All language subtitles for Californication S06E01 The Unforgiven (1080p BluRay x265 BugsFunny)

Previously on Californication...

You're amazing. A goddess.

You deserve the white dress
and the happy ending.

I'm just not the guy
to give it to you.

This man's a monster.

He likes to fuck women in the ass

and then tell them that he
just wants to keep it casual.

Guys, it's really nice
to be fought over, but...

Oh, my God! This is
never going anywhere, is it?

What?

You're never going to be able
to commit to another woman!

Congratulations, Karen.
I don't know how you did it, but...

What?

I will love you till the end of time.
But I can no longer be your husband.

It's such a fucking relief!

Now what?

You stay here, stand still,
don't move?

Here, tonight, have dinner with me.

God damn it,
the truth just sounds better.

Just... Come on,
tell me you love me...

Just one time. Tell me.

Just come home.

- I saw that!
- Jesus!

I think it's the pills.

- What pills?
- I probably shouldn't be drinking.

I started taking
these antidepressants.

How many of these did you take?

- No more than you did.
- What did you do?

Carrie?

What did you do?

Only what you made me.

Tell me you love me.

- Hello.
- Hey.

Can I get you a drink?

I think that's my line.

Hank.

- And?
- And...

It's nice to meet me?

I'm not sure, but I think this is
the part where you tell me your name.

Why would I do that?

Because that's what we do
in polite society, lady.

That's what separates us
from the monkeys.

And people from Long Island.

- Karen, Karen, Karen.
- Why are you doing that?

It's just so not what I expected.

What did you expect?

Something more exotic.

I mean, you seem like a Sasha.
Or a Pasha.

- Pasha?
- Definitely an "asha" of some sort.

- I'm sorry to disappoint.
- I'm not disappointed.

I mean, if I was any more excited,

my enormous man-sized diaper
would be soaking wet.

And that would be embarrassing.

- That's disgusting.
- Yet endearing.

Not really.

Refill?

How are you feeling, Hank?

Because I'm starting to feel
really fucking groovy.

What did you do?

Only what you made me.

Tell me you love me.

Hello, again.

I love you.

I'm going to let some light in.

Hey, tell me...

What do you remember?

I remember everything, Karen.

No. About that night.

I mean, you didn't show up for dinner.

I kept calling you.
You didn't pick up.

I got worried,
so I drove up to Charlie's.

And when I arrived, the door was open.

And that's where I found you.

And her.

- Carrie?
- Yeah.

I didn't fuck her, Karen. I swear.

- It so doesn't matter.
- It so does matter.

She made me a drink.

A really strong drink.

Apparently.

Am I going to be OK?

You've been in and out
for a couple of days now.

But the doctors...

They think you're going to be fine.

Well, too bad for you.

What about her?

Hank?

You don't remember me, do you?
We had dinner once.

You're her friend. Melissa, right?

Sarah.

Apologies. Sorry.

No worries. We're all interchangeable,
right, us ladies?

No, that's not me.
I don't think that way.

- How is she?
- Well...

She's been on life support
since she got here.

No signs of improvement.

No signs of anything, really.

She's gone.

We're just waiting for
the parents to pull the plug.

See, unlike you,

they're having a really hard time
letting her go.

She loved you, Hank.

Despite all the evidence
to the contrary,

she thought you were the one.

No matter how many times I told her
to let you go or just walk away,

she wouldn't do it.

I just wish you would have
let her down a little easier.

A little sooner.

How dare you!
Get the fuck out of here!

Or do you want to wait
till the parents come here?

Because they'll be here any minute.

- Sweetie, are you OK?
- No, no, no.

Just leave me alone.

Slow down, buddy.

- You're approaching blotto.
- Thank goodness.

You know what that means.
Next stop, blackout station.

I could have gotten there
a lot sooner,

but who's the squishy
little pussy fart

who wouldn't go buy drugs with me?

Just wanted to get you
out of the house.

Blow the stink off.

I like my stink.

It's like obsession for dirt bags.

So, I have an offer for you!

Not even a smile?
You always laugh when I do that.

I don't feel very much
like laughing these days.

Or working, for that matter.

The very thought
makes my asshole quiver.

No, actually, more like a throb.

Have you ever had
a throbbing asshole, Charlie?

- I have.
- I bet.

You've been home a week, Hank.
You're lucky to be alive.

You're just sitting around
pulverizing your liver.

Yeah, that.
And I'm contemplating a new novel.

That's great! Really?

Yeah, it's about
a miserable piece of shit

who drinks himself to death.

I'm in the research phase.

You got to get past this, man.
You got to forgive yourself.

I don't got to do nothing,
but stay black and die, motherfucker.

It wasn't your fault.

She was fucking looney tunes.
She tried to kill you, Hank.

Fuck! What did you do that for?

You can't talk about her like that.

Some crazy bitch tries to kill you,
you defend her honour.

Your best friend tries to help you,
you punch him in the face.

You're a real fucking asshole,
you know that?

That sounds about right.

What do you see us becoming,
eventually?

Look, you're amazing, OK?

I just...

Come on, just out with it.
Just say it.

- Excuse me?
- You're excused, Nancy.

But just rip the Band-Aid off.

It's the only decent thing to do.

Thanks. Thanks for the advice,
old-timer.

Hey, I may be old.

But I'm not such a geezer that I can't
dick-slap the shit out of you.

My father used to always
say that to me.

- Good old Dad.
- Yeah, he's right.

If you're going to break up with me,
just do it.

- You go, girl.
- That's not what I'm doing.

No, what you're doing
is wasting my time.

If you're not serious about me,
about us, then I need to know.

Need to know!

You know,
if you would have just let me finish.

You fucking asshole.

You fucked up my proposal.

Fair enough.

Daddy?

Fuck me.

You smell funny.

Hey, what's up, slugger?

Guess what? I'm the tooth fairy, yeah?

What do you say
we settle this like men, all right?

No screaming?

Yeah?

I think you'll find it's all there.

You're lucky I have cool neighbours.

I don't know how cool they are.

They left their kid's bedroom door
wide fucking open.

You're lucky you didn't try
anything with that kid.

Why the fuck would I do that?

I don't know. It's dark. You're drunk.

Holes is holes, Hank.

You should be tested
for something, Charlie.

- Arms.
- I'm not sure exactly what,

but you're definitely on the spectrum.

Reach for the sky. It's beddy-bye.

Don't forget the pants.

Cannot sleep in my pants

Jesus! When is the last time
you washed these bad boys, Hank?

Or yourself, for that matter?

I think the nurses gave me
a sponge bath in the hospital.

But I could have dreamed that.

You need to get
your shit together, man.

How do you propose I do that, Charlie?

And once I've gathered up
all my pretty little turds,

what do you suggest I do with them?

You've got Karen to think about.
And Becca.

They're better off without me.
The both of 'em.

All I ever do is fuck their shit up.

But all I want to do is sleep.

Sleep till I can sleep no more.

And then make myself sleepy
all over again.

Can I at least get your number?
You know, your digits.

Can I get your digits?
You like the way I say that?

Digits, like the kids?

You're not used to hearing no,
are you?

Yes, I am. It's just usually
I could give a shit less.

Tonight I do, for some reason.

- Hank.
- Yes.

I have a boyfriend.

Of course, you do.
I mean, how could you not?

But I think
if we put our heads together,

we can overcome such obstacles.

I have faith in us.

I got to bounce.
It was nice to meet you.

It was nice to meet you, too.

- Good night.
- Good morning,

Karen.

Karen... Karen.

Leave the poor girl alone.

What if she's the one?

Come on.

You're just going to end up
hurting her. And who knows?

She might even, you know...

3.5 baths, Hank. 3.5.

Seemed too far to go.

- You're up early.
- Never went to bed.

Of course not.

I can't get drunk enough
any more, Charlie.

Speaking of which,
we're out of alcoholic beverages.

Come on. Get in the car.
We'll get you some.

Fuck you. You're my agent.
You go get me some.

Get in the car!

We're taking a field trip.

Delicious.

Hey.

That's a weird-looking liquor store.

Welcome aboard Air Force 69,
gentlemen.

- Thank you.
- Hank Moody!

I must be really fucking drunk.
Is that Atticus Fetch?

Baudelaire, Bukowski and Oscar Wilde

all wrapped up into one
talented motherfucking writer.

Respect.

Remember that for my tombstone.

You ready to take this journey
with me?

That depends.
Is this a domestic flight?

I'm not sure I have a valid passport.
Do I?

What's wrong with him?

He's just a little bit drunk
right now.

Which begs the question.

Why am I not
a little bit drunk right now?

- Do you know what that is?
- Is that Black Hawk Down?

That's the Sudan.

It's my own private satellite feed.

If I witness a crime against humanity,

I just pick up the phone
and report it.

Or I can write a song about it.

All this means precious little

when you've watched a government
bomb its own civilians.

Do you know why you're here, Hank?

I don't even know
why I'm alive right now.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love
is my wife's favourite movie.

Yeah, well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Apologies, darling, I don't think I'm
going to be able to come right now.

It's nothing to do with you.

I'm just really excited
about meeting this man.

Thank you, Atticus.

It was an honour and a privilege
to hold your penis

for as long as I did.

You're welcome, pumpkin.

Personally, I hate the fucking thing.

I think it's a huge piece of
mainstream Hollywood bullshit.

My old lady, she loves it

She fucking loves it

Well, how does she feel
about handjobs?

Handjobs are different

I don't think they are.

Handjobs don't count

I think they do.

I beg to differ

I can see it from both sides

Oh, yeah

So I said,
"If I'm going to do this thing,

"get me the guy who wrote
the fucking book."

And here I am. Do what?

God Hates Us All.
I fucking loved it, man.

That was when it all
came together for me.

It was like God came down from heaven

and laid his massive,
veiny ball sack on my face.

And when he took it away,

it left a stain
in the form of an idea.

Make it a rock opera.

Like Tommy or Hair
or Jesus Christ Superstar.

I mean, if fucking Bono

can do Spider-Man the fucking musical,

I think I can do this.

Well, do what?

Crazy Little Thing Called Love.

Hank, they're turning it
into a Broadway musical.

- That's a terrible idea.
- That's what I said.

But you and me together,

I reckon we could do
something cool with it.

You write the script,
I write the music and lyrics.

Let's make a fucking masterpiece, man.
About love.

Because love is all you need.
All the world's problems

eventually come
face-to-face with love.

And who do you reckon wins?

Love! It's fucking over, man!

Love conquers all! What do you say?

I don't think so.

- Think about it.
- Thought about it.

Are you an admirer of my work,
as I am of yours?

- Not particularly, no.
- Really?

They told me that you're a huge fan.

They misspoke.

And...

Why are you not a fan?

You're smug, you're pompous.

There's no cock in your rock any more.

You're a fucking dinosaur, man.

Jesus! Fuck you!

Fuck you. You asked.

Fuck you!

Becca!

A bar is no place for a young lady.

I agree. But here I am. Happy day.

Pull up a seat.
I'll get you a sarsaparilla.

Barkeep, sarsaparilla.

Look, Dad,

I know you're going through
a very tough time right now.

But you've got us all worried.

Why doesn't anybody understand

that I don't want
to talk about this shit?

OK, let's talk about me, then.

I've got some good news,
and some great news.

Tyler stepped in front of a bus

and his corpse was brutally
raped by hipster zombies?

Tyler and I broke up.

Yes!

Really? When was that?
Where the fuck was I?

In the hospital.

Then you went home and got drunk.

Yeah.

- For a month.
- OK, yeah, I remember now.

How are you with that?

I'm fine.

I thought it was love.

Turns out it was lust.

I have a feeling that will
happen over and over again,

until something sticks.

Sweetheart, you are wise and beautiful
beyond your years.

And deserving of a far better father

than the barstool prophet
that sits beside you.

I know.

Point is, I grieved and I moved on.

Take a lesson.

Thanks, coach.

So, what's your news?

Well, I'm about to save you
a shitload of money.

I'm dropping out of school.

No, you're not.

And here comes the great news.

- I want to be a writer.
- Why?

Being a writer sucks.

Everything I've been through
in my life has led me to this.

For better or worse,
I'm my father's daughter.

I want to start living out loud.

Laughing, loving, drinking, fucking.

And I want to start writing about it.

- All of it.
- No, no. Who are you right now?

I really thought
you'd be more supportive.

- You dropped out of college.
- Yeah, like six times.

And look at me.
I'm a fucking disaster-piece.

I don't care what you say.
I'm still doing it.

- Yeah. No, you're not, Becca.
- Why?

Because I'm your fucking father,
that's why.

You're funny. Some father.

Jesus Christ, Becca.
Have some fucking respect.

Hey, everything OK over here?

Fuck off, barkeep. Go.

Hank, I'm warning you.

You all right, sweetie?

You need me to call somebody
or something?

I warned you, Hank.

Sorry, honey.

He'll live to waste another day.

There goes your tip.

Well, I, for one,
really loved your book, Ophelia.

Your shit really speaks to me.

You know, all my life
I've defined myself

by whatever idiot man-child

I was spreading my legs for
at the time.

And no more, I tell you, no more.

Good for you, Marcy.
You're exactly right.

You don't need a man to be happy.
I'm living proof.

See? That's what this skinny bitch
has to get through her thick skull.

That's really sweet of you, honey.

But I don't think that men
are entirely to blame.

They are, Karen.

My entire thesis
is built on this idea.

Men are wild animals.
And they must be regarded as such.

I think that's a tad hysterical.

Karen! Karen!

I need you to dress this wound.

What happened to him? What happened?

I'd like a drink. Now would be good.
No time like the present, you know.

For God's sake. I'm sorry.

What is this,
the fucking Vagina Dialogues?

Shit.

This better not be an intervention.

Yes, Hank, it is.
But it's also an act of love.

- But this is not about abstaining.
- Exactly.

This is about you
finding your way back

to being the functional alcoholic
that we all know and love.

We miss that guy, Hanky.

It's true, Dad.
You used to be such a good drunk.

Now you're just disgusting.

And bloated. And smelly.

Well, thanks for that, daughter.

- It has to end.
- Think of it as a vacation, Hank.

Hey, hey, get this.
The place is called Happy Endings.

You know, I think I could
use a stay there myself.

The Internet porn thing
is really starting to suck me back in.

Have you seen this Tube Galore?
Have you experienced this?

It is a vortex, Hank.

A swirling, black cauldron
of sexuality.

I sat down at the computer
one morning,

I typed in, "Amateur BBW,"

and the next thing you know,
it's dinnertime.

What?

What? I'm being truthful!

I can't believe
I ever shared a bed with you.

Then I can't believe you're
going on your second ex-husband.

And I really can't believe
you're back to renting.

That's mean, Charlie.

Do you want to see me cry?
Because this is me crying.

Good God, woman!

This is not about the petty problems
of LA's working rich.

This is about Hank
and his debilitating self-hatred.

Exactly. And if Hank hadn't been
such a dick-in-the-mud,

then he and Karen
would still be together,

which means that Karen and I
wouldn't be a couple

of pathetic 40-something
roommates right now.

I thought you loved being my roommate.

I do, baby.

But I like my big, shiny house
in the Hills just a wee bit better.

But no, Stu had to go
and get his cock worshipped

by that stupid little no-talent
Mary Poppins

fucking cum-dumpster!

Sorry, Becca, man.

Whatever.

Can we get back to Dad?

Maybe I should just
forgive and forget, right?

I mean, it was just a blowjob.
Blowjobs are like fist bumps.

You know, I can forgive him
and move back

into that big, beautiful house
in the Hills,

and Stu and I could go to therapy.
I mean, that's what couples do.

They work their shit out
together, right?

- No. No.
- What do you think?

Thanks for the support,
you mean-spirited fucking gazelle!

Why are you being
such a bitch right now?

I don't know. I'm sorry.

Worst intervention ever.

OK, long story short, Hank, OK.

You got to get your ass to rehab.

If I could do it, you could do it.

And I had the fucking yayo
to contend with.

You just got the bottle. Pussy!

Fuck you, cunty smurf.

And while I'm at it, fuck all y'all
narcissistic motherfuckers.

Except you, Becca.
I love you a long time.

But this dropping out of school
business, that's bullshit.

What? What are you talking about?

I didn't want to have
to do this, Hank,

but you give me no choice.

I took a bullet for you, man.

The least you can do
is try to heal yourself.

For me, OK?

Dad, these people
are borderline retarded,

but they love you. I love you.

Get your head out of your ass
and stop drinking.

Cos sooner or later,
you're just going to kill yourself.

Just because I'm older now
doesn't mean I don't need a father.

Hey.

You know, you didn't even
let me say my piece.

How supremely shitty of me.

What do you got? Lay it on me, woman.

We were in such a great place
that night.

And if we stand any chance
of getting back there,

you have to pull your shit together.

And that's it. That's all I got.

The rest is up to you.

- Can I tell you something?
- Yes, always.

Even if it has the potential
to make you sad?

Even better.

That night, I was so looking forward
to having dinner with you.

For the first time in forever,

you and me,
we just seemed so possible.

Everything I always wanted
just right around the corner.

And then it all just went away.

I was the last person to hurt her.
To break her heart.

And I can't put into words
how bad that makes me feel.

And now it hurts to be awake,

and I don't know if I can
get back to that feeling with you.

And what scares me is
I'm not sure that I ever will.

You will get back there.
If you want to.

And in the meantime, maybe I'll just
dream for both of us, I guess.

Good night, Karen.

Hey, Bukowski!

It's freezing out there. Come up.

I'll make you some coffee.

Hey, I feel I should tell you

that I'm not going to sleep with you.

Fuck.

Hank, it's time for group.
Ten minutes, OK?

Yeah. All right.

Welcome to Happy Endings.