All language subtitles for Californication S06E07 The Dope Show (1080p BluRay x265 BugsFunny)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:10,208 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:11,401 He gave me a ride. 3 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:12,720 Because I spent the night at his place. 4 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,689 - What's his name? - Ross. 5 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,091 What's your poison? 6 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:19,841 Heroin. Coke. Booze, speed. A little bit of everything, really. 7 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,446 And there's all the fucked-up sexual shit that goes along with it. 8 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:24,770 How do you know about Becca's thing tonight? 9 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:27,770 We keep in touch. She's always asking me questions about writing. 10 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:29,723 She never asks me questions about writing. 11 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:32,280 OK, hi. 12 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,368 I'm here to see Natalie. 13 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:35,601 Natalie's my wife. 14 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:38,644 Natalie said, "Let the new designer in." 15 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:39,881 That's me. 16 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:41,451 I don't want to twist your arm, 17 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,921 but I'd like to take your hand here 18 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,928 and shove it up my skirt. 19 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,651 If you're gonna die, wouldn't you rather die with your dick in me bum? 20 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:51,801 If I'm gonna die, 21 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:54,287 I'm gonna die doing what I was born to do. 22 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:55,401 This is it. 23 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:56,811 This is the moment we've been waiting for. 24 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:58,723 I'm shitting genius right now. 25 00:00:58,800 --> 00:00:59,961 Hank! We gotta go! 26 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,924 Do you guys mind if I crash here, do some writing, 27 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:04,485 maybe have a few people over? 28 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:05,641 Whatever you need. 29 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:06,801 Congratulations. 30 00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:09,327 You have made it to the next round. 31 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,686 Home sweet... 32 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:29,445 Holy Moses. 33 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,161 What the fuck? Hank? 34 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:36,966 Jesus, guide me! 35 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:53,171 All the furniture is in the bedroom, Hank. 36 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,170 - Just the tip. Come on. - No! 37 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,884 - Get a condom. - Is that Becca? 38 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,082 Just like five seconds. Four seconds. 39 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,680 She looks good, Hank. 40 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:05,362 - She's grown up. - I'll kill you. 41 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,210 - She's very well-developed. - I will fucking kill you. 42 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:13,884 You know chlorine kills 99.9% of the sperm, right? 43 00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:15,160 It's true. 44 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:18,682 OK, fine. I'll get a condom, jeez. 45 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,607 - Hank! What's up? - Hey, man. 46 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:23,561 Dad! 47 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:27,085 Hi, Becca. 48 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,011 You didn't have to hit him. 49 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:15,646 No, I didn't have to. I wanted to. 50 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,250 He could sue you. 51 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,805 Yeah, but then I'd have to cut off his dick 52 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,490 - and feed it to the homeless. - You know what? 53 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,126 I still haven't heard you say you're sorry. 54 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:25,163 Am I sorry for messing up Charlie's place? 55 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:26,645 Yes, of course, and I will clean it up. 56 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,967 But am I sorry for throwing a killer party 57 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:31,686 and having an awesome time? Absolutely not. 58 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:33,564 This is becoming a problem, Becca. 59 00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:35,642 - I'm not sure I agree. - Give me that. 60 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:40,130 Great, now you have to buy me a new one. 61 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:41,321 - No, I don't. - Fine. 62 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:42,805 Then you won't be able to get in touch with me. 63 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:44,888 I could be holed up in a crack den somewhere, 64 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,485 and you wouldn't be able to track my iPhone. 65 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:48,329 I don't like you very much right now. 66 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,488 - Do you like her very much right now? - No, I don't. 67 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:51,891 I don't see what the big deal is. 68 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,810 - You drink all the time. - Not all the time. 69 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:57,241 - You smoke pot. - When it's around. It's not like 70 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,403 I have one of those magic marijuana cards or anything, right? 71 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,369 Do you use cocaine? 72 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,363 I have experimented with the drug you call cocaine. 73 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,245 A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, 74 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,163 - in my misspent youth. - That's a lie. 75 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,522 Well, sometimes it's important to lie to children. 76 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,842 - This is not a very good talk. - No, it's not. 77 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:20,288 Bottom line is you're making some questionable choices right now. 78 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,840 Says the queen of questionable choices. 79 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:26,282 Hey! Be respectful of your mother's questionable choices. 80 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,091 Look, I respect you both. Always. 81 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,363 My home life has been chaotic, to say the least. 82 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,846 But I've always kept it together. 83 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,690 - You guys had it easy with me. - Agreed. 84 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,200 But you can't expect us to ignore the fact 85 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,089 that you're out of control right now. 86 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,247 Yeah, yeah, what she said. 87 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,364 But I'm having so much fun. 88 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,084 I'm partying like a rock star. 89 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,531 OK, look, enough of this jibber-jabber. 90 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:53,366 No more lectures. Let's take this shit into the field. 91 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,209 Come on. Let's go. 92 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,247 What up, Runks? What is... What? 93 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,048 - OK, what the fuck is that? - What... I'm sorry. 94 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:17,249 I'm sorry. Look, I just... I had an experience recently... 95 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:18,924 Yeah, like a gay thing? I heard. 96 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:22,322 No, no, I'm totally straight now. Didn't you hear? 97 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,131 No. I heard that you got fired again. 98 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,965 Well, yes, that was unfortunate. But... 99 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,970 Are you trying to get out of your child support payments or something? 100 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:35,405 - Look, a bow. - Is that... Stop it. 101 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,887 - No. No, never. - Yeah. 102 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,486 God, I got a new job. A good job. 103 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:44,124 I do still wonder why I have to pay you 104 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:47,488 to care for a child that you named after your second husband. 105 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,881 That still does not sit well with me. 106 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,246 He's your son, Charlie! 107 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:52,731 I know. I know. And I love him to death. 108 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,484 And that's what I'm here about, really. 109 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:58,007 Because I had a life-or-death experience recently. 110 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,924 And it really... It clarified things for me, Marcy. 111 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,047 It focused things. 112 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:07,964 And I thought, I would really like to spend the day with you and little Stu. 113 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,280 Well, that's great. 114 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,328 You're welcome to spend the day with Stu, 115 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,323 and I will go shopping. 116 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,210 That works too. Happy to lighten your load. 117 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,924 - What? - I don't know. 118 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,048 I just know you're working some kind of angle here. 119 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:26,284 No, Marcy, scout's honour. I have no angle. I am angle-free. 120 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,966 That's bullshit, because we all know your dick's all bent. 121 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,244 - Thanks for reminding me. - That's what I'm here for. 122 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:34,402 Just keepin' it real, Runkle. 123 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,528 I'm just glad you're thinking about it. 124 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,090 All right! 125 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,524 Stuart! 126 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,683 I know all this partying like a rock star stuff looks like fun, 127 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,603 but this shit eventually turns on you, you know? 128 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,250 You wanna know what a real rock star looks like? 129 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,004 It ain't pretty. 130 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,165 Hank. 131 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:55,480 Friend. 132 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,207 I missed you. 133 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:00,771 And you brought your family with you. 134 00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:02,683 - Yes. - Is that your child? 135 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,569 Becca. 136 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,211 - Hello, child. - Hi. 137 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:08,890 She speaks English. 138 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:12,760 - And Karen! Hello, Karen. - Hey. 139 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:15,161 I had a dream about you. Did I tell you? 140 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,323 I was standing on the stage, and I spied you in the front row, 141 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:21,643 and I was enchanted by your preternatural beauty. 142 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,326 So I focused all my energy on you, 143 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:28,246 and I made you have an orgasm just by looking at you. 144 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:30,288 How do you know she wasn't faking it? 145 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:31,930 It was my fucking dream. 146 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:41,046 God. I'm feeling something. 147 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:43,248 - I think it's bouncing off... - Shut the fuck up. 148 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:44,970 Come on, I've got someone to introduce you to. 149 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,566 He's a big fan of yours and mine. 150 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:49,724 You see what I mean? 151 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:54,287 Hank, Karen, child, 152 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:57,284 I would like you to meet the poet and philosopher... 153 00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:00,728 - Holy shit, that's Marilyn Manson. - Marilyn Manson. 154 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:04,290 We're talking about doing a duet together. 155 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:07,489 Maybe a tour of the States. That would be really something, eh? 156 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,881 I'm just here for the narcotics. 157 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:12,851 He kids. 158 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:15,408 - Not really. - He does drugs. 159 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,164 Hey, listen, I brought Becca here because I want... 160 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:19,720 - Becca? Who's Becca? - My daughter. 161 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:21,730 - The child. - Yeah. 162 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:24,081 She's recently discovered the joys of substance abuse, 163 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:25,924 and I want to disabuse her of the notion 164 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,048 that it won't hurt her in the long run, you understand? 165 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,082 Why would you do that? 166 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:31,525 Because I love her, 167 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:34,080 and I don't want her to OD before she's of legal drinking age. 168 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:37,244 - Can you help a brother out? - Absolutely. 169 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:40,602 I've done quite a few anti-drug PSAs in my time. 170 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,768 Some of them sober even. 171 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,765 - Hank Moody? - Marilyn Manson. 172 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:48,445 I'm a fan of your words. 173 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:53,445 I'd be honoured if you came and did some narcotics with me. 174 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,042 This is so fucking cool. 175 00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,804 Yeah, it is fucking cool. 176 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:05,725 I know. I see you inside the mouth. That's right. I know. 177 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,085 What the... 178 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,046 Braden! I'm so sorry. 179 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:13,043 - You're new here. - Yeah, I am. 180 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,930 Yah, it kind of makes you want to eat a shotgun, huh? 181 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,928 You said it, sister. 182 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:20,566 - I'm Tricia. - Hi. Charlie. 183 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,324 - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 184 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:26,001 I'm Braden, Aiden, and Jaden's mom. 185 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:27,645 - Wow. - Yeah. 186 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,641 You're making me feel lazy. I just have the one. 187 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:34,441 Don't do that, Stewie. No, not in your mouth! OK. 188 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,290 - Are you married? - Divorced. 189 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,846 - You? - Married. 23 years. 190 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,644 - Really? - Yeah. 191 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,082 You don't even look old enough to be married that long. 192 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:46,650 Thank you. That's sweet. 193 00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:49,001 Actually, my husband and I are high school sweethearts. 194 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:50,969 - That is so cool. - Well... 195 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,809 - And inspiring, you know? - Don't do that. No. 196 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:56,049 - To make it work for so long. - Yeah. 197 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,650 It's work. It is, actually. 198 00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:00,206 - It's hard work. - I see you, Stu. 199 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,971 I don't know. You gotta be just best friends, 200 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,530 and I don't know, keep it fresh somehow. 201 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:06,846 - Absolutely. - Yes. 202 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,684 You gotta tell me your secret sometime. 203 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:11,811 Hey, would you want to get the kids together for a play date? 204 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:13,245 - Yeah, sure, I guess. - Yeah. 205 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,204 You put your phone number in here, and I'll text you sometime. 206 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,321 OK. 207 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,001 - Here you go. - Perfect. 208 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:29,000 I'm sorry. Is this from you? 209 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:32,411 Why are you apologising? Just give me five minutes. 210 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:33,760 What about the kids? 211 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,766 Don't be such a fucking pussy. They're fine. 212 00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:43,131 Stewie, Daddy has to go... 213 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,528 Just stay inside the dragon, OK, Stewie? 214 00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:48,130 In the mouth. 215 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,887 I love doing drugs. 216 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,601 Hey, that sounds like something you would say, Dad. 217 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,524 Yeah, as a joke, maybe. 218 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,770 Here's the thing, child. 219 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,087 Some of us are Keith Moon, 220 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,248 and some of us are Keith Richards. 221 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:08,930 And you don't know which one you are 222 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:12,567 until you end up in a coffin or in an old people's home. 223 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,762 That's comforting. Thank you. 224 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:16,451 Here's something they don't tell you. 225 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:20,246 Rampant sexual behaviour, drug use, etcetera... 226 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,328 You will end up with AIDS. 227 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:25,049 Well, no, they do tell you that, actually. 228 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:29,091 Well, I wish they would have told me, because I have AIDS, now. 229 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:36,689 I'm just fucking kidding. Why are you guys so serious? 230 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,122 Christmas. I want AIDS. 231 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,290 Should we just say this whole thing backfired 232 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,368 and get the fuck out of here now? 233 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,444 Listen, Moody, love your words, much respect. 234 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,124 But I like your taste in women better. 235 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:56,210 She's a handsome one, isn't she? I had a dream about her last night. 236 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,647 I made her come just by looking at her. 237 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,324 You guys aren't together any more, right? So is it cool if I... 238 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:06,648 Do not start with me, Marilyn Manson, or we will tussle. 239 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:09,644 You want to tussle with me? Seriously, you wanna tussle? 240 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,085 - Tussle! - I'll tussle with you. 241 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:13,242 Come on, Dad, don't fight with Marilyn Manson. 242 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:16,881 - He's one of my heroes. - Hear that, Dad? Fucking hero. 243 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:21,086 OK, OK, well, please, let's just steer this shit back around, all right? 244 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,322 Now, I put it to the esteemed panel. 245 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:26,330 Is it possible to make great art without killing yourself? 246 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:28,323 - I say, "Yes." - Me too! 247 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,084 Totally possible. 248 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,686 But drugs just make it more fun. 249 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:36,443 I like this chick. 250 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:39,087 I need to urinate and possibly vomit. 251 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:41,011 - Come on. - Here, look... 252 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:42,166 - OK, so this... - Becca, come on. 253 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:43,566 Look, please, just stay here 254 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,284 and make sure she doesn't ingest anything. 255 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,010 - Let's get the fuck out of here, now. - Listen, listen. 256 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,684 - What are you doing? - These guys are a fucking mess. 257 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,290 She's gonna get it. Eventually. 258 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:52,727 - Just let her... She will. - She's loving it! 259 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,604 Mom, take a picture. 260 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,091 Are you kidding me? 261 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:04,406 - That you, Charlie? - Yep. 262 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:07,251 - What took you so long? - Well, I... You know... 263 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,722 I was in the ladies', sorry. I guess I misunderstood. 264 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,370 Well, get on in here. 265 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,611 Tricia! Looking good. 266 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,444 All right, well. 267 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,367 Well, I gotta tell you, this is already way better 268 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,169 than my last naughty bathroom experience. 269 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:27,089 Don't call me Tricia. I'm not Tricia right now. 270 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,690 - I'm Hannah. - OK. 271 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,843 Is that like a multiple personality thing, or... 272 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:33,604 No, silly. It's my website. 273 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,126 Yeah, Housewife Hannah? You do know it? 274 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,725 - I don't think so. - Funny. 275 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,280 - I took you for a big porn guy. - I am. 276 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:41,407 Is it a pay site? 277 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:42,811 - It sure is. - Yeah, that's what it is. 278 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,281 Cos I don't really like to pay for my porn. It's a thing. 279 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,170 OK. Stop talking. 280 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:51,244 I'm gonna need you to film this for me. 281 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:53,288 Film what, exactly? 282 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,089 I'm gonna suck your dick, and you're gonna film it. 283 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:57,522 Then you're gonna give me a big, messy facial. 284 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,809 That's my thing. That's what I'm known for, you know? 285 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,365 In fact, the messier the better. 286 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,841 Just get it all over my glasses and shit. 287 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:06,445 That's what the fans love. 288 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,648 OK, this is a good shot right there. 289 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:10,487 You're gonna want to put this on. 290 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,125 - Really? - Yeah. 291 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,770 I mean, you probably don't want to show your face, right? 292 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,002 - Probably not. Good idea. - Yeah. 293 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,487 - But has anyone else worn... - Put the fucking mask on. 294 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,762 - It doesn't matter. OK. Yeah. - Just put the fucking mask on. 295 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,486 Chop, chop. 296 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:25,805 - OK. - Like that? 297 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:29,049 - Does it look good? - It's fine. All right. 298 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,485 - OK, you ready? - Yeah. 299 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,125 All right, let's do this. 300 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:35,210 - Get that cock out. - Yeah, that's a good idea. 301 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:39,649 - Yeah, and remember, on my face, OK? - OK. 302 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:40,801 - You listening? - Yeah. 303 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:43,286 - OK. Are you listening? - Yeah. 304 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,169 - Yeah... - OK. 305 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:49,571 Yeah! 306 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,006 Dude! 307 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,484 What the fuck? 308 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:02,804 My God, you just wasted your load. 309 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,002 You're supposed to shoot it on my face. 310 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,520 Well, it's... The whole situation. It's very exciting. 311 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,324 Do you wanna go again? Cos I could do better. 312 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:12,404 No, no, forget it. Just get the fuck out of here, you loser. 313 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,249 Give me my mask. Like, now. 314 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,569 God. Go! 315 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,567 You want to know the secret to a good marriage? 316 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:26,241 Listen to her every once in a while. Is that so fucking hard? 317 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,443 - Do you still wanna do the play date? - No. 318 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:40,040 Hey, stud. 319 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:41,445 Oh, dear. 320 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,084 I knew you wouldn't stay away for long. 321 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,248 Actually, I'm here with my daughter. I brought her here 322 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,443 to teach her about the perils of drug and alcohol abuse. 323 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:55,047 - How's that working out for you? - Not well. Not well at all. 324 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,050 - Have you had the tour? - I don't believe I have. 325 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:02,881 So many rooms. So many nooks and crannies. 326 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,003 So many places to curl up and get lost. 327 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,050 Well, I don't think I'd wanna get lost. 328 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:11,243 You know? In fact, I should probably get back to the war room 329 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:12,407 before somebody gets pregnant. 330 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,045 - Hey. - Yes. 331 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:17,124 Did you know Atticus collects medieval torture devices? 332 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:21,211 No, I did not, but that revelation does not particularly surprise me. 333 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,765 Do you know what a breast ripper is, Hank? 334 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:28,207 No, I do not, but it's pretty self-explanatory and nasty. 335 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,244 It tore to shreds the breasts of women 336 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,124 that were convicted of adultery. 337 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,527 Why, why? Why ruin a perfectly good breast? 338 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:36,766 That doesn't make any sense. 339 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,771 You're sweet. Thank you. 340 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,041 No, no, no. I didn't mean yours. 341 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,923 You don't think they're lovely? 342 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,804 No, they're killer. You've got beautiful cans. 343 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,764 It's just that, it's inappropriate to talk about another man's breasts. 344 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,086 You know what I mean? 345 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:52,440 I'll decide what's inappropriate. 346 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:53,766 I am not sure that you should. 347 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:56,165 Touch 'em. 348 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:57,805 No, I'm good. 349 00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,922 Come on. You don't wanna touch them? 350 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,122 All right, maybe just... Just one, just... 351 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,604 God. 352 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:10,080 It's just been so long since I was groped by capable hands. 353 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:13,971 Karen! 354 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:15,570 Just a breast exam. 355 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,329 You know, checking for lumps. 356 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:20,964 I think you're OK. You should be fine. 357 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,241 I'll do the same for you. Anytime, anywhere. 358 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:26,250 - You know I will. - Yeah. So, Marilyn Manson's trying 359 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,489 to get your daughter and I into a threesome right now. 360 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,363 That's my cue. 361 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:46,044 OK, Becca, I get it. I give up. All right, this is way too much fun. 362 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,642 If I was your age, and this was happening to me, 363 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:51,650 I would tell my parents to fuck off and die too. 364 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:53,045 My father would punch me in the mouth, 365 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,527 but that's another story, so... 366 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,210 - We're gonna leave. - What? What? 367 00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:58,845 We're gonna leave you to have fun with your hero. 368 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,325 What the fuck are you talking about? 369 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:03,125 Mom, Dad, easy, come on. I'm gonna take care of the girl. 370 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,891 Look at this face. Come on. The girl's gonna be fine. 371 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,129 We're gonna make some S'mores, and tell ghost stories, 372 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:10,571 talk about our favourite serial killers. 373 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,047 I'll have her home by dawn, I swear. 374 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,446 Becca, take a picture of me tea bagging 375 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,124 before he wakes up. 376 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,800 No more, Manson. 377 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:27,765 No more balls, Manson. Too many balls. 378 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:29,770 Get off me. 379 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,127 - Daddy? - Yes, my boy? 380 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,330 Where did you go today? 381 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:36,850 What do you mean? 382 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,884 You were in the bathroom for a very long time. 383 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:45,164 Yeah. Those chicken fingers gave Daddy a bad tummy. 384 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,282 I had to make big potty. 385 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,841 Good night, Mommy. Good night, Daddy. I love you. 386 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:58,405 Buddy. 387 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:01,644 Good night, baby. 388 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,084 He's so happy. 389 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,561 Cos this is the way it's supposed to be. 390 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,371 He should fall asleep like this every night. 391 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:24,246 Yeah, that's a nice little fairy tale, Charlie. 392 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:27,330 But it's not the reality of his life. 393 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,767 Maybe it should be. 394 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:33,162 Why can't we make it so for him? 395 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:40,049 Because the people who made him 396 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,606 weren't meant to be together. 397 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:46,730 - Are you sure about that? - Yeah, I'm pretty sure. 398 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,570 I think I have the divorce papers to prove it. 399 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,922 OK, you know what? I've made certain mistakes, Marcy. 400 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,201 You've made certain mistakes. 401 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:58,204 Maybe it's time we just get past all that already 402 00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,611 and start to get real. 403 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:03,207 - Yeah, like it's just that easy. - Well, maybe it is. 404 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,450 I still love you, Marcy. 405 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,804 What? Why are you telling me this? 406 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:15,649 I don't know. I don't know. It just came out. 407 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:17,888 - Well, keep that shit to yourself. - I can't. 408 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,327 Because when I feel something, I like to express it. 409 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,602 Good for you. 410 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,484 But I'm done with you. I'm done with Stu. 411 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,610 I'm done with men. 412 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:31,440 So, what, you're into women now? 413 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,090 No, you jackass. 414 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,849 Gross. Stop it. 415 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,404 You're gonna wake the boy. 416 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,883 OK, this is stupid. I can't stand it. I'm going in! 417 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,724 Wait... Hold on a minute. It's gotta be her decision. 418 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:01,847 No, I'm going in. 419 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:02,967 I know her. She'll be out in a minute. 420 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,008 What happens if he has abducted her, 421 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,321 and he is selling her into sex trafficking? 422 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,971 He's a rock star, Karen, not a sex trafficker. 423 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:11,923 He could be both. 424 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,530 Quick, let's go! He's looking for me. 425 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,523 He wants me to film him pooping on Atticus. 426 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:16,681 That's my line. 427 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:17,841 That's my girl. 428 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:24,561 So, what have we learned today, folks? 429 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,484 I think we've learned that some things never change. 430 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:30,609 Well, that sounds a bit pointed, lady. What do you mean by that? 431 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,286 Everything I learned I already knew. 432 00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,840 I know you guys love me. I know you care. 433 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,686 I know drugs are good, and bad, and dangerous, and fun. 434 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,809 I know those guys are lunatics. I'm never going to be like that. 435 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,531 I'm just trying to figure it out for myself. 436 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,204 And I know that's scary for you guys, 437 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,806 but you're just going to have to trust me. 438 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:52,804 - Can you do that? - I suppose so. 439 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:56,727 Well, you don't exactly leave us with much choice. 440 00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:00,202 Great. Well, I'm glad we got that settled. 441 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:01,691 I'm gonna hang in my room. 442 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,125 Security check. 443 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,443 Did you pack your bag yourself, ma'am? 444 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,482 - I see. - What? 445 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,129 And that you can keep. 446 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,247 Really? 447 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:21,806 Good night. 448 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:25,123 I will make sure this goes directly into police evidence. 449 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,404 - Nightcap? - No. 450 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,051 - Recap? - No. What? Recap what? 451 00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:33,647 Your asinine plan to educate our daughter 452 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,166 on the perils of drug abuse? 453 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,084 OK, well, maybe my plan didn't go exactly according to plan, 454 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,481 but maybe it did. Maybe I'm a fucking genius. 455 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,086 Or maybe we just went up there so you could see her. 456 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,685 Who, Natalie? 457 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,406 God. Karen. 458 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,445 Why are you shitting where I eat? 459 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,648 - Well, that's disgusting. - That's disgusting? 460 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,882 Like your hands all over her... 461 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,564 She practically forced me to do it. 462 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:58,483 - Really? - Yes, and who am I to pass up 463 00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,289 a perfectly pleasant boob grab? 464 00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:01,600 It was my hostess. 465 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:05,162 It would have been rude for a guest to... Are you jealous? 466 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,766 No. No, I'm not. 467 00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:08,921 I'm pissed. 468 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,163 I'm pissed because you're screwing up the only job I have right now. 469 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,720 Karen, the woman is practically hurling herself at me. 470 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,529 She's unhappy, I guess. 471 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:18,682 You know, it's like a freak show over there. Who can blame her? 472 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:22,560 And apparently, I'm a real man from the real world. 473 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:24,561 Right. 474 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:27,849 So you're the perfect guy to ease her pain and suffering. 475 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:28,967 It's not my fault. 476 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,691 It's like I emit this strange kind of homing beacon 477 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:33,683 - for these malcontents. - You're amazing. 478 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,161 No, no, and I don't want to have anything to do with her, Karen, 479 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:37,321 which makes perfect sense, 480 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,528 because the person that I want to have everything to do with 481 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,170 wants nothing to do with me. 482 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,241 Good. Well, we agree on something. 483 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,646 - Good night. - Good night. 484 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:02,565 Oh, my God. 485 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,242 Ophelia is gonna be so pissed at me. 486 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:09,685 Ophelia! 487 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,961 We have sex for the first time in years, 488 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:17,169 and this is the first thought to cross your mind? 489 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:18,685 So? 490 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,129 How was it for you? 491 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,806 - It was OK. - "OK"? 492 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,929 Well, that's a start, I guess. 493 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:33,450 It was familiar in a not-entirely unpleasant way, 494 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:38,721 and you lasted almost long enough for Mommy to get hers. 495 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,643 I know. How cool was that, right? 496 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,564 I think it's because I blew some serious yolk already today. 497 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:45,290 Gross. Where? 498 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:47,727 Here. In the shower. 499 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:51,209 - It's my daily ritual. You remember. - Yes. 500 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,408 So how was the fucking Fun Zone? 501 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,681 I found it seriously frightening. 502 00:24:57,760 --> 00:24:59,250 There was this one mom... 503 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,125 Tricia. 504 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:03,651 Yeah, how did you know? 505 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,604 Because everybody knows about Tricia. 506 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,291 She tries to fuck all the dads. 507 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:14,288 She's got this website. It's called Housewife Hannah. 508 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:16,846 Wait. 509 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:20,129 - Did you do something with her? - No. 510 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:21,650 God. 511 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:23,921 OK. 512 00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:25,840 Here, check this out. 513 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,444 Oh, my God. Jesus! 514 00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:34,126 Look at that guy. He's such a fucking tool. 515 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,010 Then you're gonna give me a big, messy facial. 516 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:39,361 - All over my glasses. - Jesus. 517 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,530 I'd know that bent fucking chode anywhere. 518 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:45,961 Nice. 519 00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:58,961 Dad. 520 00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:01,405 Daughter. 521 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:06,405 - Is that what I think it is? - It sure is. 522 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,324 - Would you mind taking a look? - Of course. 523 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,524 I'd be honoured. 524 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,931 Whoa. It's quite the weighty tome. 525 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,729 Words, words, words. 526 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,847 Congratulations, sweetie. 527 00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:23,208 You know, whether it's good, bad, or somewhere in between, 528 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,608 this is a huge accomplishment. Huge. 529 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:28,603 Why would you assume it's bad? 530 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:30,923 Spoken like a true writer. 531 00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:39,203 - Are you OK? - Yeah. 532 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:43,889 Just for a moment there, it was 533 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:47,243 like everything was all right in the world again. 534 00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:49,203 Seemed like old times. 535 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,049 - I love you, Dad. - I love you too, sweetheart. 536 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,930 - Be careful, OK? - I will, Dad. 537 00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:01,245 I promise. 538 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,925 And thanks for a great time today. 40740

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