All language subtitles for The Spy With My Face (1965)

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

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[whistles]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[air hissing]

[music continues]

[sighs]

[gun cocks]

[grunts]

[explosion]

[gunshots]

[gunshots]

[chuckles]

[grunts]

[gunshots]

[grunting]

No use leaving it
in there, old boy.

Makes it really hard to get
my shirt out now, wouldn't it?

Better leave it to the doctor.
Seriously.

Well, yeah.

- Cleaned up out back?
- There were only four.

Alright, check upstairs.

[sniffs]

[dramatic music]

Smile, Kitt, you're on camera.

[gunshots]

Beautiful. Simply exquisite.

Who was the one in command?

That, my dear,
was Napoleon Solo.

Considered the top agent
of United Network Command

for Law and Enforcement.

I wanted you both to see
how handily he could neutralize

an entire 12-men complement.

THRUSH could use a few agents
of Mr. Solo's caliber.

Hmm. We'll have them, my dear.

You know, it takes time
to develop a good agent.

After all, Serena..

...you were not built in a day.

Pilot, hold the course
to New York.

Yes, sir.

It's time to begin phase two
of the August Affair.

[dramatic music]

(man on projector)
'The attack upon
our THRUSH Headquarters'

'in Australia was made
by the United Network'

'Command for Law
and Enforcement.'

'Their assault force was led
by one of their American agents'

'Napoleon Solo.'

'He's seen here
approaching a secret entrance'

'to the UNCLE Headquarters
in New York City.'

'The other man in this
photograph is Illya Kuryakin.'

'Another agent
working for UNCLE.'

'The rest of these photographs
were taken by one of our agents'

'who is now dead.'

'This is inside the tailor shop'

'from which through
a dressing room'

'UNCLE agents gain entry
to their offices'

'by operating
a concealed switch.'

'From the tailor shop,
agents move'

'through
a steel enclosed corridor'

'passing various
detection devices.'

'Here in UNCLE's communications
room, we see Napoleon Solo'

'and Illya Kuryakin
together with Mr. Waverly'

'who is number one
of section one.'

'Let's have a closer look
at these men.'

'Mr. Waverly, one of the top
five men in UNCLE.'

'He will assign the agents
to carry out the August Affair.'

'Illya Nickovitch Kuryakin
represents a danger'

'to our plans, in that
he is a very close friend'

'to Napoleon Solo.'

'Kuryakin might detect
some flaw.'

'Steps are being taken
to...eliminate him'

'before we start to take
over the August Affair.'

'And, of course, there is...
Napoleon Solo himself.'

[turns off projector]

Voice pattern's not yet perfect.

Resonance still registers
0.2 decibels plus treble.

No problem,
a minor larynx adjustment

will take care of that.

A bit more cartilage
in the upper nasal area.

The hairline raised, the larynx
adjustment, of course.

We have five days maximum.

- By then we should be ready.
- Splendid.

And then you'll be ready
for your August Affair.

[intense music]

(male #1)
'You'll be a perfect double
for Napoleon Solo.'

- Mr. Solo, how was New Guinea?
- Hot.

While you were gone, uh..

"Sandy, Peggy, Sandy

Sheila, Sandy,
Joyce, Sandy, Sandy--

Active little thing, isn't she?

Very.

Mr. Waverly is waiting for you.

[clicks tongue]

[sighs]

[telephone ringing]

[jazz music]

[ringing continues]

[sighs]
Coffee, tea, or milk?

- Did I awaken you?
- Not yet.

You're beautiful.

Hey, no fair peeking.

Who is this?

Napoleon?

[moans]

Napoleon Solo!

I love you, Napoleon Solo.

Sandy?

Well, I just arrived
back in town.

Who is, uh, that?

Oh, that's my new roommate,
Taffy.

She's a girl.
I mean, she's a stewardess too.

[sighs]
We just got in
from a flight from Rome.

Well, I'm sorry,
I just wanted to know

if you could, uh,
possibly have dinner tonight?

I'll be ready at 6 o'clock,
darling. Is that alright?

I may not be able
to wait that long.

Then you stop by yourself,
darling, and I'll catch up.

Muah.

I have a dinner date
at 6 o'clock.

And I don't have
a thing to wear.

That will never go out of style.

[dramatic music]

- Good morning, sir.
- Not really.

Perhaps this will make
your morning a bit more

uh, cheerful.

'A little something
from Australia.'

'Microfilm,
an in detail report..'

...complete with coded copies
of documents

taken from THRUSH files
after our raid.

'It might tell us something.'

Oh, we can't tell until
we break the code, can we?

No, sir, but I'm sure
that section four, uh..

You'll handle it.

Have your Russian friend
give you a hand.

I'll, uh, get on it,
uh, first thing tomorrow.

I want it
before you leave tonight.

I, uh..

Yes, sir.

[sighs]

[sighs]

[machine clacking]

[jazz music]

(Sandy)
'More champagne, darling?'

[chuckles]
'Of course, you will.'

'Oh!'

[sighs]
Mm.

Mmm.

[glass shatters]

Hmm.

Sweet.

Oh, you sweet, lovable

beautiful, sexy man, you..

[indistinct]

Goodbye, Napoleon Solo,
wherever you are.

[glass shattering]

Illya, would you, uh,
mind doing me a favor?

[scoffs]
I was wondering
when you'd get around to it.

You don't mind
finishing up alone?

No, I've, uh, got my computers
to keep me warm.

Thank you. Oh, there is
one more thing, uh--

Mm.

Oh, I'm sorry. That's Russian.

[sighs]

[chuckles]

[sighs]

[jazz music]

Oh, Bobo!

Oh!

[whispers]
You're so sweet. Yes.

[sighs]

Hmm.

[sighs]

[knock on door]

(Solo)
'Sandy? It's me. Napoleon.'

Ha! Ha!

[knock on door]

Sorry, I'm entertaining
a gentleman!

It's okay, Bobo darling!
Get back into bed.

I'll be there in a minute.

[knock on door]

Goodnight, Mr. Napoleon Solo!

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

[knocking]

Would you mind?
We'd like to be alone!

[clicks tongue]
Well, I thought I'd just, uh,
come along as a chaperone.

- Do you forgive me?
- No!

I hate you, Napoleon Solo!

I'm sick and tired
of being stood up by you.

Well, I'll never
stand you up again.

Now why don't you
just sit back and relax?

No! I want you out of my life!

Out! Out! Out!
Mm. Mm.

[sighs]

Uh, sorry, old boy.
Three is a bit of a crowd.

What would you like to do later?

[air hissing]

Oh, I feel like Italian food.

Mm.

You don't feel anything
like Italian food.

- I don't?
- No.

You feel like, um, lady fingers.

- Mm.
- And cream puffs.

[chuckles]

'And sponge cake..'

(Solo on mic)
'...and strawberry crush.'

(Sandy on mic)
'Mm.'

Can we monitor them now
on the television screen?

No, I think Mr. Solo
is entitled to his privacy.

There's a time when prying ends
and a sense of morality begins.

Goodnight.

[robots whirring]

[dramatic music]

[explosion]

[explosion]

[gunshot]

[music continues]

I think someone is sending
their Christmas presents

a little early this year.

Operation Robot failed.

Shall we try another method?
Over.

No, we don't want them
to become any more suspicious

at this point.

We'll have to chance
that his Russian friend

won't see through him.

[sighs]
Rendezvousat point A.

'Oh, and have
the robot operator'

'report to me right away.'

[jazz music]

[indistinct chattering]

[music continues]

To the most beautiful
airline hostess in the world.

To the most beautiful liar
in the world.

Oh, and tell me about the day
you flew back from Rome.

It was gay
and it was exciting.

- And it was very lonely.
- Lonely? Why?

I meet a lot of very interesting
people, but somehow..

...they're gone
before I really know them.

When are you leaving, Napoleon?

In a few days.

Mr. Solo, telephone.

Thank you. Excuse me.

(Sandy)
'Alright.'

Hello.

Hello.

[sighs]

The one in the middle
seems to be a gun.

It's one of the more
overt status symbols.

Napoleon Solo would never blow
the head of a beautiful girl.

Well, not even when
the beautiful girl

is a THRUSH agent?

THRUSH? What's that?

Well, now you remember,
sweetness

that international band
of renegades

that wanna rule the world.

'THRUSH, you know,
where you pick up'

'your paycheck every week.'

Oh, we work strictly
on commission.

[gasps]
Oh, I see, well, what is the, uh

going rate
for kidnapping UNCLE agents?

I'm not going to kidnap you.

I merely want to discuss
something with you. Privately.

Well, you see, I have
this odd behavior pattern

that whenever I go to strange
places with strange women

I get hit on the head
by strange men.

- But you keep doing it.
- Well, I'm trying to quit.

But you can't.

Neither of us
can afford to waste time.

I'm here to discuss
the August Affair.

I, uh, don't understand that.

So you will have to come along
and find out, won't you?

- Perhaps later.
- 'I'm sorry.'

'The timetable
calls for tonight.'

And you know the August Affair
can't wait.

Brace yourself.

[gasps]
Uh, Sandy, um, I'll tell you.

I know, this, uh,
seems like an unusual--

May I have my wrap, please,
miss? The black sequin stole.

I know you're not going
to believe this

but this was just
a chance meeting.

You see, I came up here

to answer the phone,
and the young lady--

Oh, thank you very much.
Here you are, dear.

- Oh, waiter.
- Yes..

Is that our order?

Spaghetti Milanese.

Oh, Mr. Solo
might like to see that.

[grunting]

- Scusa, pretesto.
- Aah!

Yes, uh, scusa. Uh,Carlos,
may I have the check, please?

Si.

[sighs]
Thank you.

[sighs]

Alright.

[jazz music]

[jazz music]

Let's talk.

Let's kiss.

[sighs]
Well, we can't talk

and kiss at the same time.

Let's try.

Are you just playing for time..

...or are you just playing?

Perhaps a little of each.

Napoleon.

Mm-hmm.

Somehow, I keep smelling
spaghetti Milanese.

- I'm sorry.
- Mm, but you wear it well.

Do you wanna have a shower?

If you promise not to attack me.

I promise.

[music continues]

[music continues]

(Solo)
'You promised not to attack me.'

(Serena)
'How can I attack you'

'when you're pointing
that thing at me?'

(Solo)
'Sorry.'

How would you know
about the August Affair?

(Serena)
'It's entirely possible
I went through your dossier'

'and read some of the reports.'

It's also possible
that you might be lying.

'All things are possible.'

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

This room isn't bugged.

I checked.

Mm.

[sighs]

Shall we sit down?

- Fine.
- The August Affair, remember?

Uh.

Hmm.

When is it going to take place?

- What?
- The August Affair.

- When will you leave?
- Oh, I don't know.

It's, uh, very difficult
to, uh, book passage

during the tourist season.

[doorbell buzzing]

Oh! Excuse me, I'll get it.

I-I'm sorry, uh..

I'll get it.

Time to, um,
get back to business.

Come in.

[dramatic music]

You wouldn't put a bullet
through your own head..

'...would you?'

[switch clicks]

[music continues]

[clears throat]

Open Channel D.

(woman on radio)
'Channel D open.'

Solo, section two

you may take
the direction finder off me now.

Situation is back to normal.

Thank you for your
cooperation, Mr. Solo.

'You've helped position us
for phase three'

'of the August Affair.'

(man as Solo)
'I'm afraid our poor Mr. Solo
will have a splitting headache'

'when he awakens
in the Austrian Alps.'

Perfect.
Absolutely perfect.

Not really.

[dramatic music]

(male #2)
'Will the real Napoleon Solo
stand up, please?'

'I trust
you're quite comfortable.'

As a matter of fact,
I'm not.

Would it be presumptuous
of me to ask where I am?

- And what have I done for this?
- I'm afraid you would.

Be very careful not to harm him.

We must keep him
physically perfect

for the moment.

[grunting]

[groaning]

Sorry.

(female #1)
'Yes, sir.'

'Yes.'

Yes, sir.

Right away, sir.

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

- Napoleon.
- Illya.

Mr. Waverly.

You must have put
in a long night

decoding the microfilm,
Mr. Solo.

Well, it, uh,
had to be done, sir.

Mr. Solo, Mr. Kuryakin here
will accompany you

on the August Affair.

Fine.

Sort of, uh,
breaking in a new career.

(Waverly)
'I, uh, I don't want to
seem fatalistic, Mr. Solo'

but every now and again,
I have a feeling that your days

on this earth are numbered.

Well, I am sorry
you feel that way, sir.

Yes, well, you'll begin
acquainting Mr. Kuryakin

'with all the details of
the August Affair immediately.'

Can I be told the purpose
of this affair?

(Waverly)
Well, for the moment,
you may know this much.

You and Mr. Solo
will proceed to Washington.

'At our headquarters there,
you'll meet two agents'

and you'll be given a briefcase
to transport abroad.

And what does
this briefcase contain?

The new combination to a vault.

The combination is changed in
the month of August every year.

It's UNCLE's responsibility

to see that the combination
is delivered.

Uh, the, uh, the vault

what does it contain?

Perhaps the very fate
of the world.

'You'll be told when you arrive
at your ultimate destination.'

Your latest credentials.

You'll report to me
at the usual time.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Beautiful digs you have here,
Mr. Waverly.

Kitt Kittridge, sir.
Section two, Australia.

Mr. Kittridge.
I'm glad to know you personally.

We have glowing accounts
of your work.

- Thanks, sir.
- Sit down.

After six years with UNCLE,
it's..

...nice to get a look
at the main headquarters.

What's the mission, sir?

Four of our top agents
are carrying important data

from, uh,
point A to point B.

You'll trail along behind
to give protective covering

against ambush or attack.

Fine, sir.
Just who are these agents?

Oh, yes.

Arsene Coria

'our Sicilian department'

'Namana, African'

'Illya Kuryakin,
our Russian agent'

and Napoleon Solo.

I want you to avoid
direct contact with any of them.

What if Napoleon says hello?

Ignore him. He'll understand.

Yes, sir.

Yes, and..

...since our identity photos
don't show you with a beard

Mr. Kittridge, uh, is the,
uh, is the beard real?

No, sir, it's a fake.

I've got the real one
in my pocket.

[laughing]

Yes, well.

Good day.

Yes, uh, well, uh..

[instrumental music]

[plane droning]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Mr. Solo.
Welcome back to Washington.

Thank you.

You've changed.

- How?
- Your shaving lotion.

It's a gift from my mother.

[shaver whirring]

[clears throat]
Good morning.

Bonjour.

I am Arsene Coria,
Sicilian Headquarters.

- Napoleon Solo.
- Illya Kuryakin.

- How are things in Sicily?
- Busy.

If it's not THRUSH,
it's the mafiosi.

Oh, I'm sorry, but I was
all night on plane from Rome.

My name is Namana,
of the Liberian section.

Napoleon Solo,
and this is Illya Kuryakin.

- It's a pleasure.
- 'And Arsene Coria.'

I, uh, worked with your brother,
Ashanti. How is he?

My brother was killed.

Are we all ready?

The rods activate an
electronic combination device.

If the case were to be
opened improperly

acid would be released
from the walls of the case

destroying the contents.

Va bene.

[dramatic music]

There you are.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Stewardess?

I'll, uh, just have some coffee.

And could you get me
a, uh, needle and thread?

I've got a loose button here.

Yes, sir.

He really is very
interesting-looking.

That miserable rat. Pretending
he didn't even know me.

He's probably married
and, uh, someone in the group

knows his wife.

He would have told me
if he were married.

- Sometimes they forget.
- Oh, that rat.

Your coffee, sir.

- Oh!
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Was it hot?

No, no, just a little bit sweet.

Oh!

[dramatic music]

My orders were, "The case
was always to be in sight

of at least two
of the three carriers."

Oh, yes. We are getting
a bit, uh, sloppy, aren't we?

[music continues]

[device humming]

[dings]

[beeps]

[buzzes]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

Uh, your needle and thread, sir.
May I have your jacket?

Well, I'm afraid
it's, uh, too late.

I seem to have
lost the button.

Are you sure you haven't lost
all your buttons?

[sighs]

[music continues]

[knocking]

Being a bit snobby,
aren't you, mate?

It's a bit, uh, risky
for proper greetings, Kitt.

Right you are.

How is the shoulder wound?

Never realized a bullet
would make such a nasty mess

of one's shoulder.

I believe it was a knife wound
in the left shoulder.

[chuckles]
I must be getting old.
My instincts are failing me.

I thought I was onto
something most diabolical.

Really? Like what?

Like THRUSH
having a double for you.

[sighing]

[dramatic music]

[whispering]
Cyanide.

Damn it.

The bloody camera
that THRUSH was monitor..

You saw me there.

- Trouble?
- You recognize him?

No.

He's a THRUSH agent
I encountered once in Vienna.

- He just tried to kill me.
- Is he dead?

Very, I'd say.

My bearded friend..

...this card says
you're a diabetic.

And apparently..

...you died before anyone could
administer the necessary aid.

Good morning, Mr. Solo.

Anything I can do to make
things more comfortable?

How long would you say I have to
wear all this costume jewelry?

Now be patient
and please don't struggle.

You might bruise your wrists.

When they find your body
at the foot of the mountain

we want it unmarked

except for contusions
sustained in the sudden stop.

To that end,
I have a surprise for you.

[instrumental music]

Nina is an expert masseuse.

Well, at this stage
of the game, I'm really not..

(male #2)
'We want to preserve
the natural body tone.'

'The normal balance
of the gland [indistinct]'

Relaxed condition
of the musculatures.

Nina, proceed.

Hmm. Nice perfume.

[music continues]

[clears throat]

I tell you,
I'm much more demonstrative

when I'm not chained up.

My instructions are to see
to your physical well-being.

I tell you,
being...chained up like that

gives me kind of a...cramp
in my latissimus dorsi.

You have a very well-developed
latissimus dorsi.

Is that right?

[whispering]
Very well developed.

That's kind of you
to notice.

Go back to your duties,
you miserable pervert.

[dramatic music]

[tires screeching]

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Thank you very much again.
- You are very welcome.

Am I the last?

Oh, your friends have already
disembarked, Mr. Kuryakin.

Uh, I wanted to, uh,
freshen up before departing.

Comb my hair.

What line of work
are you in, Mr. Kuryakin?

I pretend to be a businessman,
but I'm really a Russian spy.

And what do you do when
you're not playing stewardess?

In the off-season, I'm a
fullback for the Chicago Bears.

If I-I might have known.

Do you think it would be alright
for an all-American fullback

and a Russian spy to have
a drink together later?

It might help
to preserve the peace.

[dramatic music]

[screaming]

Excuse me.

He was a diabetic.

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[equipment humming]

[dings]

[dings]

[buzzes]

You've been chosen
to bear a burden

imposed on few living men today.

But first, I must warn you,
each and everyone of you

to be extremely cautious
once we have entered the cave.

Do we, uh, open the case now?

No, not until
we've reached the vault

which is 180 feet
beneath the surface.

You will wear these special
protective goggles at all times.

And again, I must caution you.

Be extremely careful
not to remove them at any time.

- Is that quite clear?
- Yes.

And now, gentlemen, if you'll
please put on these coveralls.

Security measures, as you
can see, are quite extensive.

In recent years, scientists from
many nations working together

found themselves
on the verge of a discovery.

Discovery of such awesome power

that the most deadly
nuclear weapons

would be literally negated
by the use of this power.

They were faced
with an appalling fact.

'That a weapon would
have to be constructed'

to utilize this immense power.

(Kuryakin)
They would build such a weapon?

(female #2)
The choice was
not altogether theirs.

We've picked up radio waves from
space for a number of years.

However, another aspect
of the situation

is known to only a few.

And that is,
some of these fragments..

...according to some
of our finest scientific minds..

...establish a pattern.

(man as Solo)
And that pattern indicates
that someday

we might be assaulted
from beyond the stars.

Who can tell?

It is more than theory,
but less than a proven fact.

And against such a possibility,
it was agreed

the counter-weapon
would be Project Earth Save.

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

As you can see,
as each capsule is decoded

by the machine...
it is destroyed.

So that no man on earth
will know the combination

we feed into the computer.

Correct.

When the vault is open,
it creates a tremendous vacuum

'caused by
the electromagnetic radiation'

'from the high energy
gamma rays.'

'Now one word
of extreme caution.'

'You must remain at a safe
distance from the vault.'

'The electromagnetic gamma rays'

'create a kind of rapture
and a hypnotic effect'

'which causes anyone
who looks directly into it'

to throw himself into the vault.

Gentlemen, this is
Project Earth Save.

- Namana.
- 'Don't touch him.'

Don't move, don't move.

He tried to adjust his goggles.
We've got to--

(female #2)
'No, no, don't touch him.'

'He'll drag you in with him.'

[dramatic music]

(female #2)
You can't save a man
who no longer exists.

Mm, excellent.
My compliments to the chef.

Could use a might
more salt though.

Whatever you wish, Mr. Solo.

[glass shattering]

Mr. Solo..

...I'm afraid we can't
allow you to eat

mashed potatoes
with ground glass.

And that filament
from the light bulb

may give you indigestion.

Excuse me.

For being naughty,
you'll have no dinner..

...and no more light bulbs.

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

Hi there, gentlemen.

I believe you have
reservations for us.

Oh, yes, Mr. Solo.

I've already had your luggage
brought to your rooms.

You and Mr. Coria
have Suite Eight.

Mr. Kuryakin and..

...Namana?

There will be just three of us.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Had not the four of you intended
to go mountain climbing?

I'm sorry, but I'm,
I'm not up to it.

- Do you mind?
- Perhaps tomorrow.

Whatever you wish.

Hanz. Hanz!

Show these gentlemen
to their rooms.

Oh, Mr. Solo,
I have a message for you.

- I'll, uh, join you later.
- Anything important?

It, uh, could be. Yes.

How was the trip?

Well, uh, fortunately,
Namana met

with an unfortunate accident.

Darius Two is ready
to rendezvous Solo

for the last phase.

Ah, yes, the last phase.

This afternoon,
I will climb the mountain

and take the real Napoleon Solo
from his cell

just 15 miles from here
and push him off a cliff.

A climbing accident.

And in two months,
the assault force

at our observatory
will be ready, and then..

The attack will begin
from headquarters.

Once we reach the vault
with the combination

in our possession,
Project Earth Save is ours.

And no force in the world
can resist us.

Darlin', you can't imagine
what a time

I had trying to find you.

I had the entire airline
working on it.

Oh, it's so wonderful being
together again now, isn't it?

Mm.

Well, I see you have
your maiden aunt with you

all the way from New York.

- Do you mind if I join you?
- Oh, please do.

You've travelled a long way
from New York to catch us.

Oh, well, you wouldn't think
I'd let him get away

that easily, would you?

I admire your spirit,
Miss, uh..

Sandy.
My friends call me Sandy.

Uh, Sandy, I tell ya,
I'm-I'm, uh, sorry, uh

but this is kind of a business
event you're here at.

It's rather hard to explain--

You don't have to explain
a thing, darling.

We were planning
a hike to the mountains--

- Oh, I'd love to go.
- Oh, fine.

Um, why don't we plan
to leave in about an hour?

- Shall we all meet here?
- Hmm.

- Um, I'm going to change now.
- Oh, me too.

I'll see you in one hour.

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[gunshot]

[alarm buzzing]

(Darius)
Too late, Mr. Solo.

I already activated
the auto destruction mechanism.

Neither of us has
any chance of escape now.

The entire place
will be destroyed.

But not for 30 minutes.

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[bike engine revving]

[grunts]

[music continues]

[gunshots]

[music continues]

[gunshots]

[music continues]

[explosion]

And so I became
the first lieutenant

in the Russian Navy
to set fire to an igloo.

- Illya.
- Yes?

- Are you really Russian?
- Yes.

Well, what do you think
of the Americans?

I find them very charming

but, uh, I wouldn't want
my sister to marry one.

[sighs]

Nazdravi.

Would you teach me some Russian?

I would like to teach you
all about Russia.

Our music, our art.

- Your romance?
- Our theater.

Your virility.

Our poetry.

Your love songs?

Phone call for you,
Mr. Kuryakin.

- Kuryakin.
- 'Kuryakin.'

(Waverly on phone)
'This is UNCLE Alex.'

Yes, UNCLE,
it's good to hear from you.

- How was your flight?
- 'Very nice.'

The, uh, the diabetic
who died suddenly

was an UNCLE from Australia.

[intense music]

[sighs]

[sighs]
Well, as I recall, in New York

you found a hot bath quite..

...stimulating.

Darling, the ingenious
plastic surgery of THRUSH

can make a sow's ear
look like a silk purse.

But it will never feel
like a silk purse.

There's no time to play.

You may have caused this
whole plan to backfire.

Don't have any fear.
I'll take care of Sandy.

What about the man
in the red beard?

The way you eliminated him
was stupid and clumsy.

I had no choice.
He was an UNCLE agent.

So why didn't their agents
recognize him?

And why didn't they
report him missing?

(Kuryakin)
'Because we didn't know
that the man'

with the red beard
was covering us.

I'm sorry to interrupt,
Napoleon.

It's alright. You weren't
interrupting anything.

We were just leaving.

He would have had more
savoir faire than to leave.

[grunts]

Oh, yes, you're right,
Mr. Kuryakin.

[dramatic music]

[sighs]

There's also trouble
at headquarters.

You're to contact them
immediately.

How do you like
your UNCLE agent?

Well done, please.

[speaking foreign language]

[machine buzzing]

[sighs]

[grunts]

[foot tapping]

(Kuryakin)
'Help. H..'

Illya, what happened?

[mumbling]

Uh, Namana, Solo..

Something wrong.
He tried to kill me.

- Who did?
- Solo.

But I thought
he was your friend.

No, no, there's another Solo.

No time to explain.

[whistles]

Solo's escaped.

The last report was
that he was headed this way

on the Zirnon Highway.

- What do we do?
- Get a message to headquarters.

Order an attack
on the stronghold

if I don't contact our men
by radio in two hours.

Attack? Now?

The plan was for Solo to die
in a climbing accident.

Now if we can effect
a similar accident

the plan can continue
as scheduled.

But-but the others.

Alright, Solo and the girl
will have to..

...will be found dead
at the bottom of the cliff.

And you'll be a victim
of amnesia.

They will have
no reason to suspect

anything worse
than a lovers' quarrel.

That's right,
and we'll have the combination

to Project Earth Save,
and we can use it

when the time is right.
Get the message to headquarters.

I thought you two
might try to slip away.

- Get out of that car.
- Well, I was only--

- I said get out of that car.
- Napoleon.

- Get out.
- Please.

[dramatic music]

[gunshots]

How can you be sure
we'll intercept him?

This is the only road to the
lodge from our headquarters.

Look.

[intense music]

[gunshot]

[dramatic music]

[grunts]

[music continues]

[gunshot]

[rumbling]

[explosion]

THRUSH is going to be very
disappointed in you, Serena.

Are you, uh, sure
you wanna go back?

As I said, I think, uh

THRUSH is going to be
very disappointed in you.

That's not my fault, darling.

I delivered you, which was
my primary assignment.

Oh, such bad marksmanship
though.

Really, killing the wrong Solo.

By accident?

By accident.

So you thought
the game was over

and you'd switched sides
for a moment

to earn my gratitude.

As long as I do have
your gratitude

what difference does it make?

At any rate, THRUSH will
never know of the incident.

You won't tell them and..

...since the auto-destruct
explosion

has levelled the entire camp

I'm the only survivor
of the August Affair.

My story is the only story.

I see. Mm-hmm.

So therefore,
the failure of THRUSH

is due to one of
your dead confederates.

Of course.

And now
since out of your gratitude

you are going to let me go

'I have to leave now.'

Illya might be
a little bit put out with me.

- Why is that?
- I tried to barbecue him.

Oh, he's very broad-minded
about that sort of thing.

Ciao, bella.

Ciao.

[instrumental music]

Where's your college chum?

Oh, she went back
for a post graduate course.

- Mm-hmm.
- Now, uh, what, um, is this?

Chicken noodle soup.

Napoleon Solo,
you love chicken noodle soup.

- I do?
- Yeah.

How do you know
I'm the real Napoleon Solo?

How do you know
that the real Napoleon Solo

wasn't killed on the mountain?

Well, there's one way
to find out.

Ah, the poor man.

Obviously, his incarceration
has taken a dreadful toll.

Can he stand up
under this new assault?

He's a dedicated man.

Actually, this is
a conditioned reflex with him.

When an attractive woman passes,
he responds automatically.

His arms reach out.

The less fortunate among us have
to think and plan before we act.

I have now spent five seconds
thinking and planning.

Now I must act.
Excuse me.

[instrumental music]

- And Brand X?
- The real McCoy.

Well, why don't you try again?
Just to be sure.

[theme music]