Original subtitles

- Hey, ya! - Ew!

Can we just turn it down a little bit?

You know that if you're driving,

you can do what you want, bitch.

Hey, oh!

I can't hear myself think.

Babe.

Sorry.

We don't need to listen to your comedy routine

the whole way there, do we?

Takes a lot of practice to be this funny.

Doesn't just happen overnight.

Well, I think you're very funny.

Funny-lookin'.

Oh, why don't you leave the jokes to me, okay?

I don't know.

I think I might be a natural.

It's not like this is a big deal or anything,

it's just like the biggest manager in LA

is gonna be in my show.

I got your back even if I have to listen

to your routine over, and over, and over,

- and over, and-- - Eyes on the road, please.

- Oh. - Yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, cool!

Look, there's a ghost town.

Come on, babe, let's stop. It'll be so--

No, are you kidding? No!

Oh, come on!

Look, I just wanna stretch my legs,

maybe get something to eat, and check my text.

Your boyfriend can wait a few hours

before hearing from you, okay?

We gotta get to LA ASAP, so I can rehearse.

You could rehearse tomorrow.

Kyle.

Okay, off we go.

What the hell happened?

Oh!

Fuck, it's like 300 bucks.

Do you have any service?

What the hell are we gonna do?

There's someone coming.

Oh, babe, come on, you gotta do better than that.

I mean like strut your stuff, show some booty.

Come on. Stick this out.

There you go, yes!

See?

You hang out with me long enough, you become fierce.

Nailin' it.

Wooh!

We are gonna be saved!

Well, that didn't work.

Maybe I need some more sexist tips.

Any other bright ideas, Kyle?

The ghost town.

We can walk to that ghost town.

Surely, someone's gotta have a phone, right?

How far is it?

Said it was like what? 3 miles off the highway.

We should be able to get there before dark.

Great, we won't die after all.

It's not your fault.

Oh, I know.

Okay.

Come on, I'm jokin', I'm jokin'.

Come on, wait.

* Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

* Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *

* Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

* Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Ah!

Sign says, "It's open".

Locked.

Julia, what are you doin'?

Oh, come on.

We didn't come all this way for nothin'.

Well, we also didn't come here to be shot either.

- Julia! - Come on, baby.

Looks abandoned to me.

Hello?

Hello.

Hello!

Ow, motherfucker.

Jesus Christ.

Hello?

Damn it.

I don't think there's anyone here.

Alright, well, we're not givin' up yet.

This place is fuckin' strange.

Hey, there's a caravan we can stay in.

It's actually a camper van.

Oh!

Yeah, it's an American thing, you wouldn't get it.

Oh, look, babe, you get yourself a pair of shoes.

Oh, yeah?

Cute.

Or your beard trimmed.

Hmm.

Hello?

Need a room.

Desperately.

Julia.

What do you think of the resemblance?

Oh, so handsome.

Treat.

It's like a much younger version of you.

Hmm.

Maybe you're right, Kyle, this place is kind of weird.

Giving me the creeps.

So cool.

Ooh! Oh, God!

What is it?

D-- d-- don't-- don't-- don't worry.

Just um, just a friendly visitor.

- No worries. - What the hell is it, Kyle?

There's a creature of the slithering kind,

but don't worry, it's fine.

Okay, saddle your horses, we're leavin'.

You know, how I feel about snakes, Kyle.

Okay, alright, so then where to now?

I don't care! Anywhere, but here.

I will strip down to my bra to get us a ride

if I have to, okay?

Julia!

Oh.

- Julia! - Mm-mm.

Julia!

No, we need to get out of this creepy ghost town

before the ghosts come out!

Alright.

Alright, what'd you wanna do?

I think that's someone's house.

I don't wanna go in in there.

Spooky.

Well, it's gonna get dark soon.

So what other option do we have?

Fine.

I like this color.

Hello?

Hi, our-- our car just broke down.

We just wanna know if someone's got a phone

that we can use.

Hello?

What's that smell?

I don't know.

I think it's you, babe.

What's that that you're wearing?

Oh. Hmm, Dior.

Beers.

Babe, so old.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Kyle, just don't.

What is wrong with you?

Babe, come on.

There's no one here.

Julia, there's someone in here.

What do we do?

Sir?

Sir?

I think you're gonna have to do better than that.

Oh, well, the job's yours if you want it, honey.

Excuse me.

Sir.

- Are you okay? - He's not waking up.

I think he's dead. I think he's dead.

He's not dead, I can see him breathing.

He's not breathing.

I can see him breathing.

Wake up!

What the hell are you doin' in my room?

Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

We weren't trespassing, it's just we-- we-- we-- we--

found this place, and then we somehow ended up

in your room, and um, w-- w-- we thought that um--

Well, we thought--

He thought you were dead.

Dead?

What are you doin' yellin' at a dead man?

Or maybe injured or something, Julia.

No, no, I was just takin' my afternoon nap.

We're so sorry to have woken you.

Um, um, Mr...

Name's Ray.

Hi, Ray.

Hi.

I'm Julia.

Nice to meet you.

And this is Kyle.

We don't get much company out this way.

Yeah, well, um, the place looks abandoned so...

Well, we're in the middle of renovatin' um,

my brother and I, that is.

- Oh. - Oh, your brother?

- Yeah. - Mmhmm.

Is he sleep somewhere around here, too?

No, uh, he's went off to town for supplies.

Alright, sorry, um, do you have a phone?

No, we don't have a phone here.

Do you have a um, um, a spare tire?

W-- w-- we could give you

- some money for it. - Yeah.

I probably got a couple around here that might fit.

Ah, okay!

Terrific, right.

So if we could just um--

Maybe you could give us a lift actually down there

and then we can just put the tire on,

we'll be out of your hair.

Yeah, that would be a bit of a problem,

'cause my brother's gone with the only running vehicle.

Uh, okay.

- Could stay the night here. - Hmm.

Make you some supper.

Uh, thank you, Ray, really, thank you.

It's just um, the reason we're on this trip is actually

Julia's got a really important show tomorrow in LA.

Show? What kinda show?

Uh, stand-up.

I am standing up.

No, um, stand-up comedy.

I'm a comedian.

Got you.

I like a good joke out here every now and then.

Helps pass the time.

When did you say the show was?

Um, tomorrow night.

Well, he'll be back by mornin' and it's about four hours to LA

from here, so should be able to get you there by noon.

Ah.

It's good.

Well, let's go get that supper.

- Hey. - Great.

Well--

Here we are.

This stew is from an old family recipe

passed down by my grandma.

- Thanks. - Thanks.

You're welcome.

Hey, Ray, what's um, what's that?

Well, here, have a closer look.

That's a replica of an actual raptor's claw.

Oh, treat.

Oh, I love that.

This whole area was a large hub for all that.

Can you imagine dinosaurs roamed on this very property

millions of years ago?

Oh, wow!

Hmm, you have quite the collection here.

The whole backroom is full of this stuff.

Got thousands of artifacts and fossils.

Wow, thousands?

Mmhmm.

Who's joseph Thompson?

That's my brother and these are his things.

So are you and your brother fixing up the ghost town

to show to the public someday or--

That's the whole idea,

and you can come and work the front desk when we're done.

Oh, that-- that's a good one.

There he goes again.

That was funny.

If the comedy thing doesn't work out, that is.

This place is so creepy.

Like people locked up in one of these buildings or something.

Need a hand with those, Ray?

No, I can manage just fine.

Sure wish I would have had some time to show you around

here before it got dark.

Perhaps, we'll have some time in the mornin'.

Oh, what time will your--

What the hell was that?

Just restless spirits, don't mind them.

No, really, Ray, what was that?

D-- does someone live out there?

It's none of my business who lives where.

Outhouse right over there.

Ray, Ray. No, that was a strange noise.

Have you heard stuff like that before?

I live in a ghost town, son,

I hear all kinds of damn strange noises out here

at night.

Come on, let's get you to your lodgings.

We're gonna get murdered tonight for sure.

Oh, that oughta scare the ghost away.

Well, I'll leave you to it.

Thank you so much, Ray.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

- Thank you. - Sweet, thank you.

You're so sweet, thank you.

Oh, babe.

Surely, there's a comedy bit in all of this for you.

Oh, you think so?

Show me somethin'.

Absolutely not.

No, no, no, come on.

Get up and show me something.

A little evening's entertainment.

Maybe I can learn something from you.

- Oh, babe. - Yeah.

Fine.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Is this thing on?

Yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Laugh Factory.

Tonight, we're gonna speak about caravans.

The uh, funny thing about stayin' in a caravan is...

They-- mm...

They um, what?

Alright, security, security, we got a heckler.

Get her out.

They--

Okay.

Fine, I don't know.

Fine. I don't know.

No idea.

Not as easy as it looks, huh?

Alright, you put me on the spot.

- You try it. - Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

I have tons of stuff,

but you're just gonna have to get me out of here alive

and then I can show you at my next gig.

Seriously though, don't you think this Ray guy

is strange?

Maybe a little odd. Why?

I just feel like he's hiding something.

Uh, he's probably just not been around many people.

I mean look at this place.

Did you see the pill bottles next to his bed?

What if he's a psychopath

and tries to kill us in our sleep.

Oh, bitch, please!

Why would he wait until we're asleep?

So we're less of a fight.

Okay, you need to stop right now,

'cause you're gonna freak yourself out

and we all know how you get, so...

Okay.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Oh, wait.

- Where are you goin'? - I have to pee.

Alright, well, I'll-- I'll come with you.

Why?

For protection.

I'm a man.

Right, for protection.

I'm so sorry.

- Um, ladies first. - Let's go.

Come on, Mr. Bojangles, come on.

Hey, there you go.

Come on.

Good boy, look.

How long does it take you to pee?

Not much longer.

I'll just meet you back at the caravan.

No, no, Julia, don't you dare!

Don't you dare.

I'll kill you.

So where are you?

You're dead!

Come on, let's go.

Damn it.

Insane.

I'll get you.

Come here.

You son of a bastard, son of a...

I told you he was off.

This way.

Come on.

Mr. Bojangles, where are you?

Come on.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I don't want, "Here lies the hacked up body

of Julia Clark who could have lived a long

and prosperous life if only her friend Kyle,

who's buried next to her, hadn't said,

'It'd be rude to leave, babe.'"

written on my gravestone!

Okay.

You're stressed and I get that, but like I really think

there must be some sort of explanation.

Well, I'm not sticking around to find out.

I can't take your shit.

Well, I thought he was quite nice, okay?

I can't imagine him doin' anything that--

Hey!

Hey! You guys!

Hey!

You guys, open up!

No, open up!

I'm tryin' to tell you somethin'!

Back the fuck off, I'm warning you!

Oh no, listen to me!

Hear me out!

Listen!

There's something in the goddamn barn out there.

What?

I can't believe that just happened.

What do we do now?

Let's go back to the house and find a phone.

Come on.

What was that?

Who cares? Let's go, we gotta go!

Did you hear that?

Holy shit, I think there's someone in there.

We gotta go, come on!

I think there's someone in there.

No, no, no.

Kyle.

Wait, wait, wait!

Hello?

Run! Go, go, go!

What the fuck was that?

I don't-- I don't know.

Was that like a coyote or something?

No, I think a lot more bigger than that, than me.

I feel like I'm in some sort of nightmare.

Okay, well, get your shit together.

We gotta find a phone or something.

Julia.

Yeah?

Fake.

Isn't anything fucking real in this place?

Julia, there's not gonna be a phone in the kitchen, alright?

Gotta try.

You've gotta be kidding me.

What?

He's a fucking liar.

His brother's not coming!

He never was.

For all we know, he killed him and fed him to that thing

he's got locked up out there.

What in the hell is going on?

W-- we uh, we don't want any trouble.

Where are you going?

We're just about to leave.

You can't.

It's not safe out there.

I got something trapped in the shed

and I don't know how long it's gonna hold.

What the hell is that thing?

I don't know.

I've never seen anything like it.

Why don't we just hunker down here

and wait till morning?

- My brother will be here-- - Oh, bullshit!

You lied to us, you crazy old man.

What do you mean?

Your brother's not coming for us tomorrow.

Or ever.

Why would you do that?

Because I wanted the company.

You don't know what it's like bein' out here alone.

Ever since Joe died.

No more lies, Ray.

We gotta know what's happening here.

And what's that thing in the shed?

I told you I don't know.

Sorry about--

You know, I-- I did think you were tryin' to kill us.

What is it?

I thought I saw something.

What was it?

I d-- I don't know.

Did you hear that?

Hell, it got out.

Mr. Bojangles, you're alive!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Ray, how long did you say that the door would hold for again?

That wood plank should hold it a while.

Why?

When I was at the shed, when I fell backwards,

I think I knocked the wood out of place.

But the door should hold it for a little bit longer, right?

Wouldn't bet my life on it.

Mr. Bojangles.

Mr. Bojangles, come here.

Mr. Bojangles.

Come here.

Come on, get over here, come on.

- Mr. Bojangles. - Come here.

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on.

Come on, boy.

I'm gonna get my dog, damn it.

Ray?

Come here, boy, come on.

Come on, hurry up.

Come on.

Come on.

That's it, come on, come on.

Yeah, do it again. Do it again.

Come on, Mr. Bojangles. Come on, boy.

- Come. - Come on.

Come on.

Come on, boy.

Come on.

Come on. Here we go.

No!

No way! No!

Oh.

- Ray. - Mr. Bojangles.

This can't be real, this can't be fuckin' real, okay?

I'm gonna wake up soon.

Get those out.

Get those out.

It knows we're in here.

But if we don't draw any more attention to ourselves,

it might lose interest.

Shut those out.

Turn that lamp off.

Get down!

Down!

Down.

- Over here, come here. - Julia.

We can't stay here, it's gonna get in.

Listen, I can try to get to the truck.

The batteries about shot in it,

but if I can get to the shed and get the battery charger,

I might be able to get it started, okay?

Here we are, there's the saloon...

there's the shed.

You two get over the saloon and go through it.

I'm gonna go out back, get to the shed,

and then I'm gonna come around this way,

and meet you over at the truck by the saloon.

Okay.

Okay.

Here.

You're gonna need this.

Okay?

Here, you might need this.

Thank you.

Okay, go.

It's right there.

Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

Did the light flash in your eyes?

Listen, I'm fine, okay?

- I'm fine. - Okay.

What's it doing?

Julia, Julia, Julia.

Ju--

Julia.

Julia.

It's just a statue.

It's a frickin' statue.

Just a frickin' donkey.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Come on.

Do you see anything?

No, nothin'.

I see Ray!

Oh shit, it's gonna get him.

- Ray! - Ray!

Ray, watch out!

Ray!

- Ray! - Ray!

Ray, watch out!

Ray!

Julia.

Julia!

Don't worry, stay here.

Julia!

Hey!

Hey, over here!

Come on, come on, come on!

Come on!

Yes! Yes, I did it!

Yes!

Oh.

What's the matter, son?

You o--

What's wrong?

- You okay? - What's wrong?

Yeah, okay.

Just take it easy.

- Where's Julia? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, we need to find Julia.

Come on, we will.

Just take it easy, okay?

- I'm fine, Ray. - You sure?

- Hmm. - You okay to sit up?

Yeah.

Okay.

Now you listen to me.

You stay right here, and take it easy, and rest up.

I'll go get her.

You should be ready to get the hell out of here

when we get back, okay?

Come on!

Ray!

Ray!

Ray.

Ray.

Ray.

What the hell is happening?

Fuck.

Ray.

Kyle.

Kyle, are you in here?

Where is it?

It's in the backroom.

Ray didn't make it.

I know.

Uh, the car.

Uh, it's dead.

No!

Where do we go?

Far away from here.

Right, if we're gonna get out of here alive,

we have to either kill the fuckin' thing or trap it,

so...

Okay.

Okay, here's the plan.

One of us, get on the roof and will distract it.

While the other's--

I think if we can in lure it, we can close the door,

and lock it in that cage section at the back.

Do you understand? Okay?

Holy shit!

- Come here, come on. - Whoa, okay.

- Okay. - Okay. Yeah, yeah.

I'll go on the roof, you go get the horse food, okay?

- Okay. - You with me?

- Yeah. - Okay.

1.

- 2. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

- What? - I have a question, okay?

- I have a question. - What, what?

Okay, so-- so there's a horse truck, yeah?

For horses. It's for horses,

not for this fuckin' pig!

You have a better idea?

- No! No! - I love you.

You can do this.

- Ready? - Yeah.

1.

2.

Let's go!

Go, go!

Run!

Kyle!

Hey!

Over here, you old fuck!

Kyle!

Julia.

Go.

No.

Now!

No, you die, you piece of shit!

Come and get me!

* I rode into town

* About an hour ago

* I had to check my pressure

* My tank was running old

* Next thing I see

* Women in low-cut jeans

* Uh, that's a sweet little honey sayin' *

* I sure like your truck

* I take off my hat

* And I smile...

$20 gas.

Are you alright?

I'm fine, give me my change.

You're welcome.

Asshole.

Oh my God!

I thought you were dead.

I told you, I wouldn't miss your show

for the world, hey?

So like--

* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Like-- like how the fuck are you alive right now?

I hid in the closet.

You were in the closet.

I've been in the closet for 17 years.

You were in the closet.

Wow.

Shared trauma, baby.

We got shared trauma now.

What? Yeah.

I mean what the fuck just happened?

Oh.

We forgot our backpacks.

Oh.

That's fine.

I don't need a backpack.

Oh, 3 miles back to the car.

I'm gonna call my mom now.

Yeah.

Phew.

I'm hungry.

- I'm hungry, too. - Yeah.

- Let's go to Danny's. - Danny's.

Oh, pancake.

Oh, waffles.

Oh, treat!

Okay, uh, this next comedian coming to the stage,

she's hilarious.

Originally from Las Vegas, now livin' here in Los Angeles,

please put your hands together for the very funny Julia Clarke.

Hi guys.

My name is Julia.

Nice to meet you.

Uh, how's everyone doing?

- Are you doing good? - Yeah.

Right, good?

Honestly, however you're doing,

you're probably doing better than me.

I'm doing pretty bad.

I'm-- honestly, let's be real for a second.

I'm still dealing with the emotional trauma

from being attacked by a raptor.

A prehistoric dinosaur.

Yeah, I'm dead serious.

Yeah.

Actually, I was almost literally dead,

but my fabulously handsome

and terrible at driving best friend Kyle saved my life.

- Aw. - Give him-- aw!

Ooh.

Yeah, it's me, bitches!

Ooh!

He's actually newly single, by the way.

Uh, but ladies don't bother,

he just recently came out of the closet, so...

Aw.

Where he was hiding from the raptor!

Remember I was talking about the raptor?

Yeah, I wasn't kidding about that.

I wasn't kidding.

But also just some--

some genuine advice for you guys.

If you ever find yourself running from a raptor,

I suggest wearing comfy shoes,

because they are really fucking fast.

And they're really smart, too.

While me and Kyle were running you know,

Kyle's like, "Oh, do you think he saw us?"

And I was like, "Yeah, Kyle, he saw us,

and he's probably doing our fucking taxes, too."

"He's really smart."

He's like, "Oh, Julia, I just-

I saw you spent $200 at IKEA in July.

We could probably claim that back on work expenses."

"Oh my God, raptor, really?"

"That's like so cool.

Thank you so much."

"Yeah, of course, Julia.

Also, one more thing."

"Yeah, raptor?"

And then he eats me, 'cause he's a fucking dinosaur.

Babe, what's goin' on?

What's goin' on? You okay?

Yeah.

Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine.

- I'm sorry. - Yeah.

Hey, don't be silly.

Come here.

So that nightmare again?

Yeah.

Hmm.

Not the one that I get eaten, is it?

Maybe.

Hmm, right.

Sorry.

Okay.

Look, I get it, okay, I really do,

but they found it, right?

There's nothing to worry about anymore, okay?

I know, but I just keep thinking like w--

what if he made more, you know?

Babe, that's ridiculous.

- There's no way he made more. - Is it?

He could have totally made more.

It's crazy that he made one.

There's no way, I promise you.

- You promise? - Promise.

Don't worry.

They have earthquakes in LA, right?

- Right, totally. - You're fine.

Yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

See?

Nothin'.

Ready? And action!

Now, you listen to me.

You stay right here and rest up.

I'll go get her, okay?

Okay.

Just be ready to go when we get back.

Oh, no, no!

Oh, God, no!

What?

Come on.

What are you guys laughin' for?

You're supposed to say "cut".

You guys are gonna kill my vocal chords.