
265
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,278
There's already four of us.
266
00:16:43,279 --> 00:16:45,000
What if we run out of air?
Well, then I'll open a window.
267
00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:47,679
What if he's sick on me?
Why would he be sick on you?
268
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,719
Laura, he's not gonna lick you
and he's not gonna be sick on you
269
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,598
and we're not gonna run out of air,
I promise.
270
00:16:52,599 --> 00:16:54,200
OK, well, don't say
I didn't warn you.
271
00:16:54,201 --> 00:16:56,279
My God! Look,
he's just having a really bad time
272
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,198
and needs a bit of company.
Steve...
273
00:16:58,199 --> 00:17:00,160
He's going to sleep
and he's not gonna bother anyone,
274
00:17:00,161 --> 00:17:02,399
so just, please,
just... just leave him alone!
275
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:03,998
Well, all I'm saying is,
I can't sleep
276
00:17:03,999 --> 00:17:05,880
if he's gonna be in here.
Yes, you can, Laura.
277
00:17:05,881 --> 00:17:07,559
I can't, Becks.
278
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,119
So, I'm gonna use this opportunity
to get on with a bit of admin.
279
00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:12,199
Now, Steve, about the wedding.
280
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:15,519
Oh, Laura, please! Fuck's sake!
281
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,319
We're gonna buy some birds,
tie ribbons to their beaks
282
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,280
and fly them round the church
while we make our vows.
283
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,518
Are you joking?
No, Steve.
284
00:17:24,519 --> 00:17:25,760
I have a number for an aviary.
285
00:17:25,761 --> 00:17:28,559
Now, as best man, you'll be
in charge of feeding them.
286
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:31,319
Do you know what, Laura? We've got
people spread all over our flat,
287
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,919
I'm tired, every time
I close my eyes,
288
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,800
I see a ghost covered
in animal blood.
289
00:17:35,801 --> 00:17:37,759
SHE LAUGHS
Do you? Yes.
290
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:39,959
I've got a whole day
of watching 24 ahead of me.
291
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,599
It's going to be so draining!
292
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,039
So, right now
I couldn't give a flying fuck
293
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:48,840
about your wedding, which you
haven't even set a date for!
294
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:51,560
Good night.
295
00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:54,560
PAUL CHUCKLES
296
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,319
I can see what Shelly means now.
297
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:13,719
Laura, go to sleep.
Yes, I will.
298
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,799
But I'm just saying, Becks,
I can understand now
299
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,319
some of the things Shelly was
saying tonight about Steve.
300
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,400
OK, enough, Laura.
301
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,719
Well, what does that mean?
What did Shelly say about me?
302
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,919
She said she doesn't like you.
303
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,760
Yeah, good one. Thanks, Laura.
304
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,239
As if!
305
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:39,039
It's nothing personal, but from
the moment she laid eyes on you,
306
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:42,439
she's hated your guts.
Oh, as if, Laura!
307
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:44,080
She thinks I'm funny,
doesn't she, Becks?
308
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:50,199
Becks?
309
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:54,880
I think she doesn't
really... get you?
310
00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,120
What does that mean?!
311
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:01,639
Becky.
312
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:05,159
It doesn't mean anything.
Just get Dan and let's go to sleep.
313
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,719
What do you mean, she doesn't get
me? What is there to get?
314
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,399
Sometimes when you get
a bit drunk, you do silly things.
315
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,480
I think it's funny
and everyone else thinks it's funny
316
00:19:12,481 --> 00:19:15,559
but sometimes Shelly
just can't understand.
317
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:18,119
Shelly's like that. She thinks
you might be deranged.
318
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:20,439
I'm just having a laugh!
319
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,799
Well, the truth is, Steve,
she's terrified of you.
320
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,319
No, she's not!
Why would anyone be scared of me?!
321
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,079
OK, name two things
Shelly doesn't like about me.
322
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,799
She thinks you're lazy.
HE SCOFFS As if!
323
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:33,720
She finds you physically repulsive.
324
00:19:33,721 --> 00:19:36,199
Laura!
And on the way home,
325
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,120
she said you were sexually
intimidating.
326
00:19:38,121 --> 00:19:39,759
When?
In the kebab shop.
327
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:41,200
She thought you were gonna rape her.
328
00:19:41,201 --> 00:19:44,159
What?! I'd never rape anyone,
329
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,799
would I, Becks?
No, Steve.
330
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,080
You'd never rape anyone.
331
00:19:47,081 --> 00:19:48,959
And if I was gonna rape someone,
332
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,040
I certainly wouldn't do it
in a kebab shop.
333
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:53,719
I wouldn't do it anywhere.
334
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,319
Look, Shelly likes me.
We were having a laugh tonight.
335
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,798
She liked my impression
of an earthworm.
336
00:19:57,799 --> 00:19:58,960
No, she didn't.
337
00:19:58,961 --> 00:20:01,319
No-one did.
She said you had wandering eyes.
338
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:04,759
I did not have wandering eyes!
339
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:06,839
Oh, why have you stood up?
340
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,239
The...
341
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:10,999
They're not my wandering eyes,
342
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:15,199
they're the wandering eyes
of a sexually intimidating earthworm.
343
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,078
Oh, look,
you've completely missed the point
344
00:20:17,079 --> 00:20:18,480
of my impression of an earthworm.
345
00:20:18,481 --> 00:20:20,519
Steve. You're an adult,
346
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:24,559
you have an impression of an earthworm
and you did it in a kebab shop.
347
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,559
She's bound to think you're weird.
348
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,480
Now, turn the light off
and go to sleep.
349
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:33,519
Oh...
350
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:34,960
Oh, bloody hell!
351
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,640
This is ridiculous.
352
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,840
I've never had
someone dislike me before.
353
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:53,119
Well, that's bollocks.
354
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:55,959
What do you mean,
that's bollocks?
355
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,639
What do you mean, you've never
had someone dislike you before?
356
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,479
No-one dislikes me.
I'm nice, I'm a nice bloke.
357
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:04,120
I smile at people...
Dan!
358
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:07,319
Sorry.
359
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:08,600
Sorry for waking you.
360
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:11,639
Are you OK?
Not really.
361
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,799
Me and Anita split up
362
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,680
and a ten-year-old
bashed my head in.
363
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,599
I don't feel great,
if I'm honest, Shelly.
364
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:21,359
I think you're great, Dan.
365
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:24,280
I think you're really lovely.
366
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:28,119
Go on.
367
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,040
I wouldn't change a thing about you.
368
00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:34,560
What about my face?
369
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:37,680
Or my body?
370
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,799
I think you're a
wonderful human being.
371
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:45,680
You're a perfect gentleman.
I wouldn't change a thing.
372
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,080
Oh, don't go to sleep.
373
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:53,759
Shelly, say something else.
374
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,240
Shelly?
375
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:57,999
SHELLY!
376
00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,080
What about Jamie?
377
00:21:59,081 --> 00:22:00,879
He hates you.
Yeah, well?
378
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:02,559
I hate him.
379
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:05,600
Some of the boys me and Shelly used
to work with, they didn't like you.
380
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,039
I've never met them!
381
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,439
Hayley, Kelly, Rebecca.
382
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:12,720
They think you're a twat.
383
00:22:12,721 --> 00:22:14,159
No, they don't!
384
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,479
You told them
you worked for Formula One.
385
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:18,879
HE LAUGHS
Oh, come on, that was funny!
386
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,999
All my mates think you're a pussy.
387
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,559
No-one likes you, Steve,
because you've got wandering eyes.
388
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:28,519
They are not my wandering eyes.
389
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,920
They are the wandering eyes
of an earthworm.
390
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:36,999
Oh, bloody earthworm.
No,
391
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:40,000
I can't hold it in, Becks. I'm gonna
have to do another wee-wee.
392
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:49,520
Dan?
Sorry.
393
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:53,159
You OK?
394
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:54,799
Yeah. You?
395
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:55,960
Yeah.
396
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:03,439
I did my earthworm in a kebab shop
and it went down wrong.
397
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:06,800
Bad luck, mate. Do you wanna
do it now and I'll laugh?
398
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,359
No, you're all right.
399
00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:12,920
Can I try one?
400
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,479
Let's get some sleep, eh?
401
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:22,919
Yeah.
402
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:25,000
Yeah, I'll just finish this.
403
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,359
No, don't eat that, mate.
404
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:32,320
No, come on, come on.
Come on, don't eat that.
405
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,479
Oi, Becky.
406
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:36,919
Come here and fuck me.
407
00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,239
For God's sake!
408
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:43,279
It's really nice. Do you want
some? It's frozen sweet corn.
409
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,039
You can have them in the summer
instead of popcorn.
410
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:47,800
You coming to bed?
411
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:52,679
You've, um... you've got something
on your face, Becky.
412
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,639
Yeah, it's toothpaste.
413
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,039
Oh, right.
414
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:57,200
Looks nice.
415
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,360
Oh, come on.
416
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:08,520
We need our sleep for 24.
417
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:12,959
I think the toilet's leaking, Becks.
418
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,199
There's wet all over the floor
in there.
419
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:17,560
OK, thanks, Laura.
420
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,159
I thought it all went in!
421
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,959
SHE SNORTS You're a delight to
live with, do you know that?
422
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,400
Hey!
423
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,759
You still like me, don't you?
424
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:32,279
Yeah, loads. Love you to bits.
425
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:33,919
No, but...
426
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:35,439
You're glad you moved in with me.
427
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,119
Yes, it's been fantastic, come on!
428
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,559
No, I know, but, I'm-I'm cool.
Aren't I?
429
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:41,839
I'm a cool kind of guy to live with.
430
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,680
Mm, yeah, really cool.
I mean, look at you now.
431
00:24:43,681 --> 00:24:44,959
Becky!
432
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:48,359
It's not nice when you find out
someone doesn't like you.
433
00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:51,159
Oh, come on,
it's just Laura winding you up.
434
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,439
And anyway, you've got me.
435
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:56,200
Who gives a fuck
what anyone else thinks?
436
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,720
Night, Shell.
437
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,519
SNORING
438
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,479
Oh, you have gotta be joking.
439
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:15,760
Steve, will you shut Dan up?
440
00:25:15,761 --> 00:25:17,519
Why are you in my bed?
441
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:20,319
Paul's my fiance, Steve. I think
I'm allowed to sleep next to him.
442
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,319
Laura, you're in our bed, though.
I know, Becks.
443
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:24,480
Can you shut Dan up?
444
00:25:24,481 --> 00:25:26,200
I'm trying to sleep.
445
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:28,999
Dan!
446
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,599
Stop snoring!
447
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,040
SNORING STOPS
448
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,439
ENORMOUS SNORE
449
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:38,400
Oh, put your finger under his nose.
450
00:25:38,401 --> 00:25:40,439
I'm not touching his nose!
451
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,718
I read somewhere that the best way
to stop someone snoring
452
00:25:42,719 --> 00:25:44,080
is to put a goose in the room.
453
00:25:44,081 --> 00:25:46,719
Oh, OK, I'll do that, then(!)
454
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,319
Put your finger under his
nose! It'll stop him snoring.
455
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:51,119
Are you thinking of sneezing?
456
00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:52,839
No.
457
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:56,279
When someone's snoring,
you put a finger under his no...
458
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:59,039
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I'm thinking of sneezing.
459
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,519
Hit him, Steve.
Punch him in the face.
460
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,159
I'm not...! I'm not gonna
punch him in the face!
461
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:05,919
Will you get out of our bed?!
462
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:07,359
SHE SIGHS
463
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,599
There's room for one more in here,
Becks.
464
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,439
Come on. In you come.
465
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:12,520
Snuggle up next to me.
466
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:21,999
That's it, in you come.
467
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,320
Snuggle up, snuggle up, Becks.
468
00:26:23,321 --> 00:26:24,799
That's it.
469
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,439
How is this fair?
470
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:32,519
That's it. Oh, this is nice, isn't
it? It's like when we were kiddies.
471
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:35,439
♪ Come closer
and cuddle me tight... ♪
472
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,199
Oh, careful though, Becks.
Paul's got a hard-on. Eurgh!
473
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,559
♪ My heart goes boom bang-a-bang
474
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,519
♪ Boom bang-a-bang when you are near
475
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,479
♪ Boom bang-a-bang bang all the time
476
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:50,719
♪ It's such a lovely feeling
477
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:55,079
♪ When I'm in your arms
478
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,039
♪ Don't go away, I wanna stay
My whole life through
479
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,720
♪ Boom bang-a-bang-bang
Close to you. ♪
480
00:27:00,745 --> 00:27:03,845
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481
00:27:03,895 --> 00:27:08,445
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