All language subtitles for The.Hitmans.Wifes_.Bodyguard.2021.720p.HDRip_.800MB.x264-GalaxyRG

Subtitled by CLARITY & sub.Trader

Tonight in London
we have the night of nights.

Damn, there is so much
talent in this city.

The triple A rated bodyguard
of the year awards.

Who're you most excited
to see tonight, Mike?

Oh my God, I mean, there is only one
white-hot favourite here, Steve,

and you know, this bodyguard
has had the best client list,

the best evasive car maneuvers,

the best gun handling skills,

Christ, even has the best hair,

and he actually insists
his clients wear seat belts.

He's the bodyguard
that needs no introductions.

Michael Bryce is the clear favourite
this year.

The final award
for the triple A body guard of the year,

and the winner is...

my personal hero...

Michael Bryce.

What!

What!

Oh, it's so heavy!

Whoa!

Whoo!

Wow! Ah...

Just want to...

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Darius?

- Kurosawa?
- Michael-San.

Safe travels.

Why couldn't you protect me?

Tik tok, motherfucker.

And how often do you have this dream?

- Just once... a night.
- Oh. Well that's not...

Right.

Mostly when I'm asleep.

It's what my life was supposed to be.

I was the perfect executive protection agent
till I lost it all.

When Darius Kincaid
killed my most important client.

Darius Kincaid is a relative of yours?

God no!

He's a hitman, wanted for like
a gazillion murders around the world.

Even took a bullet for him.

Body-guarding committee,
they wouldn't recognize it.

Apparently they don't take kindly
to protecting sociopaths.

So, in two weeks

I have to go in front of a tribunal
and try to get my triple A rated license back.

To deal with the future, we sometimes
have to deal with the past.

Quite often validation issues
stem from a disapproving father.

I don't have validation issues.

I have a licensing issue.
I am bodyguard without a license.

That's like being a belly dancer,
without a torso.

I'm thinking, you need to forget
body-guarding for a while.

- And find happiness within.
- Within what?

Within yourself.

Happiness in who you are.

I'm listening.

Well, first things first, I think
all the guns and violence

are weighing on your soul.

So, you need to get away
and clear your mind, and then,

you can find your future self.

Wait, like...

like a cool...

- futuristic body guard with super powers?
- No. Will you stop?

Stop thinking about body guarding.

Do you have a dream vacation at all?

I've heard Italy is lovely at this time of year
so, how about Tuscany?

No. No. Not Tuscany. No.
No Tuscany. Anything but Tuscany.

- Okay. Capri then?
- Capri?

Like the pants?

Also, a lot of clients find it helpful

writing journal letters to their future self
or recording voice memos.

What if I call him?

I could leave him voice messages,
I have my phone with me, all the time.

Johanne,

this is great, I feel like I'm making
really great progress here.

- So do I, yeah.
- Yeah.

And don't feel like you need to
check in with me again,

- I mean this is very much your journey now.
- My journey?

You have graduated therapy.

Graduated?

Repeat after me.

No body guarding.

No...

Boo....

- Boo...
- Body guarding.

Good.

- No guns.
- No guns.

Wait, no no. Hold on.
Can I...

Can I keep my pen knife though?

- Yeah, you can keep your pen knife.
- It's a very functional tool. You know...

- use it for a variety of different things.
- Just you and your future self

finding happiness within

only two people
that you need to be protecting right now.

Okay?

I can't believe I graduated therapy, I mean...
- Bye there. Congratulations.

It's just really crazy.

Jesus Christ.

Fuck!

After two years of crippling EU sanctions,
Greece's economy has spiraled into free fall

causing mass demonstrations,
civil unrest and nation wide strikes.

We now cross live as the head of the EU,
Mr Walter Fisher, will announce his decision.

In four days time,
at the end of the fiscal year

the European Union will impose further

economic and financial sanctions

on the nation of Greece.

There will be no questions.

We are moving Mr Fisher
to the extraction point.

Prepare the helicopter.

Today's announcement of further sanctions has
led to

mass rioting on the streets of Athens

with thousands of protestors
causing wide...

- Did you know that Greece...
- Walter Fisher, the head of the EU...

- is the motherland of civilization?
- ...has been reported missing,

and there were speculation over who
may be responsible for this kidnapping.

She gave the world a part in

science, culture,

and tragedy.

Aristotle.

If this is about the decision...

- You must reverse it.
- There is no way.

It was a democratic vote.

You have suffocated my country,
Mr Fisher.

But mark my words,

in four days time,

at the exact moment
your sanctions will commence,

all of you Europe's infrastructure
will burn.

Financial markets will collapse.

A millions of lives will be lost.

While Greece will return to her rightful place
as the center of civilization.

CAPRI
[Like the pants] ITALY

Hello, you've reached Michael Bryce.

Please leave a message,
and have a triple A day.

Hey there, future Michael.

It's today Michael.

I'm not great at first impressions,
I just wanna say

that I think you'd be proud to
know that I graduated therapy.

I'm officially on sabbatical,
and to be honest

I don't know why I didn't do this sooner,
it's only been 12 hours,

but already the world feels more abundant.

As if somehow, it's been waiting for me
to make this change.

I think about my license

and I ask myself
what was I so worked up about!

In fact, for the first time
since Kincaid killed Kurosawa

I'm starting to imagine a life
without body-guarding.

Or guns.

Or blood.

I know this sounds crazy but

this really feels like a new beginning...

Let's go, Bryce!

Vamonos! Vamonos!

Oh God!

Do I know you?

Do I know you?

I'm Sonia Kincaid.

[Speaks Spanish] Merde cucaracha.

The Mafia took my husband.
We have to go get him.

No. No. No. I can't get involved with this.
I'm under strict psychological orders.

How did you find me?

Where the fuck is he?

[speaks Spanish]

Hold on a second.
Finally Darius isn't haunting my dreams.

If you don't help me,

I am gonna put my strapon and
I'm gonna fuck your dreams

until they wish
they were your nightmares.

Motherfuckers!

First of all,
your mouth needs an exorcism.

Second of all,
why does he need my help?

He said, get Michael Bryce.

- He said that?
- Yes.

- I thought he hated me.
- Come on, let's go.

You are vile.

Vamonos!

[Speaks Spanish]

What did he say exactly?
What was Kincaid tone?

Who gives a fuck?

Come on. Let's go.
Get on it!

Take the gun.

No. I'm not doing guns right now.

I got it.

♪ Lining the Track- Dan Smith ♪

Whoa, whoa, wait, wait.

No, no. There's gotta be a
safer way down.

It's gotta be a safer way down.
We need like a switch... Okay.

Really?

Fuck!

So, where is he?

They took him from me, Bryce.

We were gonna go on our honeymoon.

We were gonna take a road trip
through Italy.

I always dreamt of it you know.

Oh, everything was going to be
so romantic, so perfect.

And then this fucking
hijo de puta cucaracha motherfucker

took off on the most exciting moment
of our first night of our honeymoon.

The next thing I know the phone rings,
and he's been captured by the Mafia.

Baby, I need help!

But, he's a workaholic, Bryce.

I know he took a motherfucking job...

He is a monster.

I just want him to provide me
with the estabilidad

that we need to start the family.

Did you say family?

We are trying to have a baby.

May God have mercy on our souls.

We have fucked so hard

and so tenderly.

And in so many different places,
positions,

and I just haven't gotten pregnant.

You know what I think the problem is?

Biology.

Yeah.

- Mi diamanté is too tight.
- Your what?

My pussy, motherfucker,
my pussy is just too tight.

Since Darius uses all his
testosterone, macho shit,

the whiny sperms abort the mission
halfway up my pussy pipe.

Hi.

I'm going to be such a good mother.

I can't imagine anyone gooder.

Do you have pepper spray?
I'm on sabbatical.

ZAGREB
CROATIA

Good evening, gentlemen.

Who's that?

The client we never get to meet?

Your concern is the demonstration.

So, please...

Demonstrate.

Data junctions are always encased
in Tungsten carbide.

The only thing harder

is diamond.

There are thousands of data junctions
across Europe.

Each of them located by
classified coordinates.

The bigger the junction we wish to hack
the bigger the drill you will need.

Then it's just a matter
of uploading my bios

selecting the radius of the attack

weaponizing everything connected
to the grid.

Bye.

Satisfied?

It's perfect.

Very.

- Kill them.
- Copy that. Target locked.

The city of Zagreb has woken to
absolute chaos this morning

after a high velocity surge
wiped out its power grid.

The climbing death toll
has now reached 75.

Mr O'Neill.

Superintendent Crowley.

With half of Greece
in the state of anarchy

I hope you have a very good reason
for pulling me out of a UN security summit.

Goddamn right I do.

Seen the news?

The damage to data charge aligned
with the lightning strike

and I'm inclined to agree.

Does this look like the victim
of a lightning strike to you?

It also looks like Gunther Von Weber.

He's wanted in 16 countries for hacking,

infiltrating and undermining
the world's most secure cyber systems.

Where are you going with this?

My Italian informant Carlo, specified
there is large scale cyber attack in 4 days.

Mr O'Neill, you have been warned repeatedly
that it's against protocol

to deal with unsanctioned
criminal informants.

Listen, I've been in Europe
for a month, okay?

And the only thing you people do
is watch fucking soccer.

Not one bar carries Sam Adams.

So, the least you could do is let me do
what we do in Boston, okay?

You work with the bad guys
to get the worse guys.

This was a trial run.

And Carlo has been asked to buy
the next co-ordinates,

tomorrow night, in Portofino.

Alright, what do you want?

I want an office, I want a SWAT team.

I want an unlimited budget and

if I solve this case,
I want you to send me back to Boston.

I'll give you 24 hours
and a surveillance van.

Give me a translator.

You can have mine.

What do they call you?

Ailso.

Ass hole?

Ailso.

Traditional Scottish name.

Alright, William Wallace, warm up the chop.

We're going to Italy.

TERRACINA
ITALY

Darius Kincaid.

A little birdie told me
that you are in town.

Remember me?
Your old pal, Carlo.

I remembered killing a bunch of motherfuckers
who worked for you.

I remembered that too.

Now,

I would like to introduce you
to my friend,

the Butcher of Terresina.

This reminds me of a spa back at hotel.

Really?

Not at all.

These are the tiny cockheads
that are holding my cucaracha.

Okay, let's blast these motherfuckers.

Whoa, no. You go in there
guns blazing,

they're gonna get trigger happy inside,
then it's bye bye Darius.

He asked for me,

he needs me,

so, we're gonna do this my way.

That means no killing,

no guns and no blood.

Boring, is always best. Understood?

Of course not. What?

Jesus Christ.

Fuck him.

What have you done?

These fuckers got a little bit too fresh.

I specifically said, no killing,

no blood and no guns.

I am not on sabbatical.

Where is your shirt?

Deal with it.

Through you!

Baby!

♪ Hello - Lionel Ritchie ♪

Hang on.

What the fuck is he doing here?

I believe it's pronounced

- thank you.
- For what?

For saving your life
again, and again.

I never asked you to
save shit.

Baby! What in the absolute fuck

is Michael Bryce doing here?

You said,

Baby! Get me Michael Bryce!

What?

No! No, no, no, no.

I said, Baby, I need help.

Get anyone, but

- Michael Bryce.
- What?

Didn't he save your cucaracha ass?

Doesn't mean I gotta be
best friends with him.

He is the most annoying
motherfucker on planet earth.

Excuse me.

I have 20/20 hearing.

I can hear you.
The dead guys...

can hear you.

And what do you mean I'm the most
annoying motherfucker on planet earth?

How many times
have you nearly got me killed?

Not enough!

Come on Baby, let's get outta here,

before he starts the
in-flight safety demonstration.

Are you using pepper spray?

I'm on sabbatical.

And uh, trying to find my spiritual me

awake.

Hey!

I didn't have to be here, you know.

I had fresh cucumbers on my eyes.

I had a linen rope

with an insanely high thread count,
it was like sleeping in the cloud.

Namaste motherfucker.

No!

Darius?

The hitman, the bodyguard
and the con woman.

You dumb fucks just killed Carlo,

the informant
that was gonna punch my ticket home.

Who the fuck are you?

Interpol agent, Bobby O'Neill.
That's who the fuck I am.

And I know
who all three of you shitheads are.

Michael Bryce, triple A rated bodyguard.

- Pillar of the community.
- Present. Thank you.

Only I know,
you lost your license to protect when

Shotgun Willy here killed Kurosawa.

No, no. That's under review. Okay?
Kincaid took that shot...

Moreover...

You're still taking clients.

Name one.

The Sultan of Modora, Brussels.

Your Majesty, I'm Michael Bryce,
your executive protection agent.

Contact, contact!

That's a felony, pal.

Fucking Brussels, fuck!

As for you two, you're looking
at about a billion years in prison.

But, today is your lucky day.
Instead of going to the electric chair

I'm gonna give you a shot at redemption.

Now, I got Intel,
on a mystery big shot

that's about to launch
a full scale cyber attack.

Carlo, my now dead informant

was gonna buy a hard drive
containing the co-ordinates for the attack.

Why don't you hear me?
I didn't know.

But now, thanks to your bloodbath,

that can't happen.

So, you assholes are going to Portofino.

And you're gonna make the buy instead.

Bob? A quick sideward?

Listen. First off,

I'm happy to postpone my sabbatical

if it's gonna keep me out of jail.

But I think, you know, you should really
reconsider working with these guys.

- I don't wanna go to Portofino.
- Because they are...

- you know, fucking crazy.
- ...No. I don't.

Fuck. Wow.

Okay, colorful drinks,

you are gonna be the goofy bodyguard
for Carlo's British mistress.

While Grumpy pants here,
makes sure that hard drive gets out.

Are we clear?

We could just take the money
and run, baby.

No. I'm tired of running, Darius.

Ah. Superintendent Crowley, how nice.

I don't wanna go Portofino
as his bitch.

Did you guys see
how hard that guy punches?

What if somebody's upstairs?

Shut up.

Change of plans.

There's been a heist in a
shipping dock and it could be related

but that does not change
what's happening here.

Now, Sean Connery, here is gonna give you
a bunch of money to make the buy.

Do you see that?
That's your buy money.

One dime goes missing,
you try to go AWOL

and I'm gonna slap global red fucking notices
on all your asses.

- Oh no. Not red notices.
- Red notices. What are you doing?

I'm not. On me?

- What is this? A Nokia?
- Listen to me.

I don't know how to even work this thing.

- Look at me. Look at me.
- I'm looking. I'm looking at you.

You stay in close contact with me.
You understand?

- I'll call you all the time.
- Shut up.

When I call, you answer.

And you...

resources are kinda low.

Why don't you enjoy
your transportation?

Do not fuck this up.

Oh, we are definitely
going to fuck this up.

I mean look at the two people
you are saddling me with.

- Get your asses to Portofino.
- Zero chance of making it out of this room.

You may as well hire
brain damaged, kidney...

Fucking honeymoon, it's over!

It's not gonna work.

I understand some people get cold feet
on their wedding day.

But I'd have never thought that
you'd get cold dick

on our honeymoon night.

Baby, baby. I said I was sorry.

Sorry is not good enough,
I want an explanation.

Where the fuck were you?

Where were you, Darius? Just tell her.

- I took a job. Okay?
- Fuck you.

- Hey! Hey!
- Fuck you! Fuck you!

Now is a good time
to talk about seat belt rule.

Perhaps now is the good time
to talk about the "shut the fuck up" rule.

I'm just saying it because she's driving
like a crash test dummy.

Do not criticize my wife's driving,
motherfucker.

Hush! Hush!

Do you know what I just realized?

I'm not gonna let you crazy motherfuckers
ruin my shit.

I'll treat this as a
lovely road trip through Italy

and I'll just pretend that you are
still my devoted husband.

I am.

And you Bryce, you will be,
you will be the human luggage.

Yes.

We are now on honeymoon.

First of all, it's a mission.

Second of all, and just so we are clear

I promised my therapist
no body-guarding.

So, I'm not protecting
either one of you.

This is not mission.
This is honeymoon.

What the fuck!
Hey! Eyes on road! Eyes on road!

Babies need to be created
in a stimulating environment.

I must be aroused by
sightseeing, shopping, fine dining.

But we are officially on honeymoon.

- For real?
- Did she say fine dining?

Let's not do that, guys.
Let's just focus on the road here.

Alright.

I got it. No. It's fine.
You guys have at it.

Maybe feather the break a bit.

Maybe feather the break a bit!

♪ Tu vuò fà l'Americano - Renato Carosone ♪

- Yo, let me borrow your phone.
- Why did you lie to her?

The fuck are you talking about?

You lied to her back there.
You weren't on job.

And how would you know that?

Because, there's like
22 two body indications

when somebody lies,
and you exhibited 40.

You say one word to Sonia about this,
I'll invent new ways to kill your ass.

Wow. You must have done
something really serious, Darius.

Honesty is the best policy.

I don't take relationship advice
from single motherfuckers.

I don't have a calling plan.
Make it quick.

♪ Tu vuò fà l'Americano - Renato Carosone ♪

I took a job, okay?

Portofino has water views
which means it's perfect for us to...

- Oh shit!
- Where are you going?

Sonia!

What the fuck?

You better hope that job was worth it,
motherfucker.

What job?

Idiota.

Who the fuck is this?

We have an availability
for Carmen at 2 PM.

Who the fuck is Carmen?

Ticket to the opera Carmen,
and you wanted two, no?

Oh my God!

What's that thumping?
I can't stop.

God! You people...

fucking insane!

Hey! Watch your mouth!

I picked you up from the street,
saved you from sun stroke,

and now you're calling me insane?

Sun stroke?

You could go to jail
for leaving a dog in a hot car.

And don't even get me started
on the psychological ramifications

of what I heard you two doing.

Is that Valentino?
- No it's mine.

Did you spend the buy money?

Come on, they totally expect us
to spent some of it.

Yeah. No, no. Obviously,

I'm covered with my life savings.

I think it's a great idea.

I'm just gonna make a call.

Wish I had some life savings.

Hello! You've reached Michael Bryce.

Please leave a message
and have a triple A day.

Hello, Mr Muron, well, we're...

we're way off course.

Can't even see the course anymore

Or hear it, for that matter.

My ears are still ringing from...

from ferocious sexual intercourse
leading to a rolling quadruple climax.

Anyway, I'm venting.

I don't wanna vent to you.
So, I'll catch up with you later.

Shit!

Who were you talking to?

That's a secret.

I know your secret.

You do?

You are so lonely
that you are talking to yourself.

Listen, Bryce,
you really hurt my feelings.

Do you really think I'm crazy?

No. I think you are...

unusually aggressive.

Violent, but in an unpredictable way.

I'd make a great mother,
don't you think?

I think you will. Yes.

Oh my God, a child would be so lucky
to have you as its host.

Thank you, Bryce, thank you.

It must be your

powerful asexuality
that makes you such a good listener.

Let me guess,
Crowley gave us some shit lead.

No one will tell me what was inside.
It was classified military shipment.

Whoa! Whoa!

What are the fucking odds?

Seems lightening strikes twice.

We need to get that packing slip.

And how do you propose
we do that, Mr Bobby?

What?

Jesus! What the fuck are you doing?

Son of a bitch!

Last time I saw something like this

Bruce Wills was drilling a hole
in an asteroid.

ROME
INTERPOL SITUATION ROOM

Bobby, I'm glad you called.

Listen, it's a diamond tip drill.

And I know there's a link.
But this drill was fucking massive.

You were right.

We picked up some chatter
in our Rome office.

The mob are making a buy in Portofino.

They are purchasing classified co-ordinates
of a large scale data grid.

We've got a surveillance team there...

We have a team in Portofino?

Yeah, moving into position now.

Get the chopper. Get the chopper.

Oh Bobby, if this actually turns out to be
what you say it is

I will personally make sure
you get your transfer back to Boston.

Ma'am, I can't, I can't thank you enough.
Thank you so much. Thank you, Ma'am.

We're going to Portofino.

PORTOFINO
ITALY

Let's get in the character.
I'm the bodyguard.

Now, let's hear the British accent of
Carlo's mistress.

My British accent is perfect,
you fucking cunt.

Let's skip the British accent,
and go straight to being brutally executed.

How's the sideline, D?

Just protecting my ASS-SET.

We are here to see Vladimir.

I'm the bodyguard.

Security check.

Two minutes out.

Crowley's got a team in place.
We gotta call off the buy.

If she finds out I've got
those three shit heads working for me...

He's not answering the phone.

What did I tell?
Burner Phone, pick it up!

- Here you go, sir.
- Thank you very much. Great work.

Yummy.

Oh, shit!

What's wrong?

Just a former client. But it's fine.
He didn't see me.

You must be Vladimir.

Carlo sends his regards.

He thought that
I would attract less attention.

Well, he thought wrong.

But nobody's complaining.

Son of a bitch.

Do we have the security feed yet?

Getting it now.

Don't move till the buy is made
and they are out of the club.

- There is too many civilians.
- Roger that.

These are the classified co-ordinates
to the entire European data grid.

Okay?

No, no.

These are proximity pairs.

Until the buyer's fingerprints
disarms the bracelet

I suggest you do not let
the briefcase out of five meter radius

for more than 15 seconds.

If you do, bracelet explodes.

Keep it close.

It will be a shame for that beautiful face
to be disintegrated by TNT.

The fuck!

I should just pop
this motherfucker right now.

- Address?
- Oh. The delivery address?

In Florence.

Ah. I love Florence.

They adore culture.

You will deliver to the buyer tomorrow

at the Deludo gallery house.

- Michael Bryce!
- You have me confused with someone else.

No, no, no. I never forget a face of a man
who saved my life in my darkest hour.

Michael Bryce. Didn't he lose his license
when Kurosawa was killed.

No, no, no. He's got me mistaken
for someone else.

And for the record,
that's pending review.

Fuck off!

Why would Carlo hire an unlicensed bodyguard
to protect the love of his life?

Right. You're fired.

You're fucking fired.

Oh, that's true, baby.

Carlo always has preferred
younger women.

Excuse me.

I've seen him with a woman
in her thirties.

But never this old.

No, no, no, no. Don't laugh.

Here it comes.

Oh baby. You're late.

What the fuck did you just say?

You finger licking, shit monkey,
doggy blowing motherfucker!

[Speaks Spanish]

That sounded really Mexican.

Shit!

- We have a problem.
- This is a fucking set up.

You don't fucking say, vape juice.

Get that case off her.
Get me Carlo on the phone!

And here we go.

Shit!

Secure the room.

Let's go. Move! Move!

Bryce! The gun!

You feel like giving me a hand, Kincaid?

Triple A my ass.

Interpol agents, you are authorized,
shoot to kill.

Interpol.
Get the fuck out now!

Shit!

Bryce!

Bryce, the case! Come on!

Get up! Bitch!

Get out of the way.

Say my age.

I don't know.

Bryce.

I'm famished.

Shall we go now?

Still Mexican.

Bryce!

Get to the fucking dock! Now!

Bryce! Bryce!

Get out of the way!

Stay with me, Bryce.

- This way.
- Out of my fucking way! Bryce!

Target heading for the water.

Let's go!

You better say something nice
about my Bryce.

Ashes to ashes,

dust to dust,

we will never forget the time
you spent with us.

That was beautiful.

You should have been a priest.

Okay, let's toss his ass in and bounce.

What in the absolute fuck
is wrong with you people?

We gave you a sea burial.

A sea burial?

Well, you didn't have a heartbeat.

I'm wearing Kevlar!

These were your operatives?

I've never seen them before.

Only one number called this phone
Michael Bryce was in possession of.

And it was yours.

We have less than two days
before this attack happens, two days.

I gave you a chance.
You went behind my back.

And you employed two criminals
and an unlicensed bodyguard

and now they are in possession
of critical evidence.

For all I know, they could be
in on the cyber attack.

Oh, they are not in on the attacks.
Trust me, they are idiots.

Put out a global red notice on

Darius Kincaid, Sonia Kincaid
and Michael Bryce.

We have a problem.

ATHENS
GREECE

Three unknown fugitives
escaped with the co-ordinates.

Interpol were all over the scene.

Seems that we have a rat.

Get me Carlo on the phone.

Sir,

Carlo is dead.

Find the fugitives. Kill them.

I need the briefcase.

FLORENCE
ITALY

Fuck!

- What's wrong?
- You can't be serious.

About what?

My ribs are broken.

I came down a little case
of 12 gauge shotgun to the chest.

Remember?

Hey, Brycey, don't worry.
Sonia's gonna take care of you.

- This will make you feel better.
- Thank you.

There you go, baby.

The auction of artworks by the reclusive
Greek Shipping Billionaire is believed to be

the last of a long line of assets he has
liquidated outside of his homeland.

It is unknown of his motivation
for selling up in Europe is

but analysts are calling it
financial suicide.

That is one hell of a security detail.

Holy shit! Magnusson.

Who?

Only the triple A rated bodyguard of the year
three years in a row.

They give you motherfuckers awards?

Yes, they give us awards.
And we have conventions and everything.

Ain't no award for hitman.

It's called lethal injection.

God, look at him.
He's so strong.

Confidence like a panther.

Let me see this motherfucker.

Oh, shit!

Zento! That is a good
motherfucking hitman right there.

Took a lot of business from me.

- Find yourself a nest.
- I'm gonna take the tower.

Whoever wants this briefcase
is a serious high roller

cause Magnusson's fee is astronomical.

Releasing the package,
I want everyone on high alert.

And, bingo!

Oh!

That is awful.

It's like Liberace
banged a set of curtains.

Magnussen, three pigeons on the rooftop.

They have the stolen briefcase.

Take the shot.

Oh shit! Zento! Gun!

- Get Aristotle to safety.
- I got him.

Scatter and converge.
Get that case.

They won't know
we have five possible escape routes.

They have five possible escape routes.

We should use the decoy.

It appears they have no decoy, sir.

My god. They are amateurs.

Alright, let's go.

Come on!

Listen to me,
we have an extraction vehicle waiting.

These idiots don't even have
an extraction vehicle.

Bryce, get up there.

Go! Now!

Move it! Bryce!

Magnussen recognized me.

Which means he probably knows my moves.

I don't recognize any of these losers.
Shoot to kill.

- Bryce, we gotta go!
- Just a moment.

- Got it. Go!
- Let's go!

Parrot is loose. Keep it inside.

Bryce, watch out!

Wow!

Wow! This guy's handling skills
are actually incredible.

Steve McQueen ain't got shit on you.

I think that's the first time
you've ever said anything nice to me.

Bryce! Bryce!

Get down, Darius. Go! Go! Go!

Bryce! What the fuck?

Move.

Baby?

What did you give him?

Just painkillers.

He's so delicate.

Parrot is flying west, keep it inside.

Oh no! Not the stairs, motherfucker!

I'm not wearing a sports bra!

Jesus, these guys are little bit taken.

This is not fucking honeymoon.

This is shitty moon.

I say, we had a pretty great fucking day.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Shopping.

Wine tasting.

Yeah, with someone else's money.

Flowers.

One bird's still remaining in flight.

Watching opera.

And you fell asleep?

Good afternoon.

I'd like to offer up a ceasefire.

You handover that briefcase
and I'll gladly undo that bracelet.

Sure.

Bugger me.

That's the end of Bryce's idol.

Parrot's flying south.

Get the case.

Shit!

What?

No!

Did we lose them?

No, you didn't lose it.

Oh shit!

Oh shit!

Sonia! Back in the car.

He's reloading. Take the wheel.

[Speaks Spanish]

What are you doing?

- Hang on, baby!
- Darius!

- Fuck!
- Move!

He didn't wear them seat-belts.

The three fugitives responsible for a
nightclub shootout in Portofina last...

Phone call for you, sir.

...and are believed to be hiding
somewhere in Italy.

Our World news correspondent...

Sir, I'm sorry to inform you,
but the three fugitives managed to escape.

...the search for
international con-woman, Sonia Kincaid...

- You find them.
- and infamous, hitman Darius Kincaid.

I want them alive.

♪ You're asleep, little Bryce ♪

♪ Can you please wake the fuck up ♪

♪ In your slumber think of Sonia ♪

♪ And the bomb that's on her wrist ♪

Hey! What were those pills?

It's just lithium.

Lithium?

Baby! Lithium's not pain medication.

- Brycey, do you want some more?
- Don't you come anywhere near me.

I've had it with you two.

I'm sorry to say this Sonia but you...

are crazy.

Hey! You can't talk to my wife that way.

Why not?
She'd make a terrible mother.

I wouldn't leave
a Chucky doll in her care.

You need to apologize
to Sonia right now.

What? Are you gonna shoot me now?
Father of the year right here.

Can't wait.

Hey! Where are you going?
I said, apologize.

Well, I'm just gonna ride
the lithium out.

Whoo!

Babe, you aight?

I'm great.

Took a bullet for him.
Took a bullet for her.

Yeah. Well, Bryce is just
everybody's favourite little bullet caddy.

Okay.

Game on.

Come on.

Give me a sign.

TUSCANY
8 KM

Any sign.

Please.

Okay. That is a sign,
just not the one I'm looking for.

VISIT TUSCANY TODAY

Anything.

Anything at all?

TUSCANY AWAITS!

I see what you're doing.

I...

You wanna play ball?

We're gonna play ball.

Our honeymoon is a delicious fuckery.

I don't have a fetus in my womb
but I do have a bomb on my wrist.

Hey! I said some awful stuff back there

because I was involuntarily
administered lithium.

- Apology accepted.
- I'm not apologizing.

I know someone who can help us out.

Is this like that gun thing?
You can't press doorbells either?

It's just I haven't...

spoken to my father
since I lost my license.

So, you are admitting
you are unlicensed.

You don't understand.

He's the greatest bodyguard
who ever lived.

And I'm just...

me.

What are you doing?
What are you doing?

Fuck!

Alright.

Mr Bryce is out back.
He's chopping the wood.

It'd be a moment.

I'll get you some water.

This triple A shit is a family fantasy.

Oh, hey, papa.

I never imagined
I'd be coming home like this.

I always thought it would be under
different circumstances.

As I'm sure you know my,
my license is under review.

I'm sorry for being such a disgrace.

We really need your help.

Out there in the world
you're an unlicensed protection agent.

But here, here you are my son.

And this is your home.

What the fuck?

Just... Chill.

I'm trying to have a long awaited moment
with my dad.

- I get it. You're freaking out.
- No, he is--

A legend. Yes. That's weird for you.
But to me he's just papa.

No, I'm freaked out because--

Because his voice
is so deeply rich in its timbre?

Yes. It's remarkable,
but a lot of people sound--

No, motherfucker, it's not his voice,
it's the fact that he is--

Is a published author?

Huh?

What is it, Darius?

Spit it out 'cause frankly it's exhausting
to hear you beat about the bush.

Around, junior.

I'm sorry?

The expression is "beat around the bush."

- Interesting.
- It's "around".

- Sorry, I'm--
- I know who you are.

I watched the news.

Hello, my dear.

- Nice to meet you, Mr. Bryce's father.
- My pleasure.

You have a lovely son.

Can we have it removed?

We'll do our best.

- Guiseppe?
- Yes, sir?

Make arrangement for a safe house.

And the necessary equipment
to unlink a TI-47.

When the fuck were you gonna tell me
your dad was black?

Step-dad. And I fail to see
how that's relevant.

Why don't you start seeing with your heart
instead of your head?

Relevant, heart, hate?
What the fuck are you talking about?

You know exactly
what I'm fucking talking about.

- All right now, boys.
- I'm sorry, papa.

- No bickering under my roof, OK?
- Understood.

Who's hungry?

- I can eat.
- Good. Good.

- Hungry?
- I'm a little peckish.

These are all the bullets

dad's taken for heads of state.

Impressive.

Nothing like taking the bullet
to make you feel like a man.

Yeah. Taken 20 myself.

I took a bullet.

Yeah?

Yeah... for Darius. I saved his life.
Right, Darius?

Bryce took a bullet
for my husband at the Hague.

He was very brave.

Check it out. Right there.

Why does it look like a freckle?

He also took a shotgun blast for me,
last night.

- Actually I was wearing Kevlar.
- Kevlar?

Real triple A's never wear a Kevlar.

'Cause knowing Bryce and his trusty pen

I feel half the danger is all taken care of
before it even gets to that.

You laugh, but countless heads of state
have been taken out by the pen knife.

No one sees is coming.

Ah, yes.

Elena's gelato.

Best gelato in this side...

Bryce?

Excuse me a moment.

Bryce?

Bryce?

What's wrong with him?

It's the gelato.

I forgot.

It's a trigger.

Why?

All of Bryce's memories
are with his mother.

She used to call him her little bodyguard.

Every Sunday she would take Bryce
to the amusement park.

But it wasn't the rides
he was interested in.

It was the gelato.

Then what happened?

Did he choose the wrong flavor?

No, me dear. Fate chose his mother.

To this day I have no idea
why a full-figured 290 pound Italian man

wanted to ride the paratrooper.

Truth is I don't wanna know.

Some things are best left unsaid.

And Bryce...
Well, he chose to blame himself.

That's why he loves seat-belts.

Still doesn't explain
why he's so annoying.

You're annoying.

Hey. Hi. Hi.

- Are you OK?
- I'm fine. I'm fine.

- Do you want me to push it?
- No. no.

Thank you. I just...
I cry sometimes when I'm...

awake.

So...

You father told us
what happened to your mother.

If I just ordered peach gelato
a minute sooner she'd still be alive.

- It's my fault. My bad. I get.
- No. no.

It's not your fault.
You cannot blame yourself.

When it's perfectly normal to feel guilty.

I understand you better than you think.

My mother was eaten by a shark.

You know seeing your mother
being devoured by a beast,

it can really traumatize you
more than you can think.

But my God, has he done a number on you,
honey.

I mean you are fucked up
in more ways than I can count.

Now it all makes sense.
Including your obsession with my boobs.

What? I'm sorry, did you say
"with your boobs"? I don't...

I've never thought about your boobs.
Not even once.

- I didn't even know you had boobs since--
- Come on, you're obsessed with my boobs.

OK. Jesus Christ. All right.

When you saved me, you very gently
cupped your hands and pushed me by the boobs

to save me from the bullet.

- It was... not a lot of alternatives...
- And I could hear the little boy

- Didn't have much of a choice.
- inside of you screaming:

"Mommy, please don't die! I need you."

I don't think that's what I was screaming.
I don't sound like that at all.

- If it makes you feel any better.
- It doesn't.

I cannot eat gelato either.

Right, cause it makes me feel better.
I don't care.

- I'm lactose intolerant.
- I still don't care. So...

I'm gonna head back inside.
I think they're serving shelf's tea.

OK. Hey, this was great.
It was really really great.

- To get to the safe house follow these...
- Excellent. Excellent.

Thank you very much.

Good news.

My contact says everything is all set.

We'll have that TI-47
off of you in no time.

Meanwhile I'll sort everything out
with Interpol.

Sonia.

Let's let them have a moment together.

Bryce.

I'm sorry about the gelato.

Hey.

You know, the guys who lose their license,
they never come back.

Look at you. You gonna be a hero.

I'll come down to the safe house to see you
after I've got some more information.

I'll also have a talk
with the review board.

See to it that you get a good hearing.

Thank you.

- Thank you, dad.
- No worries. No worries.

Oh, Bryce.

Take the Jack.

The Jack?

One I wasn't even allowed
to look at it as a kid?

You earned it.

- Damn, I love this motherfuckin' car.
- Yeah!

Can I just acknowledge for one second
that not only are we safe.

But I think I'm gonna get my license back.

All because of my father.

I'm so happy for you, Bryce.

Baby...

There's something
I've been meaning to tell you.

What?

I think I'm gonna join dad's agency.

Bryce & Son. Sounds...

a little cotton mouth.

You guys, you just can't keep
your hands off each other.

This feels familiar.

I don't spend that much time
with my head in the bag.

Do you think maybe once
you could spot the ambush?

Watch my hair motherfucker!

What in the a-double-money sign is that?

Aristotle Papdopolous.

My darling.

I thought I had lost you forever.

So many sleepless nights.

So long have I been wandering
the maze of despair.

Anybody wanna tell me
what the fuck's going on here?

Long ago...

a girl who had lost her way turning tricks
with wealthy men at Craps tables.

But when she met a mysterious Greek man

he taught her there was more to life.

A life of art.

Literature.

Dance. And passion.

She learnt to appreciate
the finest things in life.

But when the cheap decking
of his mega yacht

snapped her beautiful Gucci heal

- Sonia!
- fate took another turn.

She was found by fishermen.

She laid in bed for weeks.

And when she finally woke

she had amnesia.

Now, seeing your face

and listening to your voice
so closely to my ear.

All came rushing back to me.

You've cured me.

Can you put the hood back on?

You have history with this motherfucker?

If I'd known earlier
it were you who had my case

I would've ensured you were treated
like the Aphrodite you are.

Thank you.

Have these two brought to Lucas and Francesco
in my torture chambers.

- Torture chambers?
- Did he say Cha Cha chambers?

No, motherfucker, he did not.

Perhaps one day you'll learn

that great men don't need to strip
to vulgarity to express themselves.

I know how to express myself,
motherfucker.

- Take them away!
- Believe me.

- I have not begun to express myself...
- Can we have separate torture chambers?

The final piece of my master plan.

To win justice for Europe's atrocities.

Take her to the technology center
and have my yacht prepared.

Come with me.

I have something to show you.

The room we dreamt of building together.

How nice.

Have you ever thought
that maybe she's conning you?

What?

I'm just saying, she's a con woman.
That's what con women do.

Con person?

Person? I don't know how do you say that.

Could you guys come back a little bit later?
We're in the middle of a...

You gonna tell us everything you know.

I'm not telling you a motherf--

So you never had a family?

You were my only true love.

You have suffered so much.

You can go all day with that.

You can electrocute him all day,
it will only make him angrier.

I, on the other hand will tell you everything.
I'll tell you everything.

- if you just keep that away.
- What? Really?

Sonia showed up, I was on vacation,
she said that Kincaid was in trouble.

- Motherfucker!
- And then Interpol came.

I don't even know
why those guys came for.

The guy's name was Bobby O'Neill.
Probably Robert O'Neill.

That guy was mean.
The point is that he wanted to ask me...

I don't even know what a BUY is.
That's like a drug thing or something?

...that could be anything.
Is that Francesco or are you--

It is insensitive of me
to show you this.

Considering your condition.

My what?

Carlo was an associate of mine.

When he found your husband
he was at the fertility clinic.

A fertility clinic?

Buying fresh eggs. I assumed...

you are barren.

Sir? We have a situation.

Remind me never to tell you shit.

Well, we're free, aren't we?

Yeah. Fuck it. Let's go save my girl.

I don't know if I buy
this whole amnesia thing.

All of a sudden hating on Sonia.
She fucking loves you.

I'm not hating on Sonia. I'm just saying--

It just reminds me of something, you know.

It's like a folk, or a movie.
Or something...

- We don't fire a gun in a cage.
- Motherfucker, you didn't get tazed.

I guess we'll find out
what a mace will do.

That's decorative, I think.

What is it? It's gonna drive me crazy.

Overboard!

Kurt Russell, Goldie Hawn.
She gets amnesia.

I feel so much better.

Bullshit.

- Shit!
- Scatter.

I wanted to keep that fucking mace.

[Speaks Italian]

Sonia!

Stop yelling!
You gonna get us fucking killed!

- There she is! There she is!
- No. No.

- Sonia!
- Hey.

- I'm coming to get you.
- You lied to me.

What?

The night of our honeymoon.
You didn't take a job.

Are we really doing this now?

You went to a fertility clinic to buy
fresh eggs because you think mine are rotten.

Baby, you can't buy eggs at a fertility
clinic like in a grocery store.

That motherfucker is lying to you.

Do you wanna life on the run?

Or do you want the stability of a family?

Goodbye, Darius. It's over.

- We gotta go.
- Baby, no.

- We gotta go, Darius.
- Sonia, don't say that. Please!

Let's go!

♪♪

She's playing him, played you.
You know, like a triple cross.

There's no triple cross.

If there's the lifestyle she wants
and he can give it to her.

More power to him.

Shit. I got no money in the bank.

Interpol is always in my ass.

I'm a hitman shooting blanks.

Wait, what? Hold on. Wait, what?

I got shot in the nuts on a job
and I never told Sonia about it.

- You don't have testicles?
- No. I mean yes!

Yes, I have testicles.

The right one, Kool & The Gang.
The left one, a little gazy.

So my swimmers are not strong enough
to get across the Finnish line.

So I can't give Sonia
what she wants most in the world.

I told you just be honest with her.

None of this would've happened
if you were just honest with her.

That shit always leads to an ass whipping
or jail sentence.

I see you when I see you.

Where are you going?

Hey, Darius!

Darius.

Dad, there was an ambush and....

What's the Jack doing here?

You are the dumbest motherfucker
I have ever met.

Wow. That's...

I handle Aristotle's security detail
while he's in Italy, you moron.

You work for the bad guys?

A triple A puts his clients
ahead of God, family,

and certainly a penny waste
such as yourself.

You are a cruel son a--

I would turn you in

but that would be an admission
that I think you're a threat.

And Bryce. I spoke to the review board.

They agree with me.

- You barred for life.
- Wow.

Now get off my trash.
You're a stain on my legacy.

Out of all the gin joints in all the world
you walked into mine.

My dad screwed us.

He's Aristotle's head of security.

Also, he really hates me.

I owe you an apology, Kincaid.

Now your thing really is better
than my thing.

No more Mr Nice Bryce, all right?
I wanna be a bad-ass.

I wanna be loose.

Hey, we should do some coke.

Motherfucker you would OD
on a baby aspirin and a diet soda.

I wish to speak to Darius Kincaid, please.

- Is there a Mr. Kincaid here?
- Who's asking?

His fucking wife, motherfucker!

Your wife.

What the fuck do you want
and how the fuck did you find me?

I found you 'cause they found you, motherfucker.
There's a kill team coming your way.

So you better get the fuck out of there.
And how dare you give me attitude

when I am risking my hot ass over here
so that we can have our fucking honeymoon?

And what about all that shit in Monaco?

Oh, come on, Darius, you know how many men
I'd con before you came along?

I never had amnesia.

For real?

How could you think for a second
that I would leave you?

I can't imagine my life without you.

Baby, look.

I didn't go to a fertility clinic
because of you.

I think you can't get pregnant
because of me.

Baby, would've been nice to have a family.

We can adopt.

Yes, baby!

You will be the best father, baby.

I mean look how good
you've been for Bryce,

this dysfunctional abandoned poor child.

His father obviously hates him.

I mean he doesn't have any friends.

And you, you've been nothing
but a ray of sunlight.

I love you so much, Sonia Kincaid.

And I'm coming to rescue your ass.

I love you more than ever, mi cucaracha.

But you better hurry the fuck up.

He's going to destroy Europe
to save Greece.

He's drilling into the Viareggio's data grid
tomorrow while he escapes on his yacht.

- You have to stop it.
- Get the fuck down!

Darius? Darius?

So how does it feel
to lose the one you love?

I for one did not slip.

Amnesia?

Really?

Do you think
I haven't seen the film "Overboard"?

Kurt Russell, Goldie Hawn.

A minor classic.

My security has already exterminated
your cucaracha.

And you will die alone
and without a family.

No one in this world
can kill Darius Kincaid.

That motherfucker is unkillable.

Car chase.

Shit!

You've reached Michael Bryce.

Please leave a message
and have a triple A day.

The future Mike. It's me.

Fuck, are your seriously
making a phone call right now?

I feel like my spiritual journey
is almost complete.

But now I realize...

Safety is for losers.

The old Bryce is long gone.

I'm driving without a seat-belt now.

It's the craziest thing happened to me.

When you lose everything.

You got nothing left to lose.

- It's like Tim McGraw always says.
- Tim Mc fucking who?

You gotta live like you were dying.

That is the lamest shit
I have ever heard in my life.

I'm at the event horizon, baby.
I feel truly--

Nobody's after us. Slow down.

I'm completely free.

Fuck.

It's OK.

My knees and its skin...

So I'm gonna see my dad
and I'm really nervous.

'Cause all I want in the world
is for him to be proud of me.

And I think you, future Michael
will be proud of me for dealing with this.

I know I said a lot of things...

Whatever the fuck
this future Michael shit is

it's got to go.

You are future Michael, motherfucker.

My dad called me a stain on his legacy.

Jesus, Bryce look, I get it.
You are a fuck up, OK?

You got some fucking issues.

But you can't allow a motherfucker

you share not a one drop of DNA with
to define you.

There's something
I've been meaning to tell you.

When I got clipped in the nuts...

It happened in Brussels.

Brussels?

I'm Michael Bryce,
your executive protection agent.

Get down!

Motherf...

I'm the one who shot you in the nuts
and you never thought to tell me that?

That's a W for me. That's a big L for you.

It was a ricochet.

- Ricochet my ass motherfucker.
- Ricochets don't count.

It's an L for you.
Take the L! Take the L!

Despite the fact you get on my last nerve

you're pretty good fucking bodyguard.

I'm never getting my license back.
That's over.

You don't need a license.

What do bodyguards do?

They protect people.

And the whole of Europe
needs your protection right now.

Now repeat after me:

I'm unlicensed and I don't give a fuck.

I'm unlicensed and that's terrible--

Again.

I'm unlicensed and I don't give a fuck.

Louder.

I'm unlicensed and I don't give a fuck.

Robust!

I'm unlicensed and I don't give a fuck!

Now let's go do what we do
and fuck some shit up.

Let's go fuck some shit up.

- Hands in the air!
- I wasn't touching it.

We're telling you the truth.

Sonia told Kincaid that Aristotle is drilling
into the data junction at Viareggio.

He's gonna upload the virus in an hour.

Aristotle is too influential.
We'll never get a warrant in time.

- Let us take him down.
- Come on.

We just got reports of drilling
into the location in the center of Viareggio.

What assets do we have
on the ground in that region?

The closest agent is Bobby O'Neill.

Perhaps this time
we do things the Boston way.

Fine. Alert all local forces
and send them to that drill.

We've also located his mega yacht
fleeing French national waters.

Don't be the government agent
in the documentary

who has all the info on the bad guy
then lets them go anyway. Don't be that guy.

- Woman.
- I think that's implied.

- What do you need to stop Aristotle?
- We need boats.

And we need guns.

That's my body- bodyguard!

- And we need them.
- What?

What are your names?

- Gary.
- Johan.

Gary. Johan...

Are you ready to get your fuck on?

What?

That came out wrong.
Not together. With us.

That also came out wrong.

You're gonna get your fuck on
in an action context.

We have visual of a hitman and a bodyguard
leaving port in a speed boat.

Deploy level 1 security.

Go! Go!

Hey, Gary, I think we're outnumbered.

No fucking shit, Johan!

God, I hope Gary and Johan are OK.

How the fuck can they even think that's us,
those motherfuckers didn't hit nobody?

Well, it's called "the decoy".

Darius, Body-guarding 101.

My dad's got 3 levels of security.
That was the first.

- Boring.
- Oh, boring is always best.

- Get the fuck outta here.
- I will turn this boat around.

VIAREGGIO
ITALY

We're 30 seconds out from Viareggio.

Copy that.

If we don't stop the drill

they'll upload the virus
and wipe out Europe.

Get down! Get down! On the ground!

Get down! Get down!
Everybody down! Everybody down!

Shut up! Shut up!

- Stop. He says they're building pipes.
- Pipes?

What kind of pipes? What kind of pipes?

- Wait, this isn't a data junction.
- What?

This is the high pressure sewage line.

You're telling me that we've sent
all of our resources to the wrong location?

The site manager here is telling me that the
type of drill that was stolen from the dock

is a deep sea drill.

They're not drilling on land,
they're drilling in the ocean.

It ain't Viareggio - the town.
It's Viareggio - the ocean trench.

And guess what's down there.

Europe's central data junction.

What? What does that mean?

Means the fate of Europe
is in the hands of a hitman,

and a bodyguard.

VIAREGGIO TRENCH
EUROPE'S DATA JUNCTION

Deploying the drill now, sir.

Drill head descending.

One hundred meters.

First, you are going to watch Europe burn.

And then, I am going to dump you at sea.

But this time,

without the necklace.

There is no one here.
The boat is empty.

Decoys.

Works every time.

Didn't you say there was
several layers of security?

Level two is gonna be much more...

Attention, we have you
completely surrounded.

Not very practical.

Can we just skip a couple of levels,
get to the hard shit?

Sure.

Sir, we have visual of the data junction.

You take the upper,
I'll take the lower.

That's funny. Your father told me
you weren't using guns.

Sabbatical's over.

Now, give me back my gun.

What witchcraft is that?

Fuck!

Alright. You ready for the show?

Huh? Huh?

Fuck!

That's OK. They can be terribly slippery.

Sir, we've made contact
with the data junction.

Initiating drill sequence.

Take that.

Slice or cut?

Face splash.

Oh, shit!

Magnum 44 has six rounds.

You have only one left.

Fuck!

I can see around corners.

Through walls

and sofas.

Even your heat signature looks old.

Kiss... my...

No?

No?

You're lucky.

Cause I love this song.

- Data junction is compromised.
- Commence upload of virus.

Virus upload initiated.
Estimated time: six minutes.

VIRUS UPLOADING

Sir, it appears that level 1
were chasing a decoy.

Magnussen and Zento will take care of it.

Kill her.

Come on! Hitman!

Virus upload, time remaining

five minutes.

Say hello to my little philos.

As his bodyguard

I strongly advise you put the gun down.

As his bodyguard

I strongly advise you
to put the gun down.

I can't do that.

One phone call,

and the review board
renews your license.

It's what you've always wanted, son.

He's my friend.

He's my best friend.

We're BFF. It's best friends forever.

- Virus upload, time remaining: 4 minutes.
- Dad.

Are you wearing Kevlar?

Of course I'm wearing Kevlar.

I'm a ninety year old man, Bryce.

What were all the stories about then?

Jesus!

That was just to boost book sales.

Time to die, you old cow.

[Speaks Spanish] Puta de mierda.

Father's got you right where he want.

You're so spry.

Virus upload, time remaining:
three minutes.

Forget your training, junior?

Did you forget who trained me?

Motherfucker!

I guess we're at a stalemate.

I guess not.

Hello, darling.

Did you finish the con woman?

Her last words...

were that she had something
in common with her husband.

We are both fucking unkillable.

Virus upload, two minutes.

Triple A always has three,
any last words?

Pen knife is a very versatile tool.

No one sees it coming.

You!

Motherfucker!

That's right, papa dick-less.

You gotta earn the right
to call us motherfuckers.

- Motherfucker.
- Motherfucker.

Virus upload, time remaining: 50 seconds.

Not bad.

- But you failed.
- Virus upload,

- time remaining: 40 seconds.
- There's gotta be a way to shut this down.

The ship is rigged to explode
if you stop the virus.

Save yourself, or save Europe.
Which is it gonna be, Bryce?

- Peach gelato
- 30 seconds.

or lavender fig?

MANUAL OVERRIDE

I love you.

Run!

The hitman, the bodyguard,
and the con-woman.

You assholes look like shit.

Don't talk to us like that,
you cheesy fuck.

We're not your bitches anymore.

Relax.

I got you a little yacht
for your honeymoon. - Alright.

But, you're still wanted.

So, until Interpol clears up the legals,
I need all 3 of you on that yacht

for the next 48 hours. Are we clear?

No. Bob, quick sidebar.

No fucking side
or I'll punch in your face.

Okay.

Fuck it.

And...

- Are you serious about that?
- Deadly.

These are sicker fucks than I thought.

Hey, you.

Sign there.

Wait, what is this? This is...

Oi, hold on a second, you...

You guys got my license back?

Come on.

I'll let her explain.

Enjoy your honeymoon, shit heads.

Brycey.

Thank you.

What's she doing?

[Speaks Spanish]

My baby cucaracha.

You just signed the adoption papers.

- The what?
- The adoption papers.

You are now our son.

- Wait, what the fuck!
- What the fuck!

Subtitled by Clarity & sub.Trader

Hello, you've reached Michael Bryce.

Please leave a message
and have a triple A day.

Really? That's your voice mail?

Turns out it's gonna take more time
to get your asses unrednoticed.

So, I need you on that yacht for at least
another month.

You know what, maybe two.

Anyway, enjoy your sabbatical.

And say 'Hi' to your mom and dad.

But, don't call me! Ever!

Like never, ever!

- Oh, Darius.
- Oh, baby!

Darius, we finally get to make love
just for the sake of fucking.

We don't have to worry about
having a baby.

We have our little Bryce.

What are you doing?

Oh my God!

Sonia, what are you doing?

What's that...
over your hip, moving?

Oh, mi cucaracha.