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>> "TOSH.0" IS INTENDED FOR A
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MATURE AUDIENCE.
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COMEDY CENTRAL DISCOURAGES
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ANYONE FROM ATTEMPTING THEM.
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ENJOY.
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[ MOTORCYCLE REVING ]
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>> [BLEEP] [BLEEP].
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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>> Tosh: COULD HAVE USED A FEW
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LESS CCs.
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"TOSH.0" AND THE SICK TICKS FOR
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THE LADIES THE NEW BOUNCE NEW
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ENGLAND PREP 996s.
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BUT THEY'RE NOT AVAILABLE IN
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STORES YET.
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YEAH.
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YOUR SORRY ASS WILL HAVE TO WAIT
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OUTSIDE A GOD AWFUL MALL.
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TONIGHT THE WEB REDEMPTION IS
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ABOUT SMELLING.
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THAT SHOULD BE HORRIBLE AND WE
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BLOW SOME [BLEEP] UP.
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HOLD ON A TICK, YOU'RE TELLING
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THOSE HILLBILLY'S MASKS WERE
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OFF?
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AT LEAST THE BIKE STAYED DRY SO
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THEY CAN TRY IT AGAIN.
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[ MOTORCYCLE REVING ]
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[ GASPS ]
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>> KEEP THE RAMP.
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HE'LL NEED TO TO GET INTO HIS
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HOUSE IN NOW ON.
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YOU CAN'T DO THINGS BECAUSE YOU
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DREW THEM ON A COCKTAIL NAPKIN.
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AND YOU'RE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF
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THE BEACH WITH THAT FIRE
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EXTINGUISHER.
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[LAUGHTER]
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>> Tosh: NEVER TELL THE NEXT GUY
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TO SHUT UP OR YOU WIND UP WITH
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SPLINTERS IN YOUR TRACHEA.
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>> SHUT UP.
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>> YOU STUPID ASS PIECE OF
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[BLEEP].
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>> Tosh: I'D MUCH RATHER WATCH
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THAT AND THE ABRAHAM FILM.
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BATS ARE FOR HITTING BALLS NOT
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POOL CUES.
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BALL IN HAND.
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DIDN'T WE LEARN ANYTHING FROM
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BASKETBALL.
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COMBINING TWO SPORTS IS NEVER
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FUNNY.
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HERE'S THE MOST EROTIC WAY TO
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GET SALMONELLA.
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[LAUGHTER]
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>> Tosh: HE WOULD ASK FOR A
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HAPPY ENDING BUT HE'S CHICKEN.
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[LAUGHTER]
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>> Tosh: NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME
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THIS YEAR LET'S PUT 20 SECONDS
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ON THE CLOCK AND SEE HOW MANY
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FUNNY COMMENTS WE CAN MAKE.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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>> Tosh: NOW PULL DOWN THAT
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TOWEL AND SHOVE A BEER CAN UP
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FAST.
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GODDAMNIT THAT WAS AQUICK 20
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SECONDS ON THE CLOCK.
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I HAD A GREAT RACHEL RAY JOKE
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READY.
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AT SOME POINT HAVE YOU TO STOP
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FIGHTING IT AND GET THE MINIVAN.
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THE SANDUSKY SHUTTLE.
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THEY'RE NOT HAPPY THEY'RE JUST
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EXCITED THEY GOT ALL THE DUCT
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TAPE OFF.
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GETTING KILLED BY A TRUCK IS
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BETTER THAN WHAT'S ABOUT TO
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HAPPEN TO THEM AT THE END OF THE
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ROAD.
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THE SANDALS RESORT LOOKS WORSE
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NOT BETTER THAN SITTING ON A
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BEACH SITTING LIVE POISONOUS
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FISH.
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IT'S LIKE A JELL-O SHOT FROM
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MOTHER NATURE.
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HOPE IT DOESN'T RUIN YOUR SOUP,
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COMRADE.
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IT'S NOT THAT BIG DEAL.
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KID LOVE IT.
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>> WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR LUNCH.
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>> PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY FISH.
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>> ALL RIGHT, I'LL GET YOU A
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PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY FISH.
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>> WILL YOU CUT THE TENTACLES
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OFF?
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>> NO, THAT'S THE HEALTHY PART.
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HERE.
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PUT IT ALL OVER YOUR FACE AND
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DON'T TELL YOUR PARENTS.
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[LAUGHTER]
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>> Tosh: IN CASE YOU DIDN'T PICK
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UP ON THE SOPHISTICATED NUANCE
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ON THE BIT THAT WAS A GLASS OF
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PEE PEE.
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WHAT'S NEXT?
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SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO GIVE
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YOURSELF A CONJUGAL VISIT.
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NOW LET'S GET KNUCKLE DEEP IN
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THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.
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[APPLAUSE]
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>> Tosh: WOMEN'S PRISON IS NEVER
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AS SEXY THAT'S SOFTCORE MOVIES
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IN CINEMAX.
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SHE'S DIGGING IN HER NO-NO ZONE.
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WONDER IF SHE REALIZES SHE CAN'T
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DIG OUT.
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IT'S THE OLD STASH IN THE GASH.
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MUST HAVE SKILLED THE WHOLE
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CAVITY SEARCH.
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A LADY'S VAGINA IS LIKE A MAGIC
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HAT.
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IS THAT A PEZ DISPENSER?
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I'M NO GYNECOLOGIST BUT YOU
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SHOULDN'T USE YOUR SNATCH AS A
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MEDICI
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MEDICINE CABINET.
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THAT'S IT.
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SPREAD THEM AROUND LIKE AN
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UMPIRE CLEANING HOME PLATE.
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I SAY START SWALLOWING EVERY
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JUNKIE KNOWS THE FIVE-SECOND
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RULE DOESN'T APPLY TO DRUGS.
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WHAT IS IT?
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IT'S NOT MINE.
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TIME TO CHECK HER B HOLE FOR A
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RITE AID CARD.
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NO ONE WANTS TO TAKE PRINTS WITH
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THE SMELLY FINGERS AND FOR THAT
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WE THANK YOU AND HEY GUY WITH
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UNDERWEAR AROUND YOUR ANKLES.
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JUST GRAB A BASKET.
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[LAUGHTER]
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[APPLAUSE]
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>> HERON.
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>> HERON.
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>> HAIR WINK.
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>> HERON.
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>> HERO?
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>> HERON.
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>> HAIRLINE?
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>> HERON.
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>> HERRING.
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>> HERON.
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>> HEROIN?
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>> MAYBE REPEAT THE WORD PLEASE.
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>> HERON.
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>> PLEASE GIVE ME THE
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DEFINITION.
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>> A WADING BIRTH WITH A LONG
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BILL AND LEGS AND SHARP CUTTING
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AND THE LERZ.
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>> H-E-R-O-N.
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HERON.
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>> Tosh: THAT WENT ON LONGER
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THAN THE CHRIS FERGUSON
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MONOLOGUE.
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HE MADE HIM SAY IT 13 TIMES.
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NO BEE IS REMOTELY FUN TO WATCH
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THAT INCLUDES THE ONE WHO LIVES
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IN 23.
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SORRY, BEAK, THAT SHOW'S AWFUL.
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SILENT LETTERS ARE JUST FOR
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IMMIGRANTS TO MAKE IT HARDER TO
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LEARN ENGLISH.
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I'M A HORRIBLE SPELLER.
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BEING THAT SPELLING IS KNOWING
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HOW TO DRAW A COOL DRAGON UNLESS
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YOUR A TATTOO ARTIST NO ONE
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GIVES.
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SKIN DOESN'T AUTO CORRECT.
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YOU JUST NEED TO KNOW THE
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DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR AND
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YOUR.
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YOUR MODEL FRIEND IS HOT BUT
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YOU'RE A BEAST.
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QUICK CHECKING BY TWEETSS FOR AN
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INCORRECT SPELLING.
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I STILL RESPECT CHRIS 'CAUSE
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THOUGH IT TOOK HIM A LONG TIME
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LIKE THE MIAMI HEAT HE GOT THE
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JOB DONE THAT'S WHY I FLEW HIM
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TO LANGUAGE WHERE ENGLISH HASN'T
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BEEN THE LANGUAGE FOR DECADES.
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IN THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.
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>> CHRIS IS HERE.
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>> WHO?
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>> CHRIS.
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>> CRAIG.
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>> CHRIS?
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>> ROMEO?
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>> CHRIS.
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>> MARK?
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>> CHRIS.
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>> ROSCOE.
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>> CHRIS IS HERE TO SEE YOU.
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>> YOU THINK HITLER MADE VALID
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POINTS.
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>> CHRIS IS HERE.
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>> WHO?
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>> THE ORIGINAL CAST OF FAMILY
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TIES.
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>> YES.
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>> ALL RIGHT, WHERE YOU FROM,
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CHRIS?
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>> OXNARD, CALIFORNIA.
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>> HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN A GOOD
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SPELLER?
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>> YEAH.
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>> HOW MANY SPELLING BEES HAVE
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YOU BEEN IN YOUR LIFE?
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>> ALL SCHOOL SPELLING BEES AND
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WON ALL FOUR AND COUNTY THREE
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TIMES.
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>> PEOPLE THINK YOU WERE
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CLOWNING.
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>> NO.
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>> YOU REALLY COULDN'T HERE?
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>> I WAS EXTREMELY DESPERATE SO
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I SAID EVERY WORD THAT STARTED
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WITH H.
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>> YOU THINK HEROIN.
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>> THEY'RE SIMILAR.
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>> DO YOU THINK IT WAS THE
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SPEAKERS BECAUSE THEY WERE SET
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UP?
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>> THE SPEAKERS WERE WAITING THE
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WRONG WAY.
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>> HAS THERE BEEN ANYTHING
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SHADY?
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>> THAT'S IN THE NATIONAL LEVEL.
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>> WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE IN THE
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AUDIENCE SPELLING IT OUT OR SIGN
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LANGUAGE.
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>> YEAH.
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>> LEAVE IT TO THE DEAF TO RUIN
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A GOOD THING.
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>> YEAH.
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>> ARE YOU PLOWED THROUGH A
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DICTIONARY.
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>> YES, A BIG WITH ONE.
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>> IS IT CALLED SPELLING BEES
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BECAUSE BEES NEVER HAVE SEX.
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>> THAT'S A MEAN JOKE.
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>> DOES THE LANGUAGE OF ORIGIN
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ACTUALLY HELP FOR [BLEEP].
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>> [BLEEP].
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>> SAY MOTHER MAY I --
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>> MOTHER MAY I --
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>> CAN YOU WRITE DOWN THE WORD?
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>> HELP.
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>> CAN YOU RIGHT ON YOUR HAND.
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>> OR LITTLE INK.
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>> OR DRY SKIN.
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>> THAT'S WHEN IT HELPS TO BE
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BLACK.
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BEFORE YOU GET A CHANCE TO PROVE
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TO EVERYONE YOU'RE NOT DEAF WE
270
00:10:36,967 --> 00:10:38,597
NEED TO CLEAN OUT OUR EARS.
271
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:45,070
I DO THIS ONCE A WEEK.
272
00:10:45,067 --> 00:10:46,397
.
273
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:47,130
LORD KNOWS WHAT WE'RE GOING TO
274
00:10:47,133 --> 00:10:47,603
FIND IN HERE.
275
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:48,700
THERE'S DEFINITELY SOMETHING
276
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:49,600
STILL IN MY EAR.
277
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,300
WHOA.
278
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:54,400
POOR LITTLE GUY WAS ON QUITE A
279
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:55,000
JOURNEY.
280
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:55,930
>> WHAT?
281
00:10:55,933 --> 00:10:57,233
>> I BET YOU HAVE QUITE THE
282
00:10:57,233 --> 00:10:58,873
STORY TO TELL.
283
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,927
THERE'S ONLY ONE SPELLING BEE A
284
00:11:00,933 --> 00:11:02,133
16-YEAR-OLD SHOULD BE PROUD TO
285
00:11:02,133 --> 00:11:07,233
COMPETE IN THAT'S THE URBAN
286
00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:08,873
DICTIONARY SPELLING BEE BY WIN
287
00:11:08,867 --> 00:11:09,367
DIXIE.
288
00:11:09,367 --> 00:11:11,427
READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT?
289
00:11:11,433 --> 00:11:12,133
>> YES.
290
00:11:12,133 --> 00:11:16,303
>> WELCOME BACK TO THE URBAN
291
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:17,770
DICTIONARY SPELLING BEE.
292
00:11:17,767 --> 00:11:19,467
ALL THE WORDS ARE SLANG AND
293
00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:20,867
HOPEFULLY ONE DAY IN A REAL
294
00:11:20,867 --> 00:11:21,467
DICTIONARY.
295
00:11:21,467 --> 00:11:22,967
>> WE'RE DOWN TO THE FINAL
296
00:11:22,967 --> 00:11:23,267
THREE.
297
00:11:23,267 --> 00:11:26,167
LET'S BEGIN.
298
00:11:26,167 --> 00:11:28,167
>> DON'T CHOKE.
299
00:11:28,167 --> 00:11:30,097
>> YOU'RE WORD, FARFUL.
300
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,430
>> CAN I HAVE THE DEFINITION?
301
00:11:32,433 --> 00:11:37,473
>> TO GARGLE WITH YOUR OWN BARF.
302
00:11:37,467 --> 00:11:38,067
BARFLE.
303
00:11:38,067 --> 00:11:39,767
>> B-A-R-F-E-L.
304
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,767
>> SORRY, THAT IS WRONG.
305
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:44,067
>> OH, MY GOODNESS.
306
00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:45,767
YOU SHOULD SEE THE SHAME ON YOUR
307
00:11:45,767 --> 00:11:49,827
FAMILY'S FACE RIGHT NOW.
308
00:11:49,833 --> 00:11:53,803
>> YOUR WORD, HORNY CORN.
309
00:11:53,800 --> 00:12:00,270
>> HORNY CORN.
310
00:12:00,267 --> 00:12:01,067
H-O-R-N-Y-C-O-R-N.
311
00:12:01,067 --> 00:12:06,127
>> JAPANXIETY.
312
00:12:06,133 --> 00:12:17,203
>> CAN YOU USE IN A SENTENCE.
313
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:17,670
XIETY.
314
00:12:17,667 --> 00:12:18,627
>> HAPPY ENDING.
315
00:12:18,633 --> 00:12:21,873
>> CHICK ANDO WATCH.
316
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:24,367
>> USING THE GAS STATION
317
00:12:24,367 --> 00:12:27,767
SQUEE-GEE TO WATCH YOUR ENTIRE
318
00:12:27,767 --> 00:12:28,267
CAR.
319
00:12:28,267 --> 00:12:30,167
SOMEONE WHO EATS SCABS OFF THEIR
320
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:36,967
PARTNER'S GENITALS.
321
00:12:36,967 --> 00:12:39,767
>> I JUST PASSED THE GAS LAW.
322
00:12:39,767 --> 00:12:41,597
>> THAT IS CORRECT.
323
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:46,670
>> THE WORD IS CALENTARD.
324
00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:48,067
>> OMG.
325
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:49,067
>> THAT'S WRONG.
326
00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:50,527
>> I WASN'T SPELLING.
327
00:12:50,533 --> 00:13:03,673
THAT'S AN EXPRESSION YOU
328
00:13:03,667 --> 00:13:04,227
SENILEB.
329
00:13:04,233 --> 00:13:07,503
>> GIVING A GIRL A FACIAL FROM A
330
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:11,170
MASSIVELY CIRCUMSIZED SHLONG.
331
00:13:11,167 --> 00:13:13,197
>> AFTER WE GO TO THE DELI I'D
332
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,070
LIKE TO TAKE YOU BACK TO MY
333
00:13:16,067 --> 00:13:16,967
PLACE FOR A NICE --
334
00:13:16,967 --> 00:13:20,697
>> CAN YOU SAY THE WORD AGAIN.
335
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:27,500
>> JUCOKY.
336
00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:28,470
J-E-W-K-K-A-K-E.
337
00:13:28,467 --> 00:13:30,327
>> GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.
338
00:13:30,333 --> 00:13:34,433
>> CONGRATULATIONS, CHRIS, YOU
339
00:13:34,433 --> 00:13:36,473
HAVE WON THE TROMBONE.
340
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:37,727
>> Tosh: BY THE WAY FOR THOSE
341
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:40,073
PAYING ATTENTION IT WAS A
342
00:13:40,067 --> 00:13:42,767
HAMSTER NOT A GERBIL BECAUSE
343
00:13:42,767 --> 00:13:45,497
THEY'RE ILLLEGAL IN THE STATE OF
344
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:46,200
CALIFORNIA?
345
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:49,670
ANY GUESSES WHY?
346
00:13:49,667 --> 00:13:52,427
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK BUT FIRST
347
00:13:52,433 --> 00:14:01,633
KIDS ARE [BLEEP]ING DISGUSTING.
348
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:08,203
>> BOOGERS.
349
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:16,870
I HAVE BOOGERS.
350
00:14:16,867 --> 00:14:19,397
>> THE GRUESOME ATTACK IN MIAMI
351
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,530
COULD BE PART OF AN ON
352
00:14:20,533 --> 00:14:26,073
>> A WITNESS DESCRIBED IT AS A
353
00:14:26,067 --> 00:14:28,667
GORY SCENE FROM A ZOMBIE MOVIE.
354
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:30,627
>> HE WAS GROWLING LIKE AN
355
00:14:30,633 --> 00:14:31,073
ANIMAL.
356
00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:33,897
>> HE WAS TEARING IT.
357
00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:36,530
>> HE ATE PART OF THE VICTEM'S
358
00:14:36,533 --> 00:14:38,773
HEART AND BRAIN.
359
00:14:38,767 --> 00:14:41,127
>> THEY DON'T KNOW OF ANYTHING
360
00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:44,633
THAT WOULD PRESENT ZOMBIE LIKE
361
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:45,503
SYSTEMS.
362
00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:48,570
>> Tosh: IT'S BEEN A WEEK SINCE
363
00:14:48,567 --> 00:14:50,627
A DUDE MADE A MEAL OUT OF A
364
00:14:50,633 --> 00:14:52,473
HOMELESS MAN'S FACE AND ONE MAN
365
00:14:52,467 --> 00:14:55,067
DRESSED LIKE A ZOMBIE AND CHASED
366
00:14:55,067 --> 00:14:56,467
BLACK PEOPLE THROUGH THE WORSE
367
00:14:56,467 --> 00:15:19,527
NEIGHBORHOODS IN MIAMI.
368
00:15:19,533 --> 00:15:40,333
[ GROWLING ]
369
00:15:40,333 --> 00:15:56,833
[LAUGHTER]
370
00:15:56,833 --> 00:16:14,073
[ GROWLING ]
371
00:16:14,067 --> 00:16:16,397
>> Tosh: THAT GUY THAT CREATE
372
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,070
THAT PRANK IS ANY NEW HERO AND I
373
00:16:19,067 --> 00:16:20,667
HAD TO MEET HIM.
374
00:16:20,667 --> 00:16:24,067
PLEASE WELCOME, VITALI.
375
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,667
>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME MAN.
376
00:16:26,667 --> 00:16:27,327
>>
377
00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:28,573
>> Tosh: FIRST THING'S FIRST
378
00:16:28,567 --> 00:16:32,527
YOU'RE NOT A REAL ZOMBIE,
379
00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:33,173
CORRECT?
380
00:16:33,167 --> 00:16:35,097
>> JUST A CRAZY RUSSIAN WAY
381
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:35,670
CAMERA.
382
00:16:35,667 --> 00:16:36,627
>> Tosh: ARE PEOPLE SO DUMB THEY
383
00:16:36,633 --> 00:16:38,433
WORRY ABOUT ZOMBIES NOW?
384
00:16:38,433 --> 00:16:40,073
>> I'M NOT TRYING TO MAKE FUN OF
385
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:42,297
THE STORY BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE ON
386
00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:44,100
FACEBOOK AND TWITTERED THE
387
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:47,430
ZOMBIES ARE COMING I THOUGHT
388
00:16:47,433 --> 00:16:48,673
IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT AND MAKE
389
00:16:48,667 --> 00:16:51,067
A VIDEO AND HAD A FEELING
390
00:16:51,067 --> 00:16:53,167
IT WOULD GO VIRAL.
391
00:16:53,167 --> 00:16:54,297
>> Tosh: HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE
392
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:56,070
THE NEIGHBORHOODS WERE IN?
393
00:16:56,067 --> 00:16:58,597
>> COMPLETELY GHETTO.
394
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:03,230
>> Tosh: SO YOUR IDEA WAS TO
395
00:17:03,233 --> 00:17:04,803
FOCUS SPECIFICALLY ON BLACK
396
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:05,300
PEOPLE?
397
00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:07,070
>> NO, THE FIRST REACTION WAS
398
00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:08,827
FROM A BLACK PERSON AND HE RAN
399
00:17:08,833 --> 00:17:10,373
FOR HIS LIFE SO I THOUGHT IT
400
00:17:10,367 --> 00:17:15,227
WOULD BE A GREAT VIDEO SO I WENT
401
00:17:15,233 --> 00:17:17,633
AFTER WHITE REACTION AND THEY
402
00:17:17,633 --> 00:17:19,473
DIDN'T GIVE ME ANY REACTION.
403
00:17:19,467 --> 00:17:20,867
>> Tosh: SO WHITE PEOPLE ARE
404
00:17:20,867 --> 00:17:21,427
FEARLESS.
405
00:17:21,433 --> 00:17:22,373
I'LL TAKE IT.
406
00:17:22,367 --> 00:17:24,067
WERE YOU WORRIED ABOUT GETTING
407
00:17:24,067 --> 00:17:25,397
KILLED WHEN THE MAN PULLED A GUN
408
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:26,670
ON YOU.
409
00:17:26,667 --> 00:17:28,567
>> I DIDN'T SEE IT UNTIL I
410
00:17:28,567 --> 00:17:30,927
ZOOMED IN AND SAW IT WAS A GUN.
411
00:17:30,933 --> 00:17:32,173
>> Tosh: WHAT ABOUT THE BIG
412
00:17:32,167 --> 00:17:33,897
GROUP AT THE END, DID THEY KICK
413
00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:35,700
YOUR [BLEEP].
414
00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:37,170
>> THEY STOPPED AND WERE ALL
415
00:17:37,167 --> 00:17:38,467
LAUGHING ABOUT IT AT THE END.
416
00:17:38,467 --> 00:17:41,267
I DON'T WANT TO SAY WHAT THEY
417
00:17:41,267 --> 00:17:41,927
DID AFTER.
418
00:17:41,933 --> 00:17:44,803
IT'S INAPPROPRIATE FOR TV.
419
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,900
>> Tosh: COME ON.
420
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:49,500
MY WHOLE SHOW IS INAPPROPRIATE
421
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:49,930
FOR TV.
422
00:17:49,933 --> 00:17:55,173
[LAUGHTER]
423
00:17:55,167 --> 00:17:56,467
>> Tosh: WHAT'S THE NEXT PRANK
424
00:17:56,467 --> 00:17:58,327
YOUR PLANNING ON BLACK PEOPLE?
425
00:17:58,333 --> 00:18:01,603
>> I'M GETTING IDEAS IN MY HEAD.
426
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:04,070
>> Tosh: YOU'RE SURE YOU'RE NOTE
427
00:18:04,067 --> 00:18:04,567
RACIST?
428
00:18:04,567 --> 00:18:05,327
>> NO WAY, MAN.
429
00:18:05,333 --> 00:18:06,703
I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE.
430
00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:09,600
I LOVE BLACK GIRLS.
431
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,400
>> Tosh: YOU AND ME BOTH.
432
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,700
THAT'S THE BRAVEST THING I'VE
433
00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:16,900
SEEN SO KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
434
00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:19,570
THE THIS WEEK'S WINNER COMES
435
00:18:19,567 --> 00:18:20,597
FROM CONNELLY.
436
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,500
>> I'M GOING CHOKE YOU UNTIL YOU
437
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:23,070
SCREAM.
438
00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:23,867
>> I HATE YOU.
439
00:18:23,867 --> 00:18:27,827
>> I LOVE YOU.
440
00:18:27,833 --> 00:18:31,473
I LOVE WHEN YOU TALK DIRTY TO
441
00:18:31,467 --> 00:18:31,827
ME.
442
00:18:31,833 --> 00:18:35,503
>> TONIGHT, NO CONDOMS.
443
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:39,700
>> GOOD NIGHT MR. AND MRS.
444
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:40,270
JOHNSON.
445
00:18:40,267 --> 00:18:41,567
>> Tosh: WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE
446
00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:42,067
MEET THE CREEPS.
447
00:18:51,933 --> 00:18:53,973
>> Tosh: HEY, I JUST MET YOU AND
448
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,897
THIS IS CRAZY, BUT HERE'S MY
449
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:59,300
NUMBER, SO CALL ME MAYBE.
450
00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:00,130
[LAUGHTER]
451
00:19:00,133 --> 00:19:01,073
>> Tosh: NEXT WEEK THIS LADY'S
452
00:19:01,067 --> 00:19:02,227
MAN GETS A WEB REDEMPTION.
453
00:19:02,233 --> 00:19:05,973
>> IF I SEE A GIRL WITH BLUE
454
00:19:05,967 --> 00:19:12,327
EYES I MIGHT SAY, WOW, YOUR EYES
455
00:19:12,333 --> 00:19:15,173
ARE LIKE BLUEBERRIES.
456
00:19:15,167 --> 00:19:16,197
CAN YOU I --
457
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,900
>> Tosh: HAD YOU ME ON EATING MY
458
00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:19,430
EYEBALLS.
459
00:19:19,433 --> 00:19:29,773
KEEP UP WITH OUR LOG AT
460
00:19:29,767 --> 00:19:32,127
TOSH.COMEDY CENTRAL.
461
00:19:32,133 --> 00:19:34,273
SEE ME LIVE THIS SUMMER AND
462
00:19:34,267 --> 00:19:38,697
WE'RE SHORT OF MY ANIMATED
463
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:39,200
SERIES.
464
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,930
THE CHARACTER IS VOICED BY A
465
00:19:40,933 --> 00:19:42,703
PERSON FROM GEORGIA NAMED ROGER
466
00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:43,170
BLACK.
467
00:19:43,167 --> 00:19:45,767
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET HER?
468
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:48,567
PL
469
00:19:48,567 --> 00:19:49,427
THEN PLAY IT.
470
00:19:49,433 --> 00:19:52,903
>> I WANT TO WEAR IT LIKE A FAKE
471
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:53,370
BEARD.
472
00:19:53,367 --> 00:19:54,827
>> Tosh: IF IT'S A BIG FLOP
473
00:19:54,833 --> 00:19:55,833
BLAME HIM NOT ME.
474
00:19:55,833 --> 00:19:57,903
BEFORE WE GO I THINK YOU CAN ALL
475
00:19:57,900 --> 00:19:59,530
AGREE THIS IS PRETTY FRIGGIN'
476
00:19:59,533 --> 00:20:02,703
AWESOME.
477
00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:22,830
[ GUNSHOTS ]
478
00:20:22,833 --> 00:20:28,173
>> Tosh: I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT
479
00:20:28,167 --> 00:20:29,967
BUT I'M STUCK INSIDE ALL DAY
480
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:31,967
EVERY DAY POLISHING THIS TURD OF
481
00:20:31,967 --> 00:20:32,597
A SHOW.
482
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:40,270
>> HEY, GUYS.
483
00:20:40,267 --> 00:20:51,067
[***]
484
00:20:51,067 --> 00:20:54,297
>> Tosh: I SEE WHY THEY DID THIS
485
00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:54,870
OUTSIDE.
486
00:20:54,867 --> 00:20:56,167
I HOPE THERE WERE CASUALTIES.
487
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:56,927
BACK TO WORK.
488
00:20:56,933 --> 00:20:58,903
NO DOGS WERE HURT IN THE
489
00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:01,800
SHOOTING OF THAT VIDEO BUT WE
490
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,100
LOST ONE MAC BOOK PRO.
491
00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:04,870
COME ON, APPLE I WANT TO SEE THE
492
00:21:04,867 --> 00:21:06,427
NEW RETINA DISPLAY.
493
00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:07,503
SEND THEM OUR WAY.
494
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:08,300
GOOD NIGHT.
495
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:16,270
>> YOU'RE NOT 6'4" YOU EGO
496
00:21:16,267 --> 00:21:18,327
>> DOES THIS HELP YOU WITH THE
497
00:21:18,333 --> 00:21:18,833
LADIES?
498
00:21:18,833 --> 00:21:19,273
>> COURSE.
499
00:21:19,267 --> 00:21:22,067
YOU HAVE TO PULL OUT THAT WHAT
30462
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