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(gentle music)
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Our earliest experiences
being in the womb
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form the template of
who we believe we are,
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about how we see other people,
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and our place in the world.
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When I see human faces, I see beauty,
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I see tremendous suffering
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and enormous potential for transcendence.
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A Greek playwright wrote
that the Gods created us
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human beings so that we
have to suffer into truth.
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Our job as human beings is to learn
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from our suffering and to grow from it.
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We don't have to keep
perpetuating pain for ourselves
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and inflicting suffering onto others.
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In working with so many other people,
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I've learned that working
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through trauma can teach us so much wisdom
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and can reveal the
beauty of our existence,
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that because of trauma,
you had lost sight of.
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(gentle music)
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(rain pattering)
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My name is Gabor Maté and
I'm a retired medical doctor
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and these days I travel the world speaking
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and teaching about child
development, health,
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illness, stress and trauma.
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And speaking about trauma is really part
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of the zeitgeist these days.
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And I'm very passionate
about it for a simple reason:
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because in 30 years or
more of medical practice
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and of addiction medicine,
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what I found was that the common template
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for virtually all
afflictions, mental illness,
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physical disease is in fact trauma.
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And there's a wisdom in trauma
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when we realize that our
traumatic responses and imprints
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are not ourselves and that
we can work them through
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and thus become ourselves.
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(gentle music)
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(people chattering)
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Virtually every week there's a study
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that more and more people are needing
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or seeking help for mental health issues.
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More and more youth are
diagnosed with anxiety,
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many more kids are diagnosed
with the whole plethora
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of childhood conditions, such as ADHD,
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(Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder).
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Depression is rising,
youth suicide is rising,
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addictions are rising.
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Genuinely, it's an epidemic.
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20% of youth or more are
now diagnosable with anxiety
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according to all the recent studies.
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That's one-fifth.
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And those are all only people
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who are sufficiently
anxious to be diagnosed.
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We're talking about an epidemic.
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- When you grew up in a
circumstance like I grew up,
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you're waiting for
somebody to scream at you,
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you're waiting for something to be thrown,
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you don't know if you're going to eat,
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you don't know if you're
going to be evicted.
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So you're constantly anxious and stressed.
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I used to think this was a rarity
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but when I talked to people,
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a huge number of people have
these traumatic experiences
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as a child that carry,
they carry with them.
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It's like a monkey on your back.
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(disembodied whispering)
(soft music)
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- Trauma is an overwhelming threat
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that you don't how to deal with.
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So trauma is not the bad
things that happen to you,
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but what happens inside you
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as a result of what happens to you.
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(police radio chatter)
(sirens wailing)
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- My father was shot and
killed on December 25th, 1999.
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They found his body in
someone's front yard.
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So essentially I didn't
have anybody to raise me.
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So I was raised in the
juvenile court system.
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I've lived on the streets
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since I was 10-years-old by myself.
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The law didn't scare me.
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I mean, they could have locked me up,
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I mean what's the difference?
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Nobody out here is gonna miss me.
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- My mother, alcoholic. Bad alcoholic.
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My father, sex addiction.
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His sex addiction ruined our whole family.
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Cheating. Caused divorce.
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(man and woman shouting)
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I started heroin at 26.
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That's what really destroyed me.
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It just takes the pain away.
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I tried building my dream so many times.
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I don't really have a dream no more.
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- So trauma fundamentally means
a disconnection from self.
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Why do we get disconnected?
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Because it's too painful to be ourselves.
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That then becomes a lifelong dynamic.
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I no longer know how
to deal with emotions.
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It means that in relationships
when I feel a bit hurt,
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I immediately withdraw
so I don't have to feel
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those emotions that I
don't know what to do with.
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So there's a disconnect.
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It also means that when
I have a gut feelings,
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I don't follow them.
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So I create situations of risk for myself.
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The trauma also affects
how our brains develop.
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Certain key brain circuits
that have to do with
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how we react and respond
and regulate ourselves,
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how we handle stress, how we
interact with other people,
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how much empathy and insight we have,
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how much compassionate we have.
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These functions of the mid-frontal cortex
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are limited and constricted by trauma
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because we now know
that the brain develops
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in interaction with the environment.
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So the brains of traumatized children
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don't look like the brains
of non-traumatized children.
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- [Boy] You can take it, please.
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- [Man] I've had enough of your crap.
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You're gonna start acting like a young man
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instead of a toddler.
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- [Woman] As a matter of fact,
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her ass is on punishment right now
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and she ain't even gonna
go the fuck back outside.
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- [Teenager] What the fuck are you doing?
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Dad, I swear to god.
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- [Boy] No, no, wait.
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- [Man] There's no other way for
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you to learn this.
- Dad.
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Please, stop.
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(gentle music)
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- During your first 18 years of life,
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if a parent or other
adult in the household
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often or very often would swear at you,
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insult you, put you down or humiliate you,
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step inside the circle.
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(inmates chattering)
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If a parent or other
adult in the household
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often pushed, grabbed, slapped
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or threw something at you,
step inside the circle.
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If a parent or other
adult in the household
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often or very often ever hit you so hard
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that you had marks or were
injured, step inside the circle.
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If you often felt that no
one in your family loved you,
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step inside the circle.
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Step inside the circle.
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(tense music)
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I think society got prison wrong
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and they're seeing
what's wrong with people
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instead of what happened to people.
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Our mission at Compassion Prison Project
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is to transform communities and prisons
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with compassionate action.
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An adverse childhood
experience is a terrible event
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that continues to happen to a child.
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And there's no way to know
when it's gonna happen again,
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which puts the kid into
a hypervigilant state.
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I have eight of those
aces, and when I found out
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I have eight adverse childhood experiences
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and that my behavior was a direct result
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of the trauma that I
experienced in childhood,
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it changed my life.
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Men and women in prison, 64% of them
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have six or more of those.
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(wind blowing)
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(car engine roaring)
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(birds chirping)
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(laughing)
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(foot step approaching)
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- Hi. Gabor.
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- Monique.
- Monique?
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Hi, Gabor.
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(laughing)
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I feel like I'm in a throne.
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I wanna talk to you guys about why
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you think you got addicted,
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about what may have
happened to you as a child,
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the way you saw yourself as
being deficient, somehow.
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- I was kidnapped at 16 and sold off.
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So that's a trauma and
that's just something that's
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in my life that you
can't turn around, right?
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- [Gabor] Kidnapped by whom?
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- It was a taxi driver who
took me and a girlfriend
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when we were 16.
- Okay.
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- [Alicia] And held us
for six months in a motel
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and sold off my virginity.
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(tense music)
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car engine roaring)
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- [Gabor] And the police was looking
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for you all that time, and...
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- Well, my mom just thought
that I had run away from home,
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so she didn't look for me.
- She didn't look for you?
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- [Alicia] No.
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- I really need your permission to
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continue or not to continue.
- It's okay.
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I give my permission.
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- The taxi driver knew
exactly who to kidnap.
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(car engine roaring)
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The predator can always tell
who is without proection.
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Anybody hit you as a child?
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- [Alicia] Yes, my father.
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He would spank us and take a belt to us.
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- Do you remember how that felt to you?
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- Like I just remember the pain of it,
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instead of thinking, oh, why?
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Why did I deserve this?
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I just remember the pain and the...
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- [Gabor] And how long did that go on for?
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- Well until I was approximately 16
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and started fighting back.
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- So, 10 or 11 years?
- Yeah.
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- Okay.
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Let's say you're the
mother of the five-year-old
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and this five-year-old
is being hit with a belt,
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and she's in pain.
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She doesn't understand, you know,
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she's just, it just hurts.
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And it hurts emotionally
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because this man who is supposed
to love me is beating me.
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So when you're being hit like that,
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there's only two possibilities.
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My father is a bad person or hates me
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or I'm a bad person.
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So the only protection is to believe that,
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oh, I'm not lovable.
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Let's say you're the mother
of the five-year-old.
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Who would you want that
five-year-old to talk to?
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- [Alicia] Myself.
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- Okay. Who did you talk to?
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- Nobody.
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- That's the trauma.
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In other words, by the time
you were five-years-old,
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you were completely alone.
(child sobbing)
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What I'm suggesting really, Alicia,
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is that your mother was traumatized, too.
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Do you know anything about her childhood?
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- Well, she was abused as a child as well
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from an alcoholic father.
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- See, she learned in her childhood
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not to pay attention to her feelings.
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That's the only way she could survive.
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- [Alicia] Yeah.
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- So the reason she didn't know it
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was not because she didn't love you,
245
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but because she herself
was shut down inside.
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And that's what I'm saying,
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it's multi-generational
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- Mm-hm.
- Okay?
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- It sucks.
- Yeah.
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You can't pick out who's at fault here.
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It didn't begin with anybody.
252
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It goes on and on and on from
one generation to the next.
253
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(gentle music)
254
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:53,874
- We were talking about
the effects of slavery
255
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on our behavior, and
I'll be honest with you,
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I ain't agree with it
when I first heard it.
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But then when he talked
about the discipline
258
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I had a flashback of how
I used to get whipped
259
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:03,968
with a bullwhip.
260
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:05,928
Naked.
261
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,097
I hadn't put the two and two together,
262
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:11,517
but I realized, that's
how slaves were whipped,
263
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,018
because it was generational trauma
264
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:16,313
passed on from one
mother to another mother
265
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:18,858
to another mother and
then passed on to me.
266
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,986
I still got marks on my
legs and stuff behind that.
267
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,946
And I just remembered there
was no one I could run to.
268
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,489
No one that would help me.
269
00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:27,575
And she just was telling
me how much she loved me
270
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:30,035
as she cried and she
beat me with a bullwhip.
271
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:37,001
(soft, tense music)
(soft vocalizing)
272
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:44,174
(soft music)
273
00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:48,470
- [Woman] He's the best-selling
author of four books
274
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:51,765
published in 12 languages
sold on five continents.
275
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:55,686
Please welcome Dr. Gabor Maté.
276
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:59,273
(applause)
(cheering)
277
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:01,191
- I actually wrote my speech out tonight,
278
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:04,111
which I don't usually do
but maybe of nervousness
279
00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:06,572
in front of this group of strong women.
280
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:07,781
(audience laughing)
281
00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:10,284
The truth is that guys
are afraid of women.
282
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,243
(audience laughing)
283
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,913
I don't know if you
realize that, but that's,
284
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,957
a lot of the stuff that we
do is totally out of fear.
285
00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:17,791
Well,
286
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:23,505
When you felt bad as a
kid, who did you speak to?
287
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,343
When the pain is there and
there's no one to share it with,
288
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:30,304
and the child's got
very limited resources,
289
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:31,972
to deal with that, and what they do
290
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:34,099
is they disconnect from themselves.
291
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,769
When you disconnect from yourself,
292
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,395
you no longer have yourself.
293
00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:39,813
You've lost yourself.
294
00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:41,190
When we talk about trauma,
295
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:46,278
we usually think of something
terrible happening to a person
296
00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:48,739
but that's not the only trauma there is.
297
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,282
As the other kind of trauma may not
298
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:53,494
have to do with terrible
things happening to you.
299
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:54,995
- Most people look at my childhood
300
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:57,039
and they're like: damn, you had an awesome
301
00:15:57,039 --> 00:16:02,044
childhood, and because I had everything.
302
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:06,548
I come from upper, upper middle
class, you know, in Idaho,
303
00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:10,511
and I got everything given to me,
304
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,763
but that was their way of parenting.
305
00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:13,722
They'd give me everything.
306
00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:16,058
So I'd shut up and wouldn't bug them.
307
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:17,893
They were too busy, they
were always working.
308
00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:22,690
- So children don't get
traumatized because they get hurt.
309
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,400
Children get traumatized because
310
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,485
they're alone with the hurt.
311
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,028
- I'm a lifer inmate.
312
00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,447
I'm here on a first degree murder.
313
00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:32,616
I committed my crime
when I was 20-years-old.
314
00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:36,704
And I asked myself what events in my life
315
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,789
brought me to the point
where I could think
316
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,749
that it's okay to take a human life?
317
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:43,752
And it had to deal with a lot of
318
00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:46,130
adverse childhood experiences.
319
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:48,966
My main one as to why I
started going downhill
320
00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:52,469
was being abandoned by my father.
321
00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:53,387
I looked up to him.
322
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:56,015
I wanted to be just like my dad.
323
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:57,975
He was my hero.
324
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:01,353
When I turned eight or nine-years-old,
325
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:05,399
he got deported to Mexico,
and that devastated me.
326
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,443
As a kid, my mom used to tell me,
327
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:11,405
Mi hijo, pray to God
that he will come back,
328
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:12,573
but he never came.
329
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:19,705
- A baby that you don't
pick up will actually die.
330
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,498
Even if you feed them and you change them
331
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,167
and look after them,
332
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:26,587
because they get overwhelmed
by their feelings
333
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,422
and they get over stressed.
334
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:33,427
And so the baby needs the
mother's and the father's brain
335
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:38,807
to regulate her own brain,
to regulate her emotions.
336
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:41,477
It's not just that you're overwhelmed.
337
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,645
It's also there's nobody
there to hold you.
338
00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:47,191
(baby crying)
339
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:50,736
There's a huge school of
thought in North America
340
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,322
that teaches mothers to
help their babies sleep
341
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:54,615
by ignoring their crying.
342
00:17:58,368 --> 00:17:59,620
Nevermind the mother's milk,
343
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,081
the infant just wants to attach,
344
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,958
because the only way the infant
can attach is physically.
345
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:15,177
When he's not being held, he's
not being attached to them.
346
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:18,013
When that's done night
after night after night,
347
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:19,973
that's traumatic. And we're still telling
348
00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:21,183
mothers to do that.
349
00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:27,689
If you actually look
at genuine human needs,
350
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:30,526
if you connect the gut and
the heart and the soul,
351
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,236
then there's nothing more normal
352
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,780
than a child sleeping
in the arms of a parent.
353
00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:45,707
So I've often thought about
the sources of my own issues.
354
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:49,002
An infant two months of age in Hungary,
355
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:52,589
when the Germans, the Nazis,
marched into the country
356
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:55,217
and they began to exterminate
the Jewish population.
357
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:57,302
So that was my first year of life,
358
00:18:57,302 --> 00:19:00,806
with a terrorized mother,
grandparents killed in Auschwitz,
359
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:03,183
a father away in forced labor,
360
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:08,188
antisemitism, the ever nearing
shadow of annihilation,
361
00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:11,024
and ultimately a
separation from my mother.
362
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,278
I was a little short of one-year-old
363
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:17,114
when my mother had to
hand me to a stranger
364
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:18,615
in the ghetto of Budapest
365
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:23,412
and send me away to some
relatives in hiding,
366
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:26,165
so we didn't see each other for six weeks,
367
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,250
and she didn't know if
she would live or not.
368
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,460
In her diary she said: "this was
369
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,713
the hardest six weeks of her life."
370
00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:37,801
That was the experience of the first
371
00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:40,220
nearly year and a half of my life.
372
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,472
And sometimes I thought, well, gee,
373
00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:44,600
I must have received a lot
of love at the same time
374
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,227
otherwise I'd be a lot more
crazy than I actually am.
375
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:51,732
For trauma to happen,
376
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:54,651
you don't need second World
War and you don't need racism,
377
00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:55,861
you don't need genocide,
378
00:19:55,861 --> 00:20:00,240
and you don't need the privations of war.
379
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:04,369
You just need parents who are so alienated
380
00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:06,496
from their own gut
feelings that they will let
381
00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:08,874
their infants cry without picking them up
382
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,418
and that child is desperate
for a relationship.
383
00:20:11,418 --> 00:20:12,419
That's all it takes.
384
00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:21,303
(footsteps approaching)
385
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,390
- Well, hi.
- Hi Alison.
386
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:27,059
- Welcome.
- Hi, Gabor.
387
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,685
- [Alison] Welcome, Gabor.
388
00:20:28,685 --> 00:20:29,519
- Wow.
389
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:31,813
What a view.
390
00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:32,814
- Thank you.
391
00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:39,696
For me being a drug addict,
the deep down need to escape,
392
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:47,329
I think it's almost into
a more realistic place
393
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:51,500
than the insanity that we see,
the chaos we see around us.
394
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,586
I just wanted that place all the time.
395
00:20:56,713 --> 00:21:00,717
I can really talk for the
37 years I've been recovered
396
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:05,514
and have had slips in
the program, quote, AA.
397
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:06,515
- [Gabor] And what's the fear?
398
00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,183
- Well, the fear is I'll be abandoned.
399
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:09,935
It's back with the homo sapiens,
400
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:12,062
I'll be thrown out of the cave.
401
00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:14,189
- What is your fear of being abandoned?
402
00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:15,774
- Well naturally that I'll die
403
00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:19,027
unless I do all of the
stuff for other people.
404
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,989
- [Gabor] When you do all
the stuff for the people,
405
00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:23,198
- [Alison] Mm-hm.
406
00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:25,284
- [Gabor] what are you doing to yourself?
407
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,952
- I'm abandoning me.
- Yeah.
408
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:27,869
- Yeah.
- Okay.
409
00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:29,997
- Yeah.
- So you're actually enacting
410
00:21:30,914 --> 00:21:32,582
your worst fear.
- Mm-hm.
411
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:37,796
I was the youngest of five,
very ambitious family,
412
00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:41,466
very successful, except
everyone's an alcoholic.
413
00:21:41,466 --> 00:21:43,927
I go in the bar, they're drinking.
414
00:21:43,927 --> 00:21:46,096
(people chattering)
415
00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:47,264
There's no room for me.
416
00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:49,933
It's like, oh, shut up Alison, shut up.
417
00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:51,310
You're wrong. You're wrong.
418
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,854
So my job was to be wrong in the family.
419
00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:59,026
I'll never forget my mother saying to me:
420
00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:01,737
"I just don't understand you!"
421
00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:03,822
And I was six-years-old and I thought,
422
00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:07,326
my god, if you don't
understand me, I'm lost.
423
00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:13,081
- Allow me to give you
another perception of you.
424
00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:14,916
You're the one that more than others
425
00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:17,919
absorbs all the pain and
stress in the family.
426
00:22:18,795 --> 00:22:22,883
And then you manifest it and
they can't stand seeing it.
427
00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:25,052
So in exiling you, they're exiling
428
00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:27,179
their own pain and stress.
- Right, right.
429
00:22:31,141 --> 00:22:34,478
- As a child, we have
two fundamental needs.
430
00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:40,067
One need that's with us since infancy,
431
00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:43,445
and it's absolute and it's
not negotiable is attachment.
432
00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:49,159
And so the other need
then is authenticity.
433
00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:53,497
Authenticity, therefore, is
the connection to ourselves,
434
00:22:54,831 --> 00:22:55,832
because without authenticity,
435
00:22:55,832 --> 00:22:57,459
without a connection to our gut feelings,
436
00:22:57,459 --> 00:22:59,920
just how long do you
survive out there in nature?
437
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:05,092
So authenticity is not some new age,
438
00:23:05,092 --> 00:23:07,344
pseudo-spiritual concept.
439
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:09,805
It's actually a survival necessity.
440
00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:16,895
(balloons popping)
441
00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:18,688
(tense music)
442
00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:21,108
What happens if in order to survive
443
00:23:21,108 --> 00:23:24,277
or to adjust to your environment,
444
00:23:24,277 --> 00:23:26,488
you have to suppress your gut feelings,
445
00:23:26,488 --> 00:23:28,407
you have to suppress your authenticity?
446
00:23:30,033 --> 00:23:30,867
(mirror shatters)
447
00:23:30,867 --> 00:23:32,702
So normal society does not allow anger,
448
00:23:32,702 --> 00:23:36,790
and the child who's
angry must be separated.
449
00:23:36,790 --> 00:23:37,916
In other words, we have to threaten
450
00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:41,253
his attachment to relationships,
on which is life depends
451
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,130
so that he can suppress his emotions.
452
00:23:43,130 --> 00:23:45,632
Well that child, if he
learns the lesson well,
453
00:23:45,632 --> 00:23:47,551
will disconnect from their anger,
454
00:23:47,551 --> 00:23:49,428
and then he's a sitting
duck for depression,
455
00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:51,721
mental illness or for physical illness.
456
00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:55,267
Okay, so kid is angry,
but how about helping him
457
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:57,727
move through the anger to
learn how to modulate it?
458
00:23:57,727 --> 00:24:00,647
Not to repress it, but to learn
to become friends with it.
459
00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:03,442
We don't want people that are not angry.
460
00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:05,110
We want people to know that anger
461
00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:06,653
doesn't have to be destructive.
462
00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:11,074
What were you pushing down
when you were depressed?
463
00:24:12,409 --> 00:24:13,994
- Anger.
- Right.
464
00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:15,579
You were pushing down-
- Rage.
465
00:24:15,579 --> 00:24:16,872
- You were pushing down your anger, right?
466
00:24:16,872 --> 00:24:17,706
- [Alison] Yeah.
467
00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:21,543
- [Gabor] Can you see how
why for a six-year-old
468
00:24:21,543 --> 00:24:24,504
it might be a really brilliant
idea to push down the rage?
469
00:24:24,504 --> 00:24:25,338
- Yeah.
470
00:24:25,338 --> 00:24:26,173
- Why?
471
00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:28,967
- For survival.
472
00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:29,801
- Exactly.
473
00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:33,013
You talked about your many failures.
474
00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:35,599
I just want you to pick one.
475
00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:39,352
- The fear if left on my
own, I won't get out of bed.
476
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,147
I've done that before.
477
00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:47,527
- [Gabor] And you regard
that as a failure?
478
00:24:47,527 --> 00:24:49,863
- [Alison] Falling apart I
regard that as a failure.
479
00:24:49,863 --> 00:24:50,989
- [Gabor] You regard that as a failure?
480
00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:51,823
- [Alison] Right.
481
00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:52,782
- Okay.
482
00:24:52,782 --> 00:24:54,534
So your failure is that you got depressed
483
00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:56,661
and as you put it, you fell apart.
484
00:24:56,661 --> 00:24:57,537
Is that the failure?
485
00:24:57,537 --> 00:24:59,164
- [Alison] Yeah.
486
00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:00,707
- [Gabor] Just identify the age that you
487
00:25:00,707 --> 00:25:02,626
first recall being depressed then.
488
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:08,256
- Probably about six or seven.
489
00:25:08,256 --> 00:25:09,841
- [Gabor] How old are your kids now?
490
00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:13,386
My oldest daughter is 33,
491
00:25:13,386 --> 00:25:17,224
my son is 30 and my
youngest daughter's 27.
492
00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:18,058
- [Gabor] Okay.
493
00:25:18,975 --> 00:25:21,561
Choose one as a thought
experiment right now,
494
00:25:21,561 --> 00:25:23,772
and I want you to imagine
them at age seven.
495
00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:25,690
- Mm-hm.
496
00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:27,359
- Let's say they get depressed.
497
00:25:28,902 --> 00:25:33,615
Would you go to them and
say: "You are total failure?"
498
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:35,575
- [Alison] Of course not.
499
00:25:35,575 --> 00:25:37,077
- Why not?
500
00:25:37,077 --> 00:25:39,162
Notice you're calling yourself a failure?
501
00:25:42,832 --> 00:25:44,376
I'm going to say something radical to you.
502
00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:45,210
- Okay.
503
00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:47,212
- The depression was a major success,
504
00:25:48,421 --> 00:25:49,256
not a failure.
505
00:25:50,590 --> 00:25:52,467
Okay? Now I know that
sounds ridiculous, but-
506
00:25:52,467 --> 00:25:53,885
- No, no. I'm listening.
507
00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:56,972
You're telling me that having that pain
508
00:25:56,972 --> 00:26:00,600
showed me deeper inside of myself,
509
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,853
how I was abandoning myself.
- Precisely.
510
00:26:03,853 --> 00:26:06,189
So maybe you want to stop
calling it a failure.
511
00:26:06,189 --> 00:26:07,607
- [Alison] Mm-hm.
512
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:11,570
- [Gabor] You go through
your whole life like that
513
00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:14,447
and see how everything that
you judge about yourself
514
00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:16,491
actually served the purpose at the time.
515
00:26:16,491 --> 00:26:17,325
- Yeah.
516
00:26:18,702 --> 00:26:19,536
Yeah.
517
00:26:22,163 --> 00:26:22,998
Mm-hm.
518
00:26:22,998 --> 00:26:24,874
- Really, isn't it simple?
- It is simple.
519
00:26:28,128 --> 00:26:31,423
- Gabor Maté, thanks very much
for coming on Under the Skin.
520
00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:33,341
The reason I'm so excited to talk to you,
521
00:26:33,341 --> 00:26:35,635
the reason that I believe
you're having such
522
00:26:35,635 --> 00:26:39,264
an important cultural
impact is because of your
523
00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:43,435
rare compassion and insight
into the world of addiction.
524
00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:45,520
When it was heroin, I would like have,
525
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:48,732
I would reflect. Well, after
I'd used and just go, right,
526
00:26:48,732 --> 00:26:50,400
this isn't for me, this has got to stop.
527
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,193
This is not a sustainable system.
528
00:26:52,193 --> 00:26:53,486
- You think you'd never need it anymore
529
00:26:53,486 --> 00:26:54,821
'cause you feel complete.
- Mm.
530
00:26:54,821 --> 00:26:57,782
- And then comes the
remorse of what have I done?
531
00:26:57,782 --> 00:26:59,618
And then you say I don't need
to do to this ever again.
532
00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:00,452
(Russell laughs)
533
00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:01,745
And then by the time I'm home,
534
00:27:01,745 --> 00:27:02,871
I'm running back to the store again
535
00:27:02,871 --> 00:27:05,665
to get the next thing that I didn't buy.
536
00:27:05,665 --> 00:27:08,877
In the life of every person
who's ever been addicted
537
00:27:08,877 --> 00:27:11,671
and ever will be addicted,
there's always trauma.
538
00:27:16,217 --> 00:27:18,386
An addiction is any behavior
539
00:27:18,386 --> 00:27:21,514
that a person finds
relief in the short term
540
00:27:21,514 --> 00:27:24,559
and craves but suffers
negative consequences
541
00:27:24,559 --> 00:27:26,227
and cannot give it up.
542
00:27:26,227 --> 00:27:27,062
There are so many addictions.
543
00:27:27,062 --> 00:27:30,857
Could be drugs, obviously,
alcohol, nicotine.
544
00:27:30,857 --> 00:27:33,568
Could also be sex, could be gambling,
545
00:27:33,568 --> 00:27:36,404
could be shopping, could be eating,
546
00:27:36,404 --> 00:27:39,199
could be pornography,
could be the internet,
547
00:27:39,199 --> 00:27:44,204
could be gaming, could be
work, could be relationships.
548
00:27:44,537 --> 00:27:46,539
That's what an addiction is.
549
00:27:52,170 --> 00:27:54,756
First issue is not why the addiction
550
00:27:54,756 --> 00:27:55,840
but why the pain?
551
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,469
(woman sobbing)
552
00:28:01,262 --> 00:28:04,182
(melancholy music)
553
00:28:06,768 --> 00:28:09,771
(water splashing)
554
00:28:09,771 --> 00:28:14,401
In our society there are
two myths around addiction.
555
00:28:14,401 --> 00:28:15,902
The pernicious line is the belief
556
00:28:15,902 --> 00:28:18,279
that addiction is a choice
and that the decisions
557
00:28:18,279 --> 00:28:19,781
that arise out of addictions
558
00:28:19,781 --> 00:28:23,034
are therefore a matter of
individual culpability.
559
00:28:23,034 --> 00:28:25,286
And so therefore addicts for the most part
560
00:28:25,286 --> 00:28:26,913
are punished for being addicted.
561
00:28:27,997 --> 00:28:29,833
Now the other belief around addiction,
562
00:28:29,833 --> 00:28:32,293
but still misleading, is that
it's an inherited disease,
563
00:28:32,293 --> 00:28:34,462
it's a biological disorder of the brain.
564
00:28:34,462 --> 00:28:36,464
That belief is more humane,
565
00:28:36,464 --> 00:28:37,924
much more than the choice belief,
566
00:28:37,924 --> 00:28:40,468
because at least if
somebody inherits a disease,
567
00:28:40,468 --> 00:28:42,595
they're not to be punished for it
568
00:28:42,595 --> 00:28:44,681
but they are to be provided
569
00:28:44,681 --> 00:28:47,684
with treatment as with any disease.
570
00:28:47,684 --> 00:28:50,895
However, it's also
misleading because it ignores
571
00:28:50,895 --> 00:28:52,689
why people really get addicted,
572
00:28:52,689 --> 00:28:54,983
which has got nothing to do with disease.
573
00:28:54,983 --> 00:28:58,278
It's among the normal
human responses to trauma.
574
00:28:58,278 --> 00:28:59,112
When people are suffering,
575
00:28:59,112 --> 00:29:00,780
they want to escape their suffering.
576
00:29:00,780 --> 00:29:01,740
That's normal.
577
00:29:03,032 --> 00:29:05,452
(soft music)
578
00:29:29,559 --> 00:29:31,311
- My name is Tuta Ponchiao Chi.
579
00:29:31,311 --> 00:29:33,021
I'm 43-years-old.
580
00:29:33,021 --> 00:29:36,232
I come from a family of
Thai restaurant owners.
581
00:29:36,232 --> 00:29:38,777
I moved away when I was 14.
582
00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:40,653
I was never good enough.
583
00:29:40,653 --> 00:29:43,072
I mean, I think if I had
parents who didn't really care
584
00:29:43,072 --> 00:29:45,992
and was lenient, no, I
don't think I would have
585
00:29:45,992 --> 00:29:49,204
really got right into it
and really got addicted.
586
00:29:49,204 --> 00:29:51,748
I might've just, you know,
tried it once or twice,
587
00:29:51,748 --> 00:29:54,793
but I think the pressure
was on from the upbringing
588
00:29:54,793 --> 00:29:57,086
and having to feel like I had to achieve
589
00:29:57,086 --> 00:30:00,256
and be the best of what
I did, an A student.
590
00:30:00,256 --> 00:30:03,343
And so when I moved away,
I really wanted to prove
591
00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:05,678
not just myself but to them that I was
592
00:30:05,678 --> 00:30:06,888
more than what they saw.
593
00:30:07,847 --> 00:30:09,974
You know, I did apply
to Stanford University.
594
00:30:09,974 --> 00:30:12,143
That was my number one choice.
595
00:30:12,143 --> 00:30:14,187
I was disappointed I didn't get in.
596
00:30:14,187 --> 00:30:17,106
And San Francisco State
University was my second choice
597
00:30:17,106 --> 00:30:19,943
and while there I did do the same things
598
00:30:19,943 --> 00:30:21,903
that I was doing when
I was in high school,
599
00:30:21,903 --> 00:30:24,823
playing for the NCWA, singing choir.
600
00:30:27,575 --> 00:30:29,911
With doing so many things,
pledging sororities
601
00:30:29,911 --> 00:30:32,121
and doing, being different club members,
602
00:30:32,121 --> 00:30:35,875
I'm saying I was just trying
to find my way in the world.
603
00:30:35,875 --> 00:30:38,378
And then I started to work
at the nightclubs here.
604
00:30:38,378 --> 00:30:41,339
And so I think that's
when I really evolved
605
00:30:41,339 --> 00:30:42,924
because I wanted to do everything.
606
00:30:42,924 --> 00:30:44,217
I wanted to go to school,
607
00:30:44,217 --> 00:30:47,470
I wanted to work, but I
needed to do homework as well.
608
00:30:47,470 --> 00:30:49,556
So the pressure was on then.
609
00:30:49,556 --> 00:30:52,058
So then it got into heavier drugs,
610
00:30:52,058 --> 00:30:53,643
so I needed the meth to stay up.
611
00:30:57,063 --> 00:30:59,899
- I think our society just
doesn't understand addiction.
612
00:30:59,899 --> 00:31:01,943
Without the addiction,
they felt incomplete,
613
00:31:01,943 --> 00:31:03,778
they felt this huge emptiness inside.
614
00:31:04,654 --> 00:31:08,867
It's as if the addiction
was to complete themselves,
615
00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:13,872
and to somehow temporarily
cover up the emptiness.
616
00:31:16,416 --> 00:31:19,460
Why the finger-pointing, why the judgments
617
00:31:19,460 --> 00:31:22,338
on a particular group of
people who are addicted
618
00:31:22,338 --> 00:31:24,340
who happen to use substances?
619
00:31:26,759 --> 00:31:29,429
My first job that I ever had
as a physician in Vancouver
620
00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:30,680
after I did my internship was actually
621
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:32,891
in the downtown east side of Vancouver.
622
00:31:32,891 --> 00:31:34,809
It's North America's most concentrated
623
00:31:34,809 --> 00:31:37,395
and most dramatic area of drug use
624
00:31:37,395 --> 00:31:40,148
where there's more people injecting
625
00:31:40,148 --> 00:31:44,277
and ingesting and inhaling
all kinds of substances
626
00:31:44,277 --> 00:31:46,779
than anywhere else in the planet.
627
00:31:46,779 --> 00:31:49,866
And I go this old, broken down hotel
628
00:31:49,866 --> 00:31:52,493
with cracking paint on the walls
629
00:31:52,493 --> 00:31:55,496
and there's strange
people walking in and out,
630
00:31:55,496 --> 00:31:58,166
and I felt totally at home right away.
631
00:31:58,166 --> 00:32:00,710
And after two years, I
shifted my full-time work
632
00:32:00,710 --> 00:32:02,003
to the downtown east side.
633
00:32:03,922 --> 00:32:05,465
So I worked there for 12 years.
634
00:32:07,425 --> 00:32:11,095
They all had suffered
tremendous torment as children,
635
00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:13,932
which also meant that their
addictions were extreme.
636
00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:17,852
They were quite willing
to sacrifice love, life,
637
00:32:17,852 --> 00:32:21,606
relationship, health
just for the next hit.
638
00:32:21,606 --> 00:32:24,067
They were that desperate
to escape from reality
639
00:32:24,067 --> 00:32:26,361
because reality had been so cruel to them.
640
00:32:27,737 --> 00:32:30,073
We were dealing with people
with severe infections.
641
00:32:30,073 --> 00:32:31,824
They would inject drugs.
642
00:32:31,824 --> 00:32:33,701
That would give them abscesses,
643
00:32:33,701 --> 00:32:36,913
not only in their skin or their muscles,
644
00:32:36,913 --> 00:32:39,165
but also in their brains,
645
00:32:39,165 --> 00:32:42,585
in their spinal cord, in their joints.
646
00:32:42,585 --> 00:32:44,545
So they have to be hospitalized,
647
00:32:44,545 --> 00:32:46,172
which is the only facility
where you can deliver
648
00:32:46,172 --> 00:32:48,675
IV antibiotics several times a day.
649
00:32:48,675 --> 00:32:50,551
But they were users, so there'd be
650
00:32:50,551 --> 00:32:52,887
always absconding from the hospital
651
00:32:52,887 --> 00:32:55,556
and even using the IV
lines to inject through.
652
00:32:55,556 --> 00:32:57,725
So inevitably they would
be kicked out of hospital,
653
00:32:57,725 --> 00:33:00,061
which means that their
life-threatening infections
654
00:33:00,061 --> 00:33:01,145
would be untreated.
655
00:33:02,814 --> 00:33:04,315
This is how I met Joey Carter.
656
00:33:06,234 --> 00:33:08,236
I think I pushed him
across an intersection once
657
00:33:08,236 --> 00:33:09,612
in his wheelchair, maybe
that's the first time
658
00:33:09,612 --> 00:33:10,655
we actually met.
659
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,409
- And you helped me out and
you said, what are you doing?
660
00:33:14,409 --> 00:33:16,119
Enough's enough.
661
00:33:16,119 --> 00:33:19,038
I'm going to admit you to CTC-R,
are you going to go there?
662
00:33:19,914 --> 00:33:22,291
And I was like, well,
what about my addiction?
663
00:33:23,459 --> 00:33:25,795
And then you said, well,
what are you using?
664
00:33:25,795 --> 00:33:29,007
And I said, well, I've been
using morphine and m-eslon.
665
00:33:30,133 --> 00:33:31,551
I said, how many will you give me a day?
666
00:33:31,551 --> 00:33:33,761
You said as many as you
have in your pocket.
667
00:33:40,309 --> 00:33:41,936
- By meeting people where they're at
668
00:33:41,936 --> 00:33:44,939
and treating them like human beings
669
00:33:44,939 --> 00:33:46,524
and not trying to change them
670
00:33:47,775 --> 00:33:50,611
actually opens up the possibility
671
00:33:50,611 --> 00:33:52,530
of transformation for them.
672
00:33:52,530 --> 00:33:54,365
And Joey's a plain example.
673
00:33:56,325 --> 00:33:58,327
- 'Cause they had come
in like every four hours
674
00:33:58,327 --> 00:34:00,246
to give me my morphine.
- Yeah.
675
00:34:00,246 --> 00:34:02,749
- And I wasn't needing it.
676
00:34:02,749 --> 00:34:04,625
I was saving it, right.
677
00:34:04,625 --> 00:34:07,754
And I woke up and there is
like morphine all over the bed
678
00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:09,338
and I thought it was in heaven.
679
00:34:09,338 --> 00:34:11,591
(laughing)
680
00:34:12,592 --> 00:34:13,676
- I do recall your poetry,
681
00:34:13,676 --> 00:34:16,888
and you were a very, a very avid writer.
682
00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:17,722
- Yeah.
683
00:34:17,722 --> 00:34:19,474
- And you've shared some of that with me.
684
00:34:20,558 --> 00:34:24,187
Is there one that, you know,
that you can recite now?
685
00:34:24,187 --> 00:34:25,021
- Yeah.
686
00:34:25,897 --> 00:34:26,981
It goes (clears throat)
687
00:34:26,981 --> 00:34:30,985
I misbehave when I crave to
push the venom in my veins.
688
00:34:30,985 --> 00:34:32,987
I lose all control of my inner soul
689
00:34:32,987 --> 00:34:35,114
and my demons hold the reins.
690
00:34:35,114 --> 00:34:38,451
I deceive whoever believes,
I twist their open trust.
691
00:34:38,451 --> 00:34:40,661
With nefarious precision
and tunnel vision,
692
00:34:40,661 --> 00:34:42,789
I pursue the venom with lust.
693
00:34:42,789 --> 00:34:44,123
With the desire so strong,
694
00:34:44,123 --> 00:34:46,793
I forget all bonds
hurting the ones I adore,
695
00:34:46,793 --> 00:34:49,045
And even though they love
me, they move on from me
696
00:34:49,045 --> 00:34:50,922
to let me fight my war.
697
00:34:50,922 --> 00:34:52,757
Uncontrollable, I'm inconsolable,
698
00:34:52,757 --> 00:34:54,592
slowly I'm dying inside.
699
00:34:54,592 --> 00:34:56,511
A glutton of such, I've used too much,
700
00:34:56,511 --> 00:34:58,096
now there's no life in my eyes.
701
00:34:59,013 --> 00:34:59,847
- Wow.
702
00:35:00,890 --> 00:35:03,810
(soft piano music)
703
00:35:10,066 --> 00:35:12,777
I wanna talk to you guys
704
00:35:12,777 --> 00:35:14,195
about why you think you got addicted?
705
00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:16,697
Like, what did it do for
you in the short term
706
00:35:16,697 --> 00:35:19,117
that you wanted it,
like you appreciated it?
707
00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:20,493
- The one thing that I've learned
708
00:35:20,493 --> 00:35:23,412
was gratification through sex.
709
00:35:23,412 --> 00:35:24,997
It would pay my rent,
it would pay my food,
710
00:35:24,997 --> 00:35:27,041
it would pay my clothes.
711
00:35:27,041 --> 00:35:29,127
But it was also feeling loved.
712
00:35:30,002 --> 00:35:31,212
- [Gabor] Feeling loved? Like...
713
00:35:31,212 --> 00:35:34,298
- Having that desire for
somebody to care and-
714
00:35:34,298 --> 00:35:36,300
- And want you.
- Want you.
715
00:35:36,300 --> 00:35:38,302
- I wouldn't be able to
have a sexual relationship
716
00:35:38,302 --> 00:35:41,556
if I wasn't using, because
I couldn't feel anything
717
00:35:41,556 --> 00:35:43,099
towards the other person.
718
00:35:43,099 --> 00:35:44,308
- It made you feel more alive?
719
00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:46,853
- Yeah. It made me feel more in tune.
720
00:35:46,853 --> 00:35:48,729
- Yeah.
- Yeah, like that's...
721
00:35:48,729 --> 00:35:51,065
And I used it to have feelings.
722
00:35:51,065 --> 00:35:52,150
- I didn't feel pretty,
723
00:35:52,150 --> 00:35:53,526
I didn't feel like...
724
00:35:53,526 --> 00:35:55,987
And as soon as I would
do a little bit of drugs,
725
00:35:55,987 --> 00:35:58,406
my self-esteem would instantly go up.
726
00:35:58,406 --> 00:36:03,411
- I did so much sports and
was on such a strict schedule
727
00:36:04,245 --> 00:36:08,166
that when I started to
use in like grade eight,
728
00:36:08,166 --> 00:36:11,294
grade nine, like, I was free.
729
00:36:11,294 --> 00:36:12,336
- So freedom.
730
00:36:13,504 --> 00:36:15,214
Sense of aliveness.
731
00:36:15,214 --> 00:36:16,883
Completion. Self-esteem.
732
00:36:17,967 --> 00:36:20,761
These are all wonderful
things, aren't they?
733
00:36:20,761 --> 00:36:22,930
When they talk about
addiction being a bad choice,
734
00:36:22,930 --> 00:36:23,890
I say no, it isn't.
735
00:36:24,849 --> 00:36:26,726
It's actually a solution to a problem.
736
00:36:31,230 --> 00:36:33,107
If we understand that the addiction
737
00:36:33,107 --> 00:36:35,026
is not the primary problem,
738
00:36:35,026 --> 00:36:36,944
but really a response to trauma,
739
00:36:36,944 --> 00:36:39,947
then it becomes obvious that
in order to heal addiction,
740
00:36:39,947 --> 00:36:41,407
you have to heal the trauma.
741
00:36:41,407 --> 00:36:43,075
But it means that you see the wound
742
00:36:43,075 --> 00:36:44,410
that's driving that person.
743
00:36:47,413 --> 00:36:50,166
(birds chirping)
744
00:36:51,500 --> 00:36:54,879
(melancholy music)
745
00:36:54,879 --> 00:36:58,674
Underneath that traumatized persona,
746
00:36:58,674 --> 00:37:00,927
there's the healthy
individual who has never
747
00:37:00,927 --> 00:37:02,762
found expression in this life
748
00:37:02,762 --> 00:37:03,804
because they were never given
749
00:37:03,804 --> 00:37:07,725
the venue for expression,
never given the relationships,
750
00:37:07,725 --> 00:37:09,644
in which they could, their all
751
00:37:09,644 --> 00:37:11,562
authentic humanity could be expressed.
752
00:37:15,358 --> 00:37:17,777
(soft music)
753
00:37:21,864 --> 00:37:24,700
Are we free? Are we conscious?
754
00:37:24,700 --> 00:37:28,329
Are we making a decision
based on full awareness
755
00:37:28,329 --> 00:37:32,833
or are we driven by unconscious dynamics
756
00:37:32,833 --> 00:37:35,544
that we've inherited or that we developed
757
00:37:35,544 --> 00:37:38,506
as a response to childhood trauma?
758
00:37:39,590 --> 00:37:42,843
Well, insofar as we're not
conscious, we are not free.
759
00:37:48,641 --> 00:37:52,603
We have then a social
structure that induces trauma
760
00:37:52,603 --> 00:37:53,854
in a lot of people,
761
00:37:53,854 --> 00:37:56,023
therefore it induces escapist,
762
00:37:56,023 --> 00:37:58,317
addictive behaviors in a lot of people,
763
00:37:58,317 --> 00:38:01,445
and those inner trends line up
764
00:38:01,445 --> 00:38:03,281
with how society looks
like on the outside.
765
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,992
So therefore all this
looks perfectly normal
766
00:38:05,992 --> 00:38:07,076
and perfectly natural.
767
00:38:09,287 --> 00:38:11,539
Fundamentally the messages
is that with our minds
768
00:38:11,539 --> 00:38:12,456
we create the world.
769
00:38:12,456 --> 00:38:17,461
So if I have a worldview that
the world is a horrible place,
770
00:38:17,712 --> 00:38:19,547
then I'm going to live in a world where
771
00:38:19,547 --> 00:38:23,259
I have to be aggressive,
suspicious, competitive
772
00:38:23,259 --> 00:38:25,303
and make myself as big as possible
773
00:38:25,303 --> 00:38:26,929
so I don't get eaten up.
774
00:38:26,929 --> 00:38:29,598
So I have to be grandiose and cunning
775
00:38:29,598 --> 00:38:31,058
because that's the world I'm living in.
776
00:38:31,058 --> 00:38:33,394
And these are the people that our society
777
00:38:33,394 --> 00:38:38,107
rewards with power.
(dramatic music)
778
00:38:51,579 --> 00:38:54,248
- Do you think that the
inability of these individuals
779
00:38:54,248 --> 00:38:56,751
to manifest real change is a demonstration
780
00:38:56,751 --> 00:38:59,086
that what we have are deeply entrenched
781
00:38:59,086 --> 00:39:02,506
and traumatized systems
that are predicated
782
00:39:02,506 --> 00:39:06,344
on unconscious choices, unconscious drives
783
00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:09,263
and that the system cannot and will not
784
00:39:09,263 --> 00:39:12,641
alter itself from within
itself, but will sustain itself,
785
00:39:12,641 --> 00:39:17,646
and it's only sort of new,
radical ideas that can alter it?
786
00:39:17,730 --> 00:39:19,982
- That's exactly what I'm saying.
787
00:39:19,982 --> 00:39:22,943
Large segments of the economy survive
788
00:39:22,943 --> 00:39:25,613
because people buy things that
give them temporary pleasure
789
00:39:25,613 --> 00:39:27,615
but do them no good
whatsoever in the long-term,
790
00:39:27,615 --> 00:39:29,200
in fact are even harmful.
791
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,327
I mean, we're going so far
as to destroy the earth
792
00:39:31,327 --> 00:39:32,578
because of our addiction.
793
00:39:37,083 --> 00:39:39,585
(tense music)
794
00:39:52,807 --> 00:39:54,517
The disconnect from the body of the earth
795
00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:56,477
really has to do with the
disconnect from our own bodies.
796
00:39:56,477 --> 00:39:58,145
The two are together.
797
00:39:58,145 --> 00:39:59,730
And the exploitation of the earth
798
00:39:59,730 --> 00:40:01,857
as if it was something separate from us
799
00:40:01,857 --> 00:40:05,986
has a lot to do with
patriarchal domination.
800
00:40:05,986 --> 00:40:07,446
I mean, we talk about mother earth.
801
00:40:07,446 --> 00:40:09,281
Look what we're doing to mother.
802
00:40:09,281 --> 00:40:10,783
It's a mother hatred almost.
803
00:40:15,913 --> 00:40:19,875
It speaks to a blindness and a passivity
804
00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:23,295
which itself is a marker of
societal and collective trauma.
805
00:40:28,717 --> 00:40:31,178
Our schools are full of kids
with learning difficulties,
806
00:40:31,178 --> 00:40:33,848
mental health issues
that are trauma-based,
807
00:40:33,848 --> 00:40:35,516
but the average teacher never gets
808
00:40:35,516 --> 00:40:37,268
a single lecture on trauma.
809
00:40:37,268 --> 00:40:39,603
They're fundamentally working with
810
00:40:39,603 --> 00:40:41,939
an essential lack of information.
811
00:40:41,939 --> 00:40:45,651
I actually barely mentioned
the criminal justice system
812
00:40:45,651 --> 00:40:48,446
has no understanding or even acquaintance
813
00:40:48,446 --> 00:40:50,197
with the concept of trauma.
814
00:40:50,197 --> 00:40:52,324
In fact, they often create policies
815
00:40:52,324 --> 00:40:55,327
that further deepen people's trauma.
816
00:40:55,327 --> 00:40:57,705
That these institutions
need to be informed
817
00:40:57,705 --> 00:41:01,500
of what trauma is and
how to respond to it.
818
00:41:02,877 --> 00:41:04,837
- I went between custodies of different
819
00:41:06,005 --> 00:41:07,423
states and counties...
820
00:41:09,467 --> 00:41:10,801
Since 18.
821
00:41:10,801 --> 00:41:13,596
I struggled with addiction
and they were sending me
822
00:41:13,596 --> 00:41:17,057
to these places to get
the help that you needed.
823
00:41:17,057 --> 00:41:18,893
I had nothing but the
authorities telling me
824
00:41:18,893 --> 00:41:21,437
that it was my fault, my fault, my fault,
825
00:41:21,437 --> 00:41:22,646
because you're choosing this, you know
826
00:41:22,646 --> 00:41:24,440
and I can't keep choosing it.
827
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,984
And you're supposed to trust
and believe in these people.
828
00:41:26,984 --> 00:41:28,903
California industrialized prison.
829
00:41:31,238 --> 00:41:33,115
- Trauma doesn't know of color,
830
00:41:33,115 --> 00:41:35,117
trauma doesn't know of age,
831
00:41:35,117 --> 00:41:37,036
trauma doesn't know a tax bracket,
832
00:41:37,036 --> 00:41:38,579
trauma doesn't know any of these things.
833
00:41:38,579 --> 00:41:41,040
Anybody can be traumatizing anybody.
834
00:41:42,374 --> 00:41:44,376
Symptoms of trauma:
835
00:41:44,376 --> 00:41:46,795
nightmares and night terrors.
836
00:41:46,795 --> 00:41:48,214
- [Man 1] Inability to love.
837
00:41:49,548 --> 00:41:51,342
- Addictive behavior.
838
00:41:51,342 --> 00:41:52,801
- [Man 2] Insomnia.
839
00:41:52,801 --> 00:41:53,636
- Depression.
840
00:41:55,054 --> 00:41:55,888
- Shame.
841
00:41:57,431 --> 00:41:59,016
- That's not who you are,
842
00:42:00,184 --> 00:42:02,811
but it's a symptom of being traumatized,
843
00:42:03,854 --> 00:42:05,648
and we're here to heal each other.
844
00:42:08,526 --> 00:42:10,027
We heal in community.
845
00:42:10,027 --> 00:42:11,445
When I do these circles with anybody,
846
00:42:11,445 --> 00:42:15,115
when they see the extent of
childhood trauma in themselves,
847
00:42:15,115 --> 00:42:19,411
but also in the people
around them, it's a shift.
848
00:42:19,411 --> 00:42:23,499
It takes the othering out. It
actually brings a human in.
849
00:42:23,499 --> 00:42:27,086
And that, as a society,
is one of the imperatives
850
00:42:27,086 --> 00:42:28,837
that we need to get to.
851
00:42:28,837 --> 00:42:29,964
We gotta start seeing each other
852
00:42:29,964 --> 00:42:32,633
for what happened to us and
not what's wrong with us.
853
00:42:34,677 --> 00:42:37,263
(cars honking)
854
00:42:39,390 --> 00:42:42,643
(upbeat, bright music)
855
00:42:51,694 --> 00:42:54,113
(soft music)
856
00:42:57,908 --> 00:42:59,827
- My name is Romie Nottage.
857
00:42:59,827 --> 00:43:02,371
I am the senior director of San Francisco
858
00:43:02,371 --> 00:43:05,499
and social innovation for
Downtown Streets Team,
859
00:43:05,499 --> 00:43:08,294
and that is changing the lives of people
860
00:43:08,294 --> 00:43:11,672
who are currently homeless
through the dignity of work.
861
00:43:13,465 --> 00:43:15,551
Labeling people as just drug addicts,
862
00:43:15,551 --> 00:43:17,303
like, it's deeper than that.
863
00:43:17,303 --> 00:43:20,681
They probably at a younger
age have been reinforced
864
00:43:20,681 --> 00:43:24,310
that their value is not
as significant as others.
865
00:43:25,144 --> 00:43:29,273
The pain is the root cause of people
866
00:43:29,273 --> 00:43:31,358
trying to feel comfortable in this world.
867
00:43:32,276 --> 00:43:35,404
Using street drugs is a method.
868
00:43:35,404 --> 00:43:40,284
It is a behavior to support
something that is uncomfortable.
869
00:43:45,831 --> 00:43:47,916
- I was homeless for about 15 years.
870
00:43:49,001 --> 00:43:51,128
It is a survival of the fittest.
871
00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:56,383
I had three kids on the
street while homeless,
872
00:43:56,383 --> 00:43:59,011
walking around, no shoes,
selling drugs, doing drugs,
873
00:43:59,011 --> 00:44:01,013
hoping they would miscarry.
874
00:44:01,013 --> 00:44:02,931
All the babies came out with everything.
875
00:44:02,931 --> 00:44:05,851
Meth, crystal, cocaine,
everything you could think of.
876
00:44:07,728 --> 00:44:10,439
I did utilize those three moments in time
877
00:44:10,439 --> 00:44:14,193
where I had those babies to just rest up
878
00:44:14,193 --> 00:44:16,570
in a nice place and eat a hot meal.
879
00:44:16,570 --> 00:44:20,407
Just basically took a
shower those three times,
880
00:44:20,407 --> 00:44:23,577
'cause while I was homeless,
most of us don't shower.
881
00:44:23,577 --> 00:44:24,995
Maybe once a year, if that.
882
00:44:26,830 --> 00:44:30,292
But I was lucky I had the same
foster mom, all three boys.
883
00:44:30,292 --> 00:44:32,795
Albert, Jetson and James are all thriving.
884
00:44:32,795 --> 00:44:34,254
They're very healthy.
885
00:44:34,254 --> 00:44:35,756
I did fight for them. Don't get me wrong.
886
00:44:35,756 --> 00:44:36,757
I did try to fight for them,
887
00:44:36,757 --> 00:44:39,468
but I wasn't ready to
give up the drug life.
888
00:44:41,845 --> 00:44:45,474
- It was fall, so it was the rain season.
889
00:44:45,474 --> 00:44:48,644
I just remember that constant worry
890
00:44:48,644 --> 00:44:50,521
about where was I gonna go that night?
891
00:44:50,521 --> 00:44:52,564
Would I find shelter?
892
00:44:52,564 --> 00:44:54,066
'Cause there's no where to go, right?
893
00:44:54,066 --> 00:44:57,986
The people that did love
me just said you know what?
894
00:44:57,986 --> 00:45:01,031
We're not going to stand by
anymore while you kill yourself.
895
00:45:01,031 --> 00:45:02,324
We can't do it.
896
00:45:02,324 --> 00:45:03,534
It's hurting more.
897
00:45:03,534 --> 00:45:06,203
We're dying a harder death than you are.
898
00:45:07,287 --> 00:45:09,373
And they just scattered from my life.
899
00:45:11,917 --> 00:45:13,377
I was utterly alone.
900
00:45:19,883 --> 00:45:22,219
- I've been in the city on the streets now
901
00:45:22,219 --> 00:45:24,054
for four years.
902
00:45:24,054 --> 00:45:25,764
Went to college on my GI bill.
903
00:45:25,764 --> 00:45:27,891
I was in the army for a total of 11 years,
904
00:45:27,891 --> 00:45:30,352
then I got diagnosed with
non-Hodgkin's lymphoma
905
00:45:30,352 --> 00:45:31,854
and I retired.
906
00:45:33,063 --> 00:45:35,566
My PTSD comes from experiences with
907
00:45:36,734 --> 00:45:39,528
trying to beat this monkey
on my back, you know?
908
00:45:39,528 --> 00:45:42,322
I've had a beautiful home and vehicles
909
00:45:42,322 --> 00:45:46,368
and wife and kids and thrown
it all away for drugs.
910
00:45:49,329 --> 00:45:52,207
- So when you pass by someone
homeless on the street,
911
00:45:52,207 --> 00:45:55,002
that is such a painful world to live in,
912
00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:57,963
and a very important thing
to do is acknowledge them
913
00:45:57,963 --> 00:46:02,634
and not pretending or literally thinking
914
00:46:02,634 --> 00:46:05,095
that no one's sitting right there.
915
00:46:05,095 --> 00:46:06,513
How are you doing?
916
00:46:06,513 --> 00:46:07,431
Hanging in there?
917
00:46:08,724 --> 00:46:10,559
Had a rough sleep last night?
918
00:46:10,559 --> 00:46:12,352
You stay in the TL?
- I do.
919
00:46:12,352 --> 00:46:14,646
- Yeah, cool. How long have you been here?
920
00:46:14,646 --> 00:46:18,066
- I moved here from
Atlanta February the 7th.
921
00:46:19,485 --> 00:46:21,320
- The number one thing that people
922
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:23,781
who are experiencing
homelessness suffer from
923
00:46:23,781 --> 00:46:25,365
is feeling looked down on.
924
00:46:27,409 --> 00:46:29,119
It's like people just passing by them,
925
00:46:29,119 --> 00:46:31,413
not acknowledging their experience.
926
00:46:31,413 --> 00:46:34,958
That forms an identity
that is internalized.
927
00:46:36,126 --> 00:46:38,587
Their sense of self has been attacked.
928
00:46:38,587 --> 00:46:41,548
Their dignity has been
completely reinforced
929
00:46:41,548 --> 00:46:45,344
as non-existent every single day.
930
00:46:45,344 --> 00:46:48,764
Humanization of homelessness
is where we need to start
931
00:46:48,764 --> 00:46:51,308
because we're working with people,
932
00:46:51,308 --> 00:46:53,101
we're working with nervous systems,
933
00:46:53,101 --> 00:46:58,065
we are working with deflated
and traumatized senses of self.
934
00:47:03,237 --> 00:47:05,280
To be honest, if I lived in that world,
935
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:06,907
I would want to use, too.
936
00:47:06,907 --> 00:47:08,408
It'd get me out of it.
937
00:47:08,408 --> 00:47:11,537
It'd make me feel not
like that for a minute.
938
00:47:16,542 --> 00:47:17,668
(knocks)
- Hey, Duane, you home?
939
00:47:17,668 --> 00:47:20,671
It's Tessa.
(soft music)
940
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:26,844
Hey, how are you?
- Hi, how are you?
941
00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:27,719
- I'm Tessa.
942
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:31,598
I'm a harm reduction specialist
at Abode Housing Services.
943
00:47:31,598 --> 00:47:34,560
I help people move through
the pain of their addiction
944
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:36,019
and regain dignity.
945
00:47:36,019 --> 00:47:38,689
So, oh my gosh, your place looks amazing.
946
00:47:38,689 --> 00:47:41,817
I took this job because of
the harm reduction approach,
947
00:47:41,817 --> 00:47:43,861
where people get housing.
948
00:47:43,861 --> 00:47:45,445
You don't have an agenda.
949
00:47:45,445 --> 00:47:47,948
You must do this or that
in order to access housing,
950
00:47:47,948 --> 00:47:51,493
you're worthy of housing because
housing should be a right.
951
00:47:51,493 --> 00:47:55,122
When people get housed
after they've been outdoors
952
00:47:55,122 --> 00:47:58,917
for seven, 15, 25 years,
whatever the number is,
953
00:48:01,044 --> 00:48:01,962
you're alone.
954
00:48:05,007 --> 00:48:07,092
You don't have survival to do,
955
00:48:07,092 --> 00:48:09,177
so this is when I'm starting to see
956
00:48:09,177 --> 00:48:11,763
everybody's pain start surfacing
957
00:48:11,763 --> 00:48:14,391
and people are starting to have, you know,
958
00:48:14,391 --> 00:48:17,603
more challenges and emotional challenges
959
00:48:17,603 --> 00:48:19,229
than they did out on the streets.
960
00:48:22,232 --> 00:48:24,735
Dr. Gabor Maté, when
I found his teachings,
961
00:48:24,735 --> 00:48:27,154
and specifically The
Realm of the Hungry Ghost
962
00:48:27,154 --> 00:48:30,240
kind of changed my outlook in life.
963
00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:31,575
I'm very dear to this work.
964
00:48:32,576 --> 00:48:35,329
(rain pattering)
965
00:48:39,666 --> 00:48:43,879
- I'm Gabor's wife and I have
been for close to 50 years.
966
00:48:49,134 --> 00:48:52,763
I met Gabor in October of 1967
967
00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:56,308
when I was a first year student at UBC.
968
00:48:56,308 --> 00:48:58,352
I saw in the student
newspaper that they were
969
00:48:58,352 --> 00:49:02,856
looking for cartoonists and I draw.
970
00:49:02,856 --> 00:49:06,818
I walked into the small
room and he's sitting there
971
00:49:06,818 --> 00:49:09,321
reading a book and I said (clears throat):
972
00:49:09,321 --> 00:49:11,782
"My name's Rae.
973
00:49:13,283 --> 00:49:14,368
I'm supposed to draw you.
974
00:49:14,368 --> 00:49:17,371
Would you mind just sitting there?"
975
00:49:17,371 --> 00:49:19,247
This is it.
976
00:49:21,500 --> 00:49:25,003
I did this before I knew who he was,
977
00:49:25,003 --> 00:49:26,630
before I'd had a conversation.
978
00:49:27,881 --> 00:49:30,050
What a mysterious guy.
979
00:49:30,050 --> 00:49:31,593
Dark, you know?
980
00:49:31,593 --> 00:49:32,761
Intense.
981
00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:37,349
He was so interesting to me.
982
00:49:41,603 --> 00:49:42,938
- I've always been a rebel.
983
00:49:42,938 --> 00:49:47,025
I mean, in communist
Hungary, in grade six,
984
00:49:47,025 --> 00:49:49,403
my teacher wrote in my report card that:
985
00:49:49,403 --> 00:49:52,990
you should watch it because
he incites the other students.
986
00:49:52,990 --> 00:49:54,366
(chuckles)
987
00:49:54,366 --> 00:49:57,744
But so that tendency to
resist arbitrariness,
988
00:49:58,704 --> 00:50:02,082
what I'm being told and
what the official line is.
989
00:50:02,082 --> 00:50:03,959
So I'm really not one for group-think,
990
00:50:03,959 --> 00:50:07,796
and it really helps me
to see through all kinds
991
00:50:07,796 --> 00:50:11,174
of nonsense that people
accept without questioning.
992
00:50:14,344 --> 00:50:16,763
On a personal level, I'm
also a contradiction.
993
00:50:18,015 --> 00:50:21,351
My longing is really a
sense of being excluded
994
00:50:21,351 --> 00:50:24,938
from something, and a
sense of impossibility,
995
00:50:24,938 --> 00:50:27,816
and I very easily go there.
996
00:50:27,816 --> 00:50:29,234
I mean, that is my baseline.
997
00:50:30,944 --> 00:50:33,196
- Very early in my meeting with Gabor,
998
00:50:33,196 --> 00:50:36,992
I saw clearly the light that he was
999
00:50:36,992 --> 00:50:38,744
and the dark that he was.
1000
00:50:38,744 --> 00:50:42,956
So I saw brilliance and I saw real,
1001
00:50:42,956 --> 00:50:45,500
I guess trauma is the word I'd use now,
1002
00:50:45,500 --> 00:50:47,002
but I didn't know then.
1003
00:50:47,002 --> 00:50:48,045
To me it was dark.
1004
00:50:48,045 --> 00:50:50,964
And of course, by then I knew he was,
1005
00:50:50,964 --> 00:50:53,050
directly had been in the Holocaust,
1006
00:50:54,384 --> 00:50:56,887
but it was going to be my job to heal him,
1007
00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:58,263
to bring out that light.
1008
00:51:02,851 --> 00:51:04,853
I really believe that
the purpose of marriage
1009
00:51:04,853 --> 00:51:07,272
is to actually go back
to the original trauma,
1010
00:51:07,272 --> 00:51:10,567
which comes from the family.
1011
00:51:11,818 --> 00:51:14,154
I married a man who was
so much like my father.
1012
00:51:17,199 --> 00:51:19,159
- My scientific interest as well
1013
00:51:19,159 --> 00:51:21,286
has been having to deal with my own trauma
1014
00:51:22,162 --> 00:51:24,998
because in my 40s, I was a
very successful physician
1015
00:51:24,998 --> 00:51:28,168
and I was a national columnist
for a Canadian newspaper,
1016
00:51:28,168 --> 00:51:30,087
and I was the head of the
palliative care department
1017
00:51:30,087 --> 00:51:31,630
at a major Canadian hospital,
1018
00:51:31,630 --> 00:51:35,884
and I was depressed and alienated,
in a difficult marriage,
1019
00:51:35,884 --> 00:51:38,053
and my children were scared of me
1020
00:51:38,053 --> 00:51:40,305
and I didn't like being alive.
1021
00:51:42,724 --> 00:51:44,684
- Well, there's just
nothing more frustrating
1022
00:51:44,684 --> 00:51:47,354
to be in a situation, to see him out there
1023
00:51:47,354 --> 00:51:51,441
doing this amazing work, just
the healing and the wisdom
1024
00:51:51,441 --> 00:51:54,236
and the support, and then come home
1025
00:51:54,236 --> 00:51:59,241
and be completely exhausted, irritable.
1026
00:51:59,991 --> 00:52:02,202
And then I get the negativity.
1027
00:52:09,793 --> 00:52:12,796
I have to be me, I have to be authentic.
1028
00:52:15,465 --> 00:52:17,050
My nervous system is so wired
1029
00:52:17,050 --> 00:52:20,220
that if I'm not authentic
to myself, I'm sick.
1030
00:52:20,220 --> 00:52:21,429
I have a stomach ache.
1031
00:52:21,429 --> 00:52:22,681
I can't sleep.
1032
00:52:22,681 --> 00:52:24,224
I'm anxious.
1033
00:52:24,224 --> 00:52:27,352
And it's usually here. (chuckles)
1034
00:52:27,352 --> 00:52:29,688
It's usually something in this dynamic.
1035
00:52:29,688 --> 00:52:30,689
- Yeah.
- Right?
1036
00:52:30,689 --> 00:52:33,775
- When I would compulsively
shop for compact discs
1037
00:52:33,775 --> 00:52:34,734
and lie about it.
1038
00:52:35,610 --> 00:52:37,195
Rae would get neck aches.
1039
00:52:37,195 --> 00:52:38,864
And after a while she figured
out if I got a neck ache,
1040
00:52:38,864 --> 00:52:39,781
this guy is lying to me.
1041
00:52:39,781 --> 00:52:41,074
- He doesn't get away with anything.
1042
00:52:41,074 --> 00:52:41,908
- Yeah.
1043
00:52:46,413 --> 00:52:51,209
- How are you, Gabor Maté,
not processing your trauma?
1044
00:52:51,209 --> 00:52:52,043
- How am I not processing it?
1045
00:52:52,043 --> 00:52:53,587
- Yeah, because like,
if you are not doing it,
1046
00:52:53,587 --> 00:52:54,963
that's like Steve Jobs going:
1047
00:52:54,963 --> 00:52:56,548
"I couldn't get my phone to work."
1048
00:52:57,424 --> 00:52:59,968
- That's another traumatized
person, by the way,
1049
00:52:59,968 --> 00:53:01,636
whose cancer is everything to do with
1050
00:53:01,636 --> 00:53:03,471
the childhood trauma that he experienced,
1051
00:53:03,471 --> 00:53:06,349
but that's another book and another story.
1052
00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:08,351
- So you sort of are a
bit like in the Matrix,
1053
00:53:08,351 --> 00:53:10,770
when Neo sees everything's
made out of numbers,
1054
00:53:10,770 --> 00:53:13,648
you look at people and you see
all their trauma and damage?
1055
00:53:13,648 --> 00:53:14,649
- That's what I see.
1056
00:53:15,734 --> 00:53:17,652
Until I realized that I was traumatized,
1057
00:53:17,652 --> 00:53:20,447
which really wasn't until
my late 30s and mid-40s,
1058
00:53:20,447 --> 00:53:22,908
and began to realize that it
didn't have to be this way,
1059
00:53:22,908 --> 00:53:23,867
that there were reasons for it,
1060
00:53:23,867 --> 00:53:25,660
and I started looking for those reasons.
1061
00:53:25,660 --> 00:53:27,871
So I started waking up
fairly late in life.
1062
00:53:29,080 --> 00:53:31,333
I was a driven, workaholic doctor.
1063
00:53:31,333 --> 00:53:33,752
Now why was a driven workaholic doctor?
1064
00:53:33,752 --> 00:53:34,961
Because the message I got as an infant
1065
00:53:34,961 --> 00:53:36,171
is that the world didn't want me.
1066
00:53:36,171 --> 00:53:37,797
Now how do you deal with not being wanted?
1067
00:53:37,797 --> 00:53:39,466
You make yourself needed.
1068
00:53:39,466 --> 00:53:40,675
So if you're traumatized
1069
00:53:40,675 --> 00:53:42,219
and if you don't think you're lovable,
1070
00:53:42,219 --> 00:53:43,970
my god, go to medical school.
1071
00:53:43,970 --> 00:53:46,056
Now they're going to
want you all the time.
1072
00:53:46,056 --> 00:53:47,557
When they're dying,
when they're being born,
1073
00:53:47,557 --> 00:53:50,727
every moment in between,
and that's highly addictive,
1074
00:53:50,727 --> 00:53:52,896
because you get the
validation all the time.
1075
00:53:56,274 --> 00:53:57,984
A lot of people that go into medicine
1076
00:53:57,984 --> 00:53:59,736
the last thing they want is
to be open and vulnerable.
1077
00:53:59,736 --> 00:54:01,154
In fact, what they want is the authority
1078
00:54:01,154 --> 00:54:02,948
of the white coat and the stethoscope.
1079
00:54:02,948 --> 00:54:05,283
And medical school is very hard on people.
1080
00:54:05,283 --> 00:54:06,534
You might look at it almost
1081
00:54:06,534 --> 00:54:08,662
as a selection process that weeds out
1082
00:54:08,662 --> 00:54:10,413
the people that are too vulnerable.
1083
00:54:10,413 --> 00:54:14,918
The long hours, the deference
to unreasonable authority,
1084
00:54:14,918 --> 00:54:19,256
the stress that you are
willing to subject yourself to,
1085
00:54:19,256 --> 00:54:22,300
and these are the people that,
like me, become physicians.
1086
00:54:22,300 --> 00:54:25,178
So that selects out
against the vulnerable.
1087
00:54:27,347 --> 00:54:29,182
I went to medical school here at UBC.
1088
00:54:30,058 --> 00:54:33,687
At that time, we did not get
a single lecture of trauma.
1089
00:54:33,687 --> 00:54:36,106
We did not even hear the word.
1090
00:54:36,106 --> 00:54:38,858
They still don't hear the
word trauma in medical school.
1091
00:54:44,698 --> 00:54:47,117
So I've looked at the whole
range of human experience
1092
00:54:47,117 --> 00:54:49,869
from birth to death because
I've worked in obstetrics
1093
00:54:49,869 --> 00:54:51,663
and I've worked in palliative care
1094
00:54:51,663 --> 00:54:53,915
and everything else in between.
1095
00:54:53,915 --> 00:54:56,918
The modern medical paradigm in practice
1096
00:54:56,918 --> 00:54:58,753
separates mind from the body
1097
00:54:58,753 --> 00:55:01,006
and it separates the individual
from the environment.
1098
00:55:01,006 --> 00:55:03,133
So when you look at, there's an epidemic
1099
00:55:03,133 --> 00:55:04,634
of asthma right now in North America,
1100
00:55:04,634 --> 00:55:07,095
more and more people, kids
are being diagnosed with it,
1101
00:55:07,095 --> 00:55:09,514
it's all about, or largely about,
1102
00:55:09,514 --> 00:55:12,142
the increasing stress in our society.
1103
00:55:12,142 --> 00:55:14,436
So it's a cultural manifestation,
1104
00:55:14,436 --> 00:55:16,980
and this is completely
missing in medical practice.
1105
00:55:18,064 --> 00:55:20,025
If you look at Black Americans,
1106
00:55:20,025 --> 00:55:22,694
Black Americans are more
likely to get prostate cancer
1107
00:55:23,611 --> 00:55:25,113
and more likely to die of it,
1108
00:55:25,113 --> 00:55:27,198
and not because of a lack of medical care.
1109
00:55:28,908 --> 00:55:30,994
Maybe there's something
about being a minority
1110
00:55:30,994 --> 00:55:34,164
in this particular culture
that is so highly stressful
1111
00:55:34,164 --> 00:55:36,791
that it deranges the immune system.
1112
00:55:36,791 --> 00:55:41,254
If you look at the asthmatic
Afro-American woman,
1113
00:55:41,254 --> 00:55:46,217
is that asthma a manifestation
of her own pathology?
1114
00:55:47,969 --> 00:55:50,472
Or is it reflecting a social malaise?
1115
00:55:51,514 --> 00:55:54,976
Which means the emotion,
whatever you've experienced,
1116
00:55:54,976 --> 00:55:57,729
probably suppressed rage or shame,
1117
00:55:57,729 --> 00:55:59,606
whatever you experience,
1118
00:55:59,606 --> 00:56:02,567
actually affects the
physiology of your lungs.
1119
00:56:03,651 --> 00:56:05,653
Medicine is very interesting that way.
1120
00:56:05,653 --> 00:56:08,323
If you go to a dermatologist
with an inflamed skin,
1121
00:56:08,323 --> 00:56:09,449
what kind of cream are
they going to give you?
1122
00:56:09,449 --> 00:56:10,992
Anybody know?
1123
00:56:10,992 --> 00:56:12,660
Steroid cream, right.
1124
00:56:12,660 --> 00:56:15,705
If you go to a rheumatologist
with an inflamed joint,
1125
00:56:15,705 --> 00:56:18,124
what medication are
they going to give you?
1126
00:56:18,124 --> 00:56:20,043
Steroids very often.
1127
00:56:20,043 --> 00:56:23,713
If you go to a lung
specialist with asthma,
1128
00:56:23,713 --> 00:56:25,632
what kind of inhaler are you going to get?
1129
00:56:25,632 --> 00:56:26,549
Steroid.
1130
00:56:26,549 --> 00:56:28,009
If you go to a gastroenterologist
1131
00:56:28,009 --> 00:56:29,761
with an inflamed intestines,
1132
00:56:29,761 --> 00:56:31,554
what kind of medication are you gonna get?
1133
00:56:31,554 --> 00:56:32,347
Steroids.
1134
00:56:32,347 --> 00:56:34,391
Now, what are steroids?
1135
00:56:34,391 --> 00:56:36,017
They're copies of cortisol.
1136
00:56:36,017 --> 00:56:36,893
What is cortisol?
1137
00:56:38,144 --> 00:56:40,063
The stress hormone.
1138
00:56:40,063 --> 00:56:42,399
We're treating everything
with stress hormones.
1139
00:56:43,566 --> 00:56:45,318
Maybe it should occur to us
1140
00:56:45,318 --> 00:56:46,403
that stress has something to do
1141
00:56:46,403 --> 00:56:48,238
with the onset of these conditions.
1142
00:56:49,948 --> 00:56:52,367
The fundamental problem is capitalism,
1143
00:56:52,367 --> 00:56:53,743
or I should say materialism.
1144
00:56:53,743 --> 00:56:56,037
As long as the research
is driven by the profits
1145
00:56:56,037 --> 00:56:57,539
of pharmaceutical companies,
1146
00:56:57,539 --> 00:56:59,666
what's going to drive the
education of physicians
1147
00:56:59,666 --> 00:57:02,544
except the profit motive of
pharmaceutical companies?
1148
00:57:02,544 --> 00:57:03,837
I mean, it's just obvious.
1149
00:57:06,756 --> 00:57:09,467
People have to be seen as automatons,
1150
00:57:09,467 --> 00:57:12,512
as beings without really emotional needs
1151
00:57:12,512 --> 00:57:13,763
or spiritual needs.
1152
00:57:14,764 --> 00:57:18,309
As globalization and
globalized materialism
1153
00:57:18,309 --> 00:57:20,353
spreads throughout the world,
1154
00:57:20,353 --> 00:57:21,813
so there's auto immune disease
1155
00:57:21,813 --> 00:57:23,314
spreading throughout the world
1156
00:57:23,314 --> 00:57:26,151
in societies that hardly
even knew them before.
1157
00:57:26,151 --> 00:57:29,279
Diseases, whether mental or physical,
1158
00:57:29,279 --> 00:57:33,575
are normal responses to
abnormal circumstances,
1159
00:57:33,575 --> 00:57:35,201
and what would be considered normal
1160
00:57:35,201 --> 00:57:37,704
in this society is often actually insane.
1161
00:57:39,038 --> 00:57:42,000
In the most health obsessed
humans society ever,
1162
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:43,793
all is not well.
1163
00:57:43,793 --> 00:57:46,713
In the US, the richest society in history,
1164
00:57:46,713 --> 00:57:49,174
fully half of the citizens
have a chronic disorder
1165
00:57:49,174 --> 00:57:51,384
such as high blood pressure or diabetes.
1166
00:57:52,594 --> 00:57:55,930
Illness is when part of an organism,
1167
00:57:55,930 --> 00:57:59,100
starts working against the overall benefit
1168
00:57:59,100 --> 00:58:00,435
of the organism.
1169
00:58:00,435 --> 00:58:02,353
So that say, in an autoimmune disease,
1170
00:58:02,353 --> 00:58:05,398
the immune system attacks
the host organism.
1171
00:58:05,398 --> 00:58:08,985
So a system that was designed
by nature to protect you
1172
00:58:08,985 --> 00:58:10,236
now it turns against you.
1173
00:58:11,279 --> 00:58:15,783
Cell division, which is
meant to be coordination
1174
00:58:15,783 --> 00:58:16,910
with the needs of the entire organism,
1175
00:58:16,910 --> 00:58:19,078
gets out of hand and
now you've got cancer.
1176
00:58:23,750 --> 00:58:25,335
The search is always to find out
1177
00:58:25,335 --> 00:58:27,378
what's wrong with the individual cell,
1178
00:58:27,378 --> 00:58:30,423
or how do you kill the abnormal cells?
1179
00:58:30,423 --> 00:58:33,927
So the treatment is restricted
to the biological plane.
1180
00:58:33,927 --> 00:58:37,972
We either cut it out or we
poison it or we burn it.
1181
00:58:37,972 --> 00:58:39,933
That's our approach to treating cancer.
1182
00:58:41,100 --> 00:58:45,063
Most chronic illness is a
way of the body saying no
1183
00:58:45,063 --> 00:58:47,440
when the person suppress their no's
1184
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:49,067
in order to fit in.
1185
00:58:49,984 --> 00:58:52,820
I'm saying that when
the illness comes along,
1186
00:58:52,820 --> 00:58:55,490
we can just look upon it
as a nuisance to get rid of
1187
00:58:55,490 --> 00:58:57,283
and an enemy to fight,
1188
00:58:58,785 --> 00:59:02,330
or we can say, okay, well, it's here now.
1189
00:59:02,330 --> 00:59:03,331
What's the teaching?
1190
00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:06,626
Which it doesn't mean that
we don't accept treatment
1191
00:59:06,626 --> 00:59:10,588
or we don't do our best to heal,
1192
00:59:10,588 --> 00:59:13,007
but that, as part of that healing process,
1193
00:59:13,007 --> 00:59:14,634
we actually ask ourselves
1194
00:59:14,634 --> 00:59:18,304
what does this mean about
my life and my relationships
1195
00:59:18,304 --> 00:59:21,015
and particularly about how I treat myself?
1196
00:59:21,015 --> 00:59:22,058
What is the teaching?
1197
00:59:28,064 --> 00:59:29,607
- My name is Tim.
1198
00:59:29,607 --> 00:59:31,818
I'm 51-years-old.
1199
00:59:31,818 --> 00:59:35,280
I was given a diagnosis of prostate cancer
1200
00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:37,031
about a year and a half ago.
1201
00:59:38,324 --> 00:59:42,453
I actually had a full,
radical prostatectomy,
1202
00:59:42,453 --> 00:59:44,914
so that means the whole
removal of my prostate
1203
00:59:44,914 --> 00:59:47,500
which was no walk in the park.
1204
00:59:47,500 --> 00:59:50,503
It's quite a, quite an extensive surgery.
1205
00:59:51,879 --> 00:59:53,673
In October they did a bone scan
1206
00:59:53,673 --> 00:59:56,384
and found that there was multiple areas
1207
00:59:56,384 --> 01:00:00,638
in my spine, ribs and some pelvis
1208
01:00:00,638 --> 01:00:04,642
that the cancer had metastasized to,
1209
01:00:04,642 --> 01:00:07,478
which was devastating to me at the time.
1210
01:00:07,478 --> 01:00:09,606
There was no need for me
to have the operation.
1211
01:00:09,606 --> 01:00:11,441
If someone has prostate cancer
1212
01:00:12,650 --> 01:00:14,986
and they have the prostate removed
1213
01:00:14,986 --> 01:00:16,404
but the cancer is still in their body,
1214
01:00:16,404 --> 01:00:19,324
then the surgery hasn't done any good.
1215
01:00:27,832 --> 01:00:31,753
There was no root cause
analysis of why I got it.
1216
01:00:32,837 --> 01:00:36,215
What I soon discovered was
that everything was a band-aid.
1217
01:00:38,801 --> 01:00:41,346
- The average general practitioner
1218
01:00:41,346 --> 01:00:43,848
under the insurance programs
1219
01:00:43,848 --> 01:00:46,809
gets to see a person for 6 minutes
1220
01:00:46,809 --> 01:00:49,103
and a psychiatrist gets to
see them for 10 minutes.
1221
01:00:49,103 --> 01:00:50,521
What can you do in 10 minutes?
1222
01:00:50,521 --> 01:00:52,023
You can adjust medications.
1223
01:00:54,150 --> 01:00:55,860
And the average psychiatrist today
1224
01:00:55,860 --> 01:00:57,904
is not trained in psychotherapy.
1225
01:00:57,904 --> 01:00:59,947
They are trained in what's
called biological psychiatry
1226
01:00:59,947 --> 01:01:01,949
which fundamentally means
altering the biology
1227
01:01:01,949 --> 01:01:04,952
of the brain by handing out prescriptions,
1228
01:01:04,952 --> 01:01:07,288
which never get to the
heart of the problem.
1229
01:01:07,288 --> 01:01:10,208
So while I'm not dogmatically
opposed to medications,
1230
01:01:10,208 --> 01:01:12,877
in the contrary, I acknowledge
their value in my own life,
1231
01:01:12,877 --> 01:01:15,338
they are not the answer.
1232
01:01:15,338 --> 01:01:17,006
And at the very best they should be only
1233
01:01:17,006 --> 01:01:19,634
as a stop gap measure until we get
1234
01:01:19,634 --> 01:01:21,052
to work on the real issues.
1235
01:01:23,888 --> 01:01:28,226
Why this disease, why in
this person and why now?
1236
01:01:28,226 --> 01:01:29,727
Unless I answer those questions,
1237
01:01:29,727 --> 01:01:31,354
unless I ask those questions,
1238
01:01:32,188 --> 01:01:33,773
we can't talk about wholeness.
1239
01:01:34,607 --> 01:01:37,068
We can't talk about healing
in the deepest sense.
1240
01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:46,536
- I grew up in a family with
a father who was very angry
1241
01:01:46,703 --> 01:01:49,497
and never even realized it because for me
1242
01:01:49,497 --> 01:01:51,666
it was just natural and normal.
1243
01:01:51,666 --> 01:01:54,001
As a kid I didn't know any different,
1244
01:01:54,001 --> 01:01:56,295
and I was very scared.
1245
01:01:57,463 --> 01:02:02,218
Anytime I acted out in
anger, it always backfired,
1246
01:02:02,218 --> 01:02:04,053
so I could never express that anger.
1247
01:02:07,056 --> 01:02:10,893
So I decided to go more on
a healing journey myself
1248
01:02:10,893 --> 01:02:13,855
and try to find out what could I do myself
1249
01:02:14,939 --> 01:02:17,108
to be able to maybe cure this thing,
1250
01:02:17,108 --> 01:02:19,944
or at least live longer, feel better
1251
01:02:21,070 --> 01:02:24,574
and address it at many different levels.
1252
01:02:24,574 --> 01:02:26,200
So I turned to ayahuasca
1253
01:02:28,703 --> 01:02:30,496
mainly because of the anxiety
1254
01:02:30,496 --> 01:02:34,375
and realizing like what's
a deeper spiritual reason
1255
01:02:34,375 --> 01:02:36,711
that I got this diagnosis?
1256
01:02:36,711 --> 01:02:39,756
Why did I get this cancer?
1257
01:02:39,756 --> 01:02:42,925
I got more out of ayahuasca in one journey
1258
01:02:42,925 --> 01:02:46,679
than I probably did in five
years of psychoanalysis.
1259
01:02:47,597 --> 01:02:50,349
(birds chirping)
1260
01:02:55,021 --> 01:02:57,440
- What I know about ayahuasca
1261
01:02:57,440 --> 01:02:59,233
in the healing of addiction,
1262
01:02:59,233 --> 01:03:02,195
ayahuasca being an Amazonian brew
1263
01:03:02,195 --> 01:03:04,572
which has got psychedelic qualities.
1264
01:03:05,656 --> 01:03:09,202
It can induce visions
and deep experiences.
1265
01:03:09,202 --> 01:03:13,539
(woman singing in foreign language)
1266
01:03:16,459 --> 01:03:19,253
So there was a ceremony here
led by a Peruvian shaman
1267
01:03:19,253 --> 01:03:23,132
and within half an hour of
having ingested the brew,
1268
01:03:23,132 --> 01:03:26,511
it felt very much real,
it felt very much like me,
1269
01:03:26,511 --> 01:03:30,890
but it was new because I
experienced a state of, um,
1270
01:03:31,974 --> 01:03:35,311
such deep love and gratitude such as
1271
01:03:35,311 --> 01:03:37,480
I have not recalled experiencing before.
1272
01:03:38,439 --> 01:03:42,527
And I saw that my own addictive behaviors
1273
01:03:43,444 --> 01:03:46,072
were driven precisely
because I hadn't been able to
1274
01:03:46,072 --> 01:03:48,741
experience that kind of love
and that kind of gratitude.
1275
01:03:49,700 --> 01:03:52,119
From that state, there's no need to look
1276
01:03:52,119 --> 01:03:54,789
for anything else outside of yourself.
1277
01:03:54,789 --> 01:03:57,542
And I also learned very shortly
1278
01:03:57,542 --> 01:04:01,128
that the ayahuasca has
the power to teach people
1279
01:04:01,128 --> 01:04:03,005
about their trauma,
1280
01:04:03,005 --> 01:04:05,007
to actually show them
what happened to them.
1281
01:04:05,007 --> 01:04:08,302
All of a sudden, oh yes,
this is what happened.
1282
01:04:08,302 --> 01:04:11,389
This is why I decided
that life is unbearable.
1283
01:04:11,389 --> 01:04:13,683
This is why I decided
that I wasn't lovable.
1284
01:04:13,683 --> 01:04:17,103
This is why I decided that
I had to soothe myself
1285
01:04:17,103 --> 01:04:19,981
from the outside because
there was no peace inside,
1286
01:04:19,981 --> 01:04:22,525
and immediately I sat down
and I worked with this.
1287
01:04:25,862 --> 01:04:27,405
And once you start working
with one psychedelic
1288
01:04:27,405 --> 01:04:29,782
then you become aware that
there's a whole world out there
1289
01:04:29,782 --> 01:04:31,117
and there's a whole resurgence now
1290
01:04:31,117 --> 01:04:35,663
in the healing powers of
psychedelic modalities,
1291
01:04:35,663 --> 01:04:37,623
and so there are other substances.
1292
01:04:41,168 --> 01:04:44,505
The deep therapeutic
potential of psychedelics
1293
01:04:45,423 --> 01:04:48,426
resides in the fact that they get
1294
01:04:48,426 --> 01:04:49,844
the conditioned mind out of the way.
1295
01:04:50,970 --> 01:04:55,474
So people have access to
two aspects of reality
1296
01:04:55,474 --> 01:04:57,643
that they're usually not in touch with.
1297
01:04:57,643 --> 01:04:59,937
One is the deep trauma and
pain that they're carrying
1298
01:04:59,937 --> 01:05:02,273
that they can actually look at now,
1299
01:05:02,273 --> 01:05:06,485
and in an appropriate,
compassionate, safe context
1300
01:05:06,485 --> 01:05:09,947
they can experience
these troubled emotions
1301
01:05:09,947 --> 01:05:13,743
and mind states without having to
1302
01:05:13,743 --> 01:05:17,496
be driven into insanity
or having to escape.
1303
01:05:18,623 --> 01:05:20,333
If you're going to use psychedelics,
1304
01:05:20,333 --> 01:05:22,501
it has to be combined with
1305
01:05:22,501 --> 01:05:25,129
very adept therapy at the same time.
1306
01:05:29,508 --> 01:05:32,094
So in my work with Tim tomorrow,
1307
01:05:32,094 --> 01:05:35,056
we'll be using one of these modalities
1308
01:05:35,056 --> 01:05:38,768
to see if he can be
guided deep into himself
1309
01:05:38,768 --> 01:05:40,353
so that some answers may emerge
1310
01:05:40,353 --> 01:05:43,397
for the existential and life
issues that he's facing.
1311
01:05:45,274 --> 01:05:47,526
(knocking)
1312
01:05:53,616 --> 01:05:54,825
Hey, Tim.
- Hi, Gabor.
1313
01:05:54,825 --> 01:05:55,660
- Come on in.
1314
01:05:57,411 --> 01:05:58,955
How are you?
- Good, thank you.
1315
01:05:58,955 --> 01:06:00,623
- You're all set?
- Yeah, I'm all set.
1316
01:06:00,623 --> 01:06:01,540
- Okay, come on in.
1317
01:06:04,877 --> 01:06:07,380
The medication will
take about half an hour
1318
01:06:07,380 --> 01:06:08,214
to take effect.
1319
01:06:09,256 --> 01:06:11,300
When you're ready, just ingest it.
1320
01:06:13,094 --> 01:06:16,430
You've been diagnosed
with prostate cancer.
1321
01:06:16,430 --> 01:06:17,264
- [Tim] Correct.
1322
01:06:17,264 --> 01:06:18,349
- [Gabor] And stage four
means that it's spread
1323
01:06:18,349 --> 01:06:19,684
to elsewhere in the body?
1324
01:06:19,684 --> 01:06:23,187
- Yes, it spread to bone.
1325
01:06:23,187 --> 01:06:27,566
Places in my spine, pelvis and ribs.
1326
01:06:28,567 --> 01:06:31,153
- In my view of people that develop cancer
1327
01:06:31,153 --> 01:06:33,823
tend to be nice people
who are more concerned
1328
01:06:33,823 --> 01:06:36,909
with the emotional needs
of others than their own.
1329
01:06:36,909 --> 01:06:39,370
They have a hard time
expressing healthy anger.
1330
01:06:39,370 --> 01:06:40,913
And also they have this belief
1331
01:06:40,913 --> 01:06:43,290
that they must not disappoint anybody.
1332
01:06:43,290 --> 01:06:46,043
How do you feel when you perceive
1333
01:06:46,043 --> 01:06:49,255
that somebody is not seeing
you, is not listening to you?
1334
01:06:50,256 --> 01:06:54,176
- I felt very sad and probably a bit of
1335
01:06:54,176 --> 01:06:56,929
a tinge of anger there too, as well.
1336
01:06:56,929 --> 01:06:57,763
Yeah.
1337
01:06:57,763 --> 01:06:59,557
- [Gabor] So how about
if we rephrase that?
1338
01:06:59,557 --> 01:07:00,391
(Tim chuckles)
1339
01:07:00,391 --> 01:07:01,809
- Aha, anger.
1340
01:07:01,809 --> 01:07:03,936
Yeah, yeah, I felt anger.
1341
01:07:03,936 --> 01:07:05,021
- [Gabor] What do you feel in your body
1342
01:07:05,021 --> 01:07:05,855
when you say those things?
1343
01:07:05,855 --> 01:07:06,939
Just check in with your body.
1344
01:07:06,939 --> 01:07:07,898
What's happening there?
1345
01:07:07,898 --> 01:07:10,151
- I feel a little bit energized from it,
1346
01:07:10,151 --> 01:07:11,777
just to saying it, yeah.
1347
01:07:11,777 --> 01:07:12,653
Absolutely.
1348
01:07:12,653 --> 01:07:13,904
I feel a little bit more awake.
1349
01:07:13,904 --> 01:07:16,282
- So notice how you
deprive yourself of energy.
1350
01:07:16,282 --> 01:07:17,450
- [Tim] Mm-hm.
1351
01:07:18,617 --> 01:07:19,869
- [Gabor] Okay.
1352
01:07:22,204 --> 01:07:23,956
- That makes me just really sad
1353
01:07:23,956 --> 01:07:25,207
just thinking about that.
1354
01:07:27,001 --> 01:07:30,337
(soft orchestral music)
1355
01:07:39,305 --> 01:07:41,474
Man it feels good to feel.
1356
01:07:42,600 --> 01:07:44,101
But underneath that I just...
1357
01:07:45,519 --> 01:07:46,896
Feeling this frustration.
1358
01:07:48,022 --> 01:07:50,024
Fuck, it's too much energy that
1359
01:07:50,024 --> 01:07:52,526
I've been holding on to contain that.
1360
01:07:52,526 --> 01:07:53,861
Like I'm pissed off
1361
01:07:53,861 --> 01:07:57,448
that I have to keep fucking
focusing on all this shit,
1362
01:07:57,448 --> 01:07:58,699
working on myself.
1363
01:08:00,451 --> 01:08:02,787
(Tim sighs)
1364
01:08:05,456 --> 01:08:06,665
I'm fucking tired of it.
1365
01:08:09,460 --> 01:08:13,214
- So what is the thing that
you need to keep your mind off?
1366
01:08:15,466 --> 01:08:17,635
By trying to figure everything out?
1367
01:08:19,011 --> 01:08:22,556
- This little boy that
just wants to be loved
1368
01:08:23,891 --> 01:08:26,644
and accepted unconditionally...
1369
01:08:28,687 --> 01:08:29,522
He wasn't.
1370
01:08:31,232 --> 01:08:34,819
And so he's had to figure
out how to be accepted
1371
01:08:35,861 --> 01:08:38,114
and loved by others,
1372
01:08:38,114 --> 01:08:39,573
and even my internal judge.
1373
01:08:43,410 --> 01:08:46,497
It was rough when I was angry.
1374
01:08:47,706 --> 01:08:51,043
(soft orchestral music)
1375
01:08:54,547 --> 01:08:56,006
- You can stop all this work,
1376
01:08:57,424 --> 01:09:00,094
just actually, just be
here and whatever there is.
1377
01:09:06,475 --> 01:09:09,103
See, as long as you don't
allow the fear to be there,
1378
01:09:09,103 --> 01:09:11,355
you're going to be always
working to get rid of it.
1379
01:09:14,233 --> 01:09:16,360
That's what the work is all about,
1380
01:09:16,360 --> 01:09:17,903
all the work that you're doing.
1381
01:09:19,613 --> 01:09:21,198
And then you're gonna keep working
1382
01:09:21,198 --> 01:09:24,285
to make yourself
acceptable and always nice
1383
01:09:24,285 --> 01:09:26,203
and dutiful and all that.
1384
01:09:30,457 --> 01:09:33,794
Or you could say, okay, the fear is there.
1385
01:09:33,794 --> 01:09:35,004
I'll let it be there.
1386
01:09:36,088 --> 01:09:37,089
I'm big enough to...
1387
01:09:37,089 --> 01:09:39,300
There's enough space here for it to,
1388
01:09:41,760 --> 01:09:43,345
to be a part of me.
1389
01:09:46,432 --> 01:09:48,934
- It just seems too easy.
1390
01:09:48,934 --> 01:09:51,228
- Yeah, it's gonna be a lot
more complicated than that.
1391
01:09:52,980 --> 01:09:55,900
(soft piano music)
1392
01:10:01,572 --> 01:10:05,576
I developed a method of
therapy or exploration
1393
01:10:05,576 --> 01:10:08,537
with people called compassionate inquiry.
1394
01:10:08,537 --> 01:10:11,832
The essence of which is the belief that
1395
01:10:11,832 --> 01:10:14,168
the truth is inside all of us,
1396
01:10:14,168 --> 01:10:16,253
we just have to ask the right questions
1397
01:10:16,253 --> 01:10:18,088
to help people arrive at the truth.
1398
01:10:18,088 --> 01:10:20,132
If that clenched jaw could speak,
1399
01:10:20,132 --> 01:10:21,258
what would it say now?
1400
01:10:27,348 --> 01:10:28,849
- I don't want this anymore.
1401
01:10:29,767 --> 01:10:30,935
- Okay.
1402
01:10:30,935 --> 01:10:33,771
What is the this that you don't want?
1403
01:10:35,231 --> 01:10:37,233
- That's what I don't know.
1404
01:10:37,233 --> 01:10:40,277
- Look, if you didn't
shut our mouth like this,
1405
01:10:40,277 --> 01:10:41,737
what is it that wants to come out
1406
01:10:41,737 --> 01:10:43,072
that we're not letting out?
1407
01:10:49,954 --> 01:10:50,996
- Rage.
1408
01:10:50,996 --> 01:10:53,707
- Yeah. That is the inquiry.
1409
01:10:53,707 --> 01:10:55,042
How do you feel about that?
1410
01:10:55,960 --> 01:10:58,671
- I think there's a few
feelings associated with that.
1411
01:11:02,675 --> 01:11:03,968
- I'm not buying that one.
1412
01:11:05,094 --> 01:11:06,845
How do you feel towards it?
How do you feel about that?
1413
01:11:06,845 --> 01:11:08,639
I'm a part of you. How
do you feel about that?
1414
01:11:08,639 --> 01:11:10,391
What comes up right now?
- Shame.
1415
01:11:10,391 --> 01:11:11,225
- Thank you.
1416
01:11:12,643 --> 01:11:15,145
What are you ashamed about? Do you know?
1417
01:11:15,145 --> 01:11:17,022
- [Man] That it is a weakness.
1418
01:11:17,022 --> 01:11:19,275
- And you must not be weak?
1419
01:11:19,275 --> 01:11:20,109
- Correct.
1420
01:11:21,110 --> 01:11:23,070
- Because if you're weak, then what?
1421
01:11:24,613 --> 01:11:27,074
- I won't to be able to
take care of those I love.
1422
01:11:28,200 --> 01:11:31,287
- So you locate it and it's
here in the chest area.
1423
01:11:31,287 --> 01:11:33,122
Just put your attention on it right now.
1424
01:11:33,122 --> 01:11:35,374
I mean, we're looking at this blockage
1425
01:11:35,374 --> 01:11:37,167
or sense of blockage, okay?
1426
01:11:37,167 --> 01:11:38,752
What does it want to say to you?
1427
01:11:40,129 --> 01:11:42,214
- It's not a word. It's soothing.
1428
01:11:42,214 --> 01:11:43,465
- It's soothing?
- Yeah.
1429
01:11:44,508 --> 01:11:46,802
Desiring.
- That it's wanting soothing?
1430
01:11:46,802 --> 01:11:47,761
- Yeah.
1431
01:11:47,761 --> 01:11:50,222
- If you're in touch with this sense here
1432
01:11:51,056 --> 01:11:53,267
that you've just identified,
1433
01:11:53,267 --> 01:11:55,728
how familiar is it to you?
- Oh, very.
1434
01:11:55,728 --> 01:11:57,646
- How far does it go back?
1435
01:11:59,106 --> 01:12:02,651
- Seven. That's when I lost my mother.
1436
01:12:02,651 --> 01:12:04,903
But it was present before that.
1437
01:12:04,903 --> 01:12:05,738
- Okay.
1438
01:12:06,655 --> 01:12:08,532
- So what does it need from you?
1439
01:12:11,368 --> 01:12:12,369
- To be held.
1440
01:12:12,369 --> 01:12:13,412
- To be held?
1441
01:12:13,412 --> 01:12:14,246
- Yeah.
1442
01:12:14,246 --> 01:12:15,748
- Like your mother might've held you?
1443
01:12:15,748 --> 01:12:16,582
- Yeah.
1444
01:12:17,666 --> 01:12:22,296
- So when it arises,
my advice is don't try
1445
01:12:22,296 --> 01:12:25,174
and figure out how better to do your work
1446
01:12:25,174 --> 01:12:27,968
or how better to be
present or any of that,
1447
01:12:27,968 --> 01:12:30,262
or how will I fulfill my calling?
1448
01:12:30,262 --> 01:12:32,765
Your calling is really clear,
1449
01:12:32,765 --> 01:12:35,225
but this part of you guess what?
1450
01:12:35,225 --> 01:12:37,353
Needs to be here, heard and seen.
1451
01:12:37,353 --> 01:12:40,397
(laughing)
1452
01:12:40,397 --> 01:12:41,482
- [Woman] All righty.
1453
01:12:41,482 --> 01:12:42,566
- Okay?
1454
01:12:42,566 --> 01:12:43,400
Yeah?
1455
01:12:43,400 --> 01:12:44,526
- Mm-hm. That makes sense.
1456
01:12:45,444 --> 01:12:46,278
- That's good.
1457
01:12:47,529 --> 01:12:48,697
Any questions?
1458
01:12:49,948 --> 01:12:53,535
- I think I'm just supposed
to feel right now. (laughs)
1459
01:12:55,120 --> 01:12:55,954
- Well, that's good.
1460
01:12:55,954 --> 01:12:57,456
That means you're paying attention.
1461
01:12:58,749 --> 01:13:00,709
He called you something.
1462
01:13:00,709 --> 01:13:01,543
- [Woman] Monster.
1463
01:13:01,543 --> 01:13:02,336
- Oh yeah.
1464
01:13:02,336 --> 01:13:03,170
He called me monster.
- He called you monster?
1465
01:13:03,170 --> 01:13:04,463
- He's called me delusional.
1466
01:13:04,463 --> 01:13:06,673
- How do you feel when
he calls you a monster?
1467
01:13:06,673 --> 01:13:08,717
- I mean, I feel hurt.
1468
01:13:08,717 --> 01:13:10,260
I feel angry.
1469
01:13:10,260 --> 01:13:11,345
- Okay.
1470
01:13:11,345 --> 01:13:15,641
So what if I said to you,
you got beautiful green hair.
1471
01:13:15,641 --> 01:13:16,558
(woman laughs)
1472
01:13:16,558 --> 01:13:18,060
How would you feel about that?
1473
01:13:19,478 --> 01:13:21,855
- I'd laugh, I wouldn't-
- Why would you laugh?
1474
01:13:23,232 --> 01:13:24,983
- 'Cause I knew my hair is not green.
1475
01:13:24,983 --> 01:13:26,276
- Uh huh.
1476
01:13:26,276 --> 01:13:27,903
What if I say you were a monster?
1477
01:13:32,783 --> 01:13:35,828
- The feeling of the anxiety was so strong
1478
01:13:36,870 --> 01:13:40,207
that I wanted to end it.
1479
01:13:40,207 --> 01:13:42,126
- Anything familiar about any of that?
1480
01:13:44,002 --> 01:13:47,131
- Are you trying to go
back to childhood trauma?
1481
01:13:47,131 --> 01:13:49,967
(audience laughs)
1482
01:13:51,802 --> 01:13:55,180
- Who, me?
(audience laughs)
1483
01:13:56,140 --> 01:13:58,142
You see that you developed a belief
1484
01:13:58,142 --> 01:14:00,436
that I can't be touched,
nothing can touch me.
1485
01:14:02,604 --> 01:14:06,150
Guess what happens when you get sick?
1486
01:14:06,150 --> 01:14:06,984
- Mm-hm.
1487
01:14:07,985 --> 01:14:10,112
- [Gabor] That defense is now destroyed.
1488
01:14:11,613 --> 01:14:13,282
- Pow.
1489
01:14:13,282 --> 01:14:16,118
(audience laughs)
1490
01:14:17,870 --> 01:14:18,704
Wow.
1491
01:14:20,038 --> 01:14:22,499
- I ask people to tell
me some recent episode
1492
01:14:22,499 --> 01:14:24,960
when they're upset with
somebody in their lives,
1493
01:14:24,960 --> 01:14:26,587
and something that
they're open to sharing.
1494
01:14:26,587 --> 01:14:28,464
So it doesn't have to be
anything sordid or anything
1495
01:14:28,464 --> 01:14:29,298
but just something, you know,
1496
01:14:29,298 --> 01:14:31,383
whether it's your spouse,
partner, the bus driver,
1497
01:14:31,383 --> 01:14:32,676
I don't care.
- Sure.
1498
01:14:32,676 --> 01:14:33,510
- A friend.
1499
01:14:33,510 --> 01:14:35,262
Okay, so what happened?
- You want me to describe it?
1500
01:14:35,262 --> 01:14:36,096
- What happened? Yeah.
1501
01:14:36,096 --> 01:14:39,808
- All right, there were a
number of issues in my home
1502
01:14:39,808 --> 01:14:43,437
and I had hired someone to do
these things while I was gone
1503
01:14:43,437 --> 01:14:45,147
and I came back and
none of them were fixed.
1504
01:14:45,147 --> 01:14:47,691
- Okay. And your emotional reaction was?
1505
01:14:47,691 --> 01:14:48,525
- Anger.
1506
01:14:48,525 --> 01:14:50,444
- Anything else besides anger?
1507
01:14:50,444 --> 01:14:54,072
- I was disappointed.
1508
01:14:54,072 --> 01:14:56,241
- [Gabor] Disappointed is sadness.
1509
01:14:56,241 --> 01:14:58,076
- Let's go with that.
- Okay.
1510
01:14:58,076 --> 01:14:59,536
So I'm going to ask you a silly question.
1511
01:14:59,536 --> 01:15:00,913
What were you sad and angry about?
1512
01:15:00,913 --> 01:15:05,459
- Well angry that someone
had made commitments to me
1513
01:15:05,459 --> 01:15:07,711
and not fulfilled those commitments.
1514
01:15:07,711 --> 01:15:09,505
- What does that mean that they didn't
1515
01:15:09,505 --> 01:15:11,215
fulfill their commitments?
1516
01:15:11,215 --> 01:15:16,220
- Uh, it meant that they
didn't care about me.
1517
01:15:17,596 --> 01:15:19,097
They didn't have that...
1518
01:15:19,097 --> 01:15:21,767
They disrespect me.
- So they didn't care
1519
01:15:21,767 --> 01:15:22,809
about you and didn't respect you.
1520
01:15:22,809 --> 01:15:25,896
What kind of person doesn't
get cared or respected?
1521
01:15:25,896 --> 01:15:26,730
- I don't know.
1522
01:15:26,730 --> 01:15:28,649
Someone who doesn't deserve
to be cared for or respected.
1523
01:15:28,649 --> 01:15:29,608
- Exactly.
1524
01:15:29,608 --> 01:15:31,693
Are there other reasons
why this other person
1525
01:15:31,693 --> 01:15:33,820
might not have done the
work that has nothing
1526
01:15:33,820 --> 01:15:37,491
to do with him or her not caring about Tim
1527
01:15:37,491 --> 01:15:38,534
or not respecting him?
1528
01:15:38,534 --> 01:15:40,035
So what other reasons might there be?
1529
01:15:40,035 --> 01:15:42,704
- Uh, he had a flight delay
1530
01:15:42,704 --> 01:15:44,915
and got caught on Puerto
Rico during a hurricane.
1531
01:15:44,915 --> 01:15:46,583
- Yeah, he's got ADHD.
1532
01:15:46,583 --> 01:15:47,417
- Yeah.
1533
01:15:48,293 --> 01:15:49,795
- And he can't follow through,
1534
01:15:50,671 --> 01:15:51,880
and any number of possibilities.
1535
01:15:51,880 --> 01:15:52,714
- Yeah.
1536
01:15:52,714 --> 01:15:54,383
- Now, of all the possibilities
1537
01:15:54,383 --> 01:15:56,343
that you've just outlined,
1538
01:15:56,343 --> 01:16:00,264
including that they don't
care about you or respect you,
1539
01:16:00,264 --> 01:16:02,099
which is the worst one?
1540
01:16:02,099 --> 01:16:04,685
- The one I immediately defaulted to.
1541
01:16:04,685 --> 01:16:06,478
- So let's notice something.
1542
01:16:06,478 --> 01:16:08,480
A, you, I should say we,
1543
01:16:08,480 --> 01:16:09,815
'cause we're all like this,
1544
01:16:09,815 --> 01:16:12,234
we don't respond to what happens.
1545
01:16:12,234 --> 01:16:14,152
We respond to our
perception of what happens.
1546
01:16:14,152 --> 01:16:15,654
- Right.
- Okay.
1547
01:16:15,654 --> 01:16:16,697
That's what the Buddha said.
1548
01:16:16,697 --> 01:16:18,782
It's with our minds we create the world.
1549
01:16:18,782 --> 01:16:21,285
Number two, of all the
possible interpretations,
1550
01:16:21,285 --> 01:16:22,536
we choose the worst one.
1551
01:16:22,536 --> 01:16:24,204
Thirdly, what I just said isn't true.
1552
01:16:24,204 --> 01:16:25,122
We didn't choose it.
1553
01:16:25,122 --> 01:16:27,916
It's not like you went through
all these possibilities
1554
01:16:27,916 --> 01:16:28,875
and you said-
- Was a multiple choice
1555
01:16:28,875 --> 01:16:30,544
and I chose option D.
- Oh no,
1556
01:16:30,544 --> 01:16:32,796
he doesn't care about me
and he doesn't respect me.
1557
01:16:32,796 --> 01:16:33,630
You didn't do that.
1558
01:16:33,630 --> 01:16:35,299
Your brain jumped there
automatically, right?
1559
01:16:35,299 --> 01:16:36,216
My question is why?
1560
01:16:37,384 --> 01:16:38,260
First time in your life
1561
01:16:38,260 --> 01:16:40,053
that you felt hurt and angry
1562
01:16:41,680 --> 01:16:42,973
when you perceived somebody
didn't care about you
1563
01:16:42,973 --> 01:16:44,057
and didn't respect you?
1564
01:16:44,933 --> 01:16:46,351
- It's not the first time.
- Very good.
1565
01:16:46,351 --> 01:16:49,896
And most people I talk
to, it goes back way back.
1566
01:16:49,896 --> 01:16:50,981
- Yeah. This goes way back.
1567
01:16:50,981 --> 01:16:51,815
- Into childhood.
1568
01:16:51,815 --> 01:16:52,858
- Mm-hm.
- Okay.
1569
01:16:53,692 --> 01:16:54,985
And that's what trauma is.
1570
01:16:56,069 --> 01:16:58,488
We don't respond to the present moment.
1571
01:16:58,488 --> 01:17:00,073
We respond to the past.
1572
01:17:00,073 --> 01:17:01,867
So who's the one that
doesn't care about you
1573
01:17:01,867 --> 01:17:03,035
and who's the one that doesn't think
1574
01:17:03,035 --> 01:17:04,953
you're worthy of respect?
- Oh, it'd be me.
1575
01:17:04,953 --> 01:17:05,787
- It would be you.
- Yeah.
1576
01:17:05,787 --> 01:17:06,955
- So that's the learning,
1577
01:17:06,955 --> 01:17:08,874
and that's the beauty of healing
1578
01:17:08,874 --> 01:17:11,168
is that when you reframe things
1579
01:17:11,168 --> 01:17:14,338
and you actually see the
source within ourselves,
1580
01:17:14,338 --> 01:17:16,256
all of a sudden that's liberating.
1581
01:17:16,256 --> 01:17:17,758
Because guess what?
1582
01:17:17,758 --> 01:17:19,926
If you're feeling that way
because this guy did this
1583
01:17:19,926 --> 01:17:22,596
or didn't do that, that
makes you a victim.
1584
01:17:22,596 --> 01:17:23,513
- Yeah.
1585
01:17:23,513 --> 01:17:26,058
- But if you see that you are the source,
1586
01:17:26,058 --> 01:17:27,059
now you're powerful.
1587
01:17:28,810 --> 01:17:31,229
(soft music)
1588
01:17:32,230 --> 01:17:36,777
Can you have a vision of
society that incorporates
1589
01:17:36,777 --> 01:17:40,614
the achievements of modern civilization
1590
01:17:40,614 --> 01:17:42,449
while at the same time still honors
1591
01:17:42,449 --> 01:17:44,576
the essence of human nature?
1592
01:17:44,576 --> 01:17:45,744
I think the answer is yes.
1593
01:17:45,744 --> 01:17:47,287
I know the answer is yes,
1594
01:17:47,287 --> 01:17:49,456
not that I expect to
see it in my lifetime.
1595
01:17:50,832 --> 01:17:53,710
We need trauma informed medical care,
1596
01:17:53,710 --> 01:17:56,088
trauma informed education
1597
01:17:56,088 --> 01:17:58,674
and trauma informed therapy.
1598
01:18:01,134 --> 01:18:05,097
- Everybody that has listened to a talk
1599
01:18:05,097 --> 01:18:07,766
or read his book always said to me
1600
01:18:09,184 --> 01:18:13,105
I don't feel like I'm
a bad person anymore.
1601
01:18:13,105 --> 01:18:16,566
I can see their heads higher.
1602
01:18:16,566 --> 01:18:18,485
Yeah, they're still using substances,
1603
01:18:18,485 --> 01:18:21,571
but something inside of
them is starting to change.
1604
01:18:21,571 --> 01:18:23,657
That's their shame is kind of dissipating.
1605
01:18:26,201 --> 01:18:30,122
- Without me stumbling
across his work, I tell you,
1606
01:18:30,122 --> 01:18:34,042
I tell you, I would've
been a different person.
1607
01:18:35,252 --> 01:18:36,753
Personal childhood trauma is key
1608
01:18:36,753 --> 01:18:38,213
because once you understand that,
1609
01:18:38,213 --> 01:18:40,215
know you were a child
and you didn't have help,
1610
01:18:40,215 --> 01:18:42,968
and if it's about love them
why are we locking them up?
1611
01:18:44,386 --> 01:18:47,597
- Underneath that traumatized persona,
1612
01:18:49,349 --> 01:18:51,101
there's the healthy individual
1613
01:18:51,101 --> 01:18:53,353
who has never found
expression in this life.
1614
01:18:53,353 --> 01:18:55,605
If you see that, then
you're trauma informed,
1615
01:18:57,065 --> 01:18:59,651
it's not a question of healing the trauma
1616
01:18:59,651 --> 01:19:03,488
or of ever getting rid of
the memory of what happened,
1617
01:19:03,488 --> 01:19:05,615
but to help that person expand
1618
01:19:05,615 --> 01:19:08,076
so that there's space
for all those emotions.
1619
01:19:09,619 --> 01:19:12,497
- Dr. Maté, he allowed me to feel
1620
01:19:12,497 --> 01:19:15,917
that what I was seeing
was a humanistic crisis.
1621
01:19:15,917 --> 01:19:19,963
It was a human not being identified
1622
01:19:19,963 --> 01:19:22,007
in the light in which they deserve to be.
1623
01:19:22,966 --> 01:19:27,596
We as caretakers in this world
1624
01:19:27,596 --> 01:19:31,308
need to see the human in
front of us, not the problem.
1625
01:19:31,308 --> 01:19:32,642
We still have each other's numbers.
1626
01:19:32,642 --> 01:19:33,852
You'll call me?
- Yeah, yeah.
1627
01:19:33,852 --> 01:19:34,686
- Okay.
- All right.
1628
01:19:34,686 --> 01:19:35,520
Good to see you, buddy.
- Good to see you.
1629
01:19:35,520 --> 01:19:37,230
I missed you.
- All right.
1630
01:19:37,230 --> 01:19:38,064
- Bye.
1631
01:19:39,566 --> 01:19:40,650
How have you been?
1632
01:19:40,650 --> 01:19:42,986
It cannot be a general construct
1633
01:19:42,986 --> 01:19:45,405
of this is how we're dealing
with people who are homeless,
1634
01:19:45,405 --> 01:19:47,240
this is how we're dealing with people
1635
01:19:47,240 --> 01:19:48,784
who are are addicted to drugs.
1636
01:19:48,784 --> 01:19:51,077
No, this is how we deal with Sarah,
1637
01:19:51,077 --> 01:19:52,662
this is how we deal with Jose.
1638
01:19:52,662 --> 01:19:54,623
This is how we are in relationship
1639
01:19:54,623 --> 01:19:57,709
to each and every person
experiencing trauma
1640
01:19:57,709 --> 01:19:58,919
within their lives.
1641
01:19:58,919 --> 01:20:03,799
That is what has been the
essence to his teaching for me.
1642
01:20:03,799 --> 01:20:05,217
Hi, who's this?
1643
01:20:05,217 --> 01:20:06,051
- Fang.
1644
01:20:06,051 --> 01:20:08,261
- [Romie] Hi Fang, how are you doing?
1645
01:20:08,261 --> 01:20:10,180
Fang, are you his little companion?
1646
01:20:13,642 --> 01:20:15,894
- When we start the journey
of being compassionate
1647
01:20:15,894 --> 01:20:19,064
with ourselves, not only
does it change ourselves,
1648
01:20:19,064 --> 01:20:21,817
it changes our communities
and our society.
1649
01:20:24,569 --> 01:20:26,446
- Today I'm still healing.
1650
01:20:26,446 --> 01:20:28,698
I'm still healing from
my abandonment issues.
1651
01:20:29,574 --> 01:20:31,451
I'm a lifer inmate.
1652
01:20:31,451 --> 01:20:34,037
Being here today, witnessing all you guys'
1653
01:20:34,037 --> 01:20:37,874
traumatic experiences gives me motivation,
1654
01:20:37,874 --> 01:20:39,626
gives me inspiration to continue on
1655
01:20:39,626 --> 01:20:41,169
the path that I'm currently on.
1656
01:20:43,839 --> 01:20:47,467
- Every human being has a
true, genuine, authentic self.
1657
01:20:48,760 --> 01:20:50,303
And that true, genuine authentic self
1658
01:20:51,304 --> 01:20:52,514
can never be destroyed.
1659
01:20:54,224 --> 01:20:56,268
- When people say you have
a second chance in life,
1660
01:20:56,268 --> 01:20:58,144
today I know what that means.
1661
01:20:58,144 --> 01:21:00,188
So I performed for the first time singing,
1662
01:21:00,188 --> 01:21:02,107
after not singing in 20 years.
1663
01:21:02,107 --> 01:21:04,568
So I performed in front
of over 400 people.
1664
01:21:04,568 --> 01:21:05,819
That was a dream come true,
1665
01:21:05,819 --> 01:21:08,488
and I was able to reunite with my mother.
1666
01:21:10,365 --> 01:21:12,409
When God blessed me with this son,
1667
01:21:12,409 --> 01:21:14,536
my four-year-old boy Douglas,
1668
01:21:14,536 --> 01:21:16,538
I made a promise to
myself and I said, listen,
1669
01:21:16,538 --> 01:21:17,831
I want to be a mom.
1670
01:21:17,831 --> 01:21:19,040
I want to be a good mom.
1671
01:21:20,458 --> 01:21:22,127
The baby's dad is also with me.
1672
01:21:23,253 --> 01:21:24,462
He's my babysitter.
1673
01:21:25,589 --> 01:21:28,091
(laughs)
1674
01:21:28,091 --> 01:21:32,262
- I've been clean for the
last 10 and a half months.
1675
01:21:32,262 --> 01:21:35,348
'Cause you did, you made
a difference in my life.
1676
01:21:35,348 --> 01:21:36,892
- Thank you for being in touch.
1677
01:21:41,897 --> 01:21:45,108
♪ Through the mist and the pain ♪
1678
01:21:45,108 --> 01:21:48,153
♪ I've learned to maintain ♪
1679
01:21:48,153 --> 01:21:52,157
♪ There is no shame ♪
1680
01:21:52,157 --> 01:21:55,160
♪ There is no shame ♪
1681
01:21:59,414 --> 01:22:02,250
(clapping)
1682
01:22:02,250 --> 01:22:04,669
(soft music)
1683
01:22:06,129 --> 01:22:11,134
- [Tim] I am happy to say now
that through my own healing,
1684
01:22:12,010 --> 01:22:14,888
after being off my medication
now for six months,
1685
01:22:16,181 --> 01:22:17,557
I've gone in remission.
1686
01:22:17,557 --> 01:22:20,894
The cancer is just not, is not growing.
1687
01:22:20,894 --> 01:22:23,313
This is the first time in four years
1688
01:22:23,313 --> 01:22:26,316
where this has happened, so
this is absolutely amazing.
1689
01:22:31,196 --> 01:22:34,407
- It's been spiritual work for us both
1690
01:22:34,407 --> 01:22:36,826
and I've grown up in the relationship.
1691
01:22:36,826 --> 01:22:38,203
I've healed in the relationship.
1692
01:22:38,203 --> 01:22:40,872
I'm still healing in the relationship.
1693
01:22:40,872 --> 01:22:43,416
To me this is an incredible love story.
1694
01:22:45,085 --> 01:22:48,088
It's really inspiring how he's changed.
1695
01:22:48,088 --> 01:22:50,799
So as we've gotten older,
1696
01:22:50,799 --> 01:22:54,719
somehow we've gotten freer and younger.
1697
01:22:54,719 --> 01:22:56,096
We just get closer and closer.
1698
01:22:56,096 --> 01:22:57,597
It gets better and better.
1699
01:22:59,182 --> 01:23:02,102
(soft piano music)
1700
01:23:14,072 --> 01:23:15,991
(soft orchestral music)
1701
01:23:15,991 --> 01:23:18,785
- It's a dynamic, emergent process
1702
01:23:18,785 --> 01:23:22,205
of confrontation with the truth
that solutions will arise.
1703
01:23:26,835 --> 01:23:29,713
Trauma involves a lifelong pushing down,
1704
01:23:29,713 --> 01:23:32,424
a tremendous expenditure of energy,
1705
01:23:32,424 --> 01:23:35,677
and to not feeling the pain.
1706
01:23:38,346 --> 01:23:42,559
As we heal, that same
energy is liberated for life
1707
01:23:42,559 --> 01:23:43,977
and for being in the present.
1708
01:23:45,603 --> 01:23:48,648
So the energy of trauma can be transformed
1709
01:23:48,648 --> 01:23:50,066
into the energy of life.
1710
01:23:54,487 --> 01:23:56,906
(soft music)
1711
01:23:58,742 --> 01:24:01,953
(baby giggles)
1712
01:24:01,953 --> 01:24:04,372
(soft music)
1713
01:24:10,295 --> 01:24:12,922
♪ You can see it in the cars ♪
1714
01:24:12,922 --> 01:24:15,300
♪ It's playing on the radio ♪
1715
01:24:15,300 --> 01:24:17,594
♪ It's written in the stars ♪
1716
01:24:17,594 --> 01:24:20,096
♪ And living in me ♪
1717
01:24:20,096 --> 01:24:22,599
♪ You can read it in the cards ♪
1718
01:24:22,599 --> 01:24:25,060
♪ And hear it in stereo ♪
1719
01:24:25,060 --> 01:24:27,437
♪ It's a bullet in your heart ♪
1720
01:24:27,437 --> 01:24:31,357
♪ And a trigger in me ♪
1721
01:24:31,357 --> 01:24:33,777
(soft music)
1722
01:24:39,991 --> 01:24:42,368
♪ You can see it in the young ♪
1723
01:24:42,368 --> 01:24:45,205
♪ They saw it on a video ♪
1724
01:24:45,205 --> 01:24:47,290
♪ Loaded like a gun ♪
1725
01:24:47,290 --> 01:24:49,793
♪ It's aiming at me ♪
1726
01:24:49,793 --> 01:24:52,420
♪ Everybody in the run ♪
1727
01:24:52,420 --> 01:24:54,756
♪ Talking on the telephone ♪
1728
01:24:54,756 --> 01:24:57,008
♪ Hurry up and have fun ♪
1729
01:24:57,008 --> 01:25:00,595
♪ 'Cause it's killing me ♪
1730
01:25:00,595 --> 01:25:04,974
♪ Over and over and over once again ♪
1731
01:25:04,974 --> 01:25:07,185
♪ They will find you ♪
1732
01:25:07,185 --> 01:25:10,355
♪ You'll let them in ♪
1733
01:25:10,355 --> 01:25:14,734
♪ Over and over and over once again ♪
1734
01:25:14,734 --> 01:25:17,070
♪ They will find you ♪
1735
01:25:17,070 --> 01:25:20,323
♪ Under your skin ♪
1736
01:25:20,323 --> 01:25:22,659
♪ The way that it's working ♪
1737
01:25:22,659 --> 01:25:25,078
♪ You know it's not working ♪
1738
01:25:25,078 --> 01:25:27,622
♪ The way things are going ♪
1739
01:25:27,622 --> 01:25:30,083
♪ Where are we going ♪
1740
01:25:30,083 --> 01:25:32,502
♪ What does it matter ♪
1741
01:25:32,502 --> 01:25:34,963
♪ It's mind over matter ♪
1742
01:25:34,963 --> 01:25:37,465
♪ When it's all over ♪
1743
01:25:37,465 --> 01:25:42,470
♪ Nothing is over ♪
1744
01:25:42,846 --> 01:25:47,642
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
1745
01:25:47,642 --> 01:25:52,522
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
1746
01:25:52,522 --> 01:25:57,443
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
1747
01:25:57,443 --> 01:26:01,447
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
1748
01:26:01,447 --> 01:26:04,284
♪ It's a devil in disguise ♪
1749
01:26:04,284 --> 01:26:06,494
♪ hidden in the media ♪
1750
01:26:06,494 --> 01:26:08,955
♪ It's a hunger in your eyes ♪
1751
01:26:08,955 --> 01:26:11,291
♪ It's feeding on me ♪
1752
01:26:11,291 --> 01:26:14,127
♪ Everybody with their lives ♪
1753
01:26:14,127 --> 01:26:16,337
♪ Coming from the satellite ♪
1754
01:26:16,337 --> 01:26:18,715
♪ I'm walking on a wire ♪
1755
01:26:18,715 --> 01:26:22,051
♪ They keep following me ♪
1756
01:26:22,051 --> 01:26:26,556
♪ Over and over and over once again ♪
1757
01:26:26,556 --> 01:26:28,766
♪ They will find you ♪
1758
01:26:28,766 --> 01:26:31,978
♪ You'll let them in ♪
1759
01:26:31,978 --> 01:26:36,441
♪ Over and over and over once again ♪
1760
01:26:36,441 --> 01:26:38,735
♪ They will bind you ♪
1761
01:26:38,735 --> 01:26:41,863
♪ Under your skin ♪
1762
01:26:41,863 --> 01:26:44,199
♪ But the way that's it working ♪
1763
01:26:44,199 --> 01:26:46,784
♪ You know it's not working ♪
1764
01:26:46,784 --> 01:26:49,370
♪ The way things are going ♪
1765
01:26:49,370 --> 01:26:51,831
♪ Where are we going ♪
1766
01:26:51,831 --> 01:26:54,083
♪ What does it matter ♪
1767
01:26:54,083 --> 01:26:56,753
♪ It's mind over matter ♪
1768
01:26:56,753 --> 01:26:59,172
♪ When it's all over ♪
1769
01:26:59,172 --> 01:27:01,716
♪ Nothing is over ♪
1770
01:27:01,716 --> 01:27:03,968
♪ The way that it's working ♪
1771
01:27:03,968 --> 01:27:06,554
♪ You know it's not working ♪
1772
01:27:06,554 --> 01:27:09,057
♪ The way things are going ♪
1773
01:27:09,057 --> 01:27:11,601
♪ Where are we going ♪
1774
01:27:11,601 --> 01:27:13,811
♪ What does it matter ♪
1775
01:27:13,811 --> 01:27:16,481
♪ It's mind over matter ♪
1776
01:27:16,481 --> 01:27:19,025
♪ When it's all over ♪
1777
01:27:19,025 --> 01:27:21,861
♪ Nothing is over ♪
1778
01:27:24,614 --> 01:27:27,575
(soft music)
1779
01:27:27,575 --> 01:27:32,580
♪ What does it matter ♪
1780
01:27:32,580 --> 01:27:35,917
♪ It's mind over matter ♪
1781
01:27:37,835 --> 01:27:40,255
(soft music)
1782
01:27:42,590 --> 01:27:45,927
♪ It's mind over matter ♪
128630
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