Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,807
I will pay for you to
get a different ringtone.
2
00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:07,847
You're not being useful, Steve.
Why does it need to be so loud?
3
00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:10,160
Stop moaning and help me find it!
4
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:19,367
Oh, I don't get why you keep
so much stuff in there. I need it.
5
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:20,920
What?!
6
00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:23,127
You need these?
7
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,440
Yes, I haven't finished them yet!
8
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,527
Why do you need a brush?
9
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:32,927
When do you need to brush your hair
during the day? When it's windy.
10
00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:34,480
It's got bits of crisps in here.
11
00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:39,360
Eurgh, you are filth!
12
00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:43,967
It's Paul. Oh, God...
13
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:47,480
Probably wondering why
we're not there yet. Yeah.
14
00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:50,400
I'll put it on silent.
15
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:03,600
This programme
contains strong language.
16
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,571
'Your call is in a queue,
and will be answered
17
00:01:23,572 --> 00:01:26,647
as soon as one of our
advisers becomes available.
18
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:30,087
'To make sure we've given you
the best service we can,
19
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:32,527
'your call may be monitored
to help us with training.'
20
00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:35,520
What's that? Concealer.
21
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:39,480
Why do you need that, then?
22
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,167
You're funny
Thank you.
23
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:46,127
'Hello, thanks for ringing...'
24
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,927
Hello?! Hello. Hello, hello.
25
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,600
I'm Steve Marshall.
26
00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:58,160
O...P...8.
27
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,000
E...1...7.
28
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:07,280
6...N...M.
29
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,847
No, N...
30
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,767
N, for Nicholas.
31
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,160
M, for Marcus.
32
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,800
Um...Mrs Doubtfire.
33
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,640
Janet Brophy.
34
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:25,767
Oh, for God's sake...
35
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:27,880
On hold again? Yeah.
36
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,687
Why d'you keep saying Mrs Doubtfire?
37
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:34,000
Oh, it's a security check.
Favourite film.
38
00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:37,920
Your favourite film is Mrs Doubtfire?
39
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,767
It's got some classic moments in it.
40
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,160
You're laughing
just thinking about it?
41
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,607
She sets fire to her tits...
42
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:58,200
Oh, for God's sake...!
43
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,567
They're playing Candle In The Wind.
44
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:06,240
They're starting to actually
try and make me angrier.
45
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,680
Is it an annoying song?
46
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:14,007
What do you mean? The song
you're listening to, is it annoying?
47
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:16,767
What do you mean,
the song I'm listening to?
48
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:19,247
The candle song, is it annoying?
49
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,407
What do you mean "the candle song"?!
It's Candle In The Wind!
50
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,807
Candle In The Wind, then!
Is it annoying?
51
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,047
What is this?
You know it's annoying!
52
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:28,967
How am I supposed to know?
I've never heard it.
53
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:31,647
Yes you have. No I haven't.
54
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,767
You've never heard
Candle In The Wind?
55
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:37,127
No!
56
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,720
Yes, you have. No, I haven't!
57
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:45,767
It's by Elton John!
58
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,840
Like I listen to Elton John songs!
59
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,567
What about when Diana died?
What about it?
60
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,567
It was the theme tune for her death.
61
00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:59,040
I was 11, Steve. I didn't watch
the news. I wasn't a geek.
62
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,447
It's not geeky to have heard of
Candle In The Wind.
63
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,607
What time is it? Are we late?
64
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,807
Don't change the subject,
you're being ridiculous.
65
00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:10,333
Steve! Yes, we're late.
66
00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:15,247
You've been dicking about in the mirror
for an hour, I've been ready for ages.
67
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,887
Oh... What are you doing? No!
68
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,087
Cramp, cramp! I've got cramp,
I've got cramp!
69
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:28,367
You look funny. Shut up, I'm in pain.
70
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,767
I think that's why you look funny.
71
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,247
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
72
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,087
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
73
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,687
You're going like that, yeah?
74
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:39,807
Yeah.
75
00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:41,207
It's a fancy-dress party.
76
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,607
So? You're supposed to dress as
something beginning with P.
77
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,807
I'm not going to dress up,
I'd look like a dick.
78
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,607
You're supposed to look like a dick,
that's the point.
79
00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:53,767
Luke's being a prick.
Making everyone go in fancy dress.
80
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,687
He's not being a prick,
he's six years old.
81
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,487
That's prickish behaviour.
82
00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,927
He's Paul's son. Don't care!
83
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:02,840
He was in hospital.
84
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,607
I can't believe you've never
heard of Candle In The Wind!
85
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:14,960
Just dress as something beginning
with P and shut the fuck up.
86
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:33,160
Stop it, I'm trying to concentrate!
87
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,327
Do you need your mouth open?
88
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:39,960
Yes.
89
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,280
Becks? Yes?
90
00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:56,487
Do you find it funny
that he's called Luke and he...
91
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:57,840
had leukaemia?
92
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:02,440
No.
93
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:06,360
Get off!
94
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,520
You're not allowed to
make jokes like that.
95
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,600
Well, it's not like he died, is it?
96
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,600
How's my spot?
97
00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:26,240
Delicious.
98
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:32,200
Oh, if that is Paul,
you are in trouble.
99
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,080
Sausage rolls!
100
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:38,207
Don't eat too many.
101
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,560
♪ Sausage rolls... ♪
102
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:49,807
Sorry, Dan, mate. Caught us
at a really bad time, mate.
103
00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,327
Paul's son's just come out
of hospital today.
104
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,998
He's just beaten leukaemia and we're
having a fancy dress party for him
105
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,727
and I'm helping out with the food.
106
00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:59,527
So, thanks for calling round.
107
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,920
Notice anything different about me?
108
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:08,567
No. Not wearing my glasses?
109
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,127
Oh, yeah!
110
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,047
Cool. Well...
111
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:14,000
How do you think I can see?
112
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,407
Don't know. Contact lenses.
113
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,087
Contact lenses?!
114
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,847
OK. Great. Thanks, Dan.
Do you think they'll work?
115
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:30,487
Yes. I'm going to try and win back
Anita with the new Dan.
116
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,720
What's wrong with the old Dan?
117
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:41,087
Is that a serious question?
I don't think so.
118
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,887
What's the theme of
the fancy dress party?
119
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,687
We got to dress up
as something beginning with P.
120
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:49,687
What are you going as? I don't
dress up. I'd look like a dick.
121
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:51,447
Cool as. Cool as.
122
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,127
What's Becky dressing up as?
123
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,207
A policewoman. Policewoman?
124
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:58,760
Yep. Can I...?
Not that kind of policewoman.
125
00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:12,647
Oh, shit.
126
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,607
I've learned a magic trick.
127
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,447
Magic trick?
128
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:18,047
Lock up your daughters.
129
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,927
I'm going to buy a cape
and perform it for Anita.
130
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,800
Do you think that will work?
131
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,887
What? Nothing.
132
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,567
What? Nothing!
133
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,967
You look lovely, come on. Steve?
134
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,527
Nothing! You look lovely!
135
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,607
Not looking at anything.
I'm not looking at anything either.
136
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,767
I'm looking at my phone.
137
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,287
OK, good.
138
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,967
My spot burst.
139
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:51,367
Did it? Really?
140
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,007
I didn't notice.
141
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:58,840
It's gone a bit bloody.
Can you see it?
142
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,807
Oh, yeah...
Now you mention it, it's just...
143
00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:05,807
I'll clear it up.
144
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:09,240
Don't bother, it's fine.
Just hurry up.
145
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,367
I've been ready for an hour.
146
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:16,400
It's like she physically
can't hurry up. Yeah, women!
147
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:20,887
Can I do anything else for you, Dan?
148
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,287
No, no.
149
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:24,927
Ooh, a visitor.
150
00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:26,880
You're staying, are you?
151
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,410
'Your call is in a queue
and will be answered
152
00:09:32,411 --> 00:09:35,647
as soon as one of our
advisors becomes available...'
153
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,367
Hi, Laura. Paul's not happy, Steve.
154
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:40,473
You were meant to bring the
sausage rolls over an hour ago.
155
00:09:40,474 --> 00:09:41,720
You're taking liberties.
156
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:47,967
What?
157
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:51,447
You look nice. Thank you, Steve.
I'm meant to be a prostitute.
158
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:53,327
Done a good job of that.
159
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:57,527
It's very accurate. Why aren't you
answering Paul's calls? I'm on hold,
160
00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,327
I can't hang up now.
Somebody's stealing money from me.
161
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,967
There's no sausage rolls
at the party, Steve.
162
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:07,407
What kind of party doesn't have any
sausage rolls? It's like a riddle.
163
00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:10,847
I'm ready, OK? It's Becky
that's holding everyone up.
164
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,167
I'm not holding anyone up.
165
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,920
I just want to look nice
for little Lukey.
166
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,807
You all right, Becks?
Yeah, nearly ready.
167
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,527
Paul's going mad over there.
168
00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:26,967
Yeah? Yeah, been getting all uppity,
threatening his uncle.
169
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,647
You saw him at Bonfire Night.
170
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:30,367
You know how he gets.
171
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:34,240
No, no, no!
That's my toothbrush.
172
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:40,447
Well...you can always use this.
173
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,607
When are you going to
get yourself another one?
174
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,407
It's your own fault for biting it.
175
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:52,247
Why do you bite it?
176
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,880
You're the same with Polos,
you're like a dog.
177
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,287
I'm brushing my teeth!
Why do you do that?
178
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,247
What? Talk to me when I'm brushing
my teeth? It's so annoying.
179
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:10,247
You're so annoying.
Very good. Very witty.
180
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:14,760
Just get ready.
I am ready! See you in a bit, Laur.
181
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,367
Are you ready?
182
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,767
What are you going as? This.
183
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:27,007
A paedophile? No, of course not!
184
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,127
What...
What do you mean, a paedophile?
185
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:30,887
Your top button's done up.
186
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,727
It's trendy.
187
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,640
It's paedophilic, Steve.
188
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:37,727
God's sake.
189
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,247
I'm not dressing up.
190
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:42,007
I'm sorry, you're dressing up,
Steve. I'm Paul's fiancee.
191
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,407
Luke had leukaemia and at
the end of the day, he's a hero
192
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,247
and if he wants you to dress up
as something beginning with P
193
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,479
then you're going to dress up
as something beginning with P.
194
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:50,487
Do you know what I'm saying?
195
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,767
Yes, Laura.
I know what you're saying.
196
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,400
Thank you.
197
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,960
Notice anything different about me?
198
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,207
Laura reckons I've got to dress up.
199
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,200
Told you.
200
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:16,847
I don't even like Luke!
201
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,400
Steve, he almost died.
202
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,487
He's a little shit.
203
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,767
Do you remember
when he pitched my tit?
204
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:29,287
Yeah, the little shit.
And he spat on me.
205
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,320
He's an ugly little bastard too.
206
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:36,247
Your hair? No.
207
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,367
Have you lost weight?
208
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:40,600
No, I'm trying, but I keep eating.
209
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,127
It's my glasses. What about them?
210
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,247
Not wearing any?
211
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:48,767
Do you wear glasses?
212
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,680
I've got contacts.
213
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:01,127
Pick a card.
214
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:02,647
His eyebrows went wobbly.
215
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:04,647
He sang it at the funeral.
216
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,647
Candle In The Wind.
217
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,447
I don't know it! Leave me alone.
218
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:11,598
'Your call will be answered
219
00:13:11,599 --> 00:13:15,447
as soon as one of our
advisors becomes available.
220
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:20,447
'To make sure we're giving you
the best service we can,
221
00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:23,720
'your call may be monitored
to help us with training.'
222
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:30,600
Will you scratch my back for me?
Come here.
223
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:38,207
Is it...
224
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:41,247
er, two of spades? Yeah.
225
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,167
That's incredible. How d'you do it?
226
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,607
It's, er... It's magic.
227
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,807
But seriously, how d'you do it?
228
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:52,440
Magic. No, but seriously.
Honestly, I'm magic.
229
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:56,607
Really?
230
00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:59,127
Down a bit, down a bit,
to the left.
231
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,007
Oh, that's it, that's it.
232
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,487
Keep going, keep going.
233
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,127
Up a bit.
234
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:11,560
What about that?
You could go as a pirate.
235
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:16,327
Everyone's going to go as a pirate.
236
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,167
Can you move things with your eyes?
Yep.
237
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,160
Can you? Yeah!
238
00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:26,487
Can you make it, like...
How can I put it?
239
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:32,727
Could you make everything in a room hover?
Yeah.
240
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:36,167
Apart from the floor?
Certainly, yeah.
241
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:39,680
You're taking the piss. No, I'm not.
242
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:44,327
Is it free booze? Hope so.
243
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:48,127
He's beaten cancer.
That's a free booze situation, isn't it?
244
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:49,760
You'd think so.
245
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,727
Could you just
scratch it all over?
246
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:56,687
'To make sure we're giving you
the best service we can,
247
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,687
'your call may be monitored
to help us with training.'
248
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,320
Could you...
249
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:06,280
Could you bring back
someone from the dead? Yep.
250
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,047
Could you make it rain indoors?
251
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,760
Absolutely.
252
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,647
25th March, 1986.
253
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:25,527
E17 6NM.
254
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,760
N for Nicholas, M for Marcus.
255
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:34,927
Mrs Doubtfire.
256
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,280
Janet Brophy.
257
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:42,127
You all right? Yeah.
258
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:43,887
Did you know Dan's...
259
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,967
I don't know...
260
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:47,880
He said he could...
261
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:52,612
He's got this pack of
cards and he reckons
262
00:15:52,613 --> 00:15:54,927
he's got these abilities to...
263
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,887
Oh, I don't know now.
264
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,927
Sounds silly
to say it out loud, but...
265
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,967
So you got your prostitute clothes
in the end? Yeah.
266
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,524
Yeah, I got the top of
Shelley and the skirt,
267
00:16:05,525 --> 00:16:08,127
I got that off Shelley
as well, and the shoes...
268
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,207
I got it all off Shelley.
269
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,854
D'you have a phone number for Shelley?
No, Dan.
270
00:16:13,855 --> 00:16:15,807
Come and help me with a fringe wash.
271
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:19,167
What's a fringe wash? Haven't I
told you about the fringe wash?
272
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,360
Oh, my God, you're going to love it.
273
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,407
♪ Snookering you
274
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,887
♪ Snookering you
275
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,200
♪ Snookering you tonight. ♪
276
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,887
It's like a strimmer for a hedge.
I don't even own a hedge.
277
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,167
Why would I...?
278
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:40,887
♪ Big Break! ♪
279
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,807
For God's sake!
280
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:44,213
Put me on hold again!
281
00:17:44,214 --> 00:17:47,167
Have you ever actually
seen a dog chase a cat?
282
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:50,207
D'you reckon you're
in the way at all, Dan?
283
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,167
Pick a card.
284
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,287
Why've you got a pack of cards on you?
I just happen to have them on me.
285
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,447
Steve's doing my head in.
286
00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:01,447
Keeps going on about this song
by Elton John, Candle In The Wind.
287
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,247
D'you know it? Yeah, of course.
288
00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:04,967
Do you?!
289
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,367
Yeah, of course.
290
00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:11,007
♪ And it seems to me
you lived your life
291
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:13,607
♪ Like a candle in the wind... ♪
292
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:16,327
Oh, that? Yeah.
293
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,487
Of course I know it.
294
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:21,247
That's embarrassing.
295
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:24,607
Is it...
296
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:26,800
Ten of diamonds?
297
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,607
Yes.
298
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:35,247
How d'you do that? It's magic.
Don't be a dick. Just tell me.
299
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:37,527
A magician never reveals
his secrets.
300
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,099
Tell me or get out of my flat.
301
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:41,967
I've spent the past week
learning the order of the cards,
302
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,018
so when you pick out a card,
303
00:18:44,019 --> 00:18:47,480
I know what it is from
its position in the pack.
304
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,127
You've spent a week doing that?
305
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,193
Yeah, it gave me headaches.
306
00:18:53,194 --> 00:18:56,447
But Anita likes Derren
Brown, so, you know.
307
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,727
Luke's so brave. He's really cute.
308
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,447
He's dressed as a Pharaoh.
309
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,967
Doesn't that begin with...? Oh.
310
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:10,120
Yeah. And Luke's mum, Natalie,
the slut, she got...
311
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:15,007
She got in this massive cake
shaped like the Pyramids
312
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:18,687
and he threw it at this girl
and she was covered in it
313
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,327
and she started crying
and everyone was laughing.
314
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:24,487
It was mad. So, d'you see, Laura?
315
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:28,087
I've just washed my fringe,
but it looks like
316
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,607
I've washed my whole hair.
That's amazing, Becks.
317
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:35,407
You should sell it.
Sell the fringe wash?
318
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,967
Yeah. You could make a fortune
out of that.
319
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:42,040
D'you think? Yeah. Who'd buy it?
320
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,727
Busy people, women, busy women.
321
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,287
It's how the Body Shop started.
322
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,320
Yeah.
323
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,327
Four of hearts.
324
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:59,120
Oh my God!
325
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,807
Three of spades.
326
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:08,607
Dan, seriously.
327
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:12,447
'Please remember, we can only help
you with a billing enquiry...'
328
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,247
King of clubs.
329
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:16,767
Dan, this is no way to
spend your twenties.
330
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:18,487
You don't have to wash it all.
331
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,927
Have you been washing your hair?
332
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,407
See? That's amazing.
I just did the fringe.
333
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:27,240
You are supposed to be hurrying up,
not washing your hair!
334
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:33,840
So where d'you reckon
I could buy a cape?
335
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,527
Debenhams?
336
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,607
God, that's Paul.
337
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:41,886
We're going to get some
bubbly to do a toast,
338
00:20:41,887 --> 00:20:44,287
but otherwise you have to
pay for your own drinks.
339
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:45,920
That's annoying.
340
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,767
Have you seen my phone?
341
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,887
You're holding it, Beck.
342
00:20:56,000 --> 00:21:00,247
What a dick.
343
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,767
Paul's here.
344
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,160
Answer the fucking door, Steve!
345
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:15,920
Steve!
346
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:23,087
Hello, Paul, mate. You all right?
Where the fuck are the sausage rolls?
347
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,647
My little boy is going mental.
348
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:28,367
There's a whole fucking party going on
and there's not one single sausage roll.
349
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,447
Wow, Paul, I like your costume.
350
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:31,002
Thank you.
351
00:21:31,003 --> 00:21:33,607
It's quite a costume, Paul.
Thank you. It's Postman Pat.
352
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:37,727
Luke likes him. He's got the duvet.
Mum's dressed as Mrs Goggins.
353
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:39,927
That doesn't begin with P. Fuck off!
354
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,000
Now where are the sausage rolls?
355
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,127
You had it in your hand, Becks!
356
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:51,887
I know!
357
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,640
You idiot.
358
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,687
I've been ready for
nearly two hours.
359
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:03,447
So what are you dressed as?
A pillock?
360
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:05,767
No, I thought I'd go as myself.
361
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,847
Yeah, that's what I said -
a pillock.
362
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,367
Sorry, it's just my sense of humour.
363
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,287
Are you seriously going as yourself?
364
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:16,287
Yeah. I thought I'd go as myself
and not get dressed up and instead...
365
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:20,927
I don't... ..instead honour Luke
by putting on my best shirt.
366
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,087
It is a nice shirt.
I don't fucking believe this!
367
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,727
You don't bring the sausage rolls,
you're shitting about in your own clothes
368
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,847
when there's a whole section of
a Witherspoon's roped off.
369
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:31,767
They've put balloons up.
370
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:35,447
They've let us smoke and
it's full of adults and children,
371
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:39,487
all trying, like, trying, Steve,
trying as hard as they can
372
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,407
to dress up
as something beginning with P.
373
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:46,567
Oh, sorry, I... Ooh, got to take
this. I'm reporting a fraud.
374
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:48,447
No, let me get that for you, mate.
375
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:50,567
Fuck yourself!
376
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:55,807
They're going to think that was me!
They're going to put that in my records.
377
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:59,287
Steve, Luke is my kid,
and my kid loves sausage rolls.
378
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,487
You should have seen his face
when he couldn't find one.
379
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,007
Smashed a window with his head.
380
00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:07,007
On his special day.
381
00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:09,927
I'm really sorry...
You've got a toy parrot.
382
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,362
I've played with it in this flat.
383
00:23:11,363 --> 00:23:13,967
You could have come as a pirate.
That's what I said, isn't it?
384
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:15,887
What about her?
385
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,727
She's not dressed up.
386
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:21,687
I'm a policewoman, Steve.
You've put on a hat.
387
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:25,807
Policewoman's hat. You're wearing
what you wore last night.
388
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,327
She's clearly dressed as
a policewoman. Anyone can see that.
389
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:32,087
She's made the effort, Steve,
because she is a decent human being
390
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:36,487
and she's not some lazy,
shit-eating piece of shit.
391
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,600
You haven't even got a TV licence.
392
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:42,047
Why are you bringing that up?
393
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,567
Cos it really annoys me.
She's lazier than I am.
394
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,406
No, I'm not. I'm the one
that goes and gets everything.
395
00:23:47,407 --> 00:23:49,207
I'm always going down the chip shop.
396
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:50,169
I wonder why.
397
00:23:50,170 --> 00:23:54,807
I've seen you with the girls in
there with your horrible little grin.
398
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,647
At least she's got a heart, Steve.
399
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,087
At least she's got a heart.
400
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,207
Yeah? At least I've heard of
Candle In The Wind.
401
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:05,127
What are you talking about?
I've heard of it. You liar!
402
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:06,287
Course I've heard of it.
403
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,607
Everyone's heard of it. It's one
of the best songs of all time.
404
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,127
We're thinking of having it
as our first dance.
405
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,807
Stop trying to be a prick, Steve.
406
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,487
You haven't made an effort. Exactly.
407
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,967
It's atrocious. I mean, look at Paul.
408
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:21,927
He's made the effort.
409
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:23,847
He's got a sack.
410
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,607
What's in the sack, Paul?
411
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,647
Letters.
412
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:30,407
You see?
413
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:34,087
He's a postman. He'd have letters.
414
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:35,560
And in the bag?
415
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,280
Jess.
416
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:44,607
Oh, come on, that's funny.
417
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,247
He's got letters and a Jess.
418
00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:48,291
Luke's just gone through
a matter of life and death
419
00:24:48,292 --> 00:24:49,887
and you're standing
there laughing at him.
420
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,910
I wasn't laughing at him.
Yes, you were.
421
00:24:51,911 --> 00:24:54,727
I was laughing at Jess.
And it's not my fault we're late.
422
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,487
Becky's been doing her make-up,
washing her hair...
423
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,927
It was a fringe wash, Steve.
424
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,687
A fringe wash. What's
a fringe wash all of a sudden?
425
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:06,007
My little boy is a hero.
He beat cancer at the age of six.
426
00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:08,727
What were you doing at the age of
six? Playing with your dad's dick?
427
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,007
Sucking yourself off?
OK, Paul, that's enough.
428
00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:13,007
Luke's blood cells were fucked.
429
00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:15,419
Now, you get in there and you dress up
430
00:25:15,420 --> 00:25:18,807
as a fucking python or
something, because otherwise...
431
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,607
OK, Paul, I said that's enough.
You're being aggressive. No, I'm not!
432
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,727
If Steve doesn't want to dress
as something beginning with P,
433
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:29,607
then Steve won't dress as
something beginning with P.
434
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,447
OK?
435
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,967
Paul's mum's going as Mrs Goggins.
436
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:35,880
That doesn't begin with P.
437
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:47,127
Oh, he hasn't even heated them up.
438
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,440
I'll see you there.
439
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,000
Oh, my God.
440
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,320
He forgot Jess.
441
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:07,320
Jess.
442
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,367
I've got him.
443
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,720
Come on, Dan,
time for you to go as well.
444
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,840
Haven't got my cards.
445
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,320
Yes, I have. Phew.
446
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,000
Bye, then.
447
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,207
I don't have a horrible little grin,
do I?
448
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,087
Yeah, course.
449
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,000
You look like a rapist.
450
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,207
Did you get through to HSBC?
451
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,287
Nah, couldn't be bothered.
452
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,400
I'll try again tomorrow.
453
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:04,087
Guess we'd better go, then. Yeah.
454
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,847
We are properly late.
455
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:08,927
Yeah, we are.
456
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:13,167
Yep, I think Paul will actually
kill me if I don't get there soon.
457
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,160
Yeah, he will.
458
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:18,320
He was proper angry.
459
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,640
Yeah, we should definitely go. Yes.
460
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,680
We must.
461
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:31,200
You have to pay for your drinks.
462
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,240
Really? Yeah.
463
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:44,320
No free bar? Nope.
464
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:49,167
Shall we just stay in and have sex?
465
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,207
Yeah, fuck it.
466
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:53,447
♪ Come closer and cuddle me tight
467
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:58,127
♪ My heart goes boom bang-a-bang
boom bang-a-bang when you are near
468
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:01,367
♪ Boom bang-a-bang-bang all the time
469
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:06,127
♪ It's such a lovely feeling
470
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,960
♪ When I'm in your arms... ♪
471
00:28:10,010 --> 00:28:14,560
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
34690
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
